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#i already know everything is my fault!
pubby-paws · 2 years
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doctorsiren · 14 days
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give this angle another tri
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moeblob · 7 months
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What if I straight up didn't explain myself? What if I just said trust me on this? Would you?
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moonkhao · 1 month
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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evelynpr · 1 month
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bakugou for the character ask game?
Truly the teenage boy, shonen deuteragonist, love interest coded, gay asshole, of all time.
My first impression - Woah I did not understand why people were so into this guy. Like I get it, he's a flawed and loud pretty boy, he gets character development, and probably gay, but seriously him??? His mouth is so fucking foul and he is so up his ass. - I was meh with this character, enjoyed him in fan content, but just did not get why people were sooo into this guy.
My impression now - I cried in "Light Fades To Rain". Twice. - My god his growth...his will, his persistence, and by god his love for Izuku is so ridiculous and powerful I just cannot help but admire the little shithead. - He is also a lot more to me than I expected, with the whole "foul mouth shit", "high expectations bullshit", "violent urges", and "dedicating your whole life and love to someone you love and admire" and that...that makes me feel quite conflicted.
Favorite thing about that character - The thing about Bakugou is that...you just cannot help but wish you had the same kind of persistence, strength, will, and power that he does. I love how all this is initially so shallow and selfish, then grows to wanting to be a better and truer hero. He really learns and changes and is just an unstoppable force of nature, it's genuinely incredible and beautiful to watch.
Least favorite thing - I wished that the overall writing did go harder in making him stop bad-mouthing people and...everything so much. You can tell he did grow to respect and care for people around him more, but by gods he is sooo bad at communicating his feelings right now. (tbf, he is so fucking young and traumatized) - Also, really please stop hitting people. I get a knee-jerk reaction to that kind of physical violence sometimes ngl.
Favorite line/scene - There are so many. I already mentioned his death in "Light Fades to Rain" so I'll mention a different one - Team Bakugou in Class A vs B was so goddamn good, for being a monumental milestone of his character. How much he trusted his teammates and put himself in danger to save others, winning in the end. No injuries, no failures, truly a perfect beautiful victory. How he also pushes Deku to keep getting better afterwards in his usual constipated-ass language too. Man I just love that battle to death.
Favorite interaction that character has with another - (me pulling out scenes that aren't bkdk centered here hahaha) - I fucking LOVED the Bakugou vs Ochako fight. It made me love Ochako so so much as a kid. I really wished we had a follow-up to that battle, and it genuinely changed my life. - I love how it really shows just how focused and rational he is in battle. How he truly respects his opponents, Ochako in this case, and the sports festival really establishes so much about him.
A character that I wish that character would interact with more - Speaking of which...OCHAKO VS BAKUGO 2 COME ONNNN - There is SO MUCH these two need to talk about. How to save people, who they want to save, who saved them, never underestimating each other, how they changed and grew. I just love these two characters to bits, that's why I need them to FIGHT AND TALK SO BADDDD - Additional: Also Toga (see my post on Toga right before this one lmao), Shoto (because I still don't really get their friendship but its hilarious, and I love Shoto)
Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character - I legit cannot think of anything here...like for Toga...I am so sorry my brain is blanking T__T - It's hard to be a massive anger-issue filled, victory-focused, die for their lover (twice), amazing chef, all at once, kinda guy...you know?
A headcanon about that character - I am a believer in trans!fem Bakugo in the future. He's so ridiculously angry for some reason, voice always cracking, and just on-edge for some reason. Idk I just think its hilarious and satisfying if he transed his gender in the future and became happier and more comfortable.
A song that reminds of that character - I also have a Bkdk playlist in the making! Here's some bkg focused songs in character development order: - Boys will be Bugs, President Perfect, Top of my School, Oh No!, I'm Gonna Win, The Last of the Real Ones, Skyfall, Die For You, Set Fire to the Rain
An unpopular opinion about that character - Like Toga, he actually isn't possessive. I think he quite well understands and accepts that Izuku is a very loving person that many people are easily drawn to (I mean, he'd be a hypocrite if he didn't understand that). - He is protective instead of possessive. He keeps an eye out for anything and anyone who could possibly actually hurt Izuku, but he doesn't hold him back at all in hanging around with others, and when other people fall for Izuku either. - He is actually quite skinny, and doesn't have the big thick buff guy build. Those go to Izuku and Iida more imo.
Favorite picture - I never really thought of this much??? I love art of him being softer, more solemn, quiet and contemplative even. I guess I'll go pick out some favs right now...
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Here they are! Hope you enjoy the post lmao
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valeovalairs · 3 months
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My moms making me go ask for a job in person wish me luck
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several-ravens · 5 months
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so here are my categories updated in light of the recent events aka the end of season 1 (under the cut because it's still long af and i don't want to pollute dashes):
i have been made aware (by my friend, again) that these categories are based on fears, so:
fire:
episode 8, the contractor
episode 12, gerard keay at the hospital
episode 37, guy in the forest and milk bottles
pestilence (infestation, but cooler):
jane prentiss in general (worms)
episode 36, care home (flies)
madness (hypnotic patterns and fractals):
episode 3, not!graham's table? idk
episode 8, the contractor's dad obsessed with fractals
episode 38, homophobic vase
episodes 39, not!graham's table again? idk
bonus: episode 26, michael because
web (name-dropped by martin in episode 39, formerly spiders):
episode 16, arachnophobia
episode 36, zippo with web design that jonathan received
death:
episode 7, guy who met war
episode 11, black tendrils
episode 29, guy who plays faro
darkness:
episode 9, serial killer dad (there's a weird date inconsistency in this one)
stranger:
episode 1, anglerfish
episode 8, not!graham himself?
episode 10, vampires?
episode 27, bedroom doorknob
episode 28, anglerfish part 2 (yes i recognised sarah baldwin's name from episode 1, i'm better than jonathan /j)
episode 39, not!sasha herself?
hunt (name-dropped by jonathan):
episode 10, also vampires?
episode 14, voodoo fingers old lady ("some hungers are too strong to be denied")?
episode 15, cave diving?
episode 31, werewolf
fear of heights (?) (formerly infinity):
episode 21: parachute guy
lonely (name-dropped by my friend haha):
episode 13, graveyard and fog
episode 33, ghost ship and fog
ew (flesh/bones/meat/body/blood) (also probably two categories in a trenchcoat):
episode 8, the bleeding tree
episode 10, also also vampires?
episode 14, voodoo fingers old lady
episode 17, boneturner's book
episode 18, rotting meat nailed to the floor
episode 28, anglerfish part 2 (idk she wears her own skin like a glove and that's gross)
episode 30, abattoir
eyes (not a fear, btw, so i'm gessing fear of being watched?):
episode 12, gerard keay's lighter, and also gerard keay's tattoos
episode 23, mausoleum in germany
episode 39, jonathan feeling observed
claustrophobia (?):
episode 2, casket?
episode 15, cave diving?
episodes i have no idea where to put:
episode 4, ex altiora
episode 5, trash bags (probably multiple categories depending on the trash bag)
episodes 19 & 20, priest (probably multiple categories as well, maybe a bit of madness and a bit of ew)
episode 24, red organ and puppets (i will not let my own fear of clowns and dolls bully me into making a shiny new category just for them)
episode 25, cult roommate (could be lonely, could be darkness, idk)
episode 35, corridors (all of the categories at once)
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docholligay · 6 months
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It is so hard for me to just let go of tasks I've delegated and I am being so so brave right now.
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electoons · 7 months
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giving my ldb a daughter. embarrassing for all involved. mostly me
#her mom is an orc and her dad is a wood elf so she's going to be a very pointy orc. angular#like ok i suppose i leaned a little heavy on the elf features but also shes 12. she'll develop more orcish features. Not My Fault 😐#mimiart#weird little girl who pretends to be a wolf -> actual werewolf pipeline#elder scrolls#skyrim#shes sooo sweet and smiley :) idk where that comes from. not either of her parents. neither a point for nature nor nurture#calling her Khara for now. might change idk#re: my caption its only embarrassing because of who she had the child with. he fucking sucks#but so does she which is why they get along and they make each other worse. but also sometimes better#whatever. they love each other and their weird kids#at first they said “no kids absolutely the fuck not” then they decided to adopt alesan because like. hes already pretty much self sufficien#like he had a job and everything right. this will be a breeze hes already pretty much a fully formed human we can just help him out#by letting him sleep in our house right. and then like not even a full year later uloth gets pregnant oops 😬#does anyone here know how to keep a baby alive. thankfully uloth has amassed basically a small village of followers/friends/housecarls#some more responsible and knowledgeable than others. so dw the kids are okay and not dead#they just keep the necromancy and shady black market trading and unethical experiments OUTSIDE THE HOUSE#tes#ocs#oc#khara has only broken her dads finger once. orc grip you know how it is#oh and his nose too. but he deserved it for stealing hers 😑 like what was she gonna do?? NOT steal his right back?? come on
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enypneon · 4 months
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i've been thinking about this a lot. but i need to shorten my muse list drastically. with the work outside of rp that keeps piling up, i don't have the energy to tend to all of my characters equally. which is unfair towards those waiting for their replies/messages/etc. over many months. not to mention that i don't even get to write down all the headcanons, which are spiralling in my head.
so these are the ones i will keep:
anouar, aventurine, eris, evren, foenix, heimdall, slavoj, songbird and vincent
for easier execution, i will move to a new blog ─ and turn this one into an archive (temporarily), eventually deleting it. i'm aware of the starters i won't be able to reply to because of this decision and i hate to do this when you guys have spent time and effort on them. if you do choose to follow me on my new blog, i can offer you a new starter with a new muse!
apart from this, consider the blog on a mini hiatus. until i have set up everything and can post another update.
again, i am truly sorry for the inconvenience this may cause. in case you want to get a private update/receive the link in the dms for whatever reason, feel free to let me know. of course, you have every right to break mutuals from this point on and there will be no hard feelings, i promise.
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kaiserkisser · 1 month
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today is such a stark contrast to yesterday in how much i fucking hate today (vent/rant in tags bc i forgor to do it on my vent one)
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shhh-secret-time · 6 months
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To be honest, stardew valley has me in such a chokehold. It always has, even before the 1.6.
In such a way that my brain wants to smash my hyperfixation into it. So late at night I'll be awake thinking of this stardew/south park mashup.
Call that bad boy Star Park AU.
But no brain! Bad! We already have too much going on! You have a Secret Soulmate AU. Fantasy AU, A Cowboy AU story staring Kenny that's still in the outline phase, and these one shots!
(Look at the tags to watch me descent into madness)
#like C'mon#it would be so cute and wholesome#ya know#everything south park isn't#its not my fault I think about me and my friends ocs starting a little farm together#i got one friend I rp with#we smash everything into our stardew rp#it ain't even really stardew besides like the layout of the town#I could write something like that up#like Stan and his family are already “farmers”#the heart event where he tells you he fucking hates it#but next heart event he confesses he's starting to associate farming with you#and now...maybe its not so bad?#COME ON#Kenny taking Karen to see your animals and falling in love with the way you're so gentle with her#Kyle finding you passed out in the mines and scolding you for being careless#but he's patching you up while he does it!!!?#Cartman demanding you bring him crops from your farm because#“everyone elses crops taste like dirt and ball sweat! at least I can stomach yours.”#(its the sweetest thing hes ever said tbh)#tweek having his little coffee shop set up there#he gets away from his parents and moves out to the valley because its quiet!#Craig moves out there to study the stars because they're so clear he can almost see all of them without a telescope#Clyde is JUST Alex and you cant change my mind#after the death of his mother he goes to live with his grandparents#Bebe is like a mix of Haley and Emily!#her events would be you helping her get her outfit designs off the ground and using her photography skills to have you model them#Wendy's whole thing would her being the mayors assistant but over heart events you make her believe in herself#and she becomes mayor; fuck you lewis you old fuck#shhh its a secret
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ajxrn-archive · 2 months
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I need to be put in a waffle iron or something
#i am. really stressed!!#i hate being online i keep losing friends#Majority of them did shitty stuff to me and it makes me so sad#I already have trust problems so when people come and say theyll always be here for me and then the next thing i know im blocked because i#Expressed my discomfort about something shitty they did it makes those trust issues even worse#We were pretty close and now i regret telling him shit because he could use it against me#And im starting to fall out with my “best friend” irl. Everything is making me sick#I can’t do this anymore I really want to disappear#There has to be something about me so repulsive to people#That i just turn them away#its gonna be like that for the rest of my life isnt it? I probably wont even get a partner in the future#I just don’t know why I fuck up every friendship so bad even if it wasnt. My fault#I shouldve kept my mouth shut even if i was uncomfortable#my last friendships ended like this too#I caused a huge server fight by saying I was uncomfy and I’m pretty sure everyone hates me now because of it#even though some said they werent#I am just really lonely and feel like a piece of shit#Because I am one#I don’t really know if I want to keep being here anymore#I genuinely think nobody likes me#Even when I was in school nobody liked me#I was the “weird girl”#I just wish I was normal and likeable and then maybe I’d have friends irl#I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I’ve considered suicide over it multiple times#I ruin everything#My friendships. My life. My parents marriage. My art. Everything.#I doubt anyone will read this or gaf so just. ignore me
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sirenascelestiales · 6 months
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Honestly, considering the show/writers never acknowledged Daphne’s marital rape of her husband, and they only had a slight acknowledgment of Edwina’s feelings on Kate x Anthony, like I don’t think there will be a satisfactory resolution to Pen’s betrayal of the Bridgertons (Marina/Colin and Eloise/Theo) or of Eloise’s “friendship” with Cressida (and anything else she might do as “revenge”).
I think they’ll blow over the latter “I said I’d rather die than be her friend and I still mean it” and hugs all around or some other scene like that (which I know is simple and that’s my point). And Pen will apologize and confess that cause she’s so in love with Colin and she wanted to be noticed and she’ll be forgiven without much else from Colin. And maybe a little more for Eloise, if that.
(Spoiler’s for the books in case people care about that).
They forgive her for Whistledown in the books, Colin is worried more about her being revealed as Whistledown than her writing shit about him (tho nothing she writes is like Marina/Colin is not in the books. Daphne basically forgives her for anything she wrote about that but tbh she doesn’t seem to mind anyway). And, they like sorta acknowledge it as “wtf” thing, but it’s blown over quickly imo. “Oh well that’s nice dear” sorta reaction. And Eloise does have even more of a backbone than in the books but idk I just don’t see why and what people seem to want out of Bridgerton.
Eloise is going to somehow befriend and fall in love with Crane! You’re telling me the girl running around with Theo and “radicals” will suddenly fall for the guy boring the fuck out of Marina?
Like, I’m sorry but Bridgerton is pretty people hooking up with a regency background. They will not “do right” by most people’s standards of how the characters should act and how to apologize (Daphne and Simon make up after professing deep love in the rain! Anthony is shocked into confessing for real cause Kate fell of a horse! It’s for DRAMA, and then it’s resolved kinda easily?)
I’ve seen some more of nuanced takes against Pen, at least these people aren’t reducing her to a fat villain (cause when they did that I could not take them seriously 😒). And honestly a lot of it is fair, that’s good! The writers don’t care.
But now I keep seeing people hating Eloise to the point that they want a comeuppance that is not proportional to her “revenge”…and like… it won’t be as serious as y’all are making it to be. This “revenge”. Like please, the writers aren’t going to suddenly take this world seriously. See above and those are just 1 example for each season!
If they wanted to acknowledge all the hurt Pen put people through and make her work to become a better person, they could! I just don’t think they will because it’s 8 episodes per season and in this season they’re trying to find a way to get Colin and Pen together and Eloise and Pen as friends again by end of season. I don’t think they’ll extend a conflict into Ben’s season (I actually hope they don’t, I like Ben and Sophie’s story for the most part and while I love Anthony and Kate they shouldn’t be the focus either).
Idk what people expect I guess. if you’re watching it for Pen to be taken down a notch… might not be the season for you. If you’re hate watching I guess tag it with “anti” whatever and not the regular tags?
I’m sorry if you think she does not deserve an happy ending, I don’t necessarily disagree that she’s undeserving of some crow eating for what she’s done. However, I don’t think the writers care to make her go through that. And I don’t watch Bridgerton for brilliant character development that I think some of y’all want.
That being said I’m curious about how they’ll manage LW post Colin x Penelope marriage. In the books it basically disappears, and maybe they can use that to have a build up to Pen! However that means to me making their relationship last longer than as season and I do not want that for any of the couples.
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last post for the night i swear
the real tragic part about the whole science fair incident is that perpetual motion is impossible to achieve
ford’s machine would have never worked, regardless of whether or not stan had interacted with it
(warning i accidentally wrote an approximately 30-tag dive into ford’s character in the tags don’t click see more if you don’t want to read that)
anyway!! good night everyone ❤️‍🩹
#it’s also tragic because ford didn’t know#the impossibility of perpetual motion was discovered far before that point and yet he didn’t know#i mean. ‘he’s actually just so arrogant that he thought he could break the laws of physics’ doesn’t make any sense#his reaction to the situation really didn’t match that interpretation as far as i can tell#i don’t think it’s just a ‘oh no! my dream school (that i was essentially shoved into pursuing)!’ type deal#here’s what i’m thinking:#fact one- stan and ford were seemingly already drifting apart by this point in time. this is important to note#fact two- it’s really emphasized to him that he’s smart. that’s all they say about him really- that’s he’s a genius#fact three- filbrick does not even care enough about stanford to say his name. he calls ford his ‘ticket out of this dump’#these last two points were likely heavily emphasized to him throughout his childhood#filbrick found out ford was smart and thought stan wasn’t. so ford became his plan to make money#ford is heavily bullied for his weirdness. his hands and his interests. being smart could ‘make up’ for this in his mind#he wants to leave. he outright states this- he doesn’t feel like he belongs and he wants to go somewhere he does (his own bermuda triangle)#so what essentially happened- i believe- is that ford internalized all these things#that his weirdness is bad and that he makes up for it by being smart and that he’s meant to make his family money-#-and that he wants out#his machine fails. this is a slap in the face to him. perpetual motion is impossible?#but why didn’t he know that? he’s supposed to be smart isn’t he? if he isn’t smart then what the hell is he?#what redeeming qualities does he have? how is he supposed to help his family now? he’s a failure isn’t he?#he spots a familiar bag. stan was here. suddenly he has an excuse- a reason to believe it wasn’t his fault#(and there’s really nothing to be at fault for but he doesn’t think that)#it’s easier to blame it on stan because of how distant they’ve grown. he can’t read stan as easily#and his reaction is suspicious- did he actually sabotage the project? is it…actually not ford’s fault at all?#they don’t speak to each other again for another decade#stan because he’s afraid of rejection#ford because he doesn’t want to face his own insecurities and emotions about everything#it’s easier to pretend that he wants to be famous and isn’t just doing it to make it his father money#and it’s easier to distract himself with things he loves than to feel all the guilt and hurt and frustration#and that. is perfect for bill to use to manipulate him#that’s my thoughts anyway. sorry for the rant was not expecting that to happen
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coquelicoq · 6 months
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one important thing about work emails is that whoever you send them to can forward them to anyone else, or reply to you and copy other people. so if you're going to talk about a third party in your email, only say things you would be okay with the third party reading. because people can and will just suddenly CC brand new people on a long email chain, who will then be able to backread anything you've ever said in any of your previous responses that you were sending to only one person. word to the wise.
#i mention this because this just happened to me today BUT it was fine because i already do this#i was writing to client A and mentioned client B who has been making both of our lives harder#but because it's my policy never to trash talk one client to another client (they all know each other btw)#(and some of them are contractors for others of them)#the thing that i said about client B was not something i had to then regret a few days later#when client A for some fucking reason CC'd client B in her response to me#i worded it like 'i'm sorry this has been so hectic and last-minute. it took me a while to understand what client B wanted.'#which has the virtue of being true and also not denigrating client B in any way even though what i meant was#'client B has been so confusing in everything he has said to me that i couldn't give you any advance warning'#but i didn't SAY that. so we're golden#the thing is you will be SO tempted SO often to tell someone that something is a third party's fault#because it will often be a third party's fault!!!!! but you must resist every time. especially in writing#<-this is not universal advice bc sometimes you need to stand up for yourself or whatever. i just mean in venting situations#no venting to clients about other clients. sometimes you need to vent with them in order to build rapport and get them to see you as#an ally rather than an obstacle but you cannot vent ABOUT other people. they can do it but you can't. you have to find other things#to vent about#my posts
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