#he’s also able to just be out with the big dogs all day bc he’s so respectful

[intriga-hounds]

Mr. Pi Guy blurry in the low 4pm autumn light. He’s 20 weeks old today, or about 4.5 months. I think he looks fabulous, especially for his age, but wish I could get a stacked photo where he isn’t posting. 😅

[the-summ0ning]

Sleep Token HC: being in a relationship with vessel

Hello, I hope you like my final HC for Ves. Fluff elements with highly NSFW ideas. 🤠 I’m always open to HC requests as well 🤭

Vessel, vessel, vessel—where do we begin?

Vessel the bf that is so deeply profoundly in love with you

If he could he’d rip his heart out of his chest for you and just hand it to you, he would.

His love languages would be words of affirmation and physical touch

He often battles with icky thoughts of himself, and you’re his ever radiant light in his bleakest days, so he would go out of his way to make sure it was known

Notes everywhere around your house, even a month and half into tour, you keep finding them

Praises in your medicine cabinet, crumbled pieces of paper at the bottom of your bags bc he know you won’t find them right away. Little Sonnets on your desk or on the fridge just so you know how much you are loved by him

Once you stopped finding them around the house or in your things, he’d start sending flowers or treats with love notes attached. Just because gestures especially if the night before you told him what a long week it was and knew you were struggling

You have so many of these notes, post its, scraps of paper you’ve compiled them in a scrapbook/binder and it’s on your bookshelf now

Texts for when you wake up reminding you to take your meds/vitamins, and to keep up with your water intake—voice memos too

Honestly he’d send you voice memos all the time like it was your own little podcast

Having black paint smeared on you because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself

Or would want you to apply his body paint before a show. Squirming underneath your fingers as you apply it because of your featherlight touches, listening to his quiet hisses when you’d go too low and gentle

“We’re not going to make it out of this dressing room if you keep doing that, love.”

Vessel would love to be big spoon, having you tucked underneath him or your back against his chest. Tracing patterns on your arms, hips, and thighs

He always loomed around you, everyone knowing if you were there, he was somewhere lurking around 95% of the time. He was a quietly protective man.

Coming up when you were talking with friends at an event, a comforting squeeze to the nape of your neck and a drink to quietly check on you

Wearing one of his extra robes backstage. It was so big and light, perfect for the hot and humid venues, a great blanket tbh where you could use the hood to cover your face

There’s a folder in his phone dedicated with pictures of you in many spaces of the venues they played just sleeping with his robe over you

Also the amount of videos of you two just frolicking around backstage, helping him with dance moves whilst in his robe that dragged on the floor, nearly tripping on it, when you wore it because it was so long on you

You liked to go into the crowd during the shows, enjoying the atmosphere of fans. Vessel would get a kick out of that, and you two would make it like a game almost

Instantly being able to spot you in the crowd through the lights and smoke. Always looking in your direction to lowkey serenade you and do little inconspicuous moves directed for you. In return, you’d run your hands through up and down your body swaying your hips to his voice. His own little siren in the sea of people

He loved watching you jam tf out with the fans so careless in your own world dancing with everyone or receiving bracelets from the fellow concertgoers (he would panic slightly watching you try to go into the mosh pit every time tho, one time he actually had to send a member of the crew to discreetly retrieve you.)

I imagine vessel being codependent af, and the simplest of tasks you were always requested to tag along

groceries, pharmacy trips, picking up takeout—he needed his emotional support person. Bribing and rewarding you with little treats to lure you with him thinking you’d say no how could you he’d hit you with the puppy dog eyes I just know he’s master at that

Staying up or waking up to listen to his late night rambles/dreams/conspiracies tucked under his arm while sharing a joint or bottle of spirits

Or sitting beside him as he wrote song lyrics, quietly running them by you for your opinion. You just blinking slowly in awe with what his mind created unable to provide the input he wanted

I thinks it’s a mutual consensus among us: Vessel loves to bite. He can’t help his carnal primal urge to. He does it with his friends, you… Everyone had a mark from him at this point

I don’t imagine him being into quickies (unless he was absolutely throbbing and thirsting for you) this man would take his time. Setting the pace all during the day teasing you

He loved nuzzling his face in the crook of your neck, pressing kisses below your ear and whispering the filthiest things to get you flustered

“You look so good right now, I could take you right here.”

“I can’t wait to get you home and be deep inside you later, doll.” He would murmur, his hand squeezing your hip pulling you back into him feeling his already hardening length pressing in the soft flesh of your ass

Then when it finally happened, he goes at a nearly agonizing pace—he wanted to worship you. He didn’t like to fuck, he liked to make love.

intense and passionate, hips slowly rolling into you up til you were full of him. And he kept hitting that spot that made your eyes see stars and lulled to the back of your head.

He was not shy about how he felt, always moaning and praising you, but wasn’t too loud. Vocal fry as he quietly moaned about how good you made him feel

“You’re squeezing me so well,” rasping out, trying to look at where your bodies connected, resisting the urge to close his eyes

“Fuck, you look so pretty under me.”

He’s 100% a morning sex person

Not even letting either of you have a chance to get out of bed, one hand slipping down your front rubbing you softly while the other gripped your throat to turn your face so he could slowly kiss you—devouring your mouth with his—all in a blissed out half sleep stupor

Hehe, I woke up from my nap and chose violence horniness, sorry. Anyways thanks for the support and all the love on these 🫶🏻✨

[wispstalk]

Some writing advice for hunting, bc I see a lot of hunting scenes in fantasy that make me itch. More under the cut. Don't read if you're sensitive to blood-and-guts discussion or animal death.

Finding game:

- I don't hunt much these days bc I don't feel like getting my ass out of bed at shitfuck o'clock every weekend during the season. Which you have to do, because much of the time you come home empty-handed. Successful hunts come about when you're out there often.

- You don't really have to be a good tracker to hunt, but you do have to know the basics of your prey and you have to be able to interpret the landscape even if it's unfamiliar. It's less likely a tracker is looking for "bent blades of grass" or whatever and more likely they are noticing game trails, sheltered areas where nests and burrows are, a spot of thick vegetation which would indicate a water source.

- Scat and footprints are useful too ofc but to varying degrees. If I'm hunting deer it's just confirmation that they're in the area; more often I use knowledge of their habits to actually find them. If I were hunting something elusive and solitary like a cougar I would pay more attention to the tracks but that's also a reason people hunt with dogs!

Actually hunting:

- Bows are not the only hunting weapons, though would be most common in ur typical medieval fantasy type setting. Spears and lances, slings with stones, and clubs would also be used. And knives and swords but in this hunter's opinion, FUUUUCK that.

- Lung shot is a quick death. Heart shot and head shot too but that is much harder. Other shots might mean tracking a wounded animal as it runs away. This is where things like broken twigs/bent grass are especially telling, and ofc blood. Small game bleed out faster and won't get as far but you might spend quite a while running after an elk shot in the flank.

- This highly depends on the prey but hunting often involves more sitting around than people realize. I bring a small pad for my booty ass bc sometimes you'll spend hours in a strategic spot waiting for the game to pass by. Also hides (the shelter, not the skins) are a thing and most hunters would consider shelter-building an essential skill.

- Hunting seasons are not entirely a modern convention -- there are better times of year to find different animals. But there would be less concern, historically, about killing animals during the breeding season than we have today.

- Even when I was hunting regularly and more confident, I got a huge adrenaline spike EVERY time I had an animal in my sights.

Big game:

- A deer has a lot of meat on it and though it's not a bad thing to leave a carcass for scavengers, your party of two or three adventurers probably will not go to the trouble of hunting deer unless they have some nearby place to cache, preserve, or trade what they can't eat before it spoils. Are they leaving it behind or do they have some way to take full advantage of such a large kill?

- If your character gets a large game animal they're probably going to field dress it: deal with all the blood and guts on site, then quarter it so it can be packed back to the campsite or whatever. My dad is a big burly mutant man and he cannot carry a deer by himself. You can carry game on poles or horseback too but field dressing is pretty typical in a situation where u can't just fling it in the back of the truck and hang it at home.

- I grew up eating bear and when it comes up I'm often surprised how many people don't know that people hunt bear for meat. It's tasty imo, especially makes a good sausage

- I can hunt deer alone, though company is nice. I wouldn't attempt hunting something more dangerous by myself. Large animals especially are better taken down as a group effort. In the TES context for example it would be kind of insane to hunt horker alone. Not that some folks wouldn't try.

Small game:

- A character who subsists mostly on hunting is going to be eating a lot of small game. They are probably going to use traps and snares in addition to actually going out on hunts.

- Look up "rabbit starvation." Small game is often (but not always) lean and going without fat for a long time can cause serious health issues.

- I joke that you don't hunt turkey, you just go get one. Game birds are kind of stupid. I plan a deer hunt, but I have gone out and shot grouse on a whim.

Processing:

- Draining blood, skinning, plucking, butchering, dealing with all the bones and guts, storage and preservation: pretty time consuming and involved. It's a good excuse for social activity.

- The moneyed classes likely would not process their kills themselves, unless they're doing some kinda randyll tarly masculinity flex for the symbolism. Kitchen staff or a local butcher would handle it.

- A good skinning knife is kinda wide and short. Some game knives have a rounded tip which keeps it from puncturing the skin in case of accidental slippage.

- Skinning is done with a light hand bc puncturing the digestive system means you've poisoned the meat. I will say it is less difficult than I expected it to be the first time I tried it.

- We don't eat a lot of offal in the US but a deer liver, for example, would be considered prime meat by many and eaten first. Bear, walrus, and seal liver contain toxic amounts of vitamin A and would be thrown away.

- I've been told every animal has enough brains to tan its own hide, but I think there are some exceptions. It's definitely true of deer and elk. With small animals like rabbits it's hardly worth the effort of getting the brains out and other things can be used but brain tanned leather is soooo soft and nice.

- Hides and pelts are useful and valuable and would be kept or traded if circumstances allowed. You can tightly roll a hide to keep it from drying out before tanning, or you can freeze it, basically indefinitely. You can also air dry it once scraped clean and soften it later, which is what fur hunters would most likely do for efficiency's sake. Tanning is also so so so fucking gross imo. Really slimy process, and tanneries REEK.

That's all I can think of for now and this is already hella long but the takeaway is that it is generally a pretty involved activity and more impactful on lifestyle than I usually see depicted. So there ya have it

[sulumuns-dootah]

Are you still taking requests? Canigedduhh,, cuddling hcs for the bigger demons of your choice + Zagan please

WHB demons cuddling HCs

⟡ Masterlist ⟡

A/N: Big boy cuddling HCs coming up! ^^ I only picked from the nobles bc I write for the kings all the time :D (Sorry this took too long, but there's been a bit of a flu outbreak where I live and I ofc had to partake)

Characters: Amy, Zagan, Valefor, Glasyalabolas, Ronove, Beleth, Marbas

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Amy can be both a small spoon and a bigger spoon

Though, he does eventuelly end up feeling like the small one, just with you in his arms

I think his favorite way to cuddle is to lay on your lap tho

He's kinda like a big dog who doesn't understand that he's bigger than you

Oh and another thing:

I might've said this already, but this man holds you and no demon/angel/whatever force will be able to take you away from him

       ༺☆༻

Might not come right out to say he wants to cuddle, but there will be signs

Mostly him always seemingly being right behind you all the time

He's just craving the closeness that cuddling provides

Loves running his fingers over your skin and drawing invisible talismans onto it

And if you stay still for long enough, he might even start talking to you on his own

       ༺☆༻

Let me tell you, I am so sad that they changed his philia from being a plushie bc this man is a living teddy bear

Laying on top of him is like laying on top of those huge snorlax bean bags

Those nails of his also gotta feel really nice scratching your skull

Oh and those bazongas? 10/10 stress reliever balls

       ༺☆༻

A more risky cuddle buddy, but worth it imo (if you can ignore the subtle smell of death)

He will ask you to move as little as possible, but that won't be a problem bc if you manage to find just the right angle and position, you could be out in seconds

Glasya strikes me as the type to stroke your hair while muttering random stuff

Not even cute ones

He'll just ramble about some random stuff he's thinking about at the moment

"Hm... Yesterday Barbatos got hung for three hours by His Majesty, but I only got hung today for two. Does that mean i got hung less because he hates me so much or did he hang me for shorter time because he doesn't hate me as much?"

       ༺☆༻

Oh let me tell you

This man will hold you like you're the dearest thing to him in his life

He will cradle you like a priceless masterpiece

I imagine he also likes to play with your limbs while you lay on him

As in, he'll guide you to straighten out your arm so he can run his fingers over it multiple times and then guide it back into its original position and then move on to some other limb

       ༺☆༻

Beleth is literally a big cat and he also cuddles like one

He loves entvining his body with yours to the point where you can't even get up

If you have cat(s) you probs know the whole vibe that I'm talking about

Also if he's smoking during it, the smoke just surrounds you two and it feels like you're in a cloud

Oh and if he were to fall asleep (very likely actually), he -ironically- looks like an angel again

       ༺☆༻

It's actually really easy to get Marbas to cuddle with you

Just tell him that you need some prolonged skin on skin contact

He'll see right through it, but at least you tried, eh?

At least it's also an excuse for him to take a much-needed break and nobody will pester him afterwards

Marbas is a bit awkward at first, but eventualy relaxes

To be fair, being strapped to a board all day long has to be ruining his posture

[oh-no-its-bird]

Similar fic idea to One Step Three Steps, but instead of some random Hatake brat being zapped into modern Konoha from the very early days of the village, it was actually the at the time Hatake Clan Head.

I'm gonna go with the Hatake family tree I tossed into Chasing Shadows for fun, meaning a) the clan head is named Haruka, and b) she's Sakumo's mother (thus Kakashi's grandmother) and Tobirama's aunt

She died very shortly after Tobirama (like a week tops) and the rest of her clan was wiped out pretty soon after her.

(Sakumo was raised by the only other survivor of the clan, an old grandma with poor memory who hadn't been in any state to fight, and who later passed away when Sakumo was still pretty young— so he learned very little about their clan and their traditions, and then passed on even less to Kakashi before he died)

I have literally nothing else for her other than the above, so I guess we'll figure out her character together as we go along

With that said, this is gonna be a long one, so buckle in for

✨️ The Hatake clan head time travels from early to modern Konoha ✨️

Immediately, there's just so much potential pretty much anywhere you drop her into the timeline.

Lets take her from the very first years of Konoha, where they're still lowkey building the village and Madara is still around (bc I love the drama of the time traveler respecting Madara only for the future people to be like "oooo... ok, so bad news actually— Also, you legally aren't allowed to talk good about him for military dictatorship reasons, sorry :(" )

And then we're gonna drop her into kid Kakashi era, with Sakumo still being alive

Right off the bat -> That's Sakumo's fucking mom!!!! Holy shit you guys!!! The last time she saw him he was like a literal infant she JUST recovered from birthing AND NOW HES A WHOLE MAN!!!!

Shes grabbing him by the cheeks squishing him to death, there may be baby talk involved (he's a grown man let him go oh my god??)

If she comes before his mission gone wrong, her presence prevents him from going on it (disaster averted,,, for now) He's currently in the running for most likely to become next Hokage and she's so disgustingly proud holy shit. Her baby!!! Hokage!!!

Maybe have some talk about how that'd make either 3 or 2 Hatake's in office depending on if you count Hashirama as a Hatake (Haruka does not) and how that's kind of bad, right? Only Haruka doesn't give a SHIT about that (politicians hate her and shed hate them too if she didn't enjoy making them suffer so much)

"But Haruka, as clan head aren't you a politician too by default?"

"Haha yeah!! Isn't that awful? (For all of them)"

If she comes AFTER the dreaded mission gone wrong, Haruka is all about backing up his decision (the Hatake are a clan who emphasize loyalty like no other, which is also part of why they took to Konoha's mentality so well)

Shes telling Sakumo he did the right thing and fuck literally everyone who says otherwise. Trust your momma Sakumo, she knows best

Her being there averts Sakumo's death— either bc she manages to keep him going, or bc she interrupts him mid suicide

(I can see Sakumo trying to go through with it specifically bc he thinks at least Kakashi has Haruka now once he's gone)

Also oh my god SAKUMO YOU HAD A BABY??? SHE HAS A GRANDBABY???? AWWW CMERE LITTLE GUY LET GRANDMA GIVE YOU A SMOOCH— OHHH SAKUMO LOOK AT HOW HE STABBED ME OHH WHAT A GOOD BOY, WHAT A CUTE BABY BOY!! CMERE BABY— OHH SAKUMO LOOK HES BITING ME AWWW THATS SO CUTE!! WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? WHOS A GOOD GRANDBABY?? (said like she's talking to a fucking dog)

Kakashi kind of hates her.

There's like a whole big bit about the Hatake clan bloodline limit, which is sort of general wolfy stuff, enhanced senses, some extra strength, etc. And my all-time favorite take, adaptation ✨️

Their white chakra is super flexible, able to adapt and change to fit pretty much any situation —or even other bloodline limits. (Which is why Kakashi not only survived the sharingan implant but came to arguably master it)

Anyways -> other than the white chakra (which neither Sakumo or Kakashi know the details of other than it's their family chakra and its,, white. Exciting, I know), their bloodline limit seems to have borderline dissapeared with Kakashi and Sakumo, due to basically them not knowing how to feed into it / activley supressing it to conform to polite society (unaware that certain impulses aren't actually just intrusive thoughts but actual instinct trying to get them to do things necessary to feed into and reawakened their bloodline limit)

Kakashi actually shows more hints of still having it bc of his age, while Sakumo is very well practiced in accidentally supressing it to conform with general society.

So obviously, Haruka is like "hey guys!! What the actual fuck is this!!" and immediatley (borderline desperatley) trying to get them back to her perceived normal

She's actually REALLY fucked up about all this. Her own son!! Her own grandbaby!! And they don't even eat enough MEAT!!!! This is an actual nightmare, this is like basic baby stuff all the Hatake's should know and she's getting nothing but blank looks and vuagley ashamed guilty stares from Sakumo as she asks if he even takes Kakashi on hunts (he didn't even know that was a thing he should be doing.)

Don't even get her started when she learns Sakumo isn't acting as clan head on the Konoha clan council, holy shit. The Hatake might be a clan of 2 now but they were among the first clans to come to Konoha— she doesn't give a shit how many of them are left, if the number is more than 1 then there better be a fucking representative of theirs on that goddamn council

Funny bit where Kakashi tries to bite someone and Sakumo is telling him to stop bc jesus christ child can you behave for 5 seconds oh god he's so sorry— and Haruka is like, why are you telling him to stop??? This is enrichment for him :)) if there's no blood it's fine, that's the official clan policy for dealing with kids

Haruka... isn't actually a very good choice to leave as your babysitter. If nothing is on fire and no one is dead she considers herself successful.

Sakumo will learn this. In time.

Mmmm bad ending where Sakumo goes through with the suicide. Could be very fun and fucked up n dramatic.

Kakashi doesn't find his father's body first bc Haruka does— or maybe he does but Haruka walks in right behind him and forces him to close his eyes before he can actually see the body.

Fun scene where Haruka is physically wrestling Kakashi away from his father's body, a hand over his eyes as he screams and claws at her, demanding that she let go and let him see his dad.

Can't she smell the blood!? Tou-san is hurt, he needs help! What are you doing!!? Let him go!! Tou-san, Tou-san, where are you? Why aren't you answering?!

He bites her hand in his struggles, so deep that it later scars (just another reminder of the day, oh boy !!)

Haruka getting hit by the fucking brick of reality, straight in the face. She got to meet her son, the only survivor of their clan from her era, just in time for him to die <3

The fic then takes a HARD turn from the silly fluffy fun times of Haruka goofing around telling people to suck her dick if they have a problem with her (which a lot of people definitely do)

-> Right into shinobi politics, political schemes and sabotaged missions and buried clan history galore territory. Haruka isn't ab to take this lying down and everyone's about to get their first look at a grieving Hatake mother in her prime who just lost her baby to the shinobi rumor mill

Before she was kind of keeping to herself just having fun in the clan compound, not reeeally getting involved with any politics or village shit, bc like, she's playing with her family!! This is like her vacation till the time travel is solved and she goes back home!!

But she's not doing that anymore.

Sakumo is gone and Haruka is more than willing to take the seat he chose to leave empty at the clan council. She's about to become EVERYONES problem.

In the bg, Kakashi VIOLENTLY swings between fucking hating Haruka ("You should have stopped him! You should have been there! You should have helped!") to being like, physically unable to be unatached from her (she's waking up in the middle of the night to find him suddenly burrowed into her blankets, holding on to her like he's scared she'll dissapear when he wakes up)

Small soft scene where he's sleeping on top of her and quietly whispers that he's sorry for biting her.

Haruka possibly tries to have Kakashi temporarily drop his training but it's a very hard battle to fight. Both bc Kakashi wants to fight and bc Konoha wants him to fight

Uhh first big scary Haruka politics scene when she puts her foot down and says something along the lines of, "are you telling me here and now that my word as Hatake clan head is not enough to stop Konoha from taking away my child?" And Sarutobi kind of has to back down bc that does NOT fly well with the other clans

Obito and Rin swing by and try to pry at why Kakashi can't fight and she just fucking stares at them and goes, "He's 6."

She goes home and puts her head in her fucking hands. She was promised Konoha was to keep the kids SAFE, that's the entire fucking reason the Hatake agreed to join!!! This is not safe Tobirama, you bitch!!!!! If they send out Kakashi to die, shes going to find your fucking ghost and grind your face into Kakashi's grave!!!!

Anyways, time for my favorite part: politics

Haruka is coming from the early days of Konoha, where the only reason the Hatake even joined the village was, "because my cute little nephew (Tobirama) asked us real nice"

In her mind, she and her clan are still allowed to back the fuck up out of the village whenever she so chooses. She likes it in Konoha, yeah, but they're still free reign nomads and while she'd like to stay and have her clan flourish (which they didn't exactly do and she can literally SEE the way the village destroyed them from the inside out) she and her clan retain the right to leave whenever they want. And if they do leave, other than losing the new friends, it won't exactly be hard on them to get back to the nomad life.

All of that is to say that Sarutobi isn't her Hokage and while she'll be nice and respectful bc she recognizes the position (and her position) when push comes to shove, there's literally nothing they can hold on her to make her bend or break.

Also the last time she saw Sarutobi he was one of her nephews little brat tag-alongs, and she's so fucking bad at treating people their age, doubly so if she knew them as a kid.

It's,,, kind of demeaning actually, she should stop. (She will not.)

Anyways: play into her not just being Tobirama's aunt but also Hashirama's (her sister was their mother) which becomes fun bc Kakashi is her fucking grandkid!! Meaning he's also their fucking cousin!! Politics!! Implications!!!

At least one person is making a "of fucking course the boy genius is related to one of them" joke but like in an angry way (it's probably Obito)

Anyways I started this off with basically nothing for Haruka other than her name and I think she accidentally turned into a real character along the way (inevitable tbh)

Shes a DEEPLY flawed person actually, which I kind of love. She has a habit of belittling people and not treating them their age (absoloutley calls everyone even slightly younger than her 'kid')

Her views of childcare are totally skewed and she should not be trusted with any children other than Kakashi (it's ok he's literally built different, she can provide proper enrichment for him)

Edit: I DIDNT FUCKING MEAN TO POST THIS YET IM GONNA KILL MYSELF I WAS STILL QRITING IM GONNA END IT ALL TUMBLR I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

Shes so fucking full of herself and about to make it EVERYONES problem

[littlestardude]

⏤͟͟͞͞☆Dating Kenny HCS|| Reader x Kenny McCormick

✰ - SFW & NSFW - ✰

Plot: Just sum HCS!

Note: I love Kenny McCormick so fucking much he's so pookie smookie, also first post yippee!

TW: Drugs, death bcs of drugs (its Kenny he comes back-), incest ment (concerning rats), smut HCS at the end

Gender: AFAB Gen neutral

✰ - SFW - ✰

FLIRTS NONSTOP. all day every day, he just doesn't fucking stop. But the moment you flirt back.

Bro is dead, 6 feet under, giggling and kicking his feet

Has trouble falling asleep and sometimes you'll wake up and he'll be just staring at you

"Kenny what the fuck are you doing... "

"You're so pretty... Can I not stare at my partner in the middle of the night!? :(("

Demands you cuddle him to sleep

Did I mention touchy?

Yea

Super fucking touchy

Literally has to be touching you all the time as if you we're his phone in his pocket or he'll freak out

Actually learned the value of life once you stepped in. He's died only once.

Why you ask? In his words

"I can NOT just say no to free drugs"

Drugs in question were something called... Crazy 8...basically 8 fucking drugs mixed together.

Yea he wasn't gonna survive.

Now you have to keep an eye on him, and tell him to just stick with weed

Oh yeah weed

Bro is toasted most of the time.

AND reeks of weed 24/7

Anytime you smell weed the first thought that pops into your head is, "where's Kenny? "

Basically weed is a comforting smell to you now 💀

Asked you to get high with him

You were reluctant at first but then you tried it... Let's just say it's a common occurrence now

You think he's flirty when he's sober? When he's high omfg.

Compliments like crazy, and can actually take compliments back when he's high

You adore high Kenny because he literally turns into the silliest mf alive

Super duper touchy when you're both high, like on top of each other the whole time

Piercings out the wazoo

Tattoos to come...

You let him shower at your place so he actually became CLEAN once you started dating.

Like his hair is actually touchable now, and not greasy

He's still a rat boy tho, and does dirty rat boy things

Actually HAS rats

You came over one time and he introduced you to his ratty children

"This is Frankie, and Frankie Jr, and Frankie Jr Jr, and that's Maggy, and Rosie and- FRANKLIN JR GET OFF YOUR SISTER RIGHT NOW! >:("

"Um, Ken... I don't know how to tell you this but rats dont care about incest..."

Almost cried, "it's like medieval Spain all over again... "

You pat his back, "it never gets easier... " you sighed dramatically

Loves animals, you guys wanna get a dog and cat together!

He loves you and adores you so much

He thinks you're the best person to ever come out of this cruel world, and he tells you that all the time

You also love him. So much. You think he's the prettiest, sweetest boy

You tell him that most of the time when you think he's asleep, he usually isn't because he loves hearing it

Back to the weed thing, LOVES when u guys order McDonald's when ur both high and have the munchies

Bro can throw down 2 big macs, 1 double quarter pounder, 20 piece chicken nuggets, and 2 orders of large fries and still be like

"I need something sweet... " 💀

Anytime you're out with your friends, Kenny's usually wearing his parka and you're the only one who can understand Kennish

Also holding hands the whole time

It took you awhile to get used to the fact you had a super clingy partner but you got used to it

You guys were able to get a place together eventually after high school

It's super shitty but it's home <3

You'll eventually upgrade after grueling work and endless shifts

But you definitely make time for each other

✰ - NSFW - ✰

(The fun begins *rubs hands evily together*)

SWITCH KENNY SUPREMACY!!! Literally does not mind either, as long as he's with you and he's naked? And you're naked? Bros chilling

Fucking loves oral, receiving and giving

First time he ate you out, you were on cloud mf 9, seeing stars n shit

He LOVES your thighs, like before he eats you out he just likes kissing and squeezing your thighs

HOWEVER. The first time you sucked him off. Omg, HIS thighs were MESMERIZING.

Something about boys thighs... Just seeing them pushed together, your fucking weakness.

His thighs are pale and ever so slightly plushy... Help me

KNOWS WHAT TO DO WITH HIS MF HANDS‼️

He grabs you and stimulates you in the best fucking spots

LOVES COCKWARMING. NEED I SAY LESS.

You guys will just be chilling watching a movie, and he'll just go like

"Babeeeee... " that's literally all he needs to say bcs you know what he wants.

After some time of just being on his dick it kinda hits you, "I'm on his cock, I could literally do what ever I want... " you think, evily

You'll shift your body around to where you're looking at him and he already knows what's coming, his hands are IMMEDIATELY on your hips

And you start slowly bouncing up and down

Doesn't take him long to start making noises

He's very vocal during sex, he sees no point in staying silent

Plus the first time he moaned super loud during sex you literally came on the spot.

Now he can't help but moan and whimper when you're on top of him because he knows you love it

AFTERCARE KINGG

Usually urges you two to take a shower after sex

Sometimes ends up into shower sex if the both of you still have the energy

You bought a shower stool so you both could fuck in the shower because one time he almost slipped and will NEVER live it down

"IT WAS SUPER SLIPPERY OKAY"

"You stepped on the soap babe... You almost went flying"

Yea a shower stool and those mats for the shower floor

[chvoswxtch]

Oooh, can I ask for a romcom about Matt and Franks dynamic when readers not around? Like maybe when they’re out on patrol, or just in each others vicinity? Romantic or platonic, or both!

i'm always happy to talk about our favorite dumbass murder boyfriends <3 also bc you sent in a request about the trilogy, i'm leaning towards romantic with this one

headcannon below the cut

the birdcage starring matt murdock & frank castle

matt and frank are basically an old married couple and they always have been. they're two sides of the same coin, and they're more alike than either one of them want to admit, which is why they butt heads constantly, to your amusement and your annoyance

they're always bickering about something. it doesn't matter how big or small it is. a simple disagreement can turn into a full blown argument (which is usually matt's fault, he's an onery lil shit and a professional arguer). they're both moody, but frank is more of a quiet brooder, whereas when matt is in a bad mood it becomes everyone else's problem

the only thing that can shut down an argument between them is you. their petty bickering can be amusing, but after awhile it gets old, and when they really start to argue, it grates on your own nerves. the second you snap at them and retreat to the bedroom or leave the apartment entirely, they seem to pull their heads out of their asses, and then they focus their collective effort on how to make it up to you. the one thing they agree on is you and how important you are to them

neither one of them is great with words and expressing their feelings, but they show their affection towards you and each other through actions

frank is organized, and matt is a chaotic mess. so frank does little things to keep matt organized, bc he truly does care, but also for his own sanity. he adds the braille labels to all of matt's jars in the kitchen, makes sure there's actually food in the kitchen, he adds the braille labels to his suits, he buys a similar scent of body wash and shampoo so matt doesn't get overwhelmed with too many smells. when he gets tired of matt leaving his court documents all over the place he builds him a shelf to keep it all in one place. he keeps everything clean and he fixes anything that breaks

frank also makes sure matt's ass is up every morning (by any means necessary) so he's not late for work, or he forces him to stay home if he's in rough shape after a bad night

matt also does little things for frank, but he also gets him to talk. when he stitches frank up when he gets injured, sometimes he tells him stories about how he used to stitch up his dad after bad boxing matches. he creates that space for frank to talk about his own grief, helps him keep his family alive in his memory. he also encourages frank to keep going to curtis' support group for veterans, bc there's just certain things you and matt will never be able to understand about frank

matt picks up takeout on his way home from the office from the pizza place he knows frank loves. he tells frank which coffee beans are the freshest at the grocery store. he's not a dog person, but he allowed frank to bring one home from the shelter bc he knows frank loves dogs and they can provide emotional support

one of their favorite things to do together is cook. frank is a great chef, and matt knows which ingredients are the freshest, and when something is perfectly done. matt knows how to make basic dishes, but frank teaches him how to make his own favorite foods, and even some of maria's recipes

frank is a reader, and matt finds his voice soothing. on the days where he's feeling overstimulated, he likes to lay on the couch with frank while he reads to him. it helps calm matt down, helps his body and his mind relax. matt is the more physically affectionate between the two of them, he's more tactile due to his loss of sight, so a lot of times he ends up holding frank's hand while he's reading to him, or he'll lay with his head in his lap

as much as they bicker and argue, they do care about each other. sometimes they're so focused on you, that they almost forget that, until it's just the two of them left alone together

there was a week you were gone with a business trip, and it was just the two of them alone. eating meals together, sleeping in the same bed, they even went out to josie's together without you for the first time. it was like an awkward first date. it was also the first time they slept together without you. when you'd come home from your trip, you'd expected to come back to the aftermath of world war three, but to your surprise, they'd not only survived each other's company, they'd enjoyed it (and matt being the teasing fucker he is definitely filled you in on everything you missed, everything)

they're enemies to lovers that are still kinda enemies, bc sometimes they can't fucking stand each other, but they're still in love and they're perfect boyfriends not just to you but also to each other even if they don't wanna admit it and I just wanna go on record and say I would sell every bone and organ in my body to be in this throuple

[anarchy-and-piglins]

You've heard of vet techno? Now i bring you: vet techno *squared* - he's a veterinarian who was in the army. Because techno + animals is such a good concept, he'd make such an amazing veterinarian, now pair that with the hurt/comfort of having been at war lol

Make him an anarchist (you know how veterans get disillusioned with the government bc the army fucking sucks) and you'd have a really interesting interpretation of Techno's character for a modern AU.

Maybe Phil owns a store of choice across from where Techno's clinic is (a flower shop? always a banger) and he does kind of casually know Techno from having seen him around but they never actually talked. They do know each other's phone numbers, but only in a 'if my store is burning down and I'm not around, I want you to be able to contact me' way, not because they're friends.

Until Phil finds an injured stray cat and calls Techno's number because he's panicking and doesn't know what to do. It's the middle of the night (Phil finds the stray on the way back from some event that lasted until midnight) and Phil kind of expects to be blown off - Techno projects an intimidating aura while in reality, he's just a socially anxious introvert with a resting bitch face - but Techno instead tells Phil to meet him at the clinic.

It's late and Techno is wearing fluffy pink pajama pants with little pigs on them, a knitted (made it himself) cardigan thrown on over a t-shirt, mismatched socks, and has his hair up in this messy bun. And he treats the cat so gently while checking him out, making sure he's okay. Phil insists on staying because 1) he kind of instantly got attached to the cat and 2) he'd feel bad about waking Techno up in the middle of the night and then bailing. Before they know it, it's morning. They've talked a lot. Techno discovered Phil is also a veteran (sharpshooter, to be specific) who quit because of a leg injury. It does explain the cane he's seen Phil carry around.

The cat will be fine after a few days, Techno says, though it's not chipped and has no collar, so Phil will have to take him to a shelter. Techno knows a very good one nearby (he volunteers there sometimes in his free time). Techno would take the cat home himself but he already has a bunch of rescues including a big white Samoyed named Steve who plays well with all of Techno's other pets (mostly dogs, a pair of rabbits, and some assorted exotic pets like snakes and spiders) but doesn't like cats specifically. Phil says it's fine, he intends to keep the cat. As long as he can keep coming to Techno for pet care advice.

And that's how a friendship is born :D

[cupid-ghoul]

Buckle up and hold onto your belongings - I have ghoul swimming headcanons ✨

Water ghouls can swim DUH. It doesn't matter if they're in glamour or not, some might need to get used to not having fins and gills. What does matter is where they're from in the pit; ghouls used to warmer waters might get a little shivery when playing in topside lakes for too long. It can happen that a water ghoul will go missing for a few days, they're probably in the lake doing lucifer knows what.

Fire ghouls can technically swim but many choose not to, it's cold and wet. So if you see a fire ghoul swimming, there might be some danger ahead. If the water is warm tho they might take a dip. I also hc that dewdrop specifically really enjoys swimming. He can't do it for long since he gets cold easily, but he still likes to have some fun. It reminds him of the time he spent as a water ghoul.

Earth ghouls sink. That's it. They can't really swim but luckily most are tall enough to just not drown (RIP pebble ig). Mountain can walk to the deepest part of the lake and just stand there, horns barely making it past the surface. Their element doesn't make them very buoyant but they have big lungs, so it's easy to just hold their breath under water.

Air ghouls can swim but much like fire ghouls they don't really see the point of it. They are very light and breezy anyway so the feeling of weightlessness isn't exactly new to them. Their fur is also really hard to dry, as it has a special texture to keep them warm in colder climates with thinner air. If given the chance they enjoy swimming in glamour because it's less of a hassle for them, plus who doesn't like seeing their pack in swimwear.

Quintessence ghouls love water almost as much as water ghouls do. The feeling of floating and the sensations under water remind them of the magic flowing through them. Many enjoy swimming when stressed to get a feeling of peace and quiet. They do prefer warmer waters tho, it's closer to the pit.

For multi ghouls it really depends on what their elemental make up is. An earth water multi might have a difficult time trying to figure out how to balance their elemental drives and traits, while a fire quint will gladly spend some time soaking in some warm water. Luckily there's still the option of swimming while glamoured, which equals the playing field a little.

And not to my favourite hc of all of these ...

ALL ghouls (besides water) are required upon summoning to take swimming lessons in their glamours. It's mainly for safety (can't have a ghoul fall into the water while glamoured and drown), but also to give them the option of experiencing the water with reduced influence of their elements.

They're given pool noodles and all the typical stuff to help them get accustomed to the water first until they are able to swim on their own. There is no band practice during the time of swimming lessons since it usually evolves into utter chaos and no one wants to deal with even more ghoul shenanigans.

(I also like to imagine phantom during his swimming lessons - equipped with arm floats and a floating tire - just dog paddling around and still almost drowning bcs little man overestimated his skills of staying afloat)

[irishmammonagenda]

Hii!! 🧚‍♀️It's Wee Emo anon 🍾

Really liked your last work, so here i am again

Can i request brothers reaction on MC who cry over small things?

Like they see little kitten on the street and - WHOOP! - they're bubbling sobbing mess

I'm kinda can't cry (sounds dramatic lol) and wanna MC to feel it instead of me 😬

Love your works, keep going bestie💐🏃‍♂️

HI WEE EMO <3 please ignore the fact you sent me this on april 27th and its now june i had gcses to prepare for 😔✊

anyway, who let you into my house 😧🤨

no seriously i've cried at multiple south park episodes. south park. sometimes i wanna cry when i see my dog i cannot be trusted i tear up so easily especially when im writing🙁

for not being able to cry that is not very good for you fr:

i used to not be able to cry + still only really tear up, some tears drip down and let out like 2 sobbing sounds before im good again, i dont even have to try and stop crying, two sobs and im done, but my biggest tip is, get tired like really sleepy to the point where your eyes water bc of tiredness then watch something really sad.

i ha to literally train myself to be able to cry again bro dw, i wish i could have a big long cry but like 3 mins of crying is better than none, trust me wee emo you'll feel better

#dontbottleupyouremotions

ANYWAY:

this was very hard to imagine their reactions to idk why, but i tried so 😔✊

grma wee emo for requesting <3 and grma everyone else for reading <3

Obey Me Brothers With a Sensitive MC <3

It was safe to say you were sensitive, back when Melanie Martinez's music was a lot better, you really could say that the song 'Crybaby' pretty much encapsulated your entire being, it still did, but you liked to think you were more mature in your music taste now. (You weren't)

Being suddenly catapulted into the Devildom did a number on your emotions, and you found yourself quite numb. But as you adjusted, and bonded with the others, you found that you were back to your usual self, which was a crybaby.

So then how do the brothers react?

LUCIFER

Great. Two Mammons.

At least Mammon No.2 (you) isnt a tsundere about it.

Lucifer does not like seeing you cry. Even if its because something is cute, (although he does find it quite adorable, not that he'd admit it)

This demon is of the opinion that tears should never disgrace your beautiful eyes.

He will invite you to listen to his records with him and purposely put on sad ones or really sweet ones so you grip onto him while you tear up,

He is a demon, after all. ;)

MAMMON

Finally. Someone who cries more than him!

It actually makes him feel safer around you, like you wont bully him for being more sensitive than his brothers.

Actually ends up dropping a lot of his tsundere act around you.

You watch movies together, but always have to check the Devildom version of 'doesthedogdie.com'

Idk, I feel like Mammon would give you a bit of bother for it at first but then slowly start to like, open up more, because he really does see himself in you like that.

LEVIATHAN

He blanks.

One day you start crying because of how cute the anime you both were watching was, Levi thought you were geniunely upset, so he tried to cheer you up.

You end up thinking that its really sweet and start crying harder.

Leviathan PANICKS.

Even now, he still gets really nervous when you start crying, and has popped into his demon form more times than he can count when you grab onto him and sniffle.

Please he's already so awkward he can't handle how cute you are.

You might make him start crying as well :(

SATAN

Satan 100% gets so angry he starts crying so he can kind of understand it.

He's just glad you cry over positive things :)

His favourite moment was definetly when you teared up over a small kitten. (He took several photos and also took the kitten home)

Like Lucifer he 100% invites you to read with him and picks the fluffiest most adorable romance he can find, or the saddest most heartbreaking romance he can find.

He likes when you cling onto him and look up at him with those big teary eyes.

He's a demon. What did you expect, ;)

ASMODEUS

He thinks you're adorable.

Any emotion on your face is adorable to him actually. <3

If you wear makeup he makes sure to get you waterproof mascara and other eye makeup so your beautiful tears dont ruin your beautiful makeup <3

If any of you remember that crying girl makeup trend? Yeah he deffo starts that up in the Devildom (a) to make you feel less embarrassed about it and (b) because he thinks youre so beautiful when you express yourself.

BEELZEBUB

He doesn't cry a lot, it's not exactly something that comes naturally to him at all.

Its not that he CANT cry or that he holds his tears back, its just that he doesn't normally process or reaction to things with tears.

Only in serious serious situations will he cry.

So when he sees you crying over one of those little onigiri things that are literally adorable, he thinks that you've somehow hurt yourself. (i nabbed this off of pinterest)

Beel panics, and mentally goes over the ingredients in his head, did he order something with an ingredient that was dangerous to humans?

He calms down when he realises that you're crying because it looks cute.

He feels you with that.

Makes an effort to take you to more places with food items displayed in cute ways.

Though you do have to look away while Beel cuts them up for you, otherwise you wouldnt be able to eat it.

BELPHEGOR

He laughs at you.

Point blank.

Originally when he's in the attic he uses your sensitivity as a way to manipulate you.

But post lesson 16, he really starts to appreciate it more.

This bastard will use his powers as the youngest sibling against you, he'll dress up in cute onesies and give you puppy eyes, all to coax you into taking naps with him.

Which you do.

I have no idea how half of these fuckheads would react tbh

[thechy-fychannel]

Pls ramble about domestic everywhere but princeton-plainsboro hilson and thirteen occasionally coming over for holidays and stuff pls pls pls!!! Id love to hear more

I would be happy to!!!

they go a weekend trip to the flea market in the next town over about once a month. it's just about the only time wilson can get house out of bed early bc house loves going to the flea market. they always hold hands while walking up and down the various aisles, pulling each other to the booths they want to look at, even if house will pretend to complain about each one they go to. house loves pointing out obvious knock offs that ppl are trying to pass off as genuine and wilson always gets a kick out of watching him demolish the scammer trying to charge $400 for a bad knock off handbag.

wilson secretly schedules a time for them to sneak around in the backseat of his car for a while. not just because they're desperately horny for each other all the time, but because they both get this sick nostalgic thrill from it, reminiscing about fooling around in the back seat when they absolutely should not have been. it makes them feel young and freshly in love again and sometimes they need that, they need to just hide away from the world for a while and remember what that felt like all those years ago.

every now and then, someone who also works at the hospital will see them having dinner together and they swear it looked like a date, they swear house and wilson were looking at each other with big heart eyes and it did not look platonic at all. and then house will like, send out a hospital wide memo the next day about being able to see cuddy's bra through her shirt and everyone's like "yeah uh huh sure, he's obviously gay with the guy known for fucking half the nurses here 🙄"

as part of bearing the responsibility of knowing their secret, thirteen's place becomes the "dog house" when her dads friends are fighting. house has shown up at her door drunk and sad a few times and when she asks him why he didn't just sleep on their couch, house always has an excuse, but she always comes to realize that the guy just didn't want to be alone and thirteen was the only one he could be honest with about what they were fighting about and why house can't just put his ego aside and apologize. wilson almost always comes to pick him up the next morning, bringing breakfast with him that they all enjoy and her dads friends are back to normal by the time they leave her place.

the holiday's become unbearable for her after her brother is gone. her dad moved to live closer to his family, and she can't stand the idea of being around them all grieving her brother while she alone carries the knowledge that she killed him, even if she knows it was the right thing to do. neither house or wilson ask her to explain when she says she's not going to go home for christmas. wilson invites her over and ofc she tries to decline, says she wouldn't want to intrude, but wilson insists and says they're not doing anything special, just eating takeout and listening to house play christmas music on the piano, maybe watch a movie or two and drink a little too much wine or beer. she swears she'll be fine alone, but she shows up at their door on christmas anyways and she is so happy to not be alone. house and wilson get tipsy and they're so cute, kissing on the couch, making each other laugh and house making all sorts of innuendos about the kind of gifts he gave wilson that morning.

thirteen's apartment building gets shut down for like a termite infestation or smth like that, so she has to stay with house and wilson for a couple of weeks and she learns far more about those two than she ever wanted to. she witnesses their morning routine which includes a lot of sleepy bickering, shower sex, not so sleepy bickering, and then wilson inevitably leaving house behind and telling him to take the motorcycle bc he can't be late for the third day in a row, he actually has meetings and a general sense of respect for his job, unlike some people. house looks far too pleased with himself at wilson's attitude, which led her to her next discovery of just how much of their fighting is actually just foreplay. she is traumatized by the time she goes back to her place.

[devondespresso]

First fic tag game 📝

Pick a fandom and post an excerpt of the first thing you ever wrote in that fandom. Could be a scene, part of a scene, a couple of lines, whatever your first foray into writing for that fandom was. Feel free to include a link to the story it comes from if it’s been published (excerpts from WIPs count too).

tagged by my beloveds @carolperkinsexgirlfriend and @stellarspecter

technically the first thing i started writing for stranger things was my Steve Henderson au 👀 tho at this point most of the original draft from then has been edited bc i was definitely learning as i went, this scene below is one of my favorites from that first attempt and has had the least amount of edits (all the plot beats and most of the dialogue being the exact same!!)

<< also thank you guys you reminded me just in time to keep up with my resolution of revisiting this wip at least once a month 🙏 >>

putting the snip under the cut, and going ahead and tagging @sourw0lfs @marvel-ous-m @helpimstuckposting @queenie-ofthe-void @solarmorrigan

@withacapitalp @hairstevington @scriptorbemi @tinytalkingtina @hbyrde36

and anyone else who wants to join!! 💕💕💕

(Context: in season 2 in Dustin's cellar, right after they find and look through the hole D'art dug to escape)

“Great.” Steve sighed, standing up and laying the slime on the ground by the hole, “So now what?”

“We have to find him.”

“Yeah, can’t say I’m thrilled about that.”

“We have to, he ate Mews when he was the same size as her. If he keeps getting bigger he’s going to start hurting people.”

"Mews as in… your cat?"

"Yeah."

Steve nodded slowly.

“You said his face opened up, right? Like,” Steve set the bat down and tried gesturing the petals from the demogorgon’s ‘face’.

“Yeah, yeah, exactly like that. Like he’s an early metamorphic stage of a–”

“Demogorgon.” Awesome. Round two, apparently. “Should we be telling someone about this?”

“I’ve been trying, no one’s answered their walkie all day. That's why I got you.”

“Good to know I’m your last choice.” Steve bitched.

Henderson just rolled his eyes and looked back at the hole.

“Still not a huge fan of looking for a man-eating dog in the middle of the night.” Steve said, “Think it could wait ‘till morning?”

“Maybe? We don’t have any idea where he’ll climb out.”

“Your house’s pretty secure right?” Steve asked. Henderson turned around to look at him, confused. “Just like. He’s not gonna be able to break in while you’re sleeping?”

Henderson’s eyes widened. Shit.

“I… I don’t think so. He didn’t break out when he was cat-sized.”

“Good good, then you’ll be fine,” Steve assured, giving him a solid pat on the back. “We’ll wait until it’s light tomorrow and I’ll come help you find him and we’ll take care of it, yeah?”

“Yeah, good. Sounds good. Tomorrow.”

“Cool, I’ll drop by at eleven.”

“Yeah, just– park at the end of the street. I’ll tell my mom I’m going to a friend’s house.”

“Alright.” Steve slung the bat over his shoulder and walked back to the stairs, Henderson catching up beside him. “And, uh, don’t sweat it, man. The coming-inside-while-you’re-asleep thing. I mean even if he had, like, the brainpower to try and find a way in, he wouldn’t have the force—I mean full grown they’re like sticks—and why would he even want in anyway there's plenty of squirrels and shit–”

“You’re right,” Henderson interrupted. “It’s, uh… just a– He's not big. Yet. So there's no real reason to worry.”

Steve looked at him as he put up a small smile, close-lipped and eyes barely squinted. It could pass as calm if he’d never seen the kid before in his damn life. But talking about it more wasn’t helping.

“Yeah, good.” He patted his arm, then looked at his car for a moment. “Wait here a sec.”

Steve jogged over and opened the passenger's seat, pulling a napkin and a pen out of his glovebox and scribbling his number down.

Steve went to turn around and run back, only to find Dustin barely a few steps behind him.

“Here,” he said, handing Dustin the napkin and closing the car door, “If you need anything.”

He rounded the car to the driver’s side, and when he looked back Dustin was just standing there with the napkin. Steve gestured to the house’s front door.

“Shit, yeah.” He whispered and rushed to get inside, “Thanks.”

Steve waved him off and sat in his car, waiting until the front door closed before driving back home.

Demogorgons again, then. Great. Wonderful

[kittensinribbons]

ghost's favorite medic pt. 2 | pt. 1 here

wc: 619

a/n: i'm sorry for being gone for so long, but i knew i had to come back to do a part 2 for this, so here it is!! this is also very angsty bc i was in the mood for it, so be warned ♡

cw: simon's trauma holding him hostage, mentions of violence and weapons, gender neutral reader, overly dependent simon, no caps

he's never been a good lover, simon. not since he worried his father's rage was as genetic as his hands (too big and tough to hold anything fragile) and eyes (the dead, haunted look in them) and hair (blonde buzzed short so it would never grow long like his). so the hands that were (are) his father's are kept far, so they can never hurt anyone again.

(soldier boy, don't you know what you signed up for?)

he wasn't scared of hurting them all, though. not johnny or price or gaz, because they could beat the ugly thing the way simon beat his dad.

but he was always, always afraid of hurting you. you, beautiful medic, you. not because he didn't think you couldn't beat him. he's felt the knife strapped on your thigh when he holds you. he knows that you (beautiful medic, you) learned to kill so you could learn to mend.

it's about how close you've wormed into his heart. not just because you were pretty. [you were. the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. but simon was never one of those people who fawned over things just because they looked nice.]

(his father told him, more than a hundred times, how his mother was the most gorgeous girl in town. "until she had you lot. now look at her."

his mother was always pretty, when she would look at him.

maybe those dead eyes weren't his father's. maybe they were hers.)

it's about how you remind him that the ugly thing is just his father's shadow, and you turn on the light (you are the light) that makes it go away. he needs you, needs you to make him soft, make his hands gentle, his eyes excited and warm. puppy-dog eyes, johnny calls them, you giggling (harmony, melody, aria) when you overhear. it makes simon spare johnny from a smack to the head. you make him okay with the idea of growing his hair out. and he does. (but he makes sure to keep it short.)

simon's scared because he feels like a bull in a china shop, every piece a part of you he's trying not to crush. you're not delicate, and he knows, but he's bashed in enough heads to know he could bash yours in, too. it's been difficult. simon knows his own strength, and he knows yours, too. his burly body and your wits. he doesn't want to undervalue you, but he doesn't want to put you at risk, either. he needs you to remember who he can be. he needs you to be safe.

simon can't leave you, he knows, can't pull away from warm when he's so cold.

but you can.

so he tells you, one day- you're stitching a gash on his shoulder while he buries his head into yours- "'m not a good man t'have around, lovie. i'll ruin ya."

and you laughed (harmony, melody, aria). replied, "no, you won't."

he tried to put some bite into his voice, use that ugly thing, but it's never been able to show its face around you. "i will."

"you won't, si," you gently chastised, eyes never leaving your sutures and stitches (he's tried to listen when you explain what you're doing, but your voice makes him feel too warm to think. all he knows is that you're fixing him). "you're a good man. and even if you tried, do you really think you could?"

and you're right. because killing is one tug of a trigger, a slash of a knife, bloody fists. simon's strong enough to kill, but you're tough enough to mend. tougher than he'll ever be, you. beautiful medic, you. tough enough, it seems, to deal with him.

[allwormdiet]

Arc 8: Extermination, Concluding Thoughts

What a fucking month this day has been

This arc has everything. The greatest virtues and darkest failures of humanity, fighting to save the day and fighting to win and fighting to survive another minute longer, fear and hope and despair and rage.

I'm still kind of beside myself at the failures of the Protectorate and PRT that get put on display in this event. Like they legitimately have time before the attack, something that is apparently unprecedented before Armsmaster and Dragon's project, and Legend burns a bunch of that time by being a massive downer instead of hurrying up with the strategy talk. They also just straight up don't explain anything to Skitter when she's taken into the hospital, which is how we end up with Stalker's identity revealed and Colin's breakdown, which. Jesus fucking Christ could these people be any more like cops than in the moment where they were pressing Skitter. Like yeah she's a villain and she fucked up truce conditions, but she's also a teenager who just recovered from a spinal injury and has been left totally alone and terrified up until she crossed that line. Obviously tensions are high, but shouldn't parahumans of all fucking people, and heroes of all fucking parahumans, be able to handle someone processing trauma with a bit more grace? Like I don't even hate the Protectorate, I think most of them are doing the best they can except for Shadow Stalker and Armsmaster. But their best has failed people, and keeps failing Taylor in particular. It's a system, and a pretty massive system at that for all it spans two pretty big countries and one heavily populated one, and we've seen the system's blind spots and shortfalls here.

Speaking of blind spots and shortfalls: hey Colin. I knew you were gonna do something fucking stupid this arc, I didn't know what exactly but you really blew my expectations out of the water. I'm very proud of you for getting Kaiser dead, okay, don't think for a second that I'd hold dead Nazis against you, but trying to get a teenager killed so you can solo Leviathan is a fucking insane thing to do. I don't care if the teenager made hornets sting your face, I don't care if the teenager told you she was going undercover with criminals and then just became a criminal. We don't feed teenagers to kaiju for personal glory. We also don't out teenagers' dirtiest secrets in front of people who might just kill them for it; you knew full well that Bitch and Regent had killed before and would kill again if provoked, and sure as shit Lisa says that they're gonna have to get Rachel to cool way the fuck down in order to make sure she doesn't murder Taylor for her almost-treachery. If Skitter got mauled to death by a giant dog, that would've been on your fucking head Colin.

Unfortunately I don't think he's gonna get more than a slap on the wrist for this, which is slightly steeper for him than for other people bc he's only got the one wrist, but maybe there's a chance he gets some fucking humility out of this entire ordeal.

I think the Leviathan fight is the best one out of the entire story so far, as I stew on it. Lung was cool, Wards was cool, Bakuda was tense and scary, Protectorate was... mixed, and Empire had some cool beats. Leviathan just. It had everything. The battlefield felt more real and more relevant to the fight than ever before, the stakes were felt, the casualties, Jesus fucking Christ the casualties. People dropping left and right, heroes and villains taking hits that they can't get up from, all in the desperate hope that they can buy that much time for everyone else to step up, that much time to save this fucking city. Skitter spends so much of the battle feeling utterly useless, even as she ends up being critical at multiple points for tracking Leviathan down, saving as many people from the shelter as she could with a borderline suicidal attack, even saving Clockblocker when nobody else was thinking to. For all she bemoans her weakness, her futile struggles, the powers she doesn't have and the people she can't rescue, she saved easily dozens of lives, and carried the fight that much further for others to keep it going.

Which is why I'm a little aghast at the idea that this could've been her swan song.

There's never going to be a better time for me to talk about this, so let's get to it. I learned that Wildbow claims to have used dice in order to dictate who lives and who dies in the Leviathan battle, including Taylor and the rest of the Undersiders, and I have two thoughts on that! One: I hope it's a fib, because the idea that there's any chance the deaths of major and supporting characters would be riding entirely on chance instead of the author's own will and ideas for the story feels utterly anathema to me. Two: if it is true, I'm really glad that he rolled exactly the way he did, because this seems like just about the best possible way for this story to remain intact.

Like let's look at this for a second, right? Let's look at major figures and see who dies. Every Undersider makes it out alive, that's our core cast right there, a lot of plot riding on them, a lot of future interactions (including the ones in 8.7 and 8.8) that would've been cut violently short and left dangling for the next million plus words. Armsmaster survives being disarmed, not out of the question since he got pretty swift treatment for that obviously, but that also means that he's alive to snitch Taylor out for her plan to betray the Undersiders, deepen the rift between them and force Taylor to double down on what it means to be a villain if she wants to have any semblance of the life she used to have before Leviathan came crashing down on the city. Glory Girl and Panacea survive in order to have their own fucked up misadventure later down the line, Flechette and Parian keep kicking and get to be characters later. Coil lives to keep being a major issue, Dinah survives alongside him and so does Noelle. Kaiser gets bisected, thank God, allegedly he was supposed to keep being a major antagonist in the future and this was cut short when the dice came up with a fatal end, but I don't know that he would've kept mattering. The ABB is cooked, done, out of the city entirely. Coil's consolidating power, pushing out every player who can't be incorporated into his little plans. The Empire is already unstable with the publishing of their identities, they can't put the genie back because any possible doubt that could've been cast on the reports was obliterated when Purity leveled multiple city blocks and talking about how she'd kill everyone in the city if she didn't get her baby back. The state of the city very likely means that Medhall is going to shit, so that's his legitimate power base crumbling, and as far as everyone is probably concerned it's open season on fascist capes. If Leviathan didn't do it, I'd give it a week before some anti-Nazi out of towner got him with a Tinkertech assassination device Shinzo Abe style. Kaiser's purpose as the one holding the reins on the Empire was fulfilled, it was entirely in keeping with the trajectory of the story to see him fall and have other threats rise in his place, that much more disorganized and chaotic and proving that the Empire isn't better than any of the other villain groups or gangs.

Let's look at the other local deaths while we're at it. Aegis, Browbeat, and Gallant; three Wards who we knew for all of one arc, and who we got to learn a bit more about in the span of a single interlude, and who didn't seem to have a whole lot going on. For fuck's sake, Browbeat apparently rolled to survive the first time and got killed in a retcon bc it made Wildbow's life easier, so clearly him living or dying doesn't add up to much. Dauntless and Velocity, two Protectorate heroes where one of them didn't even have speaking lines and I legitimately can't remember whether Velocity says anything and don't want to comb through and check, which isn't a great sign for his relevance in the wider story. Manpower and Shielder, who we only first saw in Arc 7 and who also had no lines or interactions. Alabaster, Fenja, and Kaiser, the only known Brockton native villains who bit the bullet; Alabaster had no lines, Fenja maybe had a line or maybe it was Menja but they only really mattered during the Lung rematch back in Arc 5, and I'm not explaining Kaiser a second time because fuck him and because this is already getting pretty long.

Maybe I'm biased because I'm reading this over a decade after it came out and I'm looking at it as part 8 of a 30 part story, but while I'm certain a number of these deaths will have repercussions (New Wave is certainly reeling with their losses, and there's no way Glory Girl is handling Gallant's death well either, never mind his conversation with Panacea) none of them seem to have immediate repercussions for Taylor's story. The closest thing she might have had to a personal connection with any of them was a beef with Kaiser and his lot, and that doesn't really count because their conflicts with each other were entirely within the boundaries of "cape business." Kaiser getting snapped like a Slim Jim means that out of the major criminal powers of Brockton Bay, the only one Taylor still has to deal with is Coil, who she has a lot more personal connections with for good and for ill.

And then there's the idea that Taylor could have died here if the dice said she dies, she'd end up a decoy protagonist all along and we'd switch perspectives to Aegis, of all fucking people. I legitimately want to ignore this for the foreseeable future because I'm so so so glad it didn't shake out that way. All of these past chapters, all of these past arcs, and it wouldn't matter? Taylor just drowns in the middle of a destroyed street or gets crushed by Leviathan and that's all folks? Aegis would be the one to spearhead the defense on Gold fucking Morning? (Yeah I already know about Gold Morning, I've known the broad strokes of this story for years and didn't give a fuck bc I didn't think I'd get around to reading it, more fool me.) I can't buy that. I can barely even acknowledge that it's being sold to me. I legitimately prefer the version of reality where Wildbow is fibbing about the dice, that he used them as an aid to decide which minor characters bit it while still knowing the characters he already wanted to knock off or keep alive, or that he didn't use them at all, because that makes way more sense to me as an author than the idea that he left all of it up to chance. That he left the quality and content of his story, up to and including the narrator/protagonist, up to random chance. I have to believe that he's fudging the truth because the alternative is that he's a maniac.

Okay, that's my piece said, let's get to the rest of this.

We finally get a more thorough understanding of Lisa, and the end result isn't nearly what I was afraid of. Like yeah, she's been manipulating Taylor, feeding into some of her worse instincts, corrupting a potential hero into a committed villain, but I maintain, still, that Taylor would have fucking died if she'd tried to keep playing at indie hero when Bakuda's rampage started. Is it so dire a corruption arc if it means Taylor has like an iota more of self-respect than she did before? If making her a little more selfish, a little more hardened, is what it takes to get her somewhere approaching happiness, is it really that much better to keep her pure-hearted and utterly miserable? Ideally she could be both good and happy, but this isn't that kind of story, she's lucky to get one or the other and frequently has neither, and to commit wholly to being good and eschewing happiness entirely is an unreasonable fucking ask for anybody, much less a teenager.

Beyond that little ethical knot, Lisa just keeps being fun to watch do stuff. Seeing her at work in the flashback and in the Leviathan fight is pretty spectacular, and the fact that she responds to the Protectorate's ultimatum against Skitter by putting an even bigger and meaner ultimatum to their head is a masterstroke. I remembered that the Boardwalk sucks for all that it seems like a cool place to hang around, Jesus fucking Christ the whole deal of the enforcers gives me hives.

And then there's Coil. Fucking Coil. Rancid piece of shit wannabe Bond villain store-bought superpower creep-ass bastard. Him and Creep and Pitter can all drop down an elevator shaft in the next arc and I'd still have put up with them for too long, but I'm not lucky enough for that to happen so I'm just gonna have to keep putting up with this horseshit for now, lucky me. Coil cannot die fast enough for my satisfaction, because for that I'd need him to have died an arc ago.

Can't wait to see how Brockton Bay handles getting turned into fucking Waterworld, probably not well at all

[frodo-cinnamonroll]

How the Fellowship Would Sleep

a/n: Here's another headcanon! These are just the dumb things I think of lol. I feel kinda bad bc some of them have half a sentence and some a whole paragraph but whatever ig I have more headcancons with them in it

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Gandalf: You can hardly catch him sleeping at all, or at least, no one can tell when he's asleep or awake. Sometimes he has his hat on his face but when Merry or Pippin try to pull a prank on him, he'll yell at them.

Aragorn: He doesn't sleep all that much and only is "resting his eyes." Always makes sure the hobbits get rest. hobbit dad #1 Always makes sure he knows where his sword is.

Legolas: He can sleep while he's walking, like all elves, and prefers to walk among the stars. Is often heard singing some old elvish tune, and Gimli usually tells him to stop (but he doesn't)

Gimli: very heavy sleeper. He snores the loudest--it sounds like an army of orcs going over a waterfall, as Legolas describes it. He always has his axe by his side. He grunts whenever he moves. Once, Merry and Pippin braided his whole beard while he was asleep and he would have strangled them had it not been for Aragorn and Legolas talking sense into him. Gimli always has an eye on them.

Boromir: also a heavy sleeper. He snores, but not nearly as loud as Gimli (he denies it though). He'll shout battle-cries in his sleep every now and then and scare everyone awake. He turns into a watch dog when the hobbits fall asleep. hobbit dad #2 Takes up all the space he is physically able to.

Merry: snores occasionally, but mostly just breathes loudly. He always sleeps on his back with his hands behind his head. Always makes sure he has his pipe in his pack before he goes to bed. Also, makes sure Pippin doesn't sleep too close to a cliff or anything. sweet big brother cousin. aww

Pippin: talks or sings in his sleep all the time. He can sleep forever and a day, but once he's awake, everyone is. Has a designated blanket that no one touches which he claims is for "good luck purposes" baby fool of a took

Sam: snores lightly and is often embarrassed about it. Hates waking up with a bed-head (but all the hobbits do). Has a small teddy bear that hides in his pack, and when it's found out, he claims he "doesn't know how it got in there" while blushing as red as a tomato (it's okay, Sam, we all need our teddy bears)

Frodo: is generally a light sleeper but can sleep for a good long while. Sleeps curled up (babyyyy). He dreams a lot but they're usually not pleasant. Mumbles in his sleep. He gets cold easily.

[drdemonprince]

the housing crisis in the small city i live in is getting worse. my friends are moving but i need to be here a bit longer still. so i’m looking for a new apartment for me and my cat and i’m frustrated on top of being frustrated bc my brain wont let me lie to landlords and property managers.

nowhere i can afford allows pets. they want SO much fcking money, plus all utilities, plus deposits higher than the rent—and i still can’t have a small animal. i do not respect the concept or practice of landlord-ing but i keep getting this block around lying and terror about being caught. (also, my cat is not a chill silent baby all the time- he’s a big talkative fellow with shit to say sometimes, so being like *blink blink* “umm no cat here” while he breeoowwws in the background sounds really brazen to me).

i think this could be a very small gesture towards being ungovernable but it feels really big and somewhat impossible at the moment. any words of advice for moments like these?

Dog you can totally lie about not having pets and get away with it. If your landlord doesn't live in your building/if it's a big management company you are ESPECIALLY likely to be able to get away with it, because any maintenance person that gets sent to your unit to perform repairs won't have any access to the office files that list whether you are paying pet rent, and the person who processes new leases isn't the same person who processes rent checks ANYWAY, so there's like three layers of people not giving a shit and not looking into records they don't even have access to in the first place to protect you.

When I got my chinchilla, I carried him and his giant cage, food, and a huge pillow case sized bag of hay into the lobby of my building and walked it all right past the manager's office in broad daylight and nobody said a thing. At my next apartment, i also lied. At my third apartment after that, I also lied. At my current apartment I just didn't volunteer the information and they never asked. My chinchila litterally tears up the WALLS with his teeth and runs on a giant wheel made out of an industrial-sized cake pan that is advertised as "just as quiet as a small washing machine." He bangs around in that thang every NIGHT for hours and no neighbor has ever even complained about it. if it were a big dog barking all the time and being badly behaved, that would be one thing. but a cat meowing is like. nothing.

You can do this homie. For your sake in housing, in employment, and in interactions with our evil government you gotta work on your ability to lie. and this is a fabulous place to start. bost building managers that are showing apartments don't give a shit about you and are exhausted and annoyed all the time -- asking if you have pets is a quite throwaway question, not some CIA grilling where they're putting their high empathy lie detector skills on you.

they ask you if you have a pet, imagine that they are asking you whether your pet is going to be a problem. say no. collect the keys on moving day and bring the cat in, in a carrier, with all the other junk you're hauling and act completely bored and tired. you can get away with a LOT acting bored and blase and tired. unless your landlord lives with you, it won't even be an issue.