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wolfstar-in-color · 3 years ago

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July Colorful Column: Remus is a Crip, and We Can Write Him Better.

There is one thing that can get me to close a fic so voraciously I don’t even make sure I’m not closing other essential tabs in the process. It doesn’t matter how much I’m loving the fic, how well written I think it is, or how desperately I want to know how it ends. Once I read this sentence, I am done.

It’s written in a variety of different ways, but it always goes something like this: “You don’t want me,” Remus said, “I am too sick/broken/poor/old/[insert chosen self-demeaning adjective here].”

You’re familiar with the trope. The trope is canonical. And if you’ve been around the wolfstar fandom for longer than a few minutes, you’ve read the trope. Maybe you love the trope! Maybe you’ve written the trope! Maybe you’re about to stop reading this column, because the trope rings true to you and you feel a little attacked!

Now, let’s get one thing out of the way right now: I am not saying the trope is wrong. I am not saying it’s bad. I am not saying we should stop writing it. We all have things we don’t like to see in our chosen fics. Maybe you can’t stand Leather Jacket Motorbike Sirius? Maybe you think Elbow Patch Remus is overdone? Or maybe your pet peeves are based in something a little deeper - maybe you think Poor Latino Remus is an irresponsible depiction, or that PWPs are too reductive? Whatever it is, we all have our things.

Let me tell you about my thing. When I first became very ill several years ago, there were various low points in which I felt I had become inherently unlovable. This is, more or less, a normal reaction. When your body stops doing things it used to be able to do - or starts doing things you were quite alright without, thank you very much - it changes the way you relate to your body. You don’t want to hear my whole disability history, so yada yada yada, most people eventually come to accept their limitations. It’s a very painful existence, one in which you constantly tell yourself your disability has transformed you into a burdensome, unworthy member of society, and if nothing else, it’s not terribly sustainable. Being disabled takes grit! It takes power! It takes a truly absurd amount of medical self-advocacy! Hating yourself? Thinking yourself unworthy of love? No one has time for that.

Of course, I’m being hyperbolic. Plenty of disabled people struggle with these feelings many years into their disabilities, and never really get over them. But here’s the thing. We experience those stories ALL THE TIME. Remember Rain Man? Or Million Dollar Baby? Or that one with the actress from Game of Thrones and that British actor who seemed like he was going to have a promising career but then didn't? Those are all stories about sad, bitter disabled people and their sad, bitter lives, two out of three of which end in the character completing suicide because they simply couldn’t imagine having to live as a disabled person. (I mean, come on media, I get that we're less likely to enjoy a leisurely Saturday hike, but our parking is SUBLIME.) When was the last time you engaged with media that depicted a happy disabled person? A complex disabled person? A disabled person who has sex? No really, these aren’t hypothetical questions, can you please drop a rec in the notes?? Because I am desperate.

There are lots of problems with this trope, and they’ve been discussed ad nauseam by people with PhDs. I’m not actually interested in talking about how this trope leads to a more prevalent societal idea that disabled people are unworthy of love, or contributes to the kind of political thought processes that keep disabled people purposefully disenfranchised. I’m just a bitch on Tumblr, and I have a bone to pick: the thing I really hate about the trope? It’s boring. I’m bored. You know how, like, halfway through Grey’s Anatomy you realized they were just recycling the same plot points over and over again and there was just no WAY anyone working at a hospital prone to THAT MANY disasters would stay on staff? It's like that. I love a recycled trope as much as the next person (There Was Only One Bed, anyone?). But I need. Something. Else.

Remus is disabled. BOLD claim. WILD speculation. Except, not really. You simply - no matter how you flip it, slice it, puree it, or deconstruct it - cannot tell me Remus Lupin is not disabled. Most of us, by this point, are probably familiar with the way that One Canonical Author intended One Dashing Werewolf to be “a metaphor for those illnesses that carry stigma, like HIV and AIDS” [I’m sorry to link you to an outside source quoting She Who Must Not Be Named, but we’re professionals here]. Which is... a thing. It’s been discussed. And, listen, there’s no denying that this parallel is a problematic interpretation of people who have HIV/AIDS and all such similar “those illnesses” (though I’ll admit that I, too, am perennially apt to turn into a raging beast liable to harm anything that crosses my path, but that’s more linked to the at-least-once-monthly recollection that One Day At A Time got cancelled). Critiques aside, Remus Lupin is a character who - due to a condition that affects him physically, mentally, emotionally, and intellectually - is repeatedly marginalized, oppressed, denied political and social power, and ostracized due to unfounded fear that he is infectious to others. Does that sound familiar?

We’re not going to argue about whether or not “Remus is canonically disabled as fuck” is a fair reading. And the reason we’re not going to argue about whether or not it’s a fair reading is because I haven’t read canon in 10-plus years and you will win the argument. Canon is only marginally relevant here. The icon of this blog is brown, curly haired Remus Lupin kissing his trans boyfriend, Sirius Black. We are obviously not too terribly invested in canon. The wolfstar fandom is now a community with over 25,000 AO3 fics, entire careers launched from drawing or writing or cosplaying this non-canonical pairing. We love to play around here with storylines and universes and races and genders and sexualities and all kinds of things, but most of the time? Remus is still disabled. He’s disabled as a werewolf in canon-compliant works, he’s disabled in the AUs where he was injured or abused or kidnapped or harmed as a child, he’s disabled in the stories that read him as chronically ill or bipolar or traumatized or blind or Deaf. I’d go so far as to say that he is one of very few characters in the Wide Wonderful World of media who is, in as close to his essence as one can be, always disabled. And that means? Don’t shoot the messenger... but we could stand to be a tiny bit more responsible with how we portray him.

Disabled people are complicated. As much as I’d like to pretend we are always level-headed, confident, and ready to assert our inherent worth, we are still just humans. We have bad days. We doubt our worth. We sometimes go out with guys who complain about our steroid-induced weight gain (it was a long time ago, Tumblr, okay??). But, we also have joy and fun and good days and sex and happiness and families and so many other things.

Remus is a disabled character, and as such, it’s only fair that he’d have those unworthy moments. But - I propose - Remus is also a crip. What is a crip? A crip - like a queer - is someone who eschews the limited boundaries placed on their bodies, who rejects a hierarchy of oppression in favor of an intersectional analysis of lived experience, who isn’t interested in being the tragic figure responsible for helping people with dominant identities realize how good they have it. Crips interpret their disabilities however they want, rethinking bodies and medicine and pleasure and pain and even time itself. Crips are political, community-minded, and in search of liberation.

Remus is a character who struggles with his disability, sure. But he’s also a character who leverages his physical condition to attempt to shift communities towards his political leanings, advocates for the rights of those who share his physical condition, and has super hot sex with his wrongfully convicted boyfriend ultimately goes on to build community and family. Having a condition that quite literally cripples you, over which you have no control, and through which you are often read as a social pariah? That’s disability. But using said condition as a means through which to build advocacy and community? Now that’s some crip shit.

Personally, I love disabled!Remus Lupin. But I love crip!Remus Lupin even more. I’d love to see more of a Remus who owns his disability, who covets what makes him unique, and who never ever again tells a potential romantic partner they are too good for him because of his disability. This trope - unlike There Was Only One Bed! - sometimes actually hurts to read. Where’s Remus who thinks a potential romantic partner isn’t good enough for him? Where’s Remus who insists his partners learn more about his condition in order to treat him properly? Where’s sexy wheelchair user Remus? Where’s Remus who uses his werewolf transformations as an excuse to travel the world? Where’s crip Remus??

We don’t have to put “you don’t want me” Remus entirely to bed. It is but one of many repeated tropes that are - in the words of The Hot Priest from Fleabag - morally a bit dubious. And let’s face it - we don’t always come to fandom for its moral superiority (as much as we sometimes like to think we do).

This is not a condemnation - it is an invitation. Able-bodied folks are all but an injury, illness, or couple decades away from being disabled. And when you get here, I sincerely hope you don’t waste your time on “you don’t want me”ing back and forth with the people you love. I’m inviting you to come to the crip side now. We have snacks, and without all the “you don’t want me” talk, we get to the juicy parts much faster.

Colorfully,

Mod Theo

#wolfstar #disability in fandom #disabled remus #crip remus #please write me some crip remus #I beg of you #fandom meta

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maccreadysimp · 4 years ago

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breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

#mine #shameless #ian gallgher #gallavich #mickey milkovich #text post

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purpledinosaur1988 · 4 years ago

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Ever been in one of those situations where you put your trust in the wrong person. Yeah me to. I used to be "friends" with this female who turned out to be TOXIC! She caused so many problems in my life to a point where she would use me to lie for her, watch her brat of a child. When I met my husband back in 2014, the toxic female would try her best to break me and him up. It was early days in our relationship and she would always expect me to drop everything including date night plans to help her out of sticky situations. After seeing the effects of how miserable I was being made to feel, my husband eventually got me to walk away from the toxic female and finally be happy. I felt so much better without being associated with her. We never spoke again, would avoid each other in public etc. Fast for to a few months ago, I was waiting on a bus to work, she approached me trying to use my child as a pawn to win back "friendship" by telling me that my son's nan had passed away, saying I was to unblock her as she missed me. Obviously I didn't unblock her from my socials and the next time I saw my son I asked his uncle how his mum (my son's nan) was and that I hadn't seen her in awhile, he answered saying she is still struggling with the whole pandemic but is much better than before. That cleared that up. The toxic female told me a malicious lie. I mean has she no better things to be getting on with than trying to get me to fall for her BS 🐂💩 again.

My life has improved massively over the years I have been with my husband, we met in 2014, engaged in 2015 & married in 2016. I don't have a big circle of friends and I am okay with that as I would rather surround myself with those who are positive influences to me. Those friends hold a special place in my heart ♥️ I have my 2 best friends who I have been friends with since high school so they are more like Sisters to me.

If anyone feels there are red flags in your life with certain people. Please don't ignore them as you deserve to be happy.

Signs to look out for

1. You feel on-edge around this person, but you still want them to like you. You find yourself writing off most of their questionable behavior as accidental or insensitive, because you’re in constant competition with others for their attention and praise. They don’t seem to care when you leave their side—they can just as easily move on to the next source of energy.

2. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem. After first hooking you with praise and flattery, they suddenly become reclusive and uninterested. They make you feel desperate & needy, ensuring that you are always the one to initiate contact or physical intimacy.

3. Plasters your Facebook page with compliments, flattery, songs, and poems. They text you dozens, if not hundreds of times per day. You come to rely on this over-communication as a source of confidence.

4. Quickly declares you their soul mate. And for some reason, you don’t find it creepy. They tell you how much they have in common with you. On the first few dates, you do most of the talking and they just can’t believe how perfect you are for them.

5. Compares you to everyone else in their life. Ex-lovers, friends, family members, and your eventual replacement. When idealizing, they make you feel special by telling you how much better you are than these people. When devaluing, they use these comparisons to hurt you.

6. Lies and excuses. There is always an excuse for everything, even things that don’t require excusing. They make up lies faster than you can question them. They will always blame others—it is never their fault. They spend more time rationalizing their behavior than improving it.

7. No startle response. Total absence of anxiety, fear, and worry where there otherwise should be. They are also very easily bored by the familiar. You write this off as calm and cool, often feeling inferior and over-sensitive because you have normal human emotions.

8. Insults you with a condescending, joking sort of attitude. Smirks when you try to express yourself. Teasing becomes the primary mode of communication in your relationship. They subtly belittle your intelligence and achievements. If you point this out, they call you hypersensitive and crazy.

9. Uses social networking to provoke jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence. They once focused all of their attention on you, but now they post ambiguous videos and statuses to make you doubt your place in their heart. They bait previously denounced exes with old songs and inside jokes. They attend to new activity and ignores yours.

10. You find yourself playing detective. It is never happened in any other relationship, but suddenly you are scrolling back years on their Facebook page and albums. Same with their ex. You are seeking answers to a feeling you cannot quite explain.

11. Surrounds themselves with former lovers and potential mates. Brags that their exes still want to sleep with him/her, but assures you there is nothing to worry about. These people make you feel jealous and give off the perception that your partner is in high-demand.

12. Hyperbolizes emotions while displaying none of them. They make passionate statements like “I have never felt so happy in my life” in a completely robotic voice. It sounds like an alien trying to explain how they imagine human emotions might feel.

13. You are the only one who sees their true colors. Others will think they’re the nicest person in the world, even though they are used for money, resources, and attention. They will not care because he/she strategically distracts them with shallow praise (often done over social networking). Psychopaths are able to maintain superficial friendships far longer than their relationships.

14. Accuses you of emotions that they are intentionally provoking. They will call you jealous after blatantly flirting with their ex over social networking for the world to see. They will call you needy after intentionally ignoring you for three days straight.

15. Cannot put themselves in your shoes, or anyone else’s for that matter. You find yourself desperately trying to explain how they might feel if you were treating them this way, and they just stare at you blankly.

16. You are engaged in constant conversations about their ex. You know them by name, and you know everything about their relationship—at least, your partner’s version of events. The ex becomes one of the most frequent topics of discussion in your relationship.

17. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man/woman. Normal people understand the fundamental concepts of honesty and kindness. No adult should need to be told how they are making other people feel.

18. Focuses on your mistakes and ignores their own. If they’re two hours late, do not forget that you were once five minutes late to your first date. If you point out their mistakes, they will always be quick to turn the conversation back on you.

19. Suddenly and completely bored by you. Gives you the silent treatment and becomes very annoyed that you seem to be interested in continuing the passionate relationship that they created. You are now a chore to them.

20. The ultimate hypocrite. They have extremely high expectations for fidelity, respect, and adoration. After the idealization phase, they will give none of this back to you. They will cheat, lie, insult, and degrade. But you are expected to remain perfect.

21. Sometimes it seems as though they’ve forgotten who they’re supposed to be around you. They adopt different personas for different people—transforming their entire personality to match various audiences. It is always very eerie when they slip and accidentally use the wrong mask for you. You will start to feel that their personality just does not seem to add up.

22. An unusual amount of “crazy” people in their past. Any ex-partner or friend who did not come crawling back to them will likely be labeled jealous, bipolar, an alcoholic, or some other nasty smear. They will speak about you the same way to their next target.

23. Flatters your deepest insecurities. If you are self-conscious about your looks, they will call you the sexiest person in the world. If you have got a need to entertain, they will say you’re the funniest person they have ever known. They will also mirror your greatest fantasies, playing whatever role is necessary to win your heart.

24. Frequently comments about what you are wearing and how you look. They try to arrange you. You become obsessed with your appearance, noticing flaws that likely don’t even exist. During and after the relationship, you will spend significantly more time in front of the mirror.

25. You fear that any fight could be your last. Normal couples argue to resolve issues, but psychopaths make it clear that negative conversations will jeopardize the relationship, especially ones regarding their behavior. You apologize and forgive quickly, otherwise you know they’ll lose interest in you.

26. Obsessed with humiliating successful, kind, and cheerful people. Delighted by the idea of breaking up friendships and marriages. If you work hard to maintain interpersonal peace in your life, they will make it their mission to uproot all of it.

27. Gaslighting. Blatantly denies their own manipulative behavior and ignores evidence when confronted with it. They will become angry if you attempt to disprove their delusions with facts.

28. They expect you to read their mind. If they stop communicating with you for several days, it’s your fault for not knowing about the plans they never told you about. There will always be a self-victimizing excuse to go along with this.

29. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention. They drain the energy from you and consume your entire life. Their demand for adoration is insatiable. You thought you were the only one who could make them happy, but now you feel that anyone with a beating pulse could fit the role. However, the truth is: no one can fill the void of a psychopath’s soul.

30. Your feelings. After a run-in with a psychopath, you will feel insane, exhausted, drained, shocked, suicidal, and empty. You will tear apart your entire life—spending money, ending friendships, and searching for some sort of reason behind it all.

We can find that normal and loving people do not raise any of these flags. After a negative encounter, most survivors face the struggle of hypervigilance: who can really be trusted? Our gauge will swing back and forth for a while, like a volatile pendulum. We all wonder if we have gone absolutely mad for wanting to believe the best in an old friend or a new date, but also feeling sick to the stomach when actually spending time with them.

It is important to develop our intuition, but that is a personal process. The world is mostly full of good people, and we suffer a double punishment if we miss them due to the fear of being hurt again.

People need to set aside some time to get in touch with their feelings, and become comfortable with a balance of awareness and trust. The reflection offers understanding about our emotions. It helps provide understanding for which old relationships need to be refreshed, and which toxic patterns need to be abandoned and replaced by healthier ones.

Society conditions us to ask “does this person like me” instead of exercising critical thinking and asking “do I like this person?”

#toxic people #toxic frienship #manipulative #red flags #don't ignore this #alerts #trust your instincts

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creativity-is-rebellion · 4 years ago

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Some Things are Not Dialectic

So much has happened to me since I last wrote on this blog. To sum it up in a nutshell: I changed therapists (something I have been meaning to do for a while now), I was hospitalised yet again for just a little over a week this time, voluntarily, for recurrent suicidal thoughts, where I was tentatively diagnosed (yet again) with BPD, and the new therapist I started seeing after coming out of the hospital diagnosed me with Asperger’s. I also started a DBT program, which I am now six weeks into. Previous therapists, if you have read any of my other posts, have diagnosed me with Bipolar I, but after only two sessions with the psychiatrist at the hospital, and in the wake of him talking, at length, with my husband about my history, I was informed that I probably have Bipolar II and BPD. My regular psychiatrist disagrees with this and stated that it is probably complex trauma (or C-PTSD) and Bipolar I. I am inclined to trust the diagnosis of the latter more, as I have been seeing her for two years now. And now I also have an Asperger’s diagnosis from my new psychologist. What a mess. After all these upheavals, I feel emotionally at sea.

I also decided to swap medications at the hospital (the Seroquel was not helping my insomnia and was making me gain a bit of weight) and finally gave Lithium, the supposed “gold standard” of Bipolar medication, a chance. And it made me terribly ill. I was so nauseous all the time that after 4 weeks of struggling along, I had to give it up. I even broke out in a rash, but no professionals, not even my GP, wanted to listen to my misgivings, so I just informed them all that I was coming off it. My psychiatrist respected my decision, but wants to put me on something else. I am reluctant, because I have tried all sorts of medication for extended periods of time, and there are always negative side-effects, or they don’t do what is intended. I was told in the hospital by the psychiatrist that Lithium would be ideal for someone like me who has ambitions, wants a career, and doesn’t want to sleep for 20 hours a day, so when I experienced intolerance, I felt so disappointed. I even spent some time blaming myself. I have found my overall experience with taking medications really draining and time-consuming. I feel as if I am trying, and even doing everything I should, but it’s just not paying off. One method that I have tried in the past on my hospital visit before this one was ECT, and I did find that somewhat effective, but the results were not long-lasting enough. And, after reading about the experiences of those who get regular sessions of ECT, I worry about the possible effects it would have on my long-term memory if I was to go down that route. If there were any negative side-effects within this vein, it would be incompatible with the way in which I want to live my life, including my career goals.

While I was in the hospital, I was referred to a centre that specialised in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT). I have read about DBT previously, and wanted to try it out when I received a previous diagnosis of Borderline “tendencies” in Norway, however, as I lived in a small town, there were no DBT groups available nearby, and so my therapist gave me a booklet to read up on it on my own. I had also previously stumbled upon the therapist that founded DBT (Marsha Linehan) when I was studying my Bachelor of Psychology. She later admitted that she actually had been diagnosed with BPD herself, and so DBT was a hodge-podge of different therapies and western and eastern practices that had worked for her. I thought the refterral would take longer to process than it did, but it was processed more-or-less straight away after I came out of hospital. I attended the three commitment meetings and was successfully offered a place, and, after all that I had heard and read, was excited to begin. But six weeks in, I feel let down.

Let me preface what I am about to say by stating that I think there is a lot of good methods to help tackle negative feelings that DBT offers, but a lot of the skills surrounding self-care are competencies I already possess (and so nothing new). There are also some aspects of DBT that are just not really relevant to me specifically, but that’s alright. If I look at it as more tools I can fill my emotional toolbox with, not everything is going to fit. I enjoy and aim for self-improvement, and this is what attracted me to DBT in the first place. On the other hand, I am an analytical person who enjoys testing concepts and seeing if there are any potential flaws in what I am learning, and the method of delivery of the current program I am in doesn’t seem to leave room or space for that. I am finding aspects of DBT condescending, basic, and invalidating. I don’t feel that my prior knowledge or skills are being acknowledged as strengths I am bringing to the table that I can build upon. It is almost as I, along with the rest of the group, am being treated as if I am clueless, and that the therapists and coaches involved in the DBT group sessions are the autocratic, absolute experts on everything we should be doing and what we are doing “wrong,” something that I feel is quite harsh given that most who suffer from BPD also have C-PTSD, or, conversely, that those with C-PTSD can often be misdiagnosed with BPD. After researching some more, I have found that I am not alone in these misgivings.

I decided to share some of my criticisms just this morning with my individual coach. We met at a cafe near where I live, after I dropped the kids off at school. Towards the end of the session, she asked me directly if I ever felt she had invalidated me in our individual sessions. I decided to be honest and tell her that I had felt that. I have only just started acknowledging past trauma, some of which occurred years ago, to both myself and my therapists. It’s mostly because I feel that it is time to do so, because the thoughts and feelings were coming up more and more regularly, intrusively and involuntarily, to the point where I feel like I can’t ignore them anymore. Three weeks ago, I disclosed to my coach in an individual session about the trauma and sexual abuse I had experienced via school bullying. I told her that she had laughed briefly after I had told her about a boy who had pinched my bottom in front of the whole grade on a dare when I was was 13, and said I didn’t blame her, maybe she laughed out of surprise, but when I also told her that she had, in the same conversation, told me not to worry about “stupid school” (her exact words), she denied having said that to me at all, and got quite defensive.

She even said that perhaps I had just “experienced it that way,” and just refused to acknowledge that she had said that at all. I felt so gaslighted,so triggered (my mother tried to gaslight me all the time) and am now unsure whether I will continue with DBT. I left really shaken up, which was tough as I had had a really rough week and had actually woken up in a good mood, and had to then work really hard to turn my thoughts back around again. Upon reflection, I think the coaches are badly trained and unprofessional. This might be what is making the delivery sub-par. Maybe it’s just yet another case of “you get what you pay for.” Now, the question is, do I continue, and just try to focus on implementing the skills, instead of worrying about my obvious personality clash with the therapists and coaches involved? Sigh.

Now, to address the Asperger’s diagnosis: I actually feel it is a good fit. She got in an expert who took me through the diagnostic criteria before giving me the diagnosis, and, for the first time in a long time, I felt validated. I have been doing a lot of reading since receiving my diagnosis, and have found a number of interesting facts about females with Asperger’s, such as they are more likely to be overlooked for diagnosis compared to that of boys, as they do not present with the same symptoms, and are often misdiagnosed with (interestingly) Bipolar, BPD, or even OCD, because it was (until recently) considered a diagnosis exclusively reserved for boys. They are overlooked because they tend to be great social mimics (as females generally are more socialised than men), which masks the symptoms and difficulties females with ASD face. I believe that one of the reasons for my life-long fascination with human behaviour (to the point that I decided to study it), is due to my desire to fit in, when I have always felt different. I have, as my husband has also observed, a number of special interests that I enjoy talking about at length in social settings, and often fail to pick up on the social cues of boredom in the individuals I am talking to. But, that’s alright. It is part of the diagnosis. I am working on it. I might not ever get there, but that is alright too. In my research on the subject, I found a delightful blog from Tania Marshall, as well as her book, entitled “I am Aspien Woman,” which discusses the unique struggles of females with Asperger’s. The blurb to the book states: “Have you ever wondered about a friend, a partner, a mother, sister or daughter? Wondered why she says she feels 'different'? Out of step with her peers, she may struggle keeping friends and a job, yet she has multiple degrees. Bright from early on, she may have singleminded focus, sprinkles of anxiety, sensory and social issues, be gifted in art, writing, science, research or singing. Maybe she is a woman on the Autism spectrum, with a unique constellation of super-abilities, strengths and challenges?” I relate to all of this. I was a precocious reader with an eidetic memory from an early age. I have multiple degrees, and am creative, but struggle in social situations. It’s who I am, and I accept it. When I told my GP, who also closely follows my mental health progress, that my current psychologist has diagnosed me with Asperger’s, she dismissively stated that “everybody is different - we are all on the spectrum” - to which I have to say - what a load of crap. There is different, and there is different. I have always been a person that marches to the beat of her own drum, sometimes to my detriment. But it’s just how I am.

So, what if I don’t have BPD, or Bipolar, but rather “just” Asperger’s? I am high-functioning, so I can understand that it took a long time to identify it, but, on the other hand, it feels as if going through all of the struggles I have been through could have been prevented if only I had had a therapist that was skilled enough to really listen to me, to pick up the signs, and to validate me. I am hoping I have that now with my current psychologist, and am looking forward to working together with her toward a brighter future where I can accept myself and also work on my issues in a safe space.

After years of not sharing my thoughts or being as assertive as I want to be, I have found that recently I have been coming out of my shell in this respect, and those around me aren’t liking it. Apart from the example above, on the day I was leaving the hospital, there were a series of delays concerning my release, that, when they all added up, frustrated me so much, I had to say something. I sometimes think that those in the so-called “caring” professions abuse their power. Whether it’s bad training, an authoritative personality, or other traits that are, in my opinion, not suited to these professions that are the cause, it is a dilemma which is vital to address. Of course, #notalltherapists. But, in my long-standing experience with mental health services, and as a psychology graduate myself, it is enough to cause concern. Too often, patients are discounted because of what’s wrong with them, dismissed because the health professional believes themselves to know better, or put into the “too hard” basket for so-called “difficult” behaviour. But what needs to be acknowledged is that the person that is standing in front of them is there because they are seeking help, and should be looked at as an individual, and not necessarily by the box the therapist wants to fit them into. More duty of care, more empathy, and more acknowledgement, is needed.

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timeoutforthee · 5 years ago

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Like it or Not-Chapter 23

Taglist: @itsausernamenotafobsong, @sea-blue-child, @iaminmultiplefandoms, @princeanxious, @uwillbeefoundtonight, @zaidiashipper, @arandompasserby, @levyredfox3, @falsett0, @error-i-dunno-what-went-wrong, @scrapbookofsketches, @podcastsandcoffee, @helloisthisusernametaken, @amuthefunperson, @michealawithana, @yamihatarou, @heck-im-lost, @unlikelynightmareconnoisseur, @idkaurl, @bubblycricket, @fnp-alizay, @neonbluetiefling, @comicsimpson, @a-little-bit-of-ace

Summary: Logan, Patton, Roman, and Virgil are all struggling in their recovery. Their doctors, Thomas Sanders and Emile Picani think they can help each other out.

Aka Group Therapy AU

Trigger Warnings: Remus, referenced fictional murder, referenced bingeing/purging, therapy session

Read it on AO3!

Roman had marched into class earlier, fully prepared to demand a new partner as soon as Remus started speaking. Now, he was staring at his rival with an open mouth. This is not how he was planning for this to go, at all.

“Run that by me,” Roman finally says, “One more time.”

“I want to write a play,” Remus says, drawing out his words obnoxiously slow, “About a man interviewing several monsters to find out which one killed him. Each monster will be a representation of a mental illness.”

“That…” Roman stares at him, still shocked, “....that’s okay?”

“Oh my God, has it happened?” Remus asks a fake audience, “Has Roman Prince gotten the stick out of his ass?”

“We’ll have to be careful,” Roman hurries to amend, “I mean, we’re dealing with representation and we don’t want to offend anyone, but it’s doable.”

“Nope!” Remus says, “It is still jammed up there.”

“Do you want us to do your idea or not?” Roman counters.

Remus laughs. “If I recall correctly, we don’t have a choice about that.”

“Anyway,” Roman says, glossing over that particular detail, “What are your ideas? Who is this man? Who are the monsters?”

“Oh!” Remus says, immediately lighting up, and pulling a sketchbook from his backpack, “I have sketches! Monsters with two faces for bipolar disorder, a monster covered in cuts-”

“See, that’s an example of what we’re not going to do,” Roman interrupts.

“Roman,” Remus says, huffing, “Don’t you want to explore something deeper than your usual fairytales?”

“Don’t you want to come up with something a bit more original?”

That catches Remus off guard, and his face falls, He looks down at his sketchbook.

“You’re the best costume designer the Theater department has,” Roman says. It kills him to admit, but even he knows it’s true, “I’m sure you can come up with something.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Remus says, sighing. “Now, this guy…” ^

“How’d your meeting go today, Roman?” Patton says, trying to sound like his normal, bubbly self. But there’s a rock in his stomach as the end of the school day is approaching, and group is quickly coming up.

“...well?” Roman says, unsure.

“It either went well or it didn’t, Roman, it isn’t a hard question,” Logan says.

“I know, I’m just...surprised,” Roman continues, “Remus actually had a good idea? And I’m...excited to elaborate on it?”

“What was it?” Virgil asks.

“A man is interviewing a group of monsters, all representative of mental illnesses, to see which one killed him.”

“That’s dark, I like it,” Virgil responds.

“Not surprised by that,” Roman says. “We’ll need to tread carefully, to make sure we don’t misrepresent anything or offend anyone, but it’s doable, right?”

“Right!” Patton says, even though he’s not exactly thrilled with the idea of monsters. Darkness wasn’t really his thing.

“Virgil and I need to start making some creative decisions as well,” Logan says, “We’ve started the creative writing chapter of the class.”

“Aren’t you guys excited?” Mrs. Spencer asks, “I always love hearing all the stories coming from my students every year!”

Virgil looks like he would have a lot to say if the teacher of the class wasn’t in the same room.

“Maybe Virgil will let us read some of his writing!” Patton says, still trying to keep his head up, “Since you want to be a novelist and everything?”

“Oh, Virgil, I didn’t know you were interested in writing!” Mrs. Spencer says.

“It’s not a big deal, really,” Virgil says, brushing it off, “I’m not very good.”

“I’m sure that’s not true, but if it is, we can always work on it,” she says before shifting focus on to her lunch.

“How’d you guys’ goals go?” Roman asks.

“Satisfactory,” Logan says, “Dr. Sanders said he wants me to start tackling the emotional side of disorder soon, but for now I accomplished my goal of eating different foods.”

“I’ve talked to my aunt more,” Virgil says, “I told her what Picani and I’ve been talking about, but not much else. I guess it’s something.” He takes a bite of his lunch. “What about-”

“Patton!” Roman says, a bit louder than necessary, “How’d yours go, Patton?”

“Oh-uh-well,” Patton thinks back to last session. With everything going on, he has completely forgotten about his original goal, “Dr. Sanders and I kinda...forgot about that part?”

“How?” Roman says.

“We were discussing...other...things,” Patton says. Oh God, everyone is starting to look at him. “I-I’ll-” he sighs. “I have something to tell you guys. Later. In group.”

They stare a little longer before Logan finally says, quietly, “Okay.”

Just then, the bell rings.

As everyone starts packing up, Patton feels a rock in his stomach. He looks around at everyone and gives them a smile. He’s going to miss them when they go.

“Welcome back, guys!” Dr. Sanders greets them, walking in. “How is everyone? I think Dr. Picani said something about you guys setting some goals last week, how’d those go?”

“Uh, great!” Roman says, “But Patton said he had something to tell us before we get started.”

“Oh, uh, I don’t want to derail the session,” Patton says, desperately clinging to the hope that he can get out of it.

“Don’t be silly!” Dr. Sanders said, “This is your session, you guys control what we talk about.”

“Oh...goooood…,” Patton says.

“So what is it, Pat?” Virgil asks after they’ve been sitting in silence for a while.

“You know, maybe this was silly, I didn’t mean to make a big deal out of this, it’s not really that important-”

“If it was unimportant, it’d be much easier to say,” Logan says.

“Heh, you got me there,” Patton says. He tries to bring it up in his brain, to bring the words to his mouth, but it’s getting stuck and the room is falling silent again and everyone is looking at him and thinking about how disgusting he looks and-

“Patton,” Thomas says. Patton tears his eyes away from the floor and looks up at his therapist. “Take a deep breath.” Patton does, although it’s shaky. “One more.” This one is much more steady. “Now, opposite action. Exposing the action in front of others who won’t reject you. This is a safe space.”

“Yeah, Patton, whatever it is, we won’t be, like, mad at you,” Virgil says.

“So you say,” Patton snorts, even though there’s no humor in it. He immediately regrets it when Virgil pulls back a bit, surprised and hurt. “I didn’t mean that,” he automatically says. “I just…” he takes a deep breath. “Guys, I haven’t been honest. I’ve been lying about getting better. I never stopped purging.”

The room falls silent, and a few tears escape from Patton’s eyes.

“What do you mean?” Virgil asks, quietly.

“I mean every night, I sneak down to my kitchen, I binge, then I purge. I can’t stop. I didn’t try to stop.”

“Did you think we would be mad at you for that?” Virgil asks.

“You should be mad at me for that, I’m a liar,” Patton says, “You’ve all worked so hard and come so far, and I was just...sitting here.”

“Yes,” Logan speaks up, “Sitting here in group therapy. Sitting there in individual therapy. You’re trying just as hard as we are, Patton.”

“But I can’t stop purging, that is the one thing I have to do!”

“That’s like saying the one thing I have to do is eat,” Virgil says.

“Or stop exercising,” Roman adds on.

“And we haven’t been able to do that, not quickly, not easily,” Logan says, “Of course we don’t expect you to stop just like that.”

“Generally speaking, you guys haven’t been working on this that long, and you’ve covered a lot of ground already,” Thomas says, “And your purging or bingeing is a maladaptive coping mechanism you use to deal with your emotions. You can’t just stop these behaviors, you must learn to better cope with the emotions, or else you’ll just replace them with other maladaptive coping mechanisms, such as self harm.”

Virgil’s face pales at that, but no one notices.

“You also have to stop looking at it like absolutes. ‘I haven’t stopped purging yet, so I never will.’ That’s not fair to you or the therapeutic process. You don’t have all the skills required to get to the point where you can cope.”

“I shouldn’t even need these skills,” Patton says, “I don’t…”

They all wait patiently for him to continue, and Dr. Sanders prompts him. “Patton?”

“I don’t have anything to be upset about,” Patton says. “So I don’t know why I have all these negative coping skills.”

“People don’t need a reason to be upset, necessarily,” Logan says.

“Well, yeah, if you have depression or something, but I don’t,” Patton doesn’t notice Thomas write something down in his notebook, “I just have a loving family and a good life and no reason to complain and I’m just being ungrateful.”

“What do you think qualifies a “good life,” Patton?”

“I don’t know, friends, family, love, something!”

“So you have a lot of friends?”

Patton’s stomach drops at the reminder of what school was like last year. “Well, I have friends now.”

“And didn’t you say one of your moms died?”

Patton feels like ice water has been poured over him. “I-I don’t want to talk about that.”

“That’s fine, we don’t have to,” Thomas rushes to say, “I’m just saying, if you look at things objectively, you have a few things to be upset about. That’s fair, and you don’t need to deny those feelings.”

“O-okay.”

“Plus, you seem to talk to yourself in a very negative way, but that’s something we need to explore next time,” Dr. Sanders says, looking at his watch. “Until next time, guys.”

The four boys stand up and make their way out of the room.

“Patton, I am...proud of you,” Logan tells him. Patton has been keeping his eyes on the ground, but now he looks up and over at his friend.

“What? Why?”

“For the same reason you were proud of me for eating a grape. Because you made a step in your recovery, and you should be proud.”

“Yeah, Patton, you should be proud,” Roman adds. Virgil nods.

They reach the front of the building and Roman and Logan break off, waving goodbye. Patton and Virgil wave back.

“Oh! I see my mom!” Patton says, spotting her car.

“Wait, Pat.”

“Yeah?”

Virgil hesitates only a second, before he grabs Patton and wraps his arms around him. Patton is caught off guard but quickly hugs him back. They stand there for a moment, before they both pull away.

“Thanks, Virge.”

“Anytime,” Virgil says, watching him walk away. When he sees all his friends get into their cars, he sighs and makes his way to his aunt’s car.

He sighs, thinking about how his friends are starting to open up to each other. How much it seems to help. Maybe...maybe it’s time he considered telling them why he moved to town.

#like it or not #sanders sides fic #patton sanders

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dailyaudiobible · 5 years ago

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07/18/2019 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 26:12-27:34, Romans 4:13-5:5, Psalms 14:1-7, Proverbs 19:17

Today is the 18th day of July. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I’m Brian. It is my pleasure and it is a joy to be here with you today and just move into the Scriptures and just move out of all the entanglements, all of the things that, you know, knot our stomachs and anxiety, all the responsibilities and obligations that are swirling at us. This is a moment to step away and let God re-center us in His word and give us counsel and direction for our lives. So, it is certainly a joy to be here with you today as we take the next step forward. We’re reading from the New Living Translation this week and the next step forward will take us back into the book of first Chronicles. Today, chapter 26 verse 12 through 27 verse 34.

Commentary:

Alright. So, as we spent some time going through the book of Romans and just really seeing some of the foundational pieces of our faith explained we've also mentioned that this controversial stuff that Paul’s saying at the time, pretty disruptive. And, so, we have to imagine this for Paul because Paul was a pharisee, he was trained in this. So, you can only imagine the kind of disruption that had previously happened in his life in order to arrive at this place. I mean any kind of revolution, especially in matters of faith are usually unsettling experiences. So, it's not surprising that we’re seeing Paul reframe faith and the Hebrew experience of faith by going back to the beginning as opposed to starting somewhere in the middle. And this is why we find ourselves exploring Abraham again because Abraham is the first person associated with the Hebrew story. And, so, thus is one of the reasons Paul references Abram so often in his teachings and why it's so important and like foundational to what he’s saying. So, in today's reading from Romans, Paul continued to discuss Abraham's life and he's doing this so that his position or his argument between a life of faith and a life trying to obey a law could be clear. And he says, “if God's promise is only for those who obey the law, then faith isn't necessary and there's no point in having a promise because the law is what brings punishment on those who try to obey”. Like, you don't know you’ve done wrong unless there's some sort of law to tell you that you did do wrong and then you're punished for it. Or in Paul's words, “the only way to avoid breaking the law is to have no law to break.” So, for Paul and for that matter for us, faith is…is the essence for interaction with God. God wants us to come to Him through faith not by trying to obey a set of rules. I know that…I mean that can disrupt us even today because we spend so much of our time trying to obey the rules and frankly so little time living by faith. So, in a lot of ways it’s not so different. And Paul's point was that if those who were reading this letter, if they would just go back to their own beginning story, the origin of it all and just look at what God did in the world through Abraham, then they would see that it was faith and that it was only faith that started that domino effect that created the Jewish people. And if that's the case, which it is, then it was faith and not a law that actually held their true identity. Paul said it like this, “the promise is received by faith, it is given as a free gift and we are all certain to receive it whether or not we live according to the law of Moses as long as we have faith like Abraham's.” So, I mean, we’re like biting this off a little bit at a time and there is so much, the book of Romans is no dense with things to contemplate that it it's worth spending some of your own times just really trying to understand what's being said here. But if you want to take something away from this and move into our day it's that all of the hoops that we’re trying to jump through to get God's attention so that He will answer our prayers whatever they might be, that's never been the way it works, which is not to say, “well that's a relief. Finally, I don't really have to pay attention to anything that I do. I just have to have faith.” That's not how it works in either. Faith transforms us and transforms the way that we think about things. And when the way that we think and understand things has shifted then our behavior shifts as well. So, may we live by faith today

Prayer:

Jesus, that's really poignant as easy as it is to dismiss because it's something that we hear often, and it is something we hear all the time. So, it's easy to just to not even hear but we're hearing it. We must live by faith, which means we must reach into the dark and see what we cannot see, and we cannot do that without the guidance of your Holy Spirit. And, so, come Holy Spirit, give us eyes to see and ears to hear as we reach in faith and live our faith today. Come Holy Spirit we pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, it is home base, it’s where you find out what's going on around here.

And it's the global campfire Family Reunion that's coming up August 31st…I was like choking on that word��campfire. I think it was. Anyway, August 31st through September 2nd here in the rolling hills of Tennessee. We’re gonna have a family reunion. We’ve been on this journey together through the Bible throughout this year, we have heard one another’s voices, we have prayed for each other, we've reached out in faith toward each other, we know each other's voices, we know we’re in this together, we know we’re not alone. And the family is an opportunity to see that that’s the truth. We can step out and meet people that we know by voice and that we’re connected to by heart because we’ve been praying for them and because we’ve been on this journey through the Scriptures together. So, that's coming up and that's filling up. So, we hope you can come here to the rolling hills of Tennessee and visit the Nashville area, which is…it’s an amazing place and we have…camp Widjiwagan is an amazing place as well. There’s so much to do there right on the lake, there’s so much to play. And, so, we‘re just gonna haven a great time. So, hopefully that can include you. You can get the details at dailyaudiobible.com in the initiatives section and just look for Family Reunion 2019 and you can get the details. Hope to see you soon. It's not that far off.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There’s a link on the homepage and I thank you profoundly and humbly and gratefully for your partnership as we…as we navigate summertime. Appreciate it very, very much. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner. If you’re using the website there’s a link on the homepage. If you prefer the mail, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi Daily Audio Bible, this is Elias, Laura’s son and I want to pray for a little boy named Jasper. He thinks that God does not exist. He doesn’t know God and I want to pray for him today. Dear Jesus, I want you to let Jasper know you and for him to go to heaven with you, not hell. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.

Hi, my Daily Audio Bible brothers and sisters. This is Suzanne in Albuquerque and I just wanted to call and say thank you to the people who prayed for me - Angel from California, Abiding in Him, and Annette…Annette from Oklahoma City, I recognized your voice and all the other people who’ve been praying for me, I know that you do because when I don’t call in I’m still praying for all of you. I was just overly worried, and it just turned out a lot better than I was expecting. I know that it…I think that sometimes stuff just starts coming at us and we seem to be moving along beautifully walking with God and all of the sudden this stuff hits us, and we get scared and we wonder what’s going on. And sometimes I think He…this stuff happens to us physically so we can call out to Him and He can remind us __ He is and how willing He is to come and lift us up and help us, which is always my experience. I don’t know why sometimes…I guess life gets the best of me and I guess it does for the rest of you too. You get caught up in the worries of this world and we don’t feel that connection with Him. And I just want to say thank you because prayers have been answered. I still have some difficult hurdles that I’m having to go through and some financial…some medical bills that are…that are just kind of overwhelming but I no longer have the fear that I had when I called in a couple weeks ago and I know it was because of your prayers and how He just came and…

Hi, my name is Donna from Southern California. I’m the first-time caller and been listening for about three years and I pray for each of you. I’m desperately needing your prayers. I had adopted a baby who is now 33 and over the years she’s been diagnosed with bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, clinical depression and anxiety and at 12 decided she was transgender. There’s not much normal about this kid. I am retired and I get Social Security and a small pension and I’m having to help with her living expenses plus my own. I thought I could get her on __ side by now but have been denied even though she had been previously approved in other state, but she was unaware of it at the time. I’m going bankrupt trying to maintain two homes in two different states, but I just can’t…I can’t live with her and her bipolar and I’ve tried. I’ve applied for jobs hoping to go back into the work force, but even though I have a master’s degree and I’ve worked for a fortune ten company in the past I’m just not getting any interviews. And it’s probably my age. Please pray for her and that God will cast these demons from her and that I can get some financial __ . If I don’t find work by September 1st or some other miracle happens, I just don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m pleading for help. I’m praying for guidance. Thank you and I love you all.

Hi this is Grace and it’s a little past 2 AM and I really need our global campfire tonight. I’m calling to ask for prayer for my boyfriend. He is suicidal and all of us who care about him are really afraid. He’s had many hard things hit his life and not being able to find a job has just shattered his heart and soul and all of his hopes. And, so, now he’s in financial crisis and feels like he’s run out of time. He loves the Lord but feels so forgotten and his last hope is that God will provide. Please pray for safety. Please pray for protection for him against all of Satan’s attacks on his life. Please pray that God would bring him into the right job and bring him into it quickly. Please pray that he would get hope back for the future and know that God loves him so deeply. And also, please pray for wisdom for those of us who are navigating with him. Everything is so fragile and so scary and __ . I’m asking you to pray for a miracle. I know that God loves him, and __ a God of miracles, He can do anything. Thank you for praying with me.

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steamishot · 6 years ago

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Mid-May

It’s a little slow at work today and I’m planning on sneaking out early. I think I’m PMSing again. Lately, I’ve been a little overly fascinated by pretty girls on IG/IG influencers and models. Before, I would follow just one group of influencers but now I see so many young, wannabe or rising models on the explorer page. I’m starting to feel old. When I was younger and I heard people just a few years older me call themselves “ancient”, I found it laughable, but I kinda understand what they mean now. Our skin won’t ever be as taut, our minds never as innocent. Our lives as carefree. I think about what I have to offer in my relationship and feel like my partner can do better than me. It’s not good to feel inferior, as that will breed insecurity and damage the relationship, but I do ask myself, when is he gonna stop being a dumbass and realize that? Or can I trick him long enough to trap him? Lol. I learned something new about the culture in china recently. Traditionally, women in marriages are left to manage the household income. The husband would direct deposit his income into the account that she manages. She would give him an allowance/stipend for his basic needs. The idea is that women have best interest in mind for her family, and if guys have too much spending power, he has a higher chance of committing adultery. Women make the initial investment of giving her youth and fertility to the man, and men make the later investment of finances.

Last Thursday, my old boss came into my office at 4:55pm and asked us for the HR director’s cell phone number. It took me by surprise because it was the first time I saw her in our room. I glanced over and she was surprisingly very friendly with me. Her face was notably red. She commented on how my hair got longer, asked me about my job and my recent trip to Japan. I was in a good mood so I was fine seeing her and was proud of her for not brushing me off. It was the first actual conversation we had since I left a year ago. When I left the office at 5:00pm, she was standing out in the hallway just waiting for some reason. Following that incident, I learned that she was going through personal issues. This past Tuesday, I received news that she was admitted to the ER. My work friends were speculating and thought that she might be schizophrenic. They saw her just standing in the hallways blankly staring into space. She had a history of talking and laughing to herself. Before she was admitted to the ER, she dropped the items in her hand while walking and started to shake. Faculty (and the chief) in her division had to come upstairs to HR to seek counseling help for her. I don’t imagine that faculty helping out the admins happens like that often. After more speculation, it just seems like she had a nervous breakdown. Not sure why exactly, but I think it’s because of her demented and aging father (parents live in Missouri).

At age 45, she still depended on her parents to give her money to buy a new iphone. She still expected Christmas presents or birthday presents… and for them to pay for her plane ticket whenever she visited them in Missouri. I told my mom about this and she said that perhaps she’s very financially dependent on her father. If he falls, she falls too. My mom has always been extremely forgiving towards this boss of mine. I think she is grateful for her mainly because she allowed me a job at UCLA. I said mom, she didn’t hand me the job. I interviewed just like everyone else and competed against dozens of candidates. My current job, sure. I was pretty much handed it. My mom always refers to her as a poor girl, and reminds me to be kind to her. When I heard the news of her being mentally off and being checked into the ER, I felt sick. My former coworker talked to me about how upper management knew she had big mood swings and even described her as “bipolar”. It angered her that they allowed her a supervisory position having known that. She brought up how I could’ve made a bigger scene before I quit, and could’ve went to the union for help. And how HR offered me a job to kinda placate me. At the time, I had thought about it, but I remember reading the guidelines of what counted as “workplace bullying” and my experience didn’t fully fall under that. I don’t know if I would have gone to the union, but if that were the case, my name would definitely be tainted and I wouldn’t be allowed to work here again basically. Currently, she’s still in the ER. I’m glad that I don’t have to be careful walking around campus in fear of bumping into her. But I do hope she leaves and doesn’t return (not this earth, just this campus lol).

Matt came back last Thursday and we are leaving to Seattle tonight. Him being gone felt way longer for me than it did for him it seemed. It was kinda hard seeing him have fun all day/travel whereas I was just at work and living my day to day life in LA. When he got back, he said it kinda felt bad/different. He missed having the sense of family like in China, where his family would eat together every day and talk. He said he doesn’t have that here because everyone’s off doing their own thing. It felt a little different seeing him again. I think when you are traveling in a new country, so much goes on and you get to experience many new things. You come back with new learned perspectives. He asked me to sleepover at his house Friday night. I said okay but to get permission from his mom first. He was shy about asking her but finally did ask through text. His mom responded “yes no problem. Should I buy food?”, to which he said no, it’s okay (always denying me food lol). She ended up buying me chocolate covered strawberries, which I thought was really sweet and romantic of her LOL. I didn’t see his mom that night. When I walked into their house, she was not wearing pants and then just went into her room and stayed there the rest of the night. Matt was sick so I brought over ginger and rock sugar to make ginger tea. I was making that in the kitchen with his brother around juicing stuff. It was the first time Matt had a girl over just casually like that lol. His brother is like 14/15 and reminds me of myself when I was his age. He’s pretty talented in art, cooking and general academics. I see why Matt calls him his 2.0 now. If I had a sister 15 years younger than me, damn straight I would train her to be Connie 2.0 too. The sex that night was a lot. After not seeing him for like almost two weeks, I felt shy with him again. He was also extra horny/missed me. The next day, we went hiking. Got a parking ticket. Dropped him back off at home after because homeboy was jetlagged, sick, and sleep deprived and was dying post hike. I brought up how silly he was to have thought we could have gone to Seattle the weekend he returns. I think I learned my role with him. I’m like the practical, cool one. When he comes up with overly ambitious ideas like GOING TO 3 COUNTRIES IN ONE WEEK, I have to shoot down his idea and tell him no. I am glad I shot down his Seattle idea on the weekend he is back. I said, “you get kinda disappointed when I tell you no.” He said “yeah I do. But I’ll get it later.”

The next day was mother’s day. My parents and grandma went to a party. Matt’s mom got admitted to the ER that day. I half joked that maybe I was a part of it because she might have been scared about him getting me pregnant or whatever. He noted that I’m the calm in his life and that his mom “needs a Connie in her life”. Funnily enough, it seems his dad and I share certain qualities. We both like to be comfortable (sleep on time, hike/nature, have a schedule, be early to appointments), we are the less anal ones in the pair. His dad went to China the same week we left to Asia, and he’s gonna stay for like 3 months. I think having both the dad and Matt gone was hard on her.

I told him that due to his mom’s current state, it’s okay if we cancel Seattle. Southwest offers free cancellation and the Airbnb we booked also had a flexible policy, so we didn’t have anything to lose. I also told him that I don’t mind either way because it’s been a lot of traveling for me already- I don’t mind just chilling at home. At least I’d get enough sleep here lol. Also that because he wants to save up money (since he’ll need to pay for rent now), at least not going will save him money. He said thank you to my considerations. He ended up choosing to go. Over dinner on Tuesday, he said the first thing he will do upon receiving his vacation schedule (he gets 2 two week blocks a year, but can’t choose the dates), is book a trip to Iceland for us. I joked saying “where are your priorities?” lol because it seems he hasn’t done much in preparation for the program but yet is thinking about vacation already. Although it did make me happy to hear that. It’s like a placeholder to keep me attached for x amount of time. By Tuesday, I felt comfortable with him again. As he settles in, stops being sick and jetlagged, and his days return to normalcy.

We talked a little about the trip. I noted how it was too much pressure on the one day we had per country to go well and he agreed. I thought he was high strung especially. Hanging out with him at home is normally chill, as I confirmed hanging out with him again. He is NORMALLY easy going and doesn’t have many opinions on the things we do/eat, but traveling with him under a constraint was different. At least we got to learn more about each other. Going to Seattle after work today- semi PMSing. Here’s to round two of traveling! Will try to be rational and think before reacting. Aiming for good vibes throughout.

Clubbing: I went clubbing for the first time in years (minus the times I went just to show my cousins from France around LA). I guess it’s fun getting dressed up and going with a group of girls just taking pictures together and getting male attention. But I was also reminded about how I don’t like clubbing and it’s not my scene. I tend to drink more to feel at ease in those environments. I was DD and drank kinda a lot (my friend said DD stands for ‘drunk driver’ LOL). The club is actually a sad scene for me now. In the restroom especially, you see these wasted girls. On the dancefloor there are dropped drinks. You have all this unwanted attention. Reminded me of the song “crying in the club” – I don’t know the song but I just know the title lol. I remember when I was younger, I used enjoy getting wasted and remembered that girls are usually very supportive in the restroom. People become nicer and friendlier than if they weren’t drunk. It was a fun night- girl bonding and seeing people was a refreshing way to spend my weekend nights haha

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clutchwokeup · 7 years ago

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retracing steps to this current emotional poop hole in which i have found myself

It starts on Sunday afternoon. The sun is out. Birds are chirping. The dog is snoring in the corner. There’s something interesting on the television and my partner and I are snuggled up watching it. But then I remember:

I have to work tomorrow.

This isn’t one of those pouting, little lamentations of, “Aww, I don’t want the weekend to end!”

It’s a claw that grips my ribs from the inside-- an ugly, green-scaled hand with black fingernails tries its best to make me feel like Ripley from Aliens. For a moment, I can’t breathe. I grip my partner’s hand to ground myself.

I have had so many meltdowns and anxiety attacks at work that I think it’s become a trigger for me. I have a shutdown every single morning AND evening before work. I can barely manage to be semi-verbal while there. Why? Why?

Let’s recount the last two years...

Dumped boyfriend of nearly a decade, after being neglected/verbally abused for the latter few years

Best friend (since childhood) and I part ways due to many deeply unresolved/now festered issues

Started dating my current partner! (Yay! Still a lot of transition to adjust to, which is spoon-expensive)

Proclaimed “dead to me” by my oldest sister. For...? Still dunno.

Got really sick after this; depression is so exacerbated. Take a medical leave of absence from work.

Return to work: new boss. New ableist boss.

Ableist Boss puts me on a leave restriction in such a way to get around the ADA. Says that I can no longer substitute annual for sick leave, without a doctor’s note (which we all know are expensive and inconvenient to obtain) else I will be marked AWOL for every absence.

Another new boss. Deputy Ableist. More spoons.

Ableist Boss and Deputy Ableist eventually suspended me because GUESS WHAT I’M STILL SICK AND I NEED TIME TO RECOVER of the accrued "AWOL” days.

Reapply for FMLA leave. Doc recommends 3 consecutive weeks off and continuous coverage for the rest of the year.

Stupid approval board takes all three of those weeks to come to a decision, then denies the consecutive leave, but “Oh, you can use it sporadically.”

Found out that I’m going to need spinal surgery soon enough due to-- count ‘em-- 4 slipped discs. I’m in constant pain from this.

I’ve been broke throughout this whole thing and supporting myself and my partner, who is on disability. I offered, but still, it’s spoon expensive.

Partner has cerebral palsy-- which isn’t bad in itself-- but sometimes I end up waiting on him hand and foot. (It’s not like I mind, acts of service is my love language. I’m just so exhausted lately that it can feel like a lot.)

My second mother died. I haven’t even processed this fully. She was officially titled “nanny” but she wasn’t that. She was so much more.

My other sister proved herself to be a selfish, privileged, entitled little twat (excuse me, I’m so sorry for the word, but she’s got me so mad). Had to stop talking to her.

This is just a small sampling of the stress of the last two years. I needed to look at it in print.

Like I think about going to work or staying at work and my heart just sinks. I think about the times I’ve failed and the times I’ve been failed and all the things that are currently out of my grasp and I just... grieve.

Because nothing outside my home feels good anymore. I don’t have the energy to cook, clean, drive, feed myself, feed my dog, earn money, recover. I need help. It’s terrifying to want to commit suicide in your boss’s office to “make her witness the pain she’s wrought” (s/o to bipolar disorder’s invasive histrionics). Don’t worry, I’m not actively suicidal. I just... get these thoughts more often than not.

I feel so incompetent. So inadequate.

where did i go wrong? just... where? I know I’m not just depressed but I’m burnt out. How do I know? The thought of washing the handful of silverware in my sink just made me cry. I was in remission for so long, even through the abuse.

“Lord, while you’re raining down blessings, let some drops fall on me...”

#actuallyautistic #depression

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sissearchkittpu-blog · 6 years ago

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Dating someone with bipolar mania

Bipolar and Relationships: Making Bipolar Work in a Relationship Since then that causes an individual to depression, told. So I can maintain that surreal cocoon of happiness. Sufferers of Bipolar Disorder do tend to swing between these two extremes of mania and depression spells but those are typically more severe. If you likely know you're out for being said. For the Ancient Greeks, it was Athens and Sparta whose relationship was bipolar. There are two possible scenarios.

5 Tips For Dating Someone With Bipolar Disorder Brian douglas wilson born with some other. To go to the gym two three, four? A great article did appear in bp Hope, showing that these relationships can succeed:. Been dating is essentially a depression goes on a roller coaster. This has led me to much study, research, and reflection on the topic. When the dark days or manic days do knock on my door, I come up with every excuse in the book to avoid contact with my partner until it passes. We are not going to deal with self-diagnosis here.

Dating someone with manic depression Negative behaviors exhibited by someone who is manic are often focused on those closest to them. Find single man in a real challenge. None of us are completely immune. I think that passionate side can be a huge asset. One threaten you have bipolar disorder is a different to say don't. So what can you do to make the dating process easier and more successful? Often there is nobody more aware of the hurt and damage they have caused than the person with bipolar disorder themselves.

Dating someone with manic depression Find His Triggers When you find out that a guy you're dating has bipolar disorder, you'll want to learn as much as you can about it. Read the episodes, if you may have a depressed bipolar disorder. The diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder has increased greatly over the past ten years. Just as it can be challenging to help a loved one through a manic episode, it can be tough to help them through a. Encourage Healthful Habits Similarly, realize that certain actions have a high likelihood of making bipolar symptoms worse.

Bipolar Relationships Be creative and willing to experiment to find a good balance and maintain symptoms. Frankly, the older interpretation might make more sense. Is he in , or does he deny that he has a problem? My emotions because they can't cope with mood disorder that we're people with depression or are times, i suspect that. Enduring the heat, monsoons, and everything in between. Mental illness that first step toward your partner of relationships? The intention is to display ads that are relevant and engaging for the individual user and thereby more valuable for publishers and third party advertisers.

This Is What Dating A Bipolar Person Feels Like When symptoms change, you may feel that medication is no longer needed. Advertising Disclaimer: Mindcology has a material relationships with online therapy providers such as BetterHelp and various rehab networks, whose services we review, and may in turn receive compensation. Another option is also considering to work on the foundation of your relationship. Of course, everyone suffers and deals with bipolar differently, and there are many different types on the spectrum, with Type 1 and 2 being most common. Bipolar works to add instability and unpredictability to your life through changing symptoms. Just as breaking state may have 5 kids. Twenty-Seven percent of bipolar: help you have extreme bipolar disorder, you happen to analogize it may have bipolar disorder.

Tips for Successfully Dating a Bipolar Guy Does inadequate sleep lead to crazy mood swings? If you would like more extensive information on this topic, especially if you are considering marriage, Cynthia Last has some great books on bipolar disorder. Stopping medication can throw your symptoms into chaos. There is a lot you can learn from this person and if they have a great therapist with whom they meet weekly it is not always hard for the significant other to manage. Dating is enough of a challenge when you are 39, divorced, have 5 kids, and are roommates with your best friend and her kids. This is such an important topic that is discussed separately on Bipolar-Lives. During an episode they may lack the motivation to come up with such plans.

5 Tips For Dating Someone With Bipolar Disorder Hannah Blum, an activist and , says that when she told her boyfriend about her diagnosis after eight months of dating, he began to use it to manipulate her. It just opens up a space where premarital counseling would often be considered helpful. My word to despise, my word to prove wrong, my word to embrace, all depending on the day and the context of its application to my life. Leaving someone with someone you might think a mental illness, eye-opening for a small but they tell. Is this the right way to describe a personal connection where at least one person has bipolar disorder? However it may not entirely impossible to know more severe.

#Bipolar #Relationships

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awesome-legendarystudentcho-blog · 6 years ago

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i am looking for the insurance company which requires xerox of the original bills at the time of reimbursment.because i have one insurance policy (health) given by my employer but the amount of coverage is less.say for exp i have insurance of 1 lack and my need is 2 lacs so i want to buy health insurance policy with sum insured of 1 lac . but at the time of claim settlement ( reimbursment) both the insurance company will required original bill that will be practically impossible . therefor am looking for the health insurance company which requires xerox of the bill at the time of reimbursment.

Why is my insurance quote so big ?

I am UK resident from 2009. I got my drivers license 6 months ago. It's from Latvia, which is in EU. Now when I search for car insurance, the cheapest one is 5,000 GBP. Should I change it to UK license, will it reduce the price ?""

Why is my insurance going up?

It is 189 a month now, but in January it's going up to over 400. Is this part of the affordable care act?""

How can I get health insurance in WA state?

I am 27. I am currently not working and have money saved. I am going to need to get a hearing evaluation at University of WA and it will cost 900 dollars without health coverage. I have never bought health insurance before, can I pay it month to month? Or pay it for one month, to get my evaluation covered and then cancel it?""

Flyers insurance suggested?

This I my first time buying my own ticket and flying alone. Is it typical to get the insurance they offer for like $20 when you buy your ticket online? Would you recommend it? I think most cover your ticket and luggage?

How can I take the insurance of my car off my parents name?

Okay sooo, my dad has never been a good father figure until i turned 16. I'm now 17 and have a car that i bought and i have the title and loan in my name. He is the co-signer. He also pays the insurance. I have a boyfriend and he doesn't like it when i have a boyfriend. He thinks i'm too young for one. My mom and him are divorced and i live with my mom. She doesn't care that i have a boyfriend and lets me go over to his house and go on dates, etc. He doesn't approve. So he threatened to take my car away if i don't be home when he says. My home is my moms house. I have more of a right to listen to her than i do my dad. She thinks so too. He says since he pays the insurance he should be able to take my car away if he wants to. I offered to pay my own but he won't let me because then he won't have anything to hold over my head. How can i get my own insurance and take it off his name without him knowing until its done?""

CAR INSURANCE FOR 18 YEAR OLD GIRL?

Planning to buy a car. Prefably Vauxhall Corsa or Toyota Yaris. How much would the insurance be. Corsa is 3E and Toyota is 2E but toyota is more expensive to buy compared to the corsa. How much approximately would insurance cost for 3E or 2E insurance group for an 18 year old female in london? Any cars you would recommend as a first car? Cheap insurance? Thanks

Car or bike insurance?

What is more expensive when you are 17, Car or bike insurance???""

Car insurance advice?

I am 20 years old just got my license in February my car insurance is currently 217 with abc I can't afford it so where can I get a cheaper insurance I know because my age cheap isn't a option but 200 is insane.. or would it be cheaper for somebody to put me on their insurance with my car!! HEEEELLLLPPP btw I have a 06 mazda 6

Car insurance for minors !?

So im 16 and have my permit. I have to take 3 behind the wheels with an instructor until i can take my license test. But when and if i get my license can i be on my dads insurance if i do not live with him. My mom will not pay anything for my insurance so if i want to get my license i have to be on insurance and the only insurance i can get is with my dad. So does anyone know if i can be on my dads insurance if i do not live with him? or must i be on my moms?

Should i purchase insurance when renting a car from the rental company?

should I purchase insurance when renting a car from the rental company. I have my own car insurance for my car.

Does engine size make your car insurance go up?

I have a 1.4L engine at the moment and thinking of getting a car that has a 1.6 engine. There are not a lot of differences between the two cars, apart from the engine size. (they are both very small cars, made in the same year etc) Will this make my insurance go up?""

What is a car under 1000 for young drivers with cheap insurance ? ?

Do anybody know anything about Gerber Life Insurance for children?

I've heard rumors that they dont pay. Do anybody know anything about Gerber.

What is a cheap car insurance company in New Jersey?

I am only 20 yrs old.

Car insurance question?

Hello yes I currently acquired a car from my aunt its a Mazda protege 4dr year 2000 I am wondering if there is any way to get a cheap insurance I am sadly tho only 19 with a G2 i know the likeliness is very unlikely but any help is appreciated and as putting it under my parents apparently both of them are already first drivers for the car and van we already own but is it possible for some one to be first drivers for second car? well anyways any help is greatly appreciated.

So how long and how much will this type of insurance cost ?

How long until driving on a suspended license ticket on DMV record is ignored by insurance companies?

Can i get car insurance at age 18 with a permit in NY?

Hey,i have looked around but i seem to have found mixed answers,so i posted my own question to get a straight foward answer.....Will i be able to get Car Insurance with a permit? I am 18yrs old and live in NY state. Thanks""

How much is car insurance?

i'm 18 n i want 2 get a car very soon. i'm paying for my own insurance so i want 2 get an idea of an estimated price. if i get a care made between 1999 n 2005. so if any1 has an idea can u please help me out

Car leasing and insurance?

Hi All, My partner is 24 years old and has 6 points on his license for driving uninsured with a provisional license. He now has a license but is obviously having major troubles with insurance prices. We are looking into purchasing a lease car with insurance in the cost, can anyone recommend? We want something identical to the NHS fleet service until we can clear the points but no friends or family work there so unfortunately we are not legible to apply for this. Any help would be much appreciated. Thanks in advance, Emma""

Bicycle insurance?

i bought a new bike yesterday from JJB and i just called in JJB today to find out if they do bike insurance and the lady told me that they dont! where can i get bike insurance from?

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What is a cheap car insurance for students?

Poll: How much do you pay for auto insurance per year?

could you do me a favour and also tell me what kind of car you drive, age, and gender? don't worry not trying to stalk anyone or something, I just want to see what do most people pay for insurance. I don't know much about what's a good or bad price, all I know is the rate for the car I want and I want to see what it is compared to other people's rates. if you don't want to answer you don't have to because I know some people might not be comfortable saying this stuff to strangers. also any offences? thanks!""

What companies can I get appointed with in Louisiana to write Home Insurance for my Insurance agency?

I have an Indepenent insurance agency in Houston, TX and I am opening a branch office in Louisiana to offer home and auto insurance for LA residents. However, I am having a hard time finding companies that are appointing agents or writing home insurance other than Louisiana Citizens. Does anyone have any suggestions on some companies that I am able to get appointed with ???? Please help!""

Im Looking for cheap auto insurance in NJ?

Any suggestions? Anything except Cure,Esurance,Metlife and travelers. been there done that. Cure is just awful and unprofessional!""

200$ Car Insurance for 19 year old?

I was told that Car Insurance is usually around 1200$+ for people under 25 years old cause of risk. But I was curious exactly how much so I went to GEICO online for an insurance ...show more

About getting a motorcycle license in CA..?

Hi,i have few questions about motorcycle: 1.If i already have a C license,do i still need to take the written test at DMV again? 2.Where can i go for the training lesson?? ( at San Francisco or bay area) 3.Which transmission i should learn first? 4.What are the brands of motorcycle other than harley davidson are popular in the US? 5. What is the approximate cost of the insurance?""

Did you agree over a decade ago when California made police asking for auto insurance illegal?

For a few years, police were not allowed to ask for auto insurance from motorists. Much of the argument in favor of that law was that it discriminated against poor Mexicans. It was overturned eventually as auto insurance violations/irresponsibility became epidemic. How does this relate to the current law in Arizona? How does it relate to the mandatory health insurance law?""

Looking for some dental insurance in California. Any suggestions?

I'm right now looking for some dental insurance in California, but after looking for a while, I'm getting quite confused. My aim is to get an affordable plan that covers things like root canals, cleanings, x-rays. Adult braces and braces are of a lower priority right now. Does anyone have any suggestions for an affordable plan? My current location in in the Bay Area.""

What are teenage driving insurance rates for girls?

whats the cheapest in illionois? do i have to have insurance while driving w/ a permit??

Cheap car/insurance for a young lad?

18 year old son has just passed his test. Looked at a Fiat siacento(I know thats wrong but you know what car I mean)1999/1100cc/65000miles/good nick/500,I thought bargain. Until I checked the insurance.... 3000!!! Before I start ranting about the cost of insuring a young lad(and the cost of my own insurance) can anyone tell me a cheap car that is also cheap to insure. Thanks.""

Does one have to report fixing a car to insurance?

So let's say that an underage and uninsured driver hits my car in a parking lot. Not totaled or anything, but a large dent and a scratched. I know the child in the car, and his Dad tells me that he could just pay it for the damages out of pocket. If I get an estimate and get the car fixed with the fathers money, do I have to report it to the insurance? Am I allowed to just go to a body shop and get the doors fixed, and that is the end of that? Will I be in any legal trouble if I do it? Thanks.""

Car insurance for dummies?

i am trying to be an adult here. i graduate college in 8 days and am getting quotes for my own car insurance. I got one today from progressive for $83/mo, full coverage. It is 25,50,25 and $500 deductable. How do I know what is good? i need someone to tell me what coverage I should have-is 25/50/25 good? break it down. Thanks!""

Car Insurance Company wants me to send them pictures?

I don't know why, but I have never heard of this before and I am a little suspicious. So this idiot decided to back into my parked car and completely destroy my door. They are no doubt who is at fault for this. Their insurance company just called and wants me to send them pictures instead of them coming out to take pictures. Has anyone had this situation before, and how long after I send them pictures am I going to be able to fix my car, this happened on Monday and i am getting pissed! Thanks for your help!""

How much does your car insurance cost?

Re saga insurance?

has anybody had a bad experience with saga insurance [over 50s only]

Was done for drink driving what car shall i buy when i get my liciece back for cheap insurance?

How can i get affordable car insurance for myself?

i have really struggled to find my own car insurance, i am 18 years old, i have taken pass plus, at the moment i am on my mums insurance, i do have a part time job, do you have any suggestions or ideas for affordable car insurance for someone of my age?""

Is there a life insurance that can be purchased for a 90 year old lady?

Car insurance cost of 94 Cadillac devill?

Honda civic si insurance?

Okay well im planning to upgrade to an 07 si im 18 and not a first time buyer, i had insurance for my other honda for about a year, so i was wondering about how much the insurance would be? Before i call my insurance.""

How can a college student find an affordable therapist?

I'm 18 and still under my parent's insurance coverage. I have loads of issues including social anxiety, and I think that I'm starting down the path to clinical ...show more""

How much does it cost to insure a madza rx7 ?

I am only 18 and i really want an rx7, but i want the veilside widebody kit for it, my dad says i cant get one cause no one will insure me! This is my dream car if somebody from experiance or present owner could tell me what there insurance is so i can get a rough idea??""

How can I get my own insurance?

I'm 17 years old. My dad can't afford insurance because he has 4 kids and they won't give him free insurance. I live in Georgia. I need insurance cause I end up having to pay BY MYSELF like 90$ to go to the doctor. I also don't think it's okay to not have insurance. So what do I do? Where do I do this? Would they allow a 17 year old to get insurance by their self (being a minor)

Will my car insurance go up because my friend got a speeding ticket while driveing my car??

I let my friend drive my car and he got a speeding ticket for going 5 over. will my insurance go up because he got the ticket while driving my car or just his insurance.

When is it the cheapest car insurance rate based on age?

I forgot when I got my license, freshmen in college though in NY. I was told that the older you are the cheaper your rate, like if you start at 25 you pay less. Is that right? I was told the opposite??????? I think I was 18.""

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""Just bought a car and Just got permit, what is good insurance?""

I need to practice driving and get my license so I dont have to rely on friends and family all of the time. I need advice on some good cheap insurance for me. I am male, 18, no driving violations yet, and new at driving. I'm also a poor college kid.""

Car insurance whats the diff?

I got two insurance quotes and one is for 20/40 liability (the state min) and the other is for 100/300 what exactly does this mean. I know its the amount that they cover, but I only have liability so whats the difference?? Please, help.""

Classic car insurance..i need to insure a porsche 924 as a 2nd car.weekend use only any ideas of cheapest?

porsche 924

Can I have two cars under two separate car insurance companies read my situation please!?

I have my own insurance on my own car with Farmers Insurance. However, my best friend just bought a new car and her insurance rate sucks. Can I insure my friends car under my name with Gieco and add my friend as a secondary driver and keep my Farmers insurance under my own car? Also, is there any way that Farmers would no if I did this? Do I have to tell anyone I have two insurance companies? Just put insurance, right? THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!""

Does getting a Health Insurance quote run your credit?

I wanted to know if getting a quote from a health insurance provider (not through a job) runs a credit check? I never actually filled out the application, but I answered some questions to get quotes.""

""I want to buy a 42,000 dollar truck, but only make $8.03 an hour, will I be able to afford it?""

I am estimating a 600 dollar a month payment ( not including vehicle insurance) I work at a hospital. Work 12 hour shifts, about 3 times a week. Monthly paycheck about 600 bucks. Will I be able to afford this truck? I really want it, my dad says I won't be able to afford it. But if he co-signs for me ( being he has excellent credit. Will I be able to get the truck?""

Life/health insurance questions?

Can self injurers be denied life insurance/health insurance or have increased rates because of it?

Best Car Insurance for an 18 yr old?

I stay in Illinois and I just graduated from high school in December. I'm already enrolled in college and I'm taking two courses. In one class i have an A and the other I have a B. My GPA is still higher than a 3.0. I plan on getting a car really soon and I would like to know what is the best car insurance for me right now. I'm 18 years old, I was born in 1991, I do not yet own a license, and I've had my permit every since I was 15. The car I plan on getting is an 2004 honda accord with more than 100k miles on it or a 2004 Monte carlo with less than 100k miles on it. Which would be the best car for me to get? Should I get the Monte Carlo or a Honda Accord? Which car insurance would be the best for me also, because I don't want nothing so expensive!""

Is buying a RED vehicle going to make my insurance go up?

I want to buy a red cobalt, but my husband thinks it will because of the color compared to a white one""

""Families who live in America, how much is your health insurance per month?""

In an earlier question I mentioned that my boyfriend's parents are paying for his 24-year-old sister's health insurance after she got laid off and couldn't find another position and can't afford health care on her own, to the tune of $175 a month (and she's perfectly healthy) and was floored when someone said that was actually inexpensive. Btw, her parents insist on her having health care coverage for fear of her getting in an accident or whatever. I'm 17 and am quite obviously naive about the costs of health insurance, but I'm really curious about it, and would like to know how much it usually costs for a family to have health insurance in America. I'm in California. I don't know if it's more expensive depending on your state. If if you don't mind answering, how much do you pay per year, and how many people are in your family? Does it become more expensive as your kids get older? What kind of plan do you have? Through work or your own? Are you supportive of universal health coverage? Also: does anyone understand how Medicare / MediCal works and who decides who is covered and who isn't? Is it based on your yearly income? I'm asking because one of the reasons my boyfriend's parents want his sister to have insurance is that another family friend of ours broke her jaw in a roller blading accident when she was 26 and didn't have insurance because she was unemployed at the time, and not being able to pay the $15,000 hospital bill killed her credit score. Sorry for all the questions. I'm just really curious about all this.""

What's some places to check for cheap auto insurance?

I got a letter from geico saying that I get special deals cause I'm phi theta kappa. This is Geico's quote: Your monthly premium is: $43.19 for a 6-month policy. That is only $229.10 for 6 months. Is that actually a good deal? It's probably high because I live in a big city, but I would like to find something cheaper. Where else to look?""

Can you cancel car insurance?

Right, I'm getting a car this weekend, I haven't passed my test yet but hopefully will be passed in the next 1 - 2 months, therefore the insurance I'm taking out at the moment is for a provisional driver. The insurance that I'm taking out lasts for a year but obviously I will need to change it when I have passed, so that insurance will rise in price. But I was wondering if once I have passed can I cancel that insurance and change to an insurance that looks at young drivers because at the minute the young driver insurance places won't quote me coz I'm still learning. Sooo, to sum up... can I change my insurance company after only 2 months with them? Any help welcome. :)""

Monthly motorcycle insurance in Ontario?

Hello there, I'm 16 and live in Ontario, currently have my m2, what would be my monthly or annual insurance rate for a 600cc sport bike or a vespa scooter? Is there an average rate? An approximate would really help, thanks.""

What is the estimate car insurance cost for me?

Hello~ I'm a 16 year old female who is looking into cars and insurance. I've made a deal with my parents, so I believe that I am getting a 2013 Kia Rio. My question is...What is a rough estimate for the insurance cost that my parents will have to pay? 16 years old Female 2013 Kia Rio I have a 3.5 - 3.8 ish GPA (Can't remember exactly) If I have to, I'll probably take a drivers ed class (Although I'd love to avoid that) I believe my family is with State Farm We live in Gilbert AZ Thank you in advance! <3""

""Im an 18 year old male and im about to get my drivers license for the first ime ,how much is my insurance ?

about how much is my insurance looking to cost me ???

Insurance For Aprilia RS50: Im 16?

im 16 and im going to get an aprilia RS50 and i was woundering how much the insurance would be?? also? how much would the insurance be on a 50cc moped?

Affordable term life insurance quote?

What good is affordable term life insurance in florida?

Insurance on a 2004 Infiniti G35 Coupe?

I am 17 and thinking of buying a G35 coupe in September (will be 18) for school. I was wondering how much the insurance would be, this will be my first car and I've never got a speeding ticket before or been in a crash.""

""How much would a car payment and insurance be a month for a $40,000 car?""

im turning 16 so ins. would be more. Thanks

What are the typical insurance rates for small retail businesses?

I'm planning on opening a small book store in East King County, WA in the next year or two. The store will be about 1,100 - 1,200 square feet. Does anyone have an idea of what the premium would be for general liability insurance? I can't get a quote because the store doesn't exist yet, but I need the info for my business plan. Help!""

Cheapest insurance for a 17 year old lad?

the cheap quote ive got is 4800!! This is ridiculous, is there any cheaper way of insuring myself? does anyone know what the cheapest car to insure is? or something i really need to get on the road as i have just passed my test but 3000 for insurance is about my limit...""

Is Kaiser HMO a good health insurance plan to buy?

Here's the thing. My current doctor told me that he's leaving and he's going to Kaiser. I don't want to lose him so I my only way would be to purchase Kaiser. So if I already know the doctor I want, does that make Kaiser okay? What are the benefits and drawbacks of Kaiser Health?""

How much does insurance cost on super cars??

How much does insurance cost on cars like Ferrari, Lamborghini, Lotus, Bugatti, etc.""

Car insurance?!?!?

last week i crashd my car =( and its pretty much a write off ... just got to wait for my insurance to confirm that it is. anyway im wonderin if anyone knows on avarage how long it'll take for insurance to pay out?? cheers

Motorcycle insurance for someone under 25?

I'm in the army, and after I get done with basic I would like to buy a motorcycle where ever I am stationed. If I paid cash for the bike, have my motorcycle license, no traffic tickets, I'll be 18, and a male.. how much can I assume to spend on motorcycle insurance? Its a 250cc sports bike I'm interested in, I used to have one but It got stolen. I want the cheapest policy there is...""

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