#how being with the people you love alleviates the loneliness

[radio-4-is-static]

This song wouldn’t exist without the copy of Steppenwolf Alex gave me, #3 by Aphex Twin and the people that make me feel good and whole in California. This is the first happy song I’ve ever put out - I was moving towards the light, grappling with the shade, grateful to have arms to fall into - this song is a marker of healing

–  Arlo Parks on her new single “Impurities”

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

Objects in Motion

Part 2

Alpha!Billy Russo x Omega! Reader

Part 1 here

You’re deep in sleep when a loud bang wakes you.

Bolting up with a gasp, your heart pounds in your chest for a few minutes. You’re not sure what the noise was- a door slamming shut, or maybe something falling in the apartment above you, but the echo of it in your head keeps you awake for a while, hating that your anxiety doesn’t let you sleep.

.

You go to another dry cleaners, you do your best to avoid going out. You go to work, and back home for a couple of weeks, worried that someone will find you and scold you for what you’ve done.

You think about being scolded by him, you doubt you’d be able to last a moment in his presence.

After you’d ensured the safe delivery of the coat, did you finally research the owner.

William Russo, his stoic, borderline angry expression staring back at you through your computer screen had only made you aroused all over again.

This, this was the Alpha with a scent so magnetic, you couldn’t resist it.

He was rich, a CEO, and you could only look around your threadbare apartment and sigh sadly, there was nothing you could offer him that would interest him.

So, you try to move on with your life, work hard so you can afford to buy alleviators for your next heat, and stay away from alphas that would no doubt hurt you.

The art museum was a big comfort. On a Friday evening, when it was at its emptiest, you’d go in, and stare at all the paintings. You’d study the brushstrokes till your eyes burned, items like Starry Night, and Street Light were beautiful works that always made you dare to dream of a life better than the one you were in. Today however, The Lovers was the one that kept you most occupied.

Two people, with white cloths over their heads as they lean into each other, kissing.  Hidden from each other’s sight, you wonder if the painting only holds its romance because of the seemingly anonymity of the subjects. If the mystery was removed, would there be more love, or less?

It was kind of how you felt right now, pained, searching for something that you weren’t familiar with. An alpha, to call your own.

None of the alphas you’d met had ever been right for you. There was an entitlement written into them, the belief that your station was lesser, so you were supposed to submit. Alphas constantly lived with that air of superiority surrounding them, and they were easily upset when you did not give them what they wanted. 

The alphas you dated were wrong to think that submission was something freely given, in reality, it had to be earned.

You wondered if the alpha on your mind would ask nicely.

Probably not. It was a good thing he existed only in your fantasies.

.

Your omega privilege means you get to stay a little after closing. You smile gratefully in the security guard’s direction when he comes to escort you out.

“We’ve got a new piece coming in tomorrow. You won’t be able to stay late anymore, but I’m sure you’ll like it.”

You smile in delight.

“Do you know which one it is?” You ask.

“Not really, not much of an art guy, but it’s a big deal, really expensive.”

You nod, enthusiastically.

“Well, I can’t wait.” You reply, wishing the beta a good night when you finally reach the exit, pulling your jacket tighter around you to protect from the cold.

.

Not for the first time in his life, he feels the loneliness. 

It’s only that he’s never felt it quite like this. Usually, people just didn’t want him, his mother gave him up when he was a baby, and he’d never really understood why. Through his life, people had assumed he’d present as a beta, because he’d been a scrawny kid. Things had only gotten worse when at ten, his alpha denomination had shown through.

Then, everyone had wanted a piece of him, an opportunity to say that they’d fought an alpha and won, uncaring of his age and size- the world had forced him to become ruthless very quickly.

He’d let the world’s rejection shape him, and he’d only realised that when he’d met Frank.

Frank had made him understand, that alphas were not supposed to be cruel, but rather the very definition of safety and security.

He'd tried his best to ignore the hollow feeling inside of him, and that had worked.

At least, it had, up until he'd smelled that stupid coat.

Now, it was like someone had taken a piece of him and ran off with it, ripped a carefully placed bandage off and left him with an open wound. He could feel the absence, like if it was a whole other person in the room.

He wanted his omega.

It was all he’d thought about now, as he pressed the coat to his nose every night, struggling to catch her fading scent, he wondered if he’d ever be able to sleep again when the scent fully faded.

He keeps going, maybe he even pushes himself harder, his work distracts him, helps him keep a clear head.

He’d even accepted a job to secure artwork for the museum, even though his specialty was protecting people, and Frank was usually the man that handled asset protection.

He’s following closely behind The Scream when he stops dead in his tracks.

One of his employees tosses him a confused glance, but he ignores it as he takes a deep inhale. 

He’d know that vanilla scent anywhere, the smell of apples mixed in and his heart gives an eager kick.

Surely not-

He turns his head, sees a painting of two lovers hiding from each other, kissing through a shroud of white cloth. He studies it for a moment, his mind racing at speeds he can’t fathom.

When the painting gets too far ahead, he turns and resumes his stride, thinking about all the ways he can do his best to get what he wants.

.

He gets permission to access the security footage of the museum.

Who’s really going to deny an alpha anyway?

Billy finds her, or at least the back of her head, and he can’t help the excitement that after weeks of searching, he’s managed to get lucky and obtain a lead on her.

He talks to the security guard that walked her out. With a sleepy voice over the phone, the man tells him that she’s a frequent visitor to the museum on Fridays, and she doesn’t cause any trouble so he lets her stay a little after closing.

“She just likes looking at the pieces, and I can’t be mean to an omega as shy as her.”

Billy’s mouth twitches upward, amused at the biological imprint inside everyone to protect omegas. The men who’d done her a favour to deliver his coat had said near the same thing.

It had made him fond, of a sweet girl, that would no doubt be spooked if he showed up at her home unannounced. Even if he now had the means to trace her back to her home, he couldn’t take the risk. He had to play this right.

.

When you hear Edvard Munch’s The Scream is on display, you vibrate with excitement. Instead of going the opening week, you wait till your usual time the next Friday, when hopefully there’s much less of a crowd to contend with.

It’s not completely empty, but you’re okay with the sparse crowd, you smile, tiptoeing to peek over shoulders so that you can catch a sight of it before you’re at the front.

You love everything about it, the colour and the expressionism of it, you wonder how much the paint has faded over time. The little paragraph beside the painting describes an infinite scream, a universal anxiety, and you think you can almost feel that as you stare at it, the idea that you’re being watched sending a nervous thrill down your spine.

When you move away from the painting however, the feeling lingers. You take a deep breath, closing your eyes to shake the feeling, you don’t understand how a painting can have such an effect.

To clear your head, you find an impressionist nearby, Monet’s reflections of clouds on a lily pond, and you stand in front of it, letting out a long sigh.

When the distinct smell of bergamot hits you, you stiffen. 

Your heart squeezes into your throat, and you try to look around as casually as possible, betas turn to look at you as they scent your distress in the air. 

Did you feel like you were being watched- because you were actually being watched?

You take in another breath, and this time, you’re sure.

Cracked pepper, citrus- 

The alpha was here.

Someone says your name behind you, and you turn in fright.

There he was. Dressed down in casual clothes, trying to blend in with the people around him- as if an alpha as handsome as him ever could.

Billy Russo was devastatingly gorgeous up close.

But you were fucked.

Your eyes widen and you take a step back, knowing that this was definitely about stealing his coat. He would no doubt try to make you pay for cleaning- or worse yet- a new coat entirely.

Your body flushes with fear as you back away from him on shaky legs.

His head tilts as he watches you go, dark eyes caught on your retreating form.

“Don’t run, omega.” He says easily, taking a single stride as you back away, his presence looming over you, igniting something in your stomach like a match being struck.

You make a small sound in the back of your throat, and you do exactly what he says not to.

You run.

Well, not exactly.

More like a quick walk, looking back to see if he follows, you beeline for the bathroom, hoping to hide in there for a moment.

You groan, splashing your face with water, internally grumbling over what you've gotten yourself into.

You should have never grabbed that stupid coat with your stupid omega senses always searching for the right alpha. What did you think? That just because he’d had an amazing scent meant that he wanted to take care of you? 

No, he was probably going to scold you, and force you to pay him back, and you couldn’t afford three thousand for a coat. 

Your throat tightens in panic, your body flushes with fear.

You couldn’t think too much on what he would do if he caught you, all you needed to focus on right now, was getting away.

So you take a deep breath and you shed your jacket, tucking it under your arm and stepping out of the bathroom behind someone. 

There’s not a lot of people, but luckily you know the museum, and you take the most secluded paths that you doubt anyone unfamiliar to the museum would know of.

You sigh happily when you see the exit door in sight, making large meaningful steps, looking back every now and then. Behind you is empty, and you think that you might have actually lost him.

It sends a pang of sadness through you, but you shake your head to shove it away.

You look back once more when you push your way through the exit doors, making sure the path behind you is clear of any six foot alphas.

And you walk right into him.

You’re not sure it is at first, but his size and smell give it away. Your face is pressed securely to his chest, and his hands come up to grip your upper arms firmly.

You raise your head in panic, trying to wrench back from him.

“Relax omega, you’re not in any trouble, I promise.” He says, something in his voice that makes his words sound believable.

You whine in distress.

“Please, I’m sorry, I can’t afford to replace your coat. I shouldn’t have taken it.” You plead, voice wobbling with the struggle to speak under duress.

“Shh, little one, I’m not here to ask you for money.”

His words don’t register in your head, and you begin to cry. Thick swells of tears fall from the corners of your eyes.

“I can’t pay.” You struggle out in a tiny voice.

He grunts, his hands move to cup your face, your tears spilling onto his fingers instead.

“Omega.” He says meaningfully.

The command in his tone makes you look up at him, brain going quiet, the power of his voice catching your attention easily. His stern expression softens.

“I’m not here to make you pay for anything, and I promise you’re not in any trouble.”

You make a little sniffle.

“ ‘M not?” You ask weakly.

The corner of his mouth curves up.

“No, I just want to talk.” 

“Talk?” You repeat dumbly.

His thumbs trace over your cheekbones gently, a soft tingling sensation swims in your head and settles at the top of your spine. Your eyelids flutter as you watch him nod.

“I’ve been searching for you for weeks, omega, since you left me that coat drenched in your sweet scent, I haven’t had a clear thought since.”

You gulp.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

“Don’t be sorry just-” He squeezes his eyes shut as if he’s looking for the right words, “Have dinner with me. Tonight. My treat.”

You take a deep breath, eyes widening.

“I’m not sure it’s such a good idea.”

He lets out a swift breath, you worry that you might be aggravating him.

“What aren’t you sure about? Your safety?”

You feel your heart pick up its pace beneath your ribcage, tormenting your body with the feeling of panic.

You reach up, cupping his hands in yours and peeling them off your cheeks. 

“Alphas are… notorious for getting angry when they don’t get their way.” You reply anxiously, your hands uncurling from his, filled with so much trepidation. 

“I understand, but give me a chance to prove myself. There’s something between us, omega, you just have to open yourself up to it.”

You blink, stomach flipping as you debate your options.

You eye him warily, too afraid to say no, too scared of how he would react.

You take another step back, and his face looks pained, his body tense.

You shake your head, scared, taking another cautious step away.

“Please don’t run.” He says softly, it makes you pause.

Maybe… maybe a chance wouldn’t be so bad.

“What about lunch tomorrow?” Somewhere bright and public that would make you feel safer about being around him.

He lets out a slow breath.

“Lunch is great. Where?”

You think for a moment.

“We can meet right here, there’s a place not far from here with nice sandwiches.”

He inclines his head.

“Sandwiches are great.”

You give him a soft smile of amusement, still a little unsure.

“Okay, we’ll meet here tomorrow? Around 12?”

He nods, digging into his pockets for a moment before pulling a card out and extending it to you.

You blink, a little cautious, reaching for the obsidian coloured paper in his hand. You study the raised silver lettering, his name, his job title, his company.

“The one on the left is my cell. Let me know when you get here. If you want, we can look around the museum too.”

Something flips in your chest at the thought. You wonder what he thought of The Scream.

“No,” You mumble, shaking your head, “The museum is packed on a Saturday. I hate crowds.”

He nods in understanding.

“No crowds then, maybe we can take a walk in the park.”

“Maybe.” You reply, still a little unsure of this entire scenario.

“You're safe, Omega, I promise.”

You offer a sad smile.

“That's what they all say.”

.

He was going to kill every Alpha that had ever made you feel unsafe.

He sits in his car, after you'd denied his offer to at least take you home. 

Your scent fades where he'd touched you, his body demanding more. Apples, so fucking sweet his mouth waters. 

Halfway to his home, a text comes in from you, shyly informing him that you'd made it home.

He'd asked, wanted to make sure that you were safe as the late evening had turned to night.

He keeps it simple, types out a small message to put you at ease.

Thank you. Sweet dreams

.

.

.

A/N: Pretty sure y'all are gonna hate this. Sorry.

Also, just asking for more without leaving any kind of feedback makes me feel kinda used 😅

[richarlotte]

Modern Helen of Troy.

Delete the apps, and if you’re not willing to, PAUSE YOUR PROFILE. It’s too much; it’s exhausting, and chasing approval or attention on dating and hookup apps will tire you out faster than anything else. When I was on Hinge and Bumble, I was spiritually exhausted, and the best thing I did for myself was delete my profiles and focus on myself and the real world. Having a clean slate, clearing out your inbox and your conversations, and not having strangers barking at your door to be let in will help you rest. If you decide you can handle the apps or you want to have them, take your time and don’t agonize over the outcome.

 

You need to be in the gym or exercising 3 days weekly; my life became infinitely better when I had a workout routine, and moving my body helped alleviate so much of my tension and anxiety. 10,000 steps, proper meals, hydrating, and enjoying caring for my body helped change the way I viewed myself. A lot of people start working out, go hardcore with 7 days a week and intense cardio, and burn out fast. You don’t need to do that to be healthy or look good; a routine as simple as three days of the week and a consistent effort will get you right in no time at all. Consistency and a routine are what will win the race, not everything at first and then nothing at all.

 

You should work on maintaining friendships with people who uplift you and who you uplift in return. Your friends and partners can make the hardest times feel heavenly if they’re the right people; you must choose your friends wisely and then work on bettering and strengthening your relationships with each of them in 2025. In order to succeed, you need to have people around you, and you need to be willing to meet more people; you should be doing more and trying to experience more life, and you should be taking advantage of your youth. I wouldn’t have been able to come as far as I have without the help of my friends, and while isolation felt good to me at one point, loneliness is a beast one can’t battle alone.

 

Education is another essential thing to be focusing on throughout 2025, especially due to the period of time we’re living in. 2025 is all about improving our media literacy, getting diplomas and certifications, reading and writing more, becoming more articulate, learning more languages, and taking the time to relearn how to love learning. You are doing yourself a major disservice if you’re not keeping your mind sharp, learning new things, learning how to identify misinformation, and working on building up an understanding of the world around you. We as human beings were meant for lifelong learning, and if you’re not already doing something to sharpen your mind, now’s the perfect time to choose something fresh and get started.

 

2025 is also the time to work on gaining your independence, no matter your age. If you don’t know how to swim, don’t have your license, can’t ride a bike, don’t have a passport, don’t have a bank account, have never paid a bill, don’t know how to take public transit, or anything similar, now’s the time to get going. I read a great quote here on Tumblr about how you have to choose to wake up one day and take your independence, and I believe in it. Now is the perfect time to just start doing what needs to be done and learning along the way; you don’t need to be an expert, and you should feel no shame if you’re older and learning something new; you just need to be able to steer your ship out of troubled water if needed.

Richarlotte x

[nymph-yoongi]

affection w/ yoongi

Word count: 703

In general, I think Yoongi is not a very public person when it comes to affection. Not because he’s embarrassed of you or anything, but just because he can be a pretty private person

The most common way for him to show his affection for you around others is holding your hand. Yoongi loves holding hands with the people he’s close to, including his group-members and he loves the way your hand fits against his

He’ll occasionally sneak a kiss to your hand when no-one is looking, but not very often unless the two of you are alone

The most common dates you guys have are nap dates

We know Yoongi loves to sleep, and he feels much more rested after sleeping beside you

It’s fairly common for him to call you over to the studio and the two of you end up napping together, even if that wasn’t why you were originally there

And if he’s working too hard, sometimes you’ll go over there just to talk him into getting some rest (which is never very difficult) 

That being said, anyone who knows him can see his love for you very clearly 

He shows it in more silent ways and most people might not notice it, but it’s there nonetheless

Yoongi is the type of partner to make you food when he knows you haven’t eaten that much today, even if you insist you don’t need anything. Having been a part of the industry he’s in, he knows how easy it can be to convince yourself you don’t need food and refuses to let you slip into the same habits he’s seen fellow idols slip into

He also loves making you little handmade gifts

We’ve seen him make gifts for ARMY by hand, and I feel like that bleeds through into your relationship with him as well

Anything he sees a tutorial for that he thinks you’d like, he’ll make for you. He always finds a way to make it unique because he wants his gifts for you to be one of a kind. Sometimes he’ll make a collection of them for when he has to travel and can’t take you with him, hoping to alleviate some of the loneliness that he knows comes when he leaves 

He also likes getting you small gifts that remind him of you. It’s not always something expensive, though he definitely enjoys being able to dress you in nice clothes and jewelry. Oftentimes he’ll get you little charms or sometimes books that you’d like. If there’s anything you collect, he keeps an eye out for them when he travels; he doesn’t buy souvenirs for you unless you get to go with him, but he always finds something that will make you smile 

I think, though most people would miss it, the easiest way to see how much Yoongi cares about you is just in the way he looks at you whenever you’re around

You’re the first person he looks to when someone (usually Jin) tells a silly joke, and the first person (outside of the other six) he goes to for opinions on his songs once he feels like they might be how he wants it 

Other than that, he just loves seeing you. With his busy schedule and tours taking him away for a long time, then his military enlistment, he tries to engrave your face into his memory for when you’re apart . You tease him for it a bit when you catch him just smiling slightly at you, and he just smiles his gummy smile at you. “Why wouldn’t I stare? I love you”

Yoongi loves handholding in public, but he loves your kisses in private too

A leftover habit of yours that still means a lot to him is when you started kissing his shoulder before he’d had surgery on it 

You were one of the first people that knew what had happened to his shoulder and how often it hurt badly enough to limit his movement. You always helped him manage the pain, kissing it “better”. It didn't fix his shoulder, but it did make him feel better to know that despite everything he’d been through, you loved him all the same 

[lovelessrage]

Loveless: A Loveless Review

[Plain Text: Loveless: A Loveless Review]

Trigger Warnings For: Discussion of sex, sex negativity, platonormativity, arophobic tropes, and anti-loveless rhetoric

Disclaimer/Disclosure: I couldn’t finish this book. This will factor heavily into the review, as it has to do with how some scenes, details, and the writing quality were just very hard to sit with and continue. I got about 50% through, so I didn’t just skim pages and get back to you on it.

You might guess I don’t think of this book highly if I had to put it down and stop reading. This would be correct. However, I have more in depth thoughts than that. If you like this book and don’t want to read negative things about it, that's fine, but I implore you to read it anyway. A lot of the problems in this book are present in a lot of creations I see and can be a valuable teaching lesson; loveless people aren’t out to ruin your fun because biases got questioned.

Alright. Enough disclaimers. Review under the cut.

The Bingo Card: Surprisingly, Not A Strikeout

People who have been following me for a while may remember I mentioned I went into reading this book with a bingo card in hand: Loveless and Tired Bingo, a sheet made by yours truly. I did not get Bingo with this book! I did, however, fill 17 spaces out of 25; it just didn’t happen to line up, not because the book passed with flying colors. We’ll return to the Bingo Card at the end of this post to see what it looked like. But, letting you know, that’s a rate of 68% of all squares ticked on Loveless and Tired Bingo. Not looking so hot. 

Let’s start with the meat of the post so nobody has to read it all if they just wanted my representation opinions. Other things like writing will be shuffled down for your convenience.

Edit: Past Scowl is a liar and a fraud and did not have maims glasses on, and misread the bingo card! I did get Bingo. Oops. Point still stands because the data is the same, I just gave this book a sliver more credit than it deserved for not getting one.

Platonormativity, Envy, and The Loneliness Whirlpool

If this book had a full course meal, normativity would ironically be a key ingredient in every plate on the menu. Loveless has a platonormativity problem that confronts you from page 1, more realistically before that; the blurb!

[Text ID: From the marvelous author of Heartstopper comes an exceptional YA novel about discovering that it's okay if you don't have sexual or romantic feelings for anyone... since there are plenty of other ways to find love and connection. /End ID]

I promise not all my complaints will be raving about one sentence, but this kinda encapsulates the entirety of my problem with Loveless: Georgia Warr is not supported in her own novel. Loveless is a deeply insecure book that many can relate to, but, really… does it alleviate that insecurity, or just cover it up? There’s an unspoken “but” to every part of Loveless’ philosophy about aspec people [especially aroaces], where they must have platonic love to make them whole, to “fix” and “redeem” their lacking attractions. This has always bothered me, and it’s not an uncommon opinion in the community, unfortunately.

Aroaces aren’t allowed to simply “be” – they must be more. They must be so platonically invested you forget they’re aroace, because they have all this other type of love to give the world. It’s reflective of a view on a community sourced from hurt and exclusion, of someone trying to rebuild their worth on a new forefront. It doesn’t make it less of what it is, though: it’s a “yes they’re valid, but” statement that serves as the backbone for far too many aspec-focused media. 

Georgia is a deeply unsure character, and there’s nothing wrong with her being this way; she’s a fictional character made to represent a journey of acceptance, not a real person with the ability to inflict harm on other real people. She does reflect the author’s biases in many ways and many points on the same token, though, acting as a mouthpiece. This often comes in Georgia’s insistence her friendships are simply stronger than other relationship types, as well as her reflexive tendencies to judge the friendless.

One of my many, many hurdles in this book had to do with Rooney [someone save her and half the cast from this novel, please], when the group realizes she’s only a socialite, not really a long-term relationship holder, and the entire room devolves into silent judgment. Georgia does not defend her newfound friend, simply noting she thought differently of her. What about Rooney not having many friends changes her outgoing personality? It doesn’t. It’s simply the fact that Rooney being friendless makes her weird, as with many things Rooney is unfairly demonized for in this novel.

The emphasis on friends doesn’t end here, and persists through the entire novel, practically. It is the main focus, when it isn’t talking about Georgia’s disinterests, and her friend circle is very important to her. All of this is fine. What isn’t fine is the expectation and casual enforcement of friendship being all you have, so you must seize it; this book, even though I wouldn’t recommend it, is often given as The Book on being aroace, but I wouldn’t agree [you’re free to tell me I can’t have an opinion on that if I’m not aroace, but at least read on before deciding anything, alright, official hear me out warning]. One, not all aroaces are alloplatonic, and two, this:

Why Is This Book Written Like A Workplace Safety Seminar

It’s a very… cookie-cutter way to be aroace, and cookie cutter aroaces exist in real life! The rep should exist, no doubt, and shouldn’t be taken away from anyone. It’s not my problem per se that the book is semi-stereotypical. What my problem is has to do with something I see a lot.

The book falls into many of the pitfalls of what I’m dubbing “the pamphlet effect”: when a novel, show, etc. continuously needs to halt the plot to remind the audience this character is different, and explains this to you in a way that resembles an educational pamphlet at a pride event. Georgia Warr feels like an example given to explain a concept more than a person, and I feel bad for her because of how little this book engages with her actual character when it shines through. I understand the book is primarily centered on her journey through the spectrum, but very little is given to make Georgia’s experience unique outside of one scene off the top of my head. Her interests, hobbies, and unique feelings only seem to play a role when it comes time to be an author mouthpiece on slutshaming for fun and sport; only one scene, the forced kiss with Jason when rehearsing the play, really blends her life experiences with her aroace experiences.

Georgia feels designed to be an everywoman, and it was very disappointing to say the least. Very little of the book actually feels like I’m with her, or learning about her unique take on being aroace as a theatre fan or young adult figuring things out; it just feels like Georgia [and the reader] are being dragged through the Cliff’s Notes version of what it is to discover being aroace, rather than a look at how a character like this might feel differently than others on a fuller, whole scale. She’s a hole that can fit most shapes into it, which makes her broadly relatable, but not as fun or engaging to read about if you don’t fit precisely in the demographic Georgia is for; even if you do, is there much to engage with beyond “I’m like that too!”? 

This isn’t just a Georgia problem, either, as many, many characters in this book are walking stereotypes or very flat. But, we’ll get into that later [if you want to get into it now, skip to Writing Problems, Oh My!].

The Fingering In The Room: Loveless’ Weird Ideas About Sex

Alright, if you’re sex repulsed and braved the storm to get some insight, this next paragraph is just complete confusion about this book’s sex scenes and talking about some of the details within. If you want to skip that, skip the next paragraph.

Why is everybody fingering each other? Fingering is fine and it feels good, but it is basically the only sexual act this book knows outside of making out with tongue. Someone having sex in Loveless? They better have clipped their nails because at least two are going in. It feels like a point of research that was skipped because it was unimportant, which. Pretty much, yes. But when you’re someone who pays very close attention to sex scenes because you’re of the opinion they can have artistic value, as well as conveying the author’s views on sexuality, I come away with “is fingering what Oseman thinks young adults do?”. Anyways. Something I noticed.

[Okay sex repulsed people, you’re good. No in depth descriptions beyond this point, just the word “sex”.]

I should’ve titled this section “In Defense of Rooney Bach” because oh this poor girl. Oh you are just there to be gawked at.

First off, let’s begin in a good place: this book always has to clarify it isn’t slutshaming its characters, followed by slutshaming its characters. Rooney is, for the uninitiated, very sexually active. Georgia’s envy often leads to a judgemental, close minded view of Rooney that often pins her sex life as “too much” – something many sexually active women get villainized for. It strikes me immediately how Rooney is constantly picked on for her sexuality as a woman in ways no male characters who aren’t asexual either are treated. None of the men she flirts with or spends time with are reprimanded or “held to account” by the book; Rooney alone is breaking the rules. Rooney’s descriptions are often bookended with a disclaimer that she isn’t being called a slut, she’s just like one, which… This is slutshaming. You can’t just say you aren’t doing it to not be doing it.

Rooney is also a victim of a very arophobic trope, and one that is also misogynistic: the Broken Woman. Why is Rooney sexually active? A rough breakup that broke her heart and makes her fear intimacy on account of potentially being wrong again. Sure, sex feels good, but explicit focus is made on the fact she is only not engaging with romance because she tried and it didn’t work. For a few chapters, admittedly I was hoping for a book where an aroace and aroallo can get past some differences and expand each other's worldviews; what I got was Georgia thinking pretty poorly of Rooney through unaddressed envy and sex negativity, and Rooney being made to only like hookups because she’s messed up. Because of course a woman could only enjoy that if she had a negative experience that forced her on the path!

Also, another scene I didn’t like was Georgia and Pip watching Rooney have sex while she is completely unaware of their presence? Jason leaves as soon as he notices, but the two of them watch before Pip makes a comment on how disgusting it is and Georgia agrees. I’m shocked at how little this is brought up as being violating or creepy. 

If it was a better book, I would have expected it to result in some kind of furthered conversation about boundaries; it could've been a place for Georgia to start establishing what she likes and dislikes, starting with Rooney preferably keeping her out of her sex life when she’s able. Instead, this event gets brought up solely for jokes, and for a motivation for Pip to start hating Rooney, despite her insistence it wasn't because of the hookup and she isn’t slutshaming. Always a great sign when that needs to be clarified. This is a PSA for everyone: you should not need to clarify you aren’t trying to slutshame. If you feel the need to do so, you are probably being sex negative. 

This book isn’t very fond of sexually active people, nor is it kind to characters that are. I can understand why being asexual and sex repulsed is representation people would want, but I also think there’s many, many ways to write it without making it an exercise in shame.

Ironically Kinda Arophobic In Some Parts

This is a short section of a thing I noticed, hated, and had as a contributing factor for my ending early: this book loves aphobic tropes. There’s already the trope against aroallos of not needing romance because of being broken into only liking sex, but also the problem with Pip and Rooney.

I’m a lesbian, for clarification, and I’m saying from experience that I hate the archetype of the angry, jealous lesbian. It’s everywhere. It’s in this book. Pip, upon even the idea of being rejected, starts berating and demeaning the girl who turned her down, even if she was only turned down in her head. The book passes it off as a lighthearted, funny story that Pip got so mad at an ex-crush she was suspended for throwing an apple at their head. Why do I bring this up?

Is it not ringing any bells that this is arophobic? That a character so hostile to romantic rejection is treated as a joke? Many, many aros, and queer people in general, have experienced violence for turning down someone. It’s a serious issue for aros and a real fear in rejecting someone. I found it incredibly hard to read and sit through as everybody passes off Pip’s tendencies to do this to the women that reject her as a silly, funny Pip moment and not a major issue for the aspec community. I don’t care if it’s enemies to lovers, because it doesn’t really feel good to read at all. The only tension is built off the back of something I’ve experienced in real life and many others have as well. 

Lovelessness: The Insecurity Unaddressed

This book, despite its title, is obviously about a loving character. Many people might not see this as a problem: first off, loveless doesn’t always mean the same thing, and second, many aroaces express feeling loveless when coming to terms with their identity. Here’s my rebuttal.

One: Georgia fits no definitions of the label. She subscribes to none of the beliefs. She loves her friends actively and sees their relationship as more than romance or sex, as something greater to her.

Second, this is because anti-loveless rhetoric is everywhere and all over this book. Not once is it suggested Georgia could live as loveless, or truly be without love. In the end, she is surrounded by it, simply learning to accept friendship instead. The way her insecurity isn’t met with “you’re complete as you are”, and instead with “you can still be complete if you simply fill the void with friends”, is anti-loveless. Nobody is allowed to be whole on their own without a subplot where their doubts are reinforced or they’re explicitly made to be broken inside.

This is shockingly common, and always sad every time I see it. Many aspects fear being loveless, as if it is a curse or blight they must cleanse. This book is one example out of many, but it doesn’t make it less hurtful when a book that runs against everything your community stands for [self-acceptance and the optionality of love] bears your name regardless. It is a book for people who are afraid of loneliness, and it answers their insecurities with “you’re right. You do need other people. You just need to find a way to still find and have a life partner!”. This is damaging to loveless people, especially those questioning an aplatonic identity.

Again, it’s not unique to Loveless. But, it’s reflective of a broader issue of aplatonics who may be seeking community constantly being presented with “you ARE broken, but friendship can fix you!”, a “solution” many can’t use, and often leads to even more self-hatred.

That’s about it from the aspec side of things. If you got this far, congrats! The rest is opinions on the writing, and the bingo card finale. You can drop off here if that’s all you came for.

Writing Problems, Oh My!

This is veering into heavy personal opinion, so, I will remind you: I don’t usually like YA, but YA can be a very good genre! I do not think this book is a good representation of what good YA looks like.

The writing quality is one of the hardest things to get past, because of a major problem I observed: Oseman is better at comics. This isn’t so much a vilification as a recommendation that it would’ve been much better suited for a different type of media. This kind of “media dysphoria” is present in many of the ways the book operates: many scenes would flow perfectly well in a visual piece. Georgia’s inner monologue has a tendency to jump suddenly into scenes and interrupt the action in a way that would be perfectly natural as a narration bubble put over a drawing of the scene around her. There are entire pages of just… text messages that would be much better suited to a visual medium where you could make these dialogue bits look much more interesting through different shots, or drawing what the background would look like on a screen [The Girl from the Sea does this well, for example]. 

There’s also the fact I cannot place in my mind if I'm too old for this novel. A lot of the jokes boil down to “hah! Sex!” in a way that instantly alienates me from the writing. The jokes can be pretty juvenile and repetitive, and serve to be the equivalent of a comedian saying “eh? Get it? That was a joke.” six times. 

This isn’t to mention the fact many of these characters are complete cardboard. Sorry. Jason does not need to exist. When he appears in a scene, he is ignored or completely leaves it on his own. He really only serves to drive Georgia’s character forward, rather than have one of his own. I found myself forgetting he was present in a scene at all until he spoke again and reminded me of his existence. The book would practically be unchanged if Georgia temporarily dated Pip and Jason was never a factor, plus or minus the Shakespeare Soc plot. 

Many interesting characters suffer from severe Pamphlet Effect syndrome. Most of the girls do. In a better novel, they would be more in depth, but Loveless doesn’t really afford them this luxury. I need to take the girls very far away from this novel, okay. I need someone to write a version of Loveless where they have personalities. There’s crumbs there. Please, someone make a loaf of bread out of it. They deserve it.

Another thing, but minor: the breakneck pacing at some points followed by slow slogs of not a lot happening contributes to the reading issues. You may thing something would be dwelled on, just for it to go flying away into the sunset as 3 more things happen and then one problem lasts for 2 chapters. I found it very hard to catch up with Loveless, while other parts I felt like I was constantly waiting for it to catch up with me instead.

The Final Frontier: The Bingo Card Returns

And without further ado, the Loveless and Tired Bingo Card for Loveless by Alice Oseman! Completed with help from other readers braver than I.

[Image ID: A bingo card made from a basic template. It has no title, and all the text is black on a white background. Some squares are marked with a blue X, while others are marked with a red scribble. The marked squares are: “Not prioritizing friendship treated as freak behaviour”, “Jab at loveless sex thrown in”, “Something about not being like THOSE people”, “Universal type of love is laid on thick”, “The answer to all your problems is finding some pals”, “Found family ending”, “Platonic-romantic binary”, “Love still treated as universal [free]”, “Friendship is more wholesome or pure”, “Amatonormativity BAD [platonormativity is my bestie]”, “Platonic love being more powerful or sumn”, “You still love your friends though, right?”, “Friendship saves the day”, “Still thinks you need dedicated people to survive”, “Being alone treated as worst thing in the world”, and “Friendships are more stable than partnerships anyways”. The unmarked, blank squares are: “Something about "players" and pickup artists where no commitment is villainized”, “Character fears being loveless and is kinda aplphobic about it”, “Aspec double standards [one is normal, one is weird]”, “You still love your FAMILY, right???”, “QPRs mentioned by no nuance given to their diversity”, “Friendship forced upon a character against their will”, “Comment about some people being inhuman gets brushed past”, and “Simply prioritise your family instead!!” /End ID]

Would I recommend this book? Uh. No! Well. Yes, but not as a good book for aspecs. I’d recommend it solely to read it yourself and form your own opinions. But, no, I would not recommend it to any aspecs I know, especially not loveless ones, aplatonic ones, aroallos, or if they're an aroace looking for support.

Ah, Loveless, how you vexx me. Never again. See you in the next, much shorter post.

[murfpersonalblog]

IWTV Musings - LDPDL & Nosferatu 2024

We all know & love AMC!IWTV's canon that the Unholy Family saw Nosferatu in 1922, and busted a gut rotflol over Hollywood's vampire.

But if Louis saw Nosferatu 2024, in the wake of Lestat in NOLA, and esp. Armand in Paris/SanFran/Dubai & Claudia's death, I reckon he'd be triggered on several levels. Ofc, one doesn't need to see Nos24 thru Louis' eyes/POV to recognize all the themes about the predatory nature of vampiric seduction, let alone the devastating ways vampires affect/abuse/take advantage/wreak havoc on human vulnerabilities like religious mania depression, mental illness, and suicidal ideation. But let's go for it!

The Closeted (Isolation, Repression, & Mental Illness)

In IWTV, Louis was a closeted gay man who had to grow up always hiding who he really was, for fear of punishment by his uber-Catholic family as well as society at large. Homosexuality was not only considered a mental illness, subject to extreme forms "treatment" including solitary confinement in a sanatorium (mental asylum--the same place his mentally ill brother Paul had already been sent that made him "worse than before"); but also a crime punishable by incarceration or even death.

I've long said that "Rashid"/Armand's treatment of Louis esp. in Dubai was more like a nurse than a servant--the kind of nurse that hates their job (being "stuck on suicide watch") & whose bedside manner effing SUCKS, having no patience for the mentally ill & no capacity to properly take care of them; just making things worse.

In Nosferatu, Ellen was always "touched" as a child, having the 2nd sight that allowed her to always know ahead of time what her Xmas gifts were, and know the date her mom would die. Her mean father thought she was a freak and had her closeted away & isolated from society, the family embarrassment. Even after she got married, Thomas' BFF Friedrich barely tolerated Ellen, and when her seizures started he had her tied & doped & corseted up--all the worst ways of caring for her that likely did more harm than good. Ellen even called him out on it, knowing Friedrich tied her up cuz he hated having to deal with her in the first place "I tire of discussing her; can we please talk about something else; the entire household centers around her fairy whims!," and got sick of her being in his house anymore.

Book & Hearth's video analysis of Ellen's mental illness in Nosferatu says this:

So, Louis/Ellen are both people stigmatized by Victorian society for things that were never their fault (homosexuality, mental illness, etc), either socially closeted/isolated (Louis) or spatially closeted/isolated (Ellen).

(Lestat kept whining in 1x3 & 2x7 about how the worst thing a vampire can feel is loneliness--as if that's not awful for humans to feel, too. 🙄 Esp. since vamps are immortal, they've got all the time in the world for someone to eventually show up & fall in love with them; unlike humans, who grow old & decrepit & die in no time flat.)

We see the extreme lengths Louis & Ellen would go to, to alleviate their loneliness & desperation for companionship, and their desire to feel seen & close to someone--even if that someone was the Devil himself: a vampire.

"Come to me" - Loustat & Orllen

Both IWTV & Nosferatu use Come to Me. It's a motif as old as Dracula itself, so it's par for the course, really.

"Come to me, Arthur. Leave these others and come to me. My arms are hungry for you. Come, and we can rest together. Come, my husband, come!" --Lucy Westenra, Dracula

But both shows play around with it in interesting ways.

In IWTV, Lestat repeatedly chants C2M/Viens a moi to lure Louis to him. In 1x1 Louis actually runs away, fleeing to the church & prayed to God to help/kill him; only for the Devil/Lestat to show up & "give you death" by making him a vampire. But in 1x6, Lestat uses the song "Come to Me" to "get a rise out of" Louis, who swims the Mississippi to take his estranged husband back. But during the Trial, Lestat lied on Lou and accused him of saying C2M to "accost" Les instead--the human seducing the vampire. Meanwhile, Lou still has Les's master recording of C2M in 2022, which he plays for Daniel in Dubai--again proving that Les was lying on Lou & weaponized C2M against him.

Nosferatu24 plays the human-calling/seducing-the-vampire straight, where Ellen literally summoned Orlock. Lonely, she'd prayed to God for a companion, "a spirit of comfort," but accidentally roused the Nosferatu from his sleep as she kept repeating "Come to me."

Ellen accidentally called Orlock, and Lestat hunted Louis down--but both characters are still guilt-ridden by their open-armed acceptance of their vampire lovers, once they eventually realize that the person they thought would be their comfort/safety had only taken advantage of their loneliness, desperation & ignorance about their situation and the type of creature these vamps really were.

Louis' relationship with Armand doesn't 1:1 fit, since they never use C2M per se, but Armand DOES approach Louis similarly to Les, as the charismatic vampire who stalked Lou before finally confronting him, luring him & Claudia into the Theatre to recruit/convert them to his crazy AF coven/cult; and then using a series of lies, manipulations & brainwashes to take advantage of Louis' trauma post-Banishment to keep Lou as his (un)willing companion for 77yrs after killing his daughters.

The Death of 2 Daughters

Orlock's murder of Friedrich's 2 daughters is a chilling scene. The Nosferatu puts a spell on Friedrich while he's sleeping, his hand casting a spectral shadow over Friedrich's face to keep him pinned in his bed and trapped in his nightmares. Meanwhile, his 2 daughters & wife are screaming for him to help them, but Friedrich can't move or wake up, impotently clutching the gun in his hand as his wife & kids are slaughtered bu Orlock, just down the hall from him.

Orlock has both the little girls in his clutches, and throws them down like sacks of potatoes once he's done draining them, as their mother Anna helplessly watches, screaming, before he kills her, too.

This is painfully similar to how Armand instructed the coven to fog the minds of Claudia, Madz & Louis whenever they tried defending themselves, on top of their ankles being slashed so they couldn't move, escape, or fight back--esp. not once Lou was dragged away kicking & screaming to be buried alive, ensuring that he'd be helpless to do anything to save his 2 daughters from being murdered. The last thing he ever heard Claudia say was her screaming his name.

(Since this is 2024, Louis wouldn't yet be privy to the details Lestat reveals in S3 (2026). But if Lestat's also watching Nos24, he knows even more about Claudia's final moments than Lou does--that feeling of helplessness is only amplified by the fact that she's HIS literal Blood Child--he'd've felt her die the same way Louis felt Madz die. Drained after using his Mind Gift to save Louis with Banishment, Lestat's too weak to save Claudia as she burns. The last thing Claudia ever saw was her father just standing there, uselessly watching Armand & the coven burn her to death.)

Sexual Inhibitions, Awakenings, Stigmas, Salvation

Louis is often mocked/derided in the fandom as a d**kmatized Pick Me who only thinks with his loins to stay with toxic AF Lestat's "considerable considerables;" after years of closeted sexual repression.

"Do you remember the best you ever had? So imagine that flowing inside your veins again. Now multiply it by miles, to the rings of Saturn and back...." "He had a way about him, those first years, Lestat. Preternaturally charming, occasionally thoughtful. He was my murderer, my mentor, my lover, and my maker--all of those things at once. He had taken what he called un petit coup, the Little Drink. Not enough to kill me, but just enough to keep him fit. It takes an enormous amount of restraint for us, the Little Drink. For a human, experiencing it for the first time, it was…unsettling. And not for the physical toll on my body, which was significant, but for the feelings of intimacy it awoke within me."

Lestat's seduction of Louis was a sexual revelation/awakening, but it also spooked TF outta Louis. He fled Lestat's house in a gay panic, "vowing never to return." I also discussed how Lestat's C2M in 1x1 was dubcon/noncon, and mirrored Lestat in Paul's head, making both him AND Louis feel unclean.

She sank on her knees on the floor in an agony of abasement. Pulling her beautiful hair over her face, as the leper of old his mantle, she wailed out. “Unclean! Unclean! Even the Almighty shuns my polluted flesh! I must bear this mark of shame upon my forehead until the Judgement Day.” -- Mina Harker, Dracula

(Lou was bored to dangit death with Armand in SanFran (the gay mecca where he'd been enjoying his 2nd wind/try at a gay sexual awakening), mocking Armand for having been forced into ascetic celibacy by the Children of Satan, who made him forget he had a working peen (Lou was obvs mad that Armand wasn't using said peen with Lou--the Bed Death Truthers were right all along, LOL).)

Meanwhile, Ellen was outright called a "sinner" by her father when he found her lying naked after a (Orlock-induced) fit/orgasm.

Orlock stayed with Ellen for years, an incubus visiting her in her dreams & having sex with her (the best she'd ever had, as she later throws in Thomas' face, "you could never please me like he could"); but also throwing her into fits/seizures--"at first it was sweet...and then it turned to torture!"

In the end, LDPDL & Ellen use their sexual prowess to distract their vampire husbands long enough for their Murder Plots to be accomplished--a la Mina Harker in Dracula.

Louis is literally instructed by Claudia to seduce Lestat, keeping him distracted with sex while Claudia plans how to poison & kill him. Louis is afraid to fall back into the "well with no bottom" and "lose myself in him," and Claudia promises to be his salvation--pulling him out in time to strike the killing blow to Lestat.

Ellen is another femme fatale who welcomes Orlock into their marriage bed, where she forcefully holds him close as he notices the sun rising; keeping him distracted with sex long enough for the sunlight to cook him to death as she hemorrhages under him. Her suicide is her salvation/martyrdom, as she frees herself (and the whole town) from Orlock's clutches.

(Again, Armand doesn't have as neat of a 1:1 fit, since Louis doesn't distract him with sex to defeat him. But Louis still plays up his seemingly helpless submission to get Armand to allow the interview to continue, as if Daniel isn't threat, and as if Louis doesn't suspect Armand of foul play--at least not until the end of 2x5 ofc. But Armand constantly wrests control back, and by the end of the interview in 2x8 he ALMOST wins. Louis doesn't defeat Armand or save himself at all here--DANIEL defeats Armand & saves Louis instead, showing the leagues of difference between the threat Armand posed vs Lestat. )

[flightfoot]

Sometimes I feel really salty about how out of the loop Adrien is.Okay, so they don't want Adrien and Marinette to know each other's identities for drama's sake. I get that. But why is it that Marinette has half a dozen (and counting) people who know her identity? Isn't that security breach more dangerous considering that she's the guardian and has the Miraculous that can fix everything after the battle? Why does Adrien have to remain isolated? Why is his only support system Plagg? Why should even Felix and Nathalie be on Marinette's side instead of supporting him? Why is it that loneliness, depression and the tension of hiding his identity are given less weight with him?

I'd say Adrien should go crazy, but that's the excuse they've used to keep him in the dark. Maybe if someone told him something in a controlled environment instead of in moments of tension He might have time to process and deal with things in a healthy way.Sometimes it feels like Adrien is inside a glass box, unable to interact and really get angry even though wow, the boy is certainly going through things And I just want him to break that box. Not to be rescued because at the moment of truth Nathalie, Felix and Kagami remained silent and LB decided to make the same decisions as Gabriel.

Adrien urgently needs an emancipation arc

I've got to agree with you there. It makes sense that Marinette's under a lot of stress when she can't tell her friends about her secret identity, and that her actually being able to tell people that secret, talk things out with them, and not have to lie to them, helps to alleviate that. I get that.

But dammit, Adrien ALSO has to keep things secret. He ALSO has a lot he's going through - more than Marinette even, especially now, with his dad dead! Let the stress and anguish HE goes through take center stage for a bit, and let HIM have a confidant. I'm really hoping that he at least gets to talk to Luka a bunch, but I doubt that'll actually happen. Dammit, Kagami doesn't even know that Adrien actually had very good reason to lie and ditch her, unlike Luka, who's fully aware of why Marinette had to do that.

I can sort of see WHY Marinette made the decision she did, and why Nathalie, Kagami, and presumably Felix are going along with it, but dammit, I'd like for Adrien to actually be treated as an equal and not some dainty princess in a tower. That trope gets old no matter which gender it's actually being applied to.

I'd love if Adrien actually found out the truth and people realized that they actually need to tell him things.

[mdzs-owns-my-ass-i-guess]

Promise

We will pretend it hasn't been 3 weeks since I made this post asking for writing ideas.

Anyway, @wangxian-stan here's the idea you suggested, I hope you like it and sorry for the delay!

Here's the prompt:

It is so quiet in the jingshi that, if Lan Wangji tried, he would even be able to hear the sizzle of wax melting under the gentle flames of the candle wicks. The silence rings in his ears – and not even the sounds of the night outside are doing much to fill it.

It’s unnerving. Such undisturbed silence reminds him of times he would rather forget. Of loneliness, pain and the discordant notes of songs ending in tears, the bitter taste of alcohol and regret.

The dull sting of his wounds being cleaned adds on to that – especially since the claw marks on his back cross over the faded scars of the discipline whip. It feels almost uncanny, some kind of déjà vu – except it is not a healer or his brother that is helping clean and bandage his wounds, but his husband.

However, for all the teasing and talking Wei Wuxian does, the energy and the liveliness that Lan Wangji loves him for – he is being unsettlingly quiet as well. He has been this way ever since Lan Wangji returned from his night hunt with the back of his robes torn into, red painting the edges. The injuries do look worse than they feel and Lan Wangji made sure to tell his husband this much from the start – but Wei Wuxian seemed a bit too shaken by the sight to really listen, his expression darkening and his voice waning until he decided not to speak anymore at all.

And so, he is now tending to Lan Wangji’s wounds, with the gentleness and care of someone that has known far too much pain, his fingertips trembling on the washcloth as he cleans the injured skin. The beast had hurt him not out of an oversight, but rather, as a choice – he had not thought much about it, intercepting the hit in place of Lan Jingyi more out of instinct than anything else. Whilst a hit like that would do little more than inconvenience him, someone as young as Jingyi could have been incapacitated by it for a long time – so it was a small price to pay, in hindsight.

But it does make Lan Wangji’s heart squeeze to see his beloved be so affected.

The ointment Wei Wuxian uses on him next smells of herbs and the faint scent of disinfectant – again, much too familiar. A very effective cure, developed by the Lan healers long ago, though unkind to the touch. It stings terribly being placed on an open wound, Lan Wangji knows it better than anyone.

Which is why he’s tried to keep his reaction contained, not wanting to worry his husband any more – yet  a faint hiss does still leave his lips as Wei Wuxian applies some of the medicine to his wounds. His fingertips lift off the sensitive skin, and a gentle current of cool air blows over the sting to soothe it. The knowledge Wei Wuxian is so gentle moves Lan Wangji to finally speak.

“Wei Ying…”

The other makes a questioning noise, continuing to gently blow over the wound and alleviate the sting.

“It is alright. I feel fine.”

“It’s important to make sure you heal properly. Do you know how easy it is to get an infection from something like this? Open wounds must be treated seriously even if they’re not bad.”

Lan Wangji feels like those words are not Wei Wuxian’s own, rather repeating what he himself has heard a long time ago, a lifetime ago, from somebody that had been too good at her craft to die the way that she had.

“You need to be more careful.” Wei Wuxian adds, the tone of his voice softer, worried and loving all the same.

“I am.” Lan Wangji replies, and he’s being truthful in this simple, confident reply. He is careful, calculated and precise – but not when it comes to protecting the people he cares about. There is no time for him to weigh his options when danger befalls somebody he considers part of his family, and he knows Wei Wuxian cannot blame him for it – because he does the same.

Wei Wuxian carefully covers the wounds in bandages, his touch light. “You know what I mean. You got off easy now, but what if it won’t be like this next time?”

Lan Wangji sighs, fondly, warmth blooming in his chest at his husband’s worry. “Wei Ying…”

“I know, you’re the great, peerless, undefeated Hanguang-Jun…” he smiles as he says it, “…but you’re not immortal.”

“Not yet.”

That pulls a light chuckle out of Wei Wuxian, and it is the first time that night that the heaviness in the jingshi lifts. “Well, since you promised me forever, that means you have to make sure you get there in one piece.”

A smile tugs at the corners of Lan Wangji’s lips. “I will. I promise.”

He feels a soft pair of lips at the nape of his neck, Wei Wuxian’s lips whispering into his skin. “I’ll hold you to that.”

[natsuphoria]

hey hey! Can I req Ritsu and Rei w/ the same crush? How do u think they'd react to having the same crush?

THIS IS AN INTERESTING REQ thank u anon!! i was so stumped for a bit but i gave it my best shot, i hope i did okay :O

ritsu & rei crushing on the same person

gender neutral reader, no pronouns mentioned

ohh ritsu is LIVID

this is a boy who is going to be so clingy. he is so incredibly possessive of you. can you really blame him? he doesn’t have too many people he can rely on, you’re special to him. 

his abandonment issues are not helping him at all in this case… hell, just seeing you and rei smile at each other can put him in a bad mood.

he’s a perceptive guy. he knows rei has an eye on you as well, and he hates it. he’s upset that of all people, rei’s vying for your affection. and he’s upset that after all he and his brother have done to try to mend their relationship, there’s another obstacle in the road. 

ritsu’s love languages are probably quality time and physical touch, so he uses that to his advantage – spending long lengths of time lounging on your lap, napping so that you can’t in good conscience leave his side. other times he just simply slings an arm around your shoulder or waist and keeps you close to him – it’s comforting to him, being able to physically feel you beneath his fingertips

he’s not above physically pulling you away when he sees you talking to rei. ritsu does love his brother! but he loves you too. 

he probably requires lots of reassurance… make sure he knows he’s loved please.

rei below the cut!

rei has his charms… he’s not against putting on a charismatic front when faced with people he’d like to connect with. that’s what he does with you! he goes out of his way to see you, to show you that he really does care.

his love languages are likely quality time and gift-giving. he’s the kind of person to gladly sit and listen to you ramble on and on with the most lovestruck look on his face… and the kind of person to gift you trinkets because they reminded him of you. 

uhh let’s not talk about the fact that ritsu doesn’t like seeing you with said gifts…

he holds a lot of affection for his brother… so i think he’s likely to give up on his crush for ritsu.

the guilt of leaving ritsu alone so often weighs on him, so if you can be the one to alleviate the loneliness of the younger sakuma, rei would gladly let you go.

he’d still care immensely for you, though, so most of your interactions remain, just with the clear distinction that you two are no more than good friends.

ritsu would mellow out more once there isn’t a competition for you… but you can still expect him to drag you away from rei when he wants your attention /lh

tags: @tokusaatsus

[lostsyren]

idk if I’m the only one who sees it this way but imo i think sofia ultimately becomes a distraction for rafe’s inner discontent and inadequacy, their breakup can almost become an impetus for his healing, bc i think there needs to be a level of self esteem and emotional security before he enters a relationship with sofia, it’s evident he quickly emotionally latches onto people that give him a sign of affection and i don’t think a relationship built on fear (fear of loneliness/abandonment) is necessarily healthy for rofia or rafe nor is it fair to sofia.

do i think however that necessarily means they should abandon their relatioship no, bc at the end of the day she is his emotional foil and there is a reason why sofia out of all the girls he’s ever encountered she has came into his life and he’s let her stay and also has wanted to stay too, he’s needed someone to truly see him and love him, this has then formed an unfound connection emotionally and physically that i don’t think he’s found in anyone else but i just don’t think their relationship should be like he’s dependant on her to be emotionally stable or a figure/vessel for his happinesses, she shouldn’t be his only outlet, i think reuniting with sarah will alleviate that but there’s still clearly some underlying insecurities he still had to figure out because there’s a complexity to his issues but who knows what’s going on in the writers head to them it probably ain’t even that deep 😭

“i think there needs to be a level of self esteem and emotional security before he enters a relationship with sofia… i don't think a relationship built on fear (fear of loneliness/abandonment) is necessarily healthy for rofia or rafe nor is it fair to sofia”

Yesss I agree!! I ship them because I think they’re cute and sweet (and Fiona and Drew are both hot🫣) but looking at their relationship realistically, both of them need to go through a lot to get to the point of security.

With Rafe, as you said, it’s healing his trauma and self-esteem issues. With sofia it’s taking the rose tinted glasses off and releasing she can’t ignore Rafe’s red flags. It’s definitely not healthy, but I can go for that as long as both Rafe and Sofia recognise that it’s unhealthy.

“he's needed someone to truly see him and love him, this has then formed an unfound connection emotionally and physically that i don't think he's found in anyone else”

Yesss I agree!! Some people say it’s ooc for rafe to be so soft and loving with Sofia, which I don’t understand. S4 when his father is out of the picture, he can heal. He can enjoy things, he can love someone, and pretend like he’s normal for once. I do agree it was somewhat an act, like trying to emulate Ward. But I think his feelings were real.

“but i just don't think their relationship should be like he's dependant on her to be emotionally stable or a figure/vessel for his happinesses,”

Trueee. I don’t think Sofia even realises that she is a vessel for his happiness. Maybe in her subconscious, or somewhere deep inside her she does know– but she ignores it. She chooses to believe in their love. She’s an idealist. I don’t think she’d like the idea of rafe only being with her as a distraction– not because it’s denigrating to her, but because the idea that she is handling such a fragile, broken person js scary to her…she doesn’t want to hurt him, not for her sake but for his. (We see this in how guilty she was after the deal. I genuinely think it was because she was scared of hurting him not because she was afraid of him).

“there's still clearly some underlying insecurities he still had to figure out because there's a complexity to his issues but who knows what's going on in the writers head to them it probably ain't even that deep”

Yessss even though he’s “healed” in s4, he hasn’t really. That’s why I liked the proposal scene. It was proof of his attempt to jump head first into that idyllic prospect of a future. But he can’t have that. Not when he hasn’t atoned for sins. Him killing Peterkin set everything into motion– the writers must have a plan for his redemption/punishment? But I 100% agree with you, it definitely isn’t that deep to them😭💀esp if they’re considering riara, because that just shows to me they don’t understand either Rafe or kie’s characters

But thank you lovely for sharing ur thoughts!! Loveee <3

[intrulogical]

Janus is my fave but Remus is a close second. I find it so interesting how he's the character who's the hardest to get a read on by faaaar. It's actually the reason why I've been looping forbidden fruit so much (alongside it being a bop), because I wanted to try and understand his mindset better.

Something that really jumped out at me is that the very first lines, even before he introduces himself as the duke, are about Adam and Eve eating the forbidden fruit and gain knowledge/self awareness at the price of sinning and eventually dying. He then really goes on about Thomas learning to know himself and how everyone already sins and dies anyways (so it's not like taking a bite from the forbidden fruit will change anything except the gaining of self awareness).

I think that regardless of whatever specific goals Remus has, he's overall guided by the value of wanting to give people knowledge and self awareness, desiring to dig up everything buried and repressed and bring it to light.

We can see in wtit how that seems to be his main purpose as well. All of the intrusive thoughts he gives Thomas betray an underlying anxiety about loneliness and being abandoned by Nico (or maybe the anxiety about being alone is what caused him to latch onto Nico - it's Virgil that ended up pushing Thomas towards Nico after all - but now he's terrified that Nico will ditch him). Remus is trying to bring those issues to the surface to have Thomas begin to work through them in a way, except Logan (with all of his good intentions and care for Thomas) keeps providing distractions and those distractions - as much as they help alleviate the symptoms - allow Thomas to keep repressing the thoughts.

Honestly, the more I think about it the more I love the double meaning of the title of the episode. Thomas isn't really working through his intrusive thoughts and trying to process them. He's working while he has intrusive thoughts, as if he's working through loud and annoying music he has to simply grit his teeth and endure.

...that was a ramble and a half, sorry. I've been really desperate for someone to talk about the series with XD

OH MY GOD, THIS IS PERFECT

i've always loved remus and his role of self-awareness. i always perceived his role as intrusive thoughts to be somewhat of an alarm clock— his general Presence means there's something that thomas is ignoring. i LOVE the idea that remus is connected to self-recognition because we have to remember he is forbidden THOUGHTS. not emotions, THOUGHTS. i kind of see him as a parallel to logan in a way, where they both dispense truths about thomas' way of life, but because they're so harsh and rooted in the reality thomas wants to ignore, they both get ignored. i could go in detail but i'll probs save it since this is technically not a remus logan post

if you need more wtit analysis by the way, @orbmanson7 has some for wtit that i really like! u can go enjoy some juice there. never feel bad about sending me asks like this (or even messaging!) bc i LOVE talking about sasi meta. i sometimes pop into orb's dm's at random just to entertain another thought i have 😭

[yonemurishiroku]

Hiya yone! Recently my brain has been infested with bugs that want me to make a Circe Nico AU (Nico is Circe?? Kinda.) You are the glorious fanfic writer who can conjure up anything from anything, so please do your magic.

I'll try my best, however I only know like. 2 stories about Circe at best? So please don't put too much trust in me lol 😅😅

The first one is when Odysseus visits her during his return voyage to Ithaca. I forgot most of it (typical me) except that she turns his crew into animals, which Odysseus managed to convince her to undo and if I'm not mistaken, they live together for a while?? Let's just go with it.

As for this story, I think it would fit best with Jasico? Mainly bc they have that sort of enemies-to-lovers air (Jason distrusted Nico at first). Jason is best fit to be a returning hero, too. Though the Cupid debacle is like heaven and earth with mere convincing on Odysseus' part, I reckon we can work around it with enough maneuver. Why does Nico accept to turn them back? - Maybe he's feeling generous, maybe he's a petulant lonely witch who wants people to stay but never knows how to voice it, and ppl often run at the first sight of him, so he just turns them into animals to keep them by her side.

In the end, Odysseus leaves Circe. This aligns well with the fact that Jason just dropped dead shortly after he and Nico became friends. Which is a funny (and depressing thought) if you put thoughts into it. Which I can't atm lmoa.

Anw. think of it as a piece of quiet Jason has given Nico in the expanse of his loneliness. That, though he was swept away by the natural order of things at the end, Jason did try his best to alleviate Nico's pain. So I reckon there should be a little bit of affection - if not love - in there.

The second story is, well, Circe and Scylla. And the male lover whose name I forget.

This is a classic case of jealousy - so who fits it better than Percy, the canon epitome of every jealous trope in the history of fiction?

sorry that was my pettiness talking. Anywayyyyy, I suppose I don't need to talk about this... I mean it's pretty clear who is who and how the story transpires: Circe is in love with that-something-sea-god, who is in love with Scylla, so Circe turns her into a monster. The only difference between Circe and Nico in this is that he doesn't do anything to Annabeth (even refuses to hate her still. gosh).

But that wouldn't be Percico, is it? So I say just say fuck it and make Percy a sea monster or something Idk. A witch living secluded in an island with his beloved sea monster? I'm in.

Another choice would be to make Annabeth the bad one but I'm in no position to make that propose.

If you still want to keep the story, and if you're any of an unhinged person like me, just make Nico the villain. Well, Circe is the villain in this story, yeah? Embrace it - Nico as the powerful witch, whose loneliness-induced jealousy wreaks havoc on even a sea god. What's left is not love - because love is the last thing Yone needs in fanfics srsly - but an impression of terror, of how disastrous Nico's love can be.

The concepts mix well in this case btw. I remember a painting of Circe pouring a plate filled with poison into the sea. Just imagine it - a blinding blackness spreading rapidly across the lapping water with just a touch of Nico's dainty finger. The shadows overlap with the roaring waves - the black undercurrents raging all the same - and darkness swallows all those whom he call enemies. If Percy's the sea and Nico's the lightless bottom, dark, mysterious, and full of threats.

That's everything I have atm, I guess. Sorry for not being able to help much :(((

[conallblackbar]

closed starter for @pressedxpetals setting : lil yule chat

the night stretched around conall, oddly quiet, despite the festivities still going on inside. fiadh vance had begun to sing, and he had taken that as his cue to step outside for a moment, the biting cold clearing his head from the fog caused by both the drink and something far more melancholic. it always hit him at the most inopportune times, the wave of loneliness that had him separating himself from those who knew and loved him best. his fingers were curled around a cigarette he intermittently lifted to his lips, the faint warmth of the embers glowing against his calloused hands a small comfort in the chill. for a brief moment, it was as though the light and the laughter spilling from inside the room was another world away, too distant for him to touch, part of a life he had once belonged to, but didn't really deserve to dwell in anymore.

the smoke drifted upwards, mingling with the air. it had not always been this way. yule was supposed to be a time for joy, and for most of the day, it had been, but his mood had turned now, his thoughts on abigail blackbar. they had spent precious few yules together as man and wife before their union had turned sour, so perhaps it was silly to ruminate on this now. and yet, he could not help herself, the weight of her ghost pressing against him, as it often did, with all the complicated feelings that she brought with her.

the sound of approaching footsteps drew him from his thoughts, and he turned slightly, his gaze falling on keira florent. her silhouette was lit from behind from the glow of the hall, her breath visible in the frosty air as she hesitated, clearly not expecting to see him there. he recognised that hesitation, the look on her face mirroring his own yearning for solitude after being surrounded by people. it was what had brought him out here himself, after all. it stirred something in him - a kinship, perhaps, or simply the desire to offer her the solace that none had really been able to give him, because there were very few who understood what it was to be in their shoes. though their paths were not the same, there were enough similarities.

"keira," he greeted her softly, voice hushed in the stillness. his mouth curved into a faint, but welcoming smile, though it did little to alleviate the tiredness in his eyes. the years and the drink had carved a weariness into his features, and it was never more pronounced than at times like these. he gestured with the hand holding a cigarette for her to join him, leaning against the wall, leaving the choice entirely in her hands.

for a moment, conall said nothing, merely studying her out of the corner of his eye in the dim moonlight. once, they'd been the first of their circle to marry. others might have envied them for it, though they would not have done if they had known what was to come. now, they may as well have been ghosts themselves, the remnants of what had been, but would not be again, ach marked by something they hadn't chosen, but which had affected them both all the same.

"i hope i'm not prying," he began. "but how are you doing?" the question was gently spoken, and he took a final drag of his cigarette before dropping it to the ground and stepping on it with the toe of his boot. he wanted to give her the space to speak, if she wanted to, to share if she wished, but more than anything, conall understood the need for silence, and the fact that sometimes, the fact that someone merely cared to ask was enough.

he glanced back at her, clearing his throat. "i like yule, but it can be hard. for me." the second part was added hurriedly, as though to assure her he wasn't making assumptions. "all them ghosts rattling around up here," he tapped the side of his head with a self-deprecating smile, the confession coming surprisingly easily. maybe it was the late hour, or the whiskey, or the fact that she seemed to mirror something that he felt within himself, but he did not mind offering her that piece of him.

"is it the same for you?" he asked, gaze drifting to the horizon. "the way all the empty spaces feel bigger?"

[1358456]

(More) NG+ Banters

Cynthia: "Jirachi? A Pokemon that can grant wishes? I've never heard of that one." Red: "I'm not surprised. Apparently that thing is asleep for a 1000 years at a time. But it wakes up in a couple of years. In my timeline, me and my friends were turned into stone so our juniors used a wish to save us." Cynthia: "... Wow." Sabrina: "... Still not lying." Red: "I used the wishes in the last timeline, so we're going to do that again this time. But first, we need to go to Hoenn. Find the HQs of Team Aqua and Magma, and find Archie and Maxie so I can stick my foot up their asses. And hopefully that'll prevent a giant water monster from spawning in Hoenn... twice!" Cynthia: "... I won't ask."

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Red: "Huh. A wild Salamence? That's pretty uncommon. ... Uh oh. Is this that Salamence incident that I heard about? But surely two 5 year old kids would run and not-" Ruby: "Oh, you want a piece of me?! Bring it on! I'll take you!" Red: "... That is one crazy ass kid. ... Though I did pick a fight with Mew when I was 11, and that's not any better. ... I better go save them..."

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Erika: "I must ask, why did you volunteer to accompany that boy on his journey? ... Is it just out of gratitude for how you are valued over in Team Rocket?" Sabrina: "You mean Red? Well... I am grateful. It's certainly better than being shunned by the public and hiding and running all the time. But I want to follow Red around from time to time because of his memories. You wouldn't know from just looking at him or listening to him, but he's hiding a tremendous amount of loneliness and sadness. So I want to accompany him and alleviate some of that." Erika: "I see... I can understand that." Sabrina: "And when the time comes and he goes back to his own timeline... there will be someone who'll need our company far more." Erika: "That is quite kind of you." Sabrina: "Also, you would not believe some of the things he went through or heard about. I would like to see some of those for myself." Erika: "That... is also understandable. It will be quite the interesting journey."

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Erika: "Why are you investing so much money on this brand new talent agency?" Red: "Uh..." Erika: "Surely you have no interest in such a thing?" Red: "Sure don't. But I kind of know the president of this company in a different timeline. So I just want to help her out a bit." Erika: "Understandable." Red: "... And maybe now I'll find out just what the hell "BW" stands for..."

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Red: 'Huh. This kid looks like Black... oh.' Black: "Oh! You're him!" Red: "Uh... huh?" Black: "You're the guy who steamrolled through the Pokemon League at the age of 11!" Red: "Uh... yeah, I guess." Black: "I want to be just like you! Please, let me train under you!" Red: 'This is probably not fine? I highly doubt he'll get to meet and befriend White if I let him follow me around...' "Sorry, kiddo. But I'm not very good at training other people." Black: "But... you trained the Sinnoh League champion!" Red: "How the hell did you- uh... never mind." 'Sabrina, help!' Sabrina: <You're on your own. Just enjoy this reunion. Give the kid a few tips or something.>

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Sabrina: "... You love him, don't you?" Cynthia: "!!!" Sabrina: "Doesn't take a telepath to see that." Cynthia: "..." Erika: "Even I was aware of it. However, given the circumstances..." Cynthia: "... I know. ... It's not going to work. I can only hope that he doesn't know." Sabrina: "He does though. He's just pretending to not have noticed. His heart belongs to another, and has for over 40 years at this point. He's been aware of your feelings for him since the last timeline, which is partly why he feels so guilty inside. Your help is essential for him to return home, but he doesn't want to hurt your feelings when he leaves you behind. And he doesn't know what he can do to change that." Cynthia: "I realize that I can't make him love me back. The only solution would be if I stop loving him, but... I can't control that. I don't want him to go back to his own timeline, but he wants to. He won't love me as I love him, but he's still my childhood friend. If he needs my help, I will help him. Even if it breaks my heart to do so..." Erika: "You are so strong, Cynthia. I know this is very tough for you. But we are here whenever you need assistance." Sabrina: "And you still have time to figure this out. Best of luck." Cynthia: "... Thank you..." 'There's no way... Even if I somehow get myself to stop loving him... he's still my only childhood friend and he will leave me behind. There's only misery waiting for me, regardless of what I do...' Sabrina: "..."

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Erika: "We have been through so many regions together, even though Sabrina and I have not accompanied you through your whole journey so far. So I must ask. Why do you not stop the evil organizations that you know about ahead of time?" Red: "I did stop some, but there are simply too many and too spread out. I already beat the crap out of Archie and Maxie. I do have to go to Sinnoh at some point and stick my foot up Cyrus's ass. But then to stop all the evil, I'll have to go to Unova next and stick my foot up the cult leader's ass over there. And then I'll have to go to Kalos and find whatever his name was and kick his ass. And then I'll have to go to Alola and... I don't even know whose ass I have to kick over there. And then there's that mess in Galar or something?" Erika: "... Though crudely stated, I do see your point." Red: "Yeah. Simply put, there are too many asses to kick, and not enough time. So for those, I'll have to let my juniors handle them."

[eating-plastic]

The Best Surprises are the Spoiled Ones: Roller Ricky x Fem!Reader (SMUT)

Warnings: nsfw (obv), smut (minors and ageless blogs do not touch please and thanks), AFAB!reader, vaginal sex, unprotected sex (remember protection irl people!), creampie, praising, fluff, marriage proposal, spoiled proposal technically, very brief mentions of alcoholism and sadness from Ricky's past (poor bby), swearing, probably some grammatical errors, just the fact that this exists is a warning in itself, sorry not sorry lol

Word Count: 1885 words

A/N: I will not be taking any questions at this time. If you somehow see this on your screen, no you don't. Keep scrolling. The following is a very self indulgent Valentine's Day special because I am mentally ill. If this intrigues you for whatever reason however, then click the "read more". If not, then just forget this ever happened lol.

--------------------

Roller Ricky was never good with keeping secrets, a fact he was very much aware of. So many surprises ruined because he could never be quiet about them. And he hated it, especially when it involved you. A surprise date coming up? Whoops, he tells you about it a week beforehand. Presents you're going to get for your birthday? He'll tell you just what's underneath the wrapping paper before you get the chance to open them. He always felt bad about it, no matter how many times you told him that it was okay.

That is why he is very proud of himself that he managed to keep you in the dark about one very special secret he had for you; a little diamond secret in a velvet box he kept hidden in his bedside drawer. No, you didn't know about it, and he didn't want you to know about it until the right time. A day he had planned where it would be just you and him doing all of your favorite activities, then heading over to the roller rink to dance to the relationship mixtape he made. All ending with him finally being able to get down on one knee and ask you to be his wife.

And he was almost there. Tomorrow was the big day, and he had almost been able to not tell you anything about it.

Almost.

Ricky didn't think much when you wanted to have a little bit of "fun" that night. Especially since you being worked up never failed to get him going. He loves you and can't get enough of you. So, why not enjoy it?

And that was just what he was doing now. Lying on your shared bed, watching you with eyes full of adoration while you ride him at a steady pace. His hands occasionally wander from your waist to explore your body, from massaging your thighs to groping your breasts. God, it's almost overwhelming how much he adores you during times like this.

And why wouldn't he? He didn't like to think about many of his past sexual encounters before you, because most of them, though few and far between, happened during the lowest point in his life. Moments where he would attempt to alleviate the deep loneliness he felt, only to feel worse once it was all said and done, and at the time he honestly felt like that was what he deserved. And just like with the bottle and returning to it despite the blackouts and head splitting hangovers, he still accepted these moments of desperation when they were offered to him.

The difference between then and now was like night and day, and it wasn't just because of how he managed to turn his life around. It was also because when he closed his eyes that night, he would wake up in the morning with you sleeping peacefully beside him. Then, he would gently wake you up and watch that cute, tired smile spread across your lips as your eyes flutter open to be greeted by his handsome face. What follows would be the morning routine the two of you shared. Taking a shower together, cooking breakfast together, taking Max for his morning walk together.

And of course, the two of you would eventually part ways to do your own things, but then you would come together once more to do your shared evening routine. The day would then end, with the two of you heading to your shared bed together, to do it all over again tomorrow. And Ricky wanted that to continue to be his normal, for as long as time would allow him.

His hand moves from its place on your hip to gently caress your cheek. You breathe a pleasant sigh, and nuzzle your face into the palm of his hand. A smile spreads across your lips and you lean down to capture his own in a kiss. His hand then migrates to the back of your head to rake his fingers through your hair.

You gently rock your hips back and forth against his, taking the moment to enjoy the kiss and how full his dick made you feel. If there is one thing you can't get enough of, it's the sensation of his thick cock stretching you out.

Scratch that, you can't get enough of Ricky in general. Oh how you love him, and he is always so good to you. God, it makes pleasuring him feel amazing, and you enjoy taking the time to focus on him. Besides, it was what he deserved for always doing the same thing to you most nights.

As you begin to move yourself up and down his length again, he moans into the kiss, allowing you to slip your tongue into his mouth and greet his own. His grip on your hair tightens, and he shifts himself so that his legs are now bent and his feet are flat against the mattress. His hands find your waist once more and he bucks himself up into you.

You break the kiss to moan out in surprise at his sudden movement. Even when you want to focus on making him feel good, he can never stop himself from turning the focus on you. To Ricky, your pleasure was his pleasure, which was evident by him fucking himself upwards into your soaked core. All the while, you lay against his chest and grip his shoulders as a brace, mewling and keening right into his ear.

Your noises encourage him, egg him on to harshen the pace. And that's just what he does, thrusting into you hard and fast. He just can't help it, your moans are like music to his ears.

It doesn't take long for the two of you to approach your peaks, and like normal during this moment, Ricky always finds himself being very vocal.

"Fu-uck...'feel so good, baby...God, you're perfect," he babbles. He can't help it, your pussy is the best truth serum when it comes to his love for you.

And unfortunately for him, it was just too good.

"God, I love you...'m gonna-ah marry you...gonna make you my w-wife...make you so happy, yeah? T-take good care of you-fuck!"

With a few more thrusts up into you, your warm, velvety walls squeeze his cock like a vice, and he fills you up nice and full with his cum. Both of your bodies go limp and you cling onto each other while you come down from your highs.

Once your strength comes back, you push yourself up onto your forearms to give Ricky an exhausted smile, which he returns. You move to give him another sweet kiss, before carefully moving off of him to curl up by his side.

"Man...I love you," he breaths. It's all he can manage as his mind is still reeling. Still, it makes you giggle because of how cute it was.

"So I've been told," you jest while gently stroking his cheek. "I love you, too."

You move to rest your head against his chest, until you remember the other sweet thing he had moaned out from before.

"Did you mean it?" you ask, propping yourself up again.

"Mean what?" he asks, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

"That you wanted to marry me?"

Ricky thinks for a moment, until his eyes widen and he slams a hand over his face.

"God damnit," he groaned out in frustration.

You sit up, concern evident in your eyes.

"Wha...what's wrong?" nervousness fills your voice.

He sighs, before moving to sit up too once he sees how worried you are.

"Yes...I wanna marry you, but...augh, I didn't wanna tell you like that," he shakes his head and rubs his face in annoyance at himself.

"You...you mean it?" you ask while moving your hand to his shoulder, joy beginning to bubble up within you.

"Of course I mean it. I love you, Y/N. More than anything. I love having you in my life and being able to do so much with you by my side. And I wanna have you by my side for the rest of my life....And I ruined it. God, I'm such an idiot. Augh, I'm so sor-."

You quickly cut off his self deprecating ramblings the only way you know how: With another sweet kiss. Ricky's eyes widen at that, surprise causing him to freeze up. When you pull away, you give him a dreamy smile.

"Yes," you answer, simply.

"I...what?"

"Yes, I will marry you, Ricky," you move to hold his hands in your own and squeeze them tightly.

"Wait, really? You mean it?" were you being serious? You wanted to marry him after...that?

"Of course I mean it," you giggle once more. "I told you I love you, and I mean it. I don't care how you proposed to me, because I'll happily be your wife either way."

Eventually, the look of shock on his face melts away and adoration takes over. A large smile forms on his lips and he glances away shyly.

"God, what did I do to deserve you?"

"Where do you want me to begin?" you ask, gently turning his head to face you once more. Ricky just shakes his head and throws his arms around you, pulling you into a loving embrace.

You hold him just as tight and nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck. While he does enjoy holding you in his arms, his mind makes the connection between your answer and the spoiled secret in his bedside drawer.

"Well then...I guess since you said 'yes'...," he begins, and pulls away from you. You look at him with curiosity, eager to know what he had planned next. Ricky leans over to his bedside drawer and pulls it open. You watch him dig his hand around in it for a second, before your eyes widen as he pulls out the little velvet box. "That means you can finally have this."

He holds it out to you and opens it, revealing the prettiest diamond ring you have ever seen in your life. You had never thought about your "dream ring" before, but you just knew that the one that Ricky had bought you was it for sure.

You let out an incredulous laugh, before pulling him into a tight hug once more. You don't know how long you two sat there holding each other, but even as he pulled away to slip the ring onto your finger, it still felt like it wasn't long enough.

As you both lay down and get comfortable once more, and Ricky gazes so lovingly into your eyes, he reflects on his life up until this point. He had so many wonderful things happen to him, that if you were to tell him 15 years ago that he'd have such a beautiful life, he sadly wouldn't have believed you. Hell, he probably wouldn't have thought he deserved it.

But right now, with you in his arms and an engagement ring on your finger, with Max as his best furry pal, with the great friends he has, with the awesome roller rink he runs, he's happy to see that he does deserve it all.

[persephinae]

talking about my oc:

Llyra is brave, but mostly reckless, as she tends to jump into things with both feet before thinking through all the consequences. She has a heart as big as the ocean and it gets her into trouble a lot, as she tries so hard to be kind and NOT be what others expect her to be.

She initially grew up far away from any cities, which is why she was called to become a druid, however she has an immense love of books and it lead her to Baldur's Gate where she became an archivist at one of its libraries. She had to work hard to overcome initial prejudices and biases, but she's so sweet and helpful she easily won over everyone.

Her job pays well enough (quite well actually) that she has a nice little rooftop apartment where she has a small garden that constantly attracts bees and other animals. She enjoys speaking to passing birds and cats, making friends even among the animals. Whatever money that wasn't used on books, food, or rent, she used to help her little part of the city. She uses her druid powers of herbs and healing in her spare time to help her neighbors if they need help. Also she stealthily created a public garden for others to enjoy despite being in one of the poorer neighborhoods. Still, when it all becomes too much, sometimes she would use her powers to become a bird to fly away for a bit, or a cat to stalk the shadows at night (or the bookshelves in the library where it was safe and quiet).

People are continuously surprised at how warm and kind she is. Even supposed Dream Protectors and semi-evil vampire spawn. She can't help it, honestly she's tried. She's terrible at lying and she feels completely awful at trying to be objectively selfish or mean to others. She just radiates quiet happiness, even in the darkest of times, knowing that things could always be worse. However, she also doesn't think too hard about the future as she's always more concerned with the present, and sometimes that bites her in the ass too. Also she can be completely pants at trying to find the right words sometimes and completely fail a conversation but she never stops trying.

When she likes you, she just wants to do whatever she can to make you happy and see you smile. It's just built into her DNA, she' can't change this. She'll bring you little gifts, talk to you to see how you're doing, even something as small as smiling for you when you can't smile yourself. She knows how it feels to be alone and miserable, and tries her best to try and alleviate that pain in others.

I think too that's why she felt drawn to help the Emperor. She felt his loneliness throughout it all. The Emperor had no one, no one at all, and it pulled at her. She knew he was using her and probably stringing her along so she would do what he wanted, but she still wanted to help him and try to be his friend.

Which is why she gets into so much trouble and Astarion calls her out. He both cherishes her kind heart and berates her for letting others take advantage of it, himself included, but he's a selfish bastard and cherishes every single kindness. Even when he has to roll his eyes or berate her again for trying to believe he was better than he was.

i just think she's neat