mechazushi

[mechazushi]

Nowadays we still associate scythes with grim reapers, but forget the original cultural context: scythes being a familiar farming tool that most people had at home, a mundane domestic object, elevated into a poignant symbol of the harvest and the cyclic nature of time. and a fitting symbol, because death also is as mundane, familiar, and reliable as the changing of the seasons.

my point being: a modernized grim reaper would be best portrayed as a skeleton carrying a leaf blower

[mechazushi]

Why did no one tell me about the time Langa thought "Reki was hitting on me :0"

LANGA CANONICALLY THINKS REKI HAS BEEN FLIRTING WITH HIM OMFG

That right there👆 is the official comic "chill out" btw

[mechazushi]

ohh he‘s so smitten

[mechazushi]

I need more long haired Dagur pls I'll even pay😭

SAY NO MORE!!! I drew this one a while back (i didnt see ur ask till now ngl HSDFH)

BUUTTTTT im willing to draw more for SURE

[mechazushi]

Listen all I’m saying is that this man is a ginger flying approximately 1000 feet closer to the sun than the average viking and also lives generations away from the invention of sunscreen so I think he’d have a fuck ton of freckles

[mechazushi]

Sorry, had a sudden burst of inspiration and had to crank this out really quick.

BUT HEAR ME OUT... Charity merch made by the 3rd D. And it's just Kafka's kaiju chest in ripped clothing.

Before it's sent out to the public they give samples to everyone BUT Kafka and it's just kinda

Iharu: Hey Kafka.

Kafka*not looking*: Hey Iharu

Haruichi: Morning Kafka.

Kafka*still not looking*: Mornin' Haruichi.

Aoi: Kafka.

Kafka*actually looks this time*: Hey Aoi- *looks down the row of people* Awwww FUCK!

(I know you already did the merch story but this just finally came to me)

Thick thighs save lives

Summary: Even more Mishaps in the life of one and only Kaiju no. 8. aka. Hoshina is reaping the benefits of enlisting Kafka as his comic relief.

A/N: You can treat it as a sequel to "Why are your boobs so big?". I just enjoy Kafka in situations and also interacting with civilians XD.

Tag list: @kafkahibinomybeloved @quinowskie @mechazushi @sonicasura @famouslysleepy @idocreative @iceclew

AO3 Link

The area had been evacuated for a long time, and the Third Division was free to operate. Kafka, alongside Reno and other officers, was teasing the honju guiding into the spot for Mina to neutralise it. So far, the beast was playing along. In a few more minutes, they were on target, and the kaiju was subjugated.

The next step in the protocol was to keep an eye on the yoju, which were sure to follow.

The building was shaking. Makoto, age 40, was a homeless man who had been living in the area, and wondered if he should maybe leave after all. So far, he has been lucky enough. No kaiju, no earthquake, no police had found him yet. But now things were getting… dodgy.

He began to pack his things. As he left his tent, he paused.

"Huh." He blinked. A tall, humanoid kaiju with a skull face stared back at him.

"Huh?" Kaiju said.

Makoto retreated into his tent. Maybe he needed a nap. That had to be a hallucination. He rubbed his face. Then he stuck his head out again.

Nope. Not hallucination.

Welp, that was one way to go. He went back inside.

"Hey, sir! You have to get out of here. It's dangerous!" Oh, the kaiju was scolding him. The monster stuck his head into Makoto's tent. What it didn't expect was a hot kettle to its face.

As the kaiju roared in pain, Makoto dove under its arm and began to run. After taking a few turns, he looked over his shoulder to make sure he had lost the monster.

"Wait, sir!!" the kaiju yelled after him.

Makoto screamed. "Leave me alone!!"

"Wait! Not that way!" the kaiju shouted.

"Why would I even listen to you?!"

"Because–!"

Suddenly, a wall on their right exploded, and a beetle-like kaiju with crab pincers emerged with a roar. Both Makoto and the black kaiju screamed. Makoto skidded to a halt and, with a cartoonish run in place, tried to turn around and escape the new danger.

The beetle kaiju saw Makoto and reached with its pincers toward him. The man cried out, the life flashing before his eyes. Suddenly, his vision went black, and he thought that was it, but no. The black kaiju finally caught up and wrapped one arm around Makoto's waist, picking him up like a sack of potatoes. With a powerful kick, it deflected the pincers.

"Hold on, sir!" It yelled and tossed Makoto onto his back.

The man watched as his unusual saviour smashed the yoju into pieces, trashing further the already unstable corridor. He briefly wondered if he would be eaten. If so, he hoped to be a karage. He wasn't sure why, but it sounded nice.

Wait. If the black kaiju was distracted, maybe he could—.

Makoto slowly started to slip off the beast's back. Then, unexpectedly, the floor under them gave out.

The duo yelled in unison, falling, until the kaiju managed to dig its claws into a sticking out water pipe. Now they were dangling 3 floors above the ground.

"Waaah!! I don't wanna dieeeee!!!" Makoto cried out as they swung. His grip around the kaiju's waist was slipping.

"Sir! Stop wiggling!!"

"You just say that because you want to eat me!!"

"I do not want to eat you!!"

"Why not?!!"

"This isn't the problem to focus on right now!!"

Makoto was slipping further. To stop that, the kaiju somehow managed to wrap its legs around the man, holding him between its thighs like a pair of tongs, while maintaining a chair-like position. Makoto now had a much better view of just how messed up his situation was, and his brain decided to shut down. He passed out.

Hoshina was laughing his ass off once more. "T-this is exactly why I keep you around, Kafka!!!" He was smacking his thigh and holding his stomach.

"I am happy to keep you entertained, Vice-Captain," Kafka replied ticket off.

He and the homeless man were rescued shortly after Makoto passed out. Of course not before some photos had been taken.

With a huff, Kafka walked away from his superior and approached Makoto again.

The civilian flinched seeing the kaiju again and remained on the edge, even with the Defence Force officers around him. He was bundled up in a blanket, already post medical check-up.

"Are you going to eat me?" He asked Kafka.

"Could you please knock it off with eating?" Kafka had had enough of these antics.

"Yeah, don't worry, man," Iharu patted Makoto on the shoulder. "At least not immediately– ow!" Iharu's attempt to scare Makoto was cut short with a slap up the head from Reno. "What gives man?!"

Reno looked away as if he had no idea what Iharu was talking about.

Kafka ignored them. "Here." He handed Makoto a piece of paper with an address and phone number. "It's the number to a company called Monater Sweeper. They can hire you if you want it. It's a tough job, but it is something."

Makoto blinked. Truly, today was the strangest day of his life. "Thanks."

"It will definitely help in paying the penalty fee for ignoring the evacuation signal," Hoshina added, amused.

Makoto felt a cold sweat running down his back. "I am deeply sorry…" He mumbled.

"OK, up we go!" Iharu and Reno helped the man get up and escorted him out of the kaiju subjugation zone.

"You know, Kafka?" Hoshina started, and Kafka glanced at him.

"What?"

"You could say that your thick thighs did save lives today," Hoshina cackled as he skipped away backwards, with his signature finger guns up.

"That's it, Vice-Captain!" Kafka yelled after him. "I will file for harassment! I will!!"

[mechazushi]

"Why are your boobs so big?"

Summary: Children truly have no filter and won't spare even the fearsomest of kaijus. The Third Division will do the rest.

A/N: Yes I am making the Pacifier (2005) reference for kaiju no. 8. Enjoy this crack creation.

On AO3

Tag list: @kafkahibinomybeloved @quinowskie @mechazushi @sonicasura @famouslysleepy @idocreative @iceclew

The situation was quite dire. Apparently, a group of preschoolers got trapped in the kaiju extermination zone. Due to the area being already overrun by yoju Kafka, as no. 8 has been dispatched to escort the children and their caretaker out safely. Hoshina accompanied him to calm down the citizens in case they would be too scared to cooperate with no. 8.

They found them under a piece of rubble. The kids' teacher was trying to shield his wards with his body.

Kafka swiftly moved away the debris, digging them out.

"We're here to help. Please follow us," Hoshina said to the group. The four out of five children cowered at the sight of Kafka.

"Is it really safe?" The teacher asked, shooting a worried glance at the kaiju.

"The guy's okay, though a bit of a klutz," Hoshina joked.

"Hey, Vice-Captain! That's mean! I am not that bad!" Kafka huffed but immediately almost slipped on a wet piece of rubble. "Whoops, that was close…"

"What did I say?" Hoshina sighed and grinned at the children.

"Bwahaha! Number 8! You are such a wimp! Fight us!" Number 10 spoke up from Hoshina's chest.

"What did you call me, you piece of equipment?!" Kafka shook his fist.

The kids giggled. They were a little bit surprised by a talking kaiju and a suit, but somehow it made it easier to put them at ease. It was like a cartoon.

"We don't have much time, but are there any questions?" Hoshina ignored the bickering.

One girl raised her hand.

"Yes?"

The girl began to innocently speak. "Why does Uncle Kaiju have such big boobies?" She pointed to Kafka's chest.

The adults' jaws dropped. Hoshina wheezed and tried to mask his laughter with a cough, but he was losing that battle. 10 had no such claims and openly erupted into laughter. The teacher, being more experienced, bit his lips and tried to count to 10 to calm down.

"They are not boobs!" Kafka choked out, covering his chest with his arms.

"Shouldn't you have to wear a bra? My mommy wears one," another child said. A quick chorus of the other kids confirmed that indeed their mothers also wore one.

"B-boys don't wear bras!" Kafka tried to argue.

"My neighbour is a guy, but he also wears one!" One boy announced. "And dresses!"

Hoshina was now openly on the floor, crying and fighting for air.

"Okay, everyone!" The kindergarten teacher clapped his hands, getting the attention of the kids back to him. His voice was higher-pitched as he had to stop himself from following Hoshina's example. "We are now going to follow the nice Defence Force officer and this kaiju that is now on our side! Okay?"

"Okaaaay!" The kids replied in unison.

Hoshina picked himself up, wiping his tears away. "Perfect!" He took a deep breath in. "Let’s go! Number 8, please lead the way." He coughed.

Kafka, clearly defeated by a group of pre-schoolers, decided not to argue, hoping for this situation to just end.

He was wrong.

Hoshina somehow got his hands on the recording from a drone that followed them during the escort. That evening, the entire Third Division watched it, much to the deep embarrassment of one Kafka Hibino.

"Well, you gotta admit they are pretty big, no?" Hakua said, leaning over the backrest of the sofa, standing behind Kafka, who had his face in his hands.

"Right?!" Iharu pointed to her. "Too bad the human version needs some work still." He snickered, patting Kafka on the back.

"I am in perfectly good shape, Iharu!!" Kafka protested angrily.

"Uwaaah, that's so embarrassing," Kikoru deadpanned with a raised eyebrow, while Reno, sitting next to he'd covered his mouth trying not to laugh.

"Children are scary," Haruichi said, amused.

"Aren't they just?" Aoi nodded along.

"Hey, Kafka!" Iharu called to his older colleague.

Kafka turned around, already wary. It's been a week since 'The Incident', and so far, he has known no peace. "What?"

"We got you a gift, man, cheer up!" He handed a gift bag to Kafka.

"We?" Kafka took it a little surprised, but also touched. It was so thoughtful of them!

"Yeah, me, Reno and Kikoru, we were out. I saw this and I thought I absolutely need to get it for you." Iharu grinned, squeezing Kafka's shoulder.

As they talked, people slowly began to stop and stand around.

"Aww, thanks guys, that's so n—," Kafka stopped himself and looked inside the bag. "Really?" He glared unamused at Iharu.

Iharu was now grinning ear to ear. "I hope we got you the right size!" He reached inside the bag and pulled out a size G bra.

"Say cheese!!" Hakua called out while Iharu held the bra in front of Kafka.

Kafka sighed and dragged his hand over his face. Was this his life now?

Fortunately for Kafka, all jokes have their shelf life, and after some time, the teasing from his colleagues had died down. Until…

It has been months since the last difficult mission, so luck had it that a pair of kaiju that usually hunt in pairs appeared in Yokohama. The pair easily reached a daikaiju level. That, on top of the yoju following them and the festival, the kaiju crashed, made for a very messy mission.

It was pure chaos.

Kafka was struggling to find a spot to transform after his recon mission. The adrenaline was riding high, and everyone was fighting hard.

"Kafka!" Okonogi's voice, clearly stressed from managing many reports at once, rang in his earpiece. "Please get your tits out now!!"

"I am trying!" He yelled back.

The silence on the comm line spoke volumes before the deafening laughter hit him.

"We want Hibino's tits out!" Someone, probably Tae, hollered.

"Tits, tits, tits!!" Someone else yelled back on the comm, and soon everyone was chanting.

"You guys aren't helping!!" Kafka yelled back, but even he was fighting not to laugh.

Finally, he found a place to transform. The first officer to see him enter the battlefield again pointed and shouted. "The tits are out!!"

The cheers almost broke the comms.

"I am never living this down, am I?" Kafka sighed.

"Nope," Hoshina replied. "Time to get used to it, Kafka!"

All Kafka could add to this was a tired sigh as he flicked the enemy kaiju away.

[mechazushi]

My client wanted a battle maid theme, so I suggested a customized school uniform…

[mechazushi]

The notes are broken. This is what tumblr is all about apparently.

[mechazushi]

CALL_THE_EXORCIST AND I COLLABORATED AGAIN AND I AM SO EXCITED! Poor Kafka 😩💛

Description: “Kafka is cursed. He's sure that he is. Every time he celebrated his birthday, kaiju attacked. At some point, he stopped trying, to keep everyone safe. Too bad his new family won't let him go without anymore.”

[mechazushi]

Not what I usually post but look at that wawa go!

[mechazushi]

Hey! Are there blacksmiths in your story? I'm a hobbyist blacksmith and I'm here to help!

Blacksmithing is one of those things that a lot of people get wrong because they don't realize it stuck around past the advent of the assembly line. Here's a list of some common misconceptions I see and what to do instead!

Not all blacksmiths are gigantic terrifying muscly guys with beards and deep voices. I am 5'8, skinny as a twig, have the muscle mass of wet bread, and exist on Tumblr. Anybody who is strong enough to pick up a hammer and understands fire safety can be a blacksmith.

You can make more than just swords with blacksmithing. Though swords are undeniably practical, they're not the only things that can be made. I've made candle holders, wall hooks, kebab skewers, fire pokers, and more. Look up things other people have made, it's really amazing what can be done.

"Red-hot" is actually not that hot by blacksmith terms. when heated up, the metal goes from black, to red, to orange, to yellow, to white. (for temperature reference, I got a second degree burn from picking up a piece of metal on black heat) The ideal color to work with the metal is yellow. White is not ideal at all, because the metal starts sparking and gets all weird and lumpy when it cools. (At no point in this process does the metal get even close to melting. It gets soft enough to work with, but I have never once seen metal become a liquid.)

Blacksmithing takes fucking forever. Not even taking into account starting the forge, selecting and preparing metal, etc. etc. it takes me around an hour to make one (1) fancy skewer. The metals blacksmiths work with heat up and cool down incredibly fast. When the forge is going good, it only takes like 20 seconds to get your metal hot enough to work with, but it takes about the same time for it to cool down, sometimes even less.

As long as you are careful, it is actually stupidly easy to not get hurt while blacksmithing. When I picked up this hobby I was like "okay, cool! I'm gonna make stuff, and I'm gonna end up in the hospital at some point!" Thus far, the latter has yet to occur. I've been doing this for nearly a year. I have earned myself a new scar from the aforementioned second degree burn, and one singe mark on my jeans. I don't even wear gloves half the time. Literally just eye protection, common sense, and fast reflexes and you'll probably be fine. (Accidents still happen of course, but I have found adequate safety weirdly easy to achieve with this hobby)

A forge is not a fire. The forge is the thing blacksmiths put their metal in to heat it up. It starts as a small fire, usually with newspaper or something else that's relatively small and burns easily, which we then put in the forge itself, which is sort of a fireplace-esque thing (there's a lot of different types of forge, look into it and try to figure out what sort of forge would make the most sense for the context you're writing about) and we cover it with coal, which then catches fire and heats up. The forge gets really hot, and sometimes really bright. Sometimes when I stare at the forge for too long it's like staring into the sun. The forge is also not a waterfall of lava, Steven Universe. It doesn't work like that, Steven Universe.

Welding and blacksmithing are not the same thing. They often go hand-in-hand, but you cannot connected two pieces of metal with traditional blacksmithing alone. There is something called forge welding, where you heat your metal, sprinkle borax (or the in-universe equivalent) on it to prevent the metal from oxidizing/being non-weldable, and hammer the pieces together very quickly. Forge welding also sends sparks flying everywhere, and if you're working in a small space with other blacksmiths, you usually want to announce that you're welding before you do, so that everyone in a five-foot radius can get out of that five-foot radius. You also cannot just stuck some random pebbles into the forge and get a decent piece of metal that you can actually make something with, Steven Universe. It doesn't work like that, Steven Universe.

Anvils are really fucking heavy. Nothing else to add here.

Making jewelry is not a blacksmithing thing unless you want jewelry made of steel. And it will be very ugly if you try. Blacksmithing wasn't invented to make small things.

If there's anything here I didn't mention, just ask and I'll do my best to answer.

[mechazushi]

[mechazushi]

Green suit Iharu Furuhashi

Asked on twitter for outfit suggestions for Iharu and I will draw them~ I have to say, he does look very good in a nice emerald green suit ^q^ <3

[mechazushi]

IM WHAT!?!??!

Legs is now on Ao3.

[mechazushi]