#highly articulated trauma

[altruisticenigma]

Mental eelness be like: I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine Holy fuck shit's hitting the fan what happened

[nixetra]

-

[divinerapturesys]

Welcome to my Ted Talk about AsPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, which the internet likes to coin as sociopath 👌🏻 if you don’t like long infodumps about stigmatized mental disorders from someone who is diagnosed, move on.

Quick toxic rundown: People with AsPD are generally characterized as emotionless, violent, manipulative abusers who kill animals and like to make other people their bitches. The biggest pet peeve we have is the emotionless, sadistic and abusive generalization.

Personally, we are highly neurotic, with highs and lows of: depression, frantic drive, self abuse tactics, chronic fear, lapses of rejection, overwhelming over-analyzation, grey area thinking, false goods and false bads, ultimatums, obsessive compulsive behavior, harsh self demands, and irritability.

AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety or the safety of others. You can find my follow up post regarding this here.

Neglected and abused children often act out trying to get attention and help, often acting out in bad ways because they lack the ability to articulate what they’re feeling and what is happening to them. The pipeline for AsPD typically is: Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a child, Conduct Disorder as a teen, AsPD as an adult. There are a lot of warning signs cueing that AsPD is becoming a risk for development, but often kids do not have a support system to help negate it as it’s their support system that is usually a factor in its creation.

Being AsPD is like being an emotional La Croix 70% of the time. If you’re depressed, then it’s like someone in the other room has depression and is telling you about it. The other 30% of the time, if you’re depressed, your brain doesn’t understand how to handle it so it’s an ultimatum between doing something drastic to remove the Trigger or ignoring and dissociating for days on end.

People with AsPD are very good at ignoring things. Honestly it’s problematic as fuck but it’s not hard to ignore major issues when you just, don’t care. It’s not in the terms of being cruel or making ourselves not care, but the fact that finding the emotional willpower is so far out of our feasible reach we don’t do it. This causes us to piss people off because we don’t have the capacity to care as much as they want us to, even if we can and do to an extent.

Think of it this way: empathy/sympathy is a deep tub of water that everyone has. They can easily fill their measuring cup for the needed amount of empathy without any issues and it’s easy for them. People with AsPD don’t have a tub of water. We have shallow skillet. When we try to dip our cup to fill it, we can’t, it always comes up short and it is difficult to get any water in it as there is no room for the cup to dive. Our ability to care is limited because we do not have the same emotional resources everyone else does.

❌ False Positives & False Negatives ❌

I operate on what I’ve learned are called false positives and false negatives. These are things that are trained into the brain from an early age based off of childhood trauma and other factors. False positives are a distorted version of why we do something to help ourself and for our own good, meanwhile a false negative is something we do because it’s a threat, or based out of fear.

❌ Some of my false positives:

- It is good to be afraid of nothing

- It is good to adapt to someone’s personality if they are stronger than you

- It is good to isolate yourself

- It is good to be a silver tongue because you can get into any place you want

- It is good to become a social chameleon and shape yourself to whatever those around you need/want most, because then you have no chance of being abandoned

❌ Some of my false negatives, which can explain the false positives as well as core beliefs:

- it is bad to be afraid, if I am afraid then I am vulnerable and it can be used against me

- It is bad to be emotional or show concern for others emotions because they do not care for mine

- It is bad to be able to be exploited, because I believe it is everywhere

- It is bad to allow myself to be bored, because boredom begets bad thoughts and no one can or wants to help me when I spiral

- It is bad to not shape yourself to the social circle, because people quickly grow tired of those who do not match them perfectly and being discarded means I failed

My core beliefs can be viewed as the root for the false positives and negatives, because they are based on the core of trauma, abuse and neglect. They come from patterns and instances that make someone with AsPD become the opposite of what they experienced:

- eat or be eaten

- If I don’t show that my bite is worse than my bark, I will be taken advantage of and I must remain on top because the ones on top are safe

- I must look out for myself because nobody will do it for me

- It doesn’t matter what happens to me, therefore it doesn’t matter what people think of me

- If I cannot do something well, then I should not do it at all

- If you are dependent on others for emotional and mental well being, you are weak, therefore I must isolate myself to avoid becoming codependent and a burden and useless

- If I can handle the stress of a situation better than everyone else, therefore I will keep the problem (financial, emotional, mental, etc) to myself to reduce chances of being abandoned due to failure of perfection

People with AsPD are hard to get along with. We often:

- are always anticipating a fight

- lack respect for authority

- ignore social structures to an extent

- tendency to lie if it’ll lessen punishment or if we feel the lie is more acceptable than our actions

- limit social support because it’s wrong to be dependent on others

- have an inflated view of our own importance — which turns into a self ridicule for believing someome like me could be found important to others —

- can be rude and inconsiderate of others feelings somewhat unintentionally

- are unable to read the correct social cues in relation to empathy towards people and animals

- am constantly confused by others dependence upon empathy and inability to make desicions from logic based standpoints

We can’t speak for everyone who has AsPD, nor are we saying that no one with AsPD is capable of being a murderer/abuser etc. but we are saying that y’all need to stop automatically classifying someone as a certain “type” as soon as you know about their disorder.

One last thing I do want to point out is that it is not uncommon for people with AsPD to derive some sort of enjoyment in causing harm, doing something illegal, hurting someone or animals, etc. This entirely stems from lack of environmental control as a child. Being able to control what happens to others or being able to control the things you say or do that hurts someone else is a hefty high to get addicted to; it soothes the underlying itch of not being able to control your own trauma and abuse, so in turn you push these behaviors onto others and enjoy it because it gives you a sense of power and control. Some people with AsPD do genuinely love hurting others, and some enjoy hurting others when they believe it’s deserved or their ire has been stoked. Some enjoy causing pain to those they think deserve it, and others don’t care who they hurt as long as they feel like they’re in control of the situation.

Hope this have some insight into AsPD 🤙🏻 if y’all have any questions, shoot.

[trashogram]

It’s so hard for me to articulate but one of the worst crimes that Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel commit is a lack of gravitas, in my opinion.

Characters aren’t very “solid” as individuals. It’s hard to differentiate them beyond labels. For instance, Stolas is a demon prince but he can go to a party for lower class hellborns and just join in. No one shows any fear or awe in his presence despite the fact that he supposedly has a lot of power over them.

Charlie as well, is disrespected and treated like any other Sinner — which you could try to justify by her being unusually optimistic and happy, but the mistreatment or lack of dignity beyond other citizens of Hell isn’t really connected to her royal status at all. No one badmouths her for being a princess who isn’t evil or something like that.

Lucifer! The Devil himself, may be a goofball/highly anxious and depressed mess, but Alastor has no issue riling him up and showing him disdain, as if there are no consequences if he doesn’t defer to the King of Hell. Which doesn’t make sense.

And these issues weaken the world around them. We are told that there’s a hierarchy in Hell, but if everyone is treated the same way, even if that treatment is terrible across the board, then the hierarchy doesn’t mean anything and shouldn’t exist. It also makes the characters blend together (and that’s not restricted only to royal labels. I’m also referring to sexualities, personalities, backstories full of trauma). Appearance-wise, they all move similarly, they all curse a good amount, they all make sex jokes and are prone to violence.

Sure there are some exceptions but the majority check all those boxes. There’s a lack of differentiation here as a whole. But I dont know if I’m one of the only people that care and find this disappointing.

[noisytenant]

i think it would be too simplistic to say that kinnie shit is the main reason the system zeitgeist is really detached from the literature (especially when some literature IS frequently cited), but i do think that fictional introjects--a documented and completely understandable phenomenon--trying to wed themselves to their sources of inspiration rather than articulating themselves in the real world is a canary in the coalmine for a lot of the other maladaptive patterns we end up seeing.

you could make the case that dissociation is an extreme form of "escape from the self"; to be one person is so intolerable that you escape to another. And then another, and another. so escapism is arguably the driving mode of dissociation.

but if you have these parts of yourself that long to escape BACK to, essentially, a "pre-birth" state, who can't bear to accept the circumstances they're in now, then you're probably more broadly still in an escapist paradigm. and so of course you're gonna be splitting new guys weekly, of course none of you communicate, of course you have these strong and extreme wedges between you and the others and you have these clearly defined boundaries while also, in practice, existing in such a limited context that you haven't really self-actualized.

escapism is an understandable reaction to trauma and severe chronic stress, so rather than dismissing this entire kinnie-system phenomenon as doomed, i think we can build bridges toward an understanding of Living As A System that are more aligned with established and successful therapeutic interventions.

the kinnie-system combo melds two subcultures that magnify maladaptive escapism tenfold. this adds new terminology and points of focus that aren't necessarily relevant or accurate (distinct and discrete identities and roles, "fictive" and "factive" language, source material focus, generally Online behavior and interests), and obscures other experiences (lack of clear identity, blending and blurring, dissociation as a coping mechanism for the stresses of tangible daily life, introjection as a start&not an end) and strategies (expanding the window of tolerance, grounding in the present, unburdening of extreme roles, intra-system cooperation, etc.)

i think as you work toward a grounded view of yourself and accept your reality, you can start to hold yourself more proudly, and own your experiences--even the bizarre one of essentially being a cartoon character ejected from the screen to do dishes.

dissociation is mushy, highly individual, and weird, but also a really practical solution to an impossibly difficult problem. i'd like it if we could change the common vocabulary and perspective to better reflect the diverse and unique experiences of finding a way to live When Guys.

[romanceyourdemons]

with incisive visuals, powerhouse performances, and a keenly presented narrative, the substance (2024) functions as a feminist revisiting of the picture of dorian gray and the strange case of dr. jekyll and mr. hyde and their attendant eugenicist fears of the nascent presence of the troglodyte within the superior man. with stark and oppressive sets and framings homaging stanley kubrick, the flesh-centered cinematography and soundscaping of the younger cronenberg turning the everyday functionings of the body into body horror, and of course practical body horror effects that match the work of the elder cronenberg in his prime, this film’s visceral sensory overwhelm firmly denies the audience the reprieve stevenson and wilde indulge in by identifying the audience safely with an unaffected, untouchable, normal observer. instead, the audience of this film must identify with, must be the disintegrating, disgusting, self-destroying protagonist. the feared and despised troglodyte that this work centers around is not delineated on racial and socioeconomic lines like the troglodytes of dorian gray and jekyll and hyde—othered parties ostensibly escapable by getting oneself in with whiteness and then violently pulling up the latter behind oneself—but rather is delineated along the lines of age. she is the despised and discarded figure of the older woman, whom, no matter how loudly one performatively shuns her, each young woman will inevitably become. although of course the issues raised in this film are not novel questions, particularly not in regards to the entertainment industry around which the film centers, the immediate, engaging, crystal clear way in which it presents them hits like a countertop and cuts like a needle, from its two leads’ electrifying performances to its stunning effects and soundtrack to articulate intertextual engagement, including an ironic use of also sprach zarathustra that recalls both the appearance of the appearance of the “evolved” man through violence in 2001: a space odyssey (1968) and the rights and role of the “evolved” man as described by nietzsche. everything about the substance (2024) is stunning and overwhelming and as powerful as blunt force trauma, and i would highly, highly recommend it

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

I think fans want Jason to be a good person or be becoming one. To have a character that is well meaning and compassionate but decided murder is ok and to stand against main heroes who’s beliefs and actions go against the people he cares about and wants in his life. It’s confusing for people. People want their fav characters to be happy. But Jason can’t have his family’s support and follow his moral code. He’s cares about people and Gotham, and he’s an asshole who kills. It’s messy. It’s not black and white. I don’t even think Jason cares about being a good person or in the right anymore. I think he cares about what will save the most people instead.

Oh my goodness gracious I’ve been bamboozled

Batman’s definition of Good is not synonymous with absolute good/right no matter how much dc insists it is. Torture, battery/assault, surveillance, those are all condemnable actions too. I won’t get into the exhausting and frankly dumb debate of comic book morality wrt killing because I’ve already reblogged plenty of posts from other people who explained my thoughts on the matter far better than I ever have the patience to sit down and articulate. I also just think the notion that there’s something to be done about fictional characters who kill nazis and senseless murderers is stupid. Jason’s point is that the “main” heroes’ sanitized definition of right has its unaddressed holes and flaws which ultimately result in more preventable fatalities, and that he’ll work to correct those missing spots.

He doesn’t not care about doing what’s right. What he doesn’t care about (at least during his Winick characterization) is whether Batman thinks he’s right or wrong, because he sees the flaws in Batman’s methodology (and since he has a mind of his own). Batman’s methods alone cannot address Arkham’s revolving door and the rogues that come and go through those doors who have no intention (or capability from the doylist pov) of ever changing or undergoing redemption. Jason knows that he’s minimizing the number of preventable deaths by killing his targets, typically Characters Who Simply Do Fucked Up Shit Just Because, Why The Fuck Not?

Secondly, Jason is compassionate … to a fault. That was his fatal flaw. If he wasn’t so hell-bent on saving his potential birth mother he just met from that bomb despite everything she did to him prior, he could have protected himself instead, however slim his odds of survival were. What about his relationship with his other parents? He was a caregiver during his early childhood years for Catherine, until her death. Even mature adults who are financially stable find being a caregiver to a dying parent to be extremely burdensome on their bodies and minds, but he never complained about it or resented Catherine for being unable to care for him. Despite how none of his parents have really been what he needed them to be, he doesn’t blame them for their failings, and even continues to think highly of them (Bruce included).

And post-death? Enter Lost Days. Despite being dead set on plotting his revenge on Bruce, he constantly sidelines this in order to save other victims who are helpless like he once was. His own anger, trauma, and mission don’t remain his priority. (Sound familiar? Something something my own trauma above my son’s, mission above all else, etc.). Why would he waste precious time and risk his own life to do this if he wasn’t empathetic towards these victims or didn’t care about doing the right thing. He is simultaneously horribly traumatized and full of rage, and also incapable of ignoring what’s happening to victims around him (even as he claims that it’s indeed not his priority). And in that same vein, the entire premise of his rebirth outlaws run was that he doesn’t care if the public views him as a villain, an outlaw, so long as he can protect Gotham. And anyway where is this portrayal of him not caring about being in the right anymore. Almost every modern Jason story is about him grappling with where he stands with Bruce/Batman. During the early 2000s was probably the last time he did not care (hello, tentatodd??).

Jason has very evidently been portrayed as a kind and compassionate character. He is also simultaneously a calculated killer who doesn’t hesitate to kill when he deems necessary, and does so without remorse. It’s called being a Complex Character With An Edge™ that as you said, people so often claim to love. However when he fulfills that latter part, that seems to upset people because “killing bad”, and they then try to shave off and round out all his edges and claim he shouldn’t be that angry. In that case I guess you should just stick to liking traditional one-dimensional characters instead of claiming to like Jason but then encouraging his character assassination attempt by dc. Lol.

Lastly, who said anything about the batfam making Jason happy? Just because he’s written nowadays to want acceptance from Bruce (a shoddy attempt at forcing a non-existent nuclear batfamily), doesn’t mean that it’s a sound decision or that it does his character justice. I certainly don’t empathize with the idea that Jason needs the family’s approval or acceptance to be happy. (And anyway he has enough outlets for angst and pain aside from the batfam hello explore his other sources of trauma and do more deep dives into how he thinks when he’s alone). I don’t want them to magically make up and become one big happy family. This is not disney Lol. Besides, there are plenty of stories from dc that have that type of “wholesome” (hate that word utilization) characterization for Jason (Li’l Gotham, Tiny Titans, wfa, and even new stuff like the brave and the bold mini) and that is sufficient imo. Jason fans who are invested in the character deserve accurate, nuanced characterization and well-written stories, whether they be from his robin days (e.g., Batman: The Cult) or as red hood.

[ceterisparibus116]

Hi! *awkward wave* Just came here to say, I miss your stories. :) And to ask why The Lord of the Rings? Why now? Just curious, because it's been a long time since I read these books and watched some of the films.

hiiiiiiiiii and hello DD Fandom, I promise I haven't abandoned Matt. He's one of my permanent blorbos.

However, some Stuff occurred and resurfaced in my life a few months back that I realized I could explore more closely via LOTR than via DD. So that's what I've been doing.

Also can we just...can we acknowledge the parallels between Frodo and Matt for a second?

incredibly strong moral compasses

martyr/messiah complexes

not wanting to endanger the people they love with their Mission

thinking if they don't Do The Mission, then no one will

risking it all to protect Home, even while being very aware of Home's flaws

NERDS

disabled

introverted yet super articulate/eloquent

orphaned + adopted

not really ever fitting in with their expected communities

being WILDLY merciful

a huge part of their arc actually hinging on if (and to what extent) they will show mercy to people others believe are irredeemable

seeing themselves in the people others believe are irredeemable...

giving mercy even to people who pose an active and immediate threat...

JUST ALL THE MERCY, ALL THE MERCY

TRAUMA

see themselves as expendable in pursuit of the Mission (canonical in Matt's case; highly probable in Frodo's case even if it's not explicit in canon)

FAITH (canonical in Matt's case, and Frodo calls on "Elbereth" enough to clearly believe in higher powers, even if he doesn't know all the doctrine)

supported by a best friend who doesn't quite understand what this whole Mission thing is really about but is supportive nonetheless

heightened senses (okay I'm kinda reaching on this one but Frodo does canonically have heightened senses thanks to the Ring + the Morgul wound)

dark hair and beautiful eyes what no that's not relevant sorry

Like listen. I'm just saying. If Frodo were a ninja with anger issues and if Matt ate more than 0.5 meals a day, they would be the same person.

[f0point5]

Your take on Chappell so wildly misinterprets literally everything that has happened to her in the last few months. She lives with Bipolar disorder for 1, and that means it can be very hard for her to navigate her mental state. She also has depression. Cancelling shows and making mistakes is going to happen when you are a new artist, but you are also a young person in general.

She never wanted the level of fame she has now, she's a queer artist, who makes music for queer people, of course she's overwhelmed and trying to navigate a world she never intended to enter. I think it's easy to hate on successful women who stand up for themselves and are honest about their problems because we don't like to see women succeed. Period.

You have alot of people who engage with your blog, I would imagine probably a lot of girlies, just based on F1 tumblr vibes, If I were you, I would wonder how I'm supporting and uplifting women in an world where we aren't especially supported rather than spend my time hating on a girl who makes music you don't like...

She's a vocal, passionate defender of art and culture, she donates money and time to Palestine and speaks up about LGBTQ and Trans issues, she rightfully called Kamala Harris out while still maintaining that she will never stand with republican values and will still vote for her and everyone wants to pretend they don't understand that tribalism is bad and she is completely right.

Music taste is completely subjective, no one said you have to like it, it's definitely a select audience it caters too, but disrespecting it and disregarding her entire discography because one song annoys you, is crazy.

First of all, I’m not here to uplift and support anyone. That’s not my sole purpose in life, my goal or my vocation. I like or don’t like or have my opinions regardless of the gender of the person concerned.

Second, I’m not here to hate on anyone. Saying that I think she’s unprofessional is an opinion. Hateful? I personally don’t think so. But you can disagree that’s fine.

Third, I haven’t listened to her entire discography and I don’t claim to have done so, I’ve listened to several songs, none of which are my vibe. Now, did I sardonically link that to her professionalism? Yes. It was tongue in cheek, but if that offended you, I can take that on board.

Fourth, she can defend or not defend or spend her money on whatever she likes. All I’m saying is, she expressed her opinions in a way that was not easy to understand twice. And I think that if you decide you’re going to be one of those celebrities who wades into politics, you are taking on the responsibility of being eloquent enough to articulate your point because people are listening.

But on the actual subject of the main thing I said - I think she is unprofessional. And I think that matters regardless of age and diagnosis. I think you have a responsibility to manage your health in conjunction with the job that you do so that you can still do your job. If that is not happening, you might be in the wrong career. I highly doubt that any singer starts their career thinking or hoping they’re never going to aspire to any level of fame and influence. I simply don’t think that’s why you do that job. And if you don’t want fame, maybe do your small shows instead of performing at the VMAs, maybe keep a low profile instead of getting involved in the most polarising conversation in the country. My point is, fame is a trauma. No one deserves that, and certainly not everyone is equipped - for whatever reason - to handle it in a way that will be good for their health. All I’m saying is, from the outside, it seems like she falls into that camp, and if I were someone who spent their money supporting her, I would find it annoying.

[spopsalt]

https://www.tumblr.com/icepri/733972263580418048

Came across this post and I just KNEW that someone would tag it Catra. In fact, several people did. I decided to share some reblogs from media illiterate Catra stans featuring their ridiculous tags. For this first one, I for one have not been saying that Catra didn’t deserve a redemption arc, but that it was poorly done. Catra IS an abuser, though, and it’s concerning that this person doesn’t see that.

https://www.tumblr.com/4truestory/727478081168818176

Here’s another one. Spop fans love labeling criticism as being in “bad faith,” plus them bringing up that Catra is female and a “woc” (even though she’s not since she’s a cat girl) shows that these people only care about identity politics and aren’t actually understanding the criticism.

https://www.tumblr.com/kaleidoscopic-quiddity/727095645511483392

Apparently according to this person, anyone who thinks Catra is evil is a “dumbass.” Imagine equating Catra to Mabel Pines like this. Catra stans continue to name-call anyone with a braincell who calls Catra what she is.

https://www.tumblr.com/articulate-anxious-atheist/727034897609490432

This one is concerning- this person can’t handle critical analysis towards a character just bc they relate to them? I highly doubt they’re in the same spot as Catra unless they’re abusing people and committing horrible crimes lol. Catra kinnies with no self awareness like this are so worrying, man.

https://www.tumblr.com/lime-peaches666/727029118222450688

Finally, this person is just ablest with how they’re insisting that Catra being “bpd coded” (which is literally just a headcanon) means she can’t be evil and are accusing her critics of ablesim.

As for the post itself, what’s funny is that it’s about Gwen Stacy, a character who isn’t even comparable to Catra. We know that Catra reacted in an understandable way (to an extent, anyway) to enormous horrible stakes, trauma, and consequences, and is a teenage girl. However, she’s still indeed deeply and unquivacably a bad person lmao. She willingly stays with terrorists despite being offered a way out several times, commits various war crimes with no remorse, enjoys tormenting others, etc. Catra being a teenage girl doesn’t mean that she can’t be a bad person?? Amphibia literally proves this with Sasha (a teen girl who’s much younger than Catra) since she herself reacts in an understandable way to enormous horrible stakes (trying to get home), trauma (her parents’ divorce), and consequences (being stuck in Amphibia). However, the other characters call her out for being a bad person and she changes. These factors, along with her age and gender, are not used as an excuse. I’m so sick of Catra apologists applying their bs to everything like this.

No matter if they have BPD, trauma or anything else, they can still be a horrible person, we can feel sympathy for them but it's not an excuse, what's so hard to understand?

[altruisticenigma]

Trying to feel grief with CPTSD: Impossible Edition™️

[all-things-ghostly]

Yandere Hatbox Headcanons ❤️‍🩹

Okay I guess I lied when I said I’d post fics on an alt. Have some hcs for our beloved Hatbox (this one’s for Alistair, not the ride version, I envision two separate personalities for them :))

Rather than being cruel towards you, he is instead highly protective. Anyone who dares lay a finger on you, physically or emotionally, will at the very least get the fright of their lives, if not meet their end entirely.

This also means that you typically aren’t allowed to leave the mansion, at least not without him sending out his finest and strongest ghosts to supervise and protect you.

He will also protectively hide you under his cape sometimes ❤️

This man spoils you beyond belief. You’re his most prized possession mortal after all, and you deserve only the best! Feeling hungry? He has his staff prepare only the finest meals for you. Got your eye on something? Alistair will shower you with all the gifts you desire. Not to mention all the physical affection he piles on you.

Due to his childhood trauma he has a tough time expressing himself emotionally, including through words. He doesn’t really know how to articulate his feelings to you verbally so instead he shows it through his actions. There’s gift giving, as was previously mentioned, but he also likes to set the fireplace up for you and cuddle you silently. Even if he’s quiet about it, you know he loves you.

You can feel his powerful presence as he follows you around the mansion and watches over you

Getting into the more violent side of things… imagine Alistair slowly walking up to you, staring deeply at you with his yellow eyes half-lidded and full of tainted love, all while covered in the blood of his most recent victim. He licks his fangs seductively and roughly pulls you into his body, growling into your ear.

He likes to nip at you a lot. Not in a way that harms you, but just to be playful. His sharp teeth graze against your ears and neck while he growls softly

In the end, Alistair is just a big, fucked-up pushover for you. He will subject everyone around him but you to his cruelty. You are his little gem and he would rather die all over again than watch anything bad happen to you.

No one, no one, will ever harm you under his watch.

[sophieinwonderland]

I don’t even know how to respond more articulately to this person. You don’t have to answer my ask if you don’t have the spoons btw. So this person posted a TikTok in response to my previous comment to not invalidate people’s experiences on a pro endo video that that person put an anti comment in. Here’s the link:

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8GFtegk/

Here’s my reply but idk what to say really. I probably sound stupid. Plus I think someone mentioned you in the comments section there too.

I think this is a fine answer. Although I might have added that there are other sources that do confirm endogenic plurality. And even the DSM references it in the form of possession states.

Although if you want, I guess I could go into the video a bit more in-depth.

Actually, yeah, it sounds kind of fun! 😁

Let's get into it then!

Thank you for that! Although I'm confused why you think explaining this so we can understand involves a robot reading in a whispery demonic murder voice.

How are you defining a "system?"

If this is going to be a semantic argument about how endos aren't technically systems because "system" is a DID/OSDD word then I'll point out that endogenic systems have called themselves systems since the 90s. And Internal Family Systems therapy has been around since the 80s, referring to people having multiple autonomous parts of their personality. The word has always been pretty open, even in this context.

If you read closely within the DSM-5, you will find exemptions for spiritual plurality in the form of possession states.

I believe this exemption can be found in "carteria" D.

And remember that the DSM-5 isn't the only diagnostic handbook in the world and the ICD-11 states that you can experience multiple "distinct personality states" without a disorder. This is the same wording the ICD-11 uses to refer to alters.

And endogenic plurality was originally referred to as "natural multiplicity" which has existed since the 90s.

Additionally, Kluft speculated in 2001 that there could be a nonpathological endogenous forms of dissociative identity disorder.

Wait... commit what?

A felony?

Commit to marriage?

Just... commit in general? Don't leave me hanging!

Oh wait, you were going to throw out the S-word, right? "Don't say endogenic systems exist or some DID system might unalive themselves." 🙄

This is fearmongering BS and emotional manipulation.

DID systems aren't going to be "harass" because people acknowledge endogenic systems exist. These things have nothing to do with the other. People were fakeclaimed and harassed for being systems long before the internet was a thing, and there's no indication the presence of endogenic systems has contributed to this in any way.

Come on! I already showed you the ICD-11 and the quote from Kluft. I swear, it's like you're not even reading what I wrote. 😔

But sure. How about Eric Yarbrough, Distinguished Fellow of the American Psychiatric Association, in a book reviewed and published by the APA themselves?

Is that enough for you?

I could go on, but you did only ask for one. 🤷‍♀️

Actually, you know, as a bonus, I will just link to Varieties of tulpa Experiences. Written by a psychiatry professor at McGill University, and published by the highly-reputable Oxford University Press.

Repeatedly asserting something doesn't make it true.

This appears to be vaguely referencing the theory of structural dissociation.

Assuming it is, I'll point out that even the creators of this theory have stated that it may be possible for someone to have multiple self-conscious dissociated parts of the personality from things other than trauma. Such as in hypnosis and mediumship.

No. No it's not.

Didn't you imply that you had read the DSM-5 earlier? Because while trauma is highly associated with DID, trauma certainly isn't in the "carteria." Nor is it in the criteria either.

And while it does mention that studies have shown that upwards of 90% of DID cases are linked with trauma, there are no such statements made for studies into OSDD.

Please, tell me what culture is supposedly being appropriated by just believing in the very concept of mediumship and possession?

This is something that exists in nearly every single culture on the planet in some form or another. (Some positive, some negative.) Nobody owns it. And you can't just say literally all spiritual systems are appropriating a culture by virtue of being spiritual.

By that logic, you may as well say reality shifters are appropriating every culture that believed dreams would take you to other worlds.

[arcielee]

Interview With a Writer

Thank you so much @dragonwanker for allowing me to pick your brain on this wonderful story and allowing me to continue this series! 💜 As always, Interview With a Writer is my ongoing series of the talented souls on Tumblr and ao3, and their brilliant writing!

Dividers by @saradika 💜

Name: dragonwanker

Story: The Commune [on ao3]

Paring: modern Aemond Targaryen x Female!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI. AFAB reader, she/her pronouns. This fic contains dark themes such as; descriptions of depression, manipulation, coercion, noncon/dubcon, and incest. Please mind the tags for each chapter.

So, when did you start writing?

Oh, just in September this year! I wrote my first fic and published it then, it’s called “Warm Me Up” 😊 But I’ve been obsessed since it aired last October and I’ve read miles of Aemond fanfic especially!

I’ve always been like a day dreamer, who needs a fantasy to escape to. I didn’t think I’d be any good at writing and avoided it for so long, but then I felt inspired and brave and thought I’d give it a shot. Fanfic really helped me last year when I had a pretty bad time mentally and I thought if someone would enjoy my stories like I’ve enjoyed so many others, I’d be happy!

What made you decide to start writing in English? Do you have any advice for budding new writers where English is not their native tongue?

I think I decided to write in English since I only read fanfics in English, there really isn’t a community in Swedish. Most Swedish people have high enough English literacy to read in the language, and being able to read and write in English opens up to so much more content. As for advice; I’d say read read read! Even if it’s just fanfics, there is so much talent among ff writers and so many lovely pieces to chose from!

I don’t think I would have been able to write without having read so much fan fiction in the last year honestly! I only ever read books in Swedish, or really boring text books and academic articles in English. So, reading has really helped me understand the tone that I enjoy reading in. And helped me understand how to describe and paint a picture for the reader.

I’ve had some time to practice writing in English though, I did both my bachelors and masters in English, but the papers I wrote in school were all boring academic papers.

But that did help me articulate myself and get my point across, something that I think might feel challenging when writing in a second language.

Where did the plot for The Commune come from?

Since I am new to writing, I thought I’d explore writing something darker (also cause Halloween was just around the corner hehe) but wanted it to be different from other stories I’ve read.

I studied politics in uni and was very focused on nationalism, identity and national identity. I think theories surrounding those concepts, like Benedict Anderson’s theory on ‘imagined communities,’ inspired me to write something about a secluded community, and then I thought of a cult.

And the idea works ‘cause Aemond (in canon, I mean) was brought up in a religious family, and I felt like the Seven would be fun to explore more, especially since the story takes place in a modern AU of Westeros.

And his personality really reflects other cult leaders, like Jim Jones (I used Jonestown as a bit of an inspiration for The Commune). Aemond is highly intelligent, calculating, persuasive, knowledgeable about the Seven, and authoritative.

Can you expand a bit more on your interpretation of Aemond. What drives him? Why is he the way he is in The Commune?

I’d say the trauma from losing his eye as a child drives him greatly, and that has both good and bad consequences. Like in canon, he utilises that when studying, and it’s implied that he is extremely intelligent, which I’d say is a result of his tedious work. The need to prove himself drives him greatly.

I also think he has a inferiority complex as a child that develops into a superiority complex as he gets older and praised for his amazing work in school.

So, he takes a natural role as the leader within The Commune (I mean, he’s the mastermind behind it) since he believes that he’s superior to everyone else, even those older than him (with more experience in life or in research). That is where the idea that he could be the father reincarnated comes from; his incredible intellect and how sure he is in everything he does.

Was there anything in specific that inspired your Reader portrayal?

I felt like some of us needed a relatable depressed girl whose too tired of her meaningless job to fight the manipulation.

But I guess I drew a lot of inspiration from real life, and having battled a bit with mental health issues, I utilised that. I wanted the ending to be a bit ambiguous; so that we don’t know if she chose to stay or if she was “brainwashed” into staying. So, she needed to be displeased with life from the start, otherwise she wouldn’t want to leave her career.

Plus, cults often pray on people like her: depressed and disappointed in life. So it felt fitting 😊

Do you think your Reader complements Aemond?

I’ve thought about it and in a twisted way, yes, I think she compliments him (or his delusions haha). He uses his scar and the trauma he went through as a child as a way to manipulate his followers, and having the girl who (he thinks) wronged him by his side as a devoted partner helps him further reinforce his agenda as this outer worldly leader!

That’s one more thing that drives him marrying her: he thinks she’ll help in his selfish goals of gaining more power.

So really, she complements his end game.

Were there any other characters in your story you enjoyed writing?

Oh yes, I loved writing Alys and Helaena! They’re only the two other real ‘actors’ in the story but it was so fun exploring how their characters would translate onto this dark, modern setting.

Helaena being depressed in King’s Landing and finding solace in the country where she can pursue a life without the stresses of modern society felt realistic to the way I interpret her character; someone who craves connection to nature (actualised through her fondness of insects) yet gets pulled away from that and thrust into the chaotic mess that is the Targtowers.

And Alys being this highly intelligent PhD student in phytotherapy; having vast knowledge on plants and ancient healing practices! Gets charmed by the young and confident political science student (Aemond) who promises a better life under a brand new philosophy.

Do you think you will do a sequel to this story? Or a new piece you might post?

Hmmm no, at least not at the moment! I like the way it ended and feel like I don’t have anything else to add that would elevate the story… but if inspiration strikes I’m not opposed to the idea!

I’m currently writing a series called ‘Rumours’ that I think people who enjoyed ‘The Commune’ might like; it’s not a dark!fic but there’s plenty of angst and drama 👀

Do you have a personal favorite fanfic you'd like to share?

I am beyond excited for more of @theoneeyedprince Tom Bennett story ‘As the World Burns’ and @humanpurposes modern!Aemond story ‘It Will Come Back’

[bethanythebogwitch]

What if Silent Hill was an SCP?

SCP-8017

Object class: euclid keter

Special containment procedures: the town of Silent Hill is to be continuously monitored by plainclothes agents and researchers. These personnel are assigned to observe and catalogue any paranormal activity within the town, observe the activities of the local GOI calling itself The Order and prevent any rituals or occult activity said group is participating in, and attempt to detain any civilians apparently affected by SCP-017 for questioning and prevention of anomalous effects (update: after event 8017-04, no attempts to detain persons affected by SCP-8017 is to be made). All personnel assigned to SCP-8017 are required to attend biweekly therapy sessions and monthly psychological evaluation and are encouraged to request additional sessions if they feel it necessary. The chief psychologist assigned to SCP-8017 is authorized to remove any Foundation employee from SCP-8017 at any time. Personnel must undertake a psychological evaluation and background check before being assigned to SCP-8017 and any past criminal actions, psychological trauma, and deeply-held regrets are grounds for removal of Foundation personnel from SCP-8017. 

Description: SCP-8017 is Silent Hill, a medium-sized lakeside resort town located in [REDACTED], USA, with a population of approximately [REDACTED]. The town and surrounding area are notable for an unusually high level of anomalous phenomena, including hauntings, spiritual activity, poltergeist activity, and occult practices. The location is also home to a unique phenomenon consisting of one or two pocket dimensions. These consist of SCP-8017-A and SCP-017-B. It is not known at this time if these are two pocket dimensions or a single pocket dimension that can radically change in appearance. SCP-8017-A typically appears as a deserted and neglected version of Silent Hill where the atmosphere is heavily saturated with a dense fog, mist, or smoke. SCP-8017-B appears differently to every observer, but is always a heavily distorted and highly frightening version of the town of Silent Hill. Common features of SCP-8017-B include distortions of architecture, inorganic objects covered in or made from biological material, the appearance of multiple human and nonhuman corpses, terrain and architecture appearing in a state of extreme disrepair, evidence of violence and death, and malfunctioning of technology. Transition of persons between SCP-8017-A and -B is typically accompanied with the sound of an air raid siren originating from an unknown source. 

SCP-017-C refers to living entities that inhabit SCP-017-A and -B. The majority of these are hostile creatures described by observers as monstrous and distorted. The appearances of SCP-8017-C appear to be unique to each observer. Rare instances of SCP-8017-C appear identical to nonanomalous humans and some of these do not appear to be aware of their nature. The presence of SCP-8017-C is noted to disrupt certain forms of technology, most notably radios.

The majority of information on SCP-8017-A, -B, and -C comes from interviews of persons who have encountered said phenomena as there is no known way to forcibly interact with said phenomena. Most of the people who have interacted with the anomalies present within SCP-8017 appear to be those who are involved with the local religious group known as The Order or people who have deeply held regrets or have committed immoral acts in the past. The latter group seems to be composed largely of people who do not live in the town, though many (but not all) have some prior experience with the town such as visiting it on a vacation. Many of this group who have been successfully detained and interrogated state that they feel drawn to come to Silent Hill for reasons they cannot articulate. Many of those who have interacted with SCP-8017-A, -B, and -C and survived state that they believe the town itself or an entity or entities within it are intelligent and bringing people to the town as a test or set of trials intended to force them to confront past regrets or actions and/or to undergo a personal revelation relating to themselves. The appearances of SCP-8017-A, -B, and -C appear personalized to each person affected by SCP-8017, typically appearing in forms that will cause intense fear and have some symbolic relation to the past or personal revelation of the observer. A person being drawn to Silent Hill and made to undergo a “trial” is said to have undergone a Flauros Event. 

SCP-8017-A, -B, and -C appear to be linked to the local religious group known as The Order. This religion appears to be a syncretism of abrahamic beliefs, regional Native American beliefs, and original beliefs. The religion focuses on a henotheistic female deity known as God who The Order believes came to Earth in the distant past where humanity was trapped in a state of undying suffering. This deity introduced time and death to the world to ease humanity’s suffering, but expended its power in the process and died. The Order believes that through ritual and prophecy, they may birth their god again, thus allowing it to remake the world into a paradise. However, the god must be born through pain and suffering so that it may know what to avoid. It is believed that attempts by The Order to birth their god are responsible for the initial appearance of SCP-8017-A, -B, and -C. The Order has historically had a large degree of control over Silent Hill and have maintained a positive public image despite performing various criminal and immoral acts including illicit narcotics trafficking, human sacrifice, torture and brainwashing of civilians, systematic child abuse, and assassination of critics. As of recent events and Foundation activity, the influence of The Order has declined significantly. The Order is known to practice occult rituals and some members are minor practitioners of thaumaturgy. The organization as a whole seems to be mostly ignorant of the nature of the anomalous beyond the limited phenomena they make use of. 

Addendum 1: timeline of relevant events 

Pre-16th century: Native Americans regard the region surrounding SCP-8017 as a sacred and/or feared place. Historical records indicate it was named The Place of Silent Spirits and hosted religious practices distinct from those practiced by other regional Native American groups.

Late 1600s: European settlers colonize the region, displacing Native American groups. The first town is founded on the site.

Early 1700s: a disease of unknown nature forces the abandonment of the town.

1810: in response to a localized civil war, the town is resettled as a penal colony. First known use of the name Silent Hill.

1823: first known reference to The Order. The religion quickly becomes the dominant religion of the town.

1857: a splinter group of The Order founds the neighboring town of Shepherd’s Glen. The mainstream Order is alleged to have cursed the splinter group through unknown means. The four founding families of the splinter sect must ritually sacrifice a child every fifty years or be punished by their god. 

1969: a child named Alessa Gillespie is born. As she grows, she begins to display anomalous properties, the descriptions of which correspond to that of a minor psychic or reality warper. As a result, she is heavily bullied and ostracized throughout her youth. Her mother, Dahlia, a thaumaturgic practitioner and high-ranking member of The Order, decides to use her daughter as the vessel through which the cult’s god will be born and therefore chooses to increase her daughter’s suffering. 

1976: event 8017-01. Dahlia Gillespie attempts a ritual to use her daughter to birth tThe Order's god. This ritual is interrupted when the house it is held in catches fire. Alessa suffers full-body third-degree burns, but is rescued by a passing trucker named Travis Grady. Despite being mortally wounded, Alessa does not die. While attempting to visit her at the hospital, Grady is drawn into the first known manifestations of SCP-8017-A and -B, apparently originating as a result of Alessa’s powers affecting the pre-existing anomalous activity in Silent Hill. While undergoing a Flauros Event, Grady prevents an attempt by Dahlia to complete the ritual to birth God. Alessa chooses to split her soul into two entities, the original Alessa who remained within SCP-8017 and an infant located by a road leading out of town. This infant is found by a passing couple, Harry and Jodie Mason. They adopt the child and name her Cheryl. 

1977: the Foundation discovers SCP-8017. Preliminary containment procedures and study begin. 

1980: Jodie Mason dies.

1983: event 8017-2. Cheryl Mason experiences an anomalous urge to visit Silent Hill. Harry agrees to take her. On the drive into the town, Harry's car crashes. Harry is knocked unconscious and awakens in SCP-8017-A to find Cheryl missing. While searching the town for her, he discovers her true nature and the events that led to event 8017-1. Dahlia has arranged this sequence of events to forcibly merge Cheryl and Alessa back into a single being to complete the birth of God. She is successful, but the birth in interrupted, resulting in God being born in a monstrous form. It is unknown if this being is an actual deity or an instance of SCP-8017-C. Harry successfully kills the alleged god. Alessa allows Harry to escape into baseline reality and reincarnates herself into an infant. Harry adopts the infant, naming her Cheryl after the original (henceforth designated Cheryl II). In the years following, Harry is heavily conflicted over Cheryl II, blaming her for the death of Cheryl, but eventually comes to love her as a daughter. 

1988: a member of The Order attempts to assassinate Harry Mason and abduct Cheryl II. Harry kills the cultist and moves to another city, renaming Cheryl II to Heather to protect her identity. 

1991: the Foundation discovers the existence of SCP-8071-A, -B, and -C after interviewing one James Sunderland, a survivor of a Flauros Event. Containment procedures are updated. 

1993: event 8017-03. Claudia White, an Order member, former apprentice of Dahlia Gillespie, and former childhood friend of Alessa discovers Heather and Harry Mason’s location. In an attempt to use Heather to birth God, she arranges the assassination of Harry to cause Heather to suffer and travel to Silent Hill. Heather learns about her past and discovers that she is pregnant with the fetal form of The Order's god. Heather successfully aborts God’s fetus. Claudia ingests the fetus and births an allegedly incomplete version of God (as in event 8017-02 it is unclear if this was an actual deity) but Heather kills it. Upon leaving the town, Heather is detained by the Foundation. Through interrogating her, the Foundation learns about event 8017-01, -02, and -03 and gains a greater understanding of the nature of SCP-8017. Event 8017-03 is the first known instance of SCP-8017-A, -B, and -C manifesting outside of Silent Hill. 

1994: event 8017-04. Foundation agents in SCP-017 successfully detain a civilian entering Silent Hill in an attempt to prevent a Flauros Event. Subject is transported to the nearest regional site for analysis. During evaluation, the site is spontaneously transported to SCP-8017-B and instances of SCP-8017-C manifest. This event lasts for several hours (accounts differ on the exact time) during which a containment breach occurs and multiple personnel are exposed to a Flauros Event. The event ends when head researcher Dr. Carter escorts the detained civilian outside of the site and releases them. The site abruptly returns to baseline reality and all SCP-8017-C instances vanish, along with the civilian. In the aftermath of the event, thirteen personnel were found dead, four were never located, fifty-two were injured, and forty-eight showed signs of post-traumatic stress disorder. Containment procedures are updated. 

2007: event 8017-05. The 150th anniversary of the founding of Shepherd’s Glen and the fourth necessary sacrifice of children of each of the four founding families. The ritual sacrifice is not completed due to the Shepherd family losing one child due to accidental death and being unwilling to sacrifice the remaining child, Alex Shepherd. Due to this, SCP-8017-A and -B and -C manifest in Shepherd's Glen. Alex Shepherd is drawn to Silent Hill in a Flauros Event. Two of the founding family heads are killed by SCP-8017-C instances appearing to correspond to their deceased children while one is killed by Alex in self-defense and the remaining one is executed by members of the Silent Hill branch of The Order, who invade Shepherd’s Glen in attempted retaliation of the schism of the religion. Alex is forced to kill several high-ranking Order members while resolving his Flauros Event. Upon resolving his Flauros Event, the effects of SCP-8017 on Shepherd’s Glen end. In the aftermath of event 8017-05, the Foundation is able to detain many important Order members and significantly disrupt their operations and power base.

Addendum-2: as of 2023, unconfirmed reports of anomalous phenomena matching the description of SCP-8017 have originated from locations far from the town of Silent Hill, including [REDACTED], Norway and [REDACTED], Japan. Investigation of these reports in underway.

[itsclydebitches]

Clyde, I’m angry because they’re doing it again. They had the opportunity to make a complex situation and they’re making black and white again, Clyde. I’m not happy. I’m very angry, Clyde. The fact that Jaune isn’t allowed to lash out for a second when a village he was protecting was destroyed while Ruby can bitch and moan about a burden she placed on her shoulders really makes me fucking angry, Clyde. Duck this SHOW. Christ.

I feel you 🤣

I do understand the fans - RWDE included - who are fully anti-Jaune because yeah, in the grand scheme of things it's a problem that he is again allowed to hog the emotional spotlight when we've got a cast of four to develop. But within the non-meta context of the story and what we have to work with... hard agree. My problem with the focus of Ruby's meltdown isn't simply that she's complaining about something she actively took from others with horrific consequences (though that is a huge part of it), but that it's explicitly pitted against the death of Jaune's village. Yes, we can infer that Ruby is upset about a lot of things - like Penny - but that's not what's written in this scene. So what you end up with is:

Jaune: I'm lashing out because the family I've been protecting for years in my unimaginable isolation have all been killed and my supposed friends are calling me crazy and won't even acknowledge that this is a true loss

Ruby: I'm lashing out because my self-imposed leadership has gotten too hard for me to handle and my teammates haven't noticed that I'm crumbling under the authority I demanded others grant me

The middle part of that is the only part of Ruby's meltdown I agree with - yes, her teammates have been awful to her since landing in Ever After and I HATE that Yang's sisterhood/Weiss' partnership/Blake's supposed pride in Ruby have all but disappeared - but that's only a small part of her underlying complaint which is... that she got what she wanted? Ruby wanted to call the shots and now she's pissed that people expect her to call the shots. Like yeah, you can (and often should) write a character who regrets their choices, but if they don't acknowledge their agency in those choices (which Ruby veeeery much hasn't) they just come across as a selfish asshole. Which is also a great archetype! ... just maybe not in the supposedly innocent, pure soul meant to be a pretty simplistically good hero?

Then you toss in the fact that Ruby's meltdown is contrasted with Jaune's and things look so much worse. Ruby is regretting her own choices. Jaune is grieving countless deaths at the hands of an established villain and the narrative's uncomfortable suicide metaphor. These are not the same. These are not even CLOSE to comparable and the only way you can try to weigh them equally is if you a) toss in all Ruby's trauma which explicitly isn't brought up or b) buy into her idea that the Paper Pleasers are "make believe" and therefore their loss is of no emotional consequence. Sorry, but that doesn't work for me in a story that (originally) positioned Penny as a person despite not being human AND in an episode that JUST had the girls prioritizing the Paper Pleasers' perspective over Jaune's. The story can't criticize Jaune for not listening to the highly-articulate, autonomous beings and then also claim they're nothing but insignificant figments of his imagination. It's one or the other. If the Paper Pleasers are "human" enough to treat their desire to die with respect, than they're "human" enough for Jaune to grieve the hell out of when they're gone. Plus, I know a lot of people won't buy into this because we didn't see the relationship develop on screen, but Jaune spent years with these non-human people who act innocent and silly and a little bit "dumb" sometimes. That sounds a lot like Penny! If Ruby is subtexually lashing out because she's still grieving a non-human friend she had for a year and two-ish months... why would we expect Jaune's grief to be any less after loosing a whole village of those friends after years of living together? He's grieving countless Pennys all at the same time, after all that time being alone. This basically takes Ruby's situation and magnifies it by a hundred: what if you had LOTS of friends die and the world ACTUALLY forced you into being the hero (Jaune becoming the Rusted Knight) and instead of just being ignored for two days, you were without your friends and family for two decades?

Seriously, Jaune's situation is a lot like Ruby's situation just with trauma squared - right down to him being a leader - except he didn't bring much of this down on his own head. Having these two meltdowns in the same scene isn't just a problem because Jaune gets more emotional screentime, it's a problem because I can't take Ruby seriously compared to the insane horrors Jaune is enduring beside her.