#cPTSD

[support]

Everything okay?

If you or someone you know is struggling with an eating disorder, you are not alone.  

If you are in the United States, please try:

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If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find help lines related to eating disorders for your country. 

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For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.

[stormofsyren]

I have to finish reading this one 😭 I probably got about half way in before I got triggered and put it down.

I have to muster up my courage and pick it back up again. It is without a doubt one of the most accurate depictions of complex trauma I have ever read.

And here’s what makes complex PTSD uniquely miserable in the world of trauma diagnoses: it occurs when someone is exposed to a traumatic event over and over and over again — hundreds, even thousands of times — over the course of years. When you are traumatised that many times, the number of conscious and subconscious triggers bloats, becomes infinite and inexplicable. If you are beaten for hundreds of mistakes, then every mistake becomes dangerous. If dozens of people let you down, all people become untrustworthy. The world itself becomes a threat.

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

[neuroticboyfriend]

you don't have to know the way out for there to be a way out. you are not doomed just because you can't imagine something happening or someone tells you that you can't do it. you just haven't found the resources or support or knowledge you need yet.

there is hope, i promise. and i don't make promises i can't keep.

[furiousgoldfish]

if you plan to reject me on anything please let me know 7 business days in advance so I can avoid you for the rest of my life. thanks

[transfaguette]

learning that constantly thinking about and analyzing and interpreting my traumas isn’t actually healing . and don’t get me wrong its made me a very effective communicator and emotionally intelligent person. but actually im supposed to be moving on and experiencing new things and happiness and stuff and not just compulsively reliving and recontextualizing the past. oops!

[jesusinstilettos]

I’m about to save you thousands of dollars in therapy by teaching you what I learned paying thousands of dollars for therapy:

It may sound woo woo but it’s an important skill capitalism and hyper individualism have robbed us of as human beings.

Learn to process your emotions. It will improve your mental health and quality of life. Emotions serve a biological purpose, they aren’t just things that happen for no reason.

1. Pause and notice you’re having a big feeling or reaching for a distraction to maybe avoid a feeling. Notice what triggered the feeling or need for a distraction without judgement. Just note that it’s there. Don’t label it as good or bad.

2. Find it in your body. Where do you feel it? Your chest? Your head? Your stomach? Does it feel like a weight everywhere? Does it feel like you’re vibrating? Does it feel like you’re numb all over?

3. Name the feeling. Look up an emotion chart if you need to. Find the feeling that resonates the most with what you’re feeling. Is it disappointment? Heartbreak? Anxiety? Anger? Humiliation?

4. Validate the feeling. Sometimes feelings misfire or are disproportionately big, but they’re still valid. You don’t have to justify what you’re feeling, it’s just valid. Tell yourself “yeah it makes sense that you feel that right now.” Or something as simple as “I hear you.” For example: If I get really big feelings of humiliation when I lose at a game of chess, the feeling may not be necessary, but it is valid and makes sense if I grew up with parents who berated me every time I did something wrong. So I could say “Yeah I understand why we are feeling that way given how we were treated growing up. That’s valid.”

5. Do something with your body that’s not a mental distraction from the feeling. Something where you can still think. Go on a walk. Do something with your hands like art or crochet or baking. Journal. Clean a room. Figure out what works best for you.

6. Repeat, it takes practice but is a skill you can learn :)

[recoverr]

i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.

[sundemonlord]

I pass like a mf

That's actually part of the problem

Bc mf find out I'm trans and one of their first thoughts??

OMG I THOUGHT YOUD HAVE A DICK

like first of all:

1. Pussy is the best (to me, for me, in my mouth)

2. A hole is a hole (or so I've heard from redneck "straight" mf)

3. Go find a cis guy then? Oh wait!! You didn't want a cis guy bc they're "gross" right?

Dumbass mf

Most internalized bigotry coming from within the communities i belong to, whether queer, brown, or neurodivergent

I'm just at too many intersections for yall to wrap ur little brains around

I don’t see how any of the current “trans men are privileged for being passing men so shut up and accept it” discourse in response to trans mascs/men discussing our oppression is any different than old conservative talking points that “homophobia doesn’t affect gays as long as they’re not too open about it.”

[yuumei-art]

Inner Child The older I get, the more I keep my inner child locked inside. I used to talk more about my past, about my dysfunctional family and how they've hurt me. But these days I feel pressured to be positive, to only paint happy things because the world is sad enough already.

Since being diagnosed with CPTSD, I've gotten therapy and it has helped a lot. But that doesn't stop the nightmares from happening and there are days when I can't do anything but cry. I used to draw myself strangling my younger self, but it never dies. There will always be a part of me that longs for a happy family, for parents that love me. Maybe one day I'll learn to co-exist with that part of myself.

[starfishinthedistance]

I talk to many people who say things like "oh I have trauma but I don't have PTSD", but then when I talk to them a little more I realize that they most likely do, they just can't recognize it as such due to how lacking PTSD awareness is, even beyond the whole "it's not just a veteran's disorder" thing.

The main reason they think they don't have PTSD usually has to do with flashbacks and nightmares, either they have one but not the other or have neither. But here's the thing, those are only two symptoms out of the 23-odd recognized symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares are two of the five symptoms under Criterion B (Intrusion), which you only need one of for a diagnosis. The other three symptoms are unwanted upsetting memories, emotional distress after being reminded of trauma and physical reactivity after being reminded of trauma (i.e. shaking, sweating, heart racing, feeling sick, nauseous or faint, etc). Therefore you can have both flashbacks and nightmares, one but not the other, or neither and still have PTSD.

In fact, a lot of the reasons people give me for why they don't think they have PTSD are literally a part of the diagnostic criteria.

"Oh, I can barely remember most parts of my trauma anyway." Criterion D (Negative Alterations in Cognition and Mood) includes inability to recall key features of the trauma.

"Oh but I don't get upset about my trauma that often because I avoid thinking of it or being around things that remind me of it most of the time." Criterion C (Avoidance) includes avoiding trauma-related thoughts or feelings and avoiding trauma-related external reminders, and you literally cannot get diagnosed if you don't have at least one of those two symptoms.

"Oh I just have trouble getting to sleep or staying asleep, but I don't have nightmares." Criterion E (Alterations in Arousal and Reactivity) includes difficulting sleeping outside of nightmares.

"But I didn't have many/any trauma symptoms until a long time after the trauma happened." There's literally an entire specification for that.

Really it just shows how despite being one of the most well-known mental illnesses, people really don't know much about PTSD. If you have trauma, I ask you to at least look at the criteria before you decide you don't have PTSD. Hell, even if you don't have trauma, look at the criteria anyway because there are so many symptoms in there that just are not talked about.

PTSD awareness is not just about flashbacks and nightmares.

[thelatestkate]

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[sundemonlord]

To be clear: we have the solutions to our problems

but like with most things a lot of people want to reinvent things we don't need

like binary genders/roles and bioessentialism in queer spaces (while leaving out black/indigenous folx out of such discussions)

or social hierarchies! after proclaiming far and wide how they believe everyone is equal (or should be)

a lot of people are dumb, or lack self awareness, and/or are being purposefully selfish

There's two sides to every coin, two sides and the truth, etc

Some thoughts from Chinese Xiaohongshu users (text is translated and originally in Chinese)

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:

There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’

like wow babe. good fucking point

[the-jesus-pill]

You’ve got to forgive yourself for being traumatized and needing to learn how to function again. 

Recovery isn’t always nightmares and depression, it’s forgetting to eat, being scared of what others might see as completely normal things, it’s getting random panic attacks, not knowing how to take care of yourself, not knowing how to live like an adult, even if you’re twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, of feeling like you’re failing to function in a world where everyone seems to have their shit together. 

If you need help, ask for it. Go to forums and ask for advice. Take advantage of community resources. Buy pre-sliced veggies and fruits, eat instant meals if you can’t cook for yourself today. Hire someone. Ask a neighbor for a favor. Buy any item you think might make life easier, even if you feel like you aren’t ‘disabled’ enough to have it. 

Some of the depression posts (ie open your windows, take a shower, go outside, call a friend) are really helpful but they’re not always enough. I’ve found advice for spoonies, people with chronic pain or other disabilities have the best tips because they know what it’s like to be bedridden, out of energy, stuck in a brain fog. 

You may never return back to the energy you had when you were younger and you might always need to use crutches to help you through life. It’s the same with medication. 

Trauma is a real thing that happens to you, it physically alters your brain and it’s alright to have lasting scars. 

You’re not broken, your life is not over and you can still be happy. 

It’s not your fault.

[love-me-love-my-weirdness]

Shout out to the people who never had a safe place. Who didn’t have a before trauma. Who were loved but not protected. Who were collateral damage in someone else’s breakdown. Who got fucked up so young that they’ll never know who they could have been.

Shout out to people who’ve never felt safe. I hope you do someday.

[justinhubbell]

WELP...

It's "The Big One" I mentioned previously and I don't want to and I'm going to anyway cuz I'm ready.

Can I just say something?

Trauma therapy has helped me more than any other kind of therapy.

A (naturally occurring) forest fire is important for growth. The fire removes dead trees and rot. It spurs evergreens and sequoias to release seeds. As new forest plants sprout it feeds a multitude of animal life.

These slice-of-life cartoons were always meant to be mostly funny and whimsical, but I had to include this.

We all survive Traumatic events, the Trauma is what remains after. If you don't let it out, it stays in the body. It manifests in countless ways, none of which I was consciously consenting to.

My favorite writers on the subject are Gabor Mate and Clementine Morrigan.

And I'll be making celebratory illustrations each time I make it through a session, which I'll attach to this post.

Thanks for reading, and most especially, thanks for healing!

-J