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[mikkouille]

BOYS PLANET 1212

From the get go, Boys Planet looked to be a disaster: postponement, changes of plans, and the legacy of Girls Planet 999′s already lukewarm reception and results, plethora of scandals, on top of the history of Mnet survivals not being quite reassuring as for what this one would be. They didn’t even have Yeo Jingoo as their MC anymore so what even was the point for me to watch, right? Well I like bad reality TV, and if the show forewent it’s predecessor’s clunky numbers, it was not merely because they cleaned themselves off the unpromised implication that ‘999′ offered, that being of parity in it’s final lineup’s nationalities- but because had they to pick one to represent the cast of 98 boys (95 by the time of announcement and 93 when the first episode released, once more, a good sign that this was going to be a Very Well Made Show), it’d have to be 1212, for Dozens of Dozens.

A bit of context for newcomers and unknowers as I’ll be mentioning the title a surprisingly low but still relevant amount of time.

From the day the fancams for the ‘Here I Am’ Signal song were uploaded, the word bounced around my brain, with cruel glee: these guys were just not good. At the same time, knowledge of how things were handled with Produce and “Not Produce we swear it’s different” shows did keep me back from immediatly dismissing about 85 boys from being of any respectable skill: if Boys Planet was anything like it’s elders, these guys likely had at most a week to learn a choreography and song, on their own, with little group rehearsals. The mere inability to judge what some steps were meant to look like given how varied the executions were across contestants said it all: they were given no teacher, likely the dance “teacher” and judge responsible for that atrocity of a dance routine showed up once, stayed an hour, and then left them to their own device (and watching episode 2, it is indeed basically what happened. When most of the rehearsal footage is just the kids by themselves teaching each other, the title of “Master” is to put into question: you’re not their masters so much as their executioner).

So I awaited the actual episodes, to see the surprises, or even just the bad dancers who were here as vocalists.

Which to be honest, was a mistake on my part, expecting vocalists was to lobotomise myself, out of the knowledge of the sad state of this industry, the one that we could nearly say this show satirises: Boys Planet isn’t a survival as much as it is a long winded performance art piece meant to criticise 4,5th gen Kpop. And so it was with equality little and great surprise that the Auditions were the same as the Fancams, only this time both eyes AND ears got to suffer the same pains.

(I ran out of embed spots- you only get 5??- so you’ll unfortunately have to click links for most of the video evidence of my claims. Very sorry about that. Prommy I didn’t intend for only the Worse- and Hui’s feast- to be visible but it IS funny).

Where are the standards of casting?

But Signal song fancams aren’t meant to be good. As stated before, they’re a bad metric of talent, or of potential even, as both song and dance are learnt in a hurry, with hardly any mentoring outside of Lim Han Byul disregarding all decency as a human being to instead have his “bullying children” segment. Moreso, a dance focused fancam does not help display the skills of vocalists, so while I did rank all of the Here I Am videos, I was waiting for the audition performances, or Star Level to truly pick out who were the trainees deserving of my attention. Still, the combination of how little candidates truly shone through their fancams, the lukewarm interest sparked by the 1mn PR videos and the trainee profiles, with their citations of way too many symbols of kpop’s downfall as for the standards of performance- not citing names as I do like the state of my life and witness protection would take all of that fun away from me- I had little hopes for what was to come, which did protect me: I was at least not disappointed in expecting nothing.

The performances aired for the first episode were highly enjoyable, in a Schadenfreude kind of way: the ones that were bad were Bad bad, to the point of hilarity: I had legitimate tears in my eyes watching some of these, and couldn’t help share them ahead of our group watching to my co-watcher friend. Things needed to be spoilt; joy to be shared.

Portrayed here, Yang Jun’s most iconic opening of Seventeen’s worst song: mathematically a masterpiece as two negatives make a positive. Also, do know that upon watching Yang Jun’s fancam back before the show started, I claimed him as one of my favourite as I thought dancing that awful must hide incredible singing talents, why else would he be there, right? I’ve had to reassess that statement, but I will not stop my support. He reached public infamy, legend status, and did so much for the show with just these few words.Similarly, team Hyogo gave us a SPLENDID rendition of MANIAC that I view with just as much affection as I do see team Sichuan’s HOT: an enemy of my enemy is my friend, desecrate songs I don’t like and we’ll get along (this is just what the songs sound like to me on regular after all, I think they did amazing).

Many such cases. The full cam footage of the first episode’s performance are overall a feast, a gathering of comically bad stages, put back to back for the heartless public to tear to shreds, only to further humiliate it’s most iconic suckers a week later, in front of Sunmi no less… There is nothing crueler when it comes to reality TV than an Mnet survival.

While a few stages did still look significantly better, and the second week packed overall better performances, the truth is still that the vast majority was mediocre at best, funnily enough, probably would rank 12/20 in my french fashion of rating: not awful enough to be failed but just toeing that line.

And that overall does make sense: why would a company send their best most promising trainees to a shitshow where they can hardly monitor their progress anymore, all for them to get eliminated after two weeks of airtime, but months of recording, alongside half the contestant, and after a combined screen time of about 10 seconds. The investment isn’t good when the winners are already pre-decided, might as well send your newbies, your bottom of the class lineup, avoiding the silent blacklisting of a large TV channel without wasting the time of your talents. As for the viewer, it only makes the experience more entertaining: the mind’s much more rested when all the decent guys are relatively safe for a few episodes when the network first has to weed out the ones who are simply way too incompetent to even get a single pity vote. Instead, you get to laugh at poor youngsters that still probably are doing much better than you would, only they have a roomful of witnesses and large audience to witness them.  I cannot truly cast the stone of ‘this is cruel and uncivilised’ when I myself go back to the Canton China’s team rendition of God’s Menu daily, for reasons that are anything but amazement.

Something that was evident throughout all the stages, including the good and passable ones though, was how little singers were present on set. The show even makes a point of highlighting it: if there is a handful of good performers and dancers, the singing is truly subpar. Only, for the jury to point it out is a bit hypocritical. Comparing the performances and the gradings assigned to each participant show that while the jury- and mainly professional hater Lim Han Byul- lament the lack of good voices, they do not support what little good ones they do have on their hand. Abysmal singers who can dance consistently get better star rankings than good singers with lacklustre dancing. The message is clear: we shall address the issue in words, but only participate in it with our actions.

For Choi Yujin to get four stars with that mid at most line being the only piece of singing we heard from him, while Park Gunwook got assigned three for not being heard singing enough was already quite frustrating. But Gunwook isn’t really a singer either, so the real rage was to see Kim Taerae also get only three stars AFTER the assessment that the show desperately needed SINGERS. If Yujin deserved four stars, then so did Taerae, because his dancing is nowhere near just middle-ground, he’s good enough to blend in the ensemble while carrying a vocal position. But the show does not care for this: they want flashy performers, no matter what their empty claim. But then, it seems Choi Yujin was actually a victim more than an undeserved win, as the show’s true focus seems to now do MY job and use every opportunity to belittle him and call him undeserving of his rank, as if they weren’t the ones putting him there in the first place.

But in all fairness, bad singing makes sense when a good portion of your candidates aren’t done going through puberty: the amount of 2006 to 2008ers present in the lineup should be an indicator as to why we hear so many unstable shaky creaky breaky voices: these are teenagers who should be in school, not in Public Shamings - The Show, no budget edition (because we spent all of it making a Roblox dupe, something the public for certain asked for).

Speaking of things no one asked for: Pentagon Hui’s presence. As enjoyable as it is to get an actual serve in the midst of… Whatever it is others are doing, there’s nothing pleasant about seeing him sit in the middle of all those teens, right out of the army and all out of tears to cry. The misery of every episode 1 reaction shot on him, free this man. At every round, we will have to pretend to carefully examine who exactly is most skilled, as if there wasn’t a guy among the participants who should have been mentoring them, not playing with them. Unlike CLC’s Yujin on Girls Planet, his situation is also nowhere near as dire: while Pentagon hasn’t been in its Shine heydays for a moment, they do not seem to be on the brink of disbandment the way CLC was when Girl’s Planet aired: Hui himself was speaking of comeback plans months before the start of Boys Planet. It seems CUBE ENT just wants to torture a poor guy who only probably wants to go back to his writing studio with his actual group rather than being under the threat of having to spend god knows how long Kep1er’s babybrother group will be active for. At least he provides respite whenever on stage I suppose, but I so desperately want him to get the Produce Camp Lelush treatment: a full time exposure then freedom on the last episode. Make it worth it at least!

Have a little palate cleanser before we carry on.

Sabotage

I love to talk badly about corporations too much to blame only the trainees for their bad performances though. Particularly, Mnet isn’t truly known for either fairness or transparency, and so a lot of what the show displays doesn’t reflect individual potential. When that many stages are bad, the fault is on the network, not only through their casting, but their sabotage. That’s right: here come the delicious speculations of foul play.

Just like fancams of a performance learnt in a few days- with foreign trainees being given one day less to train, by the way- aren’t really indicative of who is talented, the Star Level stages are to be put into question: the showrunners claim that the songs were picked by the teams, but it takes extreme gullibility to take their word when watching some of the stage choices: either those trainees are stupid on top of untalented, or someone isn’t telling the truth.

When I mentioned Canton China’s performance earlier, they are one of the most questionable matchup: why would foreigners who aren’t fluent pick a song as rap-heavy and dense in pronunciation as God’s Menu? Would they really have expected anything but this?

It’s still funny though sorry Canton China. KKAMA HH HH KKAJI.

And how come there just so happens to be such a high percentage of songs that members of the jury worked on, even with their extensive workography, when half the songs are their work, it becomes a tad suspicious, there isn’t just one writer and one choreographer in this industry. The numbers don’t add up. And as iconic as Shine is as a song, it’s still eyebrow-raise worthy to have Just the song to activate the competition’s most famous “trainee”’s backstory and tears. The songs are just too suspicious: fitting neither the skills or style or announced preferences of the participants. In a round where they have to best portray themselves, it’s hard to believe that so many contestants would pick so far out of their comfort zone, just to appeal to one member of the jury. Not to mention the coincidental stage repeats: the two tall and handsome but inexperienced guys just happened to both decide to do My House, in matching outfits too? At least try to be subtle about your script.

And all of those network picks only serve to push forward their favourites, and mostly, the premises of narratives they want to build. As the writers aren’t too original and love to rehash the same storylines, they are pretty easy to spot: the talented guy who did not charm the jury at first but will then sweep them off their feet with one day of practice, great but mean guy who’ll likely be lost by his “oversized ego”, the one who did So Good at first and then never lived up to it… It is much easier to make entertaining situations yourself than to expect them from a crowd of kids who likely wouldn’t start fights with how little time they have to do anything but practice and sleep. Hence, manufactured rivalries- between the Korean and Foreign group notably, something so out of pocket when within those you can find people who belong to one same debuted group split into blue and pink team, and definitely hilarious whenever they prompt a foreigner to say anything negative on the Korean team, taking it to their nationality as root of the issue, when some members of the Global team are themselves part of the Korean diaspora. The choice of Nationalistic War as a plotline is certainly a choice, but only works way less when instead of GP999’s three teams of more or less strictly region locked participants you have one country against the whole rest of the world. But I’d rather pretend this entire decision does not exist, there’s just something uncomfortable about the show trying to become ‘war on Kpop: these foreigners are trying to steal our job’. As if Mnet was even going to pick more than 3 Global trainees for their line up.

Then come my most detested, as I am a hater, the ones who take the limelight when being hardly better than MY picks who are objectively better naturally as I am the voice of truth. I mentioned Choi Yujin, but there are other worsties in the show, some who may get the same sad treatment as their fellow (of being shamed for not living up to expectation built out of nothing), I’m thinking most notably KuanJui from team Taipei whom the show will not manage to convince me is good as an Idol, no matter how much they repeat it: his traditional dancing is very good, but he neither could dance or sing Tiger Inside in a way that I could stomach, and it was neither a matter of awkward lack of confidence nor an issue of assignment that didn’t match his tastes. He may have done better indeed on an elegant song, but when it’s likely the final group will be performing Hip-Hop leaning choreographies, what use is there in lying that he can carry them out? Why are we pretending that he did not just disrespect Ten’s legacy etc etc? As he also carries the fatal flaw of not being a Korean trainee, which, to the Mnet writers’ eyes might as well mean you attempted murder on their families, I am expecting him to be this season’s Cai Bing, suddenly villainized by the community whenever the show needs some drama that doesn’t involve collateral damage for their plan of debutees to be.

Is there no main Slayer?

And how are they even going to make that lineup, you could ask, if everyone is mediocre, if there’s no talent but the 30 years old hag who already has a group at home and enlistment under his belt?

Thankfully, in the mass of Nothing, there still are a few attention grabbers, some I have already shouted out before, some that I keep for this more entertaining section of “lets see some good food”.

Well, good food…

I first want to give a shout-out to my little pity boys, the ones so clearly set up and so thoroughly mocked that you can only feel bad for them. I’d want them in the group just to spite the network. The Houses, as I’ve already mentioned before, have this incredible charm to them (they’re good looking) that makes it hard not to root for their progress (and they’re tall too) especially when the show bestows a montage of them working so hard day and night to escape their reputation (pretty boys should never be sad). Red House Jung Min Gyu is probably the funnier of the two, his awkwardness is in how brazenly he tries, while Blue House Bak Do Ha is the more tragic one, the one desperate with tears, the one who has to carry the burden of being Labelmate with Hui. Neither of them are good, but both seem untrained as hell, and the odds aren’t in their favour when the show cannot acknowledge that even with years of vocal lessons they’d hardly be able to sing Here I Am given their natural pitch. There’s something wholesome in the trauma-bound solidarity between the two as well, my favourite manufactured narrative is the show’s insistence on sliding a reaction shot of one House whenever the other does badly. They are brothers in martyrdom.

The one thing the jury did get right is how much we did need to see them perform together. Power duo.

Another Martyr would be Lee Da Eul: as soon as the fancams dropped he was already the most mocked online, for his sloppy and odd dancing. Just like the Houses, his voice is unfit for the Soprano-ranged songs, and just like them, he has that weirdly endearing thing to him. Unlike the houses though, his bad performance secured him a spot for at least a round, if votes remain the main factor of survival: the hate-views of his fancam alone landed him in the top 9 for two episodes in a row. He’s everyone’s favourite underskilled little guy. And perhaps mine as well. Daeul sweep etc… I hope he makes it to the finale.

He’s hypnotic to be perfectly honest, I’m obsessed with him he’s so woobly he’s so real.

Then come My Dozens. The ones that may not be deserving of the support compared to others, but that I still will support, because it’s my ranking, I get to choose the pretty boys who get in on face alone. Naturally, as the rest of the viewers, I devote myself to the Chiu SweetBlood- sorry I mean Jiwoong Sweep. Is he here and winning just because Bro is Beautiful? Maybe. But if the mass is not good might as well have pretty faces, and the thing is that he’s not completely void of talent, to my surprise and also disappointment, as there was something much funnier in supporting a guy who can legit do nothing but serve face and cleavage. From the get go I could never tell if I thought he was a good dancer or not. His fancam was… Not very good. His footage from his previous group endeavours were not too remarkable but not too bad. But Mirotic seemed to be just the style that best showcased his ability, and he can sustain vocals on top of the dancing, although not the most stunning ones. Still, that’s more than a Dozen needs to be doing, so shoutout to his pretty eyes and bosoms. Was he my favourite of his team? Not even. Did he still kind of Give? To me, certainly. But then I’m not objective towards the one truly handsome guy of the whole competition. Any lacks of his that would get anyone else thwarted from my list of faves is filled out by his mere blinks.

Good dancers who cannot hold a note were aplenty, and if I’m sensitive to guys who can shake it and willing to close my ears for them, I could not just adopt all of them. Some that did still vow me would be, and we’ll do quick name drops, Haruto, whose iconic voice break- cut off at broadcast because Mnet and I sometimes agree on who deserve the Ws- and iconic-er pre-show online presence carry him into my heart at all times, Wang Zi Hao who danced way better in his rehearsal than final stage but did not sound pleasant in either, Cha Woongki, yes he sounds awful no I don’t care he can shake it and threw a fish, and Na Kamden who hasn’t actually shown any singing so who knows maybe he’s good. All of these make it far in my excel sheet only because they aren’t Good dancers but Great ones. In this economy, it’s equivalent to having a minimum of singing skills.

As for singers, they get an automatic pass for me. We have to support what little voices we get.

The first Good singer I heard watching the performances was Jay, Kamden’s singing teammate, and he’s one I have to support double as it seems the public refuses to acknowledge him due to his cringeboy swag. Or perhaps he did something I’m not aware of, but his High School Musical type vocals deserve the acknowledgement: there’s not a lot of other candidates who can do what he does. So what if he’s cringe? What if he has the aura of a guy who posts tiktok thirst traps? What if he’s American? We have a shortage of singers. We need him now more than ever.

I mentioned Kim Taerae earlier, he alongside Lee Hwanhee are the two trainees who give the more Classic Kpop vocals. The former got to have a segment on how ‘he sounds so good but dances so bad’ and the latter is nowhere to be found on the screen. A damn shame, he sounds amazing, but what can we do against the editor’s favouritism except watch the full cam performance and sigh in hopes for a change to come when more group performances happen and they cannot skip him anymore.

Yoo Seungeon mainly, but also Krystian (with a very unique vocal colour, whose uncle possessed him, idk but i fuck with it), Park Gwanyoung (who sounded strained but way tolerable considering) and Winnie (who was mad good given the moves he was doing) aren’t just as good but still have nice vocal potential, and can probably do more, with time or more fitting songs.

Then come the ones that actually caught real attention, to different levels.

My favourite flop with no hopes of surviving, Kim Minhyuk, teammate of Park Gwanyoung, is being snubbed of screen time, of votes, of stars, of everything. Most tortured babygirl. Every day I dump a vote to the trash by giving it to him as if he could make it. First elimination and I know I’ll have to bid him goodbye, but our time together was lovely regardless. I made my peace, I don’t love him to the point of outrage, just to the point of disappointment. 

Lee Ye Dam gave mediocre vocals on his live, but his practice sounded much better, so I do believe he can sing. And mainly, boy he can dance, and he can Slay. Moves AND attitude, it’s maddening given how his PR video had me on the fence about supporting him (made him drop all the way from my top ranks after the fancam, to the Thin Ice section). For my own public image, let’s all look into a spinning spiral and erase it from our minds, and focus on his gambler performance.

Sung Han Bin has me very confused. He’s quite obviously Mnet’s favourite little guy, and he’s surely talented, but he’s got that crazy trait of becoming way less interesting as soon as he’s on stage. His rehearsals and freestyles are way more charming, they film him having a silly little fake competition and suddenly I get the hype, then he does his assignments and I am bored. But well, would I be mad if he won? Absolutely not, he’s solid, he’s safe. He’s just a mystery: how does a guy who look so confident about performing also loses his charisma when he does? A science subject. Perhaps that’ll bewitch me.

Funnily, because they’re besties, the show so badly wants a Sung Hanbin vs Seok Matthew rivalry. They do play it up a tiny bit, but never fully, instead, you get to see Canada boy rave over how good his friend is over and over again, while himself being honestly quite as good. It seems that a lot of people want them to debut together, friendship wins, but also talent wins, because Matthew is a great performer, good dancer, pleasant singer though with room to improve, and seems comfortable and happy on stage, so that’s just nice. Good vibes. Go Canada.

Next one will have people ask, wait, didn’t you have a section for good dancers who can’t sing? And yes, I did, but the thing is to me, Park Gunwook is more than a great dancer. He’s just way too nice to watch dance. Makes me insane levels of “I fuck with this guy’s dance”. So he’s allowed to not sing the best you see. I think he can learn. I think he can be dangerous if he does. Like give him vocals and it’s the end for everyone else because damn. He dance good. That’s it. Sometimes I just need a lil dance guy.

The one sin Jiwoong committed in entrancing everyone with his vampire spell was to take away attention from Jeong Ichan in his team. That guy is kind of crazy if you ask me, and gets no attention for it. Sad! Watch him shake it, hear him sing, he’s quite obviously talented in both aspects. I want him in the final lineup so desperately, but it seems the judges disagree with me. Well, they never had good taste anyway. All he can do now is steal Yoon Jongwoo’s strategy of gaybaiting through Jiwoong to secure his fujogirl’s votes through ship-sweep. I’m begging him to get on this grind. I need him to survive.

For a while I didn’t understand the Keita hype. Not that I thought he was bad: like Hanbin I just thought he was skilled but not that bewitching, at least from his fancam he seemed really skilled, but I just didn’t feel much. I can understand better with his appearances on the two episodes so far. His Conduct Zero stage was fun, and he also did well with Here I Am both in evaluation and in Good Conduct, so go short king! You caught me now, I’m adding you to the ones I look after now. If we have to have a kpop rapper on the team, he can be it.

Kum Junhyeon. That’s about it. I thought he was great in his fancam, I thought he was awesome in Nunu Nana too, like oh he can sing alright? Seems like a fun guy too, let’s twirl our hair and pat ourselves on the back for always knowing he was to look out for, I always knew but now I got the other watchers on my side too. Very satisfying.

Unlike the total disregard for Kim Minseoung. It was to the point I wondered if he was just a known public enemy, he was my favourite from the fancams, and by favourite I mean that Youtube started putting it in my automatic playlists because of how much I watched it-something about the clarity of his moves, so satisfying, so clean, so exactly what I look for, so I pledged allegiance to him forever, and I’m thankful that he did not embarrass me. He’s great. And he’s in the bottom twenty percent with a full four star ranking. Very frustrating. Gives me a superiority complex too: I know what’s up. No one else does. They only like him because he does a flip…

In Conclusion...

The show exactly meets its expectations: bad taste and bad faith from the judges. The public doesn’t know shit. We are short of talent in this industry nowadays. I’m the biggest martyr. Chiu sweep. Ten thousand likes and I drop my list of most hated candidates just to feel something.

[xomaleyaxo]

Facts → Blackpink 5th Member

Tallest member in the group

Favourite Number is 9 as that's her birthday

Her personality type is INFP or Mediator

She can play Guitar and Piano

Has a dog named Luna that she got while Lisa was getting Love and they call them siblings as they come from the same pack

She is often seen as the puppy of the group for her big puppy dog eyes

She has a deep dimple on the right of her cheek which makes people swoon when she smiles.

Has an Older Brother and an Older Sister

Kwon Minjae or Alexander Kwon was born on July 13, 1991 in Auckland, New Zealand.

Kwon Mijoo or Andrea Kwon was born on January 2nd 1996 in Auckland, New Zealand.

Growing up Rae and her sister were often mistaken as twins because of the fact that they were so close in age and Mirae was the same height as her sister

Her mother and father had a very loving relationship and she often talks about how her ideal type would be someone who would love her as much as her father loved her mother

Her father passed away on September 19th, 2005 when she was 8 years old and she often talks about how it changed her life completely

Her older brother became a big father figure during that time as he was much older than his sisters so she’s always grateful for him and the sacrifices he made for his family

She talked about her struggles after her dad passed away in the Blackpink documentary on Netflix and said that it was her first time experiencing death and she never expected it to be her father.

She talked about how she was a major daddy’s girl and was broken when he passed but she was also just super sad because her family sort of fell apart for a bit as he was the glue that held them all together

She talked about her fond childhood memories and how they all were the start of her wanting to become a musician

“My family was always musical, my dad knew like 6 instruments and so he always would play them around us and once we grew up a little he would give us lessons on playing them”

“Every day after school my siblings and I would rush home to complete our homework or whatever we needed to do and would run to our dad to have our daily music session and then once the week was over we would perform for our mom and would pretend we were like a band. I was still a little too young so I would always sing for my mom while my siblings and my dad would play the instruments behind me and we would just have the most fun ever”

“And then when he passed we all just sort of stopped, it was like the passion was gone without him and I didn’t even want to ever sing again or anything because it just made me miss him so much. But one day my mom took us back to Korea for vacation and I was hanging out with my grandpa and was telling him just how much I thought I would want to do music one day and how things just changed for me after his passing and he was like encouraging me to continue because my dad would feel so sad if I stopped because of his passing”

“And so, because of my grandpa, I grabbed my guitar and ended up auditioning for YG in Seoul while I was on summer break and ended up getting in”

Her signature colour is Blue as it is her favourite colour

She was originally the leader of PinkPunk while she was a trainee and was supposed to be the leader of Blackpink as well but then everyone agreed that there shouldn't be a set leader role

She still does a lot of leader things though as she is usually the one to talk to the company and get things settled and is also the one to monitor everyone’s performances

Was known as YG’s ace as she could sing, rap, and dance very well and is even to this day known as one of the best all-rounders in all of kpop

Some songs she wrote are: Stay, Tally, You Never Know, Shut Down, Pink Venom, and many more.

Her solo came out on February 20th, 2019, and was the most streamed female Korean song of all time

She has recently said that she loves producing and wants to release a full album by herself as it is one of her goals

Was a huge fan of K-pop since a young age and stanned the following groups: BigBang, Shinee, Tvxq, 2ne1, 2PM and SNSD.

Revealed on Kim Jaejoong's show that she Got to see Tvxq live as 5 before their breakup and cried for days afterward as Jaejoong was her favourite.

Left YG in 2023 to open her own company called 'Raeform Entertainment' and hired many of her old staff from YG to be a part of it. She is still connected with YG because of Blackpink but mostly is working individually.

Her celebrity crush growing up was Taecyeon from 2PM

Her first kiss was with Hanbin or also known as B.I at the age of 17

One day she was asked about her ideal type on a broadcast and her members jokingly said "She likes Rappers" which made her laugh and giggle at them and agreed

Her type has changed throughout the years depending on who she is with but she has always said that she wants someone who may look hard and masculine but is a dork in real life.

She loves to cook and is very good at making a ton of different dishes and is usually making food for her members and others around her

Many people in her staff and close friends say that she appears to have a hard exterior but is actually a really soft person and very sensitive

She is an empath and always ends up crying if she sees someone else crying/having a hard time

The members picked her as the member to get married first as she is the hopeless romantic type and wishes to get married and have children early.

When asked if she likes older or younger guys she answered "Same-aged guys are my type"

She had auditioned for both SM and YG but ended up going for YG as she was a bigger fan of Big Bang and 2ne1 than the SM groups.

She was the one whistling at the beginning of 'Whistle'

She has 20M+ Subscribers on her solo YouTube channel

She is very competitive and is always trying her hardest to win against her members.

Her and Lisa have apartments next to each other in Seoul and she is always taking care of her when she is in Korea by making her food.

Expressed her desire to become a Rapper as a trainee but ended up becoming the main vocalist due to her impressive singing skills.

Has a scar hidden under her right eyebrow from a fight that happened when she was little with her sister.

[beseira]

ask me again

"you'll question me and i'll provide answers"

...

she sat here once again, alone on a chair, cameras capturing her every move, she was aware there was no eliminations last time, but it still feels like a surprise she’s here. she hopes she continuous to come here, answer the same questions, because she wants to stay on the show, and their repeating questions are a part of that.

‘what was the greatest challenge during this mission?’ “singing i think” she gives the answer quick, “i focused a lot on dance this time around, i felt comfortable in that i could give a strong rap, but wasn’t as confident in my dancing, so i focused a lot on that”. “in the last few days of practice i realized i hadn’t practiced singing very much, i’d just focused on rap and dancing”. “i think the greatest struggle wasn’t just singing, but it was finding time for singing, we don’t have a whole lot of time to practice, i have to learn a lot of things at once, so it’s easy to forget stuff or feel rushed”.

‘was there another participant who was especially helpful?’ “all of my teammates were helpful, but i want to mention chaerin, she was especially helpful”. “she seemed like she genuinely wanted to help me, she was very nice when i asked for help and she was really good at giving advice and just overall be helpful, i hope when i become a trainee there’ll be lots of people like that” she gives a smile.

‘do you feel confident in your performance?’ “well”. “i’ve never played the piano before in front of so many other people, i know it was just the judges and us, but i’ve never played the piano for more than one person at a time, it was a bit scary, but i’m good at playing the piano. as for the dance part? i feel confident in what i’ve shown, i think you can really tell how much i’ve improved, and, and i’ll continue to improve” she gives a happy nod.

[papergirllife]

First Love

Lucas Wong / Yukhei

"They say first love is a special experience that one would always hold a special place in your heart. Wong Yukhei was your first love in high school, but along the way, you had to say goodbye to him in order for him to achieve his dream of becoming a star in Korea. Yet fate and destiny plays its role in paving the two of you an intersection once more, will the two of you and up together at the very end?"

Warnings : smut, unprotected sex, mild angst, a child (pregnancy not described), tooth rotting fluff (all in that order, kinda)

A/N : this is one of my most heavily devoted works I've ever written, so please, of you're comfortable, drop a feedback to tell me if you guys like this writing style, thank you!

Lucas Wong of NCT and most importantly his own fixed unit, Wayv, the man who garners attention and love wherever he goes, that dazzling smile is sure to be captured by numerous cameras of awaiting fans.

But to you, Lucas was never Lucas, to you he was Yukhei, and more significantly, your ex from high school. Yukhei was your first love, you remember when the two of you had first met in Year 9, Yukhei was known for being a class clown and more of a klutz, girls would always have a soft spot for him even if they didn't like him in that way.

Yukhei was your desk mate for Year 10, the thing got you on your nerves about him was that he never took group assignments seriously, and was never at school on time, his uniform was wrinkly from rushing out of his house to catch the bus and always had a stationary missing, which means he had to borrow yours.

You never hated him, hate is a strong word, things were very neutral with him, most times, he unintentionally annoys you, but he'd always make up to you by bringing you a small bottle of apple juice the next day. The only time the two of you really fought was when he had not spoken up when his friends snatched your book away from yours to copy you off, brushing it off as a small matter.

You were quite an immature person back then, and no one can blame you, you were just a teenager, and being said that, you had refused to lend Yukhei a ruler when the math teacher did a pop quiz, so he had to use the dust pan as no one, other than you that is, brings an extra ruler.

It's not your fault, you thought back then, he shouldn't have depended on you to bring his share of stationaries. The next day, you walked into class to see his group of friends waiting at your desk to apologize to you, and as for Yukhei, he had yet again brought you a bottle of apple juice, with the addition of your favourite bar of Cadbury.

It was only in Year 11 when Yukhei had confessed to you, saying that all those annoying things he did to you were just to catch your attention, of all the girls he could've liked, he chose the one who was the most unattainable, go figure.

The next year, when the two of you were looking to apply to the same college, Yukhei broke the news to you that he'd be packing his bags for Korea, that the audition he had joined just for fun accepted him as a trainee in a large entertainment company in Korea that everyone in Hong Kong knows, SM.

At first you didn't approve of his decision, that his education was important as well, that he had a life here, with you. But Yukhei had given very valid reasons to you, that he wouldn't have passed the college entrance exams if it weren't for your tuitions until late at night in the public library, that he didn't really have an interest in studying. His most valid reason was that he didn't want to take a toll on you when you’re in college, he can't have you sacrifice your sleep and attention for him just to have him attain passing grades.

So you let him go, saying your last farewell to him at the airport as his girlfriend and ex girlfriend.

That was the last time you saw him, choosing to not stay in contact with him as you poured your soul into university life, studying like your life depends on it, you had a few boyfriends here and there, nothing serious, nothing that made you felt like your first love. Maybe you had trouble moving on, or maybe it was just stress, you thought back then, shrugging the thought off casually before diverting your attention else where, this cycle carried on until you came out to work.

Fast forwarding to March of 2019, you had unintentionally came across of a news online that Yukhei had finally been placed in his own fixed unit that would be promoting and performing in Chinese, which isn’t surprising, even the Thai member, Ten, was of Chinese heritage. What made your eyes widen was the fact that they were coming to Hong Kong.

At the day of the fan meet, you had took the day off from your boring low paying job at the law firm, so much for studying your ass off for bar exams, you’re just filing on a daily basis.

Before the day of the fan meet, you had lived off of instant cup noodles for a few weeks just to buy the album and their light stick. When you first listened to the album, you were proud of Yukhei’s rapping skills, you still recall the days when he’d struggle with his mandarin oral tests, the teachers there must be much better than you for him to improve so much, smiling fondly at the old memories.

You waved the light stick and sang along just like the other fans beside you, mesmerised by the performance that the boys are putting up, but your eyes were mostly on Yukhei, you would’ve never thought the once clumsy giant like him would dance as fluidly, executing the moves just as well as the other smaller sized members.

You watch as Yukhei introduces himself and his non Cantonese members in his mother tongue, a feeling of familiarity settling into your mind.

You are quite a confident person, but queuing up to the long table where Yukhei sat at the corner was nerve wrecking to you, what would he say to you? Would he recognise you? It hasn't been that long, but the two of you had done some changes to your looks.

The other members had greeted you with a friendly smile and a few casual questions like have you eaten, but they seem a bit taken aback by the lack of fan girl attitude that most of the fans in front of you had.

When you had got to Yukhei, he had dropped his marker on the floor, his head ducked out of sight to retrieve it, but when he came up to apologise, the words were stuck in his throat, as his eyes opened as wide as saucers. He coughed to mask the surprise on his face.

“Hi, how are you?” He asked as he took your album into his hands, scribbling something down.

“Good, how have you been?” although his hair is coloured, his eyes had contacts, and he wasn't in his messy uniform, the smile on his face never changed.

“Great, it's nice to see you,” to other fans and the staff beside him, they might think it's just one of the standard answers, but you knew Yukhei like the back of your hand, registering the twinkle in his eyes.

Soon, he had placed the album back into your hands, your fingers grazing gently as tiny sparks flew up your tips, eyes never breaking contact until the staff tells you to leave.

When you had sat down at a nearby cafe to get a cup of coffee, you took out your album and flipped to the page where Lucas had written something.

‘Hilton hotel, 9pm,' and his number under it.

At nine sharp, you waited by the hotel’s sitting area, not many people at that time as usually stores in Hong Kong open rather late, patiently you waited for Yukhei. Just as you were scrolling through posts on Instagram, a tall figure approached you.

A call of your name rolled off his tongue naturally, a wave of nostalgia hitting the both of you.

“I bought you a little something before I got here,” you said as you stood up, letting him guide you to the elevators.

“What is it?” Yukhei lets out a flustered laugh, scratching the back of his nape when he realised he didn't get you anything in return.

“Roast goose and Cha Siew, are they still your favourite?” you asked, hoping his taste hasn’t changed over the years.

“Yeah, man, I remember how we'd always get quarter of both after school at Uncle Chan’s,” Yukhei said, remembering how the boss of the restaurant had hung a photo of two of you on the wall, deeming the two of you his most loyal lovebirds.

“This is from Uncle Chan’s,” you told him as you followed him into his room, looking around, expecting him to be rooming with someone.

“Don't worry, I told Yang Yang to sleep with Ten for the night,” Yukhei said when he saw you looking for someone.

“Oh, that's really nice of him,” you said as you set out the food, the smell of Hong Kong's famous delicacies wafting in the air.

“Man, I really missed this,” Yukhei said as he pulls the arm chair that was a few feet away close to the desk, directing you into it and situating himself in the not so comfortable wooden chair.

“I missed this too,” you said mindlessly, eyes avoiding his before you ate a piece of meat.

“I missed you too,” Lucas confessed, yes there are many pretty girls in his industry, and Korea itself, but no one would be able to replace you, you were his rock all his life, other than his family of course, it's hard to build a connection with someone just as strong when things between the two of you never really ended, in a way.

Leaving on too good terms and without much closure for both of you kept one another thinking of each other. The two of you know, that after tonight, things would go back to normal, Yukhei would be Wayv’s Lucas, and you’d remain as his past, there would never be an outcome from whatever happens tonight.

So when the two of you were recalling memories and troubles the two of you got in school on the oh so comfortable bed, you couldn't help it, hooking a leg over Yukhei’s waist, just like how it started at the night of the graduation party, the night where the two of you lost your virginities to each other.

“I’d be gone tomorrow, we shouldn’t, I shouldn't do this to you,” Yukhei said, a firm believer that it's always the girl that is on the losing side, like he's taking an advantage of you, ever the gentleman.

“I want this for myself, Yukhei, it's not like it's our first time,” you said, trying to convince him.

“I still feel guilty about our first time, I left a few months later after that night, and tomorrow would be the same, I'll be leaving you once more,” Yukhei said as his big hands caressed your cheeks, eyes wide like a puppy, pupils reflecting an image of you, a perfect representation of his universe, you.

“I don't care, I’ve moved on from you as your girlfriend all those years ago, moving on from you after tonight won't be a challenge for me,” you said in a firm tone, one that Yukhei knows all too well, he knows you won't give up when you sound like this.

He could possibly break two hearts if he chooses to act on his impulses, but he missed this, he missed you, and so he threw all caution out of the window when he smashed his lips desperately against yours, chewing on your bottom lip with little force, it was something that would easily get you worked up back then, and to his delight, it still worked, letting him dominate the kiss easily, he let his tongue slid in your mouth, tasting the beer the two of you had just now with a mixture of strawberry lip gloss, you were still using the Nivea one you used all those years ago, this only fuelled his desire for you, his hands leaving your cheeks to locate your waist, pulling you closer to him.

When you were out of air, you broke off the kiss, reaching the hem of your shirt to pull it off, then waiting a few seconds for Yukhei to admire the red lace on your skin before unclasping your bra, letting your blossoms free, all the while as Yukhei looks on, like he was in a trance.

“I missed these,” he commented before taking a mound into his mouth, sucking on your nipple diligently while his other hand comes up to roll it in between the pads of his fingers, the pleasure from the action making you throw your head back, a slip of his name in between your whimpers.

You let Yukhei push you back, letting you fall onto his bed, you felt his hands wander up your skirt, his huge hands around your thighs, squeezing the flesh in his palms, feeling you, but stopped when he reached the hem of your panties, detaching himself from your chest, looking at you for confirmation.

You nodded at him, putting your hand over his to guide him higher, stopping at the curve of your cheek, pushing his hand beneath the clothe, dangerously close to your core, heck he could even feel your arousal already, eyes rolling back at the thought of getting you so worked up.

“Take it off, but you can leave the skirt, for old time’s sake,” you said.

Yukhei looked at you, confused at what you’re trying to say, until he realised you were wearing a pleated checkered skirt, just like the ones you wore back in high school, memories of the two of you sneaking around, having a quickie with your skirt flipped up immediately made blood rush southwards at the thought.

“Fuck, you expected this to happen?” Yukhei asked, shaking his head in disbelief, he was always the troublemaker at school, but oh how the tables have turned now.

“Didn't you?” you asked before getting up to put yourself in a doggy position, shaking your butt, taunting him.

Yukhei chuckled to himself before doing as you say, taking off your panties to reveal your slick covered pussy, dripping wet for him on display.

Yukhei spreads you open by pulling your cheeks apart to lick a stripe up your slit, making you shudder at the warm muscle that was intruding but very much welcomed.

Yukhei allowed himself to fully stuff his face there, inserting his tongue into your core, thrusting the wet muscle at a moderate pace before adding a finger to the mix, then two, stretching you open to let his tongue delve deeper inside, he then adds a third finger, the fullness finally hitting you, soon he did a come hither movement once he had located your sweet spot, his tongue and fingers rubbing against the roof of your walls deliciously, you would’ve lost your balance if it weren't for his hand supporting you by your left hip.

The constant pleasure that Yukhei so willingly inflicted upon you would've soon come to an euphoric end if he hadn’t halted all movement, pulling out his tongue and his fingers, which made you whine his name pathetically, something you wouldn't have done if it weren't for the fact that your mind was reduced to a ball full of cotton.

“Chill, I worked you up so I wouldn't hurt you with my dick,” Yukhei said as he positions himself at your entrance, his hand coming up to your face to tilt your head to his direction, zeroing on your lust filled eyes and the plump of your lips, swollen because of him.

“Are you sure you want this?” Yukhei asks you one last time.

“Yes, please,” you said, pushing yourself back to lightly grind on his length, a little bit of your arousal getting onto his cock, his dick getting so hard it's starting to hurt.

“Ever so eager, aren't you?” Lucas said before biting his lip at the sight.

“Just put it in!” you whined, tired of his teasing.

“Okay, okay,” Yukhei said before bracing himself for your tight walls, he's never nervous when it comes to others, but you? You always held a special place in his heart.

Yukhei spreads your cheeks once more before aligning himself to slip in an inch, eyebrows furrowing at how tight you were, he could tell you were clenching up, just like you did the first time when you were nervous.

So he bends down to your back, placing gentle kisses along your right shoulder blade.

“Don’t tense up, there’s nothing to be nervous about, we did this before remember?” Yukhei said in his most gentle tone ever, you nodded your head at his words, adjusting yourself to let yourself lose in the comfort of his touch, reminding yourself that although it's been a long time since you had someone as big as him, you’ll be fine in his hands.

Once Yukhei felt yourself unclench, he pushes in furthermore, you felt yourself arching your back to allow him to fit himself easier, before he comes to a halt, you felt so full, you haven't felt this way in such a long time, it was somewhat overwhelming, but it's the most complete feeling ever, a feeling you've never felt with any other.

The initial stretch was slightly painful of course, but the pain soon turned into pleasure, and being the gentleman Yukhei is, waited for you despite the huge urge to move, waiting for your green light.

When you told him he could move, he felt like the gates of heaven just opened, pulling out slightly to give you a shallow thrust, just to test the waters.

Even with that experimental thrust, you felt like you had a taste of heaven, eager to drown yourself in this new found pleasure that you were once so familiar with.

Yukhei grasped his large hands onto your hips, setting a moderate pace, still restraining himself from snapping his hips, but from how much slick you were dripping, soon you'd be begging for more.

Once you felt yourself familiarise with his big cock, the pace that Yukhei had set wasn’t enough, you wanted him to let loose, you wanted him to rail you, be damned if you can’t walk tomorrow.

So in the midst of all the pleasure, you let out two desperate words breathlessly, “ruin me”.

Yukhei had to do a double take, pausing his movements entirely just to check if that was his mind messing with him or it was really you, but one look at your desperate face, revealed to him that was in fact your words.

Yukhei allowed the animalistic side of him to take over, holding onto your hips that would sure leave bruises the next day, but you didn’t mind, not when you felt a sudden surge of pleasure coursing through your body. He angled your body higher, arching your back for easier access, thrusting harder and faster.

You could only submit yourself to him as your toes curled and your fingers dig into the linen sheets, you’re sure if his members were next door, they'd be able to hear every single sound you make, the sound of your ass cheeks clapping against Yukhei’s hips and your high pitched moans were flowing freely, but you didn't care, not when this could be the last time you'd ever be with Yukhei.

Soon, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, your legs were trying their best not to fail you, and you could tell your arms were getting sore from propping yourself up as the cord in your abdomen threatened to snap, you panted out the word ‘close’, and Yukhei immediately understood, fucking into you at an inhuman pace, you could feel yourself losing your mind as spit drips from your mouth, sanity slowly slipping away from you as you felt your impending orgasm, it started from the tip of your toes, your body convulsing as you screamed his name, succumbing into the pleasure, your core bursting, the strongest orgasm you've ever felt, making your whole body sag in defeat as you let Yukhei help you ride out your orgasm.

Just when you thought it was all over, Yukhei gently flipped you over, and that’s when you realised he hasn’t cum, so you lifted your legs higher to let him enter you once again, he was using you like his personal doll, and you love it a little bit too much to be considered normal, you struggled to keep your eyes open as you fought through the slight pain from the overstimulation, hearing Yukhei’s mumble of appreciation and endearments.

“Can you give me one more, babe? Just one more,” Yukhei said before circling his fingers around your clit, making your eyes snap open when you realise he wants you to cum once more, your hands coming up to push his hand away, but his other hand grasped onto yours.

“Just one more, please,” Yukhei begged with those puppy eyes of his, and how could you say no?

So you stopped struggling, nodding your head at his request before he quickens the pace of his hips and the ministrations on your clit.

Soon, you could feel Yukhei’s cock swelling inside you before he let out a groan of your name, thrusting in one last hard thrust before he painted your walls white, his lips capturing yours to silent you as you came once more, your nails digging into his shoulders, your eyes fluttering shut as you felt Yukhei ride out both your highs.

Once he was done, Yukhei crashed onto the bed beside you, his arms wrapping around yours, kissing your lips to distract you as he pulled out, hopping into the attached bathroom to bring out two towels, taking off your skirt before he gently cleans you up, when he was done he wiped the juices you left on him, your eyes growing big when you knew it was from when you squirted on him.

“Sorry, I didn’t realise I squirted,” you mumbled behind the hands that you had covering your embarrassed face.

Yukhei laughed at the cute sight, throwing the towel aside before climbing into bed again, removing your hands away from your face, kissing you deeply before looking at you in the eye.

“I loved it,” he said before pulling you closer, and almost instantly, you were lulled to sleep by the beating of his heart.

When you woke up, Yukhei was still snoring beside you, sleeping like a baby, you gently removed his hand from your waist, stepping out of the bed before gathering your clothes, putting them on, smoothing out the creases of your skirt.

Walking to the door, you glanced around once more at the sight of him, your heavy heart begging you to stay, to talk, and so you walked over to the night stand, ripping a piece of paper of the note pad and grabbing the pen next to it.

‘Goodbye and thank you for everything.’

You placed the piece of paper beside him on his pillow before kissing his forehead as a parting gift, closing the door as softly as you could when you left.

You knew this was the right thing to do, you made this decision once when he left for Korea the first time, you can't be in his way this time around, not when he's this far into his career, you can’t be selfish, he belongs on this path, he deserves it and you’re not going to take it away from him, you've stood on the side-lines all this time, he shed the limelight on you for one night, and that's all you should have, he's better off without you.

Yukhei felt himself grow cold when he couldn't feel the warmth of your body, jerking up to check if you were in the bathroom, only to find the door wide open, the room empty.

That's when he had spotted the piece of paper with your goodbye message, his heart clenching in pain, crashing onto the bed once more.

He didn't know what to expect, you had sent him off once, and now you left him without saying goodbye. He thought he could at least say goodbye.

Pushing his thoughts away, he gathered his things, packing up to leave for Korea.

His members could tell something was terribly off, they thought he was just in it for a casual hook up, but his expression tells otherwise.

The usual cheerful Yukhei was nowhere to be found, which meant Yang Yang and Hendery had to keep the mood light throughout the journey home, everyone knew to not say anything, only speaking when crucial.

It took Yukhei quite a while for him to get back to his goofy self, but even then, Kun, being the most observant one, saw a tightness in his smile, a faraway look in his eyes, whoever he had seen that night must've meant a lot to him, but he dare not to press, he knows Yukhei would open up when he's ready.

It was a normal Tuesday night when he had received a request to face time from you, without thinking much of it, excited to hear from you, he accepted, your beautiful face coming into view as he got comfortable on his bed.

“Hey, this is unexpected,” Yukhei said, not knowing what else to say.

“Yukhei, there’s something I need to tell you,” you said, eyes avoiding his.

“Yeah, what's up?” he asked, rubbing his nape, a habit he does whenever he's nervous.

“I'm um, I’m pregnant,” you said, choosing to not beat around the bush.

You could see Yukhei's face pale when he processed your words. Is it his? It's definitely his, it's almost a month since the two of you slept together, unless you slept with someone else?

“It's mine?” a dumb question, but he needs to know for sure.

“Yeah,” you said before the two of you come to a piercing silence.

“You could get an abortion, maybe?” Yukhei suggested after contemplating in his head, there’s no way he could be in the child’s life, and that's the best option for your sake, raising a child in Hong Kong is the most expensive thing to do, equivalent to buying a house there.

“I decided to keep it, Yukhei,” you said, glancing up to see the disbelief on his face.

“You can’t, you know I can't be there for you and you’re still so new in your job, you can't risk your life for this!” Yukhei said, not comprehending on why you'd do this to yourself.

“I already decided, Yukhei, and I don't expect you to take responsibility, this is my choice,” you said as tears threatened to flow.

“That isn't fair, it's not fair for the child! A child needs its father! You don't know what you're doing! Being a single mum is next to impossible in Hong Kong! You're putting the child in a horrible situation just for your selfishness!” Yukhei said before pushing his hair back, the feeling of an impending headache forming.

“How dare you say that?! I’ll raise this child perfectly on my own, I was just calling you to inform you of it, but since you don't want anything to do with it or me, I guess this is goodbye and don't call me anymore, I won't change my mind,” you said before your face disappeared from his phone screen.

Yukhei tried calling you immediately after, a day later, several weeks later, but you never picked up. Then he started stressing about his career, what would happen if someone were to find out? But he knows you as a person, and being a tell-tale is not one of your characteristics, yeah, he can just act like nothing happened, like he had never received this call.

He knows he's running away from his problems, but what other choice does he have?

Fast forwarding to July of 2021, Yukhei is home after his filming of the popular Chinese reality show in China, Keep Running, he feels at ease when he sees his family, finally reuniting with them, but only for a short two weeks time, before he has to leave for Korea once more.

It was a Friday night when his friends from home took him out for a drink, he was not so familiar with the clubbing scene in Hong Kong, but with the knowledge he has of this area, he knows many rich and young people often here, just like the girl kissing up his neck now, her soft hands running up the expanse of his thigh, getting dangerously close to where he wants her to be.

Yet Yukhei doesn’t remember her name, was it Candy? Apple? Some sort of name that had to do with food, he just remembered that she told him that she was an up and coming model, or trying to be anyways.

Just as she suggested to go to some hotel, Yukhei suggested for a quickie in the bathroom first, and so here he is now, being pushed to the door of a stall, her hands trying to unbuckle his belt.

Yukhei reached the back of his pocket for his wallet, opening it, looking for the condom he had placed there, but cursed when he realised he must've dropped it when he paid for drinks.

He told her to go back out and wait for him to get some, leaving the club and the musky smoke filled place behind him, the summer breeze blowing his hair all over, he brings the hood of his jacket up as he scans for a nearby convenience store, locating one at the street across.

When he got in, the scent of curry immediately greeted him, it was your favourite food, everyday after school, no doubt you'll drag him into one of these shops, just to share a bowl of curry fish balls, one of the most famous snacks here in Hong Kong.

He pushed the thought away, trudging to the aisle that was on the most right, where the condoms were at, hidden away from children. He took a box and made his way to the counter, opening his wallet to take out a few notes.

The cashier turned her back from stocking the cigarette shelf, scanning the box wordlessly.

“That would be 30,” she said when she looked up, but her hand immediately dropped the box when she saw who it was, and that's when Yukhei truly opened his eyes to see who it was, at first he was just miffed not knowing why the cashier froze, then he sees you, in the worn out 7 Eleven uniform, was you, the last person he’d be expecting.

“Why are you here? What happened to your job at the law firm? Why...” Yukhei didn't know how to ask, he didn't know if he deserved the right to ask, yet there's so many questions he had swarming in his head. Where is his child? Did you abort it in the end? Did you give it up for adoption? Were you fired from your job because of it?

“It's my shift right now, and you seem to be getting lucky tonight,” you said stiffly, holding up the box for him to see, sliding it across the counter

“It's for my friend actually,” Yukhei said, eyes avoiding yours, but immediately looking at you straight in the eyes, remembering how you use to be able to see right through him whenever he didn't do the revision work you've given him.

“Right,” you said, resisting to roll your eyes.

“You haven't answered me, why are you working here instead of the law firm?” Yukhei pressed.

You sigh at his persistence, not knowing what to say to humour him, so you didn't say anything, getting back to rearranging the shelves.

Yukhei bit his lip, not knowing what to say to you, but a million questions in his head, desperate for answers.

“Please leave if you're done with your purchases,” you said, you had a long day, and the thought of entertaining him was not something you want to add on your plate.

Yukhei looked around the store once more, grabbing a bowl of instant noodles from the shelf before making his way once more to the cashier.

“I’d like to have this here,” Yukhei said before pulling out some spare change from just now.

“Yukhei, what are you trying to do?” you asked in an exasperated tone, there's no point making small talk when there's no way the two of you would ever cross in each other’s lives ever again.

“I'm hungry, I want to eat noodles,” which wasn’t really a lie, all the alcohol he drank before gave him an appetite.

You sighed, turning your back to him, soundlessly waited for the water to boil before pouring it into the cup, sealing the top for it to cook. As you worked, Yukhei was having déjà vu, this was an all too familiar sight, nights at the convenience store studying till late at night in groups, you'd always share noodles with him as you taught him some dumb math formula that no one uses in their life after school.

He takes his bowl of noodles, opting to sit at the place closest to the counter, just looking at you, eating as slow as humanly possible.

When it was around three, you received a call.

“Hello?”

“...”

“You think you have a stomach ache? Celine jia is asleep? Okay, mama’s coming home okay?” you said frantically before shutting off the stove of the food at the counter, running to the back for a pack of meds, depositing some money into the register. You looked at Yukhei, frozen at his seat, cursing at yourself for not going into the back room before picking up the call.

“You need to go, I have something to deal with,” you said as you grabbed your bag, turning off all the switches in one go, making the place pitch black other than the lights from the lamp posts outside.

“Is that my child?” Yukhei asked, he can't allow himself to act like it never happened before, he ran away once, it's time to man up and shoulder on his responsibilities.

“No I fucked another guy before you and it's his child,” you deadpanned.

You walked down the street to flag for a taxi that is always parked there to get their club goer customers, Yukhei hot on your heels, you turned back to look at him questioningly.

“This is none of your concern, don’t follow me,” you said in a rather seething tone, you didn't mean to sound like that, but if he's going to be in the way of your child, then he’s not a friend.

“That's my child too, I want to know how they are, I have a right to do so, you studied law, you should know,” Yukhei retorted in the most friendly way possible, he knows he's in the wrong, but he wants to ensure his child’s safety.

“For fuck’s sake,” you cursed aloud before stepping into the taxi, leaving the door open for him.

You told the driver your address, sitting back to think of what's the problem, the kindergarten shouldn't be the culprit, it's a school with a good reputation, which also burns a hole in your wallet, but you don't mind, and it's not like you have much of a choice, education is deadly expensive here.

About 20 minutes later, you've reached home.

“That'll be 150, miss,” the driver said.

“What?!”

“Fares are different after midnight, miss,” the driver reminded you.

Before you could check if you had enough money on you, Yukhei paid for it wordlessly.

You got out of the car, rushing into the building and running up the stairs as quick as you can, unlocking the door, jabbing the keys into the rusty lock.

Taking off your shoes before you made your way to your room, spotting your son crouched in the corner of your bed, hands around his stomach.

“Hey, mama's home, I'll get you a glass of water to take your medicine okay?” you said before hurrying out, Yukhei passing you a glass of water at the kitchen.

“Thanks,” you mumbled before making your way back inside.

You open the package and passed you son a tablet, but looking at the size, you knew he’d panic to swallow something this big, so you broke it in half, telling him to drink a big gulp of water to wash it down and it'll be fine.

All the while, Yukhei was watching with wonder leaning by the door frame, even in the dim lights and the fact that he's still quite young, he could still identify his eyes on his son, the strong genes in his family, his father and brother all had those eyes, this boy is most definitely his.

The boy diligently does as you told him, taking a big gulp of water, so obedient, and from the way the two of you communicate, very mature for his age, nothing like the usual three year old.

When he was done, he noticed Yukhei’s presence, tugging your sleeve to whisper into your ear, eyes trained on him.

“That's a friend of mine, love, be polite, say hi to Yukhei gogo,” you urged.

Yukhei took this as a sign to get closer to his son, squatting down to meet his eye.

“You’re a handsome boy, what's your name? I’m Yukhei and I’m 22 this year, how about you?” Yukhei asked as he reached out his hand for the little boy to shake.

“I’m Wenghei, 3 years old. Why have I never seen you before gogo?” the child asks, looking at him with curious eyes, he's met some of your friends, but he's definitely haven't met him before, most people aren't as tall here, or not in his mother's circle anyways.

“Get some rest, love,” you said, tucking him into bed.

“Okay,” he said, a yawn coming out from his mouth.

You closed the door behind you, directing Yukhei to the small living room area, serving him a glass of water.

You walked to the trash bin, opening the lid to check its contents, a scowl on your face when you saw the root of your son’s stomach ache when you spot the plastic container that contained the two day old pizza from the freezer. Your roommate, Celine, must’ve gave him some as dinner, usually you'd leave some money for Celine to buy him dinner, but she must've been tight on money again, trying to find ways to squeeze in some spare change, you've warned her of her spending habits, always splurging on albums of her favourite stars, which reminds you.

“You have to go, I’m living with a roommate and I'm sure she's going to recognise you,” you said, a hand gesturing at the door.

“Wait, did you find out why he had a stomach ache?” Yukhei asked.

“Yeah, he ate something he shouldn't have for dinner, you have to go, I need some rest for tomorrow,” you said, struggling to keep your eyes open.

“Do you have anything on tomorrow? Can I see you, perhaps?” Yukhei asked, he didn't know what he wanted to talk about, but he just had to see you again.

“I’m tutoring a student at a coffee shop tomorrow, you can come right after,” you said, thinking that he just wants to know more about his son.

“Okay, goodnight then,” Yukhei said awkwardly as he walks towards the door.

“Goodnight,” you said, feeling a weight on your chest, dreading tomorrow’s meeting.

When Yukhei arrived at the café, he could see you sitting at the way back, a teenage girl sitting in front of you, back facing him, he sipped on his latte, observing you silently.

Your hair is much longer than it had been in high school, the bag hung by your chair very much worn out, and your eye bags were heavier than on days where Yukhei would stay up to prepare for promotions.

Soon, the student was packing up, leaving the table, Yukhei took this as a sign to move to your table. You had stood up to greet him, and that's when he saw, you had lost lots of weight, and he's not meaning it in a fitness way, he recognised the jeans you are wearing, you had these even back then, they used to be a perfect fit for you, that's why they were your favourite, but now, you were wearing a belt to hold it together, and still he could see how loose it was.

“Hey, you didn't order anything?” Yukhei asked, noting that the cup of coffee he saw just now belonged to your student.

“I got a coffee in my flask, cheaper that way,” you said as you packed up your stationaries.

“What did you have for breakfast? How about I order you a piece of cake?” Yukhei suggested, looking back to see what they have today.

“It's alright, I'm not hungry, why don't we get straight to the point? What is it you want to ask about Wenghei?” you asked, noting the time on your watch, you have to leave around noon to fetch your son from pre school.

“I, how about you? Why did you leave the firm? And how’s your parents?” Yukhei started off.

“Well, they said I would’ve been an embarrassment to the firm, you know, pregnant and unmarried, so they told me to leave, it's not like filing could be done with a big weight in my stomach, so I did as they said. Now I tutor kids English and work the night shift at the convenience store, and as for my parents, they kicked me out,” you said, laying down the cards, no point avoiding his questions, especially not when you're in a hurry.

Yukhei nodded at your words, registering the fact that he had a fault in ruining your hot shot lawyer dreams and completely destroyed your sensitive relationship with your parents, how is he ever going to forgive himself?

“I’m sorry,” Yukhei said, he didn't know what else to say, how could he make it up to you and your son? Will you let him even if he could?

“Don't be, this is on the both of us, are you going to ask about the share custody stuff? If so, I don't think we should continue this conversation, Wenghei doesn’t know who you are, and maybe that's the best case scenario, what point would be made if he knew you were his father but you're not in our lives? It'll break his heart. You've seen him now, maybe you can reconnect with him when he's older, I think you should just say goodbye before you go, if you want,” you said, saying these harsh words aloud wasn’t easy, you’re not entirely a cold hearted bitch, but it's for the best that your son didn’t know about his father, no one wants to know the fact that their father abandoned them twice, some truths are better to be untold.

“Can I see him one last time, maybe tonight? For dinner? I'm leaving in two days,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Yeah, sure, I'll take the shift off tonight,” you said, eyes avoiding his, you could just tell he’d have those sad puppy eyes on his face right now, you don't need anymore guilt in your heart.

“Hey man, where were you?” Jackson asked Yukhei, who was waiting for him at the harbour, they were going to Macau for a day trip today, his friend isn't late for the boat, but they did schedule to meet 15 minutes earlier.

“Something came up, and I need to head back around 7, there’s some people I need to see,” Yukhei said as they boarded the boat.

“So that leaves us 5 hours, should be enough,” Jackson said, checking his watch.

“I’m sorry about this, man, it just came up suddenly,” Yukhei said as they took their seats, apologetic because they have been talking about this trip for a long time now.

“It's okay, dude, but what's up? You look really stressed,” Jackson asked, taking in Yukhei's clenched jaw and furrowed brows, a stark contrast from his usually carefree expression.

“It's a long story,” Yukhei said as he mindlessly watches the sea from the little window of his seat.

“Well, if you don't mind, this is a 45 minutes journey, maybe we'll be able to find a solution together, what are friends for am I right?” Jackson offered, he wouldn't press his friend if he didn't want to tell him about it, but the two of them have been close ever since going on knowing brothers, coming from the same home country and everything.

And so Yukhei, for the first time, told his friend his long love story.

“You know, I think I have a solution for you, but let me ask you one thing first, do you still love her?” Jackson asked as he ate his pork chop bun, Macau’s famous local snack.

Yukhei pondered over his friend’s question, yes the two of you agreed to break up, but all the girls he dated after you, all had similar features or personality traits to you, he had dismissed it as just a type, but now that he had seen you again, he realised that the hole in his heart was always emptied for you, you were the missing puzzle piece all along.

“You don't even have to answer me, your face tells all man,” Jackson said, an oily finger wagging at the direction of his face.

“Yeah, I think I do,” Yukhei said with a sigh, “but even if I still love her, that doesn’t mean she loves me back, and what if we do love each other? We're living oceans apart,” Yukhei said in a defeated tone.

“Now here comes my solution, so you said she got fired from her law firm and is now tutoring kids and doing the night shift at 7 E, and got kicked out by her shitty parents, so she really doesn't have anything else here for her other than her son, why don't you suggest get to move with you? To Korea? It'll be way easier for the two of you to raise your son, even if the two of you don't get back together, I mean, at least you'll be able to financially support them, that is what you're willing to do right?” Jackson asked, hoping that his friend would uptake his part of the child support.

“Yeah, of course I want that, I just don't know what she'll say, or if she'd be willing, she doesn't speak the language and it's an entirely different environment,” Yukhei said, thinking back the days where he had a tough time adjusting.

“From what you told me, she sounds like a tough nut, but of course, this is all up to you, but just so you know, I would really like to be his godfather, and as for your doubts of her love towards you, she did name him after you, isn't it the same Hei?” Jackson said with a hearty chuckle, he could just imagine the fun they'll have together, he was always fond of children.

“Yeah, I’ll persuade her on this,” Yukhei said, he could already feel himself getting nervous for tonight’s dinner, it can’t be that much of a coincidence that his son’s last name resembled his right? Or is he and Jackson just being delusional?

“Now that's my buddy, now come on, finish your food so that we’ll make it in time for the next batch of Portuguese egg tarts, I remember they have a fresh batch around 4,” Jackson said, mouth salivating at the thought of more food.

When you arrived at the restaurant, it was fancier than what you had expected, feeling underdressed among the rich elite of Hong Kong in your old dress that you wear for every special occasion.

You asked if there was a reservation under your name, since Yukhei said he had it booked under you, and almost immediately, since not that many people can afford places like these, the waiter led you in.

“Mama, what is this place? We've never ate here before,” your son asked you.

“It's a French cuisine restaurant, we’re meeting gogo here, remember him? Or were you too sick that day?” you said as you placed him on the baby chair you had requested for.

“Yeah, I remember,” your son said as he looks around in awe, registering the pretty chandeliers that look so sparkly.

When the waiter handed you a menu, someone had joined your table, his hoodie pulled up so no one would recognise him, pulling it down when he saw that there wasn't any other customers around.

“Sorry, am I late?” Yukhei asked with a sheepish smile, a hand lifting up to check the time.

“No, we’re just early, say hi to Yukhei gogo, love,” you directed the last part to your son, patting his little hand to get his attention, smiling immediately when he lands on the tall figure.

“Gogo, you're here,” your son said excitedly, making grabby hands at him, letting his father carry him with a large smile on his face.

“Hey, buddy, don't you look excited to see me?” Yukhei said before blowing raspberry at his neck, making the young boy giggle.

What you didn't expect was to see someone coming up behind Yukhei, a little bit shorter and smaller in built, but when he pulled his hoodie down, you instantly recognised who it was.

“Jackson Wang?” you asked, blinking your eyes a few times to see if you were hallucinating.

“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you, you look lovely tonight, and you must be little Wenghei, aren't you adorable, how about Jackson gogo take you out to buy toys, huh? I saw a big toy store just across the street, but only if your ma says yes of course,” Jackson said, giving you a side eye to Yukhei.

“Yeah, sure,” you said, it's not like the Jackson Wang is going to kidnap your son right?

“Don’t worry, I’ll watch him with my life,” Jackson said as Yukhei passes his son over to him, leaving the restaurant with his hood up once more.

“Is there something you'd like to say?” you asked Yukhei after he had taken the seat across you his hands were shaking slightly as he holds up the menu.

“I... I still love you. And I know I must sound like a jerk to you, hell I’d go back in time just to hit myself for running away, I'm really sorry for that. What I did was inexcusable, my career just stabilised at that time, and I was under immense stress from SM, you have every right to be mad at me, but I want to be apart of your life again, apart of Wenghei’s life as well, if you could let me have this second chance, I'll do anything to make the both of you happy,” Yukhei said in one breath, reciting what he had practised over and over again with Jackson in the car.

“Yukhei, I,” you were lost for words, you thought you were saying goodbye once more, that Yukhei and you would always end up in goodbyes, but now here he is, saying he loves you.

“Yukhei, you can't just say you love me for the sake of our son, and neither would you need to take responsibility for him, I chose to have him, and as for love, we can never be together, you’re an international super star now, and you're living in Korea, I don't think I have the energy to be in a long distance relationship with you, that would take a toll on Wenghei too, how am I going to explain to him that his father is in another country? He’ll always question your love for him and I don't want that,” you said, trying to hold in the tears that had built up in your eyes, your throat closing up, the cold facade you built for yourself crumbling down before his eyes.

“You can move to Korea, both of you, we can be a family,” Yukhei pleaded, his hands reaching forward to hold yours, his eyes searching yours.

“We can’t, what if we break up? What if your so called love for me, is just something you feel as a result of our child? You can't uproot the two of us when there's so many uncertainties, especially our emotions,” you said, you don't want either of you to be stuck in a relationship for the sake of raising a child, no one would be happy in the end.

“Love, you don't understand, I've never had a serious relationship after you, I tried, I really did, but I’d always think of you instead, how badly I wanted you instead of someone who reminds me of you, the thing is, I’ve always loved you, and I think you still love me too, or you wouldn't have named our son after me, am I right?” Yukhei hoped, why else would you come up with that name right?

Damn it, you thought to yourself, he saw right through you, maybe you shouldn't have named your son after him.

You looked at him and looked away, darn those puppy eyes, you’re sure you’re crying now, and Yukhei reaching over to wipe away your tears just confirmed it.

“I love you, it's always been you, only you,” Yukhei confessed.

“I, I love you too, Yukhei, and I was never mad at you for running away from us, I know how tough that industry is, but what if your fans find out about us?” you asked, slightly worried that he might lose it like last time.

“Then so be it, true fans would stay,” he said in an affirmative tone, reassuring you.

“You promise?” you asked, holding out your pinky, it would’ve been a funny sight to see if anyone saw the two of you now, crying and smiling at the same time.

“I promise,” Yukhei said before hooking his own pinky to connect with yours.

“If you leave us, Wong Yukhei, I’ll murder you in your sleep,” you said as threatening as you could sound.

“I plan to see our son grow up, so I'll value my life,” Yukhei said in utmost sincerity before grabbing a napkin to wipe away all your tears, you’re glad that you didn't wear any mascara today.

Just when Yukhei wiped away the tears in his eyes, Jackson was back with your bubbly child, his arm had bags digging into his flesh.

“Oh my god, that's too much, Wenghei why did you get so many, this is Jackson gogo’s hard earned money,” you said, lecturing your son.

“It's okay, he's an angel, this was all on me, and I guess things went well?” Jackson asked, eyes darting to your connected hands.

“Yeah,” you said, the biggest smile you had on your face.

“That's great to hear, I always wanted to be an uncle, now if you’ll excuse me, I don't think I should crash this family reunion any longer,” Jackson said giving his best friend a hug before leaving.

“So... What do you like to eat Wenghei? How about we get crème brulé,” Yukhei asked, pointing at the menu with childlike eyes, reminding you of the days where he’d get ice cream with you, splitting it on half for you to share.

“Sounds delicious.”

You let Yukhei order everything, sharing between the three of you while the three of you talked, Yukhei mostly directed the questions at his child, asking about his interests, his favourites of everything, ranging from colour to ice cream, eager to make up for loss time.

“How about we talk about where you'll be staying?” Yukhei asked after ordering dessert.

“Oh, I don't know what I'll be able to afford, I'll probably get another convenience store job again, so the rent can't be too high,” you said, dreading the thought of needing to learn a new language quickly for a job.

“Hey, you don't need to work anymore, nor pay rent, I already looked it up, there's an empty unit in our condo, the soundproofing might be a bit lacking, but that wouldn't be a problem if you don't sing in the shower like Dejun, we had a few noise complaints because of him,” Yukhei said, laughing at the fond times he had at the dorms.

“Yukhei, I know housing is really expensive there, are you sure you want to do this?” you asked once more, you don't want him to resent the financial burden the two of you would add onto him.

“What did I say to you just now? I said what I meant, I want the two of you to be in my life, forever. And don't worry about money, I saved up plenty and there’s many more jobs coming up for me, and moving out of the dorms would be the next step of adulthood to me, and we’ll get to spend so much more time together, right Wenghei?” Yukhei asked, pinching your son’s chubby cheeks teasingly.

“We’ll be living together, Yukhei gogo?” your son asked, a confused expression on his face, he had his attention trained on some pink fong video, something about dinosaurs.

“Yeah, Wenghei, we’ll be moving out of our little room, are you excited? We're going to a new country. Remember the dramas I watched with you? Korea has that big outdoor theme park you said you always wanted to go, and snow, you'll get to make snowmen during the winter,” you persuaded, hoping he won’t fuss too much about the move.

“Really? There’s snow in Korea?” your son asked, excited about the winter scene he’ll get finally see in real life.

“Yeah, real snow, not the bubbles in Disney land, are you excited?”

“Yeah, is Jackson gogo going to stay with us too?” your son asked, eyes darting to his new goodies before looking at you expectantly.

“Well, Jackson gogo has his own house and we have ours, but we can always visit him,” Yukhei explained.

“Hehe, okay,” your son said before getting distracted by the crème brulé set in front of him, digging in immediately.

“When do you want us to make the move?” you asked, thinking of all the things you have to pack, which isn't a lot, but you might have to courier some of your clothes over first.

“Whenever you want, I'll get our home ready as soon as possible, is there anything you need in the house? Other than the basics of course,” Yukhei asked, uncertain of any needs you have as a woman or maybe for your son.

“Can we have a study room for Wenghei? With a desk and shelves? We love to read, and he'll need a proper desk when he's older,” you asked, hoping it wasn't too much.

“Yeah, sure, I'll be sure to get it done,” Yukhei said, noting it down into his phone.

“But it's no rush on the study room part, he's just three after all, before I go, I have to apply visas for both of us,” you said, dreading the thought of filling up paperwork, you haven't done much of that ever since you left the law firm.

“Call me if you need any help on that, I'm sure my manager knows how to,” Yukhei said.

“You’re going to tell your company about us?” you asked, knowing how strict Korean entertainment companies are.

“They can't let me go just because of having my own family, they didn't let Jongdae, my senior, go, so we’ll be fine, I promise,” Yukhei said, reaching a hand over to hold yours reassuringly, his eyes looking into yours, filled with love and adoration.

“Okay, now how about we walk around the complex until 10? Wenghei doesn't have school tomorrow,” you suggested.

“Yeah, sure, we could even stay out later if you want,” Yukhei said enthusiastically, getting up slightly to call for the bill.

“You have a flight to catch tomorrow,” you reminded him in your motherly voice, which you regretted almost instantly, cursing yourself, reminding yourself to act more like an actual 22 year old, but Yukhei didn't say anything about it, hiding his smile by nodding deeply, almost like a bow.

“Okay, I just wanted to spend more time with the two of you,” Yukhei said, stopping when he saw the waiter coming back with the credit card machine, paying with just a glance at the bill.

The three of you spent your remaining time shopping and at the arcade, playing games with your son, Yukhei had insisted on getting you a new pair of sneakers, but you shot him down when he wanted to buy more stuff, especially toys for Wenghei.

“You can buy him toys when we’re there, it'll cost even more to ship more stuff over, and there's a risk of damaging the toys as well,” you said.

But of course your son threw a fit at the shop, all for some legos.

“Hey, buddy, I'll buy you lots the next time I see you, okay? I'll buy you one that's even bigger than this,” Yukhei said, squatting down next to his son, and even then he wasn't eye level with him, sometimes you forget how tall Yukhei actually is until you see a scene like this, or when you stand really close to him.

When it was 10pm, painful goodbyes were exchanged with a promise of face timing everyday, your son cried, and held onto his father dearly, and you haven't even told him Yukhei was his dad, but their bond is evident.

Yukhei held onto you and your son until his taxi came, and you waved until you couldn't see the taillights.

It's been a month since that fateful reunion, and Yukhei has squeezed in face times, calls, and texts in between schedules, giving you and your son time despite his busy career.

His company wasn’t too happy about it of course, but was somewhat glad that you weren't one to babble your business to gossip outlets.

You're now packing your things, one last time, you've been to the post office multiple times before to courier out your stuff to Korea, and every time a box reached his address, Yukhei would take a photo of it, telling you the stuff arrived safely.

Progress on your new home was quick, since it was already a fully furnished unit, Yukhei only needed to buy some furniture and things that cater to your son’s needs, he even picked out a pre school that teaches mandarin, perfect for your son’s adjustment in such a foreign country.

Tomorrow you'd be flying to Korea, a new country, a new start, but there was something clouding your mind, something you've been dreading, but today is the day you’ll tell him.

“Wenghei, can you come to mama for a second?” you asked, soon hearing your son’s tiny footsteps nearing you.

“Yes, mama?” your son asked, a hand around his precious teddy.

“There's something I need to tell you,” you said holding him close to you, letting him sit onto your lap.

“Remember how you asked me why you didn't have a baba while all your other classmates did?” you asked, trying to word it as nicely as possible.

“You said my baba had a really big responsibility, that he couldn't see us because of it, that he'll come back when he's free,” your son answered you, struggling to remember more details.

“Yes, good job, Wenghei, your memorising skills are getting better. Well, your baba is actually Yukhei gogo, he’s back now, and we can finally be a family again,” you said before holding in a breath, not knowing how he’ll react.

“Baba is Yukhei gogo? That's why we’re going to Korea?” your son asked, confusion written on his face.

“Yeah, do you like that he's your baba?” you asked, this could be the most important question ever.

“Yeah, mama, do you love baba? Does baba love you as much as I do?” your son asked, which very much surprised you, but expecting this sort of maturity from him.

“Yes, we love each other, and both of us love you as much too,” you said with a pinch of his chubby cheeks.

“Do we ever have to be separated from baba again?” your son asked, scared of losing his newfound father.

“No, never again, and can you do me one favour, Wenghei? I think the next time when you see your baba, you should run up to him and say hi baba, he’ll be very happy to hear you call him that,” you suggested, imagining the look on Yukhei’s face.

Your son giggled at the thought of making his father happy, agreeing immediately.

“Okay, now go to sleep, it's going to be your first time flying tomorrow,” you said, ushering him onto the bed.

“Okay, goodnight, mama,” your son said to you, just like he did every other night, he seemed to have accepted it very easily, maybe it was due to his age, but some day he might ask his father about his departure personally when he understands more, but that’s a hardship that’s reserved for another day.

The flight was relatively short, though it was rather hard for Wenghei at the start because of the pressure he had experienced in his ears, the crying and whining got you plenty of dirty looks from passengers around you, but you paid no mind to it, you’ve been through worst so this is nothing that can faze you.

When you got there, you saw a lady holding up a plaque with your name on it, her phone in her hand, checking all the moms who came out of the same lane as you.

She had a friendly smile on her face when she saw you, introducing herself in mandarin, being one of Wayv’s staff, a trusted one, according to Yukhei.

She talked to you about Yukhei in general, even giving your son a bar of mini KitKat, praising him for being brave on the flight after she had asked you how was your flight.

Around half an hour later, you've reached your new home, a nice looking condominium that looked about a few years old.

Unloading took quite some time, even with the help of the staff, but what surprised you was the person who was waiting for you inside the lobby.

“You're here!” you said surprised at the sight of the giant.

“Yeah, I am, wanted to give you a surprise, sorry I couldn't be outside, some crazy fans camp outside, can’t let them bring you and Wenghei any harm,” Yukhei said as he carried Wenghei, spinning in a small circle, looking at him with full of love.

“I understand, don't worry, I'm not a teenager girl anymore,” you said as you checked out the place, the sitting area had a couch set and free WiFi, this is a 180 from the living conditions in Hong Kong.

“Baba, did you miss me?” your son asked when he had stopped giggling from his father’s spins, which instantly ceased to a halt, eyes growing as wide as saucers.

“What did you call me? Say it again,” Yukhei said with the biggest smile on his face, all of his teeth were showing.

“Mama said you were my Baba,” Wenghei said like it was as simple as two plus two.

“Yeah... I am your baba, and you're my son,” Yukhei said before holding his son even closer, you could even see the tears at the corner of his eyes.

“Why don't we go see our new home Wenghei?” you suggested, seeing that some people have came out from the lifts, typical going to work hours.

You walked a feet away from Yukhei, not wanting to draw attention, holding onto the lift for Yukhei to bring all your luggage in.

Once you were at your level, you started loosening up, noticing that no one was around.

“This is my members’ unit,” Yukhei said pointing at a door, “And this is ours,” Yukhei said before opening the door for you, welcoming you into a warmly decorated home, every piece of furniture was placed and chose to accommodate your child, all the corners were covered with this e rubber safety stickers.

He showed you into Wenghei's room where the bed had all his favourite characters in the form of a plushie, his bed was soft when you sat down on it, and the blanket he had picked out was a soft fleece material, perfect for the cold weather.

Your son was going around every corner, awing at everything his father had gotten him, especially the Lego sets that were on his desk.

“Thank you, it's beautiful, his room,” you said when Yukhei wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing you closer to him, god how much you've missed his warmth.

“Go take a look at your room,” Yukhei said before pulling your hand into the direction of the master bedroom, welcoming you into a room with a king size bed and silk linen sheets, an aesthetic looking vanity that you've always wanted as a teenager, now as well of course, and a little reading corner just for you by the window.

“It's all I've ever wanted,” you said in disbelief, not knowing how could Yukhei pull this off in such a short time.

“You like it? I got some help from my members, especially Kun for the kitchen, you should check it out afterwards, you always wanted a big kitchen area,” Yukhei said as you laid on the bed, giving your stiff body a rest from the journey.

“Lay down with me for a while, I’m a bit tired from the flight,” you said, making grabby hands at him.

“Nah, I shouldn’t, this is your bed,” Yukhei said, looking flustered.

“Wong Yukhei, I’ve had your child and now you're acting all innocent?” you asked in an accusing tone, playing with him, which made him lay down next to you immediately, he didn't like getting you angry, thinking back all those days when you had lectured him just like that when he forgot to do his homework.

“You want me to sleep here?” Yukhei asked carefully, observing your expressions.

“This is our bedroom, where else do you want to sleep?” you asked, but was promptly cut off by Yukhei's lips on yours, smiling as he kissed you, gentle but expressing all his love for you, a hand lingering on your back, guiding you closer than him.

Many mistakes that had to be made had guided you here, but you've never regretted, for if it wasn't for the hardships and the crossroads, you wouldn't have found a home with the man you'll cross oceans for.

The end.

[bts-weverse-trans]

201126 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jin

Jin: “It feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.26

Jin is calm and quiet throughout the whole interview. But while his words start out sounding like those in an everyday conversation, they soon begin to tell the story of a protagonist in the intricate drama that is BTS.

You worked on the lyrics for “Stay.” Jin: The song opens with the words, “Was it a dream?” and I came up with the theme. We used to see our fans and it was great, but now that’s something we can’t do anymore. I thought it all felt like a dream. I wanted to say, “We used to be so happy together, but now I feel like your very existence was a dream.” I came up with the intro and then talked about it with RM. He really helped me a lot.

I’m guessing you came up with the lyrics because of COVID-19. Jin: It was around two to three months ago that I wrote the lyrics for the song, when it seemed like COVID-19 wasn’t getting any better. I want to put on another concert, and, like I said, it feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream: Ah, they always used to be there with us, and then they disappeared like a memory—was all that a dream? Will we ever meet again? Those kinds of thoughts.

It sounds like you had a hard time getting used to this new situation. Jin: Yes. That used to be a part of our life for years, so it felt like a part of my life disappeared. When we had a busy schedule to deal with, sometimes I thought maybe it would be fun to have no job, but when that work was no longer there, no matter what I did, even if I poured myself into it, it all became meaningless very quickly. I felt insecure when I had nothing to do, since I’m so used to being busy, and feeling insecure made me think more about the things I like, and what I should do to make myself happier, besides work.

Would you say that’s been incorporated into your work on BE? Just from looking at the album photos, we can see each of you expressing your own thoughts through your room designs. Jin: Mine was the jewel room. They asked me what kind of concept I wanted for my room. I thought about what I wanted to do, and I wanted to go with gems. I was imagining myself lying down with gems all around me, but V, who was the visual director, thought I was joking at first. (laughs) “You were supposed to decorate the room, what do you mean gems?” But still, that’s the image I had in mind, so we went with that concept, except it wasn’t full of gems like I imagined. But I really stand out in the picture, so I’m satisfied with the result.

Why did you choose gems? Jin: Well … I have a sort of free, do-whatever-I-want personality, and at the time, I was really intrigued by gems, so that’s what I chose. This year, with the pandemic, I had more time to think about what I want and the things I want to do, and to try some new things, like playing piano, playing games, not playing games, meeting different people. But still, I can’t tell what I really like. I don’t think I ever thought much about myself, other than the work part. The best answer I found was doing whatever I’m interested in at the moment; is being the truest to myself. I’m more of a feeler than a thinker. Some might say I should have a plan for my future, but I don’t have any. (laughs) I thought that I really just do as I please.

So what does it mean to do as you please? Jin: Like I said, I’m someone who literally lives only in the present, so I tend to forget about the past, and I don’t stress over the future. I know I won’t forget important moments or times I spent with other people, but I’ve forgotten all the bad things that happened in the past and the hard times I had, and I’m really satisfied with my life now and happy to be working hard. How can anyone feel happy over and over again from something that happened in the past, no matter how good it was? You can be happier finding 10,000 won on the ground now than earning 100 times that in the past. I think I’m living true to my feelings by living in the now rather than thinking about the future or the past.

Even though you say you do whatever you’d like, aren’t there things you still need to be careful about, being a part of BTS? Jin: There are things that should be followed as a rule, such as not crossing on a red light, for example. Because if you do, there might be an accident. So those things, I set aside as things I shouldn’t do, so I never really thought of wanting to do them.

That sounds more like self-discipline. (laughs) Jin: It’s the same as not crossing at a red light if you don’t want to get hurt. I can keep myself happy living in the present as long as I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t be doing. Some might feel a bit frustrated, but they might also be the kind of people who cross at a red light. (laughs)

The song “Dis-ease” captures each of the BTS members’ thoughts on work. Is it especially difficult for you, in particular, to separate work from your personal life? Your life is influenced by your work. Jin: To me, work makes a lot of things happen in my life. Naturally there are times I feel stressed because of work, but the work I do makes me happy and has led to some spectacular experiences. Sometimes it’s interesting, other times it might be exhausting. I think I feel an entire spectrum of emotions thanks to my work. I lead my life the way I do because of my work, so to speak.

Just as you did, the other members also expressed on BE their feelings of what they’ve been through. Other than “Stay,” what other songs did you relate to? Jin: I didn’t really think about which songs I relate to, but I can tell you which song I like the most: “Blue & Grey,” by V. I liked that song from the very first time I listened to it, so I listened to the demo over and over again.

What was the demo version like? Jin: When V first made it and gave it to me, it didn’t have the rap part yet. There were no lines for the rap but it sounded really unique. Only the instrumental was there for that part and it felt like it was time for thinking by myself. Of course, I like the full version with the rap, too, but still, I liked how there was space that made you think. It’s been a long time since I got that feeling from listening to one of the demos. The first one was “Spring Day,” and the second was “Blue & Grey.”

It sounds like you found the song right when you needed some time to think. Jin: Yes. Before our debut, I had a clear goal: to debut. I chased after that one goal. After we debuted, I was chasing after a number one hit, and after we got number one I was chasing after major awards. And after that there were a lot of other awards, like from Billboard, and performances to put on, but it wasn’t a goal in the sense that it was my goal to debut. I’m just happy to be working. Every moment is wonderful and has become like my whole life. That wasn’t how I felt when I was a trainee because I had a serious goal then. But now, my goal is to live without overthinking anything. Maybe it’s not really a goal but a kind of defense mechanism.

A defense mechanism? Jin: As you get thinking, you might somehow undermine yourself. So, as long as I don’t think too hard, I can work hard right now. Maybe that’s why I called it a defense mechanism: If I stop and think about it, I might have too many ways to put myself down.

But if you imagine someone else were to have accomplished the same things you have, wouldn’t they think they deserve to feel proud? Jin: That’s true, but I’m also one of seven members of BTS. Thinking about what I’ve done as an individual feels like a burden to me. Up until we finished working on Map of the Soul: 7, I wasn’t burdened but felt, “Okay, we all did a good job. I’m happy with this.” But after getting “Dynamite” to the top of the Billboard Top 100 and starting down this new road, I started to wonder if I deserve any of this.

But you experienced a lot of big things before. What made you think that way this time? Jin: I was waiting for the chart position to come out all day, and then right before bed, Namjoon sent a message to our group chat. That’s when I realized we were number one! I was really happy, but something felt different. Maybe it was because we couldn’t see our fans. After “Dynamite,” we got even more love from even more people, and even when I was walking down the street, people would say things like, “I’m a big fan of yours,” or, “Thank you for introducing Korea to the world.” Then I started to think, “Do I deserve all this congratulations and love? That’s not me—I’m not that kind of person.” I got over it a bit, but even until a few days ago, the pressure was so intense that I couldn’t get any work done.

How did you move away from all that pressure? Jin: I just moved on. Like with COVID-19, we all have to wait and stay put until everything gets better. And actually, after “Dynamite” made number one, we got really busy, so I was able to think less about other things and basically avoid them that way, all those questions about life. I think that’s how I endured.

If you had had the fans there with you, maybe you would have felt less pressure or worry. Maybe it makes what you’re doing now seem incomplete compared to the past. Jin: We did so much and we worked so hard, but the result doesn’t hit you the same way, does it? The—excitement, maybe?—isn’t quite there. There’s a big difference between performing for people and performing for the camera. The performance itself is hard, too, of course. I have to keep at it for months once we start. But when we perform for people, I feel alive.

Had you been able to perform “Dynamite” on stage for your fans, you probably would have felt more love and more confident taking first place. Jin: I want to look and do my best in front of the fans no matter what. It’s a lot more fun when our fans are there, right in front of us. I’m not thinking about anything else in another sense, when they’re there with us.  For people who don’t perform like we do, when they have fun, they don’t think about much else, and just focus on what they’re doing. I think we’re the same way when our fans are around. I don’t have to think about anything else, because my fans are all right in front of me. I just have fun and forget about everything else.

Hopefully you’ll feel like everything is back to normal once you can see your fans again. Jin: At first I thought I’ll probably cry tears of joy. But would I? I don’t really think so. At first I really thought I would, but now I think it might feel like going back home. It depends on who you ask, but I don’t think most people would cry just because they came back to their hometown after being away. I think that’s how I’ll feel: like I’m back where I should be.

Talking to you, it seems like the sense of being loved by your fans must be important to you, emotionally. Jin: You’re right. Getting love from the fans was my source of happiness—what can I compare this to? Like a kid who’s always showered with love by their parents, but then the parents are suddenly gone on a business trip for like, ten months. It’s kind of like that. I was always trying to make our fans smile, make them feel good, by acting cute, but now my parents have been away on their business trip for, ten months, and I’m trying to be cute over a video call. That’s what it feels like. So please, wrap up your business trip as soon as possible, and hurry up and come home so I can show you how cute I am again! And, to COVID-19: Please get lost. (laughs)

Trans © Weverse

[pwarkluv]

❝ what is love? - l.mk ❞

lee mark x reader | fluff | 2k words

WARNINGS | lowercase is intended, idol au, love at first sight au, 6thmemberofitzy!reader, shy!mark and shy!reader, fluff bc that’s what i’m best at LOL, another request :), just enjoy <3

REQUEST | “hii i read ur electric love fic w jisung and i really loved it :DD could you do the same for mark ? still as the 6th member of itzy ofc :D” - my lovely anon <3

SUMMARY | he wonders what is love, but finds the answer in you.

AUTHOR’S NOTE | inspired by the song “what is love” by twice (english lyrics by genius translations)! ANOTHER REQUEST HDSFKLDSJHF IM SO SO SO SO EXCITED! i wanted to change up the setting so it’s still 6th member itzy, but not in weekly idol :P ALSO this was inspired by when nct dream, itzy, and stray kids sat next to each each other in that one award show so yeah lolol. IM SO SORRY I LOST THE MESSAGE WHERE MY ANON ASKED FOR IT BUT I STILL WROTE IT FOR YOU! I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU, NEVER BE SHY TO DM ME ;)

what is love?

mark knew the general idea of it; the sappy moments movies show, the “butterflies in your stomach” feeling books portray, the pain and hardships songs make you feel. 

but he’s never been in love, at least not like this.

❝ how could it be as sweet as candy? ❞

training at such a young age molded mark into the perfect idol, and with that he was fully aware dating would look bad to the public. he accepted the fact that he might never find love, all to help achieve his dream. 

but as cheesy as it sounds, the canadian wished to be loved. 

yes he was loved by his members, his family, his friends, his fans; but the type of love he longed for was something none of them could give him. 

mark wanted to feel the sweetness of being in love, the giddiness you’d feel whenever you talk to them, the pounding of your heart whenever they’re near. he wanted to experience the overwhelming need to be with that person, like if they’re gone for too long it’s like you can’t breathe.

was being in love like making a song for the very first time? or was it like eating watermelon all the time?

so many questions with no answers, the boy left to wander in his own thoughts. 

❝ how it’s like flying in the sky? ❞

he smiled bittersweetly as the newly wed couple danced around in confetti, the sound of laughter and cheers resonating around the room. one of nct’s managers that had been with them since the beginning invited them to her wedding, to which the team obviously accepted. 

all 23 of them were happy for their noona who found her happy ending. mark could only watch in awe at the sight of the two lovebirds, the love and adoration for the other evident in the way they looked at each other.

his heart tugged a bit knowing he wanted something like that too. 

“being in love is like flying in the sky.” his manager explained to the boy as a makeup artist experimentally brushed strokes on her face. it was a couple hours before the ceremony when mark knocked on her hotel door, wanting to visit his favorite noona before she finally said ‘i do’. 

his question left his mouth before mark could fully register what he was about to say, the poor boy flushing a bit as the woman laughed at him. 

“are you in love mark? is that why you’re asking me how i knew i was in love?” she teased as mark stutterd, denying her accusation.

“n-no i swear!” he said as his manager continued laughing, the makeup artist having to pause a bit to let her get it all out. “i’m just curious.” mark said quietly trying to stop the heat from rushing up to his cheeks. 

“well being in love is a magical feeling.” the woman said, turning a bit serious. mark sat up straight as he listened intently. “when you realize you love someone, it can be a scary thing. love isn’t perfect mark, and i want you to know that. there are moments where you want to scream and rip your hair out, or cry to let it all out.”

the boy nodded in understanding, having a bit of knowledge from all the good breakup songs taylor swift writes about. 

“but it can also change your whole world.” she continued on. “it’s like seeing the world again for the very first time and the colors are more vibrant. it’s like having a permanent reason to be happy, and a reason to stay.” she explained as the mark sat quietly trying to comprehend it all. 

❝ i wanna know know know know, what is love? ❞

the poor boy’s head couldn’t wrap around the thought of you. 

his heart hammered in his chest as he secretly glanced at you, desperately trying to avoid suspicion from fans and his members. you were just too breathtaking, having the canadian looking back for more. 

the moment he first laid eyes on you, it was like an epiphany. you were the answer to all his questions.

so this is what it feels like, mark thinks to himself as he looks back on all the things he’s heard about love. 

the butterflies, the pounding of your heart, the “seeing the world in a whole new perspective”, mark felt everything and as much as he felt excited, he was scared.

as harmless as it sounds, award shows were a risky thing for idols. being surrounded by fans of different groups as well as said groups themselves always seemed to cause a bit of a stir between fans.

between dating rumors and rumors about beef between two idols, anything could happen.

but usually mark would be okay. he’s been doing this for a long time and knew how to behave.

however what he didn’t expect was to see you, the tiny rookie idol from the newly debuted girl group ‘itzy’. 

nct 127’s table was right next to yours which let mark have a clear view of your pretty eye smile as you laughed at something lia had whispered into your ear. your laugh was bubbly and contagious, the boy having to physically stop himself from wanting to laugh too. 

he was panicking, but mark couldn’t tell if it was in a good or bad way. 

❝ what does love feel like? ❞

your breath hitched as you saw the boy sneak glances at you from the corner of your eye.

the mark lee was looking at you, your heart racing as you tried to deny the fact that he was staring you down. there was no way the dude you’ve looked up to your entire trainee life is noticing you, no way at all.  

everyone has heard of mark lee even if you weren’t into kpop. he was just that iconic. 

you’ve been an nctzen since the very beginning, being there for nct u’s debut stage. in fact, nct was the very reason you decided to audition to become an idol in the first place. you looked up to the team but more importantly you looked up to a certain canadian in the group.

originally doyoung was your bias in nct when nct u first came out. but as the years passed by you found yourself more and more intrigued by mark, having him absolutely wreck your bias list.

since then you’ve been a loyal mark stan, even rapping his part in cherry bomb for your audition tape which ultimately led you to become an idol yourself. 

you refused to believe you were in love with the dude, not knowing a single thing about him. there was no way you could love him, not if you’ve never even met the boy.

but your heart seemed to prove you wrong as it beat wildly knowing mark was sitting right there on the table next to you. 

“you okay bubs?” lia asked in a worried tone, leaning in to whisper into your ear. she saw the way your leg bounced in a fast rhythm, knowing you only did that when you were nervous. 

you forced a smile as you hesitantly looked her way, knowing that she could take one look into your eyes and know you were lying. “i'm fine unnie, don’t worry about me.” you replied as sweetly as you could, wishing the elder wouldn’t notice a thing. 

though you two and yeji were the eldest in the group, all being born in the year 2000, you were the baby of the unnie line. lia and yeji knew you the best, having grown up with you after all. 

the girl only gave you a look before taking your hand in hers to give a soft squeeze. “i know you’re lying but i won’t push you. also mark lee from nct 127 is totally checking you out.” lia said, whispering a bit on the last part. she winked as you flushed, looking away in horror. 

-

johnny nudged the boy next to him with a small smirk, clearly seeing the heart eyes he was giving the girl in the table next to them. mark jumped a bit at the feeling, looking at his hyung with confusion.

“so y/n of itzy?” johnny said with a small smile as the younger immediately sat up straight. 

“is it that obvious?” mark whispered back with a hint of fear in his eyes.

if any of the fans were to get a hold of this… the boy could only shiver at the thought. 

johnny’s playful smile dropped a bit at mark’s worried look knowing how he must feel. they were idols after all.

“don’t worry, i only noticed because she was looking back at you too.” he said, mark flushing at the revelation.

“really?” he asked a little out of it. 

“i say talk to her after this?” the elder said, laughing a bit when mark jumped in his seat, immediately saying no. 

❝ will love come to me someday? ❞

“unnie why are you making me stay in the dressing room~” you whined as the end of the award show came along.

you just wanted to go home, your body worn out. not from all the dancing but from the way it viciously pounded in your chest whenever you ever thought about mark. 

lia only smirked in retaliation as she brought a hand up to squish your cheeks. “trust me, you’ll thank me later.” she said as she walked out of the dressing room, bumping into a 6 foot tall boy with a smaller boy behind him. 

“oops sorry.” she said a little playfully, as lia gave a wink to johnny knowing their plan was going accordingly. johnny only gave her a small smile, but if you looked closely you could see the mischief in his eyes. 

“hyung where are we going?” mark asked, a little weirded out by the two’s interaction. johnny only ignored the boy, dragging him by his arm as they walked down the hallway. 

“hyung i swear if this is a prank i’ll-” mark’s words were cut off as the two entered a door, only to see your confused face staring back at him. 

“oh shit.” he cursed under his breath, a little taken aback from how beautiful you were. one whole award show later and you were still as gorgeous as when he first saw you sitting down in the table next to his. 

your confused face quickly turned to an embarrassed one as you noticed the boy, turning another shade of red when you noticed he couldn’t take his eyes off of you.

“hi y/n, my name is johnny and this is my band mate mark.” the taller boy said, holding his hand out in a handshake. 

“h-hi i’m y/n.” you stuttered, not expecting to see the boy you’ve been daydreaming about for the past two hours to be right in front of you. 

mark gawked at the sight of you, his mind malfunctioning as the words seemed to get stuck at the tip of his tongue.

“markie right here has something he wants to ask you.” johnny said, pushing the younger in front of him with a grunt. 

this seemed to knock him right out of his trance, a hand coming up to the back of his neck as he stared down at the floor with pink cheeks.

“do you maybe wanna-”

“yes.” you blurted out, a hand covering your mouth in shock. “i-if you were gonna ask if i wanted to hang out sometime, the answer is yes.” you said a little shyly as the boy smiled. 

all this time mark thought he was gonna find love, but maybe love found him instead. 

“i’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow evening.” mark said with a sweet smile as he took a step back only to be pushed back up again by johnny.

“you don’t even have her number you dumbass.” the elder scolded, disappointed at how dumb the boy was. 

your laughter caught both of the boy’s attention as you put your hand out with a small smile. “you want my number or nah?”

[lefinohohohohon]

DCKZ (Diluc, Childe, Kaeya, Zhongli) Idol!AU Genshin Impact

DCKZ HOW THE GROUP WAS FORMED:

DCKZ is a fanmade k-pop group based on Genshin Impacts's character " Diluc, Childe. Kaeya, and Zhongli as an idol group in an Idol AU.

Character design belongs to @veechu (please check it out and give them love)

Some of the headcanons I used for references came from Erica's comment on "ventiffin"'s youtube video: 

Link: (195) Pov: 4NEMO & DCKZ are having a rap battle | a playlist - YouTube

and Yajle Gaite on riko's youtube playlist: (196) attending a dckz concert – a genshin playlist - YouTube

P.S Diluc & Kaeya's part is longer since their together.

----------------------------------------------------------

Childe:

Ajax or as he was known currently with his fans because of his various song covers "Tartaglia" had just finished tidying up his recording room to attend his practice session at the gym for MMA, as he was placing his spare clothes on his duffle bag, he took a quick swipe at his phone buzzing with notification at his latest cover.

A sweet genuine smile carved at Childe's face as he reads a thousand messages on his post as he was savoring the joyful and thirsty comments as well as memes about him a message from an unknown sender appeared on his screen curious, Childe tap on the email sent to him when he reads who was the sender he was both thrilled at the same time skeptical. 

'This couldn't possibly be true, can't it? No way?'

he thought to himself, eyes wide open, body shaking of nervousness and excitement. He took the hand that had covered his mouth in a shock away and took a deep breath gulping down a breath he had not noticed he was holding

"Okay, Ajax just chill. .  . just chill man, you still don't know what the message is about don't get ahead, Oh Tsaritsa what should I do?" he told himself and slowly exhaled before continuing to read the rest of the content

----------------------------------------------------------

"Greetings, Tartaglia!

On behalf of Geo Ent. we would like to express our desire to have you as one of our new talents. Currently, Geo Ent. has been looking for new trainees for a new idol group, your recent crack cover had made the Geo ent. scout you, the company believes that with your talents and charisma you will be a great asset to Geo ent as one of its rising stars.

If you have any clarifications regarding our offer, you may call us at XXXX- XXX-XXXX  or email us with this email address at any given time and if you prefer to personally talk you may visit us at "Golden Pavilion, Liyue" we will cover your travel expense and accommodation for the duration of your stay regarding our offer. 

Thank you and we hope your decision will be in our favor. We are looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Sincerely,

Katherine

Geo Ent.

Talent Scout Manager

----------------------------------------------------------

A scream from his room interrupted Ajax's family, everyone looked atop the stairs as heavy footsteps hastily descend upon the living room where everyone was eating snacks, Ajax who was still ecstatic at the email he had received hugged his siblings tightly and kissed his mother on the cheek before taking Teucer his younger brother and tossing him gleefully in the air  the younger boy happily cried "higher brother, higher!" Teucer said

"Hahaha, of course, anything for my little brother" he laughed while catching Teucer.

"Hahaha, You're beaming, there must be something good, да?" Ajax's father commented as he chuckled at his son's antics when he gets excited

"My, my you seemed to be happy Ajax, did something happen?" Ajax's mother commented as she continued to watch the brothers lovingly, upon hearing his mother he threw Teucer one more time in the air before catching him and placing him down safely on the floor with their other siblings, Ajax smiled toothly at his mother before nestling down between his mother and father who sat on the sofa clasping each of their hands on his as he breathed steadying his excited heart.

"I received an email from a company" he started trying to assess his parents 

"Oh? From who? Is it a sponsorship from that brand you want?" His mother inquired knowing too well that his son was already famous to have some sponsorship from different companies.

Ajax chuckled, he knew his family will be shocked at the news he was about to tell them "Hmm, better" he teased eyeing his father this time to see his reaction

"Better, huh?" His dad started then a twinkle of surprise resurfaced on his father's eyes as he made a deduction "Don't tell me? Are you serious Ajax?" His father continued as he assumed what could be better than having sponsorship from a company

"They're hiring you? What company? No! wait! don't tell me it wouldn't be any regular company who will message you especially with what you often do. . . so it has to be-"

Before his father could even continue Ajax, answered for him "Geo Ent. invited me to be one of their new talents for an idol g-"

Before he could even say everything else, Ajax was clamored down by his siblings who were listening and his father on the sofa congratulating him.

"Congratulations son! I know you had it in you, especially since you have my face, hahaha!"

"Congratulations! Big brother!"

"Big brother will be famous soon! Will you be cosplaying as Mr. Cyclops too?"

"Big brother is talented so of course they want you to be their talent!"

"Now, now I haven't given them their answer which reminds me I have to call them now to-  uh, mom?" Ajax called after noticing that his mother standing on the other side of their house pulling what seemed to be a bunch of large travel luggage.

"Ajax, dear, do you think these pieces of luggage will be enough for your things while you stay in Liyue, or do we need to buy more?" Her mother probed and all he could Ajax do was laughed at his excited family.

"Let me call them first"

---------------------------------------------------------

Diluc & Kaeya:

A selca here, a selca there, and of course a selca of his favorite brother should also be included in his latest insta, though Kaeya wished that Diluc would smile more at his pictures of him, he always looked aloof

"Can you please try to smile at least once, when I take your picture?" Kaeya whined mumbling that his brother's good looks are wasted with his unchanging face

"I would if you stopped placing unnecessary caption on my pictures and for the last time Kaeya, stop drinking! It's the middle of the day" Diluc retorted eyeing his brother's various drinks placed neatly all at once on the VIP lounge they are currently staying at in "Cat's tail".

'He's not going to drink all of this, is he?'

Diluc thought to himself innocently before his brows started scrunching a moment later at the possibility of it happening, after all this is Kaeya he was talking about, his self-proclaimed wine/alcohol-connoisseur brother Kaeya.

He sighed exasperatedly plopping his head on the velvet backrest of the chair he is currently sitting on his back facing his brother 

"Why am I with you again?" He asked out loud asking himself more than his brother who he accompanied, he often wonders to himself what made him go along with Kaeya's wine tasting adventure despite disliking alcohol himself. 

"Because you're my big brother and you love me and despite your nagging, you wanted to make sure I enjoy what I'm doing safely- does that answer your question"

"Yeah, that's right because I care too much about you that's what big brothers do" Diluc mumbled back while patting a cat on his lap that has somehow managed to make it thru their private lounge.  Kaeya grinned all too knowingly at his brother recording their conversation live secretly to his followers on insta with the camera facing his brother's back, he's sure Diluc will kill him if he saw what he was doing but for now, while he's still alive, he'll savor his brother's words. He might be too mischievous but he sincerely appreciates Diluc's love for him despite their constant petty fights.

"Kaeya, just promise me you won't- huh?" Just as Diluc was turning to face Kaeya he noticed his brother's phone and his shit-eating grin plastered on his tanned brother leaning one arm on the velvety lounge chair suddenly he felt the want to strangle someone to death.

"Aww~ <3, mind repeating that? My followers are crying over your message" 

The cat who was sitting on Diluc's lap leaped out of the other male sensing the impending danger that is about to happen in the lounge.

"KAEYA. . . . .. . !"

"Well, that's it for now my followers! Pray that'll be alive after this! Bye!-"

"KAEYA!"

 was the last word Kaeya's followers heard before the live ended.

"Please come again!" The hostess Margaret said as the two good-looking brothers left the establishment with one looking aloof once again arms crossed over his chest while the other looked scruffy following behind the older red-head male sighing

"Must you waste good alcohol? I was looking forward to tasting those!" Kaeya felt dejected after not having even a sip of any of the cocktails he ordered, he glared dagger at Diluc

"It's for your own good, I told you, too much alcohol isn't good for you" Diluc sighed not even looking at his brother as they walked to the street, he was specifically trying to find Good Hunters to order chicken skewers for Kaeya since he knew his brother is upset.

"I haven't even got a single sip! And I paid for those"

"Of course you should, you ordered them after all," Diluc said eyeing the shop across from them, he waited for Kaeya to be on his side before patting his brother's back to led him to cross the street, Kaeya huffed while walking and looking at his brother dead in the eye he can't believe he paid for nothing

"But I didn't break the glasses why did you use my card to pay for those as well?"

"To maximize your card limit so you can't pay for anymore cocktail"

"What. . .?!" Kaeya couldn't believe what he was hearing, he won't be able to drink any at all, tears started forming on his visible eye quickly and sniffing could also be heard a second later, Diluc turned to look at this brother with crocodile tears he sighed again for the nth time today

He can be so melodramatic sometimes and I'm an idiot for always indulging him

He thought brows knotted together as he waits for Kaeya to deliver his 'guilt-ridden' lines he often uses at him to get his way, his brother is too good at mind games

"H-how could you. . . I thought you love me as your younger brother maybe you really-"

"-STOP"

". . ."

"sighs* first let's get you some chicken skewers, I know you're really upset even if you don't really show it and when we get home I'll make you some death afternoon"

"Really? Aww! Thanks Luc! You're really are the best big bro! hehehe" And as quickly as Kaeya summoned his tears as quickly as it also disappeared across his face replaced with his infamous shit-eating grin knowing he got his way again, he patted Diluc's back as he quickly makes his way towards Good Hunter to order chicken skewers, he'll order a few to eat at Good hunters and order some more to bring back at the mansion he'll have to convince Diluc as well to give him sparkling wine to make his fruity chicken skewers he's sure his brother wouldn't mind.

Just as Kaeya was placing his order, Diluc sat at one of the open tables on the veranda and waited for his brother when he noticed a bobbed-cut black-haired woman staring in their direction, Diluc paid her no mind thinking that the woman was probably one of Kaeya's follower on insta waiting for Kaeya to return to have a photo ops with his brother

"Hey, Luc! You don't mind if I ordered some chicken skewer to go, right?"

speak of the devil, Kaeya nonchalantly walked back to him all smiles this time as he took his seat parallel to his brother "Sure, whatever makes you happy. . .  by the way" Diluc leaned forward arms still crossed as he placed them atop the table "Kaeya I think that woman is one of your-"

"-She isn't" Kaeya responded strongly as he places one of his arms above the table cradling his chin on his palm looking at the counter to see if his chicken skewers are ready 

"Oh, and how do you know? You haven't even looked at her?" he rose one incredulous brow at his younger brother. It always amazes Diluc how Kaeya can be quite perceptive of things when it's convenient for him.

"Because that woman has been following us since we left the Dad's office this morning"

What?!

A look of disbelief flashed on Diluc's handsome face at the realization and knotted his brows later at his brother's words

"If she's been following us since the beginning"  Diluc emphasized, "why did you tell me only now?" He sighed closing his eyes trying to alleviate the incoming migraine he's about to have, he tapped the table with his finger waiting for Kaeya's explanation, his brother is preceptive he wouldn't be so careless especially since the two of them are well-known sons of the world-famous wine-tycoon Crepus Ragnvindr it is bond that there will be people who are after them either to do them harm or to gain something from their family.

"Relax, she doesn't look dangerous or to be more precise she isn't with someone dangerous though we'll have to verify that once she talks to us"

And just as Kaeya spoke, the woman who had been tailing them stood from her seat and politely approached them 

"Good day gentlemen, may I take some of your time?" she stated with a polite smile looking at the two brothers

Diluc only nodded in acknowledgment while Kaeya gave her his fan-service smile 

"Of course, please have a seat you must have been tired waiting for the right time to approach and talk to us, aren't you? You should have just come forward instead of stalking us, you do know that's a crime right? I can report you easily to the police but of course, that'll depend on your reasons" With a friendly facade, Kaeya warned the young woman openly of what he can do if he finds anything about her intention dangerous, the young woman was surprised and at the same time embarrassed for looking like a suspicious person, well she could understand their apprehensive behavior towards her, she was after all following them since the beginning.

She cleared her throat and offered her hand to formally introduce herself "I apologize if my action seemed suspicious to you Mr. Diluc and Mr. Kaeya it's only for my line of work. I'm Katherine by the way" 

The brother's looked at Katherine's extended hand before looking at one another assessing Katherine's words, Kaeya took her hand first smiling while Diluc just watched, his brother is better than him when it comes to conversation especially to strangers

"Yes, it's indeed suspicious for an unknown young woman to follow and even know something about us, so tell me what kind of job stalks people? I haven't read anything of that sort from the classified ads or is it that the government legalized stalking, hmm?"

Okay, Diluc takes it back, his brother is definitely not good at normal conversation Kaeya's better at interrogating he has forgotten his brother used to be in the military. He should take over before Kaeya makes the young woman even flustered as she was already.

"What my brother is trying to say is to please explain to us why were you following us, I apologize if we're a bit apprehensive with you but I guess you already know why we're like that so if you wouldn't mind, we'd like to hear your reason"

Seeing the window of opportunity to be heard, Katherine immediately blubbered the purpose of her stalking the handsome brothers forgetting the tell them about the company and whatnot.

"IwasscoutingyoutobepartofournewIdolgroup!"

". . . " ". . .huh?" 

was the only response of the brothers

"I-I mean, the two of you are already well-known and has a great number of fanbase on insta, the company was looking for new talents such as you two when we saw your insta stories of Mr. Diluc performing a jazz song on a piano and Mr. Kaeya's guitar cover the higher-ups decided to make an offer to the both of you that's why I was following you"

". . . I . . . see"

". . hmm"

Again, the brothers only looked at her with doubt, Katherine could already see on their heads she was being labeled as a 'scammer'

Embarrassed and unable to bear the brothers piercing doubtful gazes, Katherine hastily stood from her seat

"A-anyway, now that I have said what I needed to say, please excuse me and thank you for sparing me your time, i-if you have any doubts about my offer you can visit us at "Golden Pavillion, Liyue" though she was embarrassed, Katherine made an effort to politely offer her business card before fleeing the scene leaving the brothers confused and curious at the same time, the brothers looked at the business card left to them and looked at one another

"It's a scam," the two of them said in unison they deduced, however, the two of them were still curious, Kaeya was about to reach out to take the business card when his name was called up from the counter of Good Hunters for his chicken skewers, Diluc still looking at the business card left by Katherine gave Kaeya his card to pay for his order and take-away when Diluc was left on the table alone, he took the unique looking card and swiped his thumb on the high-quality bronze gold-like colored business card written on its front was Katherine's name and her position as a Talent Scout Manager and other contact details but nothing about the company.

"an Idol, huh" he breathed still eyeing the card, a longing gaze swept across his handsome face as recalls a childhood dream he once had to be a musical performer just like his deceased mother, he recalls his earliest memories of his mother playing the piano while he sang, his father Crepus listening to the mother-son duet with the proudest and happiest look a father could ever have and even when his mother died, Diluc continued to play for his grieving father, music made it less painful for the both of them and made it easier for them to remember the happiest time with his mother. 

The first time Diluc thought of being a musician was when he met Kaeya, compared before his brother was frail and timid not like the confident flirt and perceptive- bastard he is now. When Kaeya was first brought to their mansion at the winery his brother had trouble sleeping, being plagued with nightmares night after night, worried, and unable to bear Kaeya's suffering he took his younger brother to the music room one night and sat him comfortably with one of the chairs as he plays one of his mother's pieces hoping it will help his little brother when he finally finished playing he was surprised to find his brother sleeping soundly on the chair and since then, every night Diluc would take Kaeya to the music room and make a pillow fort together so they could sleep comfortably after Diluc finishes playing the piano and just like every night Kaeya would be asleep on his part of the bed Diluc would tuck his brother up, however, that night was different someone else has already tucked Kaeya on their self-made pillow fort

"Dad, you're home," Diluc said as he stood up from the chair and made a beeline towards his father, hugging the older male as Crepus knelt to received his son's affection.

"I wanted to come home early since I heard Kaeya was having trouble sleeping but I guess you already took care of it, huh?" Crepus chuckled as he ruffled his son's fluffy red hair"

"Of course! I'm his big brother, I need to protect him, heheh" Diluc beamed at his dad proudly with a toothy smile "Dad, I want to be a musician just like mom so I can play the pieces she composed and also help Kaeya sleep better! Kaeya needs to sleep a lot if he wants to be big as me so I'll play the piano for him every time he has a hard time sleeping"

Crepus chuckled at his son's determination and admired his reason, Diluc was always warm-hearted just like his deceased wife "Thank you Diluc, you're really a great big brother to Kaeya"

For years Crepus and Kaeya had been supportive of his dream of becoming a musician until that one fateful day of his 18th birthday, His father, Kaeya, and their acquaintances prepared a birthday party for him at one of their many branches worldwide in Angels Share located in Mondstadt he was excited not only because he's at a legal age now but because he also received a letter of acceptance to one of the prestigious music school, he knew Kaeya and his Dad will be thrilled at the news, however, everything from that day had been a nightmare for him It was the day he learned the truth about his father's health condition and Kaeya's reason why he was adamant about going to Khaenri'ah. 

That day on his 18th birthday everything changed, the father he once thought was healthy was sick and the brother he thought who wouldn't hide anything from him was keeping a secret.

"Kaeya, why didn't you tell me dad was sick! I thought there was no secret between us?! And why am I only hearing about your trip to Khaenri'ah now? What are you planning on doing in that place?! You're barely legal!"

"sigh* Just focus on becoming a musician Luc, you don't need to concern yourself with me going to Khaenri'ah as for dad's health he made me promise not to tell you because he knew you will act like this"

"To hell with how I act! I deserve to know what's happening to my family. Tell me the truth Kaeya!"

In that instant, on his 18th birthday, Diluc's dream of becoming a musician was left focusing solely on the family business, he also made sure that Kaeya will finish his military training and become an accomplished Brigadier General at such a young age just like his brother's dream. Kaeya's dream shouldn't be compromised because of his family's business, Diluc always thought Kaeya should deserve better but after 4 yrs of only serving his bastard of a brother retired from his position the moment he was back from establishing a branch in Khaenri'ah stating he missed him and the taste of wine and prefers to work as a wine-connoisseur instead. With years apart he didn't even know Kaeya started playing the guitar to fill the silent hollow covering their mansion when he stopped playing any instrument, though they weren't as close as they used to 4 yrs ago, they're trying their best to live as brothers.

He was still reminiscing about the past when he heard Kaeya's voice  near him

"Want to check it out?" his brother probed as he took his seat a platter of chicken skewers placed in front of him and another bag to take home, Diluc didn't answer and simply placed the unique looking card back at the table saying nothing

"I'm curious as well Luc, let's go" Kaeya insisted after taking a graceful bite of his skewer 

"You already said it yourself, it's a scam why bother?"

"Yeah, but I mean there is nothing we could lose by checking it out and if it's really a scam then I could just report it to the guys back at the military, I'm still a military officer you know"

"A retired military officer" Diluc corrected, Kaeya paid his comment no mind and insisted "Come on Luc, let's try it out, you've put a hold of your dream as a musician for a long time now, I've become a military officer just like my dream, Dad's health is alright and you already succeeded in opening a branch in Khaenri'ah so, what's holding you up?"

Diluc sighed, Kaeya is right everything's fine now, except for him, he guessed it's about time for him to fulfill his dream, Diluc sighed once again but this time it wasn't due to annoyance from his brother but rather he sighed of relief of finally letting himself accomplished his dream

"Fine, let's check it out" he finally answered

"Great!" Kaeya cheered "You heard him loud and clear right, dad? We'll visit Liyue soon"

What? Dad?! Since when did Kaeya had been talking to dad?

"you snake. . . " Diluc mumbled under his breath looking at his giggling brother who managed to manipulate him again, he heard their father's hearty laugh from the other end "Thank you Kaeya, make sure Diluc's wish comes true,  alright?"

"Of course, dad, anything for my big bro that's a promise" Kaeya looked at his brother adoringly as he told their father however before Kaeya could end the call, Diluc took his phone and left a clear declaration of his new dream and goal. 

"Don't worry Dad, I'll make sure to fulfill my dream- becoming a musician along with my little brother"

"what. . . ? Why am I involve in this?" Kaeya whispered over the phone

"Because I've had a different dream this time, performing with you, didn't you say you'd do anything for your big bro?" Diluc stated as a matter of factly "Or are you just saying that, maybe you never meant it and hated your big bro-"

"-Alright! Fine I'll audition with you" Kaeya couldn't believe Diluc copied his guilt-ridden strategy, he should be more careful now around his brother until now he only thought it would only work on Diluc and not back-fired at him

Over the phone, Crepus was laughing loudly at his sons' exchanged, he was happy, joyous even knowing that his two pride and joy are still getting along despite the rift that had happened between them. 

"Alright, do your best boys but just in case bring someone else with you, it'll put my heart at ease knowing you two are safe, will that be alright?"

"of course dad," the brothers said in unison, laughing at one another.

The following day at the Golden Pavillion, Katherine who was busy checking any response from the talent she had scouted was abruptly called by the receptionist because of a commotion at their company's lobby. Upon reaching the said lobby Katherine was surprised to see a lot of black-suited men guarding every corner of their building looking for anything suspicious when one of the black-suited men noticed her, the man straightforwardly asked her without reserved "Excuse me ma'am are you, Katherine?"

"uhh. .  . y-yes! Why did I do something?" Katherine asked nervously racking her brain for any memory that would warrant her for an arrest of some sort but as soon as she saw a pair of good-looking men walking her way, she recalled one of the brother's threat

"- You should have just come forward instead of stalking us, you do know that's a crime right? I can report you easily to the police but of course, that'll depend on your reasons" 

No way! Is she going to be arrested for stalking Crepus Ragnvindr's sons?!

Oh, God, I was only scouting them, I didn't mean to do anything illegal! 

Katherine silently prayed as the group of men parted to make way for the two young men, contrary to what Katherine imagined of disdain from the brothers because of her scouting, The two looked friendlier than before, the younger brother Kaeya if she remembers even smiled and waved at her calling her but she shouldn't let her guard down, compared to the older brother Diluc who looks intimidating is less of a threat compared to Kaeya.

"Oh, Ms. Katherine we were looking for you!"

"y-yes? H-how can I help you" she answered in surprise, readying herself for any possible threat the younger male may speak

"We're here to discuss your offer from last time, does it still stands?" Diluc the older brother inquired and for a moment, Katherine felt she was dreaming or is this another ploy to threaten her because they misunderstood her scouting them, she was silent for a minute or two before Kaeya probed her

"Hmm, Ms. Katherine?"

"Ah! Y-yes? I'm sorry I was spacing out" she started still frightened at her surroundings "I'm just overwhelmed with. . ." she looked around her and to the black-suited clad men in the lobby ". . . with this. I was expecting it'll only be you two to visit our building" she explained while the brothers only looked at her understanding what the young woman meant, it could really be intimidating to be surrounded by a lot of bodyguards, however, Kaeya snickered despite trying to apologize profusely at the scene they made

"pfft. . hehehe I-I . . . hehehe . . .we're so sorry if that's what you felt Ms.Katherine but you also have to understand our side, you left immediately after saying your piece without any explanation and your business card doesn't even give any hint about your company" Kaeya explained

"WHAT?!" Katherine spoke, now that she recalls she indeed forgot to tell them because of Kaeya's threat

"We sincerely thought it was a scam and just decided to check the place you mentioned, we just took some extra precautions just in case, I hope you understand, hehehe"

"I-I. . . yes alright, I understand, t-then are the both of you auditioning or just one of you?"

The brothers looked at one another, a knowing smile grazing their handsome faces as they answer Katherine in unison.

"Both of us, if you don't mind"

----------------------------------------------------------

Zhongli:

He was taking his usual stroll in the city trying to relieve another stressful day at work, he had no destination on mind letting his feet take him when he noticed a bunch of freshly picked Qingxin flowers being displayed in the flower shop, Zhongli seeing the flower made him stood in place, a look of longing for someone was reflected on his amber-golden eyes and for a moment he felt the wind blew gently at him swaying his long tied hair

'Oh yeah? Let's see who sings better? You may have that deep alluring voice but I can sing better than you! heh"

'I hope I can see the two of you perform soon! I wouldn't miss it for the world'

"Is it that time already?" he asked himself looking at the clear blue sky above him smiling although with a hint of melancholy, without another word Zhongli purchased a bunch of Qingxin flowers thanking Hu Tao for reminding him of his wallet and as if the wind were guiding him, Zhongli walked where ever the wind blew and before he knew where he was heading he found himself listening to a sound of a harp playing in the distant the soft melodies flowing in the air made him stop on his tracks and a vision of young woman sat with the harp playing covered his eyes

". . . Guizhong?" he mumbled one hand reaching out to the phantom image of his long-gone lover and a second later he felt himself walking towards her mirage only for him to realize his mind was playing tricks at him again. He stood in silence a prick of pain throb his chest slowly growing to his whole body, he covered his handsome stern face with his free hand and heaved a deep sigh not to recollect himself but rather to shake off the incoming tears in his eyes.

'I really love listening to your voice Zhongli, when you become famous don't forget to sing for me, okay?' 

'I'll always be by your side to support you so don't worry about me '

'you worry too much Zhongli, hehehe I may be small compared to you but I can take care of myself, just focus on your dream you made a bet with Barbatos after all'

Try as hard as he can, the emotions insides him betrayed him and a tear slowly cascaded his face at the memory of Guizhong and his time with her, he felt bittersweet at the memory. He was able to achieve what he wants but the person he wants to show his achievement was no longer with him.

How ironic but we can't all have the good things in life can't we? 

He thought as he carefully wiped the remnants of his tears across his face and composed himself again before walking once again to give the flowers to its owner. 

As Zhongli walked the pavement towards the cemetery where Guizhong's tombstone lies he noticed a smaller male sitting in front of her laughing to himself as he lifts a goblet of what seems to be a wine to the air

"I hope you're happy there dear, our beloved stern-face brutish blundering buffoon finally decided to uphold our bet, heh - though I might say it took longer but don't worry the wait is worth it so please keep watching over him, alright? He's. . . .  well, busied himself with others after you were gone can't blame him, you were precious to him" the smaller male said as if he was talking to a person, he leaned back admiring the clear blue sky a soft breeze of the wind passed as if it was agreeing to what he had said earlier about Zhongli not realizing that the male in question was just standing a couple of feet away from them his looming shadow cast over the shorter male as he approaches and a look of disdain clearly pasted on his face.

"Oh, so I'm stern-face blundering baffoon, huh? Oh, how convenient that there's stone here, you wouldn't mind me hitting you with it won't you Barbatos?" Zhongli sarcastically said tossing the pebble in his hand in the air up-down, up-down like a warning as he eyed the man

"hahaha, did I say that? I wasn't actually talking about you rather -"

"huh, save it, Barbatos" The taller man sighed "though I'm surprised to find you here I heard you are busy with your pre-debut" Zhongli threw the pebble to the ground to the relief of Barbatos and sat next to the smaller male offering the Qingxin flower and a short prayer wiping away the dust and dirt that littered her tomb 

Hello, love it's been a while since I lost visit, I hope Barbatos, Xiao, and Ganyu has been keeping you company for me

 He told her silently before he looked back at the shorter male eyeing the wine on his goblet

"Osmanthus?" Zhongli probed 

"The one and only I know you like this stuff and what better way to taste it on the day you finally accepted Geo ent.'s offer, heheh" Barbatos chuckled as he poured another goblet to Zhongli and another in a smaller cup to Guizhong's tomb.

The two men sat in silence neither tasting the wine and just relishing the peace between them before Barbatos cut the silence 

"Guizhong's case. . . it's finally closed, right?" he asked carefully, knowing it's a sensitive topic to his friend

Zhongli only nodded as he gracefully took a sip of the precious wine in his goblet

"I'm glad Guizhong finally had justice . . . she wouldn't have it if it weren't for you I'm sure she's thankful for you up there"

"I need to see to it that I closed her case, I wouldn't have peace if I allowed the criminal who wronged her not be punished" as Zhongli said that Barbatos noticed that somehow Zhongli was able to find peace- though a bit of longing hangs from his face from to time it's better than seeing his old friend looking desperate and empty

Barbatos sighed, "yeah, you've been busy. . . even becoming a lawyer heheh~ so, I guess I have to be careful with my words now, huh? or I might have a court order"  he jested knowing all his friend's activities in the past couple of years and why Zhongli only accepted the Geo ent.'s offer despite being scouted for several years

Zhongli was busy chasing and fighting the court for Guizhong's murder busy enough that his friend grew a bit distant from his relatives Xiao and Ganyu, that was the only reason why his friend became a lawyer and Barbatos doubts his friend will seriously take any more clients after this case was closed, after all, he wouldn't have accepted Geo ent.'s offer if he's serious about his law career, right? 

"Don't worry yourself, this will be the first and last case I'll handle" as if reading his mind, Zhongli responded clearing any doubt from his friend "though, if you break any contracts, I wouldn't mind suing you. .. . you still recall our bet right? A rematch who's a better singer? I'll be upholding that against you, Barbatos" Zhongli chuckled after taking another sip of the wine

"Of course I remember, heh! And it's not Barbatos call me 'Venti' now that's my screen name"

"I see. . . that's better compared to being called 'Barb' or 'atos', Xiao's also debuting with you. . . correct?" Zhongli asked remembering that his younger relative becoming close to his friend while he was busy with his law career.

"Yeah, we have 2 other members joining, you know Aether from ABYSS right? and then there's Kazuha Beidou's protege from Inazuma, You better prepare yourself Zhongli with my group we'll definitely crush you on our rematch, heheh"

Barbatos or as he would like to call himself now 'Venti' jokingly threatened his old rival to which Zhongli paid no mind and just smiled at him 

"I doubt that"

"Oh, aren't you confident? Lemme guess you're being grouped as well? I thought they offered you an exclusive solo contract?"

"They were, however, I asked them to change it mainly because I'm already old and youths prefer something more trendy and younger appearances and I believe we would lose to your group when it comes to charisma and looks" 

 Zhongli finished explaining before he felt his phone vibrated the company number of the Geo ent. flashing on his screen unexpectedly, it was too soon for them to call him regarding the other members. He stood from his seat and dusted off some of the dirt on his pants 

"I'll see you around Barba- I mean 'Venti' they're calling me"

"Don't sweat it, I'll look after Guizhong for a while before I head back and the next time we see each other it should be on stage, remember that, okay?" Venti called over as Zhongli started walking away to answer his call giving him one final look.

When he was finally out of earshot, Zhongli answered the phone the familiar voice of Katherine the talent scout manager greeted him

"Hello, Mr. Zhongli, are you available today for a meeting?"

"I am, what is the meeting all about?" he asked

"It's about your other bandmates, they're here, and we would like for you to get to know one another before proceeding with the formation of your group,"

At her answer, Zhongli saw a young woman was standing beside a plum blossom tree smiling at him the words the woman mouthed made him smile before her mirage disappeared along with the breeze.

'thank you & congratulations Zhongli . .  .'

"Mr. Zhongli?. . . will you be available sir?" 

Katherine's voice brought him back from his trance, he took a second or two before responding a smile evident in his voice.

"yes, I would love to meet them"

[dreamescapeswriting]

When I Needed You ~ MYG [Request] [M]

➟➟➟ Word Count:2.6K

➟➟➟ Genre: established relationship, smut, flashbacks with smutty ending, cute.

➟➟➟ Pairing: Min yoongi x Fem!Reader

"Jungkook! Put me down or I'm crying to Yoongi!" You squealed as JUngkook threw you over his shoulder, you were in the BigHit employee lounge with the BTS boys and TXT boys all of you joking around together. You were playing Just Dance but because you were winning Jungkook took it upon himself to start cheating at the game and picked you up to stop you playing. 

"This is cheating! I demand a rematch! Namjoon! I can't believe you're encouraging this behaviour!" You yelled jokingly, Yoongi smirked from the sofa he was sitting on. Beomgyu and Soobin were sitting beside him watching everything unfold before them, 

"You're lucky Hyung, she's one of the best." Yoongi smiled to himself once again thinking back on everything that you'd been through together over the last seven years. It felt like you were a part of BTS apart from the fact that you couldn't sing, dance or rap to save your own life, Yoongi would know since he'd been living with you for the last year. You'd been dating six years now and he still adored every day he had with you, spending every moment if it was his last. He wanted to make every day count towards your relationship. He thought back to the time he first met you and how much of an idiot he came across, he never wanted to be alone with you for the first couple of months and then whenever you were around one another he would turn into a stuttering mess, blushing every chance he got. 

The hallway that led to the dorm was awful, it was dimly lit, the floor tiles were coming off and Yoongi was sure he could smell damp but he was willing to put this out. They could all pull together to make this work, it was just while they were training and Jungkook was at school, it was nothing that they couldn't handle. 

"Yeah! Well, you're the one that's driving a wedge in this marriage!" He heard someone yell in the apartment next door to theirs, he grimaced as he heard a door open and shut and footsteps coming towards then. He assumed it would be another resident passing by to leave but he was shocked when he came face to face with you. You were covered in flour, your hair was a mess and you were wearing jeans and an apron, 

"Hi, sorry! I erm...The landlord in this place sucks so I was trying to make today a nice one for you. I'm Y/n!" You shook each of their hands as they introduced themselves but when it came to Yoongi he choked up, he couldn't even remember how to talk let alone hold your hand and shake it like a normal functioning human. 

"That's Yoongi," You smiled at the one who had introduced himself as Jungkook, you knew a lot of kpop idol trainees came to live in this building. It was closer to their schools and training centres for them, you also knew that this was one of the worst buildings to live in since you had been living there for the last three years of your life. 

"You have the keys right, tell me he didn't forget that part?" Namjoon held up his keys and you smiled holding your hand over your chest relieved that the landlord hadn't forgotten their keys like he had yours when you first moved in.

"The couple upstairs, they stop after five minutes of fighting. Next door to you is empty so that's a bonus, I'm upstairs if you need anything and I mean it...Anything, get me out of that place. Erm...I'm making cookies right now and then I'm cooking myself dinner, I always make way too much so if you guys want something let me know-"

"We'd love food!" Jin shouted saving himself from cooking that night, you smiled brightly and Yoongi's heart began to pound. It was as if seeing your smile made the whole apartment building turn into a ray of sunshine, everything seemed better now you were there. 

"What cookies?"

"Jungkook you have studying to do with Taehyung and Jimin," Hosoek said as he took the keys from Namjoon and unlocked the door,

"I'll bring them down when they're finished and you can give them to the boys whenever." You laughed and all of them agreed with you, letting you go back up to your apartment, you just reached the top of the stairwell when you heard, 

"See you later!" From Yoongi, you giggled peeking through the bars to see him blushing and hitting his head as he forced his way into the apartment. He was cute. 

From that day you'd gone to the apartment almost every night with meals and snacks for them, making sure they had everything they would ever need. Helping Jungkook studying for important exams and making sure that he went to bed on time instead of staying up late playing video games. You were like the mum of the group but it took a while for Yoongi to warm up to you, he eventually did and you grew close...right up until he kissed you and everything got awkward again. 

"You're nervous?" You asked Yoongi as you stood backstage, it was the day of their debuted and he'd done nothing but pace back and forth the apartment all morning and was continuing to do the same in front of you right now, pacing around and staring at the floor as he did so. 

"A little, I just I don't know if we're ready-" You grabbed his hand and he froze in place, thoughts about the debut stage and performing were flung from his brain like something in a catapult and he stared at your fingers interlocking with his.

"You guys are perfect, I've heard and seen you practice a million times. The song is amazing as well Yoongi, you guys did an amazing job." He nodded at you trying to think of something to say to you, 

"Look just do what I do when I'm nervous," He urged you to continue on and you giggled, 

"When I get nervous around people I don't know, I imagine them naked...people are a lot less intimidating that way." He blushed at the mere thought of you picturing him naked when you first met them and you looked over his shoulder at Namjoon, 

"They're ready for you, you've got this! Okay?" He nodded at you and without thinking he let go of your hands and grabbed onto your arms and kissed you. His lips were on yours and you panicked but wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him back and smiling against his lips. It was as if nothing was around you anymore, no pressures of his debut, no boys yelling at him to hurry up and get ready. Just you and Yoongi alone, kissing in the middle of nowhere. 

"Good luck," Your voice came out hoarse as he pulled away and walked over to Namjoon, his mind racing with thoughts about what he'd just done and what he was about to go on stage to do, however, he was more nervous about the kiss with you than he was about the stage. 

The kiss was never spoken about again, he went back to being the Yoongi that avoided you at all costs, coming across cold at times and ignoring you whenever you tried to speak to him directly. He hated treating you like it but it was the only way he could figure out his feelings for you. 

"Hyung's in deep thought about Y/n," Soobin whispered to Kai who came over to see why Yoongi was staring at you and Jungkook, who still, evidently, hadn't put you down yet and he was running around the room now trying to get you to buy them all food that night. 

The night Yoongi came back from their red bullet tour he dropped his bag at the front door of their apartment and went up to find you, he'd thought he could do this. He thought he could be just friends with you and move on from the kiss you'd shared back in 2013 but it was harder than he thought and he couldn't get you off his mind. 

"Yoongi what are you-" His lips cut you off before you could even finish your sentence and he pushed you into your apartment, kicking the door shut with his foot and making out with you roughly. Your hands made their way into his hair and you tugged on the strands as he bent down to pick you up and carry you over to your kitchen side, he sat you down and pulled away. 

"Welcome home." You panted looking deep into his eyes and he smiled back at you, 

"Sorry I just-" He shut up once you kissed him again and pulled back, biting down on his bottom lip as you did so. You had done nothing but dream of that moment from the moment he first kissed you back in 2013 and you'd wanted him for so long, 

"I missed you." You whispered as he stared up into your eyes, 

"I missed you too," He was still trying to catch his breath from the unexpected kiss but he chuckled as he looked at you while he was blushing. 

"I hope you don't welcome all of them home like that," You laughed at him and shook your head pushing your hand through his faded red hair, 

"The red looked good on you," You whispered to him leaning your forehead on his and smiling as he started blushing. 

The relationship between you had always been stable, there was never anything to knock it until it came to the Love Yourself tour, things got a little bit rougher because he was away longer and longer than he was before but you continued to pull through. You were in love with one another and nothing was going to stop that, not even a small amount of separation, 

"What's going on?" He was pulled out from his daydream when you sat down on his lap and faced him, pushing his long black hair from his face and smiling. 

"Nothing, I was just thinking about how much I love you." The boys all started to fake being sick, they always did this whenever Yoongi got sappy around them. 

"Well how about we go home and you show me how much." You teased brushing your nose against his and squealing as he stood up, wrapping your legs around your waist and walking you out of the room without another word to anyone else sitting there. 

"Yoongi? You sure you're okay?" You giggled and he nodded putting you down on the floor and walking with you towards the elevators, 

"I was just thinking about how you're always there when I need you, and when I always needed you...You're always there for me." You smiled at him and he kissed you again softly, his hand resting on your cheek as he brought you closer to him.  

"I need you Yoongi," You whispered to him as you felt him growing as you stood in the elevator making out, he pressed you against the wall and groaned. 

"I need you too baby but wait until we get home," You let a whine to let him know you didn't want to but he kissed your cheek and pulled you out onto the ground floor. 

Your back was against the bed as you made out heavily in your shared bedroom, 

"Yoongi," You whined when he pulled away from you, he chuckled at how needy you were for him and he started kissing down your neck, taking off your shirt and then his own. 

"Shh, we're not rushing anything tonight, I want to make love to you...Show you how much I love you." You felt your cheeks heat up as the words left his mouth and you giggled when he began kissing you once again, his hand trailing down the front of your trousers and into your panties.

"Do you want me that bad baby? You're dripping," You whimpered as he slipped a digit into you making you moan out in relief, you'd needed him all day but kept it to yourself since he was busy with work. 

"My needy little baby,"

"Y-Yes, so needy." You whispered and he chuckled kissing down your neck as he slowly pumped one finger in and out of you before adding a second one and speeding up his pace, angling his hand so his palm would come into contact with your clit. 

"Yoongi!" You moaned out and he chuckled as he felt you clench around him and buck up your hips, he could already tell you were close and he hadn't even started yet. He sped up his fingers wanting you to cum so badly, he loved to look at the fucked out face you pulled whenever he made you cum, 

"S-Shit, Yoongi! I'm g-gonna!" You could barely get the words out as you hips bucked up and your orgasm washed over you sending a warm feeling throughout your entire body. 

"Suck," Yoongi ordered giving you his fingers, you took them into your mouth and began sucking on them as though they were his cock and he let out a strangled moan as he released himself from his trousers. You removed his fingers with a pop and went to take him into your mouth but he laid you back down and lined himself up at your entrance, running his swollen tip over your folds making you whine and clench around nothing. 

"Don't tease me Yoongi, I've needed you all day." You pouted and he smirked at you, running his thumb over your bottom lip as you pouted it out. 

"Why didn't you come into my studio earlier baby, we could have had some fun then."

"Because you were- Ugh fuck!" Your sentence was interrupted by a scream as he slammed into your the head of his cock hitting your sweet spot as he did so. 

"Shit, you're so warm, babe." He groaned as he pulled out of you only to slam back inside at a vigorous pace not even giving you time to adjust to him, you whimpered as he lifted one of your legs over his shoulder to reach deeper into you. 

"S-Shit right there." You cried out feeling him hit your spot over and over again with ease. He smirked driving himself harder into you as you cried out his name and clutched onto the bedsheets. 

"Yoongi!" You whimpered as his hand that wasn't holding onto your hip travelled down to your clit and began rubbing your sensitive clit in circles. He continued to pound into you, 

"You want to cum again? I've only just started princess," His voice came out as a grunt as he felt you clenching around him, it was like a vice. 

"Shit, so tight around me princess, like a vice." He bit down on his lip as he hammered in and out of you. You couldn't form words but from the way, your back was arching away from the mattress and you couldn't stop smiling he knew you were close, whenever you got close you would start giggling and he loved it. 

"Cum for my princess," He whispered in your ear, your heart thumped against your chest and started to contract around Yoongi's cock making him grunt. Then all of a sudden the familiar feeling of falling off a cliff and into a pile of ecstasy hit you as your orgasm washed over your body making you cry out his name,

"Fuck." He moaned out as he came inside of you, falling beside you as he pulled out and started chuckling. 

"I love you." You giggled turning over and laying your head on his chest, 

"Love you too princess."

Tagline: 

@writingdreamsnottragedies @yoongisdumplingcheeks @snowy-meowl @lynnthevirgo @jooniesdarlingdimples @fan-ati--c @lyoongx @mitzwinchester @callingmyangel​ @rjsmochii​ @btsiguess-kpop​ @kneel-begyourpardon​ @taestannie​

[lgcdowoon]

FUTURE DREAMS SCENARIOS : week four COUNT : 666 words

기입 2022년 7월 2일

another week closer to future dreams officially starting! the preparations we have been doing these last few weeks has gotten me really excited for what is to come for when the season really starts. it’s still nerve-wracking though. like last week threw me for real loop and remind me that at the end of the day this is a competition. i’m happy that my friends are joining me on this journey, but i’m also scared how this could impact my friendships. will the people that once looked out for me, see me as a threat? am i still safe to be open and honest with them like i have been in the past? is it in my best interest to continue to look out for them? these are the questions that have been running through my head as i enter into this new chapter. 

in training pre-future dreams, i have always thought that the boys around me were my future group mates, collaborators, members. even during the trainee evaluation, i didn’t think of it as a direct competition. all of the hyungs and more advanced trainees in that group were nothing but helpful. when i signed up for future dreams—and maybe this was too arrogant of me to think it would be that easy—i was hopeful the goal would be a group. my fellow contestants wouldn’t be competition, but my future members. however, this season, there can only be one winner, and everyone wants to be that winner. so now i look at my fellow trainees and they are all competition. and after our preliminary performance...i’m not hopeful i’ll be able to compete well.

i’ve recently had a burst of confidence. i was not only chosen for the evaluation group (which i’ve heard rumors has been a direct path to debut), but i was complimented for my improvement. i was able to join the cast of not one, but two variety shows. and the most, i was chosen to be in a song!! with actual idols!!! before i even debut!! sure i wasn’t the only trainee to have all of these blessings, but it still gave me hope that the company believed in me.

all of that has been really exciting and made me sure of myself like i've never been before. so, getting another chance to show my skills off before the competition really began excited me! i tried to give a performance i felt was authentic and me, and i think many of the other trainees did the same. but they did it better.

they dance, sang, rap, played instruments, all at once. sure i had my piano, but that and my voice was all i  had with me. i really tried to give an impressive performance, using what the coaches and judges have complimented me before on. i just hope it was enough, that i was enough.

but i don’t think i will be.

i’m trying to stay optimistic. who wants to vote for an anxious nihilist? but i’m worried, with all of the talent present this season, i could very easily fall into the margins. then all of the opportunities i have been afforded will have been for nothing. i could get kicked out for not meeting expectations and have to find a new dream. if i think about it for too long, it’s terrifying. but i guess that’s what this journal is for? the company wanting us to get out our frustrations and worries on paper instead of breaking rules. that’s what i’ve tried to use them for.

well, i hope whatever coach is stuck reading this didn’t get too bored or sad by it. i’m typically a positive person, but these are nerve-wracking time. but i am not completely hopeless! i plan to do my best with every challenge put in front of me and keep praying God stays on my side. to whoever is reading this: i hope you have a wonderful day!! stay blessed and happy

☼ 도운

[nctseren]

❝ For a long time, love was unattainable for her. She wrote, sang and dreamed about it, but she had never been truly in love.

The truth is that, and although she denies it, Kang Sohee is a hopeless romantic and she always has been. She often dreamed of meeting the right person and doing everything right so that love would last... and not fade like her parents' love.

However, love is strange and it does not come easy. She has learned that you can meet thousands of people and yet none of them will make you feel the things that you are supposed to feel.

She has also learned that you can mistake love. And as much as it hurts and breaks your soul, there are people you were born to love, and there are others you were not.

So, Seren doesn't have much experience in romance. And she's slowly learning that love and infatuation are two different things, that it doesn't have to hurt, that it should make you feel happy, and that you don't go looking for the right person, because eventually fate brings you together. ❞

⟶crush list

—WANG YONG

❝ I'm too shy to tell you how I feel.

So I'll hide behind timid smiles and soft hellos.

I'm afraid if I ask you: "what do you think of me? " your reply will be "I don't" ❞

duration of crush: 2014 — 2015

relationship: close friends, one side crush

current status: they haven't spoken in a long time but she still cares for him

their things: practicing together, sharing chocolates, him giving her books and then the next week sharing opinions about them, eating together all the time

playlist: kid in love by shawn mendes & u smile by justin bieber

Wang Yong came to SM Entertainment in late 2012 and Lee Taeyong quickly took care of him under his wing. He was quite a popular trainee, not only because of his looks, but also because of his great talent for dancing, despite his young age. He was to the younger ones what Kang Seulgi was to Sohee.

Wang Yong was a sweet guy, it was inevitable for girls not to have a crush on him, and anyone in his place would take advantage of it, but not him. He was focused on doing what he had to do: training hard. That's the reason why his only friends for a long time were only Taeyong and Hansol.

Kang Sohee (long before she was known as Seren) officially met him in late 2013, after watching him practice. They did not become friends right away, since it was not easy for him to open up to other people. However, when she became close to Taeyong, they inevitably had to become friends. And then they connected thanks to dancing, something they were both passionate about. They went from being acquaintances to partners who practiced together to friends. Then it was not only Wong Yong, Lee Taeyong and Ji Hansol, now it was also Kang Sohee.

2014 was a rough year for her, starting from the loss of her grandparents to learning that she was not going to debut with Red Velvet. It was the most difficult year for her in all that time locked up, but her friends were with her. And he didn't go unnoticed, no matter how hard he tried. He always carried an extra portion of food for her, left her books that he thought she would like and always pretended not to learn the choreography so that she could teach him and in that way distract her mind by doing what she likes the most.

It really wasn't difficult to like Wang Yong, he was sweet and a good boy. Soon she found herself thinking that she really liked the way he wrinkled his nose when he laughed, or how his eyes sparkled when someone complimented him and, most of all, the way he tilted his head when he was confused. And then every time he looked at her she felt something in her stomach (and no, she had thought the first time she felt it, it can't be diarrhea), her cheeks would blush and it was difficult for her to keep look at him.

He was her crush for a few months and suddenly their interactions were shy smiles and sharing chocolates. Until he was no longer making her feel like she was flying. He meant a lot to her because not only he was her first butterflies in her stomach, he was also one of her close friends and one of the most supportive.

Sometimes she still thinks about him, what is he doing? how is he doing? what it would have been like if he had debuted in NCT instead of her? SM Entertainment did not treat him well, apparently his voice was not good enough, in the future they had told him. All she knows is that he returned to his home in China, and all she hopes is that he's truly happy.

—MARK LEE

❝ There's a boy I like.

He smiles so bright and my heart can't take it.

There's a boy I like.

We both love the same things.

There's a boy I like.

I think about him all the time.

There's a boy I like.

He's my best friend. ❞

duration of crush: 2017 — early 2018

relationship: bandmates, best friends, crush

current status: bandmates, best friends, partners in crime

their things: holding hands, sharing songs, singing, rapping, dancing together, telling jokes, listening to music, trying to teach her basketball, teaching him to play futboll soccer, doing karaoke

playlist: the one that got away by katy perry & walk you home by nct dream & everything has changed by taylor swift & catching feelings by justin bieber & whenever you are by 5sos

For a long time, Mark was the closest thing to a best friend that she had. They practically grew up together (and are still growing). They wouldn't exactly tell each other everything, but they did trust each other. And every day, especially when they missed home, they would get together to tell their funniest childhood stories, and then listen to music for the rest of the time, enjoying each other's company.

Maybe that's what made her have feelings for him. Maybe it was the inside jokes, the laughs, the songs, maybe it was all together.

It was different, of course. It didn't feel at all like her first crush. No, it was definitely stronger, because they were Mark and Seren — everyone was talking about Mark and Seren: NCT's 99 line, best friends.

Liking Mark was a fresh feeling, no discomfort, no obvious blushes, no big butterflies either. No, liking Mark was being at peace. Being comfortable in his presence, hearing him sing, sharing smiles, doing mischief together, it all felt too good... almost like she was born for it.

And maybe she was born to love Mark, but in another life. Because on this one Mark Lee and Kang Sohee were just best friends. And although at nights she sometimes dreamed of his eyes, the same ones that hold thousands of stars, in the morning she reminded herself that nothing could change the friendship they had.

That's one of the reasons why she didn't do anything about it, that and because she didn't want to ruin all their efforts just for a crush.

It was difficult for her, because months passed and she kept thinking about him. Until eventually she stopped seeing him in a romantic way, his hugs stopped making her feel things (things you're not supposed to feel for a friend) and at night his eyes and laughter stopped appearing.

Now that time has passed, she realizes that staying best friends with him is a hundred times better than a possible relationship with him. And she prays, Oh, she prays that Mark Lee's future partner can love and appreciate him as much as he deserves... As much as she could have.

⟶dating list

—MOONBIN

❝ I enjoy our time together. And your laugh, your voice, your kisses. I enjoy you.

We may not be in love and that's okay for us.

Because what matters right now is that we're both having fun. ❞

public knowledge: private (only friends)

duration of relationship: march 2018 — april 2018

relationship: fling

current status: friends

their things: hanging out with friends, kisses, supporting each other, hugs

playlist: we are young by fun feat janelle monaé & locked out of heaven by bruno mars

They met at some awards and immediately they knew there was attraction, so they exchanged phone numbers and soon found themselves talking every single day.

They both knew what it was and what they wanted, to be young and have fun.

Those two months sometimes felt like an eternity, because they genuinely had a good time together. There was always fun, affection and, most importantly, sincerity.

They both knew it was meant to be over, so they enjoyed it.

Having fun with Moonbin felt like riding the drop tower: they weren't afraid of it, they just felt the adrenaline and fun you feel being up there in the air. But just as fast it goes up, it also goes down. And even though in the end you seem to want more, you know enough was enough.

—WOOSEOK

❝ I loved you as Icarus loved the sun — too close, too much. ❞

public knowledge: private for three months until their members found out

duration of relationship: july 2018 — january 2019

relationship: kind of dated, never really had a "tittle"

current status: acquaintances, they don't really talk anymore

their things: secret dates, midnight calls, back hugs, kisses

playlist: sweet creature by harry styles & the scientist by coldplay & the end of love by florence + the machine & it will rain by bruno mars

Kang Sohee and Jung Wooseok were never in love, but they might as well have been.

They met in mid-2018 thanks to a close friend, and the physical attraction was so immense that without thinking they both decided to give it a try. It was all very fast, but the result had been good. They were something, no tittle, yet they didn't care because they were okay with that.

Their relationship was like trying a new dish, they didn't know what to expect: they didn't know if it would be sweet or salty, everything was so different. But they had liked it. They spent a good time together, sometimes hiding from their members, it was a little secret that only the two of them knew.

They loved what they had. Midnight calls, secret dates, just sneaking around their members backs like that. It was exciting and fun. They were young people enjoying themselves.

Until it became real. Too real.

Suddenly they weren't just missing each other's presence, but they craved for their touch and kisses.

It was almost like an obsession. Every time they were together they felt intoxicated. They needed more, they wanted more.

And that wasn't healthy nor they where ready for that.

So, because they cared about each other, they put a stop to it. God knows that if they had stayed together, they would have burned.

—THE8

❝ The Ego asked:

'What is Love? It's too big of a word for me. I don't understand it at times.'

The Soul replied:

'If you understand Kindness

If you understand Respect

If you understand Acceptance

Then you will understand Love.' ❞

public knowledge: private (only members and close friends)

duration of relationship: december 2019 — present

relationship: acquaintances to friends to lovers

current status: in love, best friends

their things: nose, forehead and cheek kisses, showing her his art, painting together, taking pictures, listening to music, dedicating songs, slow dancing, hype man! hype woman!, writing songs about each other, domestic dates

playlist: love someone by lukas graham & ily by the rose & common by zayn & have you ever been in love? by the ivy & love somebody like you by joan & sunday morning by maroon 5 & natural by zayn

Falling for Xu Minghao was like breathing, so natural, so effortless, without realizing it.

They met in 2018 and for a year they were just acquaintances: their bandmate's friend. There were few interactions, maybe greetings and a few smiles. But when she has a very persistent Boo Seungkwan as her best friend, it was only a matter of time before she eventually became friends with the rest of them.

Being friends with Minghao is yellow, like observing the sunset. It's relaxing, enthusiastic, supportive, positivity, happiness...

It was an unexpected friendship but suddenly they were sharing songs, painting together and hanging out a lot more than with their original friends. Soft laughs, little jokes, looks full of adoration — it was so obvious that there was something there, they could feel it and everyone could see it. And still it took almost a year for them to take the risk. Was it really mutual or were they just imagining it?

He was the first to take the step, because even if it was all in his head at least he would be at peace knowing that he tried and didn't just let her go.

It was silly, really, how much they wanted to be together and how much they doubted.

Loving Minghao is comforting, honest, understanding, compassion, teamwork, sometimes overwhelming, and a new feeling that completely scares her because she has never been in love or in a serious relationship, yet she is sure of one thing: discovering those feelings with him was her best decision.

[cosmicgoddesswrites]

Punch Drunk

Boxer!Kuroo x F!Reader

Summary: Kuroo Tetsuro dreams of making a name for himself in the city as one of the best boxers out there. But he can’t do that without a a gym to train at. Luckily for him, his best friend happens to know a hardass gym owner with a soft spot for dummies.

Word Count: 7,278

Warnings: Some violence (descriptions of boxing matches), bl00d, swearing. Slightly N*FW

Author’s Note: This won’t necessarily be a series, but I will be revisiting this AU in future one-shots. View this as sort of an introductory to the characters and the setting, as well as the romance between Kuroo and (Y/n).

Kuroo stared out the window of the cab he had called to get him to the address Bokuto had sent him.

The gym was deep in the city, thankfully not too far from Kuroo’s apartment. At least, that was Bokuto’s main selling point to get him to go.

Kuroo would have happily stayed at the gym a block away from his apartment… if he hadn’t been kicked out for ‘starting a fight.’ Kuroo didn’t necessarily start the fight… he didn’t end it either.

His mom always told him that mouth of his would get him into trouble. She of course was right.

The cab pulled to a sudden stop, causing Kuroo to lurch forward in his seat and the seatbelt to dig into his stomach. He narrowed his eyes at the cab driver before paying the fare and getting out of the vehicle.

He scanned the busy sidewalk, smiling once he caught sight of Bokuto waiting for him at the doors of the gym. The two greeted each other, exchanging a quick bro hug before parting and turning in unison towards the gym.

“So, this is (L/n) and Son’s, huh?” Kuroo asked, taking in the sight of the worn out sign above their heads. “I did some reading up on this place, apparently it’s famous.”

“That’s cuz (L/n) was a boxing legend! This place is pretty exclusive, you’re lucky you have a friend on the inside who could get you in with the owner!” Bokuto boasted, leading his friend inside the dimly lit gym.

Kuroo looked around, noticing the limited amount of people taking up the space. He expected it to be a lot more busy, given its reputation.

Rap music played over the speakers, barely audible due to the grunts and shouts coming from the people sparring in the boxing ring to the right of the door.

Kuroo spotted a man sitting in an office situated in the far corner of the gym. He began making his way there, only for Bokuto to grab his arm and stop him mid-stride.

“Where are you going?” he asked, tilting his head.

“To talk to (L/n) and or his son.” Kuroo responded, motioning towards the man who was now leaving his office.

Bokuto laughed awkwardly, “R-right, about that… there is no son in (L/n) and Son’s… That’s one of the trainers. Our girl’s over there.” He pointed towards a woman currently facing off against a stand-up punching bag.

Kuroo looked around, hoping no one had noticed his blunder as he adjusted his gym bag over his shoulder. He followed Bokuto to the section of the gym the woman was in, noting her impressive form as she continued training.

“(Y/n)~~~” Bokuto sang, catching her attention. She turned away from the bag, panting hard as she clenched and unclenched her fists.

“You’re late… None of my other trainers are ever late…”

Bokuto gave her a bashful smile, “Yeahhh well I had to wait for my friend to get here! He wants to enroll!” He motioned towards Kuroo, who smiled and waved at her.

(Y/n) sighed, glancing between the two men as she began unwrapping her hands. “Fine. Go get ready for your 11o’clock. I’ll take care of him.”

Bokuto saluted her before retreating into the men’s locker room.

“Well, let’s get this taken care of, newbie.” (Y/n) said, motioning for Kuroo to follow her to her office.

She took off her tank top as they entered, tossing it aside shamelessly and leaving her in a sport bra and sweatpants. (Y/n) flopped into the desk chair, grabbing a towel from nearby and wiping the sweat off her body.

Kuroo didn’t realize he was staring until she looked up at him and motioned for him to sit down.

“So, what kind of experience do you have?” she asked, pulling out a clipboard with a couple forms on it.

“Well, I did some boxing in high school. Nothing really serious though, it was more just for fun.” he said, looking around at all the photos in the room. He saw one of a man flexing his muscles with a toddler holding onto his bicep and being lifted off the ground. After staring at it for a good minute, he realized it was (Y/n) and her father.

“And is this for recreation? Or are we looking at a future boxing champion?” (Y/n) teased, sliding the clipboard across the messy desk and towards him.

Kuroo smirked slightly as he began writing down his information. “Best case scenario, boxing champion. Worse case scenario, just a punching bag that bets against myself in fights.”

He felt something within himself flutter as (Y/n) cracked a smile at his joke. “Well, we’ll see what we can do to help that. Is Kou gonna train you?”

Kuroo finished up the paperwork and handed her the clipboard. “Could you?”

She snorted as she took the clipboard from him and began looking over his information. “Honey, you couldn’t afford me. License and credit card, please.”

Kuroo laughed loudly, handing her the cards and ignoring the looks they received from the people outside the office.

She wrote down the information then handed him his cards back. “Alright, gym is all yours. No breaking the equipment, and don’t go starting fights. If you have a problem with someone you take it outside. You already know where the locker room is, if you need anything ask Kou.”

Kuroo gave her a small smirk, “Can’t I ask you?”

(Y/n) narrowed her eyes at him slightly, a smirk of her own painting her features. “No. Now go on.”

Kuroo hurried out of the office, giving her one last glance before making his way to the locker room. He ran into Bokuto on his way there.

“Sooo… she’s cute huh?” Bokuto asked, wiggling his eyebrows at his friend.

Kuroo gave him a small shove. “You should’ve told me the owner was an attractive woman. I would have brought more appealing gym clothes.”

“Hey hey! Don’t get mad at me… just show off extra hard for her then.”

Bokuto whined, waving him off as he left to grab some bottled waters for the person he was training.

Kuroo changed into his gym clothes and began wandering around the gym, settling on doing simple combos on one of the many punching bags in the gym. It wasn’t until (Y/n) left her office that Kuroo began getting into his workout, throwing harder and more frequent punches.

She walked right past him and into the women’s locker room, presumably to shower.

Well, now he had to keep working out that hard or the other patrons would catch on to his peacocking. He figured he’d train a couple more minutes like that on the bag before he was in the clear, then he’d take a water break and find something else to do.

“Kuroo!”

He jumped at the mention of his name, turning to glare at his spiky haired friend who had just barked his name. Bokuto was currently standing in the ring, the biggest man Kuroo had ever seen standing beside him.

Bokuto sent him a bright smile as he waved him over, “Come on into the ring, bud! There’s someone I wanna introduce you to!”

Kuroo huffed, leaving the bag and climbing into the ring.

“Kuroo, this is my trainee, Ushijima!” Bokuto announced, wrapping an arm around Kuroo as he motioned towards the larger man. “He has a fight coming up in a couple weeks and I need someone to spar with him so I can critique his technique!”

Kuroo was half processing the words coming out of his mouth, too busy taking in the wall of muscle standing before him. They had to be about the same height, but Jesus. This guy was a monster…

“So? Think you can help us out?” Bokuto said, raising an eyebrow at his friend.

“Sure… yeah, I can do that…” Kuroo gulped, trying his best not to stutter and give away his anxiety. He quickly turned, picking up and putting on the spare protective gear his friend had left in the corner of the ring.

Once he turned to Ushijima, he swallowed his anxiety and put his gloves up. One of the trainers out of the ring rang a bell, signaling them to begin sparring.

Ushijima was on him in an instant, throwing the first punch as Kuroo kept his gloves up, blocking the hit but still being rocked by the heavy blow. He was sure he heard Bokuto barking instructions, but Kuroo was too busy trying not to die to listen to the trainer’s words.

He finally took a hit to the jaw after his opponent faked him out. Kuroo dropped to his knee, grunting as he struggled to cup his face with his gloved hand.

“Kuroo! You okay?!” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo moved back onto his feet, “Just a little tickle…” he said through his mouth-guard. Once he seemed to maintain his balance the bell rang, and Kuroo was once again dodging the first hit from Ushijima.

He decided to stay lighter on his feet, dancing around the ring in an attempt to tire out the other boxer. His tactic seemed to be working. As Ushijima struggled to keep up with him, Kuroo moved in close and landed a hit on his jaw.

Without warning, Ushijima quickly recovered and sent a harsh blow to Kuroo’s gut, sending him back to the floor.

Kuroo gasped for air as he laid in a heap, crumbled over himself. He blocked out Bokuto’s voice, trying to focus his breathing to recover.

“Did that tickle too?”

It was Kuroo’s first time ever hearing his opponent’s voice, but it was Ushijima without a doubt who had sent the taunt his way.

Kuroo slowly stood up, ignoring the ache in his stomach as he glared daggers at the other trainee. He didn’t even wait for the bell to signal the start of the next round. He just stalked towards Ushijima, arms at his sides and fire in his eyes.

No surprise, Ushijima took the first swing. But Kuroo ducked out of the way before hitting him with a two-hit combo. They were light hits, something to throw the more muscular boxer off rather than cause damage.

Bokuto was yelling for Kuroo to put his gloves up, his orders falling on deaf ears.

Kuroo didn’t bother keeping his distance this round, giving Ushijima no room to breath as he bobbed and weaved away from his hits while delivering some of his own.

“Keep your defense up, Ushijima! You’re letting him get to you! Just cuz his defense is sloppy doesn’t mean yours has to be too!” Bokuto said, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched the two.

Sure enough, Ushijima raised his gloves, giving Kuroo adequate access to his stomach. He took a hard swing at him, knocking the air out of him and sending him onto one knee.

Kuroo smiled victoriously as the bell signaled the end of the round.

In a blur, Ushijima jumped up onto his feet and swung at Kuroo, hitting him square in the nose.

His vision went black the second he hit the mat. He wasn’t sure how many seconds passed until he regained his vision. The first thing he heard was Bokuto scolding Ushijima for throwing a punch after the round had ended.

Then he heard heavy footsteps move past him and out of the ring.

Somebody then hoisted Kuroo onto his feet. He turned his head to see Bokuto looking over his nose. Kuroo’s head lulled as he watched Ushijima walk towards the men’s locker room.

“Yeah, that how you fight? Take cheap shots and hope they stick?” he slurred, the feeling of warm liquid dripping from his nose and down his face fueling his words.

Ushijima whipped around to face him, looking like he was ready to pounce into the ring and rip Kuroo apart.

“The hell did you just say?” He asked, the threatening tone of voice doing little to get Kuroo to back down.

As Ushijima prepared to climb back in the ring, (Y/n) rushed out of the bathroom with one of the trainers hot on her heels.

“The fuck is going on here? Why’s the newbie bleeding all over my mat?!” she shouted, making her way to the edge of the ring.

“They were sparring and-”

“Your boy here takes cheap fucking shots!” Kuroo shouted, interrupting Bokuto as he made a move towards Ushijima, only for Bokuto to hold him back.

“Say that one more time, I swear to God-” (Y/n) stepped in front of Ushijima, pressing her hands to his chest to hold the larger man back.

“And you’ll fucking what?” she growled, not faltering as he shifted his deadly gaze onto her.

The gym went deathly quiet, everyone seeming to wait for Ushijima’s response.

(Y/n) slowly removed her hands from his chest. “That’s what I thought…” she scoffed. “You both know the rules. You can’t keep it civil in the ring, you get out. I see either of you start more shit and I’ll make sure no other gym in the city lets you so much as spit in their direction…”

She looked between the two men, her expression sending a chill down Kuroo’s spine.

“You,” she said, her voice low and tone steely, “hit the showers…”

He stared down at her for a moment before turning on his heel and retreating to the locker room.

Kuroo’s shoulders went lax as he breathed a sigh of relief, only to tense once again when (Y/n) addressed him.

“And you… get in my office.”

Without another word, she went to her office, leaving Kuroo and Bokuto standing there in shock.

“Is she gonna kill me…?” He asked, looking at his friend.

“Maybe… Go…” Bokuto said, helping his friend out of the ring.

Kuroo hesitantly closed the office door behind him and took a seat in front of (Y/n)’s desk, her eyes on him the whole time. He nearly jumped out of his skin when she suddenly got up and moved around her desk.

She sat at the edge of the desk, glancing at the large window that offered her a view of the gym to make sure the blinds were shut. She took a tissue box from the corner of her desk and handed it to him once she was sure they had privacy. “How bad does it hurt?”

Kuroo shrugged, wiping the blood off his face and quickly plugging his nostrils with tissues. “Not too bad…”

(Y/n) leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she studied his nose. “Doesn’t look broken, so that’s good. You might just need to ice it.”

“You didn’t just bring me in here to play nurse, did you?” he asked, leaning back in his chair.

(Y/n)’s lips tugged into a slight smirk, “You don’t like it when I play nurse?”

He felt his cheeks warm. “You were ready to rip my head off earlier… so I’m a bit suspicious of it if I’m being honest.”

Her expression softened, for a moment Kuroo swore he saw some deep, foreign emotion swirl within her eyes. “You’re pretty good, y’know…”

Kuroo’s tough guy façade dropped as he looked up at her, eyes wide and full of hope, hope that she wasn’t toying with him.

She continued, “You’re kind of a jackass, and smack talking the competition like that will get you killed… but you still got talent…”

“Thank you…” he breathed, suddenly aware of how nasally his voice had become with the tissues stuffed up his nose.

“How would you feel about getting set up with one of our trainers, officially? They’d have weekly appointments with you three times a week and monitor your progress, get you on a fast track to your first match.”

Kuroo practically jumped up from his seat, “Yes! That sounds awesome! Yeah, I want that!”

(Y/n) chuckled at his eagerness as she raised her hands up in mock surrender, “Alright, take it easy, newbie. I still gotta find a trainer who has a clear schedule for you.”

“I meaaaan… you could always do it…?” Kuroo trailed off, raising his eyebrows at her. His heart stopped when she looked like she was thinking it over, weighing the pros and cons of actually training him.

“Once you make mama some money, I’ll consider training you… For now, I’ll see who I have available…” She said, hopping off her desk and returning to her chair.

“Thank you,” he said, his soft tone surprising himself, “Really… this means so much.”

(Y/n) smiled and looked him over before hastily looking away to retrieve a binder from her desk. Kuroo coulda sworn she was checking him out. “Go home and rest up… can’t have a future star like you bleeding all over my gym… I’ll call you once I got a trainer for you.”

“Thanks…” time to turn on the charm, “you can call me even if you don’t have a trainer for me, y’know… just throwing that out there.”

(Y/n) looked up from her binder, grabbed the box of tissues and threw it at him, laughing as he smacked it away. “Goooo!” she whined, ducking her head out of his view.

He quickly left the office, shutting the door behind him. He couldn’t stop the big, cheesy grin on his features, even when he passed Ushijima on his way to the locker room.

Once he had showered and changed, he couldn’t help but try and look into (Y/n)’s office through her window. He only caught a small glimpse of her on his way out, noting her small smile and soft eyes, the same emotion he noticed earlier present in her (E/c) orbs.

—————————————

(Y/n) called Kuroo the next day with news about the trainer she had assigned to him. Much to his disappointment, she wouldn’t be training him.

He came into the gym to meet his trainer, trying to mask his intimidation once he caught sight of the dude’s arms. If he ever put me in a chokehold, I’d be dead…

Iwaizumi seemed nice enough, he started off slow with Kuroo, getting to know his strengths and weaknesses. But Kuroo could tell his constant comments and quips were getting on his new trainer’s nerves.

Kuroo didn’t see much of (Y/n) in the upcoming weeks, only seeing her when she’d walk around the gym or check in on his progress with Iwaizumi.

He couldn’t text the number she called him from, based on the call quality he was sure it was connected to the ancient phone in her office. Asking Bokuto or Iwaizumi for her personal number would be too creepy. He was stuck and he was upset.

He was in the middle of taking his frustrations out on a punching bag when a familiar whistle prompted him to take a break. He turned to see Iwaizumi approaching him with a medium sized box under his arm.

“Got something for ya, newbie.” He said, handing the taller man the box.

Kuroo raised an eyebrow at him, not taking him for the ‘bro-gift’ type, before opening the box. His jaw practically dropped as he took out a bright red jacket and tossed the box aside. His name adorned the back of the jacket in black lettering, popping against the shiny, red material.

“Holy shit…” he looked up at Iwa, ready to thank him, only for the trainer to hold up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t look at me. It’s from the boss.” He said, jabbing his thumb in the direction of her office.

Kuroo could see her through her office window watching the two as she talked on the phone. He had a suspicion she was faking the phone-call just to look busy while she watched him open the gift.

“You can thank her once you’re done for the day… and pick up that damn box, she’ll take the jacket back if you leave your trash laying around.” Iwa scolded him, lightly kicking the box at Kuroo’s feet.

Kuroo did exactly that, peeking into her office once he had finished his shower. She waved him in, smiling once she noticed he was wearing the jacket.

“I take it you like your gift?” she asked, fiddling with one of the many pens that littered her desk.

“I love it,” he said, smirking as he leaned back comfortably in his chair. “Though I gotta say, it’s insanely red.”

(Y/n) smiled, lightly shrugging her shoulders. “Makes it so they can’t see you bleed.”

“You think I’ll get hit that much?” Kuroo pouted.

“I would hope not. Iwaizumi says you’ve made a lot of progress, he’d probably kick your ass if you got sloppy and got the shit kicked out of you in the ring-” (Y/n) was cut off by the office phone’s high pitched ring.

She picked it up only to hang it up not a second later. Kuroo raised an eyebrow at her curiously, to which she shrugged. “At least I can keep one of my trainees happy…” Her eyes wandered to the papers on her desk, Kuroo hadn’t even noticed the posters stacked messily underneath her crossed arms.

“My ESP is telling meeee… Ushijima’s fight got cancelled?” he asked, frowning as (Y/n) nodded.

“The twerp he was supposed to fight chickened out. I got the call this morning.” she sighed, leaning back into her chair and brushing a hand through her hair. “And Ushijima’s pissed. I told him I’d call him if I had good news and now he won’t stop calling me.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Not unless you have a boxer friend, who isn’t Bokuto, that can be ready for the match last minute.” she replied.

Kuroo sat up straight, a cocky smile gracing his features. “Lucky for you, I happen to be a boxer! Aaaand I won’t flake on you.”

(Y/n) scoffed, shaking her head at him. “The fight is in a week and you are nowhere near ready to have an actual match against Ushijima.”

HIs smile faltered, “Excuse you, you said I had talent!”

“Yeah, when you were sparring!” she groaned. “You’ve gotten better, I’ll give you that. But he’s too good and I won’t have you dying in my gym… for insurance reasons.”

“I signed a waiver! Iwa says I can have my first match soon, why not break the ice and start next week?”

“Because he’ll break your face!” (Y/n) shouted, catching Kuroo off guard as he flinched away.

(Y/n) closed her eyes, placing her hand on her chest as she took a deep breath to calm herself. “If Iwa can say without hesitation that you’re ready… We can put you on the roster. But if anything, and I mean anything, happens that shows me you weren’t ready, I’ll make sure you never get another match in this city.”

He couldn’t help the smile that crept on his features. “I’ll go talk to Iwa then…”

Two minutes later and Iwa was in (Y/n)’s office, clearly having an unpleasant chat with her about the upcoming match. She must have felt Kuroo’s eyes on her as he watched the scene unfold before him, because she eventually turned to the window of her office and closed the blinds.

A couple minutes later, Iwa had opened the door to the office, unshaken by the encounter with (Y/n). He motioned for Kuroo to enter, shutting the door behind the taller man and leaning against it.

Kuroo reluctantly took a seat in his usual spot, eyeing (Y/n) cautiously as she looked him up and down.

“If you can sign all this paperwork for me,” she began, sliding a packet of papers towards Kuroo, “and promise you won’t get that nice face of yours broken… you can fight in the match…”

Kuroo grabbed a pen and began filling out the packet immediately. (Y/n) bit back a smile, grateful he didn’t poke at her comment about his looks. She shifted her gaze back to Iwa, “Go tell Bokuto what’s goin on. We’re gonna need a second trainer on Kuroo for what little time we have left before the match.”

Iwa nodded and promptly left the room.

“Yknow, he made a good case for you. You should buy him a beer or something.” (Y/n) suggested, tapping a pen against her desk as she watched Kuroo work.

“I might,” he chuckled, signing his name on the last page of the packet before handing it off to her. “Maybe I’ll buy you one too…”

(Y/n) couldn’t help but snort. “Maybe if you win…now go on, I have a lot of work to do now.”

Kuroo practically jumped out of his seat, eager to talk to Bokuto about the good news, but stopped in the doorway of the office to look at (Y/n) one last time. “Hey… thanks.”

(Y/n) looked up from the paperwork he had just handed her, a small smile tugging at her lips. “You’re welcome…newbie.”

—————————————

Kuroo figured he’d be nervous before the match, but he felt like he was about to shit his pants as he waited in the locker room. Fuck, would he shit his pants if Ushijima hit him in the stomach? God, that would be so embarrassing. He should have bought brown gym pants. Well, hindsight was 20/20-

“Kuroo! You’re on!” Iwa barked into the locker room.

Kuroo took a deep breath before making his way out of the women’s locker room. He felt a stabby feeling in his chest when he saw Ushijima exit the adjacent locker room in unison with him.

They both walked through the crowd of people and approached the ring. Kuroo felt a tiny wave of relief wash over him when he saw (Y/n) standing in the ring. She looked almost as nervous as he did.

“Here are your fighters! Place your final bets while you can, folks!” (Y/n) announced over the chatter of the crowd, directing them towards one of the trainers who stood beside a chalkboard to keep track of the bets.

Kuroo entered his corner of the ring, shedding his jacket onto a chair before putting on his gear. (Y/n)’s bare feet padded against the mat as she made her way towards him. She leaned against the ropes, offering him a slight smile. “Still wanna do this?”

Kuroo only nodded, knowing his mouthguard would muffle his speech.

“Good! Cuz there’s no turning back now!” she shouted over the crowd’s chatter. (Y/n) left to the opposite corner of the ring, probably to check up on Ushijima before the match.

Iwa snapped his fingers in Kuroo’s face, forcing his eyes off (Y/n)’s back and towards him. “Keep your head in the ring, Kuroo. Don’t get caught up on me, or the crowd, or even (Y/n). It’s best 3 out of 5, so let’s make these rounds count, okay?”

Kuroo nodded, only for his focus to shift back to (Y/n) as she stepped into the middle of the ring once more. “Alright boys! Let’s roll!”

Kuroo hoisted himself into the ring, the feeling of the crowd’s eyes on him made him feel naked as the day he was born. He almost double-checked to make sure he had his shorts on.

“You know him, you love him! In the left corner, Ushijima Wakatoshi!” (Y/n) shouted, motioning to Ushijima as the crowd went wild. Ushijima seemed unfazed by the crowd’s support.

“In the right corner, newcomer, Kuroo Tetsuro!” (Y/n) yelled, motioning towards Kuroo and queueing some cheers, some boos, and lots of wolf whistles. If Kuroo didn’t feel naked before, he certainly did now.

The two met (Y/n) in the middle of the ring, where she laid out the rules for the match. Kuroo almost didn’t hear her, too caught up in the death glare Ushijima was sending him. They wordlessly went to their corners, waiting for (Y/n) to get out of the ring and start the match.

Once she was at the ropes, the bell was rung to begin the match. To no one’s surprise, Ushijima lunged for the first hit, just as he’d done during their sparring.

Kuroo narrowly dodged the hit, but it was quickly followed by a second jab to his stomach. He was grateful it wasn’t a full-force hit, because he’d already be on the ground if it was.

Kuroo delivered a few quick combos his opponent’s way, doing no real damage with the hits that did land. Before he knew it, he was getting fatigued from dancing around to keep out of Ushijima’s reach. Just as someone in the crowd sent a profanity Kuroo’s way, Ushijima punched him square in the face, pushing past his gloves for a brutal blow that sent Kuroo to the floor.

The bell rang, Kuroo didn’t even realize how long he had been on the ground, it felt like a millisecond. He forced himself to get up, growling as Ushijima stepped back into his corner.

“You move around too much and you’re gonna be walking into his fist,” Iwaizumi scolded, helping Kuroo take a much needed drink of water. “Keep letting him go for the first hit, let him come to you. Make your hits count, don’t be afraid to get close.”

The next round went by too quick for Kuroo’s comfort, he followed Iwa’s instructions, but Ushijima’s hits were merciless, like every bit of his weight was put into each punch.

Iwa’s second pep talk was blocked out by the slight ringing in Kuroo’s ears. His eyes were focused on Ushijima, basically lounging in his corner. Then he looked (Y/n)’s way, and to his surprise, she was looking back at him. She didn’t look sad, or disappointed, or even angry. But there was a fire in her eyes, one he saw in his own the weeks prior to the match.

He didn’t know how long he had been staring into her eyes, he didn’t even realize he had been doing it until (Y/n) gave him a curt nod and mouthed something out to him.

Go get him.

Kuroo ignored the jeers and insults from the crowd, only focusing on the feeling of (Y/n) watching him as he made his way to the middle of the ring once more.

Ushijima went for the first hit, as always, only this time Kuroo sidestepped towards him and sent a hard blow to his face. Ushijima seemed surprised by this, and honestly, so was Kuroo. He felt like he needed to be on the defensive with an opponent like Ushijima, but that obviously wasn’t working.

I’m small, I’m fast, I can use that.

Kuroo allowed himself to get closer to his opponent during the rest of the round. He took some hard hits, but he delivered his fair share of them as well.

Ushijima moved backwards, attempting to get some breathing room, but Kuroo only followed. He hit Ushijima with an uppercut to his jaw. It was nasty, but not against the rules.

The hit sent Ushijima to the mat, where he stayed until the bell signaled the end of the round. The crowd was now on Kuroo’s side, but it was (Y/n)’s cheers that stood out to him the most.

He went to his corner with pep in his step, unaware that he was being followed. Before Iwa could start up another pep talk, (Y/n) leaned over Kuroo in his seat, forcing him to make eye contact with her.

“You just need to take him out one more time, okay?”

Kuroo sent her a questioning glance, only for her to lean in closer to him. “I bet a lot of money that you’d win two rounds of this. So even if you lose, I’ll make sure you get paid tonight… You already got him looking scared, just finish him off…”

“Ifm I dimdt hamf tihs moumthguard im righmt mow, I’d toadally kith you.” he said, watching as (Y/n) stood straight and crossed her arms.

“I hate that I understood exactly what you said,” (Y/n) mumbled, earning a blush from Kuroo, “Now get back in there.”

Kuroo made his way into the ring with a goofy smile on his face. He tried his best to hide it when he faced Ushijima, but he knew the giant had caught a glimpse of it. And he was not very happy about that.

Kuroo took some hard hits during that round he figured it was punishment for getting too cocky after winning a single round. After a minute or two, he was on the mat, breathing hard as he felt one of his eyes Ushijima landed a hit on already swelling.

Kuroo could see (Y/n) through his blurry vision, she was hollering for him to get back up, screaming like a madwoman. With a grunt he forced himself to get up just before the bell could ring. His movements were sluggish, but he knew if he could crowd the giant again, he could knock him down and end the round.

It took some hard work, but Kuroo had eventually wrangled Ushijima into a corner. He began landing merciless blows to his gut, hitting him with combos while ignoring Ushijima’s defensive hits to Kuroo’s back and face. Eventually, Kuroo hit Ushijima with another uppercut that floored him and ended the round.

Kuroo didn’t waste a lot of time in his corner, he knew Iwa would try to tell him to take it easy or take the L with grace, but Kuroo was riding this high to victory. He drank his water and ran back to the center of the ring, where Ushijima was waiting for him.

He quickly regretted not taking a moment to rest, he felt like cinder blocks were tied to his feet, this was the most exhausting thing he’d ever done. One hit and he would be out.

Kuroo spared a quick look at (Y/n), hoping she could fuel his fire again.

Then Ushijima swung at him with what felt like the gusts of a thousand winds.

Kuroo spun in place, the force of the punch making him do a 180 turn in place. Shit, his mouthguard even flew out from between his lips.

His vision went black once he smacked against the mat.

—————————————

Kuroo woke up to a stinging feeling on his cheek. His whole face felt like it was on fire, Jesus his whole body felt like it was burning. He forced his eyes open, only to be met with the sight of (Y/n) practically in his lap as she pressed an alcohol pad to his face.

“Sleeping Beauty’s finally up,” she said, keeping her tone light as she tossed the pad in a nearby trashcan.

Kuroo looked around unfamiliar surroundings only for (Y/n) to hold his chin and still him. “Don’t move so much, hot shot. You’re in my apartment above the gym.”

She took a small, open container out of the first-aid kit resting on the nearby coffee table and began gingerly rubbing the wounds on his face with what he guessed was ointment.

“I didn’t win, did I?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

(Y/n) gave him a sad smile. “No… but you still made some good money tonight. And now you got a nice ice bath with your name written all over it.”

She wiped the remnants of the ointment off her fingers and onto his shorts. (Y/n) tossed the container into the first-aid kit, making a move to leave, “Iwa will be back soon with some food for us, so we should get you in the bath now.”

(Y/n) struggled for a moment to hoist Kuroo onto his feet. If he had to guess, Iwa helped (Y/n) get him up the stairs and onto her couch after the match.

She led him to her tiny bathroom, motioning towards the tub already filled with ice cold water. “Just sit in there and relax your muscles, I need to go downstairs and wash your stink off of me.”

“You don’t wanna join me?” Kuroo asked, wiggling his eyebrows at her despite the pain.

“You look half dead and that’s all you can think about?” (Y/n) asked, trying to bite back her smile.

Kuroo shrugged, “I feel half dead, but I think you could help with that.”

(Y/n) rolled her eyes before lightly pushing him towards the tub, “I am helping. Now get in the tub.”

Kuroo snickered and began tugging down his shorts, not even waiting for (Y/n) to leave the restroom. She practically sprinted out of the bathroom once she caught sight of his v-cut, causing him to laugh heartily before getting in the tub.

Once he was settled, he noticed some clothing in his size on the toilet seat beside him. She had probably set it aside earlier for him. He smiled to himself before sinking further into the water.

He left the tub after about 15 minutes, knowing he would get sick if he stayed longer. Kuroo dried off and dressed himself before making his way back to the couch.

He took note of the clothing (Y/n) had given him, grey joggers and a black and white flannel shirt. They were comfortable, and somehow the perfect size for him. He would have to ask her about that once she was back from her shower.

Kuroo had to keep his jaw from dropping when she came back. She wore a pair of tiny sleep shorts and a loose tank top, her moist hair dripping onto the material and causing it to cling to her skin. Kuroo couldn’t help but feel like she had given him those grey joggers out of more than just the kindness of her heart.

(Y/n) locked the door behind her and approached the couch, sitting on the far end of it, much to Kuroo’s dismay. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better. Much less dead.” he replied.

“You’re bleeding. I think from one of your stitches” she sighed, reaching back into the first-aid kit for an alcohol pad. Kuroo hadn’t even noticed the stitches, probably because they were on his forehead and under his bangs where Ushijima landed a particularly nasty hit.

“Think it’ll scar?” he asked, shivering as (Y/n) sat closer to him and brushed his bangs back.

“Definitely, but it wont be too bad.” She said, brushing the pad over the wound and drawing a hiss from between Kuroo’s gritted teeth. “I think the ladies will like it.”

Kuroo chuckled, shivering as (Y/n) used the cool pad to clean the blood that had dripped down his face. “There’s only one lady that I want to like it…”

(Y/n) pulled back, rolling her eyes at Kuroo’s words. “Me?”

“No! God, so full of yourself!” Kuroo smirked, laughing as (Y/n)’s jaw dropped in shock.

“Okay, ass. Get a new nurse, then.” she pouted, moving to get out of his lap only for Kuroo to pull her to straddle him. She made no move to get out of his hold, signaling him to continue.

“You know you’re my favorite nurse…” he cooed, watching (Y/n) intently as she nervously bit her lip. “But I still have some pains I need treated…”

“Yeah?” she asked, her body slowly relaxing against his as he gently rubbed her forearms. Kuroo playfully pouted at her, adjusting his body under her so he was sitting up against the arm of the couch.

“Here,” he said, pointing to one of his bruised cheeks. It looked like (Y/n) was in the middle of an internal debate when she leaned in and gently kissed the spot. Kuroo smiled as he watched her sit up and bat her eyes at him.

“Here,” he said, this time pointing at a spot on his chest covered by his shirt. (Y/n) narrowed her eyes at him before slowly unbuttoning the shirt and running her fingertips down his toned stomach. She pressed another gentle kiss to the spot he had pointed out, this time allowing her lips to linger on his flesh before parting from him.

Kuroo could feel the warmth between her thighs intensifying. He experimentally shifted his hips against hers, drawing a shaky gasp from her. He licked his lips before pointing at his bottom lip. “Here…”

(Y/n) leaned in close to him, brushing her lips over his teasingly. They both lingered, breathing each other in before finally allowing their lips to meet. Kuroo moaned at the taste of her, his hips stuttering against (Y/n)’s as his body responded to their kiss.

(Y/n) instinctively ground her hips against his, throwing caution to the wind as she deepened the kiss and wound her fingers through Kuroo’s messy hair. The kiss was wild and desperate, the needs of the two shining through as they gripped and ground against one another.

Kuroo suddenly hisses in pain, causing (Y/n) to hastily pull back and look him over. “Oh god, what happened?”

“J-just aching… I’m fine.” Kuroo reassured, adjusting his body under her.

(Y/n) bit her lip, “You’re too hurt, now's not the time…”

Kuroo cupped her cheeks and pulled her into another kiss, just as sloppy as the last. “Nuh-uh, I’ve been waiting for this for weeks,” he moaned against her lips, dragging his hands down her body to cling to her flimsy tank top, “I can handle a little pain…”

(Y/n) shivered at his words. She sighed shakily as she took his hands and slid them under her shirt, giving him permission to touch her bare skin. (Y/n) moaned louder as Kuroo nipped at her lips and tugged at her nipples, all while his hips worked at her core.

“Fuck- please,” (Y/n) begged into the kiss, struggling to tug the joggers past his sculpted thighs. The lack of boxers she provided him meant he was ready to go the second his cock was exposed.

Kuroo was in the process of tugging (Y/n)’s shorts off when they heard a knock at the door. (Y/n) groaned in frustration against Kuroo’s lips before adjusting her shorts and climbing off him.

“No-no-no, please, c'mon just send him away,” Kuroo whined, reluctantly pulling up his pants.

“I’m horny but I’m hungry.” (Y/n) sighed, fanning herself as she approached the door.

Kuroo grabbed the first-aid kit and placed it over his boner just as Iwaizumi and Bokuto entered the apartment.

“Hey hey hey! There’s our champ!” Bokuto cheered, holding up two packs of beer.

“I lost, Bo.” Kuroo smiled, hoping his friend wouldn’t press him for a hug.

“Well we got a nice consolation prize, 4 pizzas and plenty of beer to make you forget about how fucked up your face is.” Iwaizumi announced, earning an elbow to his ribs from (Y/n).

“No more playing around, let’s eat.” (Y/n) said, grabbing a box of pizza from Iwa’s stack and sitting beside Kuroo.

“Yes, m’am….” Kuroo teased, winking at (Y/n) as he took a slice from the box.

(Y/n) answered with a signature eyeroll before biting into her own slice of pizza.

Kuroo would have to continue their make-out session later. For now, he would celebrate his first match with his friends, and hope that he would win the next one.

If he got to kiss the girl of his dreams after a loss, he wondered what he’d get after a win.

[lovesanmotion]

ATEEZ as Produce 101 contestants

This is: requested 

Kim Hongjoong: 

- That one trainee who already knows how compose and produce songs  - NATION’S LEADER  - Is too scared to sit near the top so he would only settle around the middle of the pyramid  - Would pull out a piano or guitar and a chair and sing (and rap) for his first evaluation  - Would compliment his singing and rapping and would ask for him to dance - Evaluation Rank: A  - Mentor Cheetah’s favorite trainee (he passed all of her expectations and has a good pronounciation and flow to his lyrics and bars) - Would randomly throw aegyo when talking to the national producers and then covering his face afterwards after being shy - Being placed in the rap evaluation team  - Very competitive when it comes to playing games with the other trainees - Would be very sad to see off the eliminated trainees, he made a lot of good memories with them and parting ways is too sad to accept - Final Rank: 4th 

Park Seonghwa: 

- The oldest amongst the trainees - Since he’s the oldest amongst the trainees, he would take care all of them - Making sure that all of them eat their meals - Get a good night’s sleep - Scolding them if they push themselves too much too the point of exhaustion - In return, the younger trainees take care of him altogether - A reversal charm (also known as ‘plot twist’ meaning he has the ability to be good at anything they place him, eg. PD48 Han Chowon when asked to rap for Rumor)  - Evaluation Rank: A - Would compete with Wooyoung as center for Pick Me stage - Mentor Kahi and Bae Yoon Jeong’s favorite trainee because of his ability to improve every session  - Would be placed in a dance evaluation team - Just like Hongjoong, he would get sad to see off the eliminating members because he had a lot of good times with them - Lowkey wished they would all just debut in one group with 100 members  - Final Rank: 3rd 

Jeong Yunho: 

- A trainee that would most likely start a trend that would later become an iconic moment in the show  - All the other trainees wished they had the same height as him - Spends a lot of time with Hongjoong and Yeosang - Mentor Bae Yoon Jeong and May J Lee’s favorite trainee  - Evaluation Rank: B  - Would win every game played against the other trainees - Would share his prize with his other groupmates  - If one of his groupmates were having a hard time follow the dance steps, he would willingly stay up late and get up early for them to learn - Would be placed in the same dance evaluation team as Seonghwa - Would let the younger trainees sit on his lap - He would smile and cheer up the eliminated trainees and would make them promise that he will do his best for them - Final Rank: 5th 

Kang Yeosang: 

- NATION’S VISUAL  - ^ just like what I said, he would be placed 1st in terms of visual - Would praise everyone by giving out little drawings of hehetmon on post its  - Evaluation Rank: C  - He lives in the same dorm room as Seonghwa, therefore, he influenced Seonghwa into doing skincare - That one trainee who is best picked when it comes to cosmetic and chicken CF - ENDING FAIRY  - ^ The ending fairy for Pick Me stage, just one wink and the searches for his name would rank 1 on Naver  - Would comfort every trainee who is having a hard time  - But would never say or show that he is having a hard time too  - When he does, he would put distance between himself and them and would just coop up in a dark room alone, practicing his vocals  - Seonghwa and Wooyoung would eventually find him and comfort him - Would be placed in a dance evaluation team with Seonghwa and Yunho - Final Rank: 8th 

Choi San: 

- The mentors would be shook once he starts stomping on the stage and the floors would start shaking  - Spends alot of time being clingy with Yeosang and Wooyoung - Will literally baby the younger trainees  - Evaluation Rank: B - Another competitive soul just like Yunho - With or without hidden cameras, he wouldn’t hesitate to help the staff  - Speaking of hidden cameras, the trainees once placed a hidden camera on top of the trash can - CHOI SAN WHY ARE YOU FLIRTING WITH THE TRASH CAN - a demon on stage - a baby off stage  - Would be placed in a vocal evaluation stage  - Mentors would be shocked and impressed with his duality  - While practicing, he likes to lay down on the floor and become one with it  - Final Rank: 2nd 

Song Mingi: 

- The other trainees would be intimidated with him due to his deep voice at first - But would warm up to him afterwards after knowing that he is a giant baby princess who casually does aegyo and likes ice cream - The other trainees would find it cool how he and Hongjoong knows how to compose lyrics  - And has no trouble with his rap and dance at all - Evaluation Rank: B  - Will push himself to do better and show an improved version of him evaluation - A confused baby most of the time - The younger trainees literally have to look out for him  - That one trainee who will do everything to hide his sweets from the staffs  - Would be placed in a rap evaluation team with Hongjoong  - Final Rank: 7th 

Jung Wooyoung: 

- Jung Wooyoung and his 99 boyfriends - ^ lowkey the real title of the show - Highkey would cling onto every trainee - Already loud on the first day - Will not hesitate to perform a sexy stage for his audition  - Evaluation Rank: B - Will try to learn every choreography to each song that each of team has - Does not hide the fact that he is a Carat and ARMY  - Would scream if Seventeen or BTS makes an appearance to the show - He and Yeosang will say that they are six year best friends per episode  - 12 episodes tops - NATION’S CENTER  - The stage for Pick Me? Yep, Jung Wooyoung center - Loves to cling on San and Seonghwa the most - Would be placed in a dance evaluation team with Seonghwa and Yunho - Loves to annoy the older trainees  - Calling them pabo  - Hehe  - Final Rank: 6th 

Choi Jongho: 

- MAKNAE ON TOP - WBK  - He made it clear on the first day that he does not like skinship at all - But would make exceptions for Wooyoung - Why? We never know too  - Has been hitting high notes since Day 1 - Golden Vocal - Proved his strength by breakin an apple and carrying Hongjoong  - Whenever the other trainees kiss him he either:  - Screams  - or - Freeezes  - There is no inbetween - Evaluation Rank: B - Will help the other trainees when it comes to vocals - Would lowkey try to give away his main vocal spot so that the other trainees would get to experience it  - Humble baby  - Would be placed in a vocal evaluation team with San  - Final Rank: 1st 

[fyeah-bangtan7]

J-Hope on Growing Up in BTS, His Next Mixtape and More

"We wanted to make music that can give people more strength," says J-Hope, in the first of our digital cover stories starring each BTS member

One of BTS’ many high-profile fans, Late Late Show host James Corden, says the group is “at their core, a force for good.” With his dimpled smile, warm manner, and fierce stage presence, 27-year-old rapper, dancer, songwriter, and producer J-Hope embodies the group’s combination of fundamental goodness and overwhelming talent; even his choice of stage name radiates positivity. In the first of Rolling Stone‘s breakout interviews with each of the seven members of BTS, J-Hope looked back at the group’s early days, reflected on his musical future, and more. He spoke from a studio room at the Seoul headquarters of the group’s label, HYBE’s Big Hit Music, wearing an olive coat over a crisp white T-shirt. His energy was restrained compared to his relentlessly buoyant TV interviews, but his high-watt smile was never far away.(In celebration of BTS’ appearance on the cover of Rolling Stone, we’re publishing individual digital covers with each member of the band; check back throughout the next week for more.)

Did you wake up and come straight here, or did you get a chance to do anything else this morning?

I went to the bathroom! [laughs]

So what have you learned about yourself over the course of this pandemic year?

It was an opportunity to learn how precious our ordinary lives were.  I had to think about how my life should go on and how I should just stay calm and focus even during these times. It was a time to reflect on myself a lot.

And what did you take away from that reflection?

The takeaway is I have to do what I can do best. Time goes on and life flows on, and we just have to keep doing music and performances. I just thought that I have to make music that can give consolation and a sense of hope to other people. You know, we’re just people, like everybody else. So we feel the same way as everybody else. So we just wanted to make music and do performances that other people can resonate with and that can give people more strength.

What you’re saying reminds me of the message of “Life Goes On,” which is a beautiful song.

That song came from thinking about what can we do during this time, during the Covid pandemic. It’s about the stories that we can tell at this point in time. It motivated us to really talk among the members about what we are feeling. So I feel that it’s an important song.

In some of your lyrics, you’ve revealed that there is sometimes a sadness behind the smile that everyone loves. How do you balance the positivity that you present to the world with the more complex emotions you may experience in real life?

Things are really different from how it used to be. I just try to show who I really am. I think that’s the most comfortable for me. Everybody has, you know, different sides from what they show. Of course, I do have a burden and a pressure as an artist. I just take them in for what they are. I just try to express that I’m going to overcome these difficulties.If I express those things, I think that also gives me a sense of consolation as well. We have been communicating with our fans ever since we became artists, but now I think it’s become more natural and comfortable. Before we tried to only show them the good side, the bright side of us. As my name is J-Hope, I only tried to show the bright side of our group and myself. But as the time passes by, one cannot feel the same way forever so I also felt other emotions. I tried to express those emotions through music or dialogue, to express them in a very beautiful way.

One of those songs is “Outro: Ego.” What were you thinking when you wrote that one?

It’s really about self-reflection, reflecting on who I am, my ego, as the name implies. It’s about the life of Jung Ho-seok [J-Hope’s real name] as an individual, and the life of J-Hope. And the conclusion that I draw from this inner reflection is that I believe in myself and I believe who I am, and this is my identity. And then these are the challenges that I have faced, and I’ll continue to face these challenges and do new things by relying on who I am.

In 2018, you released the mixtape Hope World, which was a major artistic achievement. What are your favorite memories of working on it?

You know, looking back, I think it was really pure, innocent, and beautiful that I could do such music at those times. When I work on music right now, I have an opportunity to go back to those emotions and think, “Oh, those were the days.” I think it really has a good influence on my music that I work on now. Through the mixtape I learned a lot, and I think it really shaped the direction that I want to go in as an artist, as a musician. I’m really just grateful that so many people loved my mixtape. I am planning to keep on working on music and to try to show people a [style of] music unique to J-Hope.

What are your thoughts on a second mixtape?

Right now, the goal is to get inspired and make good music. Nothing is decided yet, so I’m just going to keep working on music. I think my style of music will not greatly change, but I think it will be more mature. I will try to contain stories that I really want to tell in the second mixtape.

You just released the full version of the song “Blue Side” from Hope World. Was that just something you had the whole time, or did you finish it more recently?

It wasn’t a full version at that time, so I always had the thought of going back to that song and completing it. I always had that in mind. I think it was like two weeks or one month ago that I finally came to think that “Oh, I want to finish this song.” As I mentioned earlier, I really look back onto the emotions that I have when I worked on the mixtape.

When you started as a trainee you hadn’t rapped at all. You’ve obviously come a long way and developed some serious skills — what was that learning process like?

I still think I have some shortcomings. I still think that I have a long way to go, to learn more things. I have to find my own unique style. But I think I could only come this far thanks to the other members. When I first started training, all the members were rappers in that crew. So when you go into the house, beats were dropping, and everyone was just rapping in freestyle. It was kind of not easy to adapt at first, but I really tried hard to adapt to that new environment. And I think those were good times and good memories, and it was really fun as well.

You were very young when you began as a trainee. What’s it been like to grow up in BTS?

I think during my training, life was far apart from being ordinary. Because other guys, my friends, would do schoolwork at school and go on field trips and build memories as a student. And of course I chose this career, my own path, giving up those things. Maybe I could feel unfortunate to not to have experienced those things, but I was chasing my dreams. And meeting the members during our trainee days was really amazing, because it is just amazing that different people who were so different could come together to form a group. And I really want to thank those guys, and I sometimes I feel like I really want to go back to those days.

What do you think when you look back at BTS’ earliest videos, when you all had this almost tough image?

Back when we had released “No More Dream,” our music embodied the battle against prejudice and oppression. So naturally, such values carried over to the style and visual aspects of the release as well. You could say it was our identity and the image that we also portrayed at that moment. But we can’t forever dwell in that static state. As time flows, things change and trends change, as did our tendencies in music. We took into account the influences around us, including, of course, our audiences. These influences guided us toward our own change in musical style and concepts.

You’ve all said many times that when you first got together, there were conflicts because you had different backgrounds and different values. What were some of the key differences that made it tough early on?

We were just really different from the beginning, so it was awkward. It did take time to get used to it. We were living together, but we had to make sure we each had our own personal spaces. Eventually we learned to understand each other, and now we’ve been doing this for so long together that we have this sort of harmony, an understanding of each other that allows us to have the kind of teamwork we have. And each of us has different roles and different things we do in the music, so we also try to help each other in what we’re doing and try to help each other become better.

© source

[baekhvuns]

I just read your “ateez as dad’s” reaction, and it was so adorable that could we see the members of bts as Dad’s?? thank you!!

bangtan reactions ; requested

。。。bangtan as dad's ( this is definitely my favourite type of reactions to do )

── kim seokjin ;

imagine him making his kids sit on his broad ass shoulders while they play with his chocolate brown hair.

his kids getting his worldwide handsome looks from the minute they pop out the womb.

he’s a sag, we know his kids be the best dressed.

omg imagine when his kids grow old, and he’s teaching his daughter how to drive, he’ll be so soft with her, “nooo, take the right—yes yes good job!”

and then when he’s with his son, the asian dad comes out. “aY, WATCH YOUR SPEED— OHMYGOD DID YOU JUST RUN A RED LIGHT?”

“dad, the light was green.”

“YOU JUST RAN A LIGHT, YOU IDIOT!” smacks his kid on the head.

i think when as his kids grow older, the more funny jin gets, random dad jokes being thrown around.

imagine getting ready for a wedding event or some party, and he’s yelling that he’s starting the car when he’s sitting on the bed with his phone scrolling through the army cafe.

── kim namjoon ;

man, i don’t even know (this is too soft)

best dad, wbk (i think it’s a leader thing, all leaders in kpop, would be such amazing dad’s)

buys his kids magical and deep meaning story books that he reads to them every night before bed.

he finally put the baby shoes he bought to a proper use, and then buys every single colour in it because his kid really liked them.

imagine joon, in his tux with glasses (the fit he wore to grammy’s) while he’s holding his son while standing tall and the media gushes over how adorable the pair is. crying

his kid holding one of his fingers while walking down the streets or the red carpet while wobbling on their feets.

“dada?” his kid calls for him while he’s in his office, he pauses and smiles, waving his kid to come over and places them on the table. while he writes songs, his kid plays with either his hair or the jewelry he was wearing.

definitely as his kids grow older he gets a bit stricter, cause he has his moments here and there.

when it’s time for his kids looking for girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s, he’ll have the talk with them and give them advice while walking back and forth like a lecturer.

── min yoongi ;

he’d be the sweetest dad ever, 🥺

calls his kids his angels, imagine his kids get his gummy smile (I WOULD DIE)

imagine yoongs buying his kids small little bucket hats that cover their entire faces and he just takes selfies with them and posts it on the army cafe with the caption, “look at my angels, army.”

i think he’d be a very open minded dad, although he’s on the quieter side many would think he’s really strict and stern kinda like a sergeant.

but in reality he’s a dad who gives his those ticklish kisses when someone puts their face in the kids stomach (ifykwim) and they’d fall into a giggly mess.

whoever hurts his kids, better start running, whether it be teachers or some random kids on the block or heck even the “fans”

no one hurts his family, he’ll work in quietness and place a lawsuit on the people who hurt them.

agustd mixtapes would include a song that would be titled the birthdate of his first born as a present to them and army. as well as have a separate song for his kids titled ‘my one and only’

as his kids grow older and his daughter introduces her boyfriend to him, i think we all know the poor young man would be scared shitless of the agustd.

“if you want to date my daughter, rap better than me.”

yeah, goodluck.

── jung hoseok ;

get ready for a very adventurous dad,

wakes his kid early mornings for random trips down by the bay, all while they whine and he stands there in his dad sandals grinning proudly.

jiwoo would spoil the shit out of hobi’s kids, his kids would be dressed in those pretty aesthetic outfits.

he makes them smol little rainbow bracelets and puts them around their little baby wrists. 🥺

always has his kid propped up on his hip, whenever he dances or shows other trainees and teaches them how to do certain moves, his kids watch him with bright shiny eyes.

the trainees awe at his kids, omg imagine his kids bopping their heads to the beat while clapping their hands like dolphins while hobi dances.

his kids would be dance prodigy’s, i said what i said.

matching outfits with his lil babies !! imagine hope comes home and finds his kid playing with his colourful glasses with his shirt over their heads, softly giggling 🥺

── park jimin ;

ma’am, i will tell you, he would be the strictest dad in bangtan.

i think we all watched that hello counsellor episode where he was angry at the boy who put his dolls before his family.

he’d be a great dad, of course, he loves kids and would do anything for his own. but of course, he’d be on a stricter side.

i see him constantly comparing his pinky finger with his little kids because he finally has someone who’s pinky fingers aren’t bigger than his.

his relaxing time is whenever his kids are close to him, imagine his kids hiding their faces in jimin’s neck because they’d be shy by the amount of people taking their photos and you would just hear the armies go, “AWWWWWW.” honestly same.

he’d bring his kids to bangtan’s concerts! as toddlers he would bring them out during the encore time while holding his hands and making them sing a little bit of bangtan’s songs in their baby voices 😩

as more adults, like around 8-9, he’d bring them to more music shows but send them home early because it’s bed time, but not before kissing them a goodnight.

let’s face it, his kids be the hottest. his kids would be listed as the hottest celebrity kids alongside many other’s and jimin would just boast about it everywhere.

he’s really proud of his kids and won’t hesitate to show it in private moments or even in public moments.

dance classes with dad jimin >>>

── kim taehyung ;

he loves kids, a lot.

he’d do anything for them, the friend dad, his kids would forever be his first priority.

watch his kids get the entirety of his facial genes which would automatically make them prettier / handsomer than 99% percent of the population.

takes his kids to art gallery’s around the world, shows his artistic side to his kids who also enjoy.

painting with his kids would be his favourite time of the day, imagine his kids little fingers doing finger painting and showing it off to tae who would be more than proud and start clapping loudly.

tae’s big hands would cradle his babies faces and squish their cheeks as they fall into fits of giggles, tae’s heart just swells whenever he hears his kids laugh.

bro honestly, tae’s treated like a president, his kids would like the first kids of the country, constant headlines of tae and his kids holding hands would go viral while we all suffer bc we could never 🙃

so, uh, if you mess with his family, consider yourself done, after all he’s the kim taehyung.

as much as he’s proud of his kids, he would be secretive about his private life, as in he wouldn’t want to expose his kids to the world of being a celebrity and being famous beyond.

but imagine, the day he introduces his kids to the world (idk but i’m seeing his son) while wearing a nice tux with black hair, one hand in his pocket while the other over his son’s shoulders.

people would be shocked because his kid is the exact copy of him, but we would be shocked because another kim taehyung is born.

── jeon jungkook ;

welcome to world of wholesomeness, your stay would be making you uwu a lot.

imagine his kids playing with kooks long hair and he lets them hairstyle it however they want. with pretty pink rubber bands

hIS KIDS WILL GET HIS BUNNY TEETH OR WE RIOTING.

his (idk but i’m seeing a son again) son would have his shiny eyes and bunny teeth, overall would be so adorable that kook would have a heart attack whenever his baby would look at him.

imagine you coming home and seeing both your kids sleeping on him, one over his chest while the other his sprawled over his stomach, and you hear the soft snoring of the three of them echoing around the room.

takes candid pictures of his kids whenever they’re having fun in the playground or at road trips, omg imagine him and his kids singing singing to songs while kook drives down the pretty road.

whenever a bangtan song comes on ten radio his kids would start screaming and kook would be smiling all brightly while glancing at them through the mirror while shouting the lyrics himself.

writes songs for his kids, his lullabies would be heavenly.

i also think he’d be a strict dad, after jimin, i think he’ll take on that position.

only when they are slightly older, because kids make mistakes and kook will take it to his responsibility to teach them the right things and to repeat what’s the righteous.

he would be more stricter towards his sons while being more favourable towards his daughters because they got his eyes and he can’t ever say no to them.

no, but he would be great friends with his son, they would play almost any sports together, whether it be online or in person.

really tries his best to be the best dad for his kids and no matter what happens he’ll always be by their side.

[sheadre]

When Stars Collide (Jackson Wang x Reader) Part 1/2

Summary: Your girlband was disbanded but your dream of singing and dancing was too important to you to just give up after that. However, another company sees potential in you and signs you as their solo artist. One day, during recording your new song, a familiar face shows up.

Warnings: none, maybe a little bit of angst but totally fluffy especially at the end

Word count: 2816

That morning, you got up happily, finally you managed to sleep more than four hours now that the shooting of the new drama finished. You finally debuted as an actress however, you weren’t sure if that was a calling for you. The company made you audition for the role out of financial interests. Then you got a call from your manager telling you to go to the company for a meeting with the CEO.

It didn’t sound good with how your manager’s voice was nervous and shaking through the phone. Your girl-band, N3XUS debuted five years ago and you were the only one left who haven’t turned to acting and other options. You were always passionate about music and to be inspiration for others. You weren’t really appreciated in your group and the girls left you out from their group chat. When you arrived at the company, you spotted Lola, the only other foreigner girl in the band. She arrived from Japan and was spending most of her time there after debuting at her home as a solo artist. She was the only one who you were on friendly terms.

So when the CEO told everyone about his decision and slid the paper towards everyone which ended all of your contracts with the company, Lola was the only one who tried to comfort you a little bit before she had to catch her flight back to Japan. You weren’t really shocked to see the band reach an end. It was long due with how everyone only cared about themselves and their money. The other girls were only here for the shine and money while you assigned to be a trainee for the music. Dak-Ho, the manager pulled you to the side on the corridor after you left the meeting room, his expression showing how bad he felt for you to end up in this situation.

“(Name)… it will be hard but you were always more talented than any of the others” he sighed heavily. “So I decided to try at a few places and call a few people. Give a call to Ha-Neul, she’s a manager at XxxxxX Entertainment. I hope that she can help you in the future.”

With that, he said his goodbyes and left. You sighed and decided to return home, there was nothing much you could do at the moment. You stood in your kitchen, your phone on the counter and stared at it while gripping the edge of the counter top.

“You can do this…” you whispered to yourself. Your heart was beating so fast in your chest and chills ran down your spine. What should you say? ‘Hi, I’m (Name) from N3XUS and our company decided to fire us. Can I go over to your company and be your idol?’

“Arghhh!” you groaned and bumped your head against the counter. Your phone then started buzzing making you jump and shriek in surprise. Rolling your eyes at yourself you picked it up.

“(Name)? Are you there?” your mom spoke up making you jump again. You weren’t sure how you would tell her that you lost this time. She sacrificed so much just so you can chase after your dreams. It was especially hard after your dad died but she pushed on and earned the money to let you attend dance classes.

“Yeah, yeah…” you sighed. “How are you?”

“I’m okay but I really miss you” she replied making you smile. “When you can, please come home, sweetie.”

“I’ll try though I have this new project but I will try to take time off as soon as possible” you said with tears in your eyes. You couldn’t tell her. She deserved better from you, you needed to succeed after how much she gave up for you. You had to fight.

“Oh, sweetie, I understand but once you can come home I will make sure to make your favorite” your mom replied and you could hear the sadness in her voice. You made sure to tell her you loved her before you hung up and stared at your phone’s screen. Your lips pulled into a smile and your heart seemed to calm down as you tapped on the number of the manager Dak-Ho gave you.

Time skip ~

You sat on the corridor waiting for Ha-Neul with the news after your audition. You forgot how stressful an audition was but here you were trying all over again. You were used to your old company treating you badly, always choosing you only because they deemed your performance “okay” and because they had no one else who was good. Your heard the door open and close but you didn’t dare look up until Ha-Neul reached you.

“To be honest, the boss was quite surprised that you came here even if you already debuted a while ago” she sighed while she sat down next to you. She had a shoulder length cut hairstyle and a heart shaped face. Ha-Neul was about ten years older than you and had this kind mom vibe. “He was satisfied with your performance and would like to welcome you at the company as a solo artist…”

Your eyes widened in shock and a large grin broke out on your face splitting it in two. Then Ha-Neul put her hand up, her face staying serious as she looked you in the eyes.

“However, he has his conditions, (Name)… The company spent all the money on the newly debuted boyband and so we cannot afford to send you right away on stage. He said that he would have an easier job if you worked on a full album with your own songs so once you debut we can start selling your albums right away. You have about three months until everything will be arranged and you will be working with Sue.” Ha-Neul said calmly before she looked behind you and motioned for someone to come over to her.

“Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Sue, I will be your assistant” a girl around your age approached you with a shy smile on her face. You got up from your seat and grabbed her hand before bowing.

“Nice to meet you, Sue. I’m (Name).” you grinned at her. “Please take care of me.”

“I’ll let you talk things out” Ha-Neul smiled at you both before she left.

“I’ll show you around and introduce you to everyone, alright?” Sue spoke up again and you nodded before following her to the elevator.

However, the media quickly learnt about N3XUS’ end. You found yourself trying to avoid paparazzi while you tried your best to produce new songs. Fortunately, during your years as a member of N3XUS you quietly composed songs in the background and you had a lot to choose from. They needed adjustments and instrumentation but you were confident about them.

Sue was a fantastic help and she managed a lot of things on her own. Days passed by and you were still stuck with one last song you needed on the album. None of the songs you wrote and haven’t yet made their way on the album were good enough but you had only one week till your debut. You were singing the refrain in the recording room still thinking about what was missing but then you reached the part where you always got stuck and groaned disappointed.

“Why did you stop?” someone asked from behind the controls making you jump with a shriek.

After calming down, you looked up and tried to not blush seeing who the intruder was. Jackson Wang was looking back at you with a friendly smile while waving at you. He wore a yellow beanie and some comfy baggy T-shirt with sweatpants. You always had a crush on him and really hoped that you would meet him after you debuted with N3XUS. You quickly hurried out and greeted him.

“Nice to meet you too” he replied as he shook your hand, then he pointed at the microphone. “So? Why did you stop? It sounded great.”

“I… I think the song is missing something” you shrugged. “I just don’t really know what that is.”

“Can I see the lyrics?” Jackson asked pointing at the papers in your hand. You quickly gave it to him and pursed your lips in anticipation and nervousness. Jackson was a talented “veteran” in the field compared to you and his songs were all so good. To say you were shy was an understatement. You watched his handsome features for any indication of his opinions then Jackson’s lips pulled up into a half-smile and averted his gaze. “Please don’t stare at me like that.”

Your eyes widened at that but somehow your eyes were glued to his person. Was he being shy? What…? You forced yourself to look away from him by going to your bag and taking out your water bottle. Drinking some cool water helped you calm down a bit. When you turned back, Jackson was already sitting by the controls, pushing and pulling the small buttons as he started playing the song. Your song.

You watched him getting into the song, bobbing his head up and down and his left foot tapping the floor. Never in a million years would’ve you imagined to be in the same room as him. Then he started rapping right where you always got stuck and felt like there was missing something. Though Jackson got stuck too and leaned back in the chair while crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“A rap part would fit here quite well…” he mumbled then turned to you. “You know… I need a song on my new album and I was about to record something today but… it would be great to collab. What do you think?”

“That sounds great” you nodded with a bright smile. “Do you want me to leave the studio to you? I can come back later to finish my other two songs.”

“No, no, we could work on this one” Jackson jumped up abruptly his hands shooting out from his sides like he wanted to grab you so he could stop you from leaving. Then he quickly put his arms down with a sheepish smile and rubbed the back of his neck. “I was hoping that I could put your song on my album too if we collab… and maybe get something to eat later?”

You blinked surprised but nodded while chuckling. By the time you finished the song, you felt exhausted and wanted to sleep for the next two days. Getting to know each other better and making friends relieved the tension from you and maybe from Jackson too. You had no idea why he at certain moments seemed like he was shy around you. You remembered how big of a scandal it was a few years ago when his fiancée, the heiress of some large company cheated on him with an American rich guy who was the heir of some IT company. Jackson learnt about it from the magazines and the paparazzi who asked him about it. For months, he disappeared from any TV shows and only released music. You remembered how much in love he seemed to be back then.

You couldn’t understand why would someone cheat on this man, like he was almost perfect. He was funny and kind, had a large heart and cared about others around him much. Maybe that woman left him because she felt undeserving of him. You’ve heard about that feeling from other women and even some love songs were about that reason for cheating. You sipped on your green tea that was cooled by the many ice cubes you asked for at the little shop across the building. Jackson was an absolute gentleman, pulling out your seat for you and taking off your jacket for you when you arrived. The people in the shop seemed to be chill about Jackson’s presence which let you feel a little relieved.

“So, tell me something about you” you spoke up between two bites of your meal. He kept asking about you in the studio but he revealed little about himself. “I’m curious what the great Jackson Wang is doing after becoming world famous.”

You winked at him and laughed at his ‘deer-in-the-headlights’ look. He was a CEO at the age of twenty-eight it was pretty impressive, but he seemed like he didn’t care about it at all.

“That is a little bit exaggerated, I might have some international fans but K-pop and C-pop is not that known to people outside of Eastern Asia.” he shook his head after swallowing his bite. “Well… what do you want to know? Other than the fact that I’m fabulous and a great person.”

“And the humblest of them all” you poked his shoulder while laughing. It was a long time since you had something so laid back, something so nice like this. Ever since you entered the entertainment industry it felt lonely as hell. You hummed then. “Maybe tell me about your family. I saw an interview piece a long time ago where you were gushing about you mom. She must be really proud of you.”

“Yeah… she’s the best” he said with a fond expression on his face making you smile warmly at him. Jackson was easy to talk to and was really funny. You loved to listen to him talk and before you realized, it was quite late in the studio. So late that there was no bus you could catch to go home.

“Ah… How am I gonna get home?” you groaned when you looked up at the clock. “I’m afraid to call an Uber…”

“I can take you home” Jackson shrugged. “I have my car in the parking lot.”

“I wouldn’t want to impose” you shook your head to which he just rolled his eyes and grabbed your bag for you along with your hand pulling you towards the elevator. In the elevator, he kept holding your hand without realizing it and only let go when he took his car keys out of his pocket. His car was shiny and cool but wasn’t the most expensive one out there.

“I thought you owned the newest Porsche or Lamborgini…” you frowned confused once you were sitting inside making him laugh.

“Some people choose by the efficiency not by the look” Jackson replied. “Besides, I prefer this brand. Never let me down before.”

“It makes sense” you nodded. You quickly gave him your address and he pulled out of the parking lot. You leaned against the window and closed your eyes. His car smelled so good, clean and fresh… just like Jackson. Before you could really fall asleep, you arrived to your apartment complex. You yawned tiredly as you grabbed your bag meanwhile feeling Jackson’s eyes follow your every movement. Your hand was on the lock when you turned back and leaned over to him, kissing his cheek before whispering a ‘thank you’ to him. You left quietly and waved back from door with a bright smile.

Time skip ~

After your debut, the company wanted the two of you to make a videoclip from your collab. Quickly after that you were asked to perform it on stage in the new Idol Producer TV show. The two of you kept in touch through texts and funny Instagram posts which the internet quickly grew fond of and many people started shipping the two of you. The hype was big and when you appeared in the live stage of Idol Producer, people were screaming so loud you barely heard the music.

Then things quickly turned sour. Magazines released photos of Jackson hugging and cozying up with some Chinese actress in Shanghai. You had no idea how you should react or if you are supposed to react. Jackson had his life, he was a free man, he was free to date whoever he wanted to. Netizens though had a different idea. Many people turned against him and the actress, but Jackson was quickly forgiven by them a while later. Sue tried to make you watch the live stream he spoke about the issue but you refused to and kept on working hard.

Life a solo artist was everything you hoped for. You were free to do whatever music you wanted and the company only asked you to keep the dating down especially after the scandal you got dragged into. Jackson in the meantime kept messaging you even called you a few times but you never replied. You had to close him out of your life before you got dragged into the whole thing more. Your career was the first. Or at least that’s what you told yourself.

You felt stupid for hoping for something more. You never stood a chance against a shiny, super model looking actress like that Chinese woman.

To be continued…

[sevlgi]

when I miss you

requested: yes

group: mamamoo

pairing: wheein x fem!reader

genre: angst

contents: idol!au

warnings: none

synopsis: Wheein’s always on your mind, but it’s torture when you’re missing her.

a/n: read part 2 here!

word count: 2.2k

Almost every minute of every day, you think of Wheein.

It’s perfectly natural to think of your girlfriend all the time. She’s everywhere- a photocard of her is in your phone case, and she’s your lockscreen and wallpaper on your phone. To everyone else, it just looks like she’s your idol, but you’ve been hiding a relationship all this time.

Somehow, you’re still stuck in your honeymoon phase, even after going steady for almost 2 years.

It’s hard to date an idol, but Wheein makes so much time for you that you barely realize it. Recently, as you prepare to finally debut, you’ve been spending even less time together, which is why you’ve been thinking of her even more today.

You’re going over to your girlfriend’s apartment today, and you’ve been staring at the clock all day, pining for when practice will be over and you can kiss your girlfriend.

During dance practice, the heavy bass thumping through the studio sounds like Wheein Wheein Wheein, and you can’t help but imagine her reaction when you finally debut. To be honest, you can barely focus on the dance itself. 

“Y/N, pay attention, please,” your leader Heeyun sighs, a benevolent smile nonetheless gracing her face. “There’s barely 10 minutes left, let’s just finish practice.”

10 minutes? You perk up when you realize that Heeyun’s right, 9 minutes ticking away slowly on the clock. The steady thrum of Wheein Wheein Wheein low in your chest grows louder, and you whine, “Please, Heeyun-ah, we’ve worked so much today!”

Another one of your members chuckles, looking at you fondly. They all know about your relationship with Wheein, and they’re unbelievably supportive. “Y/N’s right, we can stop for today. Is Wheein unnie excited for our debut?”

Nodding, you scramble up to start pulling your sweatshirt over your head. “Unbelievably, she always tells me to practice hard, but I can tell it’s hard for her to not spend time with me.”

“Ew, just go,” echoes in the practice room, giggles bouncing off the walls. Slinging your bag over your shoulder, you wave a goodbye, Wheein Wheein Wheein still pounding in your heart.

Wheein’s apartment is barely 15 minutes away from your company when walking, which you’re very glad for. It isn’t rare for you to head to her apartment right after work instead of your dorm, though you try to give her space too.

You don’t even know what the two of you are planning to do, you’re just excited to spend any time you can with your girlfriend. All day, you’ve been thinking of what to say, what important details of your life to tell her and which ones to ask for.

You smile at the feeling of your fingers clasping around the cold metal of the spare key Wheein gave you, your initials etched into the metal, the familiar smile you give to the receptionist.

All of it has always been a comfortable constant in your life. You remember running through the halls with tears streaming down your face on the hard days, with a huge smile on the good ones.

The elevator ride to Wheein’s apartment is the same length as always, each of the 67 seconds punctuated by the thrum of Wheein Wheein Wheein. Your steps are timed perfectly with the beats of your heart, smile growing wider at the click of the door opening for you.

As always, the apartment smells like your girlfriend’s favorite perfume, a sort of sweet yet sharp smell. You’re surprised when Wheein doesn’t immediately pounce on you for a hug; in fact, she’s nowhere to be seen.

“Jagi?” you call out, closing the door behind you, eyes scanning the apartment. It’s not the first time your girlfriend has pranked you. “Where are you?”

The bedroom door swings open immediately, a tired-looking Wheein emerging. “Sorry, I didn’t hear you at first.”

“S’okay,” you grin, opening your arms for a hug and nestling your nose into her hair.

You’re surprised again when she pulls away quietly just a few moments later. It’s completely unlike your goofy, cuddly girlfriend, and you can only stare as she walks to the kitchen. “How was practice?”

“Um, good.” She’s obviously avoiding your eyes, studiously concentrating on the cup of tea she pours out. “Still on track for debut, anyway.”

“Good. You still have a few weeks, right?”

Wheein finally faces you, and you can only notice stress pulling her eyebrows together and darkening the circles under eyes. “Y-yeah,” you manage to say, your own forehead creasing as you step closer. “Jagi, are you okay?”

A beat of silence passes before she sighs, biting her lip. “Y/N, we need to talk.”

“Well that’s not good,” you joke, trying to alleviate the tension in the room. It doesn’t work; your girlfriend still looks stressed. “Okay, what do we need to talk about?”

A beat of silence passes before she looks up. “I think we should break up,” Wheein finally says.

You can only stare for a second, only managing to say, “Wh-what? Is this a prank? This is a prank, right?” She doesn’t look like she’s pranking you; every time in the past that she tried to pull a trick, she’s never been able to look as serious as she does now.

“Come on, we should sit.” Once you’re both situated on the couch, knees almost touching and facing each other, Wheein sets her tea down and starts to explain. “You’re debuting soon. Your group will be much bigger than mine, and you won’t be able to hide our relationship like I do.”

“No, I-”

She holds a hand up to stop you, continuing, “It’ll hurt your image, Y/N, for a rookie to already be dating. We’re not a normal relationship either, do you understand how terrible it is to be gay in Korea?”

You bite your lower lip, your mood significantly worse than before. Of course you understand the stigma about LGBT people, but you tried not to think about it much. “I… yeah, I do, but we can do it, we’ve already hidden it for so long.”

Wheein frowns, genuine sadness in her eyes. “You were a trainee, Y/N-ah. I don’t want to bring you down, so… so I think we need to break up.”

It feels like everything’s unraveling at those little words, your entire life coming to a halt. Just a few hours ago, you had everything you ever wanted, and it feels like it’s all just being taken away. “I…”

“We can still be friends,” she offers, hands over yours. “You know, we don’t have to cut off contact.”

“Yeah.” You feel numb, heavy, like you’re watching something you can’t control. “Um, I think we should reschedule this hangout. My members and I have more practice to do.”

She smiles, though her eyes don’t crease like they do when she’s really happy. “Sure. Call me sometime, okay?”

You both know you won’t.

For the first time, you hate the thrum of Wheein Wheein Wheein in your head, the pounding low in your stomach making you nauseous and irritable.

As always, she is the only thing you can think of, but now, you find yourself constantly trying (and failing) to push her out of your mind.

Your members stare at you with sympathetic looks in their eyes, expressions that you also fail at ignoring. Luckily, you haven’t seen any of Wheein’s members since the incident; they probably look even more saddened. 

Of course, your good luck doesn’t last. You’re collapsed on the dance floor, sweaty and tired, your members chattering quietly, when all of a sudden they go quiet. When you lift your head, you scowl at the sight of Yongsun.

“Hi, everyone.” The cheery note in her voice sounds false, but maybe your mind is just twisting everything. “I brought you desserts!”

“Yongsun unnie, you’re too sweet,” everyone else choruses. When you don’t move to get up for the snacks, the blonde approaches you herself.

She makes an attempt at a smile. “Hey, Y/N. Listen, I can’t stay long, Wheein’s waiting for me outside, but… I wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“For what?” The words seem to bite at Yongsun; even you have to admit that they’re far sharper than they had to be. “It’s not like you had anything to do with it.”

“Please don’t hate Wheein for this,” she sighs, dropping to the floor next to you. “It’s not her fault, it’s mine. Byul and I, we were the ones who told her that it’d be difficult to hide your relationship once you debuted.”

Your eyes narrow, but you shake your head. “Doesn’t matter. She chose to go through with it. I don’t hate her, Yongsun unnie, but I can’t forgive her either.”

A beat of silence passes before Yongsun stands. “Okay. I understand, but will you talk to her? She… she misses you.”

I miss her too. “I don’t miss her.” The lie tastes bitter on your tongue, but you know it’s what’s right. You need to move on, and you can’t do that if you’re still hung up on Wheein. “You can tell her that.”

The look in Yongsun’s eyes is nothing less than heartbroken as she purses her lips in a smile and bows lightly to you, then your members. “I gotta head out, everyone,” she calls out. “Good luck on your stage, we’ll be watching!”

You don’t join the chorus of ‘thank you’, your throat seemingly clogged when you see Wheein’s face through the glass of the dance studio. 

Wheein Wheein Wheein.

Your breath shakes when you exhale backstage. Heeyun sings scales to warm up beside you, and Soonja mumbles her rap; others rehearse the points of the dance, even more touching up their makeup.

At the moment, you can see Wheein talking to the camera, MC’ing like her life depends on it. She doesn’t look nearly as wrecked as you feel, her dimples as pretty as ever and her eyes smiling. 

It’s totally unfair.

Of course you should be more nervous for your debut stage, but it’s difficult when your entire mind is fixated on one person. Wheein Wheein Wheein thrums in your chest in time with the pounding bass of someone’s performance; your hands clutch at your sternum as if they can quiet the noise.

They can’t.

“And the winners… QSR!”

The crowd’s cheers are deafening, but the smile on your face feels like it’s plastered on. You can vaguely hear the cries and laughter of your members around you, but your fingers are numb when the clutch onto your trophy.

More importantly, your eyes are fixated on Wheein, who stands a good 5 feet away from you as she claps. She’s steadily avoiding your eyes, waving and smiling at the crowd, but she approaches you with a bouquet of flowers. “Congratulations,” she murmurs, barely loud enough for you to hear.

“Thanks, sunbaenim.”

The formal term seems to hurt Wheein physically, but she recovers quickly. “I look forward to your success.”

With a bow, she retreats to go and congratulate your other members. To be honest, it pains you when she hugs Heeyun with a huge smile that you know would have been yours too. 

You can’t focus even during the encore, and there’s no emotion when you sing your lines. Wheein Wheein Wheein feels more like steady stabs at your stomach tonight.

Over time, the pain dulls. It gets easier to see Wheein, which is good because you see her too often for your own liking. Your members offer to stop hanging out with Mamamoo, but you insist that you’re fine.

You’re not.

It’s not like you’re recovered; no, the pain of Wheein Wheein Wheein just feels more like a dull punch than a stab now. You’re no longer hurting, but you’re like an empty shell.

Your new fans assume that you’re just a quiet person, but you’re not. On the internet, they wonder why your members seem so close with everyone in Mamamoo and you won’t give them a passing glance.

But there’s no way you can explain to them how numb you feel to everything; even when your first MV hits 500 million views, you can barely smile in the celebratory Vlive. Even when your group earns your own lightstick, when you’re declared the rookie of the year, you feel nothing.

And you hate that so much of your group’s fame comes from articles wondering why you seem to have no emotions. You hate that your bond with everyone is destroyed, that your friendships are ruined because of you.

Most of all, you hate that you’re still not over her. You hate that the thump of your heartbeat still sounds like Wheein Wheein Wheein, and you hate that you still think of her.

You hate that she seems fully over it, happy and smiling like she didn’t break your heart. You hate that you still keep the key to her apartment on your dresser.

You hate that you still miss her.