#i keep forgetting that’s a thing and it just makes me joyous every time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

odyssean-flower · 8 months ago

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The Winding Path of Fate Chapter 12 first part

honestly im not even gonna say when the chapter is gonna be ready anymore...it'll be done when it's done...

anyways here's the first part. It's unbetaed but hopefully it compels/entertains you in some way as I finish the chapter up

“My dear Iudex, are my eyes deceiving me, or is that a smile on your face?”

Neuvillette raised his gaze from the documents spread out before him. Furina was standing on the other side of his desk. Of course, he had heard her enter his office before she even spoke, but he was so used to her unannounced intrusions these days that he treated it as a part of his daily routine now. I only hope that she makes this quick. I have a rather heavy agenda today, and I would like to return home before dark.

Furina leaned over his desk, her heterochromatic eyes eagerly scanning the desk for some sort of incriminating evidence to grab onto. Of course, she found none. Neuvillette wasn’t so foolish that he would make such a careless mistake.

“Hmph, I didn’t know that paperwork could inspire such a joyous expression on one’s face. What a contrast you make with the Gestionnaires outside your door! You really must get out more.”

“Indeed, I have, thanks to your urging. I believe you’ve already read the note I left you.”

“Ah, yes, that sorry excuse for a note,” Furina sniffed. “‘Will be away for a day due to personal reasons.’ No mention of where you’re going or who you’ll be with.”

“I see no reason why I should have included either of those things. I followed all the necessary protocol for requesting leave, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

“Oh, I am. But Neuvillette, aren’t you getting tired of constantly having to avoid my questions and fend me off every single day? You know exactly what I want, why won’t you give it to me? Are you truly intending to keep doing this forever?”

“And you know very well that I will not change my position on this matter. There is no need for you to get involved in my marriage, nor do you have the right.”

Furina and Neuvillette glared at each other silently for a while. Throughout this week, she had constantly needled, badgered, and pestered him in an attempt to fish for any information about his day off, but he remained an immovable stone wall. He knew that revealing anything to her would only pour fuel on the fire, so to speak. Knowing her nature, he doubted she would let this go any time soon, but he could at least not give her any openings to pounce onto.

“No right to get involved in your marriage, huh,” Furina repeated, arching an eyebrow. “Don’t forget that you have me to thank for it. Would you have ever even considered marrying this woman if it weren’t for me?”

Neuvillette did not say anything. They both knew the answer to that question.

“Even so, I do not owe you anything,” he said with a firm tone that signaled the end of their talk. “Now then, Furina, allow me to get back to my work.”

“Fine,” Furina said with a toss of her head. “It looks like I’ll be visiting you again tomorrow.”

“Please do so during my coffee break.”

Furina spun on her heel and was about to stride away when she suddenly turned around again. “You know, Neuvillette, I just don’t understand why you won’t let me meet the person who clearly brought you so much joy.”

Neuvillette narrowed his eyes at her. “I believe we were done here?”

Furina put her hand to her heart and made an expression of exaggerated joy. “How heartless! I do hope your wife never sees this side of you.”

He watched her until she left his office and the doors closed behind her. Letting out a heavy sigh, his gaze drifted to the misty painting hanging at the side of his office, almost by instinct. This was also something that had also become a daily routine for him.

He wondered what the painter was doing now. Around this time, you were sure to be in the garden, devoting all your attention to the sunflowers.

Were you waiting for him to come home? He hoped you weren’t. It looked like he would be returning late today. Well, to be honest, he usually returned home late at night, but now with you as his wife, it would be terribly uncouth of him as your husband to come home too late. In addition, he found that his willingness to work into the late hours had decreased considerably. Still, there were times when he truly had no other choice.

But, there was a small part of him that would very much like it if you did wait for him.

Neuvillette did not know what to make of this new development in his feelings. He examined it, turning it over in his head as one would do with a particularly interesting-looking rock or seashell, then put it away for later. He needed to concentrate on getting through the stack of paperwork on his desk if he wanted to leave work earlier.

But before that…

His hand moved to his desk drawer, which contained a recently-delivered envelope. It was a stroke of good fortune that it had been delivered before Furina’s visit. He’d never hear the end of that if she saw its contents.

He opened the envelope and took out a stack of newly-developed photos. He flipped through them until he reached the photo of a young woman standing stiffly in front of an azure-blue willow tree. His finger idly stroked the edge of the picture. The colors were so vivid and crisp that he felt as though he could reach into the photo and touch the ribbon of your hat or the soft fabric of your sleeve.

It was strange. You were not a particularly cheerful or spirited person, but when he was with you, his heart felt lighter, freer. Not to the extent of forgetting himself or his responsibilities, of course, but… Was this what Furina meant by the “joys of matrimony”?

He couldn’t say he disliked it.

He carefully put the photos back in the envelope. What sort of face would you make when he showed them to you? Or when he showed you the other surprise he had for you? Would you smile at him once again? Would you take his hand in yours? A feeling of anticipation filled his heart. Unconsciously, his fingers brushed against his cheek.

The sunflowers were coming along nicely. They now reached the height of your hip and formed small, tightly closed buds. There were no yellow petals peeking through yet, but you were confident that they would appear in the coming weeks.

You brushed your fingers against the leaves. They were the size of your palm now. You could see little bug bites dotting them. Perhaps you should ask Marie if there were any pesticides on hand.

It was evening now, though the sun was still in the sky. Neuvillette should be back by now. Maybe he had a lot of work today? You couldn’t help but feel a sting of disappointment. You had been looking forward to showing him the buds. Was Furina pestering him again?

It had been a week since the date. Neuvillette had sent the photos out to be developed, and you would be getting them today. You were a bit excited to see them. I don’t think I’ve ever taken so many pictures in my life.

After you finished taking the last measurements, you returned to the house and went up to your room. Your eyes automatically went to the plump azure flower tucked into a vase on your desk. It brought a vibrant splash of color to your elegant but sparse room, and you liked looking at it. It gave you a sense of pleasure. You wondered where Neuvillette put his flower.

I wonder if it will deflate like a balloon if I stuck a pin into the middle, you thought as you sniffed the flower’s cool fragrance. That would make it easier to press, wouldn’t it?

Perhaps it was because you talked about pressing flowers on the date, but it had been on your mind lately. Your fingers itched for your old flower press, sitting in your closet back home. The lily would look striking against a white page. If only you picked some of those wildflowers you had seen on Erinnyes and in Merusea Village... they could serve as accompaniment to the lily, which would obviously be the centerpiece, and a strand of blue leaves from the Weeping Willow could be the finishing touch, forming a wreath that framed everything neatly. It would be a beautiful memento of one of the most beautiful days in your life.

It was strange. Even though your days went on like usual after the date, you felt a little different. A little lighter. Reinvigorated, if you had to describe it in a single word. Your childhood hobbies, which you once considered frivolous and backwards, beckoned to you once more.

For a long time now, you felt like you were barely holding yourself up by the sheer force of will, like a sunflower with shallow roots and a too-heavy head, in need of a support to stand tall and erect. Well, now you did have one.

I guess this is what marriage all about. Two people supporting each other for life. Although, it is rather one-sided in our case.

You bit your lip. It was irrational, you knew. Neuvillette was the powerful and respected Iudex, while you were an impoverished baron’s daughter from the countryside. Your presence in his house was proof of just how much more you relied on him than the other way around. You knew that Neuvillette didn’t expect anything from you, which only made you even more determined to do something for him.

You despised the feeling of owing someone. You hated having to completely depend on someone. That was one of the many reasons why you chose your career path.

But more than that…

Neuvillette’s distraught face flashed through your mind. Though you only saw it once, you never wanted to see that look on his face again.

Neuvillette finally returned home by the time the sky was dark. You had already eaten dinner without him and was reading in the parlor when you heard the front door open.

“Neuvillette,” you called out to him as you went into the foyer. “You came home so late. Did something happen?”

As you approached him, you thought that he looked a bit fatigued, but the tiredness in his face seemed to vanish as he fixed his eyes on you.

“Madame,” he greeted you. “My apologies for worrying you. I had a rather busy agenda today. I hope you’ve already eaten dinner?”

“I have. But have you eaten as well? If not, I can warm up the leftovers for you, or I can ask Marie to cook something fresh if that’s what you prefer.”

“No need for that. I’ve already eaten. But there is something else I want to talk about,” Neuvillette paused. It took you a moment to realize that he was doing it for dramatic effect. So even he has that side to him...how cute, you thought, trying to hide your smile. “I was able to receive the developed photos today.”

He took out an envelope from his coat pocket and handed it to you. “They turned out quite well, I must say,” he added.

The envelope was thick and heavy. You must have taken more than a hundred photos.

You decided to look through them in the parlor. Neuvillette followed you, and the two of you sat side by side on the couch as you spread the photos out on the coffee table. Neuvillette was right, they did turn out well. You had been a bit worried that they might come out blurry or at odd angles, but overall, they all looked pretty good, considering the fact that you hadn’t used a Kamera in a long time.

“You have a very good eye for photography, Madame,” Neuvillette remarked as he picked up a photo of the Weeping Willow. “Have you considered pursuing a career in that field?”

“Oh, not at all. My old drawing teacher was much better at it than me, enough to make a living out of it, and she taught me a few tricks.”

“‘Was’? Do you mean...” Neuvillette trailed off.

“Yes. It was a few years ago.”

“Ah...I see. I'm sorry to hear that.”

There was a brief, awkward silence. Neuvillette looked as though he wanted to say something more. You would rather not deal with that, so your eyes roamed around the scattered photos on the table before they landed on something silver. “Oh, my pictures of you!” you said, leaning forward to grab them. “See, what did I tell you, Neuvillette. There’s nothing more picturesque than beautiful scenery and a handsome man.”

Neuvillette leaned closer towards you to examine the photos for himself. His hair brushed against your shoulder, and you could feel the heat of his body against your arm. A thought suddenly struck you. If you turned your head right now, your lips would brush against his cheek in the same spot where you had kissed it before.

Inexplicably, your face turned warm at the thought. The back of your hand tingled.

Perhaps things didn’t quite remain the same after the date.

It truly had been a spur of the moment move. Your roiling emotions, aided by the instigation of the Melusines, had pushed you to do it.

Later that night, as you laid in bed, your mind replaying that scene over and over to an infuriating degree, you had rifled through all the emotions you had felt at that time. Embarrassment, disbelief, a strange sort of elation…

But the one emotion that had been missing no matter how hard you searched for it, was regret.

Overt acts of affection had never been your forte, but it seemed like the right thing to do at the time.

Well, cheek kisses don’t inherently mean anything significant, you had told yourself. Friends do it with each other all the time. And Neuvillette is my friend. A very dear friend. So it’s perfectly fine. Case closed.

Indeed, Neuvillette didn’t seem to look at you or treat you any differently after the fact, so why should you? No doubt he was used to receiving such acts of intimacy—most likely even more intimate—from people who were far more glamorous than you. A brief brush of lips against his cheek probably meant nothing to him.

As for the hand kiss, well, that was something that gentlemen like him did. It also didn’t mean anything. It couldn’t.

The thought that these kisses were all meaningless did sting a little bit, but considering the circumstances, you had no right to complain.

“I must confess that I do not see what makes these pictures any better than the ones you took of the scenery,” Neuvillette’s voice interrupted your thoughts. His eyes were fixed on the photo, so thankfully he didn’t notice your reddened cheeks. “Or of the Melusines, for that matter.”

“Well, even if you don’t appreciate them, I do. I’ll treat them like a family treasure.”

“A family treasure? That’s a bit excessive, is it not?”

“I don’t think so. These are pretty rare items, aren’t they?”

Since Neuvillette didn’t appear in public much, there were not many pictures of him outside of the rare interview and official events. Hmm, I wonder how much they’ll sell for? Not that I would ever do that, of course. …Well, maybe if I’m in dire financial straits. I’ll ask for Neuvillette’s permission beforehand if it ever comes to that.

You went through the remaining photos. Each one sparked a memory. The Weeping Willow, the sea, Merusea Village underwater—you really had been to all of those places. With Neuvillette, no less. The entirety of that day was only known to the two of you.

The days after your date had been so mundane and normal that you were half-convinced that it had all been a strange dream. Thoughts and memories were such mutable things, after all. Someone like you on a date with the Chief Justice? Not even in your wildest delusions would something like that ever happen. But these pictures were proof that it did.

You knew that you would probably think back on that day for the rest of your life, holding it close to your chest like a treasured gemstone and taking it out whenever times got tough. A sparkling memory of your youth that you would smile back fondly upon in your autumn years, a lone glimmering star in the dark that would inspire you move forward…

Wait, why am I getting so sappy and sentimental? Just because of a date? Ugh, come on now.

You glanced at Neuvillette, who was currently enjoying a glass of water (imported from Inazuma). You doubted that he felt the same way as you about the date. It was probably just like a drop of water in a vast ocean to him.

That thought pricked at you, but you chose to ignore it.

You sifted through the pictures until you came across a certain snapshot. Just as you were about to flip it over, a gloved finger pressed down against the photo, stopping you.

“This one is my favorite,” Neuvillette said. Once again, his face was right next to yours, but you couldn’t read his expression.

“Because you were the one who took it?”

“No,” he said, then turned his head towards you. “Because it’s of you.”

“Neuvillette…” you said after a short silence. You fidgeted with your reddened fingertips. “I don’t understand how you can say things like that with such a straight face.”

“Is it truly so strange?” Neuvillette looked perplexed. “I was simply saying my true feelings. And it is not as though you have refrained from such comments either.”

“You do have a point,” you conceded, although that still didn’t mean it didn’t catch you off guard. You turned your attention back to the photo of you. To be honest, it didn’t turn out half bad. Sure, you looked incredibly stiff and awkward and your hair was a mess and you had no idea what you were thinking when you matched that sweater with that skirt, but…it could have turned out worse.

“May I keep this photo?” Neuvillette asked.

“Of course, but what will you do with it? Surely you aren’t going to put it on your office desk or anything, right?”

“No, of course not. I would put it in a drawer, so I may take it out and look at it whenever I like.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“Is it so wrong for a husband to want to look at a picture of his wife every once in a while? Many of the Palais staff also keep pictures of their loved ones on their desks. Why shouldn’t I?” Neuvillette paused for a little bit before adding, “And it would be one way for me to see your face more often, considering how I don’t get many chances of that during the day.”

“Hmm…very well, then,” you didn’t quite get why he would want to see more of your face, but if it made him happy, then you supposed there was nothing to complain about. Neuvillette is actually quite good at this kind of thing, you thought to yourself. Just imagine what it would be like when he gets married to someone he loves.

Now you really felt bad about your (hypothetical) future plans about selling Neuvillette’s photos. I’m an insensitive boor compared to him.

You reached the last of the photos. It was the one of you and Neuvillette standing in front of the sunset.

“You made two copies for the both of us,” you said as you looked at them. “How thoughtful.”

As you gazed at the pictures, you couldn’t help but feel a complex mixture of emotions. There was a surrealness to this photo that the others lacked. If this were a novel, this would be the point where you would wake up and return to reality after discovering something out of place in your life. No matter how you looked at it, you and Neuvillette were mismatched. Two people who were only brought together because of a weird quirk of fate.

But on the other hand…it was a beautiful photo. You had been somewhat worried that the two of you wouldn’t be centered in the frame, but it turned out well. The sunset made for a lovely backdrop. Even though both of you were looking very stiff, and neither of you were smiling.

You remembered that moment clearly. In those few minutes, you felt as light as a feather, like there was nothing tying you to the ground.

Would you ever feel that way again?

“I’m also very fond of this one,” Neuvillette said next to you. When you turned your head, you saw that he was not looking at the photos, but at you. It was then that you realized you were smiling. For some reason, you turned your head away.

“I just realized something,” you said, to cover up the awkward moment. “I’ve taken so many pictures, but I’ve got nowhere to put them all.”

“Ah, about that,” there was an excitement, subdued but present, in his voice. He sounded the same as he did when he introduced you to some new exotic variety of water. “I have a surprise for you. Please, come with me to my study.”

A surprise from Neuvillette? You had an inkling as to what it could be, but that didn’t stop you from putting all the photos back in the envelope and following him upstairs to his study, a domain you had yet to step into. It was a smaller version of his office at the Palais Mermonia, with its large desk, soft rugs, and tall bookshelves that lined the walls. There was also a fireplace here and a cozy-looking couch.

As Neuvillette went to take something out of a cabinet, you covertly examined the shelves. They were mainly filled with books on law, human psychology, history (most of which you’ve already read, having borrowed them from the library), and other similarly serious topics. Oddly enough, you spotted a few children’s picture books. Gifts from the Melusines? Or for entertaining them whenever they visit?

“Madame, here it is,” Neuvillette said, and you walked over to the desk, where there was a large, leather-bound album with metal corners.

“Oh, Neuvillette, you shouldn’t have!” you exclaimed, flipping through the album. There should be just enough space to put all the pictures from your date in it. You looked up to thank him, but was met with the sight of Neuvillette taking out yet another album from the cabinet. This one was wider, with a ribbon tied into a neat bow on the spine. Perhaps Neuvillette bought a second album, just in case the first one wouldn’t fit all of your pictures?

But, as though to dash all reasonable explanations, Neuvillette took out another album from the cabinet, then another. It seemed never-ending, this deluge of albums. After a while, it became sort of funny, like a comedy sketch. You watched, open-mouthed, as the desk became covered with albums of all shapes and sizes.

Finally, after the tenth one, the deluge stopped. Neuvillette looked at you expectantly. “Well, Madame, which one do you prefer?”

“Wait a minute, let me get this right,” you said, backing up a step and surveying the desk. “You bought all these albums just for me to choose one?”

“Yes, I did,” Neuvillette said, nodding as though this was a perfectly normal thing to do. Was this how the minds of the wealthy worked? It was beyond your comprehension. “I was unsure which one would be most to your liking, so I decided to buy them all.”

“Oh, Neuvillette, you really shouldn’t have…” you said. “This is too excessive. Why didn’t you ask me to come with you when you went shopping? And you know I’d like anything you picked out for me.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise…” Neuvillette said. He looked a bit deflated, and you felt bad.

“Can you return them?”

“It would be highly inconvenient for the shopkeeper if I did so,” Neuvillette said, then added in an abashed tone, “And I was told that all sales are final.”

“How unfortunate,” you looked down at the desk again. Was it possible for anyone to fill up all these albums in their lifetime? Maybe if they had a lifespan as long as Neuvillette’s. “Maybe they could make an exception for the Iudex?”

“I would rather not use my position in such a manner.”

“Well then, how about we give them away?”

“Give them away…” Neuvillette considered your words. “I-I suppose that could work… it is a reasonable idea. Yes, quite reasonable indeed.”

Neuvillette…if only you could see the look on your face right now. He looked like a kicked puppy. However, you decided to hold your tongue.

“Hmm, on second thought, it would be quite rude of me to give away presents from my generous husband,” you said. “I’ll keep them all. Thank you, Neuvillette.”

You patted his hand. He looked down at your hand on top of his, his eyes unreadable. He lightly brushed his fingers against your own.

“You need not force yourself to accept them if you do not want them,” he said quietly.

“But I do want them. They’re from you, after all. We’ll just have to take plenty more photos to get your money’s worth.”

“‘We?’”

“Yes, ‘we.’ Did you expect me to fill up these albums all on my own?”

“Certainly, it would be more efficient if we worked together,” Neuvillette nodded to himself. “Very well, then, Madame. I will assist you in this endeavour.”

With that settled, you decided to put the date photos in the first brown leather album. It had a vintage look to it that you liked.

“It’s getting late, Madame. You should be going to bed soon,” Neuvillette informed you.

“What about you?” Neuvillette didn’t seem to be making any moves to retire for the night just yet.

“There are a few more matters that I need to take care of, but do not worry, it won’t take very long.”

“Okay then,” you nodded, stepping towards the door. But just as you were about to leave the study, a thought suddenly struck you. “Oh, by the way, Neuvillette.”

“Yes, Madame?”

“Has Lady Furina been bothering you about…about me lately?”

Neuvillette blinked. He was silent for a moment before speaking. “She has. But it’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m quite used to handling her.”

“But…”

“There is no need to worry, Madame. She will never need to know about you,” Neuvillette’s tone was firm. “I will do my utmost to make sure it stays that way.”

“…Alright,” you said, but it wasn’t relief that flooded your heart. “Good night, Neuvillette.”

“Good night, Madame.”

You closed the study door quietly behind you.

#neuvillette x reader #the winding path of fate

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calissto · 4 months ago

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On Writing Every Day

Possibly the most ubiquitous piece of writing advice: write everyday. Write every day or you’re not a writer, your work has no value, you’ll never get good, you’ll never go pro. Maybe I am at a bit of a disadvantage because I’ve never published a book, but I feel like I have some place to question this motion.

Don’t write every day. Write often.

Because I agree; writing is like a muscle; you must train it. You have to exercise your vocabulary, your voice, your prose — all as often as you can. It’s essential. But you can do all of these things without gluing yourself to the chair each and every day. Some of us just can’t do that — some of us have obligations; a job, school, sickness, or emergencies. Things come up. And some of us just don’t want to. And that’s okay, too.

I say write often because it’s a promise you can keep. No matter how pressed for time, you can construct a schedule around often. You can stick to that. Practice becomes joyous instead of overwhelming. You will improve without being weighed down by guilt clouding your judgment, adding on to the already compounding series of worries and doubts you have about your identity as a writer anyway.

Often can look like this: every other day, a few days a week, a few days a month. Often is up to you. It’s a malleable guideline, and that’s why I like it. It’s about constant practice — routinely coming to dance with your writerly spirit without letting it die nor allowing it to overshadow everything else you are. You can be a writer and other things, too. It’s essential you are other things, too, otherwise you pigeonhole yourself and dull any unique perspective you may bring to the vast, ever-broadening literary table. Have something to share with your peers. Something to bestow. Besides, some of us have dreams besides writing we would like to pursue, and we have every right to pursue them.

I think writing (well) is so demanding we sometimes forget writing is an incredibly forgiving art. It doesn’t usually feel like it. Writing is difficult (because it is everything) and mystifying and capricious. It feels like the most unforgiving art (because it is: it can be forgiving and unforgiving all at the same time, because it is everything). The muse coquettishly woos us one day then sets us on fire the next. You can have amazing ideas and, propelled by the whirlwind it conjures in your mind, sit down to write and hate everything you put down. The inner critic can be restricting, mean, impossible to satisfy. Plots can get dizzyingly convoluted and messy (and sometimes they don’t come at all! Yay!), wips take years and decades to perfect. You can spend hours, days, weeks, months, years in confusion as to what the fuck you’re even meant to be doing in order to make your story work. Just thinking about all this makes me tired. Writing can be grueling.

But it is also forgiving.

We can take our time. We can fix our stories again and again and again. We can wait until we're ready for the world to see it.

A contradictory mistress, writing is. The truth is your writing hands will not fall off if you choose to take some time off. You do not really forget to write creatively. Oh, you can get rusty, and it can take some time to get your groove back, but the talent you’ve accumulated (and, perhaps, have been born with) does not evaporate out of thin air just because you step away from your word processor. I, myself, have stepped away from writing for large swaths of time only to return just as strong as I was before. If this is indeed a problem for you, I suggest reading more often — just so you can remain close to writing without actually doing it. You can stay familiar and play with language and characters and plotting without actually doing anything— watch essays on movies and characters. Stay engaged. Don’t feel like your talents will be irrevocably blunted by a break, no matter how long it is.

I often think writers are their own jailers, while other writers you associate with and look up to can function as fellow wardens; what exactly is gonna happen if you don’t write everyday? I’ve come to really detest writing “rules.” There are no rules — they aren’t even rules to be broken. There are guidelines and things that have worked in the past. The trick is to learn what has worked for others, why, and what works for you. Mix and match at your own discretion. The life of a writer is often a solitary, lonesome affair. Not just because you do it yourself, but because you are your own god; a huge part of being a writer is fashioning things for yourself, coming up with your own rules, if you dare to call them as such. You conjure up worlds for your own amusement. So, the way we find ourselves chained to the so-called rules and those who espouse them has become kinda hilarious to me.

Also, go ahead and accept this: a lot of what defines good writing is completely out of your hands. What is popular and lauded as a masterpiece today may be rejected and ignored tomorrow. There are principles to help you bridge the gap of generations — compelling characters, thoughtful plotting, and, oh, idk, basic understanding of storytelling elements etc, but we all will have our own personal talents as writers. Rest assured, you’ll be an acquired taste, so go ahead and study your own talents and strengths as a word person. What are the things you love about writing? What do you like to zero in on? What do you look forward to? Focus on those things, and just try to have a basic grasp of other, essential things.

The point is this: if writing really is that important to you, it will be in your life somehow. You won’t have to make room so much as it will wedge itself into one of the movie theater seats in your mind. Your mind will wander to your wips. You’ll think of your characters at random times. You’ll picture your settings and scenes will just randomly come to you. Don’t worry about it so much! Write often, stay engaged, but if you need a break, take one.

#essays #writing positivity #writing advice #on writing #writing tips #writing every day #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writing community #writing #writerscommunity #writers and poets

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redbreastedbird · 8 months ago

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hello oh my goodness you're on tumblr 😭😭😭I don't really know how to convey how HAPPY your books make me feel. I re-read mmu books one through five for christmas and I intend to re-read the rest before mua three is out!

arkjdmsb I don't even know what to say except a huge big massive THANK YOU for creating this amazing universe where anyone and everyone can be gay and solve crimes. nuala holds a special place in my heart as we're both bespectacled autisic irish people. every time she speaks irish I gain like three years of life expectancy. I love hazel to pieces as well. when I was younger, she felt like a friend to me, like I had just accidentally picked up her casebooks and solving crimes alongside her and daisy (and of course the junior pinkertons!)

I will never forget reading the last chapter of the body in the blitz and coming to the realisation that like. almost everyone in this room is queer. and this is a kids book in an era of draconian book-banning legislation, and there are just queer characters right there. just being people, really really good people, existing almost a hundred years ago. neurodivergent, poc, disabled, queer and trans characters. yes!

I am just rambling oh my god 🤦love you lots and keep up the incredible, ground-breaking, joyous work <3

This is so nice?! Thank you so so much. And yes, this is everything I wanted to do with my books.

Sarah Waters has a line about how she writes historical novels about queer women because she wants to show her readers that queer women have always existed, and I really internalised that. It matters so much to be able to show that none of this is new - that humans have always been every identity they are today, it’s just that mainstream culture never wanted to admit it. I’m trying to put the reality back into history - honestly, I’ve probably underestimated the diversity, if anything.

I know I have said this a lot, but I grew up under section 28 in the UK, in a time when you basically could not show queer characters in a children’s book (the only queer characters I remember seeing were the angels in His Dark Materials), and so it took me a long time to really trust that I was allowed to put queer characters in my own books. Making Daisy on the page queer was one of the scariest things I had ever done, and I still sort of cannot believe I did it. But it means so much to me to just be able to put on the page now that oh, George has a boyfriend now, and for it to be a basically unremarkable thing. And also to create a trans character with Anna, who transitioned before the novel and is now just living her life!

I really hope that there’s a generation of authors coming up now who have grown up with books like mine and who will do this kind of thing even more readily than I have been able to. The world is such a scary place for people who don’t fit into the norm, but there are so many of us, just out there living our lives, and books help us see that.

Long story short: be gay solve crimes. ❤️

#murder most unladylike #ministry of unladylike activity #the body in the blitz #Sarah waters #section 28

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sarawritestories · 2 years ago

Text

You Found Me

Harry Wells x Fem Reader Feat Oliver Queen

Alright @yetanotherwells hopefully the tag works!

A/N: Ever since the Arrow episode of season 9 aired, this story has been in my head, not wanting to leave, and i wanted to share. That being said: SPOILERS FOR SEASON 9 READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! Also, this is my first story im sharing on here, and i would greatly appreciate any feedback!

Content Warning ⚠️: brief talk of grief, little bit of angst, and a whole lot of fluff

Summary: With the return of Oliver Queen, Y/N begins to think of all the other people who she lost at the hands of crisis. Oliver then gives her a precious gift before he has to leave.

The West-Allen household was set ablaze with chatter, laughter, and clinking of drinks to celebrate the return of Oliver Queen, even if it's a temporary return. Barry was out making sure that Ramsey got to Iron Heights with no problems. Y/N sat by the fireplace observing the joy and happiness of all her friends, especially Oliver.

She was elated to see her oldest friend. Though with every happy memory and joyous moment she had that night, a somber thought or memory would take its place. She began to fall deeper in her thoughts, spinning the diamond ring on her finger, her mind trailed to the Grumpy Scientist that put it on said finger.

"I know that look," Oliver's voice pulled her out of her thoughts as he took a seat next to her. "Where did you go?"

Y/N gave a small smile, "I'm happy to see you, Ollie, I've missed you."

Olivrr reciprocated the smile and nudged her shoulder with his, "I've been keeping an eye on you, so much so, I want to thank you." Y/N furrowed her brows, and his smile wavered only for a moment. "For keeping Felicity company and taking care of her. I miss you both often, but affection is not going to make me forget my question." He grabbed her hand, "Talk to me, Y/N."

She released a sigh, "Good to know you're still insufferable." They both laughed, "i am happy you're here. It's just when i see you that i can't help but think of all the other people i lost due to crisis." She glanced down to her wedding rings, tears pooling in her eyes.

Oliver followed her gaze and gave a nod of understanding, "Harry," she nodded as Oliver pulled her into an embrace. Tears began to streak Y/N's cheeks.

"Ollie, every day feels like my heart has a hole that keeps growing that might swallow me whole." She sniffled, "I never even got to say goodbye to him."

Oliver rubbed soothing circles with his thumb to comfort his grieving friend. Then, an idea struck him. He pulled away from the embrace as Y/N wiped her tears from her face. "I've interfered plenty with the multiverse tonight, but i have one more thing to do," he rose to his feet.

Y/N gave him a confused look, "What does that mean?"

Oliver held out his hand that she took cautiously. He pulled her close and whispered in her ear, causing her eyes to widen. He pulled away, still holding her hand, "That's all i can tell you, unfortunately, but maybe this could bring you some peace."

Excitement and nerves bubbled over as she gave the former vigilante a kiss on the cheek, "Thank you, Oliver, Im going to miss you!"

Oliver smiled as Y/N made her way toward the exit, "I'll miss you too, Y/N."

~2 hours later~

The breach opened, and Y/N stepped out onto the parking lot. Though the place was familiar, there were parts that were new to her. As she faced the building of the parking lot she was standing in, she gasped. Wasting no time, she ran into Earth 2's S.T.A.R Labs.

Walking in, she became overwhelmed with senses. The most potent being the familiar smell of him. A rush of memories hit her, the first time they met in the cortex at Earth 1, their first kiss, their first date. Before she drowned in the sea of memories, she pressed forward toward the elevator.

Y/N pulse began to beat rapidly as she approached the second level. She smoothed out her knee-length dress to remove some of the persperation on her hands. The doors opened, and the office was just how she left it. Everything looked in place and the same.

Cautiously, she walked up to his desk, papers with his handwriting cluttered the desk. She grabbed the frame that was on his desk. Fresh tears blurred her vision of her, and Jessie kissing both of his cheeks in front of a christmas tree from the West Christmas party. "I miss you so much, Harry," she put the picture back on the desk.

"I've missed you too, Princess." The familiar voice caused the young hero to straighten her spine. She turned around, and her eyes met Harry's crystal blue ones.

"Harrison," Y/N whispered under her breath, a rare moment where she called him by his full name. His hair was shorter, clean shaven at the sides with his curls up top, and he was in a suit with a full smile on his face. He was even more handsome than she remembered.

He rubbed his hands together nervously. "I know you may have a lot of-" he couldn't finish the sentence as she leaped into his arms, burying her face in his neck. Harry returned her embrace his hand held the back of her head.

"You're real," she whispered.

He chuckled, "I'm real, Princess," he pulled away to face her again and brushed a loose strand of hair from her face.

"I don't know how this is possible. I knew that the multiverse was being restored, but I didn't think that it would restore the people." She stepped out of his grasp and was speaking a million words per minute. "What about your intelligence did that come back? What about the council? Jessie?"

Harry stepped in front of his wife and cupped her face in his hands, "Y/N, can I kiss my wife now?"

Y/N smiled and nodded. Harry pressed his lips on hers. He tilted her head to deepen the kiss. After a few moments, they separated for air, and he grabbed her hand and led her to the balcony. "Tell me something, how did you know where to find me?" He wrapped his arms around her and pressed her back against his front as the sun began to set.

In the distance, Y/N saw a hooded figure in green, who gave her a nod before disappearing. "I had some help from an old friend." Harry kissed the top of her head as they watched the sunset on Earth-2.

#harrison wells #harry wells #the flash cw #harrison wells x reader #harry wells x reader #the flash #the flash fanfiction

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kunekojo · 2 years ago

Note

Hello there, I'd like to request a poly scenario for Jushiro and Shunsui. I have brainstorms about teaming up with Shunsui to softy praise Jushiro. Overwhelm him with affection.

-@dragon-anon 🐉

Aaaaaaa if it's one thing I love so much, it's overly praise and affection. Jushiro’s precious when it comes to these and I can't put into words how excited I am for this idea. Please do keep these lil brainstorms coming!!! I sincerely hope you enjoy it 🥹 this is my very first time writing anything for Junshiro and I honestly hope I did him well. Just the way he deserves to.

Love bomb

Pairing: Jushiro Ukitake x Kyoraku Shunsui x GN!Reader

Tags: praise, lots of praise to Jushiro from you both, and don't forget the immense amount of affection!!!

WC: 1,1k

•••

Noticing the quietness of you two, Jushiro promptly halts his words, shifting his body to see what’s wrong.

He’s never had you both silent at the same time before, so it’s a little worrying. Every time he finds himself talking for a little longer than he anticipated, either you or Shunsui accompany him in the discussion while the other observes comfortably, making tiny comments occasionally. Maybe it’s something he said that caused this result so it’s for the best to check up as soon as possible, and learn the meaning behind this odd behavior both you and Shunsui are showing.

Upon the turn, his eyes dart to the spot where you two are supposed to be, in each other's arms. Truthfully, the option of you two lovingly gazing at each other is a possibility and one he'd much rather see than his initial guess. Yet surprisingly, it's neither of them.

His brows draw together with a hint of uncertainty, finding himself being yearningly peered at by two sets of heavy-lidded eyes. You two are simply standing there, maintaining eye contact with him while wearing laid-back eyes and beaming smiles. It’s like you’re enjoying his company just by staring at him, even if he hasn’t actually done something noteworthy.

Despite this, he still feels the need to clear the air and ensure nothing bad is happening. He can’t dig the thought of one of you feeling unwell, distressed.

“Is there something wrong?” his body leans towards you and Shunsui, a look of puzzlement crossing his face.

“No, why do you think that?” you promptly reply, a little taken aback by what he said.

Shunsui remains silent but nods in agreement with you, curious himself regarding Jushiro’s concern.

“You’re both silent, which is a little unusual. “ he pauses, looking intently at you and then at Shunsui. “Is it about something I said?” there has to be an explanation?

“Not at all, dear. Why would you think that?” Shunsui lifts himself in his arms, observing Jushiro’s expression with a wide smile blooming on his face.

You two have just been paying attention to him. Paying attention to his motions, paying attention to the joyous excitement covering his voice as he went on to elaborate on various ideas preoccupying his mind.

Both you and Shunsui like to call these moments “Junshiro loving hours”. A time in which you both comfortably enjoy his presence together, occasionally giving content looks to each other. Junshiro rarely notices you with how captured he is by his own discussion, but at last, he seems to have figured out your little activity.

“You’re both just silently staring at me.” He states plainly, still clueless.

“Not in a negative way.” the brunette hums, a little amused with the lack of observation from Junshiro’s side. He turns his head to look at you as you give him a wide grin that shows how equally thrilled you are.

It’s a little precious that he can’t tell that all you’re doing is adoring him.

“Then in what way?” His genuine curiosity makes you wonder how he can’t figure out what you’re doing. Perhaps it’s because of the looks on your faces, they probably don’t look as soft as you both think.

Both of you allow for a brief moment of silence, but you can’t bear to leave him in the dark with the way he’s glancing at you. You slowly raise your body and walk to him, placing a loving hand against the skin of his jawline. The little gesture gets a gasp out of him, making him melt into your touch. Shunsui on the other hand waits in the same position, chuckling as he eyes you both.

“We’re just admiring you, you silly goose.” you enlighten him, drawing soft circles with the pad of your index. “Haven’t you heard of lovingly gazing at your significant other?” The hint of teasing in your voice sends shivers down his body.

“Oh, ahh, I didn’t notice.” He replies shortly, reaching to scratch his neck.

“Why else would we give you big idiot smiles, eeeh?” Shunsui purrs. “You handsome thing.”

He is quick to follow after you, pushing himself to get up on his legs and approach Junshiro alongside you. One of his hands wraps around your waist while the other binds to Junshiro’s, getting a faint reaction of pleased surprise out of him. He pulls you both against his chest, holding you close to feel yourbits of warmth.

Being faced with these circumstances, Junshiro shakes his head wryly, only now grasping the situation he’s in. Your stares gain a new meaning now that he thinks about it. He didn’t even do much, just ramble about his things like usual, but he welcomes your kind thoughts with open arms. Though, he can’t help but wonder, what made you suddenly feel like this?

He means to question you but you absorb his curiosity just by looking into his eyes, cutting him off right when he opens his mouth by placing a finger on his lips.

“I mean, how can we not look at you when you’re this precious?” You further trace it to his cheeks, rubbing him firmly while you place soft kisses after each touch. “You’re so adorable when you talk about your favorite things..”

“Don’t forget the tiny hand motions he does, Y/N,” Shunsui exclaims, cherishing the fresh image inside his he kisses Junshiro’s other cheek, then locks his gaze on him so he can enjoy the glimmer of astonishment in his eyes. “You ought to love it when he moves his hands while he talks like that.” He twists his head to look at you, eyes widening as you both fuel each other to ponder on all the things you love about your beloved.

“Oh god, absolutely. But did you notice when he fiddled with his fingers, hmmm?” You playfully test him.

Shunsui hums in amusement. “I can’t believe you think I’d miss tiny details. Of course, I did! There's no way I would break the rules.” he clamors, pouting at you while he tugs Junshiro closer.

On the other hand, Junshiro stares at you both, dazzled by the abundance of soft praise. He indulges himself in your affection so much that he holds hushed, smiling extensively as a smooth tint of rosy pink flushes his cheeks.

Maybe it’s the weight of your words that makes him so undeniably loved, but it’s what he deserves. He has to know he’s treasured by you and Shunsui, even if it means it’ll overwhelm him a little. In the same way, you're both deserving of equal treatment. He can't just stay there and not send waves of appreciation and love to you too.

“I love you two so much.” he mouths softly, snatching both your attentions with kisses returned to your cheeks as he holds you both dearly.

#shunsui fluff #shunsui x you #shunsui x reader #shunsui x y/n #shunsui kyoraku #kyouraku shunsui #shunsui bleach #kyoraku x ukitake #ukitake jushiro x reader #jushiro ukitake #bleach ukitake #jūshirō ukitake #polyamourous #fluff #bleach asks #my asks #bleach #bleach imagine

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painonthebrain · 25 days ago

Text

Good Person

Whumptober Day 30: Holding back tears

Masterlist

Content: Angst, alcohol use, drug use

The party has finally picked up the pace now, full of people and thrumming with their energy, and Sydney couldn’t be having a better time. She’s in her element – breezing from person to person, chatting them up and offering her company in spades, generous and amiable. The whole place glitters and glows, her glowing the most of all. It’s like she has a shine to her, like she gives off her own light, energetic and charismatic and at home with all these strangers, making friends with each and every one of them.

She’s in a group of people, doubled over, leaning back against a chair, face flushed a pretty blue, warm with alcohol and the buzz of the party. She’s running on their energy, fueling her own, feeding it back into the party which then goes back into the loop, endless and joyous. Every part of reality is left behind here, and it’s so wonderful to forget and lose herself.

Eventually, she leaves the group behind, practically sauntering back to her girlfriend after all the mingling, leaving them with nothing more than a smile and a wave. She clutches a red Solo cup in her hands with an inch of liquid left in it. Punch mixed with alcohol. She’d poured enough in to change the taste of it, a disgusting mixture of sweet and bitter that burns going down. It was still pretty tasty though. Fizzy and fruity. It just had a bit of a kick, just how she liked it.

“Oh! Sydney!” Elise’s voice lilts with recognition, and Sydney smiles, coming closer.

“Hey, Ellie. Hope you didn’t miss me while I was over there.” She gestures to the group of partygoers, all laughing and drunken just like herself, still having a good time without her. She has her own laugh, giggling to herself at bits of conversation she remembers from moments ago. “How’s it going?”

Elise’s mouth twists, her lips pressed together. “Can we talk?” She looks uncomfortable, waiting, and Sydney forgets the party, getting closer.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

Elise’s lips don’t part. It’s like she’s trying to find the right words, barely being able to grasp them before they slip away from her forever. Like she’s in the middle of a test she didn’t study for but felt prepared she was going to ace. Like she’s forgotten the lines of a play, standing in front of a dead silent audience, sweating under the spotlights and wishing she was anywhere but here.

Something is wrong.

“El?”

“Sydney. I… I need you to listen to me.”

“I’m listening.” She affirms. I’ve got you. You’re ok. But please just fucking tell me what’s going on.

“For real this time.”

Sydney averts her gaze, looking away, exhaling. She takes a moment to keep herself together, then turns back to her girlfriend. “You got it.” She smiles, a forced, artificial thing, just to make her feel better.

“I… don’t really like how this is going.” She starts.

“This?” Can she be more vague? Just tell me.

“God, I don’t know how to tell you this, Syd —” Elise’s voice turns strained. She runs a hand over her face, closing her eyes tight. “I hate doing this. I hate it but I… I don’t think we’re good for each other.” She spits the last part out like it’s poisonous, like it’s going to bite her if she doesn’t get away from it quickly enough.

Sydney’s body is stone-still, frozen. The roles are reversed, and she’s the one who can’t find the words now, her voice trapped in her throat, making feeble attempts to escape, her mind working through the monumental and looming meaning of her girlfriend’s words.

The world seems to come to a standstill, but the party goes on. Everything goes on. The world is still turning, even though it feels like it should be paused on the spot, frozen in the moment.

“I… you’re breaking up with me?” Sydney's voice is low over the droning of people talking and partying, barely audible over the thumping of an ambiguous bassline. Something that matches the beat of her heart, quick and heavy.

“I’m not breaking up with you, I’m just — I need some space. Okay?” Elise says quickly. It’s obviously a lie. She isn’t stupid.

Sydney stares at the woman speaking to her. She’s a beautiful purple-hued woman with Afro puffs, wearing a dress Sydney said she loved when she saw her try it on. But here she almost seems like a stranger, a reflection of her from the mirror, someone else.

She’s beautiful in the dim lighting, eyes shining like Sydney always says they do. They look sad. Sydney almost wants to fix it, but the urge to reach out and hold her has turned bitter already, tainted by wondering what went wrong.

Sydney opens her mouth to speak, then shuts it, grinding her teeth together.

“You’re just not… what I thought you were like when we met.”

Her eyes sting. “Yeah. Okay.” She looks down.

So it’s this again. Meet a girl at a party, break up with her at a party. It always fucking happens. One day she’ll grow a spine and stop falling for it.

“What else is new?”

Elise steps forward. “I’m just saying you’re —”

Sydney snaps. “I know you think I’m stupid but you don’t have to tell me twice, I can get it into my head that you don’t like me!”

“God — if you would just listen—”

She’s already become impassioned, her face flushed an angry purple. “I don’t want to hear it! Just leave me if you want to do it so damn badly!”

Her ex(?) stares at her, incredulous. She takes a moment to think, silent and still, then she reaches out for her. “Hey. Syd.” Her voice is firm. “I think you’re… you’re wonderful, you’re … you are a good person.” She places her hands on Sydney’s shoulders. “I know you don’t think you are, but —”

Sydney looks down. She doesn’t feel like a good person. Not really. Maybe in some funhouse mirror reality but not here. Not like this. Especially not when Elise is treating her like a wild animal.

“But this…” Elise’s voice goes quiet. She doesn’t meet Sydney’s eyes, and it’s such a death sentence she can’t bear to look herself, tearing her eyes away and closing them. Then suddenly she’s leaning away, pushing the other’s hands from her body. They come apart, and Sydney stumbles back, her body arcing with energy, filled with the urge to fight just like that.

“...isn’t right for me.”

There it is.

Sydney breathes in, rough and shaky. The tears behind her eyes threaten to spill out at any moment. There’s nothing left to say that won’t come out shaky and wrong – and her energy turns from hot and violent to cold and sharp, losing her bite – so she nods, quick and silent, brows drawn tightly, then turns away, stepping back and disappearing into the crowd.

The people ebb and flow around her, and the once spectacular and fun company they made becomes suffocating. She can hear her ex call to her distantly, but it goes ignored.

God, this fucking crowd!– Can’t they learn to get out of her way?

She weaves through the people like they’re nothing, shoving them, not caring because they are nothing, she’ll never see them again – and if she does, they probably won’t remember anyway – until she finds an empty room, darkened and quiet.

She lets out a shaky sigh, wiping her eyes because the prickling behind them has intensified during the time she spent pushing past people and… yeah. That. She takes a moment to just let herself breathe, because… God.

She takes a deep breath in —

It stinks like weed in here. Like someone is smoking. …Fuck.

She spins around to look in the direction the smell is coming from and yep – there’s someone in the corner of the room, blanketed by shadows, smoke streaming from a joint, looking up at her.

“Shit, sorry –” She exclaims. “I can leave.”

The stranger watches her with his scarlet eyes, blinking slowly, taking her in for the mess she is. Self consciousness eats at the back of her mind for some reason. He must be so annoyed.

“S’fine.” He seems so oddly unaffected by her presence, and if he is at all, he doesn’t show it.

She lets out a shaky breath. “Okay. Okay, th-thank you.” She grows less tense, leaning against the wall, still trying to calm herself.

He nods and takes a hit, closing his eyes. Sydney watches him as he does, obviously staring, and her eyes dart away when he opens his again. He’s green-hued, with half-circle-like markings on his cheeks and short, chin length hair. There’s a bit of scruff on his chin just like hers. He seems so calm and put together and she wishes she could feed off of his energy now instead of all the crazed, frazzled partygoers surrounding her.

“You good?” He asks after a good, long moment of silence between them.

“Oh — oh, uhh… it’s nothing.” She stares into her cup filled with that nasty mixture of punch and alcohol, the one she’s nearly downed completely. It looks disgusting now. She still takes a few sips though, just to help banish her feelings. It’s always been good at doing that, but she isn’t sure how well it will work with so little left. She can always go back and get more, but she’d rather not run into her.

“…” Sydney grinds her teeth together. “Well, actually —” She starts tentatively, turning ever so slightly towards her company. “Actually, I… it is something.”

He tilts his head, exhaling his smoke. “Hmm?” He hums, and it’s enough of a response that she goes on, encouraged.

“Well, I – I’m at this party, right? And my girlfriend – Hold on, wait, maybe I should start from the beginning.” She says, disorganized and all over the place. Her eyes are distant, staring off at the ceiling as she speaks, clutching the plastic cup like it will ground her during the experience.

“I… go to parties often. I, I don’t know if you do, but I do. It’s to take my mind off of things. Work, mostly. I hate work.” She says it with vehemence, spitting out the word work. “I hate it… ssso fucking much.”

“Yeah. Fuck work.” The man agrees, nodding – and she can’t tell if he’s smiling ever-so-slightly, but it looks like he might be, his expression knowing and wry.

She laughs a little. Look at that, they both have something in common, and it’s so mundane and basic. Work. Yeah, work sucks so much, haha — it’s just like someone else here to say that.

With that, she realizes she kind of likes him. He’s just so… chill. And a little mysterious-looking. The only thing he’s listening to is her, and it just… feels a little nice.

It’s the type of selfishness she’s been chided for, just interrupting and making things into her own space, but he’s just letting her. So why not take advantage?

“So I have this girlfriend – had her – she… she broke up with me! Can you believe that??

“Maybe she wanted to talk to me afterwards, but… I don’t want to talk to her. She… she made me feel like an idiot! But now she’s rid of me so she doesn’t have to worry about it anymore. I’m not her problem.”

Her company watches her, and his expression seems a little lost, but he gives her a “Mhm.”

Sydney sniffles. It’s so unlike her to just dump her problems on someone like this. Usually she’s drowning them out with drinks until they disappear or she’s alone to wrestle with them in the privacy of her own home. Or in a room she thinks is empty. Funny how things turn out.

“Sorry. I’m a real asshole for venting to you like this, aren’t I?”

He stares, and it seems like he’s thinking of what to say. His brows draw together, and he holds his joint in front of his mouth, in the middle of going to take another hit. Now that she thinks about it, he looks slightly confused. Scratch that, majorly confused.

“Uhh… didja zone out there?” Her voice breaks, with her tears still in her throat despite her tirade and his company.

“No — umm… s’fine.” He says, and he takes the hit immediately after.

“You sure?”

He doesn’t respond. Instead he forces his eyes shut, his mouth closed. He seems… deeply focused. But not on her. His lips are pursed.

“Heyy. Hey. You listening to me?”

He holds his hand up, eyes still closed — then breathes out for a good long while — painstakingly long, in fact — smoke pouring from his mouth, forcing it all out. After getting most of it out, he lets out a tiny cough, then opens his eyes. “Yeah. S’all good. Keep talking if ya want.” He doesn’t really look like he cares, but Sydney doesn’t care either. She looks back down at her cup, now drained of most of her drink. She makes her decision.

“No, I’m good. I should… probably leave now.” She wants to get a good cry out right about now and it just doesn’t feel right to bawl her eyes out in front of this stranger.

“You’re leaving?” The stranger asks, and it’s the most lucid she’s seen him so far.

Sydney doesn’t answer him. “I… I know this is weird, but thanks for listening to me — uhhh, here — here’s my number.” She fishes in her pocket for some paper and a tool to write with and scribbles it down, handing it to him. It’s the least she can do to show she’s thankful — it’s not like she has much else to give.

She turns to leave, but stops herself.

“Oh yeah, uh— what was your name?”

“Hm?” He sounds surprised. “Oh. Um… it’s Saul.”

“Sydney,” she offers in return. “…Thanks, Saul.”

And then she’s gone, returning back to the crowd.

Metamorphosis taglist: @angelphone1

#whump #whumplr #whumpblr #whumptober2024 #whumptober #whump writing #angst #my creations #my writing #oc creations #my ocs #saul oc #sydney oc #elise oc #posting this early I can’t stand waiting anymore falls to my knees

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queerdiazs · 1 year ago

Text

20 questions for fic writers

i was tagged by @callmenewbie, @hippolotamus, @watchyourbuck, @thewolvesof1998, @jesuisici33, @wikiangela, and @exhuastedpigeon 🫶🏼

i'm gonna put it under a cut because phew it got kinda long

how many works do you have on ao3?

what's your total ao3 word count?

uh, 301,903 which... goddamn look at me go

what fandoms do you write for?

i've written for stucky, geraskier, yenskier, steddie, and buddie, but it's only buddie right now. those 2 losers are really rotting in my whole brain and i'm loving every second of it 🤭

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(i cheated and used only buddie okay) the side effects of eating too many clementines at 759 the dinosaurs smelled magnolias at 722 this is why you shouldn't piss in the ocean at 668 you'll feel the rush of it all at 511 all things bright and beautiful at 453

do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i absolutely respond to comments! it might take me a while because i'm not articulate enough to convey how much i adore everybody, but i love talking with people that enjoy the silly goofy stuff i write!

what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

burned on the pyre, a steddie timeloop fic. the ending isn't exactly angsty, but it isn't as joyous as all my others because it was important to me to keep it as realistic as i could + it reflects my mental state so, uh, oops

what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

mm, i think you can argue all my fics have happy endings but if you go down in the woods today has the FUNNIEST ending and that's important

do you get hate on fics?

yeah lmao

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

yes i do! and, um, the explicit kind? i don't know how to answer this because my porn varies for each fic but they fuck nasty regardless!

do you write crossovers? what's the craziest one you've written?

no. that's not for me.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

absolutely i have <3

have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not!

have you ever co-written a fic before?

nope. i tried once when i was younger but it didn't work out because i'm a dickhead and found that i was not only writing my parts but fixing theirs as well.

what's your all time favorite ship?

i've had a lot of ships over the year and i'm never going to forget any of them, ever, but buddie gives me so much joy and good times and i think... yeah they're probably my favorite ship

what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

none of them honestly? i'm going to finish all of them.

what are your writing strengths?

uh, dialogue. maybe.

what are your writing weaknesses?

angst, emotions, porn, things that make sense, action, romantic relationships, ANGST.

thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

god, so i'm pretentious and while i know some spanish i'm definitely not fluent but i refuse to use google translate so a friend of mine helps me with translating as straight across as we can—so like, long story short, it's a yes from me

first fandom you wrote for?

maximum ride on ff dot net 💀 why was i 12 years old learning how to navigate that fuckin site my god

favorite fic you've written?

but i've got my teeth in you, a bad things happen fic where buck gets a tooth knocked out during the lafd annual baseball game and somehow proposes to eddie, who of course says yes. it's just so FUN?

i'm no pressure tagging @honestlydarkprincess, @shitouttabuck, @giddyupbuck, @callaplums, @daffi-990, @try-set-me-on-fire, @eddiebabygirldiaz, @eddiediaztho, @nmcggg, and honestly anybody else who wants to be a lil chatty mwah

#tag games

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letters-from-dekarios · 7 months ago

Note

[[This neatly folded letter stands out amongst the chaotic aftermath of last night’s revelries with the tieflings. It sits on top a book of poems written in Elven.]]

Gale,

Since our provisions were already lacking before the party, I left early to see what else I could buy from the druids. However, while I was going through my things, I remembered I meant to give you this book. I found it somewhere in that destroyed village, so some of the ink may be smudged and stained. But you’ll find most of Ardenvarn's words remain legible. While it didn’t help me regain any memories, some of the ballads were familiar to me. I think I enjoyed this one in the past. And I thought you might be in need of new reading material.

I hope you accept it as part of my apology for anything I might have said at the party last evening. I fear I might have overstepped boundaries yet again as I did when we channeled the Weave. I never would wish to make you uncomfortable and should’ve considered my words and actions more.

I enjoy your company and value your friendship. You’ve also been an amazing teacher with your late night history lessons on Faerunian history. With my particularly vile affliction and past actions, I know I am not deserving of your trust or patience, and I am incredibly grateful that you’ve chosen to stay with me. I do not expect anything of you, much less for any reciprocation of interest. Just know that I am appreciative of all the kindness that you’ve shown me thus far.

After this whole adventure of ours is over, I hope that we might keep in touch, but, between our moment in the Weave and last evening, I would understand if you might prefer space. I swear by my oaths that I will respect any decision that you make in the matter.

Kaylen

Sweet Kaylen,

Truly, I thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart. From the depths of my soul, I cannot express how deeply grateful I am that you thought of me in such a way. You will be happy to know that I have begun reading this lovely thing, and every notation reminds me in some way of you. If you’d indulge me, perhaps I can share my thoughts on these poems one day.

Refrain from offering apologies, my friend. I’ll have you know I rather enjoyed that little adventure of ours. It is not every day one gets to experience the Weave in such a light. Mystra is a complex Goddess, holding her power in the palm of your hands is not an easy feat for someone untrained. It paves the way for such feelings to become prominent, and, well, I cannot deny that it wasn’t unwanted.

You can rest assured knowing I am in the least bit uncomfortable by that night. Our joyous connection within Mystra’s embrace is one to be celebrated, not apologized for. You are quite the scholar, picking up my little tricks very quickly. I was rather impressed.

I am ever thankful that, despite our current situation, I was placed with a group such as this. Save for the vampire, I’m still deciding my opinion on him. With you as our grand, fearless leader, I am ever inspired to continue in our perilous adventure. You may believe you’ve given us, or me, no reason to trust you, but believe when I say you’ve proved time and time again that I have every reason to place my confidence in you. In fact, I’d rather you than myself. Which is quite a thing for me to say! I often find myself a little too proud, it’s nice to be reminded of the extent of my abilities now and then.

Kaylen, I’d rather no one else but you have their interest piqued by my quirks. I am honored to have such a place in your mind, and the invitation for more… in-depth lessons with the Weave remains ever open, if you’d ever take me up on them. It is only by the kindness you showed me upon our initial meeting that I can extend the same towards you, do not forget that.

I would be fooling myself if I said I’d wish for space. During this mess, and after, I’d hate to lose whatever this may be. You are the light that provides me with a purpose to continue on, Kaylen. Swear by your paths to stay ever close to my side, instead.

Thank you, sincerely, again for this book. I will treasure it until my last breath. That is something I will swear by.

Your magical companion,

𝑮𝒂𝒍𝒆 𝑫𝒆𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒔

text reads: gale dekarios

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hoshalicious · 1 year ago

Text

birthday boy • k.ys

a/n : happy happy birthday to one of my favorite boys ^^. i love you so much yeosang and i hope you have a fantastic day <3 -daisy

cw / tws : food mentions

wc: 1513

your boyfriend turned twenty-four today and although he says that he is not an old man, he sure is being grumpy.

“yeosang wake up, it’s your birthday,” you practically squeal at him. he groans, looking at the clock that tells him it is currently nine forty-five in the morning.

“let me sleep in, it’s my birthday” yeosang tells you as he puts his arm over his eyes to try and keep the sleep from leaving him prematurely. you move to the bed and you sit on top of him, moving to hold his arm and rest his hand against your face.

“i made you homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast since it’s your birthday so you gotta wake up because they’re still warm” you say as you pout. he tries to hold back his grin but ultimately fails.

“okay baby, i’ll get up since you made me breakfast,” he smiles back at you, forgetting that he wanted to sleep in. you smile at him brightly.

“okay, now give me a kiss”. he moves to a seated position and gives you a gentle kiss before resting his face into the crook of your neck, not wanting to leave the familiarity of your arms just yet.

“yeosang, i love you and want to hold you too, but the cinnamon rolls are going to get cold” you pout at him and he nods, giving you another kiss before you both move to the table to eat the breakfast that you prepared for his birthday.

after the two of you ate your breakfast yeosang wanted to spend the middle of his day with you. yeosang was never the one who wanted to do much on his birthday, when it came time to celebrate the occasion, it was left to you and his seven best friends to give him a memorable and joyous birthday. you both knew that his seven best friends were coming over around dinner time to eat and have a few drinks, in the window of time before that was spent doing miscellaneous things that yeosang had came up with.

he had you acting out his favorite scenes with him from movies he enjoyed to making different colored lip balms with crayons, eyeshadow, and vaseline. you two were having so much fun together that you almost realized too late that his friends would be on the way in a few short hours.

it was around five pm now, and his friends would be there by six-thirty. the both of you began cleaning the messes you had made as you both had been all over the place and you finished, just in time to hear a series of loud frenzied knocks from his friends outside.

yeosang went to go answer the door and everyone came in, quickly filling up the living room. it is quiet for a minute or so, everyone smiling at each other. it was nice to take in the presence of your boyfriend and all the people he cared about so much.

on the other hand, yeosang was taking in the sight of all of his best friends and his partner. almost all of his favorite people are in the same room, and even though he acts like he doesn’t mind celebrating his birthday, he looks forward to the same scene every single year. yeosang never gets tired of spending time with the people he loves, but he endears it so much more when there is a day they think just solely of him and his growth.

yeosang being deep in his thoughts did not notice yunho or jongho coming towards him in the slightest, engulfing him in a hug from both sides of him. the rest of you shortly follow. yeosang is engulfed in a hug for a while before everyone decides to let up.

you, seonghwa, and wooyoung enter the kitchen, getting ready to begin cooking and baking for yeosang’s birthday. some people may ask why you don’t just buy a cake and order takeout, but everyone just likes it better this way. yeosang gets to talk with the majority of his friends and you get to steal the friends of his that can cook, and it is never a dull moment cooking and baking with them. seonghwa and wooyoung usually do the main food courses while you bake and decorate the cake. you three have grown to like the system and routine that has been created and followed over the years that you all have celebrated yeosang’s birthday.

after the food is done and set out in the living room, the only room that can seem to fit everyone, you all begin to eat and talk with each other. the conversation is mostly geared towards yeosang, some of which he probably wishes wasn’t brought up based by how he has turned shades of pink when some were telling their favorite stories with yeosang.

at the end of the meal, you excuse yourself to go get the cake. san offers to go with you, knowing that you can be clumsy at times. you happily accept his help not wanting to mess up what you worked hard on. you and san come back from the kitchen, you bring the lighters and the candles to put on the cake after san sets it down on the coffee table in the centre of the living room.

you begin to put the candles in the shape of “two” and “four” on the center of the cake. as you light the candles you say,

“i wanted to get twenty-four individual candles but yeosang said there was no way he would blow them all out so i had to get these two instead,” you roll your eyes playfully at your boyfriend who is now trying to explain to wooyoung that he is fun but he did not want the hassle of blowing out twenty-four individual candles. yeosang moves so he can blow out the candles easier and closes his eyes as he does so, opening them to you and the members smiling at him.

“oh my god guys we didn’t sing happy birthday,” you say completely shocked that you all had forgotten. it didn’t take long before everyone was obnoxiously singing happy birthday, yunho making sure that he was being the loudest with his words.

wooyoung moves closer to yeosang, “so what did you wish for?” he asked cheekily.

“you know i can’t tell you what i wished for, woo.” yeosang told him. wooyoung never fails to ask yeosang what he wished for, and yeosang never failed to give him the same answer.

wooyoung pokes his cheek out at yeosang, because “obviously he needs to give me a kiss if he can’t tell his bestfriend what he wished for on his birthday” and yeosang obliges him, knowing that he either had to give the kiss or reveal his wish.

everyone is eating the cake you prepared and talking, and within an hour and a half everyone is beginning to get ready to go home. everyone is leaving, making sure to tell yeosang happy birthday and thank you for the cake and food.

once everyone is gone, you plop down on the couch and yeosang isn’t too far behind. he clings to you on the couch just now realizing how low his social battery has gotten. you feel yeosang moves his head to look up at you and he smiles.

“what’s up yeosang? i know you want to tell me something” you say to him, seemingly able to read him at all times.

“i know i wasn’t supposed to tell you my wish but…” he tells you, lowering his voice as he ends his sentence.

“but…?” you ask, now very curious on that wish of his actually was.

“can we please binge watch the avengers until we fall asleep?” he asked you.

“yes of course” you told him, thinking it was a bit silly that he asked you, he should have known you would have said yes but when he responded “really?” you were now curious as to why he thought you would have said no.

“well, you have been doing things for me all day, so i didn’t want to force you to do this with me if you didn’t want to” he tells you. you frown at him, feeling bad that he thinks you didn’t enjoy doting on him today.

“yeosang, it’s your birthday. i wanted to do all of these things with you, and i get excited for your birthday because i get to dote on you like this. please don’t feel bad, i enjoy it”. he eases at your words, and goes to turn on the beginning of the franchise.

“also, i know i don’t have anything physical to give you for a gift, but i may or may not have rented an airbnb with an indoor theatre for three days next week so we could binge watch this there.” you say this quietly trying to not have a really giddy reaction.

“you never have to get me anything, you are enough. AND REALLY?”

#kpop #ateez fluff #ateez imagines #ateez yeosang #yeosang scenarios #ateez scenarios #yeosang fluff #yeosang imagines #ateez yeosang fluff #happy birthday yeosang

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beautifulhigh · 2 years ago

Text

10 Random Lines

Rules: pick any ten of your fics, scroll to the midpoint, pick a line (or three) and share it. Then tag ten people.

I have been tagged multiple times in this, so my Anxiety Brain is making me to do this now. Not a complaint at all - it’s nice to have the desire to do something instead of letting it languish in my likes as a bookmark until I just quietly unlike it and try to forget I was ever tagged in it.

So for @bubblesandroses8, @chaotictarlos, @reyesstrand, and @welcometololaland? Thanks for the multiple shoves.

1. That glamorous love lasts where you sparkle and waltz and laugh before you were mine (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

"It's not that," TK said. He kept his eyes on Carolina, smiling at the way her tongue slipped past her lips as she concentrated on the task in front of her. "I didn't grow up with this. With the huge family. Mom wasn't close to hers and Dad… well, I didn't have any of that when I was a kid. No siblings, no cousins. Lots of friends but it wasn't the same. When Enzo came along I had a bit of that: he's got a couple of brothers and sisters and a handful of nieces and nephews, but they were all so much younger than me and we didn't see enough to be anything but polite and civil.

"And now I'm about to be a part of the Reyes family, and you've single handedly populated half the state with all your kids and grandkids and aunts and uncles and cousins."

2. The tender things are those we fold away (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

The water trickled off his hip, the tattoo, and Carlos' mind decided that this would be the best time to wonder what it would be like to lick it. The camera snapped away, doing nothing to distract him.

"Now it's time for everyone's favourite photo," the photographer said. He picked up and threw a towel towards the bath.

TK reached over to pick it up before carefully standing up in the bath. And Carlos would go to his grave swearing that TK deliberately did not cover himself with the towel as quickly as he could have. New York Firefly never did full frontal: turned out TK Stand did. The favourite photo was a posed action shot, the towel only just covering what was already an image burned into Carlos' mind.

He was so fucked. And not in the fun way.

3. People keep asking for my address and I keep handing them your name (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

"Move in with me."

TK opened his eyes and slowly focused on Carlos. "What?"

"Move in with me. When you're discharged tomorrow, come home with me."

"Carlos—"

"I'm serious. You spend more nights at mine than you do at yours, you're already taking up space in my closet, you have all your stuff in the bathroom."

"You make it sound so practical."

"I don't want to go home tonight because I don't want to sleep there without you. I don't like the nights you go home, knowing you could be with me instead."

4. Life, believe, is not a dream, so dark as sages say (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

Carlos had gotten to know TK intimately well over the last few years, in more ways than one. He knew how to read the slope of his shoulders to know if he was angry, sad, or overwhelmed. He knew how his mouth quirked up when he was teasing or playful or flirty, he knew how his chest flared with pride or defiance. He had seen him suffering and joyous and every emotion in between. Even from halfway across the room, seeped in the situation they were, he could read TK. He knew that look of horror and realisation, knew that TK understood something that he didn't.

5. In the burned house I am eating breakfast (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

“Suppose you’ll have to wear the suit to the funeral too,” Gabriel muses, dropping his hand and picking a glass up from the table. He fills it with water and heads to the door.

“I’ll be careful it in,” Carlos promises.

“I know you will,” Gabriel says. He leaves the kitchen and then Carlos hears a glass smashing. He runs out of the kitchen before he realises that this isn’t what happened that morning. He told his sisters, they sorted themselves out for breakfast and then made sure they were on their best behaviour all day. Carlos remembers getting a lot of hugs that day, he doesn’t remember a broken glass.

There’s no one in the next room when Carlos runs into it. No Gabriel, no broken glass, no nothing. It’s cold and dark and it’s not even his home.

“Let us look after you,” he hears someone say.

6. Fitting it for what lets me live this death with purpose (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

"No, TK, you don't get to do that. Why would it change how I see you? I've known you were an addict before we were even really a thing and I still asked you out, I still wanted to see you. I fell in love with a man I knew had a history of substance abuse and you think I walked into that with my eyes closed? That I didn't think about what that would mean for us? For me?

"The department has a support program for people whose lives are affected by substance abuse. Most of the time it's used to help those who have a bad drugs call or have a needle stick. But it's also a bit of an AA session for the APD, and they also help those who love people who are addicts. The one thing I've learned from going over the last few years is that I'm not going to get what it's like for you. But that doesn't mean I can't be here for you, to love and support you however you need me to."

"I… I didn't know. You've been going to your own meetings?"

7. Tell all the truth but tell it slant, Success in circuit lies (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

"The day y'all came up here we knew it was something big. You insisted on coming to us, you'd bought your mother's favourite cake, we were half convinced you were going to tell us you were getting married. And after TK told us he was an addict I watched you the whole time. You never took your eyes off him, you held his hand, sat with your leg pressing against his. He knew you were there with him and I think he took strength from that.

"He didn't need to tell us but it was important to him that we knew, that we understood this about him. That we understood you knew and you accepted it. And watching you with him told us everything we needed to know about the kind of love and support he was getting.

"We have never worried about you being with TK since learning he's an addict because we know you. We know you love each other and we know that you will be there for him if he needs you to be."

Carlos bit his lip; TK's confession wasn't Carlos' to tell, even to his parents. "What if he won't let me be there?"

"Then you need to ask him why. Being in a relationship means that you have someone in your corner, someone to have your back when you need them."

"Someone to help you bury the bodies?"

"Exactly," Gabriel laughed. "And you can't do that if you don't know what he's going through."

8. But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep (911 Lone Star, Tarlos)

"When do you stop being so scared?"

"Honestly? I don't know that you do, not really. It's just a different kind of scared. Scared whether you'll be a good husband, whether she'll be happy – he'll be happy I guess. Whether you will be able to make it through the bad times without something being broken beyond repair. Bein' in love helps with that though."

"My parents loved each other and couldn't make it work. Twice. Not like I grew up around a good example of what this is supposed to look like."

"You think I learned what it's like to be married to a black woman in Texas from my parents? What it's like to raise a mixed-race kid? Hell no, I'm making this up as I go along. And I'm pretty sure that even if your parents had made it you wouldn't have learned what it would be like to have a husband, much less in the South. And I'd wager the kid conversation is gonna be a bit different for y'all."

"So what do you do?"

"You… take a breath, you make sure you trust the person you're about to jump with, and you… jump."

9. Exponential (Emmerdale, Robron)

His foot presses further on the accelerator and he knows the needle has crept up past the speed limit but he doesn't care. It doesn't matter, nothing matters to him except the man who is still breathing – but only just – next to him.

Robert's mind replays the short conversation at the scrap yard, how angry and distant Aaron had been and how at first he'd just assumed that it was because how things were between them. He knew Aaron hated him, knew he had good cause to hate him. At one point Aaron had wanted him dead but now that he was in a moment where he could lose Aaron he couldn't bear it. The idea, the concept of it was enough to turn his skin cold.

Aaron must have truly hated him but Robert doesn't care. Because none of it matters. He will bear any feeling, any response that Aaron dares to give him because at least it'll mean that he's around to give one.

10. Three Wishes (Glee, Klaine)

"Do you have any idea what you've done? How hard it is to get into this business and Kurt has it handed to him on a silver platter? Now he's going to walk away from all of that, from all his hard work and all the good he's done, and it's because of you."

"Why do you think it's my fault?" Blaine asked. "I never asked him or told him to do anything—"

"Why else would he give up New York and go back to Ohio?" Mercedes asked. "You listen to me kid, you tell him that it's a bad idea for him to go back there. Tell him that he's making a difference to kids everywhere, that he's changing this country. Tell him Ohio has sunk into Lake Erie for all I care. Just get him to stay."

"But that's not what he wants," Blaine said immediately, "or didn't you bother to ask him that? When was the last time you actually spoke to him about what he wanted or have you been so busy telling him what's right for him this whole time?"

Is there anyone left who hasn’t done this? Tag - you’re it.

#writing jen is writing #tarlos #robron #klaine #tag game #very rarely three lines #don't care #I make my own rules

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junepsycho · 3 months ago

Text

there is some mundane joy in doing the dishes. just the music and me. no thoughts, no people, just me.

okay so we're doing this. ahhh. okay. i hate people. i hate her friends, my friends, family, random clg people, the professors, everyone. all of them. but i interact with them just fine. i treat them normally, sometimes even with kindness. and don't get me wrong here,it's not like the people are horrid or heinous or bad. it's me. I'm the insecure, selfish, begrudging, lazy and straight-up trashy loner. i can't stand it. i feel so different. like an outsider. like i haven't found my group yet. like Tyler and OF. where's my brockhampton? where's my pch. I'm just a grumpy old man in a 19 year old's body. I'm physically weak, academically below average, i look like somewhere between a horse and a monkey, honestly, i don't even know why you're still with me. I'm just. so tired of living. i don't even mean half the things i say here. I'm probably gonna wake up tomorrow, look at myself in the mirror and check myself out. I'm just so fucking annoyed. what's the real issue? what are you trying to say here? what happened? okay, okay. the real issue I'm poking at here is that, i don't like that I make everyone a threat. even the good ones. I'm so cautious. so scared. that they're going to hurt me. in the end, that's all this is about. you hurting me. people, you hurt me. that's why I hate yall. and yes I FUCKING KNOW THAT IM A SENSITIVE LITTLE BITCH BOY. but i can't change that about myself. trust me, I've tried. i can't help but be insecure about my looks or my skills or my relationship and the jealousy and the envy and the anxiety and the sadness it's all too much. it's too much

it's so much that I forget things. memories. events. colours, smells, talks, names. i try to sabotage my own relationship with my thoughts because i get so insecure. where is my self-confidence, my self-respect? i just know, i just know that tomorrow I'm going to be an immature prick. how patient will she be? how long before she realises that I'm not so different from the men she so rightfully hates? how long before my toxic masculinity meets the joyous little kid me and beats the shit out of him? for how long will i procrastinate? why did i have to live this life? this truly god-forsaken life of mine? why do I have the kind of person who complains and complains and complains all the time? I'm. so. tired. and even after reading all this I'm sure you'll find some stupid reason to blame yourself for this. this isn't about you. it's about me. it's always been about me. I'm obsessed with the way the world treats me. and the moment i get that kick I anticipated for, i cry and wonder why no one's helping me get up.

at least I know that the love is real though. i definitely love her and i show her that i love her but I'm a shitty guy. and i cause all the issues in the relationship. cuz that's what shitty men do. loving myself is another story. true love requires me to keep making mistakes and correcting them. not even the same ones, it's new every time.

wow. woke up to this (it got drafted). what is my purpose on this planet? to live? living is a pain. i want to, i need to find something that's worth all that pain. something that brings me the happiness I felt last night, while doing the dishes.

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dyreaan · 10 months ago

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My dearest, weapon#4673

I hope this text finds you well. It has been quite some time since we last spoke, but I wanted to take a moment to express just how deeply I miss you. You were not just a person who came into my life, but someone who left an indelible mark on my heart. You were the first person who truly made me feel loved. From the moment we connected, I felt a warmth and acceptance that I had never experienced before. Your presence in my life brought about a profound transformation within me. You made me believe in myself and my worth, even when I was at my lowest. Your unwavering support and encouragement were like a lifeline, pulling me out of the depths of despair and showing me the beauty and strength that resided within me. During the darkest and most challenging times of my life, you and our friends became my guiding light. You guys were the sun that shined through the storm clouds, illuminating my path and giving me hope. All of your unwavering belief in me gave me the courage to keep going, even when I felt like giving up. But you held my hand through the toughest of moments, reminding me that I was not alone. Your love and presence brought me solace and reassurance, and for that, I am eternally grateful.

I find myself reminiscing about the little things that remind me of you. The color green. The playful phrase "suntukan tayo" or "susuntukin kita," which was our lighthearted way of expressing our affection for one another. The anime Hunter X Hunter, which you always talk about, immersing yourself in its captivating storyline and characters. The white-haired anime characters, which is your profile as always. The never-ending story song from Stranger Things, which I sang to you. The voicemail on Discord, where I always wanted discord to add on that moment. The word "inaanpi," which I didn’t knew the meaning, and kept calling me a foreigner. The word "mornight," where you told me to use because it wasn’t night anymore, it was exactly 4:00 am. And even the "/gn" that stood for genuine, although you mistook it as goodnight, reminding me of our shared moments of laughter and misunderstandings. And of course, that one particular profile picture of mine, which captured a precious memory that I will and can never forget. These seemingly insignificant things hold immense significance to me because they are intertwined with the memories of our time together, reminding me of the love and happiness we shared. It may seem unusual to some that I still hold onto these memories and feelings, even though our time together was relatively short, and we lost connection years ago. But they will never understand the profound impact you had on my life. You were not just a fleeting presence, but my rock, my confidant, and my safe haven. You protected me from the darkness that lurked online, shielding me from harm and providing me with a sense of security. You were the one who stayed by my side, even when everyone else seemed to fade away. Your love and support were unwavering, and I will forever be grateful for the comfort and strength they gave me. But, my dear weapon, the truth is, I still miss you with every fiber of my being. It hurts that it has been a year since we last connected, yet the ache of your absence remains as raw as ever. My days feel incomplete without you by my side, sharing laughter, making memories, and experiencing life together. There is a void within me that yearns for your presence, and no amount of time can erase the profound connection we shared. I find solace in the memories we created together. I close my eyes and let the images of our joyous moments flood my mind. I can still hear your laughter, feel your gentle touch, and see the sparkle in your eyes. Those memories are etched into my soul, and they bring both comfort and pain. They remind me of the love we had and the happiness we experienced together, but they also serve as a constant reminder of what I am missing. My dear Bomba, I want you to know that you will always hold a special place in my heart. The love we shared was unlike anything I had ever experienced before, and it has left an indelible mark on my soul. I cherish every moment we had together, and I am grateful for the love and happiness you brought into my life. As time passes, I hope that wounds heal, and hearts find solace. But until then, I will continue to carry you in my heart, cherishing the memories and longing for the day our paths may cross again. You are and always will be the one who made me feel truly loved, and for that, I am forever grateful

With all my love and longing, anding

#letter #missing you #w.anding

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lets-talk-spirituality · 2 years ago

Note

Hi, I hope your day is going well! No rush or pressure to answer this if you don’t feel like it, as I highly appreciate the readings you do on a daily basis. I can tell you have a lot of wisdom and I like seeing your takes/opinions on current world events (and even other anons readings.) you always have gems of advice in everything you write. I know you get a lot of soulmate questions, but I’m just curious if you can channel a general message from my spirit guides, regardless of if it’s romance related or not? Thank you, again 😄

Aww stahpppp thank you so much for saying that. A part of me is so insecure that I’m too harsh with people. But like. That’s what comes through and I try my best to just channel directly. I’ve had an attitude problem my whole life so thanks so much for saying you think my writing has gems of wisdom. Just very kind.

Okay I’m gonna see what comes up!

Spirit

We want you to look out your window, right now. Bask in the beauty of this world. We know you’ve forgotten. It’s so easy to forget when the stress of the world crashes around you—bills, unloved (unlived is what I wrote but unloved fits too) dreams, unfulfilled hopes— it takes a toil on the psyche. We don’t envy the stress of humanity, dear one, but we encourage you to radically chase that spark of life you’ve lost. Stop beating yourself up about losing it! No one likes being alive all the time. It’s easy to forget the beauty, especially in the winter. But we want you to love the little things, a baby’s smile, a sweet exchange between lovers, let the magic of everyday come to you

Soulmate

I want to say something too! Hello my love. It’s almost Valentines Day. Did you know I celebrate you every year? I put out all my wishes for my true love, buy roses and chocolates and manifest you to be with me. Yeah yeah I know a bit of magic (magic man by Heart coming up). I just wanted to pop in so you remember you are loved, by many you know and don’t. But most by me ;) (this is a romantic soulmate and they came through spirits reading, I felt like a warmth and just a pure loving energy from them towards you right before they came in, very insistent with their knocking, not sure if you’re feeling down or unloved or something but they needed you to know how much they love and want you, very cute energy, very sweet)

Card Pull— Oracles of the Fairies 🧚‍♀️

I jokingly told the universe I wanted them to throw them at me and they did. I usually don’t keep this many but your energy is so kind I just felt like keeping it.

Precious Time— the Fairy of Time wants you to experience every moment fully and to make the most of your precious time. Be mindful not to waste others time either.

Aww nonniekins this just confirms what I wrote above. I feel deeply you’ve been struggling with something that has you down on life, maybe you’re just tired after years of hardship. You are so loved, by earth itself too. Sometimes your presence is enough to light up a room. I love you! You just got find the glitter again :)

New Beginnings— This fairy godmother heralds the joyous news of a new baby— or the birth of a cherished idea. Protect and nurture your ideas as you would a baby.

Are you pursuing something that doesn’t feel like it’s fruiting or like you’re in this labor that won’t ever end? I think you may want to look at where you can make some shifts that can help. Maybe even just shifting your own energy, trying doing new things to help you approach things with a new perspective and also to bring in a new beginning. Something wants to be birthed through you, but remember to respect that it is own entities with it’s own desires. Talk to it to see what it wants to become.

Journey— it’s time to prepare for a journey! It may be impromptu or unplanned—either way, make sure you’re ready when the time comes. Pack your passport now!

Lol. All this goes together so well. I was gonna say get a passport. Also this card has a giant rabbit on it and we are in the year of the rabbit so it feels Ike this new journey will come this year. I’m feeling that you shifting to appreciating your life creates a new beginning that leads to this journey. Exciting!

Go Outside— Its time to go outside! Tune into the powerful peace of nature, wherever you are, and feel at one with your habit.

Love the seasons, there is beauty even in death, love in destruction. Find your way back to love!

Hope this helps! Would love to know if this resonates. So much love to you 💕💖

#channeled message

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staylavendertea · 4 years ago

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young avengers characters and relationships as songs

billy kaplan : season of the witch by donovan and mr. sandman cover by joe p, it’s fun, there’s that groove, it’s witches and it’s dreams; a total billy kaplan jamming out in his room in his boyfriends too big shirt 10 at night moment with that magical and just like ,, witchy billy vibe i can’t explain through words that i love dearly, it also just gives me a connection between him and wanda i really love, the family witches between soul mother and soul son and that bass in mr sandman for some reason screams billy

teddy altman : space girl by frances forever need i say more, that song screams smiling golden tall boy theodore in overalls and sweaters, prince charming of space deserves the song space girl, the song is soft like teddy is, all hugs and kisses, that is until “stupid boyfriend putting himself into stupid danger all the stupid time” and “why do i try he never listens” “i heard that” “sure now he listens” then it becomes all hugs, kisses, bickering with the boyfriend, and threats of mauling people, but that’s for childrens crusade and family matters arc to tell

tommy shepherd : rebels by call me karizma but also steady, as she goes by the raconteurs mostly just for that guitar and music, i heavily head canon billy as the pianist and tommy as the guitar and bass player all the way and steady, as she goes screams tommy’s kind of music, the song rebels because that boy is the biggest rebel around and i wouldn’t be surprised if he was an arsonist

eli bradley : i just wanna shine by fitz and the tantrums i honestly had a bit of a hard time finding a song that really perfectly fit eli, but i think this one really hits the spot - eli is totally the boy that’s just trying his best and live up to his and everyone else’s expectations, i think he’s actually a softie and repressed nerd that believes heavily in doing what is right and i think that this song encompasses that, i really miss eli bradley thank you for coming to my tedtalk

cassie lang : blackbird by the beatles (cover by dodie) cassie gives me total adorable and soft but such a cool person dodie vibes, but i think the song blackbird fits cassie on so many levels, especially the lyrics as growing up after losing her dad, getting and learning to control her powers, and growing as a super hero she knows her dad would be so proud of, i love every single one of the young avengers but mygod cassie

nate richards : run boy run by woodkid and something better by hidinin i feel for nate, that poor kid literally is running away and trying to kill his future because he knows it’s a bad road and honestly he’s so brave for that and it’s all thanks to nate that we got all the young avengers in the first place so credit will be payed where credit is due, nate is really just a clumsy teenager thats a total nutcase and a bit clueless without that common sense sometimes that will think a pack sour troll gummies and a bottle of gateorade is a well rounded training diet but he’s also a descendent of sue and reed richards and what’s there to expect from child geniuses

kate bishop : love club by lorde and ribs by lorde i kinda just stumbled upon these honestly forgotten songs in my playlist and was pleasantly surprised how perfectly kate bishop these songs are, the lyrics most likely mean something else but i see the love club as the young avengers and “go get punched for the love club” just sounds like a kate bishop thing to say, these songs give me vibes of kate bishop in a rolled sleeves black and purple flannel and black jean shorts with scuffs and bandaids on her elbows and knees, probably also a developing black eye and bloody nose but lookin badass per usual

david alleyne : karma by ajr i picked this one for david because the second i heard it david was immediately the person i thought of when listening to it, i haven’t read many comics with david in them, i’m searching tho, but i am reading the current x factor and david just goes through a lot poor dude just wants to learn and help with what he can and i love him every moment for it

america chavez : a good song never dies by saint motel and dead girl in the pool by girl in red i honestly don’t know much about america besides some basic background stuff and some her character and personality since i haven’t been able to get my hands on some ya v2 issues besides what i’ve seen online but what i have seen of her i already love her and know she is so badass and a bit chaotic but in the best way possible from the little i do know about america’s character i think these songs just fits both the vibes of how she presents and holds herself but also her personality, america is a good song that just never dies are vibes i will happily live with

loki : run the world!!! by dayglow i haven’t really read much of loki in the comics, the versions of them i know the best being the actual norse myth god and movie loki and i know how the movies can be with their comic book characters, but from what ive heard about kid and teenager loki is that they’re a little punk and this song seems to just fit that perfectly

jonas : growing pains by coin i honestly didn’t know that there was more to jonas besides ya v1 and childrens crusade but now i’m intrigued, but this song just speaks jonas to me who i was also calling judas for like ten minutes without realizing i had a totally wrong name, but from what i read and his whole thing with cass, i think growing pains very much fits a mr. jonas

now for the relationships/ships - this post is so long i am so sorry for all the reading but i’m having fun -

david and tommy : affection by between friends im not even sure completely why but the music just screams david and tommy’s vibes, especially how tommy is usually head canonized in relationships, *chiefs kiss* of a song

nate and cassie and jonas : in the middle by dodie this song is literally the three of them, like perfectly, the lyrics fit to a t and it’s literal perfection for them

billy and teddy : pleaser by wallows for how much i love them i surprisingly had a hard time finding a song for them, i know at one time i heard and had a song that was perfect but i can’t remember it all, but i think pleaser fits just as nice, it fits their personalities and the music itself is the vibe they give off to me : imma make an edit from this post previously cause i’ve been thinking about and i would like to add the song leaves by joe p cause it just fits too well, especially when looking at billyteddy fan art whilst listening to it, it’s too good : HI THIS ANOTHER EDIT IMSORRY but it literally took weeks to remember but now i remember what the original song for them i had picked - electric love by borns - it also gives me billy lightning powers vibes and i do adore some billy lightning powers, i think it would be so cool to see them mixed in with his reality warping ones

eli and nate : talk too much by coin honestly it’s them, it’s a vibe they both argue and to each other, talk way too much, i’m calling it they kissed like at least once just to see how that would go - probably arguing who was the better boyfriend when they were both single

eli and kate : falling for u by peachy! and mxmtoon this song is very eli and kate for me, especially the beginning of their relationship not relationship, was that ever really established what was happening there ?? but this song fits perfectly amongst the bickering and racking numbers of how many times they’ve saved each other’s asses

kate and america : given it all by hayley kiyoko and midnight love by girl in red i love this ship and i have no idea if there was ever a thing happening between them or if it was pure fandom but it’s amazing and i love it, hayley kiyoko and girl in red is an of course and i think these songs speak them

- now just the young avengers as a group -

leaves by joe p a song that is totally just a hang out and drive all around all night as teenagers without a care in the world song and can totally see the gang jamming out to it

hey barbara by IV of spades this song literally speaks “hey did you watch that one beach episode” sunny and everyone vibing and hanging out, i can totally imagine tommy trying to get david to dance this and the attempts made is hilarious

teenagers and na na na by my chemical romance now last but certainly not least mcr because of course mcr, these kids can definitely be punks when they wanna be, especially when they’re mutant/alien/super hero teenagers that will literally do what they see fit, all in good manners of course

whhoooopp this was a lot longer than what i was initially expecting to make but after a few hours of song surfing and trying to make tumblr typing fonts work with me we’re finally here, this was just something fun for me since i associate music with everyone, but if you’ve read this far and wanna mention a song you think fits, totally put it out there, share the music !!

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