#house md headcanon

[lanawinterscigarettes]

do you guys think house would read hilson fanfiction and then critique the authors on it. because I do

[realbeefman]

allison “did you ever love me?” “i don’t know!” cameron i diagnose you with being more in love with the idea of being married than with your actual husband

[tumblasha]

house being extremely pro-mask and pro-respirator

yes bc he’s a doctor

but absolutely bc he loves avoiding all the patients he passes by in the hallway

[michaelealys]

house would so pull the "salt and pepper diner" thing and no one can prove me otherwise

[housetzuyu]

this picture is cracking me up so bad house looks like a recently divorced dad who's spending the weekend with his son and decided to take him to the amusement park

[househrt]

house in 2024

House installs 24/7 tracking apps on Wilson's phone. In return, Wilson books Ubers to take his phone and drive to various nefarious locations, sit there for half an hour, then come back home

Similarly, Wilson gets a smartwatch that monitors his heart rate. House gets updates sent to his phone and calls Wilson whenever his heart rate increases by more than 20 bpm to try and interrupt him jerking off

Kutner writes fanfic and replies to almost every comment he gets. His author's notes are full of things like "sorry this chapter is late, I accidentally gave myself a concussion trying to save a patient's life"

House posts on the Am I The Asshole subreddit but gets annoyed at everything thinking he's the asshole so he immediately deletes his account and pretends it never existed

Cuddy spends an hour of her day responding to the hospital's negative google reviews about "that rude doctor with the cane"

A young patient of Wilson's convinces him to be in a TikTok they're making, and he doesn't really know what that is but he agrees and ends up going semi-viral

Chase is secretly seething with jealousy over Wilson's accidental TikTok success, because Chase has been making thirst-trap videos in his scrubs for months with barely any views (it's because he's trying way too hard)

Thirteen gets really into Drag Race/the local drag scene and accidentally introduces House to gay slang, which he instantly adopts

[housethemd]

Do you ever stop and think about all the ridiculous and kinda hilarious things that sound like headcanons but are actually are canon in House MD? Like,

• Wilson is canonically fantastic in bed

• House was canonically a cheerleader in college

• Wilson canonically gets whiskey dick

• House canonically attends a festival every year where he makes a spud gun

Just to name a few. Feel free to reblog and add because House MD truly has one of the most entertaining canons.

[sustiawan-author]

I think the silliest aspect about House's character is that he IS capable of empathy, and love, and affection — he's just so particular about who to express it towards that it seems like he's incapable of sentimentality. Like, he does feel things deeply; that's the complexity of his character. He knows he can, so he doesn't. He's saving himself from emotional ruin prior to it happening.

[peacockrulz]

An Well Made Excuse To Post My Specific Headcanons I've Had Since The Show Came Out

[thechy-fychannel]

I saw a few other blogs doing this so I thought I'd share my input on what I think would happen in the House MD universe in 2024:

the constant jokes abt house and wilson's relationship turns into the fellows jokingly writing fanfic abt their boss and his boy best friend. somewhere along the way they all get very serious abt the quality of it and it turns into a Whole Thing, a 150k+ novel that they vow to take to their graves.

house discovers the fic by accident and sends it to wilson. wilson discovers things abt himself and then he and house discover each other shortly thereafter.

house purposefully posts the fic online and credits the fellows by their entire full names so it embarrasses them more than house and wilson. It's never spoken abt again but it gets way more online attention than any of them expected.

wilson doesn't get how the Cloud works and accidentally uploads his and house's nudes to the google nest hub on his desk. He doesn't notice it until one of his sweet little old lady cancer patients points it out to him during their appointment. He throws the google nest hub into his trash can until he can figure out how to get the naked pictures off of it.

house has an alexa and abuses the hell out of it. sometimes ppl hear him screaming at someone in his office, only to walk in and find a robotic voice replying with "sorry, I didn't get that" and house throws it off the balcony.

wilson gets addicted to online shopping. house has to stage an intervention bc they do not have enough room in their closet for another pair of prada loafers and their kitchen is full of shitty gadgets that wilson bought off temu or something.

some right wing social media influencer comes in with a mysterious illness and ends up getting castrated as part of the solution. 13 personally does the procedure herself and house watches like a proud dad.

a patient reveals chase's grindr by shoving his phone at him and asking "is this you?" abt the headless profile with the ripped abs that says Dr. Feel Good, 0 feet away, in front of the rest of the team.

foreman finds the team doing tiktok dances bc house told them to learn it in order to understand their 15 yr old patient better.

chase medically murders mitch mcconnel and the entire hospital celebrates ding dong the witch is dead style.

there's a whole episode where house faces his transphobia bc of a trans patient that he connects with. the patient tells him to fuck off and go face his own problems instead of pretending to make it right by being nice to one trans person. And house does, even if he's not perfect, he really tries to do better.

13 gets her medical marijuana card and accidentally becomes the team's plug. her main customer is wilson who still supplies it to certain terminal patients. She hears "hey, can I hit your pen?" at least four times a day.

foreman buys a tesla and it blows up in the parking lot. they spend the entire episode trying to figure out who tried to kill foreman, but it turns out that teslas just do that sometimes.

there's an episode where house finds out that netflix is removing his favorite obscure tv show that ran for 2 seasons in 2002 and wilson recruits the team to hunt down a dvd copy of it without house finding out. they somehow manage to find one and spend a ridiculous amount of money on it, only to open the dvd case and find a copy of the porno wilson starred in that one time instead of the dvd of the show. park saves the day at the last minute by finding a copy of it in a box of dvds in her parents house.

[blue-boulder]

house md in 2020s headcanons

keep seeing people make these and i thought it was silly, so here’s my contributions:

- house finds wilson’s account on grindr and decides to catfish him. once the jig is up they silently decide to never acknowledge this again

- comphet cameron. nonnegotiable

- foreman has and posts somewhat frequently on instagram threads. nobody finds out because nobody else has threads

- before working at princeton-plainsboro taub specialized in BBLs

- house livestreams DDXs to put more pressure on the ducklings when he feels as though they’re underperforming. he has a decent amount of followers on twitch

- also i’m not sure how hospitals ran during the pandemic but i think at least one DDX during covid was conducted through among us. don’t ask me the logistics of that

- a few of chase’s old musical.ly videos resurface and he gets bullied for it relentlessly

- thirteen was one of the first people to reblog the weed smoking girlfriends post

- house and wilson watch love is blind, the ultimatum, love island, etc etc when skipping clinic duty & place bets on which couples are going to last and which aren’t

- despite dating at the time cuddy went to see oppenheimer and lucas went to see the barbie movie. at the same time in different theatres

- house makes a joke about someone having blue hair and pronouns. also that one post about how he spends two hours researching every pronoun in existence just to use the wrong one on someone would be real

- wilson listens to either broadway soundtracks on his way to work or hozier, no in between. he uses spotify but refuses to look at his wrapped out of fear

[lanawinterscigarettes]

To me Cameron reads like someone who's aromantic but not asexual, so she kind of forces herself into having romantic feelings for other people (like Chase) because you can't have one without the other, right? Wrong

Plus she's so sensitive and emotionally vulnerable as someone who constantly wears her heart on her sleeve, she probably mistakes the genuine platonic affection and care she has for other people as romantic feelings

That, or she's a lesbian with an extremely serious case of comphet. (Or both.) In this essay I will-

[realbeefman]

my new headcanon for why chase is Like That about house is that back when chase was first hired, before cameron and foreman joined the team, house decided to pavlov his fellows. and for every correct diagnosis a fellow received a tasty little treat. and chase was INTENSELY susceptible to this and house stopped doing it eventually because it became very boring. but chase still subconsciously hopes that one day house will give him a tasty little treat if he just comes up with a diagnosis brilliant enough to earn house’s approval

[tendergore]

the house md fandom does not take nearly enough advantage of honest-to-god canon:

chase's god given praise kink

daddy issues

and seeing house as a father figure

is so extremely obedient

???? he looks like that

house cannot stop calling him fuckable using other words

8.

9. that one thing with that dominatrix that one time.

anyways ao3 is lacking

[cuntyvicodin]

being married to james wilson headcanons

(james wilson x gn!reader)

you get divorced

[unaballerinascalza]

House, M.D. in 2024 headcanons

Pt. 1

House takes birdwatching seriously, although in amateur mode, equipped with binoculars, dad shorts and a wilson holding snacks bait for bird pics

Wilson is a Temu victim

House, in one way or another, verbally defeats Jake Paul

Cam and Thirteen get caught in Janitor's Closet™ 2.0 but in a very cute way where they're just standing there and kissing each other's noses. House makes gagging sounds after said discovery

Foreman has beef with [a dislike towards] peas since 5th grade

No one from the team can keep plants alive except for maybe Wilson (cue to 30 aloe vera types in his balcony or something)*. House, in theory, would be able to, but he would rather rot than have a healthy hobby

Chase genuinely considers creating his own shampoo brand

House and Kutner competitively play NYT Connections

Thirteen outlifts Foreman at the gym. She is smug. He is vexed.

Taub reads 50 shades of grey multiple times every year

Cameron almost got into a stevia pill selling pyramid scheme

Foreman is an android boi but with the rage of an average apple user

Cuddy has stolen House's whiteboard marker at least twice just to fuck with him

Thirteen sent House all 0.5x pics of Foreman after their breakup

Kutner has blown up the microwave in the break room

*we love a 420 joke

Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4