#health is still so so

[hillbillyoracle]

I am...having a time.

Send kind thoughts please.

[kimdokjas]

though the movie might be cancelled, yuri on ice will live forever in our hearts. thank you yoi fandom, it's been real ♡

[doomedclockworkdotmp3]

his therapist woulda had a field day at their next appointment

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[soyochii]

Quick doodles before I evaporate.

[thecmaly]

can't even cat nap in peace 😾

-

more windbreaker comics

[wardingshout]

Little visit

[ed-recoverry]

This post exempts you from any and all “If you don’t ___ this post, ____ will happen.” You are hereby immune to it all. You are now protected! Be free!

[enii]

Not at my best, but still trying my hardest💕

[thebibliosphere]

I’m assuming my period skipped this month because two medical emergencies that put your body into crisis will do that to you but damned if the Christian trauma of the virgin birth doesn’t linger in the back of my head going “but what if���”

[sleepynart]

Sometimes we need a rest.. Hope you take care of your health! Work is good, but rest is also important ^^

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

hope you feel better soon!

I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!

[slfcare]

Let your bad thoughts be bad thoughts and your bad feelings be bad feelings. Let "I feel so worthless right now" turn into "I want to do something that'll make me feel better" instead of "the fact that I feel worthless must mean that I am". There is so much power in actively refusing to tie negativity to the way you see yourself, without ignoring it altogether.

[transgendz]

Emergency Commissions

One of my checks was a couple of days late last week, and the more lucrative of my 2 proper jobs has given me only one day of work this week (seems to be system issue?? I'm waiting for a reply from my higher up, there seems to be a queue of sorts) I have no idea when I'm going to get my check this week, either. Although it's supposed to come in on Tuesdays, I have heard from coworkers it is likely to be delayed again. On top of all of this, I have had wifi issues for a week, and I work from home.

I was already going to have to do some commissions to make rent this month before the reduced work hours and wifi issues. I have to pay rent on Saturday, and I do not get a grace period. I cannot emphasize how screwed me, and both of my disabled roommates are if my check doesn't come in on time, which is apparently not likely to happen.

I am setting this goal for $600 which is how much I am going to need for rent if my check does not go through in time. I will update this post accordingly, and turn off rbs if I get my check before rent is due, but tbh if i thought that was happening I wouldn't be making this post.

Anyone who help with this can contact me at my art blog @theartistrans for art like you see above. There may be a bit of a wait because I have 2 jobs and this, but I will mail you the piece if you pay the shipping also.

Dm me for proof or more details. More details are also in my tags.

$C V PP Kofi

[tlou-obsessed]

There is something about Pedros eyes as Joel that has me on the floor, throughout the series there are alot of microexpressions he does but this damn contrast makes my heart ache.

He goes from disbelief to shock to completely shutting down when Sarah dies, there is so much pain in those eyes it makes your heart clench, it's in the way Joel keeps hugging Sarah harder as to transfer his own life into hers by pure will,

Then you have the hospital and you see no light behind those eyes, you can just feel the pure rage and agony. Him walking slower and slower and you can just feel his heart drop, and the wires come lose in his head and then there is one mission, save Ellie. His eyes man....

[zephyrartz-owo]

Mental Health Tip! Don't skip meals lest you be fighting demons