#i am already very very tired and i haven't done anything i wanted today. First day back at achool and i already just.

[roboyomo]

ough Today is not really being niceys to me I Fear

[canirove]

I don’t like you, Mason Mount | Chapter 13

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"Fucking finally! Where were you?"

"Mum, language!"

"Sorry, darling. But Dani, where were you? You said you would be back for dinner, and it's been an hour! And I've been calling you and you weren't answering!"

"Daniela, is your shirt backwards?"

"It is, grandad” Lola chuckles.

"What were you doing?"

"Ok, that's enough" I say when they finally let me speak. "As you can see, I'm perfectly fine. I just had my phone on silence and got a bit carried away on my walk, nothing else. Can we now please eat? I'm famished."

"Everything is cold" Monica says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"And you still haven't told us why is your shirt backwards" my dad points out.

"I..."

"The door!" Lola says. "I'll answer it!"

"Don't go alone, Lola!" her mum says, walking after her.

"Mason!" I hear her scream.

"Fuck" I whisper.

"Hello. I hope I am not interrupting" he says behind me a few seconds later.

"Of course not, son" my dad replies, getting up from his chair to shake his hand. "How are you? Enjoying your holidays?"

"I am, sir. Thank you for asking. Hello, Daniela."

"Hi."

"So, what brings you here?" Monica asks him.

"She left this on my car" he replies, giving me my phone. I hadn't noticed I didn't have it with me.

"Wait, you were together?" she says, her eyes growing wide.

"We crossed paths and he drove me home, nothing else" I quickly explain.

"Was she already wearing her shirt backwards?" my dad asks him.

"She..." Mason says, trying really hard not to smile.

"He has to go, don't you, Mason?" I intervene, already pushing him outside the living room and towards the front door. "Thank you very much for bringing me my phone."

"Can’t he stay for dinner?" Lola asks. "Grandad was going to tell us stories from when he met grandma."

"Mason has to go back to his family, to have dinner with them."

"I actually don't. They went out for dinner with some of their friends, I'm alone tonight."

"Then you can stay with us!" my grandad says. "Lola, let's get ready a spot for him on the table. Girls, you go do something with that dinner, see if you can warm it again."

"Yes, c'mon Dani" my sister says, grabbing me by the arm and literally dragging me to the kitchen. "I want all the details. Now."

"Details of what?"

"Daniela, I'm not an idiot. You were with Mason, came in smiling, and are wearing your shirt backwards. That smells like sex on the beach."

"We didn't have sex on the beach."

"His car again? Oh my God, you did! Look at the way you are blushing!" she laughs.

"Shh, be quiet!"

"So? What happened? Did you make up?"

"We did, yes" I sigh.

"Oh, that's wonderful news!"

"And I told him that I love him."

"You did what?" she screams.

"Everything alright, girls?" my dad says from the living room.

"Peachy!" Monica replies. "What do you mean with I told him that I love him?"

"Exactly that" I shrug. "He said that he was in love with me, and I..."

"Oh my God!"

"Shh!"

"Sorry, sorry. So you basically confessed your love for each other and then had sex on his car?"

"Yes" I sigh.

"So you are dating?"

"No! We just... I don't know. It is too soon."

"Ok, ok. But, urgh, finally! I am so happy for you, Dani" she says, hugging me.

"Yeah, yeah. Now can we please do something with all this food? I am starving."

"That's what happens when you’ve been burning calories having amazing sex. You need to recharge" she winks, a stupid smile on her face.

"Oh God" I say, rolling my eyes and already regretting telling her anything.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"That was a lovely meal, thank you very much for having me."

"Anytime, Mount" my dad says.

"And that story about your first kiss being at the beach? So cute. Don't you agree, Daniela?"

"Very cute. And you were leaving, so" I say, gesturing towards the door. I can't wait for this to be over.

"Why so eager, sister?"

"Because it's late, I'm tired, and want to go to bed."

"How can you be tired? You've done nothing today" my dad says.

"She went out for a walk and did some extra exercise. Didn't you, sister?"

"Can you please stop calling me sister?"

"But you are my sister" she smiles.

"Mason, let's go" I say, grabbing him by the arm like Monica did earlier and dragging him outside."

"Goodbye, everyone."

"Bye, Mason" Lola says.

"Wasn't that a bit rude?" he says once we are outside.

"Shut up."

"Make me" he replies with a mischievous smile.

"I’m not going to kiss you, Mason."

"Who said I was thinking about you shutting me up like that? You could also slap me."

"I hadn't thought about that, but now that you say it..."

"Wait, wait, I'm leaving. You are capable of doing it" he laughs. "But isn't it a cute coincidence that your parents’ first kiss was at a beach, and so was ours? Like, the real one."

"The real one?"

"The one from today. I'm counting it as out proper first kiss, the one that truly meant something. Mark today on your calendar, it will be our anniversary."

"Who said I want to date you?" I chuckle.

"Daniela... The words that have left your mouth the most during the past few hours, have been I love you and my name. Usually together. I think that says it all."

"Or not."

"I had not missed your stubbornness" he smiles, running a hand through his hair and making me want to do the same. "What?"

"Come" I say, walking towards the road and as far from the house and my sister as I can. I know she is watching us.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere private."

"Why?"

"Because of this" I say, stopping and throwing myself at him like he always says I do, kissing him and running my hands through his hair. How can it be so soft?

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━

"Am I not allowed to call you my girlfriend, then?"

"Nope" I say after we've managed to stop kissing, my fingers still playing with his hair.

"But it’s just that I can't do it just yet, right?"

"Maybe" I shrug.

"You do love torturing me, don't you?"

"So do you every time you smile like that and your dimple shows up."

"I'm starting to think you are with me just because of it" Mason chuckles.

"Maybe" I shrug again. "There is something you can start calling me, tho. Something I think you are dying to say."

"Really?" he says, pulling me a bit closer to him. "Surprise me."

"You can start calling me Dani."

"I've earned it?"

"You have. Congratulations, Mount."

"Yes!" he says, lifting me in the air and starting to spin me.

"Mason, stop!" I giggle. "Think about my dinner!"

"Oh, yes, sorry" he says, putting me down. "Everything in place?"

"So far" I laugh.

"I love you... Dani" he says with a big smile.

"I love you too, Mason" I reply before kissing him again.

[natterz-patz]

be at peace with yourself first.

⭑𓂃 you are the key to any door you wish to unlock.

✮⋆˙

CHAPTERS 1. inner peace. what is it? 2. why is it important? 3. how can i achieve inner peace?

1. INNER PEACE. WHAT IS IT?

Throughout my shifting journey (and my life in general), I've always felt like I had to keep up. Like there was always something to do, always something to read, always something to watch..

And with this, I would assume that if these things, whether it be subliminals, tumblr posts, tiktoks (please, shiftok killed us all), weren't done, I couldn't achieve anything. I couldn't shift, I couldn't manifest, whatever.

This mindset was the downfall of the majority of the shifting community. Way back when we were told to drink gallons of water, lay in a starfish position and count to 100. While today, that's mostly in the past, people still hyperfocus on certain elements of their shifting journey. Meditation, robotic affirming, listening to subliminals. This kind of thinking is still very present, even in 2024.

But recently, I was just so fed up. Shifting was such a chore and I hated it. My mental health sucked and I just didn't feel happy anymore. So I decided that I wouldn't stress about anything shifting-wise again. I didn't need all these methods, all these meditations, all these videos. I was in charge now, and I was going to shift no matter what.

Peace. I wanted peace. I didn't want to worry about the attempt I was going to do tonight, what my pre-ritual was, what method I was going to use. I didn't want the stress of having to script or meditate, even when I didn't want to.

This was the start of my success, and it can definitely be yours, too.

2. WHY IS IT IMPORTANT?

Why is it important to be worry free concerning shifting (or manifesting)? Why is it important to be at peace?

Let me put it like this. Let's say you have an assignment due. It's an essay. You have to type it out on your computer. Really, it's pretty easy. Find a topic, create a thesis, blah blah blah. But you are over complicating it, doing whatever steps are unnecessary. You create more problems for yourself by adding more steps to the process, more things to the checklist. You could be done with your work by, for example, 7:30pm. But now it's 9:00pm and you're still writing. How does that benefit you??

"But I'll get a better mark!" Maybe. But I'm sure there's an easy way out in which you still get your 100. I get it. Doing more things feels more productive, and in most cases, rewards you better. But with shifting, that's not how it works. Shifting is the exact opposite. When you do nothing, results show up. I know you guys are probably tired of hearing this, but shifting requires no effort. The moment you lay down and decide to shift is the moment you will shift. Absolutely guaranteed.

"Then why am I still here?" Because you haven't decided yet. You haven't accepted your fate. That you will shift. That you have shifted. The only thing you need to do is just relax. Trust yourself. You create your reality, so what is there to worry about?

When exposed to inner peace, you don't feel the need to do anything because you know you already have everything. You don't tell yourself you need to buy oranges whilst they sit in the fridge, do you? From where you sit, you may not be able to see them, but you know they are there. You don't question it because you trust your beliefs and your abilities. You are all you need. That's all you must know.

3. HOW DO I ACHIEVE INNER PEACE?

This is less complicated than you think.

1. Accept.

Oh. Not what you were expecting, right? You were expecting a detailed meditation guide with a bunch of different steps and asks. Nope, not here. The only thing to do is accept. This is the only step. You are meant to shift. You are meant to experience all the lives you wish, be with all the people you want. You found shifting for a reason. This is your fate. This is your destiny.

It doesn't matter how long it takes. It doesn't matter if you don't shift today or tomorrow or within the next week, month, or year. Time isn't real. It isn't a boundary. Accept that you are meant to have all your desires. Accept you are the creator of your own reality. Accept that the 3D doesn't matter. The shift first happens in the mind, then the physical plane follows. Imagination is the only reality.

When you accept, you release yourself from the shackles of worry. Because you know everything works in your favor, you don't care about what happens that much. Struggle is a choice.

CONCLUSION

If it doesn't click at first, that's okay. Everyone moves at their own pace, regardless of what is done. All there is to understand is that you are all you need. You are all you ever needed. Sure, subliminals and methods are cool, but they don't matter. What is important is that you understand the power you possess. You are already everything you want to be.

Asks are open!

Love,

Nattie

[theartisticcrow]

Silly Game Time: If you were to become the patron deity of one specific aspect of the *natural* world, which aspect would you choose?

It could be as wide as the sky or as narrow as tide pools, as universal as clouds or as localized as one mountain, as alive as animals or as inanimate as rocks. All that matters is that it's of nature and that it feels right for you.

(Personally, I would chose to be the god of dusk, when the sun sets and day fades from the sky to give way to night's gentler moon and stars.)

I think I would be the deity of the northern lights, providing a bit of hope and joy in a part of the world so cold, so barren.

And if I were to be a deity of just anything, I think I would have something to do with knowledge or the correction of misinformation and injustice. Or perhaps I would have something to do with revolution, seeing as the French Revolution is something I take a large interest in and I did spend 11 days writing a 30 page essay about Maximilien Robespierre, explaining why he was not a dictator and why people think that (reactionary propaganda, mostly).

I am tired and feeling a little depressed with the current state of the world right now. Usually I'm optimistic and hopeful (what else can I do in my current position?) and I am quick to correct the idiocy of other people who think murdering innocent people in somehow justified (yes, I have had to deal with this. My strong sense of social justice that came free with the autism doesn't allow me to let it slide [lol that's pretty much how Robespierre died])... But today I just feel a bit sad. Thus why I'm answering this ask even though it is from so long ago. I think I meant to answer it but I forgot.

Of course, I did see a play literally about the holocaust earlier today, so it shouldn't be surprising that it had some effect on me. It was really well down and honestly had me close to tears at a couple points throughout the performance, which is saying something because I don't get that kind of emotional very easily.

If I could be a deity of anything, I think I'd like to be a deity of Hope.

But on a more positive and amusing side of things, look what I happened upon in the lighting booth today

Saw the little Robespierre cut out yesterday and couldn't help myself. Funniest thing is that I am factually correct, it's hardly even a joke at this point.

All that said and done, I'm probably going to lie down now. Hey, at least I have Friday off tomorrow so I finally get to take a break for the first time in over a week. I've got everything together for my best friend's birthday "party" on Saturday. It'll just be us too, he doesn't have any other close friends (his school kind of sucks and people suck). Plan I think is that we'll go bowling then head back to his place. He hates his birthday yet refuses to tell me why, but I'm determined to make it fun. I have an entire wooden chest full of gifts, plus a Bill Cipher poster that I created, since of course he's a big Gravity Falls fan and kind of turned me into on too.

I also am going to give him a few of my rubber rats, a nice cloak that I spent three days fixing up, a harmonica I found in my closet, some other random things including a traffic cone that I painstakingly managed to fit inside the box, and the Book of Bill, which I know he will be delighted to see. I'm not too worried about him seeing this despite him technically having a tumblr account. I think he's already forgotten about it anyways, so...

And then I've got some government exam or whatever on Monday that I'm required to complete if I want to ever graduate high school, but I'm not too worried about it. I am however super excited for November because my Drama teacher is offering to take anyone from my Drama class who's interested to go see a production of the Sweeney Todd musical, so I'll be seeing that next month.

Haven't really got much else going on aside from schoolwork and a slideshow presentation that I'm working on as a science project and already I have failed to take it seriously. The first slide starts out with the caption: ASTRONOMY TIMELINE "What's the worst that could happen" and then the next slide is the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs, and then one of the dinosaurs in the image is saying "yeah, I'm sure that's edible" which becomes their last words on a gravestone, so you know this is going to be a good presentation.

Also here's a photo I took of a pigeon while I was in Toronto last weekend.

Sorry but also not sorry if this comes off as weird in any way whatsoever. I've gone completely off topic in regards to the original question but honestly it's just a nice excuse to off about my life because writing my thoughts down always makes me feel better.

If you see this and take the time to read this through, I hope you're doing well and that you're safe and comfortable and I hope that you never have to worry about any terrible things because the world is a terrifying place. I hope you have a good day or night. I hope you're okay and you make sure to take care of yourself. I would be deeply saddened to hear if anything bad happened to you, even despite the fact that I hardly know you.

We're all just people trying to survive and make it through another day. We all have our own concerns and internal conflicts. We all possess our own feelings, whether others realise it or not. I don't care if I hardly know you, I still hope that you feel loved and appreciated.

[timeoverload]

I am feeling scared today. I have a lot on my mind.

I don't want to complain about it but my symptoms have gotten a lot worse. I can't walk normally anymore unless I rest for a while. I feel ridiculous and I hate it when people stare at me because I'm hobbling around. I used to run laps around them. It takes so long to get from one place to another. I was so anxious about getting out of bed this morning. The past month I have been experiencing odd vibrations in my outer thigh and it's happening more every day. At first I kept thinking that my phone was going off in my pocket. Every time I looked down to check, it was always in my pocket on the opposite side and I didn't have any notifications. The sensation is becoming stronger. It happens when I'm sitting now too. It's almost like someone strapped a cellphone to my femur and I keep getting phone calls. I don't know how else to describe it. My leg always feels like it's buzzing now. My foot is messed up from dragging it around for so long. I hate stairs.

I want another steroid injection but it's $1000 even with insurance. I don't even know what the new insurance plan I have will cover and I haven't been able to look into it yet. Someone told me the insurance company wouldn't cover any of the costs for the radiation for their cancer treatments and I think that's messed up. I think the new company we switched to sucks but my work will always go for the cheapest option so that's not a huge surprise. I guess I don't have high hopes that they will help me much either. I could try to find other insurance but I think that would be more expensive. I don't have the money to have that injection done anyway. I know it won't actually fix my problem but it does make it a lot easier to deal with.

My spinal canal is becoming more narrow due to my lumbar stenosis but I think I was just born this way and that it is partially congenital. Sometimes I wonder how different I would be if I hadn't been ripped from the womb too soon. The only thing that could make it better would be a laminectomy or lumbar spinal fusion. Those are major operations and I don't want to do that but I know I'm going to have to sometime in the future. I need to be in better shape. I have had to face the reality that I may become paralyzed and that terrifies me. It's already starting to happen.

I have so many things I want to do but I'm afraid I will never get a chance to do them. I don't feel like I'm thriving at the moment. I have less than 10 years to have a baby and I am afraid it's not going to happen. My biological clock is ticking and it has been bothering me so much lately. I'm not healthy enough. I have to get better soon. I couldn't care for a baby right now when I can barely take care of myself.

I don't know how I am going to get through the rest of the week. I'm so tired already. I think I need to go to bed early. I need to rest for a while so I don't know how much I will be on here the next couple days. I am just so far beyond burned out and taking time off didn't help much. I didn't accomplish enough. I don't know what to do about anything right now. I am very overwhelmed. I still haven't gotten my glasses either and I might not be able to go pick them up even if they do show up this week due to the weather. I should have known this was going to happen but there's not much I can do about it now. I will just have to deal with it I suppose.

I have been trying not to be so pessimistic but I'm having a hard time with that. I will keep trying to be happy. Hopefully things will get better soon...

Thank you for trying to help cheer me up today. I hope you all enjoyed your snow day and that tomorrow is a good day too. 💖💖💖

[tofumarinado]

more than okay

Octavia Goetia/Loona - Helluva Boss - 1.4k words

Summary

Octavia discovers that it is okay to have emotions and having ugly feelings towards ur dad is not the end of the world thanks to Loona

...

- "I guess you found me." - Octavia was leaning on the Observatory's balcony, not looking at anything in particular, her sight fixed on the horizon. She noticed Loona coming some moments ago. She heard her paws striking rhythmically against the pavement long before she showed herself. - "I know what you are about to say. That I am a bad daughter for running away. Save your breath. I already know that. I do not need any more lessons today. Let us get this over with" - Octavia felt way too tired to fight.

She didn't even got to see the stars. That's all she wanted. To see the stars with her father. Now that her anger had washed away, all that was left was guilt, and shame. She missed her father, despite everything. Or at least she thought she missed him. She thought she should be missing him, so she settled on that.

- "You know" - Loona had a puff of the lit cigarette - "you don't deserve any of this."

Octavia glanced at her, a slight surprise drawn in her eyes. A slow pause. A beat.

- "I know. You think your dad is a good guy. That he's done all he could do. And honestly, that might be true. The good guy part, I mean. Blitzø is really fucking bad at pretending they're not in love. And it takes a good guy to find something to love in my dad. Believe me."

Another puff. Another pause.

- "That does not change the fact that he failed you. And I'm sure this is not the first time. People don't run away from home because of a one-time thing, speaking from experience. You look like you're at your limit. And you haven't even realized it." - A long puff ensued. Octavia could not help but notice the way the cigarette's light gently illuminated Loona's nose. - "I just want you to know that you're allowed to feel angry at him. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm not calling anyone until you ask me, okay? I'd rather get my teeth pulled than drag a kid back to a shitty father without their consent. I am an assassin, yes. Technically. I guess. But even I have my standards."

Octavia felt surprised. And relieved. And ashamed. The last thing she expected was kindness.

The relief was soon overcome with the reality of her physical body. She did not eat anything all day, and she was so monumentally exhausted. She abandoned the balcony, sitting with her back against the Observatory walls. Her head felt lighter and heavier somehow. She fixed her sight on the ground. Reality muffling. She was so tired.

- "Hey" - Loona's voice became very soft. - "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel like shit." - She paced around for a bit, indecisive. - "Is it okay if I sit with you?"

Octavia shrugged. - "You did not make me feel bad at all. I think I needed to hear that. And you can sit here. It is fine." - Amidst everything that was swirling around her head, some part of her subconscious was relieved that Loona stayed.

- "I do not know why I feel like this, all of a sudden. Sorry, this does not usually happen to me." - Octavia apologized.

- "Girl. You are allowed to have emotions, you know. And you're probably dehydrated as well." - Loona squatted next to the royal heir, facing her direction, glancing at her with a worried expression. She produced a water bottle from one of her pockets, offering it to the young heir. "And sorry again. You probably didn't need to hear all of this shit now. Just. Let's just sit for a while, ok? Let's just... chill. We can decide what to do later." - Her squatting transformed into sitting, now facing away from her.

The young royal tried her hardest not to chug on the water bottle that was offered, instead taking polite, short sips from it until it was finished. Octavia felt what she could only describe as relief. And below that sense of relief, she felt gratefulness towards the hellhound. For the water, the heir thought. But she could not ignore that she was more grateful for her company.

She could feel Loona's body heat radiating against her thighs. The hellhound was pretty close. "Is it normal to sit this close to someone you just met?" - Octavia wondered. She was not used to closeness. It was not appropiate between royalty. But just existing close to her made her come back to her body.

Loona flicked her cigarette off her hand. It was consumed halfway. It dived off the balcony in front of them, still a bright ember on its tip.

The young royal was beginning to calm down a lot more. Her senses coming back to her. The warm breeze, caressing her feathers. The muffled sounds of the big city. Sirens, some fireworks. Or gunshots. She was not prepared for how much she would detest LA. She can't say she wasn't warned about it, though.

Loona shifted, trying to find a posture that could accommodate her tail and not destroy her spine simultaneously.

Octavia noticed now the smell of Loona. Cigarettes. And sweat. And under that, a sweet flowery fragrance. Her fur was shiny and immaculate. Only some dirt on the fur of her paws betraying a day of walking around a big, unpleasant, noisy metropolis.

Loona glanced back and caught her looking at her. Octavia was blushing under her feathers. Both averted their eyes from each other, fixing their sight on the rosewood sky.

- "Hell, this whole ordeal is so embarrassing." - Octavia thought to herself. She was so glad the hellhound was there. She was glad to have someone who tolerated her presence. She also felt understood. The heir of the Goetia family was not used to being around people. Even less used to people who understood her. She was mostly homeschooled, sometimes invited to fancy dinners to parade her around. But she did not want to think about that. She was with Loona now. And she was cool. And she was sticking around. "I deserve this. Even if it's just for a little while. I deserve this moment." - Thought Octavia to herself.

- "Do you want to talk, girl?" - Loona's voice was even softer now. Octavia did not know that was possible. - "It's okay if you don't want to. I don't mind the silence. Just... I'm here. I can listen, okay?" - She said, looking away from the heir, to the light pollution that made the stars afraid to come out.

- "I do not know." - Octavia sighed, looking at the night sky, trying to find an answer to that question. As if her emotions were an astronomical mystery to be unraveled. But there was too much light, thought the young heir. Too much going on.

Some minutes elapsed. The buzzing of the city did not die down, but it somehow sounded more distant, farther away. The sky got noticeably darker. Octavia began to feel a little cold. Her eyes were beginning to transform into slits. She was almost too tired to keep them open.

- "If you're okay with that," - Loona began to propose, picking up on her expression. - "you can rest your head on my shoulder. It helps me sometimes. Only if you're cool with that, though. Physical touch is weird. I get it." - Loona produced a cigarette from her pocket, but stored it back where it came from. - "I figured it's getting a bit cold and" - Loona interrupted herself, seeing that The young royal's head was already making its way to her shoulder. Octavia was so tired.

When her cheek touched her furry shoulder, she realized what she was doing. - "Oh, Lucifer. Is this weird? Is it weird that this is happening? Is it weird that this feels great?" - A million thoughts suddenly flared out inside her brain, her tiredness relegated to a background thought.

Loona passed an arm across her shoulders and gently pressed it against the side of the young royal, her paw continuing until she found her feathery head, and began caressing the top of it, very gently.

At that moment, Octavia felt her body melting. She realized the depth of how touch-starved she was. It felt like years of self-loathing were fading away at that instant. She felt ashamed in realizing how little she needed, and how much it helped.

- "Is this okay?" - Loona asked, a sting of doubt in her voice.

- "This is more than okay" - Octavia wanted to answer. Instead, she nodded, and a soft cooing noise escaped her beak. Octavia was too cozy to feel embarrassed about it now, though.

[iantimony]

shabbosposting take 2

one day late, bonus edition: 2022 recap + 2023 goals

listening: I made a playlist of hebrew/yiddish metal and prog so that's been a highlight recently, I really like orphaned land so far

edit: i also have free bird stuck in my head bc we did fake karaoke in my friend's basement on new years eve and my bf put it on and now It Will Not Leave

reading: nothing to be honest ... oops ...

watching: finished Bocchi the rock, extremely charming, sparked joy. I've been rewatching hbomberguy video essays because they are reliable and good to have on in the background

playing: a little more hadesgame, Thinking about disco elysium and w101 but I haven't actually done it

making: I did do some embroidery! unfortunately I was. Very optimistic about how much I would get done over break. I brought it home with me with the intention that I could mail it from here but I am going to definitely have to bring it back with me lol

BONUS: what delights have I experienced?

walking around: kinda minor still, mostly just walking the dog

fellowship: part of why I am Very tired is because I have completely filled my schedule with seeing friends :") so I have really had no time to myself at all which is kinda overwhelming. but it's been really good to see everybody! I just wish I had a little more time to fit everything in and not feel so crammed

deliciousness: did a christmas day brunch at ceruleanvulpine's, super delicious spread with eggs, french toast, bagels, sausage, little cookies...dinner at the bf's place after, lamb and kebab and pesto pasta and just kind of a fun mishmash of different style foods...indian food at a friend's place new years eve...and then new years day brunch yesterday with cold cuts and I made my favorite orzo salad. I made myself a BANGIN sandwich today with the leftovers it was great

goofing, transcendence, amelioration, enthrallment, wildcard n/a

---

general reflection

2022 was kind of a weird and bad year! I spent most of the first half of 2022 dealing with the fallout of Dead Parent Zone, got a bad enough grade in a class that for the first time ever I had to retake it, and grappling with being so far from home for school while also dealing with all that shit. then I took on way too many obligations for the fall semester and shot my mental health in the foot a bit as a result.

there were some good things too, though - I was nervous about how a long-distance relationship would go but it's honestly going so, so well and he's been a real source of joy for me this past year. I did pass my classes even though it was a struggle so I don't have to retake anything again, and I already planned to do less next semester. despite it all I did finish a little art, and I got back into life drawing, and had a lot of good moments with friends. in general I think graduate school has been a good choice for me so far, and as much as I bitch and moan about indiana it's like, Fine,

but actually the people are really good, I have a great support network, and ultimately I think it'll continue to be good. it's really made me appreciate the east coast LOL

2023

as ceruleanvulpine said in their resolutionpost, I wanna make more weird art! in general I want to create more and fill the enthrallment, amelioration, and transcendence delight categories more often. I want to finish this embroidery project (ideally soon), the knitted tank top I did that just needs the straps, scarf for my SO...I'd love to start writing again and play more horn but we'll see

I also wanna listen to more weird music, and invest in actually owning some files, especially for some of the lesser-known bands and through bandcamp and stuff

this past year I definitely fell back into some of my more unhealthy coping mechanisms just to deal with the day-to-day (specifically extreme dissociation), I really want to kind of dial those back again, focus more on existing in Reality and more in each moment, which hopefully will also help with some of the skin picking and other anxious habits that resurfaced. maybe more yoga, maybe re-establishing a meditation process, idk yet but I'll work towards it

I would love to think more about my fashion and how I present myself too, and work on making and tailoring more of my clothing in general

I've been pretty good about being active so I'd like to keep that up, I still can't do a pull-up but maybe this is the year! (lol) I should also start doing some minor exercises for my shitty arthritis toes to keep those okay

a lot of last year was kind of a wash regarding research so I'm really looking forward to refocusing on that and really getting things moving.

finally! I want to get back to tabletop! I miss doing it so much! it fell by the wayside for me because of how busy and overwhelmed I was, especially this past fall semester, but I want to start running and playing games with my pals again.

maybe Too Many things listed here, a little ambitious, but maybe that way I'll be able to hit at least one or two of them :b here's to 2023 and making it better than 2022!

[lovemesomesurveys]

When’s the last time you ate bread? I'm about to eat a sandwich.

What’s the last movie you watched on your own? I watched Mrs. Doubtfire earlier and now Freaky Friday is on.

What about the last movie you watched with another person? My mom and I watched some of Avengers: Endgame last night before bed.

How many coats do you own? I have a few. I kinda feel ready to go through my clothes again and try to get rid of some more.

What about shoes? I have 6 pairs of shoes.

One word to describe your most recent ex? Funny.

Where, in your current country, would you like to live, other than where you do now? I'm honestly not sure. I know I don't want to stay here forever. I'd love to move in the very near future, but that probably won't happen.

Do you like snow? Yes.

Do you like sheer clothing? No.

Have you ever seen anyone famous in the street? When I first saw the Jonas Brothers early on I did actually see Joe and Kevin behind the building near their tour bus. I acted like the awkward weirdo I am and waved at them like a giddy idiot, ha. I was too nervous to actually go over there, though. Trust me, I kicked myself forever after that for not going up to meet them and getting a picture. It was the perfect opportunity.

Are you hungry right now? I am, so I'm gonna take a break from this and eat my sandwich.

Are you regularly tired? Yes. In fact, after I ate my sandwich I ended up taking like a 3 hour "nap." So, this is now being done much later, ha.

What was the last thing to upset you? I've been been extra irritable and sensitive again lately, which is something that I actually felt my depression med I started taking last year was helping with. I was also prescribed Rexulti in additon to what I'm taking, but I haven't taken it as consistently for different reasons and I'm wondering if that has something to do with it. I'm also on an anti-anxiety med, which had been helping with that as well so I don't know. And I already know I won't be able to get an increase in the dosage for any of those. Sigh.

How’s the weather been today? I didn't go out at all, but according to the weather app it was like 93 F today. Not fall weather at all that's for sure.

What was the first tattoo you got or what would be the first tattoo you’ll get? I don't have any, but since I was a teenager I've wanted to get 'free bird'.

What was the last store you went into and did you buy anything? It's this store called Daiso, which is kinda like a Japanese Dollar Store or a little more. It's got a lot of cute stuff. I always get a little carried away whenever I go in there.

Have you ever been late for school or work? Yeah. I hate being late so it wasn't a common occurrence. I used to be really anal about that.

Do you prefer to shower in the morning or at night? Always at night.

What is your favourite kind of fruit cobbler? Not a fruit cobbler kind of person.

Is there a basement in your house? If so, what is it used for? No.

Have you driven a car today? I don't drive.

Do you have a small, medium or large bedroom? It's too small. I've definitely outgrown it. Or maybe I have too much stuff but no it's just small okay shhh

Where was your first job and how old were you? I haven't had a job, yet.

Have you eaten soup this week? No. That doesn't sound appealing still it still feels very much like summer and I hate it.

Are you a fan of The Office? I just couldn't get into it.

When was the last time you started a new medication? A couple months ago.

What is your favourite type of nut? I very rarely eat nuts, it's been quite awhile since I've had any like I don't even remember. But anyway, that being said I do like a few like peanuts, cashews, pistachios, and season (not plain) almonds.

Do you know anyone who doesn’t have a middle name? Yeah.

Have you put your phone on silent today? No. The only time I do that is when I'm at the theater, and admittedly not always then. Not like my phone is blowing up with notifications.

Can you name all 50 US state capital cities? No, but I can name all 50 states in alphabetical order.

Do you read John Green novels? I only read a few.

Have you ever been to Universal Studios? I went once when I was like 7 and don't remember a whole lot to be honest. We also went to Disneyland after that and that I definitely remember.

Can you tie balloons? I can, but it can be hard sometimes.

When was the last time you were at a pet store? It's been a long time.

[mcrmadness]

I tried to google about spring tiredness (in Finnish), why is every article about being burnout and related to work, and not about the phenomenon itself??? Like, I just wanted to know if spring tiredness as a term (well it's one in Finnish at least) means excessive tiredness in general and whether it has something to do with seasons etc. or not, but everything is about "this is why you might be tired at work during spring" - NOT WHAT I WAS ASKING ABOUT???

This is more like a chronic jetlag. I know it takes time for a body and brain to get used to the changes of a sleeping schedule, but I also know my own circadian rhythm is not normal. My sleep phase is delayed, and my day has more than 24 hours in it. I would say 30h is closer to the amount of hours in my inner clock.

But at this point this is getting ridiculous. It feels like my inner clock would be partially broken and only has 12 hours now. It's not the first time this has happened, but it's hella annoying when it feels like my body does not stop producing melatonin at all. It's like having melatonin high 24/7, my whole body is shaky and my muscles feel SO WEAK because of that. And I know I'm not sick or anything like that, because this is how I feel when I have stayed up for 24 hours too, and this time I haven't.

This is now the third day in a row. I have slept at night, I wake up around 8am, I become really tired at 10am, afternoon is the worst, just wanna have a nad at 5pm and then can't wait for it to be late enough so that I can go to sleep because if I go to bed too early, then I will wake up even earlier and will be even sleepier and drowsier the next day.

I woke up after 8am today and I have been awake for 2 hours and I already feel so exhausted. I haven't even eaten any breakfast yet and I still feel like I'm ready to go to bed cos I just want to sleep. I SLEPT FOR OVER 8 HOURS WHY IS MY BRAIN LIKE THIS. Besides, it was MY BODY that woke up. It could have very well kept sleeping for a couple of hours more but no. Just had to wake itself up and be like "oh it's morning :)" and now it's getting sunny outside and I'm getting so much more tired it's insane. I affects my ability to even do things cos my whole body feels so annoying and I can't focus on anything because of the sensory things. Even tho that might be also the key, and it might help me wake up physically if I actually went for a walk or something instead of sitting in front of the pc the whole day doing nothing cos I feel too exhausted.

But yeah, this is my normal. This is what happens with my if I can't follow my circadian rhythm, and some times my brain does this thing especially in the spring where it just randomly clicks and follows the majority's normal circadian rhythm which doesn't fit my body at all. I keep being told you can get used to it and you can learn to get used to waking up in the mornings. No I cannot. I have done that, I have been in schools and had to wake up to those early on for YEARS because my schools started at 8am, I have had a job that started before 8am. My current school starts at 9am. I am able to distract myself from the feels of tiredness with work, especially physical work, but if I keep sitting in one place, I just get so tired. I was always so exhausted at school and even in vocational schools I have had to fight against my body's urge to fall asleep in class. It usually doesn't matter if I have slept enough hours, it's just that I'm forced to wake up earlier than what would be natural for me. It's like if someone with the normal rhythm was waken up at 2am to go to work/school at 4am. I bet they'd get drowsy too eventually.

My own normal circadian rhythm would be to sleep from 2-4am to 10-11am. If I wake up at 11am, I won't get nearly as tired as I get now that my body has kept waking me up between 7-8am after I've gone to sleep between midnight and 2am.

Hopefully it gets better today if I manage to shower after breakfast and then manage to leave the house.

[jolliestlolli]

Jolly's Monday Blog Update - Dec 5th 2022

Welp, time to see how long this lasts

I guess I'll start this with just a brief explanation of how this works. Every Monday and Friday night I'm gonna post these blog updates where I talk about how I'm doing, what the week/weekend has been like for me, how much writing I've gotten done, and whatever other relevant thoughts are rattling around in my brain.

Part of the reason I'm doing this is I'm hoping that by making this a regular thing it helps me stay on top of things like my productivity and self-care, if at the beginning and end of every week I have to give a status report of how I'm doing in those areas. Since it's more than a little embarrassing to come out and say "Yeah I didn't do anything all week besides eat unhealthy amounts of already unhealthy food and play Rimworld for 6 hours instead of sleeping".

One thing I've realized and want to try to work around is that I do better work at night, around 6 or 7 o'clock. But I do my best work when it's really late, after everyone has already gone to bed. Problem is by that point I'm often tired myself unless I recently chugged an energy drink or took a nap in the middle of the day. So I'm at a slight loss as to what to do to get myself in an environment where I can focus on what I wanna focus on. It's not like I haven't tried but between my family being obnoxious and my own general ADHD it's extremely difficult, which is one reason it's taken me so long to finish the next chapter of The Monster of Hope's Peak. I've barely even gotten a quarter of the way through the chapter and now I'm just stuck. I know what I want to have happen but for some reason putting it into words just doesn't seem possible right now. I know I'll get out of this creative rut eventually, I just gotta keep trudging through the mud and eventually I'll reach grass.

I gave my room a very much needed clean today. Not my entire room, but most of it. If I had tried to clean any deeper I might have passed out and/or threw up from exhaustion. Now I am one tired fool and it's safe to say I probably won't get much more work done for the rest of the day, but at least I have a clean room. Maybe this time I can actually keep it clean.

Anyway that's all for now, my loves. Pretty short for my first one of these but who knows, if I can keep this up these will no doubt become longer and contain some deeper and more solid thoughts of mine. But for now, see ya on Friday. Peace.

[weekend-nathan]

Part 3: It's decided

In the morning, I always have trouble waking up, but I know it's my fault, I played on the console too late again and didn't get enough sleep.

Mom comes to wake me up, dad is drinking his coffee. She has to shake me several times to wake me up and open my eyes. I hope she doesn't see the console I put under my bed before falling asleep.

I finally get up and go have breakfast.

"What day is it?" I ask once seated.

"It's Tuesday," dad replies.

Oh man, the week is far from over. Can't wait for the weekend to get some sleep. My schedule sucks and I have classes every morning at 8 am, no chance to sleep in on a weekday.

"Don't forget to ask your friends if they could host you for 2 nights," mom asks. We still don't know which days, but it will be around the end of the week.

"Oh yeah, I completely forgot about that funeral."

"Yes mom, I'll do it."

Once I'm done, I get dressed and decide to go by bike this morning. I have to take advantage, soon it will be dark in the morning and my parents will want me to take the bus.

Nathan is already at the bus stop and watches me arrive.

"You look tired," he says, "did you play Fortnite again last night?"

"I leveled up several times and didn't want to stop. I had to turn off the console around midnight."

"Oh yeah, that's only 6 hours of sleep, not much. Avoid falling asleep in class like the other day though. By the way, did your parents say anything when they saw the note from the teacher?"

"They haven't seen it yet..."

"Haha, you'll be in trouble one of these days."

"You look better than yesterday, though," I say.

Nathan doesn't respond, apparently not feeling like talking today either. I don't insist.

Our bus arrives and we arrive a few minutes later at school where I meet several acquaintances. I could have asked Nathan if he could host me, but I prefer to ask others first. Throughout the morning, I ask those I know:

"Sorry Sam, but it's not possible at my place, my stepsister is already in my room," Antoine replies.

"Yeah, no way," Kevin says curtly.

"I'm not here this weekend," Ralph says.

"My parents don't want me to invite people to sleep over," Tony replies.

Well, I think I've covered everyone, I think to myself as I arrive at the cafeteria. I think Nathan heard my requests but didn't offer for me to come to his place. While queuing to enter the cafeteria, I still ask him:

"My parents will have to be away for 3 days from the end of the week and I'm looking for a place to stay, do you think it would be possible at your place?"

"Um... I don't know..."

"Otherwise, I'll have to go with them to a funeral, and I'm not too keen on that."

"You know, my mom, she is..."

"Plus, it would be great," I say, "we could spend some time together."

"I know, yes, that would be nice. I'll ask her tonight and let you know tomorrow."

I don't know if Nathan just doesn't feel like it and uses his mom as an excuse, or if she's really a special case.

The afternoon passes, as usual, very slowly. In the evening, mom asks me and I tell her that I'm waiting for a response from Nathan or more precisely from his mother. Mom tells me they don't know yet and that they'll leave Friday morning and come back Sunday evening.

The next morning at school, Wednesday morning, I quickly find Nathan and ask him what his mother said.

"Oh, I forgot to ask her," Nathan replies.

Hmm... forgot or deliberately forgot...

"You'll ask her tonight, right? My mom needs to know if she needs to inform that I'll come with them. It would be to stay Friday night and Saturday night. My parents come back Sunday."

"I'll ask her but I don't think she'll agree, you know."

Again, I don't get a sincere impression from what Nathan is telling me.

The next morning, at the bus stop, I find myself asking Nathan the question again.

"So, what did your mother say?"

"She didn't say no but... she said it would be better if you checked with someone else."

"I've already asked others, and they really can't. You're the last one who can help me."

"You know, at my place... it's..."

At that moment, the bus arrives and we get on. There are already acquaintances inside and they come towards us, ending the conversation.

It's already Thursday, and my parents leave tomorrow morning. They'll want me to come with them, for sure. Nathan didn't say he didn't want me to come, and his mom didn't say no either.

Today, I'm having a bad day, I even got a detention for next week for pushing another 6th grader who was in my way. It's not my day.

Nathan doesn't bring up our conversation again but I don't forget it. Once home, around 5 pm, mom is already there. She's obviously back earlier than usual, probably to pack our things.

"So, are you staying at Nathan's or not?"

"I don't know. He didn't say no and didn't say yes either."

"So you're coming with us."

"But I don't want to come! And I feel like Nathan didn't even talk to his mother. Mom, please, can we go to their place to ask? It's really close by."

"But if Nathan didn't ask his mother, it's because he doesn't want you to go to his place."

"I don't think that's it either. He was about to talk to me about his mother when we were interrupted."

"Alright, at least you two aren't mad at each other, right?"

"We get along great and I'd be really happy to spend time with him for the weekend."

"Okay, let's go to his place then."

Cool, I'm happy, at least I'll know where I stand, at least if his mother is there. During the few minutes of walking with mom, I cross my fingers that there will be people at Nathan's place.

The car is there, a good sign. Mom knocks on the door and it opens, I recognize Nathan's mom.

"Hello," my mom says, "I'm Samuel's mom."

"Hello ma'am," she replies. "Samuel? I don't know," she says without even looking at me.

Suddenly, her gaze falls on me.

"Oh, but yes, Sam," she says. "Nathan talks a lot about your son, they're friends at school."

"Yes, my son prefers to be called Sam. My son also talks a lot about Nathan, I feel they get along well, yes."

Suddenly, Nathan comes over to his mom but stays behind her.

"I'm sorry to bother you," my mom continues, "but my husband and I have to be away for 3 days starting tomorrow morning to attend a funeral. My son asked yours if he could spend 2 nights at your place and..."

"But of course," Nathan's mom responds, cutting her off. "There's no problem at all. When are you leaving?"

"We're leaving tomorrow morning and coming back Sunday evening. Are you sure this wouldn't bother you?"

"Sure, and certain!"

I see Nathan's mom turn around and look at him for a few seconds. To me, this conversation and that look confirm what I thought: that Nathan didn't even ask his mother. I hope he won't be too mad at me. I look at him, but the room isn't very bright and I can't see his gaze.

"What time are you leaving tomorrow morning?"

"We have a long drive so we'll leave as soon as Samuel is off to school."

"Would it be alright if he stayed here tonight?" Nathan's mom asks.

"Oh, but I wouldn't want to inconvenience you, already two nights is fine."

"If I'm offering, it's because it doesn't bother me."

Mom looks at me and I nod to indicate that I agree. I still can't see Nathan well, it's as if he's hiding.

"Okay then, thank you. It will allow us to leave a bit earlier. I'll bring him over tonight after dinner then, with clothes for 3 days and his school stuff."

"I'm sure Nathan would be happy for Sam to join us for dinner tonight, right Nathan?" she asks, turning towards him.

I don't hear a response from him. It's really strange that his mom is so nice and that he didn't want to talk to her about my need to stay over. He must be hiding something from me, or maybe we're not really friends and he's pretending.

"Bring him over as soon as you can," Nathan's mom continues, "we're not going anywhere and we'll be waiting for you."

"Great, we'll do that, thank you very much. I'll leave you my phone number too."

"Yes, good idea, you never know. See you soon."

"See you in a bit."

Mom and I walk away and quickly return home to pack my things.

[purplesurveys]

1757

What can you smell right now?   I can't really make out a scent in my room.

What was the last thing you bought online?   Heh, just K-pop albums. Got Jungkook's album, all versions as usual.

If you drink coffee, when was the last time you went a day without having one?   I think there was a day sometime last week where I didn't have the time to fix myself a cup.

Do you have any appointments coming up?   Not til the next month.

Do you put appointments in your phone's calendar app to remember them?   Nah, I just backread through my chat threads since that's usually how I book appointments now.

Will you be visiting anyone's house in the next week or so?   I doubt it. The only other house I visit these days (besides family) is Angela's, and we don't have any plans made any time soon.

Have you ever been to a petting zoo? What animals did you pet? I haven't been to one and don't think I'll ever be interested in visiting.

What was the last movie you saw in theatres?   It wasn't a movie, but the last thing I booked tickets for was BTS' Busan concert. I don't really feel the urgency to catch anything else in the theatres since they'll usually be out in no time in any one of the streaming services anyway.

Do you know anyone who has done a PhD?   Apart from a number of my professors, no one I know personally.

How many unread emails are in your inbox right now? On my personal email, a little under 2,200. I always clear out my work emails so it's always at 0, but I would guess that anywhere between 2-5 would've come in today (Saturday). I just don't check it during weekends because that's one of the things I need to do to keep my sanity in check.

What four apps do you keep on the home bar on your iPhone? (Sorry, I'm not sure if Android has an equivalent!)  Contacts, Safari, Photos, Messages.

Have you ever used Tumblr? Do you still use it today?   Well yes, that's what I'm using to post this.

Are you tired right now?   A little bit, but I worked all afternoon + attended a party tonight so even though I'm a bit buzzed while taking this LOL I wanted some me time so here we are.

What's your favourite day of the week and why?   Friday. It just makes me happy and puts me in such a calm state.

How far away is the nearest major city?   Manila would be a good 1.5 hours away, even with no traffic. It's just so damn far which is why I always hate having to go there. So polluted and chaotic, too.

If you ever find yourself visiting the Philippines, I'll be the first to tell you there's nothing to miss if you're skipping out on Manila. In fact my #1 advice is to please just stay away from Manila. If you can't escape Metro Manila just go to BGC or Poblacion lol.

Do you own an electric kettle?   Nope.

Are your eyebrows wispy or bushy?   They're bushy.

Have you ever lost your wallet or purse? Did you have to replace a bunch of things?   I've lost a wallet once, but it didn't bother me all too much because I was in high school and had probably like only all of P200 on there.

Where are you right now? Describe the room or place to me.   I'm in my bedroom. It's technically the smallest room in the house but I like it because it feels very private/intimate – when entering, you'll immediately be greeted by a loft bed, wherein the stairs also double as cubbyholes where I've stored my K-pop merch. Directly below my bed is my work station and also a small 'sofa' which is really just two foldable sleeping bags bunched together; right across is my TV and TV stand which come with shelves, also home to more of my merch.

Do you prefer big dogs or small dogs?   I love all dogs but I am admittedly more likely to baby big dogs.

Are you good at understanding heavy accents? Which accents would you say you're the best at understanding?   I'm terrible with understanding accents. It's why I need subtitles all the time, even if what I'm watching is already in English. I don't think there is one accent I understand more than others, either.

Have you ever played on a real life pinball machine, or just on the computer?   I've played both IRL and computer-game pinball.

Do you have a lot of word documents or notes on your computer?   So many. The Notes app is my lifeline.

What's your favourite Ben & Jerry's flavour?   I never get B&J because they're so expensive.

Have you ever been to a school reunion? How was it?   Yes – we had our first and last (so far) reunion in around 2017, a year after we graduated. I remember having fun, although I cannot remember what exactly we did there. I imagine a present-day reunion would be even more fun considering so many of us have since gotten into K-pop, hah.

How many nights a week do you generally cook at home?   I don't cook.

What colour are the street signs in your neighbourhood? Are they the same all over town or do they vary? They're green text on a white background. No, it's different per subdivision.

Do you have good grammar and punctuation skills?   I would say so, yes. At work they always have me as an SOS line for any copywriting-related concerns lol.

Have you ever tried vegan chicken? Did you like it? I don't think I have, but I'm open to trying!

[husbandograveyard]

Hi Hazel! It sounds like your ankles have been through a lot ;-; I hope they're feeling better.

Ooh looks like there's a lot of cards waiting for you. Sending you luck on getting all of them very early so you don't have to spend much on them!

Your year ahead seems very busy and hectic :O. Remember to take care of yourself and it's okay to say no to tasks sometimes! You're already doing very well and they can always find someone else to do things for them.

I shall patiently await the day you post your drawings 👀 no pressure though haha

I can't believe it's still so hot out, definitely waiting for sweater weather to hit. Suddenly thinking about sweater weather and Leona, has that been done before? I feel like it has 🤔

Wishing you a smooth year ahead! Drinks lots of water and take care! -berry anon

Hiya Berry,

Sorry that the reply is a little later again today, the first days of the school year are super duper hectic, and especially this year, I've had a lot of trouble already. It's slowly stabilizing though, so I hope to be able to be more active here very very soon. My ankles are suffering a little now that I am back to standing on my feet for most of the day, but if anything, it's a great way to get them stronger again.

I finally got to playing chapter 6 of twst -still not entirely done- and now i really really want to get the Idia dorm card, my love for him has grown loads, almost on par with our favorite Lion. Skipping birthdays and saving pulls, I am at 140 pulls now so the Halloween cards better be nice.

Still working up the courage on the art, haven't been drawing much lately, but had some OC thoughts and wanted to draw them, so maybe soon ish? I really don't know, can't promise anything. Hahah. Speaking off, do you have any Twisted wonderland OC's/yuusonas? Would love to hear about them UwU.

Sweater weather Leona, ohhhh that seems like something cozy. I love the idea of cozyness with him, adding it to the neverending list of blurbs and ideas lmao. Although with Leona i always imagine Savanaclaw and Sunset Savannah, with not a lot of cold days hehe.

It is FINALLY cooling down and I am so happy. I am very good with cold weather so I can still wear my dresses and tshirts, but without actively dying 10/10 recommend. I can almost get back underneath my weighted blanket at night, which will make me less tired and more productive hopefully.

Sending you loads of love!

[hintofelation99]

The Justice League Hangs out with Duke

Bruce: Duke, it's time we had the talk.

Duke: Uh... nope. No thank you. I'm not getting the sex talk from Batman.

Bruce: What? No! The Robin talk.

Duke: But, I'm- I'm the Signal now? Isn't it a bit late for a Robin talk?

Bruce: Son, it's never too late, not for this.

Duke: Um. Ok.

Bruce: When Dick, Jason, and Tim first started as Robins they created a tradition. A tradition that continued with Stephanie, Damian, and now you.

Duke: And that tradition is?

Bruce: Taking down the Justice League. By being annoying and slightly terrifying.

Duke: OHHHHHH. Is that why no one from the Justice League talks to me?

Bruce: Yes, yes it is. But don't worry. I made an arrangement that will allow you time alone with league members to continue the tradition. You have a week to prepare.

——————

Duke: Cass, what do I do?

Cass raises an eyebrow at Duke.

Duke: For the Robin tradition thing. I have to take down the entire Justice League in a night using creative, outlandish, and original methods. But it's already been done by Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and Steph. So what do I do? How can I be better than all of them.

Cass smirks: Take them down too.

Duke looking at Cass like she's crazy: What?

Cass: Take. Them. Down.

Duke: Holy shit, you are terrifying.

Cass just smiles and leaves.

-> One Week Later <-

Wonder Woman, Superman, Flash, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Black Canary, Martian Manhunter, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, and Steph gather in the Watchtower.

Duke: Hey guys, Batman just wanted to go through some training exercises with everyone. He'll be a little late. Harley and Ivy escaped Arkham and are trying to grow penis shaped shrubs in all the public parks. But, don't worry he asked me to go ahead and start with out him.

Green Lantern: Why are you leading this meeting?

Duke: Batman is running late and he wants me to practice leading meetings.

Green Lantern, glaring suspiciously at Duke: Are you about to do that stupid Robin tradition where you torture all of us?

Duke: What Robin tradition? Also, I'm not even a Robin? I'm the Signal.

Green Lantern continues to glare at him.

Superman: Calm down Green Lantern, the Robins never do this in front of each other.

Every League member seems to relax at this.

Duke acting confused: Uhhh, yeah. Ok, we have a few housekeeping things to do according to the list Batman left. So, I'll have everyone pair up for sparring while I handle these individually.

------

Everyone is in the training room working out or sparring. Duke approaches Tim.

Duke: Hey Tim, Bruce wanted you to look in to that Bludhaven case. Is that ok with you?

Tim: Yeah, why wouldn't it be?

Duke: Oh, I just thought it might be difficult considering what Dick did.

Tim: ...What did he do?

Duke: Wait, you haven't noticed? Oh no, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything.

Tim: Duke. Tell me what he did.

Duke: Well, Jason said that he replaced all your coffee with decaf.

Tim: THAT BASTARD. No wonder I've been feeling so tired! I'm going to kill him!

Duke: Wait, just stop! I heard that he hid all of it in Green Lantern's room.

Tim: Wait, why there?

Duke: Something about you being afraid of him.

Tim: WHAT?! I'm not afraid of the Green Nightlight! I'm gonna find that coffee then make Dick pay.

Duke: Oh, well cool, good luck!

------

Green Lantern: Um, what are you doing in my room?

Tim: Where is it?

Green Lantern: Where's what?

Tim: You know what I want. Give up now or face the consequences.

Green Lantern: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

Tim: Fine. Consequences.

------

Steph, sparring with Duke: So, what's it like being the first meta bat?

Duke: Not too bad, but I could do with out the whole 'predict the future' thing.

Steph, laughing: What? You can not see the future.

Duke: I bet you $50 I can

Steph: Your on.

Duke, makes everything around him light up and uses a weird voice: In the next thirty minutes Green Lantern will flee the Watchtower in fear. Soon after Dick will be attacked by Tim.

Steph, snorts in obvious disbelief.

Steph: That was so fake-

Green Lantern runs out of the tower looking terrified.

Steph: No way.

Tim tackles Dick and they start fighting like three year old's on the floor.

Steph, handing Duke $50: Holy shit Magic Man.

Duke makes things light up and does the voice again: Oh my god.

Steph, looking excited: What?!

Duke: The- the sushi. The sushi you brought today, it's made from-

Duke pretends to choke back a sob.

Duke: It's made from the fish who was the maid of honor at Aquaman's wedding.

Steph: HOLY SHIT.

------

Steph and Aquaman sit beside each other for lunch, she pulls out her sushi and looks at Aquaman sadly.

Steph: I am so, so sorry for your loss. But just know that her sacrifice is not in vain.

Aquaman, looks confused for a second then sees the sushi: NOPE. Not this again! I'm leaving.

Steph: Wait! I'm sorry!

Aquaman leaves as Steph tries to chase him down.

------

Jason is laughing and filming as Dick and Tim fight.

Duke, whistles: Man, imagine if that video went on YouTube.

Jason, looking confused: What?

Duke: I'm just saying if the video of Red Robin and Nightwing fighting like kids ever got on YouTube, it'd go viral. Oh and they would be so pissed!

Jason, laughs: Too bad B would kill me if I uploaded this.

Duke: Yeah, I guess so. And you can't upload it here because then Superman would get in trouble.

Jason: Why would the boy scout get in trouble?

Duke: Cause he always uses his YouTube account on the Justice League computer. So it'd look like he uploaded it and B would find out that Superman watches cat videos while he's on monitor duty.

Jason, smirking: Huh, so you're saying if I upload this on the League computer I'd piss off Bruce, Tim, and Dick and get Supes in trouble?

Duke, acting innocent: Huh, I guess so.

-> A Few Minutes Later <-

A call from Bruce comes up on the main computer.

Superman: Hey Batman, what can I do for you?

Bruce: You, Red Hood, cave now.

Jason: What? Why me?

Bruce: Because I saw that little home video you uploaded of your brothers.

Jason: What, that wasn't me!

Bruce: I could hear you laughing while you filmed.

Jason: Dammit.

Jason and Clark leave for the cave pouting like kids.

------

Duke: Hey, Black Canary?

Black Canary: Yes Duke?

Duke: I'm sorry to do this on such short notice, but I'm very worried about Dick and Tim.

Black Canary: Why?

Duke: Well, Tim keeps claiming that Dick is out to get him. Something about Dick messing with his coffee? And Dick feels like he's just being attacked for no reason and is worried about Tim's health. Is there anyway you could intervene?

Black Canary, looking sighing and looking exhausted: Usually I have three days of preparation before dealing with bats.

Duke: I know it's just-

Duke gestures to Tim and Dick rolling on the floor fighting.

Duke: They really need help.

Black Canary: Alright, I'll see what I can do.

Black Canary attempts to intervene only to get pulled into the fight. Now the three of them are tangled in a huge, confusing fight, that's filled with yelling and hair pulling.

------

Duke: Damian! Quick!

Damian: What is it Thomas.

Duke: I think somethings wrong with Dick and Tim and maybe even Black Canary. They're all fighting and won't stop! Can you help me contain them so that we can figure out what's going on?

Damian: Fine. I shall help.

Duke: Ok, just try to herd them into this containment cell.

Damian joins the fight managing to get everyone, including himself, into the containment cell. As Damian is trying to leave Duke closes the cell. Damian angrily yells and bangs on the sound proof walls.

Duke: What? Sorry, can't hear you! My hand slipped!

------

Wonder Woman: Very well done Signal.

Duke, acting innocent: Hm?

Wonder Woman: You tricked Red Robin into scaring Green Lantern away, then into fighting Nightwing. Once that fight broke out you tricked Red Hood into uploading a video to the internet using the Superman's credentials. By uploading that video he caused both himself and Superman to face Batman's wrath. You also used the fight to trick Stephanie into annoying Aquaman to the point of leaving. Then you involved Black Canary in the fight, which was her downfall. And, as a final touch, you managed to get Robin into the fight and trapped all in a containment cell. You successfully eliminated 9 foes with one trick.

Duke: You mean 11.

Wonder Woman: What?

Duke: 11. You see, I didn't trick Red Robin, I tricked Nightwing. I had a week to prepare. In that week I convinced Dick that Tim needed to cut back on the caffeine and that Dick should help by switching all of Tim's coffee with decaf. I also convinced him to hide that coffee in the watchtower, in Green Lantern's room. So that was all true.

Wonder Woman: But, that still does not make 11?

Duke: It does. Because This morning I moved the coffee. I replaced the Flashes decaf with Tim's ultra caffeinated coffee. You see Tim has it specially manufactured to increase the caffeine levels. And, while Flash doesn't usually drink his coffee in the morning, he's always running late and forgets, he does drink coffee during training breaks. Which is now. So in about five minutes we will have an incredibly caffeinated speedster in the Watchtower. And since you're the only one around right now with a chance of catching him, that's your problem.

Right as Duke finishes Flash runs by, majorly hyped up on caffeine.

Duke: Checkmate.

------

Martian Manhunter: It appears that I am the last remaining League member.

Duke: Yeah, I don't really understand this tradition but apparently every Robin ends it by picking a favorite league member.

Martian Manhunter: Out of all the League members, why have you chosen me?

Duke: Your smart and have a lot of cool powers. Also, I dunno, I hear you sometimes feel like an outsider with the league. Cause, the whole martian thing. And I know it's not the same but, sometimes I feel like an outsider with the bats, being the only meta and all.

Martian Manhunter: You have chosen me so that we may bond over our lack of connections?

Duke: Uhhhh, yeah?

Martian Manhunter: Hm. Very well, I assume that this is your “Robin Weakness”. Apparently every Robin has one.

---------------------------------------------------

<- Previous |

[lydiablack-m]

Sweet Dreams, Darling |Aizawa x Reader|

Pairing: Aizawa Shouta x Fem!Reader

Warnings: only fluff and comfort, accidently. (Who would have thought that I would finally write something like that, but this man made me do that). Tired and soft Aizawa if it might be called a warning 

Word count: 477

A/N: English is not my first language so I’m sorry for any mistakes

The wall clock showed five minutes to midnight when you quietly entered the bedroom, brushing your hair wet after a shower. A desk lamp was turned on and in its light a man was bending over a desk covered with numerous papers. His whole appearance expressed great fatigue, his dark hair, gathered back in a careless bun, was disheveled, he tiredly rubbed his stiff neck, re-reading a few lines in the document again and again.

“I thought you went to bed an hour ago.” You quietly approached him from behind and softly put your arms around his shoulders.

“Your shift starts in three hours. Darling, you should sleep a little. At least these three hours. I can't see you such tired. Please. I will finish your paperwork for you. Please, sweetie, go to bed.” You whispered burying  yourself in his hair.

He sighed heavily, covering your palms with his.

“But you need to go to bed too, it's your shift at 5 am... It’s my work after all.” His voice was flat and very tired, it made your heart aches. You wanted to cheer him up, to make him feel some peace, to feel you beside him, feel your support.

“I had a day off today in UA, so I've done my papers early and even took a nap, so it's not a problem, love. Let's think these papers done is my little present for you. Okay?” you said softly, turning his chair towards you to meet his gaze.

“How did I deserve you?” he leaned you to his lap, pulling into a kiss. “It has been almost a week we haven't fall asleep together. That's a pity.” he mumbled into your lips.

“Maybe it's time to get a joint day off? What do you think? God I wanna spend a whole day with you so hard.” you said stroking his cheek.

“Me too, darling,” he whispered leaning to your palm. “let's decide it will be Sunday. How do you feel about it?”

“Great, let it be Sunday. I already can't wait.” you smiled happily.

“I love you so much, I couldn't even imagine a human like me can love someone so hard, but here I am.” His voice was so sleepy, but he was looking into your eyes, and you saw he was serious about these words.

“I love you too, dear,” you leaned and kiss him. You wanted to put in this kiss all your love and affection for this man. For this strong and blunt man, who keeps you safe and saves a lot of people every night, but needs you, needs your care. You felt him smiling into the kiss. “Now it's time to go sleep, right? Don't worry about anything, count on me.” you pulled away with a vivid smile.

“Thank you, Y/n,” he gave you slight kiss, putting you on the floor.

“Sweet dreams, Shouta”

“Sweet dreams, darling”

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.”