#Cass is also a Troll here

[elainsgirl]

If Azriel actually wanted Elain, just Elain, just her as a person, he would have NEVER questioned the caldron or her bond with Lucien because IT WOULD NOT MATTER TO HIM.

Questioning the caldron is him directly saying that he wants a mate bond and why wasn’t he given the same thing as his brothers. It’s a question posed in jealousy and envy. Not love.

It has nothing to do with Elain. She is a fantasy. A vessel for his desires. How he logics a way to get what he craves and wash away his self loathing.

Hey anon 🫶

Ill give you the benefit of the doubt and instead of taking you as a troll, I’ll pretend you genuinely want to have a conversation about this.

Logically - If Az wanted a mate, anon pls explain why he wants a woman w a mate? Me and you know that its possible to have two mates, Az doesn’t so why on gods green earth is he standing there, questioning eluciens bond? If his goal is to obtain a mate - isn’t it counterproductive to go and pine over Elain…who has a mate? That immediately means she cannot be his mate therefore if your statement was true - and Az *just* wants a mate, he never would have wanted Elain or developed some feelings for her instead he would still be waiting for the mating bond to snap between him and Mor, like he has for the past 500 years.

Did Azriel say he wanted a mate? No.

Did he compain why his brothers got mates and he didn’t? No. Jealousy? envy? Not really, bcs none of those emotions are hinted at verbally through speech or in his mind, he wasn’t stomping his feet compaining how unfair it was that Rhys and Cass had mates and he didnt.

Lets emphasise his question:

“Tell me Rhys, how does it make sense for my two brothers to be fated to, two sisters whilst the third was given to another?” There’s a difference between, “How” which is questioning a situation and “why” which is complaining about a situation. Notice how Mass didn’t use any names. She numerized, why? Bcs ACOTAR has a clear pattern of 3. When is this pattern broken? When it comes to elucien. Now, we all know Mass is following Koshei’s mythology, here is an interesting tidbit:

3 sisters who marry 3 wizards that were linked together. Mass cannot be more obvious in the direction of the story. And yes there are many variations of the mythology however the Og russian one fits ACOTAR the most then the others.

Azriel may crave love like his brothers but thats it. “To wash away his self-loathing” yet he thinks about how his scarred hands are touching Elain. He isn’t using her for anything. This man genuinely developed feelings for Elain and then realised hang on - could I be her mate? Thats it. Lets not act as tho most of us wouldn’t have also questioned the cauldron if we were in Azriels place. And finally, again.

If the shadowsinger solely wanted a mate - he never would have fallen for a woman w a mate. That literally is enough logic to disprove this take.

[dovakiinwitcher]

Batfamily As Interactions With My Own Siblings

- Call and response with quotes or song lyrics. Dick and/or Steph use this most often since most of their siblings are angsty (Jason, Tim, Damian, Cass), so this forces them to acknowledge them. To not respond is of the HIGHEST offense.

- Sometimes Damian, or Cass, will come flying out of nowhere to surprise attack one of their siblings. Frankly, all of them do this, but those two are most common. Poor Duke is always the most caught off guard, in spite of his powers.

- Tim is almost always the last one down for dinner. Sometimes, he doesn’t even come down until after everyone else has eaten. Alfred is always kind enough to leave a plate for him to reheat. One time, he found that plate on the floor beneath a laundry basket that was propped up by a stick, cartoon-trap style. His siblings were hiding around the corner, watching him intently.

- Jason sometimes gets distracted in the bathroom, picking at scabs or old scars on his face in the mirror. His siblings (particularly Damian) get really pissed if they've heard the toilet flush and still have to wait for ten minutes to use the bathroom. (Jason has pointed out that there are other bathrooms. This doesn't prevent him from getting yelled at.)

- Duke has been known to go on fierce literary rants to Jason. Most recently about a certain shitty book he had to read for school.

- Tim started a DnD campaign with Dick, Barbara, and Duke. The party got sidetracked going undercover as an "exterminator" company, and helping a poor milliner jumpstart her hat business (don't ask how those were related). Tim is scared that they may have completely forgotten their original quest.

- Sometimes Steph forgets who she's told something to, and will repeat information to people who've already heard this from her.

- Jason, on the other hand, will forget what he HAS been told by people, and infuriates people with his questions of things he's already "had this conversation about."

- Bruce has repeatedly told Damian that Batcow is not a house pet. Nonetheless, he's found Damian in his room reading a book to his cow several times.

- Dick and Jason have reenacted many YouTube videos on patrols, from quoting back and forth to one another, to performing dangerous parkour stunts.

- Damian once tried to strangle Jason after he won Unstable Unicorns by almost exclusively trolling Damian and preventing him from gaining a final unicorn five times in a row. In one game. Damian has still not forgiven him.

- Jason once offered Tim a hit of his cigarette. Dick later found out and flipped his shit.

- The kitchen is a hazardous place to be. The kids pretend to stab each other a lot.

- Jason communicates primarily through saying either "I'll kill you," or "I'd rather die." Although sometimes, when someone's talking (typically Steph or Dick), he'll randomly interject to say, "you're a [insert obscure twist of their words]."

- For example, Steph was once vacuuming the rug with a very old vacuum and said, "this vacuum would be terrible at cocaine." Jason replied from the couch, not looking up from his book, "you're a terrible cocaine vacuum."

- The siblings binged the Chernobyl HBO series in one night. Right off the bat, Damian went on a rant about how irresponsible the guy committing suicide was for not finding his cat a new home first and just leaving out food. He also had to leave the room during the dog part in later episodes. When Dick was sent to tell him it was over, he was found with his face buried in Titus and/or Ace's fur.

- On a lighter note, Jason commentated over many of the really heavy parts of that documentary, making it way funnier than it was supposed to be. Sometimes he genuinely argued with the TV.

- There is a quote book of obscure things they've said out of context. Here are some excerpts:

"Haha, losers, imagine having parents." - Jason

"And that's why child labor is good and justifiable." - Steph

"They really underestimate my stabbing abilities." - Damian

"This jacket is vegan leather. Which means I skinned a vegan and turned them into a jacket." - Cass

"That's how my brain works; it doesn't." - Tim

"But we're stressful together." - Dick

"As Thomas the Tank Engine once said: chuga chuga choo choo, I'm a sexy dinosaur." - Also Dick

"If you wouldn't have been killed by Nazis, are you even an interesting person?" - Duke

"Alright, shit pisser, let's rumble." - Jason

"Keep your rabid animal away from my crab legs." - Barbara

- Barbara has a tendency to play true crime podcasts while she works. People only ever seem to walk in during the weirdest parts. She doesn't feel the need to explain herself; she finds the looks on their faces hilarious.

- The household Alexa will respond to Dick unprompted, and it genuinely freaks him out. It doesn't do that for anyone else, and he thinks it's out to get him. This is why he has a Google at home in Blüdhaven instead.

- Jason isn't the most hygienic person, which concerns the family sometimes. Dick had learned that when he visits wherever Jason is living at the moment and "oops, forgets" his shampoo or body wash or whatever, Jason will end up using it. Jason has caught on, but will never openly admit that he's grateful for it.

- Dick will ruffle Damian's hair out of affection. Tim will do it to piss him off.

- Tim and Damian often kick each other without any other interaction. Bruce finds it troubling. Dick reminds him that he and Jason used to do the same thing (mainly Jason kicking Dick).

- When Tim and Steph play video games, it's not uncommon for Steph to hijack a car just to try to run Tim over while he tries to do side quests.

- Cass is the Super Smash Bros champion. And the Mario Kart champion. And tends to carry everyone when playing multi-player. Mostly because Steph tries to sabotage them at every corner, and only Cass is able to adapt.

I may do more of these, but I didn't want this to be TOO long.

[cephalog0d]

Batfic - "Haunted AF"

HAPPY SPOOKYWEEN here's some silly Batkids! (Shoutout to @dangerousdan-dan for motivating me to finish this even though it's very last minute XD)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Category: Gen Characters/Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake Additional Tags: Humor, Ghosts, Dick Grayson is a Troll, Jason Todd is a Troll, Batkids Being Batsibs

Summary:

“I mean, would you want to spend Halloween in a haunted fucking house?” Jason asked. He received a collection of blank stares and frowns for a second before anyone realized what he meant. “Jason, the Manor is not haunted,” Tim said with a truly impressive eye roll.

“Has Bruce worked out Halloween patrols yet?” Steph asked as she flopped sideways into an arm chair. “I mean I assume there’s going to be some kind of catastrophe to deal with.”

“Last I heard he was still narrowing down leads. I think I’m supposed to review some data scrapes from Babs later,” Tim said, frowning absently into his mug. Either because he was remembering the work he had to do or because he’d just realized his drink was gone, it wasn’t entirely clear.

“Ooh, fun,” Steph said with a smirk.

“Yeah, well. Failure to prepare is preparing to fail and all that.”

“What, did you swallow a motivational calendar?” Jason asked without looking up from his book.

“Too blessed to be stressed,” Tim intoned flatly.

“Hashtag blessed,” Cass corrected him with a grin. Steph made a choking noise and clapped a hand over her mouth to avoid spraying her drink all over herself while Jason shot both of them a look of outright disgust.

“Does the Manor get, like, trick or treaters and stuff?” Duke asked thoughtfully. “I mean it’s way out in the middle of nowhere.”

“I dunno, actually,” Tim said with a frown. “Nobody’s usually home on Halloween anyway, considering…” He gestured vaguely at all of them in a way that was apparently meant to indicate “being a vigilante in Gotham on Halloween”.

“I mean, would you want to spend Halloween in a haunted fucking house?” Jason asked. He received a collection of blank stares and frowns for a second before anyone realized what he meant.

“Jason, the Manor is not haunted,” Tim said with a truly impressive eye roll.

“What, are you kidding me? It’s Gotham. Gotham is hella haunted-”

“Don’t say hella.”

“-just in general and the Manor is definitely included in that. You know how old that place is? How many people used to live there before Bruce turned into the Bat Hermit? How much tragedy those walls have borne witness to?”

“‘Borne witness’?” Cass repeated softly to herself.

“There are no ghosts in Wayne Manor,” Tim said firmly. “I’ve never noticed anything strange. Or, you know, strange compared to our normal level of weird.”

“You barely lived there. I saw all sorts of weird shit when I was a kid. Stuff getting moved around even though no one was home, doors opening and closing on their own, weird shadows that shouldn’t be there moving around. That was the worst. Headed up the stairs in the dark, seeing someone lurking up ahead, assuming it’s Bruce, and then nope, he’s behind you and nobody’s there. Scared the shit out of me when I was little.”

“So a bunch of stuff that’s easily explained as a child’s imagination?” Tim asked, unimpressed.

“There’s also the mirror.”

“The mirror?” Steph repeated in a mockingly serious voice.

“One of the bathroom mirrors back in the back hall would always have handprints up in the top corner no matter how many times we cleaned it. Alfred just thought it was me and Dick messing with him. Eventually he decided it must’ve been stained somehow and just replaced the mirror, but the handprints came back pretty much immediately.”

“You are so full of shit!” Steph laughed loudly. Tim was silent but the hard stare he was directing at Jason was more than eloquent.

“I heard yelling, what’s going on?” Dick said from the hall, poking his head around the doorway.

“Just telling them about the ghosts,” Jason said evenly. Whatever reaction the others expected of Dick (probably either rolling his eyes or sternly telling Jason to knock it off), they didn’t get it. Dick just nodded, entirely unsurprised, as if that was a perfectly reasonable answer, eliciting another round of Looks between the kids as he wandered over to stand by Jason’s chair.

“Oh, yeah,” Dick said matter-of-factly. “The attic one who breaks glass at stupid o’clock in the morning or the one who leaves creepy handprints in the downstairs bathroom mirror?”

“Wait, that’s real?” Tim demanded incredulously.

“Yeah, and that thing in the tiny guest room that blows on your neck if you stay there too long.”

“Ugh, I hate that one,” Dick agreed with a shudder. “So creepy.”

The other four exchanged a complicated series of looks.

“Okay, so you’re both full of shit,” Steph said with less conviction than before.

“Believe what you want,” Jason said levelly. Dick just looked slightly confused at their skepticism.

“I...need to check something,” Tim said as he hurriedly packed up his laptop and phone.

“Oh, yeah, you want some help?” Steph offered.

“Uh, sure, I’m just gonna…” Tim did not actually finish explaining what he was going to do as he left, Steph and Cass trailing along behind him. Duke watched them go, glanced at Dick and Jason, then shrugged and went to follow.

“They’re totally going to spend all night ghost hunting,” Jason said once they were gone.

“Yup,” Dick grinned, holding out a hand in Jason’s direction. Jason rolled his eyes, but fist bumped him anyway.

“Should we make sure they find something?” he suggested with a smirk. Dick blinked at him, looking slightly confused again.

“You don’t think they will?” he asked innocently. Jason narrowed his eyes suspiciously. That was absolutely one of Dick’s “I’m full of shit” voices.

“Of course they won’t, because the Manor’s not haunted,” Jason said slowly. “That was all bullshit.”

“Oh, right! Of course,” Dick agreed with a (fake as hell) easy smile.

“Dick.”

“Do you think Bruce has finished his patrol schedules yet?” Dick asked as he headed out of the room.

“Dick! You said you made it up! Dick!”

[k-looking-glass-house]

Hey there Cass!! I hope you're willing to indulge my curiosity - it's time to ask about your OC! I know you said K the rabbit is one of many many siblings - is there a favorite brother or sister out of the group? And while she's mostly interacted with the staff, are there any student pals?

Also - favorite dessert? Just out of curiosity. "Anything that goes with champagne"? Hehe.

Hi Nette!! (Kyaahh you called me Cass'....thank you <3)

Oh la la~ I didn't expect ask about that little rabbit, kind of unexpected,...thanks for them!

Hn let me try to "satisfy your curiosity ha ha"!

K: Yaaaaayyyy Nette is shooo niceeee!! *running to hug you* Cass': You seem very happy K, lucky for you *head pat* Nette is very nice indeed! So... be kind and polite, and answer nicely! K: Yessshhh!! It'sh my turn!!!! Here have some Champagne and everything!

Yes correct K is twisted from the bunny children from Epic Disney. You can find them here -> Disney counterpart She is one of the 420 children Oswald the lucky rabbit and Ortensia the cat have! The fact that she is actually number 101 is not random, canonically the rabbit children don't have specify gender except for the 101: -Ortensia said to Mickey about Oswald Junior number 101: "She is such a scamp!" -So officially 101 is the only known female rabbit, making her a princess like her parents said (lol pat pat the rabbit)! -It's totally unknow if they are more female rabbits among siblings. -Yes... Mickey is her uncle....it's a fact.....

K: I love ALLLLLL MY SHIBLIIING equally!... I also hate them equally of courshe!! But I am very fond of my younger siblings, also numbers who got 9 are my favorites! BUUUUT.... they are all my partner in crime!

K is actually not truly aware about her gender (you know the meme "I was born as a rabbit, I identify as a rabbit,...but according to my mom...I'm just a baby"), neither was Sam when they both made a contract (it didn't matter to him). It was only when she got a human form, and got to be Crewel's seamstress apprentice that she learns aspect about her. And is now very happy to have some princess treatment sometimes (like a little bunny girl despite being born in 1927). She also suffers from severe "trauma abandon" as she rely A LOT by being surrounded by persons good or bad. Being one among 420 and having her parents busy even disappearing during her childhood, she definitely needs and rely others, and their approbations.

Yes....that dress is from "Labyrinth" the movie....yes....Gobling king aka Sam hello fulfill my fantasy please....

Yay K is mostly seen around the NRC staff as she would be almost considered part of it too. As for students...hn I would say the one coming to Mystery's Shop, like: -Ruggie who she kept all food to not let them going to waste and also provide children clothes to his adopted siblings in his hometown. -Idia and Ortho are they are actually very regular customers at the shop, she kept being hypnotised by their hair and likes to troll/brush Idia's hair (he only let her do so without drama when he learned she's half cat). Idia also proposed to make a contract with him to certify his summoning exam. -And Vil......Trust me if someone can make her serious and all quiet...it's him! When she first saw him during his first year, she said she never saw any human being this beautiful and shining so elegantly. She hides behind thing when he barely goes to the shop. She kept the best fashion revue for him, and they are often seen talking about fashion. -As for the other one (the main cast) she got to interract with them during the Ghost Wedding event! One running gag is that she stated being much more older than them, making everyone pounder about her words! I should try to make a whole relationship statut with them but well! -As for her favorite one.....It's definitely Grimm, with Lucius they have the familiar minion domination meeting each wednesday! -Actually she would be glad to be friends with others, but she is barely seen as she is pretty small and even more if she stays in her bunny form. She is not the one going after people, more like letting them coming...and never let them go after ah ah. -But she would definitelyyyyyy get along with your Carder twins.... Totally, she would listen to them playing music, and having so much fun with Joker. She could also provides a lot of mechanical supply to Punch from her homeworld.

Also random fact but her type is Lucius... Yes... which actually traumatised Crewel back then, since when she described the whole thing, he got confident she was talking about him (like the daddy/big bro proud being the "prince" type). But "fatality, test your mind" the black and white fur, and mysterious elegant aura with deep eyes was not Mister Crewel but Lucius. Making another blow in his ego as a cat is a better type to bunny "little girl" than him.

OH MY....the favorite dessert question... The answer is yes....lol

K: I loveeeee everythingggggggg!! I love mostly ice cream, I hate vegetable bluuh even if mommy shaid to eat it! But dessert are good!!!! I love (warning french words) macarons, chouquette, forêt noire, paris-brest, mille-feuille, crêpes, religieuse, éclair au chocolat, flan, opéra, charlotte aux fraises, cookie, muffin, cupcake, baba au rhum, cannelet, financier, profiteroles, puit d'amour, clafouti, croissant, pain au chocolat, tarte au citron meringuée, saint-honoré, savarin, les sablés, les roses des sables, la brioche, les beignets, les tartelettes, les gâteaux fait maisons, chausson aux pommes, pain aux raisins, le pain viennois, les palmiers palmito, les chinois, les suisses, les pains au lait, la brioche feuilletée, ...and so many more!!!!!!!!! Cass': ....That's a lot of sugar! K: Awghrrr true Mishtressh doesn't like sugary thing that much! Haa but when it comes to Champagne!!!! You need to eat some "biscuits roses"! It's the only true "Champenois" way to drink and eat Champagne! It's good and pink!!!!

Cass': Ah ah, indeed very true biscuits roses are the best with Champagne! K: With fruits! Cass': with fruits yes, and sirop you can male "kir" it's super good! K: and icecream! Cass':.....Well we do have some champagne icecream and some speciality to... K: And candy and cottoncandy! Cass":..............hmmmm *side eyes* Cass'/K: Anything goes with CHAMPAGNE!!

Aww again thanks Nette, that was pretty fun ah ah! I truly wonder now how the rabbit and your oc would interract!

Take care!!!

[zillyeh]

Business Arrangements

Featuring: Castel, Voss, the he-queen of Delhon City Synopsis: The Castle bakery has been operating in south Delhon city without paying its Underground tax for a long time. Its owner, Castel, takes a little trip to fix that. In the least lethal way possible.

Closing the cafe was always a relief at the end of the night. As much as Castel loved to bake all day, flopping face first onto something soft was far more appealing right now. Gatsby had gone home ages ago- Cas needed to prep a few things for tomorrow- so the only company he had was the sound of his keys jingling as he locked up. Even the street was dead.

That was, of course, until the near silent vehicle pulled to a stop at his curbside. He didn’t notice until the sound of the door rolling open startled him.

“Mr. Baclef, I presume? Heard you was real tall,” called the troll who got out. He was armed unsubtly-two holsters at his chest- and freckled as Castel could ever hope to be. He was also a good two feet shorter, but that sort of thing often didn’t help Cas as much as it should. He wore a lazy, serene smile, and deeply tired looking eyes. They were green in all the places they weren’t teal, and looking in at Castel in a way that bordered on lecherous.

“Uh, C- I prefer Castel, but yes.” He stammered, foolishly shoving his keys into his pocket. “Can I… help you?” The tealblood rolled his neck, perhaps thinking of his answer for a bit longer than necessary.

“Wellllll, not me exactly,” he said, stepping in the direction Castel did, drawing one of his guns. “Y’see, an associate of mine, big blue guy, you know him? Yeah you know him- y’see he told me-” He blocked Castel again. “-that-” Once more. “-geeze, you’re awful rude to a guy with a gun aren’t you? Can you at least let me finish? There we go, atta boy. Now. I heard you said something to one of my associates, to the effect of “If your boss wants my business so bad he can talk to me in person”? That you, big guy?”

“I- I don’t recall.” Castel had a knife on his belt by Orphia’s insistence, but it felt more than useless right now.

“Mm, sure you don’t,” the tealblood hummed, haphazardly twirling his weapon in the air. “Well, I’m here to take you up on that. Name’s Voss.”

“You…” Castel cleared his throat a bit, straightening up. “You’re not what I expected.”

“Oh, no, no, no sugar pop, not me. Though I’m downright flattered.” Voss paced a bit closer, almost within touching range. “Uh, why don’t you think of me as say… your chauffeur. Mr. S don’t like to come out in person too much, y’see. Not for this, anyways.”

“I…” A rock sank to the pit of Castel’s stomach and lower. That van was certainly just big enough to fit him.

“Is this a kidnapping?” He asked, a deer in headlights, almost literally. Voss let out a laugh.

“Only if that’s your thing, Castel. Can I call you Cass? I like Cass, less syllables. Anyway. Get in the van please.” Cas tried as subtly as he could to twitch his fingers to his belt.

"And… if I don't?" It was a stall for time- if he could just-

"Oh the list of things that I'm allowed do…" Voss sighed, idly pointing his gun at Castel's sneaking hand. Finger ready on the trigger. "You definitely don’t wanna hear it. If you're half as smart as you are cute you'll go for a drive with us. Hour or two. Tops."

The van was more… comfortable than Castel thought it would be, given the circumstances. Even with his knees nearly folded up to his ears. Voss had bound his hands in front of him for “Safety purposes, y’see.” He also took his knife, just in case. Voss sat cross legged in the back of the van next to him on the floor. At some point after Cas was properly restrained, he’d produced a rubix cube from somewhere.

“So, like.,” he started, fiddling with it without even looking. “Big fan of your blueberry muffins.”

“Ah, you’re the one Dale picks them up for, then?” Castel watched his hands, one side already totally red. Focusing on his hands was perhaps a better idea than thinking too hard about the bumps in the road.

"Uh huh. Got a bad sweet tooth on me. Been tryin' to make a batch half as good, but there's something… missing."

“I use my own blueberries,” Castel sighed, wondering if all kidnappings were this… relaxed. “From my garden.” Sure he’d been threatened with some intense weaponry, but aside from that he’d hardly been touched. Or even yelled at. Maybe he was simply too much of a pushover to be worth that, though.

“Oooh that’ll do it,” Voss said with a nod, orange side done. “I’ll have to see if I can keep one of them bushes alive. Never been great at the whole gar-”

The van went over a bump that jostled the both of them hard. The seats had been removed just to fit all eight something feet of Castel in the back, so he shot up nearly to the roof. Voss just fell over.

“Watch where the FUCK you’re going you dumb asshole!” He shouted, banging on the black glass divider between them and the driver. “We got precious cargo back here! Not to mention our purpleblood buddy!” He sighed frustratedly, then turned back to Castel. “Amature drivers, amiright, Cass?”

“Uh… huh.”

The ride could have been long, could have been short. Anticipation made it feel like days. Every second they spent on the road smacked Castel in the face. He'd told no one to expect him- they know how long it takes him in the back sometimes. He wondered if they'd somehow known that when they sent Voss to pick him up.

"Where exactly-" 

A knock from the other side of the glass cut him off. He hadn’t even noticed that they stopped moving.

"'Bout fucking time," Voss grumbled crawling to Castel's side. He used the pink knife he'd taken off Castel to undo the several zip ties it took to properly restrain him.

"We both know you're smart enough not to try anything, don't we big guy?" Voss said to Cas' puzzled expression. Castel opened his mouth to say something, but lost it when the door rolled open again. He could see nothing past the massive head of the feline that appeared there.

"Oh, oh no, no no, absolutely not-" He started to scramble back further into the van. Voss rolled his eyes, yanking him back through the door with more strength than Cas was expecting. 

"Princess don't bite unless you scare her, Cass." 

Voss shoved him out into a surprisingly large courtyard, with an even more enormous mansion attached. It was not the sort of place that looked like it should fit within city limits, but their drive couldn't have been that long. Could it? 

Taking in his surroundings was low on his list of priorities at the moment. He could only have eyes for Voss and the big cat that was, at the very least, a lusus. The door slamming behind them again jumped Cas out of his thoughts. 

Princess let Voss push Castel past her, following dutifully behind them up the small ramp to the front door. On either side of the double doors was a massive olive and a bigger blueblood- the blue Castel recognized.

"Dalein."

"Hey Cass," he said, more sheepishly than a door guard ought to be. "Uh. Sorry?"

"Don't talk to him," Voss said to either one or both of them. The olive pushed the door in for them. Princess brushed past Castel's long skinny legs, making him jump closer to Voss.

"Aw, skittish much?" Voss teased as they entered the manor. "Would holding my hand help?" Cas wrinkled his nose and said nothing. When his eyes properly adjusted to the inside he gasped.

For as big as his own home was, it wasn't this extravagant. There couldn't possibly be enough marble on Alternia to line those floors and walls, could there be? Certainly not anymore. The lavishly decorated foyer could have fit his bakery in it twenty times at least- not to mention that he could have stood on his own shoulders three times and barely brushed the ceiling. It made him feel… small. He wasn't sure anything ever had.

"Pretty, ain't it?" Voss grinned, pushing him forward. "Where's Mr. Smiles at, huh Princess?"

The tiger made some small noise in the back of her throat, seemingly as acknowledgement as she slinked forward, taking the lead in place of Voss. He held tight to Castel’s arm as he led him deeper into the manor. Dozens of paintings and statues lined the walls, but Cas couldn't absorb what any of them looked like.

What sort of person owned a hive like this? Who needed ceilings high enough to accommodate the tallest trolls on Alternia and then some? That lusus' eyes were an unnaturally bright emerald, but that didn't mean anything. Was he a mutant? Could he be? It would make the secrecy make more sense, as if it already didn't. 

Orphia had warned him once about doing business in the city. He wished he had listened to her- hadn't kept Dale's visits quiet so she didn't worry. Now he was deep in the lion's den with no one expecting him for… hours… 

The shock of being kidnapped was starting to wear off now. Cas wasn’t sure when he’d started shaking, or if it was ever going to stop, or if he’d live past the next twenty minutes, or if he’d ever see anyone again… “Ors” and “what ifs” started piling up in his mind, somewhere between Voss and the tiger. They threatened to topple him over, if his clumsy, jittery legs didn’t do it first. 

He had powers didn’t he? But what use was he like this- anxious, without practice and his actual eye? 

"Ay, Alternia to Castel," Voss said, snapping his fingers up in his face. They had reached a door near the other end of the mansion. Cas didn't realize they'd walked that much already. He swallowed nothing, mouth too dry to even form words.

“Aww, cat got your tongue, kid?” Voss teased. He and Princess swapped places so he could open the door.

The room might as well have been a closet compared to the rest of the hive. The ceiling was just high enough to to accommodate Castel's horns, and the room- office? had about as much space as his bakery's back room. The white walls were interrupted by dark panels of blue and expertly decorated shelves, making it feel like an airy prison.

It wasn't the room that made Castel's heart nearly burst out of his chest, but the jadeblood sitting at the dark wood desk. His horns were familiarly shaped, but far, far taller. Wrong shaped pieces of Salvad's face, weathered and wrinkled, looked at him with a polite smile. His old capped fangs glinted dangerously as he stood. Castel wondered if Salvad knew about him. If his insistence that he didn’t have any curiosity about ancestors and things like that was because he knew about him.

Because he wanted to keep him away from him.

"Mr. Baclef," said the troll with his friend’s beauty marks and moving fangs. “A pleasure to finally meet you. I’m sure you understand my inability to do this sort of thing entirely on your terms, hm?” He extended his hand over his desk. Castel stood frozen until Voschi nudged him in the room. 

“Y-you,” Castel stumbled forward, reaching for his hand as politeness took over his body before his brain. “You’re- I-” He whipped his head around for support or perhaps escape, but Voss stationed himself between him and the door. Smiles’ metal finger was cold against Castel’s clammy hands.

“You can call me Mr. Smiles. Take a seat,” he said, gesturing to a heavy leather chair facing his desk. “We have a couple things to talk about. Won’t take long.” Castel did as he was told, only half hearing him over the sound of his own pulse. He’d screwed up majorly. He should have listened to Orphia- he should have told her the second Dale had started showing up. The second he’d heard Smiles’ name. In his naïvete he’d almost certainly pushed Mr. Smiles to something drastic.

As he spoke, Castel tried to focus on something, anything about him to ground him. He sauntered around his desk, leaning up against it as he gave his pitch.

“I understand how difficult it is to start a business in Delhon, believe me I do.” His accent betrayed old Delhonian. The type of old only heard from the sitting Delhon heiress’ advisor. He had earrings dangling in the mane of his hair. Gold. Shaped like little suns. Eclipsed by black every time he moved his head.

“That section of the city is terribly dangerous, you know. Or it can be, if you’re unlucky. I feel like I’ve been very patient in waiting for the answer I want.”

His curls framed his face the way Salvad’s did on the rare occasions he left his hair down. Thin scars marred his arms, barely visible but very present. Even small in stature, the man was solid. Scarily so. He held himself up about ten feet taller than he looked with centuries of confident violence.

“I won’t let you leave without us coming to an agreement, Baclef.”

He had two guns at his back. Both of them were teal trimmed, but not exactly Voss’ color. Some part of Castel’s stomach churned, but he couldn’t interrogate why before Smiles shot:

“Your ancestor wasn’t this quiet.”

Castel’s attention fully snapped back to what he was saying. Smiles raised his eyebrows, almost amused.

“There you are, hello, welcome back to Alternia.” Smiles poked one of his horns, metal digit sending uncomfortable vibrations down to his scalp. “I was under the impression that La Corps was going to end the lineage of you terrible, terrible people. Unless you crawled out of one of my caverns? Tsk. Wonder if I still have Father Jortis’ number.”

“What do you want from me?” Castel’s mouth was too dry to make the words fully form, but Smiles’ big ears caught every frightened syllable. He flashed him a smile. Cas felt like his veins were full of ice. Perhaps lead, with how difficult fear made it to move.

“Only to keep you safe in Delhon, hon,” he said with a genuine air of concern in his voice. “I have a vested interest in small businesses started up in my territory.”

“I didn’t know,” Castel whispered weakly, head swimming with his ancestor’s journal entries. Was he there? He knew about Jortis, was Smiles hidden on those pages somewhere?

“No, of course not, but it’s an easily rectified situation, isn’t it?” The sweet of Smiles’ tone almost made Castel want to cry. “Give me half The Castle and I’ll keep it very very much not on fire. Maybe even keep your little… caverns breach a secret, hm?”

No! He wanted to yell and fight and tell him off, but Castel was weak. Weak and between four guns, and being threatened with the only thing his ancestor had ever been afraid of catching up to him. What Syraah had been reluctant to say she’d hid them both from when she brought them here so many sweeps ago.

Castel looked Smiles in the eyes for the first real time. Long lashes, deeply tired, feline pupils wide and black with a hate that his tone didn’t betray at all. Without them in little slits, they almost resembled his friend’s. He wasn’t capable of hate like this, though.

“Salvad,” was the word that came out of Castel’s mouth. Thinking of him put him on the tip of his tongue, made him slip. Perhaps he thought evoking him would make him pop out from behind the desk and save him.

To Castel’s surprise, Smiles’ ever present polite smile faltered to a frown. Voss stiffened at the door.

“Excuse me?” Smiles asked, pretense of sweetness entirely gone.

“I- I don’t know why I said that, I’m sorry, please don’t- he has nothing to do with this, if you know where he is leave him a-” 

Smiles pinched his fingers in front of him, and Castel immediately shut his lips. His eyes flicked back to Voss, who shrugged when Cass’ eyes followed. Smiles swore under his breath, something cracked in him from hearing Salvad’s name alone.

“Boss…” Voss’ voice was soft near the door. Almost… sweet? Smiles’ brow knitted together as he closed his eyes, biting his thumb in frustration.

“I know,” he said. “That doesn’t change this.”

Smiles put his mask back up as if he hadn’t been rattled. Leaned against his desk, relaxed. Gripping the edge like he was about to rip it off.

“Mr. Baclef,” he said, his voice dripping venomous sugar now, “You’re going to give me The Castle. You get to run it as you like, I’m just going to keep preventing bricks from flying through your windows.”  

Emboldened by his distress, Castel said:

“No.”

The left handed open slap across the mouth made him wish he’d said anything else. The edges of Smiles’ finger cut under his bad eye, sending immediate rivulets of blood down his cheek. Castel gripped the arms of his chair, stunned that he hadn’t shot him first.

“Fine,” he snarled. “I’m sure your establishment could use some broken glass and scorch marks.” His angry eyes met Voss’. Castel could swear he heard growling outside the door. “Get him out of here. Don’t touch him either.”

“Yessir,” Voss said with a heavy sigh, opening the door again. “Up, kid.”

Castel wiped the blood from his cheek as he stood, neary stumbling his way into a concussion to boot. Voss led him back out- when had they gone upstairs?- past more furious looking orange big cats, past all of Smiles’ fancy things, past Dale again at the door. All of it was a blur, even the van ride back to the bakery. His shaking was too bad, his mind was racing too hard for him to notice anything. It almost felt like a dream- one that was only proven real by the cut on his cheekbone.

Once Castel had been dumped back outside the bakery, he collapsed to the sidewalk. Voss shouted something out after him that he didn’t catch before it drove off again. Sobs wracked him, reoriented him as he scrambled back against the building to ground himself. It was a a type of panic that made him feel like he was going to die. Right there. His heart would give out. None of his street neighbors would dare check on him. Not after tonight, he was certain.

Coming down off of it felt like he’d been punched in the chest a hundred times. Painful in every part of his aching body, but especially his eyes. The only thing he could think of was to pull out his phone. He had to tell. He needed someone. There was only one thing that could help him now, and he was certain she’d react similarly hearing what just happened.

Finding her contact was instant. Calling her made his teeth chatter.

“Cass?” She picked up almost immediately.

“Orphia,” he said, a dry sob interrupting him, “I messed up really, really badly.”

[bruciemilf]

The Batfam having twitter accounts is fun but have you considered: batfam on tumblr

[olliequeensrecedinghairline]

Whose trolling now? Context is key in comics, here's a bit

-Dinah was hanging around the JSA since she could crawl, like you said, Dinah's been trained by all the most skilled martial artists on the planet, involved in heroic affairs from childhood all her life, Dinah definitely has more experience

But I've never denied Cassie is more skilled, I don't know why your so defensive

But you want to talk down about Dinah to prop up Cass, let's go over it

-That's Dinah one page after being in a wheel chair, I can't tell if you're actually being serious, you should go read the comic again

Dinah want looking to train because she was healed, Babs kicked her off the team and Dinah felt looked down on, even look at what you shared, Cassie is talking to Dinah WHILE SHES IN HER WHEELCHAIR, but for extra proof here's her calling Cassie to set up the sparring session

I don't even know why you'd go around claiming such a thing when it was the main plot of that issue

-She could mop the floor with her father as a child, but struggle with him in batman and robin eternal #2 before they team up on him (and he still got away) then there's the father's day issue from her solo series where he wanted to be punished, she stated how the years had made him slower and weaker, and it was still a long fight before she really broke his defences

And her first time beating Shiva was right after Shiva beat her to death(context is they both had death wishes but that's not new, Lady Shiva has a death wish every time she loses to Cass)

-That was the first test to see if she might be ready, her first time in a job is not the final test to being the perfect assassin, it would take years vagrancy and growing, then a few more of study under batman before she was really there

Besides her being the INDISPUTABLE #1 will never be consistent(look at when she lost her move reading ability, batman didn't trust her is the field) because it's boring and unrealistic, that's why she was left out of Robins recent martial arts island story

But that's also why Batman being a better martial artist that Wildcat won't change the fact that Wildcat can still put Bruce on his butt

Or any kind of real martial arts, once you're the champ, it's only so long until someone else takes that belt, for example we have no clue how the dude who killed Richard Dragon (Ricardo Diaz Jr) and stole his name would fare against Cass

Either way the fact that you showed a picture of them sparring and say they need to make Cass Dinah's mentor is a real troll move

It'd be really neat if in the new BOP book they bring Cass being one of Dinah's martial arts mentors back into canon. Man remember the days when Cass was respected enough that A-list Justice Leaguers came to her to learn to fight?

[the-shared-brain-in-retrograde]

Knives Out

(Or What If…? Steve Rogers Wore Cable Knit)

A joint review...

Firstly, aren't you glad to have us back? We know you missed us, deep down, very deep down. So you're welcome.

Secondly the tag line for this What If?... was a bit of a debacle. Cass suddenly lost her mind about spoilers, so where as What if Steve Rogers did crime? would have made possibly more sense, she insisted we didn't reveal who the villain was on the poster. The cable knits though are honestly a very big part of the film for some of us, who lost their minds in other ways.

This takes us to our third point, which is that the notes made for this review varied wildly between the Shared Brain. Cass made proper film notes, and Becks thirsted. In Becks' defence, when discussing it after she was a bit more articulate about the storytelling, the sets and the all that film stuff. But those jumpers are really good.

Enough of the introduction and on to the film...

This film hits the ground running. We both commented on the excellent dramatic music, and the fact that the house is just dreamy. It’s like, yes the film has started, pay attention and come take it all in. Becks has just had an explosion of words and waving arms, declaring this film to be the most perfect film that has ever been made.

The introduction to all of the characters is just so clever. We go into the most perfect library for interrogation that has ever existed, which is also perfect as it is in this library that the most perfect interrogations occur. And the lies begin here as the audience is told story upon story, mixing and replaying shots as the Thrombeys' show us just what sort of family they are...awful.

As well as the suspects we are also introduced to the world's best detective team, a man who has had enough of all their shit, another man who is just so excited to be a part of it, and James Bond trying out a new accent. Jokes aside Daniel Craig in this film is excellent. It’s easy to forget what a great actor he is, when all you can bring to mind is James Bond. Cass has just told Becks that he revolutionised the role of Bond, but Becks won't hear a good world said about that franchise - so we are at an impasse.

Anyway, we love Benoit’s introduction. Becks’ notes said, ah James Bond being a tit in the background, whilst Cass lost her mind and started gushing about ‘the presence that man has!’

Needless to say the way the full story is introduced is brilliant. Such great storytelling. The way the same scene is edited and cut slightly differently each time, showing the audience the curated and untrustworthy points of view of each character. The switches and the camera angles telling us as much about the characters as the words they use to tell their own story. It’s just the peak of what good cinema should be. Perfectly encapsulated we think, in this bit of dialogue about Walt’s creep of a son:

Walt: He’s very politically active

Richard: The boy is literally a Nazi

Meg: Alt-right troll dipshit

Walt: Kids these days, the internet

It is also here that Becks begins demanding to see her favourite snuggly murder boy. Cass admits that her interest is peaked when he is introduced as the black sheep of the family, got to have a type, I suppose. The slight difference here is that one of us has kept a grip on their finances for once, and one of us has not.

Quick question, is the vomiting after lying a real life issue? Answers on a stamped address envelope please, because we posed the question and haven’t bothered to investigate further.

We love Marta and Harlen's relationship, the only two half sane people in that god forsake house. Marta is obviously a godsend, a proper caring friend to Harlen. Imagine caring about someone so much that you would protect them even in death? It’s the only bit of true warmth and love felt between two characters in this film, and really sets them apart from the rest of the assholes on the floors below.

Again we want to show appreciation to the house, a character in its own right. Full to the brim with beautiful tat, and secrets that we just adore. We want a secret trick window, long corridors, rooms full to bursting. We want a home that is just stuffed full of every little thing that makes up us.

Cass would also like to take a moment to sympathise with Linda. She too knows the struggles of people clomping about upstairs while she is trying to sleep, but unlike Linda she knows exactly who it is. 🙄

Also we really enjoy Toni Collette playing the shit out of Gwyneth Paltrow. 10/10

Also, is there anything more relatable than storming out in a fit of rage after being told to get a job? Poor Ransom. Becks has suggested she would be his sugar mummy, but Cass has helpfully pointed out Becks couldn’t be as she has no money to keep this man child in cars and knitwear. Spoil sport.

The film at its core is a traditional country house murder mystery, that has been brought shining into the twenty first century. We are still given the joy of watching the sleuths try and pick their way through clues and motives, but with the addition of Marta evading them just a moment before. We love them roaming the grounds, with her managing to cover her tracks just before they get there. Although there is ever the glimpse of bright blue eyes constantly watching in the background, as Benoit Blanc quietly takes in more than he lets on.

The dogs' barking signal the arrival of hotness.

The will reading scene is end to end fantastic. Biscoff, delicious biscoff. The audacity of the entire family to hide their own failings and to unite as one in a vicious little coup. The slap fight. Ransom's face. Eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, definitely eat shit. I'm not eating one iota of shit! The panic and disorientation the audience feels as Marta tries to leave the house, the noise the crowding. Fleeing into the open door of Ransom's Beemer. And finally the darkness creeping in as the family begin to plot. We love that Alan is so desperate to go home that he is happy to be called useless.

Becks would love nothing more than to jump into a sports car and then be menaced in a country pub. So rustic. Cass might be on board too, depending on who's driving the sporty number.

The pub scene shows us Ransom in his full glory. We get fed on cable knit, intelligence, menace, plotting, lying, sleeves over his long fingers caressing his fucking mouth. Cass wishes she could take the keyboard off Becks, taking it up to a third intervention of the week. [I don't think we're laughing about that yet, but at least we're not crying any more. The low blood sugar is making it impossible to pump out any more tears I think. What a fucking mess.] Trying to bring it back a little, it's just another really good bit of storytelling as both the characters and the audience is manipulated down another web of lies.

Another bit of sinister action that we enjoyed is Walt Thrombey visiting Marta's house. The sinister thump of the cane as it impacts the ground, moving ever closer, demanding to overpower the woman in front of him. And we love how she turns it around on him, changes the dynamic so perfectly, leaving him small and bitter and alone.

Then we are treated most wonderfully to the car chase. What a time, it was both ridiculous and thrilling. Ransom calling Marta 'baby driver' nearly had Becks done for but she kept it together, out of professionalism and that... Oh we do love a good car chase, it’s fun and it builds the tension perfectly.

Now, does it seem a sensible thing to blackmail a murderer? We would say no, and are also proven correct. The repeated scene of Fran in the abandoned dry cleaners is great. The first time we see it with Marta and the body it's creepy, dark and so unsettling. The second time with Ransom, the power shifts and we feel it as he takes her life and light out of the room, just to get hold of that report.

It also gives us the little treat of Blanc happily singing to himself in the car. What a fucking delight this man is.

It then leads us on to the finale, the big reveal, better than anything Poirot has ever done. Never has Agatha Christy treated us to lines such as, 'What were the words overheard by the Nazi child masturbating in the bathroom?'.

Not to be a broken record, but honestly the whole ending was just perfect. B Blanc finally telling the tale how it truthfully happened, joining all of the little dots and crumbs we had been fed throughout the film, finally filling the donut hole. The whole donut analogy makes Cass feel hysterical, wave upon wave of joy and shrieks that’s she tries to hold in as it goes on and on. She has likened it to Becks' reaction to Ransom, but we have discussed the subtle differences in that.

The ending also gives Ransom his perfect villain ending. That monologue. We shouldn't use the word perfect anymore in this cursed review but that's what it is, and Becks will fight anyone who says differently.

RANSOM: I want to say this just to you, not to a courtroom of cameras, just to you because you know it's the truth: we allowed you into our home. We allowed you to take care of granddad, to be part of our family and now you think you can steal it from us? You think I'm not going to fight for our birthright, our home, our ancestral family home?

BLANC: *laughing hard* Harlan bought this house in the eighties. From a Pakistani real estate baron.

RANSOM: Oh shut up Blanc, shut up! Shut up with that Kentucky fried fog horn rag-horn drawl. Yeah I killed Fran but I guess I didn't, so what do you have on me. Nothing. What, attempted murder? I get arson for the building, maybe a few other charges, with a good lawyer, which I have, I'll be out in no time. And then you'll see just how much hell I can wreak on your life, you vicious little bitch.

And then he takes the vomit like a real champ. Marta goes off like that little frilly dinosaur in Jurassic Park, and we love to see it.

We then get what our old film-tutors oft referred to as a trippy Jaws shot, and then so much slo-mo drama with that incredible chair in the background. It just looks amazing, as we follow everyone's terrified faces as the knife cuts through the air and down into Marta's chest. And then bounces a few times.

We should also discuss how Becks' notes just end with the line, 'I wish he'd stab me.'

@becksxoxo: I stand by it. He's so angry, with his face, and then he flies through the air and is just there, on her, plunging the blade in, and then back out, and in again, and out and...

@cassandrafey: Oh for god's sake. Do you think you're clever?

@becksxoxo: Alright Cass, no need to be such a vicious little bitch about it.

In conclusion, crime bad, but if done in a nice sweater, crime good.

We've had a lovely time. It’s such a comfort movie (weird considering it��s very murder based but we won't delve any deeper into that, we’re weird women, fuck you), something so brilliantly written, designed and acted, and just a joy to watch.

Bet you’re excited to see what our next convoluted What If…? tagline will be next week ey folks? Stay tuned for more shared brain action!

Love Becks and Cass xoxo

[dailycass-cain]

Thoughts on DCeased: War of the Undead Gods #4

DCeased: War of the Undead Gods #4 has the Cass back at last (she last showed up in #1). So I get to talk about this series again.

I have to say other than ONE subplot not getting teased in this series so far (where is my Talia/Steph finale dagnabit from DCeased: Hope at World’s End), I am enjoying the utter unpredictability this finale has gotten. You have this large intergalactic army taking out worlds and spreading the Anti-Life virus.

The heroes of Earths 1 & 2 attend a galaxy meeting on what to do with the anti-life army destroying life around the universe. The Guardians of Oa solution is well... even in another universe the blue guys are such goddamn dicks (what happened to you Ganthet? You used to be the cool chill Guardian). 

I mean you could explain it away given Ares is to blame for “heightening” everyone’s aggression (seriously is he also the god of trolling? besides wars). 

Whatever is the case, I like that instantly a certain group of heroes (including a certain someone) raise their voice to this stupid plan of the Guardian’s. 

I just love the pose here given to Cass along with just the lightning being held. If anything, I'd kill for a story of Mary showing Cass how to better use these powers. The reverse of DC Unkillables of Cass/Shiva teaching her to fight.

Speaking of DC of Hope At World’s End I feel like this universe needs one more series AKIN to it but this time focusing on the bits between the Unkillables, Dead Planet, and events prior to this one. There's still so much to mine in material in between these stories.

Like how's Punished Jimmy Olsen now seeing Superman as is?  Is he still moody? Is he wearing all-black and inner monologuing still? Rose raising her/Jason’s kid? Damian/Cass being the only Bats left (unless Steph is alive via Laz Pit). Harley/Ivy? Ace being the only speedster in the universe (though most save two are in the Speed Force). Speaking of the speedsters in the Speed Force: how are they? What about villains? I’d love to see the Cyborg Superman investigating the Anti-Life virus given his death wish agenda. What of a former Anti-Life possessed being? What’s it like to be in their heads? So many characters to see that still to be seen. 

If there's any negative I can have for this particular series is just the sudden quickening in pace it takes with this issue. I feel like next issue bad stuff is gonna go down next issue and LOTS of faces we love are not gonna walk away.

Is this a red flag that Cass will die? Possibly. The whole "god" portion of Darkseid and the fact that Mary/Cass have the powers of the gods. Just makes me think they'll lose it and get ravaged or sacrifice play together.

But the red flag this issue for me is writer Tom Taylor spending time with Alfred and I just get the sense that the death flags are coming for Damian first. Just something about the way the scene is staged between him and Alfred.

It has that mood to me SOMEONE amongst these two isn't seeing the other again alive after this. Doesn’t help either that Alfred has a nightmare of Bruce, Tim, and Dick asking him, “WHY?! WHY DID YOU MURDER US?!” Revisiting that and the dialogue from this and later between Alfred/Damian just suggests to me something BAAAAD is gonna happen to Damian. That and one of the Earths is boned for sure.  

But we’re another month away from #5.  Until then, I will enjoy the awesome moments we got this issue with Cass. Like Cazzam doing this to Kilowog:

I mean just everything of Cazzam in general with this series leaves me all giddy and happy as heck. Because of that, I ain’t gonna spoil the remaining half of this book. I'm not going to spoil the later twists this issue takes. But gosh darn am I 😮at what occurs at the end. This is up there with Anti-Life Plastic Man of terrified. Even if said character hasn't DONE ANYTHING YET.

Overall, I still think DCeased is Tom Taylor's lengthy DC work. I enjoy his single issues of Injustice more, but from the beginning to currently? I'm still loving this series. I can't wait to see where this goes. Good or bad ending for all. I'm here for this ride.

But the added bonus of Cass being around thru this series helped even more of that enjoyment.

Now if you excuse the other half of me as I await #5...

[cephalog0d]

Batfic - "Musical Costumes"

Rating: Teen and Up (Language)

Category: Gen

Relationships/Characters: Bruce Wayne & Jason Todd & Tim Drake & Stephanie Brown & Cassandra Cain & Duke Thomas & Damian Wayne & Barbara Gordon & Alfred Pennyworth; Dick Grayson (mentioned)

Additional Tags: Humor, Banter, Batkids Being Batsibs

Words: 1,057

Summary:

There was a quiet moment before Jason felt the prickle of eyes and looked up from where he'd been absently scratching lines in the arm of the chair (sorry Alfred) to see the collective attention of the room placed on him.

"Absolutely fucking not," he snapped vehemently.

(Full text after the cut or over on AO3)

"-so someone will have to be spotted as Nightwing a few times for the next week or so," Bruce's briefing concluded. There was a quiet moment before Jason felt the prickle of eyes and looked up from where he'd been absently scratching lines in the arm of the chair (sorry Alfred) to see the collective attention of the room placed on him.

"Absolutely fucking not," he snapped vehemently.

"You are the closest-" Bruce started.

"No I'm fucking not!" Jason gestured at his own torso to emphasize the point.

"Height-wise you are," Steph added very unhelpfully. "Weight wise it's more…equidistant," she conceded with a loose wave between Jason and Tim.

"Technically Duke is the closest but I think even Gotham's criminal masterminds might notice that," Tim threw out, pedantic as ever.

"What, because I'm a meta?" Duke asked with an impressively straight face.

"Yes," Tim said in the same flat tone. Cass only barely tried to muffle a laugh. Steph didn't try at all. Jason chose to ignore all of them, glaring defiantly at Bruce, who mostly just looked like he wanted a nap. Or a child free vacation. Whatever, it was his own fault he kept collecting more and that they were all awful.

"No," Jason repeated. "I am not running around in that stupid suit just because Dickhead managed to break himself showing off."

"That is not an accurate-" Damian interjected, predictably jumping to Dick's defense in absentia.

"You have before," Cass interrupted him neatly. Her expression was a lot more controlled than Steph's, but her eyes were bright with suppressed laughter.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Jason said pointedly.

"Dick's current suit isn't even that bad. It's not like you have to wear the old Robin suit. Again," Tim said mildly. Jason narrowed his eyes at Tim, who met his gaze unflinchingly and took a slow, deliberate drink.

"Boys," Bruce cut in, pinching the bridge of his nose with a sigh. Jason decided to temporarily let it go and ignore both the way Tim smirked behind his cup and Steph's quiet "oooooh".

"Do it yourself," Jason challenged Bruce, earning a burst of laughter from the rest of the room. Bruce's expression did the constipated thing that usually meant he was at least mildly regretting his choices in family. Good.

"Oh my god please do, I will pay so much money to see that," Steph gasped breathlessly.

"Stephanie." Bruce's reprimand, predictably, did nothing to silence her.

"Father has his own duties as Batman," Damian said snippily.

"Additionally, I do not believe Master Bruce's joints would appreciate those kind of acrobatics," Alfred added as he appeared and started clearing things off the table.

"Thank you, Alfred," Bruce said with another sigh.

"Cass can do all that flippy bullsh-oot," Jason hastily corrected when Alfred glanced at him.

"Are you saying you can't?" Cass asked sweetly.

“Of course he can’t,” Damian scoffed not all that quietly.

“Damian,” Bruce said. Cass ignored them both. She met Jason's glare for several seconds, just smiling and waiting.

"I know what you're doing," Jason finally said, jabbing a finger at her.

"But it's still working," Tim muttered.

"No, it's not."

"It's okay if you can't," Cass said sympathetically. "I can."

The right answer was to leave it at that and walk away and Jason knew that, he wasn't an idiot and he didn't have to prove anything to these assholes, he should just get up and leave and let them sort their shit out amongst themselves, they were manipulating him, Cass with her disingenuous smile and Steph with her barely restrained laughter and Tim with his infuriating little smirk and Damian with his condescending sneer and Duke just watching them all with amusement while he finished his post-patrol sandwich.

But.

That spiteful little thing in his chest that had guided so many of his most ill advised decisions in the past had taken hold and just because he knew they were baiting him didn't mean he didn't still want to prove them wrong.

"Fine!" he snapped finally. "Fu-reaking fine!" Alfred gave him a knowing look but didn't say anything about the slip. "I refuse to do the stupid puns, though." He could at least draw that line.

"It's okay if you're not clever enough to do that part," Tim said with a condescending pat on the arm. Jason very maturely did not break his fucking fingers, but he did bare his teeth in what was only barely a smile.

"I'm going to glitter bomb your apartment. Emphasis on the bomb." Okay so not that mature, so sue him, Tim started it. Tim opened his mouth, presumably to say something even more inflammatory, but got interrupted.

"Boys," Bruce said again, more sharply. “Tim, leave your brother alone. Jason, thank you for your assistance. Stephanie, whatever you’re planning don’t.”

Steph made an affronted noise and widened in her eyes in a comically innocent expression that did not fool anyone for even a second.

“Right, well, some of us have been up all day,” Duke said as he stood. “Good luck, Hoodwing.” He left the room, grinning, as Tim choked on his drink and Bruce sighed again and rubbed a hand over his face.

“Hoodwing?” Cass repeated thoughtfully, testing out the word. “Redwing? Nighthood?”

“I like Nighthood,” Babs’s voice spoke up. None of them would admit to being startled, but several of them did perhaps sit up a little straighter at the sudden addition.

“Have you been listening this whole time?” Jason asked, and immediately mentally face-palmed.

“Jason.”

“I know, I heard it when I said it.”

“Anyway, I’ve got some alerts that need looking into, if you’ve all decided who’s wearing what costume.”

“No one else is swapping costumes,” Bruce said sternly. “Everyone go get ready. Oracle, tell me what you’ve got.”

There was a brief scramble of finishing drinks and snacks and everyone broke to go gear up. Steph had a scheming look that Jason absolutely did not trust in the slightest but she was dragged off by Cass before he could get a further read on it.

A few minutes later, though, he got a text.

((I have a whole headcanon that people swapping costumes temporarily is just a commonplace thing for Secret Identity purposes, because half of them are public figures, so if one of them gets injured or has to travel as a civilian they'll get one of the others to be spotted in their suit while they're out so nobody puts together "This Bat doesn't show up when this Well Known Public Figure is out of town/obviously injured".

(Hey remember in Batgirl: Year One where Bats made Dick dress up as her to throw Gordon off her trail?)

Of course, some people make better duplicates than others.

(Tim is referencing the fact that in the comics, Jason was fully wearing a copy of his old Robin costume, complete with the lack of pants, during their infamous Titans Tower altercation. Because I will never let go of that fact, it is absurd, absolute drama queen Jason Todd, what a doofus, I love him. Cass is referencing in preboot Nightwing where there was an arc where Jason was running around murdering folks in a Nightwing costume to undermine Dick.)))

[nerdasaurus1200]

I love how Cass’s hair poofs out here. And I also love how she just gives Eugene a troll smirk for no reason 😂

[collectivefandomstuff]

It starts one evening when Bruce is off-world and Alfred has invited (ordered) everyone to the manor for a cup of tea. Predictably, this soon devolves into bickering which somehow morphs into all the kids sharing stories about their time in the manor, trying to out-do each other. Here, Alfred starts telling them stories about the people who have lived in this house before; generations of Waynes long gone. One in particular, he tells them, a young woman called Catherine, suffered terribly through her life and died at the hands of a scorned lover in this very house. Sometimes, Alfred claims, you can hear her ghost wandering through the halls, singing sorrowfully or weeping.  

Damian scoffs at this and says that it’s “clearly nonsense”.

And that’s when it truly starts, with one of the kids having the idea that “a few weird noises here, a fluttering curtain there... it should be doable to convince my pseudo-siblings that there’s a ghost.” Except this is the batfamily who are all complete trolls so it’s not one of the kids. It’s all of them. Even Damian figures that “Drake is gullible” and it would be worth the trouble to scare the shit out of Tim.

And so the great ghost-campaign of 2012 begins. Tim and Steph quickly pair up for maximum effect; with Tim putting speakers in the vents that plays a track he found online called “ethereal crying” and Steph taking on the role as “Catherine”, sweeping down the halls in a wig and a floaty gown and fake crying into a handkerchief.

Damian, being tiny, crawls through the vents, playing recordings of a woman crying near wherever Tim is at the moment (doing this he actually manages to break one of Tim’s speakers. He doesn’t notice). When Tim is caught without airpods and actually hears Damian’s recording, he thinks Steph must really be working overtime on the ghost thing.

Dick spends hours crouched on top of beams and chandeliers making sniffling noises, and leaves silk gloves with the initials “C.W.” embroidered on them on everyone’s pillows. Damian is the only one who notices, since only he and Tim actually sleep at the Manor and Tim is always way too sleep-deprived to either take note of or care about what’s on his pillow.

Damian decides that Tim’s the one who left the glove and vows to double his efforts. Tim remains oblivious to the crusade against him.

Jason sneaks into the Manor at night to leave fake blood on the floor outside the west wing. Cass finds him and convinces him that fake blood won’t cut it and they both get way too involved and end up “donating” their own blood to the cause. The blood is mopped up by Alfred before any other sibling can find it.

Damian places portable air-conditioners on the coldest setting over Tim’s favorite spots in the Cave and Library. Tim starts wearing scarfs.

Dick dresses up as a Victorian Lady and stalks the halls of the manor, lamenting “her” fate. In the dark, a been-awake-for-48-hours and high-on-caffeine Tim mistakes him for Stephanie and greets him way too loudly with “diD You GeT A nEW DResS?” This freaks Dick out entirely and he falls out of the open window he had been sadly mourning his death in front of.

Jason and Cass get really stuck on the whole blood thing and leaves a torn-up, bloodied white dress on a hook in the library. Stephanie takes one look at it and thinks that someone has stolen HER dress and ruined it, and takes it as proof for a later date.

Damian, slightly departing from the “ghost persona” in favour of torturing Tim, starts leaving thorny roses where Tim will step on them with bare feet, which is mostly in the shower.

Tim starts questioning his sleeping-schedule and resolves to maybe dial back on energy drinks. He also puts everyones shoes in the freezer when they come over and return them to the hall before they leave, so they’ll think a cold chill has just passed along the floor.

On the whole, they’re all too busy to actually notice what everyone else is up to -or get frightened by it. Bruce however, is not.

Newly returned from off-world, he starts noticing things. Voices in the vents, drafts in the cave, blood on the floor outside the west wing (that he has Alfred mop up). All the kids are fine, but obviously someone is breaking into his house. Obviously.

This leads him to scour the cctv footage where he sees a strange, crying woman meandering through the halls at night. When he investigates the blood, the camera shows him a shadowy figure standing right where the blood was (Cass, geared up because both she and Jason takes this way, way, too seriously). 

His paranoia now fully woken from its (very light) slumber, he tries to find the hole in the Manor’s defenses. Late one evening, when he’s coming back from patrolling the grounds, he sees a victorian woman fall from a second story window with a scream and land in a heap of skirts. When he gets there, she’s gone (Dick made himself scarce, not wanting to be discovered by Tim), but a few days later, he thinks he sees a bloodied, ripped dress on one of the cameras in the library. When he gets there, it’s gone. Meanwhile, Titus keeps bringing him silk gloves with strange initals on them and he hears sniffling cries and singing everywhere. Finally, he reaches a logical explanation.

“I have seen stranger things” he tries to comfort himself, even as he’s putting up fifty new cctv cameras and lines the corridors with salt for good measure. “aliens. demons. the Court of Owls.” He researches ghost-prevention techniques and contemplates whether martial arts would have an effect on a non-entity. He buys iron and re-watches Ghost Busters. Finally, he believes himself both well-equipped enough to handle the threat, and well-informed enough to accurately decide what it is exactly (a ghost born of tradegy, not vengeful but possibly dangerous if crossed).

Confident that he now has the situation back under control, Bruce holds a briefing with all the kids to explain and assign roles for the mission to get rid of the ghost. For years after the fact he vehemently denies this meeting ever taking place and tries (unsuccessfully) to track down all copies of the photos and videos his children took during the six hours of ghosthunting he led them on before one of them (Dick) finally lost it enough for Bruce to notice.

[elliebelliegirl]

Furbies v Tamagotchis

Cass didn't want to think about how this had happened. Of course, now that she and Marinette were benched from vigilante work and banned from 90's toys, courtesy of Bruce, she had time to think about it.

The War had started the day before- but really it was right after Havdalah after Shabbat, so Saturday night for Marinette.

Cass had a collection of Furbies that she liked to arrange into a nest to cuddle with, which she couldn't do on Shabbat.

So of course right after Havdalah, she ran up to her room to hug as many of her cursed children as she reasonably could.

Which was when she saw Marinette.

The girl was sitting cross-legged on her rug, holding a Tamagotchi.

No, Cass thought.

Not in front of her Furbies.

She slowly walked into her room and sat quietly next to her girlfriend. Marinette barely noticed her, she was staring at her little pet as if she were entranced.

Cass pointedly looked at her shelf next to her rug and bed, which conveniently held her Furbies.

She looked at Cass Jr., aptly named for her black and yellow fur. Cass wondered absently if Alfred would help her longify the Furby.

Though, that was not the pressing issue here. Marinette had a Tamagotchi in front of her Furby children.

Awful, treasonous behavior for a significant other.

Marinette was still looked at her pet, ignoring Cass's internal dilemma. Or maybe she just wasn't paying attention to it.

Cass huffed. She stood and reached for Cass Jr. to pet her head, to ward away the evil of the Tamagotchi.

Cass pulled down Cass Jr., and a few of her other Furbies as well. She left many on the shelf. Just to have them looking down on Marinette, with their adorably disapproving faces.

She plopped back down next to Marinette and arranged her children on her lap.

Marinette still didn't look up, but Cass saw a light smirk dance on her face before fading.

"Why don't you take a few more down?" Marinette asked.

Cass tilted her head. "Why?"

Marinette shrugged, her eyes still glued to that evil, evil egg.

Cass moved her Furbies off her lap, putting them in a line and patting each of their heads.

She stood and went back to her shelf and picked up two more of her beautiful babies and then-

A hard piece of plastic.

NO- she thought. Marinette- she wouldn't-

She moved a Furby out of the way and unearthed a Tamagotchi.

Betrayal.

Marinette snorted, finally looking up. "I'll leave now- but there are a few of these in here." She shook her egg pet computer at Cass.

Cass's eyes narrowed. "This means war."

-

Cass, meanwhile, had found no less than nine Tamagotchis in her room. She was honestly a little impressed that Marinette had managed to hide them so she hadn't suspected anything from the time from Havdalah to her going upstairs. Still, it was what she had hidden that made it despicable.

She found more Tamagotchis as she walked down the hallways and through the house, trying to purge the terrible plastic computer pets.

Cass realized that there was time to get back at Marinette- to really declare war. So she got her Furby merch and failed projects and got to work.

-

The next day was Sunday. Marinette woke up to her room graffitied in Furbies, with part of Cass's failed long Furby trials in bed with her.

It was not a welcome sight for the morning.

Which was why she flipped off her bed, dragging the blankets onto the floor with her as she screeched, the long Furbie falling on top of her.

Marinette grinned once she fully realized what Cass did. "War, hmm..."

It wasn't as funny when she opened her closet to see everything replaced by Furby merch.

-

Marinette knew she was a deep sleeper, but what Cass had been able to do while she was dead to the world was astonishing.

She knew her girlfriend didn't like Tamagotchis, but this was ridiculous. She had to get back at her for this.

Marinette had to portal over to Paris to get her materials for her next attack.

-

Cass was setting the table for lunch with Alfred when she saw what Marinette had done next.

Piles of dishes with Tamagotchi pets painted on them were not their normal setting pieces.

The themed silverware was a nice touch, though.

But the personalized egg pet bead bracelets on each family member's chair were too much.

Cass made a disgruntled sound in her throat and stomped out of the dining room.

-

Cass was running out of ammunition, she knew that. She went back to her room and brushed the Tamagotchi T-shirts off her pillow to reveal Cass Jr. She gasped softly, there was still something she could do.

-

Marinette didn't have much left in Gotham, and couldn't get back to Paris- her parents were no doubt getting ready to sleep and she knew they were in the house and would hear her if she would portal back.

-

Cass was gathering supplies for Cass Jr. and some of her other children. She got yellow Minky and soft black furry fabric, along with plastic connecting pieces for spines and arms from a storage room, and went to find Alfred, both to apologize for abandoning him while setting the table and to ask for his help with her kids.

-

Marinette gathered together her remaining Tamagotchis and thought about how surprising her quantity of them really was. They were truly perfect for what she was planning.

-

Cass's eyes gleamed as she picked up Cass Jr., longified at last. Her beautiful daughter now had a soft body filled with stuffing and a spine, with long arms and a yellow Minky belly.

She was perfect.

-

Marinette and Cass met as they went down to the Batcave, each holding their supplies.

"We'll each take half," Cass said.

Marinette nodded. She was sure she had more of a finale than Cass.

She also knew Cass thought the reverse.

-

Cass took each of her newly long kids out of her bag, setting them up propped against the walls of the cave.

She took out Furby decorated streamers and saw Marinette do the same.

For the first time, she pondered that they might be evenly matched in their War for Best 90's Toy.

She quickly dismissed the thought.

-

Marinette took out her Tamagotchi anime and movie DVDs, setting them up on the wall with her actual Tamagotchis and merch.

She took out her streamers and confetti cannon and taped them up to show her dominance in the fight. She looked across the Cave to Cass's side and saw that she had set up an almost identical tribute to Furbies.

Awful.

-

Finally, they were done. Each girl had their full collections out, with the toys themselves, but also merchandise and random decorations with Batman memorabilia around them.

It was stunning.

-

Eventually, Bruce and Damian came down to the Cave to get ready for patrol.

Which was when he benched them both.

And ended the War.

Which brought them to the present.

-

Cass turned to Marinette as they slowly walked back up the stairs to the Manor.

Marinette was already looking at her. "Truce?"

Cass nodded. "You know, Bruce liked to collect those trolls."

Marinette started to grin.

Cass pulled her upstairs, and they began to plot.

~

[staylavendertea]

young avengers characters and relationships as songs

billy kaplan : season of the witch by donovan and mr. sandman cover by joe p, it’s fun, there’s that groove, it’s witches and it’s dreams; a total billy kaplan jamming out in his room in his boyfriends too big shirt 10 at night moment with that magical and just like ,, witchy billy vibe i can’t explain through words that i love dearly, it also just gives me a connection between him and wanda i really love, the family witches between soul mother and soul son and that bass in mr sandman for some reason screams billy

teddy altman : space girl by frances forever need i say more, that song screams smiling golden tall boy theodore in overalls and sweaters, prince charming of space deserves the song space girl, the song is soft like teddy is, all hugs and kisses, that is until “stupid boyfriend putting himself into stupid danger all the stupid time” and “why do i try he never listens” “i heard that” “sure now he listens” then it becomes all hugs, kisses, bickering with the boyfriend, and threats of mauling people, but that’s for childrens crusade and family matters arc to tell

tommy shepherd : rebels by call me karizma but also steady, as she goes by the raconteurs mostly just for that guitar and music, i heavily head canon billy as the pianist and tommy as the guitar and bass player all the way and steady, as she goes screams tommy’s kind of music, the song rebels because that boy is the biggest rebel around and i wouldn’t be surprised if he was an arsonist

eli bradley : i just wanna shine by fitz and the tantrums i honestly had a bit of a hard time finding a song that really perfectly fit eli, but i think this one really hits the spot - eli is totally the boy that’s just trying his best and live up to his and everyone else’s expectations, i think he’s actually a softie and repressed nerd that believes heavily in doing what is right and i think that this song encompasses that, i really miss eli bradley thank you for coming to my tedtalk

cassie lang : blackbird by the beatles (cover by dodie) cassie gives me total adorable and soft but such a cool person dodie vibes, but i think the song blackbird fits cassie on so many levels, especially the lyrics as growing up after losing her dad, getting and learning to control her powers, and growing as a super hero she knows her dad would be so proud of, i love every single one of the young avengers but mygod cassie

nate richards : run boy run by woodkid and something better by hidinin i feel for nate, that poor kid literally is running away and trying to kill his future because he knows it’s a bad road and honestly he’s so brave for that and it’s all thanks to nate that we got all the young avengers in the first place so credit will be payed where credit is due, nate is really just a clumsy teenager thats a total nutcase and a bit clueless without that common sense sometimes that will think a pack sour troll gummies and a bottle of gateorade is a well rounded training diet but he’s also a descendent of sue and reed richards and what’s there to expect from child geniuses

kate bishop : love club by lorde and ribs by lorde i kinda just stumbled upon these honestly forgotten songs in my playlist and was pleasantly surprised how perfectly kate bishop these songs are, the lyrics most likely mean something else but i see the love club as the young avengers and “go get punched for the love club” just sounds like a kate bishop thing to say, these songs give me vibes of kate bishop in a rolled sleeves black and purple flannel and black jean shorts with scuffs and bandaids on her elbows and knees, probably also a developing black eye and bloody nose but lookin badass per usual

david alleyne : karma by ajr i picked this one for david because the second i heard it david was immediately the person i thought of when listening to it, i haven’t read many comics with david in them, i’m searching tho, but i am reading the current x factor and david just goes through a lot poor dude just wants to learn and help with what he can and i love him every moment for it

america chavez : a good song never dies by saint motel and dead girl in the pool by girl in red i honestly don’t know much about america besides some basic background stuff and some her character and personality since i haven’t been able to get my hands on some ya v2 issues besides what i’ve seen online but what i have seen of her i already love her and know she is so badass and a bit chaotic but in the best way possible from the little i do know about america’s character i think these songs just fits both the vibes of how she presents and holds herself but also her personality, america is a good song that just never dies are vibes i will happily live with

loki : run the world!!! by dayglow i haven’t really read much of loki in the comics, the versions of them i know the best being the actual norse myth god and movie loki and i know how the movies can be with their comic book characters, but from what ive heard about kid and teenager loki is that they’re a little punk and this song seems to just fit that perfectly

jonas : growing pains by coin i honestly didn’t know that there was more to jonas besides ya v1 and childrens crusade but now i’m intrigued, but this song just speaks jonas to me who i was also calling judas for like ten minutes without realizing i had a totally wrong name, but from what i read and his whole thing with cass, i think growing pains very much fits a mr. jonas

now for the relationships/ships - this post is so long i am so sorry for all the reading but i’m having fun -

david and tommy : affection by between friends im not even sure completely why but the music just screams david and tommy’s vibes, especially how tommy is usually head canonized in relationships, *chiefs kiss* of a song

nate and cassie and jonas : in the middle by dodie this song is literally the three of them, like perfectly, the lyrics fit to a t and it’s literal perfection for them

billy and teddy : pleaser by wallows for how much i love them i surprisingly had a hard time finding a song for them, i know at one time i heard and had a song that was perfect but i can’t remember it all, but i think pleaser fits just as nice, it fits their personalities and the music itself is the vibe they give off to me : imma make an edit from this post previously cause i’ve been thinking about and i would like to add the song leaves by joe p cause it just fits too well, especially when looking at billyteddy fan art whilst listening to it, it’s too good : HI THIS ANOTHER EDIT IMSORRY but it literally took weeks to remember but now i remember what the original song for them i had picked - electric love by borns - it also gives me billy lightning powers vibes and i do adore some billy lightning powers, i think it would be so cool to see them mixed in with his reality warping ones

eli and nate : talk too much by coin honestly it’s them, it’s a vibe they both argue and to each other, talk way too much, i’m calling it they kissed like at least once just to see how that would go - probably arguing who was the better boyfriend when they were both single

eli and kate : falling for u by peachy! and mxmtoon this song is very eli and kate for me, especially the beginning of their relationship not relationship, was that ever really established what was happening there ?? but this song fits perfectly amongst the bickering and racking numbers of how many times they’ve saved each other’s asses

kate and america : given it all by hayley kiyoko and midnight love by girl in red i love this ship and i have no idea if there was ever a thing happening between them or if it was pure fandom but it’s amazing and i love it, hayley kiyoko and girl in red is an of course and i think these songs speak them

- now just the young avengers as a group -

leaves by joe p a song that is totally just a hang out and drive all around all night as teenagers without a care in the world song and can totally see the gang jamming out to it

hey barbara by IV of spades this song literally speaks “hey did you watch that one beach episode” sunny and everyone vibing and hanging out, i can totally imagine tommy trying to get david to dance this and the attempts made is hilarious

teenagers and na na na by my chemical romance now last but certainly not least mcr because of course mcr, these kids can definitely be punks when they wanna be, especially when they’re mutant/alien/super hero teenagers that will literally do what they see fit, all in good manners of course

whhoooopp this was a lot longer than what i was initially expecting to make but after a few hours of song surfing and trying to make tumblr typing fonts work with me we’re finally here, this was just something fun for me since i associate music with everyone, but if you’ve read this far and wanna mention a song you think fits, totally put it out there, share the music !!

[bb-basbusa]

Marinette biodaughter of Bruce Wayne

This au was inspired by @ozmav maribat au.

· Bruce met Sabine when he was training in with the league of assassins

 Sabine was the top assassin of the league. Highly respected by Ra's Al Ghoul and the rival of lady Shiva.

· At first Bruce and Sabine disliked each other due to their different codes of ethics, but they slowly came to respect each other and even considering each other friends.

 Sabine started questioning the league and started to despise their needless killing, even came to regret killing in some missions in the name of the league.

· With Bruce's influence and help she decides to leave the league of assassins and turn on a new leaf.

·  Of course, Ra's refuses to let go of his top assassin, so he makes a deal with her. He gives Sabine an extremely difficult, almost impossible to complete alone with no help. (this is basically John Wick).

·         She agrees, Bruce tries to talk her out of it. The mission is just impossible and there is an extremely high probability that she will die.

·         This leads both to fight both verbally and physically.

·         It ends with a one-night stand.

·         Both agree not to talk about it, and both leave on bad terms

·         Sabine leaves to complete the mission, during this time Bruce completes his training and leaves the league.

·         Sabine of course completes the mission, much to ra's complete surprise.

·         He is a man of his word and lets Sabine go with a promise to not seek her out again or interfere with her life and those around her.

·         Few weeks later, Sabine discovers that she is pregnant with Bruce's child. And since she an Bruce's friendship ends on bad terms (with Bruce being an emotionally constipated man, who at this point of his life only think about his mission and wouldn't make a good father) Sabine decides not to tell him.

·         Sabine travels for a little bit until she arrives in Paris where she meets Tom.

·         With time they both fall in love with Tom promising to love her and her unborn child as his own.

·         When Marinette is born, Tom officially adopts her as his daughter.

·         Marinette grew up loved from her parents and had a normal happy childhood.

·         Though Sabine did teach her self-defense because you can't bee to careful.

·         When Marinette was ten years old, she meets Damian Wayne. He was separated from his guardian and got lost.  

·         Marinette offered to help him, but Damian at this point of his life was a little shit and refused. Too proud to even admit he was lost.

·         But Marinette was not deterred, and with great determination, kindness, and whining, she was able to make him cave.

·         She shows him the way back to his hotel, and saw Dick waiting outside worried out of his mind.

·         He saw Damian approaching and immediately ran towards the kids and scooped the baby assassin into a hug.

·         " Dami, I was so worried"

·         "cease your embarrassing antics Grayson, I am clearly in perfect shape. As if anything in this miserable city can harm me"

·         "hey, Paris is amazing. You take that back" shrieked Marinette

·         Only then does Dick notice a petite Asian girl glaring at Damian.

·         "well hello, who might you be?"

·         "I'm Marinette, I helped him find the hotel. He was lost" came the smugly reply

·         "I wasn’t lost you imbecile, I didn't require any assistance from you. I just "accepted your help" because you were annoying and couldn't shut up"

·         This basically started a shouting match between Marinette and Damian, while Dick observed with amusement.

·         He never seen Damian act like a child since he came to his care (Bruce is lost in time at this point, and Dick is Damián's legal guardian) and started to thick that hanging around Marinette may benefit Damian.

·         He invites Marinette to the local park, where Titus can stretch his legs, an takes her there with her parents' permeation of course.

·         Over the next few days Dick invites Marinette to come with him and Damian (much to the latter's chagrin) whenever they have free time.

·         The kids' relationship only started to improve after Marinette helped Damian take down Chloe, who was acting as her glorious bratty self.

·         It involved headbands, tooth pics, and a lipstick

·         Damián started to respect Marinette and enjoy her company after that (though he won't admit it)

·         Marinette starts talking about her friend at home, while her parents listens with amusement until she mentions his full name Damian Wayne.

·         Sabine immediately starts asking about his father.

·         At first Sabine wanted Marinette to stay away from the Waynes, but seeing how happy her Daughter is, she decided against it.

·         Fearing that both kids with time would develop feeling for their unknown half sibling, she calls Dick and tells him about Marinette's parentage.

·         Dick doesn't believe this, so Sabine gives him permission to perform a DNA test.

·         The test was done, Dick was not amused because damn it Bruce another one

·         They both decided to tell the Kids about their blood relationship

·         Damian was furious and didn't accept this, at this point of his life he thought he was the blood so of Batman and no one else

·         He ended saying some hurtful thing words towards Marinette

·         Marinette ends up crying, and runs out of the room

·         Damian is immediately consumed by guilt, especially after Dick gives him the "I am very disappointed in you" look.

·         He goes to Marinette's room to apologies and hears her crying through the door and feels even worse.

·         It takes a lot of him since he never apologized to anyone before, he does it but awkwardly.

·         Marinette forgives him because she is a forgiving person and asks Damian not to say stuff like that to her again.

·         They become close after that. They exchange numbers and e-mails to talk to each other when Damian and Dick return to Gotham.

·         Tom and Sabine are great influence over Damian. With the Dupain-chengs he starts to act more like a boy and less like the heir to the league of assassins. Dick is very happy and grateful about it.

·         The couple also parent Dick and coddles him. Both boys are adopted to the family now.

·         In Summer Marinette visits Gotham and meets Alfred. The butler grew quite fond of her.

·         She may strongly resemble Sabine, but Alfred can see Martha Wayne in her smile. A little of Thomas Wayne in the twinkle of her eyes. And a lot of Bruce when she is concentrating on something.

·         Marinette also inherited Bruce's intelligence, so she quickly discovers the family's secret.

·         She joins the boys in their training, because extra self-defense lessons can't hurt, but not on petrol. Sabine was very against it.

·         Dick introduces her to trapeze, which she fell in love with, together they are the acrobat duo.

·         So she spars with the boys, flies with Dick, bakes and cooks with Alfred (" I am pleased to know that at least one Wayne will grow to be a functioning adult". "Alfred please.STAHP")

·         And once she is introduced to the girls ("she is so cute" "stop squealing fat girl") she'll hack with Barbra, dance with Cass, and will have a girl's night out with all her older sisters especially Steph.

·         Jason meets her after he comes to the cave to use the bat-computer, then out of nowhere a petite Asian girl pops out and offers him cookies.

·         "I only known Marinette for five minutes, but if anything happens to her I'll kill everybody in this cave then myself"

·         Jason and Damian start fighting for the position of favorite brother.

·         Months passes and Marinette grows closer to all the bat-family except Tim, because he is still looking for Bruce and didn't keep tabs on what's happening in Gotham lately.

·         The Dupain-Chengs adopts the rest of the Bat-family except Alfred. Alfred adopts you, you do not adopt him.

·         The family becomes closer and the communication problem is slowly fixed.

·         Jason becomes more open. He and Dick talk about their issues, there was shouting, yelling, accusations and tears. But in the end, it was better. Not perfect but better.

·         Also, Jason finally has healthy positive parental figures in his life. "have you been eating?" "I'm proud of you son" "we love you" and other words were spoken towards Jason and the kids.

·         "o-okay" he chocks on tears.

·         Alfred later introduces the Dupain-chengs to Ma and Pa Kent and joins the " the gathering of family member of heroes, who have more common sense than the heroes"

·         Basically, the family members of heroes meet up monthly for brunch to bitch about their hero family member, while trading recipes and baby photos.

·         Alfred is the founder. Ma Kent is the president.

·         Bruce comes back and everyone is happy. No one tells him about Marinette. They all decide to troll him.

·         Marinette and Bruce accidently meet in the cave.

·         "Papa' it's good to have you back" Marinette happily hugs Bruce

·         Bruce is holding his arms awkwardly in the air, while looking down at Marinette with confusion. "who are you?!"  

·         "it's me Marinette, don't you remember me" insert fake tears

·         "A-ahh?!"

·         "Alfred Papa doesn't remember me" she wails dramatically into the butler's chest "he forgotten all about me"

·         " Honestly master Bruce, I raised you better than this. Yet here you are disowning your own daughter.

·         "yeah, shame on you B" came the eager response from Steph and Jason.

·         " I am disappointed in you father" Damian joins in. Cass nods in agreement.

·         Dick is struggling to keep his poker face intact, Barbra is pinching his arm hard to keep him away from laughing and exposing the prank.

·         Tim is sleep deprived and confused as hell.

·         The family takes bets to see when would Bruce figure out they're trolling him.

·         Spoilers alert he never does

·         They end up telling him and Alfred wins the pot.

·         "World's greatest detective indeed"

·         "alright I get it Alfred"

·         Bruce ends up adoring Marinette. He and Sabine talk again after a decade of not talking and becomes somewhat friends

·         He doesn't publicly announce Marinette as his daughter and doesn't claim her, because Tom is her father as well. And it won't be fair to him.

·         She may have Bruce's blood, but the heart is all Tom. He is grateful that his daughter grew up loved. He doesn’t want to take Tom away from her.

·         When she became Ladybug, she immediately tells her family. They're all freak out about 13 years old being a hero on her own.

·         " you need a partner"

·         "Papa chat noir is my partner"

·         "Dick go to Paris"

·         Due to the bat-family involvement, hawkmoth is defeated fast. And he is spending the rest of his life in jail.

·         Adrien goes to live with his aunt in England for a while.

·         Zatanna and Constantine are called to see if they can wake Emilie from her magic induced coma.

·         They do. And Adrien goes back to his mom

·         Hawkmoth civilian identity was never outed to the public. The justice league wanted to give the Agrestes some privacy. But there are some conspiracy theories.

·         Due to the influence of her older sisters, Marinette isn't as boy crazy as in the show. But she develops an innocent crush on both Adrien and Luka. Much to Bruce's chagrin

·         "you won't start dating until your thirty"

·         "of course papa, of course"

·         Keeping Marinette away from dating was the toughest battle Bruce ever fought. The rest of the family are just sitting behind and enjoying the show

·         Her wasn't the most normal or perfect, but Marinette loves it any way.  

[youmightbeanidiotif]

Man I just love your page , you're really awesome! I just loved the spn ending and even Jared said in one of his videos that he was happy that it ended the way it started with the brothers being together. But then the twitter and tumblr got overwhelmed with people (more likely destiel shippers who definitely don't give a crap about the show) saying that the ending was worst than GOT and by doing that ending they literally threw away the entire character development and I was like "WHAT?? ". I mean I don't see how they would've ended the show other than the way they did and what character development are they talking about dude I mean so they want Dean to say "I love you too, Cass" and throw his actual character development away but they can't accept his death which actually made sense and was how he wanted to go out while hunting (since he is not the type to settle down as you might have seen in S06). Everyone has their own opinions and I would really like to know what you think about the ending ? ! . And btw Jensen mentioned that the scene in which Castiel pushes Dean out of the way by holding the exact same arm holding which he raised/saved Dean from Hell was all Misha's idea and was not scripted in the actual script . I mean damn!! he really played us huh he really gave Destiel fandom what they wanted on purpose and since they didn't show Cas in the last ep with Dean in Heaven everyone was like CW loves queer baiting and it's an insult to the entire LGBTQ+ community . And also what's with Destiel went cannon stuff going on twitter and tumblr is it true? I mean I'm not against any ship or anything but Dean really didn't seem to reciprocate any of it back and I've literally heard Dean calling Cas a brother in many episodes . And I don't see how it was a love confession (maybe it was because Misha gave a greenlight by saying that it was a love confession) I mean it's something that best friends say sometimes too but whatever . Anyways thanks for reading and I'm so sorry for this huge paragraph .

Thank you! I wrote my thoughts on the finale here. :)

Misha and Bobo Berens cooked that scene up for over a year so Bobo could get back pats from the destihellers (which lasted exactly one week, lol, till Dean didn’t even mention it in 15.19) and so Misha could sell merch to his fans.

Destiel is not canon, at best they got a half ship, ~stiel, because “Dean can’t reciprocate” (re: the script) and didn’t in 15.18, 15.19, or 15.20. They’re claiming the incorrect Spanish dub (where some troll or destiheller involved in the translation changed Dean’s line “don't do this” to “and I you”) makes it canon, but it doesn’t because it’s a show written and filmed in English lol. However, if they want to claim foreign dubs as canon, then they better get in line behind Wincest.

The 15.18 confession was left open to interpretation (per Jensen’s meet & greet), and people who aren’t aware of the destiel ship viewed it as a platonic/family kind of love. Misha saying he viewed it as romantic is his interpretation, which is also sus because of all the merch he had ready to launch the day after it aired lol.

And the only ones who ever queer/shipbaited them were Misha and their own meta writers. XD