#healing from childhood trauma

[televised-exorcism]

OMG YALL

Today I bought a real human skull from the curiosity shoppe downtown. He was ONLY 900$ and Ive named him Justin after several boys I've loved (and lost over the year) and I was SO happy on the taxi ride home telling the cab driver about my new skull...

This skull is a gift from my confident, larger-than-life, charismatic af, impossible to ignore, gorgeous, terrifying and powerful as hell 39 year old self to the painfully lonely, inexpressibly creepy mournful 11 year old only-child-with-no-friends-only-books self, because that yanno that disturbed, morbid, lonely little girl is DEEPLY loved by me, and is protected by me, and Cause tbh if we (entitled communist millennials who hate capitalism and know there are better ways) aren't out here healing our inner child, working on processing and healing those inherited traumas and carefully undoing these nasty inter-generational curses, then WHAT are we doin?

Also!!! If I can give one piece of advice:

heal ur inner child, y'all. Yall motherfuckers need this so bad lmao you might not even KNOW how bad u need it but trust me y'all need this shit..

Tbh, I used to be pretty ableist and think the whole 'inner child' shit was some fake-ass, overly sensitive politically correct granola flavored hippie shit, but NO... It is hella real and hella cathartic and beneficial to do these practices..

THERE IS LEGIT HEALING TO BE GAINED from comforting, loving, honoring and bonding with the child inside you, -THE CHILD U USED TO BE- which, like all esoteric mystical shit is eternal and can be accessed at any time.

When I first started to heal my inner lil kid, I would visualize the following: id envision myself as I was at various ages: a redheaded, dirty eight year old, filthy from playing outside, with a smear of jelly by my mouth from the lunch my stepdad made me, or an overweight, awkward 10 year old in a training bra who just wants to fit in and feel normal.. or my an angry thirteen year old self, freshly pulled out of public school (thanks to my rad af mom for that move) and learning to be an UNSCHOOLER, discovering cute boys, and cigarettes, and telling adults snarkily that I wasn't "rebellious" but SUBVERSIVE and watching those same adults grow pale for lack of good response..

So ANYWAY, I take the small, scared, abused, neglected child that I used to be, and i hold that child tight in my arms (in my minds eye)

I Let them sit on my lap, and I Hug them, and I cuddle and I rock that child, and make them feel safe, and seen, and loved and valued. i Tell my lil baby self that I Love them so much, how happy I am that we've made it this far. I promise to them that NOBODY IS GONNA HURT THEM EVER AGAIN, because they got me NOW and then i assure my inner child that it is safe to feel their feelings, that it's okay to cry, and that adult me won't ever betray the child in me that im working to heal.

Ngl y'all... when I first tried to do this work it was uncomfortable and made me sad and Made . Me . FUCKING. CRYYYYY. So hard. Like legit UGLY CRYIN LMAO but you know what?

I LET MYSELF CRY cause I knew that eventually, on the other side of those tears was something better and that all that pain would purge and lead to something precious. and it did.. and you know what the best, most rewarding fuckin feeling is??

Knowing that the 11 year old me that I once was is TOTALLY in-fucking-love with the 39 year old me That I am, and tbh it feels so good to be the person I've always wanted to be: I am confident and unafraid, a lil scary maybe, I love and honor my intuition, I'm tattooed as all hell, I'm dangerous, sexy, mysterious, intimidating, talented, hilarious, kind, willing to act in solidarity with my comrades, I'm beautiful, able to preform feminity without that performance ruling me n having fun while doing it, I'm capable as hell, humble, comfortable and at ease in my skin (and at any weight) I'm glamorous the way my great wise aunties seemed glamorous to me as a child, shockingly intelligent, super quick witted, eager and willing to learn new skills, fun and relaxed company to be around, a college educated lover of arts and music and books, not afraid to try new things, and always honoring myself...

I will be 40 years old in April of 2025, and I've already lived 5 lifetimes worth of doing!! I've been: a clown, acircus preformer, a heroin dealer, a lead singer in a ton of bands, a friendly and reasonable pimp, an alternative model, a part time SW, a burlesque dancer, a professional tarot reader medium and astrologer/, a house wife who was married for a decade, a witch for hire,.. I have legit done And been basically EVERYTHING I wanted to be and do- I wanted to be a good musician so I taught myself to sing and play guitar and ukulele, along with violin, viola and cello, etc.

I wanted to be a successful tattoo artist so I taught myself to tattoo (and now I'm 15 years into a hella fulfilling tattoo career doin what I love)...

I've done so much in 39 years that I'm literally challenging myself to come up with new goals and aspirations and endeavors to learn/conquer cause I've done EVERYTHING I WANTED TO DO. Lol

[grimfox]

the baggage claim kid

you'd parade along to songs made plainly played to pawn

soon to say it's wrong, to call blank pages wasted thoughts

due to ways all lost it's not too late to save the greater cost

who engaged the knots so caught in twain by bladed talk

you-ou-ou child,

dared to share a braver plot

you-ou-ou child,

fared nowhere delayed, nonstop

and you-ou-ou wise,

who cared to share a spot with you?

you-ou-ou child,

bare no tear and stay on top

[meditating-dog-lover]

Did you heal from your trauma or did you run away from it?

Since 2009-2010 I have healed from a lot of traumatic things in my life. Some things, however, I pushed to the side because they were too painful to deal with.

During COVID, I became very depressed. So depressed that my negative emotions flooded and brought back the painful memories of the trauma I ignored for years. Last time I was genuinely depressed was in 2010 but it was worse than my COVID depression.

While the COVID depression did suck, it did remind me of a lot of things I ran away from which I need to address. Yes they're painful, but I felt like I did a good job addressing them since 2021 and through going to therapy and journaling. I was able to compile and write a long and detailed list of all the things that traumatized and hurt me growing up. This is something I would have never done outside this state of mind because I was in a good mood pro-COVID and wasn't interested in facing any of my past traumatic experiences.

Things will get better with time. I am still in pain and there are things in my life I am dealing with now that I feel I need to face and address. Once II do that, I can comfortably say I healed from my childhood trauma. And if anything, I've already done a large bulk of the healing and have a bit left. I would argue that around 3-5 things bother me now when back in the day it was around 60-70 things.

[arylleth]

Hatred, I learned quickly, was the antidote to sadness. It was the only safe feeling. Hatred does not make you cry at school. It isn’t vulnerable. Hatred is efficient. It does not grovel. It is pure power. [...] Soon, my father and I found ourselves alone in this world, and our simmering hatred had nowhere to go but toward each other.

[journal-from-the-heart]

i think, for trauma survivors, especially those who were emotionally abused, invalidated, or gaslit, it is really important not to underestimate the significance of speaking bluntly about what happened to you. Forcing yourself not to beat around the bush, not to downplay what you went through with your words. say what happened, without any caveats, without any “but it could’ve been worse”, “but i might just be being overdramatic”, “but it wasn’t really THAT bad,” and so forth. sit with the discomfort until you can begin to let yourself realize that it WAS that bad, you WERENT being overdramatic, and even if it could’ve been worse you still didn’t deserve it. It’s almost like a form of reclamation, taking back your memories, taking back your life, even the difficult or gross parts, and refusing to let anyone change the narrative or tell you how you should feel anymore, even yourself. and it hurts and it’s scary and it feels weird and awkward and sometimes you want to convince yourself you’re lying, but i think sitting in those weird feelings and letting yourself admit that you really did go through trauma puts the power back in your hands to process things and be compassionate to yourself while you heal

[skylar-325]

so you know how kimcom have an ‘experience’ in hyunsung’s time in the military and help him get over his trauma? i kinda want to see yjh do that in dokja’s childhood.

both of them going to school together and yjh witnessing 18!dokja shirk into the shadows and keep away from people only for his eyes to come to life when he’s reading three ways. i want yjh to see those bullies going after dokja for reading his life story and beat the daylights out of them for it. he’ll see first hand just how his story saved dokja and try to act all tsundere about it only to feel his heart twist inside.

i want him to become dokja’s first friend and maybe get him into gaming and they can discover those story+fighting games so they both have something they’re interested in and he can make murim dumplings for dokja on his birthday cuz dokja prob spent his birthdays alone and dokja can try to get yjh into three ways so there’s one other person in the fandom only for dokja to realise yjh already knows the story and dokja won’t be alone in his love for the web novel anymore fgshdjdjfmfk

dokja excitedly turning to yjh after the latest update going “omg did you read the latest chapter? joonghyuk is so cool, i can’t believe he won against someone so powerful. as expected of our protagonist.” with a proud smile on his face and yjh watches him with a conflicted expression as his heart twinges because of all the things he wants to say but can’t.

edit: I just realized, watching bby kdj read and go through the story will help yjh come to appreciate and value himself more (one can dream) and understand himself through a different perspective by seeing himself through the eyes of someone who truly loves him.

[it-wasnt-your-fault]

It wasn’t your fault

It wasn’t your fault they treated you that way, it wasn’t your fault you accepted that treatment for so long, it wasn’t your fault you were taught abuse and neglect were what love is all about, it wasn’t your fault you thought it was all you deserved, it wasn’t your fault you fell for their fake charming character, it wasn’t your fault that you just wanted to be loved.

it wasn’t your fault

[theereina]

[thatrandomblogsays]

Annabeth trying to be perfect at everything to earn her mother’s pride & talking about having to earn Thalia’s love & accepting she will have to die as punishment for embarrassing her mom vs Percy saving her from Athena’s wrath, risking his life, despite barely being friends because she inherently deserves protection and safety by virtue of existing. She doesn’t have to prove she’s worthy to receive it from him.

[unreal]

My Name Is Kanaya Maryam

You Fucked My Wife

PREPARE TO DIE

[muffy-official]

Some doodles I maybe haven't shown before(one featuring @bonefries amazing prime design for Lizzy)

And now to older ones I actually have not shown as I have forgotten I think?

She eventually warmed up to the 4 big grunts over time. Having people she can seek out if she's being horrifically threatened by others again. It's possible out of the 4, Danny also had to get her off the windmill in the root canal she somehow managed to climb up on, making it clear she shouldn't do that again even if it's fun.

Also hellow inconsistencies in doodles strike again😭

She's also not fond of it when people are touching her face and such when she's not comfortable enough around them to let them do that. Or when she's clearly not wanting this at all

When you just want your peace, but you keep getting pestered about questions about mother Gooseberry by the new guy(possibly even questions about Gabby herself depending on it). Girl just sliding down the wall a bit as this is a wee bit uncomfortable for her. May be possible that during the interrogation as a reagent he first assumed she had something with Phyllis until he realises the woman took her as her own kid, treating her as such. Might've brought some jealousy to it.

[arylleth]

The books taught me that when we live through traumatic experiences, our brains take in the things around us that are causing the greatest threat, and they encode these things deep into our subconscious as sources of danger. Let’s say, for example, that you are hit by a car. Your brain registers the noise of the car screeching to a halt, the grille speeding toward you. It shoots out an onslaught of stress chemicals like adrenaline and cortisol that elevate your heart rate and blood pressure, narrowing your focus to the thump of the impact and the pain and the sound of an ambulance. But at the same time, your brain is subconsciously taking in thousands of other pieces of stimuli: the foggy weather, the Krispy Kreme at the intersection, the color and make and model of the car, the Midwestern accent of the guy who hit you, his blue Wolverines T-shirt. And your brain imprints deep inside itself the powerful connections between these stimuli and this pain. These associations are stored in your brain along with the corresponding emotions from that day. And they often do not come with full stories. Therefore, your brain might not encode the logical connection between the Krispy Kreme and the car crash. It might simply encode: KRISPY KREME. DANGER. The result is that when you see a glazed doughnut or a blue Wolverines T-shirt, you might become uneasy without understanding why. Your brain is recognizing a pattern that it has flagged with life-or-death importance, and reflexively shoots out what it believes to be the appropria emotional response. This reflex might manifest in a big wa like a panic attack. Or it might manifest in a smaller way, like suddenly feeling very grumpy. You might decide that you’re irritated at your girlfriend for a mildly stupid thing she said that morning and text her to say so. None of this, of course, is reasonable or rational. But your brain is not trying to be reasonable. It’s trying to save your life. If someone pulls out a gun near us, we shouldn’t need to ponder for a few minutes about the make and model of the gun and how guns work and what caliber the bullets might be and the amount of damage they might do. If we see a gun, we need to know one thing, and we need to know it fast: GET DOWN. MOVE. RUN. What we might think of as emotional outbursts—anxiety, depression, lashing out in anger—aren’t always just petty, emotional failings. They may be reflexes designed protect us from things our brain has encoded as threats. And these threatening inputs are what many people call triggers. No, having triggers doesn’t make you a fragile little snowflake. It makes you human. Everyone has them, or wi have them eventually, because everyone will experience some form of trauma. That annoying blank stare your ex used to give you. The sound of the ventilator your grandmother was hooked up to in the weeks before she died. Having an emotional response to a trigger is perfectly healthy. Those triggers are only considered PTSD when an event is so traumatic that its triggers cause symptoms like panic attacks, nightmares, blackouts, and flashback when the emotional response becomes debilitating. And here’s what makes complex PTSD uniquely miserable in the world of trauma diagnoses: It occurs when someone is exposed to a traumatic event over and over and over again—hundreds, even thousands of times—over the course of years. When you are traumatized that many times, the number of conscious and subconscious triggers bloats, becomes infinite and inexplicable. If you are beat for hundreds of mistakes, then every mistake becomes dangerous. If dozens of people let you down, all people become untrustworthy. The world itself becomes a threat. PT 2

[littlebluemagpie]

I see WAY too much of myself in Evan

[paintedpeeta]

I know everyone loves talking about Katniss and Peeta being affectionate in everyday life and mirroring her parents, but I also go crazy about them being affectionate and Peeta realizing he has a safe home filled with love unlike his parents. I just imagine him remembering his parents just tensely being with each other and contrasting that with him and Katniss who are always touching in some way and greet each other with kisses and hugs.

no because throughout the first two books he’s so physically affectionate to her (even though i’d assume this isn’t learned behaviour from his home) can you IMAGINE what it’s like when they’re safe and living together and in an established relationship? when he realises that she enjoys and takes comfort from his affections??

[meredithbeckham]

win the fight, save your life.

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Me: *telling our best friend M stories about our traumatic life, in this case adult trauma and some high school trauma*

Me: “I got the best grades [in high school and the first year of university], but I had no social life. Well, I mean, [during high school] I hung out with friends at lunch. But I never had plans after or around school because I was always doing homework and extra credit assignments. ...So, yeah. I just...”

Me: “I hoped if I achieved enough, I could make my mom love me. But it was never enough.”

Our best friend (M): “Well, you shouldn't have to make her love you. Your parents should just love you.”

Me, in the moment: “...Oh. Okay.”

Me, half an hour later after the usual emotional processing delay: “Wait, what?” 😭

~~

So, I present to Tumblr this bombshell from M:

“You shouldn’t have to make your parents love you. They should just love you.”

~Nico