#incorrect greek mythology quotes

[incorrectgreekgods]

Athena: I hate you sometimes. Hermes: Well according to this picture of us holding hands that's not true. Athena: You drew that. Hermes: It doesn't matter.

[money-and-dandellions]

Apollo, singing: 'Who are the cookie from he cookie jar?'

Ares: *flashbacks with screams of agony in the background and cries to let him out*

(//source: me//)

[loloisafangirl]

Hermes: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon.

Apollo, not looking up: Spear.

Hermes: BLOCKED

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Kidnappers: We have your son.

Zeus: I have lots of sons. You have to be more specific.

Kidnappers: He's been singing Toxic on a loop for 4 hours.

Zeus: Oh my gods you have Apollo.

Zeus:

Zeus: Keep him.

Kidnappers: No, please, TAKE HIM BACK! HE'S DRIVING US CRAZY.

Zeus: HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL

-----------Alternatively-------------

Kidnappers: We have your son.

Leto: Oh my gosh you have Apollo.

Kidnappers: W-wait, how did you know that-

Leto: I have 1 son and that is definitely Apollo singing Toxic in the background.

Kidnappers: Please take him back he's been singing it on loop for 4 hours he's driving us crazy!

Leto: Can I speak to him on the phone real quick? To check on him? He's my only son you know.

Kidnappers: Uh, sure?

Apollo, really high and happy: HI MOM! :DD :DDDD

Leto: Hi sweetheart!

Apollo: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SMNF

Leto: awww, love you to sweetie <3

Leto:

Leto: I want you to drive those nasties crazy, okay?

Apollo: OKAY MOM :D :DDD

*incoherent screaming is heard as Apollo's singing increases in volume*

Leto: that's my baby

Leto, throwing shades on: and no one messes with my baby.

[go-rocksquadsfan]

Amphitrite : Why does my husband call you babygirl

Nerites : How about we stop talking for a little while.

[paradisechid800]

*Found footage of the Greek Gods*

*

Apollo: NOOOO!! MY LOVER!!

Ares: Your lover? Why was he tied up then?

Apollo: ...

Ares: ....

Ares: Ooooohhhhhh....

*

Dionysus: * Wearing a t-shirt with a dumb joke on it* Hahaha! Hey, read me!

Athena: You're dead weight and no body loves you.

Dionysus: ...

*

Hephaestus: I want a divorce.

Aphrodite: You already did that.

Hephaestus: Well I want to divorce from this divorce!

*

Ares: STRANGER DANGER!! I DON'T KNOW THIS WOMAN!!!

Hera: Come back here now and clean your room!

*

Orion: *existing*

Artemis: OH, that's him!

Hestia: Really?

Artemis: Yeah, I'm going to go shoot my shot.

Hestia: Good luck.

Orion: OH, Hi.

Artemis: *Shoots him*

*

Zeus: 10 drachmas to the next good idea.

Hermes: Me! Me!

Zeus: And what's your idea?

Hermes: A sword made our of Legos.

Zeus: ...

Zeus: Brilliant!! If they feet, imagine what kind of chaos they can unleash on the rest of the body.

[wolfer13579]

Hades: *on top of a building* I’m going to jump!

Zeus/Poseidon/Hestia: *collectively* NOO!

Demeter/Hera: Do a flip!

Dedicated to: @0lympian-c0uncil, cuz of that one post relating to The Office

[vainillavalentine]

artemis (to circe): fake misandrist i saw you falling in love with a man

[bambismoonlight]

Zeus: I have a job!

Hades: What are the key responsibilities for your job?

Zeus:

Zeus: With no responsibilities, I’m doing my job quite well.

[sonchop]

you know i still think it's so funny that in this whole The Apple of Discord story, Hera, Athena and Aphrodite first went to Zeus for judgment but this guy wasn't going to deal with this shit.

i mean, just imagine him something like

"sooo, i need to choose the most beautiful one. there are three goddesses here: my wife, and my two daughters (at least the head explosion one) from really questionable sources. no, no way am i going to deal with this dangerous shit. damn it. hey Hermes, come here. here's a golden apple, grab it and go find Paris, the shepherd. he's the Prince of Troy btw, but it's a secret, so no spoilers. this dude is going to be the judge, i wash my hands of it. yeah i'm pretty sure it won't have any serious consequences."

i'm sorry, but I just can't hahphpah

[the-wolf-among-the-roses]

[Under no circumstances are people allowed to repost my writing. If you would like to share this post, please do so through reblogs.]

Aphrodite: So I hear minotaur erotica is back in style [laughs]

Hestia: I think people have far too much time on their hands. Why not go on a long walk? Or even take on some charity work?

Hermes: Yeah, get in horny jail people!

[incorrectgreekgods]

Zeus: When I got married, you know what Hera often said to me? Poseidon: Please stop sleeping with other people?

[money-and-dandellions]

Olympus, dead of the night.

Artemis, swinging Apollo's door open:

Apollo: Wha-

Artemis: Deer can get cancer

Apollo:

Artemis:

Apollo, snapping his fingers: Nope, they can't

[loloisafangirl]

Hermes: Would you take an arrow for me?

Apollo: Um..sure?

Athena: *bursts into the room with a drawn bow*

Hermes, running away: Thanks!

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Dionysus: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Apollo: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Dionysus: Th-that's not how that works-

[go-rocksquadsfan]

Hera : I love all my children equally. Thetis, Hebe, ...Eileithyia *looks at smudged writing on hand* Hepatitis, Arced,*squints* and Angler