#i am mad that i wasted so much money on that shit though like I have a plastic tote w/ i think 12 mangas? and the first season on blu ray

[bunnyb34r]

I kinda wanna know how that shit anime ended, but I also don't give that much of a shit actually whrgdgdggd

Like I just wanna know what happened to one character and I also don't bc what if he died sgdggdgdgdgdgd shrodieger's character

[reimeichan]

DID is weird because I find myself gathering shit on critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy 14 and then go "why tf am I doing this I hate this so much" and questioning all my life choices that led up to this point where I'm wasting my life away gathering and gathering and gathering materials with no end in sight and then switch to doing dungeons to level up my combat classes, 30 minutes later I'm like "actually I wanna go back to gathering I dont even know why I was running dungeons I'm not a fan of doing dungeons", then 15 minutes later going "god fucking dammit I'm doing it again I fucking hate gathering, back to dungeons" and then-

Like I know to anyone who doesn't know that we're a system this sounds like we just keep doing shit we don't enjoy doing in the game but it's definitely kinda amusing/annoying how we keep accidentally switching with each other when we're playing and are unable to just let whoever is fronting enjoy doing what they do lol.

Oh, and it's also funny how we might switch mid-raid and suddenly have to scramble to remember what all our buttons do while internally screaming trying to also not die to the boss.

In the past it was a LOT more frustrating though as we didn't realize why we'd be enjoying the game then all of a sudden go "I actually really hate doing this and I don't know why I keep doing this". Made it really easy to get mad at myself and then just drop whatever game I was playing, not because I wasn't having fun but because it was so confusing trying to understand why I kept doing things I didn't enjoy. I thought it was like, a weird need to minmax and thus doing stuff I hated just to eek out every little bit of experience/money/whatever, but that didn't explain why I would earnestly try to stop to try to enjoy the game however I wanted to only to keep going back to the same things that I hated doing over and over.

Anyways, it's kinda silly but knowing that I have DID and these other versions of me has really helped my frustration in this regard. And I know I'm talking about video games in this post, but this also reflects other aspects of my life, from friendships to work to even just grocery shopping. I'm now more accepting of these weird inconsistencies about myself and it's made understanding my life and my actions so much less confusing and frustrating.

[rulerzreachf4n7]

"Old" Monster High fans when teenagers actually dress up like teenagers and characters throughout different generations get different designs and things about them change and can't stay the same or else it'll be the same things over and over again

I am genuinely hating on the MH fandom as a whole, maybe like ONE percent of them are fine, but the rest, yeah they fucking suck and are hella annoying and toxic, like... Why the fuck are you mad that Cleo and Frankie are dating? Why the fuck are you mad cause Clawdeens straight even though shes never been canonically a lesbian??

I can see for why they hate that Clawdeen is straight cause she was apparently canonically lesbian in the original 2010 shows/movies...okay? Is she even dating anyone in the new show?? I don't really see how it's a problem, cause if they're only doing it cause they want her to be straight then yeah that's bad of course, but if they maybe have other intentions like giving her a male love interest cause why not I don't really see the problem here guys, and it's not even canon that she's lesbian through some research so why are y'all so wild about it???

And on top of that there is the unnecessary hate and shit on their designs, constantly saying they made all the characters look ugly when the only one that actually really doesn't look that good is Ghoulia's, and I'm not gonna let a hater be a hater, if you cared about their designs soooo much go out and spend your money to make new designs for them, since you think they're sooo ugly and sooooo hideous waste your time and money and creativity.

[pendleton-manor]

🐋🌊🥃🚬🕯️ for my princesses diana & amelia 💕🦍

:O!!! Seriously wasn’t expecting to get any for my own girls yay!!

Okie let’s see

Diana:

🐋— Yes! Aside from her relationship with the Pendleton’s, Dee also has a couple run ins with Granny Rags, the Boyles, and, in low chaos, Slackjaw!

🌊— No, Dee doesn’t worship him. She’s pretty unnerved by all things black magic related, considering what happened to her parents. She’s definitely not reading her strictures every day or anything though.

🥃—Kcjsjcnskd NO. If the Watch are ever called it’s probably because of a noise complaint or being drunk in public. She probably threatens to have them fired then Morgan throws money at them and she’s off the hook. Now, after the shit hits the fan with the loyalists and it’s revealed that her entire family is full of traitors to the crown? Who’s to say.

🚬—Uhhh I don’t know if you’d count her eating disorder? She definitely drinks a little too much and smokes but everyone does that, darling!! Everyone substitutes cigarettes for breakfast! Relaaaxxxxxx xoxo.

🕯️— Yea!! Some of them completely warranted!! Esma doesn’t hate her as much as she used to but she was totally based for holding a grudge. Lydia still probably dislikes her and just pretends she doesn’t exist lol. Granny Rags has probably forgotten about her by now, either assuming she died from the bone charm or going completely mad and forgetting she ever had beef with James in the first place. So yea she’s not the highest on Dunwall’s popularity pole 😔💅

Amelia:

🐋—Yes! She’s Sokolov’s estranged daughter but she also has a sort of partnership/relationship with Jindosh. Amelia probably has the most interactions with non-canonical characters, but she’s met Hypatia and soon she’ll probably have to face the Empress or her Lord Protector 😬

🌊—No, but she’s intrigued by the notion of the void. Probably would pray to the Outsider if she thought it would amount to anything, but she doesn’t obsess over him like her Father. Really I think she believes it to be a waste of time; what powers could the Outsider grant her that she couldn’t replicate with natural philosophy?

🥃— YEA probably. I think she’s probably been arrested a couple of times for minor crimes against humanity. Nothing that would land her in prison for more than a couple months at a time, though, and all that peace and quiet is probably welcome.

🚬—Uhhhh does Jindosh count? She’s very…obsessive with him. Probably would rather him die than leave her. Otherwise no because her father had a black-out problem with drinking and she thinks it made him dumber over time. Holy shit though if there are any amphetamines in this universe she should probably stay away.

🕯️— yes and no! Hardly anyone knows she exists. I have some non-canonical characters who hate her for forcibly amputating and experimenting on them but hardly any canon characters have met her yet in the story. Hypatia is suspicious and I’m sure if and when Corvo meets her, he’ll despise her for a number of reasons. But as of now in her lore, no!

Thank you for asking!!! I am blowing you a kiss 💋

[heterophobicdyke]

I'm seeing so many bi women getting mad that most radfems prefer febfems to nonfebfem bi women and like zero of them saying a peep about how lesbophobic and misogynistic het partnered women are. A lot of women on here like to oversimplify the psychological effect one's partner has on oneself to "hurr dburr s*m*n make women stupid" but the only effect that disgusting secretion has is on women's vaginal flora/pH/vaginal health (yeast infections for one thing 💀), it's bending over backwards for males constantly to justify their shitty jakey's misogyny that then normalizes misogyny in their eyes, they can't acknowledge certain things as misogynistic without also being forcibly confronted with the knowledge they've been putting up with/sleeping with a misogynist themselves. osa women on here don't want to talk about that tho, they want to twist what women are saying because they're deeply uncomfortable that radfeminism is het critical and they don't want to examine their choice to pursue het relationships even knowing how harmful it is to them and every woman who knows them. Just like the makeup fandom shitting themselves and crying every time someone criticizes the toxic sludge they waste so much money and health on

I stopped calling myself a radical feminist years ago because even the theory treats every female experience as the same, as if misogyny is the only form of oppression and women don't experience further disempowerment if they are lesbian, POC, poor and/or disabled.

Het-partnered radfems will spend all of their activist energy critiquing gay men for things like drag and leather kink while they go home to OSA men who are attracted to women - the ones who actually rape us. Het-partnered radfems will have all the empathy for women who get botox and boob jobs but turn into Mean Girls when "discussing" trans-identified females (often lesbians), despite both types of females succumbing to gender and its expectations. Ironic how "radical" feminists have more empathy for conforming women than those who rebel the expectations of womanhood so much that they feel they can only survive by identifying as men. Again, feminine het women are the victims to "manly" lesbians.

I am tired of hearing how much women who are in relationships with men "hate men." I hate how much het-partnered women feel the need to overcompensate for their relationship decision with their lil radblr blog. I'm tired of them banging on about gay cultural things for GNC gay men like drag while literally sleeping with the enemy. I'm tired of het-partnered women expecting lesbians to abandon gay men in our shared experience of homophobia when they can't even abandon the men who rape us.

And you know what? Being bisexual and choosing a man while claiming to be a radical feminist is 10x worse than a straight woman doing so because you're actually attracted to women. You can't claim fear of being lonely, fear of having no sex, or whatever else. You're into women and you still chose a man.

So yeah, I am not a radical feminist. Because all it is is having empathy and unconditional love for the most conforming, privileged women while judging the gay and lesbian community's most vulnerable because they have a gender identity. As if straights need an excuse to hate gays though, right? Gender identity is just flavour of the month.

[boxheadpaint]

hungry but not much to eat and tgen mildly depressing news, ok. obviously this is worsened by being hungry and not medicated yet. decide instead to go back to bed and lie to still to use up energy and sleep through hunger. Somehow this does not work and just end up more tired and more hungry. And still havent taken meds. my thrilling life. dove noises outside tho. wait i havent done a diary post in a bit hang on lemme rev up here.

ok back. Collapsed while cooking because im intwlligent, but did enjoy a good meal with my partner. watched some Star Trek while my body refused to regain energy so as to take a shower, and had to take a shower anyway. Have been much less depressed lately, though have been dealing with constant daytime fatigue for some reason. Im mr fall asleep. going to get groceries later today thank goodness

current goal in pokerogue because of course. Like obviously yes shiny farming but also at this point im trying to make the most disgusting dog possible. Behold

Completely and utterly nasty thing.

im not sure how to get back into digital art sooner rather than later, my computer has become immensely annoying to use. Beyond having to prop it by hand because of lack of back panel, it also heats up a bunch very quickly and the cursor is Still an irritating molecule off center to me- likely because of the angle I have to look at when it’s laying flat from no adequate support.

I don’t want to ditch digital completely because of some minor inconveniences but my patience with the machine has been wearing thin for a long while now. at least it’s not giving me notifications to update to windows 11. Like fuck off and such.

Lately I find myself more and more mad about advertisements and marketing. Beyond the disruptive nature of these things and the wastefulness theyre also straight up stupid and just make things look worse by existing. It doesn’t matter how many different ads for reeses you show me with the bojack guy over them, and in fact the more I see them the more likely I am to just say the governments putting poison shit in it so people will stop buying them. Also fuck everything that charges more money for a gluten free version of a product

come June im going on a ride up north and visiting my sister briefly, which I look forward to. There was some miscommmunication about days so I thot I was going to be able to hang out with her for a full day on her weekend, but it turned out that was unavailable and it made me upset. still, even if it’s just for a few hours after her shift ill be happy to spend any time with her. I miss being just a room away from her at a given moment sometimes and wish I could have appreciated that time more, though I know a part of why I didn’t was the house itself and its effect on me. Swagless really

anyway somehow I managed to be up until 3 am once again. Im marking the date down as today even if I started this post yesterday. Hoping to relax and get good news soon, or at least neutral news. News of a sort

5/18/2024, the dog is also several levels higher now than pictured. Like by a lot

[wa-royal-tea]

Previous | Beginning | Next

(Transcript & Translations under the cut & here - Click Pics for HQ Version!)

@thebrixtons​​​

Symphony Manor, Holan (8:30am)

*alarm rings*

Alfie: Good morning, cutie.

Catalina: Mhm, morning.

Alfie: Go back to sleep, it’s still early.

Catalina: Nuh-uh. I’ve been sleeping a lot lately.

*light switch clicks*

Alfie: You should be resting a lot, Lina. You’re still recovering from your injuries.

Catalina: I’m fine. You’re overreacting.

Alfie: Am I though?

Catalina: Yes, you are. It’s been two weeks. I feel better now. I can walk too.

Catalina: And I can do more than walk. If you know what I mean.

Alfie: Tempting, but, I don’t want to take the risk of hurting you. So, I’ll keep my hands to myself until I’m sure you’re fine.

Catalina: Urgh, you suck.

Alfie: *chuckles* Stay in bed. I’ll bring breakfast to you.

Catalina: You’re treating me like a child again.

Alfie: This time, for a good reason. I don’t want you to tire yourself out. And the doctors said that it’s going to take a while before you can make a full recovery.

Alfie: Please listen to me, okay? I don’t want you to get hurt again.

Catalina: *groans* Fine.

Alfie: Good girl.

*door opens and closes*

Tweet 1: an INTRUDER AT THE PALACE ?? fr ?? they got into a whole fight with alfie and #trashlina

Reply to tweet 1: they prob tried to put her in her place💀the bitch deserves it

Reply to tweet 1′s reply: stfu stop being a hater

Tweet 2: I feel sorry for the guests that already arrived. Ppl are dying around the world and they wasted their money on a wedding only for it to be postponed.

Tweet 3: LMAOOO THEY CANCELED THEIR WEDDING !!!! move over #trashlina, its marie’s time to shine ✨

Tweet 4: wait? they postponed their wedding? why?

Reply to tweet 4: the palace hasnt said anything … pelik (weird)

Tweet 5: atp i’m anti-monarchy, because what the hell is even going on?

Tweet 6: idc what everyone else says, i’m standing by alfie and lina 😔 nobody deserves what they’re going through

Tweet 7: how much do u guys wanna bet that they’re lying about the intruder? 👁👁

Reply to tweet 7: i saw a tweet from a former staff and they said nothing even happened … let’s put our tin foil hats on 😬

Reply to tweet 7′s reply: korg ckp ni boleh pakai otak tak? (ppl, can we pls think with our heads for 2 seconds?) stop jumping to conclusions you guys annoy the hell out of me.

Tweet 8: The hate she’s getting rn is unfair. Why’d you guys assume the worse of her?

Reply to tweet 8: Are you fcking fr? Did you forget what she did the other day?

Tweet 8′s OP replies: The apology thingy? You’re mad at her for that? I didn’t realize the marie stans are brain dead when it comes to Lina. She was doing the right thing by apologizing for something she didn’t even do. I bet if it was your fav who did this, you’d be praising her to the skies. Be serious.

*door opens and closes*

Alfie: What are you doing?

Catalina: N-nothing.

Alfie: Are you reading tweets on twister again? Stop reading those. It’s full of shit.

Catalina: I can’t help it. Last week was supposed to be our wedding day but it got postponed because of me.

Alfie: You didn’t ask for this to happen. And those people don’t know what actually happened. They’re just talking out of their asses right now.

Catalina: *sighs* Whatever. It already happened. Did your mum said anything about the wedding date?

Alfie: She said the wedding has been postponed to next month. The latest it would be is in two.

Catalina: But what are we gonna do until then? Don’t tell me you expect me to be in bed everyday?

Alfie: Mum said she’ll give us a new schedule to make up for the tour. She wants us to do joint engagements to build your reputation again. Right now the people are divided in half when it comes to you.

Catalina: Not surprised.

Alfie: Don’t think too much about it. You have me and the others to support you. And this time, if you did mess up, I will tell you. No sugarcoating. But, I won’t be an asshole about it.

Catalina: I’m a bit scared to hear what you’re going to say but thanks for listening to me.

Alfie: It’s no big deal.

Catalina: Oh, I forgot to ask. Did your mum said anything about my assistant? Since, y’know, Rowena’s not really in the picture anymore?

Alfie: She’s considering Anna to be your permanent assistant. The accusations against her has been dropped because Rowena confessed that she lied.

Catalina: Thank god. I liked Anna. I knew she won’t do it.

Alfie: Yeah. I’m just glad Anna still want to work with us. I heard mum said that she was a student Auntie Athy sponsored back in Cordelia. So she’s trusted.

Catalina: Is she a spellcaster like Lucy too?

Alfie: Nope. She’s a normal human. Like us.

Catalina: Oh, that’s cool. But what happens to Rowena now?

Alfie: She’s still under investigation. Your mama thinks it’s impossible for her to work alone. There must be someone helping her out and they’re trying to pry the answers out from her.

Catalina: Hmm...

*phone rings*

Alfie (to the phone): Hello, mum? Yeah, I’m at home.

Alfie: What? Are you serious?

Alfie: I...I see. Okay, I’ll tell her later. Keep me updated. Bye. Take care too.

Catalina: What was it? Did something happen?

Alfie: It’s Rowena.

Catalina: What’s wrong with her?

Alfie: She’s...she’s dead.

[euroquision]

EuroQuision is no longer active (...sort of)

Hello friends! It has been only 5 days since I've had to peace the f*ck out of Twitterland, the odorous theme park with more bots than Disney has animatronics. After making the mistake of trying to speak critically of all presidential options and instead emphasizing the relevance of local and state elections, my once-reliable and loveably problematic community turned full Blue Conservative and came to the following conclusions about me in a span of 48 hours:

I'm a Russia-sympathizer / trying to spread pro-Russia propaganda

I do not care about the rights of any woman, non-white person, or queer/trans citizen of the US

I want Tr*mp to win the election

And all in all ppl agreeing that I was at one time bearable, but now am just annoying and braindead

How did we come to those four conclusions? Well, points 2, 3, and 4 all came from the very act of stating I won't vote for Kamala or any presidential candidate and will only instead focus my online discussion on politics about local and state elections. Point number 1 was because I also had the *audacity* to suggest Jill Stein as a 3rd party candidate after so many Liberal followers of mine kept complaining for "another option if you hate Kamala so much." Little did I know that Jill Stein has said and done some pretty Russia-sympathetic things in the past. But even though I did not know this whatsoever until July 23rd, people took that and ran, saying I'm a Russia supporter or propagating for them. Now, the very fact that people who have followed me for YEARS could think that's suddenly true really tells me what kind of "crowd" we're dealing with on Twitter. Despite the fact the twitter eurofan community has on-record been wonderful, welcoming, proactive, and geopolitically aware, I'm reminded that no community is going to be perfect, and the kind of political discussions I have with people in the world is not the convo Twitter eurofans want to have. So even though my feelings were deeply hurt and I legitimately mourned the loss of what I wanted to continue being a growing thing now being lost. But a few very smart, emotionally mature people in my life reached out to me and helped reassure me that despite the chaos, things said about me for the intention of just being awful aren't true.

Anyway, that's the only time I wanna waste talking about twitter, because I'm someone who talks my shit and stands on it too. Yeah, sometimes my shit will stink, and I can admit that when it does. I am not immune to the behavior I just faced; I've been there too dunking on people who deserve it -- like Adam or Shawn from EuroTikTok hopping the pond to tell everyone on twitter they suck and then getting mad when ppl don't like that and dunk on them back. However, on a topic like this and with so much deliberate misunderstanding fueling the snide indignation from people who would've called me "bestie" a day earlier feels *different.* So different to the point where I legitimately considered wiping EuroQuision from the internet. But I chose not to, and here's why!

First, I think there needs to be as much tangible, shareable evidence of public scrutiny of systems of power that are corrupt, and that goes for the ridiculous circus that is Eurovision. Ppl will be so quick to call it "unserious" while ignoring countries put millions of dollars into this every year. Last I checked, gov'ts don't pour money like that into something "unserious." There's a reason Eurovision is as big as it is and how the inclusion of "Israel" is so monumentally complicated. So I want the internet, for as long as possible, to be something that can contain the evidence of people saying "I disagree with the EBU's decisions about these world events. I disagree with their treatment of colonized populations and prioritizing of safeguarding European/White optics and feelings throughout its entire history." And even though good things have genuinely come from ESC's existence (globalization, musical/cultural expression, Ukraine's 2016 win, etc), we can see ESC 2024 itself as an example how in the bubble of ESC, the show itself will only let you remember the good parts. No live show will E V E R dare to show the footage of HATARI in the 2019 televote, and we know the EBU will deplatform their own Eric Saade for *gasp!* having a scarf on his wrist. ESC history is *revisionist* history, and the crowd on twitter only seems to be temporarily concerned about that.

So yeah, inevitably I came to the conclusion that every human must come to: Twitter ain't it, like goddamn. But I'm only here to say that once and move on with my life because despite my final tweet and deactivation of my Patreon, EuroQuision is NOT gone and will not actually be stopping. Consider this a shift in scope and purpose, along with reprioritizing my real life responsibilities. Firstly, about the Patreon: I deactivated it and more than likely will not make another in the future purely because I know that in the future, EQ cannot keep up the production schedule needed to make what I wanted to make and promise to deliver to people like I want. Most importantly, I want to create things for EQ without the additional pressure of trying to cultivate, retain, and reward a growing audience when I know I won't be able to maintain that long term. This way there's less pressure on myself, and I will develop a better relationship with it all.

So, what's EuroQuision gonna be now? Well, it's not really gonna be a "fan" account, mostly considering I have no reason to be a "fan" or Eurovision from here on out/until some drastic changes are made. Instead, I wanna continue being a wide variety of things: musical analyst, historian, fun-fact-provider, overall nerd, and most of all: Protester. To put it into context: I currently have two YouTube video essays; one about the boycott, and one about nightcore. Even though I deeply love both videos and am proud of the effort I put into them, I can easily say which one was worth the time and effort. No shame to my Nightcore roots, but I think the more "important" topics are going to be what I dedicate my YouTube real estate to in the future. On that note, I'll also be on tumblr and reddit much more! I truly love writing and discussing Eurovision at length, and not over quips and punches in the form of 200-ish character tweets. I have too much to say and we can also see the ways communication is truncated by-design thanks to Twitter, and therefore incidents like the one we went through up above are likely to happen.

I wanna end this VERY long post off with a very specific declaration of a couple things that will never change from the EQ name: Free Palestine now and forever. Free Ukraine, Sudan, Congo, EVERY country and person put in harm's way because of the American empire. I do not enable fascism to remedy fascism, and my practiced ethics will always prioritize my community, my family, and the people around the world my elected leaders tell me I should hate. I will continue to donate 100% of my TikTok revenue and possible YouTube revenue to Palestinian relief funds. I do not support the financial or social support/apologism of the EBU.

Anyway, I think I covered all my bases, and if you're someone who disagrees with any stance or belief I've stated in this thesis (lol), kindly just allow yourself to unfollow/not engage with me. Tumblr and Reddit will be around for my ramblings and theories. As for YouTube, I can tell you now that I have a LARGE video essay in the works right now. Literally NO idea when it'll be done/released, but it exists! Thank you for being here, if you still choose to do so!

[gurokichi]

Bon guess whose birthday is going to be tomorrow and won't even be able to celebrate it :D

Yeah tomorrow is my birthday, and I wouldn't celebrate it because right tomorrow I have to go on a school trip (which in fact I was originally going to have an exposition (I don't know if I write right) tomorrow, but the date of the exposition and the trip changed, so now tomorrow will be the trip and the exposition I think it going to be the next week).

But it's not like I'm upset or anything, in contrary I'm very glad that anyone would celebrate my birthday, because for me, my birthday isn't important, for me celebrating my birthday is such a waste of time and money, and I like to see my birthday just like another boring day and not like my "special" day.

But leaving that aside, I don't want to go to school today, I really don't want to, but I have to, and I hate it.

But, I think it's ok, it's not like something so bad is going to happen at school XD (I'm very scared of the words that I just said, because I know that when someone says that, something really bad happens ;-;).

Ah and yet used to me to put "xd" in the end of a sentence, because when I trust someone, whenever I write to them I will put “XD” at the end of a sentence (I don't know why I do it, but it's something I like to do).

And btw.... ERIS I JUST NOTICED THAT YOU FOLLOW ME YESTERDAY, THANKS YOU! :D, I'M VERY HONORED I PROMISE!!!.

Sorry I got excited, it's just I wasn't expecting that, it really took me by surprise, a happy surprise I can say.

So now you were watching KNY when I send you the ask?, wow perfect timing xd.

And yeah I know that already, and I suppose that you was playing dumb with me, but not anymore I thought, so you know at least something about the character of my profile pic, I didn't know that one of your watch amphibia, in my case, none of my friends watched it, well, one of them do but, she didn't finished ;-;.

And talking about her, she answered me this morning :D (she have sleep problems too, so we were talking from 4 to 5 am today, yeah, we need to sleep better we know that) I can live again, I'm so happy that she doesn't seem mad at me, I would die if she was really mad at me, I just love her so much, that I couldn't help it but being so scared, I don't told her that though,she didn't even know that I'm telling you this, but she knows about you bon, I told her that I have a friend on tumblr (however I don't know if you consider me as your friend),and she's happy about that, she's happy that I finally have a friend after what happened to that "friend" (you know what friend I'm talking to).

She knows that my birthday is tomorrow, and told me to have a "good time" tomorrow I know she's trying to cheer me up, but I'm just not excited about tomorrow's trip.

RIGHT? some bugs are just disgusting to me, specially.... Spiders "but unnamed anon spiders are not bu-" I don't fucking care if they are arachnids and not bugs, i'm calling them the way I fucking want.

My father told me that we were going to clean my room on Saturday (because seriously my room is made of shit, with cobwebs, dust, and possibly cockroaches, in short, basically my room is a reflection of myself xD), so, my room isn't going to be shitty anymore :D.

You're welcome, I know that sometimes I said things that nobody but me would understand, so it's ok to me to explain what I was referring to (however sometimes it is annoying, but like I said it's just sometimes, not all the time).

I think it's all for now, goodbye bon! :D (I have school today so, maybe I wouldn't answer you, but if you answer me "sooner" then I'm going to try to answer you back! I promise!).

- Unnamed anon :p

Late to this ask and already sent you something about your birthday in DMs, so I am going 2 mostly skip over those parts… however, before I do, forgive me for pushing here, but your birthday isn’t a waste of time or money. People want to celebrate it because they love you. I do understand that feeling, though, and I hope that your birthday today goes how you’d like it to, whether you celebrate or not!

I’m sorry to hear that you don’t like school. I was the same way when I used to actually attend school. School sucks, but it’ll be okay, and when you get home, you can do the things that you like!

Aw, you’re adorable with the xd thing and the excitement towards Eris following you 😭😭

I was! I’m planning to watch some more later today. I really like it so far, but I’m also only a couple episodes in.

I’m glad to hear that you and your friend are talking again! Have you two sorted things out?

Spiders are the worst. Also, it’s just easier to call them bugs!! I’m excited for you that your room’s getting cleaned; it sounds like it wasn’t in too good of a state before. Eugh, I hate cockroaches. Had several in my house recently… actual jumpscare looking up on the ceiling and seeing one above my bed.

How’ve you been? Done anything interesting in the time it took me to write a response?

Alrighty, I’ll be eagerly awaiting your reply! Bye bye! (^^)/

[conkreetmonkey]

(heavy academic vent post, don't read if you're not in the mood. I don't want to bring anyone's vibe down. Minors pls don't read!)

So last night I found out that I missed an important assignment that's probably going to cost me a credit. I previously missed one, which was no biggie because it was only worth 15%, but this one was worth 20%. It doesn't seem like a big deal until it's taken into consideration that the final exam, taking place tomorrow, is worth a whopping 40% of the final grade, so even if I absolutely ace the exam, which I probably won't because I'm only human, the highest possible mark I can get is 65%, which I probably won't because the 15% assignment was marked by the unseen hardass TA who the teacher has had to keep reigned in because they don't even look at the assignment rubric and just go absolutely feral, docking marks for things the teacher explicitly told us to do and needing to be corrected on it.

(btw, the outstanding 10% is the stupid online discussion posts that I have not done for any class because I would honestly rather tear out all my toenails with a pair of pliers than subject myself to that. 2020 gave me a stress response to that shit. It feels like the academic equivalent of being forced to do a dance by a Walmart manager)

Since I bombed almost every class last year, my parents have told me I need to pass every class this year or they will withdraw financial support, something I totally agree is fair because I wasted so, so much tuition and residence money on pretty much zilch. The thing is, until last night, I thought I was passing. My father has withdrawn the money from my college fund and will soon be paying for my next semester (I paid for the first). Due to this, I am going to have to tell them I may fail a course and they should hold on to the money. They're probably going to be very, very mad. It's going to ruin an entire evening and it will cement me as the disappointing formerly gifted child for the foreseeable future.

The thing is, I can't tell them tonight like I've been steeling myself for because they've decided we're putting up the stupid Christmas tree. They're tidying the house for the obligatory happy family photo ops, as if we all haven't had a bad year for reasons too private to describe. So now I have to get tidied up and pretend to be a cheerful little clam for the phone camera, knowing I have to get up at 8:00 tomorrow to get fucking slaughtered by multiple exams, drag myself home, and tell my parents that I've failed them yet again. Putting up the tree at all just feels cynically bittersweet at this point. The youngest child has grown out of Santa, but we all have to keep up the act out of pure obligation to a tradition originating in happier times. While tidying, my mom threw out a houseplant I got her for mother's day, and it stung more than I'd like to admit. She claimed it was "pretty much" dead, but we all know it wasn't. She threw it out with a perfectly good pot attached. Basically, she's in one of those Mom Moods, where she leeches vibe arsenic into the air, making the rest of the day feel like walking on napalm-filled eggshells.

I feel trapped, and I'm tortured by the knowledge that I brought this on myself by forgetting about an assignment. I hate school so goddamn much, but I need to keep forcing myself through because a) I'll never survive in this economy otherwise, and b) if I don't use the rare oppourtunity of being able to attend university as a guy in a first-world country, I'll feel like an ungrateful POS for the rest of my life. I still feel like I should be forcing myself to become a doctor even though I don't want to and it's not expected of me, just because it's the "correct" thing to do. Instead, I'm shooting for a worthless bachelors of English that I don't even want just because if I'm not in uni I'll be obligated to work a shitty factory job until my bones crack to make up for it. No matter which way I go, I'm either miserable or a disappointment, and surviving outside of this house is impossible no matter what I do because this country's economy is collapsing in on itself. Even with my low-value degree, I'd be barely scraping by. I don't want any university degree. I hate university while studying something I like. Getting a valuable degree like business administration or bookkeeping would be like chewing glass. It's probably not even feasible if I couldn't manage this.

No matter which way I go, I'm trapped. I'm miserable in school, but making a living without a valuable degree in this country is impossible. No matter what I do, I'll be living in my parents' basement for at least the next 3-5 years because the rent in this town is absurd, so living somewhere else would mean full-time min wage employment with at least 2 roommates, and I'd be counting individual dollars at the Walmart checkout with no real prospect of saving.

I want to sprint away from my life screaming and start over, but that would be a death sentence. My only option is school and I hate it and I know I can do it but I have so much executive dysfunction that it feels like climbing Mt. Everest, as does doing much of anything aside from sleeping. My antidepressants aren't cutting it anymore. There's no way I couldn't be depressed in these circumstances, where I'm surrounded by options and they're all shit sandwiches. I doubt therapy or upping my prozac dosage would even help. The problem is the crushing pressure and lack of non-miserable prospects. No matter what I do, the next 5 or even 10 years of my life are set to be a miserable slog. There's no escape.

I wish I could run, but where could I go? It's just as bad everywhere. You cannot land a non-body-ruining job that allows you to afford rent without a degree anymore, simple as. Because of AI, I couldn't even make money writing/drawing porn anymore, which has been my backup plan since forever. The only way out of this basement is through school, and due to the fuckup that broke the camel's back, I'm probably going to have to put myself through it, all while my parents think less and less of their previously "gifted" child (aka, I was neurodivergent but went undiagnosed and thus had a lonely childhood. People knew and never told me). I want to explode. I wish I could get hit by a car and break all my bones so it wouldn't all be my fault anymore, and I could sue and finally stop worrying about money. I am so close to just pulling an internet scam so I can have enough money to get out of this life. I need out and there's no way out. I need money and there's no way to make money. I'm tired and stressed all the time and I want to scream and I can't even complain about it because I'm technically priveliged. I should be happy that I get to go to school because this is the best there is. I hate living in this world. I want to escape but I can't. I'm a rat in a cage.

[barovianbitches]

What is the partys biggest pet peeves?

Bettany: I- I really don't like bullies... or people who are cruel for no reason. I'd say that most of all, though, I hate people who disrespect the earth just because they don't view the lives of plants or animals as equal to their own... I also hate capitalism, the idea that worth is something determined by how much coin you have is horrid. The idea of judging someone based upon something so trivial as their wealth is disgusting.

Yvan: I must say, I am not the biggest fan of those who choose to have pessismistic outlooks on life. We as mortals live a great life! And then, we must be returned to the earth. What happens between it is entirely up to us, and it is our job to live it to the fullest and in ways that fulfill ourselves. I do not enjoy the company of those who believe it is all meaningless and there is nothing to live for. After all, the stars can only shine in the darkness. There is, however small it may be, and however entirely unique to each person, something to live for in our lives. Be that family, money, love... His eyes cast a longing glance to the side, as if pondering something. After a moment, he sighs to himself. There is something for each of us in the grand scheme of things.

Tyyran: When people take things too seriously!! I mean... SERIOUSLY! I can't help but look at life as a stage. Prime for all sorts of opportunities to see the humor in the darkness. Also, being exiled might have mad me a little salty about people who can't laugh at a stupid underwear joke or two. *huffs*

Thalassia: Those who are prejudiced against people or animals because of what they are, not who they are. I will never understand them. Everything that breathes or draws life is different. Not to say man eating sharks shouldn't be judged, but a shark parting the waves and filling its hunger is not a 'monster'. Everything is subjective. I despise with all of my being those who think they can cast any judgement upon things at first glance. The world is never as it seems, and if it is... well, keep an open mind. Oh, and if I go anywhere near oil or liquid sludge, it makes my skin crawl.

Constantin: My biggest petting peeve is when people worry too much about me. When I get a bit scratched up (grievously wounded) and people are doing the freaking out (panic because the tank is actively dying) it is frustrating. Waste of energy, people worry too much, I am doing job! No, it's not the fact that he's afraid of people forming attachments to him, no, it's perfectly practical reasons

Rorali: I've spent a lot of time around the on the more 'unsavory' side of personalities in my life, so in terms of pet peeves- I tend to look at them a different way. When I come across someone particularly grating, I often try to find a way to use it to my gain. If anything, I find sour traits entertaining a lot of the time. I guess something that really rubs me the wrong way is naïve confidence- someone who thinks they're hot shit but they don't know their head from their ass, more specifically, when they start walking around expecting people to hail them like some sort of savior.

[aromanticle]

i just got out of the shower and i have some thoughts to share about something that happened a few days ago

i went, with my sister, to see a psychiatrist. i didnt really want to do that cause deep down i just know that nothing a third party could ever do would truly help me in any way and the only person who can change the way i do things is myself, but that brief period i had with her actually did open my eyes. just not in a good way.

no one irl knows this but i actually have talked to a therapist online for a few months though one of those mental health related apps, a few times for free and i paid two dollars twice which actually ends up being not so cheap for me lol but i stopped because of something that was said to me. the person i talked to seemed to actually pay attention to what i said and she'd always tell me that the main problem i have in life in executive dysfunction which is very accurate. i dont actually know if the people the app provides are licensed or not and idk how trustworthy this all is but i actually feel like i had a positive experience with it for the most part. of course theres not much one can do when i only call them to talk about things that frustrate me and things i wish i could change about myself once every two weeks but at least i felt like there was someone out there who actually understands what i have to say.

my sister and i sat in front of a psychiatrist and told her we wish our mother actually gave a shit about us and did something to help her children have a better life instead of spending the day on her phone and guess what she said? "you cant change her, deal with it"

we were just around 10 minutes into our time together and my sister brought up concerns she had about me and she basically dismissed it completely, saying "but you dont have this trait" that someone would only know if they actually knew me when she had barely even talked to me at all. i always felt like i struggle with certain things that she said i have no problem with when she simply does not know me even a little bit at all. she just heard a couple things about me and assumed i am someone im not.

i said "i actually went back to school because i wanted to avoid trouble with my mom, not because i wanted to" and what she heard was "i loved going back to school". i said i used to want to be a literature professor and what she heard is "i like reading". my sister said i go to sleep too late (which is only partially correct) and she said "ok, i'll give you this so you can sleep"

i told her i gave up on the idea of being a teacher when i was 15 because i know how hard it would be to get there and thats not even what i want to do and she said "well this is a generation thing" like the reason i didn't pursue a goal i knew would lead me nowhere is because im a tiktok brained little gen z child that doesnt want to put effort into things that take time ???????? my dream is to star in a musical, i just dont have the means to do that. i know i dont. im never gonna have what i truly want so i can only chase after these smaller little things i could feasibly do but they dont last long. i know i'll never be happy as a teacher, not even as a literature professor, that's why im not gonna even try. i know this is gonna take years and im not even gonna be satisfied when i get there. im not gonna waste my time and money doing something i only kind of wanted to do, i shouldnt even have brought that up but we were talking about teaching and jobs and i thought it was appropriate to mention i once wanted to teach. not anymore.

i said i changed schools a lot. i liked the first school i went to, but my mom put me in a public school in third grade because well. it doesn't cost anything. but i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it. my mom then put me in a different school. i hated going there because i couldn't get used to it, but i knew if i said that to my mom she'd get mad. when i was in seventh grade my mom "threatened" to take me out of the school because of my grades and because i put no effort into my studies at all (because i hated going to school) so she put me back into a different school. i didnt like going there because i couldn't get used to it but i knew there was nowhere else for me to go. then i finally got to actually choose which school i was going to when i changed schools for the last time for high school. i went with a friend, so i assumed it would be easier. i hated going there. it was only at the end of my third year there that i thought "actually, i like this school. i wish i didnt change schools in third grade and stayed right here". and the psychiatrist said "you changed schools a lot so you clearly don't have a problem adapting to new environments". #girl you have talked to me for a grand total of 7 minutes.

i'm supposed to go back there and talk to her again in less than 30 days now and i am dreading the day i have to open my mouth and say a word to that woman again. i'd rather have my sister go alone or my mom or someone else and talk about me, i think i would be more helpful than if i go there and try to explain myself just for her to misunderstand everything i have to say.

[yanderelovlies]

✨Galaxy Anon ✨ here!

Oh viví but how could you deprive me of this privilege?! It’s too good lol!

Yea like i’m so picky on even getting something I want from the store. The most you will see me ask my mom is for food because I want a snack. I life really have to have a whole debate with myself if the item is something more I want than need if I really want it or I could live without it. So when people give me stuff I feel guilty or use it a lot so it doesn’t go to waste.

You sure? Some sound childish I guess I’m my opinion or many wouldn’t understand my perspective on things and call me one of those fans which makes me close up. If you’re sure I guess it be alright, and no worries you aren’t straightforward in a way that is disrespectful and I like your blunt on what you are saying. Maybe someone could be selling it somewhere! Was it limited edition or something?

You know if I was in your shoes I give up because dammit math is hard so I commend you for even still trying since I don’t understand algebra and my math teacher must’ve been horrified on my scores. Oh those sound fun especially evaluating people behavior and also traits. Ooh his dog? He must’ve been fun!

It’s my job now vivi! Gotta make you feel happiness with compliments!

Glad your spending your time also making time for them and showing you care. Still make sure you have some time for yourself! You deserve that much vivi! Also what did you sing?

Honestly the amount cases for death, assault in one or the other way is scary. Why do you think I’m such a hermit? Other than work I like staying at my house since I feel safe and just shit happens outside like what the hell?! It’s actually a surprise now when nothing goes horrible for once in the news. Have that pepper spray vivi and good for being safe! Good because while I’m paranoid I loving having my headphones on for music and well if I’m distracted enough I would be a easy target. Damn I need to learn self defense.

Thanks vivi! I mean those customers a little less common at least. Most are nice or you can leave them alone enough and they be cool. Unfortunately that is true since I’m just trying to work and some people are unnecessarily mean for some reason or get mad when you bother them to ask what they even want to drink like I’m just trying to get your order since you wanted to eat.

Lol come back during business hours.

Me too! Even if I'm buying it myself I'm always sitting there and complaining if I really need it or not. I usually miss out on good shit, but I always feel bad for spending mine or other people's money on stuff I don't need to survive. It weird lowkey frustrating.

I don't mind at all! I love hearing about people's fandoms and what they love about them. So throw them my way I wanna see 🥺🥺💕💕. Also, I found a shirt on aliexpress, but the original place I found no longer sells, but I'm gonna keep looking and hoping.

Honestly, I thought about it, but going back to my last job scares me more. So I'll take my chances with the math lol. Also, I've only taken one semester of those classes, but I still had a lot of fun and even learned some cool tips for helping manage anxiety.

Just you taking the time to talk to me makes me happy. It's always nice to hear from you. 🥺💕💕

We were singing all kinds of things. Musicals, their favorite songs, and some random they fell into line.

Me too! If I'm allowed I stay inside with all my favorite things where I am safe. As for the headphone thing me too I have these big ones that I take, but they are loud enough so I can just have them hang around my neck and still hear them.

It's like people these days forgot how to be kind to one another. It's sad, and I always feel bad for those who get the terrible treatment for just doing their job. I am glad they aren't frequent for you though.

[kaedeakeshisworld]

hopping on the trend "of course I am ...."

about being capeverdean

I am capeverdean, it's a given there's sunday cleaning in this household(I never liked it I don't do it so I clean err day, that's the solution)

I am capeverdean, anytime I dress full black my parents ask me if I am headed to a funeral( I'm not, a full black outfit is always the shit)

I am capeverdean, of course there's always a fucker that will try to get into your pants at a party, baptism or wedding even though they already have a girl( did I mention they be doing it in front of her)

I am capeverdean, I am perfectly aware that mourning wakes are the epitome of hypocrisy, people will act like they care, cry like they truly mean it only to be at your door complaining why the hell you ain't feed them cachupa, canja or whatever the heck they desire (nha ka teni mo, galafo!)

I am capeverdean, toxic masculinity resides in a christian household therefore it's rare to find a man who doesn't have alcoholic issues!

I am capeverdean, my dad wanted me to become an architect. I became a writer instead!

I am capeverdean, of course my parents are never wrong because that's the only type of math they know.

I am capeverdean, of course a muhfucka at a party will always ask me the following at a event why you mad? Your existence babes, sasato hayaku shine( bakugo's voice inserted)

I am capeverdean, of course there's a bidon somewhere in my house.

I am capeverdean, grogo anytime you gotta deal with oily foods it's the way.

I am capeverdean of course my mum has sent me to school sick as shit with a fever. Missing school 'cause you are sick, not on her fucking watch.

I am capeverdean, anything within my mothers reach has already been a weapon to harm me( I am alive, like my mum says dios é Grandi!) as for my dad it was either chinelo or cintura.

I am capeverdean, my mother never told me don't you dare get pregnant or anything along those lines when I was growing up. She told me you better ace school and focus on your career, the rest is for later. Now, she wondering why I don't have a significant other and don't feel like wearing make up…

I am capeverdean, my parents think whenever I buy books that I am wasting my money as well as my time by reading them(cuida di bu cabeça, ok).

I am capeverdean, I been seeing snakes my whole life the thing is when I tell my mother that bitch is one she don't believe me and turns out I was right all the way from the beginning.

I am capeverdean, my dad told me women who drink don't know how to handle themselves( don't worry, I'm mad too at that type of mysogynistic statement) at least I don't drink and drive like some folks I happen to know, huh?

I am capeverdean, its extremely rare to get a caperverdean man that doesn't have kids already. Let that sink in, famille recomposée vibes.

I am capeverdean, my dad don't really do much in the house. That's how he lives(you can tell I mad at it)

I am capeverdean, when in my parents motherland I will speak French and English mainly because the guys out there act like they have never seen a girl with extra cushion, a loud mouth and that doesn't like to party because my bed is the way. The way they look at you is disgusting!!

I am capeverdean, calling someone cadela or catchor is like saying good morning. It happens all the time...

I am capeverdean, anytime I have naipolish or I do nail extensions, my dad is always like you gon' cook for me with them hand and I answer him you can do it you know, what are you waiting for? I am not your crukinha!!

I am capeverdean, when I tell my parents no, they see red! You tell them no=you tryna die by their hands babe(capeverdean parents math).

I am capeverdean, I am my mother's confidant. I know a lot of tea that could potentially terminate someone's life. All I am waiting for is for them to open their gargantuan mouth 'bout my life! There I shall strike.

I am capeverdean, it's completely normal to see women stay with men that have cheated on them. While I keep thinking that's a huge problem and a ludicrous amount of non self respect, they still act like everything's fine.

I am capeverdean, errbody in my fam teni canela seco but me. 🤭

I am capeverdean, it's rude to go to people's house empty handed. Because when you go there they feed you, if you don't eat your tia will snitch to your ma though.

I am capeverdean, there's levels to ashiness in the dialect. If someone tells you you're russo it's fine. but please if they say osga, get a bottle of lotion asap. I swear you don't want to know what it means.

I am capeverdean, of course my dad told me I gotta shave my armpits but when I used a uno reverse on him he said he could never get rid of what his dad (god) gave him.

I am capeverdean, a wedding it's always a plus one event. There's always a fight at the end cause bitches cannot handle their liquor, a party will end at seven am at best(to my own demise) and you're lucky if they don't steal your shit ( yeah, some were raised like cattle. No manners or whatever)

I am capeverdean, my mother always has a bata when she goes to a wedding, party or baptism to help people out(solidarity say what??)

I am capeverdean, people always trying to guess my ethnicity I keep telling them it's none of their business, respectfully!

I am capeverdean, my mum Always be saying avé maria, Jesus maria, Cruz credo, Dios ta yudau, n ta ratchau bafatada, bu juiz bu oredja, podi tenta and djam flau dja.

I am capeverdean, my mum's house always had holy water and a lot of marias in it( as I speak I think she has about ten)

I am capeverdean, going to a party means you'll meet other family members you have never heard of (these people Say shit like I knew since you was a baby yes whatever you Say) you have to greet them(I do handshakes 'cause you won't catch me get a infection from someone's beard, try another bitch.)

I am capeverdean, my mother is a certified fofoqueira. You'll never the person's identity because she uses flano, siquilano and bertilano.

I am capeverdean, my parents will always say" 'n mandau pamodi 'n pari, disgaia" which roughly translates to I asked you because to do so because I gave birth to you, if you fell like ordering someone then do the same. (No comment, my brain hurts.)

I am capeverdean, of course my mum has a glass, cutlery, plates as well as porcelain collection and she likes to complain when I buy a lot of something. It came from somewhere ma'am, the answer is you.

I am capeverdean, my parents always talking 'bout babies but they never had 'the convo' on how to make them=these christian families sound like a joke 💀

I am capeverdean, a whopping percentage of capeverdean men are scum because they been cradled by their ma, that's something I ain't gon' deal with though. Cope, you dimwit!!

I am capeverdean, koxi pó will always be sensational.

I am capeverdean, of course there's a musician if not a batucadeira in my family. My mother is also friend's with one.

I am capeverdean, there's a lot of women I know who are significantly handicapped by the hands of their husband if not former one or worse died by them. But the culture stay toxic as always talmbout sum like she should've known better. I think some of you just deeply hate women and want to watch them suffer and beg by your own hands, disgraçado di merda, kumi tera fixe la.

[darksideofclouds]

Don't waste your time on me, you're already the voice inside my head. I miss you.

Are you okay? Are we good? God, I don't want to feel like I'm being pushy or anything but is everything here okay?

Are you, I don't know, mad at me? Was it something I said? Or something I did?

Why do I feel like you're avoiding me?

Why do I feel like you're just pushing me away? I know maybe you're just busy, maybe you're just fine, maybe I'm just too self-centered, maybe everything's just the same but for some reason it doesn't feel like it to me.

I mean, you didn't have to be there through my crisis. I know I ran away from everything and if I hurt you in some way doing that (I don't think so but anyway) I'm sorry. I am, truly. It was very hard for me to keep it together and just talk to you like nothing was happening, because everything was all over the place. I didn't want to make you feel like you had to, I don't know, do something, because in the end I knew you wouldn't know what to do or say. You don't have to.

But you know what, for fuck's sake it felt lonely as fuck. It felt like shit. And I'm so fucking sorry for saying this but it felt like you were just fine with that. And I know we've been friends for such a short time, and probably I'm being selfish for thinking that way and that's why it feels terrible, because I know you have your own stuff to deal with and so little time I guess. And I've been here before, in the dark, and you didn't know what to do then either, so trust me when I say I knew you just wouldn't do anything, I already knew that, and I allegedly didn't expect anything from you so you don't really have to worry. But again, yeah, it just felt extremely lonely.

And it's not like I don't have any friends. I talked to them for hours, had drinks with them, smoked with them, cried with them, went out, walked with no destination, had something to eat, and did fun stuff. It would have been fucking nice to share one of those with you, though. Why do you think I say it's on me? Because I don't give a fuck if you can pay for anything or not, I don't, seriously, it's not that big of a deal and it's not that much you know, what's big of a deal to me is the fucking moment, the sharing. What the fuck about money, fuck that shit. I just wanted to share something with you, give you a fucking great time, just take you out for anything because you said last week you were having such a hard time with your thoughts, too. I know you hate it to be invited to do anything, but what the fuck, dude. It feels like I'm forcing you to have a friendship with me and I'm sorry but it's like, I don't know, it feels shitty. Maybe you don't want my friendship at all and I'm just not understanding that.

This whole existential crisis of course has to do with you, it has to do with so many things, and I'm sorry if that makes you uncomfortable. If you're pushing me away because of that just fucking say it, 'you know what? I just feel like you're too much', it'd be great to have a reason and not just be like 'okay, whatever'. I don't care that fucking little, I can't, I care so fucking much. I am so fucking much.

But indifference is such shit, I can't deal with that. I can't stand it. Why is it that we used to talk every fucking day and now we're just barely talking? Am I overreacting? I'm sorry if I am but I hope you understand it. And I know you're probably just busy, I fucking know that and I restrain myself from feeling anything because I repeat that to myself over and over, but like I said, it just doesn't feel like it, something's kinda off. If you feel guilty for that Thursday we couldn't meet, trust me, I didn't mind, I knew the plan came out of nowhere and just didn't work out. But that day was kinda rough for me for other reasons, and I'm sorry if it made you feel uneasy. Or maybe you don't feel anything about that day and that's cool.

But after all you've said to me, like talking in a lot of detail about your past relationships, those songs you sent me, asking about my cheating, lightly joking about the fact that because I dress this way it's obvious I cheated, or because I'm a woman I behave in a certain way, the fact that your friendship with girls ended because 'someone' started feeling 'something', the fact that I feel like you're not over your ex, I don't know, dude. I'm not trying to make you feel bad about any of these, so please don't take it that way, I'm just stating how all those things made me feel, you don't have to change any of those, it's who you are and it's your thing. It's just that I don't want to feel like a fucking cliché, it makes me nauseous.

At this point I think you're totally understanding. Part of that existential crisis was just me pushing myself away from you, because I've been feeling stuff for a while and thought 'yeah, maybe all of this is his way of pushing me away and I'm not getting the hint, or he's just going to push me away anyway at some point, so I might as well just go away from this myself now because the kick out will hurt a lot more', and honestly I think the kick out would have hurt a lot less now that I'm here.

Do you understand now why it's such a mess up here? I've thought to myself that a perfect relationship (of any kind) only happens in our imagination, if it keeps on a platonic state, so if that's where I'll have to be with this, that's it. I just want honesty.

I remember asking you who you were in full-fun mode.

But I guess I'll never know.

[grison-in-space]

....I am so mad I'd never thought about this in the context of vaginal urethral anatomy but yeah uh. Yeah this is accurate. (It's also why penises are a mammalian thing--mammals route the urethra -- wait holy shit marsupials use forked hemipenes, don't they, what does the urethra do--

right no okay not all of them fork but in those that do, the urethral groove forks with them. groovy.

anyway, basically, the fighting over the definition of cloaca comes from the inconvenient fact that while eutherian female mammals route all the urethral apparatus through a dedicated hole that never conmingles with the vagina itself, and while archosaurs like birds and crocodilians and so forth dump everything--sperm, liquid waste, solid waste, eggs, everything through one cloacal outy hole passage, marsupials have taken a slightly weirder, intermediate option.

which is that they do separate vaginal canals--as OP points out macropods have three vaginas, two for sperm going up and one for joeys going down--and also a separate urethra coming from the bladder. it's just that all of these things dump into just one short tube at the end, like so:

so you get just one opening. This causes anger in comparative anatomists: is the cloaca defined by the potential contents of the exterior hole/number of dedicated holes, or is it defined by the absence of dedicated pathways for different things to pass through? Marsupials do have anuses, so can they really have a cloaca even if they pee through the same hole??

For comparison, consider the chicken.

See how the uterus/shell gland dumps the completed egg immediately into the cloaca which almost immediately exits the chicken through the vent? And the gastrointestinal tract does the same thing? And they all meet up at about the same place at once? (I cannot find a good diagram that also shows the connection from the kidneys but they empty out directly into the cloaca in pretty much the same way.) Very nice and obviously different to our familiar eutherian mammal system.

so the marsupial system is enraging because they actually do separate the reproductive system from one but not both excretory systems in females. Because eutherian males also dump both pee and reproductive output into the same outgoing passage, though, we lump marsupials with eutherian mammals and declare that it doesn't count as a cloaca if you're keeping liquid and solid waste separate the whole way out.

That is: cloacas are defined not by the passage of reproductive outputs but by the commingling or separation of urinary and gastrointestinal waste. But penises (vs intromittent organs, as in ducks, bedbugs, and mosquito fish) are technically defined by the presence of a urinary output within the tissue as well as the reproductive (jizz-excreting, if you will) output.

Whew. I think I'm even angrier now tbh, we should give Patty Brennan some more money to find out more Absolutely Cursed Animal Reproductive Facts and/or delegate to some more people's research labs. Last I heard she had discovered that camelids engage in transcervical insemination, which still lives rent free in my head.

i learned this when i was in second grade to when a biologist inevitably corrects me please know its coming from a place of sincere stupidity: kangaroos are macropods which means they are ofc insane mammals that break all laws of reality. they have a cloaca (?!) and no placenta, just 30 days worth of yolk. what is basically a fetus is birthed and then this nasty ass little jelly bean has to climb into the pouch where it finishes like. being a fetus