#all this pain for nothing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chemblrish · 1 year ago

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#ngl my mental health has been garbage lately #can the ex overachiever ever know peace?#im starting to think the answer is no #years of therapy and nothing has changed #this whole thing is so painful to me the only way i can bring it up irl is through jokes #i don't live in the us we don't have this gifted program stuff here #but i was so brilliant so excellent absolutely perfect #being mediocre now is like having my heart ripped out of my chest every single day #watching people do better than me has me on the verge of losing my mind #i know it has to sound whiny and ridiculous to people who never experienced this #but success was all i ever had #successful was all i ever was #and now i have nothing and i am no one #years of being used by teachers only to end up spat out by the education system #all this pain for nothing #my therapist used to say im quite literally grieving #how long is this supposed to last?#how long until i stop feeling so worthless and miserable?#im so sick of being like this but nothing ever changes #ill probably delete this later but i needed to vent first

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aslyran · 11 months ago

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Visions

#i have so much love for botw link #he remembers nothing but the weight of the sword #he is willing to take in incredible amounts of pain and responsibility just to understand himself and his previous life a bit better #its not as if he’s not responsible and courageous #but this iteration of link has lost so much-even before the game it seems taking his destiny has made him quiet #dunno remember who was it who wrote #‘the sword became a needle snd with the thread of destiny; it sew his lips’#but apart from the desesperation of looking for a trace of himself in all things #he is also guilty and scared of what his past holds #anyways i should write a fanfic not pour this into tags #botw #breath of the wild #link #legend of zelda #master sword #animation #procreate dreams #link botw

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arcanegifs · 1 year ago

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ARCANE LEAGUE OF LEGENDS: Season 1 ↳ "Is there anything so undoing as a daughter?"

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cheesy-cheddar-sadness · 8 days ago

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text could never portray the scream i wish i could let out

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hinamie · 4 months ago

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all i have left

#my art #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #itafushi #fanart #jjk fanart #fushiguro megumi #itadori yuuji #yuuji #megumi #hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst #u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much #theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright #had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane #miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly #i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant #but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c #gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 15 days ago

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Burning Rotten Bridges

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #mianmian #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #JGY is nothing but outwardly calm and carrying on his duties as the chair for the meeting #but in that small pause after Nie Mingjue commemorates Mianmian for leaving...you can feel the tension.#Because Nie Mingjue comes from a place of privilege. He's always been in a position where his legitimacy and political standing-#-were never challenged. He didn't have to fight for respect. He was born into this world respected.#For people like Mianmian and JGY who clawed their way up from the bottom...this is a huge deal.#Truth be told I have a lot of things to say about what it means and feels to be in a position where leaving is messy.#There are times where the situation is bad but to leave means that those years of your life will have been for nothing.#That all the other suffering incurred will be fruitless. So you just *keep going*. Because it *has* to be worth it.#Because going back to what you were before is even more terrifying than the hell you are boiling in.#My concrete example for this is post-grad academia.#Because that cohort will have spent over a decade pursuing a goal and leaving means...well...it means throwing away those years.#It means losing (likely nearly all) your connections. It means going into debt you'll never pay off.#It means putting up with some pretty heinous abuse from your supervisor because what are you suppose to do? Leave?#Leaving is for those with the privilege to have options.#And even if you do have options...#Ultimately we would rather love the pain we know than risk the unknown. Hoping it's worth it one day.#With that mindset established; never say JGY should have just left like Mianmian. He couldn't. This was what he dedicated his life to.#He never had the option. Even if it seemed like he did - no he did not. He never conceived this ending ever happening for himself.

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egophiliac · 1 year ago

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swipes everything else off of the table to yell about diasomnia flower bookmarks

(I gave Silver one too :D)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #white rabbit festival #me: oh boy i wonder what excitement will happen in this new part #characters: now it is time to buy souvenirs :)#me: oh god #jk jk even when the filler is kind of painful i do enjoy the little character moments #like everyone screaming as loud as they can into silver's watch #deuce busting out his suzy izzard impression #SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!#and of course silver assigning flowers to the other dias and getting all sappy over lilia. god. delicious.#you don't understand this ten second long scene is everything to me #though we all know the real highlight #the knowledge that 1) deuce used to have an extremely silly edgy badass nickname #2) he almost certainly gave it to himself #3) he harassed epel's extended family to the point that they told horror stories about him and he was briefly epel's personal idol #epel: i heard he once killed three men with but a look #deuce: what no i never...i mean...ha ha sounds weird nothing a model student like me would know about #also deuce: if you fuckers don't apologize to my mom right now i'll fucking kill all of you (sees dilla) uhhh i mean #deuce: i challenge you to a children's game #black bunnies leader: (strapping on his duel disk) i accept #meanwhile silver is running full speed at a group of children screaming to them about donuts #we aren't going to talk about what ortho did with that fantasy-gregg's sausage roll #so glad that we've reached the 'what the heck is even happening' portion of the event #anyway i completely screwed up the resolution of these so here's hoping they don't look terrible!#whoops!

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benevolenterrancy · 1 month ago

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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)

#svsss #bingqiu #luo binghe #shen qingqiu #lbh #sqq #i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss #the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently #and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything #it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg #as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it #everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person #each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it #at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same #and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical #because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING #aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying #but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line #anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series #i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix #i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship #bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once #bizarre #my art

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stark-lord · 4 months ago

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Constantly plagued with thoughts of Edwin now knowing he enjoys being courted and Charles (compulsive charmer) with a whole new arsenal up his sleeve (laser focus on Monty’s whole deal)

“I mean, my smile is prett-y convincing” yeah yeah okay I can see where this is heading. Outlook not so good (for me)

#and the thing is #Charles wouldn’t even be actively or intentionally doing it to woo Edwin. that’s not on his radar what’s he need to do that for.#he’s just Like That #an artist perfecting his art form you could say #Edwin knows! obviously. which is even more satisfying bc #he gets to be on the receiving end of All That AND he gets to be a massive bitch about it #the scathing commentary is directly proportional to how pleased he is #which CHARLES knows #Charles said nothing would change!!! and nothing has they’re still /them/#maybe he’s even working on figuring the rest out. that’s not important.#someone fucking put me down already I am constantly so pained #dead boy detectives #Charles Rowland #Edwin Payne #dbda #don’t think I’ve ever used a ship tag on a post before but hey #payneland #I say hi

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unmaskingdisability · 7 months ago

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Cars are a form of mobility aid! Your solarpunk future has to include space for people who still need cars.

Who need to arrive to a parking spot right outside the building ,and not have an alternative of walking a mile if that One Spot is full. Who need safe places to decompress or change medical equipment, who are immunocompromised and risk major health complications from the wrong crowded bus. Who get so overstimulated/in pain/exhausted walking around town that they can't attend the actual event otherwise. Who need space for their medical equipment/backup mobility aids/service dog.

We absolutely need a world where Public transit and walkable cities are the default! And!! There has to be room for disabled people and our needs in your revolution!

#cpunk #cripplepunk #chronic pain #fatigue #disability #solarpunk #so sick of all or nothing no nuance posts disparaging cars or framing them as isolating from the community #without any retrospection on what they enable disabled people to access just like any mobility aid #dont forget about us because every level of the current system already fucking did

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gummi-ships · 2 years ago

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I just realized that Riku's hand visibly shakes when he tenses his fingers and wrist during his idle animation.

#kingdom hearts 2 #kh2 #riku #video #i always feel bad for him when i see how he keeps his thumb hooked in his pocket as he walks. how he doesn't walk comfortably #it's clear he sustained a pretty nasty injury from roxas but #it's pretty alarming to see a kh character suffer from an ACTUAL injury yknow?#sora gets beat up left and right but it's nothing a little potion can't fix #it's not like jumping down from a building will break his legs or being stomped on by a huge heartless causes any lasting damage #video game characters can brush all that off and keep going #but i look at riku and i want to take him to the hospital #even more now that i see that he's in visible pain when he has to fight #also ignore the sounds of goofy in the background lol

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fishyfishyfishtimes · 2 months ago

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Sometimes I feel like celiac disease doesn't actually count as a disability since it's so easy and stress free compared to deadly allergies, but then I remember that I have to meticulously plan every trip I go to and play 4D chess with uni campus restaurant menus and for a brief moment there was genuine consideration if I should be put on growth hormones because I was so small from not getting enough nutrients

#...but then again its so easy. its no deadly nut allergy or diabetes #but then again i cant go to some countries?????#but then again i dont even have to take like medication and im not in pain constantly #but then again i was so pale and small before they found my celiac. there was no growth in my body and i shouldve been taller #but i wont DIE if i ingest gluten #but i would have a landslide's amount of other symptoms if i did ingest gluten regularly to this day #but its really just a stomach ache its nothing #but the food is more expensive and that really adds up in the long run when theres no welfare for celiac from the government #but its so accessible nowadays its like theres no issue at all #but... i have been told people feel sorry for me #but its so easy! it doesnt really count.#not fish #complicated thoughts about a lifelong autoimmune disorder is all

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the-muppet-joker · 12 hours ago

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my lord, how do you feel about Disney removing the Muppet Courtyard and Muppet Vision 3D movie experience at Disney? They’re replacing with with Monster’s Inc. :/

HA HA GOOD JOKE !!!!!! GOOD JOKE EVERYONE!!!!! FUNS OVER NOW WE CAN STOP PRETENDING!!!!!!

#this cannot be fucking real #I am actually devestated #Am I going to cry about this for real #Fuck everything good and pure in the world is murdered by corporate greed and it never ends #cant i have a little joy and light anymore #is it all just pain until i die #is nothing sacred

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s0fter-sin · 8 months ago

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something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line

“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”

“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"

but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.

he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.

his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.

ghost doesn't let him.

"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."

soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.

he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."

the ice in soap's eyes fractures.

ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.

“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”

#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him #but the intensity and intimacy of saying ��you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’#after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister #but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him #hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that #so he has to balance it #and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory #if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all #reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders #and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead #only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface #he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity #instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order #and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back #and help him through the after #the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order #it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost #and its his touch that brings him back to the man #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #cod #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost x soap #ghoap #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod #save post

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nonasbirthday · 2 years ago

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G1deon was really left to fight a whole resurrection beast on his own because everyone else decided to have their Real Housewives of the Mithraeum moment right then

#i get sad if i think too hard about it #i think about pyrrha crying that he died for nothing #he was expendable when the nukes went off and he was expendable when they were all trying to not get eaten #john TOOK his ARM bc he could and he knew G- wouldn't ask questions #this guy is your best friend???#exhibit A that loyalty to John gets you nothing but pain. looking at you IANTHE #the locked tomb #harrow the ninth #gideon the first #harrow the ninth spoilers #nonasbirthday

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spiritoast · 15 days ago

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my favorite coming-of-age teen sitcom

#soup art #professor layton #hershel layton #randall ascot #angela ledore #all of these were drawn out before i crunched out chapter 6 at like. 3am. pained smile.#what if they were all friends. and all happy . what if they were buddies . and everything was ok. you ever consider that?#ive been told nothing else about the road ahead aside from 'it gets worse before it gets better'. so im absolutely jazzed lads #i dont even know how it COULD get worse. but we ball ig !!!!!!!!!!#ok enough rambling . shoutout to the last doodle for teaching me how to properly paint again #had a LOT of fun rendering that background :]

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