Tumgik
#i am in pure distress
eatmy-customjorts · 8 months
Text
tbhk 110 spoilers
Tumblr media
its fine this is fine everything is fine its ok everything is FINE mitsuba is OKAY
(i cant do this anymore aidairo please have mercy)
178 notes · View notes
thebiscuitlabryinth · 7 months
Text
Here is a secret: Pure Vanilla Cookie had felt like he was being watched for a long, long time.
He can't quite pinpoint when exactly that started, if it was before or after he earned his Soul Jam. He thinks it must have been after, because he thinks he wrote it off as the Light of Truth's presence, but the specifics don't really matter. Either way, the feeling of eyes on him had been so constant that it faded into normalcy, and he hadn't noticed it since.
Until now.
Now, with Shadow Milk Cookie breaching the seal, and crumbling Elder Faerie Cookie, and White Lily Cookie becoming the new Guardian of the Seal, and White Lily Cookie being really and truly back in the first place and– and—
The point is that Pure Vanilla is quickly realising that a lot of his prior assumptions don't hold weight anymore. A lot of things he had believed to be unshakeable truths turned out to be wrong or, even worse... well, lies.
And these realisations aren't all bad, truly. Some are sweet with relief and the familiar scent of lilies. But his feelings on the matter aren't helped by the fact that suddenly, for the first time in years, he can feel those eyes on him again in piercing clarity, burning with a malice he had failed to notice all this time.
Pure Vanilla does his best to leave them be, focusing on the unmistakeable warmth of White Lily at his side, and the determined hearts of the children, and everything that needs to be done. It is uncomfortable, but it is manageable.
Delivering word to Crispia about the situation is no quick business, let alone waiting for word to return back. As such, they are staying in Faeriewood for the foreseeable future, waiting on a response from the Republic or the other Heroes. The Faerie Cookies are lovely and more than welcome to the notion, though that is hardly a surprise with how beloved White Lily is to them, and rightly so.
Pure Vanilla Cookie, to his credit, does his best to relax as they wait, but it is increasingly difficult as time wears on. He cannot bear to go anywhere near the Silver Tree, because the weight of that gaze increases by a tenfold whenever he is anywhere near its vicinity, almost crushing him, as if urging him to- well, it makes navigating the Faerie Kingdom difficult, if he cannot get too close to its centre.
Pure Vanilla sighs from where he is settled gingerly down among the soft pastels of the flowers, nestled carefully beneath the shade of the bending canopy of less dangerous trees. From here, he can see White Lily's radiant figure across the bridges and walkways, roped up in conversation with the Silver Tree Knights and surely discussing her new title and all that may entail. Whatever the case, he is content to have her within his sight, soothing some age-old nerves.
He busies his hands with a flower crown, the repetitive motions helping to distract from the twisting trunks of the trees lingering in the corner of his vision, their silvery bark marred with dozens of squinting eyes, black as shadows with vibrant blue—
No, no, no – but it's too late, Pure Vanilla's hands stumbling on his work and crushing a flower in his clumsiness. Regret instantly soaks into his core, and he hurriedly releases the poor bud, only feeling worse when he sees that some of its nectar and colour has stained his hands. Such delicate beauty, destroyed by his own foolishness. He certainly can't give this crown to White Lily now.
Bitterly unwanted, the thought that Shadow Milk must be laughing at him now flits across his mind, and he drops the flower crown like its petals are dripping poison, lest he ruin it any further.
In the end, no matter how much he pushes it aside, his thoughts always swing back to the same dreadful realisation. If Shadow Milk has been watching him all along - and deep down, Pure Vanilla knows it to be true, even though he hates it - then he must have seen everything. Every moment he was vulnerable, every moment he was hiding, every moment he thought was private.
It's terrifying. His mind keeps reeling at the mere idea, flicking through his lowest moments with the aching, sickening knowledge that he had seen it all. It feels unfathomably invasive, almost as much as Shadow Milk's voice burrowing into his head like it belongs there. Nothing Pure Vanilla has experienced has been solely his own, and it seems like it never was.
Pure Vanilla is saved from his own sinking thoughts by the gentle warble of birdsong, and grateful for the distraction, he looks up to find a small bird descending from the canopy. Admittedly, it is different from the blue birds he is used to, looking to be a spore variant of some sort, but he smiles at it just as cheerfully.
"Hello, chickadee. How are you today?" He greets affectionately, voice warming as he holds out a hand for the spore bird to land on. It does with a chirped greeting back, and for the briefest, most blissful moment, Pure Vanilla feels light with the simplest happiness.
And then the bird looks up at him, with not two, or four, but countless eyes opening across its entire body, inky black and mockingly blue.
Pure Vanilla startles fiercely, jolting back and shutting his eyes tightly on instinct, and the movement is more than enough to scare the bird away, but he is too occupied with fumbling for his staff in the grass beside him to pay it any mind.
Finally, his fingers find purchase, and he hastily lifts the staff upright, half-leaning against it as he looks through its eye. The pupil darts around until it lands on the bird once more, where it has fled back to a perch among the branches.
It looks normal, or as normal as a spore variant can be. It certainly doesn't have a hundred knowing eyes.
The trees don't have eyes either, for that matter.
Pure Vanilla presses his forehead against his staff, desperately tempted to keep his eyes closed forever, to rely solely on his staff so he doesn't have to risk seeing anything unreal. It's a dangerous, guilty thought, but it persists even when he gathers the strength to crack his own eyes open once more.
He blinks once, twice, hesitantly looking around.
There are no eyes. Just a spooked spore bird in the canopy, a half-crushed flower crown hanging off his lap, and White Lily in the distance, now joined by an energetic Gingerbrave and his friends.
Pure Vanilla watches for a moment, waiting. When everything remains as it is, he sighs again, heavily, wearily, and sinks back into the bed of flowers, holding his staff to his chest in a loose grip, even as he lays down.
He thinks he hears a mean giggle chime faintly in his ears, but what does he know? That's probably a lie too.
176 notes · View notes
qqqqqqqqqqq0 · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media
i did a thing
#crocheting#it was a really shitty day and i don't want to talk about it. i just need to yap#i will probably unknowingly say some borderline deranged traumatizing things further but idk its just the way i am#my existence itself is a major trigger warning so be aware#the only highlight of the day was the (i suppose) wlw couple i saw at the subway while pulling out shit like burdock out of my dress#i won't elaborate on the last piece can i be a little mysterious and less pathetic#so the wlw couple. one girl hugged the arm of the other girl and put the head on her shoulder. i saw that and was like “damn”#if you have a person you can willingly do things like that with you should know i would kill god just to be in your shoes#please cherish it#i didnt really look at them that much but then we got off on the same station and somehow they managed to overtook me#they were right ahead of me still all over each other and then it has striked me#that the girl hugging the arm of the other one was actually disabled and she needed help to walk properly#actually they were faster than me because my legs today are a total mess lol it hurts like hell just to make a step#but this is obviously just a temporary inconvenience and its nowhere near the problem that girl has#i don't compare myself to her in this regard but ive found this parallel kinda poetic#like how i as a relatively healthy individual with no major health issues was envious as fuck of those two#how i was walking in 0.25x with a shit ton of thoughts in my head while she was limping happily with a girl in her hand and smiling#no pity just envy and pure admiration. i want what they have#but im not sure if I deserve it. or actually need it#if i actually had something like that in my hands i don't know whether or not i would crush it into pieces#and then cry over it to the day i die. do you get it. am i too dramatic or too shallow as a person#originally i planned to talk about another thing entirely but this day has crushed my head and heart like a hammer#and now its turned to mush#no i guess it was a mush since long ago. then lets say this day was just crap. or life itself#nothing really happened to me but it reminded me of how helpless i am as a person vs the world and i hate being helpless#maybe ill tell you the story of how i lost the sensation in my fingertips another time when im not that traumatised by life events#(i lost it by saving a damsel in distress after walking out of the night bar a year ago. its a clickbait)
2 notes · View notes
agayconcept · 2 months
Text
.
#when im extra depressed i watch old yt compilations#this week is critical role moments#and ugh. Ugh#i always forget how mf touch-starved and affection-starved i am until i watch those 8 interact w each other#like. always touching. so much touching#i havent had a cuddly / touchy friend in like 6+ years and i am Suffering for it#like as much as w any other people im v touch-averse and dont want that at all#when it comes to friends i am extremely pro touch and genuinely love being affectionate#and i Can't#and sometimes that sucks ngl#no shade to my friends who aren't comf w that obviously#that's 100% gr8 and i would never push or wanna make them uncomf lots of ppl dont like that#i just. used to always have at least 1 friend who /was/ okay with it that i could be as cuddly as i wanted with#and now i dont and it ??? is getting to a point where it is almost painful#like str8 up i've had to talk to my therapist abt this the last 6 months bc its becoming a bit dire#hugs r wonderful dont get me wrong but thats the max amount of touch for my ok-with-touch friends#and the rest r no-touch#whereas im sitting here like 😭😭😭 PLS I JUST WANNA HOLD SOMEONE'S HAND#OR LEAN MY HEAD ON SOMEONE'S SHOULDER OR HAVE AN ARM AROUND A WAIST OR A HEAD IN A LAP#OR STR8 UP SNUGGLIN ON A COUCH#I DESPERATELY NEED IT#ANY OF IT IT DOESNT NEED TO BE ALL OF THAT#I FEEL LIKE I AM SHRIVELLING UP LIKE A SENTIENT RAISIN INSIDE#JUST HAVIN ALL THE LIFE SUCKED OUT OF ME THRU LACK OF TOUCH#I WANT SOMEONE TO RUFFLE MY HAIR OR PAT MY ARM OR KISS MY CHEEK#HELL I'LL TAKE A HAND ON MY BACK PURELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF STOPPING ME FROM WALKING INTO TRAFFIC#WHICH AT THIS POINT I AM TEMPTED TO DO DUE TO EMOTIONAL DISTRESS LMAO (DEVASTATED LAUGHTER)#aiyaiyai and i cant even just go and Make New Friends bc most spaces to do that arent accessible or safe for me#the only friends i've made in the last few years r thru Mutual Autism Vibes~ and they're all anti-touch#WHERE R THE OTHER TOUCH-STARVED CUDDLY AUTISTICS AT ??? WHERE R U ??? COME FIND ME PLS I BEG !!! i feel like im gonna die fr
4 notes · View notes
corset · 1 year
Text
Been a while since I hated being alive but here we are
8 notes · View notes
arcaneyouth · 2 years
Text
i havent actuallt seen any of these fake unreality movie memes people have been making ive just seen 5 posts of people saying either "wild what tumblr will make memes out of" or "please tag those memes as unreality" i feel like im missing something and frankly i dont care to find out what it is. how on earth could you possibly make this funny,
2 notes · View notes
Text
.
Ignore
#delete later#its always fascinating when i get distressed eniugh for my brain to switch off all wants and cares#like i know i care bc i am anxious. but 90% of my emotional capacity is currently non accessible and i am running on pure autopilot#its also nice to see that my autopilot has responded to the amount of work i put into it. it includes physio exercises and meals#and some self care. turns out hsving a crisis plan embedded into your brain is a good thing#sure im the most suicidal ive been in a long time but im also the most functional ive ever been and i have things to do#so everything else can wait until i have the enrgy to sort through it#ive been setting things up for more viewings and pestering ppl for things i need and taking care of ny piercing#as the stress has caused a lot of irritation and swelling so it needs extra care. i even showered today.#go me. its wild what some mental stability does. when it gives way im gonna have an interesting couple weeks but shit will be externally#more stable then so the usual things will help#it is making personal relationships more difficult though. the poor person ive been talking seriously to is flirting and i am#currently not able to access any form of romantic interest or care. previously i would have ghosted but im trying to be better#ny new friend is also getting less than i should be giving her. but i send her cute fox pictures abd that helps.#we shall see how it goes. im lying down a lot and that is helpful. my brain being like this requires a LOT of energy and i cant sleep#so its all a lot. but ill be fine#im very good at being fine with all of this. ahd much better about coming out the other side safely
0 notes
starryflix · 2 months
Text
the second I write my first x-men fanfiction, it's over for everyone
0 notes
nomairuins · 2 months
Text
i am okay tho i just have momeys sometimrs . please do not ever worry abt me guys
#i rly rly rly appreciate any asks u guys send me truly i usually hold onto then bc i dont know how to respond and rheyre good to see#sometimes#but im not in any danger i rly am. safe. i have a lot of things keeping me from doing That so. i am safe. dw.#i just get sad a lot. and its my fault i need 2 judt stop it and suck it uo and Work on it all but its so. insurmountable. and it judt#doesnt get easier yk. it never does. whatsver.#but. anyways i am safe i am okif it got to the point i was like. fearful for my life thatd either be The delusion (which is actually good#for me i cant explain it but its good for me) or i coulf talk to my family abt it and theyd help#i just cant talk to them abt This. stuff. the like. the being broken stuff and just not being right#i cant talk to any of them abt that. but if i said hey im genuinely faarful i miggjt do something they would um. help. so its okay#idk. i hope the posts dont seem like i make them for pity i rly dont this blog is just my stream of consciousness#ik i just shouldnt post them and i should judtkeeo a diary but i dont um. how to explain thid#even if nobody sees it it feels better to make a tumblr post bc then it feels like. a performance i guess. its not its real but its like#if i put it somewhere other ppl can see it then that means i exist. thats not quite right but i dont know how to articulate like#i dont nexessarily want ppl to see them i find it embarassing i guess. but it feels dishonest to not post them#since i post everything else. bc i like being open online it makes me think im real. does that make sense#and there are timestamps so i know when things happen. thsts modtly how i remember things#is looking at my blog and checking dates and timestamps. and for older stuff i have to check my dms with ykw. which. is not good for.me at#all. but ihave no other way to remember dayes#i dont know. im rly sry i hate podting vents but i dont like deleting posts eithrr so j dont know oike. idk.#just idk know they arent like. They are serious they are how i feel and i usually make them ehen im in distress#but its not dangerous distress i judt get hopeless. yk? i dont wanr anybody to worry abt me ever im not supposed to be a burden#i dont knoe. i havent articulated anything well. basicallt i dont do rhem for attention i dont do them for like. guilttripping or pity#i dont rly do them for any reason other than irs pure word vomit. i suppose. and tumblr is my wordvomit website. i judt get on here and yap#and it makes me feel so much worse but i get better eventually so its fine.
0 notes
Text
OH MY FUCKING GOD???
1 note · View note
celestialmancer · 4 months
Text
⛈️ //
#tag vent bullshit would highly recommend just scrolling past this if vent bs aint your thing#so run along now for those who would rather avoid. im just tossing in tags bc its easier on me.#anyway… just… …#this stress is really eating me alive & im so tired#ive been crying on & off since yesterday esp w my health taking a swan dive to hell amidst this#but i have to just. deal with.#crying when alone specifically like fuck am i gonna show a damn thing to anyone. fuck no ❤️#esp when it feels like my emotions im feeling are me somehow being manipulative.#because i dont have a right to any of this right. its just a pity party im throwinf for myself.#& yet all these feelings emotions everything i havent processed continue to fester & bubble up to the surface in pure vitriol.#pure hatred & anger bc of it coming from a place of hurt but what does that matter. right? …im just.#i feel manipulative expressing anything. i feel manipulative having feelings. i need to remove them at once. i need them gone at once.#i feel manipulative even so much as talking about situations that hurt me. bc i ‘shoulsnt feel this way’#all this shit to me feels like it just reads as ‘woe is me’ bullshit i hate it so much.#im tired. i dont know. im in distress & emotionally really falling apart but just.#it almost feels more comforting to just let myself bleed out on myself metaphorically speaking than to dare task anyone via asking them#to help me w my own metaphorical wounds. bc then im shoving a burden onto them. & I’m not supposed to do that.#so much for being a pillar of stability for others LMFAOOO. whatever. whatever.#faulty ass pillar that’s just falling apart from being built on an unstable foundation#im tired im tired of hurting both emotionally & physically due to flare ups from the sheer stress as well#& crying feels fucking humiliating & like im just begging for pity.#i shouldnt be fucking crying. i shouldn’t. im supposed to be fine. i say. & at first i was fucking able to fucking.#dissociate & let quinn join me too so i could be fully coldly detached. from it. but thats not happening bc i cant control when she joins#joins front w me. & i almost wish she could take front fully. take front from me fully for as long as this situation keeps going.#even if that means i end up in solitude & w barely much recollection of what may transpire. at least when she’s upfront? i dont have to be.#solitude bc she doesnt like talking to anyone even my own trusted friends.#unless its somehow fucjing necessary but at least w her upfront i just. i dont. have to feel. i can disconnect & forget everything.#i just want to stop fucking falling apart & i have so many unprocessed emotions over this all that feel unacceptable to talk abt STILL.#im that fucking convinced any neg emotion i show is wrong somehow & while ive gotten better w this im still. not. idk. just. w/e. ifg.
0 notes
anenomie · 6 months
Text
Genuinely what am i supposed to do. What am i supposed to do
0 notes
returntotheground · 1 year
Text
i don't want to even go to class via zoom and i don't want to talk to my professor tomorrow and i DEFINITELY don't want to go to that career networking meeting and i think i would rather die than go to the career fair on thursday
and yet
0 notes
solarplanet2 · 1 month
Text
The Little Eldritch Creature
DCxDP Drabbles/Scribbles
Part 1(? Still undecided)
Danny had a lot to say.
Especially to Clockwork.
How dare he send him to another dimension without him knowing?! Especially when all Clockwork had said to him before being thrown into a portal is;
"Good Luck, Daniel."
Good luck? GOOD LUCK TO WHAT!?
Oh, once Danny comes home he will give that old man a saying to. And bit him. Yes! he'll bite his clocks! Let's see how he likes it!!
It's bad enough that he was thrown into a natural portal, but being reduced to a small thing at the size of a squirrel!?!?
He can't even do anything in this form!
Sure, he can use his powers but only to an extent. The only thing Danny could do was being intangible, invisibility and flying/floating.
Disgrace! He was supposed to be a king! A powerful being! He can't be reduced to small adorable thing!
Danny punched the ground in distress, already feeling the tears coming up in his eyes in distress.
Another thing he had noticed. Not only he was in a form of little creature, it seemed his mind and body is of a baby, a child!
He is FOURTEEN! almost fifteen! He can't act this way!
Danny let out a wail, punching the concrete floor in pure distress and helplessness. He wants to bite Clockwork! He wants to be mad at him and get him home! Everything is so big! He doesn't want to be small! He feels helpless! And weak! No! He wants to go home!
He wants to go home and see Jazz!
He misses Jazz...
°•°•°•°•°•°•°
"WWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Red Hood pauses in his step once he hears a...very squeaky wail?
But it also made his pit rage react.
What the?
"Hood. Come in."
"Yeah. What is it, Oracle?" Red Hood signed in as he jumped over a rooftop, heading towards the wail.
"The satalites detected something in your area. Just about a few blocks ahead of you. It causes a static in the frequency."
Welp. There goes his answers.
"I'm already on it. There was some kind of Wail in my direction. Already checking it out."
"Hood, Wait for back up." Oh great.
"I'm already here." Hood scoffed at B as he landed down in front of the alley way.
"Hoo...?" Static came in the comms, making Hood furrowed his eyebrows. Whatever this is, it's effecting his comms.
Hood knew something was wrong once he stepped in the alleyway. The pits suddenly felt weird. Not the bad weird but weird notheless.
Worried. Go. Now!
Hood groaned. Alright. He had an urge to shoot someone.
The more Hood stepped in the alley way, the more he could hear something. A small sound, like a whine? A squeaky whine in the edge of this block.
Hood froze once he saw a familiar green by the end of the dumpster. Oh fuck.
So that's why the pit rage is reacting.
Fuck.
Grabbing his gun from the holster, he slowly walked towards the dumpster. He looked over and....
What is that?
It's small, smaller than Alfred the cat. White hair and ..is that a green tail?
Okay, whatever it was, it's glowing.
And shaking.
And crying.
Why is it crying?
The pits instantly reacted. Bubbling in his stomach like boiling. But Hood knew he wasn't angry.
It felt like it was concern?
But for what?
What is this thing-?
And it's looking at him.
Hood felt himself freeze at the Lazarus green eyes. Big and wide Lazarus green eyes. And fuck are those tears??
Hood doesn't know what to do.
Chirp!
It chirp.
Fuck that was adorable.
Focus, Hood! This is not the time to think such thoughts. He needs to comm the others. Comm B and--
Wait why is moving!?
HOLY SHIT--
CHIRP!!
•°•°•°•°•°
This guy reaks of ectoplasm.
No. This ecto is not good. This ecto is dangerous.
He needs help.
(I am thinking whether or not this needs a part 2 so don't be disappointed if there isn't that means no tagging)
(Edit: it has part 2)
1K notes · View notes
pedrospatch · 8 months
Text
captive
Raider! Joel Miller x Female Reader
Tumblr media
summary: You find yourself missing your captor while he’s out on an early morning hunt with the rest of the group.
warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY, MINORS DNI. RAIDER ERA. DARK!JOEL. DUBCON. IMPLIED PREVIOUS NONCON. UNSPECIFIED AGE GAP (reader is in her 20’s and Joel is 50). READER HAS NO PHYSICAL DESCRIPTION. mentions of Joel’s group murdering reader’s group, it’s implied her family members were also killed, Joel pretty much kidnaps reader and keeps her as his own, stockholm syndrome, reader deals with a lot of very distressing and conflicting feelings, Joel isn’t too creepy or extremely dark, but he is still not a good person, mentions of Tommy. VERY BRIEF SMUT in the form of cockwarming, daddy kink but i didn’t go overboard this time, pet names (honey, baby, babygirl, sweetheart) if i missed anything, you can POLITELY let me know because if i missed anything, it was purely accidental. minimal editing.
PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS.
if this isn’t your thing, that’s fine, just scroll on by.
word count: 1.4k
a/n: i might actually throw up idk. i’ve had this itch to try dark joel and seeing as i have major writer’s block with all my other wips i decided to just scratch the itch. this is a little out of my comfort zone but i actually ended up feeling pleased with what i wrote. this is my personal take on dark/raider joel, i’m sure it is very out of character but it’s fanfiction so…yeah. here it is.
Tumblr media
It’s the rain that rouses you from your sleep.
It beats down heavily on the remote cabin’s tin roof.
Loud. Much too loud.
You roll over, settling yourself on your side.
The mattress is old, worn, rotting beneath the sheets.
You can’t complain, though. At least you have a bed.
Everybody else is forced to sleep on the hard floor.
He always gets the room with the bed.
As his special girl, that means you always get the room with the bed too.
It’s not quite as flattering as one would believe.
He only ever wants the bedroom for one reason—to keep you behind a locked door so you can’t run.
You sigh softly and stare out the window. He’d secured that too, made certain that it couldn’t be opened from the inside.
Closing your eyes, you try and go back to sleep.
Tumblr media
Sleep doesn’t come.
His absence is starting to bother you.
You’ve been with him for an entire season now.
You’re getting used to him.
The sound of his voice. 
The warmth of his body.
The taste of his lips.
You can’t even sleep without him next to you.
“Fuck,” you whisper, clutching the stale sheets, balling them in your fists out of frustration.
How was it possible? How could you be missing him?
He had taken everything from you.
Your family.
Your home. 
Your innocence.
He was holding you captive. He was a monster.
But a monster doesn’t keep you safe.
Doesn’t clothe you.
Doesn’t feed you.
Doesn’t protect you.
He did all of those things and more. 
Is that why you feel so empty without him beside you?
Is that why you’re no longer so certain you would run if you were given the chance to escape him?
You fucking hated him for what he’d done.
Yet here you are, aching for him to come back to you.
Tumblr media
It’s another hour before you hear the lock clicking. 
Joel pushes through the door, quietly closing it behind him.
“Y’awake?” he asks, slipping his pack off his shoulders.
“Mhm,” you answer with your back to him. “I am.”
You hear the sound of his pack hitting the floor.
His worn leather boots being kicked off. 
His rifle being set down, propped against the wall.
“How was the hunt?”
You can feel him freeze as he’s taking off his jacket.
Getting you to willingly speak to him had always been a lot like pulling teeth. Difficult, almost impossible.
When he doesn’t respond, you roll over to face him.
There’s a swoop in your tummy.
Joel is drenched from head to toe. His blue denim shirt clings to his broad frame and his dark, graying curls are slicked back away from his face.
He’s got such a handsome face.
Monsters aren’t supposed to have handsome faces.
He raises an eyebrow. “You’re really askin’ me how the hunt went?” Suspicion laces his tone. “Why? Y’worried you won’t eat tonight?”
Of course you weren’t.
Joel Miller doesn’t let you go hungry.
When food is scarce, he makes sure you eat first. If he notices you rubbing your tummy because your portion wasn’t enough, he’ll give you his own portion.
He takes care of you.
“No.” You pause and sit up. The sheets you two share fall away from your body, leaving your soft, supple breasts on full display for him. “Just wanted to know how your morning went. That’s all.”
It’s not your tits that make his cock twitch against the zipper of his jeans—it’s the sincerity that flashes across your features, the sound of it in the tone of your voice.
You’re being sweet to him.
He clears his throat lightly.
“Went real good. Brought down a deer. Female, ‘bout a hundred pounds or so. Enough to keep all of us well fed for the next couple of weeks,” he says with a nod. “Was pissin’ rain the entire time but it was worth it. Tommy’s in the shed out back right now dressin’ it so we can get a stew started.” He pauses. “You’re gonna get a proper meal tonight, babygirl. Belly’s gonna be nice and full.”
He’s not just talking about food and you know it.
You make an effort to meet his gaze, but you can’t. You can’t bring yourself to do it, not when you remembered how he’d taken you away from your family—how he had carried you over his shoulder, kicking and screaming as his people raided your camp and slaughtered every last member of your group because that’s what Joel Miller had ordered them to do.
Looking him in the eye might be the one thing you will never, ever be able to do.
“It’s cold,” you murmur after a minute. “You should get out of those wet clothes before you get sick.”
With a subtle nod, Joel turns around and starts peeling off his clothes until he’s completely naked. He uses an old rag to dry himself off as best as he can, although it doesn’t do much for him.
You can’t help yourself and stare—your gaze drags over the strong muscles of his back and shoulders, how they flex and ripple beneath his skin with every single one of his movements. Arousal pools between your thighs and all you can do is fucking hate yourself for wanting it, for wanting him.
“S’pretty early still,” he states, his back still to you as he runs the rag through his hair. “Y’should try to get some more sleep.”
The confession tumbles out of your mouth before you can even think about stopping it.
“I couldn’t sleep while you were gone.”
Surprised, he turns around.
Almost immediately, your eyes fall to his cock.
Even when he isn’t fully hard, he’s still so fucking big.
“Is that so?” Joel asks, sounding rather pleased. 
“Yes,” you say, softly. “I—I missed you.”
His lips turn upwards into a subtle, faint grin.
“Yeah?” he coos. “My sweet little girl missed me while I was gone? Hm?” Slowly, he approaches the bed. It dips slightly and the frame creaks as he plants a knee on the mattress and leans over towards you. Gently, Joel takes your chin between his index finger and thumb. “Y’need Daddy by your side so you can sleep, sweetheart?”
“Yes,” you whisper, warm tears glazing over your eyes.
It’s bad enough your body welcomed him so easily.
Now your heart was starting to do the same.
And then there was your mind.
What if that stopped fighting him too?
Part of you is afraid it already has.
Joel climbs into bed, joining you under the sheets.
“M’here, my pretty girl. C’mere, honey.” He coaxes you to lay on your side and pulls you back against his chest. His skin is still damp, frigid from having been out in the elements, but somehow he’s still warm. “That better?”
“Need you closer,” you mumble, wiggling against him.
Joel groans, his thick cock hard and throbbing against the small of your back. He nips at your bare shoulder as his hand drags down the length of your body and slips between your thighs. “Christ, babygirl. Pussy’s soakin’ wet for me. Looks like she missed me while I was gone too, didn’t she, sweetheart?”
He runs his finger along your slick, silky folds.
“Daddy,” you whimper, bucking into his hand.
“Don’t worry, honey. Daddy knows what you need.”
Joel pulls his hand from between your legs.
You almost cry—you’re so fucking desperate for him. 
And you shouldn’t be. 
He reaches in between your bodies, his hand wrapping around the base of his cock. Without warning, he slips it into your tight, aching cunt, sheathing himself in your warm, wet heat in one smooth stroke.
You choke out a sob.
It’s always overwhelming, that initial stretch.
That fullness, the feeling of him being in your belly.
“S’alright, sweetheart. S’alright. I know you can take it,” he soothes you. “You’re such a good girl for me. Always take my cock so fuckin’ well. So good for me, baby. You feel better now that Daddy’s cock is buried inside your pretty little pussy?”
He drapes an arm around you, pulling your back flush against his chest.
“Yes,” you breathe, placing your hand on top of his.
Joel feathers a kiss onto your neck.
“Go to sleep, babygirl. M’here. Ain’t goin’ nowhere,” he promises you.
That shouldn’t be a comfort to you. But it is.
You close your eyes, your fingers subconsciously lacing together with his as you start to drift.
Cunt full of his cock, you fall asleep in your captor’s arms.
Tumblr media
divider credit to @saradika🤍
2K notes · View notes
inupibaldspot · 7 months
Text
Blue is the color of royalty.
Pairing : Gojo Satoru x Reader
Note ₊˚⊹♡ : Staring Gojo as the crown prince and you crown princess in an arranged marriage! Sexual intonation is there but nothing major. Mentions of death and cheating as in infidelity. 4.3k words (this is usually too long for me to write)
Tumblr media
Gojo remembers that day very clearly, his throat felt constricted, breath felt raspy with the strenuous inhale and exhales, the cuff of his shirt now soaked wet as he wipes his tears furiously trying to console himself amidst the crowd.
He was six when it was announced by the emperor, his father announced an arrangement of love between the Royal Family of Gojo and the Duke of the South. The young crown prince with as equally young you, the second child to the Duke of the South.
Through his tears he hears clanks of fork and plate beside him as his two friends were eating away while Gojo was wallowing in despair, he didn’t want to marry you—he has never even seen you!
Shoko the daughter of the Duke of the North simply liked coming to parties because this was the only place she didn’t have restrictions on how much sweets she could eat. While Geto Suguru, son of Count Geto simply came because he was told to by his father.
He sniffs as he tries to console himself, he already had a fixed idea on how he wants to get married and it was not this! He wanted to save a damsel in distress-be of noble or commoner blood and wanted that event to be a ‘love at first sight situation.’
He peeps over to where a outburst was as people surrounded a small figure muttering congratulations. Surely you were there. He thinks that you were probably surrounded by leeching adults, awaiting an opportunity for a slip-up which would cause an exaggerated rumors. Adults from high society were simply like that.
Gojo stands on the ball of his feet, trying to see over the crowd and from the push in between the cracks of the crowd, he does see you.
And you were beautiful.
You were adorned with the finest jewelry, size fitting your petite figure, with a beautiful dress adorned with classic lace and pearls. He swears in between his mesmerization that you were perfect.
So mesmerized he loses balance and falls over, his butt now on the floor as he soothe the ache while trying to stand up. Geto cackled at the sight. “ What’s wrong? Your expression is so dumb right now,Satoru.”
Gojo clears his throat as he tries to maintain dignity, the dignity of the crown prince. “The lady I am betrothed to is a pleasure to the eye. I am pleased…”
Geto sighs at his friend’s already being stupid. “But you know what I heard-“ he starts. “The young child of the Duke is like a machine.”
Gojo sooner or later (over the years you visited him quite a lot, often staying over at the palace as the travel time between the capital and the south was quite long.) he totally gets what Geto’s words that day meant.
You were literally a golden child for the Duke and now, a golden wife for him; the purest of all pure bred nobles. any work done is to be completed in a day, you oversee everything that is going on in the palace and doing a good job—so much so that his mom the empress was even letting you over see some matters.
“y/n,let’s go out on a walk.” Gojo would beam, excitedly walking over to you. “The afternoon sun is pleasant today.”
You had a straight look on your face as you stare into Gojo’s eyes, as if you were judging ever inch of him. “I rather suggest you get some training done, your highness. Your body seems quite feeble.”
Gojo gwaks at you who is now walking away,with a book at hand either to the library or his mother’s side—the empress.
Somewhere along the line Gojo realizes that you were coming over to butter up the emperor and the empress. You were not there to see him. Gojo seethed . Over time any attraction he felt when he first saw you is now crumbled and blown into dust by the winds. He could not care less for a person who was so busy to even spare a glance at him—fiancée or not!
When he was fifteen he was sent to a neighboring smaller country which excelled in military and academic—the country was said to be 10 years infront of any other when it came to their literary and research.
Gojo felt like he could breathe again, his bone pops as he stretches as he is finally free. Away from you for atleast four years. This new found freedom away from your judging eyes was making feel as if he were floating—he studied he swears, his academic score was always great but more than that he also spend his royal gold coins as he drinks away even though he was under age , and maybe even a few gropes to the beautiful ladies passing by.
This was the first time Gojo had been to the red light district and certainly it was not the last. But who would scold him, he was the son of the one of the most powerful empire Gojo Satoru and was the crown prince. Who would are say anything to him? The thinks to himself as he lays currently in bed, chest bare with a lady who is not his fiancée.
But don’t worry too much, Geto was by his side too! If his parents know about this— Gojo is at least relieved that he won’t go down alone.
At the age of nineteen, he finally comes back to the empire,now standing at a taller height and broad shoulders. The air around Gojo itself feels mature…and extremely attractive—to bad he was engaged at the age of six. He loves the gaze the maids near him gives, affirming and stroking his already enflated ego.
He sends a flirtatious wink at one of the better looking maids with a larger bottom as he signals a ‘follow-me’ as his head nods to a empty room.
Just as he was about to turn the corner,a figure popped up. He had crumbled when he was six and he has once again at nineteen. You stepped out of the corner in a beautiful blue dress with inside frills of white lace, the blue puff on your shoulder adorned with gold and you wearing the same metal on your ears and neck made it so much more ethereal.
“Your highness.My apologies, I’ve been so busy with the revolt at the south border it must have slipped my mind.” You speak, why were you not as fazed as he was. “I had not known you had arrived.” Why was your heart not racing like his was?
But he must say, the years have been good to you. You were taller but now shorter than he was, the fats of your cheeks now slimmed down making the rest of your features more enhanced ,more beautiful. You blink confused as Gojo’s eyes trail around, relishing every part of now an adult you. In this instance you are the most beautiful piece of existence there is in man kind.
“What?” He wears a smug expression as he crosses his hands and stands tall. “Did ya miss me?”
You blink, as if you were genuinely confused. “Yes I did. You are my fiancé after all,your highness.”
And there goes Gojo’s resolution to not fall for you—just with these simple words, he is once again head over heels for you.
You did miss him after all! Gojo giggles to himself when he remembers the interaction,while Geto sits on the sofa, as he sips in the evening tea that was brought in. “But it’s been what? Four years since been you’ve been away.” Geto says, trying his best to control his smirk as he sees thunder clouds form on top of Gojo’s head. “Maybe y/n had been seeing someone else.”
Gojo shakes the part of his brain which reprimands him for his hypocrisy, he had been with women, lots of them when he was away but now the simple idea of a man being with you, makes him worry as if he is ill. His stomach burns with jealousy; it would be worse if it were a single man.
Many men would be worse than a few, a few would be worse than two, a two will be worse…than one? No-
—It would be the worst if you have a simply been with one man who you’ve completely undone your heart to. Does your expression form to a loving one—one he is yet to see? Do you whisper sweet words into that man’s undeserving ears? Oh how he wishes there could be a battlefield where he could fight for your love then he would not lose!
Shoko blows out a puff of smoke, which comes out of a tobacco filled-elaborately design hookah—pipe. “Nope. Your fiancée has been single as a nun.” She says in a matter of fact tone.
“Wha-wait…none?” Gojo manages to whisper out, head still wrapping around Shoko’s reply. “She must have! She does well in high society, is beautiful, anything she wears becomes a fashion statement, and she known for being intelligent! She must had a man or two to console her in the absence of her fiancé!”
Nobles have always done that, husbands leaving for the red light district as soon as he is away from his wife, while the girls wife is in bed with younger workers in bed while the husband was away.
Shoko thinks Gojo is simply bratty as she waves him off, taking another pull of air from the pipe. “Nope—your lady doesn’t play,I think I’ve only ever seen her in work mode.” While Gojo giggles to himself on how Shoko referred to you as ‘his’ lady making her and a Geto raise an eyebrow.
And boy— in work mode you certainly where in his absence of his studies because now he sits in the dinner table,completely silent.
The long table filled with lavish food,the royal couples will most likely never finish and Gojo, the crown prince sits with his mother and father, the emperor and empress with his fiancée.
It was then when he realized—no felt it to his bones that he was replaced! Your smart brain and smooth tongue had worked his way into his parents' hearts and now he sits silently, not knowing how to join into the conversation as if he was the one who was to be married into the family.
“My…your highness.” Your doll like eyes blink at him and with a flutter of your lashes and a hand placed on his thighs, Gojo feels heat rush to his cheeks. “You must eat.”
“Gojo!” His father shouts from the other side of the dinner table. “Don’t be picky, you’re an adult now!” His mother giggled, bringing her hands to cover her mouth.
“Oh shut up, old man.” Gojo seethed , he stands on his feet, ready to walk away from the table. But of course his body freezes when you hold onto the fabric on his pants. He grits his teeth.
You were looking at him with a pout, eye brows furrowed as you shake your head in a disapproving manner. “You mustn’t speak to his majesty in that manner, your highness.”
But Gojo wasn’t really listening as his eyes trail down to your cleavage which was entirely exposed from this angle. God—he almost sees red, so much so that it even drips red…drips red?
You shriek, losing your cool as your fiancé stands with a confused look and blood dripping down his nose. You quickly turn to the Royal couple, “My apologies your majesties but the crown prince seems rather unwell so we will take our leave.” You grab a cloth piece from the table and rush to aid Gojo.
You place the piece of cloth on his nose as you lead him by his fingers with a gentle tug, you call out for the maids for help and a doctor while you make him sit on his bed.
The doctor shakes his head. “Your Majesty must’ve been stressed about something…or he may have overworked himself with something.”
You hum as you look at Gojo’s dumb look, a nostril filled with cotton. “What has been stressing your mind,your majesty?”
“Why don’t you think I have been overworking myself?!” He barks back, hand shooing away all of the workers in the room,leaving only him and you.
“Ever since you came back, you have simply been wasting your time away.” You shake your head as Gojo jumps,he is as guilty as charged. “You hardly even frequent the training grounds anymore, your majesty.”
Gojo turned his body and his eyes in your direction while he sits on his lavish bed as he reached out to wrap his hands around your hips,pulling you closer to him.
He rests his chin on your stomach as he looks up at you, you look down at him with a confused look. Why was he acting like this?
“Your majesty this, your majesty that—!” You almost laugh at the amount of sass in this man when he spoke those words. “Quit that and call me Satoru.” He demands.
You let out a smile, gojo thinking that this moment when he is graced with your smile has blessed his years to come. “Okay Satoru.” Gojo is simply undone when it came to you, a clumsy mess. As he feels hot in his head.
“Oh my —“ you shriek again. “Satoru, your other nose is also bleeding.”
Gojo thinks the best way to begin the day if at times when he sees you at the training grounds. After you had reprimanded him for skipping his training, the following day he wake up at 5am and trains till his training was completed by about 8am.
He sometimes see you walk down the near by pathway as he wipes his sweat, clinging to his body from the now heating sun and intense training. Gojo normally trains with Geto Suguru, now a Royal Knight of the Palance, as he is the only one who can keep up with him.
And when ever he does see you, people see the flowers bloom and the air suddenly becomes a tad bit hotter. Gojo waves his hand in the air like a child waiting for you to do the same. You lift your hands gently and offer a small wave, smile hidden shyly behind your other hand, a dignified princess indeed.
But one thing bad about your visits to the training ground? You were alone.
Gojo swings his sword, acting cool making his muscles on his back ripple as he knows your presence is in attendance for todays training. He is sure to impress you!
After his routine was done, he turns to you giving the most handsome stare he could muster with a personal gust of wind to help him today only to find you with another man… You, the crown princess with Haibara, another knight belonging to Geto’s team.
To make matters worse, you looked so adorable and cozy,body heat completely warm as he noticed you were in a jacket, a larger one, one belonging to the military. A jacket that was not his!
Gojo rushes over and quickly takes of your jacket gently before he swings it on the ground, before he gives you his jacket despite your complaint on how ‘Haibara was simply making sure I was not cold.’
He pout as you give him a confused look. “When ever you’re cold, just come to me… Don’t use other men’s jacket…”
There was one day when Gojo realized how easy you could slip away, gone forever.
You and him were in the Royal Garden, Gojo beaming at the thought that you finally decided to hang around him. Your eyes opens as you take a sip from the cup ,confused as to why Gojo was acting like a puppy when thier owner comes back home. Loveless marriage or not, you had to act like you two were in love. The palace walls have ears after all so sometimes you liked to humor Gojo—just a little.
Gojo hums as he has his chin on his hands,pupils turned to heart shapes as he beams at how lovely you are. When you suddenly dropped your cup as you look into his eyes. “y/n…?” Just then blood seeps through the crack of your lips as you tumble from your seat.
Before you fall to the ground,Gojo is quick to reach your arms before you head ground first. He shouts for help as workers and doctors rushed to them,as he wraps his hands around you pleading to the gods above that you are safe. “My love…please come back to me.”
You did gain consciousness the next morning to find Gojo looking at you with gaping mouth, the color under his eyes were darkened. Did he not sleep for the duration of your unconscious state? “Sato..ru..?”
His eyes well up as the skin near his eyes and cheeks flush red, with the first stream of tears you are engulfed and pushed into his arms as he bleeds your ears on how worried he was.
While he was away, he had not been a good human being if he were to be honest. Many of his letters from family,friends and you remain closed, probably burned to ashes by now. If he had gone through his letter maybe he would have been aware that it was found that you had a rather frail health.
While Gojo sniffles into the crook of your neck( he is definitely taking advantage of the situation ) you smile to yourself, a tiny one. Yes. This is the Gojo you remember being engaged to. A clumsy spoiled but good kid.
Shhh—Did you know the walls have ears?
But this time they are talking. There are whispers among the maids, worker, butlers and even the stable cleaner that her highness the crown princess has an affair—a lover. I mean after all your fiancé is a tall attractive man who is literally the crown prince. If such a person was showing such open affection but you were not reciprocating it? Hmmm? Suspicious! I rest my case.
“I was careless…” you mutter to yourself as your look outside the tall palace windows, eyes a few workers who were cleaning up stray leaves by the poarch.
“About what,love?”
A sudden reply to a question where you weren’t expecting an answer made you jump slightly as you peered to see Gojo looking at you with a smile on his face. “Good morning,love.” His hand reached around your waist as he bends down and kisses your forehead. Gojo has been acting far too much like a husband ever since he has been back from his studies and you were still not used to it.
“Kyaa— look it’s the prince and princess.”
“They’re so love dovey first thing in the morning.”
“I guess the rumors on the crown princess is fake…”
You two stilled as hushed whispers were heard. Gojo seemed rather displeased that he was interrupted plus evesdropped on as his hands comically tighten into a fist. “Those insolent fools must not want their tongue…How dare they listen to us speak—“
But you on the other hand had your eyes wide, hands near your mouth as you gape in realization.
Bingo!
You quickly turn to Gojo who seems to still at the unfamiliar attention as he jumps slightly, as you walk closer and place your hand on his chest which sends his heart heat racing. “I need you to act like a lover to me.”
Gojo blinks once.
Twice.
“Was I not a lover to you all these time—?!” He barks, a vein popped on his forehead.
You stare at him with pretty blinks of confusion along with furrowed eyebrows, “what are you saying? You’re my fiancé through arrangement.” You say in a matter of fact tone. “You and I are not lovers, Satoru.”
Gojo bites the inside of his cheeks, his heart is filled with unwanted emotions—anger, sadness,disappointment,shame? Fine! If he wants you to act like a lover— he’ll act like a love. Your lover.
Before you know it, one of his hands slips around your waist as the other grabs your face, his nose now against your cheeks making you shudder at the sudden change in vibe.
He smears his lips around the corner of your lips first, your makeup which took too long for your taste now smeared. He decides to now nip your lower lips, making you gasp as you feel him make tiny licks and nips. “Sa-satoru…” he groans when you say his name.
His lips are finally on yours as the corner of Gojo’s lips tug upwards when he was met in realization that you are eagerly waiting for him with soft presses of your lips as his tongue slips in pretty easily. Something bubbles inside you chest when your thoughts trail to the fact that Gojo was an exemplary kisser—your chest tightens harder when you are reminded of Gojo’s visits to women of the red light district.
You were aware of these but back in the days, you were not bothered at his actions at all—Gojo was simply beautiful after all. You did not mind ever since you first got engaged but at this moment, it tightened your heart as if leaves a nasty aftertaste.
You probably don’t know that Gojo has never stepped inside such business ever since he got back home—to you.
As he sucks, wet presses on your tongue and bites —just as you were feeling lightheaded and wanting more Gojo pulls away.
“Satoru…?” Gojo muttered as swear when he sees your disheveled state, hair a mess, clothing slightly crumpled and lipstick smudged in the sexiest way possible.
“What?” He feigns cool as if there isn’t a significant tightening in his pants as he turns around. “I’m just acting as your lover.” If he wants you to act like a lover. He will do as you say.
Now the walls are giggling, yeah…this phrase isn’t going to cut it anymore. The maids whisper hush talks to the chefs and chefs to the delivery man and then the public. The news is that the crown prince and princess were so in love, they could hardly be apart.
The crown prince sweeping the princess of the ground pulled into a hug, the crown prince sheepishly nuzzling into the princess’s crook of her neck as he comes from behind, quick passionate kisses along the lavish hallways when they think no one is looking( the pair know that they are looking.)
The opportunist in you quickly suggests to his father that it is wise to release the copies of letters you had sent to him when he was away—yea, you made copies of your letters. The emperor was pleased, he laughed and entertained your suggestion. Gojo at this point has given up on making you realize his feelings and simply does what ever you say…
The public raved over the release making the royals more likable to the public, there were even talks on how they already could dream of you and Gojo as the ruling royals.
For the public that wish does come indeed true in the worst possible manner.
The emperor had suddenly fallen ill as he falls into a rough bloody cough, sometimes can hardly eat plus with no energy that he could barely stand. By rule book, in such scenarios the duty as the governor of the empire falls onto the crown prince—Gojo thinks he is ready, he was born to do this after all but all preparations were interrupted when the revolt in the South became a bigger issue more so because that is the region you came from.
Your father, the Duke’s troops kept getting ambushed and were losing morale quickly. Gojo watches you who was praying , to the gods that your father and your people be safe. If that is your wish, he shall be your god.
The same night Gojo groups up his men and marches south. This is the least a husband can do for his lover.
You almost faint when you hear this news,muttering nervously under her breath when you were having a fig-jam toast breakfast in bed. The toast falls from your mouth. “What?”
Now you think you are dreaming, it was one disaster after another! You gently rub circles on your father in law’s hand as Gojo’s father calms you. “It is a duty of a ruler to help his people… Gojo will come back victorious,my dear. You worry too much.”
The empress soothes you, otherwise a straight faced person with never an emotion on your face becomes such a mess for her son. As long as you are by Gojo’s side, his mother can stay assured for the rest of eternity. If you were by his side, Gojo will remain smiling.
It took one season for the idiot to arrived, his hands broken and now hangs on a sling. “I hope you’re not too angered by my actions.” Gojo knew he was wrong to march off that day, he was unprepared too but when he saw the tremble on your fingertips, he simply wants nothing but to make you secure, safe.
He watches you walk towards him before you say. “I think I am dreaming your highness, I had not known you had arrived.” You still has a straight faced look as if your fiancé is all injured with even a broken arm, voice still so steady.
Gojo laughs at this but just as he was about to reply with a snide remark he is cut off, your lips are on his. “You worry me too much, your highness. I fear you are not good for my heart.”
Gojo kisses you. His working hand snaking around your waist. Your lips are softer than he imagined it to be when he was away and when you let out a small moan he deepens it, stronger and desperate as if trying to mark every inch of you.
“How ever m-“ you push him away, gojo whine’s already craving the plush of your lips. “I am very displeased by your action. Even if you are the crown prince it is wiser if your discussed with the strategists and make a plan first. That was very—very unwise of you you highness. I cannot from the depth of my heart believe you would do something so stupid— honestly Gojo I thought you were so much smarter than that . Your behavior is very much unacceptable-“
Gojo almost bleeds from his ears as he listens to you lecture him, the crown prince, future ruler now on his knees. He fights back a smile fearing you would be further angered but his mind was filled with thoughts of , ‘shit, I can’t wait to be with this person for the rest of my life.
‎‧₊˚✧[Ending Thoughts ]✧˚: I almost made this a smut halfway through buahaha (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)
Reblogs, like and comment are appreciated! Love this work? Check out other here (ෆ˙ᵕ˙ෆ) ♡
1K notes · View notes