#he's not trying to find loopholes!!! he genuinely doesn't get it and is doing his best to work with what he's given!!!

[fizzyghosts]

Hywel is inspired by a mix of my issues with stories with nonhuman protagonist/about nonhumans becoming human AND vet posts ive seen warning people about the dangers of anthropomorphisizing animals. Its fine to joke about your pets doing things out of spite or other human emotions, it does put you at risk of not being able to read their body language correctly. Cats dont cry out of sadness, a cat crying, with actual tears streaming down its face, is a sign of a medical issue. A dog smiling isn't doing it bc its happy, it means its nervous. Not being able to spot these is bad, and sometimes even dangerous, for you and the animal.

If you never get past Hywel's human appearance and treat him like one its like getting a reactive dog, doing zero research or training, and then taking it to a dog park. If Hywel mauls someone in town then its on you.

[grievedeeply]

Hello there :) I see you take BG3 requests now, if it’s okay please could I request headcanons for Astarion, Gale, Wyll, Dammon and Karlach falling for reader who always goes out of her way to help them with anything they need 💙💙

decided to take some liberties with this prompt and expand it out a bit to them just being super helpful overall as a person, but going out of their way to help them in particular lol. hope you enjoy anyways and thanks for the request! sorry if these are short I didn't want to be super repetitive

astarion, gale, wyll, dammon and karlach with a helpful s/o headcanons

astarion

he's used to you being incredibly helpful by now. helping out the tieflings in the grove, helping to rescue halsin from the goblin camp.. it's in your nature, he thinks

and with him, you acted the same. only your behaviors increased tenfold with him

you went out of your way to help him, and he isn't sure of why, really. but you won't see him complaining. the less work he has to do to make it by, the better.. and you seem happy to assist, so why not enjoy it?

you tend to offer your neck up to him whenever he's feeling particularly hungry. it's the first time you do this when astarion really realizes you're always a bit more attentive to him than with anyone else

still, he jumps at the opportunity for a free meal. it's not as though he doesn't appreciate it, but he'll always wonder what's going on in your mind whenever you decide to help him out in that way

he's used to being seductive and a bit flirty.. but he notices that with you it starts to feel different. he hates the thought of falling for you, feeling something real and genuine in that way wasn't exactly a familiar thing to him

but he knows you'd treat him well. after all.. you're already this helpful now. but if you were his? he could only imagine how things could change

gale

he doesn't understand it. why you're so helpful

he's very thankful for your help, but he wonders why you always make the extra time to find an artifact for him. days before he needs his next one, it's already in his hands, ready for consumption and it's always because of you

he doesn't want to overthink it. but he will

do you think that he's not as capable as everyone else? is it just out of the kindness of your heart? whatever the reason, he tries to refuse any unnecessary help

even though he appreciates it, he wants to see you spending more of your attention on yourself. he loves that you care for people and especially him, but he wants you to take care of yourself first and foremost

he realizes he's falling for you relatively quickly. no one else in his life had really looked out for him in the way you have. you're special. you're kind and you're.. lovely, really

he adores you, and he'll return your helpfulness in kind!

wyll

oh... wyll

he's so sweet. he's always looking out for you, just like you are for him. you're so incredibly protective of him, especially when mizora is involved

you're trying to find a loophole in his pact whenever you can, and he realizes he's falling for you as soon as he sees how serious you are about this whole thing

he falls hard. no one else had really shown him this type of care before, and he feels appreciated whenever he's with you. you see him as wyll. not just the blade of frontiers

he sees how much you care about other people, too. he sees your heart and your kindness, and he just adores it. it's hard to come by people as genuine as you. he counts himself lucky to even be in your life at all

dammon

he doesn't think he needs the help

he enjoys your company at the forge. you keep his mind occupied and you keep him talking. sometimes he gets so lost in his work that he forgets to eat or drink

but he still doesn't think he needs your help. he's used to doing everything by himself, and he's not exactly the biggest fan of change

but when you start organizing the materials and metals laid about.. it's really nice. he won't say anything or bring it up at all, but he does notice everything you do for him

you'll make him a snack every now and then. you'll tell him to take breaks— things that he forgets to do sometimes— and spend time with him when you're able to

he likes you. a lot. he doesn't admit it right away, but he knows he does. he feels the ache in his heart. he would be a fool to not like you

he'll tell you eventually. hopefully

karlach

she's beyond appreciative of you in general

you're so sweet. it's a big change from her life with zariel in the hells, so she jumps at the opportunity to talk to you whenever it arises

she notices how you jump to help whenever you can as soon as she meets you. after all, you believed her about the paladins when she was practically a stranger

karlach tells you about her infernal engine, and you're constantly trying to find the infernal iron she needs. wherever you go you're looking for it

it puts a smile on her face, knowing that you care so much about her..

she develops feelings for you pretty quickly. you're kind, you're able to see her as more than a soldier.. and that's more than she's had in a long time

a little unrelated, but she's so happy when she gets to touch you. like... over the moon happy

[solsticescribe]

Mafia!HarryxLawyer!reader

Warnings: cursing, mafia setting but the worst they do is threatening

Your boss was a real asshole of a man. When you accepted the case he approached you with, you didn't know he was a gang leader. Not certain at least, but now you were stuck working for him and him only. You helped him out of a tough situation in court, which seemed suspicious on its own, and now that you knew too much about his business (and he about you) you had no choice but work for him. At least the pay was nice, even if the man itself was insufferable. Now that he had a good lawyer in his hand, he was much braver with his affairs and even more reckless, which meant endless work for you. The gang itself wasn't too big, they mainly did the dirty work for bigger groups or small affairs of their own but they never got themselves in quite the trouble as this one time.

It all started with your boss calling you to his office, sounding impatient. This usually meant that he fucked up something again. Just great. You found him at his desk, nervously organizing some papers in a file. "Finally you're here! You're nowhere to be found when you could be useful!" He spat at you. "What do you need this time?" "Watch your tone. I have a contract for you to look trough. I want to get out of paying for the stuff and I need you to find a decent excuse for that" You took a deep breath to calm yourself. "I can't just make shit up to solve your problems. I told you already." The man just smirked "Yet you're always doing it. You're an amazingly convincing liar, sweets. Either this or you can always go back to genuine work, helping the needy, defending what's good... just keep in mind that with everything you've done, it will be difficult to find clients that would trust you" He smirked and handed you the contract. You frowned but took it anyway. "That's right dearest. Might not be what you've dreamed about, but still puts a roof over your head, doesn't it?" He laughed out loud, mocking you. "Don't you dare fuck this up for me, understand? Now get out of here." You clenched your fist and left the office before you said something that you would regret later.

Back in your office, you slammed the contract on your desk and started pacing around to calm yourself. You hated doing this. Hated working for this annoying moron, wasting your talent on something stupid like this. Loathed every second but if you really couldn't get out of this situation, might as well make the best of it. Be the best there is.

You took the contract in your hand and started analyzing its content. Once you were at the end of it, the signatures caught your eye. Next to the name of your boss, it was signed 'Styles'. That family was the biggest and most dangerous mafia gang in the whole country if not the the whole continent. Did he really think he would get out of paying them just with a few arguments of a corrupted lawyer? Best case scenario, they get the money by force, get annoyed with you, either kill everyone in the group, together with you OR if you're really lucky you'll just end up beaten and on the streets. There is no point in trying to reason with a gang like Styles'. Or is there? Can you even find a good enough argument to get out of paying? If there is a loophole at all, it's an insanely small one. Luckily, there is nothing better for you to do. You just had to get out of that stuffy office, there was no way of thinking in this small place.

Placing the contract in your bag, you got up and soon found yourself at your favorite coffee shop. Your favorite drink and the cozy atmosphere might kickstart the process. How ironic, wanting to get motivated by a lovely place like this for working with illegal products. You sat in the far corner of the shop, making sure no one could peek over your shoulder and got to work. You laid out the contract and your notebook, making notes of the important parts, drawing up the stakes, outcomes, each unfavorable. As you were very fixated on finding anything that could grant you the upper hand, you suddenly heard a voice. "Is this seat taken?" You looked up and saw a man, about in his twenties with long hair and piercing green eyes looking at you. You couldn't exactly keep working with him sitting across from you, but didn't want to reject him either so you just kept staring at him. "There's nowhere else to sit" He continued. You looked around and indeed every seat was taken. When did so many people get here anyway? "No, no go ahead" You finally answered him and he shot you a smile that made you melt just a little. A lot. While he pulled out the chair, you quickly gathered your stuff and shoved them back in your bag. "Thanks. I didn't want to disturb your work, you seemed focused. Something important?" He asked. "Kind of. It's absolutely hopeless but my boss couldn't care about anything but his own pockets and I'm the one who has to get him out of any stupid situation he gets himself into." You took a sip of your drink which has gotten cold in the meantime. "Sorry. That was out of nowhere. It just builds up. Forget I said anything" He chuckled. "It's totally fine, you got to get it out before you explode. He seems like a real asshole to me" "He is" "I'm Harry by the way" You smiled, his name fit him really well. "YN"

You sat there talking to Harry for the rest of the day. You didn't even realize that it got dark outside. "Shoot, I have to go, sorry. This was real fun though" You got your bag on your shoulder and stood up. "Hold on, let me drive you home." "You don't have to do that. I still have to get some stuff from my office and it's close." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I don't want to bother you" "You wouldn't, but if you insist. Hold on a second, can you give me a pen?" You took one out of your bag and handed it to him. He scribbled something on a napkin and gave you both. "Promise we'd repeat this? Like a date that is." You smiled as you put them in your bag. "Might as well. It was nice" "Well then, looking forward to it beautiful" You said your goodbye and left blushing.

The next few weeks went by a blur, you were completely focused on the contract, occasionally texting Harry but sadly you couldn't find a time to meet up again. Still, he was so sweet all the time. You figured once you were done dealing with this you two could actually go on a date. The boss told you that he scheduled a meeting with the head of the Styles' to discuss his late payment. This not only gave you the extra stress of a deadline but the thought that you had to reason with the leader of the most feared mafia group of the country didn't exactly help either.

The night before, you laid in bed stressed out of your mind. Not really for the future of your boss or his gang but more for what will happen to you. Best thing that came to mind was text Harry and vent, staying general and unsuspicious, pretending you're a normal lawyer with a normal client. "I'm not convincing anyone with these half-assed arguments that I managed to scrape together" You wrote. "Don't say that, you'll do amazing. You worked on this for so long, you're going to blow everyone's mind." He answered not even a minute later. All night he kept reassuring you and as you fell asleep, you managed to believe everything will be alright.

As you were waiting with your boss in his office, you couldn't decide which of you was more nervous. Your boss was pacing around the room, rubbing his hands together and muttering nonsense. You leaned against his desk with your arms crossed, looking at him. You took the chance to annoy him and stroke your ego a bit. "Seems like you're doubting me" "You better bring your 'A' game today, you have to be better than ever. Understand?" He seemed like he was on the verge of breaking down. "Maybe we wouldn't be here in the first place if you would just-" the door burst open and in stepped a lot of guards and among them stood...Harry. Your boss jumped to greet him and you were stuck in place just staring at him. You felt betrayed and straight up angry. So this was his plan after all, get you to fall for him, be all friendly just to get you off track. Unfortunately for him, you were not gonna let that happen. You are going to bring him down at the end of this no matter what takes. When they finally acknowledged you, you were glaring daggers at Harry. "Hi" You greeted him with a sarcastic cheerful tone, forcing a smile on your face.

After another round of formalities, it was finally your turn to speak. You gathered every ounce of your confidence and kept looking straight at Harry's eyes. You couldn't read his expression but he almost seemed...proud? "Well, that was convincing enough. I get her, you don't pay and keep your lousy little business as long as you never make business with me or my gang ever again. Deal?" You were taken aback. The audacity of this absolute- "Her? You don't want her working for you. She's mostly useless, today she just got an attitude, no idea where from-" "I'm perfectly aware of what she's capable of. You're not exactly subtle when destroying evidence of crap you messed up. She got you out of death sentence more times that you would like to admit you piece of shit and you give her no credit" Your boss was speechless and so were you. "It's not like you have much of a say anyway. Get out of here so I could talk to her." At his words, his guards immediately took your boss out of the office. As the door closed behind them, Harry stepped closer to you, taking your hands in his and lifting them to his mouth to press kisses against your knuckles. "You were amazing. I never doubted you" He said between kisses but you pulled your hands away from him. "And you're a fucking liar" You spat angrily. "What did I lie about?" "Well you weren't exactly truthful." "You would have never talked to me if you knew who I was. But okay, you want honesty, here it is: when I approached you that day my plan was to just get you to work for me, but now... I want much more than that." You avoided his eyes. "Just give this a chance. You know you would be better off with me than that moron" "You're not much better" He rolled his eyes with a smile. "I love that attitude of yours. So what will it be? Remember you still owe me a date" He laced his fingers with yours. "We'll see how this goes but for now, you got yourself a lawyer"

[bushkit]

Some headcanons for the daemos boys cause I got bored!

Some of these are just silly ideas but I have quite a few genuinely serious headcanons in there as well!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Asch:

23 years old.

6’3 (very slightly over average for daemos)

Smells smokey and sweet, like cedar in a bonfire.

Great at archery, initially learned from his mother and has devoted himself to mastering the skill in her honor.

Takes his role as a leader very seriously, no funny business.

Hates nikargas with every fiber in his being. He will go out of his way to slay one if given the opportunity.

Fears failure and loneliness.

Hates physical touch, it causes him to flinch hard if he isn't expecting it.

Has oddly cold hands, very insecure about it.

Would laugh at videos of children falling.

Nonexistent spice tolerance (I took inspiration from Moistcritical).

Has a beloved pet phoenix, but sadly doesn't have much time to take care of her himself.

Wears a little eyeliner, slays the day.

Leif:

22 years old

6’2

Smells like he was rolling on the wet forest floor (he was).

Very knowledgeable about animals, even survived an encounter with a nikarga.

Has a very soft spot for children.

Low alcohol tolerance, gets drunk easily.

Drank quite often until he became a knight. (Still can't refuse a few cups if offered, but is getting better.)

Serious abandonment issues and mild separation anxiety.

Distrustful of higher authority, though secretly respects Asch and is grateful to have been spared.

Meditates quite a bit, prefers to do so in the wilderness (with supervision from Strike of course).

Loves thrills, riding on Strike’s back is his preferred method of travel due to the distance from the ground and the breeze in his face.

Will eat just about anything, eats like he hasn't in weeks.

Highly flirtatious, gets no bitches.

Rhys:

24 years old

6’4

Smells very clean and posh, like a fine cologne.

Nearsighted, needs glasses to see properly.

Very cautious, likely due to his vision impairment.

LOVES puzzles, anything revolving around strategy and riddles is his cup of tea.

Massive sweet tooth.

Extremely polite, like to the point he gets walked on sometimes.

Very mild temper as in common frost aligned fashion, but when his bottle breaks, it breaks.

Loves stargazing, constantly trying to figure out what those white dots in the black sky really are.

Perfectionist, hate hate hates when things are even slightly imperfect he goes insane.

Highly artistic, has journals apon journals of people and creatures he's doodled.

Often viewed as being boring (even by his own family), hates it.

Noi:

Youngest of the group at 20 years old.

5’9 (short ahh)

Smells citrusy, like lemons and grapefruit.

Autistic, has trouble picking up on certain social ques.

Experiences a phenomenon similar to Pinkie Pie’s “Twitchy Tail”, this is related to his ability to sense incoming storms.

Loves romance stories, forbidden romance is his favorite trope.

Scared of loud noises, he panics when he smells a thunderstorm coming.

Insecure about his size and strength sometimes, but tries to find loopholes.

Introverted, though highly extroverted when comfortable.

Values kindness and empathy.

Most loyal to Asch of the knights (even more so than Pierce and Rhys)

Highly curious but cautious, prefers to learn visually.

Mostly used as a messenger because of his swiftness and fantastic memory.

Pierce:

Oldest of the group at 25 years old

6’7 (very over average for a daemos)

Smells subtle but floral, with notes of lavender and water lily.

Gentle giant, gives wonderful hugs. (it would probably cure depression tbh)

Most mature among the knights.

Neurodivergent, some form of synesthesia and/or autism. (I'm leaning towards sound-color synesthesia.)

Does not enjoy killing or viewing fights, attempts to play peacemaker in most hostile situations.

Sensitive to violence and especially death, there's a reason why he doesn't speak much.

Distant, prefers to not make attachments.

Likes animals, used to nurse injured critters back to health before releasing them.

Surprisingly funny, isn't aware of it.

Carries his sword everywhere like its a comfort plush toy.

Has a very approachable demeanor, he may not speak much but he is a fantastic listener.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

And those are my headcanons! Enjoy the goofy drawing of Asch simply ✨passing away✨ because a jalapeno was too spicy for him. Rest in pepperonis my love. Anyway Its almost midnight rn and I'm sleepy so goodbye!

[natelawtism]

pal, Speak more about your love for nate i DARE YOU (/pos) (i genuinely wanna hear about it)

DONT GET ME FUCKING STARTED ON THIS. but you already have. So I hope you're prepared for an insane rambling. (ALSO IM SO GLAD YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT HELLO?????)

There's so many things I love about Nate Lawson. he's always plaguing my mind and hasn't left for months (as you can see). Currently all I can think about is how he loves, and how he expresses that love! Since he's. It's so unique to him and how he is.

Like I've said before, he literally said "I'll relax when I die". He is such a workaholic and he's so scared of love and affection.

YET! His love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation (stated on his wiki). That's so... sweet to me. He fears anything or anyone getting "too close" but feels safe and secure in an environment where he can be loved and held. He needs someone to tell him they love him, but he's afraid of that fact.

That fact bleeds into how closed-off he is about affection. The fact that he rarely holds the player's hand, the fact that he INSISTS that he will not have his first kiss until it's the absolute "perfect moment". The fact that his ending CG is him giving the player a hug after they graduate!

And even then, the player encourages him to leave his comfort zone without pushing boundaries. Of course that doesn't mean that JB DOESN'T push boundaries, but a lot of the time on dates the mc encourages him to be more open and treat the relationship as what it is. She asks to hold hands and if he says no, she instead pivots to "can I walk closer to you on our way back?" it's something within his boundaries but out of his comfort zone! Something so they can both be close without Nate getting scared and rejecting the situation.

I GENUINELY CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS BOY AND WANT TO HOLD HIM. He's my everything. He truly needs someone and somewhere he can relax, no matter how adamant he is about not relaxing or wasting time.

I believe he needs someone just as persistent as him, but also lax as a partner. Someone who can stand their ground and push against how stuck in his ways he is, but knows when to let something go about his boundaries. Not in a way where they argue with him, but in different ways. Someone who can find a loophole to get him to relax, or try and comfort him to convince him.

Someone who won't give up on trying to help him, and tries to help him because of their love for him. They want him to grow because they know how wonderful he is. They want him to heal.

Asking me to talk about my love for Nate is BASICALLY an invite to talk about my yumeship so I'm gonna ramble specifically now.

I think that Rowan gets Nate into the habit of holding hands tbh. It's like a year into their relationship at LEAST but I think they, naturally, have different progress than Nate and JB (because JB is her own diff person lol). I believe that part of the fact Nate and Rowan get into the habit of holding hands is the fact that Nate kind of... finds himself getting comfortable. When he realizes this, he FREAKS THE HELL OUT. But that's kind of a story for another post. The holding hands isn't public (at least for a WHIIIIIIILLEEEE), but it happens in private settings or on dates when no one they know is around. It's VERY SPECIFIC settings, but it's small contact that makes both of them feel loved. The mushy feeling in Nate's heart makes him nervous and scared when he thinks too much about it, but with Rowan he begins to let himself .. Just live. Even if it's small steps of doing so.

[the-gateway-to-madness]

So anyway Ducktales 2017 is super fun for me because I'm literally exactly like Louie except I have a deep-rooted fear of becoming him because I live in reality and not a mansion-

There's satisfaction for him in finding loopholes, putting together the pieces in various situations, and being the strategist, but at the same time he can't think too much about the future or he'll stress out (given the fact the creators of the show confirmed Louie is like this because he grew up poor and took on a lot of that pressure emotionally, I assume that's part of why he doesn't plan for his future, but anyway-).

For him, that means coming up with strategies and tactics in the moment, on adventures. For me, that means finding ways to carefully integrate fictional characters and OCs into established worlds, analyzing things and picking them apart. Either way, we're not planning ahead all that far, both trying to escape reality.

And he's smart. Like, REALLY smart. But he's insecure about it because he's not book-smart in a family that really values book-smart. His family never really makes him feel bad for not being their kind of smart, just for the actions that stem as a result of it (his schemes, for example). You can tell they don't understand how he thinks, except Della (i, too, have a parent who gets me and a parent who does Not), and he has a lot of emotionally vulnerable moments with her because of that.

He only lets down his guard and genuinely connects with people he really feels get him, even though he's very eloquent and perfectly capable of casual connections with almost anyone. Same. I'm deeply, almost self-damagingly empathetic- my emotional attachments are a point of great vulnerability for me. I've chosen to embrace that vulnerability and the closeness and care it can bring me, but that's not a very natural choice for Louie like it is for me.

A lot of society only really seems to value "math-smarts", like what Huey has- more rigid intelligence, strong memorization of facts and figures, and being adept with numbers if you're lucky. But Louie has "language-smarts". Flexible, adaptable to different situations, but wow you don't come off as smart most of the time when you're this kind of smart. I was reading at a 12th grade level in 3rd grade- I know for a fact I grasp the English language at an abnormal level. But that intelligence really isn't applicable in a lot of situations, and I 100% recognize the form of lacking-self-esteem that comes with it- the form Louie shows consistently in season 2. For him, his linguistic, flexible, imaginative intelligence comes out as strategizing, lying, and scheming. For me, it comes out as quick, easy storytelling/writing with friends.

We share an ability to see patterns others don't while missing the patterns others do see.

Our kind of intelligence comes with this- very basic level of practicality. I hate sports because they seem unnecessary, over-hyped. I don't want to do a lot of very societally normal things because they seem convoluted and not necessary for happiness. I engage with television and movies because I find the construction of story and characters fascinating.

It all makes me feel like I'm lazy or can't ever do enough because I just... don't have an interest in a lot of things that people think one should. It's like- there's this level of intrinsic, constant self-awareness and practicality in me, to the point where I feel incapable of engaging with anything that doesn't interest me.

Combine that mentality with the burnout and emotional strain of being under severe financial pressure your entire life and, more specifically, not being able to do anything about it or get out of it- so why try to do anything at all? -, and bam, you get Louie Duck. He's motivated by money because to him money = comfort, and comfort = safety.

I also started consciously knowing what it'd be like and feel like when my childhood ended at something like- age 15 or 16. I was desperate to cling to the freedom, the lack of responsibility, the privilege of a safety net- for years. I see some of that in Louie too.

Oh, and of course Bobby Moynihan sold it. Really just went all in on giving Louie depth and feeling, 10/10 incredible performance-

Point is, it's cool to see someone who thinks like me actually portrayed pretty accurately onscreen. Thanks @suspendersofdisbelief :)

[meggannn]

Three Houses/Hopes x Taskmaster

AKA here's how I think the kids would do in a school-wide Taskmaster competition.

notes/explanations/ramblings under the cut

GARREG MACH STAFF

My thinking is that this is a lighthearted team-building game across houses, like a school sports day, so that’s why it’s students-only. If the staff participated, here's how I'd categorize them:

Rhea: I do not see a universe in which she participates lol. like I try to envision it and it does not compute

Seteth: just does the task

I included Cyril above just cause of his age and his likelihood to become a Garreg Mach student post-canon. He's only in “asks for help” because he needs someone to read the tasks out. After he hears it he’d be “just does the task.” But I wanted to put someone else in the bottom category with Hilda lol

Hanneman: would fall under the “distinguished older gentleman who completely loses his marbles over something small” category if there was one. Otherwise, loophole user or overly competitive

Manuela: I didn’t make an “older woman who makes every task as horny as possible” category, but if she was involved I’d make one just for her

Gilbert: gets distracted by something small, like categorizing all the rubber ducks by color or cleaning up after himself, and forgets to do the task. In this tier, “doesn’t give a fuck”

Catherine: overly competitive

Shamir: just does the task

Alois: does his best with mixed results

Jeralt: doesn’t give a fuck

PLACEMENT NOTES

Alois as Taskmaster was something I came around to after the subreddit recommended it. He'd award a bonus point randomly to whoever genuinely laughs at his puns.

I considered Seteth as Little Alex Horne, because he does have a sense of humor, but I think he's too genuine of a “straight man” to join in the spirit of the game. I do think he'd do well in the studio portion, reciting the stats and calling out mistakes/quipping back when the conversation gets rowdy.

But I like the thought of Byleth as the assistant for the recorded on-site tasks as someone who: 1. would get their hands dirty, and 2. doesn't mind the students making fun of them. Either way, I think a hard-working assistant (Seteth/Byleth) carefully planning all of these tasks only for the results to be judged by Alois who decides winners on his whims would be a funny inverse of the Davies/Horne dynamic, and very on brand with the show.

I thought about putting Ingrid in the “just does it” category but I think she’d get competitive if it were a game of BL vs other houses. If it’s just her house, she’d just want to have a good time. If it’s vs the other houses, she wants to represent her country well.

Annette is in the competitive category because she reads the task and immediately gets to work once the timer starts. Too concerned with Doing a Good Job and doesn’t read over the task and think it over, much less check under the table or look for any hints.

Claude also could have been in “overly competitive” but I think he’d have too much fun trying to find loopholes that he wouldn’t care about winning, he’d just try to have a good time bending the rules as much as possible or getting a rise out of the TM+assistant. Like Rhod Gilbert but with less antagonism.

Petra is in the loophole-user category because she is smart, and I think her second-language skills would help her here. She’d read instructions and interpret them as the Rules as Written, not Rules as Intended, which comes in handy in this game.

I haven't played Scarlet Blaze yet, so admittedly I had to make an educated guess on Monica based on content I've seen at a glance and fandom reactions to her.

Lysithea is ambitious in schoolwork and stuff that matters, but I think for something this nonsensical, she’d just do the task to get it over with. That is assuming she shows up at all.

I was torn with Sylvain because he is the type to show off, but since this is something that ultimately does not matter, he doesn’t want to try hard, fail, and look like an idiot doing something stupid like Felix or His Highness, so I think he’d just be in it for a good time. He occasionally wins without even trying, which absolutely infuriates Felix, who says he does not care (he does care).

For Felix himself I swung between “overly competitive,” “just does the task,” and “doesn't give a fuck.” But I think he's competitive only in certain things (he wouldn't get bent out of shape if he can't draw a horse with his feet), and I think he is too passionate a person to put in no effort at all. For most tasks I think he'd fall somewhere in the middle in terms of effort, thinking this is all stupid but still privately kind of wanting to do well.

SUBCATEGORIES

Subcategory 1: “Does the tasks while wearing a unique/weird Taskmaster outfit” includes Sylvain, Caspar, Hilda, Flayn (Seteth helped her make it), and all the house leaders. Dimitri and Edelgard got convinced into wearing one by their class. Claude was down to wear one immediately.

Subcategory 2: “Does good on the art tasks and nothing else” includes Ignatz, Flayn, and Bernadetta

PRIZE TASK IDEAS

I see Claude making a running gag out of his prize tasks, like something that embarrasses Edelgard or Dimitri every single round but it's always a tossup who it'll be. Like for "bring in the thing someone will miss the most," he'd bring in all of Dimitri's left shoes. Claude would also bring in the Sword of the Creator for "most high-octane item" and it's unclear whether he stole it or Byleth lent it to him because she thought it'd be funny.

Caspar would get a tattoo of the Taskmaster.

Raphael brings in the grilled cheese/cheese toastie box for "best subscription."

Hilda would be a big-time bullshitter like Judi Love trying to talk up all of her prize tasks.

Petra would bring in a reindeer skull for "most unusual item."

Hubert would find some way to bring in human blood in every task.

In a shocking turn of events, Ashe would steal the Spear of Assal for his "best stolen item."

Leonie is responsible for the "And I haggled for it" running joke, but it's unintentional.

Someone like Edelgard, Dedue, or maybe Ignatz would bring in the puzzle box, I'm not entirely sure who, but what I DO know is that Sylvain is responsible for "Just open the box, you p***y" and Byleth calmly stands, motions him over, and pulls him outside to chastise him while the entire class watches in disbelief/horror.

Ingrid brings in the laminator. It's by far her proudest moment in the competition.

MISC NOTES

Edelgard would be like Victoria Coren Mitchell: She'd keep trying to apply reason to the tasks, with mixed results, but on certain things (that may or may not even help her in the competition) I think she'd shine. Like when Victoria calculated everyone's scores in her head before Alex and Greg did, or when she taught herself how to ride a bike on camera just to complete the task.

Dimitri would just try to have a good time, but the assistant would need so many extra props because he'd end up breaking a lot of the materials. He would do excellent on all the food tasks though. In "Eat this egg the fastest" he'd just break it on the counter and swallow it raw.

Claude would get caught out by the two-part tasks every time because he'd try to be so clever working on Part 1 that it'd end up fucking him over. He'd make the obscenely tall chocolate sandwich for "make the most exotic sandwich" only for the second task to say he now has to eat all of it as fast as possible.

Felix mockingly saying "All the information is on the task" becomes a meme. Most of his tasks are crumpled from all the times he's clenched his fist in anger.

Leonie + Hilda on a team = Ed Gamble + David Baddiel. "Can I just check, have I been put on a team with Hilda Valentine Goneril?"

Solo tasks: The TM would probably want to give all the house leaders unique tasks, e.g. making Edelgard count all the beans in a can or Dimitri send him 500 cheeky texts. But I think Felix, Ferdinand, Hilda, Sylvain, or Lorenz getting extra tasks would be best for entertainment value. I think Felix is the only one who might be a sore loser about it, but god it'd be funny (even Lorenz might laugh it off if he sees it ~endears him to the public~ or something).

[icharchivist]

I'm sure somewhere on the Grandcypher is like a club meeting for those who have tried to kill MC before, where they get together and talk about their experiences. Like why they tried to, what drove them to it, how they've changed, how to cope with the guilt etc

Sandalphon is super pissed about having to attend still, but he provides coffee

Lu Woh is definitely offended. It was a test. He wasn't actually trying to -

Everyone avoids Lobelia :)

HELPPPP the club meeting of shame.

Sandalphon can't even go against it, his motives were fully evil, he just regrets, so all he can do is try to drown his guilt in coffee during the meeting. While yes, Lu Woh would try to defend himself so hard.

All the Evokers are here also, because they really tried. Nier especially would weep about how she just wanted to be loved.

I think the Eternals count too because if i'm not mistaken they all kinda went berseks in their 5* trying to kill MC? But also, Feower genuinely wanted to kill MC in his recruitement quest, and we have Seox who almost did when he was drugged by Nehan. So at least those two are forced to attend as well, Seox full of guilt again, Feower pouting a little like "sure i wouldn't do it again. But like. can you blame me." "yes" "listen.". Oh right and Tweyen too tried to kill us during her recruitement quest, more to test us and test herself. She's definitely at the reunion too.

Nehan probably has to come as well since it's his fault Seox almost killed MC so it's kinda him who tried to kill MC. He's too out of it to care.

if "tried to kill MC because of mindcontrol" is on the table, Siegfried would also have to be here. Siegfried is mostly here to take notes about who else he has to look out about.

Enyo is in the center of the room. People ask her *when* she tried to kill MC. She smiles and goes "oh, everyday i try a little harder.". everyone ends up putting her on a watch list.

Does Fiorito being tasted with killing MC and just finding a loophole to not do it count as well? because i feel like Fio would be mortified about being in this group but feel like it's what she deserves.

Aglovale would also have to come to those reunions, come to think of it. He still feels guilty but he won't let it show because he's surrounded by so many potential enemies. He's looking around for who he will play mindgames with.

Geo should come the moment the Cosmos fam manage to bring him back to them; I believe.

Honestly most ex antagonists would end up on this reunion tour.

but yes, they'd avoid Lobelia as much as possible.

and sorry if i miss any but it's all i can think of at the moment --

the more he meets them the more Lu Woh is convinced he doesn't belong in this group. also what the fuck danchou why is there so many people who tried to kill you in your crew are you INSANE--

[leogichidaa]

i love your anons! the rabastan situation is hilarious. when you said he might have cast a spell i got this wild idea, what if he was regulus in disguise?? i knew that it wouldn't add up with getting arrested and the Longbottom situation but it's still excig to think of. maybe Bellatrix figured out regulus' leaving and decided to pull him closer to keep an eye on him? maybe he's just not him anymore, changed after the cave. but it would explain why Sirius and Voldemort apparently don't remember him.

I've been having so much fun with these asks 😄

No, but I love this idea. R.A.B = Rabastan. I can 100% get behind this. Regulus survives the cave somehow and Kreacher tells Bellatrix about it for some reason. Maybe there's some kind of loophole in Regulus' orders that allows Kreacher to tell Bellatrix or Narcissa and no one else. So they give him a potion and change his appearance and call him Rodolphus' long lost brother.

He's not exactly thrilled about it, but he figures this way he can keep tabs on what Voldemort and the Death Eaters are doing. When Voldemort falls he is concerned because he knows that Voldemort has a Horcrux. He knows Voldemort is not properly dead. When Bellatrix wants to go looking for Voldemort, Regulus is eager to go along with her because he would really like to find Voldemort too and hopefully destroy him while he's in a vulnerable state.

Bellatrix is convinced the Longbottoms have information about Voldemort and Regulus can't let Bellatrix get the info without him there because she'll try to leave him in the dark and resurrect Voldemort. So he's there for the torture and he gets caught and thrown in Azkaban. He's nervous during the trial, scanning the crowd, not only because he doesn't want to go to prison but because he's worried that people will recognize him.

Or maybe Bella's been Imperiusing him. Maybe she fucked around with his memories and he doesn't even know he's Regulus, he genuinely thinks he's some dude named Rabastan. Such an interesting idea!

[darklingichor]

Mort, by Terry Pratchett

*One more extra entry, why not?*

May have a run of Discworld, I'm not having a lot to time to read words on the page books and nothing else on audible is catching me.

I attempted to read Angel's and Demons by Dan Brown. I made it though an improbable use of air conditioning (I can't get mine below 60 let alone cold enough to form frost on furniture) and a massive amount of scientific sounding babble and enough dialog to find out that Robert Langdon is an idiot, before I gave up.

So I finished the Rincewind series (except for The Last Hero which I will have to get in this year's birthday book haul in November). Though I found Unseen Acidemicals to be underwhelming, I genuinely loved all the others and I adore Rincewind. The only thing I loved more then Rincewind preparing to runway in any given situation were his interactions with Death, so I knew that when I finished the Rince Cycle, I would start the Death Saga.

I like the concept of the Grim Reaper doing things and the idea of Death taking on an apprentice is a cool one. I've seen it once or twice before, and there is always a point where the person learning to be death wants to save those who are meant to die and it's a struggle for them to accept that death is inevitable and changing the course of someone's time line can have major consequences.

And this is basically what goes on in Mort. Mortimer is a thoughtful young man of 15 whose father is dispairing of what to do with him as he is not suited for the family farm. He takes him to a hiring fair where Death of the Discworld on his pale horse named Binky takes him on as an apprentice.

Death, it appeares, is having something of a mid-existence crisis and wants to try new things. So with the idea of teaching Mort the trade and setting him up with his daughter Ysabell, he sets his sights on retirement.

Any book that had Death in the discworld equivalent of a conga line will live rent free in my brain!

I will say that there were moments where I found Mort to be a little annoying, but just in the way that most teenage characters are annoying. Like you know they're going to screw everything up because they won't listen to what other people say, but this is in part, because a young person is experiencing stuff for the first time so probably won't take their word for it.

Just like every kid thinks they invented something like "The dog ate my homework" most teenagers are going to approach one thing or another and think "Yeah, they said that, but maybe if *I* try it..."

Death could get a pass here because he doesn't understand people, let alone teenaged people, but the fact that he himself has a couplenof cosmic loopholes living in his domain might have gone a long way to why the book ended like it did.

I loved Mort's evolution while in the Death trade and the way he thought his way out of the mess that not thinking clearly put him in. I loved that he refused to be anyone but himself, and who he was had value so that when he started to lose himself, someone who loved him brought him back.

I really liked that we saw the ins and outs of collecting the spirits of the dead and how in this world, belief shapes what happens after life.

The most fun I had with this book was seeing death try everything. A drunk Grim Reaper is hilarious, and the idea of him being a fry cook makes me giggle.

[nothing0fnothing]

Someone get out the tiny violins this poor poor estranged parents just can't do right for doing wrong. *sob*

.. except, she's not estranged, she speaks to her son once a week. And she does know she's doing wrong, because she was told not to contact her daughter in law and decided the work around was to send flowers.

We're seeing a real theme here from the first post again, there's that theme of her trying to find loopholes in her family members boundaries. Yanno, that classic behaviour that non abusive people regularly do? (heavy sarcasm.)

She wants to be so smug too, the quotation marks around "harassed" like that's not what it's called when someone asks you for no contact and you attempt to contact them. Yes, it is still harassment even if the unwanted contact comes with a bouquet of flowers. You'd think that was common sense but as followers of this account know, common sense among abusers isn't so common.

The more this hag talks the more the story comes together don't you think? Remember how in part one she was absolutely aghast that she would be denied the opportunity to send her precious unborn grandchild a gift? Yet here she is admitting to using gifts to violate the boundaries of her daughter in law while she puts on a show of innocence "harassment? Me? For sending flowers (??)" Yes bitch, and you know what you're doing.

How can you be trusted to send gifts for the baby within reasonable boundaries if you can't be trusted to maintain reasonable boundaries at all?

It's not lost on me that the initial commenter has simply told her that all she can do is respect her sons wishes and wait for the dust to settle to extend a genuine olive branch to the family. Our OP then replies with a ramble about how she's tried to extend the olive branch but her DIL (daughter in law) is so mean and unreasonable she won't even accept her passive aggressive flowers. And her son is soo mean too because she offers him an olive branch every week but he just won't accept it. She's just such a victim guys. Honest.

Notice that "properly talk" comment. All contact he's had with her thus far just doesn't cut it for our OP, he needs to talk how she wants him to. That once a week conversation he affords her? Yeah, doesn't cut it. If it's not a talk on her terms, it doesnt count. Its not "proper" unless it's her way. She's practically beating him over the head with that god damn olive branch and insisting he reconcile on her terms rather than his.

Doesn't really paint a picture of emotional maturity does it?

[kenxmatsui]

"Pressure?" he questioned when she spoke, "Christ, Leyla... how did you end up at that?" He listened to her reasons a little longer before moving to close the gap himself, nudging her hands loose so he could hold it instead, "Give me a bit of warning before you move and take away your warmth from me, okay? I don't like the cold." He shook his head, "Tired doesn't mean sleepy," Ken added, and rather than leaving it that like he had wanted to since he could not articulate his thoughts properly, attempts were being made to string together more words to explain on this further, "I don't know how to put it, but it's everything. I'm tired of watching people I care for get hurt, tired of not being able to do anything... just tired of feeling actually. I'm not used to this. Can we just lie here for now?" Though he said that, he followed it by somewhat giving in, "You know it's damn near impossible to resist you, so if you want candles and wine and all that, we can." And somehow find self control to not speak. "I don't want to keep disappointing you."

He shrugged, "It's both. I care about you. Worry, concern, love, aren't limited to just one aspect, everything is taken into account. I know that it can come across as overbearing, I'll try to make it less so but the way I care for you will not decrease." He returned the squeeze, "That was a pivotal point for me as well, to know someone genuinely cared and could be so gentle, you saved me in more ways than one that night and forever since." His voice grew deep and serious not too long after, "I know it's beyond my control but if something were to happen to you again, Rohan will most certainly have to sedate or even stake me, there'll be very little else that'll stop me from burning this town down." He didn't want to imagine it, couldn't, not without anger bubbling up. Shifting focus to concentrate on her soothing voice, nodding in agreement, "Together through the bad and the good," he repeated, words falling with ease yet with great difficulty too since it sounded far too close to for better or worse.

"He can be stubborn sometimes, but yes we can help him out... Wait, you did?" he asked, surprise lacing his tone, "Well, sure yes reckless, but honestly I wish you told me mostly so I could've come with you. Even after they cordoned the manor off, I was trying getting to get in with some loophole. I still find the sheriff's department useless but with it being a crime scene and all, I couldn't properly justify it." Him being a stickler for rules was extremely inopportune at times. "Where you in there long? Did you go into the cellar to get that wine? Did you see anything else?" Questions rolled out before he could stop himself but Ken eventually did pause, "Sorry sorry...don't feel the need to answer those, I just can't stop thinking that there's something we're all missing."

Halting that train of thought from taking off again, he went back to the part where she said her and Dilan had an argument, something that did not come as a surprise but what did was Leyla saying she wasn't needed, a scoff rose to the surface in answer, "I assure you Dilan did not need or want me in that moment. She needed you. I was not nice, usually am not but in that moment, despite me trying to be less harsh given the circumstances, her tantrums irked me a great deal." While they did manage to talk, Ken did not know of it did any good, all that stuck was Dilan's insistence to want to feel pain. "You're who she needs even if she has a shit way of showing it, but in saying that you're not wrong for not wanting see her do that herself, you've faced it before, you shouldn't have to do that time and again. I'm not good at giving advice on anything but maybe you can leave her be for a bit? Even if it's hard to do. I'm doing that with Haru." Those last few words came quietly, a fact he didn't want to think on but that wouldn't stop the inevitable. "I ran into Haru not long after they came to town, pure coincidence really but it felt like fate. Had to tell them then, didn't have much choice they thought me dead. Not entirely wrong, though. I went to see them after everything too...Haru is going to leave town." He wasn't going to stop that, he hadn't when they were kids, couldn't now as adults not if it meant Haru could be a little bit safer outside the mirage and without him complicating things.

With a sigh he sat up a little too, "I don't think you're fragile nor do I sugar coat things. We've had arguments, you became frustrated numerous times with me due to my bluntness and the way I say things. It's not easy for me to talk about stuff like this and often times I don't want to but you can't say I don't talk to you because you're one of the only people I'm this open with, one of the only I willingly want to share anything with." He looked to her with somewhat of a resigned look, gaze eventually falling, unsure as to why she thought that but not letting silence fill the pause lest she think he was shutting her out or some such thing, Ken took a slow breathe in, "I didn't want to talk about it after everything you've seen and said on how you felt but if you want to know why I keep the numbness in me it's because it keeps me alive. It sounds fucked up and in some way it is, but the truth is I'm someone that didn't die when I should have. Even after multiple attempts I'm still here." He began to feel it, the way his mind was pulling back reigns on his speech, attempting to reel the words back to the far corners of his mind but he pushed through for her, "Don't get me wrong, I'm starting to see worth to this life now because I get to live it with you, but when I didn't have you, I had anger and apathy, they kept me going and numbness was the balm that comforted me. I don't want to be rid of it. I don't who I would be without it."

Closing his eyes briefly after that, fists involuntarily curled as he let the words, let the vocal admittance, sink in. Despite having come to the conclusion in the confinements of his mind, it was another thing entirely to speak it, while he wasn't sure how exactly that would affect him but he was sure it would in some way because those thoughts he had ignored began to rise again. For now, however, he looked to her again, thumb slowly brushing over her cheek as he inched a little closer, "I know it'll be different for you because you're not me. You're better. So, just trust me on this one. Things might not feel quite real, but it will fade for you, you won't let the linger." It only on purpose did he let the feeling fester, it rooted and rotted within him because he allowed it.

"How can being a star be a punishment? The question was posed more as a thought being spoken out loud than anything as he cast a glance skywards to the twinkling lights above, unable to figure out why exactly that was the case. But of course, at the end of the day they were just giant balls of gas, humans were the ones to assign patterns and stories to these thinking them to mean something they were not.Mapping the sky for navigation purposes he understood more than fanciful tales of tragedies. His interest had only piqued forth from spending time with Leyla, her love for them caused him to want to know more, and while did appreciate them a little more than before Ken knew he did not posses the wistful nature she had when peering up. "I suppose so," he tacked on as she explained, "I never really paid attention to such myths and legends. Until finding out creatures like me existed as those cautionary tales." Even after that discovery he hadn't cared much for stories, just accepted that this was his new fate. "Maybe humanity did itself a disservice with all the tragedies."

"Oh," She gave him a small nod. Though, as he mentioned it had been five or six months since he had smoked, the corner of her lips lifted into a soft smile. Her lips grazed across his cheek as if to congratulate him, even if he did only take a step back from it on her behalf.

"You didn't," She attempted to reassure him as she scooted a tiny bit closer to him, though sliding her hands underneath herself in an attempt to keep them to herself. "I'm just trying to be respectful is all," She promised him. "You don't want to do anything tonight and I don't want to pressure you into anything. So, I'm just trying to keep my hands to myself is all," She admitted, motioning down to her hands tucked underneath her as if to demonstrate. "But, if you really are tired, then we could always call it early and go to bed?" She offered up optimistically, scooting closer once more as if offering that they could cuddle if he did want to just curl up in bed or maybe sneak off together in the dreamscape. Though, a part of her had a feeling that wasn't what he meant when he said he was tired to begin with.

"Oh," She gave him a small nod. Her hands sneaking out from under her as she hesitantly reached out to hook her pinkie through his and give him hand a small squeeze. "I thought when you said you were worried you meant about me as in my mental wellbeing, not on my behalf," She mumbled out. Her cheeks flushing red in embarrassment at the misunderstanding as she tried to make it clear to him where her demeanor shift had come about from. "But, it's okay. We didn't know each other all that well back then and, as scary as that was, I think," She snuck a peek up at him as she gave his pinkie another small squeeze. "I didn't how much you meant to me until I thought I was going to lose you?" She admitted quietly. "Just, god forbid anything happens down the line, just know that whatever you're going through, I'm right there with you and vice a versa, so while you might want to feel the pain in the moment, you're not the only one whose feeling it too. That's what it means to be a team, right? We're in it together. The bad and the good," A soft smile graced her lips as she brought the back of his hand up to her lips for another featherishly light kiss.

"Well, with Rohan, we can both help out with the Pendulum repairs and for Meena, just continue to search I guess? I knew about the 'm' from Aaliyah and, um, I might have," She squeezed her eyes shut as she confessed. "I might have snuck into the Moore Manor after they put up the crime scene tape. It's just Aaliyah seemed so upset and I thought maybe I might be able to find something that could help? But, all I found was a fancy bottle of wine that I gave Aaliyah so she could have something on Meena's while we continue to look. Sorry I didn't give you a heads up before though. I know it was reckless," She explained only for a sigh to escape her lips and her body to sink further into the cushions at the mention of Dilan. "Yeah. I know... We kind of had a fight? I couldn't watch her torture herself and I don't know. It's hard knowing that she likely needs you more in this moment, then she does me," Her voice was no more than a soft murmur as she adverted her gaze. Hyper focusing on her hands instead, not that what she was admitting to was really anything new. While, she may be the older sister, she seemed like a pretty useless one these days or maybe always. It didn't help that she had been raised to fill the role of the middle child before she had meant Dilan and now? It just seemed like she was once again horribly inadequate at being there for the people she loved the most. "When did you tell Haru that? Is that why you two were keeping your distance when everything went down?"

"But, how do you know?" She asked. It wasn't that she didn't believe him. She just couldn't seem to put together how it would be different for her if it wasn't for him. "Wait-" She sat up a little bit as she leaned forward. "Why won't you? How does it help you? Talk to me please. I know you don't want to hurt me, but I'm not as fragile as I seem, Ken Matsui, and I know when I get quiet it seems like I'm saying one thing while my actions are saying another, but it's just me trying to process is all and I think sometimes when you sugarcoat things for me, I wind up trying to decode what is being said which only ends with me making inferences that may or may not be correct?"

"Being a constellation is the punishment. She chained her daughter up to save herself. She chose to humiliate and sacrifice her own kin to save her own skin, so now she spends eternity up there on display, chained up in the same way she had chained Andromeda. Her vanity and selfishness has turned her into the laughing stock of the stars. But, most myths act as cautionary tales. They're supposed to teach you lessons and be warnings of what might befall you if you let the worst parts of yourself get the best of you. That and I guess most humans suffer in myths? While the gods seemed to always get off free despite their own cruel and often unjust actions. I think back then, it might have given the people who believed in them someone to blame for the problems, but I also think it tells an interesting depiction of the privileges those in power can possess and the sometimes unfortunately reality that comes in part with it? And back then the leaders wanted to be as close to the gods as humanly possible to have some divine right over those their ruled, so having their gods resemble them might have done the trick? I don't know. But, the fairytale ending is. Even if in the original fairytales, there are far more tragedies," She admitted.

[you-can-call-me-fangs]

It’s cool that your talking requests! So, can I have illumin with a sick reader or we meet illumins family or something like that we would be dating him to. Preferably male reader but gn is good to.

Also can I be 🧀-anon?

Thank you for being my first request 🧀 anon! 💛💛

Also I'm sorry if this ended up being a little too self indulgent for me but I can't help it I had too much fun coming up with headcannons for the Zoldyck family because they're so...themselves, ya know? They're fun to build headcannon ideas off of

Meeting/Being Apart of the Zoldyck Family

When the adults in the Zoldyck family first met you, well they didn't like you, it's not that you did anything wrong you're just an outsider and they can't help but be wary of you especially when your being introduced as Illumi's boyfriend

I mean if the Zoldyck family can be transphobic is it really a stretch to think their a liiittle homophobic too?

Silva is just straight up in denial

He refuses to call you Illumi's boyfriend, instead he'll call you "Illumi's friend"

You and Illumi will call him out on this but he'll keep on "messing up" (you know damn well he's doing it on purpose)

Kikyo is bit more excepting, but not of you, she doesn't think anyone is good enough for her precious son though

It doesnt help that she believes every gay stereotype she's ever heard, she will honestly pull up on you with something like, "I thought you people wore rainbow colored clothes?" and will be genuinely confused if you aren't wearing rainbow colored clothing

Zeno just thinks Illumi is going through a phase by dating you

In conclusion you being Illumi's boyfriend makes the adults in the Zoldyck family confused and uncomfortable and I take pure joy in this thought

The kids are a different story, none of them care too much about you being there as Illumi's boyfriend

I actually headcannon that Illumi can get along pretty well with all his siblings he just doesn't see them enough

At first Killua isn't too fond of you and even actively avoids you, it's his way of being cautious around you, even if Alluka likes you (which she most definitely does, who doesn't Alluka like?) he still tries to be careful

Like, you're willingly dating Illumi how stable could you be?

However once he realises that you're a pretty cool dude he'll actually start hanging out with you a lot, he'll damn there latch himself onto you

You'll go skateboarding together, pull pranks on people together, hang out with the rest of Killua's friends, and so on and so on, you'll even start to have your own inside jokes

You and Killua call each other step-bro in front of the adults (mostly Silva) to try an get a rouse out of them

Illumi will lightly reprimand the two of you but he will never do anything too serious cause he secretly thinks it's funny too he just can't show it in front of his parents

Basically you and Killua have a lot fun together and are known to also cause a little chaos

Illumi will never flat out tell you that he's jealous about the all the time you get to spend with Killua, but he is, you can tell because after you and Killua hang out Illumi will ask you everything he can about Kil

Was he having fun? Was he smiling? What were some of the things that he liked? Did he ask about him?

You've tried to ask Killua to go out Illumi more often but he will refuse, you did find a loophole though, Killua will hang out with Illumi as long as you're there

You try to do this as much as possible so Illumi can actually see Kil for once without him being mad or scared of him

Milluki hates playing video games with Illumi because he always miraculously wins, has never played a game in his life but will still get a W and then be like "oh, I won"

Milluki just sees this as a massive insult to his skills so he'll play against you next to boost his ego, he is still a pro gamer after all, this boy spends way too much time on his computer to not be one

When Milluki was younger and it was just him and Illumi, Mil was the type of younger brother to hide behind his older brother and talk shit from there because nobody would mess with him with his tall scary looking bro standing right there, right?

This changed somewhat since Illumi puts more of his time and focus into Killua now so Milluki switched all of that energy to you

Now Milluki will get behind you and shit talk from there, Mil sees you like a brother so that's cool

Has that "don't make me call my older brothers to come down here and whoop your ass!" type energy

I think Kalluto and Illumi already get along surprisingly well

Kalluto will follow you and Illumi around the same way he does with his mother

Kalluto will randomly gift you little paper cut outs or paper origamis he made while you're at the house, it's his way of showing he likes you

Illumi and Kalluto can both be so quiet and keep to themselves so much that being around the two of them can be one of the few times in the Zoldyck house where you can have some peace and quiet

Similar to Killua hanging out with Illumi, for Illumi to hang out with Alluka you'll have to be there

Cause Illumi is under this weird impression that Alluka isn't apart of the family or something (which we all know is bullshit) so you have to be there so he'll have a reason to stay

You definitely have to correct him several times on Alluka's pronouns, don't worry he'll get used to it he just needs some practice

Also Illumi truly enjoys playing with Alluka, they get along very well

Alluka is child like in a way Illumi probably never got to be so being around Alluka and kind of playing in her world helps Illumi be a little childish too, which he likes

Alluka would be trying to play dolls with the both of you, braid your guys (mostly Illumi's) hair, play dress up, etc.

The other Zoldyck siblings will go to you and Illumi first before their parents when they have a problem

For instance, if they're arguing and they need an adult to help them tell the other to stop bothering them or if one of them has a nightmare and they want to sleep with someone else they go to you and Illumi

[chainoftalent]

Yandere alphabet with Ouma is almost done so!

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Im big excited to post the full one when it's done!

Kokichi with B G H

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

While he's willing to get rather bloody if he has too, it's super last ditch for him. He and DICE follow strict rules around violence and murder and Kokichi intends to follow them. So if he does have to get physical he prefers quick precision victories over torture or drawing it out. It would take a situation where he genuinely felt it was his/his partners/DICE's lives were in very real danger and he has no other option but to not hold back to get him to actually kill.

He'd totally upend a tub of legos in a rival's house though, the monster. Minor harm is totally on the table and he will abuse the hell out of that loophole if he feels he should. Yeah sure he won't kill a rival but if all their milk seemingly constantly spoils over night and they keep finding needles in their socks then well, that's pretty unfortunate. At his worst though he might be willing to push people towards hurting themselves or getting hurt by other unrelated people, but it'd take a lot to bring him to that point.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It's definitely a game, that's not to say he's not taking it incredibly seriously, but its still a game and he doesn't like to lose. As such while he does enjoy to see their partners mind twist and see what they come up with, he's quick to sabotage attempts and will even purposefully imply things to put ideas into their heads just so he can rip it away from them later as just another one of his schemes. However, even Kokichi will eventually get tired of this game and speed up towards ending it. As much as he loves the back and forth he wants his found family already dammit!

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Hmm that's a hard one that I've had to rewrite a few times, Kokichi tries to be very careful with how he goes about his work on his partner to avoid breaking them but not also making them complacent. In general the worst would definitely dealing with a loss of control, as Kokichi can be rather controlling as part of his leadership talent. As long as you're good though it shouldn't be too hard to adapt. Even if your bad he's very good and experienced in threading that needle between too vicious and too giving. It's hard to push Kokichi to do something super drastic to his partner, though not impossible.

it would take a lot of really close escape attempts and really clever but not fun resisting to break Kokichi's patience down enough for thing to get as bad as possible. Eventually though, he will just get so fucking fed up with the game that he's more willing to leave a few....cracks to finally win already.

In which case, say goodbye to your nico nico kneecaps as he makes you reliant on him in every way he can. You're not so much as able to move your arms anymore without his express permission. You're basically going to be his living doll to dote on and gaslight and if you're good you can start earning back privileges, like the privilege of wiggling your fingers freely! Aren't you so cute like this! Like a sweet little marionette! Look how you dance on these strings!

…Yeah it's going to be a slow process earning back the ability to do anything substantial for yourself. He just needs to have this control, you've made him feel completely out of his element and out of control and he fucking hates it so he's going to take full control of you to chase away that skin crawling feeling of thinking he might somehow be losing this game. Eventually, he'll break you down, even if he has to shatter you just a touch to do it. That's what you get for refusing to bend, because when thing that don't bend meet enough force, they'll eventually snap and fall anyways. He's certain he can put the pieces back together once he's finally won anyways. Honestly DICE might even schedule an intervention at this point that's how bad it's gotten for both of you.

[nobodysdaydreams]

@sophieswundergarten all amazing ideas:

#and sq would have no concept of internet fame and would just be like “Thank you all for being so nice! I hope you have a great day :D”#meanwhile he has thousands of followers and everyone goes nuts over his art because it's awesome#and sq just found a loophole/was given access because curtain can control his access to online friends better than real ones

I feel like SQ would have an “official” account that Curtain knows about that just reblogs stuff from his dad’s account, posts the art they do together, and has the whole society blocked, and then SQ would have a secret anon side blog that has his dad blocked (so he never finds out about it) where he posts his thoughts, whatever art he wants, and can DM the society (I imagine him mostly talking to Reynie and Nicholas. It’s anonymous, but Reynie suspects it’s him. Poor Nicholas has no idea and thinks SQ is just a random nice person).

#and i can so very definitely see constance leaving anonymous mean poems in his inbox

She would and Curtain would go nuts trying to figure out what account is hers so he can block her (she has a separate anon account just to leave him hate messages).

#i think mr. benedict would follow garrison because he genuinely likes her stuff/they have similar interests#but he doesn't realize that she's one of his brother's inner circle#so he thinks they're friends#and she's just absolutely freaking out over what this could possible mean and what to do about it#because he's so nice and she wants to be friends but she also wants her job

This would happen. She’s looking at her phone, having a panic attack over whether she should follow Nicholas back and reply to his DM’s, meanwhile Curtain is ranting about how awful his brother is. If Garrison doesn’t use her actual picture, I think she’d just answer his questions and not tell either brother about her relationship with the other. If she’s using an actual picture of herself, I would love a season 3 scenario where the brothers confront Garrison (which they would. Regardless of whether the show did an SOS style backstory, Garrison is trying to get revenge on Curtain and kidnap Nicholas’ daughter (Constance) so presumably they’d all meet eventually). And Curtain’s like “oh no. It’s my friend Garrison who I betrayed and stole everything from she’s gonna kill us now, Nicky we need to run.” And Nicholas is like. “Wait…. You’re THAT Dr. Garrison? My brother’s ex-friend/employee? Well, this is surprising. I must say, I loved your thoughts on my symposium! Though I’ll admit I’m less than thrilled about the fact that you hired a fake water polo team to kidnap my daughter.”

Out of all of the kids in the Society, Reynie is the most likely to have a Tiktok account. No I will no elaborate. 

[thedilucharem]

"Huh? Taxes?"

Inspired by a fierce need to keep my mood as alleviated as possible and thoughts about how they view taxes as well as some speculative world-building as per usual. Written in one shot as beta is for cowards. Borders on crack, but I attempt to keep the authenticity of the characters alive.

One evening in Spirit's Keep . . .

Beidou: (slightly buzzed, wipes her upper lip of beer) Did I ever tell you about the time I was tax-exempt because I was clinically dead for over two minutes?

Childe: (pauses, asking in disbelief) What?

Beidou: (casually) Yeah, I get it, Liyue's tax laws get really weird once you start really thinking about them. I think you can still get tax-exempt if you're brain-dead for more than two weeks though, right?

Zhongli: (nods, holding his teacup) I believe so.

Childe: (to himself) What the actual fuck?

Zhongli: (did not hear him or did not care) This exemption was originally written into law as some individuals during the times of the Cataclysm did indeed die, but were able to come back to life through certain means and circumstances. (pondering) I believe they were legally referred to as 'the undead', though I can't think of many extreme examples like those that would apply to today's age.

Beidou: Yeah, and the loophole doesn't work even anymore either since a couple folks in the Qixing patched it up. (elbows Childe lightly, jokingly) So don't go trying to die on me, eh?

Childe: . . . would a Snezhnayan even get one of those exemptions?

Beidou: (shrugs) Probably not, as you ain't from here and they tax you different over there.

Childe: (under his breath) That was a rhetorical question. (to Diluc) Comrade, does Mondstadt have anything like that in your taxes?

Diluc: (simply) I don't pay taxes. No one in Mondstadt does.

Childe: (stupefied) Huh?

Diluc: (sighs while putting his grape juice down) Due to Mondstadt's history and recent events, the Church of Barbatos sees tax collection as 'heresy' and will actively put a stop to any attempts like it that start to pop up.

Childe: . . . But how does that even work with how your public stuff is set up?

Diluc: (matter-of-factly) Citizens are encouraged to donate and most of them do so happily. The wealthier families see it as some sort of 'honor' to fill the coffers, though it's more for the sake of tradition than anything.

Childe: And you do too?

Diluc: (coolly) My time, service, and contributions are more than payment enough.

That is a resounding no.

Childe: (slowly) . . . sure. (to Itto) And you?

Itto: Hmm? (looks up from a half-painted figurine, paintbrush in hand) What's up?

Childe: (curiously) Your taxes, comrade. How do you do them?

Itto: (genuinely) What are taxes?

Zhongli and Beidou promptly spray their respective drinks through their nostrils in surprise and shock while Diluc fishes out a handkerchief for each of them, shocked, but certainly not surprised.

Childe just becomes more numb than he looks.

Diluc: (frowns, somewhat concerned) You don't know what taxes are?

Itto: (quickly becoming indignant) What? Am I supposed to know what they are? Does it have something to do with fines or whatever?

Beidou: (chokes back her shocked laughter, blowing into the handkerchief) I mean . . . kind of, I think?

Childe: (exhales deeply, pinching the bridge of his nose) You've been alive for this long, and yet you have no idea . . . (in disbelief) How are you not in prison?

Itto: Huh? Prison? But I didn't do anything!

Zhongli: (coolly, recovered) Consider the fact that he has a deputy that likely takes care of that for him in place of himself.

Try telling me that Shinobu isn't certified in personal taxes for this specific reason.

Childe: Oh. That makes plenty of sense, actually. At least, I think so. Most other people probably do their taxes themselves, right?

Beidou: Pfft. Not me, that's for sure.

Mora-Grubber is a god at finding loopholes in tax law.

Diluc: If I have the time.

Elzer does them and that's only for exporting.

Childe: Yeah . . . I don't do mine either.

Snezhnayan bureaucracy is good at their jobs.

Itto: (nudges Zhongli's shoulder with his own, back to painting his figurine) What about you, Gramps?

Zhongli: (sips his tea, smoothly) I don't believe I've ever had to worry about that.

Hu Tao had the foresight to hire an accountant and they advised her to set aside the part of his paycheck meant for his taxes.

---

I find the idea of Mondstadters hating taxes due to the implications of a higher class of people doing it to them to be hilarious. There's also a certain strangeness the outsider attributes to the children of Liyue talking about taxes as if that's a normal thing to discuss. Itto does have an idea of money being 'taken' for certain reasons, but Shinobu has yet to break that down for him. Childe just trusts the system.

I can offer no further explanation other than because I can and because I wanted to.