#i actually think i wont live that long | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

how-do-i-turn-this-thing-off · 1 year ago

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WIP Game 💓

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigued them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs. ^^^^so I saw this, and I just gotta ask... y'all have few enough WIPs that you can actually do this?? I mean, I thought that all of us writers united and such had twenty bajillion WIPs at all times and now I am feeling The Weight Of My Shame because apparently this challenge is doable for y'all and I can assure you that for me it Is Not. I cannot even comprehend the amount of time it would take for me to actually get all those titles in one place. When I say that there's more than two hundred EASILY. Like... oh wow I'm so much worse than I thought wow oh wow oh oh wow

#writing #writing sins #how are you people finishing this many things #i do not comprehend #i cannot fathom #i am incapable of finishing all my wips #probably literally #like #i actually think i wont live that long #i dont think anyone could #wip game #wip challenge #failed #thoroughly #absolutely #oh god #what a terrible thing to even imagine #i feel a little ill

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toopolar · 8 months ago

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gabriel has no time gabriel has no time it doesn't matter how hard he atones for his guilt it doesn't matter if he beats the machine (he wont) in freeing himself he signed his death certificate

V1 also has no time it's scrambling to delay the moment it's circuits grow cool it's operating on pure instinct in a race against its inevitable end

They're soool. They're so. They both are kneeling at the execution block. The blade is currently falling. At least theyr not alone I guess. (Said in tears.)

#ultrakill #im so mad #i want gabriel to live so bad #but he cant live as long as v1 exists #also because of what he did #and v1 is just as doomed as humanity was #its kind of funny actually because hes a machine placed above god and humanity and he still is vixtim to the cycles of life and death #and conquering the forces of heaven itself wont change this #hhh. is normal. Lol #thinking about gabriel again #i #sigh #hakita #gabriel ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #gabv1el #if you squint

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birb--birb · 2 months ago

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Soooooo I did lich emmrich...for science..

AND IM SORRY I DONT LIKE IT HOW IS IT MORE COMON THAN SAVING MANFRED??????????

#i have a feeling its simular to those who ascended astarion bc they believed his act #but waaayyy less evil and way more healthy #like im a strong believer that if emmrich wanted to become a lich so badly #he wouldnt be asking us to make that decision for him #it feels kinda cheap to encourage him to live and embrace mortality #then be like “actually jk its your dream so go do it”#one of the biggest sticking points for me is his reasoning to become a lich #he'd be more in tune with the fade and see all its secrets and such #but it would also allow him to “be of service past” past his time #like my sweet gentleman sir #what YOU want is what matters #screw what the necropolis wants others will come along and continue your work as you did for those before you #people die. lives end. we wont get to finish everything we started #and thats normal and okay #emmrich is in such a fascinating position where he has the chance to say no to all that #and actually live 5ever #but is a long life better than a life well lived?#on the other hand: get dat skeleton ass baybeee if thats what youre in to #im just fascinated by if lichdom is something emmrich really wants #or something he thinks he should want #im sure ill rant about this another day lmao #feel free to chat with me about yalls thoughts cause id love to hear them!#dragon age #da4 #da4 spoilers #datv spoilers #da:tv spoilers #emmrich volkarin #veilguard spoilers #emmrich spoilers

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nuppu-nuppu · 2 years ago

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Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again

#pls dont read if you cant handle venting and whining #once again i am here to say that i am the loneliest person alive and i feel like i can’t grasp the basic consept of friendship and do it lol #like idk how to be friends #i feel like i will forever be sad and lonely #and i know everyone will say you can talk to me and i know that but i’ve just been by myself for so long that i don’t remember how to have #actual conversations with people i feel like i am disconnected from reality #i feel like i am an extremely unlikeable person and that’s why i was all alone in highschool and idk i am oversharing on the internet again #because it’s the only place i kind of feel safe doing it #pls take care of yourselves first before comfoting me or anything im sorry i sound very pathetic #how do i start living again #how does one live anyway #im just in my head all the time #this was supposed to be hot girl summer but it’s once again summertime sadness #im so stupid!!!#im so anxious and depressed that i dont know what to do with myself #im so sorry for oversharing i have a therapist dont worry im kind of taking care of myself #but the eternal loneliness just wont let me go #idk how to be a person anymore #i’m just sad #thinking of going to a church and pretend to be a believer so i could have a community again lol

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shirleyjacksonism · 4 months ago

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"student life" this "student life" that. girl I haven't been to a club in a year. haven't spoken to another student for longer than 10 minutes since the beginning of uni. haven't made plans with ABSOLUTELY ANYONE. everyone seems to get on well with each other and hang out together and everything and I have only spoken to 3 of my classmates in total. I'm living in my childhood home with my mom. thank you but I think I'll skip this "student life"

#i long to have an 8h workday and an apartment of my own. however small #and stop with all the studying amd exams and everything. i want to get home however late and not study. just watch a movie or read a book o #sth but i NEED to be free after let's say 7pm. just the workday ends and there is no more work. please. PLEASE #please let me escape this “student life” thank you #ramble tag #sorry for the vent i'm growing desperate #only just started and the thought of having to live this way in the span of 4 years is driving me insane🥰 i will work all day if i want to #also my mom's and dad's rants about our finances is infuriating... like cool get you but have you considered that 1) i want to help. maybe #let me? 2)my uni fee is actually incredibly low. i can pay it 6x working only 4h a day why do you have to talk about it all the time #“noo you shouldnt or we wont be able to pay the money for your education!!” girl i can pay it all in 3 months. fuck off #sorry for being so angry but what do they think they're doing?? do they assume i can't count???#anyway bye

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 4 months ago

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im so fucking happy that one group project partner dropped out i was gonna be fighting them all presentation bc we're both kinda controlling but now that they're gone all i have left is the lowkey kinda meek kinda nonassertive kinda a pushover partner so now i get to basically have free reign and be the person In Charge and i looooove being in charge ive been waiting for this i get to do everything and i can compromise nicely w the partner i have left and i get to be soooo funny and beautiful while i present and i get to make the whole class fight to the death over kahoot *sighs dreamily* i love being given free reign i love people i dont like dropping out and most of all i love kahoot

#group project no longer killing me i am now having soo much fun im having the most fun i used to HATE presenting but i learned that actually #i love attention and i love doing whatever the FUCK i want forever adn ever and ever adn everyone loves me bc im so funny and beautiful #and im gonna stay up late to glitterify my powerpoint bc now that my BORING partner is gone i will have fun with this or i'll die trying.#oooh i should wear my heels wait no im a pacer hmm wait actually that could be cool loud footsteps are attention grabbers hmm i will #think on this but i need u to know that im living my fantasy called having a whole class's attention and nobody can stop me #long time followers/moots may remember my sadomasochism presentation this will not be that fun and cool but i will fucking make #it better and more fun than anyone else's because i am not the type to be upstaged no fucking way am i letting one of those lame ass #losers upstage my fucking presentation i wont fucking allow it #okay. i must go to do my thing goodbye *swooshes my dress and disappears in a cunty manner*

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fleshdyk3 · 5 months ago

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god i fucking hate my dad

#he came home today from a bike trip he went on and he's been arguing with me about honeybee the whole fucking day #he keeps saying just let her out let her run around! every time i put her in her pen to nap #and he refuses to stop her from biting him #and he got mad at her for playing with his socks when she'd just been playing with mine and he threw them on the floor of the living room #which first of all stop being such a fucking slob #and second of all what the fuck did you expect to happen? it's a soft new toy on the floor where she spends most of her time. where all her #toys are. very similar to the two soft items she's allowed to play with (my socks)#she's fucking 3 months old she doesn't understand the difference between my socks and his socks #and i keep telling him i know what im doing i was doing all the research while he went to buttfuck nowhere on his midlife crisis motorcycle #but he just wont fucking listen to me #and hes like oh youre at that age where you think youre right about everything and are so stubborn like fuck you actually #first of all im stubborn about this because its a living breathing puppy and his actions will affect her behaviour as an adult #and bc i know what im fucking doing. ive been an animal person my entire life. i did all the research. i did this exact same thing with #parrots for five years.#and hes like you cant just put her in her pen every time shes being a dog like no i fucking dont. i only put her in her pen when it's time #for a nap and she's getting overtired. you can't just let her run around until she collapses bc for one she never fucking will #second that's only going to make her energy threshold higher and then she'll be absolutely impossible to handle #and i told him that and that i read that on like every professional dog training source i read #and he said that might be true or might not be #like it fucking is bitch omfg #and then he tried to one up me like um i actually raised you guys for a long time i know what im doing #like a child is not a fucking dog. also my mom raised us lets be fucking serious. and look how well adjusted i turned out #and he told me to relax and calm down like i wasnt even arguing with him but i sure as hell will now #like dont tell me to fucking relax. when has telling anyone to relax ever made anything better. especially a teenager. especially a (for #simplicity's sake) woman.#and i told him dont tell me to relax and he got all pissy and stormed off #like literally fuck you #im my fathers daughter. im just as stubborn as he is.#rambles

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nicoandthepoets · 2 months ago

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just met 2 ppl from my dorm im actually gonna cry now im so fucking awkward

#like i LOVE talking to people #but i cant #i just CANT #my primary school literally sent me to a psychologist 2 times for this #maann i wish my parents hadn't made me feel like a freak abt it #then maybe it would've worked #but yeah now i have to live with it ig and it drives me crazy #bc like #i dont wanna be like this #and i WANT to change #and ive been trying all my life #and ik i should probably go to therapy again but ofc my parents wont let me #took them long enough to accept i wanted to study psychology #idk they just hate everything that has to do with mental health #im actually thinking abt going to a psychologist from my uni next semester #hope they dont have to inform my parents then #but like ill pay for it and im 18 sooo #but its scary #okay oh my god this got waaayy longer than i thought #sorry guys haha

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itsalwaysdark · 2 months ago

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and when i live on my own ill be able to decorate like real life decorate ive never gotten to do that in real life b4

#like im not barred from doing it Nd i do like. a little bit kind of but its like. Idk my entire life is a very transient thing and im rly #rly rly not used to being in one place for a long time so as a kid we never rly decorated ever #and like obv i wont be Owning a house or anything like that so itll still have to be moveable but i can like. but furniture that i like and #stuff... ive never gotten to do that b4 even in um. wa. i didnt rly get to do any of the decorating even when i was in the actual house bc #him and the roommates umm. did all that. Okay well now ive sort of freaked it by making myself think of that so im going to go stare #longingly at the floorplan i did #bc umm. well ideally id like to move into one of the apartments thats right across the way bc theres a couple of apt buildings like right #there 5 min walk tops and one of the places Has an open one but no floorplan #i wont be movjng out for ages i just wanted to look at floorplans yk #but like i said no floorplans BUT theres one a bit further away not rly walkable bc its umm #youd have to walk on the interstate and stuff and um. no sidewalk and everything but theeeeeeeeee thing had a floorplan #still very close by like 2 min drive but yk. but i still did my little mockup floorplan with that apartment instead #i want it to be closeby so everybody can come visit and so that i dont die and explode . i dont rly want to continue living in this town #4ever once km like Normal and have savings and ive got everything worked out i wanna maybe move to chicago or something since il is better #for the transgenderisms. + ive always wanted to try living in a big city at least once and i think itd be awesome #but thats Ages and ages away like maybe 5 years depending on how good i am. weeee will see if 5 years in the future is like on the table 4 #me LOLLLL 24 year old connor seems rly crazy to imagine. but anyways....#but itll be nice to move out and still be in town bc then i can have the same job yk . and maybe ill know how to drive atp and i can like .#buy a car ..or something . if i do know how to drive #which i probably should since this town very car dependent and i dont want my mom to have to drive me to work esp if umm. i dont live with #them ... im just rly rly rly rly rly fucking scared of driving but i know also in my heart that when i do know how to drive the bond between #me and that car will be crazyyyy like. idk how many of you followed me last year but you may remember my insane bond with angel my cart from #work and there was a lot gokng on woth that <- was Very delusional at the time and i was convinced that she was a sentient thing and had the #power to make my life better or worse if i upset her so i said good morning and goodnight to her every single day so that i could have a #good day . looking back on it probably was something to be concerned abt but whatever.... she is still my best friend and i do miss her #deeply #her bathtub and heater were my besttt friends when i was in wa LOL. i was quite unwell #bathtub is still in my room tho yayyy. heater lives with lamp now and angel is of course at my old job....#bathtub currently is holding a project i gave up on. everyone say thank.you bathtub im looking at her right now

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blee-bleep · 2 years ago

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I crave for toxic diakko. Unfortunately I have classes tomorrow

#back to collegeeeeee i hate ittttttt #what if. diana is lowkey comp-het and is engaged to andrew for publicity reasons.#cuz shes an aristocrat and all #but shes smitten as fuck at akko #and akko doesnt know that diana is a bigshot public figure whose relationships are highly monitored #diana leads akko on in secret while she and andrew get along in public. but in reality theyre both only like #lesbian-gay solidatory who at best tolerate each other #diana really only warms up to akko for more or less lusty reasons rather than romantic ones #akko doesnt realize this and thought they were really going somewhere #she keeps on thinking 'aw shes so sweet she keeps on calling me and asking me to come over but she doesnt introduce me to anyone tho'#diana actually keeps her as a dirty secret and treats ger like that and diana sorta planned that this wont last long #uh oh it went longer tan it should and now akko is like a drug she cant live without now #diana's engagement w andrew gets nearer and nearer and instead of breaking it off with akko #shes thinking of ways to get her to working for ger so that she'll stay and near her grasp because she cant and wont let go #akko doesnt know what the fuck kinda situation shes in but amanda who sorta knows diana immediately gets vibe of their situationship #and brings akko to a party where diana and andrew's engagement is shown off #and akko finally learns how diana was basically using her as a side piece and leaves in tears

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caramelmochacrow · 3 days ago

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Photon Maiden's selection album, 4 Un Voyage, finally released!! Let's go!!!

Here are the songs in order:

FriendShip

4 Challenges (ver. 2023)

We Never Stop (ver. 2023)

Hikari (ver. 2024)

Akatsuki (fruits mix ver. 2024)

OVERCOME (ver. 2023)

Linked Ring (ver. 2023)

Collector

24 (ver. 2024)

Into the storm (ver. 2024)

Be with the world (ver. 2023)

Photon Melodies (ver. 2023)

Begin Again

Platinum (Saki Solo cover)

Dear My Friend (Ibuki Solo cover)

Fansa (Towa Solo Cover)

Let The Show Begin (Noa Solo cover)

Your Love ♡

Happy Happy Friend (Cutopia cover)

Kawaikute Gomen (Cutopia cover)

Photon Melodies (TAKU INOUE Remix ver. 2025)

#crow talks #d4dj #d4dj groovy mix #photon maiden #AHHHHHHH IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG!!!! <333 #the reason why i found out this album was released was bc i saw sato hina make a story abt it on her ig lol-- (ty sato hinaaaaa)#now i can hear the full version of all of their solos let's gooo!!!#also cutopia's stuff!!! THEY ALL HAVE FULL VERSIONS!!! YESSSSSS #also crazy to me they remixed the taku inoue remix for photon melodies this year..... just for this album.... damn #as im writing this im still in the first few songs so i wont be able to say my thoughts on all of the covers #you might see me post abt them later tho.... especially let the show begin and dear my friend #ahhhhhhhh i forgot how much i love photon maiden's sound <3 SATO HINA U ARE AMAZING!!! her harmonies and... idk how to explain but--#her voice during instrumentals where she just belts notes and just!!! IS AWESOME?! yeah i love it so much!! i never get tired of her singin #haru-chan is also so good!! ive been listening to more harmoe so ive been getting more and more used to her voice and seeing how cute it is #OH AND haru-chan's voice for the more “serious” photon songs scratch my brain a lot..... ahhhh i should go listen to harmoe after this #tsumugi risa is awesome too.!! i still think it's crazy she can have that voice for saki then switch to chu2 and akikaze rui lol #tsumugi risa's voice in collector makes me rlly giddy lol (makes sense since the song already does that w the synths and stuff)#AND!!! dont get me started on nanaki kanon...... i love the tone she gives to ibuki's voice... it makes her parts more richer and nice to--#listen to! it's really apparent in akatsuki (fruits mix and og) and linked ring! i already love both songs a lot so her voice just boots it #her voice kinda sends an arrow through my heart and such ahhhh i actually love her voice so much SHES AMAZING!!!#*meteor isnt here but i LOVE how she sings 'is the tempo slow? i dont care at all' SO MUCH IYAAAAAA!!!!!#i think nanaki kanon's voice just adds a whole new flavor to photon that i never knew i needed..... she's so amazing guys pleaseeee--#i should check out the stageplays and see how she does w koharu in revstar...... ive seen the first stageplay so i just need to watch more #ALSO IM ON INTO THE STORM AS I TYPE-- THE 2ND RAPPING PART WAS IBUKI!?!!?!? OK DAMN..... i love the power she puts into her voice AHHHHHHH #okay enough fanboying over photon maiden.... it's making me look like theyre my faves..... i wanna see all the units live one day istg--#LISTEN TO THE ALBUM!! stop reading me fanboy over it and LISTEN!!!!#edit: * i put the wrong song lol ALSO BEGIN AGAIN IS JUST SATO HINA PROPAGANDAA AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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torahtot · 1 year ago

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sth that always frustrates me is when people on here say things like "jewish ppl u can let go of connection to israel bc you can be at home in the countries you live in!" and someone responds with a whole essay on how antisemitism is alive and well.. bc that still accepts the original premise. you're saying yes, i agree, we would not feel a connection to the land if antisemitism didn't exist, but it does. this ignores the root misconception that makes someone say things like that, which is that they deny (or simply don't realize/understand) our connection to the land, which transcends the existence of antisemitism in the diaspora. walk into any orthodox school that doesn't even consider itself zionist, and you'll find the kids having conversations with their teachers about how to reconcile feeling comfortable in galut with the desire to properly mourn the beit hamikdash & yearn for mashiach so that we can return. this isn't metaphorical in the slightest; many of them will make aliyah whether mashiach comes or not (and it won't have anything to do with secular zionism or antisemitism). eradicating antisemitism in the diaspora would never change the fact that we are in galut. if they were smart they would actually shift the conversation to why we don't need an explicitly/exclusively jewish state in order to live safely & thrive in eretz yisrael, but they won't bc a) that would require accepting the validity of our connection to it and b) they consider it "validating settler fears" or wtvr the fuck. so instead they will continue to be totally inept at realpolitik solutions & fail to see eye to eye in conversation with jews bc they fundamentally misunderstand.. everything about us.

#or max theyll say uhm we never said ull b KICKED OUT or KILLED we think u should safely live under [nationalism but in the other direction]#it's actually very telling that if you look at activists *in* i/p who do real things instead of internet activism #the entire reason they're successful is bc they do what im talking abt here. they acknowledge the reason it's important #to both of us is not bc of antisemitism or oppression but just bc it's our homeland #also to be clear you can explain why the feeling of the need for a state is fueled by antisemitism #but 2 conflate the state w the land & say that our connection to the land can be erased or made metaphorical once antisemitism is conquered #is bs and wont get you anywhere #shoutout to that one post i saw saying yearning for eretz yisrael was always metaphorical... im So Tired #like besides being ahistorical that really only reflects the lived experience of the most assimilated among us. it's true for u maybe #but my community was absolutely not dicking around when they spoke about galut #op #on galut #also if anybody normal wants to reblog this if u have sth to say too long for replies. lmk ill consider it #jew blogging

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cerbreus · 11 days ago

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Another day I should have just outright avoided the news....

#im more exhausted every day and like #its getting so hard to not be really demoralized and lose hope for A Future #ngl its really hard to feel like life just only gets worse #steady downward spiral #having a down day i guess #😵‍💫 love steadily losing more and more hope i can even find a happy life for myself again #personal stuff #dont mind me i guess #just the state of things are getting me real bad #i feel so trapped and i have no real options #yay living here is soooooo fun cant wait for whatever shit they do tomorrow ..#it feels like im going crazy #every day we take another 20 steps towards a dictatorship that wants to Actually Kill Me #and the world just keeps going on. when does it stop? why is nobody else so stressed?#whats it like to be so removed from this shit that you get to close the app and it wont affect you really?#is the whole world just gonna watch us drown and just. ignore and forget?#i feel crazy for being kept up w insomnia at night thinking 'how long until i will have to flee with just the clothes on my back?'#and feel even worse and more hopeless because theres nowhere to go. nobody to rely on.#and i know theres other people who have it worse than me #other people who are similarly in crazy danger and i feel bad for feeling so selfish about being worried about my own safety #and my friends' safety #anyway sorry for the doom spiraling #its rough

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 years ago

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...

#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog #didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move #across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s #so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help #with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the #location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright #colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird #like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the #southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December #it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but #i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and #jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen #im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and #the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier #for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy #but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked #up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents #r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes #better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book #like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated

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orcelito · 4 months ago

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I do find it so funny that I will graduate college days away from my birthday. Like my birthday is literally in between the end of the semester ("graduation") and commencement

It really will be like a joint graduation & birthday party for me lmao

#speculation nation #i dont really do birthday parties anymore. havent in a long time. mostly just go out and do smth fun around my bday. ya kno #also have cake but like not in a party way. just like. here's cake lol #but im probably only gonna graduate from college once. which means i might as well live it up and all.#invite all sorts of extended family and people who have known me. etc etc.#actually it just kinda sunk in that i am. Computer and Information Technology (Systems Analysis and Design focus) w a minor in Communication #like those are words. it's a lot of words but actually it really is pretty accurate?? like that's indeed what ive been studying.#now how much i *remember* is another question. considering how long ive taken to get thru school lol #but that's what people will see on my degree. that's my Thing. graduated in Computer Systems and Talking.#idk it's just weird to have spent so much of my life on this and like That's the culmination. it took so much work.#even beyond a normal 4 years. i switched my major *twice*. switched my minor too.#first year engineering to undecided liberal arts (as a temp major trying to switch to computer science bc i couldnt stay in FYE)#but then computer science sucked so i switched to trying to get into computer & info tech. which is different. and better.#and ive been in it long enough now that ive kinda forgotten but it did take some fuckin work to switch into it.#like i had to take certain classes first & i couldnt take them during the semesters that in-major students would take them #and i had to have my gpa up to a certain level etc etc. so many hoops to jump thru. i think it took me at least a year. or more. idr #but i made it in and thats my major. thats my thing. computers and information systems and communication.#doesnt FEEL like im an almost-graduate. but then i think about all the things ive taken and learned.#and maybe i dont remember a lot of the more specific things from these classes. but i took core lessons away from each one.#wont be able to recite the theories but i can live them. and thats the point of an education i guess.#anyways im gonna have to start job searching before too long and eughhbb. need to get my license first tho probably.#which i will... i will.... i have so many things to deal with... my life will be So Different in a year...#it will require me to put in the work now. but i can do it. and then a year from now. i'll hopefully be in a better spot.#living somewhere else. graduated from college. with a license and a car. maybe even an IT job of some kind.#kind of scared of trying to find a Big Boy Job. aka a job that requires a degree and networking and all that shit.#rather than just showing up and being like Hi i can do this job. i am not a total drain of a person. hire me please 👍#hfkahfks so many things to think about. and through it all i am still dealing with DEADLINES...!!!!#but yeah this is why my writing has largely been put on hold. idk i have a lot of things im dealing with rn.

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infizero · 1 year ago

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every time i so much as think about that scene where light looks at porn magazines while scowling i go into hysterics its genuinely the funniest thing i've ever seen

#the funniest thing is is that i truly believe he thought he was being 100% convincing. that that's normal behavior for a completely straight #completely allosexual man #light is fucking awful and i hate him but also there's nuance to him. and sometimes i can get a little like. oh thinking about his life #before the series. specifically factoring in my headcanons about him being gay aroace and autistic and stuff. ppl have written some rlly #good fics surrounding those topics.... but yeah thats not even canon stuff but i dont care #anyways its not in a way of making excuses for how he is i just think it adds more to his character #hes total garbage but i think theres really interesting stuff with him when it comes to how he's.... VERY disconnected from others #just in general. he's like aware of how to act ''normal'' on like the most textbook surface level without being like. Aware enough to #be able to make it more convincing. and as ridiculous as it is i do see some of myself in him in that sense #also that person who said light and L is just autistic guy who's been masking his entire life vs autistic guy who's never masked in his #entire life. LITERALLY EXACTLY. genuinely perfect way to describe them they are both so similar when it comes to this #but the ways they go about it are very different. light has been playing the part of the perfect son his whole life. L doesnt try to change #himself for anyone and doesnt care when people think hes weird. both of them arent very socially aware and havent had any real friends #their whole lives. its such a fascinating parallel between them #i could go on a whole fucking thing about how light was pretending to be someone he's not around his family and at school and everything #long before he got the death note BUT. i wont. at least not right now #jesus christ how did i go from laughing about him with the magazine to this. my bad #derailed my own damn post. idk swagever #will say rq tho. watched a vid on youtube that pointed out how light expected his family to think nothing of the fact that he's gone to #such drastic measures to hide his diary when making the plan with hiding the death note which is like #that level of dedication would NOT be normal. so the fact that light expects his family to think nothing of it......#i mean you could read that as light just once again being socially unaware. but it could also imply that light's family kind of Knows #he's hiding something and just doesn't address it. (he's gay. im talking about him being gay)#the video also referenced this comic that i didnt rb cause the actual premise of it (lawlight wedding) is um.#not at all my kind of thing. BUT it was light describing himself as a house with a basement when his family sees him as a one story house #and i thought that was such a cool analogy #ANYWAYYYSSSS i need to go to bed. thanks if you read my ramblings #serena.txt #death note posting #infizero.analysis

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