#i am not even kidding; hardly any of it is planned out anymore

[sunsetskylane]

hi sunny! i have yet to read the new chapter howeverrr I just wanted to say thank you again for sharing your writing with us! the world and characters you're building are exquisite ✨

Hiii anon!! Thank you so much; I've truly had so much fun with the recent chapters. The story almost writes itself, I'm practically a vessel for the words appearing on the page :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my gf's son not to call me dad?

I (22M) have been dating my gf (24F) for 4 years now. She has a 7 year old whose dad isn't in the picture anymore - he hasn't been since the kid was born. My gf says he was abusive and I think there are some charges against him but as far as I know, nothing was proven. He has other kids too who he does have a relationship with but he doesn't have custody rights with my gf's son so they hasn't been allowed to have a relationship.

My gf and I live together and are both in college. I am going to be a surgeon and she wants to study science but she hasn't decided what to do with it yet. Because we're both busy with that, her son doesn't live with us full time. He stays with her parents during the week. This means that we have to dedicate our weekends to looking after the kid. I didn't really mind this at first but her parents are really pushing for her to look after him during the week now too, which we don't have time for. I hear how that doesn't sound great but the plan has always been that her parents will take care of the kid until she finishes with school. She has classes for 4+ hours from Mon-Thurs, plus she needs to spend a few hours studying every day, then she has labs on Friday for most of the day. I have classes all week for fewer hours each day but next semester I'll probably be doing an internship so I'll have more work to do. Then we pick up her kid on Friday evenings and spend the whole weekend with him. There's hardly any time for us to spend time alone together. I like her son and he's usually fun to have around but both of us are obviously stressed from having no down time so most weekends my gf and her son get into an argument or something and things escalate. I try not to get involved when that happens. Sometimes my gf and I are the ones who end up arguing and in that case, I usually go to my parents house.

Basically, I'm not super involved with the kid. Her parents want us to spend all of our free time on parenting despite originally agreeing that it was better if my gf focused on school. He has a dad who could probably be more involved but my gf and her family don't want him around. I've suggested that maybe it would be a better solution for her son to live with his dad full time, that way she can focus on school and then her career and still have time for herself and for us. I love her but she doesn't really have maternal instincts and she doesn't actually want kids, she has said a lot that she regrets not giving him up for adoption.

Recently, we were out for dinner with my gf's sister and kid, and the kid called me his dad. He's done this a lot and usually I just kind of ignore it, but no one else corrected him this time and I felt like the kid deserved the truth. I asked him then and there not to call me dad because he has a real dad who probably wouldn't like it. He didn't seem upset by it but my gf's sister lost it. She thinks I don't want the kid around and that I'm the reason my gf doesn't spend more time with him. She also thinks this was the first time my gf's son heard about his bio dad. Total conjecture, but she won't hear my side of it. The kid knows I havent been around since he was born so he obviously knows someone else must be his dad. I told my gf I don't think it's fair to let the kid call me dad when he has a real dad out there and she sort of agrees. She told her son not to call me dad anymore and they had a long talk about it. She still doesn't want the real dad involved but that's a whole other battle.

Here's why I think I might be the asshole: I said this to the kid in a moment of annoyance, which probably wasn't the way to bring it up. Like I said, he didn't seem upset by it but I wasn't there for the longer conversation so I don't know exactly. I think he's old enough to be allowed to know about his real dad in a more serious way. It's kind of messed up that he could run into his dad in the street (we live in a pretty small town) and wouldn't know it. I'm not his dad and for the foreseeable future, I won't be responsible for him as a parent because he still lives with his grandparents. I think it's reasonable to say that he shouldn't call me dad. So, AITA?

[oneofstarkskids]

saturn

pairings: bucky barnes x reader

summary: bucky just likes to spoil his doll. you shouldn't expect any less on date night

genre: do you even have to ask anymore? ofc it's fluff

*not my gif*

it was your favorite night of the week. date night. you and bucky promised to spend one night a week just for yourselves. no missions, no avengers, just the two of you.

you would switch off planning every other week. today it was bucky's turn, and he always had the most romantic ideas.

you always loved spending time with bucky, but you especially needed it today. you felt inexplicably exhausted and wanted nothing more than sweet kisses and soft whispers from your blue eyed soldier.

his hands were resting on your hips and he had this teasing grin that told you he was up to something. "sam's letting us borrow his truck and it's already packed up."

you arched a brow, "how long are we going to be gone?" he kisses your forehead, "just for the night. don't worry, doll. i've got everything under control."

his words melted your heart and a smile spread across your lips instantly. "you can't tell me anything? not even an itty bitty clue?" you asked with a pout.

he gave you a stern look, "no, because that would ruin the surprise."

you groaned, but bucky just wrapped you in his arms and kissed all over your face, "you can wait a couple hours. trust me, it'll be worth it."

you grinned and shook your head, but you believed him.

he set you down carefully, "now go pack an overnight, so we can get out of here." you laughed and started walking away, but jumped as you felt bucky slap your ass. you turned around and shot him a glare.

the drive down was long and unfamiliar. you practically sighed in relief when bucky finally stopped the vehicle and turned off the engine.

you stepped out to stretch your legs and look around, but there was nothing to see. nothing but miles of fields and distant trees.

"hey, bucky?" you shouted to him as he got out too.

"yeah?" he shouted back, digging in the cargo bed for something.

"did you drag me out here to murder me?" you joke bluntly.

you turn to meet his disappointed scowl. "really?" he asks as you walk towards him.

you laugh, "i'm kidding! but seriously, what are we doing all the way out here?

bucky starts unfolding blankets and making a pallet in the back of the truck, "well, ever since we watched the one movie about the girl who falls in love with the boy but doesn't tell him she's dying, you haven't stopped talking about how romantic star-gazing is. so..."

he pulls out a large telescope and has the cutest grin on his face. you can hardly contain your excitement, "bucky! that's so sweet!" he gently sets the device down before you run into his arms.

"anything for you, doll face," he chuckles and places a kiss on your temple.

you help him finish setting the scene before laying in his arms and talking for a couple of hours. and of course, he brought snacks. could he be anymore perfect?

once it finally gets dark enough for you to see the stars, you look up in awe. you'd lost complete track of time with bucky. he stands up in the bed of the truck and reaches for your hand to lift you to your feet.

bucky brings you close and positions the telescope just right for you. he stands right up against you as you gaze at the sparkling sky. every now and then you'll ask him about a constellation and he'll look at this book that he brought along to give you the answers.

one could say it was the perfect date, but what really made it perfect was him.

a/n: i low key rushed the ending but its fiiiine. it's 4 am, give me a break.

[luveline]

Hey Jade! Could I request some more kisses before dinner au? Steve and reader both have a bad day (Reader with her pregnancy and steve is just overwhelmed with looking after everone?) and they have a fight in the evening before, during or after dinner. The girls get a little upset and make a plan to get the two talking again and to make up and the night ends with a big cuddle. Thank you, love you and your work, you're actually so beautiful! Xx

HI!! thank you so much angel, I hope this is OK!! ♥ dad!steve x pregnant!reader, 3k.

You said we could do this. 

Steve thinks about that line most of all. Your argument blurred into one big glob of anger, wanting to be right and silly grievances, fatigue. The only thing that stuck out was your upset face as you'd sniffled and murmured, "You said we could do this," like Steve had let you down. 

Steve regrets arguing with you, but what he hates most is having lost his cool in front of the girls. He resents himself for it as much as he does you, and he's finding it difficult to let any of it go. 

It's Avery who's claimed his lap, while Bethie and Dove lean on either side of you, Dove's face against the bump of your stomach like a pillow. Steve strokes hair out of his eldest daughter's face one silky strand at a time. He knows the girls aren't used to fighting, Steve grew up seeing it, and he didn't want his kids to see it because he knows it creates a strange and sometimes suffocating anxiety, so you and he have always argued in private when you could. 

You're very pregnant (exhausted, hormonal, going through huge changes) and Steve is trying to do a lot more to account for that (similarly exhausted, and wondering if perhaps he has sympathy hormones). The baby bump means you can't and shouldn't be doing as much. You've worked your entire pregnancy, through two trimesters of intense morning sickness, and the third and last trimester offered a reprieve from that and nothing else. 

As your uterus moves and your bump drops to make room for the last hurdle of the baby's growth, you can hardly breathe. You're always aching. Steve insists you take it easy and even if he didn't insist it's not exactly a conscious decision either of you van make. Being kind to yourself is being kind to the baby, and you're the best mom in the world —you're slowing down whether anyone likes it or not. 

Worse, your Braxton Hicks have started. They come at irregular times and never last long, but each time prompts the am I going into labour early? panic. It's not fair, Steve wishes he could take it from you, and he doesn't want you to do more than you can, but he needs a little more room to breathe, and some forgiveness. 

Because Steve did assure you that you could do this. You wouldn't have agreed to another baby if you didn't think it yourself, neither of you being that irresponsible. Lots of things come before wanting. Steve wants a big family, he could cry every time he looks at you lately and the unignorable evidence of another family member to love and cherish that is your distended stomach, but he loves the one he has now. Before you even thought about trying for your fourth, you had to know it wouldn't hurt your first three, or each other. 

Steve knows you can do this. He can do it. Today was just a bad day, and he needs your faith in him, or this is never going to work. 

Steve wants to say that to you, now he's had time to think. I'm sorry I let you down, but I need you to forgive me, and I need you to trust me that we can do it. He also wants to say Thanks for being a dick about Beth's doctor's appointment, obviously I forgot to take her on purpose, I just don't like her. He decides he hasn't calmed down enough to talk to you yet. He's mad at you but he fucking loves you, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings anymore than he already has. 

Avery kisses Steve's cheek unexpectedly, snapping him from a reverie of racing thoughts. He meets her gaze to ask what she wants, but she's swift to slide down the lengths of his legs and onto the floor. 

"Bethie," she says, meandering to where her sister sits, hands catching on Bethie's bare knees, "do you want to come and colour in with me?" 

"Why don't you bring your colours down here?" you ask. 

"I don't want to carry the table," Avery says, referring to the green and purple picnic bench she has in her room. She can't carry it, even though it's only small. She's smaller. 

"I can grab it for you, Ave," Steve says. 

"That's okay, daddy, you're tired. Please, Bethie? I need your help staying in the lines." 

Bethie raises her eyebrows. Reluctant, she climbs off of the sofa and Avery takes her hands. Steve can hear them whispering as they reach the stairs, their creaking steps covering words but not sounds. 

Steve usually puts his life into perspective quite easily. He doesn't often get angry, having had the privilege to choose pretty much every aspect that's worth agonising over. He was lucky enough to love you, and to have you love him back. He was lucky enough to have a say when you got pregnant accidentally the first time, and beyond privileged to be able to ask again, and to have you yes, to want to say yes to the second, the third, the fourth. 

He doesn't get angry at you much. When you're mean, of course, when you fall for the same weaknesses he might. A short temper, a mistimed snark. He was really mad at you a few years ago when you burned your arm on a pan he told you multiple times was hot. He was so mad he couldn't speak not that long ago when you assured him you could clean the hot sauce off of his first Hellfire shirt with a lemon and ended up bleaching the black sleeve a mottled brown. But you were cleaning his shirt because you loved him. You burnt yourself trying to help him clean your shared kitchen. All these things he's angry about, they're mistakes, or they're moments of weakness in a long receipt of kindness, and sweetness. Plus, you're the prettiest woman he's ever met, you're prettier every day. That deserves something, he thinks. Reverence, patience, anything you need if it means he gets to keep being with you, gets to keep having these stupid fights. 

And there it is. The anger wears away. Steve remembers how much he loves you (which hadn't been in doubt, the love part, but the volume —when he's mad, he loves you astronomically, and when he isn't, he loves you so much they haven't made a word for it). He wants to say sorry and have you say it back. You'll kiss him and let him hold you, his hand over your tummy, and hopefully you'll admit to understanding where he's coming from. If he's really lucky, you'll let him massage your shoulders, or hold the bump up to take the weight off. 

"Dove!" Bethie shouts from the top of the stairs. "Dove, come and help, please? We need another hand for the drawing!"

Dove perks up by your side. She slides off of the couch with little convincing, your fingers twisting a curl of her hair as she goes. 

"Have to help me," Dove says. Bethie sighs and begins down the stairs to fight the baby gate. 

Steve opens his mouth about the second they're both out of earshot again and you still beat him to it. 

"Baby brain made me act like a bitch. Sorry." 

"I knew it was baby brain and I still took the bait, so…" 

"You think I was baiting you?" you ask. 

"Not on purpose?" Steve rests his cheek across the top of the couch, fake leather cool on his skin. "You had a real reason to be mad at me. I said you didn't have to take her and then I let you down." 

"You didn't let me down," you say.

"And you're not a bitch," he says,

"I feel really embarrassed after we argue. Maybe you make me feel that way," you say, looking down at your hands, "but I don't think so. I wish you wouldn't get so mad with me." 

"I wish I didn't, either." 

"Not that we don't both get angry."

"I know what you meant." The conversation is stilted and jagged and frankly painful to manoeuvre. "Do I really make you feel embarrassed?" he asks. 

"No," you say. "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm trying to say. This part never gets any easier." 

"But we'll keep doing it?" 

You put both hands over your bump and give him a long, serious look. "Yeah." 

Steve shuffles closer to you on the couch and tries to land you both on the same page. "What did you mean by that? That I make you feel embarrassed after we fight? I'm not mad, I just don't get it." 

You offer your hand as though you're afraid he'll reject it, pinky finger bumping his where it rests on his thigh. Steve takes it gently. 

"Stevie, sometimes, you get really mad when we fight and I– I don't blame you because I know why you get mad like that, and you've never been cruel to me for the sake of it, you aren't cruel. You've never hurt me just being angry. You've said stuff to me that hurt my feelings–" 

"I've never hurt you for no reason," he says, worried, hoping you'll agree. 

"Of course not. Steve, you've barely hurt me. But I… I think I feel embarrassed after we fight 'cos I can't stand thinking you had that much disdain for me." You squeeze his fingers. "Even for a minute. Which isn't your fault, that's how being angry works. You get so annoyed at someone that you lose it."

"I don't hate you, though," he murmurs. "You really think I have disdain for you? 'Cos I don't, honey. Not for a millisecond. That's not what it'd be about." He can't believe he's loved you this long and this is the first he's hearing about this feeling in particular. "When we were fighting earlier, I wasn't thinking about how awful you are or anything like that." 

"What were you thinking?" you ask hesitantly. 

"That I wish you'd see my side." It comes out in a rush, a sigh, his hand sliding up your wrist. "I just wanted you to see my fucking side for once."

"Are you kidding?" you say. 

He backtracks. "Sorry, not for once. That wasn't fair. It's what I was thinking, though" 

Much less insulted by his thoughts at the time of a blow up argument than the notion that he thought you were refusing to see his side after you literally asked him to tell you his side a second before, you relax. Or, you sag, and your brows pull together in pain, free hand moving to your chest. 

Steve sidles in as close to your side as he can get and covers your hand with his. "You okay?' he asks softly. 

"I'm fine. Tell me your side."

"I'm sorry for upsetting you," he says honestly. "But I need you to cut me some slack. I know you're having a really hard time right now, and I know you know I'm trying to make it work just as much as you are. Is that okay?"

You take his hand from your chest and put it over your baby bump. He could weep with relief. 

"That's okay. I really am sorry, Steve, I know I took it too far." 

"Well, I got angry twice. I wish you'd told me how you felt about it, you know? I would've told you a long time ago that I– I love you even when you're pissing me off. You don't have to feel embarrassed thinking you've lost my respect or something." 

"I know it doesn't make sense," you say. 

"But if that's how you feel," he says. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I just want us to be okay again. 

"We're okay again," you say, staring at him for a few long, slow seconds. "I love you." 

"That's the best one, right? After we fight? I love you, too," he says, hand slipping under your shirt. He'd do it if you weren't pregnant, but now you are he does it for a different reason, feeling along your ballooned tummy for something in particular. "Has she been kicking today?" 

"Only every time you talk," you say, beaming, knowing how special that is. You move his hand to the very top of your bump. "Feels like she's inside my lungs. Would you…" 

Steve grins and leans down. You pull the hair from his eyes, holding him to your chest. "Listen, lovely girl. You gotta give your mom a break, go back to sitting on her bladder for a bit. The only person who should be making her breathless is me." 

"Corny," you say, scratching his hair. 

Steve puts his ear to your stomach. She won't talk back, and he can't hear much, but he tricks himself into thinking your weird stomach gurgling is the baby speaking. 

"No," Avery says, much closer than Steve thought she was, the troupe of them having made their way downstairs while Steve was busy laying on your stomach. "This will work, Beth."

"I don't want them to be angry," Bethie says. 

"They won't be angry with us. Mom doesn't get mad, she gets disappointed, and dad only shouts when I den-danger my safety." 

You snort and Steve tries uselessly to cover your mouth. "It's a make up plan," you whisper. 

"Oh. We have to still be fighting, then," Steve says. He springs up, gives you a very tender if he says so himself kiss to your cheek, and crawls back to his empty seat. 

"Let's go," Dove insists, prancing through the open door. 

You and Steve try to look dreadfully morose. 

"Daddy," Avery says, "Mommy, we made you something to say thanks for being the best dad and mom's ever made."

"You did?" you ask. 

"And to stop worrying," Bethie says, drifting toward Steve on automatic. 

"My loves," you begin. Steve knows what you'll say —We're sorry. 

"Just listen!" Avery insists. "You're the bestest ever, and we have the new baby coming and we'll have to take new photos but we can't because she's still getting bigger, so we drew one." 

"Baby photos always make you happy," Beth says.

It's a family portrait on a jagged edged, five feet long piece of paper from one of their paper rolls. You're all very tall and there have been efforts to make each person individual. Steve stands out as the only one with shorts and no eyelashes. Your baby bump has been drawn like you're carrying Pluto around in your abdomen, and Dove is quite small in comparison. Avery has drawn herself to Steve's left, and Bethie stands to hers. It's the most impressive thing Steve has ever seen. 

"Oh, wow," he says. 

"Woah," you agree. 

"This is me," Dove says, pointing at herself. 

"That's me," Bethie says, almost dropping her corner of the portrait.

"And there's me and dad and mom and baby," Avery says, pointing at each figure, her arm blocking the crayon hair. "We're the biggest family ever." 

"And the best," Bethie says.

"Best," Dove agrees. 

If things hadn't been okay between you and Steve before, they are now. In an instant. The girls have presented you with evidence of his very greatest achievements. 

"How much do you think it would cost to get that framed?" he asks you. 

Your laugh jumps from you as though it had a mind of its own, loving and exhausted, fond. Unsurprised. 

"Couple hundred bucks," you say, hand cupping the bottom of your stomach. 

"We have that, right? To spare?" 

You absolutely don't. Steve says it to make you laugh again, only half joking, and is rewarded by your happy smile. You shuffle down the couch into his arms and he wraps you up without closing his arms, hands extended to the girls where they hesitate. 

"Come on," he says, waving his hand toward your back, "this mom sandwich is missing at least three pieces of bread." 

Avery cheers and sprints into his reach. Beth and Dove aren't far behind. 

—

kisses before dinner au

[oneshlut]

Can I request a dr.flug x clumsy/adventurous reader? Like they love sight seeing and doing adventurous things but this often leads to them getting a new injury or some freak accident to happen.

A/N: oooh!! this idea is really great for hurt/comfort, thanksies for requesting! i love all of these different personalities for the readers,, theyre so much fun to write for!! yesyes, enjoy!

Somehow Alive (Dr. Flug x Audacious!Reader) [Headcanons]

Rules For Requesting

Characters I Will Write For

Masterlist

Summary: Dr. Flug crushing/dating headcanons with an adventurous, yet clumsy reader. Mainly hurt/comfort.

Extra Info: audacious(adj) - showing a willingness to take surprisingly bold risks

Dr. Flug's entire.. self, kinda depends on a schedule. He feels incomplete without order in his life, and can hardly keep track of his work without something written down to help. This put-together side of him led him to.. not really get along well with people like Demencia. Luckily for you, you weren't like Demencia. Not completely.

Unlike Flug, you didn't care much for schedule. If something interesting caught your eye, you set everything you were doing aside to check it out. The thing you were just doing was immediately forgotten--not on purpose, of course. Because of your eagerness to start new, spontaneous quests, you often found yourself gaining new.. injuries. And experiences! But mainly injuries.

As said before, you weren't like Demencia. Despite everything, Flug could still tolerate you! And, uh.. care.. for you. Yeah, he's still going over that part a bit, but he will admit, he's pretty fond of you. So he gets pretty worried for you when you get yourself hurt, either on missions, in his lab, or just on your own. ..Oh, who am I kidding, he loses his shit.

First reactions to any injury are probably something along the lines of "How'd that get there".. if it was his own. He's never really had to deal with other people's injuries other than 5.0.5's, and he doesn't really care much for Demencia--generally assuming she'll figure herself out. But he has a first aid kit somewhere in his lab, just for extra safety measures. Flug's relieved that it paid off, yet not so relieved that you managed to get yourself hurt. Again, apparently.

To say Dr. Flug was shaking would be an understatement. He was trembling. Sure, he was a doctor, but he never studied medicine in college! He wishes he could've now, but he was just too busy with engineering, wasn't he? Flug was just nervous--partly because he was.. uncomfortably close to you, but he also didn't want to hurt you anymore than you already were. The last thing he wanted to see was you in pain. Honestly, he crumbled at the thought. Though, you seemed to be handling the injury quite well! He was surprised by your endurance.

Eventually, Flug finds himself patching you up more and more often. No matter how hard he tried, you always seemed to be off doing your own thing on missions. Not like he minded--even if it did intrude on his plan--he'd make an exception for you. As far as Dr. Flug knows, this was just out of fondness. You know, friendship..! That's what he told himself. After all, it was a bit cute endearing to see you go after something off topic, completely unaware of the focus. He just made sure to look after you at times to prevent you from getting hurt for the 32nd time on a mission. He was surprised you were still alive at this point.

You scare him. Not on purpose, but rather he's scared.. for you. Especially if you decide to visit him in his lab. He's got plenty of "hands-off" items scattered around his workspace, and considering you were more of a hands-on type of person.. you and his lab didn't really mix well together. And yet, you always seem to catch him off guard. Surprisingly, you felt a little bit more calmer when in his lab. It was pretty peaceful, you'd admit. If Demencia didn't decide to randomly wreck Flug's lab (which she does weekly), 5.0.5. was usually somewhere asleep in a corner while Dr. Flug worked--and it was cool to watch him work on whatever machinery he was developing. However, this did make Flug slightly more nervous around you, especially if you were watching him. He wouldn't want to mess up in front of you, would he?

He's never gonna admit his feelings for you. There, said it for him, over the past few months, Flug's definitely grown a lot more than just "fond" with you. Dr. Flug has a plentiful amount of fears, one of these being rejection. But he'd never expect having this fear around you. He didn't like feeling anxious around you, but for now, he's just gonna have to let those butterflies thrash in his stomach. Unless, of course, he spills his guts.

I'd like to imagine one of his confessions being mainly on accident. Maybe it just slipped out, maybe he planned on it and backed away at the worst possible second, but I'd like to imagine a little something like this:

"Why would you do that?? I was so worried and.."

"Because I love yo--"

"I seriously thought tha-- What."

He may stumble and he may fall, but now you know the truth, and it begins knawing on Flug from the inside. ..I mean, unless you reciprocate feelings--which he knows you wouldn't. Would you..?

If you do, he is completely stunned. Why would someone as amazing, confident, captivating, and fearless as you.. like him? To Dr. Flug, it didn't make sense--but you? You were already on your way to schedule a first date.

Your first date is mainly just you taking the lead, and Flug frantically following you white a dorky smile plastered on his face. You were also holding his hand. The entire time. You really know how to make a fool out of him, don't you?

No date is finished without an injury! Yup, to this day, you're still running into freakish accidents, but this time, Flug's always there to patch you up. With the amount of dates the two of you go on, mainly all planned by you, most would be surprised that you're somehow alive at this point.

You don't mind, though. At the end of the day, you still have a somehow calming lab to come home to, and that's healing enough.

[strawberrystepmom]

!!!!! will you pretty please share more lore around your black clover sona? 🤲🏾

well now that you’ve given me license to yap be aware that i will….you have been warned.

but let me start with the basics about kendall the eldest daughter of house melro, nicknamed the blackbird.

- 11 siblings, two of which are full and the other nine are half. ten of these siblings are girls and the youngest is a boy. lord melro is a serial philanderer, it is what it is.

- mother was clover kingdom nobility, father is diamond kingdom nobility. their marriage was arranged and my mother’s family is wayyyyyy wealthier so it was an easy sell for my dad whose family was minor nobility in diamond. he hasn’t been back to diamond since and doesn’t really care what’s happening there lmao and my dad inherited her fortune and titles when she died when i was 16.

- was once heir to everything, thanks to the rules of my mother’s house that have always allowed an eldest daughter to become head because she was an eldest daughter and had all sisters, but once the youngest and only boy was born my father changed his mind. marrying me off became imperative at that point. he was born when i was 17 and a year out from debuting.

- i received a grimoire at 15 and waffled about my desire to join the magic knights for a bit too long and when my mom died, i decided to stay home and take care of my siblings. all of them. at the time there were 8 of us.

okay and onto the juicy stuff which i will put below a cut for everyone’s sake. this is the master of whispers stuff, etc etc.

- the wizard king attends a classroom session for a group of noble girls to oversee how the magic in the kingdom is developing. my magic is movement based and he found my spell translucent cloak very fascinating because it allows me to remain move completely unseen and undetected for 60 seconds. i can use this ability on up to four other people around me but there is a ten second penalty for each person added meaning if i have four people and myself, we have 10 seconds to move.

- he asks me if i would be interested in joining the magic knights and i told him due to my responsibilities at home, I believe it’s better for me to stay behind. he’s disappointed but understands and a couple years later, he asks me again bc there’s a lot of buzz about my debut which was a whole thing and i decline again bc my father wants me to be married immediately but im like visibly upset so Julius offers a strange alternative - to be his ears. im popular in noble circles, im trusted, people dont suspect a thing about me and he knows my magic is beneficial for subterfuge and diversion if i’d ever need it

- I agree but I’m extremely skeptical about how this will work out. this dude barely knows me, I barely know him and he’s putting a lot of trust in me. it ends up working out splendidly though because i have an ear for the good stuff, naturally, and people open up to me. i dont report anything to him except for things that could potentially be problematic in the future and he’s pleased with my performance

- i am proposed to by a nobleman not long after this begins and i turn it down. my dad is patient with this one and understands to some degree that I want to be at home to take care of the kids which he won’t complain about so he can go be a dick elsewhere. after that, three more come and I turn each of them down because I don’t want to have to choose between men I hardly want to be in the same room with and working for Julius and defending my country in my own way

- by the fourt failed proposal (im 22 when this happens) my dad doesn’t find it cute anymore bc now he has a real heir and he just wants to get me out of the house. he tells me the next one i have to go through with regardless and we fight about it but I ultimately agree but plan to basically scare away any suitors that come. I continue working for Julius as expected and he begins to trust me even further, appointing me his spymaster although it’s not a formal title.

so yeah! it only becomes more useful as time passes and of course this is a very secretive position and nobody knows about it. people have suspected but nobody can prove anything and until I met yami, I intended on keeping it to myself. I told him and he was maaaaaaaad at me and assumed I was spying on him at first but once he confirms everything with Julius he gets over himself

Julius legit tells him “she’s terrible at deception but wonderful at making friends. she’s a natural” and who is he to disagree

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮🔮

🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠🌠

👑👑👑👑👑👑

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮🦮

So keen for these!!

HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So happy you're looking forward to them!

Here it goes.

18 for 🔮:

---

Banking on the fact that he is invisible and of no consequence here at all, Bobby hurries after him. He follows Buck into the front entryway of what is, by all appearances, a nice family home. Polished wood floors. Art on the wall. Shoes on a rack and jackets on hooks, all in nice, new condition. But there’s a dimness to the space. A sterility.

He doesn’t see any family photos on the wall.

Buck doesn’t even take off his sneakers before marching down the hall, tromping over some fancy cream-colored rug, into the living room. 

Sitting in identical pale green armchairs are Margaret and Phillip Buckley. Phillip is reading the paper. Margaret is working on a crossword, likely taken out of said paper. It’s as if neither of them is even aware of what just happened in their driveway. 

“Evan, you’re going to track dirt everywhere,” Margaret says without even looking up. “Take off your shoes.”

Buck scoffs. “Are you kidding me?”

“Don’t talk to your mother that way,” Phillip chimes in, in an equally detached tone.

---

18 for 🌠:

---

Nico found that out last summer when he tried to lie about who threw a baseball through her neighbor’s window. In his defense, it was a total accident. 

This, though? Running off? When he knew there was nothing Dad could do about it? This was no accident. And everyone will know that. Nico is kind of screwed. 

He has no idea why he did this. 

He was supposed to wait to be picked up at the house. 

“It’s only a few hours,” Dad had said. “You’ll be okay home alone for a bit? You have my card to order a pizza.”

Maybe Dad trusted him too much.

Nico hadn’t been planning on leaving. He’d planned on being good. He knew Dad really needed him to be good right now. But for some reason, he only made it an hour before his body just couldn’t physically handle it anymore.

---

18 for 👑:

---

“You’re never in the way, Chim.” Hen chides. “Except maybe your own.”

Chimney frowns. What the hell does that mean?

“I’ll think about it,” he says. Mostly just to placate her.

“I just hate seeing you so down, Chim.” Hen sighs. 

He shrugs, shoulders only lifting a little under the weight of his med bag. 

“I’ll be okay, Hen. Always am.”

They make their way through the mall, to the open corridor that has been designated as Santa’s Village. It kind of looks like a farce. Like a Will Ferrell movie made real. The large wooden workshop structure has collapsed forward, onto the large, plush red chair. Santa himself is unconscious, pinned under the weight of the display to his seat. A woman in civilian’s clothing - perhaps the one who had called 9-1-1 - is standing with one of the costumed elves. It looks like she’s checking Santa’s vitals as best she can.

---

18 for 🧟:

---

“Mama said you can take me to the beach with you to check the fish traps.” Denny tells him. 

Buck’s chore for the morning. Finding protein. 

“Sure, okay,” Buck says. “We can do that. You stick close to me though, right?”

Denny nods eagerly, curls bouncing. “Mama already told me.”

“Give me a minute to get dressed and get myself ready,” Buck tells him. 

“Okay! I’ll be in the kids’ section.”

Denny takes off, and Buck slowly rises, stretching. 

They’re a well oiled machine. Not just with Denny’s childcare, but with everything else as well. Bobby, Hen, Karen, Chim, and of course, Buck. One of them is always working a six hour shift on the security cameras. Checking for zombies that get too close.

---

18 for 🦮:

---

No matter what anyone might think. My physical and emotional needs are important, he repeats to himself, like a mantra. A tactic his therapist, Dr. Copeland, suggests. Something to think louder than the anxious, looping thoughts that don’t serve him. A month in, and it’s really starting to work. He hardly thinks about not bringing her places. 

Of course, that doesn’t mean he’s not ever without her. He can make a quick run for beer or to the post office alone. But he always brings her on longer grocery shopping outings. He doesn’t need her if he’s going to get a haircut. But he never neglects to bring her to physio appointments. There’s a balance to it, he’s slowly learning. 

He’s also getting better at dealing with the social part of it. He’s coming up with strategies. Ways to shut down the people bugging him and Cranberry, or invading his privacy. 

For Carolyn, the administration assistant who makes kiss noises at Cranberry - or anyone like her - Buck has a pretty foolproof method. When it happens, he simply stops, looks at Cranberry, and very loudly says, “leave it, Cranberry. Good girl. Good job ignoring distractions.”

[flandrepudding]

doll collection post

Hi guyz!! so somebody asked me to post my doll collection a while back and I put it off because i'm trying to rearrange my setup but its taking much longer than expected due to irl stuff.

But I dont wanna wait anymore! Feel free to just scroll through the pictures, you don't have to read the commentary if you don't want to. In fact you don't have to scroll through any of this at all. I wrote a lot because I am severely neurodivergent. Having a genuine blogging moment rn.

I have been waiting forever for an excuse to post my collection!! I was so happy someone suggested I do so.

I don't have a lot of room for everybody! Everyone is scattered around my room, but I try my best to display them nicely...

My G1 collection is moderately sized, these dolls are expensive and difficult to find. There are so many more I want, like Dead Tired Lagoona or Sweet 1600 Draculaura to go with my Sweet 1600 Clawdeen...sigh. But it just keeps getting harder! I am actually content with stopping my G1 collecting hunt for now and instead focusing on G3... Many of these dolls are from my dear friends, especially Leo and Raven (hi guyz!). Without my friends, I would only have three of these dolls... I am so lucky to be so loved!!!

I don't have many bratz that are in good enough shape to be on display. I really grew up on bratz rather than monster high... but again...these dolls get expensive! Roxxi was always a favorite of mine and a crush! Growing up, I was the type of kid who almost exclusively wanted one brat though. Yasmin. Not Cloe, Jade, or Sasha. I was devoted to collecting Yasmin because she looked similar to me. In retrospect, I really wish I had gotten more of the other girls...I do have some...though their numbers pale in comparison to the Yasmin army.

The ball-jointed doll is my most expensive doll and my largest doll (she is fucking ginormous). Even when buying her at half the original price (great deal from a great friend) she was hardly affordable.

I bought her because I plan on customizing her to be Flandre Scarlet, my ultimate comfort character! I've always dreamed of having a doll of Flan. SO why not make one myself? I've had her for months but am still too scared to cut that beautiful hair off...I'm no good at cutting wigs/hair in general. I did install her red eyes myself which I've never done before as this is my first and probably last bjd! She is gorgeous but I would consider these dolls luxury items... VERY EXPENSIVE.

(idk why the exposure is so high on these, sorry!! >_<;)

I am so happy to have the coffin bean playset!! I think it was a really good idea to get it. but I am so sad because I have hardly any room for it! So It's sitting on my dresser in front of a giant mirror so please excuse the poor editing I did to obscure the reflection of me and my living space lol...

I gave my Twyla low pigtails, though they aren't very visible, and my Clawdeen braids! I think Clawdeen looks super cute this way tbh I tried curling her hair again and again and again but the curls always fell out (I dont have much experience)...but honestly... I think I like this look even better ^_^. You can see her ears so well this way.

This Clawdeen is basically my holy grail and it was gifted to me by Leo, Leo if you're reading this I hope you know you are basically Jesus.

not to get deep but the OMG doll next to her is special to me because it is one of the last gifts I got from my late Grandpa. He took me to target and when I said I liked the doll, no questions asked, he bought her for me. Didn't give me shit for liking dolls at my big age. He simply got her for me because she made me happy, and he wants me to be happy. Dolls can mean so much. Again, I am so lucky to be so loved!!! >:D

I have this gorgeous Draculaura just chilling next to my jewelry cuz I have nowhere else to put her and honestly she is gorgeous and should stand alone.

Here I have the pride Bratz next to my bed!!! They mean so much to me, as I said earlier I had a crush on Roxxi. To see she's a canon lesbian now is so incredible!! And Nevra, her girlfriend, is beautiful! They are so cute together... they are never leaving that box though. This was actually the first doll/set of dolls where I fully understood why people are content leaving dolls in their boxes. I love to play with my dolls so much... but I could never play with these two!! If anything happened to them I would lose my mind.

Now... you're probably thinking......where the hell is Lagoona?!?! Do you not have one despite loving her this much? Of course I have a Lagoona. I AM GROWING AN ARMY!!!!!!

I really, really love Lagoona...I want to get every Lagoona doll I possibly can. Isn't she so cute! I relate to her character in the cartoon a lot too... her life at home, her difficulties speaking up when she is sad or angry, her sporty personality, etc etc... She has quickly claimed her spot as biggest comfort character #2. I included many pictures because I simply cannot pick one, she is flawless. You might recognize the Lagoona on the left, I drew her in that exact pose recently!!

I have her army on my desk, giving me the strength I need to get through my work... like Homer Simpson with his pictures of baby Maggie at his work. I get endless inspiration and motivation from Lagoona!!!

And here is the Flandre shrine bonus... I adore her!! I also have finally ordered a fumo flan that should arrive in august around my birthday eeek!!!

Anyways that is my collection. It's been many years in the making, though it's almost doubled since monster high G3 released... Mattel truly has me by the balls right now. If you read any of this, thank you. I put a lot of time into making this post, and it was really fun. I feel like a real blogger right now.

I really really enjoy dolls and talking about them. So I will happily do so anytime I get the chance!!! Will probably do an update once I finally install some more shelves and move stuff around <3

[mechazushi]

Meet Mizu Ashiro. Also Known as Kaiju n. 24

(I am aware this is the BLURRIEST f*cking shot of my art, but I don't have access to technology where I can scan my art directly into my laptop that I work out of.)

See kids, this is what happens when a writer tried to branch out from their norm and try something they're not good at. You get shitty proportions, half the art is off the page, and your art style looks like a pre-middle schooler's attempt at a f*ckin' Mary Sue lookin' *ss OC. The worst part about this is I was also planning on drawing out her boyfriend as well, only to re-realize my drawing skills are sh*t and go back to waiting for izfaish to finish the Kn8 Pic crew that I'm assuming is still being worked on (which is FINE. That sh*t takes forever because you have to be meticulous with it due to compound layers and uploading it all. I'm sure it's a headache.)

I was even going to draw out a meme! Only having to sacrifice the space for it for the side profile. Doesn't matter. Back to having my artist skills hibernate until I can't take it anymore.

Anyway, onto the loooooorrrreeee!

So the universe where I picture this happening is the same one where I headcanon Mina being ace-sexual. (I don't apply this to ALL my Kn8 universe headcanons, just the ones that have Mizu in them.) Mina and Kafka reunite, all the Kn9 sh*t goes down, things settle out and something happens that makes Mina consider dating Kafka. She's not really sure it will work due to her sexuality, but Kafka manages to talk it out with her and he's fine with it. They date for a couple months, have one hot and heavy drunken night out, only for Kafka to die about a week later by stray rebar on a mission while saving people.

No, I don't hate the guy, he's actually my favorite. I don't know why I wanted him dead in this AU, it just happened. I am well aware that due to Kafka's Main Character Energy, this is something he should be surviving from, but I like the morbid irony that comes with him living through all those previous moments, only to die by something mundane as Random Debris. And, I mean, I didn't completely disrespect his death, he died doing what he loved which was saving people!

So Mina catches on pretty quickly that she's pregnant and voices the concern with Hoshina (Who I also see as ace-sexual in this world.) They talk it out a lot, both of them listing pros and cons of having this baby, and eventually Mina decides to check out a support group for Widowed Wives and talks it out some more with them. She comes to the conclusion that she's going to raise the thing, but will make a serious attempt NOT to raise it to think that there is pressure to be something great and that it needs to follow in it's father's footsteps due to said father being a hero. In fact, Mina hardly ever talks about Kafka. If she does, she only mentions that they were friends, some stories she remembered that he told her about his time in the monster sweepers, and very rarely, talks about the two of them working in the Defense Force. Never once mentions that he was a Kaiju due to not wanting to cause her daughter to think that she was also a monster and hate herself and also, to be honest, no one had any idea what was going to happen to the kid biologically in a few years.

Mina keeps the pregnancy on the down low for as long as possible until delivery. The entire Third Division shows up for the delivery and congratulates her on the new daughter. There, she reveals who the father is and makes everyone depressed for a moment. They all agree to help her out any way they can, with Hoshina personally stating that he'll act as the Main Father Figure in Mizu's life.

So Mizu gets community raised by the Third Division for a few years and it's great, now calling and considering all of the division to be her Aunts and Uncles. She grows up with an unspecified heart condition that makes her heart beat really weird and causes her to lose her breath a lot and is prone to fainting spells (this is due to her developing her own kaiju core). She goes to school and it kinda goes downhill for a moment due to the other students bullying her because she (unfortunately) developed her father's heavy weight stature. It's not all doom and gloom as she makes a friend in the school's Manga Drawing club.

{Cliche tragic backstory ahead, Final Warning}

Fast forward to late middle school (around 14 to 15) and her class is on a field trip to the local museum to check out the new exhibit that showcases the life and achievements of Kaiju Number Eight, Japan's Hero. Her friend called out sick that day, so now she's left to defend herself from the wolves, i.e her bullies. Cut to the front of the museum and an incident happens. Mizu gets tired of somebody's bullsh*t and yells at him to stop.... only to trigger her first Sonic Screech near point blank at someone's face. (Don't worry, the kid lived. She's not that powerful yet.) This however sets off the Kaiju alert system and her class runs to the nearest bunker. She gets kinda lost in the confusion for a moment, making her behind everyone else. Once she makes it to the bunker's entrance, the teacher of the class, who saw the whole thing, panics and closes the door in front of Mizu, leaving her there out in the open. Mizu is left standing there and cries in front of the Kaiju Number Eight statue as she hears choppers out in the distance. The Third Division shows up along with her mother and everyone is wondering why the hell Mizu isn't in the bunker and where the hell is the Kaiju? Through her tears, Mizu explains what happened and tries to apologize for it, only to be comforted by her mother and the rest of the division. They do however gain suspicions and MacGyver up a test. They slide on an arm of a defense force suit and have it connect up to a screen. When it reads back 0% aptitude, it confirms that Mizu is now a Kaiju like her father.

Having not told her about this because she thought she wouldn't have to, Mina decides to break it to her daughter gently that she's a Kaiju like her father by using the new exhibition. Mina, Mizu, and Hoshina get the whole museum to themselves since Mina commanded that her daughter's class stays in the bunker for a extra three hours. Ya know... for safety. There, the two of them break it to her gently about who her father was and what she might be now. Mizu doesn't take it well at first, but thanks to healthy communicating, she's not that angry about it afterwards.

This, however does bring up a problem with the higher ups. They say that Mizu can't be with regular students anymore due to being an untrained threat to the public. Mina somewhat agrees but wants to let Mizu keep as much of a normal childhood as she can before sh*t totally hits the fan that is her new life in a few years. The Higher Ups are trying to strong arm Mina into having her daughter register as an officer of the Defense Force so that they can keep an eye on her. Mina discusses it with Mizu and they come up with a plan. Mizu home-schools the rest of Middle School at the Division and goes on to Neutralization High School to finish out her degree. Mina gives her the speech about how she doesn't have to fill in her father's boots or think that she has to be someone important to the defense force because she's a Kaiju. Mina says that she can convince them to let Mizu out of service once she can demonstrate that she has control over her abilities.

Something happens (I haven't figured out what exactly) and Mizu decides to stay in the Defense Force. After a while, she's offered a special place on a new team. It's called (for the moment until I can come up with a good acronym for it) The International Division. Basically, Japan has decided to come up with an elite task force made out of other counties's misfits and gather them together for the explicit mission of taking out Kaiju invasions with unusual circumstances or unusual Daikaiju cases around the globe for countries that don't have the man power or are in desperate need of over-powered back-up.

On the team is:

A Swedish tactician/medic(in theory)/and mechanic that's anaphylactically allergic to Kaiju material (and because of this) is also severely hemophobic. (42% aptitude)

A blind, Turkish Bomb expert with a special weapon / visor that helps her see and who's Code name is Pile Driver. (67%)

A German Mech suit driver (Who may or may not be a paraplegic from the waist down, I'm not set on the idea just yet) who's suit looks like a mixture of the Berserk armor and the Day Armor from the Castlevania Anime on Netflix. He also wields a claymore. (87%)

And an Australian man, born from a Texan Mother and a Floridian Father, who mains a trench sweeper shot gun (Look it up, its concept is terrifying) that can transform into an anti-tank rifle. His problem is that he's unruly, bloodthirsty, and possibly borderline insane. (72% as a sniper) AND THIS MAN GETS TO BE MIZU'S BOYFRIEND!

(Don't worry, he chill and has a thing for cats. He's just got ADHD.)

So yeah... that's her story... here's a quick breakdown of her design because I know ya'll can't see that shit.

So I initially had a problem with coming up with her Kaiju design. Her whole thing is that she's the daughter of Kafka so her design should still look a little like Kn8 but with some more female connotations, right? How the f*ck does one do that? And it gets harder because all the kaijus in Kn8 either look completely alien or like a monster version of Unrealistic Peak Male Form. (I feel like there could be a really funny meta commentary about this, but I'm not going to get into that right now.)

Eventually, my brain came up with the thought of-

"What if we came up with some bullsh*t Kaiju science and said that because Bakko is a tiger AND a Kaiju, we say that there was some weird exposure/interference that changed some things for Mizu while in vitro."

So now I'm coming up with a tiger-like design for her (you probably can't tell, but to me the head looks more wolf-like than tiger but that's because my artist skills are sh*t) And for the most part, she just looked like an inverse-colored version of Bakko with a mane. At some point while drawing this out, I started to hate it because, like I said in a previous post, she just looked like a furry with a Kn8 style mask. Which led me to come up with some samurai like inspirations for her armor like what Kafka has on the lower half of his body. So yeah, now she has Shoulder Pauldrons, Upper Arm Bracers (I miscalculated her size so the lower half of her arms are off the page.), Rib/Thigh protection, and an armored snout.

She's mostly black with white stripes, most of the armor is dark gray with black borders, and all of the white areas glow Glacial Blue when she's powering up. And yes, the mane is white and glows as well. (She's my pretty little Magical Girl Kaiju ✨🫶✨)

I don't know if anyone can see this as well, but she also has these black little Horns? Attached to the outside of her ears. They don't really do anything, I just wanted to give the similar appearance of Kn8's horns without copying them directly.

As for Mizu Ashiro herself, I tried to split the difference and modeled her after both of her parents. She's got Mina's long hair and hair clips, but her father's spiky type of hair (Which is why it sticks straight out like that.) She's got her mother's eyes and ears, but her dad's eye shape and nose. It's also clear that she takes after her father in body type. (Gotta carry on the tradition of carrying them Tig Bitties in both Human and Kaiju👍)

She's a fairly bubbly and optimistic person, but definitely gets terrified very easily (especially around heights.) Thankfully, she works with a team that can talk her through it most of the time and is actively working on it.

She also grew up exhibiting a lot of Cat-like traits like making lap biscuits when nervous, murrping at someone when they catch her slightly off guard, and napping in the weirdest positions/places. Not even being in the defense force broke those habits out of her and her team likes to poke fun at them playfully when they happen.

[lazybakerart]

Prompt: Harringrove meets the righteous gemstones boys? (Crossover-style)

"From the J-man to the Big G upstairs, I need you to chill out, my dude." Kelvin says as kindly as one can at the three in the morning before a Sunday service to the trespasser who turns out to be Keefe's seventeen year old nephew.

Hands zip-tied behind his back, Billy spits on the floor of the compound's security headquarters, grinning at Kelvin with every tooth in his defiantly mean mouth.

The security officer on shift looms over the kid, thumbs hooked in his utility belt, and is far from shy in how much he wants to use the appropriate amount of force as granted by Daddy.

"I apologize." Keefe tells Kelvin, hands wringing together, dressed in a pair of Kelvin's sleep-pants and his boots, looking as sorry as any man with an estranged older sister could. Keefe gestures at Billy. "You should apologize as well, trespassing's illegal in South Carolina."

"It's illegal everywhere." Billy says.

"Even so."

Kicking at the floor, Billy's worn-out sneakers squeal across the tile as his chair tilts back and hits the guard in the hip. "Rather get zapped again, thanks."

"They used the stun guns on ya?"

Startled, Keefe takes a step towards Billy or the guard and there are slips, repenting is hardly a straight path forward, but then there is assault.

"We will be addressing that in the morn, rest assured. There will be a talkin' to." Kelvin says, quick and bright and as comforting a soul can be nursing a growing headache, struggling to take in what exactly is happening anymore. Maybe it's the end times after all. "But right now? I have not gotten my solid nine and I am not dealing with none of this until I do."

Kelvin places his hand on Keefe's elbow to reel him back in and gestures scissors, snip-snip, please? at the guard.

He points to Billy. "You're comin' home with us. Got a guest room you can use until we get all this settled."

"Maybe I don't wanna." Billy says.

"Then what was the plan? Huh? Sleep on a rollercoaster till you hit eighteen?"

"Nailed it in one."

"It's okay, Billy." Keefe says. "Kelvin's a good guy."

Kelvin's cheeks warm.

He shakes it off quick.

It's odd to see the two of them next to each other - the family resemblance in the bleary-eyed hours of three o'clock, faint but there in the dirty blond of their hair and the cut of their jaws.

Billy glances over to Keefe, unsure and unwilling, suspicion narrowing his blue eyes, so clearly out of options to drive across the country for family he hasn't seen - according to Keefe's explanation on the drive over - since long before he hit double digits. Kelvin hardly needs the gritty details to know the story's been written sour from beginning to now.

Kelvin trudges up his patience he uses with the youths when he's awake and not being called to deal with an issue involving his long-term guest.

Kelvin crouches to look up at Billy sitting in his chair, though no longer tied to it - the kids appreciate the deference. Makes them feel in charge.

"You hungry? We can get you somethin' to eat? Keefe makes a mean smoothie, bud."

Kelvin hasn't been on the receiving end of that type of hot-headed, wish you to Hell glare since the first time he'd met Keefe. Brown eyes or blue, blood is blood. Keefe is family. Billy is too.

[gubes-sweaters]

Fire on Fire

Summary: Spencer’s post-prison therapy session doesn’t go quite as planned. While discussing the ghosts of his past he becomes spacy, thoughts lingering on what could’ve been.

Content Warning(s): Talks of Spencer’s trauma, addiction, allusions to what cat did to spencer, brief mentions of Maeve’s death, a brief mention of what happened to the unsub from season 5 episode 12 ‘uncanny valley’ aka the living dolls episode. (I think that’s all but if there’s any more let me know) !ALSO ANYTHING THAT THE ‘THERAPIST’ SAYS IN HERE IS NOT ANY SORT OF SOUND ADVICE, IT JUST USED AS A PLOT POINT!

Word Count: 1.7k

Chapter 1: Maybe it’s all That i’ve Been Through

“Now Spencer, have you made any attempts to contact any of the people you’d like to reconcile with? At least the ones we wrote down last session,” the woman asks as she closes his patient file. She pushes her wide glasses up her nose with her nimble fingers, shifting in her seat before looking up at him.

“Yes, I um, actually got to everyone, except for one, but I don’t think I’m going to reach out to the one I scribbled off,” he says, trying not to fidget much in his seat. 

Despite the relaxing room equipped with a white noise machine, dim lights, along with the comforting smell and crackling sound of a candle, Spencer found it nearly impossible to do just that. It may be because these therapist seasons were the last step before he could fully return to the BAU. His anxiousness to bury himself in his work once again was clawing at him. 

He’s not used to having the watchful eye of a professional to pick apart his behavior at all times, at least while he’s in this room with her. He feels intimidated and paranoid, but those feelings aren’t as strong as they were while he was in prison. Which is the whole reason why he’s stuck in this room right now.

“Why was that?” The older woman inquired as she stares at him, her head cocks to the side as her wavy gray hair that frames her face shifts with her.

“I didn’t realize how many people there were that I wanted to connect with,” he says, looking out the window thinking of the difficult dinner he had just last night. They were the second to last on the dreaded list. As if she can hear his thoughts his therapist pipes up.

“Now I know you had a few people you wanted to speak to. There was a distant relative of a man named Tobias Hankle who was…” she trails off to let Spencer fill in the gaps.

“An unidentified suspect, an unsub. It’s what we call the people in our criminal investigations.” Spencer says.

“Right, and he was the reason for your addiction. Correct?” She asks in an attempt to keep him engaged in the conversation.

“Mhm,” is all Spencer musters up.

He looks out at the view from the therapist's office. There’s a park right across the road with large willow trees, casting shadows down at a happy family. ‘That could've been him,’ he thinks to himself. A dad playing with the older child. The kid bopping along happily in the lush grass. A woman sat at a park bench, not too far from the other two, with a baby happily gurgling on her lap, clapping along to the antics of the two in from of them. It pains him to know he has no memories of his own like that. Not from his own childhood and none from a family of his own.

“Spencer?’ The woman sitting across the mahogany coffee table asks him.

“Yes?” he responds, not even realizing she was still speaking to him.

“I asked you about the others on the list. Both of your parents, Derek Morgan, Stephen Gideon, Elle Greenaway, Mary and Joe Donovan, and one last one that’s scribbled over. Who’ve you reached out to?”

“Um, I sent Tobias Hankle’s cousin and letter, then I talked to my mom, but there’s not a lot to talk about with her. She hardly knows who I am anymore. I sent my dad an email and he sent one back, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to read it quite yet. I talked to Morgan. I actually had dinner at his house with his family and it was nice. Stephen Gideon didn’t pick up any of my calls and he didn’t email me back. Elle called me back, it was nice to hear her again,” he says before he cuts himself off. The last two, Maeve’s parents, that was the terrible dinner he had the night prior.

The memories were still so fresh and it hurt to think about for too long. The actual memories themselves were not terrible, they were content and happy, but something about seeing that Maeve came from such a happy family hurt even more. She was pure sunshine and now he knows where she got it from. 

“And?” She pushes.

“I talked to my ex-girlfriend's parents last night. After everything they’re been through I didn’t think they would’ve wanted to talk to me, but they did. They welcomed me into their own home. I think hearing them talk about everything made me blame myself a lot less,” he says trying to choke back tears. The lump in his throat seemed to swell.

He thinks about the tight hug her mom gave him. How she commented about how tired he looked as she dished out food for him. It was the first really good home cooked meal he enjoyed since before prison, other than at Morgan’s house the week prior. He thought about Maeve’s dad talking about Maeve when she was younger. It made his empty heart clench, sitting there imaging Maeve sitting next to him at the table, giggling along to her fathers stories. A shiny diamond ring on her finger, that catches the light from the delicate chandelier that hung over her parents' dinner table, as she lifts a glass of wine to her lips. The thought of that never happening made Spencer’s loneliness all the more soul crushing. He longed for that feeling of domesticity.

“That was progress. We talked about you alleviating the blame that you pile on yourself. Now, I would like to know who this is on the bottom you scribbled off?” she asks, pointing her pen to the writing at the bottom of a notebook. 

“I’m not too particularly keen on reaching out to her.”

“Why is that, are you afraid of rejection from this mystery person,” she inquires.

“No, everything with Cat Adams was very recent, and I know the investigation just stirred up her life. At least that’s what I heard from my team. I’m not sure if I want to do that again,” Spencer replies with a shrug of his shoulder before chewing on the inside of his lip. He knew he was partially making excuses.

“Well, this is your time to be a little selfish when it comes to your healing. We’re also supposed to be growing some more empathy for people like Tobias Hankle and Cat Adams. We’re not washing them of any wrong doings but,” is all she gets out before Spencer cuts in.

“I know, the bureau wants me to still feel bad for unsubs and in a lot of cases I do. Samantha Malcom is one that sticks out, sure she kidnapped women and basically turned them into living dolls, two of them she even accidentally killed, but she had also been physically, sexually, emotionally, and mentally abused by her father her entire childhood. Part of my heart hurts for her. There’s too many to count in all honesty. I look at them and it’s like looking in the mirror,” He says quickly.

“Spencer, I know you have a good heart, but after all you’ve been through in prison and your wrongful conviction I think it’d be best to speak with someone who knew Cat Adams and was going through similar things to her in order to not look at this all so… clinically. We can look at these peoples actions as monstrous, but we can’t paint everyone incapable of changing their lives. Abuse victims aren’t a monolith and if you think of what Cat has been through and think that her way out is justified, or any person's way out was justified, then we can’t have you working in the field with that mentality, given everything you’ve been through,” she says, trying to give him the softest, empathetic smile.

“I didn’t say that people seek vigilante justice or everyone reaches a tipping point. I never said those things were a healthy reaction either. I just,” this time it was the older woman's turn to interrupt him.

“You just poisoned men while in prison in the name of vigilante justice, or framed a man for assault, or told your unit chief Emily Prentiss that you would’ve had no problem murdering Peter Lewis a.k.a. Mr. Scratch. Spencer I know how your brain has been scrambled by being put in such a dog eat dog environment like that prison is. I just want you to exercise empathy by reaching out to her. I’m not asking you to ever justify any of Cat Adams’ behavior and I’m never going to ask you to forgive her for anything. You have a right to feel hurt, violated, and angry. I just want you to look at Cat Adams and see where her life went when she was hellbent on revenge. Then look at this family member of hers and see how she’s healed. At least I presume they’re a family member.”

“It’s her half sister. On her dad’s side.” he says shortly, feeling like a child who’s just been scolded by a parent. He knows she’s right in the effects of how it could help with healing, but a part of his heart that holds that hatred and content for Cat wants to project that onto her.

“Great, when you’re comfortable, reach out to her and simply ask to talk in a location that has brought you comfortability in your life other than your house. So you can feel a bit more relaxed and ready to open up. All of this is about doing what you can to improve your quality of life and your mental health. I care about you Spencer, I really do,” when she finishes her statement offers up another soft simple before opening his patient file backup once more.

“Alright.” he says with a gentle sigh.

“Well, that’s all for this week. Unless there’s something else you’d like to talk about. If not I’ll see you in two weeks,” she says, preparing to stand up.

When Spencer shakes his head no, they both wordlessly standup as he exits the room. He knew he already had the next appointment booked so he leaves with a polite wave and a tight lipped smile. Once he reaches his car, he takes a deep breath before cranking up his car. The warm August air causes him to shed his cardigan before pulling out his phone. He hovers over a number Penelope gave him. Dread fills his stomach once he hits the button to call her. Spencer once again looks at the happy family, now packing up their stuff as the line picks up.

“Hello?”

A/N: AHHHH! So I fell in love with writing again. Part of my burnout was caused by not wanting to pick up my series “unexpected turns” again because I didn’t plan it all out ahead of time, which was the worlds biggest mistake, but I digress because in my free time I’m going to rework that series while I put out this one. This one is already fully planned out and all of the rough drafts are done for it. So, the only thing I have left to do is polish this series, while reworking the other one. Any who I hope you enjoy the start to this series, if you do please like, comment, and reblog my work. Any engagement is much appreciated!

Taglist: @striving4averagegirl @measure-in-pain @tvandfanfic @haylaansmi @rexorangecouny @sophiario

[shebeafancyflapjack]

Trigger

Silver tries to go after the beast on her own. Set in @idiotwithanipad 's Gore AU during her fic Stolen.

-

Humphrey tensed at the sound of clunky boots approaching.

"Who's there? Guards?! You must declare who you're working for-?!" He tries to mimic his father's voice as much as possible. A Lord's voice, one that commanded respect.

He'd never quite made it work with his polite tone.

As the figure steps into a beam of moonlight, he let's out a sigh of relief.

"Oh! It's just you, Silver, love."

"Mr. Lord Amy's dad?" The teenager approached with her usual grin, one hand reaching out to feel the top of his head, where it was currently placed on a cabinet outside his daughter's room.

"Oh, you know there's no need for titles, sweetheart. Just 'Humphrey' is fine."

The witchling giggled; "Okay, Just Humphrey, hehehe!"

"Yes." He gave a slight smirk beneath his mustache. Walked right into that one. "How're you? Feeling better?"

She nodded, eagerly, a drop of blood flicking down from her nose and landing on the table, just inches from his neck.

"Right as rain, thanks the gods, hehehe! And Amy, of course. I'm surprised you're not in the bedroom with her?"

"Oh, I am. Well...He is." Humphrey replied; "Got her snuggled up in his arms, ain't no man or beast on this earth who could tear her from them. I'm the better half for keeping watch, you see."

"Right, gotcha, hehe." Silver grinned, hands behind her back.

"Little tyke's been sleeping like a log, more so than usual, since I got her back. She won't be opening her eyes till around noon."

"Makes sense. Hehe...I don't remember hearing her sleep a lot the past few weeks." The Pagan explained, as serious as she could; "Weren't exactly the most zen place to relax in, y'know- even for me! Hehe."

A wince flickered across Humphrey's face at the thought of his little girl kept awake by fear and unease in that horrible pit of darkness.

"Can only imagine. You brave girls. At least you're both safe now." He said out loud, as if trying to reassure himself as much.

Silver hummed, holding back from saying how it was hardly the end of the story, as far as she was concerned.

"Anyway. I'm sure Amy will be up and raring to play in the morning, love." He smiled, trying to dismiss her in the nicest way. Not out of any dislike for the hyperactive but polite kid, more so he could focus on keeping a keen eye out for guards.

Or that Thing.

"Actually, hehehe, I wanted to talk to you!" She said, pressing up on her tiptoes and then back down. "I need your help with something..."

"Oh? Right..." He sounded surprised. The two of them had never really had a moment to converse without Amy or her mother present. "Sure, kiddo, what's up?"

"When are you going after Him?"

"I...You mean...your mum's fr-."

"He's not Mummy's friend anymore. Or mine. He's nothing, hehehe." The ecstatic smile on her face masked the contempt in her voice; "When are you going to get him?"

"'Get' him? I...You mean-."

"Kick his arse, hehehe."

There was a spark of encouragement, a fanning of his paternal desire for vengeance, in his eyes at the phrase.

"What makes you think I'll-?"

"You don't approve of Mummy's plan just to hide inside and let him roam out there alone anymore than I do, huh?" She asked, squeezing her hands at the base of her spine and tilting her head, cutely.

The Tudor set his jaw; "...It wasn't top of my list of ideas, no. But your mum is right, it's the one that makes the most sense. Much as I wanna go after the beast, we gotta keep you girls safe and that means staying inside. Making sure he can't snatch you from your beds again."

"Only one of you needs to stay inside. You've both got two arms, hehe. Mummy's even got extra with all her smoke!" Silver chirped; "I was hoping she'd go looking for him while I stay with Amy and you in her room. But she...." the corners of her smile twitched; "...She still has feelings for him. Says he's 'family'."

Humphrey had to resist the urge to scoff at anyone wanting to claim kinship with such a monster as one that takes little girls and makes their parents believe they've passed beyond reach.

But then he remembered who he was talking to.

"I...I suppose if that's the case, having someone like that in your family does complicate things. My old man was a horrible git. Treated me and Amy's mummy like little more than pawns to secure his precious legacy." He remembered, morosely; "The more time passed without an heir, the more open he was with his insults towards both of us, to the point Sophie refused to join us at dinner when he visited. No wonder she hid Amy away all those years. Probably didn't want him to get his poisonous claws into her. And she didn't tell me because....well, I always knew what a villain he was, but he was still my father. Wanting his approval and wanting to believe he knew what was best overrid what I should have been doing to look after my family."

"Hmm. Sounds like a right dickhead, hehehe."

"Language, kiddo! Huh, can tell you've been hanging out with my daughter. But yes, that is an apt title for him." Humphrey chuckled.

"I don't blame you. Or Mummy." She sighs, twiddling with the velvet coverings on her hands; "My....The false family I had, the ones who stole me from Mummy when I was a baby, they weren't very nice to me. But I always tried to 'fix' myself for years growing up to be what they wanted. Weren't till I was nearly grown up I felt brave enough to be myself...and then I met Mummy and she let's me be me, hehehe. Except....He was there too. And I just thought he was a bit of a grumpy old fluffy creature. Mummy said not to take him seriously, that he was just very sad and ill sometimes. But I wanted him to like me so I kept trying...And then when he had me and Amy in the cave, he was suddenly being really nice...I wanted to trust him. Wanted to believe it was....real....Hehehe."

"No one blames you, love. You were a victim. A child. He took advantage of that trust, and your...Your ailments. Only the lowest of monsters would do something like that." He reassures her, wishing he had an extra pair of hands just to pat hers.

Silver smiled, the tiniest tear falling from her right milky eye.

"So you agree? Hehehe. He needs to pay for what he did. How he let me get sick. How he made Amy cry."

Humphrey grit his teeth and inhaled.

"Most definitely, Silver."

"Good! Hehehe."

He raised an eyebrow in surprise; "You don't share your mum's hesitation, I take it?"

"Nope!" She chirped, shaking her head; "Hehehe. He's always hated me. Didn't even bother to hide it. Mummy tried to make me think it was just a front, but...I know now. He didn't care about starving me of moonlight. He wanted to erase me and replace me with this other girl. He put my best friend through Hell for weeks. He betrayed Mummy. And we're not the only ones he's done this to."

"You mean those names he whispered to you both?"

"Them, and others. I found a...A memory. Hidden in the mist, hehehe." She tried explaining; "Another girl he once kept. The one who sang. Her name was Lyssie. She got away but...he'd changed her. Broken her into acting...like him."

"Bastard." Humphrey muttered, having noticed a couple of times Amy seemed to lean on her knuckles when she sat up. And then she'd catch herself and look embarrassed.

Silver giggled; "He needs to...He needs to learn that is Not Okay, hehehe!"

"Just...didn't have you down as the vengeful type." Humphrey admits, a little taken aback.

Silver smirked, flashing her teeth.

"I'm my Mummy's daughter, hehehe. If this was any other man, she'd be wanting exactly the same!"

No doubt about that.

"So how about it? You leave Amy with Mummy and we can go hunt the monster together?"

"I....Ha, I don't think so, kiddo!" Humphrey gaped, trying not to laugh; "Your mother would have me roasting on a spit!"

"Not if we were super quick. I could lie that I got lost in the house, playing hide and seek."

"Right. Well, look, I won't deny I'm not tempted to send my body after him if he comes anywhere near this place, however, I wouldn't dream of letting you tag along with me, even if I weren't afraid of what your mum would do to me."

"Why not? You can use me as bait, hahaha." She suggests, cheerfully; "Once he comes out to grab me, your body can get a hold of him! And I can do more than that...Hehehe. I have powers of my own, you see."

"You...You have your mother's...gifts?" He asks with a gulp.

"Kinda. I don't have her flames. Mine are mostly water based, but...I have a secret party trick. I wouldn't demonstrate it on you. Would leave you with a very annoying headache at the least, hehe."

"I see." Humphrey sounded a little afraid. "Even so, I'm afraid I have to decline. At least for now."

Silver huffed and stomped her foot, like a child denied a McDonald's drive through.

"But he's a baddie! He needs to suffer!"

"And he will! Trust me. But your mum's right. We gotta wait until he comes to us. She seems to think...or hope that he'll come to grovel but...I reckon he'll come to try his luck. And when that time comes, if me and you need to be thr ones to deal with him, we will. You have my word, okay?"

She sighed; "Okay..."

"Silver." He said, sternly, like a concerned uncle.

She squirmed and pouted.

"Whatever you and Mummy say." She reluctantly agrees.

"Good girl. It's for the best. Anyway, you shouldn't be worrying about such things. Go on, run along and find somewhere to play, take your mind off all this." He said, softly. "Let me and your mum handle the monsters. That's our jobs."

-

If you want something done right, do it yourself.

Following her echolation, Silver exited the house via the old servant's exit and dared to step outside. She'd quickly passed Mummy on the way, checking that she was looking out the windows at the other end of the house. Silver had given her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, pretending everything was fine.

And it would be. Once this was over.

This would be easier with backup. Amy's daddy's body would have been perfect, if she'd been able to master how to direct it properly, quietly. This would be a lot trickier alone. She was far weaker than the beast. He could snap her in half like a twig if he really wanted.

But she had to try. For Kya. For Pin. For Lyssie. For Amy. For herself. For who knows how many other girls he's taken.

She walked and walked, recognising the familiar spaces as she let out each small giggle to sense her surroundings.

Come on. Come out.

"Come with me, dilly dilly. Take my hand, tilly tilly..." She sings, hoping it can be used as a lure.

Her heart began to pound loudly as she realised that she was getting further from the house. Further from Mummy.

Alone.

She takes a breath. Goddess is with her.

Athena, Artemis, Hecate, Persephone...they're all with her. Empowering her. Protecting her.

She giggles louder. He must be able to hear her.

And then, finally, she hears a grizzle.

"There you are. Coward." She whispers to herself.

Turning around, she let's out another giggle. The silhouette of a hulking furry form solidifies in her mind's eye.

It's him. On all fours. Just...standing there.

"Been looking for me, hehehe." She grinned; "Sorry for the delay. I was busy recovering from being put in a coma thanks to you, hehehe."

Silence. No attempt to excuse his actions. Or apologise.

"...You hurt me. You hurt Amy. How many others were there, hmm? What did you do to them?" She asks, "How long were you planning on doing this? Why did you wait so long?"

So many questions and the beast wasn't giving her a single answer. Merely standing there. Watching her.

It somehow made her far more nervous.

She flexed her fingers at her side. Her mist could only form a barrier against magical attacks. It wouldn't protect her from his claws.

But she prepared her voice. Her laugh.

Why was she finding it so difficult? She'd been fantasising about using her laugh to torture him for weeks. Now she finally had the energy, the moment, a bright full moon shining above her.

Break him. Make him crawl. Make him weep and beg for her forgiveness.

"You...You really upset me, Mr. Fluff. I thought you were my friend, hehe. My grumpy friend, who cared for me deep down. I only wanted you to...." She sniffed and wiped at her face.

Don't cry now. Don't waste tears on him. He doesn't care.

Forget about the beast who would occasionally indulge playing with her. Forget about the beast who would let her lay on him if he was in a good mood and she rubbed his head just right. Forget about the beast who took a massive fireball for her. Lies. All lies.

"I...I have to finish this, hehe. I have to make you...Have to make you pay...Understand? You need to-."

"Kya."

Fizzle.

Something washed over her brain at the word. Nights upon nights of conditioning and programming beginning to fire up in her synapses, like tiny sleeper agents in her brain.

"What did-." She tried, feeling the world shift around her.

Memories and motivations shrink back into shadow. A deep, ancient magic set upon the land by a people long lost warps her mind at the single word, spoken with unfathomable love and longing. The very same magic that had, over time, convinced her she was the stolen baby of a centuries' dead witch. The Law of Claiming.

"Kya." He repeated. Soft. Pleading. "Kya..."

All the distress and betrayal and hatred shrivels in her heart, quickly replaced with a sudden hunger for comfort. For care and protection and....

"...Fada?"

So dizzy. Everything is so dark.

Where is Fire? Where is Solar? Oh, she can see Moonah when she looks up. But not much else.

"Kya."

His voice again. Fada. Fada is here.

Two thumps on the ground. Come, Kya. Come to Fada.

She totters forward, her arms outstretched, fingers stretching to feel for him.

"Fada! Fada, where-?"

A pair of warm, furry arms encircle her. She knows the scent of the pelts that press against her face as she's pulled into the tightest embrace. A familiar paw strokes over her hair.

"Kya. Kya. Kya." Fada repeats, sounding so relieved, nuzzling her ear.

She trembles, clutching onto him for dear life. Memories are so mixed up in her head, jumbling about like someone attempting to quickly put a jigsaw together, as she tried to make sense of events leading up to now.

She was alone. She was lost. She...and Sister.

"Me sorry, Fada!" She squeaked into his fur; "Kya sorry. Knew not to leave cave. Pin sister leave...me go after her. Not want sister to be alone. Please. No be mad at Pin, Fada."

Fada pulled back a little, just to gently stroke her face with his cuff and then pressed his knuckles to her forehead in a 'kiss'.

He wrote into her arm, a lot more tender than before.

'Pin think she big cub now. Mum was same. Me not mad. We find her. Take Kya and Pin home.'

Relief flooded her. Fada rarely got angry but he had seemed extra tense before they'd left. She assumes there must have been more dangerous things around. Larger mammoths, angrier bears. Fada wouldn't keep them inside for so long, want to keep them quiet, without good reason.

"Fada...not mad?" She asked, shyly.

A short huff of amusement. He pressed his nose to hers.

'Fada not mad. Fada just want cubs safe.'

She nodded, smiling. That made sense. Her fingers reached to stroke his beard, resisting the urge to give it a playful tug. Not the time.

"Kya got lost. Kya...trapped in dark. Thought Fada gone but..." She sighed, feeling a wave of innocent bliss in her chest; "Fada come back?"

He bundled his happy little cub into his arms again.

'Fada always come back'.

[poolboyservice]

(look here for more context)

well, well, well, isn't it by far the longest list I'll probably ever make in my existence as an alter, let alone our life? let's just cut to the chase: I'm ranking all of my fanfiction on Quotev. And by golly is there a lot!

Keep in mind that while I do have original stories such as Comet Boy, I am gonna be ranking solely my fanfiction.

Under this cut, we're going through a ranking of 11-1, going from least to most personal favorite, which is the total fanfiction I've written ever basically. This is excluding quizzes and unfinished fanfiction that aren't published. We'll start with the ranking, then I'll reblog with the quizzes, and unfinished works later, because the ranking alone is really long.

ALSO, TO CLARIFY: All the fanfiction I am mentioning is on Quotev. There's not really any other way for you to read them atm, but I am planning on publishing some to AO3.

I'm genuinely terrified to post this, but without anymore fluff, let's go.

RANKING ALL PUBLISHED FANFICTION

#11: child of a vampire, lover of a killer (sus mcr x reader fic owo?), MCR parody fic, link

This is my least favorite fanfiction of all time. I fucking regret writing this disgrace and I hate it with my heart. Ignoring the fact that I didn't put my heart into it, everyone LOVED this fanfiction the most, and for a while it felt like no matter what I posted or what I did, the only thing that mattered to my followers was just that stupid parody fic. I don't think I ever really hated something I made until I made this. I'm glad more people are starting to gravitate towards my more genuine works but god.

#10: Something's Not Right..., killjoys au, sigh... link

So you know how I said I fucking HATED child of a vampire? Well this one is a second. It's not really the idea I hate (au where the Killjoys names are taken literally), actually, I kinda made a revamp of this fic after with some changes!, but the execution along with frankly its revamp is bad... I am horrible at life advice, but dear future me: DONT DO THIS EVER AGAIN. The plot is basically nonexistent, and you can hardly even read what Fun Ghoul and Kobra Kid say, because for some reason I thought people fully understood what the fuck they were saying, so I didn't provide ANY translations!! It's not the worst I've written (flashbacks to my creepypasta era), but god it's definitely bad.

now, finally, with my grievances out, this is where I actually show you stuff I don't hate with my bones

#9: The Travel To Headbutt THE OLD GOAT, goatsim x mcr mashup, link

not really bad, per se, honestly, I could even say it's cute. It follows my average gameplay in goat simulator basically, featuring a totally underused (sarcasm) Bulletproof Heart reference in the end. It's only lower because I didn't even finish the first chapter. Surprisingly, this is a fanfic a lot of people like, despite its.. weirdness.

#8: Slightly Tilted (A Killjoy AU Fic), title explains itself, link

This one isn't actually that bad, and it actually has finished chapters. The dialog with Kobra Kid is ten times better, and I even explained some of the AU (at least with the characters) so there's given context! Honestly, I only put it in a lower ranking because I'm salty i never mentioned the Girl and the constantly changing perspectives. At least it was one perspective per chapter. Also, this becomes a more common problem with some fanfiction I wrote in 2022, but for some reason I wrote dialog like " This ". Whenever I get to posting all of these lovely cringefics on AO3, I will be fixing that, along with updating that on Quotev. For the meantime, we will need to deal with it.

#7: Confused Spider, killjoy au, link

Honestly, it's not bad, but it's really not good either. Unfinished, unnatural interaction. You can tell I have never talked with a neurotypical person or really anyone in years. I don't really like how Party Poison is characterized. I don't know what I could really say here, it's just really a nothing fic. Dialogue spacing problem like " this " still persists.

#6: Odd Place (Party Poison x Reader), killjoy y/n fic basically, link

Unironically? It's bad, really bad. Despite this taking me an entire year writing, and me actively avoiding every y/n cliche I saw, I accidentally made this fanfiction even more like a y/n self insert. The grammar is bad, the prologue is shit, the paragraphs are completely disorganized, the characterization is horrid, and so help me god if I see another "author's note" in ANY PART OF THIS FIC. Ironically? Genuinely a funny fanfic. It is so bad, it ends up being funny. I 100% recommend getting on call with your friends and reading this out loud because you will be howling by the end of it.

#5: pretty, pretty fangs, Twilight oneshot, link

Yeah, pretty startling surprise compared so everything you just saw, right? Even more shocking, it's actually turning 1 year old in 2 days as of writing. This was written in honor of one of my friends writing a really good AU where instead of Bella and Edward, it's Bella and Alice, where I then wrote about Jacob and Edward. I actually never read or watched Twilight when I wrote this, so I was really using memes and what said friend has said about the characters. My friend and other people really liked it, so I think I characterized Jacob and Edward pretty good in this. As said, I haven't read or watched Twilight in any way except for maybe the very last movie, so I really know nothing lol. enjoy your werewolf-vampire yaoi ig

#4: Coffee Machine (Frerard) [clickbait title], not frerard, but a MCR AU about ghosts, link

Contrary to what the title says, it has nothing to do with Frerard! I just felt like being a dick and added it to the title to catch the viewer's attention. Honestly, I kinda like this one. I was more than aware about how ridiculous the concept is that Gerard Way is literally a coffee machine, but despite that, I still treated this with respect and took it seriously. This was/is one of my more popular fanfiction amongst my followers, aside from the wretched 'child of a vampire', and I guess I see why. Little bonus fact: This was inspired of a fanfiction I heard of where apparently Gerard was a housefly, do what you will with that.

#3: A Second Chance, Take a Life, Another Mission, MCR zombie AU, link

A dark twist on a fanfiction I wrote before this that has yet to be mentioned, but will show up later. Honestly, out of all of these, this one is frankly the longest fanfic I wrote, both in length, and how long it took me to write this. Like, I think chapter 1 alone took me three months, and chapter 2 took me seven. One of my older fics, yes, but I think it aged pretty good for the most part. There are some gripes I have but they're mostly personal, rather than anything in terms of actual writing skill. I will say though, I feel with how I described things and stuff, this should've been an animation rather than a text.

#2: Burning Bolts, scientist au, link

Despite this being only 1 chapter long, and franky really silly, this is one of my personal favorites. Sure, it is very unrealistic for Gerard or even literally the laws of science and physics, but I genuinely had fun with it. I was actually inspired by one of my childhood shows, The Adventures of Figaro Pho. Honestly, one of my regrets is really not continuing on this. There isn't much I can really say.

and, finally...

#1: Zombie Disco, MCR zombie AU, link

This.. I have a lot to say about this one specifically. To start, wow is this writing and storyline actually insane. Most of this was written on mobile, and it really shows. The dialog spacing issue is EXTREMELY bad here, the extra spacing between paragraphs, the drawings I did for this one, the exaggerated grammar (i.e. "WHAT THE FUUUUCK?!"). THE BONER JOKE. This has it all, this was my Frankenstein's monster. This is my baby. I have no words, it's genuinely hilarious. Ironically, this is my favorite fanfiction, and it's one of the earliest fanfictions I wrote. I have changed a lot in progress and it really shows if you look at what I write now vs. this fanfiction. I would hate but honestly, I love it. The sole reason this even happened was because I was having a horrible panic attack in the middle of the night, and in an attempt to calm myself down, I wrote the entirety of the first chapter, and I liked it so much afterwards, I published it. This fanfiction means a lot to me, even if it's probably the worst I have ever written, writing skill wise. Currently, I'm actually rewriting this, and yes I will include the infamous joke in some fucking way because I don't think I could've written anything funnier than having Frank Iero comparing a zombie's involuntary craving of flesh to a boner. I'm sorry, I'm being like a 12 year old rn, I don't care, that's funny!! 2022 me was whack.

and... that's it! that took me a long time to do but hey, I did it. I feel really scared of posting it but it's whatever.

[talentforlying]

@formshaper: even for my kind, pain still hurts. [dream. i am frothing over this actually.] — AMERICAN GOD STARTERS

' fuck me, you're kidding. '

of all the times to learn that the endless has feelings, this is not the most convenient amongst them: on the lam from a feral posse of tulpas sent up by some cast-happy bastard with an eye towards collecting constructs of power like animals for a zoo. and look, it's not like he hadn't seen a trap coming — fairly standard practice to catch dreams, not kill them — he just . . . didn't think it would hurt to walk into. at least, it wouldn't hurt dream to walk into. learn something new every day.

fuck, he didn't think dream could ever get hurt, not really. not in a way that mattered. ( a terrifying thought, that. )

the lull of sizzling, snarling background noise jumps like a record needle skipping and he winces, glancing past the endless toward the sea of shadows mobbing the horizon, getting closer. the two of them are almost to the edge of the world dream, almost off the material plane and back into primo territory where the tulpas would be just as under the thumb of the Lord of Dreams as any other thought-form. they're so close to safety, so fucking close, and the prick's gone and popped a tyre.

there's an obvious choice: he could leave dream behind. save his own skin. come back later with a better plan, or send someone else instead, someone more capable, less . . . fleshy. a couple days of imprisonment at the hands of mortals, that's hardly anything to an endless, scarcely a fraction of a blink. fuck knows dream's had worse; it'd be nothing, compared to burgess. constantine could run.

. . . buggering pustulant fuck, they don't have time for this.

' remind me when we're out've 'ere to walk you through this shiny new mortal concept, star eyes — it's called sucking it up! ' he doesn't stand on ceremony, ducking down to haul dream's arm up over his shoulder and lift; so sodding help him, they are getting out of here, if he has to drag the prickly goth bastard down the hall face-first like a star-spangled roll of fucking carpet.

' christ, this is just like you endless types, leavin' me to do all the bleedin' legwork. i've half a mind t'start charging for me services, yunno, a couple peaceful nights of rest just en't gonna cut it anymore. gonna start adjustin' fer inflation of risk. like, this bit 'ere? now? you owe me a drink. an enormous one. ' a beat. may as well go for broke. ' and a house key. '

[mikkouille]

BOYS PLANET 1212

From the get go, Boys Planet looked to be a disaster: postponement, changes of plans, and the legacy of Girls Planet 999′s already lukewarm reception and results, plethora of scandals, on top of the history of Mnet survivals not being quite reassuring as for what this one would be. They didn’t even have Yeo Jingoo as their MC anymore so what even was the point for me to watch, right? Well I like bad reality TV, and if the show forewent it’s predecessor’s clunky numbers, it was not merely because they cleaned themselves off the unpromised implication that ‘999′ offered, that being of parity in it’s final lineup’s nationalities- but because had they to pick one to represent the cast of 98 boys (95 by the time of announcement and 93 when the first episode released, once more, a good sign that this was going to be a Very Well Made Show), it’d have to be 1212, for Dozens of Dozens.

A bit of context for newcomers and unknowers as I’ll be mentioning the title a surprisingly low but still relevant amount of time.

From the day the fancams for the ‘Here I Am’ Signal song were uploaded, the word bounced around my brain, with cruel glee: these guys were just not good. At the same time, knowledge of how things were handled with Produce and “Not Produce we swear it’s different” shows did keep me back from immediatly dismissing about 85 boys from being of any respectable skill: if Boys Planet was anything like it’s elders, these guys likely had at most a week to learn a choreography and song, on their own, with little group rehearsals. The mere inability to judge what some steps were meant to look like given how varied the executions were across contestants said it all: they were given no teacher, likely the dance “teacher” and judge responsible for that atrocity of a dance routine showed up once, stayed an hour, and then left them to their own device (and watching episode 2, it is indeed basically what happened. When most of the rehearsal footage is just the kids by themselves teaching each other, the title of “Master” is to put into question: you’re not their masters so much as their executioner).

So I awaited the actual episodes, to see the surprises, or even just the bad dancers who were here as vocalists.

Which to be honest, was a mistake on my part, expecting vocalists was to lobotomise myself, out of the knowledge of the sad state of this industry, the one that we could nearly say this show satirises: Boys Planet isn’t a survival as much as it is a long winded performance art piece meant to criticise 4,5th gen Kpop. And so it was with equality little and great surprise that the Auditions were the same as the Fancams, only this time both eyes AND ears got to suffer the same pains.

(I ran out of embed spots- you only get 5??- so you’ll unfortunately have to click links for most of the video evidence of my claims. Very sorry about that. Prommy I didn’t intend for only the Worse- and Hui’s feast- to be visible but it IS funny).

Where are the standards of casting?

But Signal song fancams aren’t meant to be good. As stated before, they’re a bad metric of talent, or of potential even, as both song and dance are learnt in a hurry, with hardly any mentoring outside of Lim Han Byul disregarding all decency as a human being to instead have his “bullying children” segment. Moreso, a dance focused fancam does not help display the skills of vocalists, so while I did rank all of the Here I Am videos, I was waiting for the audition performances, or Star Level to truly pick out who were the trainees deserving of my attention. Still, the combination of how little candidates truly shone through their fancams, the lukewarm interest sparked by the 1mn PR videos and the trainee profiles, with their citations of way too many symbols of kpop’s downfall as for the standards of performance- not citing names as I do like the state of my life and witness protection would take all of that fun away from me- I had little hopes for what was to come, which did protect me: I was at least not disappointed in expecting nothing.

The performances aired for the first episode were highly enjoyable, in a Schadenfreude kind of way: the ones that were bad were Bad bad, to the point of hilarity: I had legitimate tears in my eyes watching some of these, and couldn’t help share them ahead of our group watching to my co-watcher friend. Things needed to be spoilt; joy to be shared.

Portrayed here, Yang Jun’s most iconic opening of Seventeen’s worst song: mathematically a masterpiece as two negatives make a positive. Also, do know that upon watching Yang Jun’s fancam back before the show started, I claimed him as one of my favourite as I thought dancing that awful must hide incredible singing talents, why else would he be there, right? I’ve had to reassess that statement, but I will not stop my support. He reached public infamy, legend status, and did so much for the show with just these few words.Similarly, team Hyogo gave us a SPLENDID rendition of MANIAC that I view with just as much affection as I do see team Sichuan’s HOT: an enemy of my enemy is my friend, desecrate songs I don’t like and we’ll get along (this is just what the songs sound like to me on regular after all, I think they did amazing).

Many such cases. The full cam footage of the first episode’s performance are overall a feast, a gathering of comically bad stages, put back to back for the heartless public to tear to shreds, only to further humiliate it’s most iconic suckers a week later, in front of Sunmi no less… There is nothing crueler when it comes to reality TV than an Mnet survival.

While a few stages did still look significantly better, and the second week packed overall better performances, the truth is still that the vast majority was mediocre at best, funnily enough, probably would rank 12/20 in my french fashion of rating: not awful enough to be failed but just toeing that line.

And that overall does make sense: why would a company send their best most promising trainees to a shitshow where they can hardly monitor their progress anymore, all for them to get eliminated after two weeks of airtime, but months of recording, alongside half the contestant, and after a combined screen time of about 10 seconds. The investment isn’t good when the winners are already pre-decided, might as well send your newbies, your bottom of the class lineup, avoiding the silent blacklisting of a large TV channel without wasting the time of your talents. As for the viewer, it only makes the experience more entertaining: the mind’s much more rested when all the decent guys are relatively safe for a few episodes when the network first has to weed out the ones who are simply way too incompetent to even get a single pity vote. Instead, you get to laugh at poor youngsters that still probably are doing much better than you would, only they have a roomful of witnesses and large audience to witness them.  I cannot truly cast the stone of ‘this is cruel and uncivilised’ when I myself go back to the Canton China’s team rendition of God’s Menu daily, for reasons that are anything but amazement.

Something that was evident throughout all the stages, including the good and passable ones though, was how little singers were present on set. The show even makes a point of highlighting it: if there is a handful of good performers and dancers, the singing is truly subpar. Only, for the jury to point it out is a bit hypocritical. Comparing the performances and the gradings assigned to each participant show that while the jury- and mainly professional hater Lim Han Byul- lament the lack of good voices, they do not support what little good ones they do have on their hand. Abysmal singers who can dance consistently get better star rankings than good singers with lacklustre dancing. The message is clear: we shall address the issue in words, but only participate in it with our actions.

For Choi Yujin to get four stars with that mid at most line being the only piece of singing we heard from him, while Park Gunwook got assigned three for not being heard singing enough was already quite frustrating. But Gunwook isn’t really a singer either, so the real rage was to see Kim Taerae also get only three stars AFTER the assessment that the show desperately needed SINGERS. If Yujin deserved four stars, then so did Taerae, because his dancing is nowhere near just middle-ground, he’s good enough to blend in the ensemble while carrying a vocal position. But the show does not care for this: they want flashy performers, no matter what their empty claim. But then, it seems Choi Yujin was actually a victim more than an undeserved win, as the show’s true focus seems to now do MY job and use every opportunity to belittle him and call him undeserving of his rank, as if they weren’t the ones putting him there in the first place.

But in all fairness, bad singing makes sense when a good portion of your candidates aren’t done going through puberty: the amount of 2006 to 2008ers present in the lineup should be an indicator as to why we hear so many unstable shaky creaky breaky voices: these are teenagers who should be in school, not in Public Shamings - The Show, no budget edition (because we spent all of it making a Roblox dupe, something the public for certain asked for).

Speaking of things no one asked for: Pentagon Hui’s presence. As enjoyable as it is to get an actual serve in the midst of… Whatever it is others are doing, there’s nothing pleasant about seeing him sit in the middle of all those teens, right out of the army and all out of tears to cry. The misery of every episode 1 reaction shot on him, free this man. At every round, we will have to pretend to carefully examine who exactly is most skilled, as if there wasn’t a guy among the participants who should have been mentoring them, not playing with them. Unlike CLC’s Yujin on Girls Planet, his situation is also nowhere near as dire: while Pentagon hasn’t been in its Shine heydays for a moment, they do not seem to be on the brink of disbandment the way CLC was when Girl’s Planet aired: Hui himself was speaking of comeback plans months before the start of Boys Planet. It seems CUBE ENT just wants to torture a poor guy who only probably wants to go back to his writing studio with his actual group rather than being under the threat of having to spend god knows how long Kep1er’s babybrother group will be active for. At least he provides respite whenever on stage I suppose, but I so desperately want him to get the Produce Camp Lelush treatment: a full time exposure then freedom on the last episode. Make it worth it at least!

Have a little palate cleanser before we carry on.

Sabotage

I love to talk badly about corporations too much to blame only the trainees for their bad performances though. Particularly, Mnet isn’t truly known for either fairness or transparency, and so a lot of what the show displays doesn’t reflect individual potential. When that many stages are bad, the fault is on the network, not only through their casting, but their sabotage. That’s right: here come the delicious speculations of foul play.

Just like fancams of a performance learnt in a few days- with foreign trainees being given one day less to train, by the way- aren’t really indicative of who is talented, the Star Level stages are to be put into question: the showrunners claim that the songs were picked by the teams, but it takes extreme gullibility to take their word when watching some of the stage choices: either those trainees are stupid on top of untalented, or someone isn’t telling the truth.

When I mentioned Canton China’s performance earlier, they are one of the most questionable matchup: why would foreigners who aren’t fluent pick a song as rap-heavy and dense in pronunciation as God’s Menu? Would they really have expected anything but this?

It’s still funny though sorry Canton China. KKAMA HH HH KKAJI.

And how come there just so happens to be such a high percentage of songs that members of the jury worked on, even with their extensive workography, when half the songs are their work, it becomes a tad suspicious, there isn’t just one writer and one choreographer in this industry. The numbers don’t add up. And as iconic as Shine is as a song, it’s still eyebrow-raise worthy to have Just the song to activate the competition’s most famous “trainee”’s backstory and tears. The songs are just too suspicious: fitting neither the skills or style or announced preferences of the participants. In a round where they have to best portray themselves, it’s hard to believe that so many contestants would pick so far out of their comfort zone, just to appeal to one member of the jury. Not to mention the coincidental stage repeats: the two tall and handsome but inexperienced guys just happened to both decide to do My House, in matching outfits too? At least try to be subtle about your script.

And all of those network picks only serve to push forward their favourites, and mostly, the premises of narratives they want to build. As the writers aren’t too original and love to rehash the same storylines, they are pretty easy to spot: the talented guy who did not charm the jury at first but will then sweep them off their feet with one day of practice, great but mean guy who’ll likely be lost by his “oversized ego”, the one who did So Good at first and then never lived up to it… It is much easier to make entertaining situations yourself than to expect them from a crowd of kids who likely wouldn’t start fights with how little time they have to do anything but practice and sleep. Hence, manufactured rivalries- between the Korean and Foreign group notably, something so out of pocket when within those you can find people who belong to one same debuted group split into blue and pink team, and definitely hilarious whenever they prompt a foreigner to say anything negative on the Korean team, taking it to their nationality as root of the issue, when some members of the Global team are themselves part of the Korean diaspora. The choice of Nationalistic War as a plotline is certainly a choice, but only works way less when instead of GP999’s three teams of more or less strictly region locked participants you have one country against the whole rest of the world. But I’d rather pretend this entire decision does not exist, there’s just something uncomfortable about the show trying to become ‘war on Kpop: these foreigners are trying to steal our job’. As if Mnet was even going to pick more than 3 Global trainees for their line up.

Then come my most detested, as I am a hater, the ones who take the limelight when being hardly better than MY picks who are objectively better naturally as I am the voice of truth. I mentioned Choi Yujin, but there are other worsties in the show, some who may get the same sad treatment as their fellow (of being shamed for not living up to expectation built out of nothing), I’m thinking most notably KuanJui from team Taipei whom the show will not manage to convince me is good as an Idol, no matter how much they repeat it: his traditional dancing is very good, but he neither could dance or sing Tiger Inside in a way that I could stomach, and it was neither a matter of awkward lack of confidence nor an issue of assignment that didn’t match his tastes. He may have done better indeed on an elegant song, but when it’s likely the final group will be performing Hip-Hop leaning choreographies, what use is there in lying that he can carry them out? Why are we pretending that he did not just disrespect Ten’s legacy etc etc? As he also carries the fatal flaw of not being a Korean trainee, which, to the Mnet writers’ eyes might as well mean you attempted murder on their families, I am expecting him to be this season’s Cai Bing, suddenly villainized by the community whenever the show needs some drama that doesn’t involve collateral damage for their plan of debutees to be.

Is there no main Slayer?

And how are they even going to make that lineup, you could ask, if everyone is mediocre, if there’s no talent but the 30 years old hag who already has a group at home and enlistment under his belt?

Thankfully, in the mass of Nothing, there still are a few attention grabbers, some I have already shouted out before, some that I keep for this more entertaining section of “lets see some good food”.

Well, good food…

I first want to give a shout-out to my little pity boys, the ones so clearly set up and so thoroughly mocked that you can only feel bad for them. I’d want them in the group just to spite the network. The Houses, as I’ve already mentioned before, have this incredible charm to them (they’re good looking) that makes it hard not to root for their progress (and they’re tall too) especially when the show bestows a montage of them working so hard day and night to escape their reputation (pretty boys should never be sad). Red House Jung Min Gyu is probably the funnier of the two, his awkwardness is in how brazenly he tries, while Blue House Bak Do Ha is the more tragic one, the one desperate with tears, the one who has to carry the burden of being Labelmate with Hui. Neither of them are good, but both seem untrained as hell, and the odds aren’t in their favour when the show cannot acknowledge that even with years of vocal lessons they’d hardly be able to sing Here I Am given their natural pitch. There’s something wholesome in the trauma-bound solidarity between the two as well, my favourite manufactured narrative is the show’s insistence on sliding a reaction shot of one House whenever the other does badly. They are brothers in martyrdom.

The one thing the jury did get right is how much we did need to see them perform together. Power duo.

Another Martyr would be Lee Da Eul: as soon as the fancams dropped he was already the most mocked online, for his sloppy and odd dancing. Just like the Houses, his voice is unfit for the Soprano-ranged songs, and just like them, he has that weirdly endearing thing to him. Unlike the houses though, his bad performance secured him a spot for at least a round, if votes remain the main factor of survival: the hate-views of his fancam alone landed him in the top 9 for two episodes in a row. He’s everyone’s favourite underskilled little guy. And perhaps mine as well. Daeul sweep etc… I hope he makes it to the finale.

He’s hypnotic to be perfectly honest, I’m obsessed with him he’s so woobly he’s so real.

Then come My Dozens. The ones that may not be deserving of the support compared to others, but that I still will support, because it’s my ranking, I get to choose the pretty boys who get in on face alone. Naturally, as the rest of the viewers, I devote myself to the Chiu SweetBlood- sorry I mean Jiwoong Sweep. Is he here and winning just because Bro is Beautiful? Maybe. But if the mass is not good might as well have pretty faces, and the thing is that he’s not completely void of talent, to my surprise and also disappointment, as there was something much funnier in supporting a guy who can legit do nothing but serve face and cleavage. From the get go I could never tell if I thought he was a good dancer or not. His fancam was… Not very good. His footage from his previous group endeavours were not too remarkable but not too bad. But Mirotic seemed to be just the style that best showcased his ability, and he can sustain vocals on top of the dancing, although not the most stunning ones. Still, that’s more than a Dozen needs to be doing, so shoutout to his pretty eyes and bosoms. Was he my favourite of his team? Not even. Did he still kind of Give? To me, certainly. But then I’m not objective towards the one truly handsome guy of the whole competition. Any lacks of his that would get anyone else thwarted from my list of faves is filled out by his mere blinks.

Good dancers who cannot hold a note were aplenty, and if I’m sensitive to guys who can shake it and willing to close my ears for them, I could not just adopt all of them. Some that did still vow me would be, and we’ll do quick name drops, Haruto, whose iconic voice break- cut off at broadcast because Mnet and I sometimes agree on who deserve the Ws- and iconic-er pre-show online presence carry him into my heart at all times, Wang Zi Hao who danced way better in his rehearsal than final stage but did not sound pleasant in either, Cha Woongki, yes he sounds awful no I don’t care he can shake it and threw a fish, and Na Kamden who hasn’t actually shown any singing so who knows maybe he’s good. All of these make it far in my excel sheet only because they aren’t Good dancers but Great ones. In this economy, it’s equivalent to having a minimum of singing skills.

As for singers, they get an automatic pass for me. We have to support what little voices we get.

The first Good singer I heard watching the performances was Jay, Kamden’s singing teammate, and he’s one I have to support double as it seems the public refuses to acknowledge him due to his cringeboy swag. Or perhaps he did something I’m not aware of, but his High School Musical type vocals deserve the acknowledgement: there’s not a lot of other candidates who can do what he does. So what if he’s cringe? What if he has the aura of a guy who posts tiktok thirst traps? What if he’s American? We have a shortage of singers. We need him now more than ever.

I mentioned Kim Taerae earlier, he alongside Lee Hwanhee are the two trainees who give the more Classic Kpop vocals. The former got to have a segment on how ‘he sounds so good but dances so bad’ and the latter is nowhere to be found on the screen. A damn shame, he sounds amazing, but what can we do against the editor’s favouritism except watch the full cam performance and sigh in hopes for a change to come when more group performances happen and they cannot skip him anymore.

Yoo Seungeon mainly, but also Krystian (with a very unique vocal colour, whose uncle possessed him, idk but i fuck with it), Park Gwanyoung (who sounded strained but way tolerable considering) and Winnie (who was mad good given the moves he was doing) aren’t just as good but still have nice vocal potential, and can probably do more, with time or more fitting songs.

Then come the ones that actually caught real attention, to different levels.

My favourite flop with no hopes of surviving, Kim Minhyuk, teammate of Park Gwanyoung, is being snubbed of screen time, of votes, of stars, of everything. Most tortured babygirl. Every day I dump a vote to the trash by giving it to him as if he could make it. First elimination and I know I’ll have to bid him goodbye, but our time together was lovely regardless. I made my peace, I don’t love him to the point of outrage, just to the point of disappointment. 

Lee Ye Dam gave mediocre vocals on his live, but his practice sounded much better, so I do believe he can sing. And mainly, boy he can dance, and he can Slay. Moves AND attitude, it’s maddening given how his PR video had me on the fence about supporting him (made him drop all the way from my top ranks after the fancam, to the Thin Ice section). For my own public image, let’s all look into a spinning spiral and erase it from our minds, and focus on his gambler performance.

Sung Han Bin has me very confused. He’s quite obviously Mnet’s favourite little guy, and he’s surely talented, but he’s got that crazy trait of becoming way less interesting as soon as he’s on stage. His rehearsals and freestyles are way more charming, they film him having a silly little fake competition and suddenly I get the hype, then he does his assignments and I am bored. But well, would I be mad if he won? Absolutely not, he’s solid, he’s safe. He’s just a mystery: how does a guy who look so confident about performing also loses his charisma when he does? A science subject. Perhaps that’ll bewitch me.

Funnily, because they’re besties, the show so badly wants a Sung Hanbin vs Seok Matthew rivalry. They do play it up a tiny bit, but never fully, instead, you get to see Canada boy rave over how good his friend is over and over again, while himself being honestly quite as good. It seems that a lot of people want them to debut together, friendship wins, but also talent wins, because Matthew is a great performer, good dancer, pleasant singer though with room to improve, and seems comfortable and happy on stage, so that’s just nice. Good vibes. Go Canada.

Next one will have people ask, wait, didn’t you have a section for good dancers who can’t sing? And yes, I did, but the thing is to me, Park Gunwook is more than a great dancer. He’s just way too nice to watch dance. Makes me insane levels of “I fuck with this guy’s dance”. So he’s allowed to not sing the best you see. I think he can learn. I think he can be dangerous if he does. Like give him vocals and it’s the end for everyone else because damn. He dance good. That’s it. Sometimes I just need a lil dance guy.

The one sin Jiwoong committed in entrancing everyone with his vampire spell was to take away attention from Jeong Ichan in his team. That guy is kind of crazy if you ask me, and gets no attention for it. Sad! Watch him shake it, hear him sing, he’s quite obviously talented in both aspects. I want him in the final lineup so desperately, but it seems the judges disagree with me. Well, they never had good taste anyway. All he can do now is steal Yoon Jongwoo’s strategy of gaybaiting through Jiwoong to secure his fujogirl’s votes through ship-sweep. I’m begging him to get on this grind. I need him to survive.

For a while I didn’t understand the Keita hype. Not that I thought he was bad: like Hanbin I just thought he was skilled but not that bewitching, at least from his fancam he seemed really skilled, but I just didn’t feel much. I can understand better with his appearances on the two episodes so far. His Conduct Zero stage was fun, and he also did well with Here I Am both in evaluation and in Good Conduct, so go short king! You caught me now, I’m adding you to the ones I look after now. If we have to have a kpop rapper on the team, he can be it.

Kum Junhyeon. That’s about it. I thought he was great in his fancam, I thought he was awesome in Nunu Nana too, like oh he can sing alright? Seems like a fun guy too, let’s twirl our hair and pat ourselves on the back for always knowing he was to look out for, I always knew but now I got the other watchers on my side too. Very satisfying.

Unlike the total disregard for Kim Minseoung. It was to the point I wondered if he was just a known public enemy, he was my favourite from the fancams, and by favourite I mean that Youtube started putting it in my automatic playlists because of how much I watched it-something about the clarity of his moves, so satisfying, so clean, so exactly what I look for, so I pledged allegiance to him forever, and I’m thankful that he did not embarrass me. He’s great. And he’s in the bottom twenty percent with a full four star ranking. Very frustrating. Gives me a superiority complex too: I know what’s up. No one else does. They only like him because he does a flip…

In Conclusion...

The show exactly meets its expectations: bad taste and bad faith from the judges. The public doesn’t know shit. We are short of talent in this industry nowadays. I’m the biggest martyr. Chiu sweep. Ten thousand likes and I drop my list of most hated candidates just to feel something.

[gendervapor14]

01746 birthday bash ~ day five ~ chapter 50: hopeless

content warnings: heavy angst, alcoholism word count: 577 words brief summary: my take on my favorite scene in law's backstory: rosinante breaking down in tears the night before he becomes just "cora".

happy birthday 01746. my sweet little fucked up story. i can't believe i created you. ♥

Crickets droned on. Law snored softly. Every page was a blur. The sea, the sky, it was all merging together.

Ten hospitals. Six months. All of it, equivalent to nothing.

The fire before him was crackling low, on its way to self-extinguishing. Still hot enough to render paper to ash, little orange worms of hot ember dancing along tattered edges. Lazily, his hand rustled around within the roomy pockets of his coat for any pages left behind. He hardly skimmed them before tossing them in.

“Enemy.” burned quickly. Of course the World Government tainted hospitals. I can’t believe how desperate they are.

“We needed a better plan.” was gobbled up eagerly by hungry flame. So inclined to cover up their own horrible misdeeds, they purposely miseducated trained professionals. People who are trusted with life itself.

“Marines.” fluttered into the fire.  I’ll never wear that justice coat again.

With a defeated belch, Rosinante stared at the sleeping snail planted on top of a stack of sea charts. Receiver firm in hand, anyway. “I wouldn’t pick up if I were you, either. I promised I wasn’t going to do anything stupid.” He mumbled, “Then I quit my mission for half a year. Never called, never looked for you.”

For a moment, he waited for a reply that would never come. Hung his head and let his heavy eyelids flutter shut. “I did exactly what I said I wouldn’t do anymore. I disappeared.”

The receiver hit the dirt without a sound. His hands fisted around the book of sea charts in his lap. His brother’s beloved sea charts. The solution, he thought, the diamond in the rough. He tore out a handful of pages and whipped them over the cliff’s edge, towards the sea. Ancient maps tore and fluttered in the wind until they clung to the surface of the water. Slowly breaking down, deteriorating.

And then, he downed the rest of that sweet bottle of white wine. The bottle he saved for months now, the cure bottle. The celebration bottle. Tasted bitter as hell.

What the hell am I doing…? I’m completely isolated now, forcing this poor kid to relive his horrible childhood, over and over again. I might as well have crucified him outside a church and lit a match. He stared at the blurring waves, legs folded up, moonlight turning dark feathers a glistening violet. His sickness is only getting worse. It’s not even the will of D driving me anymore. I don’t care about that anymore. I’m not sure I ever did.

When he dies, then what, Rosinante? What purpose do you have? You’ve turned your back on your family, blood and otherwise. There’s nothing left.

An aftershock of rage coursed through him. He swayed up to his feet, shoulders trembling. Threw the empty bottle against the rocky surface, hard, internally delighted with the sprinkle of glass, the shattering echo. The heat prickled then, sparked up from his sternum, clogged his throat, his nose. His eyes. I just…I feel so sorry for this damn kid. He’s got Flevance under his skin, his family’s death in his eyes, and my brother’s wretched strings tangled around every limb. He needs help, but it just seems so impossible…and if I give up…if I do nothing…he’s going to become just as miserably dangerous as Doflamingo. But what am I supposed to do? Love didn’t save Sengoku, Tsuru, or Sora from my stupidity. Love won't save Law from White Lead Disease.

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