#how are we supposed to live with this pain

[folklorespring]

Went on Instagram and the first thing I saw was an obituary for a 2-month-old baby killed by russian missile.

[chithereader]

you and me / aaron hotchner

word count: 1.9k

pairing: aaron hotchner x singer!reader , aaron hotchner x f!reader

genre: fluff, a little angst

cw: a lot of conversation, i went a little crazy i just love interviews like zane lowe’s!!! and soft aaron

a/n: this photo just makes me think of aaron waiting backstage for popstar!reader / singer!reader

and requests are open!! would love to know what you guys want to read ◡̈

You requested that the set-up of the interview be comfortable. You knew you’d be talking about your albums which are notoriously packed with stories and emotions, personal and imagined. Now what is more comfortable than your own home? 

When you were designing your home, you knew from the start you wanted a conversation pit. You’ve always dreamed of a house that screamed cozy and comfortable, warm and inviting. Even if it cost millions to make, you had no regrets. 

But aside from the occasional family dinners, your sunken living room was only ever used when Aaron and Jack sleep over, and you had a movie marathon night. You'd throw in duvets and pillows on the pit and bunch together whether it was cold or not.

So you thought this interview is perfect to justify your design choice. To use the conversation pit for actual conversation. Which brings you to now, sat across your good friend and favorite interviewer Zane Lowe, your previous and latest album being the topic of conversation. 

“Your previous album was– you know, I mean, it was–” Zane appears to struggle for a word to encapsulate one of the lowest points in your life. Fractured was definitely an emotional album to make and an even sadder one to listen to.  

“Depressing?” you jokingly say. Talking has always been so easy with Zane. He just has this air to him that lets you know he truly just wants to know you. You sit on the couch sideways, facing Zane. Leaning on the back rest with your elbow, head resting on your hand while your other hand fidgets with the tassels on the pillow. 

He laughs, “Well, you were definitely at a low point in your life romantically.” fiddling with his chin, thinking of his next words, “You just– I think you perfectly captured in your songs that sort of loss and tangible grief that comes with letting go of a person- not because there weren’t any love anymore but more because love just wasn’t enough to keep it going.” 

Remembering what had happened– the air felt thinner. Like it was getting harder to breathe. You had to remember that that point of your life was over. You felt such real pain that time, so much so that you struggled to function in your daily life. That void. That ringing emptiness. 

You’re brought back to reality by Zane’s voice, “Could you touch on how that came about?” 

You breathe out a small sigh and with a gentle smile you recall, “Yeah, uhm.. I was in this relationship.. which in hindsight, I’m so lucky to have been in. It taught me so much and truly made me so much more mindful I guess. I mean like, smarter? More conscious definitely of what goes into making a relationship work, and what makes it strong.” 

“But like you said, it ended because as much as we both wanted it to work, as much as we loved each other, it just wasn’t happening. And it was a vicious cycle that was tiring us out. We just knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that.” You pause for a bit, reflecting. 

Flashes of you and Aaron driving home in silence after a dinner at Rossi’s play in your head. You didn’t talk the whole night. Not when you were dressing up. Not in the car ride on the way there. Not when you sat down together. And definitely not when each of you were across the room, busy in separate conversations ignoring the glaringly obvious. 

Looking down at the decorative pillow in your lap, you start, “And I think that in my experience, that’s a lot more painful. I think that break-ups that happen when one hurts the other is somehow better because you get to hold on to I deserve better or like– there’s just thing like anger that drives you to move on.”

You’re taken back to that night. Coming home and feeling the weight of it fall on both your shoulders. You sat for hours in silence, holding each other. Knowing that when the sun rises, he’ll go to work, you’ll go on tour, and your little world will be put to rest. 

“But having that overflowing love for a person who is just not meant for you– I mean how do you tell yourself to let go? How can you even try to convince yourself ? Because people say so often that as long as you love someone there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for them and that’s true. I’ve been there, and even everything wasn’t enough. And that was something we really struggled with.” 

“Just admitting that we had to love each other from afar before we turned into strangers together.” 

It just didn’t make sense. The love you had for each other was real. It was deep and true, and neither of you had any doubt of what you meant to each other. There was no question of loyalty or trust. 

But the traveling, the conflict in schedules, the missed calls and messages left on read. You just became both so busy, you were worlds apart. It even reached the point that you haven’t talked for days and neither of you noticed. Or minded. You thought of each other, yeah. But there wasn’t that urge to reach out anymore. There was just… longing. 

–

“Which brings us to now. Your latest album Leftover Love– it’s a lot more hopeful isn’t it? I mean I’d even go as far as saying that it’s about falling in love all over again.” Zane sips on the tea you made him. Leaning over the makeshift coffee table to add more milk in there. 

You straighten a little. Mood instantly lifting at the mention of your favorite album to date. Images of the inspiration behind the album filling your head. 

Zane puts down his tea to gesture generously, “And hearing it live, you could just feel it in the crowd– this kind of electricity. And because there’s no other way to put it– your songs in this album feel a lot like jumping and dancing with a partner in a room full of people and everything is just in slow motion. It’s like this sort of alignment or clicking into place, finding that one person that makes those small moments feel so.. big.” 

He put it perfectly into words. You had really hoped to relay through your songs the recent turn of events in your life. People who have supported you and loved you when you were at low points in your life got you through that, and you felt so strongly that they deserved to know and feel even a fraction of the happiness that you’re feeling right now through your new songs. 

“Definitely, I mean I’m so proud to say that these songs, even if they’re a touch fictional or exaggerated or romanticized– they are based on truths, on real things that have happened or are happening in my life.” You’re getting excited. Pulling the sleeves of your sweater to cover your hands until only your fingertips are visible– you place both hands down on the pillow as if bracing yourself for the climax of a rollercoaster ride. 

“The song Blindly for example, it’s about that feeling or like moment of realization that you’re just so crazy in love you’d follow this person anywhere blindly. I love that the sound’s so grunge-y and messy– insane. Because that’s literally how it feels to be in that whirlwind.” 

Zane picks up on your excitement, nodding at your explanation. He relaxes more into his seat and gestures to you, “It’s a good thing you mentioned that because I actually wanted to ask you why that song slows down at the end. I think that was such a unique and beautiful thing to do to the song and it works so well. But I just want to know what made you do that–” You’re biting your lip smiling, so proud that it was recognized as a conscious choice as a musician and artist.

Zane continues, “It goes from crazy drums and guitar, and the bass– then slows down into this almost hypnotic music box sound that transitions by the end into just this beat like a pulse.” 

Your smile grows bigger which Zane mirrors, “I’m so happy you picked up on that. I have to say that’s actually one of the songs I’m most proud of because it’s one of the first songs that I was heavily involved in the engineering of the sound.”

“But yeah I guess ultimately I just wanted it to mimic that transition from being in crazy love, tornado-esque to it literally settling into this beautifully calm and serene kind of love.” 

Zane listens intently, nodding and humming in agreement and knowing. Finally understanding the point of view from which the sound was created. He has this gentle smile on his face, almost of encouragement knowing you had more to say, 

“Like you go from all these dates and the honeymoon phase, and your heart’s just beating crazy fast all the time and then it turns into that steady murmur of your fridge in the null of the night when you’re baking muffins together in silence.”

You take a deep breath, chewing on the inside of your lip. Hopelessly trying to minimize the smile fighting its way on your face, “It’s just that process of someone becoming your home.” 

-

You're ushering out the last of the production people. Walking alongside Zane who’s the last to step out your front door, you give him a big hug which he returns warmly. 

“I’m so happy you’re happy,” he murmurs into your ear. 

You bury your face into his shoulder and breathe out a laugh, “Thank you.. Really.” 

You separate and smile at each other. Waving goodbye as he walks backwards to his car. You stand by your front door until they pull out of your driveway.

Once you see that your driveway is empty, you turn to your door and see him leaning against the doorframe with a smug, knowing smirk. 

Rolling your eyes playfully as you pass by him into your home, he chuckles. You hear his footsteps behind you and you know he’s following you around while you tidy up the dishes you and Zane used, “Aaron, take out the trash please.” 

This man just listened to you talk about him for hours. With headphones and a monitor set up in the other room– Aaron just got his ego inflated to a size so immeasurable he can’t hide his smile from the strangers beside him controlling lights and volumes. He has got to be humbled.

“Oh so I’m back to Aaron now?” He catches up to you, halting your movements from behind as he takes hold of your arms so you can put down whatever was in them. Then he turns you around by your shoulders so you’re facing him, grinning that smile that makes you go Fuck and then blank in your head.

“And here I was thinking I was home.” Aaron pulls you close, sliding an arm around your waist only to settle on your back as the other holds your hand against his chest, in between you. He starts swaying you both slowly as he buries his nose into the side of your head, humming a familiar tune. 

Kiss me once, then kiss me twice

Then kiss me once again

It's been a long, long time

Haven't felt like this, my dear

Since I can't remember when

It's been a long, long time

You'll never know how many dreams

I've dreamed about you

While he was listening to you go on about how you loved him all throughout your rocky start and even more well into the present– he became overwhelmed with the realization that for once in his life, there was absolutely no doubt in his mind that he is loved. Truly, deeply, and steadily loved. And that filled him with something that nothing and no one could ever define or measure. 

[hyperions-light]

hey I was planning another post today but instead let’s talk about how much I love that there’s not really a ‘good’ ending to the companion plotlines in Veilguard. It reminds me of Leliana and Alistair’s plotlines in DAO in that what you choose says more about the player/protagonist than anything

I just finished Isana Negat a second time, and I did the other ending and I thought it was just as good. Like, yeah, Harding does deserve to be angry! They did fucking get everything taken away from them! It’s so painful and horrific; yes you can, and should, be mad! But also Harding prioritizing her very real love for and compassion towards other people is not wrong. It’s just different! It’s just Rook’s friend/lover asking them for advice, and Rook giving it! You know, like in real life except with huge magical rock giants

And okay I’m never going to kill Illario because I think it would make Luca really sad and he has enough problems, Whoops I misremembered this, I don’t think you can kill Illario actually. I love that for Luca <3 But yk, I’m probably still not going to imprison him. but I can see it! Because the cycle has to end, right? The violence and infighting of the Crows endlessly attacking each other over power is part of what allowed the Antaam to get a foothold in Antiva, because there was like a double agent or something (if I’m remembering right from Tev Nights). Some kind of ending needs to be made to this endless violence. And I suppose it depends on how retributive Rook is, which is a great question to ask of the player (one that is asked repeatedly throughout the game). It’s not like Illario didn’t do anything, you know! He probably deserves punishment. But Rook, as they always can at various points, can be merciful, can choose absolution. Wow no, I’m glad I was wrong I love it more like this.

And oh boy, I LOVED the ending of Emmrich’s quest, don’t even get me started! Like!! I thought it was going to be ‘well obviously we HAVE to save Manfred’, but how Emmrich talks about accepting his death and his sacrifice convinced me! I was like alright man, this is a real choice! I actually did make him a lich last time (made a lot of sense from a Watcher perspective, imo) and not only was the cutscene sick as hell, but the follow-up was so funny and I got some really sad Spite dialogue which fucking wrecked me. It was great— seriously, his plotline is one of my favorites in the whole game.

And Davrin’s! I’ve already expounded at length about how much I like his quest line and how it ties into the Grey Wardens, but I really think both of his options for the griffons are so workable, because you know the Grey Wardens, especially under Antione and Evka, aren’t going to hurt those little guys again! But also the scenes with Eldrin are so endearing, and Davrin’s hope for a brighter future for them is so sweet and genuine. It’s hard to pick! It’s about Rook's perspective!

Neve's I'll admit I don't vibe with as much just because of the like 'trust the authorities' angle, but i haven't tried saving Minrathous yet and I think it would be sooooo involving as a Shadow Dragon especially. Because that's what they're fighting for, right? That better Minrathous where they CAN be sure that if they send the insane cultist lady to prison she’s going to stay there? But there’s always the practical consideration of people’s lives being at stake NOW, of Neve needing her friends safe NOW. And just killing Aelia ensures she will never be an issue again. So I can see both angles for sure

And Taash ;-; oh, Taash. I haven’t posted about them that much yet because they make me very emotional and it’s hard to organize thoughts like that. But I really love their quest, and their struggle to define themselves. And look, I know people wanted the option to tell them they could be both, but like as a person who has lived a similar experience, it really feels sometimes like the world is making you choose. It can feel like you’re not enough of either thing for anyone. And there are parts of your identity that you will have to make a choice on, and I think it’s trying to speak to that. I did the Rivaini one, and it’s like… well, they’re embracing the culture of Rivain, but it’s not like anyone is ever going to look at them and NOT see a Qunari. You can’t get away from that. What you choose to do in response is a real dilemma and I think that if you engage with the text genuinely you can see what Trick was doing. Also, there is a really great dialogue from Rook that I think gives more context to the discussion; they can say that they have been many things, and it’s important to take what works from each experience and make it part of yourself. So I don’t think Taash’s plot is trying to make them throw away any of themselves, just defining priorities. (Sorry, that got long. Feelings, opinions about that one)

And I don’t think Bellara’s is obvious, either, especially with how they involve the Nadas Dirthalen in her personal plot. This is a thing that is really emotionally and culturally significant to her, but at the same time it is part of what hurt her brother and ultimately took him away from her. She’s really preoccupied with not causing harm by her actions; she spends the whole game worried about it! And even though Rook doesn’t see the dangerous elements of the repository, that doesn’t mean they’re not there. The puzzle quest you can find in Arlathan proves that other people besides Cyrian were taken in by Anaris. And also, there’s the plot thread they briefly touched on in the last game which is that the culture the Dalish have built, that they have RIGHT NOW, is not wrong. But it’s also important to remember history, even if it’s unpleasant or could be dangerous, which is another thing you can discuss with Bellara during the game. So there’s no wrong choice! It’s just about Rook and Bellara and what’s important from their perspectives.

Anyway it was super refreshing to have these kinds of choices! It reminds me of the best character choices in DAI and DAO, especially, and I’m so happy they carried those things forward and improved on them.

[nerdishpursuits]

What boggles the mind, is that the Civil Guard doesn’t even have proof that Fina is queer. All they have is the word of a psychopath, whose only “virtue” in the eyes of the law is being a man. Which is all the scarier, given it seems to be the only requirement to accuse a woman and get away with it.

There’s no actual proof to back up his claims of “immoral behavior”. He has nothing. No pictures, no witnesses. All he has is simply that: claims. But, for now, his word seems to be enough to get Fina arrested and upend her and Marta’s lives. And it’s scary how much this kind of misogyny endures, and thrives, today. That men truly believe themselves untouchable and superior by virtue of their gender. That plenty of them still think they are owed relationships and owed sexual relations. That being denied is unacceptable. That refusal requires extensive justification and needs to be punished.

This particular turn of events is clearly going to hurt like hell. Seeing Marta so broken, to the point she falls apart in front of Carmen and Claudia, and seeing Fina so scared for her life, scared for them, is damn painful to watch. I suppose it’s true that since the very beginning, the threat of being jailed, if exposed, has always been their proverbial sword of Damocles. The writers have been leaving breadcrumbs for us since the dawn of Mafin. Time to push through the dark. I find comfort that however agonizing the road, the stars are guiding beacons in the night and the sunrise will vanquish the shadows.

I like to think they’ll approach this with a level head. It’s time to throw the De la Reina name around and crush some bigots under its considerable weight. I want SantiASCO’s skull to be crushed under Marta’s righteous heel. Hell hath no fury!!! And once the shock abates, I’m sure Marta will unleash hell upon his pathetic, narcissistic ass (the more I think about it, the more I suspect there’s a chance he might have murdered his own mother; this kind of man has plenty antecedents, women have little to no value to him, except to be used at his discretion; he must have an Achilles heel that Marta can target to take him down)

As heavy, distressing and triggering as this turn of events is, it’s great drama to watch unfold and everyone on the show is acting their heart out. It’s a treat. History needs to be taught, needs to be remembered. So we don’t trip over the same stone, again and again, so we don’t fall prey to extremism. The consequences are unfathomable otherwise.

And I also like to remember that no matter how bitter the drink from this cup, their story is meant to be one of hope and light. I’ll hold onto that.

I sure as hell look forward to Marta waging war for her woman. War without quarter. And I look forward to Fina standing tall, head held high, ever by her side. They’ll face this as they always have: together, as one.

[notmorbid]

all-night pharmacy.

dialogue prompts from all-night pharmacy by ruth madievsky.

you're so alive, it's scary.

being a person doesn't come naturally for me.

what's the deal with this place?

you are my best and my worst friend.

are we horrible people?

i like the idea of having someone to come home to.

i can't tell if you're being cruel or if you're just dumb.

these aren't the decisions of a well-adjusted person.

the less you know about my life, the better.

everyone here is a liar and a cheat.

you deserve to have a life of your own.

a person can't be held responsible for what they don't know.

all relationships are transactional.

no one should have that much power over you.

it isn't too late to come back.

you're uninvited from my birthday party.

i love you, but you're such a cunt.

who do you think you are?

forced intimacy makes me lightheaded.

i know you're in there. let me in.

jesus. why do you have a knife?

what happened last night?

it was less embarrassing to pretend i didn't care.

maybe i'm not the mothering type.

i wish i could carry some of this pain for you.

i need a break from feeling so much all the time.

sometimes i can't tell if i'm asleep or awake.

whatever's going on, we'll figure it out.

i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm scared all the time.

this is the most i can imagine for myself.

if you're not asking yourself 'am i ruining my life?' at least once a day, you're not living at all.

you act like you're over it, but it's okay if you're not.

all my life, i've felt like a dead animal with its skin still on.

it's a virtue to rid yourself of anything that doesn't serve you.

i've never had a day of rest in my life.

i chase after you like a dog, leaving pieces of myself behind, and every time, you act like that's how it's supposed to be.

you don't take me seriously. i'm not a real person to you.

i can't play house anymore.

never say that name in front of me.

to you, other people are always the problem.

you can't reach a mutual understanding without spilling blood.

want to make fifty bucks?

the only way to really see a person is to lose everything you have in common.

you don't think we'll get caught?

our loyalty is to story, not reality.

just don't do anything that could result in a lawsuit or a tmz article, and you're fine.

i don't have the energy to keep up with your antics.

our most beloved delusion was that lying to each other was a kind of love.

speaking our fears aloud won't save us.

one day, the mask slipped. i haven't been able to wear it since.

i try not to think about my life at all.

a junkie can spot another junkie without a flashlight.

your voice reminds me of wool sweaters.

boundaries? i don't know her.

i'm just sick of doing the same goddamn thing every day.

you are obsessed with a projection that will never love you back.

think of me as a spiritually connected friend.

i know liars. you don't strike me as one.

you have iconically poor judgment.

has anyone ever told you about your past lives?

you're capable of tolerating a lot. frankly, more than you should.

friendship can be a slow burn. you don't have to consume it like a drink at last call.

i'll give you a clue. i work for myself.

you make me want to feel things again.

criticism is still a cousin of attention.

you don't have to pretend to like something just because i made it.

i know you crave being told what to do.

you don't have to settle for being a person things happen to.

you have desires. act on them.

bitch, does this look like an intro to philosophy seminar?

i thought i had quit you.

my favorite. how did you know?

i feel like my organs are cannibalizing each other.

how did i get here? that's not a rhetorical question. i'm actually asking.

i can't tell if i believe it, or if i'm making excuses for myself.

sometimes i wonder if it's healthy how much meaning you see in things.

you're always waiting for the universe to hurt you or to love you. usually in that order.

that's how it was in my family. reading the room was a survival skill.

where will all the animals go in the rapture?

a bunch of fuckups under one roof doesn't constitute a family.

my little saint.

time passes more slowly as a sober person.

you'd better not pull away from me now.

there's a russian proverb that goes, 'so much is ruined by saying it aloud'.

you wear your emotions like a name tag.

your resting face frightens me.

how are you both the most innocent and the most experienced person i've ever met?

i need you to just be here with me.

our dead deserve to see you happy.

i like the idea of being marked by you.

i don't know what i saw, but it was more than i wanted.

i know what i saw.

i can't tell which of the memories are real, if any.

i can't believe you're mine.

nobody warned me how terrifying it is to get what you want.

you're cute when you're freaked out.

sex is supposed to be unsettling.

there are things i need to atone for.

you can't go back like it's nothing.

i won't live in service of my dead's vision for me.

___ was a real person. a murder isn't a metaphor.

count five things you can see. four things you can touch. three things you can hear. two things you can smell. one thing you can taste.

banish one god, and you'll end up worshiping another.

i want to be with you, but i don't want to keep feeling like this.

you know everything about me, but you won't let me know you.

you aren't someone i can keep at a distance.

i've been reading about intergenerational curses.

resisting something isn't the same as not wanting it.

anything you say stays between us.

i can't decide if i like you.

most people only possess a third of the empathy they think they have.

will it get easier?

hope is a tricky thing: losing it is bad, but so is having too much.

i don't want the future to come. i have a bad feeling about it.

in cartoons, you don't start falling until you look down.

why are you here? where have you been?

how did you know i'd come looking for you?

you never asked what i was going through. you didn't want to know.

i didn't have the language for what was happening to me.

you were supposed to protect me.

there's a lot i don't remember. a lot i don't want to remember.

i wouldn't have looked for me, either.

we belong to ourselves now.

you know where i am, and i know where you are. maybe that's enough.

when i'm down, vigilante justice makes me feel better.

survival is provisional.

[roz-ani]

With all due f-ing respect, Jayce, VIKTOR WAS DYING? WHILE YOU WERE PLAYING POLITICS?

Like, what I'm trying to do is understand Jayce's point. I don't have or don't know anyone with terminal illness, so I'm aware of the fact I simply do not fully comprehend it. I get the leg part (although I don't think we've ever seen Viktor actively trying to do anything about it, I believe his character design supports this line somewhat). It's like when people say: "Why have disabled people in a world where magic exists?". And I understand that a terminal illness could be treated the same way, yet there's still something that icks me about this...

Yes, it was admirable that Viktor didn't give up, but he was prompted by fear and desperation to save himself. To help other people as well, sure, to continue his research and create his own legacy, something to leave behind. And this fear mixed with ambition is what corrupted his dream. It was Viktor's life's mission to help others, and it tuned into an obsession. I kinda think that we didn't explore this enough, and that's why I don't fully see it as part of his character. I know it is, but I wish it was fleshed out a bit more. Also, it would've been nice to see Jayce actually looking up to Viktor, not just supporting and appreciating him as his partner.

Viktor was willing to sacrifice so much to fix what he thought was broken, whether it was something about him or other people. Well, from his perspective, he was indeed helping people as the Herald. Like removing the effects of Shimmer? He refused to sacrifice Vander, so his motives were pure. It's just that his powers happened to be corrupted in the end, and his solution was only an illusion.

And maybe that's the point. That there is no way and no need to get rid of some things. That there's no miraculous way to "fix" them, because they don't mean you're broken, they're not weaknesses. So maybe this is the point, that you accept them. That you accept the pain and the struggle Viktor called pointless. But we did see people suffer, there was indeed a great need to help those living in the undercity. So is the conclusion just the fact that hextech was a bad approach? Was Viktor supposed to accept his fate? Were the characters supposed to look for a different solution? If Viktor had approached his fate differently, if he hadn't seen himself as broken, none of this would've happened... But I don't think we've seen enough of Viktor's negative perception of himself to be his main drive.

I don't know. There's something inside me that just doesn't fully agree with all that. I'd have to read about how Arcane handles disabilities, especially when it comes to season 2. I feel like I understand this to a certain point, but then I lose it...

[puppyeared]

is this your card? ♦️♣️♥️♠️ it isnt but you dont wanna hurt his feelings

[lightbulb-warning]

so has anyone figured out WHY there is the Need To Share our Artworks™ or is it just the vibes and our Soul apparently

[faaun]

procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

[wittyworm]

officially in my anarchy era i cant fuckin take this anymore lol

[phagodyke]

yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...

[suffarustuffaru]

Im the rem x otto anon, so just to be clear bc i dont think i was in that ask

Rem is an amazing character and has a key role in the story, her character arc in arc 1 and 2 was amazing. BUT after she falls in love with Subaru, i feel that everything we saw of her gets sorta of erased? Its not the same Rem, and even though she did go through a major cathartic event, i think her character could have taken another direction than of being resumed as Subaru's love interest (when she is not fighting)

I feel tappei wasted some potential, bc i wanted to see her being confident about herself without the Subaru obsession (and we got this on arc 7 and 8 and i loved it)

oh yo hello again!! :o and oohh ok i think i kinda see what you mean? bc i do agree. (also my bad im gonna ramble again aljdflsj but i thought this topic is pretty interesting :o)

ok so. while i know the whole point of rems development in arc 3 is that while she means well, shes ultimately developed an unhealthy devotion to subaru, i still feel like arc 3 rem kind of. narratively speaking, i feel like her arc 2 traits and all her traits pre-subaru get kind of flattened. or ignored?? im not quite sure how to explain this but ill try my best aljdflsd. like ok this is complicated to talk about bc yeah rems arc as it is does serve a purpose, and arc 2 rem was different bc she was operating off of what she knew at the time and she only knew subaru as a stranger and/or enemy at first. her arc 2 to arc 3 development was rem trying to move on from her fixation on ram, but in the process ends up moving that fixation to subaru. but i do wish that tappei emphasized her personhood outside of subaru more EVEN WHILE she was placing her whole life around him. bc thats exactly what tappei does when hes writing otto.

otto as a character is a whole fleshed out person, and if you cut away all the parts that have to do with subaru, otto the character still stands on his own. with rem, the moment you hit arc 3, everything pre-arc 3 kind of. fades away, almost? of course its not that rem cant stand on her own as a character. the rem and ram prequel novel for example takes place from rems pov and shes absolutely fascinating throughout the entire story. but when you look at arc 3 rem and compare her to pre-arc 3 rem, i feel like tappei forgets to still show her outside of subaru. i feel like the narrative needs to call out rem a bit more for her unhealthy behavior bc tappei doesnt hold back when it comes to someone like otto. so where is the equal treatment for rem....??

i do feel like theres smth to be said about the writing being a little more neutral when rems doing smth Unhealthy bc of her subaru obsession. its fascinating. we have to read into it. but also then tappei turns around and takes the time to shit on otto for doing subaru obsession things and also tappei shits on subaru for being obsessive too and its like. tappei ............ what about rem........

roswaal too is another character whos big motivation is devotion for a love interest (yeah ok i know i too am metaphorically crying and vomiting at the idea of calling echidna a love interest for roswaal but that IS how he sees her) but he also stands on his own as a character even if you ignore everything connecting him to echidna. with roswaal and otto you get a good balance of them being Heavily connected to the people theyre respectively devoted to while also being able to stand on their own Narratively. bc i know the whole point of roswaal, otto, rem, etc is that theyre Dependent and Obsessed, but writing wise, they should still be able to take the spotlight when the spotlight is on them even when the person theyre devoted to has nothing to do with it.

and when you have multiple characters whos motivation is being Dependent and Obsessed, the differences are gonna be a bit stark. its a very fine line to walk with characters like this bc you cant have Everything about them revolve around another character. but also thats the point at the same time. its a very Very thin line to walk. subaru himself is also/was a Dependent and Obsessed character and like. well we all know how nuanced subaru is as a character. you could write essays and essays on him alone.

rem though, i feel, gets a little too flattened into the role of subarus love interest, but at the same time i can sort of forgive it for arc 3 bc of the plot beats being one after the other and her general Purpose in the story. but at the same time i really do wish tappei still emphasized WHO SHE IS outside of subaru. bc even while someone like otto is thinking about subaru A Lot (see: the ottos diary shorts, aka the episodes where ALMOST EVERY DAMN SHORT is about subaru), you still get a sense of ottos personality. hes analytical but easily flustered. he does get a little jealous. hes anxious and a bit of a coward. but also hes so brave when it really counts. hes in denial about how much he cares about people sometimes, even when its abundantly clear. hes practical but kind of emotional at the same time?? hes very perceptive. but also he can be a little dumb with perceiving himself and his own feelings bc of the aforementioned Denial and also theres the fact that he doesnt know Why he gets jealous of emilia talking about subaru. but also hes pretty smart with reading other people and their emotions. but at the same time hes a little egocentric at times and overly focuses on himself and forgets things like how other people actually perceive him. but at the same time hes focused on how people see him bc hes a merchant. thats the basis of his job. and also he has anxiety so he does care about that. etc etc.

rem in arc 3 though is like. shes soft sweet protective caring loyal....................... which is nice and all but its definitely a big difference from arc 2 rem and pre-arc 3 rem in general where we see a whole RANGE of different traits, emotions, etc. like even in her relationship with ram theres complexities - theres the envy, theres the kind of "debt" that she owes ram for saving her life, the kind of brief sick burst of joy that ram lost her horn and is now "equal" to rem in status, the guilt from feeling that way, but also is her life even worth Anything if shes not making herself useful, etc etc. and also - yes the softness the loyalty etc etc is part of rem. a crucial part of rem that she shows to her loved ones (ram and subaru) the most. but yeah as you said anon - arc 7 and 8 was really fascinating bc we finally get to see her outside of her fixation on subaru. i mean one example is that we see her act Cold in some parts of arc 2 and the coldness does carry over a bit in some parts of arc 7 (see: rem being mean about natsumi, rem defending herself against subaru bc being an amnesiac she used to just see subaru as Some Guy who was acting a little too chummy with her, etc etc).

but also in general. its nice to see her stand more on her own now. i do wish though that tappei emphasized her more even while she was deep in the subaru obsession, bc tappei has made MULTIPLE characters with similar plot beats to her and they were still very nuanced and complex :o !! not that rem isnt that bc she HAS all this depth and i adore her for that!! but shes definitely a little lacking in a few areas of her writing, imo. i am however interested to see where she goes in arc 8 for sure!!

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I've got puppy fever so bad out of nowhere 😭 can someone let me borrow their dog for a few hours to just like hang out with? I'll take them on a nice walk through a dog park and play with them and only give them slightly too many treats 🙏