#hermes is such a funny guy damn

[kaisecayo]

sometimes you will ask hermes for a sign and you’ll get this

[hellishgayliath]

The epic musical brainrot is real and his name is poseidon

[ma1dita]

crazy little thing

a ‘partners in crime’ installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader prev -> bedtime stories | next -> anything you want words: 3.4k summary: (pre-established relationship) The one where he spends all his drachmas to make you smile. Sometimes, the Apollo kids are better matchmakers than Aphrodite herself. Everyone’s tired of you two dancing around each other. Luke Castellan x fem!Dionysus!reader a/n: lil valentines day special though im working on more est. relationship fluff after this!! happy season 2 renewal babies (posted 2/9/24 unbetaed)

—

“Come on, you gotta admit—it’s kinda funny!” 

Luke is met with blank stares at the camp store after he places a few drachmas onto the folding table in front of the Apollo kids. They’re not sure if he’s trying to convince them, or himself.

Because yeah, that’s the excuse he goes for, wanting to spend his savings on having them sing to a certain head counselor instead of admitting his blatantly obvious feelings, so if you ask Lee Fletcher and his half-siblings, it’s kind of pathetic.

“What do we look like, a traveling mariachi band, Castellan?” he deadpans, watching the usually confident boy scratch the back of his neck with his face red like someone who’s been sitting out in the sun for too long. 

“I’m not saying to follow her around all day or whatever, just pick a random time to sing a song and catch her off-guard,” he insists, before meeting the judgmental look of one of Lee’s younger siblings.

Lee chuckles, ruffling his sister’s hair before looking at Luke quite seriously, “She’s a good friend. You’re gonna have to pay us more than that. Special song for a special lady after all.”

The son of Hermes knows he’s gonna regret this sooner or later, but proceeds to throw the rest of his meager earnings onto the table. He has other ways of being resourceful anyway, the box of chocolates he nicked from behind the store counter feeling heavy in his jacket pocket.

“Right… she’s just a friend.”

Luke’s hands fidget at his sides as he stands there, feeling a little stupid.

Lee’s little sister scoops up the coins from the table, her raised eyebrows and light aura mirroring that of her older brother. 

“What song were you thinking?” she asks, “Gotta make sure I know it if I’m singing it to your…friend.”

The 18-year-old boy tugs at his dark curls, getting more embarrassed and wanting to retreat with every minute that passes, but he’s never been one to back down from anything–swordfights, monsters, capture the flag, but this—trying to impress you...is a whole different story somehow.

Why are feelings so damn complicated? 

It feels like being at the butt of a joke, or more accurately—at the sharp edge of a sword, and Luke never lets his fights end in a draw.

“You guys got it covered. Just…surprise me too, I guess,” he sighs, walking off without finishing his sentence. He wishes he could pray a little harder to his dad for luck, even if he’s unsure of what exactly he’s wishing for (or if his dad will even listen).

“Castellan’s hopeless. You think he knows it yet?” the girl asks her brother, to which Lee laughs.

“I don’t think she does either, even though everyone else can see right through them. The new bets are on who’s gonna break first. Chiron’s been keeping track, but don’t tell Mr. D.”

If Luke wants a show, they’ll make sure he’ll get his money’s worth—and hopefully, it’ll push you two along faster. Lee bet on you two getting together before the summer after all, and he’ll be damned if he loses to Clarisse.

—

Valentine’s Day might be the day of love, but for you, someone who’s single (not by choice), and heavily busy with making sure people aren’t so…enamored in public (you’ve lost count of the reports you’ve written out due to indecent behavior this morning alone)---this just feels like another Wednesday, except with more hormonal teenagers with uncontrollable urges than usual. 

Oh, the joys of being the daughter of the camp director, also known as everyone’s favorite narc.

Honestly, love can suck it. With this much love in the air, you can feel it suffocating you like a plastic bag over your head. 

That’s an uncontrollable urge. Too much?

Maybe Silena was right, you do need to open yourself up more to romantic opportunities. But if you have to watch another person swap spit and get pawed at like they’re the last dinner roll at the table…. You might commit arson and set this place ablaze.

You just didn’t understand why people had to go all out today of all days. Shouldn’t love be shown year-round? Though you were a person of theatrics and enjoy a good show, it is amazing how much grandiose displays of affection make you cringe. It felt very performative, instead of genuine, and you would know, you’re the best actress at camp. You’ve acted out stories before, knowing all of the greatest romances and tragedies by heart. And you pride yourself on being a decent teacher to the campers, but for some of them, love still translates to a bad rendition of a ballad they heard on the radio.

Nothing gets past you at this point.

But that sucks too sometimes, you know?

Multiple failed flings and a heartbreak or two weigh down on you on days like this one, as you’re stuck being a bystander to outlandish displays put on by the Aphrodite kids being put to work. Love is their domain anyway, and yours…makes you feel a little less undesirable. Each demigod has their own strengths and weaknesses, but perhaps in the name of love, some of them don’t know how to take a hint. Several forgettable prose readings, a Sparknotes version of Eros and Psyche, and too many red roses to count have you reeling from exhaustion and a bit of disgust—-and it’s only lunchtime. 

So yeah, maybe you’re a little jealous; they could call you Nemesis at this point.

The only flowers you got today were from the little kids from along the path to the strawberry orchard, and though it’s sweet—the human side of you misses affection. 

Devotion. 

To be a daughter of Dionysus meant to deal in extremes, obsession or nothing, and there are very few people who can handle that. Always being too much to handle, or uninterested as a defense mechanism. Perhaps that’s what scares admirers away. 

That, or the fact that Luke Castellan is always attached to your hip. To be honest, you’ve always preferred it that way—the both of you working as a pair always gets things done faster around camp and he brightens your mood, whether you admit it or not. 

But you two are just friends. 

Really good friends who look for each other in crowded rooms, hands constantly brushing against the other for comfort, and able to pick up where the other one leaves off. Usually he’s the first person you see in the morning, and the last person you say goodnight to. You know how he likes his coffee and he cuts your apples for you as you two sit together in your unassigned seats in the dining pavilion. You watch each other’s workshops and if one of you is missing, everyone knows to ask the other to get an answer.

Right? That’s totally normal coworker/friend behavior.

If you were ever given immortality, perhaps they’d make you the goddess of denial.

You’re sweeping up confetti from the dining hall floor after an uncoordinated excuse of a flash mob was performed for one of the Demeter kids… and not to sound like a heinous bitch, but maybe next time they should use something biodegradable… or less messy. Sighing deeply, you feel someone’s eyes on you, and when you look up, Luke’s standing there with two full plates of food.

“Take a break, Trouble. No one’s paying you overtime,” he jokes, and you roll your eyes as you put the broom aside.

“No one’s paying me at all…” you groan, before taking the plate out of his hands and knocking your head against his shoulder in thanks. He snickers as his hand brushes the small of your back, tickling your spine as he leads you to sit at a table.

“Just another holiday. You know how it is.”

“It’d be nice to have a night off though. Sometimes I regret taking up the position,” you mumble through spoonfuls of soup. He throws his large hand over your shoulder, kneading some tension from your trapezius. Head jerking along with the movements, you giggle as soup dribbles off your spoon, which makes his lips quirk into a small smile. Being around you felt so thoughtless and easy that if you told him to jump off a bridge he’d do it without question, which should be more concerning—the hold you have on him is irrevocable. Feelings are way too difficult for his teenage brain to comprehend at this stage. It’s easier to wash dishes with lava or fight off a dragon (bad example, he knows, but there’s something about you that already makes him feel like he’s losing before anything’s even happened).

Luke is someone who fights until the end, a soldier who’s always trained and so ready for anything that sometimes it makes you wonder what war he’s preparing for. Infatuation, or the scarier, four-letter word was not something he was ever briefed on.

“No, you don’t. You’re a control freak,” he says with a grin. 

Luke watches you play with the pendant on your necklace, the dragon scale he fashioned into your favorite accessory glinting in your hand. Running your fingers back and forth over the smooth surface, your other hand puts the spoon down and you place your head on his shoulder. He thinks if he had to describe the four-letter word on the tip of his tongue, he’d tell whoever’s asking about the way you kissed his healing cheek after you both left the Garden of Hesperides. More than a year later, Luke is still unable to find the right words even if the weakness has made a home in his heart with your name written all over it.

“I swear if I have to hear another person croak out a lovesong I might just drown myself in the Long Island Sound,” you scoff as his fingers trace circles onto your waist.

There’s a low strum of a guitar that reaches your ears and your forehead meets the cool surface of the table as you shut your eyes and grumble. It’s Lee and his half-siblings, beginning to walk through the hall seconds away from singing until they see Luke shaking his head and dragging his finger across his throat to please, gods, stop. The Apollo kids swivel and 180, walking out of the hall as the music stops dissonantly, rolling their eyes and dragging their feet.

“That was quick,” you say inquisitively as your head pops up from the table to see Luke looking off in the distance.

“Heh… I think they were just practicing or something…”

He then had to run off and pay them more drachmas for the inconvenience. 

Fucking hustlers.

—

The sun sets quickly on Camp Half-Blood since it’s mid-February, and Luke finds you trying to calm your nerves as you look at the mess of glitter and paper mache that covers the arts and crafts hall from floor to ceiling.

“I can’t believe this!” you say in disbelief as you look at Luke, and he takes the can of Redbull out of your shaking hand.  

“There’s just no fucking way everyone decided to use glitter. It’s everywhere! I’m—CONNOR, PUT THE SCISSORS DOWN!”

Luke sighs as he holds his hand out for his younger brother to give up the craft scissors, which he relinquishes with a mischievous grin. 

“Guys, go find trouble somewhere else,” Luke mutters, pushing his head away, and where Connor goes, Travis quickly follows, tossing a canister of glitter back at him and not knowing it was still open.

“Oops.” 

Immediately, the both of you are showered in iridescent particles, floating over your heads and stuck in your hair as the older Stoll brother looks at the two of you wide-eyed.

“You've already got Trouble anyway,” he says teasingly, and this asshole winks at Luke before bolting out the door.

The room is silent now, and you pinch the bridge of your nose, before speaking, “I don’t care if he’s your brother, Luke. I might just fucking kill him.” You'd say more but your eyes are shut as you try not to breathe in glitter, and then the sound of the doorknob rattling catches your attention. Luke is standing there, finally faced with a door he can’t open, his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance–but the effect isn’t as menacing as it should be when he’s covered in red and pink sparkles.

“Not if I get to him first, the little bastard.”

“Just open the door,” you say panicked, running over and forcing his hands off the doorknob.

“I can’t if you won’t let me do it!” He grits, elbowing you and trying to unlock the door with both his inherited gift and brute strength.

“What kind of demigod even are you? Lockpicking is supposed to be your thing!”

“Well OBVIOUSLY, but it’s not working, now is it, Trouble?”

Luke finishes off the rest of your energy drink before throwing the can over his shoulder and he swears he can hear you cuss at him under your breath as you berate him about the mess, so he chooses to focus on busting the door down instead of looking at the glitter stuck in your eyelashes and thinking about how the idea of being stuck in a room with you makes him feel weak at the knees.

Through the window, his eyes meet the group of Apollo kids staring at the predicament you two are in (and the barricade of chairs the Stolls put in front of the door). He sighs, and Lee’s little sister flips him off as they start to walk away again, instruments in tow.

“You gonna charge him again?”

A tiny Will Solace looks at his elders for guidance as they walk along the path. As one of the youngest in the bunch, he especially idolizes anything his half-siblings do, going along with whatever they see fit.

“No, but we’re close enough to the archery range that I might just shoot them through their hearts myself. Eros and Aphrodite themselves are pretty much begging us to,” Lee grumbles.

“Why are we doing this again?” Will babbles, and his half-sister grabs his hand to help him walk faster.

“A crazy little thing called love. You’ll understand it better someday, kid.”

—

Thankfully, it all starts winding down after dinner. Luke finds you leaning against a tree flipping through your clipboard during the camp sing-along, so he tugs at your elbow to get your attention.

“Wanna get out of here?”

You look at him, slotting your pen behind your ear as you notice faint glitter particles still dotted along his cheeks. As your lips pull into a small smile, you say, "I still have a few things to do after this, don't you?"

"Cleared your schedule for the night," he mumbles, and whether it's the glow of the bonfire or he's actually blushing, a teasing expression crosses your face as you step closer and cross your arms at him.

"You cleared my schedule for the night. How on earth did you do that?"

Instead of a proper reply, he grabs your hand, tugging you out to the docks near the lake.

"Don't worry about it."

He's not going to tell you that he owes Chris and Annie a few favors before the end of the month to make up for the night shift they ended up taking. Instead, you both sit cross-legged at the edge of the dock, a gentle breeze brushing at your clothes and for the first time today, you're able to just exist.

"I hate Valentine's Day," you suddenly say, looking up at the night sky, and he's watching you closely as the gentle shine of the moon casts a cool glow on your face. Luke cringes at your statement, thinking he's already thrown away his shot.

"Why's that?"

"Tell me something Luke, am I unlikable? Like, is there anything wrong with me?"

He looks at you like you've told him you’re secretly a cyclops.

“The fuck? How many times do I have to tell you that everyone thinks you’re great?"

You don't even give him a chance to finish his sentence before you blurt, "I don’t want to be great, I want to be loved!" Reeling back a little, you lean back on your hands to create some distance.

 “Sorry... that was a lot, and I’m just...wanting to be noticed. It's nice to have people's attention sometimes, you know?”

You’ve got all of mine, he thinks, realizing he never stood a chance at fighting it—this four-letter feeling you give him is the first and only battle he’ll back down from, and you're the only person he’ll wholeheartedly surrender to.

In short, he’s fucked.

"I always notice you." He pulls out a dented box of chocolates from his jacket pocket, opening it up for the both of you to share, and the look of amusement on your face makes him glad that at least one thing somewhat went to plan today, even if the chocolate truffles are a bit smushed. You’re popping one into your mouth and his dark eyes follow the trail of your fingers to your mouth, feeling his heart beat a bit faster.

But then you both hear the soft strum of a guitar from near the trees, and the two of you turn to hear some of the Apollo kids singing beautifully along the coastline.

I'll be seeing you, in all the old, familiar places... That this heart of mine embraces...

You gasp, grabbing Luke’s arm to push yourself up so that the both of you can turn and face a small group of your closest Apollo friends singing to the both of you. Luke’s eyes soften further when he feels you grab his hand and squeeze, leaning against his shoulder as you listen.

“Did you do this?” you mumble, still entranced by the performance.

“Only if it makes you laugh.”

And you do, in the way that he loves—a bit crazy and too loud, and it’s perfect.

I’ll always think of you that way… I’ll find you in the morning sun….

Whether it’s fireflies or Will bouncing light off the water to look like small, glowing candles, Luke can’t tell—he’s too busy watching your lips pull into a smile so confectionery his sweet tooth starts to ache. The little kid was never good at archery like his other half-siblings, but as your eyes shimmer under the ambient lights, you think his added romantic gesture shot you straight through the heart.

“You know, sometimes I really do hate you, Luke Castellan,” you whisper, and it couldn’t be more far from the truth.

“No, you don’t.”

His eyes flicker to you again, but you’re already looking back at him.

“I don’t.”

And when the night is new, I’ll be looking at the moon… but I’ll be seeing you…

It’s quiet now, and you’re unsure of where the Apollonian ensemble disappeared to but instead of worrying about if they’ll make it back before curfew, you stand there in front of Luke with your guard down.

Getting a little closer than he expected, your noses brush before you pull the slightly crushed wildflowers from your jean pocket, the only physical reminder you’ve kept from today, and tuck them into his jacket pocket, sitting right above his heart. 

“Thank you.”

Luke doesn’t realize he’s holding his breath until he feels your lips gently kiss the marred skin on his right cheek, the blemish having an uncanny resemblance to a stroke of lightning; it serves as a reminder of his weakness. The lines blur as his eyes close to savor it and he doesn’t know if weakness is your kisses or his scar—but he is vulnerable to it all the same, realizing there’s a crack in the otherwise perfect persona that he’s worked so hard on.

When his eyes open again, his Achilles’ heel has taken human form.

—

“This has got to be cheating,” Clarisse grumbles as she watches from the distance, hidden behind the trees.

“It’s not cheating if I’m winning. Silena’s gonna get a kick out of this,” Lee chuckles, ushering everyone back towards the cabins. It’s a bit harder to do this in the dark as they try to be quiet and not interrupt whatever will happen next between their favorite counselors.

“Well lucky for you, your gifts are cute and romantic, what am I supposed to do? They fight enough!”

“That’s what got them into this mess in the first place. Come on, curfew’s in 10. We’ll find out which of us wins the bet soon enough,” Chris mutters, pushing them along back onto the main path.

“Easy for you to say, Rodriguez, you live with Luke!”

“Would I ever lie to you, La Rue?” he says with a mischievous grin, and the Apollo kids giggle at the irony.

—

“My body ages,

my anger burns into a seam.

I am so annoyed by love

and still it comes.”

-Kate Baer

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[recreationalfanfics]

Hi there you wonderful and amazing person, can I request Gender Neutral or Female Billy Batson Reader with Platonic with either Yandere Poseidon, Loki, Buddha, Hercules, Ares, Hermes, Zeus and Thor (3 of your choosing, cause honestly, any combination can work for this)

Reader is 14 years old orphan, who’s a Human Fighter, Humanity is frightening that a child is fighting while the Gods are mocking Humanity for choosing a CHILD to fight (Until they/she yells ‘SHAZAM!’ And turn into an adult figure full of god power and wins the fight, even refusing to kill their/her opponents and just injuring them badly enough they can’t fight anymore because they don’t want to commit murder, even if it’s a god and they were planning on killing them/her)

The gods are FURIOUS that a Human Child somehow has the powers of the GODS and want her/them on their side (Reader is very strong) but Reader refuses because she/they want to save and protect Humanity because that’s what a Hero does (That doesn’t mean Reader won’t act reckless or immature, since they are a child, they just won’t abuse their power to hurt others)

Sorry if this is a lot, I LOVE DC, and Shazam is my absolute favorite DC Superhero (He’s such a relatable character, and I can’t wait to watch Clash of Gods) the first movie was great and the Wizard was funny too

OOOH, YES. I LOVE THAT IDEA TBH. Angsty idea: What if this also took place in the Injustice Universe (where Superman killed Captain Marvel) and that's why the Reader is here- ALSO, I'VE NEVER HEARD SOMEONE SAY THEIR FAVORITE DC HERO IS SHAZAM, YOU HAVE AMAZING TASTE.

Platonic Yandere!Hercules, Buddha, and Hermes + Shazam! GN Reader:

"She's stooped too low!"

"Has humanity given up that quickly!?"

"That can't be our champion!? Can it!?"

You pull your hoodie up as you hesitaite to walk further, hearing the sounds of the gods and humans alike. You look back at Brunhilde, who gives you a comforting smile and nods encouragingly in your direction. You smile back and try to take a deep breath. It's no big deal, you've gone toe-to-toe with bigger bad guys before. Hell, Black Adam was a near damn god and you've beaten him a couple of times.

"WHAT'S THIS!? HUMANITY IS...SENDING OUT A CHILD!? THAT CAN'T BE CORRECT, THERE'S SUPPOSED TO BE A HERO HERE FROM HUMANITY'S GREATEST LEAGUE OF HEROES."

You frown at the announcer and send him a glare. Ouch, okay. Suddenly you felt more spiteful than insecure in that moment. Staring at the God you were about to face, you pull your hood down and get into a fight stance.

The god laughs, "Okay, okay, real cute kid. Where's the REAL champion I've been hearing about?"

"They're right here...SHAZAM!"

"The Strength of Hercules!":

- Oh, words WERE definetly due after your outrageous fight. The gods were horrified; a human child who somehow had THEIR powers managed to defeat a god!? WHAT INSANITY WAS THIS!? Although, Hercules wasn't really concerned about that part...he was more concerned about the child part.

- He followed you and Brunhilde both after your fight, you laughing and pumping yourself up and Brunhilde ruffling your hair lovingly. You looked up and smiled at her and Hercules couldn't help but feel his heart soften. You looked like a sweet kid. Which only made him angrier.

- "BRUNHILDE, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? Having a child compete? WHAT INSANITY IS THIS!?"

- When she explains who you are and what you can do and how you didn't even need a völundr, it only enraged him more. Humanity must be saved but you can't sacrifice a child to do it. You looked at him and you felt a sense of bittersweet nostalgia. He reminded you of...no...you didn't want to think of him right now.

- Hercules will then look at you and smile, complimenting you on how you did in battle and how he couldn't help but recognize his strength. You timidly tell him that it was one of your seven powers, the Strength of Hercules. An idea forms inside of his head and he suggests that even though you're both on opposite sides, that he should mentor you in how you use your strength.

Platonic Yandere! Hercules:

- Its so easy for you to warm up to him, he reminds you so much of Clark...before, you know. He's kind and compassionate and he has the right intentions. He felt familiar but safer if that made sense and considering you are a CHILD who is competing in DEATH MATCHES, you needed something familiar.

- Hercules is happy that you come to him so much, he sees you as a younger sibling, honestly. He protects you from people like Zeus, Poseidon, and Loki who might seek to harm you or "interrogate" you about your powers. He also will sneak over to the human's side to make sure Brunhilde isn't gonna use you as a secret weapon again. His new goal along with saving humanity is to make sure you survive this.

- He becomes family to you, a concept you yearned for. He scolds you when you get into hijinks, he's a good and patient teacher who truly shows you the potential of your strength, but he's also a very soft and kind person. When you tell him how you died, he hugs you and tells you that no one shall harm you like that. Not when he's around.

- It was a good thing but all good things come to an end. That darkness that overcame Superman? You begin to feel it. You think it started when you accidentally upset another God, much to the point they wanted to fight you then and there. You wanted to get back to Hercules but they kept fighting you and you tried to say Shazam but each attack was faster than the last. Then Hercules came to the rescue, except, it was much more violent than it needed to be. Nearly beating the god to death, he didn't stop until you transformed and used your strength to pull him off. He had crazed blood lust eyes for a minute but they softened when they looked at you.

- You want to pretend that your imagining it and you want to tell someone but who would believe you? Sure you had the power of the Gods but everyone knew you were just an orphan mortal child with a magic word. Hercules had a reputation for being a good and just person...but so was Superman. You try to distance yourself from Hercules a bit, saying that you couldn't make certain training times and then eventually you just stopped showing up at all.

- He doesn't like being lied to, (Y/n). He sees you when you laugh with Sasaki Kojiro or when you hang out with Goll. Hercules isn't sure why you're trying to avoid him but thats gonna have to change, you're too young to understand that just because you have powers doesn't mean you CAN'T get hurt. That's why you have to stay close to him. So he can protect you and keep you safe.

"By The Wisdom of Solomon!":

- Huh, that's something you don't see everyday. Buddha was iffy about Brunhilde choosing you but he won't deny, it's quite brilliant to fight the Gods with their own powers. Such a shame that a poor kid like you got stuck to this match.

- Buddha is the cool older brother, honestly. When you're walking over to Brunhilde to have the doctors check up on you, Buddha is all: "Hey, little buddy. Saw your fight out there, pretty impressive for someone your age."

- Your chest swells with pride at his words as you just try to fix your posture and look cool and composed, "Yeah, this kinda stuff isn't really new to me. I kinda fight guys like this, like, all the time." and Buddha laughs at your confident tone and hands you one of his treats.

- "Well, you seem like you've got everything covered. Just remember, don't get too cocky in a place like this."

- You nod your head, this time a more serious expression on your face. You know what he means but life and death isn't something new to you and now that you've been given a second chance to defend humanity, you're going to make sure you make all the right decisions to win this for everyone.

- Buddha seems to notice the determination in your eyes because he lets out a soft chuckle and pats your head, "Can tell I ignited that fire in ya. See you around, little buddy."

- You open your mouth to tell him that you could be a big buddy if you wanted to but then you blushed when you realized how stupid that sounded and he just cackled in the distance.

Platonic Yandere! Buddha:

- He shows up everywhere you're at. It wasn't just the Wisdom of Solomon telling you that something was wrong, it was that instinct you develop when you were on the run from Child Services kicking in that told you someone was following you. You didn't want to think that it was Buddha, he was so cool! He snuck you snacks, taught you some interesting things about your powers and how to use them, and how to mediate and other cool stuff!

- Still, you start to notice he began popping up more and more during your daily rounds in Ragnarok. You didn't really mind it since he was good company and considering how old everyone else was compared to you, he was like a cool Gen Z God (if you had to describe him) but lately, its been happening too much for your liking.

- Like when you were practicing your newest fighting skills and such and nearly fell, he showed up right behind you and caught you before you hit the ground. Asking how his favorite little buddy was doing, which was weird considering that you were in Shazam mode but even weirder was that you were pretty sure he was somewhere far away from the place you were training at. You didn't think much of it then but then it started happening more and more.

- No one else is allowed to befriend you, as well. For example, Sasaki was telling you stories of his old fights and you were both laughing but now when you run up to him to try and hang out, he just gives you a sad smile and says he sadly can't. The same even goes with the Valkyries sometimes, you don't know why they all hate you all of a sudden. You don't have much time to figure out the answer, of course, because Buddha will join you because you looked sad and offer you a snack.

- He hates seeing you upset, little buddy, he really does. But even with all those fancy powers, you're still just a little guy going up against Gods. Brunhilde can't be 100% trusted to look after you so Buddha will take that position. It goes to his head quick when he sees you hang out with others, almost as if you forgot about your best buddy! He knows it's selfish of him to isolate you but some of those humans will die, Buddha sure as Hell won't. So just stick with him, okay, little buddy?

"The Speed of Mercury!":

- What a curious thing you were. He wasn't sure what to make of the situation when it happened but if he had to summarize it; you, a child, somehow inherited the power of the gods and became an adult. He'd recognize his speed anywhere.

- You put it to good use as well, it seems. He watched you fight and sensed a sort of excitement during your battle. What shenanigans and plot twists will you bring little one?

- At the end of your fight, your grown self even has the audacity to grab the microphone from Hiemdall and announce to everyone: "I am not some kid! I am a member of the Justice League and a well respect hero! I risked my life protecting mankind and I'll risk my afterlife so...uh, EAT THAT, GODS!" and the gods gasped audibly while Hermes chuckled in amusement. It appears as though your maturity doesn't change with your body.

- No because he will still find it upsetting that Brunhilde chose a child as a champion, REGARDLESS OF YOUR POWERS. Unlike the other two, he doesn't exactly rush to meet you because its not really any of his business at the end of the day.

- However you both run into each other again and it's such a funny coincidence. You look him up and down and tell him: "So...You're Hermes...I didn't expect you to look so...butlery." and he just makes this surprised face at you but smiles at you, "Yes, I do suppose I look different from how humans envision me."

Platonic Yandere! Hermes:

- The adopted Dad who stepped up and will step on anyone who tries to do you harm. You don't understand, you just bring out this good humorous and playful side out of him a bit more. He isn't sure how, why, or when but you managed to worm your way into his heart.

- He really wouldn't have it any other way either. The mortals of your world were insane for letting a child like you fend for themselves, you're so sweet and well meaning, maybe a bit too arrogant for your own good but that's just with being a youth.

- He hates that you aren't on the same side, its just harder for him to keep track of you so he thinks of plans on how he can ease his worries. Switching sides obviously won't be any use, unless he uses force, but he'd rather resort to that last. He's just so conflicted on what he should do.

- Everyone is aware of his attachment to you, how dear you are too him and how he's already threatened multiple gods and humans alike to stay away because they either wanted to harm you or pit you against him. He isn't really that fond of Brunhilde because of the way he suspects she's turning you against him.

- NO BUT YOU KNOW HOW HE MAKES SONGS FOR THE FALLEN HUMANS? I garuntee you that he writes songs for you and, if you'll let him, will sing you to sleep. An experience that you never had growing up so you happily accept it. Oh, you're so trusting. The way you fall asleep so innocently when he could easily take you away right then and there. He pushes those thoughts away because you haven't done anything that would require him to go that far and he tucks you in. Wishing you pleasant dreams♡

[telvess]

Record of Ragnarok: What kind of pet do they have?

I'm like Tesla 🤣

Jack

I once read that people who are broken or haven’t experienced much love as children tent to choose animals that are less popular and sometimes seen as bad omens, such as black cats or ravens. So I see that Jack has a rat as a pet. They are intelligent and very clean animals, with an unfairly given bad reputation, and I think that suits Jack very well.

Nicola Tesla

Hear me out, Tesla is the proud owner of a turtle. There's a joke going around turtle owners that every time the turtle does something - such as yawns or falls asleep - you take a photo or video of it and happily show it to everyone. This is Tesla. The entire science crew has a mailbox full of this kind of spam, and their all sigh whenever Tesla sends them a new video of his pet doing absolutely nothing.

Poseidon

I think he likes animals in general. He despises humans and most gods for not behaving as they should, but animals are themselves. They do what is expected of them, they are excellent at being themselves, if that makes sense. So Poseidon probably has a dog that he has trained very well. The dog listens to all commends and generally behaves very well.

Hades

It’s canon that Hades has a pet - cockatoo. These animals require a lot of attention from their owner, which makes sense because we all know how lonely Hades is. He is literally playing chess with it! The parrot probably knows some fancy words like „magnificent” or „mellifluous”, and a whole bunch of wine names that it randomly says. Adamas, by the way, puts some effort into educating the bird too and incidently teaches it how to swear.

Beelzebub

Given how little he cares and how little he CAN care, the only option he has is fish. He gives it a good tank, he remembers to feed it and that’s it. They just exist. Damn… how depressing…

Loki

Two options. First: SAND ANT FARM. He watches it from time to time, mocking the ants for poor direction choices or just messing up with them for funnies. Second option is ferret. Loki finds them both annoying and interesting. There’s no boredom with them.

Ares

Ares thinks highly about himself, after all he is a part of the most powerful pantheon and the son of Zeus. He believes that he deserves only the best, which mean that whatever animal he gets, it will be a pure breed. If he chooses a cat or dog, it will receives a golden pillow to sleep on, a silver food bowl, the fanciest toys, the best caretakers, and… „the best owner”.

Thor

Thor has a cat. Most of the time they simply exist in their spaces and don’t interact. But every now and then a cat comes to Thor and demands a scratch, which Thor gives without hesitation. Loki once overheard Thor talking to his pet in those rare moments. Surprisingly, he speaks in a very gentle and caring tone, almost like mother to her child.

Hajun

He probably has a tank full of dead fish. Never cleaned, never fed, never bothered.

Lu Bu

Lu Bu has a pussy. He had no intention of having a pet, so the cat had to choose him, and Lu Bu obligated. He gives it lots of scratches and plays with it. Lu Bu is unfazed by the claws. Hearing her meow when he isn’t close puts him in a fighting stance. Nobody hurts his cat girl.

Hermes

Budgies! The guy has a lot of responsibilities, he's probably the last to fall asleep and the first to wake up, but he still finds time for his melodious pets. They always get the best snacks and for some unknown reason they become very excited when Zeus is around.

Göll

She has hamster, as small and cute as she is. Göll tries very hard to provide it a happy life, which probably means she’s trying too hard. She asks all his sisters for advice, and knowing how many siblings she has, she probably ends up with very conflicting opinions.

Zerofuku

Definitely rabbit. They are both full of energy, do not pose a threat and just enjoy themselves on a clearing somewhere.

Buddha

He doesn't have a pet, but he occasionally looks after Zerofuku’s and Göll's pets. He complains that he doesn't have time and that he doesn't care, but in the end he has a great time with the rabbit and hamster.

Noah

I think he ends up with a pigeon. He just feeds it from time to time in the same place and slowly tames it. Before he knows it, the bird becomes a new part of his life. He tells it about his problems, about Luna, Jack, Mother Goose and Shakespeare. This pigeon has therapeutic properties.

Qin

Definitely a husky. I see just two idiots keep talking to each other and arguing over nothing. The more the emperor demands something, the louder the husky's tantrum will be.

[aaasdgnklm]

tw for *described* blood and gore, stabbing, drowning (mentioned)

spoiler alert for epic : the musical the vengence sags

———————————————————————

OH MY GOD

THE VENGENCE SAGA

holy SHIT guys its WILD

ok ok so not sorry for loving you was oretty much what I was expecting calypos va is amazing and the song is so pretty and I almost feel bad enough for her to like her

dangerous was a BANGER I didnt know about the more calm bits at the beginning and end and the pause when the crew usually replied in the 600 lives bit fucking HURT but then hermes shows up and its like WOOOOO PARTYY FUCKIINGGG TIMMEEE AM I DIONYSUS OR WHAT CAUSE WE ARE HAVING A RIDEEEEEE!! the anamatic with ody fighting all these monsters and hermes busting it down was HILARIOUS I love him SO MUCH troy eats every time and its amazing

charybdis was EVEN BETTER THAN I EXPECTED tbh ik a lot of people were really excited for get in the water and dont get me wrong I was too! but I was REALLY excited for charybis and it met my expectations perfectly the vocals and how just fucking DONE ody sounds is PERFECT I love it

get in the water. holy SHIT get into the water. it was what we knew was coming UNTIL IT WASNT AND THEN IT HURT THE BIT WITH HIS DEAD CREW/FRIENDS/MOM WAS OUCH and a fucking jetpack I CANNOT take that seriously bcuz omg thats so funny that he used a JETPACK to fight posideon AND IT WORKED

six hundred strike ima be honest didnt love the 3d render thing it wasnt for me but the water physics were sick but the MUSIC IS AWSOME I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY EEEEEE

first off the crews voices coming back to accompany odysseus as he avenges each of them is GREAT but then

then

the end

HOLY SHIT THE END I

I dont even KNOW what to say because OH MY GOD

posideon basically saying yeah whatever you win but ur fucked you dumbass and ody replying with youre calling that storm off. and posideon going or what bitch

and then the danger motif starts

AND THEN ODYS FUCKING RAMPAGE

STABBING HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN WITH HIS OWN TRIDENT

THE PRONGS TEARING THROUGH HIS LUNGS FILLING THEM WITH BLOOD INSTEAD OF WATER HOOKING BEHIND HIS RIBS AS HIS OWN TRIDENT SINKS INTO HIS IMMORTA BODY OVER AND OVER HURTING MORE THAN ANY MORTAL WEAPON COULD

and the things odysseus is saying? holy fuck theyre almost more painful then the trident because DAMN

you can hear all the rage, the misery, the grief, every single goddamn thing odysseus has been through every person hes lost every person hes fail every. single. emotion. odysseus has felt is so raw and painful and THERE and its awful and amazing and its perfect for that moment

and th animation for that portion is amazing too. the glowing stripes on posideons sides and the flashes of lightning and the blood on the trident and the way posideons body lurches as odysseus stabs him AH and ofc that final line. THAT LINE HOLY SHIT

“with everything youve done… how will you sleep at night?”

“next to my wife.”

so good. im in love.

[blue-pancakez]

PJO SPOILERS!!!

3 things:

WE GOT NICO AND BIANCA IN THE BACKGROUND AKSBAKSHS

they confirmed that nico was shouting biancas name not because he was searching for her but because he was CHEERING HER ON. 😭 i’m not sure why that’s sadder for me but it breaks my heart dude 💔💔💔 these little italians have NO idea what’s coming for them bro.

ALSO WE GET WISE GIRL IN THIS SCENE AS WELL!!! SEAWEED BRAIN AND WISE GIRL IN THE SAME EPISODE 🙏🙏🙏

lukes “why r u guys fighting like an old married couple?” was so fucking funny to me ☠️ he read them like a damn book 😭 also percy was so sassy in that scene w the “well now i cant.” in reference to annabeth telling him he cant talk abt hermes to luke. walker does persassy so well man

WHO LET HIM DRIVE WHAT THE FUCK

[blind-alchemists]

sorry, Zagreus, I've had your sister for five hours and I already like her more than you.

anyway! I did treat myself and bought the game early and. it's just very good!

in somewhat chronological order, my thoughts after yesterday's session

the music! the music is even more amazing than in the first game and if I'm done, I need to listen to the whole OST on loop

the art!! also even better than in the first game!!

Melinoë is a great protagonist

it's incredibly funny the first god we encounter is Apollo, because Apollo is the guy people modded into the first game years ago

... boy, I wonder what the speedrunning meta will look like for this game (I have very obscure knowledge about Hades I speedrunning meta)

I love the little backgrounds that pop out with the art

oh, right, I jumped into the Hades I EA late, so I never saw the place holder graphics in-game before

the environments!! beautiful.

I shouldn't have played the first game last week. It's fucking with me. where's my second dash??? Why do we start with 30 HP??? where are my death defiances??? weapon mechanics???

of course there's a fishing mechanic again.

I like Hecate's design.

saluting??? what's the lore behind that?

OH. this tone of the story isn't ... quite what I expected. A lot more serious. a lot more severe.

Melinoë doesn't remember her family??? Hello??? what the fuck???

and she keeps talking about her task with such a dutiful determination ... no, I'm not crying. But. That's such an interesting conflict.

NEMESIS!! She's holding her sword aspect!! her design!! her resentment!! her vengeance!! her rivalry with Mel. how Mel calls her Nem. please. tell me she's a romance option. PLEASE.

oh, hi odysseus.

hey, there's hypnos! ... why's he sleeping??? (funny thing is, I got the Charon dialogue that implies he's more useful this way lol)

I cannot. Take. Skelly serious. It's worse because Mel does.

I like Moros' design. The long hair going over the horns? Yeah, that's good.

Mel gets an AXE??? a heavy, double-bladed axe??? (I love women wielding heavy weapons, and as long as the rail doesn't make a return, I'm good with anything after enough time)

I like the new art sprites for reoccurring characters!

ahhh, the good old "we don't trust Olympus so we're not telling them everything" line. understandable, but I figure that's going to blow up sooner or later.

I love Mel's bond with Artemis and Selene and the implication that both helped raise her.

... and I like the predominantly female cast so far

Nemesis can show up in Erebus???

BABY MELINOË omg

why does every chthonic goddess / titaness sound like they have a thing for Persephone. Nyx already had a few lines like that in the first game. Why does Hecate also have these kinds of lines.

the Hecate fight frustrates me to no end, because I'm very used to more dashes, more health, and more death defiances, and very different weapons :( (I have bet her twice in total so far)

unrelated, but I didn't know I needed a sheep in the Hades art style but it's so damn cute and I want a large art print of it

Archane!! I love how her silks change Mel's avatar

Oceanus is beautiful

... except for the traps. Really not digging the traps. or the maps.

CHAOS??? why are you holding your old form's head??? and why is there an embryo coming out of it??? why do you have wings??? why do you wear a suit??? the new design unfortunately checks all the boxes but upon reflection that is because it fits into that very niche character design trope I've seen in manwha recently and I couldn't put a name on it if I tried

on that note, I also adore Aphrodite's new design!!

not quite sure what I think of the gathering / farming mechanic yet

I do like the incantations, magic, hexes, and arcana though!

HERMES! I also adore his design.

wait, what? Mel's going to Olympus? You're telling me one part of the game is descending into the House of Hades and the other is climbing to Mount Olympus?? (that's my speculation, at least.)

god, I hope the cast of the first game is alright/alive. :(

I hope we also get to see Athena, Ares, and Dionysus at some point :(

on that note, I can't wait for Mel to meet her brother and realize he's the opposite of her lol. I love siblings and mirrors.

[awesomeapplegirl]

Episode six thoughts

-New take on the Iris calls, Im into it - but I do hope we get some sprinkler/fountain calls in the future

- these guys are like artists! *cut to absolutely chaos in the streets of Vegas* perfect - no notes

- what do you think wise girl - hell ya nicknames

- the amount of people in period clothing showing how long they’ve been stuck is such awesome visual storytelling

- percy jackson movie is more what movies want you to think vegas is like. Percy jackson show is a much more realistic vegas casino experience

- im gonna need someone a lot smarter than me to break down all the artifacts on that wall by hermes

- it is very hard for a god to feel powerless- goes very hard and explains a lot of their behaviour going forward

(So is ‘to the dumb kids’)

- annabeth has spent like 30 minutes with percy and is already stealing the gods keys i love it

- the casino pumping the lotus flower into the air is a cool connection to the fact that vegas pumps higher levels of oxygen into the casinos to make people stay awake longer

- ‘grover got really old’ - I love my son he’s so funny

-‘ its easy to forget what’s important when you’re alone’ - ok im gonna go cry for 7 hours

- imagine actually finding enough pearls damn

[jojosbizzarewife]

Grocery Shopping Headcanons

—————————————————————————

Always makes a list

Speedwagon

Caesar

Always includes a snack or treat for you on the list - you can't say no, it's on the list

Koichi

Kira

Tonio

Fugo

Narancia

He needs a list, will forget everything and come back with nothing

Ghiaccio

Gets exactly what's on the list and leaves - hates browsing and being around others

Pucci

Hot Pants

Norisuke

Never makes a list

Joseph

Insists on buying a pack of gum from the checkout every time

Jotaro

Hol Horse

Mista

The pistols will be throwing things they want in the cart, regardless of a list

Pesci

Jolyne

Rikiel

Gyro

Lucy

Jobin

Always wants to push the cart

William Zeppeli

Erina

Kakyoin

Josuke

Will fill the cart with junk food if he gets to wander

Abbacchio

If he thinks you're going too slow, he will hit your heels/ankle with the cart

Risotto

F.F

Funny Valentine

Gappy

If you let him, he'd love to sit in the cart and have you push

Tries to sneak snacks into the cart

Jonathan

He's always hungry, so he wants the whole damn store

Wammu

Polnareff

Okuyasu

Akira Otoishi

Bruno

Always tries to sneak a chocolate bar into the cart - has and will hide it under other food so you don't notice

Melone

Formaggio

Hermes

Versus

Johnny

Joshu

Will also try to sneak things out of the cart - Goodbye zucchini

Always misses one thing on the list

Esidisi

Avdol

Rohan

On purpose - "we don't need that" type

Giorno

Illuso

Anasui

Too excited to get home and spend quality time with you

Diego

Mamezuku

Price matches whenever possible

Dio

Will hold up a line for an hour if it means he gets a better deal

Kars

Yukako

Prosciutto

Weather Report

Ungalo

Price matching and coupons type of guy

Ringo Roadagain

Yasuho

Dishonorable Mentions

Jodio and Dragona

steal more than they buy, every time

[kaisecayo]

I’m going to try and cut my own hair for the first time tonight, lady aphrodite pls help

(hermes is laughing at me)

[were-wolverine]

percy jackson ep2 live reaction

annabeth being a little creep i love her

fun fact i learned at the pjo NYCC panel: the most grueling part of the show production was making the camp half-blood shirts. they all had to be a specific shade of orange and there had to be a LOT cuz all the campers wear them consistently

very much angsty tween energy

ITS SOOO PRETTYYYYYYYYYY

i love the big house’s design

grover’s little *clop clop clop* hehe

“your highness” book!percy wouldn’t be caught dead saying that shit but it’s still funny cuz i KNOW as soon as he learns more abt the gods all that respect is out the window. book!percy is just a little asshole from the start

Mr D is fucking perfect casting

godDAMN chiron is tall asf

also i fr did not know brunner was pronounced like that

mr d actually being kinda nice to grover??

ITS SO COOL I WANNA GO TO CAMP THERE

riptide my bbg

i need a close up of the inside and outside of all the cabins immediately

Hermes cabin 💪💪💪

there’s a fire pit IN the cabin?? that seems like a hazard. but also magic and it’s fucking cool so

the complete non-reaction to percy’s introduction now vs how people will eventually react to hearing his name is kinda wild

they really did not give this poor boy any time to grieve his mom huh

LUKE

poor percy, his first reaction to being approached is to be defensive :(

CHB necklace!!!!

o shit that scared me. hello wood nymph. is this his mom??? idk how satyrs are born

the tiger shirt 💀

LIKE AN OLD BANANA HGHDGDGDGD

grover :( ur a good friend bb

dream time woooooo. OH THE VOICE IS KRONOS i forgor

“glory” ok nerd

luke really has a whole posse following him around lmao

IS THAT THE LESBIAN FLAG ON CLARISSE’S NECKLACE???

nvm they all have them in that order….

i love that percy has just had that leather necklace from the very start of the show. in preparation for the camp beads :,)

aaaaaaaa a character in a wheelchair that’s so cool!!!!!

no one’s even gonna show him how to use the bow???

this boy is gonna destroy the camp i love him

BRO DID NOT GET THE JOKE AND I FEEL SO SEEN. YES THERES A GREEK GOD OF DISAPPOINTMENT

oh my god i’m gonna cry. percy praying to sally is my favorite change they made in the whole show

“like, real friends” crying luke how dare you betray this sweet darling boy

YOU TELL HIM PERCY!! get his ass

“hey guys! 😃 🤚 can’t sleep huh?” ilysm percy

“do you think you’re special?” oh boy clarisse do you have a big surprise coming. also percy didn’t even tell anyone abt the minotaur that was grover

okay i liked this cgi way better than nancy bobofit’s takedown

annabeth stalker behavior i love you. SHE ADMITS IT TOO I LOVE HERRRE

“annabeth sees the world differently” yeah she’s autistic with a genius iq

sobbing. “she’s my little sister”. pain. the betrayal is gonna hurt so much more

th-alia ??? hm

“until zeus broke the pact” hades, hiding his kids from the 1940s in the lotus hotel: yeah zeus was the one to break it first, obviously

i can’t wait to see who they cast as thalia

“let it rip” i see what you did there 👀 my mind went right to beyblade tho lol

their shields lowkey look like the nightwing symbol :3

SUNSHINE ADDSHFJFHDG

god this set is so fucking cool

cringefail loserboy rizz

THE HAT!!!!!!!!!!!

“he’ll be ready, i know it” *cuts to percy flossing* i love this dumbass so much

lizard :D

exceptional depiction of adhd ty rick

bro really just gave away the location of the flag with no hesitation lol

OH SHIT THAT WAS COOL! the roll into picking up the shield? smooth asf!!!

how tf did the spear even break isn’t it made of like magic metal

she really used him as bait lmao. *pushes him into the water* she’s just testing a hypothesis!!

holy shit the cabin is so cool. kinda spooky tho. i hate to say it but i like the movie version better

“what 😃”

damn they really just blame everything on hades huh. poor guy. i’d hate my siblings too if they gave me a shitty job and made me the scapegoat for a bunch of stuff

why tf is chiron wearing a suit. why.

“i’m sally jackson’s son” YES YOU ARE KING

grover you’re the best ily. chiron you’re giving way too much dumbledore energy i hate it

[sonchop]

you know i still think it's so funny that in this whole The Apple of Discord story, Hera, Athena and Aphrodite first went to Zeus for judgment but this guy wasn't going to deal with this shit.

i mean, just imagine him something like

"sooo, i need to choose the most beautiful one. there are three goddesses here: my wife, and my two daughters (at least the head explosion one) from really questionable sources. no, no way am i going to deal with this dangerous shit. damn it. hey Hermes, come here. here's a golden apple, grab it and go find Paris, the shepherd. he's the Prince of Troy btw, but it's a secret, so no spoilers. this dude is going to be the judge, i wash my hands of it. yeah i'm pretty sure it won't have any serious consequences."

i'm sorry, but I just can't hahphpah

[cryptid-killjoy]

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Funkytown Christmas

To Smalls From Willem DaFriend For Christmas: Smalls is going to wake up to a text from Willem. It's like most silly memes and whatnot they might send. It's a positive cryptid vibe meme and basically their way of telling Smalls he cares and appreciates them how they are. He hoped it would be taken that way. But what he wouldn't let on was a foreshadow to the Christmas present they had resurrected to them in the middle of town.

It was built by Tray Contini. Caim doesn't let him sell his art to just anyone, so releasing it to Feral was supposedly some sort of privy. Willem didn't totally get it, but he was glad he got him to do it. He'd have a Duck Murder shirt for them under their tree. But once they ever went outside and Willem would wait too. He'd wait it out till it happened naturally. The funny part would be the Horned King dancing immortally exhausted in the fairy ring. This meant he was forced to dance in view of a statue of Figaro. Delta approved of the giant statue and didn't really care.

The statue itself was made of scrap metal as Tray's works always were. So, it gave it a very abstract feel. He had it commissioned personally with details how Willem sees them. So, there were wings coming out of their feet almost like Hermes shoes only bigger and they weren't wearing shoes. It would have curly Q's and squigglies coming from her armpits like spaghetti. The welding was magical for detail. Everything was exaggerated and not to make fun of but to create more of a creature than a human figure. But this was the fun of the figure. It was large. Bigger than life size. It could be a garden or the middle of a town fountain it was so big. So, there was room for illusion. It's creature-esque look would change if walked around. It would go from having claws and with a marionette hinged jaw for a nod to the Geppetto dolls to quite the femme frame from behind. The slender silhouette was giving off some womanly vibes that maybe Figaro didn't care enough to notice of themselves? Who knew? Willem wasn't sure. But he sure noticed. He was all guy and he definitely noticed. Bestie or not he noticed, and he looked. He commissioned it to be quite alluring from behind. This wasn't like the mothman statue that just had a shiny hiney. No. This was smexy woman angle. The bean pole running shorts from the front with Big Foot hairy legs looked more like booty shorts from the back on a hella sexy woman with the word SMALLS on them like how girls wear booty shorts with one word on the backsides. He came from a line of pirates who saw mermaids in sea critters. Sue him. He was proud of that booty. It was what he saw when he looked at his Smalls damn it whether they liked being called a cryptid or not.

For the Dolls: Willem would have given the puppets and dolls all new paint jobs dresses and little outfits for Christmas even Hansel. He'd get a sweater replica. He worked especially hard to design Geppetto sweater for Hansel that looked almost like his. There'd be a few differences in design and color, but the concept was there. Except Punch. Mr. Punch would get candy canes. He knew he'd probably use them to hit people but at least he'd look festive doing it. No holiday would go by without a dance for Diana.

Side Note Head Canon: Picturing them sitting down to eat and the cordless electric carving knife is gone. Everyone's eyes go wide as the whirling sound comes on as they realize Sock Monkey got a hold of it while they weren't looking. The whole table of dolls that don't eat anyway plus animals screams and scrambles until they get this thing away from Jacko the Sock Monkey. Can't have a Funkytown Christmas without some crazy.

[laika-of-the-stars]

You got me, curious about the inscryption x hadestown au, explode your ramblings and go insane sharing your thoughts GO GO GO

AWESOME OK OK OK. disclaimer like i saaid in the notes about that post idk if its even an interesting au or compelling story, we made it sleep deprived while someone was joking around with our p03 and leshy. its a dumb silly au and it makes no sense but its MY cringe baby 😤😤😤 so. its not a shipping au despite hadestown being . yk. but theere is some shipping for plot reasons.

Hades - Leshy (I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS. you can tell i put a lot of thought into his and P03's relationhip in this au) Persephone - P03 (the fucking themes. the fucking THEMES.) Hermes - Grimora / Magnificus, haven't decided yet, leaning more towards grimora but i really want all 4 scrybes included :[ Orpheus - Luke (i hate that tuber boy sometimes but god damn it he will carry my story :salute emoji:) Eurydice - Kaycee. duh. (note: kaycee and luke r not shipped together in this au, they just exist to cary the plot) the fates - one of the scrybes cohorts because i think itd be funny. probably leshy's just bc of the hades thing but i think it could work with another's.

ive rewritten this post like 8 times because i just ramble endlessly about my little cringe baby au (none of my aus are good its all serotonin factory here boss).

SO PLOTLINE. i only have a feew songs in my head but the jist i it takes place after the old_data situation and p03 is away from leshy for the spring and summer n thats where luke initially learns about kaycee and starts researching her death and junk. major plot points i have is luke playing against leshy and reluctantly being told more information about her death, and its revealed he has her death card. other plot points: p03 staying with leshy over the other half of the year and their Strained Marriage (tm).

this lyric is so them. they hate each other theyre deeply in love their marriage is failing but they stay together despite it all nd in the end they try again. i know i kissed you once before but i didnt do it right can i try again and again and again /lyric does tht explain it. theres so many themes

anyway. i dont have a lot of the plot fully fleshed out bc tbh it doesnt make sense and mking it work with both stories is taking me a minute. but i love all the dumb little plot points i have made.

ithe song how long is their dynamic FR FR FR FR.

im trying to figure out how to encorperate orpheus going to the underworld nd trying to leave with eurydice into the au but like i might need to tweek the plot a bit bc its alreaady not 1.1 wwith hadestown story but still. the reasaon p03 and leshy are more fleshed out is bc this whole au started with me comparing our leshy and p03 to hades and persephone X] im just a humble kaycee fictive i lov my blorbos my oingy boingys.... :] the characters ever. but like i gen dont like tht luke and kaycee r the only decent options for orpheus nd eurydice bc i dont want to make them romantic!!!!! i hate the tuber guy but also their dynamic could be so silly. my aromantic ass making the iconic greek myth couple PLATONIC FRIENDS. happy ending the boy doesnt get the girl X]

more lyrics with THEMES.

like do u get my image here. grips ur shoulders. do you see them.

i cant screenshot all the lyrics but GOD. any way the wind blows is kaycees song FR FR FR.... her main character moment. right b4 she dies X]

some feverish shouting from me at like 5am last night

the au makes no sense but tht is ok... its my cringe bby and it makes me happy. thank u anon for asking me about it i loved being able to explode ill rb this with more info later

[jeremy-ken-anderson]

TranspaRant

There are times when the author of a comic looks you dead in the eye and says, "Do you understand, children?"

Personally I find this particular one very good, as well as Thrice-Great Hermes' fourth-wall break in Promethea.

But there's one that bothers me: Superman vs Flash, chess edition.

In this exchange Superman plays against the Flash in chess, at super speed. And the two of them have a discussion about the use of their powers. And the Author - I mean, the Flash - lets Superman make some points (accompanied by Superman saying "Checkmate" in the accompanying game) before Flash uses a dumbass slippery-slope argument and says "Checkmate" a bunch of times, indicating that he's correct forever+1 or whateverthefuck.

The problem with it is that there are some ways of "going rogue" that are clear tyranny - "Let's police all the peoples of the world according to the standards we come up with in this literal sky-castle." - and then there are some ways of blocking self-destructive behaviors that feel like tyranny to the people they deny the self-destructive actions to, at least at first, but also save their lives and the lives of people around them. Like, Flash's opening counter-salvo is "Let's stop the smoking. Smoking kills more people than the supervillains and the street-level crime combined."

And then they Don't.

But they fucking COULD! It'd be seen as overreach, but it would be within the Justice League's capabilities to make tobacco go extinct, as a species. Accepting a place as a pariah to do the right thing was the whole idea at the end of Dark Knight but if they did it by erasing tobacco from humanity's list of problems they wouldn't just be, whatever, saving the image of a good-guy politician. Rather they would, as Flash rightly pointed out, be saving a lot of lives. Not for nothing, a lot of those lives are kids who don't have a choice about avoiding secondhand smoke from their parents. Innocents. People who are currently collateral damage in others' self-destructive behavior.

The line of reasoning taken by Flash in this discussion is also uncharacteristically brutal? I feel like somewhere after he's slipped way down his slope he says something like "Then let's kill all the jaywalkers. Checkmate."

And it's like, Yes. If you've got the power to level mountains, you've gotta spend more time making damn sure you're aiming your ire at the right person. You can't go kill Spider-man because JJJ called him a menace. (Don't @ me about swapping universes for the cleaner metaphor; I've read the Spider-man vs Superboy comic)

But it's a shitty argument and also kind of a shitty message. "People with great power have a responsibility not to use it unless someone in an equally silly costume is trying to blow up the world."

And the chess framing is super fucking self-congratulatory. And it's made worse by the fact that "Checkmate" often follows bad, stupid arguments from the Flash in this comic.

If your joke's not funny, I won't applaud when the "Applause" sign lights up, dude. A framing device to let you follow your arguments with "I'm right" didn't relieve you of the responsibility to be right.