#incorrect greek mythology quotes
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incorrectgreekgods · 1 year ago
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Athena: I hate you sometimes. Hermes: Well according to this picture of us holding hands that's not true. Athena: You drew that. Hermes: It doesn't matter.
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money-and-dandellions · 8 months ago
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Apollo, singing: 'Who are the cookie from he cookie jar?'
Ares: *flashbacks with screams of agony in the background and cries to let him out*
(//source: me//)
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loloisafangirl · 2 years ago
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Hermes: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.
Apollo, not looking up: Spear.
Hermes: BLOCKED
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go-rocksquadsfan · 6 months ago
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Amphitrite : Why does my husband call you babygirl
Nerites : How about we stop talking for a little while.
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apollosgiftofprophecy · 2 years ago
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Kidnappers: We have your son.
Zeus: I have lots of sons. You have to be more specific.
Kidnappers: He's been singing Toxic on a loop for 4 hours.
Zeus: Oh my gods you have Apollo.
Zeus:
Zeus: Keep him.
Kidnappers: No, please, TAKE HIM BACK! HE'S DRIVING US CRAZY.
Zeus: HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
-----------Alternatively-------------
Kidnappers: We have your son.
Leto: Oh my gosh you have Apollo.
Kidnappers: W-wait, how did you know that-
Leto: I have 1 son and that is definitely Apollo singing Toxic in the background.
Kidnappers: Please take him back he's been singing it on loop for 4 hours he's driving us crazy!
Leto: Can I speak to him on the phone real quick? To check on him? He's my only son you know.
Kidnappers: Uh, sure?
Apollo, really high and happy: HI MOM! :DD :DDDD
Leto: Hi sweetheart!
Apollo: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SMNF
Leto: awww, love you to sweetie <3
Leto:
Leto: I want you to drive those nasties crazy, okay?
Apollo: OKAY MOM :D :DDD
*incoherent screaming is heard as Apollo's singing increases in volume*
Leto: that's my baby
Leto, throwing shades on: and no one messes with my baby.
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vainillavalentine · 3 months ago
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artemis (to circe): fake misandrist i saw you falling in love with a man
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paradisechid800 · 2 years ago
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*Found footage of the Greek Gods*
*
Apollo: NOOOO!! MY LOVER!!
Ares: Your lover? Why was he tied up then?
Apollo: ...
Ares: ....
Ares: Ooooohhhhhh....
*
Dionysus: * Wearing a t-shirt with a dumb joke on it* Hahaha! Hey, read me!
Athena: You're dead weight and no body loves you.
Dionysus: ...
*
Hephaestus: I want a divorce.
Aphrodite: You already did that.
Hephaestus: Well I want to divorce from this divorce!
*
Ares: STRANGER DANGER!! I DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN!!!
Hera: Come back here now and clean your room!
*
Orion: *existing*
Artemis: OH, that's him!
Hestia: Really?
Artemis: Yeah, I'm going to go shoot my shot.
Hestia: Good luck.
Orion: OH, Hi.
Artemis: *Shoots him*
*
Zeus: 10 drachmas to the next good idea.
Hermes: Me! Me!
Zeus: And what's your idea?
Hermes: A sword made our of Legos.
Zeus: ...
Zeus: Brilliant!! If they feet, imagine what kind of chaos they can unleash on the rest of the body.
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wolfer13579 · 1 year ago
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Hades: *on top of a building* I’m going to jump!
Zeus/Poseidon/Hestia: *collectively* NOO!
Demeter/Hera: Do a flip!
Dedicated to: @0lympian-c0uncil, cuz of that one post relating to The Office
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bambismoonlight · 1 year ago
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Zeus: I have a job!
Hades: What are the key responsibilities for your job?
Zeus:
Zeus: With no responsibilities, I’m doing my job quite well.
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sonchop · 11 months ago
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you know i still think it's so funny that in this whole The Apple of Discord story, Hera, Athena and Aphrodite first went to Zeus for judgment but this guy wasn't going to deal with this shit.
i mean, just imagine him something like
"sooo, i need to choose the most beautiful one. there are three goddesses here: my wife, and my two daughters (at least the head explosion one) from really questionable sources. no, no way am i going to deal with this dangerous shit. damn it. hey Hermes, come here. here's a golden apple, grab it and go find Paris, the shepherd. he's the Prince of Troy btw, but it's a secret, so no spoilers. this dude is going to be the judge, i wash my hands of it. yeah i'm pretty sure it won't have any serious consequences."
i'm sorry, but I just can't hahphpah
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the-wolf-among-the-roses · 6 months ago
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[Under no circumstances are people allowed to repost my writing. If you would like to share this post, please do so through reblogs.]
Aphrodite: So I hear minotaur erotica is back in style [laughs]
Hestia: I think people have far too much time on their hands. Why not go on a long walk? Or even take on some charity work?
Hermes: Yeah, get in horny jail people!
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incorrectgreekgods · 1 year ago
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Zeus: When I got married, you know what Hera often said to me? Poseidon: Please stop sleeping with other people?
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money-and-dandellions · 8 months ago
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Olympus, dead of the night.
Artemis, swinging Apollo's door open:
Apollo: Wha-
Artemis: Deer can get cancer
Apollo:
Artemis:
Apollo, snapping his fingers: Nope, they can't
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loloisafangirl · 2 years ago
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Zeus: I’ve left you all instructions for when I am gone.
Hermes: Mine just says “Hermes, no”?
Zeus: I want you to apply that to every possible situation.
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go-rocksquadsfan · 3 months ago
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Hera : I love all my children equally. Thetis, Hebe, ...Eileithyia *looks at smudged writing on hand* Hepatitis, Arced,*squints* and Angler
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apollosgiftofprophecy · 2 years ago
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Dionysus: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Apollo: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Dionysus: Th-that's not how that works-
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