#hypergamy ask

[prettieinpink]

Urgent ask, how be a baddie as a extremely under confident person

BECOMING YOUR BEST SELF WITH LOW CONFIDENCE

i have no idea what ur definition of a 'baddie' is, so this post may have not been what you've been looking for, but I tried my best

A lot of us struggle with confidence, and it can be the main factor that holds us back from growing to be our best selves. So, I’ve created a guide on improving ourselves even with low confidence.

UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS NOT UNREPLENISHABLE. Confidence is like a cup of water, tea, coffee, hot cocoa, or whatever your favourite beverage is, it can always be refilled. While you don’t have to ‘fake till you make it’, remember that you do not live with a restricted amount of confidence.

ACCEPT IT. Whatever way you have to, crying, journalling, venting, you have to accept that you are a person who struggles with low confidence. However, instead of identifying yourself as that, identify yourself as learning to self-love.

E.g. ‘I’m so insecure’ → ‘I am still learning to love myself.’ ‘Why can’t I be like them?’ -> ‘I will learn that I do not have to be someone else.’

CONSIDER NEUTRALITY. You don’t have to live on this odd scale of loving yourself or hating yourself all the time, and letting it define you. Instead of what it looks like, what it can look like, what it can do, see it as a special vessel that homes your soul.

For example, my body can digest the food that nourishes my soul, my hands can write text messages to my loved ones which reassure my soul that they know they are loved etc. Seeing it in this perspective grows a deeper meaning and appreciation for your body.

I like to see my body, traits, and life as a gift from God. Me insulting these things, is an insult to him.

INDULGE IN YOUR STRENGTHS. When we have low confidence, it becomes almost second nature to focus on our weaknesses. Instead, try to actively focus on your strengths. If you don’t know what your strengths are at the moment, just focus on things that make you happy.

It would be beneficial to add one thing that you know you’re good at on your list of what to do. Something that you’re assured you’ll like doing and the outcome.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Eat a well-balanced diet, make an effort to achieve good quality sleep, exercise when you can, reach out to your loved ones daily and incorporate things that make you happy.

Just these simple things can improve your quality of life by far, however, our intentions to do these things may be impacted by our low confidence, and therefore we are unmotivated to do these things.

If that is the case, take little steps in doing each thing and remind yourself that intentional self-neglect is a form of self-harm and destruction.

[kingess]

okay so just wanted to ask how to be ready for a relationship. Like a real, healthy relationship. I thought I was prepared but when the opportunity came, I just couldn't do it. I used to think I was ready but still I would attract those very consuming and harmful situationships. But now I realize I myself wasn't ready for a proper relationship. So how can I prepare myself for one?

You heal.

You take an intentional detox period from males and go in total celibacy for at least 5 months. No talking, no flirting and no entertaining males for any purpose. You're not going to use the time to just lounge around though; you're going to want to complete 4 steps.

Trauma work. You're going to deep dive into what's happened to you and how that affects your relationships as an adult. Get the books and get the journal going. What you face can be erased.

Confidence work. You need to find yourself because after all you've accepted into your reality you're a shell of the woman you could be. Level up, refine your style and social act and get comfortable with your self-validation being your main fuel.

Be fearlessly & intentionally alone. Stop accepting "good enough"-people in your life. Stop accepting friends or family that don't align with your values or dreams. Absolutely drop people that don't respect you deep or hype you up. Set boundaries; only love should get access to you.

Learn to vet a man. Finally, to find diamonds from a sea of rocks you have to be very clear and skilled. Your standards have to be as solid as your goal. Learn to drop males from the first sign showing they're not what you're after.

In my opinion, every woman should go through this process for their clarity if they're after a commited relationship.

[blissfullyecho]

Do you have any tips on becoming more eloquent, or a better communicator? I often struggle to find the right words or express myself clearly to others, especially in a work setting. Thank you!

how to become more eloquent + become a better communicator (workplace edition)

reading

try to read more if you don’t read as much or at all— it doesn’t matter if it’s nonfiction or fiction, but if you practice reading, you practice saying thoughts/words/sentences/etc. in your mind as you read which is clear and concise because that’s how the author wrote the book/article in the first place. authors don’t write “like” and “um” and “uh” when they are communicating to the reader, unless of course a character said those words but again, a character isn’t talking to you (the reader), but to another character. like i said, when an author writes, it’s to convey a clear and concise message to you, the reader. when you start reading more, you begin to pick up on also being more clear and concise when you not only read, but also write.

practice common workplace questions and answers.

for example, if you work customer service, what are the common questions you get asked that require a good answer from your employer, coworkers, and clients/customers/patients? think about what you normally have to talk about or answer in the workplace, write an answer down, and practice that answer so you have a quick, clear, and concise answer to that common question.

if you say “like”, “um”, and “uh” — or any other filler word, try to take a breath and slow down when you talk

you don’t have to be quick on your feet all the time and answer in .2 seconds. take a quick moment to gather your thoughts, smile, and then speak. it’s not as awkward as it may feel the first few times you do so. waiting 3 seconds is not that big of a deal. try to catch yourself the next time you are about to use a filler word and just take a short pause.

develop your vocabulary

you don’t have to use diction from shakespeare times, but simple changes such as using words like “ostracized” instead of saying that you’re feeling “left out” or “inquire” instead of “ask” could help make you seem more eloquent. i believe dictionary.com still does the “word of the day” where they give you a vocabulary word, definition, and pronunciation. also, reading helps a lot (once again)!

practice public speaking tips + techniques

even if you aren’t a public speaker, practicing the skills and techniques public speakers use when they talk to an audience would help tremendously if you’re just talking to one person. purchase books on public speaking and search up public speaking advice on youtube for free.

practice on being a better (enter your job title here)

i don’t know what you do for work, but take on training for your profession. go to seminars, networking events, purchase a course online, buy books from those in your industry, or again, go on youtube for free. you have to train to become better :)

spend time with more professionals or people who can speak eloquently

you pick up habits and traits from those you spend your time with so be careful with who you spend a lot of time with.

i hope i helped!

[brownsugar-dreams]

Hi brown sugar! I’m a sugar baby in California in nursing school and I feel like as sugar babies we don’t talk about our jobs or careers while sugaring. Could you shed some light the jobs you had during med school. My goal rn is to find a sugar daddy that will help me get a position in a hospital or a start up

Hey, thanks for your ask! It inspired me to create this post.

I never actually worked during med school. Besides stipends from research papers/projects, most of my income came from my small business, sugar dating, and camming. If you’re looking for non-SW related ways to make money, getting into research is one way. The stipends I’ve gotten have ranged from $500-$5k depending on the type of research and length of research. I found a great PI who understood the struggles of student life and did what she could to get paid research opportunities for me. I’d suggest reaching out to PI’s who are doing research in topics you’re interested in. Additionally there are a lot of scholarship/grants available that most ppl either don’t know about or don’t feel like applying to. I just applied to as many as I could and received a lot of money that way.

If you’re talking about SW jobs, I mostly used dating apps and Seeking. Occasionally freestyling worked too when I had the time/energy to do it. The only thing is it can be slow during certain periods so it wasn’t always a steady way for income. I started supplementing sugar dating with online only sugaring. Using cam sites (no face to protect identity) I’d find clients who were looking for a girlfriend experience. This has been the most stable/steady form of income so far.

I think for your goal, freestyling would be a good avenue for you to meet someone with enough influence to help you. Try going to networking events, charity galas, and medical conferences. It’ll be a great way for you to network and meet ppl in the field of healthcare. I suggest making business cards (can order for cheap on Canva or similar sites) with your name/phone number/position (nursing student) and handing them out at the events. Make sure to collect some business cards as well! Keep in touch after the event and decide if they’ll be useful in any way.

[daphnedauphinoise]

which cream blushes would you recommend? budget and high end options please!

In order of price low-high

Revolution Super Dewy Liquid Blush - £5 ⭐ELF Putty Blush - £6 ⭐Glossier Cloud Paint - £17⭐Saie Dewy Liquid - £20 ⭐Rare Beauty Melting Blush - £21 ⭐Vieve Sunset Blush Balm- £21 ⭐ Charlotte Tillbury Beauty Blush Wand - £30 ⭐Tata Harper Cream Blush - £38 ⭐Chantecille Cheek Gelée - £43

Daphne xox

[luxuryandlilacs]

Why would a guy continually be so wishy washy say he misses me wants me to plan to go see him so tell him I have to get time off of work to be able to since he can’t do weekends…so I’ve gotten time off of work continually for him and he has done it multiple times saying “it’s been way too long, I’m bored of this, I’m not waiting” expect me to go the next day he asks…when I can’t I work. I just don’t understand him…I just feel really hurt. He’s also continually blocking and unblocking me..or blocking me on one thing but not another…then yesterday we had a long back and forth on how upset I was and confused he kept saying he’s done over it so then I said to him “You’re the one that’s kept changing your mind every time…I’ve been trying to come and then you do this You just make me upset….because every time im coming you’re the one that keeps extending it and telling me not to. You were just saying you missed me….and then I said “This is the last thing I’ll say. You don’t need to respond…you’re just hurtful and i don’t understand you and why you do this to me after I’ve continually gotten time off to come.” He likes the message..then today’s been stalking my page viewing all my stories…I don’t understand him or why he is being this way?

Block him on everything. Your future husband wouldn’t dare have this behavior. You need to be disgusted by this behavior. Ew!

[swabian-princess]

Hey girl !

I wanted to ask some advice on going out alone . I have a lot of networking events in the expensive district of my city and really want to go but kinda scared to go by myself .

Any tips would be massively appreciated 💗

Hey!

First off all, there is nothing wrong with going out alone but I know that‘s easier said than done.

Here are my tips:

Start small. Take yourself for a nice walk alone and bring a book or listen to a podcast. This is for getting used to spending time with yourself.

Go out for breakfast or lunch by yourself so you get used to going out alone.

Dress well, wear makeup, do your hair - everything that makes you feel good about yourself.

Before you go to an event, make sure that you‘re well informed. Who will attend? What is the reason for the event? What is the dresscode? Do your research so you can fit right in.

If there are people attending that you would like to befriend or just to make a nice first impression - write down the things you know about them, what you would like to ask them, what you like about their company etc - just a few things you could talk about. Be prepared.

Fresh up your etiquette.

Have fun!!

Selene

[dont-telljasmine]

Today and every day…

Be completely delusional. Yes, they are staring at you because you’re the most beautiful thing they’ve ever seen when you walked into the room. You DO have THE fattest of asses, and he left you because he’s been off his meds and doesn’t know his left from right.

Believe it and be blessed 🫶🏾

[kissmethroughthebone]

that broke unemployed guy has been sending me multiple messages trying to reject me after I already rejected him, it's been multiple hours..... like dude get a grip

It's amusing how men can hear a "you're nice but that doesn't sound intentional enough for me, but that's fine, I can tell we'd connect great as platonic friends though, also I am busy on the days mentioned" and think that requires any further messages

their egos are fragile.

anyway i think to myself, "we are dodging mutual bullets! i like men with money who are willing to worship the ground i walk on, you like down-to-earth girls who are able to date your unemployed poly ass!"

I already have a roster of platonic and romantic connections who can get me food and movie tickets, I'd rather not have one more that can do even less, but I appreciate the offer!

[sk-lumen]

Do you miss old hypergamy blogs?

Hi anon!

I'm not sure what you mean by old hypergamy. I have a select list of blogs I like reading because I resonate with their content and quality, and they're still posting (including hypergamy blogs).

Certainly with time I've seen a lot of evolution in different directions, including new or existing movements intermingling such as the tradwife aesthetic, girlboss, etc. I think there's something valuable in each moment, if you use critical thinking and only apply to your life what does resonate with you (and discard what's problematic).

I might write an article/essay on these topics one day as I think especially the tradwife/girlboss dichotomy is very interesting.

-L

[kingess]

Dark mother, what is your view on gifts? Should we give them, or should we always be on the receiving end?

Ok let's unwrap some of these

Yes. You should always be on the receiving end. Once you two are established, after he has asked you to be his girlfriend or fiancé and has provided valid reasons why you'd benefit from taking said offer, then you can do cute gesture gifts to deepen that connection and show appreciation. The thought is what counts, but for the love of fuck I don't ever want to hear of another girl gifting boars xboxes.

Men show their intention through investing in you.

When you allow him to gift you you're letting him use his natural masculine effort to court you. You're allowing him to have small victories that are the pathway to winning your final love. This is what so many women fail to grasp, we are animals and this is how it happens in nature. Gifts are a way for males to engage in competitive displays and courtship rituals in our modern civilized society.

Remember that words are free and language is a new invention to our species. Gifts are way more than you getting something nice. Girls, gifts are messages and so is your reaction to not receiving them.

[tooedgyforbrunch]

Why do BW keep using the word Hypergamy in public? Lmao you can really tell it’s new for a lot of yall. How you gonna turn that into a “trend”. Hypergamy inc? “I’m all about marrying a man of a higher economic status!!! Look at me” 🤡

My higher economic status man just told me to tell you “Said Anonymous”

toodles ✌🏾😘

[brownsugar-dreams]

do u have tips for actually finding men to enter relationships like this with??? trying to break into sugar dating but dont really know where to start

Hope this helps 🎯✨

[swabian-princess]

How did you become a stay at home girlfriend?

Hey,

I made it very clear from the beginning of our relationship that I like more traditional genderroles.

Men = provider

Women = homemaker and mothers

it was always planned that I would be a stay at home gf/fiance/wife at some point in our relationships. I also made it very clear from the start that I wouldn't work fulltime, do all the household chores, care for children and pets AND cook for the whole family.

My bf sees things the same as me, so when I was unhappy with my current job he was quick to tell me that I could stay at home for as long as I like and that he would provide for us.

It also helped me a lot that I'm able to organize a household. I had professional cooking and baking lessons as a child and teenager in school, I can clean and plan meals for the whole week.

I know how to iron clothes, how to wash clothes and how to keep the house clean and make it a home!

Selene

[dont-telljasmine]

So I need some input/advise if you wouldn’t mind please 💕. So basically I was talking to this guy for over a year long distance, he lives in Miami and we’ve met 4 times in person. We would talk consistently, he told me how he wanted a relationship, for me to move there, have kids with him and all that but every time I’ve gone there something happened (him leaving me unexpectedly, him not being able to see me for very long telling me it was because he was taking care of his grandpa who he lived with) anyway but he kept in contact all this time and was just about to go see him again in 2 days and I received a call from a Miami phone number which I thought was weird so answered it and it was a girl and she goes “hi I received a phone call from this phone number” and I was like “no I didn’t call you” then she hangs up abruptly...then she calls back like 2 minutes later and then says she actually saw my phone number on her boyfriends phone and wondered how I knew her boyfriend...we continued to talk she at first told me they were together for a year and then she changed it for some reason to 3 years over text after I sent her the proof and everything of our texts and she was nice and respectful and not mad at me at all and after sending her all the texts to confirm she told me they broke up...he blocked me after I called him as he was on the way back to see her and I was like “you have a girlfriend” and then he goes “you had a dating app and hangs up and blocks me”...I did have a dating app and he went through my phone last time I was there and saw it and was upset and said “it broke him”. We weren’t ever official and like I said every time I went there he would leave me. Anyway, I have tried to call him from a private number many times because he blocked me and he’s been so hurtful. He unblocked me and said to “stop texting him, to move on, how he’s blocking me, how it’s clearly over, to stop being obsessed and to find someone else” why is he saying this when I was supposed to go there 2 days after the girlfriend called me?? Like they broke up and now he’s saying he doesn’t want to see me? I don’t understand...he’s also done this a lot with me where he’ll say bye or it’s done, block me and always come back. So our relationship has been challenging to say the least. But doesn’t it mean something that he’s kept in contact with me this long? At first, I thought he just wanted to hookup but he kept on talking to me and wanting me to go see him...for over a year. Why would he do this when he’s had a girlfriend of 3 years and she said they basically were living together. I don’t understand. Any input?

I want to start by saying that I’m so sorry you’ve had to experience this. It’s not easy finding out that someone that you care for and trust has been sharing their energy with someone else.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, but when the red flags are there, they’re there. The worst thing you can do is ignore them. Seeing a guy 4 times out of a year is not Princess treatment. A man who’s invested in the connection craves your time and attention. YOU ARE THE PRIZE.

When a man tells you things like “stop texting” “just move on” it’s SO hard, but DO IT. Not because he told you to do it, but because any man that is YOUR man would never tell you to do that. Talking to you for a year, but she was able to get his phone and find your number? She’s a lot closer and deeper with him than you think. She’s use to this. She should only be able to come to you as a woman ONCE before you let her have him. Let her deal with him lying, cheating, being sneaky, finding texts, and DMs.

Move on babes!

For me personally… I don’t block. I let the embarrassment of you working up the courage to send me a text or call me. Just for me not to answer or respond. I LOVE the feeling.

Find you a man who wants to see you multiple times a week, who takes you on dates, sends you money for no reason. Just cause he likes you. Who’s showing you off, bringing you around his friends (this is very important. If you aren’t meeting people in his circle… you’re not that important and this is not progressing) get to know him in person. NEVER let a man put you in a text/phone-lationship. Find your Empress Energy as I like to call it. Research what it means to be in your goodness or empress of energy. You’ll never let a unsure man waste your time again.

I hope this helps

-xoxo

[luxuryandlilacs]

Today after he didn’t respond when I tried calling him and messaging him “lmk if you what to talk, and I hope you're okay. Tried calling to see if you are. I'm upset I can't see you, and also confused because you've been wanting me to come....” and then today messaged him saying “Thanks for being such a good communicator and canceling on me without any care or explanation...and then you wonder why I say you're playing games with me.” And he goes “come then bro” and I was like “you’re going to say that after telling me not to come...” and he goes “cause I’m not in a good mental state I’ve been depressed didn’t wanna ruin it” and I was like “Okay I just wish you would talk to me and not ignore me, I’m sorry you feel that way” and he goes “are you gonna come?” And I was like “I honestly don’t get why you were so adamant about me coming and then just switched it the day before I come....and then want me to come again” and then he says “If you cancelled the flight then don’t worry, I understand” and I was like “My schedules changed...I’m sorry it just makes it hard to understand you when you ignore me.” And he says “Okok” and I was like “I’m just so overwhelmed too” and he goes “it’s ok take care” and I was like “what? Why’re you saying that, For you to cancel on me when I was coming and then never communicate to me how you feel about anything makes me upset. I wish you cared about the affect it has on me like I care. I try all the time to understand and things like this always happen.” And he hasn’t answered...but he’s been like ADAMANT about me coming saying over and over if I didn’t he would be done, he was going to block me, forget about him, change his number and for him to change it telling me he’s fighting with his mom? I just don’t get it. He’s been asking me to come for months, telling me he’s not talking to me unless I do or have a flight to do so...any thoughts??

Girl, just find someone who lives around you. Stop wasting your time please.