#i am just. tired. and i need rest
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it is 10pm and i feel like the way i developed as a human wasn't the most optimal. and i want a start over button to appear over my head
so i can learn how to properly study
to take care of myself, by myself
to find a plan for actually learning things instead of just understanding them enough to have passing grades and a surface level understanding that doesn't lead me down any specific path in my life
to have a moment just to understand what im really about.
who i am
#i guess i can admit I'm internally struggling a little bit lately#i feel completely distanced from my human identity#much less a gender identity#i am just a being with eyes and a mind to myself in my head#i identify as the nervous system/j (kind of true because i am a person RIDDLED with anxieties)#now i also feel very distant from my identity as an artist. a creator#despite the fact i draw and draw every day#and i haven't really stopped drawing ever#theres always a day i draw Something. anything#i just dont feel like im...REALLY drawing or CREATING yknow#its just the same creatures over and over. standing around looking pretty and personified idk#i do feel stuck in place like theres really nowhere im going with the things im drawing#i havent touched ibis paint in like a week#i feel adamant to set up my teeny plugin drawing tablet and laptop#i feel adamant to creating.#think ill blame this on no sleep and too much stressful school#with the focken assignments and approaching finals (in a year and a half lol?) and whatnot#i am just. tired. and i need rest#and i will NOT do a single school related thing starting tuesday#cw rant#cw vent#vent#miesozernacma
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What drawing for 16 days strait does to a mf
#yeah I’m tired. 🥱 just need some days of rest to get back the art groove.#I don’t post for two days and I’m feeling bad for not posting. social media addiction am I right?#glad I’m taking a break#bread
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Pregnancy as a kink makes me uncomfortable so man am I glad your pregg Flug stuff is explicitly not kink oriented!
yeah I... don't wanna judge anyone... but it's more than that, it's downright terrifying to me. Blame my hormones bc I'm expecting irl but wow... I'm very sensitive and it feels dehumanizing. but ig that is kinda the point of the kink(?)
it's so common in fandoms!
I'm completely vanilla anyway tho, so not surprising.
I've tried to pretend for a super long time that I'm into kink, but most of them are off putting and I consider them intrusive thoughts, not fantasies. I'm kinda fluctuating between sex-repulsed and neutral (aroace) even fictional... ig kink just isn't for me. I tried so hard to get over it. I know some people in my asks/requests are gonna be disappointed but I'm sorry💔
I'm slightly ashamed of how boring I am and I have serious trouble connecting to anyone in fandoms due to this actually🤕 feel like the most NT autistic person ever.
anyway here's a doodle!
#that's autism for you#I'm sadly really picky and easily grossed out by things#I'm not even trying to be judgemental#I wish I was such a person that is just chill with everything but I have more icks than likes#so my fandom experience is like 80% discomfort and trying to avoid things without shutting out the majority of content in the first place#from what I heard I seem to have this problem particularly in this fandom bc the series is horror.#and I ship a toxic ship.#but I neither enjoy horror nor this trope. so what the fuck am I doing here#how did I get here. I'm lost guys#but yeah; it naturally attracts more people that are into quite dark or hardcore things#and I'm just sitting here with my soft dick in my hand wondering where it all went wrong#i don't belong here#I can't relate to 99% of people#honestly? I just... like Flug....... I just adore the autistic scientist#and I wanna SMOOCH him but I can't identify too well with myself or thus my sona#so how the fuck am I gonna smooch and love on this man#I need SOME second character for this!!#well Black Hat is pretty cool and easier to draw than the rest; I like his design...#so here we are.#I'm not really in it with my heart. I don't understand the essence of this ship. I'm a fandom blep#that's why a lot of content is probably disturbing and upsetting as hell to me.#but that's just my theroy..... a Joshi™ theory#sorry for rant I am bored and tired😔#enjoy#villainous#villanos#dr flug#kenning flugslys#my art#ask reply
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silly boys
#danganronpa#danganronpa art#danganronpa fanart#danganronpa byakuya#byakuya togami#danganronpa makoto#makoto naegi#naegami#it is 2am on my end#i need to rest but i felt compelled to draw the boys cus i feel it's been a while since i've just drawn a pic of the two of them being cute#specifically i mean a pic of the two of them in the same room interacting together. not just the two vaugly together#but yeah. i'm going to conk out so hard now cus i am so tired and exhausted but it was worth it for the silly guys being silly together
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zonked out on the dog bed snoring up a storm. you come over and rub the soft spot on the top of my nose. i let out the most contented sigh
#blllllaggggh busiest doggy everyday of my life and i am exhausted#ye beware of sadposting ahead. more like just need to get thoughts out of my headposting yk. im ok just tired#friend said to me today 'youre always doing something these days jasper when do you rest?'#and i was like huh good question! i dont hahaha. damn#which is not a bad thing always. but my plate is incredibly full and i have no one to help me#im in a really good place. things are happening that ive wanted to happen for years. but i have no time to take care of me#and the ppl who are supposed to take care of me dont. and they let me down everytime i try to ask for it. which im used to#but it doesnt make it any easier. theres just not enough hours in the day and not enough energy in my little doggy body#i used to be able to push myself past the wall of exhaustion. but after my therapy program ik i just can not do that anymore#im really proud of myself. being an adult is hard. im doing everything right. but i just wish i had someone by my side to help me#anyways.#i am a very good boy#yapping#if youre reading this hi im just venting im fine. its just been a long day and i want someone to give me a head massage#jasperbarks
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Last line challenge, again, drawn from the trenches of 'only dialogue no actions yet' drafting:
“Master Windu doesn't hate you, Skywalker, he just has the best resting bitch face in the entire order.” “Don't you mean the worst?” “No. I aspire to his greatness.” “If that's his excuse, then what's yours?” “Oh. I don't have one. I actually hate you.”
#keeping up with the skywalkers#galaxies far far away may be closer than they appear#rereading 'jedi trial' and the overabundance of anakin's 'master windu doesn't like meeeeee he's GIVING ME A MEAN FACE' just.#just made me snap. i am so tired of it.#mace windu and eli vanto need to have a resting bitch face face-off#ari's one goal for unarmed combat class when age 13: black widow-style thigh-choke out skywalker
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my princess nonsense is being encouraged watch ouyt imabout to be eneaabled
OK WHATF ATHAT'S SO CUTE I HAD TO MAKE IT i know realistically there's little to no chance that rei DOESN'T know how to work heels 🤣 BUT IMAGINE.....ING.... YAKUMO GENTLY GUIDING REI IN HEELS, WEEKS BEFORE THE BIG GALA AND HAVING NONE OF HIS NORMAL FEAR OF PHYSICAL TOUCH BC HIS [TEACHER MODE] IS OVERRIDING HIS INSECURITY
#rei looking directly at the camera like why are you subjecting me to this. i do not need any of this. i know how to do it#rei wearing stilettos the size of your head so he becomes ur very tall bird goth gf#you know how yakumo gets when he instructs someone on how to cook something#he becomes confident and just tells ppl how to do stuff without his usual amount of stutter and secondguessing#i'm gonna pretend that after his stiletto training in misty vale he gains a TINY MOLECULE of confidence due to experience#like [i can help you if you've never done it before?]#honestly i can't imagine this scenario happening because i am so SURE that rei can walk in heels HAHAHA even tho nothing has proven that#SOMETHING COME PROVE ME WRONG SO MY DELUSIONS CAN SLIDE CLOSER TO POSSIBILITY#anyway even if rei didn't know how to wear heels#would he ever mention it? would yakumo ever learn of it?#rei would probably be all . i don't need to wear heels. they can't even see them under the dress. i'll wear my practical shoes#but if he can't get away with that and will be forced to wear heels at the party...#maybe he'll go [meh. i'll figure it out] and just not wear them until the day of the dance#at which point his feet will hurt after 20 minutes and for the whole night he takes any chance to sit down#rei can be frequently spotted on SOME surface SOMEWHERE in the palace. sitting all splayed out and uncaring of propriety#because he is in PAIN and these shoes are STUPID and why do people wear them for ANYTHING . Royals are so IMPRACTICAL#yakumo keeps trying to avoid heels for the dance because he doesn't want to be any taller than he already is#i bet there's a full convo about it between him and eiden#eiden trying to reassure him that if he wants to wear heels then he shouldn't let others' perception stop him from doing so#but if he genuinely doesn't want to wear them then that's ok too#eiden craning his neck up at yakumo in heels like you're my pretty princess 1-2 heads taller than me your height doesn't matter 🥰#i'm now torn. yakumo and rei both wearing heels now? in order to stay at similar heights?#or. rei starting out with heels. getting tired of them. going barefoot for the rest of the night lol#yakumo and rei still dancing in their ballgowns together but a much shorter rei leads a yakumo in heels#yes. yes this is the vision#yakurei#replies#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival rei
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Finally got enough energy to talk about Furina's SQ and while I loved her and the troupe, MC and Paimon were .... Not Great. I talked about this with friends but in Paimon's case especially, the way they interact with Furina feels like people who just don't understand trauma and depression and then engage with someone suffering from both in all the wrong ways.
Talking about how much of a downgrade her house is from the opera house, making fun of how she can't cook, pushing her to act when she's set a very clear boundary and then guilt tripping her after she's stuck to her guns, shaming her for not being able to fight well (Paimon literally talks about how second hand embarrassment is overwhelming and I'm just like ?????), telling her she's "not acting like herself" when she attempts to open up and be vulnerable....it's just really rough. That and the MC asking "is something wrong" when Furina gets sad over Poission ..like bro people died and she couldn't save them and she's tearing herself apart over it. Those people are never coming back and you know it and you have the gall to ask her is something wrong??? Of COURSE there is!!
It just feels especially odd because we literally get to see all of Furina's suffering and Paimon in particular is. SO mean? Like she was more understanding with Wanderer and Ei and THEY'VE tried to kill us multiple times!! I don't get it, and honestly I'm very proud of Furina for refusing to waver. Let her rest!! She's tired and depressed and she needs time to heal; and honestly fuck Paimon for trying to make her feel bad. Furina's worked harder than she EVER will.
#as someone with depression and who's highly sensitive this story quest hurt a LOT because ive also encountered people who don't understand.#i've been told i need to get over my anxiety. i've been asked what am i so tired from since i just lay in bed.#so furina's character and how she was treated hit very very hard for me. she's isolating herself and not coping well but she is TRYING.#she's trying so hard and she equates her worth to her role. like she literally tells you that she serves no more use to anyone.#and i wanted to shake her so hard. because it's not about what she can do#she has worth simply because she exists. full stop. she is loved and she is appreciated just for being herself#her worth isn't decided by her power yk??#i hope she can rest and heal and find some good friends - after the way mc and paimon treated her i honestly don't think they should be#or if they are; they'd have to work to earn her trust cuz good LORD. they treated her so weird and so tone deaf!!#i've seen a lot of people complaining about it too so im glad im not alone.#anyway. there is something wrong with me i have cried actual tears over furina please god she needs a hug#and to be told she did a good job and she can rest now and things will get better#4.2 spoilers#genshin impact#furina
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#one of my silly little goals this year is to talk more about my accomplishments even though they aren’t super recent#I’m tired of resigning myself to being a burnt out former gifted kid. I studied at Oxford for a term.#I taught a college class. I TA’d for two other college classes. and volunteer TA’d for the department’s hardest course offering#because I was already being used as a TA that semester for a different class and the professor still wanted someone to run review sessions#I had professors fighting over me to do work and research for them! I had departments fighting over me! I did summer research!#I was the first person in my department in nearly a decade to ask to do a senior thesis. for fun.#I ran programs and clubs and I was a writing tutor for the writing center AND the resume lab/career center#I was the only person in my writing professor’s tenure to earn a 100 on my research paper for that stupid fucking class#in high school I was second in my class and did it while writing one-act plays for production and doing district choirs and acting#I’m so so so tired of beating myself up and falling to my knees and doing penance for the past 4 years.#I fumbled some stuff at the start of my 20’s. I’m an adult with ADHD that no one clocked while I was growing up.#I was supposed to go to St Andrews for an MLitt and then the pandemic happened and I had to withdraw.#I just need to get over it and stop agonizing over every misstep I’ve made since college#otherwise I’m never going to make it out of my 20’s alive#so yeah. for those of you who don’t know! I am a silly cumdrunk braindead good girl PART-TIME#the rest of the time I’m clawing my way back to the high standards I set for myself from first grade onward#my stuff#ignore me i’m rambling
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I need to try harder to get out of bed but augh
#🤖.txt#aghhfjg i really need to catch up on sleep. but i also want to do stuff but idk. this is dumb but nothing i do really feels worth the effor#anymore. Thinking like this is sad bc drawing is one of the few things i like doing and make me happy but idk#i might just go back to the way things were before. Just wait for the weekend and spend as much time drawing then#genuinely dont want to do anything at all this is so frustrating and im so tired and sad all the time#i know i should be using my break to focus on studying but with what time#Idkkkk i just really hate living like this#thinking about dropping out again but that would just mean house chores + babysitting full time while job hunting and idk if i can handle#that. I cant handle anything anymore and this is making me so sad . I want to be useful and do so many things but i reached my limit months#ago. I just wanted a week or two to just rest its all i need . But i know im never gonna get that again and at this point i might as well#just die but i cant do that neither bc i have shit to do#Everyone is always talking about how i have it so easy and how things are just gonna get worse bc they think me being home = me not doing#anything and idk. I cant take anything anymore and i think the most upsetting part of this is that i know theyre right#im not doing barely anything and i dont know. How to do more im just useless and ungrateful for the things i have#Really stressed and tired and literally nothing happened. Its gonna be 2pm soon and im supposed to wake up Earlier#But yeagh. this wasnt supposed to be this wall of text i just wanted to say that i might give up on art again for a while#aughhh i dont know how to do anything right idk how to live or take care of myself how am i supposed to raise someone .#this is. too much i think. I reallyyyyy need to relearn how to just talk to myself . I cant keep dropping these everyday and being . This t#evsryone around me. Everyone in my life deserves so much better than ill ever be#vent
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idk man i just feel like if i knew that the guy i’m working with was actually a slave under the threat of death i just wouldn’t berate and degrade him all the time
#can you tell i can’t stand veritas ratio#it has really been bothering me that people have been mischaracterizing him because they are desperate to make him a nice person#like. listen#this guy is not a misunderstood good guy#he is a complete asshole with a generally good goal#Doing something kind after showing no compassion for like 3 updates does not change his entire character#I am VERY glad he said what he said to Aventurine in the end#he needed to hear it!!#but that simply does not negate the rest of Ratio’s behavior and i’m very tired of seeing people pretend it does#also just to clarify i think he is an INCREDIBLE character and i’m glad he exists. i just don’t think he’s a very compassionate person#anyway back to my normal tags#love of my life aventurine#love of my life kakavasha#aventurine hsr#hsr#hsr 2.1#penacony#honkai star rail#dr ratio slander#veritas ratio slander
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conked out for nearly 12 hours which is really nice on a i slept less the past 2 nights combined level but also i was supposed to be up at 7
#i feel so bad i wanted to do stuff in the morning#i also need to work and i lost an hour of free time for that#also semi related and i know this is an asshole thing to say but i'm so tired of suicide watch#why does it have to be my responsibility that my roommate doesn't try to kill themselves again#i'm not a professional i'm not anything. i spent my field trip checking in every 2 hours to make sure they were alive & doing things#i come home and i can't rest because they're my literal roommate and now I have to exist in the same space#without the boundary of the phone#i genuinely can't deal with this and i feel horrible about it because i'm not the person who just nearly committed suicide#but i AM the guy who was traumatised by having to stop them and who's deeply exhausted by the aftermath#idk#everything is a lot rn. and i feel bad about sleeping in on top of all that. yay#veni veni
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:(
#please pray for me y'all#I do not need to practice having a temper#but I am so incredibly stressed and being around family does not help#sadly#I wish it did.#I also need to pray to avoid the sin of covetousness#I know every family has problems but sometimes I have that lurking desire for something else#but my lot in life is my own and there are blessings mixed into the pain#I just need the grace and hope to see it#i'm so tired and I long for rest
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adult wins, adult anxieties and fears and frozenness.
#I take my responsibilities so seriously and I take my work so seriously and so consequently myself so seriously#and that last one I need to not do#it doesn’t all come down on me. I am not in charge of everything or in control of everything#anyways I’ve just been absolutely wrestling these past few weeks with my internal landscape#if that makes sense#but it’s this thing where I just feel full of layers of deception#to other people because no matter who I’m talking to there’s something they don’t understand about me.#and this part of my brain goes insane when I’m tired and stressed and empty#and I have simply been doing so much non-stop#that I am due for a crash and a rest#unfortunately my brain also loves to torment me when I am tired and stressed#(it’s because of the tiredness and stress)#not a thought here is coherent or connected#but I need to rest and recharge#it’s like I keep finding new aspects of me that i can push harder. increased stamina. mental strength. more Finely honed observations#so I’ve just been doing it (everything life teaching conversations existing) at a much higher rate of intensity#and productivity#but the exhaustion this produces is new to me and it’s very scary and idk what to do with it#(rest. change my metaphorical tires. sleep. recharge)#anyway ignore me
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Men would rather see the realm put to the torch, than see a woman ascend the iron throne.
Needless to say, there are so many quotes from media (books, movies, television, etc.) that have spoken to me today (especially). From Padme to Leia, from Hermione to Katniss, from Aelin and Feyre and Violet, from every single warrior who has fought for a better world and never given up and always hoped for the better--
Media has always been what has gotten me through times like this. When the utter stupidity (which, I feel, isn't even a strong enough word to truly express the severity of the whole thing) is so great, and I've gone between utter and complete disgust and rage to disbelief and numbness.
And run the entire realm of emotions in between.
So forgive me if this post is a bit... disjointed. It's a true "let me get my thoughts down because I need to write them somewhere before my head utterly explodes" kind of thing.
I don't even know where to begin, in many ways. Because how do you truly put into words these feelings? How do you truly express the utter and complete disgust with mankind that you feel, when you didn't even set the bar very high to begin with? When you had it set extremely LOW, even, because of multiple factors:
They are in a CULT. Led by a con man. There can truly be no denying that whatsoever. And cults, by definitions, do not follow logic and reason and sense.
People are stupid. And hateful. And tend to vote "party" no matter what (in a lot of cases).
The American education system (especially in regards to history, civics, literature, etc.) is utterly horrible--and certain Powers That Be want to keep it that way because an ignorant populace is always easier to control.
And those are just SOME reasons I set the bar low. But at the same time, I had the smallest little nugget of hope:
Surely, the hypocrisy will be called out and stopped? Surely, the utter hate & division (and bullying & insulting & name-calling) will make some people open their eyes? Surely, the fact that so many prominent members of the Republican Party (lifelong senators & military leaders, etc) who have openly endorsed the Democratic candidate--as well as spoken on the dangers of re-electing that man--will show people that there are GIANT FLASHING WARNING SIGNS going off?
Surely, America can learn a little bit from history?
Right?
As a woman, it sickens me even more to see this country say, once again, that it will elect a man like that over a woman. For no other reason than the fact that he is a man, and she is a woman.
Because there can be no other reason, no matter what anyone tries to claim.
That this was even a question at all in the first place, and that there were those who were "undecided" at any time over which candidate to choose, proves that.
Because while a lot of the American system needs fixed (and while yes, the two-party system doesn't always give you "the best" options), it is VERY clear that we're not changing that part of the process any time soon.
So the USA really looked at a black woman who was intensely qualified on every single level, who ran a wonderful campaign in a shorter time than any other candidate in recent history, who spoke of trying to heal the division, to work with everyone, to make this a UNITED country--
And the majority of voters really said:
No, we will take the rapist. The felon. The schoolyard bully. We will take the fascist whose entire campaign was nothing but insults and name-calling. Of division and spreading hate. Of basically declaring those who didn't side with them "enemies".
The majority of American voters really looked at Kamala Harris and Tim Walz, and decided that everything they (American people) claim to hate about politics (division, lies, hypocrisy)--in other words, the entire campaign of Donald Trump and JD Vance--was the better option for this country.
Disappointed is not strong enough. Disgusted is not strong enough. Angry, sick-- There is no word that I can think of that is strong enough to fully express everything I've felt today, with this country.
There are times I have been "embarrassed" by America. Many actions in the early 2000s from President Bush. In 2016 when the nation first elected Trump. I thought I was in an alternate nightmare reality then, because I could not believe they were really that stupid.
But to see them do so again? To see, in the last 4 years since he lost in 2020, for him to do nothing but whine and argue and deny the facts like a fucking toddler throwing a damn tantrum*, only for this nation to say, "Yes, we want to elect this man again"--
I want to scrub the blood, the American identity, from my very DNA. I want to never see an American flag again. There is nothing to be proud of in this nation, when that ends up as the majority decision.
*And I would also like to note that Kamala acted like an actual adult, in that she conceded the race. That despite how utterly sick & disgusted we are, the Democratic Party is not whining and throwing some god-awful tantrum and fit, claiming CHEATER?
But hey, America, you wanted the toddler. You wanted the schoolyard bully.
Because god forbid we elect a black woman instead!
And now, I have something to say to all the so-called religious people. To all the so-called Christians.
Every single atheist and agnostic person I have ever met is far, far more "Christ-like" than you will ever be.
And when you die, and you stand before the God you believe in, be sure to tell Jesus just how much you hated your fellow neighbor. Just how much you did not follow what should be so easy:
"Love Thy Neighbor."
Because I know you just love quoting and throwing scripture at people, so have this one:
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink. I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me. I was sick and you looked after me. I was in prison and you came to visit me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and fed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'Truly, I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" (Matthew 25: 35-40)
So I'm sure your Jesus knows of the hate in your heart. Of the true depth of your hypocrisy. Of claiming to do good in his name, when your actions are the complete opposite of what his words and teachings are.
Because while I may not believe any longer, I have the knowledge and the background and the understanding of what the Christian religion should be. What it is supposed to be.
And it is because of people like you that I do not. That I have seen far more "good people", "righteous people" and "kind people" that are not religious than I ever have of those who tie themselves to a particular faith.
So yes, as you stand all holier-than-thou in your churches, only to spew hate and bigotry every other day, know that your actions speak far, far louder than your words.
And if you truly believe (as you claim), then God knows that. Knows what is truly in that heart of yours.
I am sorry you feel like you must bring the entire country down with you. I am sorry that you feel like the entire world must succumb to your religious doctrine, your religious faith. I am sorry that you cannot grasp that "separation of Church & State" and "freedom of religion" are so integral to what the American society is supposed to be...
Because if you only want CHRISTIAN faith, and CHRISTIAN knowledge and CHRISTIAN doctrine and prayer-- but rebel at the idea that the Islamic faith or the Jewish faith or the Hindu faith or the Pagans or any of the other many, many other religions (and those who do not tie themselves to a particular religion at all)--would have equal opportunity and share and have their faith and "commandments" posted and beliefs made law...
Then you are a big, fucking HYPOCRITE.
But I honestly could expect nothing less.
You have a right to your religion. Your belief. Your practices. You can raise your children as secular or as religious as you wish. You can make your health decisions based on what you believe, based on your personal choices, your personal circumstances.
That is YOUR right.
What so many of you fail to understand is that you do NOT have the right to tell everyone else to live by your religion or your belief. To practice a faith that you hold. To make health decisions based on a religion that has nothing to do with them, or a government dictating what can and cannot be done in health decisions between a patient and a doctor.
The only people that should be allowed such a decision? The patient and the doctor. Anyone else that the patient wishes to bring into the conversation is the PATIENT'S choice.
Not. Yours.
Not the government's.
To finish this off (for now?), I'll say this...
I know it is tiring. It is exhausting, always fighting this fight. To prove, time and again, that we matter. That we (as women, as poc, as lgbtq+, as disabled, as mentally ill, etc) are real and living people deserving of a quality of life as good as anyone else. That none of us should be treated like second-class citizens.
And right now, I'm too utterly disgusted with everyone and so completely depressed-- I have gone in waves of feeling utter screaming rage, insane laughter, and numbness.
But then I go back to the beginning -- to media, to what has always been there:
"It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Fold in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. Because they were holding on to something. What are we holding on to, Sam? That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for."
So we will fight. Because despite the bad, despite the disgust and the exhaustion that weighs so heavily, there is still that good. There are still those who try to fight for that sanity. For reason. For logic.
“I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
"So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
#politics#us politics#kamala harris#ramblings of a mad woman#very long post#real life thoughts#I spent all day trying to figure out the right words#and I'm still not sure what they are#this is all disjointed#but I needed to write SOMETHING#I needed to express SOMETHING#I feel like this is some horrible nightmare that it's impossible to wake up from#and yet I'm also super numb and not feeling anything at all#to the rest of the world -- I am sorry#I am sorry that hatred won out like it did#I am sorry and disgusted that humanity has sunk so completely low#And while I am tired#and exhausted#and this just further proves that my cats and my books are all I need in life#I am just... numb#and full of rage at the same time
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Some days I'm like nah this fibro is nothing and other days I'm out of breath just sitting
#like why am i fighting for my life when im just sitting at my desk#i need to lie down#i can't wait for the weekend#im gonna rot on tje couch the whole time#get some very needed rest#chronic pain#chronic illness#chronically ill#im so tired#fibromyalgia#fibro
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