#my therapist used to say im quite literally grieving
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#ngl my mental health has been garbage lately#can the ex overachiever ever know peace?#im starting to think the answer is no#years of therapy and nothing has changed#this whole thing is so painful to me the only way i can bring it up irl is through jokes#i don't live in the us we don't have this gifted program stuff here#but i was so brilliant so excellent absolutely perfect#being mediocre now is like having my heart ripped out of my chest every single day#watching people do better than me has me on the verge of losing my mind#i know it has to sound whiny and ridiculous to people who never experienced this#but success was all i ever had#successful was all i ever was#and now i have nothing and i am no one#years of being used by teachers only to end up spat out by the education system#all this pain for nothing#my therapist used to say im quite literally grieving#how long is this supposed to last?#how long until i stop feeling so worthless and miserable?#im so sick of being like this but nothing ever changes#ill probably delete this later but i needed to vent first
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