#he was only doing a little trolling

[old-antecedent]

Dagon gets a bad rap from you all. It may be hard to see as a mortal, but as an et'Ada he's genuinely funny. For example, the Oblivion Crisis was far more humorous than you believe. Really, it was a joke we all were roped into helping with. Consider my part in it. Why would Mehrunes title a book he wrote "The Mysterium Xarxes"? A title literally meaning "The Secrets of Xarxes" sounds a lot more like it was written by Xarxes to me. But that's the point. Note Xarxes's position in Bosmeri culture. All that's in the Mysterium, really, is a list of transgressive potentials for great change. I cataloged some of Akavir's stranger histories in exchange for Dagon telling me how he failed to trick Alduin. Letting him take the credit for writing it lead to the most robust joke of the whole thing. Mankar Camoran was this joke. The bastard child of a (usurper) king, elevated to cosmic importance by learning of his bloodline and receiving a grand artefact to help him achieve his destiny. Remind you of anyone? He's a carefully engineered reflection of Martin Septim. The whole Septim bloodline killed by what amounts to Martin's evil twin; the empire toppled by a single elf with a stupid book! This is why the Mysterium Xarxes had this name — to convince Camoran it was of his history and make him feel more connected to it. How could the situation be made any funnier? Do not take the Deadlands' invasion of Nirn as a failed campaign. See it as a change of the channel which lead to much more interesting programming. Though I never much cared for television.

[chessb0r3d]

i cracked the code.

[andro-dino]

I don’t know how they did it but they gave a troll tguy swag,,,, godbless

+ closeup of just the human version bc I like how he came out a lot <3

[ryssbelle]

Asked the folks in trolls server what their characters race and class would be if they were in DnD and here are the results! I designed most of them except Navy who was designed by his creator!

I wonder what adventures they will go on?

Featured OC's and their owners in order from left to right:

Pete Moonshine @melonmass-art

Smiggles @navy-scribble @ivory-rose-art and me teehee

Sprinkle @creta291

Patty @felsicveins

Lief me!

Navy @navy-scribble

Cerulean @secret-citrus

Pigeon @folktroll

close ups of each character are under the cut!

Pete Moonshine, Weretouched humanoid Ranger, not a fan of the full moon

Smiggles the Tiefling Fighter, Chaotic is his only alignment

Sprinkle the Tiefling Sorcerer, hot pink bitch named BREAKFAST

Patty THE PAIN the Half Giant Barbarian who brings the PAIN

Lief the (half) Elf Cleric, just a little guy (or is he?)

Navy the humanoid shifter Rogue, human by day, part animal whenever (emo forever)

Cerulean the half-elf Monk, keeps a level head and knows when not to hold back

Pigeon the Kenku Ranger, all bird and all cowboy

[cringefail-clown]

The fact that no one has asked about kankri is surprising

So kankri for bingo

[cephalog0d]

Batfic - "Musical Costumes"

Rating: Teen and Up (Language)

Category: Gen

Relationships/Characters: Bruce Wayne & Jason Todd & Tim Drake & Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Duke Thomas & Damian Wayne & Barbara Gordon & Alfred Pennyworth; Dick Grayson (mentioned)

Additional Tags: Humor, Banter, Batkids Being Batsibs

Words: 1,057

Summary:

There was a quiet moment before Jason felt the prickle of eyes and looked up from where he'd been absently scratching lines in the arm of the chair (sorry Alfred) to see the collective attention of the room placed on him.

"Absolutely fucking not," he snapped vehemently.

(Full text after the cut or over on AO3)

"-so someone will have to be spotted as Nightwing a few times for the next week or so," Bruce's briefing concluded. There was a quiet moment before Jason felt the prickle of eyes and looked up from where he'd been absently scratching lines in the arm of the chair (sorry Alfred) to see the collective attention of the room placed on him.

"Absolutely fucking not," he snapped vehemently.

"You are the closest-" Bruce started.

"No I'm fucking not!" Jason gestured at his own torso to emphasize the point.

"Height-wise you are," Steph added very unhelpfully. "Weight wise it's more…equidistant," she conceded with a loose wave between Jason and Tim.

"Technically Duke is the closest but I think even Gotham's criminal masterminds might notice that," Tim threw out, pedantic as ever.

"What, because I'm a meta?" Duke asked with an impressively straight face.

"Yes," Tim said in the same flat tone. Cass only barely tried to muffle a laugh. Steph didn't try at all. Jason chose to ignore all of them, glaring defiantly at Bruce, who mostly just looked like he wanted a nap. Or a child free vacation. Whatever, it was his own fault he kept collecting more and that they were all awful.

"No," Jason repeated. "I am not running around in that stupid suit just because Dickhead managed to break himself showing off."

"That is not an accurate-" Damian interjected, predictably jumping to Dick's defense in absentia.

"You have before," Cass interrupted him neatly. Her expression was a lot more controlled than Steph's, but her eyes were bright with suppressed laughter.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jason said pointedly.

"Dick's current suit isn't even that bad. It's not like you have to wear the old Robin suit. Again," Tim said mildly. Jason narrowed his eyes at Tim, who met his gaze unflinchingly and took a slow, deliberate drink.

"Boys," Bruce cut in, pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh. Jason decided to temporarily let it go and ignore both the way Tim smirked behind his cup and Steph's quiet "oooooh".

"Do it yourself," Jason challenged Bruce, earning a burst of laughter from the rest of the room. Bruce's expression did the constipated thing that usually meant he was at least mildly regretting his choices in family. Good.

"Oh my god please do, I will pay so much money to see that," Steph gasped breathlessly.

"Stephanie." Bruce's reprimand, predictably, did nothing to silence her.

"Father has his own duties as Batman," Damian said snippily.

"Additionally, I do not believe Master Bruce's joints would appreciate those kind of acrobatics," Alfred added as he appeared and started clearing things off the table.

"Thank you, Alfred," Bruce said with another sigh.

"Cass can do all that flippy bullsh-oot," Jason hastily corrected when Alfred glanced at him.

"Are you saying you can't?" Cass asked sweetly.

“Of course he can’t,” Damian scoffed not all that quietly.

“Damian,” Bruce said. Cass ignored them both. She met Jason's glare for several seconds, just smiling and waiting.

"I know what you're doing," Jason finally said, jabbing a finger at her.

"But it's still working," Tim muttered.

"No, it's not."

"It's okay if you can't," Cass said sympathetically. "I can."

The right answer was to leave it at that and walk away and Jason knew that, he wasn't an idiot and he didn't have to prove anything to these assholes, he should just get up and leave and let them sort their shit out amongst themselves, they were manipulating him, Cass with her disingenuous smile and Steph with her barely restrained laughter and Tim with his infuriating little smirk and Damian with his condescending sneer and Duke just watching them all with amusement while he finished his post-patrol sandwich.

But.

That spiteful little thing in his chest that had guided so many of his most ill advised decisions in the past had taken hold and just because he knew they were baiting him didn't mean he didn't still want to prove them wrong.

"Fine!" he snapped finally. "Fu-reaking fine!" Alfred gave him a knowing look but didn't say anything about the slip. "I refuse to do the stupid puns, though." He could at least draw that line.

"It's okay if you're not clever enough to do that part," Tim said with a condescending pat on the arm. Jason very maturely did not break his fucking fingers, but he did bare his teeth in what was only barely a smile.

"I'm going to glitter bomb your apartment. Emphasis on the bomb." Okay so not that mature, so sue him, Tim started it. Tim opened his mouth, presumably to say something even more inflammatory, but got interrupted.

"Boys," Bruce said again, more sharply. “Tim, leave your brother alone. Jason, thank you for your assistance. Stephanie, whatever you’re planning don’t.”

Steph made an affronted noise and widened in her eyes in a comically innocent expression that did not fool anyone for even a second.

“Right, well, some of us have been up all day,” Duke said as he stood. “Good luck, Hoodwing.” He left the room, grinning, as Tim choked on his drink and Bruce sighed again and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Hoodwing?” Cass repeated thoughtfully, testing out the word. “Redwing? Nighthood?”

“I like Nighthood,” Babs’s voice spoke up. None of them would admit to being startled, but several of them did perhaps sit up a little straighter at the sudden addition.

“Have you been listening this whole time?” Jason asked, and immediately mentally face-palmed.

“Jason.”

“I know, I heard it when I said it.”

“Anyway, I’ve got some alerts that need looking into, if you’ve all decided who’s wearing what costume.”

“No one else is swapping costumes,” Bruce said sternly. “Everyone go get ready. Oracle, tell me what you’ve got.”

There was a brief scramble of finishing drinks and snacks and everyone broke to go gear up. Steph had a scheming look that Jason absolutely did not trust in the slightest but she was dragged off by Cass before he could get a further read on it.

A few minutes later, though, he got a text.

((I have a whole headcanon that people swapping costumes temporarily is just a commonplace thing for Secret Identity purposes, because half of them are public figures, so if one of them gets injured or has to travel as a civilian they'll get one of the others to be spotted in their suit while they're out so nobody puts together "This Bat doesn't show up when this Well Known Public Figure is out of town/obviously injured".

(Hey remember in Batgirl: Year One where Bats made Dick dress up as her to throw Gordon off her trail?)

Of course, some people make better duplicates than others.

(Tim is referencing the fact that in the comics, Jason was fully wearing a copy of his old Robin costume, complete with the lack of pants, during their infamous Titans Tower altercation. Because I will never let go of that fact, it is absurd, absolute drama queen Jason Todd, what a doofus, I love him. Cass is referencing in preboot Nightwing where there was an arc where Jason was running around murdering folks in a Nightwing costume to undermine Dick.)))

[blade-that-was-broken]

People be like: oohhhhh what if John Dory and Delta Dawn are bitter exes/divorced/angry history

Me: but what if… what if they weren’t? What if they were chill besties that weren’t on bad terms??

[cypheragent]

actually the juiciest thing about ocelhira to me is if bb didn't exist honest to god i think kaz could have been in love with ocelot but ocelot would always fucking hate his guts

[gothamcityneedsme]

i have complex feelings about it but in td when karkat is actually like fully integrated, he is much more static because the story is... Less directly affecting him? hes there as Dave's Boyfriend largely

[fslurusami]

my top 3 most relatable gk characters are usami ogata and shiraishi. which is 2 of the worst possible red flags and shiraishi

[lillybean730]

herlock sholmes is fun bc youre never sure if he's doing a bit or genuinely believes what he's saying

[neroushalvaus]

Tumblr in the 60s

☮ monkeewholock follow

🎉🎉CONGRATULATIONS UNITED KINGDOM 🎊🎊🎉🎉🎉🎉BYE BYE GROSS INDECENCY!!!!🌈🌈🌈 62 countries have now legalized sexual activities between men🌈🌈🌈

🐞 homophilespock follow

SPIRK CAN FINALLY FUCK

🚀 starrfleet follow

They are American, not British... But I'm pretty sure spirk has always been able to fuck since the show is set in the future.

📻 lesbianbobdylan follow

Christ, this is not about your cutesy uwu yaoi otp, go outside and smoke some grass

10,8 t. notes

🌻 flowerpower follow

Politicians are not your friends but damn Kennedy is fine, I look at one (1) picture of him and my head literally explodes

🌻 flowerpower follow

...i just woke up, why is my askbox full

🌻 flowerpower follow

WHY IS HE TRENDING I'M SCARED

🌻 flowerpower follow

guys stop reblogging this it's been like five years i've changed

290,9 t. notes

🎹 nixonsafascist follow

do you think they call him little richard because he has a little. Richard

🎹 nixonsafascist follow

easy website

58,1 t. notes

🇻🇳 shirellesofficial follow

Being the only lesbian in your friend group sucks so bad. "beatles or stones??" i will kill you

🗣 lavendermenaceisreal-deactivated72537262

Disrespecting female social groups for male validation? Typical lesbian behaviour.

🇻🇳 shirellesofficial follow

Mike Jacker isnt gonna fuck you

🇻🇳 shirellesofficial follow

Oh no I think she couldn't handle that

77 notes

✌ draftdodgerdyke

DM me for the addresses of my Swedish and Canadian friends. Do not put your personal information in the reblogs.

🙍‍♀️ silvermilk follow

You should be ashamed of yourself.

✌ draftdodgerdyke

huh??

🙍‍♀️ silvermilk follow

I said, you should be ashamed of yourself. You disgust me. I assure you, when the commies attack us, you will not find your silly little post "groovy" anymore.

✌ draftdodgerdyke

Jesus, don't flip your wig

🙍‍♀️ silvermilk follow

My father fought in ww2 for you ungrateful degenerate.

✌ draftdodgerdyke

Don't see what your daddy's unsexiness has to do with me and my lads taking a sexy sexy trip to Sweden.

#anyway only hot guys dodge the draft

587 notes

🪕 prostitutesandlesbians follow

in every interview i watch of the beatles they are so DONE and trolling everybody, these fucking annoying BITCHES, i need them inside me so badly

🪕 prostitutesandlesbians follow

#this but not john lennon #i just can't forget the heinous things he said about jesus

idk I actually think it was very sexy of him, stop trying to cancel john in my post

✝️ jesusrevolution follow

The reading comprehension on this website is piss poor. John literally didn't mean he was greater than Jesus or better than Jesus, he was just trying to make a point about the world becoming more secular. Cancel culture has gone too far.

🚷 to-hell-with-the-beatles follow

How dare you say we piss on the poor?? Jesus died for Mr Lennon's sins and it's not "cancelling" to send him a few respectably worded death threats to remind him of that. He cancelled our Lord first!

✝️ jesusrevolution follow

Girl Jesus literally said it's cool, I dropped acid yesterday and saw Him and He told me.

🪕 prostitutesandlesbians follow

help the girls (christians) are fighting in my beatles thirst post

6,008 notes

🛼 donovandyke follow

I will be glued to the tv today. If you don't want to hear about it, just blacklist #moonlanding !!

0 notes

🗣 claudeberger4ever-deactivated98975287

Hi I'm new to the Hair musical fandom so I'm not super invested in the whole discourse, but I just felt like this needed to be said: Friendly reminder that not being against the war in Vietnam does not make you a bad person!

🥁 ringoforpresident follow

it literally does tho

✌ draftdodgerdyke

Another win for us hot guys

17,2 t. notes

[hypewinter]

Hear me out! Danny finds his human form slowly getting more eldrich as he gets older (and more powerful) and ends up going to Gotham where people are way less likely to ask questions!

Sadly when the people of Gotham see Danny, oops my shadow has eyes now, Fenton they just assume he's gonna be a new Rouge!

Que the bat fam watching Danny waiting for him to make his move, over-analyzing everything he does. Mans can't even buy a new laptop without Bruce breathing down his neck about it

This would be an issue if Danny wasn't such a little troll, and he starts buying more obviously ominous things only to openly use them in improperly boring and normal ways. Like buys a death lazer and can be seen using it to make toast, buys a cursed box full of death themed artifacts and uses it as a coffee table, that kinda stuff.

Every time the bat's assume 'this is it!' And gets ready to take him down, only to see Danny setting up a new 'coat rack' made of kriptonite

Even better when they see him tinkering on some kind of doomsday device, the kind that looks super evil and dangerous and even has a red count down timer on the front and- it's a fucking air frier again! He already has three! Why does he keep making air friers?! Obviously this must be some kind of scheme

I raise you: Danny starts selling his things out to random citizens (they've all been intensely screened). The bats panic thinking this is an attempt to cripple Gotham in one fell swoop. Nope. Ms. Randall just really needed a new air purifier and Danny had a toxin dispenser that was just collecting dust.

I imagine though that he might start to notice that the bats are focusing on him a little too much which is a problem considering there are things going down in Gotham that actually need their attention. But at the same time, our resident ghost boy isn't ready to stop being a menace just yet. So what does he do? Kill too birds with one stone.

Whenever Danny catches wind of a new plot going down, he does something to draw the bats's attention to it. Two Face planning a robbery? Suddenly Danny is showing up to the bank everyday to work on the vault (he offered to reinforce it for free). The bats get so suspicious they focus hard on the bank and discover Two Face's plot before he can do anything.

The bats pat themselves on the back while Danny giggles in the background. Wonder how long it will take for them to figure out what's going on.

[goldengirlgalaxy]

The Bedazzler

After a very hazy night that... may or may not have been caused by something he found in the Ghost Zone, Danny ends up discovering in his haze he bought an absolutely outrageous amount of various craft supplies, especially shiny things like those little plastic rimstones.

Good news, everything was bought from a going out of business sale, so he didn't drain all of his funds. Bad news, everything was bought from a going out of business sale, which means he can't return them. And, frankly, he doesn't want to just throw away a bunch of stuff he paid for. But he still doesn't know what to do with it all.

At least until Clockwork decides to give Danny a small boon that lets him stop time. Then he gets some ideas.

It first starts off with Superman. He's doing his regular hero thing, when he suddenly feels his cape pulled to one side. He brushes it off as the wind, until people start pointing at his back. Clark nearly panics when he finds a bunch of green crystals on his cape, only to calm when he realizes they're plastic and attached with glue. That of course begs the question, who was able to glue gemstones to his back without him noticing?

Later that same day he's both amused and even more confused when Luthor appears again, only for a bunch of gem stickers to appear on top of his bald head, clearly arranged to spell out 'I Heart Superman' in icons.

Captain Marvel suddenly feels something appear on his head, only to discover it's some kind of cardboard crown. He's confused, but ultimately decides to wear it the rest of the day, thinking it might be from some meta fan of his.

Martian Manhunter finds a necklace appearing on him. When he pulls it off, he finds it's one of those Shrinky Dink plastics, designed to look like a medal that says '#1 Hero' on it, also with some extra plastic gems for extra bling. He wears it proudly for the rest of the day.

The Gotham Bats all get hit at the same time. Fake flowers, various colors of ribbons, Red Robin had a helium balloon attached to him for an hour, and of course plenty of shiny fake gems.

At first, everyone thought the funniest part of the mysterious crafts was Red Hood appearing with several rimstones attached to his hood where he mouth would be, several gold ones arranged in such a way that it looked like he was flashing a bunch of yellow teeth.

Then the Joker showed up. And was promptly doused in several pounds of glitter. Even better, it got into his eyes, effectively blinding him and giving the Bats a chance to capture him (after they were done laughing).

Of course, as more Leaguers get trolled, the more the stories start to paint a picture of someone running around pranking them. And many of them want to know just who this Bedazzler is.

Meanwhile, Danny is laughing his ass off and is planning on giving his friends a chance to have their own fun.

[suiana]

imagine rejecting a yandere! god and he gets all mad and petty so he curses your love life

so maybe you used to be a cleric or something that worshipped him and he decided to be silly and come down to earth in a more human form (still godly but less flamboyant). he was bored and what better thing to do than to meet up with his worshippers? especially you, his most devout and sweet little thing?

of course, he eventually fell for you and confessed his feelings. you're just so captivating after all.

"hey i really like you-"

"sorry, i am only meant for my lord and saviour☺️ we can still be friends."

"oh... that's not..."

yeah, he kinda forgot that you think he's joking about him being your god and stuff... oops...

whatever! you should've accepted him anyway! you'd break your vows for him wouldn't you?! apparently not.

yeah, so he decided to curse your love life becase he's petty like that and you wouldn't give him that time of day. wouldn't even entertain his delusions for a bit smh. how could you just leave a literal god heartbroken like that?

and just like that, your first life as a devout worshipper came to an end.

your next few lives were... rather tragic too.

all your lovers would randomly die, disappear, or leave just when things were getting good. it was infuriating and you were starting to think that the gods had something against you. well, more like a god had a thing for you but who cares right?

meanwhile, your petty and childish god was just watching over you from his abode. he really likes watching you. no, he's not a stalker. he's a god. there's a difference okayn gods can watch over humans like this! what? creepy? no he's not creepy! don't call him that!

he... also probably has a shrine and collection full of things from all your lives or something tbh. and no! it's mot creepy!

in any case, he didn't interfere in any of your lives directly up until your current life.

when you suddenly showed an interest in him again.

yes, after your first life you had also forgotten all about him. no, it wasn't a part of the curse he laid on you. it was probably just your soul getting revenge on him for cursing you. or... maybe it was because you were human. duh. unfortunately, your god has a peanut sized brain.

in your current life while reading on about mythology for your studies, you started gaining interest in him again.

"huh... god of... mischief? sounds like a real troublemaker."

you immediately moved on to another god after that.

and the god lets out an audible gasp.

how could you be so cruel? not even a, oh he was hot or something like that? just a simple he was a troublemaker???

also, he was not a troublemaker!

sure he might've meddled with your romantic partners and cursed your love life... and also caused some major disagreements in human history... but that's just a little bit of tomfoolery! a little bit of trolling if you will!

ugh! he's seriously getting mad again!

guess he'll have to come back to meet you in person to show you he means business this time.

[dorothylarouge]

US Presidents as Dril Tweets

George Washington: another day volunteering at the betsy ross museum. everyone keeps asking me if they can fuck the flag. buddy, they wont even let me fuck it

John Adams: "ah boo hoo hoo i want to post Foul comments to content leaders" Fat Chance, Dimwit. I will annihilate you under bulwark of the Law and God.

Thomas Jefferson: Q: If your post was proven by a counsil of wise men to be racist, or bullshit, would you bar it from the record? A: I do not delete my posts

James Madison: (sniffing a crumpled up one dollar bill i found on the floor of a dog kennel) ah.. thats greenbacks baby

James Monroe: for decades i have traversed the unforgiving mountains and rivers of south america, hoping to catch a glimpse of the fabled "ass downloader"

John Quincy Adams: "This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit

Andrew Jackson: handing Faves over to my enemies is FRAUD !! base, contemptible FRAUD!

Martin Van Buren: Food $200

Data $150

Rent $800

Candles $3,600

Utility $150

someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this. my family is dying

William Henry Harrison: (spends all of 7 seconds skimming some blog posts) yep. just as i knew all along. having pnuamonia is good

John Tyler: fuck "jokes". everything i tweet is real. raw insight without the horse shit. no, i will NOT follow trolls. twitter dot com. i live for this

James K. Polk: thhere is no such thing as charisma, and art is fake. the only metrics by which we must determine the worth of a man are Strength and Wisdom

Zachary Taylor: the doctor reveals my blood pressure is 420 over 69. i hoot & holler outta the building while a bunch of losers tell me that im dying

Millard Fillmore: trying to heal..... please donate to my go fund me... $10 will make me less racist... $100 will make me extremely less racist...thank you...

Franklin Pierce: blocked. blocked. blocked. youre all blocked. none of you are free of sin

James Buchanan: #NationalGirlfriendDay please cherish your gal's.. in honor of us, the single Boys who must sacrifice all companionship to #CarryTheBrand...

Abraham Lincoln: unloading an entire belt of ammo at me with a minigun or some such device will now get you "Blocked"

Andrew Johnson: who the fuck is scraeming "LOG OFF" at my house. show yourself, coward. i will never log off

Ulysses S. Grant: i regret being tasked the emotional burden of maintaining the final bastion of morality and Nice manners in this endless ocean of human SHIT

Rutherford B. Hayes: using the toilet when i hear Our national anthem start to play. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg,

James A. Garfield: too much truth in such little time. feeling the heat cominh down to silence me... signing off........ for now

Chester A. Arthur: i WILL wise the fuck up. i WILL super charge my content for 2017. i WILL get blue check mark

Grover Cleveland: the way i see it, people who come on here and submit content that is not up to par, could possibly be considered the "Villains" of this site

Benjamin Harrison: i help every body, im not racist, i keep myself nice, and when i ask for a single re-tweet in return i am told to fuck off, fuck myself, etc

William McKinley: boy oh boy do i love purchasing large amounnts of Fool's Gold. wait a minute... fools gold fucking sucks. this stuff is no good..!! Fuck !!!

Theodore Roosevelt: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL

William H. Taft: ah.. the perfect Souffle! cant wait to dig in to t(*EVERY PIPE IN MY HOUSE EXPLODES AT THE SAME TIME, COVERING ME IN SHIT AND BOILING WATER*

Woodrow Wilson: the conflicted supersoldier stares over the horizon as he smokes a cigarette. "war is the most fucked up thing ever." he takes a sip of beer

Warren G. Harding: somebody please Bribe me

Calvin Coolidge: aggressively joyless oaf hhere. painfully obnoxious respect demander checkign in. extremely dim witted frowning man looking for pals

Herbert Hoover: it is really quite astonishing that I have yet to win The Lottery, given how good I am at selecting six numbers and saying them out loud

Franklin D. Roosevelt: ive never heard of this “europe” but it sounds like a big bunch of shit to me

Harry Truman: everybody wants to be the guy to write the tweet that solves racism once and for all because it would look good as hell on a resume

Dwight D. Eisenhower: my "F*&k It!! Let's Go Golfin" t-shirt maintains a tenacious stranglehold on my life. after 1,125 days of Golf my body is twisted, deformed

John F. Kennedy: when you do sutuff like... shoot my jaw clean off of my face with a sniper rifle, it mostly reflects poorly on your self

Lyndon B. Johnson: incredibly handsome , charismatic famous boy credited with ending income inequality after saying that slumlords should be called "dumblords"

Richard Nixon: i attribute the complete failure of my brand to the actions of detractors, oor my “trolls”, as it were, as well as my own constant fuckups

Gerald Ford: shutting computer down until the shitty moods & attitudes can fuck off., if you need me ill be on my other computer, sititng 60° to my right

Jimmy Carter: i warnned you all that bad things would happen if you kept letting your wives wear jeans. AND NOW LOOK! the damn gas prices are up again

Ronald Reagan: spend a lot of time thinking about how sometimes even war criminals can be heroes sometimes... Dont like it? Click the unfollow buttobn

George H.W. Bush: just thought off an idea i believe to be bad ass. lets find the address of the leader of isis, and mail him/ her pieces of our SHIT

Bill Clinton: were at the point now, that when i offer to impregnate my girl followers, people assume my motives are sexual. disgusting, grow the fuck up,

George W. Bush: friday night gathering up together a big pile of things i like to respect (flags, crucifixes ,etc) and just roll around in it ,give kisses,

Barack Obama: my IQ has increased 10 points ever since i stopped tollerating people mucking about, on the time line

Donald Trump: THERAPIST: your problem is, that youre perfect, and everyone is jealous of your good posts, and that makes you rightfully upset.

ME: I agree

Joe Biden: I will shut the fuck up , IF , it will restore the Harmony. I will get on my knees like a dog and make that sacrifice, for the sake of Calm