#incorrect greek myth quotes

[stingrayextraordinaire]

Persephone: Tell Hermes about the birds and the bees.

Hades: They’re disappearing at an alarming rate.

[genericpuff]

y'know this bit from the Family Day episode from American Dad may as well just be the Trojan War lmao

so yeah enjoy this highly specific and yet coincidentally effective meme about the war gods LOL

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Kidnappers: We have your son.

Zeus: I have lots of sons. You have to be more specific.

Kidnappers: He's been singing Toxic on a loop for 4 hours.

Zeus: Oh my gods you have Apollo.

Zeus:

Zeus: Keep him.

Kidnappers: No, please, TAKE HIM BACK! HE'S DRIVING US CRAZY.

Zeus: HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL

-----------Alternatively-------------

Kidnappers: We have your son.

Leto: Oh my gosh you have Apollo.

Kidnappers: W-wait, how did you know that-

Leto: I have 1 son and that is definitely Apollo singing Toxic in the background.

Kidnappers: Please take him back he's been singing it on loop for 4 hours he's driving us crazy!

Leto: Can I speak to him on the phone real quick? To check on him? He's my only son you know.

Kidnappers: Uh, sure?

Apollo, really high and happy: HI MOM! :DD :DDDD

Leto: Hi sweetheart!

Apollo: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH SMNF

Leto: awww, love you to sweetie <3

Leto:

Leto: I want you to drive those nasties crazy, okay?

Apollo: OKAY MOM :D :DDD

*incoherent screaming is heard as Apollo's singing increases in volume*

Leto: that's my baby

Leto, throwing shades on: and no one messes with my baby.

[thingsphoenix21]

Ares: Where's Apollo?

Hermes: He's upset in his room... He won't come out.

Hephaestus: Why?!

Aphrodite: Some mortal told him his hair was funny.

Ares:Oh... I see.

Hermes: Ares...

*Ares breaks out into a run but Hermes catches him*

Ares: I JUST WANNA TALK! WE'RE JUST GONNA TALK! ERIS COME HERE! NOW.

Aphrodite: Yeah Hermes let him go. When it comes to Apollo there's nothing you can do.

Hephaestus: Once I said that Apollo style wasn't for me and Ares treathened me with a fork.

[olympushit]

Achilles: I am a fighter! I am strong, I am the great Achilles! No one disrespects me!

Patroclus: Wanna cuddle?

Achilles: Yes, please!

[yellowmyths]

Hermes lying about the myth with Argus Hermes: Do I look like a killer to you?

Hecate: Yes. You kill my patience.

[aleacarnada]

In the Underworld

Zeus, drunk: Hades, my brother! Can I sleep here tonight? *Hick*

Hades, one eyebrow going up: Why? What have you done?

Zeus, shaking his head innocently: Nothing, nothing. Just ... I maybe have destroyed Hera's garden with a few lightnings. Just maybe.... *Hick*

Hades, looks shocked: YOU DID WHAT??

Zeus: As you can understand, I took some pills and drank a few bottles of red wine *hick*, so the flowers tried to attack me and I had to defend myself! *Hick*

Hades, shaking his head: Sure..

Zeus: It's not a big deal, Hera only needs to calm down.... *Hick* She will kill me otherwise.

Hades, having an idea: Of course, be my guest!

Zeus, smiling: *hick* Thank you so much brother!

A few minutes later

Hades, calling Hera: Good Evening, do I speak with Hera? Oh Hera, wonderful. I just wanted to tell you that your foolish husband is here! You can kill him, I mean pick him up, anytime you want!

[wolfer13579]

Hephaestus: You’re the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Aglaea: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Hephaestus: Absolutely not.

[perish-the-creator]

Hermes: What's got you so stressed out?

Hephaestus: I'm trying to file another application for a divorce.

Hermes: Another?

Hephaestus: Yes. Hera said my reasons weren't valid and Aphrodite started crying when I told I wanted to split.

Hermes: Shit that's tough.

Hephaestus: This time! This time I got it!

Hermes: *takes it and reads* Oh Hephy...

Hephaestus: What?

Hermes: Saying she "drains you of your will to work" isn't going to work.

Hephaestus: Read lower.

Hermes: Hm?....Oh and now you're saying she distracts you from making Zeus bolts. Yeah that'll do it!

[Elsewhere]

Aphrodite: My bitch is trying to escape again!

[mytho-nerd]

Echo: Don’t you think it would be better to date an old friend? Someone you might’ve taken for granted?

Narcissus: No. I like me. Me.

[zupernovae]

Orpheus: I've never encountered a problem that can't be solved by an spontaneous musical number

[stingrayextraordinaire]

Hades: Sorry for the mess.

Persephone: What? This place is spotless.

Hades: I meant me. I’m the mess.

[olympushit]

I am not surprised actually😂

Ares: I think I've had more sex in Hephaestus' bed than he has and I've only been here three days

[apollosgiftofprophecy]

Dionysus: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Apollo: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Dionysus: Th-that's not how that works-

[thingsphoenix21]

Zeus: I just realized... I had a bad childhood.

Hebe:Yeah, dad. Everyone knows.

Zeus: What do you mean you know? I just found out. How can you know?

Hebe:Look at you!

Zeus: What do you mean look at me?

Hebe: Dad, look how you stand! People who had good childhood's don't stand like that.

[olympushit]

Agamemnon: Can you perform under pressure?

Achilles: Which song is that?

Patroclus: No he can't!