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#i dont know. im rly sry i hate podting vents but i dont like deleting posts eithrr so j dont know oike. idk.
nomairuins
·
2 months
Text
i am okay tho i just have momeys sometimrs . please do not ever worry abt me guys
#i rly rly rly appreciate any asks u guys send me truly i usually hold onto then bc i dont know how to respond and rheyre good to see
#sometimes
#but im not in any danger i rly am. safe. i have a lot of things keeping me from doing That so. i am safe. dw.
#i just get sad a lot. and its my fault i need 2 judt stop it and suck it uo and Work on it all but its so. insurmountable. and it judt
#doesnt get easier yk. it never does. whatsver.
#but. anyways i am safe i am okif it got to the point i was like. fearful for my life thatd either be The delusion (which is actually good
#for me i cant explain it but its good for me) or i coulf talk to my family abt it and theyd help
#i just cant talk to them abt This. stuff. the like. the being broken stuff and just not being right
#i cant talk to any of them abt that. but if i said hey im genuinely faarful i miggjt do something they would um. help. so its okay
#idk. i hope the posts dont seem like i make them for pity i rly dont this blog is just my stream of consciousness
#ik i just shouldnt post them and i should judtkeeo a diary but i dont um. how to explain thid
#even if nobody sees it it feels better to make a tumblr post bc then it feels like. a performance i guess. its not its real but its like
#if i put it somewhere other ppl can see it then that means i exist. thats not quite right but i dont know how to articulate like
#i dont nexessarily want ppl to see them i find it embarassing i guess. but it feels dishonest to not post them
#since i post everything else. bc i like being open online it makes me think im real. does that make sense
#and there are timestamps so i know when things happen. thsts modtly how i remember things
#is looking at my blog and checking dates and timestamps. and for older stuff i have to check my dms with ykw. which. is not good for.me at
#all. but ihave no other way to remember dayes
#i dont know. im rly sry i hate podting vents but i dont like deleting posts eithrr so j dont know oike. idk.
#just idk know they arent like. They are serious they are how i feel and i usually make them ehen im in distress
#but its not dangerous distress i judt get hopeless. yk? i dont wanr anybody to worry abt me ever im not supposed to be a burden
#i dont knoe. i havent articulated anything well. basicallt i dont do rhem for attention i dont do them for like. guilttripping or pity
#i dont rly do them for any reason other than irs pure word vomit. i suppose. and tumblr is my wordvomit website. i judt get on here and yap
#and it makes me feel so much worse but i get better eventually so its fine.
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