#he has a fat ass and right opinions.

[guangguangsclock]

I just KNOW Vein has a lot to say, all the time.

[novantinuum]

gnawing at the bars of my cage

can we please Stop telling SU blind reactors all the fandom drama and SU crit that came out of every episode so we can allow them to just enjoy the show like a normal person at their own leisure and make their Own opinions thank u

[velvetcrimsonkisses]

Nanami is the type of man who enjoys shopping with you. He is not ashamed to walk around with you in the women's department of stores. There's nowhere he would rather be than with you. Giving you his opinion on things you want and even though he knows you're more than capable of buying your own stuff, he enjoys paying for you. Finally, a good reason to spend his money and it is you. 

You want a new fragrance? He's right there helping you choose. Smelling and wafting even though he knows he's going to smell like a concoction of fruity and floral scents by the end of the day. It's totally worth it though when he remembers he gets to kiss your neck, and indulge in your scent when you're under him. You want a new lipstick? Again he watches as you (according to him), adorably scrunch up your eyebrows in determination to pick the right shade for you. And he again happily pays because he knows that shade of lipstick will stain his cock when you thank him on your knees later. 

But undeniably his favorite is when you go shopping for lingerie. Of course he's a gentleman when you’re picking it out and getting checked out. But once you are home it's like a different man. A desperate man. Watching you with predator-like eyes as you try on each item you just bought. Watching the way it hugs your body in all the right places, the way the bottom of your ass sticks out slightly under the lace, and the way the fat of your breasts almost dares to slip out the thin fabric, has him growing painfully hard. It’s not long before he tears off all the pretty clothes he just bought you and stuffs you full of his cock. Over and over again until you go dumb and only small whines of “thank yous” and “i love yous” leave your lips. 

[allurilove]

Yandere Professor x you

Rated 18 + — mature short content !

Includes: sweet talking, breath play, age gap, fucking in his classroom, pretty gender neutral, manipulation, abuse of power, obsessed professor.

*Everyone is of age, and older than eighteen. He is referred to as “your professor” his only existence is to be obsessed with the reader, and without you, he ceases to exist. This is purely fictional writing!*

Synopsis: He’s your strict professor, and you’re trying to get a better grade. You’ve never seen him be swayed by a student before, perhaps you would be the first.

Your grade has tanked by a lot. You had an unreasonable professor, the man was picky, and on your last test it was covered in corrections by that damn red pen of his.

You began to wonder what it would take for him to give you an A.

You wouldn’t consider yourself to be a bad student. In fact, this is the first time you have been close to failing. It was honestly your fault, you’ve read the reviews on this teacher and still chose to take the class anyways. You just wanted to challenge yourself.

You gawk at the paper he hands back to you. Your eye twitched at the big fat zero out of a hundred, and that might’ve been impressive just in itself. Not even one question right. You narrow your eyes at the professor who was still handing out the quiz back to the students.

When class ended, you slowly packed up your things, and you kept tabs on how many students were still left in the classroom. When the last student left, you got up from your seat, and stormed your way over to the professor.

Any sliver of dignity you had was gone. Your cheeks still flushed when he announced the lowest score to the whole class. You pushed that memory aside, and you crossed your arms as you stood in front of his desk.

“I don’t have time for this.” Your professor sighed, and his brows furrowed as he loosened up his tie.

He knew why you were coming over to talk to him. This was the worst grade you have gotten in his class. And really, he’s not surprised. In his opinion you have been slacking off. Your body bristles at his words, his eyes are cold and unforgiving.

Maybe if you weren’t a rash individual, you would’ve seen that his comments on your test was totally fake. Every circle and outline with a tiny scribble on the side? That was his way of professing his love for you, and about fifty “I love you’s.” were on the paper, but he knew you wouldn’t read them.

He did know that the grade would haunt you. He did know that it would make you desperate enough to come to him during office hours.

Your professor watched you with amusement as you crawled onto his lap, and you guiding his hands onto your body. He could already feel his dick stirring in his pants.

“This is hardly appropriate.” He said in a disapproving tone, though his hands do cup at your chest.

His thumb circles around your nipple, and the rest of his fingers gently squeeze at opportunity you have given to him. His other arm wrapped around your waist, holding you firmly in his lap.

It felt like you were trying to chip away at his resolve, his face was stern, and he listens to you rant on about the grade he gave you. Though, him letting you sit on his lap, let you subtly grind on his growing erection. With every whine and pout, you tried to play with his heart strings.

Your professor sighed, shook his head, and tried to pretend that there was no way you could make up for it. His hand slowly, and quietly, opening his drawer to grab for a condom.

It didn’t take long for him to agree when you took off his glasses, your lips capturing his in a searing kiss. He followed your lead, letting you feel like you were in control.

His hands groping at your ass and he puts you onto his desk, his body moving his way in between your legs. You wore something easy to slip off, your shorts and underwear now down to your ankles. He caressed your inner thighs, his lips now trailing down to your neck.

Your professor licked and sucked at your skin, his teeth gently nibbling at you, and he made sure to leave marks.

“You can be quite cute like this…” The older man mumbles, “…so pretty, so perfect.” he took a deep inhale as his nose was buried into your neck.

“Oh shit.” Your professor growled, his belt falling to the floor and his pants were pulled down roughly.

Before you knew it, he ripped open the condom wrapper and he slid it on his cock. He spit on his hand for lube, and gave his member a few pumps. He aligned his tip against your warmth.

His hands wrapped around your throat, squeezing the side of it, as his hips began to rock itself. His dick hit the deepest part of you, he went slow, and he was determined to find your sweet spot.

“Don’t be upset…” He cooed, and he kissed you in between his words. “I had to give you a zero.”

“You weren’t understanding my hints.”

He needed you. He wanted to be with you the moment you stepped inside his room, or maybe it was when he found out you signed up for his class. Your name was interesting to him, your looks, and the way you carried yourself got him hooked.

He took a couple points off on your first test, just to see what you would do. You certainly didn’t deserve it, and he thought you would’ve challenged him on it, or come talk to him. Or even offer your body to him sooner.

He did it over and over again, until you were on the verge of receiving an F. He was getting frustrated, and you were a damn tease.

He was never like this before, and if you exposed him, he could lose his job. But maybe then he could be with you in public? He let out a deep groan, his eyes rolling back as he was fucking you for his release.

Your professor didn’t realize that your face was turning pink, your nails scratching at his hands that were on your throat, and you were on the verge of cumming. You gasp as he finally let you breathe, his hands now on the desk behind you.

The room was filled with his vocalizations, his whimpers, his mumbles of how good you feel, and how much he needed this.

He even called you his baby, his good student, love, and when you finally came— his eyes were glued to the white substance dripping out of you.

That was when he knew you were going to be his. He was going to be the only one that could make you feel this way.

That day, you received the A you have been wanting. But you also indulged the man that’s been pining after you, and he never stopped.

Allure: Idk why, but i’ve been really active lately omg.

[sashiavi]

imagine big boy diluc… like VERY HUGE!!1!1!!1 his beautiful thick arms are bigger than ur head, his tummy, his thighs, his ass, HIS TITS FBWNBDKWNDKW idk i have always hc him as big and hairy, it really suits him (in my opinion) and jesus my heart hurts when i imagine fucking him sooo good 😭😔😔😔😭😭😭😔😔

♡ Genshin Impact Big Boys ♡ Ughh you're sooo right- big boy Diluc please rearrange my guts ! ! Diluc needs to be built like Gallagher from hsr !

I've had this idea of him just rOTTING in my notes for genuinely over a year now- was waiting for someone to say it 😩

Warnings : 18+ Smut | Size Difference | Detailed body descriptions (we're analysing this man today)

Hope you enjoy ♡♡

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BigBoy!Diluc with his sleeves rolled up, dark hair on his arms on display from elbow to wrist. Forearms thick and veiny- so fucking strong, throwing you around with ease.

BigBoy!Diluc with his large hands, so warm and tough, bigger than your face. Imagining his palms caressing over your skin, sucking in the heat from his fingers. Archons his fingers, thick, long and calloused and yet still so pretty. Perfect for suckling and choking on them, sobbing when he finger fucks your pretty pussy.

BigBoy!Diluc who eats well, of course he does, with all that luxury and money. He's not as lean as he used to be, when he was the Cavalry Captain for the Knights of Favonious, but Gods was he still strong. Wielding that heavy claymore with ease, carrying stock boxes for the Tavern, effortlessly fucking you in the air, held up by just his hands.

BigBoy!Diluc with strong, broad shoulders, big back and biceps, filled out with thick muscle. Gods his chest- Pectorals filled out with fat and muscle, decorated in delicate freckles and moles and a decent patch of hair on his sternum - Pretty pink nipples sealing the deal.

BigBoy!Diluc with a little bit of a tummy, soft love handles barely peaking over his trousers, still packed with hard muscle, cushioned with a bit of fluff. Perfect for grabbing, pulling his hips towards your own.

BigBoy!Diluc with his hairy belly, leading down down into his pants, happy trail framing his tummy and torso perfectly.

BigBoy!Diluc with his thick thighs, perfect for you to sit on, snuggled in his lap like a lapdog. Perfect for you to straddle and ride, big, warm hands on your hips guiding you to hump on him like a puppy.

BigBoy!Diluc with his large, broad nose, always jabbing and nudging into your perfect pretty clit while he tongue fucks your pussy. His crimson eyes looking up at you from behind the arched bridge of his nose, drunk and bleary, teeth nearly accidentally biting into the soft flesh of your cunt.

BigBoy!Diluc and his fat cock. Thick and pudgy, angry, flushed pink tip oozing globs of pre down his shaft. Gods, his cock. Pulsing and flexing, pretty veins accenting his richly thick length. Heavy shaft bobbing with arousal, struggling to stand tall from its weight.

BigBoy!Diluc with his heavy breeder balls, perfectly accented by his thick thighs. Groomed but still hairy, perfectly pairing with his droopy, heavy cock.

BigBoy!Diluc who has stamina. Fucking up your pussy over and over, holding his warm hand on your tummy, over that thick belly bulge the pudgy head of his cock stabs into you.

BigBoy!Diluc who can easily take all those scratches, teethy kisses, the crescent moons of your nails digging into his back.

BigBoy!Diluc putting pants on in the morning, bare back covered in old scars and new nail scratches. He can barely shuck them on, hindered by the heavy swell of his cock and the thick of his ass.

BigBoy!Diluc who brushes your hair out of your face with his thick fingers, palm rested on your temple, oh so warm in the morning chill.

BigBoy!Diluc with his pretty smile, kissing a soft goodbye on your forehead with his plump lips.

BigBoy!Diluc who will be back later, wrapping you up in the comfiest hug, huge arms wrapped around your body, strength lifting you in a silly twirl, lips peppering hot kisses all on your face.

•··········🍑···········• ֪٘ ︶ ͝ ٘⏝𖹭⏝ ͝ ٘︶٘ ֪•···········🍑··········•

[yourstrqly]

✰ POSITIONS, F1 DILFS

[ starring ] sebastian vettel, kimi räikkönen, fernando alonso, jenson button, lewis hamilton, kevinmagnussen

[ tw ] fem!reader, smut (+18), dom!drivers, mention of sex toys and tapes, dirty talking, fem and male oral receiving (+ choking on dick)

. minors do not read .

sebastian enjoys sitting back to watch you play with yourself, be it your dainty fingers buried deep inside your pussy and coated in your juices, or the dildo, the copy of his cock, he had gifted you months ago when he was away; the sight of the grip your greedy pussy has on the plastic phallus and your body writhing in the sheets, whorish moaning his name to pled for relief, thighten his trousers but rather than bouncing you, feeling your tight little satch, he leans forward, breath fawning onto your wet tights, resulting in goosebumps.

you'd cry out silently, legs shaking as you ram the toy faster into your warmth. "what did you say, liebe? (love) care to repeat?", the man would ask, his rough hands grabbing your thick tights. "want my big dick inside you? fuck you till you can't remember your name and see stars no more, huh?", he'd taunt you with a massive smirk on his pinkish lips. "that what you would like, don't you, my dirty girl?"

kimi prefers on being hands on, having you knee in front of him to suck him off. tears have already escaped your eye and stained your hallowed cheeks, while his right hand sits at the back of your head, hair kept in a ponytail to manage the speed and the desired depth. your glossy eyes holding contact with his lustfilled gaze and the choking sounds as well as the moans that send off vibrations around his dick, makes him pull your face against his pelvic bone to deep throat him. the tightness of your wet mouth let's his cock throb slightly, the taste of salty pre cum hits your tongue once again.

slowly, kimi would face fuck you, forcing your lips to touch his pelvic whenever he pulls your head towards him, forcing your jaw to go slack and take his long cock all the way as saliva runs out of the corners of your stretched mouth, trailing down your tits and eventually hitting the carpet. "you love being my good girl, eh? then choke on it."

nando loves to grab your plump ass whilst hugging you whenever it is in public or in the privacy of a room — if his action is made in the later situation, the innocence of his touch quickly turns into nibbling playfully on your ear and neck, leaving small marks to show his claim of you. his finger would dip inside your clothing to touch your already wet pussy, gently brushing past the outer lips to rub your clit, which will transform you into mush against his body. wanting to eat you out, nando would lay you down on the bed if there is one, probing pillows under your hips to get an easy access to your wetness. he's godsend, festing on your pussy as it would be his last time, resulting in leaving you a breathless moaning puddle of a mess. "please don't stop, papi."

jenson would be the guy who'd twirl, pull and nib on your stiff nibbles as you stroke his growing dick whilst watching a sex tape of yourselves to get in the right zone. in his opinion its one of the easiest ways to set the mood; watching a homemade video of him plowing inside you from behind against a hotel wall or having you cuffed on the bedframe, fucking your little hole hard as you cum over and over again — he'll feel your breath stock whenever his recorded self hits your g-spot or lands a spank on your brightly coloured ass, and the slick of your snatch drips on his leg, that's between yours, rubbing over your cunt.

"in another life, you'd be a pornstar, darling", jense would whisper in your ear as he moves above you, running the fat leaking head of his cock against your awaiting pussy.

lewis would have you in sixty-nine, tongue tracing the rim of your snatched hole as you kitten-lick off the precum of his massive dick and nibble softly on a bold vein, chasing a groan out of the fit male. as soon as you reach past the half, he'll push his cock upwards, causing you to choke on his dick — his less dominating hand keeps your head down as his other hand sinks two fingers at the same time inside you roughly, sending you over the edge, a process he continues over again till you tap his thight two times.

"fucked you good, huh?"

kevin likes nothing more than seeing you completely relaxed and giggling during a session of soft, romantic sex; it's his favourite way to return to a relaxed state of mind after a race and running behind his small children. he'll have you ride him though he'd control the pace while pressing your face against his neck to feel you sucking kisses against it. whenever kevin would push hard upwards inside you, he'd hear you purr like a catita or moan, rambling about how he should just throw you down and fuck you, but this will just result in his next pushes slower, teasing you to show you who's the "boss".

POLY/MULTI DRIVERS — SINGULAR DRIVERS

[cherbexr]

Sentinel Prime as...

your music manager??

^^(the readers laughing at how ridiculous this dumbass hc is)

Not really a Sentinel Prime x Reader romantic post

Warnings: Bad language, slight fat shaming, Sentinel Prime

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yeah wtf cherry? what kind of headcanon is this 🤨 Just something a little different!

I like to think that there are different forms of entertainment in Iacon. There's of course the Iacon 5000, but there are other forms like strip clubs and television shows like Iacon's Got Talent.

Sentinel Prime was invited to judge the show, and he took the opportunity to show Iacon how involved he is with the city and how great a leader he is!...

You decided to try for Iacon's Got Talent to show off your awesome vocals! Unknowingly THE Sentinel Prime would be there to judge.

You stepped out on the stage when on cue and a round of applause was heard as you did. You smile and wave and look over to the judges and gasp when you see a stupid smile from a royal blue and golden big ass bot.

You introduced yourself and your talent and after a few moments, you did your thing.

When you were done, whoops and applause were heard again and the judges were impressed.

One judge gave their opinion and the next until it was Sentinel's turn. He probably said some shit about how outstanding you were and yada yada.

"I would like to personally endorse this talented bot and help them prosper!"

Oh! That's great news!

.

.

.

Wait what??

Did he just say he wanted to endorse you?? No way the leader of Iacon wants to endorse you and make you become the singer you've always wanted to be! This is great news! Heck yeah you're accepting that offer!

-------------------------------------------------------

That was the worst decision you've ever made.

This guy literally made you change your paint job to match his. But it can't be the same because Sentinel Prime's color palette is his own palette and nobody can copy it.

Your paint job is probably like a pastel blue and yellow or something along the blue and yellow thing. You have to represent him in some way.

He endorsed you because he wants to show Iacon how a great leader like him can bring up great stars like you! You have to make him look good, perform well, sing well, and look good. Everything has to be perfect because if you make a flaw, you'll make him look bad and a failure of a manager.

He makes you perform at the Iacon 5000 to get his people pumping. Making you do the most over-the-top performances. You have to keep looking back at him for his approval. He is secretly sending you messages into your processor on what to do and if you need to be louder or something.

He doesn't let you have a social life and is very restrictive about what you're doing.

"That's one energon cube too many, you're going to be fat. I can't have a fat star, can I?"

The only time you'd be seen with random people is when you're being filmed doing charity or something good for the community.

Wow! Sentinel Prime endorsed such a kind bot! He has a great eye for good people!

Dating? Don't even think about it before asking him first. He would only let you "date" some popular bot. Maybe a top racer or another star. But you wouldn't be actually dating, it's just a way for Sentinel Prime to keep you relevant.

You have to be the top singer in all of Iacon. All other singers and stars, don't even think about trying to outdo you. If they somehow surpass you, oops! They accidentally ingested poison! I wonder how that happened... (That Beyonce theory reference lol)

Don't even think about getting sick and having to call off the show. You are doing that to show whether you're dying or not. He's gonna get the top doctor and patch you up right away. How unreliable you are for canceling a show thousands of bots wanted to see!

-------------------------------------------------------

You talk to Sentinel, telling him you don't wanna do this anymore and he stops in his tracks. He turns around and bends down to face you with a disappointed look.

"You don't want to do this anymore? After all this hard work and money I put into you, to make you become who you are now? Well...I guess it's such a shame...All those poor poor bots who look up to you and love you will be just so sad to see you leave your whole career and them behind..." He then stood up and guided you near the window that had a whole view of Iacon.

He then glances at you, "Such a shame, am I right?"

Take that as a no.

-------------------------------------------------------

One time you're practicing for a big performance. The stylist and stage decorators are doing their thing and you run through the show. Sentinel Prime walks in on it and watches it before interrupting.

"Woah Woah Woah Woah! What is this?? I did not ask for this. The decoration is ugly, and the paint job is sloppy, who the hell wrote this script?!"

A stage manager looked around and back at him, "You did sir." They said as they pointed and showed him the clipboard.

He snatched it out of their hand and threw it to the side, "How could I possibly write this? This isn't even my handwriting! You're fired."

(He wrote it. )

He then motioned for you to come over to him and he grabbed your face and showed you to the rest of the crew, "I can't have precious (y/n) looking all ugly and making a fool out of herself now can I?"

You glared at him, "I think it's fi-"

"shhh, I'm doing you a favor."

He rewrote everything, changed every single direction, and watched the whole rerun applauding.

"Now that's what I want!"

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Remember my headcanons

Feel free to request!

Not proofread

[ptq3000]

bakusquad w/ quiet but caring fem!reader,pt.2

reader still got the portal quirk that allows her to make portals and teleport

—

> ok, so we know how bakugo is an aggressive cook. and even though he eats the food you prepare for the class, that doesn't mean he still won't critique you on it

> yes, you guys had multiple cook-offs, which by the way, you have another scoreboard in your room for it. is it necessary..? no. does it make you more competitive? yes. does it provide any other use than to make you want to beat bakugo? well, it looks pretty :))

> sero is a very refined judge in this cook competition that you and bakugo got going. you even got aizawa to also judge, having him as a 'guest star' as mina puts it

> other classmates like iida and yaoyarozu encourage the friendly competition. it is anything but friendly.

> you and bakugo are literally yelling at each other, him more than you. but it's probably the loudest the whole class has seen you and bakugo takes some pride in that

"bakugo, move!" you shout as the pot your holding feels hotter and heavier by the second.

"use your stupid quirk, portal freak." he retorts back at you. you huff as you do. setting the pot down on the other side of the counter, you mumble to yourself, "fat ass." "what did you say." he demands, glancing at you as he plates his food.

as you also plate 3 dishes, you smirk as you confidently repeat it. "i said, fat ass." you grin as you see his cheeks start to go pink. he grunts as he says, "wipe that smug look off your face, you extra."

> there's not enough love for sero, in my opinion

> whenever you and sero hangout one on one, you usually just prank bystanders or the cashier at the local convenience store.

> him with his tape quirk and you with your portal quirk, you make small portals behind people and sero shoots small bits of tape on people. harmless, right?

> you and sero did it this one time to a karen that was yelling at a server in a small cafe, and sero accidentally pointed upwards when he shot through your portal which...it uh..it accidentally grabbed her weave and pulled it off. the karen turned around so embarrassed and immediately looked at everyone as she grabbed her wig. it took all both you and sero's willpower to not burst out in giggles as she looked at everyone in the cafe.

> also, i feel like sero's dorm is the dorm you always go to when you want to be left alone. people always check your dorm first, so you made a habit of hiding in other people's dorms. mainly sero's.

> you always manage to fall asleep. you don't try to! honestly!! it just..happens.

as sero enters his dorm, his face shifts to fear when he sees a figure on his hammock in the dark. quickly going into a defensive state, he instinctively turns the lights on and he creeps closer to whoever or whatever is in his hammock.

"sero... it's too bright. turn the lights off," he hears you mumble.

he sighs and his face softens as he realizes that it's just you. again. for the third time this week.

"y/n, you scared me," he laughs as he continues. "warn me next time." he turns the lights off, and he grabs a spare blanket and lays it on top of you. "goodnight," you both say in unison. he can't help but smile at you as you start giggling to yourself. "jinx," you both say together again. both of you burst into laughing as your tired form sits up on the hammock to look at sero who's on the floor.

"sero." "what?" "jinx, you owe me!" "you little-"

> mina. oh, mina. as much as she loves herself, she also loves to take care of you. multiple skin care nights in her mess of a dorm. if you could even call it a dorm.

> most times, she invites jirou and the other girls over. she always finds comfort in her friends, so doing something she loves with her friends is the best to her. but if you had a stressful week and just want it to be the 2 of you, she's all for that too!

"stay still, babe," mina requests as she applies the last bits of the clay face mask on you.

you stay still, as quietly as you can. which is easy since you're always quiet. you close your eyes as you relax to let her finish her work.

"babe, i finished." you hear her and when you open your eyes, she's looking at you with pure adoration. you smile at her softly as she pulls out her phone. your face drops because you know what she's doing.

"now..pictures!!" she smiles devilishly as she quickly took a 0.5 picture of you. she snorts through her fits of giggles and you yank her phone from her. "no, don't delete it!! y/n! it's for the group chat!!"

> don't want to make kirishima feel left out, so herewego

> kirishima is always the one you can trust. like sure, you can trust all of your friends, buttt, kirishima is the #1 person you go to

> whenever the couches in the common room are crowded, it's normal for you to go over to kirishima. you sit on his lap and he welcomes you with a warm smile, always greeting you with a, "hey babes."

> kirishima, i feel like, would call most of the girls, babe or babes. that's just something they do, so it's something he does. at first, everyone thought you 2 were dating because of the nicknames and sweet gestures. and you do admit that kirishima is very attractive, but you denied everyone's statement of you 2 dating.

sighing as you find no seat yet again, you head towards kirishima with the bowl of popcorn for class movie night.

he has a thin blanket covering him. he smiles as he sees your tired figure and you can't help but softly smile at his goofy grin. you sit yourself on him, adjusting slightly and he pulls the blanket over the both of you.

"hi babes," he quietly greets you, leaning on your shoulder as both of his arms wrap around your waist in a hug. you melt into his touch with a quiet sigh and he places a small kiss on your cheek

> denki. hm.. almost the same as kirishima. some differences, but most people thought you and denki were dating too. and while he is one of your first friends, you're not dating him. damn.

> the lingering stares, constantly needing homework help, him leaving small kisses on your cheek as you do something so mundane. the touchiness and the cringey nicknames. if you were an outsider, you would've thought you 2 were dating. but you're not. sadly..

> he normalizes touching. you didn't realize how touch starved you were until he starts hanging around you. you guys constantly link arms or hold hands. even at group sleepovers, his hand somehow, in his sleep, find your hand as he links them together.

> you even started going to him first, which makes him so ecstatic. he did accidentally set of his quirk on you the first time you hugged him from behind though..-

seeing denki, you smile as you had the idea to go to touch him first. engulf his body in love. that's what friends do, right?

you quietly walk over, not making any footsteps as you slowly wrap your arms around his middle in a hug. you feel jolts of small zaps around your arms and you quickly step back.

"ow- what the-," you rub your arms as they start to feel fuzzy. "ack! sorry y/n, you scared me," denki quickly apologizes as he wraps his arms around you in a warm hug.

"it's ok, just don't do it again babe," you assure. he backs away from the hug, his arms still around you. a smug look replaces his previous concerned expression. "didn't know we were on babe terms now?" he teases. your eyes go wide as you struggle to find words. you bury yourself in the crook of his neck in embarrassment. damnit mina. you really needed to stop picking up her way of talking. i mean, you call everyone babe like she does. that's what friends do. right..?

> ahhh, omg, jirou!! finally, jirou.

> you definitely hangout with her the most. you both have the most inside jokes and you constantly will find yourself laughing at her stupid jokes.

> she's also your go-to girl for any feminine products. yeah, mina keeps pads and tampons with her, but she constantly misplaces it.

> jirou always has her dorm open to you all the time. she has sleeping problems and when you just surprise her with blankets and snacks, she's so grateful that you already knew.

> i feel like you would trust jirou the most when it comes to your body. i mean, everyone in bakusquad is super touchy already, besides bakugo, but jirou is one of the more respectful people.

> like if you needed to change in front of jirou, without hesitation you'll start undressing. jirou either looks away and distracts herself or she changes with you because 9 times out of 10, you're having a sleepover in her dorm. you barely use your dorm at this point.

a colored blob appears in the middle of the room. jirou glances up from her phone to be greeted by you.

"what are you doing here, y/n? it's..," jirou glances at her phone. "2:37 am." she finishes with a yawn.

"and you should be asleep." you state in a motherly manner. before jirou can get a word in, you disappear back into your portal and reappear a few minutes later.

you close the portal as you set down multiple blankets and many snacks on her bed. "i couldn't sleep either, don't worry." you assure her.

"movie night?" jirou asks.

"movie night."

—

a/n: AHHHH, the long awaited pt.2!! sorry for the wait :))

[absurdthirst]

YESSSSSSS

Headcanons for when the Pedro boys come home after a long trip and find out that reader has put on some weight? (Whiskey and Frankie are usually my favorites in these things 💖🥺🌸)

Coming Home To Find Out That You've Put On Weight:

**Female Reader

Javier Peña: He's not going to mention it. He's not stupid. He can tell you are a bit nervous, you tug your shirt down over the extra curves that you aren't happy with and you hesitate to get naked when he is trying to strip you down. He showers your neck and lips with extra kisses, pressing his aching cock against your soft stomach and growls that he has missed you and needs to be inside you. Gonna go a little harder with you though, more cushion for the pushing is the saying, right?

Ezra: Delighted. You haven't been living off bits bars and meager rations. Maybe a little greedy for the fact that he might get better meals than what he had been having since being away from you. Plus he is of the opinion that every form is beautiful; fat, thin, tall, short, it doesn't matter. Your cunt is still hot and clutches around him like a glove and in your arms, he finds the solace he craves.

Mando: Mando yearns for softness. Everything in his life is hard, unyielding. His armor, his creed, even his cot is hard as a rock. So when he comes back to the covert to find that you are softer, he loves it. You can't see his express, because the room is pitch black, but you can feel the eagerness of his touch. The moans even louder when he squeezes parts of you that are a little fleshier than before. It might be the quickest he's ever finished.

Frankie Morales: See, Frankie loves a thicker girl. Those thighs you hate? He loves them. They are soft and cushiony, a perfect place for him to lay his head down on while pretending to watch tv with you. He always falls asleep. That pooch over your pussy? Fucking loves it, constantly touching it. So when he was deployed for eight months and he came home to find that you had put on a little weight, it didn't bother him at all. He was still going to strip you down as soon as the kids were taking and nap and explore ever soft curve you have with glee and exhaust himself and you.

Pero Tovar: Another man who does not mind if your waist grows thicker or your body is softer. Pero loves it. It shows that you did not starve while he was away, a constant source of guilt and worry for him. He had left you enough coins to last and you had obviously been successful in your gardens and trapping animals like he had hoped. The weight you have added might have made you have to let our your dresses, but your tits are also bigger, so it's extra fun for Pero.

Max Phillips: Whistles when he sees you. For a moment, he thinks about making a sarcastic comment about the weight gain, but he can see that you are actually self conscious. Max might be an egotistical, vain prick, but he's not cruel to you. You are still sexy to him. "There's my little blood bag." He hums, sweeping you into his arms and kissing you before smelling your pulse. "You look good enough to eat." He growls playfully, even though you both know that he will feed off of you when he is done making you scream his name.

Agent Whiskey: Listen, this man can throw a grown ass man around with a whip, you think you gaining some weight is going to take the fun out of the rodeo? He doesn't give a shit what the number on the scale says, as long as you still ride his mustache and his cock, Jack Daniels will be a happy man. Plus, he likes the extra jiggle.

Marcus Pike: Understands completely. He's been talking to you on the phone, knows that you have been doing the quick and easy dinners and snacking more - he has too. He doesn't mind the extra weight, as long as you don't. If you complain about it, he will offer to go for walks at night when he gets home or go with you to the gym in the mornings before work. If you don't say a word, this man will just happily love you as you are.

Oberyn Martell: Immediately asks if you are carrying a child. He has been gone for two months and when he finds that there is weight on your stomach, he is smiling as he caresses your skin, hoping for another child. The only way this man is disappointed is when you tell him that you have had your bleeding consistently while he was away. Then he will pout. But only because there is not another Sand Snake on the way. Then he will just get busy making that happen.

Dave York: He's getting older and the fucking weight just doesn't come off like it used too. He hates running, unless he absolutely must, so it doesn't bother him. Not really. Does he have the stray thought that you weigh a little more when you're riding him? Yeah, but he knows better than to say that shit out loud.

Zach Wellison: Doesn't say a word. He notices, but it's not his place to say anything. He's been gone, and you've been doing everything yourself. He just kisses you and asks how you have been while he's been gone.

Dieter Bravo: Doesn't really recognize you put on weight. He's just happy you are still here when he gets home, and you want to fuck him. He's greedy and needy in bed all at the same time, but after the deed is over, he's soooooo comfortable cuddling into you that he calls you his new pillow and drifts off to sleep with a smile on his face.

Javi Gutierrez: He notices. He notices everything about you. It doesn't matter to him. You are still perfect. You are still the woman he adores. Coming back from filming his latest screenplay is a relief and he is over the moon to be reunited with you. His love for you is pure and real, it's not even going to matter if you gained weight to him. He just has more of you to love.

Max Lord: Max is one who loves appearances, so this is something that you worry yourself sick over. The 80s is a time where everyone wants to be supermodel thin and gaining weight is heavily frowned upon. So you are a wreck when Max comes home from the super secret trip that he had taken. Only to find that he is completely unaware that anything has changed. He's too focused on being successful.

Marcus Moreno: Doesn't care. Are you healthy? Are you happy? If not, then he will help you however you need. If you are, then he is happy. He loves you and completely understands that bodies change over time. He's not wearing the same size Heroic's tac vest he was a few years ago, and it's not because he's gotten smaller. He's still gonna find you irresistible and slap your ass when he walks by you in the kitchen every morning. Maybe even more so now.

Tim Rockford: All the evidence points to the new flavor of cookie you've discovered. It's a good cookie. Tim is just happy to be home, that case took way too long to solve and he just wants to curl around your thicker frame after he's made you cum and sleep for a week. He doesn't care about weight, he's home and the case is solved.

Joel Miller: Doesn't bother him a damn bit. You still fit into your clothes, although they are tighter. Joel cares about you, not what size you are. There are more important things to worry about as long as you are healthy.

Marcus Acacius: It's been two years since he has seen your face. The memory of your last kiss, the last time he made love to you, has carried him through the campaign that had taken so many Roman soldiers. You look gorgeous to his weary eyes, a safe harbor to take shelter in. The plumpness of your new body does not take away from the way he needs you. This is a man who is just happy to have come back home to you.

[bluecollarmcandtf]

Which one do you want?

Just off a quiet highway somewhere in the Midwest, you might see James advertising my new product. He used to own this car dealership with his wife, but she's long gone. James hasn't thought about her since I pulled out my pendulum and put him in a trance. He just spends his days standing on the side of the road holding up that sign like I told him to.

You can see I marked him at 40 bucks, which is well over what he's worth, but I like to keep him around to advertise and flag down potential customers. His abs are visible even in the rain, and the neon underwear I put him in is sure to catch every driver's eye.

If you pull into my dealership, I'd be happy to show you my selection you can choose from...

Tyler, here, used to be my brother-in-law, but my sister dumped him real fast after she found the guy was a cheater. Since, he wasn't family anymore, I had no reason not to hypnotize every thought out of his head.

She has no idea I did this to her ex, but it won't hurt to have Tyler out of the picture for good. I like to give him a little punch in the gut every time I pass. It's my form of ongoing payback. He only ever reacts with a stifled groan since his mind is mush, but it's still cathartic to see him in pain.

Tyler will probably go fast since he's so traditionally handsome, but the vengeful part of me hopes a more sadistic client will take him off my hands.

Next is Caesar. This guy used to work at the auto garage next door, but when I saw him I knew I had to have him. He put on a real tough guy act when I introduced myself, but a pudgy working man like him should act accordingly in my opinion.

After introducing his gaze to my pendulum, he practically fell into my arms. I had my fun warping Ceasar's personality to be more like that of a submissive dog, but even that got a bit old. Sure, I made him love and cuddle me like the perfect partner, but he tracked mud everywhere and he always seemed to stink.

I hope whoever pays for him doesn't mind always telling the oaf to hose himself down every once in awhile. I suppose they could just use Ceasar for the cheap manual labor and just forget about his hygiene entirely.

This is Mike. He's a real piece of trash. I caught him trying to steal one of my cars in the middle of the night. He sure was shocked when my army of hypnotized hunks ran out and apprehended him, per my command.

He might look mean, but trust me, Mike's been thoroughly hypnotized and broken in just like every other dude on this lot. He wouldn't be standing there holding that 'For Sale' sign all day if he weren't!

Now, I know that his lack of hair might be a turn off for a lot of folks, so I'm willing to go down on the price. 20 dollars is already pretty low, but I want to make sure you all can afford your own hypnotized hunk. It's not like it's too difficult for me to go out and find a couple more idiots to fill their place. Hell, if you really need it, I might sell you a guy for a dollar!

This boy in blue is Lt. O'Riley. I don't know what his full name is. I'm just going off what it says on his badge. Now, I know that hypnotizing an officer of the law is risky, but O'Riley was being a real pain in my neck, always poking his nose in my business.

I hypnotized his partner too.

I think that guy's name was Brooks or something, but he was real ugly. I would've never been able to sell his fat ass, so I had him hand over his police uniform and turned him into my handyman, who's meant to be neither seen nor heard. He wears an old pair of dirty coveralls now and takes care of all the maintenance work. He's probably off scrubbing my housing from top to bottom right now since it's the middle of the day.

You could do that to officer O'Riley too, if you want, or maybe you keep that precious uniform on him. It's up to you.

This last guy is Don, and I know what you're going to say! I'm a little light on product at the moment, but don't worry.

I'm planning on driving into town real soon and restocking. Maybe I'll grab a few more officers this time. The police department is right down the street from that Halloween store. I could grab a couple more cops and put them in some stupid costumes.

Customers love a themed product, right?

Anyways, Don here didn't do anything to piss me off. He actually stopped in after seeing the sign. He wanted to purchase one of my brainless studs and pimp him out to all his friends for cheap cash. I liked the idea, but Don was far too handsome to just walk off my lot.

I offered to give him a tutorial of my hypnosis, and the guy naively agreed. His car has been collecting dust in the back ever since, and he's been added into the lineup of hot men standing for sale.

So, please come by if you're interested in taking any of these guys on a test drive! Let me know which one sparks your interest!

No need to be nervous.....unless you're a handsome man yourself. Then I might just have to use my pendulum on you!

[fallingdownhell]

Genshin men react to the 'Do I look fat?' question.

Oh boi.. Good luck to them..

Characters Included: Cyno; Kaeya; Wanderer

Content: gender neutral reader; slight cursing; comfort; but overall good feelings and vibes; insecurities mentioned; Wanderer is a bit of an ass, but he makes up for it (a little bit)

Word count: 1,6k words

Have fun!

Cyno

You were nervous. Really, really nervous.

What the reason is, you ask?

Well, picture this.. your relationship with the General Mahamatra is relatively new. You have only been dating him for about two months, keeping a low profile in public since the both of you didn't want it to be known quite yet.

You were content with that, but now, suddenly, Cyno told you that he wanted to introduce you to his best friend, Tighnari.

Which, to you, was a big fucking deal!

Obviously, you planned to show the best side of you, wanting to impress and convince his best friend that you weren't with Cyno for any sort of benefits, but that you really liked him and were serious about him.

You were standing in front of the mirror in your bedroom for hours now, trying on every possible outfit at your disposal, yet nothing seemed to satisfy you enough.

There have been a few pieces where you thought they might be okay, but just okay simply wasn't good enough.

Cyno was already done, waiting for you in the living room so you could leave, but you weren't nearly done. A complete bundle of nerves, to be exact.

Now, you finally had an outift on that you were more satisfied with then the others before. You spun around in front of the mirror, looking at yourself from every possible angle, trying to decide wether this was good enough or not. But you soon came to the conclusion that you just couldn't decide for yourself.

You needed a second opinion...

"Cyno?", you called, and from the approaching footsteps, you knew he had heard you.

Soon after, he entered the room, looking at you questioningly.

"Yes, my love? What is it?"

"Do I look fat in this?", you asked, hoping for some kind of positive affirmation that you so desperately needed right now.

Obviously taken aback by the question, Cyno took a few seconds before he hesitantly answered.

"Not really? You look like you usually do, it's fine."

Your expression quickly sank at his answer, and Cyno could immediately tell that this was the wrong answer.

"Babe..", but before he could say anything further, you were yelling at him, shoving him out of the room.

"Get out! I have to change again! I can't wear this!"

You threw the bedroom door closed as soon as he was outside, and for a few moments, Cyno stood there, dumbfounded. He had absolutely no idea what just happened there, but he knew that he said the wrong thing.

"(Name), I'm sorry. You don't need to change out of anything. You look positively breathtaking.", he said through the closed wooden door.

He kept quiet and listened. Judging by the lack of movement coming from inside, he thought his words might have some effect on you.

".... sure?"

"What was that, my love?"

"...Are you sure? I wanna look good when I meet your best friend."

"(Name), I can absolutely assure you that Tighnari is not going to care about what you're wearing. And besides, you look good in anything to me."

He waited for a few more seconds, then the door slowly opened again, revealing you to him, still wearing the same outfit as before.

"Are you really sure about that? One hundred percent?"

"Yes, I am.", he smiled at you, grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you out of the bedroom.

"Now, we have to get moving, or we'll be late. And that, I can guarantee you, would piss him off."

Kaeya

Kaeya has had his fair share of relationships in his time, so he knows that once this question leaves your lips, there are only two possible outcomes for him.

One, you simply ask him this dreaded question because you're bored and just want to see his reaction to it. In which case, he would walk away relatively unscathed, but he still had to be careful to not tick you off.

Or two, you were being absolutely serious and genuine. Which would definitely mean his demise as no matter what he was going to say, you would most likely spin it around in another direction so he would be the blamed party no matter what.

And right now, with the way you were looking at him from your spot, laying on his lap, it seems like the second option was the most likely one.

"Kaeya?", you asked, looking up at him. At the lack of response, you turn onto your stomach, now looking at him intently.

The man in question was still thinking about a possible answer, not wanting to upset you in any way since in his eyes, you were absolutely adorable and beautiful, but that didn't mean that this was what you wanted to hear from him.

However, as he kept silent, you thought this to be his answer, and you started to feel dejected.

"I see..", you say as you start to get up from his lap, which caused Kaeya to pull you back, confused and also in a slight panic.

"Hey, wait. Where do you think you're going, gorgeous?"

You scoff at that nickname. "You don't have to lie to me, you know. Your lack of response was loud and clear."

You refuse to look at him as your mood got even more sour the more you thought about it.

"I'm sorry babe, but my silence wasn't for that reason. I was merely trying to find the right words to tell you how beautiful I think you are."

You scoff again, but this time, it's not as snarky as before, and he thinks he can hear a faint glimmer of hope in there.

"...you really mean that?"

"Of course! Would I ever lie to you, darling?"

You finally look at him, even if it was only to shoot him an obvious glare.

He smirks at that. "Okay, okay. But I would never lie to you about something important, I promise you that. And you, (name), are the most important person in this world to me. So, please believe me when I say that you're absolutely perfect."

At that, your cheeks suddenly feel warm as you lay down with him again, the doubts that had previously filled your mind starting to grow weaker and weaker in his presence and thanks to his reassuring words.

Wanderer

Oh boy, is he not good with relationships. He does not know how to take a hint or how to sugarcoat his words. Even if he means good for you, his words sometimes come out as harsh.

You usually just ignore it, knowing that he's just watching out for you in his own, weird way. But there are days, where you're not able to just brush past his words, especially when they were touching on a subject you were particularly sensitive about.

It wasn't a common occurance for your boyfriend to take you out to eat like today. Usually, the two of you always cook at home, rather enjoying the process and the fun you manage to make during it.

Today however, he said he wanted to treat you for a nice meal out, and how were you to refuse such an invitation. On top of that, you haven't really had a proper meal for the past two days thanks to your workload, so you were absolutely hungry.

You ended up ordering more than you would normally eat, but since you had been neglecting your stomach for quite some time, you were able to eat all of that, no problem.

The Wanderer watched you silently as you were eating, but you could tell that he wanted to say something. It was practically written all over his face.

"What?", you decided to say between bites, curiously looking at him.

He seemed to think for a few seconds before he spoke up. "Don't you think you're eating a bit too much?"

At his question, you stop for a second, swallowing down the bite you had in your mouth.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you should tone it down and not make this a habit. You don't want to gain any more weight, right?"

Suddenly, your appetite was all gone. The food that had been looking so delicious in front of you now made you want to throw up just by looking at it.

"So... you think I'm fat?"

At that question, he looked up again to face you, and as he saw you, he immediately knew he just fucked up.

Big time.

The way you looked so sad at him, so defeated, made him feel like his nonexistant heart just shattered inside him.

"No! That's not... Fuck!"

You just silently nod, pushing the plate in front of you away, falling back against your comfortable chair.

The Wanderer sighed next to you, pulling his chair closer to yours as he pushed the plate back towards you.

"I'm.... sorry. That came out totally wrong. I fucked that up.

No, I don't think you're fat, you're most definitely not. I shouldn't have commented on that."

"Yeah, you shouldn't have."

You agree with him, but the fact that you were responding at all to him, meant that you weren't that mad with him. At most, annoyed. But not utterly mad. That was a good thing.

"Can you forgive me?", he asked as he pushed the plate closer yet again, urging you to continue with your meal.

You rolled your eyes at him as you reluctantly leaned forwards, picking up your utensils again.

"I'll think about it."

That's enough for him. He smiles as he leans back again, continuing to watch you again.

He still has much to learn about this whole relationship and communication thing...

[littlemisssatanist]

my acotar unpopular opinions

taking this time to come out as an acotar reader. yes i've read all the books and i've spent way too much time thinking about it. i enjoy the books in the sense that i enjoy hating on many of the characters and loving a few of the others.

be forewarned inner circle fans. you will not like this.

rhysand is not a 'morally grey' character. he's a rapist and a groomer. he sexually assaulted feyre utm, he groomed her (reminder that she was 19 in acotar), and he withheld important medical information from her. 'you'll always have a choice' my ass.

nesta telling feyre about her pregnancy was not a bad thing. why do people act like it is? 'oh she did it to hurt feyre' hurt her by doing what? revealing the lies that her beloved husband had woven? revealing the fact that she'd die giving birth? the fact that rhysand told literally everybody but feyre?

mor is not the champion for women everyone thinks she is. this i will give to sjm it is truly impressive to make a character like women and still be a pick me. i'm not even going to go into her whole weird ass relationship with her dad (i still don't understand why she wouldn't just kill him. 'oh rhys needed the army' rhys is supposed to be the most powerful high lord ever. either admit he's a fucking loser or give me an actual good reason for this) or the fact she's seemingly incapable of doing anything to help the women in the court of nightmares, but everytime she was mentioned, i had to let out a heavy sigh and rub my temples.

on a similar topic. i liked eris. like a lot. out of all the acotar characters sjm has written, eris is by far my favorite.

the inner circle needs to sit the fuck down. they are the most hypocritical bitches i've ever met. they like to think themselves high and mighty. reading them make fun of lucien's band of exiles while their name is literally 'court of dreamers' was the most infuriating thing ever. and then they have the gall to be insulted when called out. don't dish what you can't take.

out of all the inner circle, the only one i don't hate is azriel. this is simply because he is the only one who hasn't opened his big fat mouth and done something bad (except if you maybe count his whole thing with elain). cassian is on my hit list. it's on sight with cassian.

nessian is sjm's worst ship and i will stand by that. lucien/nesta could have been so much. 'nesta would have ripped lucien apart' and cassian was your first choice? not even azriel was considered? like be so for real right now. sjm didn't see the potential of lucien/nesta and i will forever mourn that.

sjm is a terrible writer. i'm not saying this to be mean but she seriously just sucks at it. that being said i admire her ability to still make millions of dollars off her shitty writing. as a woman, i am rooting for her. as a reader, every day i wake up a shoot a prayer to the heavens begging the gods to not let sjm write any more books from the inner circle's pov.

lucien/elain is better than azriel/elain. argue with the wall.

eris/azriel is better than azriel/elain. you can kiss my ass.

NESTA/ERIS IS BETTER THAN RHYSAND/FEYRE. i know this because i have been enlightened.

feyre is a victim to rhysand. that being said, she is also a major bitch. both can be true because these things are not mutually exclusive. i wish she could make friends outside of the ic like nesta did, but i know that's unlikely.

feyre's pregnancy storyline was completely useless and went against her whole character.

acomaf retconned everything about tamlin and feyre's relationship in order to make more money. idc.

tamlin gets a ridiculous amount of hate. rhysand is hypocritical. so tamlin locking feyre in a house because she wants to ride out with him into potential danger is terrible and abusive, but rhysand locking nesta in the house of wind for... *checks notes*... having sex and spending money on alcohol is helping her? what?

[whorbidmore]

okay, so, I've fallen victim to the leon kennedy brainrot steadily overtaking me, following me from Tumblr to Pinterest, to Instagram and even the absolutely fucking dreaded application of TikTok. I don't even use it that often??? and the algorithm is just like 'wow, yeah, this little fuckers gay as hell send in the 40 year old meow meow!!' and having watched Death Island fairly recently, I'm gonna have my opinions on what this dude would be like. Cus my brain loves to rationalize shit and think ab 'what if this mf was someone real?' so... fuck it.

Leon Soft Kennedy Headcanons

SFW

accidentally bigoted. - im sorry but let's be so fucking real here. he's a 40 something year old man who spent the majority of his life in either the military, a police training academy in the 90's, or otherwise working under the U.S Federal System with minimal/no time between missions to unpack absolutely everything he's got going on... the guys gonna have some problematic tendencies. Obviously that doesn't mean he means any of that or is incapable of change, etc. etc., but I know for damn certain this dude would laugh a little at Bill Burr's borderline to blatantly misogynistic material and has probably chuckled unironically at the attack helicopter jokes. But, he's not a complete dick, and would definitely become more critical of those kinds of jokes if it's pointed out to him.

honest to God, Dad Without Kids™ - it's not simply enough for me to leave it at 'but it's the vibes!!' so, I'm gonna break this shit down. Leon is absolutely Gen X incarnate. I can fucking guarantee you that on his off days he accidentally ends up dressing as an undercover cop; I'm talking cargo shorts, light blue button up, those fucking standard issue boots cus "they're perfectly good shoes" and those stupid ass sunglasses... you know the ones I'm talking about. Let's say you're living with him, right? And you're... you, and you wanna watch something on TV. This dude would strain himself getting up like a turtle fallen backwards on its shell, stand up, walk right in front of the TV screen and stand there with his hands on his hips. It doesn't matter that he had to piss, he needs to get a better look of what's happening! Does those really loud, obnoxious coughs and sneezes, absolutely blows his back out doing one at least five times a year.

Only watches British Reality TV - Considering he's canonically a film buff, I'll say that this is purely for whatever he gravitates towards on general streaming services. I honestly don't see him being the type to regularly tune in to standard American cable TV, or only does so under specific circumstances like American Ninja Warrior or maybe Forged in Fire if there's absolutely nothing else. It's not something that's exclusive to Americans, — I'm from New Zealand and I do this too, — but Leon absolutely falls into the category of watching British Reality and Game shows purely because of the accents. I'm talking Jeremy Kyle, The Big Fat Quiz of Everything, Taskmaster, The Great British Bake Off and so on and so forth. It doesn't matter that baking isn't his forté or a passion of his, if Josephine curdles her buttercream by over mixing, his hands are in his hair in utter disappointment. 100% tries to mimic their accents too. We all do it, don't lie.

Has... very dated music tastes - I don't know if you could guess, but the last paragraph included me calling myself out and name dropping some shows I watch anyway or grew up watching, and I'm just saying that this is gonna be no different. If anything? This'll be worse! Since I'm very passionate about the music I listen to and have the inability to keep my interests separated from the other, of course my love of particular bands will bleed over into my interpretation of Leon's character! Anyway, all that for me to say that Leon fucking LOVES 90's grunge musicians, specifically Pearl Jam and Soundgarden, as well as early nu metal bands like Korn (their dubstep phase did not happen.), TOOL, and Rage Against the Machine — and no, he unfortunately doesn't see the irony of him being a fed and listening to Rage, — but would also have a soft spot for psych rock, post-punk and shoegaze. My man's definitely laid awake at night, sobbing without expression as he struggles to accept that Ada never really wanted him like he wanted her while listening to fucking Slowdive. My hottest take here is that he doesn't really listen to Deftones. Like he'll occasionally blast My Own Summer, Change, Bored or Rosemary, but anything outside of those? He just didn't listen to 'em. My second hottest take is that he does NOT like Slipknot, which kind of pains me 'cus I do, but I fucking bet you this dude would actually adopt one piece of "Gen Z lingo" or whatever just call them cringe. Though admittedly he would've been jamming the fuck out to Psychosocial and The Devil in I when they came out. Went off the deep end in Vendetta, obviously, and drunk-cried himself to sleep on the couch listening to Linkin Park.

Very confusing spending habits - On one hand, we all understand that Leon came from money, — he was implied to have been born into a mob family from my understanding? And I doubt he'd ever really had to worry about being fully, irrevocably broke, — but I'm sure that growing up in the U.S Foster Care System made him at least a little more cautious of where his money comes from, where it's going, what he's spending it on, etc. So, on the one hand, he's apprehensive to spend recklessly, particularly on perishables. But also, if he can drop over $100,000USD on a motorcycle that got absolutely fucking cheese grated into the road, and spend a perceived, metric fuck ton of money on designer leather jackets and massive watches, it's gonna be hard for me to call him 'financially conscious'. On one hand, he gets apprehensive on spending more money than he needs to on food since he's "just gonna shit it out later", but if he sees a cool watch or a nice suit in a shop window? Money's suddenly not an issue! Not because he's materialistic, but because the one thing he really maintains a sense of control over in his life are his possessions and the way he dresses. The D.S.O can call him in for another months long mission whenever they please, and all he can realistically do is allow the government to tug on his leash and put him where he's needed. He may as well spend their money on things he wants!

Gets out... enough? But also, not really? - So, personally I've pegged Leon as more of an introverted person, — amateurly typed his MBTI as possibly ISFJ? — so he doesn't really feel the need to go out and meet new people or really hang out with anyone. If somebody invites him out? Sure, he'll go. Otherwise, it rarely occurs to him to meet up with friends or colleagues at a cafe or anywhere. I think he'd prefer to just go there alone, mostly for the sake of having somebody else cook for him as opposed to actively seeking out the atmosphere. It's pure convience in his mind. And remember when I said in the beginning about him accidentally being at least a little misogynistic? Yeah, that was me trying to say that he regularly tries to hit on younger waitresses. Not because he actually wants anything to do with them, but simply because it's an ego boost. He likes that he can make girls half his age blush or offer him their numbers, because it tells him that he's still desirable, and ultimately, that gives him the power to reject them politely and go about the rest of his day. If they don't reject him first, of course. Admittedly, Leon's audacity towards women peaked during Infinite Darkness.

Since I'm planning on posting more NSFW headcanons for this guy, — and more NSFW kinds of posts, — here is the obligatory Minors DNI attachment. For your own safety, I don't care if what I have to say is tame so far, you can hold it off I promise.

[immortalityforthegoddess]

Can you do one with gun and a younger sister when they were little and they are rough play fight? They playing rough with each other and their mom couldn’t stop them. So their dad had to step in and stop them.

𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐬

Thank you so much for your request love!

I had fun with this😌

You and your older brother gun were fighting, why? Because that fat bitch ate your snack. After his snack!

So now you and gun were now on the floor, bearing the ever living shit out of each other awhile your poor mother, somi tried her best to intervene. "Both of you cought it out right now!"

She yelled, northern you or gun cared to listen to hear so neither of you could hear her. Somi already tried to rip them a part but ended up getting bitten somehow.

"GUN YOU FAT FUCK! YOU ATE MY SNACK, ADMIT IT DAMMIT!", You shouted as both of you continued to roll around on the floor, " YEA AND SO WHAT, NOT LIKE YOU NEEDED IT!"

Gun and you kept throwing insult after insult, punch after punch, all while somi was just done and sat as you two, killed each other over food. Both of you are fat fucks in her opinion.

As somi sat there, she heard the door open and foot steps Arpouch, when she looked it was her husband, Shinegn. He didn't acknowledge her say first, keeping his eye on his children who now, looked like they have been through world War 1 and 2.

"Why haven't you stopped them?" He asked, she simply gave a bored look and said "tried, one of them bit me so.", shinegn hummed, " why are they fighting?"

"Over food."

Shinegn looked like it took a moment for what she just said to register in his mind, "there fight each other over...food?", did he hear her right? There's no way he heard her right. " Yes, food.",

There's no doubt in shingens mind he has some weird ass kids. Who fights over food when there an entire house full of it? After a moment he stepped forward to his children and walk over to them.

As you and gun shouted insults at each other, suddly both were lifted off the ground and now in the air. Both stopped fighting out of confusion and looked over to there father and both froze.

"...hi daddy... ", was all you could muster, gun didn't speak at all. Shingen looked between his daughter and than his son. Both had red marks and scratches all over them.

"Stop it."

Was all shinegn needed to say before he put both of them back on the ground, somi watch as you and your brother ran out of that room fathers than light itself. She looked back over to her husband. He looked annoyed, and probably was.

"Little brats."

Was all he said as he walked out, somi let out a low chuckle, he most certainly was correct. You and gun were basically little demons.

[morehousebites]

Quotes as House MD

Random shit my friends have said as House MD

for contex, I'm in training to get my Medical Assistant certification and most of my friends are also in/going into the medical field

House:

My mysteries are falling out

Can't a mortal want for death?

That's assault. Don't make me elevate it to battery

No no, don't be embarrassed, you all did bad

I'm going to Hell AND I have to pay with quarters? This is the worst day ever!

It's only like the fourth gayest sport. Behind football, chess, and competitive pole dancing

Either kill yourself or get over it

Don't touch these without gloves, they will irritate your tits

Well y'know, some people come out of the closet, [Chase] goes into the closet

I only let my [fellows] teethe on them occasionally. They're mostly slobber-free

Am I not writing right now? With my words? Like a poet?

You're a sick degenerate fuck! I like you

OSHA is for pussies

I can hurt you and then it will have to be my fault

I'm American I'm entitled to piss where I want

Happy erection day. Your penis hard?

I LOVE bullying children

Sorry ladies, this cock is all mine

It's not abuse if they're living. That's why you kill them first

Chase:

Being lesbian is masochist (referring to Thirteen)

As the youth are fond of saying these days: dope, sick nasty.

I'm a cunt not a whore

He's fat, he needs a vasectomy

She's 14, her uterus is gonna wither up

My dad has a PhD in Jesus

I don't even have a thought process

Ow, don't hit me, you're ugly

The part I'm confused on.... Is all of it?

Victim blaming, it's the right thing to do

Ketchup is such a good moisturizer

Aw man that sucked ass, I guess I'll just die hairy

No sin here, move along

Cameron:

I'm not a lesbian, stay away from me

Numbers, organs, same thing. What am I, a doctor? A medical student?

Not gonna lie I kinda like heroin

Them's the house rules, and I'm the coolest bitch

Wow she's pretty! Oh she's dying

Do you not want to smoke weed on the bus to the hospital?

Not even in a sexual way just vulvas are dope

Shawty is a state of mind

Honey no one wants your organs

Alright I'm gonna go finish my work and disappoint [House]

They can't know I'm a freak YET

Supportive parents? In this economy?

I can't cry cause the makeup's too slay

Whoever said laughter is the best medicine was a man

Gravity is a bitch sometimes

Pleasure myself, weep, and repeat

If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me that, I could actually afford therapy

This is pirated, by the way

I've got my own knives: they're called fingers and I swear to god if he talks to me again they are going in his eyes

Foreman:

I'm no one's babygirl, I'm someone's baby MAN

I can ethically own him in the free market space of debate

You think you have rights here? This is [the hospital]

You're taking a speed bump at 5 miles an hour, I'm gonna actually enjoy my life

There is no opinions on the gays

You spilled spaghetti on the church?! (directed at Chase)

That's not a hehe moment

Do any of you... Hear in the ears?

Infidelity ain't lookin so good right now

I'd be full of shit if I told you I knew the answer all the time

I sympathize with you but you're making funny noises

THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED THE WHOLE TIME AND I SLITHERED THROUGH THE WINDOW?!

Don't antagonize drunk old men who hate you

[dlavend3r]

Got an idea for a fic abt Adam!!

Adam is the all narcissistic person that he is feeling a bit... Self-concious about his weight? He thinks he's too.. Fat? Which he really doesn't like because, to his own standards, he's the hottest guy to ever exist, being firest man and all. And him not being all buff/skinny as he was in Eden, really.. It affects his mental health. The only person he feels okay talking about this with is his best friend, the reader! Just an idea, tho, and it can be an Adam x Reader or just those two being really close besties, lol. The reader could be that one friend in a friend group that is the therapist.

Like I said, juuust an idea ^^

Tysm for the request! I hope you enjoy it 🌙. Don’t forget my requests are open!

Self conscious! Adam x reader

Recently Adams been feeling down. Down on himself, down on his appearance. Oh especially his appearance. His the man, the first dick. He’s supposed to be the idolized man. Big, tall and buff. Not…. Whatever he is now. Anytime Adam has to look at his body all he think is how he let himself go. How chubby he’s gotten. How it doesn’t look right for his image. The big dog image.

Adam doesn’t feel like he can be the man, the first dick unless he’s perfect. From top to bottom. All he ever did was workout, but it never made a difference. Well not in his eyes. He can see that he can do more, that he can do better. And even if he did workout he’d just relapse on the routine, which made him hate himself more. He wanted this certain image that he couldn’t achieve. It all comes in circle. Adam sees a way to improve himself but his self destructive nature breaks it and makes hate himself to where he needs yo improve himself more only to fall into a loop over and over again.

Adam knew he needed to talk to someone. He had to but he couldn’t. That was until he met you. He saw how easy it was for him to be him around you. You didn’t judge him, you listened. And not listened because you needed to, you listened to him because you wanted to. This has made your relationship with Adam grew closer. He felt like he can be himself with you, and that you wouldn’t judge. You know you wouldn’t judge him, and he knew that as well.

“I just…. I have to be this chad you know. How would it look for my image that the first man, the first ever dick isn’t some fucking big buff dude. That he looks like a fucking discord moderator” He said to you, “I look like I have a fucking e kitten waiting for me to pay them for feet pics. That’s not me, I don’t want to pay for feet pics…. Unless they’re hot I mean obviously. But I don’t want to be known as a feet man. I want to be know as a big dick man, you see what I mean” Adam finished his rant with a loud ass slurp from his drink.

You nodded as you listen, “I mean there’s nothing wrong with being…. A discord moderator, or well. There is in some way but the way you look doesn’t really matter. Do you want my honest opinion?” You asked him. Adam nodded, “straight honest, no fucking sugar coating anything. Does it look like I can be on 600 pound life?”

“No Adam. You look amazing. Yes you’ve gain some chub, but hey a very well fed man is a powerful man. In the past, if you were chubby than that means you are powerful and you rule. Do you want to rule? Do you want to be the big powerful man you are?” You asked him, “fuck yeah I do!” Adam said in return, “than don’t change anything, you’re already powerful, having your own team of exterminators, being the first man. That’s some pretty powerful shit. Your voice is always heard. You are amazing the way you are Adam. If you want to work out, go do that than. But don’t sit here and judge yourself because you ate well, or because you don’t have a six pack anymore. You are amazing Adam. Inside and out”

Adam sat there astonished, the speech you gave hit him. It wasn’t ‘I Have A Dream’ good but it was good nether less. “Thank you” Adam said. Your speech didn’t clear his self consciousness but it did help him see things from a different perspective. He was so focused on the negatives that he just needed to see it from a different side.

“You’re amazing you know that.” Adam said to you, “I know” you answered as you gave a smile back. “I know you know that.” Adam said back.