#i always want them late at night
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Ode to the Tumblr grilled cheese
It's getting quite late but -
Hunger I appease.
I grill up a sandwich
(In twos, maybe threes)
It is done so quickly,
I have expertise!
Cooked in butter and herbs
Like I'm a marquise,
And crushed cloves of garlic
Enough you say "geez",
When done, burn my fingers
So quick do I seize
My favorite grilled sandwich;
I eat the night cheese
#my post#my poem#my poetry#poetry#tumblr grilled cheese#food#i always want them late at night#and then everything smells like garlic#which is great except not everyone wants to smell garlic at midnight in my house lol
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consider,,,a lucanis who is in love with emmrich, a spite who is in love with rook, a rook in love with emmrich, and emmrich who is in love with all three but wants lucanis, spite, and rook to get together because he feels he is not the type of man any of them deserve...
bonus points for spite being the one to realize just what sort of love quadrilateral is going on and is the one to get them all together.
#the angst potential alone#if i can convince my brain to write something other than smut i will in fact consider writing this#JUST. THEM BEING SO MESSY.#SPITE REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS GETTING CLOSER TO LUCANIS TO TRY AND SWAY ROOK INTO FALLING FOR THEM#LUCANIS REALIZING THAT EMMRICH IS IN LOVE WITH ROOK AND DECIDING EMMRICH'S HAPPINESS IS MORE IMPORTANT#SO HE CONSIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS UNHAPPINESS#Rook could also be in love with all three in this scenario but i think it'd be SO FASCINATING for it to be Emmrich!!#Emmrich lamenting that he found the people he loves at a time he believes to be too late#consigning himself to a bachelor's life. he has his studies he has manfred he's content#and then he meets lucanis who is EXACTLY the type of man he fancied as a young man#Someone with so much heart but some rougish charm. appearing cold but so fucking warm under the surface. misunderstood perhaps#the same way he and death are#and so he is smitten. taken by this man and his watchful eye and his steady hands. fascinated by the demon living inside him#the demon who is so curious about this world. who craves to live and understand and emmrich who at his core wants nothing more than to TEAC#and rook. gods emmrich not having the same instant attraction as he did to lucanis but it all hitting him in the chest one night#reckless rook who takes blows they could have dodged to protect him. who always treats his necromancy with respect and curiosity#rook who always reaches out to touch him but stops their hand just shy of making contact. rook who is uncertain but willing to try#rook who is YOUNG and full of possibility and deserves more than whatever shell emmrich believes himself to be#i am just!!!!!!! do you see my VISION#something can happen here!! i'm fucking telling ya'll!!!!!#emmrich volkarin#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age rook#dragon age veilguard#lucanis x emmrich#lucanis x rook#spite x rook#emmrich x rook#emmrich x lucanis#emmrich x rook x lucanis
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I relapsed and made some more picmixs, I am so normal and fine and cool about them don't even worry about it
#haha get it? achillean? because his name is achilles... and it's named after their relationship? do you get it?#also giving pat a sparkly jack daniels was one of the most thrilling things ever#I love making these but just one takes me about an hour and I always make them late at night 😭#anyways you're totally free to use these whenever and wherever you want#put it on your resume if you want#hades game#patrochilles#achilles#patroclus#achilles hades#patroclus hades#picmix#gifs
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I see your gay uncles of the straw hats Jimbrook and raise you old, gay, heartbroken, pirate captians who find a loving, romantic relationship in each other as they watch over a group of chaotic youngsters.
Because Brook and Yorki had a heartbreaking goodbye, and Brook spent 50 years mourning, but now he has a second chance. He wasn't expecting anything, but then, lo and behold! A handsome, kind, capable fish man enters stage right, and Brook is smitten. Here is someone who understands the grief of losing a captian and partner, then having to take their place to hold the crew together, but ultimately watching thier crew fall apart or suffer due to factors outside their control.
For Jimbei the last few years have been a whirlwind of chaos. He was looking forward to a new adventure full of chaos of his own making and choices. Now, enter stage left, this fantastic, enigmatic, adorable skeleton (and he's a musician!), who is a wonderful presence on a ship full of younger pirates. Jimbei never really moved on from the loss of the Sun Pirates, and hasn't had time to mourn all the friends he's lost in the past few years. But now he finds companionship and comfort in Brook. Someone who doesn't expect him to move on, let's him reminisce, but keeps him from getting stuck in his mourning. He's never thought of romance seriously before, but now he finds himself wanting.
The two meet in the middle, center stage on a ship of dreams as they forge a new one together. They still keep and work towards their individual dreams but find pieces of each other in them. Brook looks forward to the day he can introduce Laboon to Jimbei, and Jimbei has promised to translate the whale's words for Brook. Jimbei will see freedom for his people and finds motivation in every new song Brook writes and story he tells. Together, they find peace, calm, and rest. They find excitement, companionship, and a harbour in the other after years of storms.
#jinbrook#i present to you my late night ramblings#i love them#jimbrook#jimbei#jinbei#brook#one piece#soul king brook#straw hat pirate headcanons#straw hat pirates#mugiwara no ichimi#the other straw hats are a little shocked but ultimately very supportive#luffy is over the moon with joy#robin and franky love to insist on double dates and the four become a group that basiclaly liunge around and gossip on sunny days#brook helps jimbei build a relationship with nami and move on from his guilt#They're always willing to give comfort and advice to the younger crew mates.#both have a soft spot for zoro because they never want him to experiance what they did#jimbei is the one who will try to “ground” crew members - especially if they are injured - and brook is who everyone goes to to avoid that#jimbei flirts wayy more than brook but blushes far more easily than brook does.#They're very much old married couple vibes with a spark of chaos#so they do their own thing most of the time but always keep a spot for each other in thier day#i think they would kinda stroll into a relationship without even realizing it#they just wake up and realize they're in a romantic relationship and move on with their day#They're too old for this pinning nonsense#FOREHEAD KISSES#brook loves receiving them and just shoves his forhead against jimbei's in return#this is who i am now#late night ramblings with dragonsbluee
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Yak and I are fake boyfriends. Yes, we started like that. But you know something? Yak is a huge green flag for me.
When I'm with Yak, I never question myself if I'm good enough. It's Yak who makes me realize how worthy I am.
Right now Yak is my peace of mind. I still don't understand why I wasted those eight years with you. Because right now, I really love myself when I'm with Yak.
Thank you, Yak, for coming into my life.
It's my pleasure. Alright then. Let's go home.
[Wandee Gooddday, 1.09]
#hands hands hands#it's always them with the hands#that first shot is so so so important to me#the way Dee lets go so slowly and puts the pressure on Yak's fingers to reassure him#and how Yak is still reaching for him and tries not to let go#i love them an unhealthy amount#i want to put them in my pocket and keep them forever#dee having these realisations and speaking them out loud was such a relief and so satisfying#dee letting go of yak's hand so he could take it again with such clarity of purpose and intent was so important#he wasn't just hanging on to yak because he was using yak and the fake relationship as a shield anymore#he was actively and purposefully choosing yak in the clearest way he could show it#i should probably write an actual post about that but it's late#i keep losing sleep to make gifs haha ugh#anyway i'm very normal about this show good night#wandee goodday#wandee goodday ep9#yakdee#yoryakwandee#wandeeyoryak#mia gifs wandee goodday things#mia gifs drama things#mia gifs things
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idk if it's because my mum worked in a tv magazine or what but all the media wars and backstabbing and stuff happening behind the cameras is so so interesting to me
#just saw what happened yesterday in la revuelta ojalá se muera el enano pelirrojo#so for non-spaniards here's a crash course on the situation (i could do a post about media groups in spain cause it's a lot)#there's this one late night show that's been on air for about 15 years called el hormiguero#it started fine (i used to watch it with my family when it started)#but soon there were some issues that people were seeing#especially concerning the presenter (who's also the head ofthe show) pablo motos#and his attitude with female guests he'd interview#basically being very weird and gross around them#apart from that in the last year he started to get very political in the show#he invited right and far right leaders while refusing to do so with the left wing#started making monologues at the beginning of each show critizising stuff the left had done or said#and finally included a debate segment in the show in which he invited liked-minded people to discuss politics#this has directly affected his audience. my dad is a fan of el hormoguero and i've seen him turn more right wing every year#so. last summer RTVE (national broadcast company) announced they were gonna do a late night show presented by david broncano#it's hard to describe everything here but basically broncano already had a late show called la resistencia in a streaming platform#it has always been very popular with young people and it is quite left wing#the new program made by RTVE was called la revuelta. it is exactly the same as la resistencia#before it started airing people were sceptic that broncano would be able to defeat motos' hegemony#BUT. ever since it started aiting in september it has consistently been getting more audience than el hormiguero#who would've known people were tired of the redhead bastard#anyways. apart from this. different celebrities on ppdcasts have been saying that in order to promote their product they are forced to go#to el hormiguero even of they didn't want to#there's also rumours of pablo motos blackmailing people (mostly comedians) who make fun of him#and now to what happened last night. i don't watch tv so i just saw it on twitter#broncano opened the show saying that they were sorty but they had no guest tonight#they had this one person but 30 minutes before shooting the people from el hormiguero had called him#he was originally going to go both to la revuelta and el hormiguero#but the guys from el hormiguero called him to tell him that if he went to la revuelta he couldn't go to el hormiguero#el hormiguero is bigger than la revuelta so. he had to cancel#broncano went on to say this had happened before and that's why he was talking about it
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“He'd deceived her, had lied to her. This man who she'd believed held no secrets between them. She didn't know why it made her want to shred everything within sight.”
— cause um… as you just said Miss Manon YOU CARE (& it’s even giving Chaolaena vibes in the I CARE way)… so like all I’m saying is you love him duh?
#Chapter 40#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#no spoilers please#Manon Blackbeak#Dorian Havilliard#first read#read with me#read along#more quotes notes reacts and spoilers in tags and not course post for chapter#Blueblood and Yellowlegs and Blackbeak alike.' And she would bear the weight of what she'd created what she'd trained forever.#I want to bring them all home. Before it is too late before they become something unworthy of a homeland.#So what are you going to do? Asterin asked softly but not weakly.#the fact Asterin is described as speaking softly but not weakly#The answer did not lie in picking one over the other Crochan over Ironteeth. It never had.#He'd known and hadn't told her. Kaltain had vanished into the night air and then Dorian had shifted. Into a beautiful proud raven.#our beautiful proud bluebell eyed definetly not bored Raven boy bb prince king lovey#knew there was nothing kind nothing warm on her face. A witch's face. Blackbeak's face.#but your not a witch manon#His eyes glowed like blue fire. — intrigue normally they say that for Aelin#My road leads to Morath. It always has. How can you have looked at Kaltain and not seen what awaits you?#I love the full circle of Kaltain#We will lose this war if I do not go he snapped. How do you not care about that? — that responsibility and weight again#oh great no it’s not gonna be one of them both Aelin and Dorian will want to self sacrifice and fight over who gets to#thank the Wyrd for Manon and Rowan to stop them and be protection squad so no more Romeo Juliet’s#I CARE — it doesn’t make you weak — he knew she’d care — the full circle#I care if we lose this war I care if I fail2rally the Crochans I care if u go in2Morath&do not return as something worth living.#it’s giving Zoyalai; my beautiful ruthless Zoya Id hand hand you the final blow myself quote vibes#Now do you wish to tell me that caring is not such a bad thing? Well this is what comes of it.#Witchling — princeling — the literal cold shoulder
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can you point to exact times Jimmy was a "toxic ex" in last life because I watched last life and that literally did not happen
i found a picture of you
#IM GIGGLIGN LMAOOO#WATCH SCOTTS LAST LIFE POV#OR LITTERLY ANY POV OTHER THAN THIRD LIFE#okay i will say i did type the wrong smp it was late at night fine#however scott litterly has given jimmy the stuff he needed when he was asking for it immidely and jimmy has casted it aside#his ass provided and jimmy did not :sob:#oh and yes anon for the record there is scott is abusive posts being maintagged on tumblr there was one just yesterday but im not going to#publically post abt this person because i dont want them be harrassed#“stop posting abt this in maintags” honey count ur blessings i didnt even use the media tag#i think its pretty damn weird people wanna always make scott the abusive one when jimmy has matched the “toxic” energy scott apprently has#because u guys r so angstpilled#“go cry about it on twitter” IM CRYINGNGG HELP#clownzmail
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me: just communicate lol its not that hard
me: I DONT WANT TO COMMUNICATE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
#june speaks#MY ROOMMATE IS PISSING ME OFF SOOOOOO BAD#EVERY SINGLE DAY SHES CALLING PEOPLE IN OUR ROOM SO I NEVER GET ANY PEACE AND QUIET#LIKE SHE’S BEEN CALLING HER FRIENDS SINCE 8:30 AND IVE BEEN TRYING TO DO HOMEWORK AND JUST RELAX BEFORE BED#SHES NOT EVEN LOWERING HER VOICE LIKE GIRL MAYBE YOU HAVE ALL AFTERNOON CLASSES BUT NOT ALL OF US ARE SO LUCKY#SHE STAYS UP LATE SO LOUDLY SO OFTEN TOO LIKE SHES ALWAYS WATCHING VIDEOS AT NIGHT WITHOUT HEADPHONES. GIRL YOU HAVE AIRPODS. JUST USE THEM#AND SHES IN OUR ROOM LITERALLY ALLLLLL THE TIME LIKE I GET OUT TO GIVE HER PRIVACY BUT SHE IS ALWAYS FUCKING HERE. LIKE ALWAYS. I JUST WANT#TO BE ALONE FOR MORE THAN TEN MINUTES AT A TIME😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 ITS BEEN ONLY A MONTH BUT IM GOING CRAZY SHARING A ROOM I FUCKING HATE THIS😭😭😭😭😭😭
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you make plans with your friends when youre growing up that you'll move in togehter and always stay near and go to each other's weddings and always talk and always call and then you get to the age you're supposed to start doing that kind of thing and realize all the friends you had hoped would stay by you forever have gone off to do things without you and you're just in the same spot and suddenly you have to do it all on your own
#kestrel calls#text post#chitter chatter#negative#????#ive no idea im sort of just having a late night spiral#my best and really only good close friend decided to go to college after all#and id always thought and hoped we'd just move out west together#but now tht's not happning and i can't wait for them to finish college#bc my parents are moving#and i can't support myself here#and im sort of just#spiraling and panicking a little tiny bit#i just want to move in with this nb artist i found today on craigslist#but that won't happen and i don't know what im doing with my life#and i feel stuck#and yk.... scary#anywayyyyyy like it's totally fine this is just all i think about everyday dw abt it#but if you know somebody looking for a roommate in the greater mt/idaho/wy/nd area uhhhhh hmu#/hj
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Hey could I ask for a Thenamesh human au were Thena is raising her little sisters (Sersi and Sprite) after their parents die and Gilgamesh is her co-worker who finds her having a mini breakdown and comforts her? Kinda slow burn-ish and no smut if possible
"Sorry!"
Thena pressed even harder on her eyebrows, sure she would get bruises from it. Maybe then she might actually get medical clearance for time off. "It's fine."
"I didn't mean-"
"It's fine!" she snapped at him again, shifting to swipe at the corners of her eyes and wipe the tears onto her fingertips and then on the sleeves of her cardigan. "I was just...looking for something."
But all she heard was the door shutting gently.
Thena sighed, picking her head up and looking around the shelves. All that was in here was extra paper and printer ink. "Gil, I'm fine."
Gil was sweet, if a little too sweet. He went out of his way for people, which their firm really discouraged. But he was going into family law, which was easy to tell from the 'everything' about him.
"Yeah, I just, uh," she heard him shuffle around before finally turning to glare at him. Her glower was usually strong enough to scare away anyone else. He pointed at the shelf of toner. "Printer."
She closed her eyes, feeling the throbbing in her head from her coffee and the twitch in her eyes from her need for sleep. But they had a lot of contracts to examine, and Sersi was in the middle of the soccer season, which meant she didn't even get home until 6, which pushed dinner to 7 and that said nothing about homework and getting Sprite to bed at a decent hour.
"Um," Gilgamesh gulped, tugging at the suit he was wearing. It was standard attire for the firm, of course, but she always imagined he had a hard time finding suits to really fit him. Perhaps he needed shirts and Jackets in one fitting and trousers in a smaller one. "How was Sersi's game?"
She whipped her head up at him, and she must have looked ready for murder by the way he flinched. "What?"
He went stiff as a board, practically pressing his back to the door. "S-Sersi--your sister, you said she had a soccer game on friday. H-How did it go...if that's okay."
Right, friday; she had rushed home from work, still with half a day's work to complete, picked up Sprite, gotten her not to gripe all through grocery shopping, bundled her up for Sersi's game, which was a loss, and it was a hard loss, and Sersi got a few scrapes and bruises, so then they were both a little cranky for the start of the weekend, and of course that meant she didn't actually get any work done-
"Thena?"
She blinked, feeling as if she had gone somewhere else entirely. This was getting ridiculous. She just needed coffee, she reasoned. Even more coffee. She shook her head.
"Hey," he whispered, not moving from the door to let her out, despite her moving closer. "Are you okay? I know you're...I know you've got a lot on your plate."
A lot on her plate? She had that already with this job and the beginnings of her career. Her student debt alone would be more than a full plate.
That was before handling a joint funeral, and counselling for her sisters, and getting them back to school, and a full year of them not being themselves. And then, when they finally seem to be getting better, both of them start having the worst time with school in their lives.
Or maybe their mother was just better at dealing with it than Thena could say for herself. And while their father wasn't exactly her favourite person, let alone parent, her first year of filing her taxes with two dependants was enough for her to look into a decent accountant for this year.
"Listen, I know you've got this under control," Gil continued, visibly worried about saying the wrong thing. "I know you're tougher than I could ever imagine."
She really didn't know about that.
"But if you need--I mean, if you ever want a hand with anything, or even just logistics, or carpooling or something," he suggested, losing confidence with every new idea. His massive shoulders drooped and he gave her those big, sad puppy dog eyes that always got him the best desk and the best cases and the best lunch, "just let me know, y'know?"
Thena gulped. Heat rose up in her as the horror of her tears resurfaced. She was done crying. It was the middle of the work day. She didn't have time for this. This had never been an issue before.
Can we have lasagne?
Just that simple text from Sprite had set her off. Because Sprite loved lasagne--she loved their mother's lasagne. And for an entire year Sprite couldn't even stand hearing the word, let alone the sight of it. And to have her ask for it, when they all knew that Thena was somehow the worst cook of all three of them.
Gil blinked as Thena dropped her head, squeezing her eyes shut and pressing her hand over her eyebrows again. His hands hovered around her, never crossing the last few inches of boundary she held.
Thena was just as shocked as she leaned froward and her forehead met something firm. But she couldn't choke it all back, a squeak escaping her as her tears dropped to the musty old storage closet carpet below.
"Hey," he whispered soothingly. Of course the bastard was great at comforting people too. Why wouldn't he be? Why wouldn't he be so completely perfect? "It'll be okay."
She usually hated when people spoke so certainly. Because what did they know? What assurance did they have? But Gil meant well. He only ever meant well. Her breathing slowed and she realised she was truly letting him embrace her. What an unfortunate turn this had taken. But he was warm, and he smelled nice. And it felt nice when he rubbed her back.
Gil let her pull away, not making a grand affair out of the whole thing. He brushed away a few more tears of hers, "you okay?"
She nodded. She was far, far from it. But she could probably get through the rest of the work day without humiliating herself further. Her throat felt dry as a bone. "Thank you."
Gil tilted his head at her. He did give off the first impression that he would be some meathead, into his own looks and loud and brash and hypermasculine. But he was kind, he was considerate of others and his good nature only made him more sensitive to those around him. "I mean it, Thena, if there's anything you need at all."
He was one of only a few who even knew about her sisters. She didn't really go around announcing her past, and she wasn't one for keeping precious personal keepsakes on her desk either. But Gil had once seen her phone light up with a notification and asked who the girls on her lockscreen were.
And as much as she could have told him to mind his own business - and he would have, knowing him - it seemed worse to ignore it. So she had told him about her sisters, and how she had basically acquired them as children, as far as the state was concerned.
The biggest advantage to Gilgamesh knowing about her duties outside the office was that he was her biggest defender whenever she couldn't make events outside of work. Of course a lot of deals happened out of the office as well as in, and being able to seal those deals came with the job. But Gil always had an excuse ready for her when she couldn't join them for drinks after work, or make a round of golf or two on sunday morning.
He smiled as she finally picked her head up. "There she is."
She chose to ignore that. She sniffled, dabbing at her eyes again. If anyone asked her if she was okay once she stepped out of this closet, she might commit an act worthy of termination. "Thanks."
"Any time," he shrugged. He still didn't leave. "I saw you get up from your desk. I thought-"
Silence came over him, perhaps at the admission that he had all but followed her here. Any other coworker and she would have her keys in her hand and a knife with his car's name on it. But only Gilgamesh could say something like that and have it be just as innocent as he meant it.
"Sorry," he concluded, having discouraged himself yet again. He blushed.
She truly was a bitch of epic proportions to inspire this level of fear from the sweetest man alive, she gathered. Usually that wasn't a problem, of course, but just this once: it was undeserved. "That's nice of you, Gil."
That seemed to surprise him even more than walking in on her crying in the closet.
She finally reached for the doorknob, and Gil nearly leapt out of her way. She headed back to her desk, with the same papers in hand as when she had first gone in. At least at her desk, she could take a breath. Her computer was still open on emails, she set the papers beside her.
Of course
She replied to Sprite, although if she got more texts she was just going to tell her not to text in class.
If her sister wanted lasagne, then she would find a way to make it happen. Affection was not her most polished skill, but love needed no polishing. If her baby sister wanted lasagne, she would have it.
If only she weren't a horrendously bad cook.
Sersi was decent, but she only ever let her help when Sersi herself seemed eager to do so, and that was usually on weekends. And Ajak was an excellent cook. Her handwritten recipes alone would not help Thena actually produce the promised product.
Thena picked up her phone again. She scrolled until she could select the contact in her phone. Perhaps it was silly to text him when his desk was in sight of hers. She was just in a closet with the man. But she selected his name and typed.
Can you make lasagne?
#Thenamesh AU#thank you for the ask sweetheart!#it's okay I only post smut if it's specifically asked for and it will always be tagged#this is a very sweet prompt#I love the idea of Thena doing her very best for these girls#at first of course she's like I do not know how to be a mother#but they don't need a mother they need their sister#so Thena#freshly out of law school and deep in debt goes yes I will take my sisters into my custody#she takes the first job she can at any firm that pays decently#she can never socialise outside of work because she's literally a single mother#not that she wants to socialise anyway but that's beside the point#meanwhile Gil is everyone's fav#he's sweet he's charming he's charismatic#and he goes and has a beer after work and he gets offered to help on a big contract and he's like#okay but I'd like Thena on it with me#they're like uh buddy you don't need the ice queen's help#he goes no but she did study divorce and custody law it kind of overlaps with my specialty sometimes#anyway lasagne!#Thena says this is my...friend#from work#Sersi and Sprite:#Sersi and Sprite: is this your boyfriend?#Thena: dO NOT!!!!!#but I mean come on#your sister brings home this super handsome and funny and sweet guy from work#and he takes off his suit jacket and rolls up his sleeves#and gets to work on your late mom's precious lasagne recipe?#they don't watch tv at all they're just spying on them all night
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man i thought i moved out to escape my family but it turns out i've jumped from the pan into the fire because holy shit my guys what the fuck??
#at least at home we have people competent enough to not flush wet wipes and tampons down the toilet#let alone FOOD???#and we don't leave our dishes out for so long by the sink that they start to RUST#like ok my lil brothers make a mess sometimes and accidentally shat on the floor a few times but at least they're fucking children why tf#should i deal with shit water because of your incompetence#and yknow i can deal with noise. im the noisiest at night at home b/c i always go shower late but im not fucking SCREECHING and chatting#so loudly you'd think i was at a concert or some shit#and this bitch?? can't comprehend i just want to not have crumbs all over the couch???#like girl. how did this become a slight against you. why would i ask you to keep the couch clean b/c you slept there once or twice#BITCH I CLEANED THE COUCH COVER ON MY OWN DIME *BECAUSE* I KNEW YOU MIGHT SLEEP THERE AGAIN & WANTED IT TO BE CLEAN FOR YOU#YOU NOT ONLY INSULT ME BUT ENTIRELY MISCONSTRUE MY KINDNESS TOWARDS YOU??? WHY WOULD IT BE DIRTY B/C YOU SLEPT THERE???#you can't make this shit up i hate having roommates holy hell#only slightly made up for by the fact i get a room to myself these days#the other one smells like weed all the time and the other other one doesnt wash her hands properly after using the toilet + keeps her dishe#out by the sink + doesn't pick her hair up#also i'm the youngest so that's just even sadder#i was also the youngest last year and bitch. you have no idea#this is what being the eldest sibling does to a mf#not really related but they made the ugliest doormat ever i wish i had been there to stop them from that atrocity#and why do they not take their shoes off. girl i mop the floors like every 2 weeks#it's fucking clean trust me just take them off bitch#am i being holier than thou? probably but fucking DESERVED#i can't be taking care of people two years older than me like this. yall have too much fucking drama
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saw a post where someone was super upset about people posting early morning routine vids and complaining that it's promoting hustle culture or whatever and, like, yeah probably some influencers are trying to do that, but also. sometimes. people are just morning people. and are more productive at 3 or 4 or 5am than they would be at 8 or 9 or 10pm. and if that doesn't apply to you, they are not evil, you are simply not their audience.
#//juri speaks#i mean i have literally always been most productive in the early morning. thats when all my homework ever got done#if i had made a video about my routine would they have complained about that as well?#''not everyone wants to get up at 5am and write essays! stop trying to promote hustle culture''#literally just ignore them? find people who have routines for night owls?#sorry to sound so bitchy on a saturday morning but AS a morning person#it always rubs me the wrong way when doing things early in the morning is portrayed as being bad and wrong and evil#(also that no stores open early but everything stays open late)#(but thats a whole 'nother thing)
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One day I will have all my dreams come true. I'll have enough energy to do shit that I want, and my stupid ass brain won't get in the way. I'll be able to have fun and work towards my goals without self sabotaging. I will have a better life for me and my future wife. I will have therapy and support groups and emotional support cats. I will be happy and content where I am in time, but not afraid to look forward to future events. I will have and get what I want and not feel bad about doing it because it doesn't prevent others from getting what they want. Only when I don't do it am I preventing someone from achieving their goals, and that someone is me.
And it could start today. Or tomorrow or this week. This month, this year. I still have time. I will make the time.
Wait for me.
#kb vents#sorry just. watching other people achieve their goals makes me so happy for them#but my shit brain always makes me look at where I am and that I'm not where I want to be#but no one can help me with that. i have to help myself. and i need to stop making excuses and face reality all reasy#ive done so much to survive in a world that does not make it easy to survive. that is enough reason to keep going.#late night thoughts you know?#i should sleep.
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one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else
#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more#I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s#the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything#that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da#lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how#get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to#and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not#be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much#of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so.#literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in#bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it#into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it#but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted#any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself#not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha#usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day#because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere#I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s#just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway#this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this#bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school#vent tw#yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely#disability#chronically ill#i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho#i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to#anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse#I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours#I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework
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just full force threw a shoe at my sister's face and when my mum got me alone after she was like 'you shouldn't clobber her. but i get it' 😭
#it kicked off today but in my defence she's actually proper in the wrong this time even my DAD called her a bitch and my mum is FUMING#baso my sister came into my work with her mate when i was closing the other day and all the staff GLARED at them bc of aforementioned#close so i was being v chill so everyone 1) knew it was my sister and not some customer coming in late and 2) her friend wouldnt be uncomfy#like that's the real kicker her i was being extra laid back FOR her friend so he'd feel more at ease. and one thing about me is yes ive#said countless times i have a rural accent but my mum also raised me to know when and how to speak nice if need be bc people are cunts here#so when im waitressing i speak nicely bc it's a stuck up restaurant w stuck up customers but when im with my sister? making a point of#being laid back? my normal accent came through. and her mate when i was gone said i sounded 'really [from the county we live in]'#which WOULD NOT BE A COMPLIMENT. it's baso saying 'your sister sounds local and chavy' without using such explosive words#and my sister LET HIM SAY IT. SHE DIDNT DEFEND ME. and she told my mum about it later bc SHE THOUGHT SHE'D TELL ME OFF#LIKE SHE DID IT TO SNITCH. THERE WAS NO SCENARIO WHERE MY SISTER WASNT BEING A CUNT. and my mum hit the ROOF#one thing she's rlly been big on is loyalty bc it's always been the 3 of us so when she found out my sister let him say that she FLIPPED#and this all happened last night and i only found out this morning bc i overheard them screaming at each other and turns out my mum#tried to keep it from me bc she didnt want my feelings hurt and IM pissed bc it actually did hurt more than i thought it would#like i KNOW what people say about my accent but it's a guy i know? my sister's been friends w him for years? i was being nice?#it's EMBARRASSING like i was clueless & friendly and turned around for him to be like 'look at this stupid local girl' like??#and my sister did NOTHING? it just sucks so i STORMED upstairs when i found out and had it out with my sister#and she knew she was fucked so she did all 'im not talking to you i have nothing to say' AND PUT HER EARPHONES IN?#the way i RIPPED them out. got in her face like okay girl u think i sound like a chav ill act like a chav lets GO#and it just got really aggressive and i wound up grabbing HER OWN SANDAL and full force hurling it at her face 😭 oops#from close range too like i was already in her face so i basically just smacked her with a sandal DSHGJKSH#now we're sat in silence bc alas we still share a room. WHAT the fuck. insane tbh but it's a bit funny. im so angry rn i could KILL#hella goes home
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