#his suffering by my hands knows no end
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merry crimble (≧▽≦)
#Yes i am aware of the current time of year#no im not waiting til december to upload this#enjoy more of vidcund suffering#his suffering by my hands knows no end#sims 2#ts2 townies#strangetown#vidcund curious#lazlo curious#pascal curious#shitpost#ts2#simblr
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need to exist in your warmth (id in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#blood tw#ruporas art#love u when i get to cuddle u and love u when i get to feel ur blood soak into my hands#being this close to one another means the eternal suffering of trying to separate love and mission. love for one and love for humanity#i like to think of pre-vol8 vash as someone who struggles with his feelings for ww bc as equal and as trusted he is -#vash knows his responsibilities and he knows/expects ww wouldn't let him stray from it either. for that he can't take to any romantic incli#and i think itd make him view ww in a stricter non-personal way... If that makes ANY sense.#for ww - take someone who youv gotten close to and ended up liking more than you expected#someone who has a belief and follows it stubbornly - someone who'll get into more fights and trouble more than youv had your entire life#ww thinks of him as a monster but he knows theres a limit he himself can take - i feel like hes considered what might be the limit for vash#for Safety measures. just in case. yknow. whenever he himself might have to load the bullet < him hyping himself up as if he could do it#my point being that the thought of vash being dead crosses his mind more than he'd like. i think its a simultaneous dread drop in his stoma#for failure of the mission - but also an Ok? They can be killed? and also a disastrous gunning of his own heart. considering how much they#both live in their own heads some days are Just the worst ever for them in each others company. but also they lov each other :[ sooo much
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The Crown Prince
#my art#Yes this is meant to parallel the Reiju piece and I will be drawing Yonji and Niji next.#those are judge's hands in case it wasn't clear but hopefully the hair does that?#Anyways to chatter about this a little#I just like that the trio are trapped within bodies that are forced to comply to Judge and have no desire to do otherwise#No mind to think. No will to break. No voice to cry suffering.#but it also raises the question what will happen to them when he dies and Ichiji becomes King (presumably)#they've been so sculpted to follow his every word how far can they make it without an outside force commanding them.#could they have been “saved” if they had Sora's exterior voice commanding them to do good? But to what extent does that qualify as good#since it's arguable if they would ever be truly choosing it for themselves#Anyways the Vinsmokes are NOT okay and I hope that gets explored more#I love characters whose moral code begins and ends with “It is my purpose” so I don't like to think they're inherently bad entities#I like to think they're inherently hollow vessels filled with intentions of another person#because that opens a far more interesting conversation about selfhood and accountability.#Very fond of fanfictions where they don't need to gain emotions to learn error#Also fond of fanfictions where Ichiji kisses men. If you've made it this far maybe recommend me one.#I have more cohesive thoughts on this but it's almost midnight ask me if you want to know more I promise I'm usually very articulate#if I'm missing something I haven't actually gotten to them in the story yet.#one piece#one piece fanart#ichiji vinsmoke#germa 66#vinsmoke ichiji
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crying and sobbing i was supposed to draw doodles of my ocs but instead all there is is Siffrin
they're so shaped i have to draw them
also
100% :)
#isat#in stars and time#siffrin#my art#doodles#the brothers doodle was two sifs staring into the void and i just put them together#i realized afterwards it could be sif and loop after the shiny mf materializes again as another siffrin#they do not know how that happened or what that means#fun time for everyone involved#this screenshot is already two weeks old#i started a new playthrough because of course#and it is quite funny#on my first playthrough at 23 hours i had 23 loops in act 3#on my second one i had 145 loops at 19 hours in act 4#NOW at the end of act 4 i am going through the house one last time for fun i have 198 loops at 26 hours#the little mf knows that banana peel and dagger better than the back of his hand#my og playthrough ended at 89 loops#and even after i came back to act 4 to get everything i could at that point i got only to 130 loops#what i'm saying is that#my second playthrough siffrin the moment he learnt they're in a timeloop#decided to split his skull open on a rock over 100 times before they even reached act 3#god he needs help#someone take my siffrin away i am torturing them so much#anyway the reason i looped so much was mainly to talk to loop and get all the chats#also farm exp#getting to lvl 99 actually wasn't that bad#went quite quickly after 85#also why does mira need so much exp#just so we can suffer#anyway act 5 siffrin at 200 loops let's go
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ghosts can't haunt ghosts silly, must be your mistakes then !
#spectragus#spectra phantom#gus grav#keith fermin#bakugan battle brawlers#bakugan new vestroia#bakugan#i frequently think about how spectra hallucinates gus when he disappears. he is NOT coping.#since gus is simply a hallucination i wanted to convey. SO many things but im not sure if i did it#is the hand on his shoulder supposed to be comforting or protective OR a constant reminder of what he's lost and what he could've had#is he holding spectra back is the smile supposed to be comforting or malicious is he resentful is he looking at us or at spectra#did he rip off the mask or is he keeping it safe or is he everything that was hiding behind it#also i was listening to curses by the crane wives the entire time i was making this. if that adds to anything.#my art baybeee#this is very messy but i needed this out of my system or i would've exploded and died#me taking spectra's 2 hallucinations and running a marathon with them#making angst abt this is so funny when we know it turns out fine in the end#ill draw something more cheerful soon dw i just love angst and im feral over these two. and i like making other people suffer#for the record all the conflicting vibes from hallucination gus are from spectra's perspective#ILL STOP RAMBLING NOW
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In truth hes very proud of Senjuro for always trying so hard.. eventually he'll manage to say it out loud.
#rui and senjuro are so.. ugh collapses to the floor they aren't Really children of neglect but by god .#(youre projecting) I KNOW.😭 and ill mumble more at the end tags#senjuro rengoku#rui ayaki#demon slayer#kimetsu no yaiba#senrui#kny#my art#like ugh#most of the cast of kny is suffering neglected child syndrome . among other things but that list is too long.another day perhaps#Senjuro is a child of neglect. yes Kyojuro was there and did a wonderful job while he could but. its undeniable that Sen has been neglected#and i feel it. in every interaction senjuro has. he is so very kind and so very willing to help but has so little avenues to go through#with Rui its projection in a very personal way but also i just really feel it in my bones something was off#like his parents seem very kind but also like so many instances of his backstory felt. hand motions. why wasnt someone there.#yknow what i mean?????#anyway whats fucking point am i trying to make#rui and senjuro are both children of neglect and their veiws and mindsets are heavily affected by this and i think together#they could take care of eachother and give eachother a sort of security theyve been missing for so very long#they will be eachothers loving home.#coughs. sorry anyways#ive been keeping it to myself because .worries of no one caring you know how it is#but i have an au very dear to me where Rui assists Senjuro in becoming a kakushi and secret demon slaying and eventually Shinobu#starts helping him as well :-]#senjuro deserves to be taught how to fence if normal swordplay doesnt fucking work#also realizing very late that some reasons i adore senrui are why i adore endouma. i am one note. nobody look at me
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Next time we should just skip over ep 3 and do a chapters 84-87 reread
#Mmmmmmhhhh.#Well. If anything you can always tell when there's a ss/kk episode by the fact that it takes me two hours to watch it lol#What can I say. I'm a compulsive screencap taker#Mmmmmmhhh... I was right it wasn't as bad as I remembered it. Still moderately bad but not all bad.#It's just. I can feel the animators did their best.#I suppose it's just a difficult episode to animate within a short time frame since it's a specifically action packed one.#And the lack of time really shows. Like there *are* some detailed animated passages here and there. But then there's also these long static#shots that stretch on forever that are just... Idk. A little saddening to see I guess? Like the animators really ran out of time for them#There's also a big component of... I just can't vibe with the newfound artstyle. Like it looks soooo much worse than s1 in my opinion#Which you know‚ is only subjective! But eh... The distance between s2ep11 and this feels abyssal.#Everyone looks so ugly oftentimes. Like even in curated shots‚ they're just very rough and ungraceful.#Which like?? How could you look at Harukawa's art and come up with //that//??????? But it's whatever#And the pacing is so so off 😭😭😭 God please to death with 11 episodes long seasons give us filler episodes back. Please!!!!#The pacing is atrocious and it has not even to do with the animation. Even greatly animated episodes suffer from it.#Mmmmhh... I don't particularly like Fukuchi's vacting... He doesn't sound tired enough. Nor as pitiful as much as he should tbh#Among the three I feel like only Uemura really nails the job. I'm so sorry Onoken but I feel like even Akutagawa needs to sound vulnerable–#once in a while‚ you know? Although‚ if he's only going with how Bones depicts him‚ then I get why he would act him out like that 😭😭😭#There were so many reused shots too... The ones from the end of s2ep11... The s3ep12 kokko zessou one... Ss/kk running in the corridors...#Overall. Not as bad as I remembered it. But at the same time I get why I was so distraught because they really wasted the best four–#chapters of the manga just like that.#The “is his life that precious to you” moment was terrible 😭😭😭 Head in hands fr#Oh well. I babble a lot but it was okay. Like at least it wasn't season 3 kind of bad. And definitely wasn't t/pn s2 kind of bad LOL#I just hope ss/kk will be made justice in the future (╥﹏╥)#Especially since their new scenes (current manga events) are possibly going to be adapted in the first episodes of the new season.#If Bones pulls another s5ep3 on them you're going to see me on the news#Then again I have hope the arc finale will be adapted in a movie... Who knows...#Most of all I hope they change art style direction again D:#random rambles#Whaaaa it's so late already!!!#Edit: Oh also to not forget I've made like. One hundred posts. Maybe it's time to unfollow me now if you haven't already D:
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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damocles ; sword perspective
uncropped + detail closeups
#supernatural#sam winchester#hey. i wrote a page of concept notes before i started painting this. with the thought 'i should make a painting about dean :)' ...#so it is inevitably of sam LOL. i was gonna paint deans face reflected in the blade but it seemed too on the nose. and confusing. and work.#anyway. my non-descriptive explanation notes read:#this is about the tension present in season 5 with the voicemail in mind.#how with what sam knows; the only way it could end is :#to die a monster at the hands of his brother - whether they win or not. (either in the big fight or he gets put down for being a bloodsucki#or to die a martyr - proving his humanity by saving the world and slaying the beast (himself and the devil. 2 birds 1 stone)#ghostart#i got my hands stuck doing the pose ref for the rosary. i truly suffer for my art ... oh and the 18 hours of painting too i guess#hm. 'bloodsucking freak' got cut off 4 tags up. whatever
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blame @seeking-elsewhither for this one. it's echo time and i'm having thoughts (tm)
#yeah it's more hfsw bad batcher time. this means suffering on the part of echo#...whose armor design i kind of hate but at the moment i haven't had time to give him a definitive design so we're stuck with this for now#star wars#margin doodles#hfsw#look at my guys#handprinted#okay but i am not going to lie. i have so many thoughts about echo. ESPECIALLY in hfsw#like. you were supposed to die. but you didn't. you were brought back and it was the most painful thing you've ever experienced#and you have to endure months on end of torture practicing the very black arts you were born to fight against#so that the monsters who saved your life can use your knowledge to kill your brothers#and the only thing keeping you from completely giving up is the memory of a supernova smile that grows fainter every day#and then you're finally rescued after an eternity of torment but something is wrong because the person who was supposed to rescue you...#isn't there#and he never will be again#and you'll never see his smile again#(but you could. you could you know. you have that power now. you could bring him back. if you really wanted.#but you could never. you would never forgive yourself for dredging him back up from his well-deserved rest for such a selfish reason.#you'd never forgive yourself for putting him through that pain and white-hot agony just because you miss him. so you don't.)#and you love your new brothers. really you do. and you love your little sister; you love her so much that your wrongly-beating heart aches#and you love what you do; even if it's terrifying and dangerous saving your brothers from a fate worse than death (and you would know)#but... there's a sour knot that throbs in your gut every time your vision snags on your skeleton hand or bony feet#and every time you look in the mirror and see the unnaturally glowing green crackles in your irises#you're not of this world anymore. and you're not sure you'll ever be okay with that.
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Looks like that video is about a month & a half after The Trade and trevors broken ankle 😣
re: this video… anon 😭 i had suspicions but it is so much worse to have them confirmed that really was like. trevor’s first Public Appearance without jamie AND post-broken ankle which is traumatic in and of itself no wonder every beat reporter was like ‘oh yeah trevor’s just devastated’
wouldn’t you be miserable too if your best friend just got traded and your body betrayed you and what if it was maybe all your fault!!!
#bestie thank you so much for fact-checking me 🙏🙏🥰🥰 i love when y’all come in my inbox & answer the questions i yell into the void of my tag#we are Suffering about trevor TOGETHER in this house. if i scrolled all the way to the bottom of my drafts i think i could find even more#heartbreaking content from before The Trade but we don’t need to suffer that much otherwise the penguin cup of tea is really irish coffee#confirms ALL of my theories about miserable trevor leaning into mason for comfort because in some universes that’s THEIR boyfriend who left#liv in the replies#trevor zegras#mason mctavish#need to go lay on the floor about this one folks. do you think trevor said he would only do it if mason came if he could sit next to mason#right at the end where people were rushing out not stopping to talk tired by the end of the line and not even thinking just to guarantee he#wouldn’t get asked anything because he still has a hard time believing it’s real he keeps thinking jamie’ll be there especially w/his ankle#i’m sure he doesn’t have a great time with stairs so he probably will nap on the couch sometimes and that moment right when he first wakes#up to the bang of the door and he doesn’t quite know he’s awake yet and he thinks it’s jamie coming in? heartbreaker right there bud. sorry#ALSO because I can’t say it and leave it alone I almost put that last bit strictly in the tags but like. there’s gotta be some part of#trevor that knows it’s nothing to do with him but still naïvely believes that if he’d maybe been there if he hadn’t been injured things#could have worked out differently if he’d been there and it’s his fault his ankle broke and do you remember all the interviews jamie gave#about how you never think you’ll be traded and how strange it is to be moving and now i need you to take that naïveté times 1000 for trevor#who of course he never even pictures jamie leaving they were building the core together!!! why would they ever get rid of him!! and if only#trevor had been there to show how important jamie was. what would he have done? literally nothing but that does not stop the emotional guil#from enveloping trevor like a rain cloud and making him sit in mason’s apartment with ice cream bowl in hand. holistic treatment l
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Oh there is something so fucking good to me about Damen killing Auguste for glory and on behalf of his kingdom and father whereas Laurent kills Kastor on Damen’s behalf because he understood Damen couldn’t do it himself.
#it’s the way they both took something from the other#but where Damen took (unaware and uncaring since he didn’t know Laurent or much beyond his own prejudices against Vere) Laurent’s home#Laurent ended Damen’s suffering under the wrath of a man who didn’t love him as brother and saw him only as an obstacle#it’s !!! just!!!!#it’s the way Laurent went to Damen and they both understood each other better than they ever had before#because how they wore that weight and guilt#regardless of reasoning#the had the blood of each other’s family on their hands#ooobskfjekleiflwlakrf#damen x laurent#my feelings are so big rn oh man#captive prince
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they really did this to me huh
#rays spoilers#rays talk#all my screaming about the epilogue on live went to a chat with v so i never really posted about it on here#(i also didn't want to spoil anything)#but MAN#julius referencing his lv10 trust skit#knowing he was at the verge of death since before canon starts#(you can see him clutching the wrist of the catalyzed hand while ludger's being evaluated in an uncomfortable/pain gesture)#elle saying what she does#and how we know victor and ludger being able to be alive at the same time#is the one thing that'd not happen in the canon not even in a million years#and ludger who (as i interpreted it at least but i could be wrong)#is reassuring elle but at the same time worrying that he didn't know about julius' and everyone's suffering#the way he words it reminds me of both victor's entry in the short story (「世界の真実」)#and the bad end summary saying he never knew how much julius went through for him (「ずっと俺のために傷ついていたユリウス」 vs rays' 「兄さんたちの苦しみを……」)#alt milla and victor don't speak but#man everyone in this screenshot fucking dies#how am i going to send any of them back#x2 talk
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series 3 is so frustrating because there is like a shining core of pure diamond underneath the problems . like conceptually it rocks so incredibly hard. but the problems
#dr who#i am being so honest when i say ten should have gotten on his knees and begged for simm!master's life#they should have framed the bit between him and martha's mom so different#like yes it is 10000% in character that the doctor with his bleeding heart and loneliness wouldn't want to kill him#even after everything that happened. because he's the only person he has left. 'i forgive you' was PERFECT.#but literally anyone else that suffered from what the master did. Deserves to rip him to shreds. so very obviously#and like i know.i KNOW that i am watching the 'funny immortal alien saves people through time and space' show#but i actually despise the doctor being framed as like an all powerful savior. or treated like one. even for a little bit. is Annoying#the first part of the series 3 finale having martha be humanity's last hope was SO GOOD bc it like kind of set her up as like#having to grapple with all that responsibility and attention like the doctor does. everyone's lives are in her hands. so crunchy#but when it like slides into 'everyone pls believe in our specialest boy in the world The Doctor <3' it just. falls flat#i feel like with a couple tweaks here and there in the execution and like actual fuckinnn people of color in the writer's room#series 3 would be PEAK media. but as it is it's just. falling short.#i do really appreciate martha deciding to leave ten on her own though. first of all. qpp down. second of all#she's realized that she can't keep traveling with him. bc (as i mentioned) hes someone who simultaneously needs saving#and refuses to be saved in the ways that matter. Yes im fucking ignoring the unrequited romance angle i think#it does a gigantic disservice to martha's character if u boil her down to that. fight me i dont care if that was the authorial intent#martha in the end is too kind to ten and ten keeps making her watch his meandering path of self destruction. toxic doomed qprism to ME.#anyway fuck. idk man series 2 consensus was that im dead inside and series 3 consensus is that the version i have of it in my head is peak#series 2 is better but i think because of my ten martha insanity i actually enjoyed watching series 3 more than series 2.#even if i got mad at it more than any other season. i think something is wrong with me. um. lmao#ten and martha#10 era
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It's odd, to me, that bipolar is one of my actually professionally dx'd issues but, more than any of the others, I constantly look at it and go 'i'm not bipolar enough to count' bc I don't do "normal" mania things even unmedicated. Never went on irresponsible shopping binges, never did drugs, never went out and had irresponsible sex, nothing. And it's led to multiple people in my life telling me other people have "worse" bipolar or not believing me bc I don't act the way they expect and it just makes me want to stop taking my meds
#personal;#not bc i don't think i'm bipolar#but bc it clearly only counts to people if it's 'bad enough'#i just remember being point blank told 'his bipolar is worse than yours' about someone and just felt slapped#bc you don't know how bad my bipolar is inside my head and also why does how much suffering it causes make it a competition#like. it's wild. i have this dx'd. it's in multiple records. i've been medicated off and on for it for 10yrs#it is also the one disability of mine that i frequently feel like needs to be Worse for anyone to take seriously#but i was raised by a parent who is also bipolar /but/ did their fuckin best to teach me how to cope and gave me space for it#so it didn't get as out of hand bc like. we both knew what it was and what to do to keep it from doing so#but the fact that it's never ruined my life or cost me a job or shit always ends up making me feel like it doesn't count#bc to plenty enough people in my life that is what it's meant#bleh#woke up in a bad mood this morning
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when you meet a Guy and he is 99.9% perfection but the Holy Spirit says no
#i don’t like like guys often (my last crush was high school) so when i do i just 😳 get a lil fluttered#soo when i met this guy the first time i was like o he’s cute and sweet and just easy to talk to and i was like if i allowed myself j could#let myself like him but then i didn’t see him for a while kinda forgot about him one of my friends is close with him so id see him on his i#story a lot this summer and it was like oh ya he’s cute whatever#but last saturday i saw his at this lil party and omgoodness he’s so cute in person#and GUYS!! MUTUALS MY BELOVED 😭🥹🫠🤭😫 HE TAUGHT ME HKW TO PLAY POOL AND HE WAS TOUCHING MY HAND AKSKDKJDKDKFKFJJFJFF#and there was a lot of casual touching and stuff omgoodness and he was buying everyone soda and stuff and he smelt sooo good#and tHEN AT THE END OF THE NIGHT I GAVE HIM MY SNAP#but then i was praying when i got home before bed and was talking to the Holy Spirit and He was like you could have a relationship w/ this#person and everything would be great physically and emotionally but you will suffer spirtiually and then i started thinking about the progr#ss i've made this summer w/ my relationship w/ God and ya it's definitely not worth it i wouldn't trade Jesus for anything or one#soo now i have to kill the streak i have with him on snap bc it's just not wise to be talking back and forth yk? and if God says so i gotta#do it#ig it's hard cause it's nice being liked liking someone who likes you but God knows better than me soooooo pay ya girl listens and has#and i was talking to my friend who knows him better than me and she was like ya he's such a sweet kind funny guy but he doesn't have a rela#ionship w/ God as far as she knows sooo#the strength to withstand 😭#vk overshares in the tags
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