#house md headcanon

[lanawinterscigarettes]

do you guys think house would read hilson fanfiction and then critique the authors on it. because I do

[realbeefman]

my new headcanon for why chase is Like That about house is that back when chase was first hired, before cameron and foreman joined the team, house decided to pavlov his fellows. and for every correct diagnosis a fellow received a tasty little treat. and chase was INTENSELY susceptible to this and house stopped doing it eventually because it became very boring. but chase still subconsciously hopes that one day house will give him a tasty little treat if he just comes up with a diagnosis brilliant enough to earn house’s approval

[tumblasha]

house being extremely pro-mask and pro-respirator

yes bc he’s a doctor

but absolutely bc he loves avoiding all the patients he passes by in the hallway

[michaelealys]

house would so pull the "salt and pepper diner" thing and no one can prove me otherwise

[counterfeit-stars]

Hilson headcanon: Wilson loves rom-coms. Because of course he does.

And House secretly does too, but not even Wilson knows that bcos House will complain when Wilson puts them on, but he’ll secretly gladly curl up with him on the couch and watch with him

[housetzuyu]

this picture is cracking me up so bad house looks like a recently divorced dad who's spending the weekend with his son and decided to take him to the amusement park

[househrt]

house in 2024

House installs 24/7 tracking apps on Wilson's phone. In return, Wilson books Ubers to take his phone and drive to various nefarious locations, sit there for half an hour, then come back home

Similarly, Wilson gets a smartwatch that monitors his heart rate. House gets updates sent to his phone and calls Wilson whenever his heart rate increases by more than 20 bpm to try and interrupt him jerking off

Kutner writes fanfic and replies to almost every comment he gets. His author's notes are full of things like "sorry this chapter is late, I accidentally gave myself a concussion trying to save a patient's life"

House posts on the Am I The Asshole subreddit but gets annoyed at everything thinking he's the asshole so he immediately deletes his account and pretends it never existed

Cuddy spends an hour of her day responding to the hospital's negative google reviews about "that rude doctor with the cane"

A young patient of Wilson's convinces him to be in a TikTok they're making, and he doesn't really know what that is but he agrees and ends up going semi-viral

Chase is secretly seething with jealousy over Wilson's accidental TikTok success, because Chase has been making thirst-trap videos in his scrubs for months with barely any views (it's because he's trying way too hard)

Thirteen gets really into Drag Race/the local drag scene and accidentally introduces House to gay slang, which he instantly adopts

[housethemd]

Do you ever stop and think about all the ridiculous and kinda hilarious things that sound like headcanons but are actually are canon in House MD? Like,

• Wilson is canonically fantastic in bed

• House was canonically a cheerleader in college

• Wilson canonically gets whiskey dick

• House canonically attends a festival every year where he makes a spud gun

Just to name a few. Feel free to reblog and add because House MD truly has one of the most entertaining canons.

[blue-boulder]

house md in 2020s headcanons

keep seeing people make these and i thought it was silly, so here’s my contributions:

- house finds wilson’s account on grindr and decides to catfish him. once the jig is up they silently decide to never acknowledge this again

- comphet cameron. nonnegotiable

- foreman has and posts somewhat frequently on instagram threads. nobody finds out because nobody else has threads

- before working at princeton-plainsboro taub specialized in BBLs

- house livestreams DDXs to put more pressure on the ducklings when he feels as though they’re underperforming. he has a decent amount of followers on twitch

- also i’m not sure how hospitals ran during the pandemic but i think at least one DDX during covid was conducted through among us. don’t ask me the logistics of that

- a few of chase’s old musical.ly videos resurface and he gets bullied for it relentlessly

- thirteen was one of the first people to reblog the weed smoking girlfriends post

- house and wilson watch love is blind, the ultimatum, love island, etc etc when skipping clinic duty & place bets on which couples are going to last and which aren’t

- despite dating at the time cuddy went to see oppenheimer and lucas went to see the barbie movie. at the same time in different theatres

- house makes a joke about someone having blue hair and pronouns. also that one post about how he spends two hours researching every pronoun in existence just to use the wrong one on someone would be real

- wilson listens to either broadway soundtracks on his way to work or hozier, no in between. he uses spotify but refuses to look at his wrapped out of fear

[peacockrulz]

An Well Made Excuse To Post My Specific Headcanons I've Had Since The Show Came Out

[tendergore]

the house md fandom does not take nearly enough advantage of honest-to-god canon:

chase's god given praise kink

daddy issues

and seeing house as a father figure

is so extremely obedient

???? he looks like that

house cannot stop calling him fuckable using other words

8.

9. that one thing with that dominatrix that one time.

anyways ao3 is lacking

[lanawinterscigarettes]

To me Cameron reads like someone who's aromantic but not asexual, so she kind of forces herself into having romantic feelings for other people (like Chase) because you can't have one without the other, right? Wrong

Plus she's so sensitive and emotionally vulnerable as someone who constantly wears her heart on her sleeve, she probably mistakes the genuine platonic affection and care she has for other people as romantic feelings

That, or she's a lesbian with an extremely serious case of comphet. (Or both.) In this essay I will-

[realbeefman]

allison “did you ever love me?” “i don’t know!” cameron i diagnose you with being more in love with the idea of being married than with your actual husband

[cuntyvicodin]

being married to james wilson headcanons

(james wilson x gn!reader)

you get divorced

[unaballerinascalza]

House, M.D. in 2024 headcanons

Pt. 1

House takes birdwatching seriously, although in amateur mode, equipped with binoculars, dad shorts and a wilson holding snacks bait for bird pics

Wilson is a Temu victim

House, in one way or another, verbally defeats Jake Paul

Cam and Thirteen get caught in Janitor's Closet™ 2.0 but in a very cute way where they're just standing there and kissing each other's noses. House makes gagging sounds after said discovery

Foreman has beef with [a dislike towards] peas since 5th grade

No one from the team can keep plants alive except for maybe Wilson (cue to 30 aloe vera types in his balcony or something)*. House, in theory, would be able to, but he would rather rot than have a healthy hobby

Chase genuinely considers creating his own shampoo brand

House and Kutner competitively play NYT Connections

Thirteen outlifts Foreman at the gym. She is smug. He is vexed.

Taub reads 50 shades of grey multiple times every year

Cameron almost got into a stevia pill selling pyramid scheme

Foreman is an android boi but with the rage of an average apple user

Cuddy has stolen House's whiteboard marker at least twice just to fuck with him

Thirteen sent House all 0.5x pics of Foreman after their breakup

Kutner has blown up the microwave in the break room

*we love a 420 joke

Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4

[babygirlhouse]

house md 2024 headcanons 🫡

hi loves!! jumping on this trend :^) i don't think any of these make sense but they made me laugh soooo here u go

House has a very bad pain day and (when pushed) says that he strained the muscle while riding his bike. Obviously nobody believes him, so the ducklings + Wilson spend the day trying to figure out what he did and end up finding security footage of him attempting to hit the griddy in the morgue 

Kutner has a very generic inspirational quotes tumblr blog (he’s so proud of it) and House finds it and just starts dropping quotes from it in DDXs to mess with him & then acting all innocent 

Thirteen has a secret thirst trap tiktok acc that doesn’t explicitly show her face but has her lab coat & maybe stethoscope. When Chase suggests that it’s her she doesn’t confirm or deny it and just keeps winking. Cameron definitely follows the account after this. Thirteen pretends not to realise.

Wilson takes a uquiz to find out what sort of cheese he is and is devastated when it says he’s cheddar. He then has an identity crisis because he thinks he’s too bland and tries to reinvent his aesthetic, leading to one infected eyebrow piercing and a tramp stamp that’s never mentioned again. Potential there for a sappy scene where House tells him he's anything but bland.

Cuddy starts a momblog style podcast. House sends anonymous hate. Taub guest stars. 

I think Taub would get deeply into ASMR. Like it’d start with him finding and playing a video of ASMR triggers for his daughters, then he tries it himself to see if that calms them down even more, etc etc. He starts a youtube channel and it blows up. He gets recognised by patients at the hospital. It goes to his head just a little. He unironically uses the term 'ASMRtist'

A cosplayer has a mysterious illness and the team has to go to a convention to test for environmental factors. Chase is apprehensive but House forces him to go. He’s quickly recognised at the convention and it turns out that he has a cosplay instagram account and they get stopped every 10 mins to take pictures. No one lets him live it down 

Thirteen and Cameron kiss & fall in love & babysit Taub's kids. House makes relentless jokes but is quietly very fond of them and their relationship. Pls i need this

Foreman has a twitter/X account where he posts a combination of work out tips/inspirational quotes (not as sweet as Kutner's blog, more grindset vibes yknow) but he gets mixed up in a pyramid scheme for protein powders and gets cancelled. Also potential for a sappy scene here where Foreman says he admires Kutner for not letting House's teasing about his blog get to him. They're besties now and make each other better.

Cuddy forces all of them to go on a wellness retreat. House and Wilson make a bet to see who can go the longest without speaking. It's not even a silent retreat, they're just like that. Also someone convinces Chase that the utility shed on the retreat is haunted.

The wellness retreat no speaking bet also def has potential for gay chicken. Like Wilson kisses House to see if that will get him to lose the bet. By the next morning neither of them know or care who lost the bet, they leave their room looking Extremely disheveled and return to the hospital very much together. Cuddy is not at all surprised. She planned this. Each of the ducklings hand her $100.

PPTH minecraft server. yeah