#i love attention and i love doing whatever the FUCK i want forever adn ever and ever adn everyone loves me bc im so funny and beautiful

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

im so fucking happy that one group project partner dropped out i was gonna be fighting them all presentation bc we're both kinda controlling but now that they're gone all i have left is the lowkey kinda meek kinda nonassertive kinda a pushover partner so now i get to basically have free reign and be the person In Charge and i looooove being in charge ive been waiting for this i get to do everything and i can compromise nicely w the partner i have left and i get to be soooo funny and beautiful while i present and i get to make the whole class fight to the death over kahoot *sighs dreamily* i love being given free reign i love people i dont like dropping out and most of all i love kahoot

[imnoturholyroller]

yesterday my mother and i went to a baby shower and a lot of things happened there, or didn’t happen. whatever but anyway it was really boring and i thought i would u know like lighten up the mood because it’s a fucking baby shower so i did what i normally do and i make a joke out of everything at appropriate times of course and i thought i was funny because i was making people laugh and i was coming up with really bizarre stories and overall i had a great time personally but anyway my mother did not agree because in the car for the rest of the ride home and at home she gave me a very long lecture of how sometimes i dont need to be the center of attention and i was like yeah thats fair i am pretty annoying sometimes but then she was like did u see that room? u have to read the room sometimes. sometimes you cant just be ur full hyper normal self because even though i love you and your cousins love you, strangers might not like you. strangers might think ur annoying. and i was like haha like whatever i dont care what other people think about me!!! ive progressed as a human person i dont need other people’s validation anymore so i told my mom that and she was like i just dont want u to get hurt!!! or set urself up to fail!!! or something around those lines and i was like i dont care i dont care i dont care adn maybe thats true maybe i dont really care but the annie from a year ago would and the annie from 2 years ago or 5 years ago or 10 years ago would definitely care. and although ive changed and developed as a human being, not caring about what other people thinkk of me is such an unnatrual feeling and my mind is doing the equivalent of what the body does to prevent off a disease or a foreigner and my mind is like preventing antibiotics to fight off this feeling of nonchalance and confidence because it doesn’t feel right!!! im supposed to be insecure and care about strangers’ opinoins but im not but at the same time yes i am!!! yes!!! im still so insecure and maybe i dont care about strangers opinions but i care about my friends?? a lot??? i care about their perception of me and how people at my school perceive me and over the course of this day i have been so so so self conscious of what i’ve been saying and how ive acting and god i cant help but think that maybe my moms right and that i really am annoying and that i always try to be the center of attention and thats fucking annoying sometimes. i dont need to give my commentary on everything and everytime i try to fix myself i cant and i cant shut up snd i dont want to worry other people so i try to be funny but then i go overboard becasue apparently everything with me has to be 0% or 100% and no in between i can’t do midddle and i cant do in between and its annoying and im annoying and i need to be locked up or something because i keep talking and no one wants to hear my voice anymore and then i keep worrying and then at the end of the day i just radiate this giant ball of nerves and unwanted energy and stress and to be honest, too many people are really tired on a monday to be handling my bullshit and all of these negative experiences are going to add up and people are just going to end up hating me and wishing that i went away and that will make me want to go away for good and wish that i was just forgotten or put away forever and no one would ever have to worry about me again or worry about the memory of me because then i would be forgotten and no one would care anymore and maybe the world would be a quieter and more peaceful place maybe i dont need to give anymore energy because my moms right why waste my time and energy on people who don’t want to be around me when all it does is just make everything hurt at the end of the day and no one cares and i just wnat to die