#i absolutely love how hes drawn in the manga hes so shaped

[wispselfships]

Mmmmmmm bugy

[kyouka-supremacy]

Thoughts on akutagawa being drawn with no highlights in his eyes, hair, coat, or on rashomon,,,like everything is drawn pure black? I like when he's drawn a little bit like not-human--contrasts real well with Atsushi's dilemma of being a tiger, personally thinking. Also like when he's drawn like a void. Little bit like the cryptid creachur he is. I think you wrote something about it in the tags on panels in his introduction in the Manga. I like to think other characters also see him the way we see him so his void ass scares the fuck out of others too. Man's skeevin and tweakin even in his design

I'm OBSESSED with Akutagawa's design. Look at him. This is what he looks like on a white background:

And this is what he looks like on a black background:

It's BRILLIANT. He literally disappears in the black. He's the ultimate monster. In his appearance, he embodies what above all is most scary for the human psyche: the darkness, the unknown. The way Harukawa took advantage of the the art rule of never using pure black by breaking it in the most clever way! No light gets reflected on him, because his form absorbs everything– is absolute darkness. Visually, his figure itself is Rashomon eating everything it encounters, and it's genius.

He is so nightmare coded. I love his big, inscrutable eyes that look like two voids, two black holes. I love how oftentimes you can't tell where Rashomon ends and where he starts, I love how sick and unhealthy he looks. I love how he looks scruffy like an abandoned dog. I love how young he looks– way younger than he is. It gives the impression of a ghost, someone who was killed before growing up and is now stuck with his young appearance no matter how many centuries pass.

I adore everything about these chapter 33 pages. The way he initially appears as just a single black shape, hardly resembling a human. His crunched, unnatural stance. The staggering. The way you can feel with your senses the thick and sticky blood. The top picture is the left page of the manga, so just imagine the visual impact of turning the page to be hit with an almost full-black page- it's meant to impress, it's meant to shake. The way he's one with the darkness: no textures on him, only white making out his outlines. The way you can't tell where his coat ends. His left arm hanging numb, limp, lifeless, inhuman. The spurts of blood on his face. His smile, how you won't notice it at first and how that makes it all the more disquieting; its juxtaposition with the violence that surrounds him and that he is the cause of. The way he covers his face, the impressions of hiding and looming. His face being split, which only adds to the horror elements. Akutagawa's character design as a whole is an ode to the gothic and grotesque.

And then this. Hello??????????????? The progression from how Akutagawa used to be to the last time we saw him alive is astonishing. It's upsetting. It really makes me wanna cry from a technical execution standpoint alone (imagine from a plot related standpoint). All the black is now replaced with predominant white, everywhere. His shirt is white and candid and pure, emphasizing contrast with the splash of blood in a way that almost results sickening. The blood on him is his this time. His face looks rounder, and healthier, and he overall looks more mature. His smile is sincere and genuine, it's light, it's affectionate. This scene is the culmination of Akutagawa's character both visually and thematically: the monster, Akutagawa, too, can be good, and arguably had good within him since the very start. Does it really matter if he lives after this? His character already developed to be the best version of himself‚ and this panel here is the proof.

Further readings: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)

[despairforme]

why do you like nnoitra so much he’s fucking ugly

[ I SPOT A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT MY LOVE FOR NNOITRA IMMA TAKE IT !! First of all, my liking for a character is usually not based on how "good looking" said character ( I mean, some of my favorite One Piece characters are Perospero and Spandam ) is. In my portrayal of Nnoitra, he shares your opinion that he is fucking ugly fjfjfjjf, but he just doesn't mind. BUT IN MY UNBIASED OPINION --- ! Nnoitra is SUPER PRETTY !!!! Like OH MY GOD have you seen this man ?? ( Also, when I talk about Nnoitra's appearance, I do so from a completely platonic pov, I find it quite uncomfortable when people express physical attraction towards my muses ). ANYWAYS, yes, Nnoitra is incredibly pretty. I guess I just have a liking for "unconventional" beauty.

Nnoitra's build. Even though he hates it himself, I find it SO pretty. His build has influenced my drawing style, where I draw a dorito shaped torso fjfjfj. I mean his super broad shoulders and wide chest, and then that tiny tiny tiny waist... And his loooong skinny arms and looong legs?? He's got these odd exaggerated proportions that give him such a striking, recognisable silhouette. I also love being able to see his ribs and spine because I love drawing those things! I love that Nnoitra doesn't have the copy-paste "anime build". Makes him more unique. I just love how long he is? And also that he's so incredibly strong even though he looks so skinny. It's the "don't judge a book by its cover" vibe. And, of course, can't mention his build without mentioning his height. Nnoitra is amazingly tall, but not so tall that it can't be adapted to real life, which I'm SO happy about. It means I can write him in his main (human) verse without changing his height (like I have to do for my One Piece muses who are over 3 meters tall ). I just love how he's so tall and skinny. It gives him such a threatening vibe? I think he'd be less scary looking if he had a large build. There is something unnerving about an incredibly tall skinny dude?? I don't know how to explain it but I just love the vibe!

Nnoitra's face. Hello YES once again I'm so happy he doesn't have a copy+paste face. I feel like a lot of the Bleach characters have really similar faces, but with Nnoitra, he's unique. He's got his own design that doesn't resemble anyone else's. His face is quite long, but doesn't appear long, because it just fits perfectly with his body. His sharp jawline and pointy chin and his single squinty eye... Holy HECK he's so pretty?? Though my favorite part of his face is for sure his mouth. I love that he basically has no bottom lip, because his lips are so thin. It makes him really easy to draw. And, of course, the absolute best part! His HUGE piano teeth! This is where he absolutely goes way out of proportions and I LOVE IT SO MUCH !!!!! His teeth give him the most sinister, evil look. Like, he's supposed to be a monster and he's got the teeth to match. I love the manga panels of him where he's drawn with a HUGE mouth. Those panels are so effective and intense and portray emotion that normal "pretty looking panels" just don't. With such an amazing design that Nnoitra has, which is not SUPPOSED to look "pretty", he can be drawn much more dramatically, and that's amazing. Also just... Piano teeth are generally the best. Like they're so square. So perfect. Also gotta mention Nnoitra only having a single eye. When it comes to drawing him, this is a blessing. I love the angle of his eye, and the color. Storm grey, like that colour the sky has right before it starts raining like hell. Also... Have you seen his eyelashes? Stunning. I really like how his eyepatch compliments his face. If it was smaller it would look sort of odd imo, so the size is perfect. AND!! Another important thing about his design is that he doesn't have eyebrows in canon. I don't know why but I have a huge deal for characters without eyebrows fjfjfj I tend to not give my OCs eyebrows in their designs I don't know why. I feel like it just leaves the face so much more open and not as "cluttered" when you draw it IDK! Tho I do give Nnoitra eyebrows in his human!au.

HAIR!!!!! Can we talk about how Nnoitra has the prettiest hair you'll ever see? It's drawn SO shiny and smoooth in the manga. It always frames his face perfectly, and almost never looks messy, despite all the things Nnoitra goes through. Clearly it's really thick and heavy. And ink black which contrasts so perfectly to the really pale skintone they gave him in the anime ( which I use for my portrayal ). I think Nnoitra looks really good with his shorter hair as well, but yeah something about his long hair is just so majestic. And I also think it helps portray his depressive vibes. Like the panels where he's sitting... The way his hair falls just seems heavy.

HANDS!!!!! Who doesn't like pretty hands? IDK. And Nnoitra's got THE prettiest hands. Because they're unconventional. They're HUGE. Like really goddamn enormous? I think he's got the biggest hands in bleach fjfjfjf. His fingers are SO sharp and skinny. And bony. And also somehow he's got pretty nails. Hands are my favorite thing to draw and drawing Nnoitra's hands?? - chef's kiss - I just love the details.

And his outfit! People always say Nnoitra's outfit looks silly. That he looks like a spoon. And, yeah, he does look like a spoon. I affectionately refer to him as "my spoon" when I talk about him. He's got an outfit design you actually remember. It's unique, it's characteristic. You can see his silhouette and immediately identify him. I just imagine how terrifying it is for the other Arrancar when they suddenly see his shadow. They'll know exactly who is standing behind them. His tight fitting jacket really brings his build out in a way a fluffy jacket just wouldn't. And his neck looks so long and thin thanks to the way his collar is?? Also the fact that he wears bracelets that would make it harder to fight... It's such a good addition. Like why did Kubo bother giving a minor character like that SIX bracelets that he'd have to draw?? I love it. And Nnoitra's wide pants which are stuffed into his boots to reveal his incredibly thin ankles... Holy heck. 5/5. I think he'd look less threatening if his pants were tight-fitting ( and also would be impractical for fighting ), so this is such a nice move. AND ALSO HIS TINY FEET!! The fact that he wears high heels and that his boots have that curved tip... And his feet STILL look small for such a tall man... I love it. It's endearing somehow. And, guys, high heels were worn by men long before they became fashion for women, so this has nothing to do with Nnoitra being "feminine", because he just isn't.

SANTA TERESA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cannot talk about his design without mentioning ( my unbiast ) favorite Zanpakuto. Everyone in Bleach has sort of a small Zanpakuto, at least when it's not released. But Nnoitra? Nope. It's HUGE. It's freaking enormous. It's like a battle axe, but times two. The crescent shape, one pointed at his enemy, one pointed at himself, is so symbolic. And how skinny the handle is, which would mean it's super uncomfortable to wield... And how black the blade is. Like death. The chain always attached to him, like an anchor. That incredibly eerie sound it makes when he moves... GOOSEBUMPS !!

So yeah, I absolutely do not think Nnoitra is ugly. He's got that awkward, strange beauty about him. The reason why I started loving him in the first place, was because I randomly drew him one day. I was just sketching some Bleach characters, and I drew him, and something happened. It's quite hard to explain, but I got the urge to draw him again. And again. And again. Something about him inspired me. Something about how it felt to draw him. Honestly, when I started drawing him, I didn't even care that much about his character. I hadn't really "noticed" him when I watched Bleach. But as I started drawing him more, I went back and re-watched, and - I was completely sold on him. I started drawing A LOT more than I ever had before, and it gave me a different sort of joy. I felt happy drawing him. I think it's hard to explain if you've never had a muse before.

( muse - a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist. )

For me, that was, and is and always will be - Nnoitra. After drawing him for nearly a year, I started to write him on tumblr. My portrayal in the beginning was... Quite questionable ( I was very young, don't judge me ), but OH MY GOD !!!!! How much fun I had !!!! The very first month of writing him I wrote almost 50k words for him. I had never had this much fun with anything. Never felt so inspired. And it's been like that ever since 2014.

WHY do I love Nnoitra so much?

He is my inspiration. No matter how I'm feeling ( I have a chronic illness so I'm often in a lot of pain ), writing Nnoitra can make me feel better. Little things in my everyday life that remind me of him makes me happy. Like getting a milkshake because in his opinion you can't go on a roadtrip without it, or going for a walk because Nnoitra loves being outdoors. I always, ALWAYS want to write for him ( even though I often physically can't ). Having something to always return to, always want to do is a blessing.

I've met amazing people and had amazing experiences because of him. All the friends I've made online, some who I've been friends with for almost a decade, are friends I met because of Nnoitra. I used to be REALLY shy and insecure, but after I started writing Nnoitra, that just went away. I forever felt confident and comfortable. I've had no trouble reaching out and chatting with people. I've gotten to write incredible plots and had so much fun. All thanks to the confidence Nnoitra has given me.

Nnoitra's character overall to me is so interesting. He's so complex. Yes, he's an absolutely horrible person, and I find writing about that to be incredibly intriguing. There is pretty much no "limit" to Nnoitra's story, because he's NOT the good guy, he doesn't GET a "happily ever after". I've been writing his main-verse story for almost 10 years now, and there is still so much left to write. I love all the contradicting aspects of Nnoitra. How he's fiercely loyal, but that turns into possessiveness. How he wants to be cared for, but is selfish as hell. How he hurts others knowingly. How he knows he's a bad person. I love the small tiny glimpses of his humanity when it shines through. I love his bravery because no matter how heavy life feels to him, he always gets back up. He feels very REAL to me. He's got many sides to him. Most of them ugly, but all of them real. I always know how he's going to react in situations, because of how good a character he is. ( I don't mean good as in morally good, I mean good as in well thought out ). I love putting him in different situations ( aus ) to see how things go for him. The fact that he stays the same character regardless of scenario is amazing to me. You can change his whole life story, and somehow he's still there. Recognisable.

I guess it's not easy for people to understand why I love him so much. Definitely people in my real life don't understand why I dedicate so much time to an obscure ( they also think he's ugly ) character. But to me it's like ?? Nnoitra is my light? My inspiration? I love him. ]

[shizuostrans]

Hey there~

Do you have a HC about Shizuos favourite pieces of media, be it a movie a series or a book (or all three) ?

YESYESYES!! I have a bunch of hcs about his favorite kinds of media, but my awareness of Japanese media is limited so I’m just gonna be a little... vague on exact titles outside anime.

I hc Shizuo being aggravatingly picky about movies and shows. Words have meaning and movies and shows are frequently filled with redundant dialogue to him mixed with too much other bullshit to keep track of. Except for Kasuka’s movies which it then becomes a feature. <3

He likes movies and series where the settings are more fantastical, more romantic, with characters he can relate to. I agree with @kasururigoth about him liking Ghibli films, particularly Princess Mononoke and Howl’s Moving Castle. He sees a lot of himself in San, and while he initially is annoyed by Howl, he comes to understand him the more he watches and was absolutely suckered in by Sophie kissing him at his most monstrous (rip shizuo i know you would’ve loved the shape of water). He's drawn to Miyazaki films in general because peace is a core message in nearly every Ghibli film and he appreciates that.

For similar reasons, I think Rurouni Kenshin is his favorite anime and he looked up to Kenshin as a role model as a kid. Before Traugott I guess. I doubt Shizuo had many role models that weren’t scared of him growing up lol

I actually think he’s less picky about books. They’re much cheaper to replace if he gets carried away, and he can avoid getting carried away by picking up and pausing where he’s reading more easily than with movies or shows. They’re also easier to process all at once, he doesn’t have to analyze the score or cinematography or the actor’s performance because the information is all laid-out for him. He usually doesn’t seek them out, but if his friends or Kasuka recommend something he’s much more willing to check them out.

His favorite genre of fiction is honkaku mystery and he has SO MANY opinions on it. He’s usually more of a I-like-what-I-like kind of guy, but since I hc detective novels being the only books he actively sought out from childhood, he’s developed a sense for the common themes within the genre. Avid hater of Sherlock Holmes and with good reason, his deductions don’t make any logical sense (they really don’t) and it pisses him off when he always magically pulls them out of his ass at the end. His favorite writer is Ranpo Edogawa and his titular character Kogoro Akechi was his inspiration to want to become a detective. He also has a complex that Izaya is his Endo Heikichi, but he doesn’t verbalize it.

His fave mystery anime/manga is Monster, and he has a weird admiration/crush on Tenma. Another one he loves and continues to catch up on Ghost Hunt, but he’s incredibly secretive about it and asks Celty to transport the volumes for him because it’s a shoujo series he used to read back when his mom was still buying him shoujo magazines.

Bonus Shizaya (kinda) hc:

I hc that Shinra, Shizuo, and Izaya are all attracted to the mystery genre because they like unraveling them. Shinra is very outspoken about the books he likes and will bring them up to Shizuo and Izaya both with an impromptu infodump. If he’s talking to Izaya (listening, asking questions about the content of the book) and it sounds interesting enough, Izaya will give it a shot. If he’s talking to Shizuo (half-listening, asking if it’s available at the bookstore on his way home from work/school) and it’s under 600 yen, Shizuo will give it a shot. Occasionally they’ll both be reading the same book and when Shinra asks about their thoughts afterwards, one of them will talk about about how they figured it out from a certain part of the book and Shinra lets them know that “hey, Shizuo/Izaya came up with the same deduction!” and kills the conversation in its tracks.

[lover-cook]

I've been thinking about Sanji still and the nuances of him as a f/o So I'm going to talk about it <3 The thing is. In my head his personality Absolutely leans more on his characterization in the Live Action but mixed with his original characterization in the manga and anime. Cause I read some of the manga in highschool but dropped off because I was borrowing the manga volumes from a friend who I had a falling out with so I never really continued! BUT THEN The live action adaptation got announced and I got rehooked instantly. And I had already liked the Strawhat Crew from the little bit I got to read but I didn't get the chance to really get attached. The live action changed that ALOT. Maybe it had to do with it not being connected to reading them as fast as I could and being able to enjoy them from a different point of view but I LOVED IT! And I particularly enjoyed Sanji! He was a character I liked well enough and found interesting but wasn't the highest on my list, probably because I didn't get very long with him! The most I remembered about him was the circumstances of meeting him, his backstory, and that he was a flirt. But OHHHHHH Did the liveaction make me think about him more. Not that I don't enjoy his manga and anime portrayal, when he's not being played for jokes I REALLY LIKE HIM <3 I haven't gotten that far in the anime but I hope that that element dies down after the time skip? Nothing against Nami lmao I adore her I think this is just the like. Second character that I've genuinely been uncomfortable/not a fan of shipping with a specific characters (Also looking at Red Son and how I feel about Dragon Fruit shipping) I'm glad to see that that element has been toned down for the most part while keeping that flirty gentlemenly side to Sanji that I really really love. And I think that's why I like the concept of my selfship with him being a mix of both portrayals, blending the elements I enjoy from both! Like for example I LOVE the way Sanji flirting is portrayed in the liveaction compared to how it's show in the anime with overthetop feminizing comedic stuff. But on the other side I actually really like the standoffish toughguy facade he puts on in the anime lmao.(Again gestures to Red Son) And I also want to do that with him visually!! Trying to mix how he's drawn in the manga/anime and the features his actor has in the live action (ie wavey hair, face shape, tongue peircing, etc) It's been.. fun! Being able to mix and match and take all of my headcanons into account and make a version of him that has all the stuff i love <3

[vimse]

For the artist ask thingy. 1, 2, 8, 9, 14

Hello!! Sorry for the wait, I wanted to get home to access my pc for an old pic I wanted to share.

1.) What canon character(s) do you love to draw the most? (And why?)

Tech (isn't it obvious? 🤓). I cannot articulate why though. I just get a good feeling when I draw him. I think it has to do with the fact that he's my current fictional crush. However, I do enjoy drawing modern au version of him the most. Why? Even when I don't want to, I have a tendency to comply to canon sources as much as possible. In a modern au, that is not an issue and I have a lot more creative freedom, so that's why I like it. And also he's totally not maybe dead there so 🤷‍♀️😅 also why is he such a good looking model?

2.) What do you think makes your art iconic?

Last time I was active on tumblr, I think I was known for my use of very vibrant and saturated choice of colours. Also I used to highlight the lineart with fully saturated CMY colours. I’ve never seen anyone else do that at the time, so I think it was very recognisable. And since I really like you, I wanna share an old piece of art made in 2016 (looking through old art is embarrassing, but this was probably the peak of my fanart career tbh haha) ❤.

As of right now though, I don’t feel like my art is iconic in any way. I don’t think I’ve drawn enough to have something recognisable going for me.

8. Are there artists that inspire you (and maybe shaped the way you draw your art)?

This is a hard one 😅 I completely stepped away from art during 2018, and when I returned I sort of just continued on with what I knew from before. But since it had been such a long time, I don’t remember what artists influenced me or shaped my art to make it like it is today. Rather than specific artists, I think I was more inspired by art styles, if that makes sense? I started with anime and manga, and then I tried to transition to a more semi-realistic style as I grew up. I was really into the art of my favourite games at the time, which were Overwatch and World of Warcraft. Also I think the art style of Arcane is so very lovely, I think I’d like to emulate it more in my current paintings.

9. How many drafts you have right now, be honest-

I am HONEST I don’t think I have too many drafts

The Band Batch x 2

Greasy mechanic!Tech

A special something about modern au Tech featuring a certain automobile 👀

Another Tech portrait in funky lighting.

Band au Crosshair (concept: he is smoking (hot))

A little self-indulgent Tech something to comfort my soul

I have a lot more ideas, but those have not made it to the canvas just yet.

14. Funniest thing that happened to you during the drawing process?

In recent time, maybe…that time I posted a sketch of Tech with an exposed neck and shoulders and the absolutely feral responses I got from the denizens of this site 😂 It happened on the art blog, and unfortunately I've deleted the post when I cleaned it up 😢

Thank you so much for sending these! They're good distractions on bad art days, you have no idea how much I appreciate it!!

In case anyone else reads and is interested: Weird questions to ask your local Tumblr artist

[smartie-ya]

Ok aight ok aight I've caught up with Witch Hat Atelier so time to spill out my jumbled throughts past midnight before I pass out:

Art: 10 outta FUCKING 10. Like come on, you've seen the panels, it's just amazing. Character- and costume-designs, creature designs, environments, panelling - everything is top tier. Easily one of the most beautifully drawn manga out there. My only real criticism is that the characters veer a little too much into twink territory, but surprisingly enough there still is some decent variety among side- and background characters.

Characters: mmhhhh 7/10? I'm not blown away, especially by the child protagonists. Agott did grow on me over time but Coco as well as the two other apprentice girlies really aren't doing it for me tbh. The adults def are better, and yes I have become an Olruggio simp (we stan the resting-bitch faced male-wife with a secret soft spot for kids), it has predictably come to pass. Rn I'm still waiting on a proper Orufrey flashback and in general for Qifrey to be fleshed out a bit better. Like yeah we all know he sus as hell but I wanna know what his goddamn deal is.

Story: currently 8/10 with potential in either direction. There is a LOT of stuff being set up and ngl I am a bit worried that not all of it will be adequately addressed. I have been burned by similarly ambitious stories of this overall genre before (experiencing TPN flashbacks) so I am definitely wary.

Worldbuilding: 9/10. Honestly almost perfect! I absolutely love the themes being set up here with the completely arbitrary separation of people into witches and non-witches, the monopolization of power for the supposed purpose of the greater good, the question of how far humanity should be allowed to go in the pursuit of knowledge and progress... there really is some amazing stuff being laid out here. All this is not even to mention how great the magic system is, though sometimes I find it a bit hard to suspend my disbelief at some of the supposedly 'novel' inventions (like you're telling me that nobody before Coco thought of making a water-purifying jug?? And that people would not IMMEDIATELY want to have this kind of thing in their homes unless there's the added flourish of the water making pretty shapes?? Bruh)

Final verdict: I'd overall give the manga a final score of like 8/10 - very solid set-up so far but still too early to judge whether it will actually stick the landing. I'm def gonna keep following along and holding out hope

[devilbombers]

Claymore review

7.8/10

An extremely overlooked cult classic. It's probably the butch lesbian fantasy of all time.

For a good time for the most part I still think everyone should read it!

The Anime

this is probably the first time ive preffered watching the anime than the manga. Personally i found the beginning of the manga drawn too plain and thought the story telling was illustrated in a rather boring way and honestly i dont think the Norihiro Yagi was at the level he needed to be with choreographing fight scenes in a comprehensive way at the time and i just had to go ahead and watch the anime instead mostly because i could finally understand what was happening in scenes.

I really liked the anime however in the i am always inevitably a manga over the anime fan til the bitter end. It actually made me really angry to find out they had to drastically change a bunch of major plot elements and even make up a bunch of shit just so they could wrap up the anime in a nice way. Like i kind of understand why but it was actually such a corny and confusing ending it actually made me really angry lmao (ESPECIALLY HOW THEY REPLACED THE SCENE WITH JEAN SAVING CLARE WITH RAKI INSTEAD)

The Characters

For the most part I really liked everyone but of course I absolutely despised Raki. I do not blame anyone who couldnt bring themselves to continue or even start the series because of him because it took so much out of me to continue regardless of his almost pointless presence.

Like I kind of understand its because hes sort of supposed to expose and ground Claire's humanity but i really think it was still possible to do that without him even existing. hes kind of really a walking character device isnt he? Like im pretty sure Jean's existence was enough.

So anyways i think everyone else was really cool.

setting/genre/lore

I really dont know how to start with how much i admired everything. I really liked the legion of really cool/scary/pretty butch lesbian warriors, the concept of youma/awakened beings is so interesting and i love how horrifyingly beautiful they all are, I was super into how little i fucking knew about the organization.

In general everything is so unique and fresh I like everything about it. It pains me to no avail acknowledging that this is the only series asides from berserk thats a dark fantasy and even worse understanding both of them are technically over and its extremely maddening knowing nobody wants to draw dark fantasy manga anymore

creature design

i fucking love monsters so of course I have to discuss the unique appeal of the creature design in this series. One of the greatest things i absolutely adore from Yagis designs for the awakened beings is the stark contrast of a creature that is frightfully elegant.

I have to praise Yagi for also being the only other artist asides from Kentaro Miura whos considerate about exploring different shapes and forms for the overall silhouette of his creature designs.

Another specific aspect I greatly admire from his designs is that hes probably the first artist ive come across whos capable of mixing mostly scaled/armorlike textures on a monster while still retaining an air of tension and an organic looking design.

from my own personal art and observation from other creature designs from all sorts of artists I find it almost impossible to have these textures while retaining said elements of design because i think it gives it more of a "cool" vibe than a scary one.

Up until this point I was quite convinced its only feasible to have scales/armor-like textures on a monster if you balance it with a fleshy texture (approximately 70-80% fleshy and hard textured for the 20-30%) but Yagi truly is a genius or something because hes the only artist i know whos capable of making designs that are like 90% armor but its still somehow gives you chills.

So anyways heres a list breaking down my deepest feelings about my favorite awakened being designs:

1. The destroyer

I actually havent ever seen a monster design so grand it took my breath away. Theres too much to love about it. Out of all the awakened beings nothing radiates such a thick aura of radiance and absolute terror than this design alone.

The whole idea of two sisters lovingly trapped together to become a greater and unstoppable creature is so overwhelming it really makes me shiver with delight and terror. Ive never felt so strongly about a design before so I really think nothing else will outdo this unique sensation.

Its just so fucking cool!!!!!!! I'm obsessed with religious iconography so i really adored how it was shaped like an angel and devil at the same time. i thought it was super fascinating how it would relentlessly and indiscriminately shoot everything and everyone in its radius with pieces of itself warped into more awful abyssal creatures that could even manipulate and transform anyone it stabs itself into. its all just so coollllllllllllllllll!!!!!!!!

2: Isley

i thought isley was a really weird guy and i probably hated him but i cannot deny how I think his awakened form was soooo cool. Isley is the prime example of what i was talking about with balancing textures on a monster. Super cool design i like it a lot

3: the awakened girl that showed up during ophelias first appearance

god i really wish i could properly admire her with knowing her fucking name. Quite an ephemeral appearance but she had such a unique look to her despite everything I've seen throughout the series i could never forget her. She's probably the defines the general features and theme of what awakened beings should look like. A trend setter dare i say.

4: Cassandra

VERY interesting silhouette. its not often you get to see a humanoid like body be treated like somewhat of a quadruped. Its interesting how its something vaguely erotic and terrifying at the same time. The multiple heada that snaps its jaws on anything that gets near it is a fantastic touch.

5: Riful

overall a relatively simple design but its the simple things that are always the most fascinating isnt it? I really like tangled looking monsters. Not much to say except slay honestly lmao

6: Jean

She was only in this form for such a brief moment but it was such a striking design I couldn't forget it. If find the most unforgettable things are usually the most fascinating things in turn. Such a gorgeous yet terrifying thing. I hope i dont sound like a psychopath saying this but the visible helplessness being trapped in an awful and radiant body is very beautiful to me.

7: Miata

quite a short appearance but i really liked the silhouette of her awakened form. I wish there were more panels showing more closer details of it. not much to say about this other than i think its really neat!

8: europa

literally just a ball with several spines attached to it and i could say its a bit lazy in comparison to everyone else but theres sm attention to the finer details of the spines i cant get mad at it. I know you're supposed to focus on the arms with this design but i actually like this design the most for just the face. The upside down doubled face is really interesting to me and i admire it a lot for some reason.

9: the abyssal eaters

probably one of the most terrifying creatures in the whole series and maybe somewhere up there in my hierarchy of the most scariest monsters in a manga. i LOVE LOVE LOVE the whole idea of them so much bc theyre so fucking scary!!!!!! Very simple design but i never get to see stitches ENOUGH in media (which is a huge shame because its one of my favorite features to draw with body horror) so it makes me happy that all of their faces is just stitches.

THE STORY and the series as a whole

i really wish i could say i loved everything about it but everything I loved about it in the beginning basically disipated in the end. I think the main issue lies in the fact it all started in a very simple but effective manner but yagi ended up over complicating everything by adding too much. I don't scorn Yagi at all for the almost sudden and utter collapse in quality writing because its sort of an inevitability with titles that go on for a very long time. But I still think it's important and valid to explain my fascination with it in the first place.

I really liked the overall simplicity it had with everything. The plot at the start was very simple and straightforward: a woman who gives up her humanity to avenge the death of her only family. Not a unique plot of course but it obviously was the main character herself and companions (excluding raki ofc lmao) who really makes up the story.

I really liked how Claire was never the strongest. She really appeared to be but comparatively speaking to her fellow warriors she pales immensely. And I think its that remaining humanity I really liked the most about Claire. I REALLY liked how cohesive her group was and I was so impressed with the storytelling and character building in the beginning because at the time I thought this was the only other series I like I could think of other than Dorohedoro where theres a lot of characters that show up but you actually manage to sincerely remember them because they all have meaning. Too many times i run into series who introduce too many characters solely just to keep the story fresh; but none of them have any real purpose to them.

I also was obsessed with how well Yagi was with building tension throughout the story. To me I think its really hard to find series who are able to capture their readers with a good sense of tension.

The characters in this series are quite overpowered, but In the beginning I found it extremely admirable how Yagi was still able to make the reader feel anxious about whether or not the protagonist or their companions would persevere againt their adversaries. Yagi had a very good sense at balancing everyones strengths and flaws in a very balanced way.

But again with the sands of time it couldn't stay this good forever. To be completely honest it took a lot out of me to read the rest of it. It came to the point where i was so lost and frusturated about how confusing everything got i was just trying to read it just so i could be done with it?

I think my main problem with the series as it ended was how unfocussed it got with the plot. I feel like everything immediately got so muddled after the fight with Rigardo. Maybe it's just me but I honestly was ok with never understanding the organization I was mostly just interested in what was going to happen with the main cast with the abyssal ones and such. It actually made me really angry how the battle scenes got so stupid overtime with how it became one of those series where they overexplain the characters' tactics for a very long time. I initially really liked the battle scenes because they dont talk too much and they just simply fight, i really really hate it when anime/manga does the latter actually.

I don't really know how i feel about the ending honestly. I don't know if im satisfied with how claire somehow turned into teresa and she killed priscilla instead but i guess it was nice? I don't know how i thought it was all going to end but i would have never expected it to be like this and i dont say that in a good way but more of a confused way if anything. I wouldn't say it was a bad ending? but I guess thats okay???

anyways, despite all my criticisms i still think its worth the read and the credit it deserves in the end. It's really weird how it went on for so long but no one ever seemed to care? that makes me quite upset actually.

[sneezemonster15]

Calling bullshit on the opinion that Kishimoto doesn't know how to write romance.

The reason why this entire shipping business on Naruto has been going on for over a decade and still going strong, making fans go absolutely mindless, about a story which is not even about romance, about things that are so effective and impactful that the fans feel completely consumed with it, to the extent where they have almost completely defined their life and philosophies on its basis, is because Kishimoto can write a good fucking romance. And that's what he did. That's the reason why ships are fighting with each other, because it's not just about Naruto the manga or Naruto the series, it's about how they imagine their own romance, it's a deep, profound feeling. That's why they have strong motivations and convictions that drive their insight into the story. That's why there is so much polarity in Naruto fandom. They are ready to jump to protect their ship at a moment's notice because that's how much it means to them.

Are you telling me that it just happened on its own? Just happy coincidences and random factors?

No.

A lot, a lot of thought goes behind closed doors of the studios. I know this because I work in the business. The reason why I was so astounded with Naruto's story because it was actually a brave story. A brave concept. In a shonen. Because I am ready to bet a million dollars I don't have on the fact that Kishimoto knew what he was doing. Anyone who enjoys poetry, or literature, or drama can, if not approve, appreciate Naruto and Sasuke's story. Because it's that deep. Because it's that impactful. Because it's that dark. Because it's that tragic. Because it's that tender. Because it's that painful.

Because it's so...

(Applause.)

Romantic.

These are all the ingredients of a well written romance. This is the reason why I don't care about other ships because I know that SNS is not random or a projection. It's mindfully and carefully and even tenderly written and developed.

Kishimoto's projection? Oh sure. It stands to reason that someone from his real life affected and inspired his favourite character through and through. He did say that he based some characters on certain people from his own life. And he did base Naruto on his own self, if partly. And the reason why I am able to surmise that he could have had a real crush on someone like Sasuke in real life, is because how clearly and insightfully written and contrasted the two characters are. So nuanced. They are like poetry, that's why I am so dazzled with them. Their story is so beautifully shaped by their characters and growth that it creates a clear impression of who they really are in the story. Soulmates. That's the whole crux of the story. They are written out to be this literally 'once in several lifetimes' pairing that finally broke the bonds of hate with bonds of love and changed the entire world and as a result, grew themselves. This is reflected in themselves what with Sasuke being propelled with hate and Naruto with love and coming together finally in a world that they made happen, for each other. And all of their parts and counterparts with which they think and move and function are so well in sync with each other that they lock together perfectly, like two pieces in a two piece puzzle box.

To say that this intricately and intelligently and tenderly written story is just like, an accident, my lord no!

No. The content that is finally syndicated on screens all over the world, especially with the type of response Naruto has enjoyed, and believe me when I say this, everything goes through many levels of scrutiny during production; to the extent of why would this camera angle work better than all the other angles, here's a flowchart and analysis of all of them and let's spend three days on deciding it while the producers are going crazy frustrated with fanatic creatives. This is a very common thing to happen in most serious studios.

Naruto stood out at the time it came out and reached a much larger audience for several reasons. But one of them was that it got the right exposure and was shown to critics outside of Japan, who could appreciate and admire it's cinematic beauty and this reached a different subset of audience. This extra effort is not consistent but it shines at so many places, because it's just good storytelling technically and aesthetically. And the reason why Naruto and Sasuke stand smack dab in the middle of that storytelling, is because Kishimoto told their story with so much feeling, it literally shows. The nuance is just crazy. Note that I am saying nuance and not subtext, even though it's there in heaps. But I want to make a distinction clearly. Like I can write pages and pages over it. Anyway, their story stands out because the nuances are so well defined and mindfully drawn by Kishi, that one can't help but wonder if Kishi actually experienced them. And they are just small things but still get a lot of exposure in the manga and anime. And because they are so small but clearly noticeable, it makes us stop in our tracks and think. And the thing is Kishimoto could have easily done without them and it would have made everything still seem undisturbed but he chose Not to. That kind of decision is a direct result of deep understanding, feeling and thinking in terms of forming a certain visual approach and meaning. The visual language Kishi has used to show their chemistry, their bond, their need for each other, is so tangible, like you could cut it with a knife, that it makes one feel something is right below the surface, simmering and about to explode, but you can't put your finger on what it exactly is. Until you start to think. And it takes some time.

You think that kind of writing is random? Are you out of your mind?

No, Kishi is a maniac. He pulled something that was not easy at all. He is a genius. He is also sadistic because he knows he didn't give us a resolution. Resolution is cathartic to viewers and the reason that nobody got any with Naruto and still not getting any from Boruto is making everyone go crazy. Fifteen years is a long time man. And I can bet my other non existent one million dollars on it. He owns a lot of rights over Naruto franchise, I don't think he can be cowed down to such an extent even by the studio. Kishi fought studios for a few significant scenes of Naruto and Sasuke, he is not unfeeling about them.

Maybe I am being a mere deductionist but more often than not, deduction is right. It's a valid form of acquiring knowledge. Sherlock is right more times than he is not.

Anyway, my point is, Kishi can write romance. Kishi can write very good romance. He could have chosen to remove some tropes and make Naruto and Sasuke either just brotherly or friendly. But he chose not to. A lot of people think that they are platonic. And I think I know why. But I don't. They are not platonic. They seem like they feel physically aware of each other, acutely so. they just don't know what it is. Maybe Sasuke does, Naruto doesn't. Kishi used also such common tropes to show this element, but just because it is in shonen and between two boys, y'all won't believe it. Don't you feel that palpable feeling, the simmering tension and emotion when they fight at the valley of the end both times? And it makes you think maybe it's just you, and what you are thinking can't be true because this is shonen and it would mean they are gay, let me tell you, no it's not you. It is Kishi. And it takes skill to write. Something like this is almost always used as a trope of unaddressed sexual tension in media. Pick any romantic drama of this genre, where 'hate turned to love' or 'two unlikely people who fall in love' and you would find it in almost every single one of them.

Why do you think Kishi designed it that way? You think with all the detail (action moves are literally inspired by real life martial arts, lighting, sound, editing, dialogues that sound like out of a Bronte novel), that was him just playing innocent?

No. No. No. And No!

He wrote SNS throughout Naruto and Shippuden and is still doing something of an extension of it that has made Boruto a weird and uncomfortable to watch family drama.

[hua-fei-hua]

WOULD YOU RATHER [be shoved in a closet with your crush] OR [talk about your feelings in absurd detail] FOR THREE HOURS?

Nobara can see what’s happening. And her friends— she swears, it’s like they haven’t got a clue!! They’re halfway off the edge of falling in love; yet, as far as she can tell, they’ve done absolutely nothing about it.

Take Megumi for example. How can someone so subtle be so oblivious? How can such an obsessive overthinker not have come to the obvious conclusion about Yuuji’s feelings for him?

Because it’s not like Yuuji is hiding anything, not by any stretch of the imagination. From the look in his eyes as he watches Megumi spar, to the increasingly nonexistent personal boundaries he leaves between the two of them: if hints were falling feathers, then Yuuji is dropping anvils.

Nobara sighs to herself in the privacy of her own room. It’s getting more than a little exhausting, having to deal with all this stupid teenage boy nonsense. She needs them to just kiss-kiss fall in love already so that the three of them can work out a schedule or something like that. Yeah, something like—

Trio Time: Adventures in terrorizing Gojou-sensei Nobara & Yuuji Time: Manicures and spa nights Nobara & Megumi Time: Debating trashy harem manga and light novels Megumi & Yuuji Time: That’s just a date

Otherwise, Yuuji, poor …“innocent”(?) Yuuji, would never understand why she, Kugisaki Nobara the Queen, did not want to hang out with him and Megumi all the time.

Of course, she could just tell them and get it over with, but she shoots that idea down almost immediately. She is a lady first and foremost, and the bounds of a lady’s domain as drawn out by the Girl Code (if it looks like a secret, and it sounds like a secret, then you must keep it like a secret) are not to be crossed.

She’s not really much of an elaborate schemer, though. Her best advice has always been direct and honest, Point A to Point B sort of thing. She has her poetic moments, sure, but this is not shaping up to be one of them.

She needs help.

But from whom?

~***~

“Maki-senpai, you’re a lady. I need some help, lady to lady.”

Maki turns around to face Nobara, a dubious (though still willing) look on her face. “That’s not the first word I’d use on myself, but sure,” she says. She rests her palms on her weapon as she carefully presses its point to the floor. “What’s up?”

Nobara crosses her arms and tilts her head up to look Maki square in the eye. She has to test the waters first, just to confirm she’s not about to throw the boys off the deep end, after all.

“What are your thoughts on Megumi and Yuuji?” she asks, accompanying her words with a sharp gleam in her eye.

Maki’s eyebrows make a subtle jerk down as she returns the look. (Perfect.) “Megumi and Yuuji, you say?”

“Yes.” Nobara curtly nods. “Megumi and Yuuji.”

Maki leans back, taps her fingers against the butt end of her sword. “I think,” she begins, so carefully and so deliberately that Nobara finds herself waiting with bated breath, “that they would make good shounen rivals.”

A tiny smirk graces Nobara’s lips. She gets it. Maki gets it.

“You read my mind,” she says aloud. “Just as I would expect of my beloved Maki-senpai~” She raises herself to her tiptoes and leans into Maki to better show off her smile.

Maki bares her teeth in a rough, proud sort of smile. “Of course,” she says, and she gives Nobara’s head a single, solid pat.

“Now, what I’m thinking,” Nobara continues, “is that they need to acknowledge that part of themselves. I’m tired of being their training wheels.”

“I see, I see.”

“However.” Nobara holds up a finger and closes her eyes to give off the illusion of knowing what she’s talking about. “I have no idea how to get off this ride.” She cracks open an eye.

Maki briefly looks like a 90’s anime character on the verge of collapse by exasperation, but she quickly recovers. “Force them at knife point?” she suggests.

Nobara pulls her hammer out of her belt loops, pounds it against her palm once or twice in thought. “Those don’t typically make good confessions, though,” she says. “Aren’t confessions made under threat of torture or violence legally invalid anyway? They’re not gonna last like that, and the only thing worse than what I’m having to deal with now would be if they br— disavowed their rivalry.” (Good catch, girl, she thinks to herself.)

Maki hums. “Walk with me to return my sword?” she offers. “Panda and Toge are waiting for me in one of the common rooms.”

“Sure!” Nobara trots to catch up, falling in step with Maki. “Do you think they’ll have any ideas?” She’ll have to vet them first, of course, but if Maki-senpai trusts them…

“They work with Satoru.” Maki snorts. “Of course they will.”

~***~

“Just shove them in a closet together and don’t let them leave until they’ve talked it all out,” Panda says with a yawn. He stretches his stubby limbs and flops down onto the floor. “That ought to do the trick, right?”

“Salmon, salmon,” Inumaki agrees, nodding his head and pointing a finger gun at Panda.

Nobara twiddles a nail between her fingers, then presses the flat of its head against her lower lip. “How would that work, though?”

“Well, we could ambush both of them separately and just chuck ‘em in a closet,” Maki suggests.

“We’d have to call up the Kyoto kids to have a shot at Yuuji alone,” Panda points out.

“Salted rice.”

“I am not asking Mai for help,” Maki huffs crossly, folding her arms over her chest.

“Salted rice.”

“I don’t want to see any of their pathetic little faces either,” Nobara adds. She holds the nail between her teeth so that both her hands are free for a hammer toss. “Not that I trust any of them with a mission of this caliber and secrecy anyway.” (She shoots Panda a dirty look.)

“Salted. Rice!!”

“All right, all right.” Panda rolls over and waves a paw at Nobara. “I get it; don’t mind me…”

Something quietly unzips. “Oi.”

Nobara and the other second years flinch at the ripple of force that blows through the air. The three of them turn apologetically to Inumaki, who zips up his collar with a huff.

“Salted rice,” he says, pointing at his own head. Let me ask them.

“Nooooo,” Nobara says, waving her hammer around. (She takes a second to catch the nail after it falls from her mouth.) “Coercive and suspicious.”

Inumaki snaps in a drat! sort of way.

“Wow, Nobara, you really care a lot about your boys, don’t you?” Panda says; Maki nods in agreement.

Nobara stiffens at the suggestion, and words start popping out of her mouth. “No, I don’t! I’m just tired of suffering through front row seats to their stupid ‘will they, won’t they’! Just because we’re in high school doesn’t mean we have to add every single soap opera trope into the stories of our lives!”

The second years laugh. Nobara feels her cheeks flare.

She stamps her foot and tries to double down. “It’s cringey!” she insists, but she falters. Her arm goes slack, and she nearly drops her hammer. “And I miss when there was nothing left unspoken between the three of us.”

                    (Ah, she’s crying now.)

          The second years exchange what Nobara can only place as “knowing looks.”

“Has Satoru given you guys The Talk yet?” Panda asks, apparently cutting right to the chase.

Nobara’s jaw drops in disgust. “I know where babies come from!” she snaps, snatching up a tissue and roughly scrubbing her tearstained makeup off her face. (She starts shuffling towards the door just in case.) “And if there’s more, then I’d rather get trapped in a special grade box vacuum thing for all eternity than learn about it from Gojou.”

“No Talk yet,” Maki says, which really only puts Nobara off more. Like, she’s nodding and muttering to herself and everything; this can’t be good at all.

“Bonito flakes,” Inumaki warns, fiddling with his zipper.

Nobara gingerly places her hammer head into her opposite palm and tugs on it nervously, running her thumb over the engraved heart as she does so. “What’s The Talk?” she reluctantly asks, ready to bean any and all of her senpai at the drop of a dime if she hears a single word she doesn’t like.

“It’s when Gojou-sensei tells you guys not to get too attached to one another,” Panda explains. He sits up and flicks his ear. “‘You always die alone in this profession’ and stuff. Though, maybe he thought you guys didn’t need it because of what happened with Yuuji earlier this year.” He waggles his panda brow at Maki.

“Shut up,” says Maki, kicking his fuzzy butt.

Nobara stares, speechless.

Maki sighs. “Look. It’s fun to be normal high schoolers sometimes, obsessing over relationships and other such mundanities. But we’re sorcerers-in-training. We can’t always have those things.”

“Salmon.”

“At the end of the day, if you humans don’t play carefully, you might end up regretting something that would have, in any other circumstance, made you the happiest you’ve ever been,” Panda continues. “That’s why the Three Clans are so thin these days. Too much generational regret.”

Everyone falls silent.

“That’s so stupid,” Nobara declares at last. “Why let others’ past mistakes prevent you from taking your own risks? Why let yourself die in empty misery when it could have been fulfillingly bittersweet?” She tightens her grip on her hammer. “Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all, right? I would rather go out knowing I said everything that needed to come out of me than die with them never knowing.”

“That’s what you want,” Maki points out, gesturing towards Nobara. “But what about Yuuji and Megumi?”

“Megumi is the quiet, regretful type,” says Panda. “He’ll take a thought and just pick at it, pick at it, pick at it until its only purpose is to hurt himself.”

“Yuuji can draw it out of him,” Nobara confidently says. “He’s annoying like that.”

“But if we lock them in a room together, would he bring it up?” Maki asks. “From what I can tell, his thought process is virtually identical to the Windows screensaver where the logo bounces around.”

“He would if it seems like it’s on Megumi’s mind,” Nobara says. Because again, he’s annoying like that. And he knows Megumi better than anyone.

“So we’ve just got to put it on his mind before we trap them,” Panda says.

Nobara sweeps her eyes over each of her three senpai, then nods. She tucks her hammer safely into her belt loops and pounds her fist into her palm. “You can leave it to me,” she declares, and they all exchange excited grins.

They set the lock-in date to a week from Saturday. Nobara needs time to work her magic, after all.

~***~

“Oi, Megumi,” Nobara says one evening.

“What?” Megumi replies, on the edge of irritation as he flips around in his copy of Rent-a-Girlfriend. “For the last time, Kazuya should just give up on his pursuit of Chizuru already. It’s disrespectful to Ruka, who has shown time and time again that she’d choose him over—”

“You like Yuuji.” She says it outright, resting her cheek on her fingers like some sort of bored god judging mankind from above. (And yes, it is hard not to insert her arguments in defense of Chizuru immediately after, but the mood of the scene matters more right now.)

Immediately, Megumi freezes, the tips of his ears now tinged pink. (Nobara smirks. Got him.) He recovers in an instant, however, clearing his throat and aimlessly flipping pages once more. He says nothing.

Nobara scowls. Pretending he can’t hear me, huh? she thinks, shutting her book and pressing it into the table as she leans in. Well, ignore this, then.

She kicks his chair hard enough to send him skidding several centimeters backwards.

“Me-gu-miiii,” she says, volume rising with every syllable. “You. Like. Yuu-ji. Right?” The last word is quiet, almost whispered.

He still says nothing, but she can see his grip on the book grow tighter to hide the way his hands shake; the way his eyes have stopped pretending to scan the page; the way his Adam’s apple bobs slowly up and down.

(She lets herself laugh a little.)

“You’re too loud,” he says, evenly, primly, like she’s the TV or something.

“I’m right,” she taunts.

“About what?” he asks. His eyes have returned to reading, and his skin has returned to its usual shade of maggoty pallor.

“You like Yuuji.”

“And what of it?”

“Don’t you wanna do something about it?” Nobara doesn’t think she’s blinked this entire time. (She thinks she might be about to lose it.)

“Not really,” Megumi replies, placid as ever. “Now, as I was saying, Ruka—”

“Why not?”

Megumi grabs his bookmark off the table and carefully slides it between the pages as he closes his volume. “Are we going to talk about Rent-a-Girlfriend or not?” he snaps. “Because I swear—”

Bingo. Megumi’s eyes go stupid wide, and his mouth falls open, all while his entire face and neck burns bright and scarlet like the setting sun.

The smirk returns to Nobara’s face. “Ohhh, you doooo~” she sings, waggling a finger at him. “You wanna~”

Megumi stands up so fast, his chair falls over, and he smacks Nobara upside the head.

“Ow!” she snaps, hand flying up to where he hit her. “What was that for?” she demands, knowing full well what it’s for.

“Shut up,” he hisses, tugging at his uniform collar to hide his face. “You’re being annoying.”

“Like Yuuji~?” Another smack. “Ow!”

“No, because Yuuji—”

“—is too pretty?” Nobara slaps his hand away, sliding out of her seat to face him head-on. “You wound me, Megumi; I thought we all agreed that I was the pre—”

Megumi snatches up her copy of Rent-a-Girlfriend and halfheartedly beans her with it. “—doesn’t make me think about it,” he finishes, almost shouting.

The sun dwindles, darkening the space between them.

Nobara makes the first move, gathering her manga up off the floor. “Don’t you want to think about it?”

“No,” Megumi’s response is instantaneous, almost as if he’s chiding himself with it, too.

“Why not?”

“No point.” Silence. “He’s going to die by the end of high school anyway.”

Nobara can’t refute that. She shuts her jaw, the teasing atmosphere she’d worked so hard to create now ruined.

“Everyone keeps telling me I think too much,” Megumi continues. “Gojou-sensei. Maki-senpai. Everyone. But it’s different with Yuuji. I don’t have to think about all my feelings. I just feel them.”

And they hurt to think about. Nobara gathers the unspoken words.

“‘Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all,’” she quotes. “You lost him once already—”

Megumi shakes his head. “I don’t think I loved him then,” he says.

Nobara falls back. This conversation is getting to be much more than she had imagined. “Then… when?”

Megumi sighs, runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know,” he admits, staring out the window. “Somewhere along the line, it just happened.”

She wants to pull her hair out by its perfectly maintained roots. There’s not a single thing that comes to mind, now that all her carefully laid out plans for this conversation have been thrown to the wind.

“Well, you do now,” she slowly says. Megumi does not deny it. “Do you really want to regret not telling him?”

Megumi mechanically turns to face Nobara; his hollow expression scares her. “Can you truly regret something you can’t control?” he asks.

Nobara swallows. “If I say no,” she begins, “then does that mean you won’t regret Yuuji’s inevitable death?”

“Well, I didn’t choose to fall in love with him,” he crossly says, the childish non-answer killing all the tension in the room.

She throws her hands into the air. “You can’t just choose your feelings like that!”

“That’s my point!” Megumi throws his hands into the air right back at her. “According to you, that means I can’t regret never telling him!”

“Even if we can’t control our feelings, we can control what we choose to do with them!” She stretches her arms and rolls up her sleeves like she’s getting ready to knock some sense into him. Which, if she’s being honest, she’s about half a millimeter away from doing anyway. “After all, I heard you chose to save him from immediate execution on the basis of— get this— your own personal feelings.”

“Because he chose to save me first!” Megumi is visibly shaking now, with both his hands balled tightly into fists. “He’s the naturally good person here.”

“And you’re not?” Nobara wishes she hadn’t left her toolbelt in her room; a whack of her hammer would have been perfect for emphasizing her wild disbelief. “Megumi, do you feel like you’re not allowed to love Yuuji?”

Now it’s Megumi’s turn to be dumbfounded.

“I shouldn’t,” he says, oddly hesitant. “Right? Love him, I mean.”

Something within Nobara’s chest cracks open. “Why not?”

“His days are numbered,” he replies. “He can never be fully mine.”

“So?”

“So it would hurt too much if I were to wholeheartedly play pretend at a happy relationship when it does eventually get ripped away.” Despite his passive tone, Megumi’s cheeks turn rosy again, though it’s hard to pick out in the dark. “That’s lying to myself at that point. I’d rather live out a hard and painful truth than play with a pretty lie like that.”

“But which is the lie and which is the truth?” Nobara walks over to the table and sits atop it. “You don’t have to pretend it will all last forever. Isn’t going for it despite knowing the tragic ending a harsh and painful truth itself? Walk in with your eyes wide open, never looking away, and it could be.”

Silence.

Nobara slides off the table, walks across the room, and flips on the light at last.

“You keep talking as if Yuuji returns my feelings,” Megumi snaps after a spell. “Well, you know what they say about assumptions—”

“‘They make an ass out of u and me’, yeah, yeah,” Nobara finishes for him, waving her hand around dismissively. “But you’re assuming things, too, Megumi. You’re always such a pessimist, man; why automatically assume he could never reciprocate?”

“I’d rather think realistically and not get my hopes up,” he replies. “Then I can shrug it off when I’m right and have a pleasant surprise when I’m wrong.”

Nobara sweeps an arm in front of her, incredulous. “That’s such a boring way to live!”

“Well, aren’t you the one who likes to call me a boring person?” Megumi dryly snips.

“Megumi, you know Yuuji better than I do. Don’t tell me that in all your quiet little observations, you’ve never noticed the way he hangs off of you.” She marches right up to him, arms crossed, and raises herself to her tiptoes to make herself look bigger.

Megumi does not flinch. “He hangs off the both of us.”

“He pulls me in if he can, but I’m not the first person he turns to whenever something happens.” Her calves grow tired, and she falls to her heels for a moment’s rest. “He gets all up in your face about it, too. It’s basically impossible not to notice.”

“I’m sure he’d do that to you, too, if you let him.”

“Key word here ‘let’.” She jabs a finger into his chest. “Maybe you like the smell of his breath fresh out of his mouth, but personally, I have standards.”

It’s actually very satisfying, watching Megumi’s cheeks glow red in response to her words, but she’s only allowed a second to see it before he turns around to hide his face.

Nobara leans her weight against the table. “What I’m saying here is this: You say you don’t want to lie to yourself. Well, the fact of the matter is, you know Yuuji much better than I do. I’m just pulling up things I’ve noticed myself. There’s gotta be a hundred thousand more things you’ve picked up on and suppressed over the months.” Megumi turns around, and she makes direct eye contact with him as hard as she can. “Besides, isn’t it lying to Yuuji by keeping quiet?”

“That’s different,” he insists. (The gall.)

Nobara narrows her eyes. “How so?”

Megumi looks pointedly away.

So Nobara goes out on a limb.

“Because it hurts you, too?” she continues. “You’re so used to the pain of yearning that it’s like you’ve stopped feeling it at all. And so the idea of that pain going away, even if it’s just for a short amount of time, feels so wrong that you can’t even imagine deserving it. It just doesn’t fit in with the miserable life of a jujutsu sorcerer! Which isn’t to say that you’re not afraid of pain, because what really keeps you from making a move here is knowing that when the pain comes back, knowing a life without it will make it hurt differently and so much more.”

Silence again. Megumi stares at her, mouth agape for all of ten seconds before he shuts it and swallows.

Nobara sighs, finally allowing her expression to soften. “You’re so stupid, Megumi,” she says, fondly, achingly. “Stop thinking so hard about everything! You’re gonna end up hurting yourself. You are hurting yourself. If jujutsu sorcerers die alone and full of regret, then fine. So be it. Tell me, then, when considering the question of whether or not to confess to Yuuji, which you’d rather regret: the outcome? Or the inaction?”

~***~

The next day, Nobara shoves open the door to the second years’ hangout and stretches her arms as she walks inside.

“All right, I got Megumi spiralling down the question of regret,” she says as soon as the door clicks shut behind her. “He should be ready for Saturday now. Now how are we getting them into the closet?” She plops to the ground next to Maki.

“Toge is drawing up the plans as we speak,” Maki replies. She gestures to Inumaki, who gives Nobara a thumbs up.

“I’ve been wondering something, though,” Panda says. “How do we know they actually really like each other like that?”

Nobara steals the soda can sitting in front of Maki and takes a good, long drink. “Well, Megumi admitted to me last night that he’s in love with Yuuji,” she says. “Plus, I got him to start looking more deeply at the way Yuuji behaves around him, and I think he’s starting to realize the potential romance there. He knows Yuuji better than I do, so I’d trust his judgement.”

“But we can’t actually trust Megumi is the thing,” Panda replies, putting his front paws together and pointing them at Nobara.

Nobara slams the empty soda can down on the table with a tinny tok! and tries sliding it back to Maki, who pushes it right back in disgust. “Hah? Why not?”

“Rose-tinted glasses,” Maki answers, pushing her own lenses higher up her nose. “He might be misreading things because he wants them to be true.”

“Okay but me,” Nobara says, jabbing at her chest. She turns to face Maki, and she gestures even harder. “I’m seeing a difference in how they act.”

“Is Yuuji really the one changing things, or is Megumi simply letting him take his otherwise normal, unspecial affections further and further, though?” Panda asks. “From our perspective, Yuuji is just kind of like that with everyone who will allow it, even Satoru.”

(Nobara makes a face.)

“Plus, he’s a self-proclaimed dumbass,” Maki adds. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t know what he was doing, or didn’t really understand his own feelings.”

On one hand, Nobara is pretty sure Yuuji deserves more credit than that. He is very much a people person, after all. On the other hand, Maki-senpai makes a good point and a compelling argument about him being stupid. One time, he asked her what color the Pink Panther was, and now, she knows they’re both country bumpkins, but does he hear the words that come out of his own mouth?? Evidently not!

Nobara heaves an exaggerated sigh. “All right,” she says. “I’ll pick on him when we hang out tomorrow night.”

And the senpai rejoice.

~***~

“Yuuji, who do you like more? Me, or Megumi?”

It’s a cruel question to pose him, Nobara knows, especially thanks to her stunning reputation, but since she used up most of her weekly allotment of poetic questioning on Megumi, she simply makes the executive decision that “it had to happen.”

Yuuji seizes up, freezing far more obviously than Megumi during her talk with him. “Um,” he says in that awkward, babyish voice of his. Sweat starts beading on his forehead. “I like. You both. The same amount.”

“But do you like us in the same way.” She waves her nail polish brush in circles.

Yuuji’s eyes glaze over. Nobara gets the impression his brain served him up a blue screen of death.

“Uhhhh…” he says, then does a speedrun of the dial-up internet noise. “…Huh. No offense, Nobara, but I don’t think I do.”

“None taken, as long as the amount—”

Yuuji gasps. It’s so loud that it could almost count as a scream. “I THINK I LIKE HIM!” he shouts, his cheeks turning a violent shade of red.

Nobara caps her nail polish; the meat of their hangout tonight is about to begin, it seems. “Like THAT?” she asks, matching his volume for the hell of it. (Luckily, there’s no one around, not that it particularly matters. The only person who’d be both interested in and out of the loop on their gossip would be Gojou-sensei.)

“Yes, yes, like THAT,” Yuuji confirms, nodding his head so hard, Nobara thinks he might launch it right off his shoulders.

Nobara’s disbelief kicks in. “Did you JUST realize that now??” she shouts, jumping to her feet.

It’s like a bubble pops: in the blink of an eye, Yuuji shifts from overexaggerated, hyperactive excitement to just… regular teenage boy. Maybe a slightly forlorn teenage boy, but normal teenage boy all the same.

“Ah,” he says, in that rare subtle, neutral voice of his. “I was just playing with you.”

Nobara’s hands change from their semi-strangulating position in the air to one propping up the other elbow as she presses a half-fist into her cheek. Furrowing her brow, she asks, “About the realization? Or liking Megumi like that?”

“About the realization,” Yuuji replies. He runs a hand through his undercut, stopping right below the crown of his head, and briefly looks up to flash her an awkward, clearly forced smile. “Sorry. You’re not mad that I kept it from you, right?”

She is mad, very much so. However, the mood isn’t right for her to express it, so she sighs it away best she can and says, “Give me your hand.” She holds out her own expectantly.

“Huh?” Yuuji’s hands retreat towards his chest, where he wrings them nervously. “Why?”

“I’m going to paint your nails.”

“But we just did that.”

“The color is bad.”

“But you picked it!”

Nobara balls her hands into fists and starts marching across the room. Yuuji lets out a playful shriek.

“No! Nooo!!! Mercy, mercy~!!”

Nobara rolls her eyes and jumps up to snatch his flailing wrist, play-dragging him back to the table, where he seats himself across from her.

She cracks open the acetone. “When?” she asks, grabbing a tissue with a flourish.

Yuuji cocks his head. “You mean Megumi?” he asks. She nods, and he hums as he holds out a hand for her. “I guess if I had to say… when I taught him to make meatballs.”

“That early!?” She starts rubbing the acetone-soaked tissue in little circles on his nail. “You guys have been third wheeling me for that long?!”

Yuuji laughs. “Well, I guess,” he replies. “I don’t think I knew it at the time, so it definitely wasn’t on purpose.”

Nobara wrinkles her nose at all the fumes building up in the room, so she puts the tissue aside and gets up to open the window. “At what point was it on purpose, then? At what point did you realize something changed?”

“Okay, first of all, we never excluded you from anything on purpose.” Yuuji jabs a finger at her as she returns to her seat. “And secondly…” He pauses to think for so long, Nobara finishes cleaning off all the nails on his left hand. “I guess when I was watching Princess Mononoke down in the basement, back when I was watching movies all day.”

(You mean when we all thought you were dead, she thinks, eyebrow twitching.)

“Like, the wolf princess just reminded me so much of Megumi that after a while, I just started imagining Megumi in her place, and then I started replacing all the other characters with people I know in my head…”

“Which one was I?” Nobara demands.

Yuuji blinks. His daydreamy expression shifts to surprise. “Huh?” he asks, then starts clicking his tongue. “Ah, I think you were one of the sharpshooter girls in the Iron Fortress.”

“Nice.”

“Yeah, I just couldn’t see you picking up a bunch of lepers out of the goodness of your heart, even if you’d put them to work making your weapons.”

Nobara bonks him on the head with the tissue box for that. “You can’t say that for certain,” she chides (even though she knows he’s probably right).

Yuuji laughs again, and Nobara huffs as she tosses the box aside.

“Anyway,” he continues, his eyes darting away to stare at the wall. “Then at some point, I realized, ‘Oh! I’m pretending to be the main character. And I am in love with Megumi.’”

Nobara looks up from his second-to-last nail and notes the rosy blush in full bloom on his face. “Wow,” she says, sounding way more sarcastic than she intends.

“Hey!” Yuuji flaps indignantly, trying to tug his hand out of Nobara’s iron grip. “You can’t just ‘wooooow’ me like that!! This is a super embarrassing moment for me, you hear? Suuuuuper embarrassing!”

“I know that!” Nobara snaps. She lets go of his hand, and Yuuji quacks as he smacks himself in the face by mistake. “So why haven’t you done anything about it? You’re such a go-getter type; why haven’t you gone out to get your man?”

Yuuji loses his balance and falls out of his seat.

“Ah,” he says from the ground, making no effort to pick himself up. “I don’t want to burden him with all my feelings.”

Nobara blinks. Burden him? she thinks. That’s unexpected. Guess there’s more to him than I thought. “Not rejection?”

“Well, here’s the thing,” Yuuji says, now pulling himself up. “Let’s say I confess, and he accepts me. Now he has to worry about my feelings all the time. Megumi isn’t the type of person who half-asses his worries. If anything, he has like, two or three asses’ worth of worrying. I don’t want him constantly wondering whether or not his own feelings are enough to match how big mine are.

“I think if it were anyone else asking him, he could reject them and not care or think about it, but I don’t think he could do that for me. He saved my life because of his personal feelings, so I know he, like, cares about me that much at least. Enough to keep me from dying. I don’t want him beating himself up over my feelings. I think he’d try to regret the fact that he couldn’t return them, even though he can’t control someone else’s feelings. If I were to lay out all my feelings, then… he’d probably take it upon himself to carry them around until the day he dies.”

Nobara stares at him, speechless. Meanwhile, Yuuji plucks himself a clean tissue and starts nibbling on it. Which, ugh, weird (they should probably buy him a chew toy or a teething ring one of these days), but at least eating tissues doesn’t reawaken the King of Curses and set the entire world down the track of certain doom.

“So,” she says, racking her brain for literally anything to say to all that, “you’re afraid you love him too much?”

Yuuji swallows a corner of his tissue (gross) and resumes his nibbling (why is she watching this???). “If you put it that way, then… I guess. Other—”

“Does that taste good?” Nobara interjects, unable and frankly unwilling to hide her disgust.

“Oh, the tissue?” Yuuji holds up the remaining scrap, which is composed entirely of barely connected dry corners and shrugs, popping the rest of it into his mouth. “It has a better texture than printer paper, but this one’s one of those types with the lotion in it, so it’s got like this soft flavor to it. Not as bad as shopping receipts or even glossed textbook paper, but I gotta say, returned math worksheets are probably the best because the dirt gives it such a particular flavor.”

Now, Nobara doesn’t have time to unpack all that, so she just smiles and nods. (I can’t believe Megumi wants this one, she thinks.)

“Anyway, as I was saying,” Yuuji continues, his hand idly reaching for another tissue until Nobara slaps it away. “Other people’s feelings for you are a huge responsibility, you know? All those hopes and fears and dreams and stuff, resting on your shoulders.”

Nobara chews the inside of her lip. “I suppose you could put it that way,” she says, picking up Yuuji’s still-polished hand and her acetone-soaked tissue. “But I don’t think you should worry so much about what other people that you never end up doing what you want. You’re just gonna make yourself miserable like that..”

“I don’t think Megumi knows anything else, though,” Yuuji argues. “If I—”

Nobara sighs with irritation. “You stop that!” she scolds.

Yuuji blinks owlishly at her, then makes a face. “What? What am I doing?”

“Putting other people’s feelings above your own!” She gestures at him with sharp, exaggerated motions. “Why does your confession rest on how Megumi deals with feelings? He’s as emotionally constipated as they come—”

“That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have them—”

“—so why do you continue to bury yourself in other people’s shit?” Nobara slaps her free hand into the table so hard, her palm stings.

“Because I care about his feelings??” Yuuji glances around the room, as if looking for someone with whom he could share his disbelief. “You know, Kugisaki, you’re being really—”

“Well, news flash, dummy! I care about you guys!” Finally finished cleaning Yuuji’s nails, she lets go of his hand and slams a fist on the table, filthy tissues clutched inside. “And I want you to be happy.”

The bottle of acetone clunks lowly as it falls on the ground, spilling all over the wooden floor.

Nobara swears. “That’s going to eat through the varnish and destroy the finish,” she says, grabbing up fistfuls of tissue and tossing it into the puddle.

Yuuji ducks under the table and squats beside her. “You care about us~” he cackles, grinning mischievously.

“Shut up or I’ll stuff these tissues down your throat.”

“Too bad I’m immune to all chemicals and poisons, then~”

“Idiot, I wouldn’t do that if I hadn’t known,” she snaps.

(Her teeth click audibly when she abruptly shuts her jaw.)

For a moment, Yuuji neither moves nor speaks. Nobara pays him no mind, sulking.

“Oh,” he says.

Nobara stuffs a soaked tissue into his hands. “Go throw that in the trash for me,” she orders, already tossing fresh tissues into the spill. It’s halfway gone, but it’s probably going to leave a tacky spot for a few days and a lightened patch with tissue dust forever afterwards. Oh well, she thinks. Such is the price of airing out feelings.

Yuuji returns, and they wordlessly exchange tissue balls, her soaked and sopping one for his fresh and fluffy one.

“Hey, Nobara,” Yuuji says when she meets him at the trash can. “When did you start feeling left out?”

Nobara tosses her wad of tissues into the garbage and turns around. She starts walking, and Yuuji follows her back to the table.

“Pick a color,” she says, sliding her collection of nail polish towards Yuuji.

“But you always say I have bad—”

“Pick a color.”

Yuuji inspects the box of colors and hands her a bottle, which (and let this be known on absolutely no uncertain terms) she can already tell will look hideous with his pink hair, but she decides to let him have this.

“Peacock green,” she murmurs, reading the label off the bottom.

“Kind of reminds you of Megumi’s eyes, huh?”

Nobara stares him straight in the eye as she cracks open the bottle, which isn’t easy when he keeps averting his gaze like that. “Oh, so you’re gone, gone.”

Yuuji laughs. “Yeah, I guess so!”

Nobara takes his hand and begins applying polish.

“I guess it started right before that time you wanted to go to Akihabara,” she says, finally answering his question. “Truth be told, I kind of wanted to go, too, since my best friend back home, Fumi, is really into Detective Conan, and I would have liked to find her something among all the shops there. I almost changed my mind and went along anyway after Megumi said he’d go along to keep tabs on you, but at that point, something changed, and I suddenly felt like I would just be intruding.” She carefully paints along the edges of his nails such that she won’t have to clean up the undersides later, then smiles at him. “Hope you don’t feel bad.”

“I don’t,” he lies, lyingly. He’s such a bad liar; she just doesn’t normally care enough about the things he chooses to lie about to push it.

Normally.

“There you go again, putting other people’s feelings above your own,” she idly says, annoyed. “If you want to be so considerate of others’ feelings, then do me a favor and stop considering mine so much. It’ll make me feel a lot better.”

Yuuji balks. “But then I might hurt you!”

“I’m prepared for that.”

‘Maybe you are, but not everyone else will be!”

“So what?” she challenges. “Yuuji, I know you don’t want to hurt anyone, but one person can only care about so many others before they end up taking on the weight of the world. No one can carry all that alone without hurting themselves. Aren’t you someone, Yuuji? Aren’t you a person, too?” She presses his hand into the table to keep him from messing up his wet nails as she tries to cap the nail polish bottle one-handedly.

Yuuji stares at her, dumbstruck.

“Let’s go back to considering other people’s feelings,” she continues, making direct eye contact the entire time. “You told me already Megumi cares a lot about your well-being, enough to save your life without hesitation. I don’t think a big ol’ softie like him would prefer you crush yourself to death alone when he might be able to help take on some of the burden.”

Yuuji continues to stare back, expression growing pained as he opens and closes his mouth over and over again like a fish. “I can handle it myself!” he insists. “I don’t want him to—”

“Aren’t you human, too?” Nobara snaps. This is getting ridiculous. No human being really thinks this way, right?

“No.”

She glares at him.

“Yes, you are,” she insists, her tone leaving no room for him to argue. “And honestly, that’s so disrespectful to Megumi as well. You think he can’t handle you? You think he’s so delicate that he can hardly handle his own feelings, let alone yours? Don’t give me that crap. You guys may know each other better than I do, but for two months after you died, Megumi and I only had each other. I know him plenty well, and I know he can handle anything you, of all people, might throw him.”

She leans into his space and bares her teeth at him. Yuuji’s eyes start shining with glossy tears, but he doesn’t cry.

“And hey, did you know, that by making all your feelings known, you take on the burden of knowing his, too?” she continues. “A relationship is not a one-way street where one person takes on all of the other person’s problems. In fact, if that’s how it goes, then it’s a shit relationship.”

Yuuji pushes her away and stands, towering over her. “But Megumi already has so much to worry about,” he argues. “I don’t want to add to that!”

“There’s no way out of this situation without worrying him somehow. That’s just the way he is,” Nobara returns, folding her arms“Life’s full of choices like that, where no matter what you do, someone will have to face the consequences of your actions. As jujutsu sorcerers, usually ‘consequences’ mean life or death, so consider yourself lucky that these are only feelings.”

A long silence ensues. Nobara struggles to put her final thoughts into words, now that Yuuji has been rendered well and truly speechless.

“So who are you really considering by holding it all in? Megumi, by keeping the burden of your feelings off his back? Or yourself, by using this as a way to tell yourself you’re a good person?”

~***~

Nobara sticks her hand into her nail pouch, searching for the iron closet key she and the senpai spent all of yesterday afternoon filching from Ichiji the driver. Her finger catches the ring, and she tugs it to the top of her cursed nails for quicker access.

“Oi,” calls Megumi as he rounds the corner, a box of old curse sealing tape in his arms. (Right on time, she thinks.) “This is where these are supposed to be kept, right? Maki-senpai said you’d be waiting outside.”

“Yup!” Nobara chirps, pulling the key out and twirling it about on her finger for a moment, just to show off. (Megumi is as indifferent as ever, killjoy.) She catches it, unlocks the closet, and immediately starts babbling. “Thank you sooo much for helping us hide everything from admin. Like, Gojou wouldn’t flip out or anything, since he doesn’t care about anything, but that just means we’d get into soooo much more trouble with the higher-ups if they caught wind of our adventures.”

Megumi’s eyes glaze over less than two seconds into her rambling. “Uh-huh,” he says, clearly hanging onto this conversation by the barest of threads. He adjusts his grip on the boxes and walks inside. “Now, where does it go? I wasn’t here for your original heist, so—”

“Oh, noooo~~~” Nobara kicks the door closed, trapping him inside. “Someone’s coming! Hiii, Nitta-san, how are you~? Don’t mind me, just locking up. You know Gojou-sensei, always pushing his work onto us first years like the trashy adult he is!”

Of course, no one is actually approaching, but Megumi freezes anyway, thus allowing Nobara to lock him inside as though there were.

(Ahh, so smart of Maki to weaponize Megumi’s ride-or-die, all-or-nothing sacrificial nature against him.)

Nobara proudly twirls the key around her finger as she leans her back against the door. Now that’s a job well done, if I may say so myself.

“Nobara?” Megumi calls from outside, and Nobara catches a soft, airy thump as he sets down the box. He shuffles over to the door. “What are you doing?”

“Don’t worry about it just yet!” she calls, digging her heels into the ground and pressing her weight into the door just in case.

“Just yet?” Megumi sounds like he’s on the verge of summoning Mahoraga just to bust himself out of there.

Luckily for Nobara, the wall rattles as if on cue, and something heavy falls through a window and into the closet.

“Hah! I told them I could parkour two stories up the sheer wall!! Now— oh, Megumi! What are you doing in here?”

Yuuji has arrived.

Nobara clutches the closet key tightly in her fist, unable to grin any wider than she’s already grinning.

“Kugisaki,” Megumi warns, coincidentally managing to hit the exact spot on the door behind from her head.

“Ohhh, so you were helping out in here,” Yuuji says, and Nobara can’t tell if he’s purposefully playing the fool, or if he genuinely could not read Megumi’s tone just now. “The senpai dared me to climb in through the window. Inumaki-senpai even bet me three weeks’ worth of desserts that I couldn’t jump up the walls like Spider-Man!”

“Don’t you need to go back down to claim your reward?” Megumi asks, voice straining.

Yuuji smacks a fist into his palm. “Oh, you’re right! I should go do that.”

The door handle jiggles, and Nobara holds her breath.

“Eh?”

“Kugisaki locked me in.”

“Dude, just call her Nobara— wait, what?”

Nobara takes this moment to clear her throat and turn her head so that her ear is flat against the door. “I’m not letting you two out until you finish talking,” she announces.

“About what?” Megumi asks, his constant practice in denial and avoidance serving him well, she sees.

“You know what about,” she says, tossing the key back in with all the nails in exchange for her hammer. Not that she’s going to actually use it for anything at the moment, but it’s nice to hold.

“No, we don’t,” Megumi insists. “None of our cursed techniques involve mind reading.”

“Well, there’s a—” she begins.

Yuuji makes a monkeyish shriek. “OHHH, WHAT’S THIS?”

“—prompt sheet on the floor otherwise.” She rests her hammer head on her palm. Sounds like Yuuji’s got it.

“What are you plotting?” Megumi asks, his hissing barely audible through the door.

“I just told you. I’m getting you two to talk. Can’t discuss everything in theory and never put it to practice. It’s time to see how you boys fare in the real world.”

“You—”

“‘Outcome or inaction’?” Yuuji reads. (Nobara senses Megumi tense up.) “Huh. Is there another—” The paper flaps loudly as he turns it over and says nothing else.

Nobara feels the pressure of Megumi leaning against the door ease as he moves, presumably, over to Yuuji’s side.

“‘Yourself or others’,” she hears him read aloud.

Yuuji awkwardly laughs. “Oh, that’s just something Nobara and I were talking about the other night,” he says. There’s a pause. “Wait, so on—”

“What were you guys talking about?” Megumi interrupts.

At this point, Nobara faces forward and sinks down to sit on the floor, her back still pressed to the door. She tilts her head back to stare at the pretty rafters, the ancient woodwork impressively well-done.

“Ah, well,” Yuuji begins, ���we were having our usual spa night in her room, right? And somehow, the conversation got to the question of whether I’d rather take on everyone else’s burdens, or let them share in mine.”

“And you chose to take on everyone else’s, huh?” Megumi is absolutely deadpan.

Yuuji laughs, a bit more naturally this time, but not yet all the way there. “Yeah, but then Nobara pointed out that sometimes, by never letting anyone worry about you, you’re gonna end up making some people worry about you. So now you’re created this burden you literally cannot take, and now I’m not so sure.”

Megumi hums. Nobara hears the boys’ shoes scrape against the floor as they sit down.

“I don’t know,” Yuuji continues. “My grandpa told me to help people, make myself useful to others, with his dying words. That’s why I keep things to myself a lot of the time, but the idea that I’ll just end up hurting someone I care about in trying to protect them like that… I dunno. I guess it’s kind of selfish of me, but I don’t want to feel like I’ve failed Gramps by leaving some people burdened on purpose. Then it becomes a game of pick and choose who gets to be saved. I don’t feel like I have the authority to decide, ‘cause I don’t know anything about their situation, and even then, I’m imposing my own weights on their issues.”

“I don’t think letting other people know what’s bothering you is choosing to burden them,” Megumi replies. “Some of the burden leaves just by talking about it and making it known. Besides, aren’t you unloading on me now?”

“Oh, is that how you see it? Sorry, you don’t need to worry about any of that. It’s not really an emotional burden to me, so I didn’t really think of it that way.”

“Whether it’s mostly emotional or not, what’s the difference? A burden is a burden is a burden.”

“Ah, well, I guess this one’s more of a moral dilemma.” Yuuji answers. “You don’t have to get your heart as involved.”

Megumi grunts. “So over the summer, when you were training while we thought you were dead, whatever it was that happened, you felt that in your heart.”

“Yeah.”

“What was it?”

Another forced laugh from Yuuji. “You don’t have to worry about it— oi, oi, stop looking at me like that!”

A long pause, then a sigh. Nobara hears the loud thunk! of something getting knocked around inside the closet.

“All right,” Yuuji says with another sigh. “A recent friend of mine died in my arms. I thought maybe I could use Sukuna to save them, but he said no. I didn’t even get the guy who killed them, so now it feels like my fault that they died sometimes.”

(“What the hell,” Nobara mutters to herself. “All right, I guess; really airing out all the skeletons today.”)

“It’s not your fault,” Megumi says. “Sukuna is your responsibility in that your job is to keep him at bay, but he’s still separate from you, and his refusal to act is in no part related to your actions.”

“But I’m supposed to learn to control him, aren’t I? And isn’t the refusal to act an action itself?” Yuuji argues.

“Can you truly regret something you can’t control?” The way Megumi says it this time is much loftier, much gentler than when he’d posed it to her earlier in the week.

Nobara hears Yuuji loudly sigh (for the third time!), and admittedly, she’s not sure what to think either. Leave it to Megumi to come up with stupid philosophical questions that have no real answers and then spend the next three epochs trying to solve them.

“I guess that would depend on what you want to count as a regret,” Yuuji answers. “Like, is it a feeling? You can’t really control those, either, not all the way, so I guess if that were the case with regret, then yeah, you can regret something outside your control.”

Megumi grunts. “I think a regret is like a wish you always carry inside you, that you’d done something different in the moment,” he says. “And it comes out sometimes, makes you think about what could have been, and you regret your decisions.”

“Oh, so in that case, isn’t it impossible to regret something outside your control?” Yuuji asks. “By your definition, you had to have had the power to change the outcome yourself.”

“Correct. The negative feelings associated with regret are a function of wishing for the past and for things to be different, like evil nostalgia.”

Yuuji snorts. “Evil nostalgia,” he says, amused. “So then on the back of the paper— is that for you?”

Megumi stiffens, Nobara can almost see it now.

He acknowledges Yuuji in what Nobara at this point can only assume is his first language: grunting. “She asked me if I’d rather regret the outcome or the inaction when making an important, irreversible decision.”

“Really now? That’s easy,” Yuuji says, the light, sing-song lilt returning to his voice at last. “Outcome, all the way. I wouldn’t be able to stand myself if I could have made even a little bit of a difference to someone but made the conscious decision not to.”

“You’re so impulsive,” Megumi sighs (his turn this time, heh).

(“Ow!” Yuuji yelps.)

“What if you end up hurting yourself in the process?” Megumi asks, sounding almost chiding.

“Well, I think that’s worth the risk.”

“What if it hurts someone else when you do that? What if the decision requires you to be selfish? What would you regret more: an outcome you brought into being due to your own selfishness, or refusing to act at all because it was for the sake of someone else?”

“Hah? That’s so convoluted! Wouldn’t the second situation be selfish in the long run, too? Nevermind that, what would a situation like that even look like?” Yuuji demands.

Megumi doesn’t answer right away.

“Let’s say you’re on a mission with either me or Nobara, and we get captured by the enemy,” he says at last. “We gave you explicit instructions to save yourself no matter what, because if you come in to save us, even if we all survive, the curse has made us forget everything, or hate you, or turns us into hollow shells of who we once were. Point is, you have us, but not our friendship, and you can’t get it back. Do you save us, because you selfishly want to keep us in your life regardless of our role, or do you run and leave us for dead because that’s what we wanted?”

Outside, Nobara shifts around uncomfortably. Her ass is going numb, for one thing, and she finds it a bit rude of Megumi to just damsel the both of them like that in this hypothetical situation, for another.

“So, you’re asking if I value your lives or our relationships more,” Yuuji slowly asks.

“You lose us either way,” Megumi replies. “Would you rather regret losing us because you were selfish, or selfless?” There’s a long silence. “I’d rather you not try to save me,” he softly adds.

Not if it means losing our relationship. Again, Nobara carefully picks the unspoken words out of the air— did Yuuji catch them, too? That’s pretty damn close to a confession, at least coming from Megumi. Herself? She’d rather stay alive, even if it meant losing her best friends. They’re still young; there will be other best friends, she uneasily hopes.

“I’d rather regret being selfish, then,” Yuuji says, words coming out like a carefully unravelling thread. “There’s no guarantee I’ll regret keeping you guys alive, even if it means losing what we have right now. The future holds so much we don’t know yet, and even if I do end up regretting my decision that day, I never want to regret being selfless.”

Nobara pulls out her phone to check the time. 15:02, the phone tells her, and right below that, a text notification from Maki.

He took the bait, it says, almost half an hour ago now. Nobara lets her phone sleep again, replacing it into her tool belt.

“Hey, Megumi, you never answered the original question,” Yuuji says, and Nobara imagines him leaning way, way into Megumi’s space and calling it a mere nudge. “Which would you rather regret? The outcome, or the inaction?”

“I don’t know,” Megumi answers.

“Whaaat?” Yuuji squawks. “You haven’t thought about it at all since Nobara asked? That’s so unlike you!”

“I’ve thought about it so much, I think I’ll go insane if I think about it any longer,” Megumi explains. “At first, I thought inaction, because then it becomes, ‘I thought about it so much I ran out of time’, and that’s not really making a choice anymore, so technically, I can’t regret that. But, then I started arguing with myself about that all the time, over whether or not not making a decision is a decision itself, and so that made me think that maybe that counts as a regret. So maybe I’d rather regret the outcome, because at least then there are a million smaller things I could have done differently when acting that might have changed the outcome. But now that’s so many more regrets, and while I’m resigned to dying with some regrets, it’s not like I’m trying to break the world record crushing myself to death with the sheer number of them.”

Nobara rests her cheek against the smooth wood of the door and closes her eyes. Megumi, you really do think much too much.

Yuuji hums. “I guess for you, it would depend on the situation, huh? You always like to do things on a case-by-case basis.”

“Yeah.”

The silence that follows lasts much longer than Nobara thinks she can bear. Am I going to have to intervene again? she wonders.

Luckily, Yuuji changes the silence into mere quiet, speaking up in a voice just above a whisper. It’s hardly enough for Nobara to catch, but she manages to make out his words.

“Have you ever regretted saving me?” he softly asks, then adds, “Megumi?”

“No, never.” For what Nobara suspects is the first time in his life, Megumi doesn’t hesitate.

“What if I end up losing control?” Yuuji presses on, voice gaining strength along the way. “What if I end up killing a bunch of people?”

“Then it will be our mistake,” Megumi fiercely insists. “Our blame to carry, our burden to bear. You’ve asked me this question before. The responsibility of a life belongs to the one who saves it. I will carry my past and my mistakes upon my back for all the world to see, but I refuse to ever regret saving you.”

Another long pause. Nobara holds her breath, brings her knees up to her chest, and presses as much of herself against the door as she possibly can. She fingers the closet key, wondering if it’s almost over.

“Is that a selfish thing to do, or a selfless one?” Yuuji asks. “I wonder.”

“Well, regrets come from a pretty selfish part of a person,” Megumi answers. “By refusing it, I suppose that makes it selfless.”

“You know, Megumi, I think it’s okay for you to be selfish sometimes,” Yuuji says, and Nobara hears the scuffling of his shoes upon the floor. He’s probably pushing himself into Megumi again..

Megumi snorts. “Look who’s talking.”

Yuuji laughs in return. “I guess I don’t show it much, but I’m a pretty selfish person inside.”

“Oh?”

“Yup. Like, for example, there’s this one person I like a lot, but they’re kind of shy sometimes. I think they might like me, too, but they don’t like bringing up their own desires, so they end up sacrificing them so that the people around them can keep moving forward.”

Nobara has to clamp a hand over her mouth and nose to keep herself from laughing. Yuuji is a great many things, but subtle is not one of them.

“But, I get the feeling that they want to become someone who can wholeheartedly do things for themself. So I selfishly keep all my feelings towards them to myself, enjoying the life we can only have right now, because I want to look forward to a day where I can be the one confessed to. Until then, I don’t want things to change, because I also want to feel like I’m a good person for putting his character growth above my own.”

If Yuuji realizes he slipped on the pronoun usage there, he doesn’t say anything about it. Nobara chews her lip, wondering if maybe it was on purpose, if Megumi will call it out. They have to be nearing the end of this conversation by now; they just have to be if Yuuji’s going to be talking like this.

Megumi does not respond for several minutes, likely overthinking everything, as always. Nobara hears Yuuji shift around, even getting up to pace restlessly around the tiny closet. He could just jump back out the window again, if he wanted out that badly.

(Nobara knows why he stays.)

“Penny for your thoughts, Megumi?” he asks, once Nobara feels like the conversation is never going to come back.

“Is there really such a thing as a truly selfish or selfless action?” Megumi asks, mumbling like a child in trouble for whatever reason.

“What do you mean?”

“You framed all your feelings as being selfish, but really, you just want to give the other person the opportunity to act based entirely on their own feelings, since that’s not something they find easy to do right now. Your feelings might be selfish, but you’re also holding back with that other person’s best interests in mind. Is that not a selfless thing to do?”

“Uhh, yeah…? If you put it like that.”

“And in the earlier scenario about saving us from a curse if it means losing our relationship. If you save yourself, you could call that a selfish action because you’re the only person who benefits, but the only reason you’d do that would be to honor our wishes to not be saved,” Megumi continues, though Nobara wishes he wouldn’t just assume what she’d want in the situation. “You act selfishly but for the selfless reason of honoring our wishes. The opposite is if you chose to save us. You risk your life to save ours, but only because you want that.”

“Yo, what the—?” Yuuji stops his pacing and is quiet for a minute. “…Huh.”

“So then what does it matter if your internal motives are selfish or selfless? The actions you take are the ones that ultimately make the difference in the end; shouldn’t your actions then be the sole factor in determining whether what you’ve done is a selfish or selfless action? Ultimately, the other person isn’t going to care that you held back because you wanted to feel good about yourself; they’ll simply feel indebted to your kindness in giving them the opportunity to grow.”

Silence, though this time it’s Yuuji’s fault. Not that Nobara can really blame him for that; she doesn’t know what to think, either. How are they going around defining selfishness? Should they really discard the motives entirely?

“Look at what you’ve done, Megumi,” she says under her breath, running her nails along the grooves between the floorboards. “Now you’re making me think too much.”

“What makes you say that’s how they’ll feel for sure?” Yuuji asks, a guarded edge to his question.

“Just a hunch,” Megumi blandly replies.

There’s a tension to the silence that follows that makes Nobara hold her breath again.

“Hey, Yuuji.” His voice cracks like he’s twelve.

“What is it, Megumi?” Yuuji sounds like he’s five with how high-pitched and sing-song he says it.

Nobara finally slides her hammer back into its proper loop in her tool belt and scrambles for the closet key again. It’s coming, it’s coming, it’s coming…

“You’re right in that I should allow myself to be more selfish, so thank you for giving me this opportunity to maybe regret an outcome rather than my own inaction.” He lets out a trembling breath. “I like you. A lot. Like that. Will you go out with me? As my boyfriend?”

Nobara grabs the key and scoots away from the door, still holding her breath, though at this point it’s mostly to keep her from letting out all her internal screaming. Finally, finally, finally, finally, finally…!!

“Aww, Megumi,” Yuuji teases. “You have a crush on me? That’s so embarrassing?”

She hears the scrape of Megumi’s shoes against the floor as he gets to his feet and turns around. “Shut up,” he says. “You’re such an embarrassment.”

“Aww, but Megumi~” There’s the sound of Yuuji’s running footfall, then Megumi’s quiet grunt as Yuuji tackles him. “I love you, too~~ I love, love, love—”

Nobara unlocks the door and rips it open as fast as she can.

“FINALLY!” she shouts over the deafening bang of the door hitting the wall. Both boys jump stupidly high into the air, and Megumi pivots around to look at her, red-faced and dragging Yuuji along with him. “I thought you idiots would never get here! It was all this silly philosophizing around and around in circles—”

Yuuji, who had been still hanging off of Megumi’s shoulders until that point, springs away. “Oh, the door’s open!!” he yells, dashing out of the closet so quickly, the breeze ruffles Nobara’s hair. “I need to get my desserts from Inumaki-senpai!!!”

Nobara stares down the hall, speechless. Kudos to him for having his priorities in order, but that was not at all what she expected to happen when she opened the door.

Megumi slinks out much more quietly. “Oi,” he says, looming over her with a pissed expression. “What was all that for?”

Nobara puts her hands on her hips and looks him right in the eye. “It had to be done,” she says matter-of-factly.

“Is that so?”

“Are you not happy with the results?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“Why did you feel like you had to lock us in a closet like that? What would you have done if we had simply refused to talk? And why did you want us to talk about it so badly? Isn’t it none of your business?”

Nobara sighs. “Listen, I’m only going to say this once: I care about you guys. You’re my boys— my stupid, stupid boys— and I want you two to be happy. Anyway, I figured that even if you guys weren’t going to end up talking the way I hoped or predicted you would, it would at least mean there would be nothing left unspoken between the three of us.”

Megumi stares at her unblinkingly. “That’s very selfish of you,” he says.

But she shrugs. “Perhaps, but someone around here had to be the selfish one,” she says, then points a finger gun at him with a wink. “Besides, didn’t I do it with you guys’ happiness in mind? And didn’t it end with the two of you getting the largest net gain? So doesn’t that make it selfless in the end?”

“Perhaps,” Megumi replies. He chews the inside of his cheek, tilting his head side to side as he thinks, then sighs. “I suppose. Thank you.”

Nobara grins, clicking her tongue at him. “You’re welcome,” she says, stepping aside so that he can leave.

She watches him walk down the hall, following Yuuji to wherever the senpai have gathered, then pulls out her phone. She sends one text, to Maki:

Mission accomplished.

[carriagelamp]

Weirdly enough, I often find myself reading less in the summer, since I have more time than I do during the rest of the year to do other things. Also artfight has been eating up more than a bit of my free time! But here’s a collection a graphic novels I sat around on the hammock reading, and some novels I finished up...

(Everyone go read All Systems Red, holy crow guys)

A Whale of the Wild

The “sequel” to A Wolf Called Wander, though it doesn’t actually connect to the previous novel except in the stylistic/thematic sense. A Whale of the Wild is very much a standalone novel. And a pretty decent one! Personally, I think I liked Wolf more, but this one was a pleasant, informative read, with just the right amount of crushing dread sprinkled in. It’s about a young orca called Vega who is learning to become a new wayfinder for her pod but who still has a lot to learn, especially in an ocean that is becoming increasingly hostile to orcas and the other sealife that live alongside humans. When a devastating earthquake hits, Vega and her little brother find themselves separated from their family, lost in a now horrifyingly unfamiliar environment, and fighting starvation as the salmon that sustain them become more and more unreliable. It’s a desperate fight for survival as they search for food and their missing family. This book is written for a middle grade level, and does a really good job of putting the current environmental crisis into an animal’s perspective while giving the readers something to hope for.

The Adventure Zone: The Crystal Kingdom

Every July I eagerly anticipate the next Adventure Zone graphic novel. This one is for their fourth arc, The Crystal Kingdom, in which Magnus, Taako, and Merle respond to a SOS from a floating laboratory that is gradually being consumed by crystals and which threatens the entire world should it fall into the ocean. Carey Pietsch’s art continues to be absolutely fantastic, so beautifully and hilariously expressive, and this one delivers some great Merle moments, lots of Carey Fangbattle, and, of course, Kravtiz. Kravitz, my beloved…

Anyway, I obviously always recommend these. If you’ve never gotten into The Adventure Zone, I totally recommend either trying these graphic novels — or even better, just go listen to the podcast because it really is both hilarious and creates a shockingly good and heart-wrenching story by the end.

All Systems Red

I’ve seen The Murderbot Diaries on my dash occasionally, and it always looked interesting, but a friend’s recommendation finally compelled me to read the first novella of the series. And holy shit y’all. Absolutely the best book I’ve read this month, it’s amazing. Mind-blowingly good. Also, if you’re like me and want a good audiobook, it’s a nice three-hour listen, very chill!

Anyway, All Systems Red is about a Security Unit, an artificially created being that’s part-organic part-mechanical and all-company-owned-and-controlled. However, self-named “Murderbot” has managed to hack into the system that suppresses its own will, and is now coasting along, doing the least amount of work its job requires not to be noticed, while preferring to spend all its time watching the hours and hours of soap operas it has downloaded into its brain. And it’s a tolerable if somewhat dull life, until the science team that it's currently rented to is attacked and the whole mission goes pear-shaped. Suddenly Murderbot has to scramble to keep its humans alive… while its humans scramble with the realization that their “SecUnit” isn’t actually a mindless robot like they had all believed...

This story is both gripping and hilariously funny. Murderbot has such a unique voice and perspective and it’s an absolute pleasure to follow its story. I reallly need to read the next book...

Asterix and the Banquet

A classic. I was startled when I realized I hadn’t actually read this Asterix story… but hell I’m not gonna complain, it lets me read one of the originals for the first time again! In this Asterix volume, the Indomitable Gauls and the Romans end up arranging a bet — the Romans intend to keep them under siege, trapped in their village, while Asterix is confident that he can easily evade them… and will prove it by going on a tour around all of Gaul, collecting iconic foods from each region in order to return and put on a fine banquet. So we get a fantastic adventure in which Asterix and Obelix run all over the country, pursued the whole way, while making cheerful stops at the various eateries along the way. Also the first book Dogmatix shows up in! All around, a wonderful read, fun like all the best Asterix comics are.

Beauty Pop v4

A less impressive graphic novel. The first Beauty Pop is one of my guilty pleasure manga because… it really is pretty stupid but in the best possible ways. I mean, the whole thing is framed around hairstyling battles, like a shojo sports manga without the sports. It’s bonkers. Unfortunately, the series does not really manage to hold up, and it really begins to feel repetitive and dragging as it continues… as a lot of series like this do. *shrug* Unsurprising but still kinda disappointing I suppose. The building three-way romantic tension is mildly interesting if for no other reason than the main character Does Not Notice and Does Not Care about any of it, which is amusing and refreshing.

FRNCK v5

Now this series only gets better and better as it goes. This is the first book of the second arc, and somehow the danger just seems to be ramping up and up and up. The cavefamily have lost their home… as well as Léonard and Gargouille. Heartbroken, shocked, and angry, Franck is the one who ends up shouldering the blame for their presumed deaths as the others mourn. Things only get worse when Franck finds himself separated from the family, and in the territory of another tribe, this one hostile and cannibalistic...

Haikyuu v5

I continue to read this series because it continues to be charming… though it is beginning to feel, maybe, just a little repetitive. Kind of an inevitability with sports manga. But so far it continues to be good enough to overcome that. I’m not sure what I can say about this series that I haven’t already, so I’ll simply say it continues to be one of the most impressive sports manga I’ve read, and the author does a fantastic job of creating engaging characters, fleshed out teams, and really compelling relationships. I do genuinely adore all the main members of Crows, along with a number of characters from the rival teams as well. And of course it has some kickass volleyball scenes that are just drawn so dramatically they can’t help but take your breath away a little.

M*A*S*H Goes To Maine

Meh. The original book of the series was actually quite good in my opinion. This one… considerably less so. The first part I enjoyed more, since it was about Hawkeye, Trapper, Duke, and Oliver Jones trying to set up the FinestKind Clinic and Fishmarket in Crabapple Cove (which… is just the best premise I could have ever asked for). However, the book spends most of its time describing the quirky lives and times of other people living in the area and I… just… don’t care. It was funny at times but… I just don’t care. I wanted to hear more about the main cast. Also I found this book felt more racist and misogynistic than the first which also put me off :/ Wouldn’t bother if I were you. Go read the first book instead, or better yet just watch the TV show which is an obvious banger.

My Heart’s in the Highlands

I have had this on my “currently reading” list for so long but I’m officially giving up. It’s a really good book in theory but my god I can’t get over the pacing.

It’s about Lady Jane, a woman studying medicine in Edinburgh in 1888, and who suddenly finds herself back in the Highlands in the 13th century. Lost and confused, Jane is now at the mercy Clan Donald’s hospitality while she tries to adjust to this new world and hunts for her broken time machine. Fortunately, this hospitality include a burgeoning friendship with a red-haired warrior woman, Ainslie nic Dòmhnaill, who opens Jane’s eyes to the way the world could be.

Listen. It drives me nuts. This book should be completely up my alley, it has everything I like — IT HAS ALL OF ITS HISTORICAL FOOTNOTES CITED AT THE BACK, LITTLE EXTRA DETAILS ABOUT EVERY CHAPTER. THAT’S MY SHIT RIGHT THERE. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LIKE BEING ABLE TO GO OVER HISTORICAL DETAILS?? AND WELL RESEARCHED FOOTNOTES?? And yet it doesn’t. Fucking. Work for me. It has a kickass Scottish warrior lady as a love interest! It has a badass lady doctor! It has fish-out-of-water culture shock! But it also has a completely meandering plot, no sense of building tension, and a romance that just happens out of nowhere and feels completely unearned and uninteresting.

I would genuinely just rather read Outlander again, which I know has its own host of problems, but at least Outlander felt exciting and interesting and tense and funny. The romance built in fits and starts, it was complicated, and kept me interested. That book had me hooked (and has me hooked every time I reread it) whereas this book I’ve been sadly picking at for months like its a plate of overcooked spinach. This felt like an attempt at a queer, historically accurate knockoff which I would normally be super into but which just could not stick the landing.

Moomin on the Riviera

My first time actually reading anything from the Moomin canon. I have zero idea how to feel about it! It certainly is as feral as I’ve heard described! Overall, I think I enjoyed it but it sure made me feel strange emotions I didn’t know existed. I’m not even going to try to describe it. Read it if you want a batshit insane anti-capitalist comic.

Surviving the City

This was good in some areas, less good in others. It had a very interesting indigenous perspective on life in the modern city, the foster system, and The Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women issue, which I’ve never seen handled in a book before. Something about the pacing did not completely click with me and I found myself getting easily distracted, but it’s definitely worth the read just to experience it and look at the issues it deals with through the characters’ (and author’s) eyes. It did give me a lot to think about and wrestle with, which is sometimes the best thing a book can give you.

Torchwood: Pack Animals

A really fun read, more so than I had ever expected! If you like Torchwood and want more stories about the team before everything goes to shit, this is perfect for that. It includes the entire cast, an interest mystery to be unravelled, lots of slavering monsters, Rhys being really wonderful and sweet (which I didn’t know I wanted until I read this book), and all the humour I expect from Torchwood. I had to send a lot of quotes to my long-suffering girlfriend who a) does not watch this show but b) needs to tolerate it because I find it too funny to keep to myself. It was good enough to make me go out another book of the series since this was the only one my library carried.

[bakugou-jpg]

Stay, please || K. Takami /Hawks

A/N: This was requested by an anon, for Hawks angst to fluff. I’m not entirely sure if this ks what you wanted but i hope you like it anyway!

Genre: Angst to fluff

Warning: BNHA MANGA SPOILERS, angst.

Words: 7789 words

_____________________________________

The job of a pro hero, was something that came with a lot of responsibility. As a pro hero, you had the responsibility of someone else's life in your hands . The responsibility to keep them safe. It was a never ending battle between bad and good with when one villain had finally been defeated and captured a new one was lurking in the corners of the streets.

The training young teens who just decided what to with their lives, which was wanting to make the world a better place and saving people by becoming a hero, was rather cruel in some cases. There was no denying in the fact that learning is best done by practice, but putting 16 year olds into battles between adults they shouldn't have to fight could be..considered inhuman in some cases.

Especially when the 'teen' is a 6 year old boy who had no choice but to give his life to the country to be used as a tool to solve the life long battle between good and evil. He was seen as a 'secret weapon'. One that would make the world a better place. A future set out for him in every possible detail until his very retirement.

It was tiring, so very tiring. A constant cycle of waking up, going to work, overworking, getting home, go to bed. Barely any time for free time. The lack of it made him feel like he was stuck in a simulation, a system that he couldn't run away from.

He felt like he was being suffocated, a tight rope wrapped around his throat with the people he worked for his entire life at the end of it only pulling it tighter and tighter putting more and more responsibility on his shoulders. He was gonna collapse, his vision growing hazy and his knees trembling close to giving up.

"Keigo.."

The rope around his neck loosened. Hawks was so focused on walking forward towards the pointless direction he was forced to walk towards that.. he hadn't noticed when a soft pair of hands had started fumbling with the rough material. He hadn't noticed when breathing got easier again and he certainly didn't notice when his legs dragged him somewhere else.

Falling in love with you was the easiest thing he had ever done. The moment his eyes met yours he was absolutely swooned by the way they held such a calming warmth in them that he felt his wings puff up. You were incredibly beautiful to him and the red tips of his ears certainly didn't go unnoticed for he felt a cold feeling wash over him when the number one hero sent a glare at him reminding him he was on patrol.

He felt himself so drawn to your presence, always finding ways to sneakily run into you or find a reason to talk to you.

When the cold months creeped around the corner, meaning the sun set earlier in the evening, he did not hesitate for a second to insist he'd bring you home safely. He wouldn't hesitate to playfully tease you about the tiniest things, loving the either flustered or giggling reaction coming from you.

"Hawks..?"

His eyes were glued to the screen of his computer, scanning over all the tiny words that for some reason didn't seem to get through his skull no matter what he did.

He felt like his eyelids were being pulled down by tiny fairies who were trying to lul him into a deep sleep so they'd be able to kill him in his sleep or kidnap him afterwards..atleast, that's the story his grandmother had told him when she was still around when he was younger.

God, how long that had been and how fuzzy the memories were of her. Hawks never saw her often, for the relationship with her and his dad was horrible, but when he did he'd feel nothing but a warm fuzzy feeling he hadn't felt in years. A comfortable feeling he wanted to bask in forever with no worry in the world.

He tore his eyes away from the screen, immediately settling on your form after you had entered his office.

The crimson wings fluffed up just slightly upon seeing the sight of you, a reaction Hawks had no control over. Slowly, he spread them and even in the dim light of his laptop screen you could still clearly see the beautiful red colour they held. Every little detail of each feather, how they slightly shook when he stretched his entire body before folding back into their previous position behind his back.

"Ah, it seems i have died huh? Knew all this paperwork was gonna make my brain melt one day..Though, i thought angels had like eight arms were shaped like a pyramid and had like fifty eyes in total."

A playful smirk danced around his features, but it wasn't hard to take notice of the tiredness his eyes held. How to bags under his eyes would get darker by the day and how his voice sounded heavy laced with drowsiness.

No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't help but snort at his words. Your eyes were still glued onto his wings, mesmerized by the way they looked and never failing to impress you.

"What are you doing here so late, dove? Thought your shift ended two hours ago, did you miss me that much?"

Hawks noticed how your eyebrows scrunched together this time there was no little smile or snort at his comment. Did he cross a line he shouldn't of have crossed? No, you didn't seem mad..you looked worried.

Placing one foot in front of the other hesitantly, you made your way towards Hawks desk eyes scanning over all the littered papers and the opened document on his laptop.

"Could ask you the same question, Mr.hero..I had forgotten my keys so was unable to enter my house. Thought your shift ended three hours ago?"

The tone in your voice was more stern this time and the hero didn't miss the somewhat motherly undertones to it. Even the way the way your hand found its way into his hair, plucking something out of it but even the slightest touch made him coo softly.

Quickly snapping out of his smitten state, Hawks quickly recollected himself and grinned. No matter how hard he tried, he still looked burned out and absolutely exhausted. The small pile of energy drinks in his trash can and the empty coffee cup on his desk only making it more obvious. "Thought it would be fun to just sit here and stare at some words on a screen with no yellow light"

A small moment of silence took over the room. An awkward one at that..had he made an uncomfortable comment once again?

It was hard to let his eyes settle to the dark after having had them glued onto the screen for so many hours. He could very easily make out your silhouette and where your eyes were, but it was a little hard pinpointing the details in your face.

Being so focused on taking in your facial features, he hadn't noticed how your hand had slowly creeped up on him to settle onto his wings. Nobody ever really touched his wings, well technically they did of course just..not like this. Not with such tenderness while running their nails over his skin, like getting your hair played with but so different.

It was hard to keep his composure like that and the very moment your fingers moved he let out a shaky sigh, eyes rolling to the back of his head and his body relaxing under your touch.

"You're so tense, should take better care of yourself Mr.hero.." You whispered, hands trailing from the base of his wings up his shoulders before settling onto his neck and giving it a small squeeze.

Hawks face felt warm. He wasn't sure if you were aware of what you did to him or if this was you trying to tease him in any way. It felt nice, so very nice. To be touched like this, with such gentle movements. He wanted to bask into it forever, for him the only one you'd touch like that and talk to.

Leaning his head back, Hawks peered up into your eyes while resting his head against your stomach. Your hands were now attached to his ears, tracing his ear-shells with your fingers.

"Please.." He whispered so very softly, his voice so desperate.

"Hm?"

"..stay"

Eyes widening slightly, the fingers once wrapped around his head slipped away.

Hawks was a very open book, it had been something you noticed right away when you first met him. He wasn't afraid to show his feelings about something or to state his opinion on certain things. His emotions always very clearly present on his face.

Yet, the emotion he currently expressed was hard to place. You weren't sure if it was fear, sadness or desperation. Maybe a mix of all of them but none of them really was the hawks you used to see on a daily basis. Were his emotions getting the best of him at the late hours of the night?

His rather cold hands took ahold of your own the chill spread out through the rest of your body something which made you shiver slightly.

"God Hawks, you certainly are sappy huh?"

A small grin tugged at the edges of his lips, a low chuckle rumbling in his chest. His eyes followed your form as you sat down on his desk, eyes piercing into your own.

"Got me there, dove..Only for you though, baby bird."

With a small smack to the head, his chest felt much lighter when you started reading through the papers scattered around his desk, a pen in your mouth while writing down things here and there. How you'd rest your legs on the arm of his chair telling him to finish his part so the both of you could go home.

That was the first time Hawks started thinking about a future other than what had been set in stone for him ever since he was a kid. What is a selfish thing to do..? To think about a future that only he provided off in the end and hopefully you too, of course? I..think everyone's allowed to be a little selfish sometimes. That longing for something so precious and wonderful is something everyone deserves to have.

To be selfish and keep you to himself, to hold you in the late hours of the night and to be able to feel your skin against his own.

With his wing wrapped around your body, you walked underneath the dimly lit streets.Every time either of you laughed or talked, a small cloud would leave your mouth and disappear into the cold november air.

It was only such a small memory compared to the ones the two of you had made throughout the friendship you had, one that eventually blossomed into something more. Though, to Hawks it was the night he came to the realization that for the first time in his life he felt like..there was a destination, a goal, to where he was walking to.

Loving you was the easiest thing Hawks could ever do. It was like breathing unconsciously, blinking his eyes and how his heart pumped blood through his body. Something so natural and right, something he needed so desperately.

It was funny how he had gone 21 years through out his life without you but now that he had you for barely 2 years for himself, he felt like he couldn't go without you being there for him and having you by his side. He was addicted to your presence, you were like a drug he couldn't get enough of.

You had showed him that the little things mattered, that it was okay to make mistakes and that it was so easy to love something more than yourself.

Coming home, exhausted and beaten up, to be engulfed in the warmest pair of arms instead of his empty bed was the thing he'd look forward to every day. To be peppered in soft kisses and have fingers go through his hair welcoming him home being told that he had been missed. It was a thing that got him through the day, knowing there was someone out there waiting for him.

Although he felt like it, Hawks...would never truly be free.

Even though. You had loosened every rope tied around his body, took his hand and guided him elsewhere, he would always be reminded that those ropes were still there. No matter what, he was still doomed to serve the people he had given almost his whole entire life to.

At times it was a little hard, having to stay away from what he considered home for a couple of days sometimes even weeks, but the two of you managed. The media barely had any information about his personal life. Both the agency and he himself kept it hidden deeply underneath a pile of dirt a ton of feet under the ground.

They knew about your existence, sure, but you were known as one of Endeavour's right hands. The one who followed him around like a puppy everywhere he went, taking care of most of the media problems for him and the one he went to for advice regarding his hero work.

Deep inside, Hawks knew that he wasn't worthy of all this. That he wasn't made to live a life like he was currently living, but he always pushed away those thoughts. Negativity wasn't gonna get him anywhere, it would affect both him and you.

"We need you to play infiltrate the league of villains as a spy. Make them believe you're on their side, gain their trust and leak some unimportant facts we give you here and there. Mr. Takami we need you to do whatever it takes."

League of villains, spy, whatever it takes..?

His whole head was buzzing the entire time during the meeting, where they told him all the important details and went through all of the steps he'd have to take.

Hawks had seen what the league was capable of, hell, the whole entirety of Japan had seen so. Individually he could take most of them on, probably. He'd have to watch out for the one that went by the name of 'Dabi', his feathers didn't exactly mix well with fire. Shigaraki was also sketchy, but aside from that he had received the news that the league seemed to be plotting something.

Not the craziest thing, since they had been quite off the radar for a few months now. And especially with those creatures they called nomus nobody was sure what would happen.

Going home that day felt wrong. Knowing what was to come, a bitter feeling creeping into his mouth while his feet felt like cement blocks heavier with every step he took closer to the door.

"Keigo, welcome home!"

The moment your face appeared from around the corner his heart only felt heavier. The fact you were so very unaware of what was about to happen and did your usual routine of wrapping your arms around him, gently taking off his vizors and headphones before cupping his face and pressing a kiss to his lips.

He couldn't do it

"Tough day at work? You look like you went 3 days without sleep Kei..and for someone who kept me up with his snoring last night that sure is quite something."

Your comment usually would've made him snicker or atleast just crack a grin. You were always able to make him feel be better and make him laugh on his worst days. Always knowing what to say and do, knowing him like the back of your hand.

He felt so numb. All his emotions were flat, he had to do this. He had to, he'd do anything to keep you safe and if that meant letting you go... then so be it.

"(Y/n), we need to talk."

His hands wrapped around your shoulders and softly pushed you off of him before reaching out to your own, giving them a soft squeeze with his thumb drawing a circle over your ring finger.

Hawks always knew he was gonna wrap the prettiest and biggest ring around there. He didn't care if you didn't want something to extravagant or so flashy and scold him for spending so much money. It ate at him that he was able to show you off but he would, he'd let everyone know you were his and he was yours. Didn't care what the agency or your boss thought. Didn't care about the media. None of that, just you. You and him.

He promised himself he'd always keep you safe, no matter what happened your safety came first. He'd do anything and, if that meant letting you go, then..so be it

"I'm sorry, but i don't love you anymore. Its not fair to you if i keep hiding this from you. I think we should end this."

He wanted to grow old with you. So badly. To spend his last moments in your arms and to adopt a dog with you- Hell even, maybe if god would've let him, have actual kids with you.

Seeing you laugh it off at first made his heart crumble. Especially the moment he saw your face slowly change when you started realizing that it wasn't a joke. How your eyes twisted from pure joy, to confusion, to a mix from both confusion and sorrow. A glassy layer of tears welling up in your eyes, head shaking no and your hands letting go of his.

"W-what? What do you mean- I-i don't understand."

Your voice was breaking, like a thin layer of ice on top of a lake in winter. Ice so incredibly thin that it wasn't able to hold the weight of a little robin hopping around on it.

He wanted to pull you into his arms, hush you while whispering comforting words into your ear. Telling you that he didn't mean it, that he loved you more than anything else in this world. But he couldn't. You had to be safe, you'd be in great danger if he continued the relationship you two shared.

"Since when?" You asked softly, eyes fixated onto his chest. You were unable to look him in the eye, unable to show him how you were slowly falling apart. In all honesty, you didn't want him to answer. You didn't want to know when he stopped loving you, for it had only been half a day when he told you he loved you, held you in his arms and kissed your forehead oh so lovingly before leaving for work.

Hawks scrunched his eyebrows together, eyes never leaving your trembling form. "I..I think it was around last month i started having my dou-"

"Last month, Keigo? You wanna fucking tell me that all those night i spend in your arms, that when i brought you to my fucking parents for dinner and when you told me you loved me, all meant nothing to you?!"

There it was. The little robin landing on top of the surface, creating a hole in its path before taking off leaving the ice broken into pieces. The tears flowed freely from your eyes, sleeves desperately trying to wipe them away but failing to do so.

"What did i do wrong? I don't understand..I-is there someone else..?"

"What- No! Never, i could never..i-"

Hawks gritted his teeth and had to dug his hands into the pockets of his jacket or else he would slip and reach out for you. It took ever cell in his body not to wrap you up in his arms and apologize and pepper your face with kisses.

"I'm sorry, (Y/n). I'll go pack my bags."

Trying to move past you only to be pushed back, hands gripping at the sleeves of his jacket and teary eyes piercings through his own. "Kei, what's going on?"

Your voice was so soft, so comforting. It felt so normal to lean into your touch, to close his eyes when you cupped his cheeks and feel just the slightest bit at ease.

The hero could feel a lump of his own form in his throat, one he desperately tried to swallow, and started biting down on his bottom lip. "I-i..I'm so sorry baby bird i-i..i can't tell you." He whispered, barely hearable due to the lump blocking the air in his throat.

The arms wrapping around your trembling form, the hand on the back of your head, the voice softly shushing you and the warm lips pressing a soft lingering kiss to your forehead all made it feel like time stopped. Nor did those things prove that he had fallen out of love, to be exact it only proved how much he adored you.

You didn't notice when he walked past you, into the bedroom. Or when he packed a suitcase and all his stuff, feathers flying through the house here and there to collect some of his stuff.

It was only when he stood next to you again, his warm golden eyes filled with sorrow, that you snapped back to your thoughts.

"I'm sorry, dove."

Leaning down, Hawks pressed his very last kiss onto the corner of your mouth. One that lingered just a little longer than the others, one that held just a little bit more emotion. The one that was going to haunt him forever.

With the front door opening, Hawks took one last look at you. A small smile tugged at the edges of his lips and you could clearly see the tears stinging at the corner of his eyes. Eyes full of both love and sorrow, eyes that you had grown to adore more than anything else in the world for the very last time connected with your own.

"Thank you for everything, (Y/n)."

And with that, the door closed.

There were a few seconds of ear deafening silence before Hawks flinched upon hearing the heart breaking sobs coming from the inside of the apartment. Your whole world was wrecked within not even 15 minutes and the worst part of it all is that you didn't understand why.

Spreading his wings out,  Hawks took one last look back at the apartment. At the place he once considered home. One where he had made his most cherished memories at and a place he had considered his safe place for oh so long.

It didn't matter anymore, what he did was to keep you safe. Something he had sworn to do the moment he first laid his eyes on you, a promise he was going to keep for as long as he lived.

In this case it had meant cutting all ties he had with you, to make you seem like a stranger to both himself and the people he worked with. The thought of you getting hurt by the league just for being involved with him, something that made you the perfect blackmail material, was a thought that haunted him. It was for your safety..

Now that he lost you, Hawks had nothing to lose. Not a home, not a future or..someone he loved. He was back to the very start, rope tied around his throat pulling him forward with no clear destination. Everything was numb. His mind, his body, everything.

A hero who had nothing left to lose was a hero who didn't care if he lived or died. Someone who didn't care for a pathetic title or name, it didn't matter.

With the moon peaking through the cloudy sky, light cascading down the hero's crimson feathers. With a few of his feathers supporting the sports bag, the hero took off leaving behind everything he once had.

There was nobody there to spot him, to freak out over seeing the number 2 hero flying over their heads or take pictures of him. Nighttime was the most peaceful time of the day to fly around for there were no worries just him soaring through the sky.

Hawks had no place to go in all honesty he hadn't thought this plan through entirely. He wasn't even sure if what he did was the best decision to make..maybe there was-..No. This was no time to have second thoughts on it, the damage had already been done.

With wings wrapping around his body, the hero dipped down towards the ground. The feeling of falling was always somewhat comforting. How gravity would pull him down, eyes closed for just a mere moment, while basking in the weightless feeling right before spreading his wings and gently landing on the ground, boots hitting the concrete.

"Took you long enough Mr. hero"

A tall dark figure emerged from within the shadows of the alleyway. There was no denying in the fact that the moment the hero caught sight of them, a chill creeped up his spine.

"Ah, give me a break had some trouble on the way here.." Hawks said with a grin, waving it off. A big sigh left his nose and he cracked his fingers.

"Well then, let's get to business, ha?..."

Hawks eyes narrowed the moment the man standing in front of him stepped into the light. Up close, the scars that littered his body looked even more disgusting. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious about how he had gotten them.

"..dabi"

This job had to be the most complicated one Hawks had done before. He was a good liar, that certainly hadn't been the problem, but it was the fact he had to gain the league's trust. To convince them he was truly on their side, after all he was the #2 hero of Japan.

Dabi was, supposedly, the messenger and judge. He informed Hawks of all the things Shigaraki told him and demanded Hawks to do to prove himself. At the same time he'd judge Hawks, to see if he really was serious about all this and not a traitor.

The hero was walking on thin ice with every teeny tiny slip up that he could make resulting in the mission taking the worst possible turn. He had to be incredibly careful with what he said and did, continuously being watched by one particular villain that couldn't help but suspect him even after Shigaraki had given him an Ok.

Hawks was a good person that was too unfortunate to be forced into the situations he was put into. He was too unfortunate for getting attached to one of the villains, realizing that maybe after all some of them weren't that bad. Too unfortunate to have the years of training and manipulation take over his senses when he started to panic.

Hawks was a good person. He didn't mean to kill him. He never wanted to kill a somewhat good person.

He didn't mean to kill twice.

His mind was screaming. He had to keep his cool, had to keep himself together because he didn't have time to think for Dabi was already right on his ass with an intend to end his miserable ass.

Hawks hadn't thought about dying before. Well.. not like this. These last couple of weeks he thought he wouldn't care if he were to die. Its not like it really mattered anymore, after all there was nothing left for him. He was alone, back to living as a living puppet working for a corrupt hero agency.

It didn't matter anymore. None of it did.

He regretted leaving you behind that night. He should've turned around when he heard u cry, should've went back inside to cradle you in his arms. He wanted you back so badly. He didn't care if it was selfish, he wanted to leave everything behind and grow old with you, to hold you in his arms one last time.

Oh how he'd do anything to be able to touch you one last time..to apologize and tell you he loved you.

His wings were gone. The wings he knew you always admired from afar and run your fingers through, ripped out of his body leaving nothing but broken bloody bones sticking out of his back. He'd never be able to fly again, never be able to feel the freedom of being in the sky.

A boot was crushing his neck slowly making him suffocate, the villain looking down on him with an almost psychopathic smile on his way.

"Haha! Poor little Keigo Takami, seems like you've wasted your pathetic little life ,huh? And that calls himself the #2 hero?! Would've expected better from the hero association!"

Hawks felt numb. Without his wings he wasn't even worthy for the hero association, he'd be nothing. All of the sacrifices he made, all if the training didn't matter anymore. He was nothing.

As his sight got fuzzy, Hawks felt himself growing tired. Eyelids growing heavy, breathing slow and his whole entire body was exhausted. Something in him was screaming at him to stay awake but he pushed it away, simply too tired to care for it.

As he started giving in to the slumber, he couldn't help but let his mind wander to the image of you. From the day when he first met you to when the two if you worked together that one night. The day when he first fell your lips on his own and held you in his arms. He never particularly liked his name nor did he hate it, but whenever you called out for him it sounded like a sweet melody he couldn't get enough of.

"Keigo, you should rest"

...maybe he should.

Right before falling unconscious he could feel a faint force ramming into him but it didn't matter anymore, none of it did.

Finally..he could rest

..

Hospitals always had the most unpleasant smells. It was the mixture of chemicals and people who had been in bed all day that now smelled like sweat. Of course there was also the uncomfortable atmosphere. Most people were there to get tested for something or because they were sick. How such a thing would end were, in some cases, very unclear. Even the interior of hospitals were unsettling, bright white walls that blinded you whenever someone woke up from surgery and the rest of the cold colors they used for the furniture weren't exactly pleasing to the eye either.

He wasn't sure what happened, how he got there and how the battle ended. But when he opened his eyes, Hawks found himself laying on his side. It was very clear from the moment be got used to the darkness around him and the fact his whole body was aching with bandages wrapped all around him that he was in a hospital bed, his eyes following the IV tube to the bag hanging from the stand.

It didn't take a detective for him to notice that his wings were gone, completely. He wasn't sure if there was maybe some sort of bone structure left behind but the chances were incredibly small. It was weird, suddenly missing a big part of his body that he carried with him for 23 years. Like it had never been there.

It was nighttime and the curtains were still open. Perhaps the nurse had forgotten to close them. Its not something that he minded, after all he found comfort in being able to look outside at the very empty parking lot and street. There wasn't a soul out there and judging by how high the moon stood in the sky it was very late at night maybe around 3-4 am.

While pushing himself up to sit, Hawks was met by a horrible throbbing feeling on the inside of his skull. "Ahh, fuck" He hissed while taking his head in his hands, applying a bit of pressure to try and lessen the pain somehow.

His throat was dry, was there a sink? Lifting his head up, the hero took a quick look around the room his eyes still adjusting to the darkness. In all honesty it felt like a weird fever dream, waking up at night in a hospital that now felt very isolated and somewhat peaceful.

Perhaps he really was dead and this was a test god was putting him under to prove himself. Or he was just stuck alone in this world being forced to live forever as a clipped bird. The after life.

His breath was stuck in his throat, golden brown eyes widening. If he really was dead, he'd currently be in heaven, for there was no other way that the person currently sitting on the chair next to him with their head leaning on the bed as they clung onto the side of the pillow he was laying on was something other than an angel.

No, Hawks didn't believe in heaven or hell and he most definitely was aware of the fact he wasn't dead because the throbbing pain in his back and in his head could not of have been something a dead person should be able to experience.

"(Y/n)..?"

You stirred in your sleep, just slightly. Eyebrows scrunched together lightly as you buried your head into the mattress of the bed, hand gripping the pillow you were clinging onto a little harder. Lips puckered like a fish, light eye bags underneath your eyes and smudged mascara around your eyes. You looked exhausted and Hawks couldn't get enough of the sight before him.

Had you been here the whole time? Judging by all the get well soon cards pricked onto the whiteboard on the wall it had atleast been a good few days. There was a fresh bouquet of red and yellow flowers on the table near the window, a pretty big one at that.

Only then did he notice the crumbled up card laying on top of all the trash in the trash can. He couldn't exactly make out what was inside of the card, but he could very clearly see the logo stamp on top of it which belonged to the hero association he worked for. He immediately smiled at the most possible scenario being that you had seen it and gotten mad at them. After all, you never backed down with expressing your pent up feelings about the people he worked for when you two talked about it.

His mind slowly wandered back to your last encounter with each other, face immediately falling when he heard your cries echo in his head right before he took off that night. Hawks treated you horribly and yet here you were, clinging onto the pillow he once laid on. Maybe you only came so you could yell at him for hurting you, for laughing at him for being pathetic and having lost everything he had.

But you were here. Beside him. He didn't know what god thought he deserved a second chance in life and especially what god allowed him to see you again but god was he thankful.

Slowly laying down back on the bed, wincing slightly when he back made contact with the mattress, Hawks turned on his side so he was facing you. To him, you were the most breathtaking person that walked this earth. From the tip of your nose, to the cheeks he loved to squeeze so much to your parted soft lips.

He loved having you on top of him on the couch, your face squished into his chest as you dozed off into sleep. A moment where he'd turn off the tv and admire you, hand gently massaging your head and a thumb very softly tracing over the details of your face.

His fingers reached out for your face, golden eyes softening when your nose scrunched up a little the moment his thumb traced over it. He really must of have been a saint in his previous life for him to be so lucky to have met you, to have been allowed to love and be loved by you.

You looked so breathtaking like this, so peacful and content as if you hadn't spent days sitting on the same chair ignoring the nurses telling you to go away while worrying your head off. At one point you even pulled out your license, showing you worked for Endeavour and said you had to keep a close call on Hawks to make sure he wouldn't fall 'victim' to another attack.

Hawks shuffled his body a little closer to your head, breath fanning over your face with your face cradled by his hands. Taking one more close look at your face, the man smiled softly before he closed his eyes and leaned in. Lips softly pressed against your forehead, ones that stayed there for a few seconds before he backed up again.

"I'm so sorry, baby bird.."

It was a mere whisper, only loud enough for the both of you to hear. He wasn't even sure if there was someone else in the room, but he couldn't care less. There was a small lump im his throat, one he tried very desperately to swallow but to no success.

It was the moment that your eyes slowly opened, hands reaching out to rub the sleepiness out of them before widening when yours met a pair of golden ones that it disappeared. When your bottom lip trembled and your eyes watered, hand moving to cover your mouth as the tears started falling from your eyes.

Hawks smiled and lifted his hand, just slightly for his arm still hurted. He could absolutely miserable but he wasn't even aware of that. Of how bloodshot his eyes were or how half of his face was wrapped in bandages. Or how the bandages om his back had light crimson stains on them from his wounds still bleeding here and there. It was a horrifying way of seeing the one you cared about.

"Hey.."

Even his voice sounded like utter shit. As if the man had been a chainsmoker for the last 30 years.

"K-keigo.."

You didn't care if it hurt him, the damage wouldn't be that bad anyway. The moment you heard what had happened your heart stopped. The last month felt like your world collapsed. The home you shared was quiet and the bed you shared was empty and cold. Kicking your chair back you lunged forward, arms wrapping around his fragile body very careful not to touch the wounds on his back.

"Y-you..fucking a-asshole.."

Hearing things from him from Endeavour was extremely painful but what was more painful was, after he had already been hospitalized, hearing what he had hidden from you and why. The fact he didn't bother to tell you, way too caught up with the thought of you getting hurt.

"..are you stupid? We're a team aren't we!?For fucksake i work for Endeavour, Keigo i can protect myself. L-leaving me like that.. Y-you selfish bastard!"

Hawks groaned slightly at the way you were currently squeezing his body. He didn't hesitate for a second before be wrapped his arms around you and buried his nose into the crook of your neck. He didn't think he'd ever be able to hold you again, to be able to feel you like this and have you so close.

Even though you smelled like hospital and sleep, Hawks could easily pick out the smell of your perfume out of it. It was faint, incredibly faint, but he missed it so much.

He could feel your hot tears falling onto his shoulder and how your teeth chattered, it made his heart ache. All he could do was wrap your legs around his waist while pulling you even closer. He needed to feel you, to feel your arms around him.

"I'm sorry, dove..I'm so sorry for hurting you." He whispered, hands bawling your shirt into a fist. It felt so good to feel your hand going through his hair while your other arm rubbed his upper back, still careful not to touch the wounds on his back.

You wanted to be mad at him, you really did. For the fact be broke your heart and left you crying, for leaving without saying why, underestimating you, fighting in a war without saying a word and getting hurt like this only to leave you worrying for several days by his side day and night.

But you couldn't be mad at him. I mean, you were, but being in his arms like this was something you had been craving for weeks. To feel his warmth envelop you the moment his arms snaked around your waist and to feel him kissing you shoulder several times before nuzzling his face into it.

Furiously wiping your tears from your eyes, sniffling and letting out choked sob. "Don't you ever leave me like that again, i swear i'll-"

"Could never leave you, you're stuck with me now.." Hawks with a smile, slowly backing up from the hug to take a good look at your face. The moment he saw your teary eyes his gaze softened before he brought his hand to your face to wipe them off your cheeks. "..stuck with me for the rest of your life. After all i'm gonna need someone who's gonna take care of me."

The exaggerated sigh leaving his mouth together with the roll of his eyes made you chuckle. He always found ways to joke around and cheer you up but he still knew the right things to say and do to calm you down. "Shut up you birdbrain, god you're the absolute worst." You said with a laugh while his thumb continuing to wipe the tear, and some remains of mascara, underneath your eyes away.

With his hands cupping your cheeks Hawks couldn't help put press his forehead against your own before closing his eyes.

You were there. With him. There was no more hero association that would make his head explode, no more worries or things he had to do. Just you and him. Maybe, just maybe, Hawks would allow himself to be selfish. Selfish enough so he could work on a future where only you and him provided off, to be able to call himself your husband and to grow old with you. To stay by your side the rest of your life no matter what. Everything he ever wanted lied in that future.

"I love you.."

It didn't matter anymore. The ropes were gone and he didn't care what lied ahead because he was holding onto your hand as you guided him. This time he didn't care where he ended up, as long as he had the hand he was holding onto in his he'd be fine. Perfectly fine.

As a hand tangled into his hair, Hawks didn't hesitate a second before he connected his lips with yours. Never before had he needed it so bad, to feel your lips against his own and had he missed it so much. His hands moved to settle on your waist and neck, immediately deepening the kiss and sighing in content when your arms wrapped around his neck.

All those sleepless nights, those moments of doubt and when he couldn't help but think about his regrets moments before he collapsed..To have you here in his arms was the only thing he wanted.

As the two of you parted ways, Hawks was quick to peck your lips as a quick cherry on top. The kiss lingered for quite a moment and the both of you were catching your breath.

"I should probably go get the nurse.." You said under your breath still a little caught off guard by the previous event and what had happened in the last ten minutes. Your eyes were still wet and your nose still runny, but the way your cheeks had heated up made up for it in some type of way.

Pushing yourself off of Hawks to fetch someone who was doing the night shift, you were very quick to be stopped by a hand who clung onto your own. When you looked back at the man, you were met by a pair of pleading golden eyes.

"Stay.."

Upon hearing his request your eyes widened for a moment.  It really was pretty late already, so bothering the nurses at this hour was not something you wished to do so especially since it wasn't exactly that important. After all, Hawks would be awake in the morning as well.

"..please"

He guided you onto the bed with him, hand still in your own, and shuffled backwards so that there was room for you next to him. Your body had given in, simply too tired to protest and with the way the mattress, blanket and arms looked so incredibly warm snd comfortable you really just wanted some sleep.

While being careful not to rip out any of the tubes attached to his body, you laid down next to him and immediately cuddled up against his chest. Face buried in his neck, arm immediately snaking around your waist to hold you closer and a soft pair of lips pressing against your forehead. It was like it had been weeks since you had a good night's sleep and didn't take long before sleep had won its battle against you sending you off to dreamland.

"Goodnight, dove.."

Hawks whispered while running his fingers through your hair, pushing it back so he could press another kiss to your forehead.

Even though Hawks had already been asleep several days, he was exhausted. It had been so long since he was able to sleep comfortably like this, his eyelids were screaming at him.

Hawks didn't know what the future was gonna hold for him. Whether he'd somehow be able to get his wings back or if he'd ever be able to work as a hero again. Everything was incredibly uncertain but right now, on this way too small for two people if not cuddled up hospital bed, everything felt like where it should be.

Just you and him. Nobody else or anything else getting in the way.

With a smile on his face Hawks closed his eyes and allowed himself to be taken over by sleep. Clipped bird or not, no matter what happened Hawks was gonna do anything in his might to keep you happy and that was a promise he was gonna hold onto for as long as he could.

[shadowed-dancer]

My Thoughts on the New MHA Opening and Ending

I have thoughts, and I will share them because oh boy if I don’t get this out I’m gonna explode

Vague Spoilers for the manga (up to chapter 258 and vigilantes) because I discuss the upcoming arcs, but I don’t discuss any major plot points in detail. Still, proceed with caution if you’re anime only

Keep in mind, this OP and ED will cover the Endeavour Agency Arc and the MVA Arc, so I will be judging them accordingly.

First, the OP

This is a good OP... in theory (that’s going to become my catchphrase for this post). It’s nice to look at and flows pretty well, but my biggest problem is that it doesn’t do it’s job. An OP is supposed to be a sort of... summary (?) of the Cour it plays for. That means any cool plot points, emotional beats, and important characters should be featured in some way, shape, or form. We’ll talk about that more later, but first let’s discuss the music.

The song is really good. I have a feeling it will continue to grow on me as I listen to it more often, but yeah my first impression is that the song sounds great. My only complaint about the music itself is that it ends kind of abruptly (I noticed this is the JT opening too). The previous openings used to have a bit of instrumental to “play us out” and lead us to the end card, but this one feels like it ends very suddenly and unnaturally.

As for the visuals...

Yeah alright I’ll admit, the visuals are stunning... in theory. I appreciate the variety in backgrounds and colours, it makes the OP really interesting to look at. This was actually one of my biggest problems with the JT Opening, it all took place on the training grounds, so there was no variety (everything was metal tubes with a blue sky, with only 3 shots set somewhere different). I appreciate the style of this OP.

But like I said, that’s only in theory, as in, through screenshots these are all pleasing to look at. The pacing of this OP is wild, and I truly don’t know who to blame for this.

That sunset shot above? It lasts approximately 12 seconds, zooming in every few to make it seem like something is happening (when in reality it’s still the same poses, angles, etc). While there’s nothing wrong with a nice, drawn out shot, it becomes irritating when compared to the pacing of the rest of this op.

At the 41 second mark, we are given the shot above. It has flowed directly from the previous sunset scene. We still have not moved away from the image of the trio (aside from the opening shot and the title card) yet we’re approaching the halfway mark of the OP.

The next shot is the MLA, which lasts about 5 seconds. Ok, perfect. Not too long, but also not short enough to be confusing. It cuts away a little fast once the dude on the far left appears, but does anyone actually know who that is? No, seriously, I’m asking. I don’t remember his name and he’s not on the wiki, so I can only assume he’s not important. Therefore, it’s not all that bad if the shot cuts away shortly after he comes into frame. The audience is able to take in the scene without having to pause...

... And then the problems start

While this shot is fine in theory, it pans up fast and  cuts away quickly. You know how hard it was for me to get this screenshot? Really hard. You want to know why I struggled so much? Because, due to the timing of the cut and the way it pans upwards, it’s almost impossible to pause on Dabi’s face. I literally had to go frame by frame to get it, because he’s in shot for so little time that naturally pausing is guaranteed to miss him.

When watching this in real time (without pausing) the cut away makes you feel as if you missed something because “something was there, I just couldn’t register what because now it’s gone”. Unlike Compress, who wears a very colourful coat you can recognize the entire time, Dabi’s pants are more blended into the background.

It also doesn’t help that this shot is literally composed to draw your attention away from Dabi until the last possible second. Due to framing, your eye is naturally drawn to the brightly coloured Toga in the foreground, making it super easy to miss Dabi in the back (until, of course, his bright face appears and contrasts against the background, drawing your eye just in time for the scene to change, leaving you to wonder who or what you missed).

I know this sounds like nitpicking, but this shot is the only group shot we get of the League, and is also the start of a seriously weird trend for the villains in this OP getting the short end of the stick.

Anyways, then we get what I’ll call “The Carousel Shot” in which every Class 1A kid shows up and poses dramatically, as if they were on a carousel. It’s a lovely sequence and I really enjoy watching it but... why is it in this OP?

Seriously, this is a genuine question. Class 1A barely shows up in the Endeavour Agency Arc, and NONE of the students are in MVA. This sequence (not counting the three boys at the end) lasts 8 seconds. Why is this much time dedicated to characters who are barely in the arc? (Unless Studio Bones extends their work studies into fuller plot lines which oh my gosh please don’t do that, or if they do, do it quick).

We then get what I call the “Oh God I Blinked And Missed Everything” sequence, which lasts 3 seconds (not including the longer, moving shot of Shigaraki at the end) and features NINE INDIVIDUAL IMAGES, none of which are related to each other. Not only is this 3 images per second, but the fact that they are all unrelated means you can’t even use previous information to fill in the blanks.

What do I mean by that? Well, imagine if I show you 9 images of various pro heroes posing. If I play that in 3 seconds you’ll absolutely miss some of them, but as long as you catch some you’ll still get an idea of what I’m trying to show to you. Your brain is able to fill in the gaps that “I recognized 4 pro heroes, therefore the rest must have also been pros” even if you didn’t register every single frame.

That doesn’t work if every frame features a completely different subject. The shots in this sequence vary so widely that it’s impossible to find a through line. Some feature multiple characters, some feature one, some are closeups, some are super far away, some are character’s we know, others are characters we don’t. It’s impossible to get a solid read on what you’re being shown.

Now, again, there’s nothing wrong with these super quick shots... in theory. The problem comes from the fact that these shots are the only indicators for some of the major themes that will be explored during this Cour (like Twice’s growth and young Shigaraki).

That being said, let’s move away from criticism and talk about speculation, because hidden amongst this sequence are two... interesting images.

This All Might one is very reminiscent of the shot in Chapter 257, where Aizawa and All Might have a conversation while staring up at the stars. However, this is technically the start of the “War Arc” (or the “prologue”, if that’s what you want to call it), so this might indicate that we’re going to get farther into the series than a lot of us guessed.

(Many people suspected we’d get to that cliffhanger at the start of the season (if you read the manga you know the one), but after seeing the pacing for JT a lot of us assumed we’d be lucky to even finish Endeavour Agency. It seems we’re back to the cliffhanger now though lol). 

This is another really interesting shot because it’s indicative of Shirakumo, meaning we might get to see Aizawa and Mic confront him some time this Cour (this also makes sense, since this confrontation technically happens before that All Might scene I mentioned in the previous paragraph).

But the cat specifically is a really strange addition. That cat is named Sushi and, correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t think Sushi is ever mentioned in the main series. I think he’s only in Vigilantes.

This might just be a little Easter Egg for Vigilante readers, but I’m personally hoping that they’ll add at least a few Vigilante shots in there to really tug at the heart strings. I’d say I want a whole Vigilante episode but I don’t think they have the time (unless they really cram MVA, which I do NOT want).

I don’t have much to say about the last bit of the OP. The action shot between the 3 boys was nice, and it follows the sort of narrative through line they established from the early shot of them sitting at the sunset. I also like the shot of Endeavour fading in to replace All Might, even if it’s very simple.

But I want to talk about an overarching problem I touched upon earlier in that villain shot: the way the villains are handled in this OP.

This is a good OP... in theory. The problem is, it doesn’t represent half the arcs in the cour! Every shot of the League is so rushed that you can barely register that they were on screen before they’re gone.

I have no idea how many Episodes Endeavour Agency will take, but I’d assume 3 (4 if you count the Christmas episode). 12 episodes for this Cour minus 3 for Endeavour Agency = 9 episodes left. If we truly do get the prologue for the War Arc (and if we assume it’s only 1 episode) that leaves us with 8 villains episodes.

8/12 episodes (aka two thirds of the Cour) will likely be about the villains. And yet they’re pushed to the background so hard in this OP.

I want to dream, and I want to believe that this OP is going to magically change when MVA starts. The song fits super well, and I can imagine like an inversion of the OP but from the Villain side! Wouldn’t that be neat? Imagine right after the “it’s alright” part Shigaraki just freaking decays the title card... oh man that would be so cool. But, alas, I highly doubt they’d do that.

Side rant, but you know what was so fun about MVA in the manga? It’s that, for 21 chapters, we leave the kids behind and the villains become our protagonists. Suddenly Shigaraki is the one we’re rooting for, suddenly we’re learning backstories for everyone, and suddenly we find ourselves just as attached to the villains as we are to the kids. It’s an inversion that’s SO RARE to find, and I think many people (myself included) were hoping it would be reflected in the OP.

A big part of being the protagonist means featuring heavily in the OP, and a lot of us just wanted the villains to get that honour, even if only once. As is, the OP still treats them as the antagonists when... really they aren’t. Not right now, at least.

So yeah, final thoughts on the OP are that it’s good, it’s just not very representative of the arcs it’s supposed to cover. If this was just for Endeavour Agency, I’d say it’s actually really cool, but if we assume that this is what will play for the Villain Arc, then it simply doesn’t do it’s job. And it makes me sad to say that because, again, this OP is really well done.

If I had to rate it? Hmmm

If Studio Bones actually grants my wish and creates a different visual for the Villain Arc (while using the same song) and then this version only plays for the Endeavour Agency Arc and the War Prologue? I’d give it an 8/10. It’s really good, but it could use a few more elements that are clearly derived from the Agency Arc (ahem, Todoroki siblings).

But if this is the OP that will play for the entire Cour? a 6.5/10. It’s nice, but it’s not representative of one of the arcs it’s going to cover. And, unlike other arcs like Pro Hero or Summer Exams, the villain Arc is so important and takes up so much time that it honestly feels like a bit of a disservice.

Now for the Ending

I want to say that I appreciate how soft this ending starts. This cour will likely feature a lot of episodes that end on... heavier themes, and I think the sight of peaceful, falling raindrops is the perfect way to let the audience process their emotions before starting the ending in earnest.

The song itself is very nice, and I like that it’s a bit slower than the more recent endings.

(Side note, but the FUNNIEST moment in the entire series is when Sir Nighteye dies because it’s so emotional and everyone is standing around his bed in his heartwrentching silence, only for the ending to come BLARING IN out of no where. If you forgot how jarringly hilarious it was, go listen to the Eri ending and tell me that’s not the funniest thing this series ever did. Anyways yeah I’m glad that’s not gonna happen this Cour).

This ending is a bit all over the place in terms of it’s visuals, but honestly I think it works. Most endings usually have a theme tying them together (all the Class 1A girls, a fantasy AU, old photographs, planning a party, etc) but this ending’s theme is a bit harder to identify.

That being said, I think it’s just supposed to show everyone going about their day. It’s calm, it’s peaceful, and it’s just very sweet to think about

I like this shot. Actually, scratch that, I like this whole sequence. I enjoy anything that allows Class 1A to chill and have fun.

Hawks is featured quite heavily in this ending which, fair. He’s pretty important in this arc.

I really love the shot where Endeavour immediately switches to Hawks, I thought that was a lot of fun, and very good symbolism on how Hawks wants to be like Endeavour. I also love all the shots of Baby Hawks, because it’s adorable.

Something about this shot is just so cute. It’s the little domestic things like waiting for a bus that make this ending feel... idk the word, real? It shows a side of the characters that we’ll never see in the episodes, but we know have to exist.

Like yes, of course the kids have to wait for the bus. We never see it, but of course there are those moments of quiet. Agh, I love it.

The villains also make an appearance and I’m very happy about that (I’d love to see more of the villains just chilling around, I think they deserve it). I kind of wish they weren’t sitting in a dark room for the sake of being edgy, since I think it would be nice to see the villains just... sort of existing, but honestly it’s still a nice shot. I also like how this shot sort of mirrors the first one with Class 1A (someone coming in while everyone else is sitting and waiting for them).

That being said, as much as I love looking at Dabi and his stupid face (affectionate)... why is Dabi the one getting the closeup?

Mind you, endings don’t need to be connected to their Cours (they can be, like the Eri one, but they don’t have to be). But this ending does seem to be connected to the arcs it intends to cover, given all the Hawks appearances, the boys wearing their work study scarves, etc.

So, I ask again, why Dabi? Out of the six League members, we learn the backstory for four of them in this arc (Shigaraki, Toga, Twice, and we very briefly learn about Spinner). The only two left out are Dabi and Compress.

I can only assume they chose Dabi because he’s constantly in contact with Hawks, and therefore that makes him important? If the OP told us anything, it’s that Bones values the Endeavour Agency Arc over the Villain Arc lol...

... Oh my gosh please tell me that’s not actually the reason Dabi is focused on here BONES WAI-

Anyways, the ending comes to a close with Hawks watching over the kids and Endeavour. The relaxing time is done, it’s time for work studies.

Overall impression? It’s great. It’s hard to screw up an ending, so as long as you have something pretty on screen, it’s wonderful.

I’ll give this a 9/10

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 313 Short Thoughts & Berserk

So, for anyone following me for my My Hero Academia analysis stuff, unfortunately, I don't think I’ll get one out this week.  The chapter was amazing, don’t get me wrong, but I just didn’t have time to really write anything big about it.  Blame the BNHA: The Strongest Hero mobile game that released this week.  Gatcha games really suck me in.  Bakugo was my first random pull amazingly, but I haven’t gotten my fave Shoto yet.  I want my man to come home 😭.  Anyway, I will point out a few things from this chapter:

Thank god All Might is alive!  I didn’t expect him to die, but I’m still afraid of that possibility someday.  That one panel of him declaring himself to those thugs was amazing and I can see why it gave people Stain vibes.  Where is that guy anyway?  Also, I want All Might to sign Izuku’s adoption papers already.  He really is Izuku’s father at this point.  

All Might warned the Top 3 (Endeavor, Best Jeanist, and Hawks) about Lady Nagant, so I expect them to pop up sometime soon.  Especially Hawks.  That’ll be an interesting reunion with his Senpai.

Lady Nagant is still beautiful and badass and I love this Queen 👑

Deku got shot in the stomach (or side?) and he’s fucking pissed!  This kid’s nuts for being so reckless right now, but it looks like he’ll do anything to get info on AFO and Shigaraki.  This arc is really doing things to Deku.  I got a bad feeling that his recklessness will bit him in the ass real soon.

I think En (the 6th Holder) is rising up the ranks of being one of my favorite OFA predecessors.  I like his design, his personality, and how he mentors Deku.  The faces he made this week are amazing!  This man is just done with Deku’s shit he wants to go back to Shoyo Hinata and play volleyball again 😂  Also, he said “Hey, Hey, Hey!” in the fan translations and I can’t unhear Bokuto from Haikyuu!! whenever someone says that DAMN YOU OWL🦉

Lady Nagant’s Quirk can make her a sniper scope out of what looks like muscle or tissue because of course it freaking can.

Finally, I’m still confused on what the 3rd Holder’s Quirk is:  Fa Jin.  I think everyone is.  Apparently research says that it’s a form of Chinese martial arts that unleashes kinetic energy.  That’s why Deku was doing all those squats with his legs before he jumped to grab Lady Nagant.  I’m thinking it’s like how Black Panther’s costume stored kinetic energy and unleashed it whenever he did a punch to the ground.  Or something like that.  Horikoshi really needs to explain this one next week.

So yeah, awesome chapter this week with some action, badass All Might, and big reckless brain energy from Deku.  

And finally (and this will be a long spiel), I really need to address the sudden death of Berserk’s mangaka, Kentaro Miura (age 54), that was announced to the public recently.  He died back in May 6th due to an Acute Aortic Dissection.  I’ll admit to never reading Berserk or watching the anime adaption.  I know about it, but I never got around to actually getting myself into the series.  I heard amazing things about it, but I also heard that is has every content warning under the sun (abuse, sexual assault, rape, torture, murder, etc.).  It’s like if manga had a rating, Berserk would be rated-R full stop.  Still, I would like to get around to reading it one day.  Even so, I have seen some panels from the manga and it is literally God-Tier art.  It’s so rare to see an artist put in so much work into their pieces.  Every little detail is drawn masterfully.  If you looked at his panels far away, you’d swear that it was a photo.  If you looked up closely, you could see every single line Miura drew.  Honestly, his work deserves its own museum.  His story and work were so influential to the pop culture we know.  There would be no Souls series without Berserk.  There wouldn’t be Cloud Strife.  Any buff character with a gigantic-ass sword was inspired by Berserk in some way shape or form.  Other mangaka both loved and were inspired by Berserk like our own Kohei Horikoshi.  Miura-san was a true legend in his own right and he will be deeply missed.

I’m no doctor and I’m honestly not sure what really caused Miura-san’s untimely death, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress of mangakas’ absolutely brutal schedule was one of the causes.  In case you don’t know, mangakas pretty much literally put their lives into their works.  Their schedule is roughly like the one seen below.  Sleep and free-time are basically non-existent for them. The same goes for a lot of animators out there with Studio Mappa (despite their amazing animation) being one of the biggest causes of factory-like work in the industry lately.  I wish Miura’s death didn’t bring get this topic trending, but I do hope that both the manga and anime industry finally see what this work does to their artist and gives them a much more breathable schedule.  Shonen Jump+, Jump’s exclusive online manga is actually doing fairly well with their mangaka in terms of schedule.  Series like Spy X Family and Kaiju No. 8 have their mangakas release their chapters every 1-2 weeks.  They even let their mangaka take breaks if they need to with beautiful pieces of artwork as consolation.  God knows I had to wait a full month for a Spy X Family chapter to come out.  Regardless, I truly do hope this is a wake-up-call for the manga and anime industries.  I hope things get better for all the mangaka and animators.  They deserve all the praise, rest, and ease they can get.  Respect and love your mangaka and animators, my friends.  RIP, Kentaro Miura.

[asteroiideae]

okay, so I don’t make these kinds of posts often because tbh I’m a little lazy and very tired like 24/7 lmao but I’ve been seeing a lot of Pride reading lists hit my dash (and they’re excellent, and I save them all!) buuuut reading books is still a roadblock I’m struggling to mentally overcome -- and audiobooks are great, but they take 84 years (sometimes literally???) to get through. so! I thought I’d share a (very tiny) list of the queer manga I’ve read this year that you might enjoy for Pride, with some descriptions/trigger warnings/thoughts to go with them. so here we go in no particular order other than where they sit on my bookshelf:

What Did You Eat Yesterday? by Fumi Yoshinaga

okay so I know I go on about this manga at literally every presented opportunity, but I honestly just can’t help myself??? as a thirty-something queer adult, I really love the quiet maturity of this relationship between Shiro and Kenji; especially when it’s highlighted by references to shenanigans of their youth, and the ways in which they are still growing as both individuals and a couple. I’ve only read the first six volumes but I’m OBSESSED.

Status: Ongoing (17 volumes; 15 translated) Summary: Shiro and Kenji are an established adult couple with separate careers and interests, whose relationship is depicted over the meals cooked for them by Shiro. This doesn’t have an overarching plot, which might be off-putting for some readers; each chapter can be compared to a fanfic one-shot, usually containing it’s own tiny storyline or theme. It’s literally just domestic moments and meals shared between these men. Warnings: While I didn’t personally have a problem with this, younger readers might find some of the dated terms offensive. If you’ve spent any time with older queer folks (older as in 45-50+) this won’t be anything you aren’t used to, but if your experience of queer folx skews younger or online, you might get taken by surprise. There’s also some internalized homophobia; and by some I mean quite a bit. Shiro’s personal arc (at least in the first six volumes) heavily revolves around how much he closets himself and tries desperately to pass as “normal” in Japanese business culture.

Boys Run The Riot by Keito Gaku

holy shit holy shit holy SHIT. this story is so good??? so VERY good??? I was a little cautious, and a little bit uninterested in a story about teens (only because I’m in my thirties and crave more adult representation,) but I was VERY WRONG to be. Boys Run The Riot is beautifully drawn, beautifully written, and probably my favorite work on this list. the mangaka is also trans so the inherent understanding and nuance of our protagonist’s experience is really lovely. Also featuring a fantastic brotp between a trans boy and his new himbo bestie; no seriously if you want a story about a trans boy getting to have good broships with other boys his own age I CANNOT stress this enough. Volume two is releasing next month; I have it preordered. I’m laying on my floor wishing for time to hurry the fuck up. I need more of this smol angry trans boy and his big soft himbo bff. PLS. Status: Ongoing (4 volumes published; 2 translated) Summary: Ryo Watari is a second year high school student who is trans and struggling to feel comfortable with his very rigidly structured life at school, at home, and among his friends (to whom he is not out.) By chance he meets Jin Sato, a cis boy who also feels outcast (often judged for his appearance without any deeper thought.) When Ryo comes out to Jin in a state of frustration, Jin accepts who Ryo is and makes an offer -- why not start a fashion line that subverts all the expectations that have been put on them both; why not express themselves even when they’ve been told they shouldn’t. Warnings: Ryo is struggling with gender dysphoria, and it is written by someone who has probably experienced it, so it might be a little real for any trans folks who deal with that. Also, while neither the narrative nor Jin misgender Ryo (at least, not once he expresses to Jin that he is a man), Ryo is not out to anyone else and so he frequently is misgendered at school and we see how badly that impacts him and the way he views himself and processes his emotions. Ryo spends a lot of time being angry and trying to swallow it down, and that can be very raw to witness at times. There is also a depiction of unsafe binding (though the mangaka has an immediate note about binding safety, and goes further in-depth at the back of the manga.)

Our Dining Table by Mita Ori

okay, so I was a bit on the fence about whether or not I wanted to include this as a rec, but I decided that it might actually been what someone wants or needs, so here it is! while I really enjoyed this concept, and I’m always a sucker for found family stories (let me tell you I’m queer without telling you I’m queer, much?) it feels like this story is a bit rushed at times, and the romantic relationship between our protagonists is very blink and you’ll miss it. I don’t even want to call it subtle so much as it is just not remotely the focus of the story so it’s a little startling when it happens. but! if you’re looking for a story about adults processing grief and trauma together, and learning how to care for another person (and as a result, learning how to care for themselves,) this is a nice read that isn’t too heavy!  Status: Complete (one volume) Summary: Yutaka is a salaryman whose past experiences prevent him from reaching out to others, even through something so simple as sharing a meal. Despite this is REALLY loves to cook, and wishes he had a reason to do it more often. Then he meets Minoru, and his muuuuuch younger brother Tane (it’s like a 17 year age gap between the brothers?) and finds himself teaching them how to cook, and overcoming his fear of eating in front of others. Warnings: Good news, there’s no overt homophobia in this story! Bad news, the other trauma makes up for it! We have a lot of trauma surrounding parental death, childhood bullying, and adoption; in addition to an actual fear of eating in front of others.

Our Dreams at Dusk / Shimanami Tasogare by Yuhki Kamatani

this is the first manga series I collected, and I’m still very pleased about that. the art is ABSOLUTELY stunning? the use of visual imagery and surreal analogies to explain queerness is fucking on POINT. I cried so hard during a couple of these volumes I developed a migraine. I only have one piece of critique on the whole thing (addressed in the warnings,) and I intend to do another re-read when I’m ready for the catharsis of sobbing into my pillow again. Like Boys Run The Riot, Our Dreams at Dusk is drawn and written by a member of the queer community (a non-binary mangaka, this time,) and as a result it hits pretty fucking close to home in a lot of ways. while I really love this series it’s super not for the faint of heart, you WILL come out of this reading experience with some things to unpack. Status: Completed (4 volumes; 4 translated) Summary: We mostly follow Tasuku Kaname, as he is outted at school by a classmate as being homosexual, and his initial despair and subsequent journey of acceptance. In this process, Tasuku finds himself at a drop-in center, which seems to primarily function as a safe space for queer people; we meet several lesbians, an elderly gay man, a trans character, and a young character who isn’t ready for any kind of label because they are still ??? about themselves and their identity. Each of these “secondary” characters is given room to breathe and to work through difficulties of their own while Tasuku watches and learns that even though life is hard sometimes, there’s beauty to be found in one’s own strength. Warnings: hoooo boy; well there’s all kinds of homophobia and transphobia; a character is outted against their will (multiple times), there’s some really insidious transphobia covered by “concern”, there’s internalized homophobia everywhere, and a very complicated asexual character whose presentation left me (as an ace) with super mixed feelings and a lot of frustration (though I wouldn’t call it bad necessarily; just wanted to put that out there for my fellow asexual folks.) If you have read (or go on to read!) any of these, please let me know! I’d love to chat about the stories, and hear your thoughts on them -- because we’re a broad/diverse community and our own experiences shape us differently and give us different insights. <3 ANYWAY, for those of you who read this monstrous self-indulgent post, thank you! Feel free to add any queer manga you’ve been reading below - I’m always on the hunt for more recs!

[crushzone]

Hi Nin! I know this might be weird of me to ask because you are an artist yourself, but I am rather new here and was wondering if you have any other artists you'd recommend? If not that is ok!

Hi there, not weird at all! I LOVE supporting fellow artists, I find their wonderful talent and dedication incredibly inspiring, seeing their beautiful works on my feed constantly reminds me to take a step back from my exhaustion and to simply remember why I love to draw to begin with: because it’s fun.

I’m usually really picky about artists I follow and their style, but when I find the ones that I enjoy, I go ALL OUT with my support. So without further ado, the following artists listed are those I am not only in love with, but those who I genuinely look up to. 

So make sure you stop by their page to show them some love and appreciation for their hard work (because hard work extends beyond the individual pieces they’ve made, it’s also for the countless hours they’ve spent on practicing and perfecting their craft, constantly challenging themselves to learn new techniques). 💛

👇🏼👇🏼 Nin’s Artist Recommendation👇🏼👇🏼

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@aku-jumbi - HQ!!, Various, You all had seen me share a BUNCH of their works on my blog, but it’s just because their art is so SOOOOOOOOO good. Your style leans toward photorealism, while still maintaining its painting-like quality, so if you had ever wondered how your favorite characters may look like irl, they’ve got you!!! Watching your speed painting is so fascinating, idk how you do it, but you’re always killing it every time (Like our process is so different, so it was really interesting to see how you approach your works you know?). This piece of Kei Tsukishima and Oikawa Tooru are two of my favorite works you’ve done!

@achieve-the-sun - HQ!!, Various, Let me start off by saying that I love Morghy’s art so much, that they are the first and only person I had ever commissioned from so far. They drew Keishin and I sooo adorably, it brings me so much joy to look at it on the daily. Your style reminds me of freshly baked cookies, or the warmth of bakeries, I can’t help but feel a sense of coziness whenever I look at your adorable artworks. This piece you did of Kageyama and Hinata was what had drawn me to you. Everything from your color choices, fluid gestures, and expressions are such a delight to look at!

@chaotickatts - HQ!! I am so in love with Katts, you all. I had never seen anyone draw like this, her style is really unique. I can go on forever about why I love your art, but one of the biggest things that drew me to your style is the way you draw bodies. I like the variation and realistic details you include, for instance, I absolutely adore the way you gave Sakusa more moles on his body, and the way you drew dad bod Osamu. Idk, I think there’s so many different types of body shapes and details out there, and it brings me joy to see you being so inclusive of them in your art.

@namusw - Hunter x Hunter. Was drawn to their Hunter x Hunter works and I don’t even watch/read that manga. Honestly, just check them out, I love everything about their works, they are also a killer at both traditional and digital styles. This piece of Hisoka, Illumi, and Chrollo was the one that made me fall in love.

@cranbearly - HQ!! I really adore the way they draw expressions and their coloring style (inspired me to attempt some flat coloring). This piece of Oikawa and Iwa made me follow them instantly. Expressions are so difficult to nail, and you’ve done such an amazing job conveying every emotion the characters are feeling, I’ve learned so much just from looking at your works, so thank you for blessing us with your craft.

@a-zebra-was-here - HQ!! Their art has a very carefree type of vibe and their coloring style brings me so much joy. I’ve really enjoyed your drawings of the Miyas’, this piece of the twin was what got me, and this other piece, the first image of young Miyas’ was so SO well done, I am in love with the way you colored that. 😻 

@erionmakuo - Various, dude....I want to cry, I don’t even know what to say, EVERY SINGLE PIECE of your artworks just BLOWS ME AWAY. The way you color your art is just so ethereal, the color schemes you had chosen, the way you mix the color of your lighting, textures, and everything in general, I can go on about this all day but just hop on to their blog and you will know exactly what I mean. I don’t have a particular piece that drew me in because I was blessed by all your works at once.

@uranarino - HQ!!, Your artworks bring me so much joy. If I have to describe your style like an experience in life, I would say it reminds me of how it’s like to fall in love with someone for the first time, if that makes sense. That sudden overwhelming feeling you get when you’re doing the most mundane things with someone you care about, only for time to stop as you realize how in love you are with them? Yea, your art captures that really well. These two pieces of Kuroo returning home with his groceries and of him taking a day nap with his cats was what had drawn me to you.

@queenoftheantz - HQ!!, Various, Their style is really unique, it kind of reminds me of an adventurous graphic novel or something you would see on Cartoon Network (idk, I thought of Chowder, but please, I really mean it as a compliment, I just really love the fun cartoon style you have.) They also do some animations! I really love this piece of Kyotani you did, the landscape and colors look SOO GOOD!!

@noodlemanjpg - HQ!!, Various, love LOVE your style and the way you draw expressions. I also really love how you color, your works “appear” effortless, but I know a lot of knowledge and precision is put into crafting it. This piece of Kuroo x Yaku being all cozy at the couch was what had drawn me to your blog, it makes me smile every time I look at it. Kuroo’s smitten expression is just...ahsdl;adjs I can’t help but smile with him.

@diabolism666 - HQ!!, c’mon, you can’t be in the HQ!! fandom without at least seeing one of their artworks. In fact, I had seen your art even before I’ve gotten into this show, and it was love at first sight, lemme tell ya. EVERY. SINGLE. THING. you had drawn are so good, it doesn’t even matter if it’s a more simplistic drawing or elaborate one, I am just always staring at it in awe. Thank you for being so incredibly active about it too, idk how, but you’ve produced so many amazing drawings and we’re just incredibly grateful for it. You draw some of best Tendou, Reon and Toshi out there. Your works have so much range, I really feel like you can draw ANYTHING hahaha.

@viria​ - Various, Viria *sobs* your works are so good. The way you draw faces and affection just gives me butterflies. I don’t even watch Fullmetal Alchemist, but this piece you did of Edward and Winry made me fall so deeply in love with your works. Your style has a certain softness to it, even when it is of an angry character, and I love it.

@nipuni​ - Various, another artist that I am incredibly nervous to tag because your works are just out of the world. You also seem so so nice and is always incredibly helpful whenever anyone sends you an ask. Just...I have the biggest crush on you and your works. EVERYTHING you had drawn is so stunning, and I mean it. The details, pose, composition, and coloring, it is just so perfect, I could pull up particular artworks, but I was really blessed by it all at once. If you are into fantasy-esque realistic looking portraits, check her out, she exudes so much knowledge and talent.

@hinamihere - HQ!!, Your artworks are soo stinkin adorable. Your color choices, expressions and the way you draw hair is just so cute, your art always bring the biggest smile to my face. This piece you did of Akaashi and Bokuto was what drew me to you, when I saw it, I “awhhh”ed so loudly, my hubby had to ask me what’s up, and when I showed it to him, he had the same reaction, even if he’d never seen Haikyuu!!

@oxxuri - BNHA, so SO good, the way you color, light, and draw is so beautiful. Every single detail, down to every lashes and strands of hair is so beautiful. You draw some of the most attractive faces I had ever seen, these drawings of Aizawa and Midoriya brings me so SOOOO much joy, and I don’t even know anything about BNHA.

@amezure - HQ!!, their comic strips always make my day, I was giving their blog a peep so I can pull up specific examples and my statement is instantly confirmed when I stumbled across their newest comic art of Kuroo and Bokuto and started laughing HAHA. 😂 Your self study sheets are incredibly informative and I find myself referencing them often, it’s so nice to see my favorite artists continue to polish their craft through endless amounts of studying, practice, and analysis. It serves as a constant reminder for myself to do the same. I love the way you draw people (check out this piece of Bokuto x Akaashi), but I ESPECIALLY love the way you draw animals. (Specifically anything that has to do with lil owl Bo and Akaashi 🥺)

@obobro - Avatar the Last Airbender, HQ!!, I am absolutely in love with the way you color and draw portraits. Your drawing and detailing has so much range; you have a series of hand drawings, and that alone already displays so SO much range. I was really drawn in by this drawing of Tsukki, Zuka + Azula, and of Sokka + Katara, you can really tell they were related and I love it so much. Your art has so much life to it, it’s truly fascinating. 

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I have a couple more artists to recommend, so if you’d like a part 2 to this, please lmk.

But yes, I genuinely stand by my recommendations, these guys are so SO good at what they do and I am currently sweating because the thought of tagging all my artist crushes in one post is actually kinda scary lol.

Hope this helps! ✌️