#pedro pascal character headcanons

[baronessvonglitter]

Daddy Can Fix It

handyman!Joel Miller x fem!plus size!Reader

Word count: 5.4K

Summary: All the housewives in your neighborhood rave about the local handyman. And with very good reason.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Explicit. Reader is plus-size, wears dress and lingerie, has hair and body hair, and manicure. Reader's age not mentioned so there is only as much or as little of an age gap as you'd like. TW - fat shaming, food shaming, infidelity (by reader, and it's technically warranted) Pet names (daddy for Joel; sugar, darlin', baby, sweetheart for reader). Housewife/trad-wife vibes. Totally a bored housewife fantasy. Mention of female masturbation. Breast/nipple play, oral (f & m receiving). Fingering. Body worship. Pussy pronouns. Unprotected piv (Joel is snipped, but still.. this is fiction). Light spanking. Rough sex. Creampie. Joel's kind of a big ol' slut for the lonely housewives but is also really useful around the house, so you're definitely getting a good deal 🛠️

Author's note: it's been a hot minute since I've written a one-shot for Joel but it was impossible to resist. It all started because of this pic:

so yeah, Pinterest strikes again. How could I not write a Joel fic based on this? I hope y'all enjoy 💖

JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST | FULL MASTERLIST

"He can come clean my pipes anytime."

Raucous laughter erupts from the group of ladies huddled near the cupcakes at the latest book club meeting. You listen from the other side of the room where one of the older members is asking you to help her with her Kindle. "I never know how to keep up with all this fancy technology," Marion huffs, adjusting her bifocals.

You're trying to be patient with her, but the conversation across the room is far more intriguing. "It just needs to be charged. Your battery is low," you say three times before Marion can even hear you.

When you've managed to extricate yourself from her, you go up to the ladies and, with a friendly smile, join in. "I couldn't help overhearing."

Some of the women exchange glances, as if deciding to let you in on their convo or not. "Becky's just showing us that she got her kitchen cabinets redone," someone finally pipes up.

"That's not all she got," another starts to crack up.

You look at Becky's phone screen. The before and after shots of her cabinets are nothing short of miraculous. "That's great, Becky! I know you've been asking Gerald for a renovation for awhile," you tell her, hoping she'll be pleased you remember the plight she droned on about for weeks.

"It is great," she says, eyeing you with something like suspicion. "I have a very good handyman."

"He does everything," a nicer girl, Isabelle, chimes in.

"Boy does he," another mutters, hiding her smirk behind her cup of lemonade while the others giggle behind their hands.

Amirah adds, "He varnished my dining room table, power washed my driveway, helped organize my garage," she counts on her fingers. "He's good for little things around the house, and his prices are decent."

"It's like he's just giving it away," Becky says with a smirk and this gets the group laughing again.

"Maybe you can give me his information later," you say politely. "I have a laundry list of things that I need help with now that Wesley's working so much overtime."

The women eye one another, and it's Amirah, the leader of the group, who gives the definite nod. "Of course, sweetie. After the meeting."

"Great!" Smiling, you try to make your way through the group, saliva pooling in your mouth at the tower of red velvet cupcakes on the table spread. You reach for a couple more.

"You've already had three," Becky reminds you, casting a not-so-subtle glance at your body. Her voice sweet as honey but her words carry poison. You know you're not as thin or as glamorous as the other women in this room. You dress the same as them, wear your hair perfectly coiffed and your nails are always manicured, but just because you're not a size zero they deem you unworthy to truly be one of them.

You hold your head high with what little courage you have in the face of Becky's bitchiness, your sinful little cupcake in your hand. "I actually had three. And right now I'm about to make it five," you say sweetly, licking a swipe of cream cheese icing before putting two cupcakes on a china plate and going back to your seat.

That night, Wesley doesn't ask about your book club. He doesn't ask how your day was. He doesn't do much except pour himself a drink when he gets home and sit in front of the TV to watch the news.

You're dressed for bed, a modest robe over a red silk babydoll chemise, a purchase you'd made on a whim in the hopes that you could spice up your sex life with him which, truth be told, has never been more than lukewarm from the start.

"Do you think we should.. go to bed?" you suggest, a naughty tone to your whisper.

"It's early," he grunts, barely giving you a glance.

"I just thought we could spend some time together.." you brush your hand across his knee but he impatiently swipes it away.

"Please, darling, it's a weeknight," he looks at you as if you'd just suggested a threesome with him and the milk man. As he leaves the room he looks back at you, but the hope that rises in your chest is soon shattered when he shakes his head upon seeing your lingerie. "Red is for streetwalkers," he tells you before he goes into his study.

Daddy Can Fix It

You run your finger over the business card Amirah gave you, with all the handy man's information. The card shows his white company van with the logo emblazoned on the side: Joel Miller, Handyman At Your Service so it says in black lettering. There's a phone number and a website as well.

You dial the number, expecting to hear a secretary's voice, but you're greeted with a rich, baritone "Good mornin', thanks for callin' Daddy, what can I fix for ya today?"

Jesus, the voice alone is enough to get you flustered. And Daddy? You weren't expecting that. "Um, hi, I got your number through a friend and I'd like to see if you're available to come mow the lawn today." You peek out your curtains, seeing how the grass has grown taller than you'd like since the last time Wesley has cared enough to cut it.

"You got a lawn mower, sugar?"

"Yes, I do, um.. daddy.."

You hear him chuckle on the other end of the line. "You can call me Joel."

"Joel. Yes, I do. Is there anything else you'll need?" New to the housewife lifestyle, you're still unsure of how to make such appointments. Before you met and married Wesley, you just mowed the lawn yourself, but your husband refuses to hear of his good and proper wife performing a menial act.

"Got any bushes that need trimmin'?"

You aren't sure why that particular sentence makes you feel the blood rush to your face. "I typically keep up with it on my own, when I'm tending to my garden."

Joel gives a small chuckle and it warms your insides. "That ain't no problem. Today around eleven good for ya?"

"Eleven sounds perfect."

"Pricing'll be about fifty, but we can come to an agreement once the job is done."

"Wonderful. I look forward to seeing you." You give him your name and address, hanging up with a sense of accomplishment.

His van appears in your driveway just a minute before eleven. You're impressed with his timeliness. What you don't expect is the gorgeous stranger on your doorstep.

Joel Miller is tall, broad-shouldered, skin bronze from working out in the sun, and his dark brown hair is greying handsomely. If you had to guess his age you'd say fifties. He's in a grey tee shirt and work jeans. What stand out to you the most are his eyes: almost black in color, appraising you as you wait in the doorway, prim and proper housewife, lips parted, eyes wide.

He asks for you by name and you nod, chuckling slightly.

"If you can show me where the lawn mower is I'd be happy to get started," he offers, and the voice you recognize from the phone makes you melt.

You lead him outside to the garage and he takes out the mower, filling it up with some gasoline first. "Is there anything else you need?" you ask politely.

"No ma'am," he looks over his shoulder at you as he pushes the machine to the front yard. "Get inside and get outta this sun. I'll handle it from here," he smiles and it makes you want to giggle like a schoolgirl.

From inside you watch him through the window, deftly maneuvering the lawn mower over, trimming the grass to a neat, short length. It's not yet the hottest hour of the day, but you see him sweating, and when he stops a moment to remove his shirt, you suddenly feel your pulse in the deepest part of your cunt. You wonder what it would be like to lick up every drop of sweat off his chest.

Like a slow motion scene from a movie, you watch the motion of his arms, the rippling of his back as he guides the machine over the lawn. Biting your lip you take in the sight of him, the determination on his face redirecting your thoughts to how he would look above you: hot, sweaty, hard, plunging into your drenched pussy.

How long has it been since you've had a man? Wesley prefers his Saturday nights like clockwork. But you want more. Stupidly thinking marriage was the best way to be treated right and fucked properly, you realized it was not the title but the man, and the particular man you chose was lacking in all area which mattered.

You aren't even sure you love him anymore.

But right now, watching Joel is a treat, and fantasizing about him is a little secret you'll harbor for later in the day when you'll inevitably find yourself using the showerhead attachment.

He finishes the front and back yards, and through the blinds you peep him putting his shirt back on, running a hand through his wavy curls before putting the mower away and coming to your door.

You answer it before he knocks. "Thank you!" is the first thing that comes out of your mouth. "Please come in and we can settle payment."

He cleans the bottoms of his boots on the welcome mat before stepping inside your home and following you to the kitchen. "You have a very nice home, ma'am."

"You're too kind," you're modest about his compliment, but it's thrilling to have someone say something nice about the hard work you put into keeping house. "Would you care for some iced tea? I've just made it fresh."

"I won't say no to that," he chuckles lightly, and you're happy to fill a glass with some of the fresh-brewed tea over ice.

Joel leans back against the sink, pouty pink lips pressed to the glass as he tips it back, opening just enough to take a sweet sip. You watch his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallows, and you wish you could lick a stripe up along his the length of his delicious-looking neck to collect all the sweat that's beaded there.

"Is there anythin' else you need help with today?" he asks, his question carrying a hint of something more.

You blank for a moment, getting lost in the depth of his obsidian eyes, still caught up in your little fantasy. "No.. no, I don't think so." Taking a look around your eyes dart to every corner, taking mental stock of the upstairs rooms as well. "No," you finalize with a smile.

"If you're sure.." he says in that same low tone.

You give him fifty dollars and chat a little while he finishes his drink.

"If there's nothin' else I'll get goin'. Feel free to call me again if you need somethin' done, or looked at. Ain't nothin' I can't fix," he winks at you on your doorstep and you feel a waterfall in your panties.

Isabelle calls later in the day. "So? You had Joel over today, right? How'd it go?"

Dinner is in the oven and there's about an hour before your husband gets home. Phone on speaker, you start peeling potatoes. "It was fine. He did a great job. I'm sure I'll use him again."

Over the line you hear Isabelle sigh. "Isn't his dick beautiful? I swear, just thinking about it gets me so wet!"

You nearly slice a finger off, shocked by her words. Even though you're alone in the house, you pick up the phone and take it off speaker. "What are you talking about?"

"I think it's at least eight inches, and the way it curves at the end," Isabelle sounds like she's moaning.

"Okay, I'm lost. I hired the handyman that you and the others referred. That's who came over today."

"Exactly, dear! Did he fuck you? You don't have to give details of course."

Your brain is put on pause as only silence fills your throat.

"Oh dear," Isabelle continues. "You didn't know?"

"Know what?"

She sighs, possibly settling herself on her chaise longue out by her pool she's so proud of. "Joel Miller is a handyman, yes. But we also pay him a little extra for other services."

"Oh." You sink onto the living room settee, the closest thing to you.

"Mm-hmm. Mind you, it's not an all-the-time thing. But we've all had him. It's just something fun. You get some help around the house with your honey-do list, and then a good fucking after. Or whatever pleases you."

"And you.. you've.. slept with him?"

"I wouldn't call it sleeping, honey, but yeah I've been with him. It's all for fun. Nobody really takes it seriously."

"And everyone else at the book club?"

"Pretty much. Do you really think any of our husbands could compare to that god of a man Joel Miller?"

No, no you doubt any man could hold up to the stud who'd just helped you with the lawn.

He's on your mind constantly, but as tightly as Wesley keeps his wallet to himself, you can't validate having Joel's help every day. You make the choice to wait until the following week.

And what a long wait it is. Jealously you wonder whose house he's going to. Jackie down the street? Bitchy Becky with her face like a rat, no tits and no ass?

You consider calling Isabelle to beg for the details (which she'll probably give you without a fuss anyway). But a sordid part of you wants to find out for yourself. You already know he's well-endowed. He's at least twice as big as Wesley, who wouldn't know what to do with a big cock if he was blessed with one overnight.

A week to the day since he made his last visit, Joel comes back to replace the batteries in your smoke alarms. It's a job you've done yourself, perching on a stepladder, but it'll be more fun to have Daddy fix it.

The phone call to schedule him was practically foreplay. That smooth-as-chocolate voice had your panties drenched. When he's finally here, inside your home, inside your needy little cunt.

Your eyes rove over his form as he uses your stepladder, only needing the first rung. It doesn't stop you from staying right there with him, holding it steady on the other side. You hear his little grunts as he gets to work, watch his thick, strong fingers handle the batteries with a delicacy you can imagine he uses in other things.

Licking your lips, you realize you're face-to-face with the faded blue denim crotch of his jeans, those Levis hugging him tight in all the right places.

"I'm 'bout done here," he says, putting the smoke detector back in its place. "Anythin' else you need help with, lil' darlin'?"

Your hand presses to the bulge in his jeans, and you're delighted when you feel him twitch in response. "As a matter of fact, I do need your help with something else.."

"That right?" he murmurs, pressing your hand against him, letting you feel him grow hard under his palm. "Been waitin' to see if you'd ask.."

He steps down, keeps his dark eyes on you. "Pretty lil' thing like yourself don't get enough attention, huh?" he whispers, brushing his thumb across your cheek.

Softly you sigh, unashamed at how needy you've been for a simple touch. "No.. but I'd like you to help with that."

"That's what I'm here for, darlin'," he smiles, his thumb tracing your soft plump lips. "What do you want me to do, baby?"

"Everything," you answer quickly. "I'm not.. really sure what the usual is.."

His smile is kind as his hand traces down your neck, leaving goosebumps to rise on your skin. "You want me to fuck ya, give ya somethin' nobody else is doin'.. that it?" He places your hand back on his bulge and you respond by rubbing him, your own cunt pulsing around nothing in excited expectation.

"Yes.. I need to get fucked," you agree emphatically, pulling him into your bedroom.

Now he's here, in your room, and you think you're dreaming. He's letting you take the lead, completely at your service. All the women in your book club were probably more open with their desires, knowing immediately what they wanted and how to get it. All the fantasies about Joel you've created and harbored in the deepest part of your heart are now as impalpable as gossamer.

"You tell me what you want, honey," he drawls in that molasses-rich voice of his. His hands gently trace your waist, smoothing down your dress as he moves towards your curvaceous hips. "God damn, I bet you look fuckin' gorgeous outta this dress. Wanna show me?"

Biting your lip, you nod, tugging off your apron and dropping it to the floor. Not gonna be a damn housewife while he's with me..

A tiny smirk on your face, you gently push Joel back onto your bed, and he rights himself with an equally mischievous smile as he watches you. He palms his hard cock through his jeans as you do a little striptease, tantalizing him as you slip your prim flower-print dress off your shoulders.

"There we go, baby," he growls as the dress falls down to your hips, your scarlet satin bra revealed, your breasts practically spilling over the cups, making Joel's mouth water. You turn around for his help in unzipping the bottom part of your dress, finally feeling free as it falls away, pooling at your feet.

Joel lets out a wolf whistle as he takes in the sight of you in your ruby undergarments, the same you'd tried to seduce your husband in. Now they're finally being put to good use. "Red's your color, gorgeous," he mutters, his hands on your hips, mapping out your generous curves and the soft rolls of your belly.

You've almost forgotten what it was like, this power to entrance a man and make him see you as the only woman in the world. Marriage to an uncaring and unfeeling idiot had left you cut off from your sexuality. Now you're reclaiming it.

Joel's hands travel back up to your waist, fingers deftly unclasping your bra. He unwraps you like you're the goddamn Christmas gift he's been begging for for months. His tongue wets his lips as your plump breasts are revealed. With one hand on your lower back, the other palms your tit with a rough hand. Your nipple rises to his touch and he dips down to swirl his tongue around it, gently coaxing it further with his teeth. Your head falls back as the sensation zings straight to your cunt. "Fuck, Joel.."

He smiles against the softness of your skin. "Sensitive here, huh? Bet these ain't been properly played with in awhile. Gonna change that right now." And with that he gives another hard suck, his dick already leaking when he hears your needy moan. He treats the other breast with the same attention. You take one of his hands and lead it to the drenched front side of your panties, but he stops you.

"Not yet, baby. Want you to see yourself before I fuckin' ruin ya."

You lay on your side on the bed as you watch Joel undress. It's a sight you won't soon forget: skin tan from working outdoors, with a smattering of chest hair that's also showing some grey, chiseled arms, and a happy trail that leads from his navel to the front of his boxers, which are tented. He wears a little smirk as he pulls them off and your reaction is priceless.

Joel is fucking hung.

You've taken big cocks before, but his is formed of pure fantasy, like a dildo from your favorite sex shop. Isabelle wasn't exaggerating about his size. And his cock is so beautiful you want to cry. Watching as he gives it a couple strokes, all eight thick uncut inches, the rosy pink tip glistens with precum, the veins and ridges prominent. Even the curve Isabelle mentioned is sexy, bound to hit all the right places inside you. His balls, rounded and heavy, move with his motions.

Thank God I did my yoga this week.

You beckon him to you, pulling the boxers away completely and dipping your head to taste him. Your tongue laves across the salty slit of his tip, and you relish the hitch of his breath. He's not here for you to please him, but it gets you wet wrapping your lips around his cock, suctioning your mouth and stroking upward from his base. When you start to massage his balls he stops you. "Don't wanna shoot too soon, baby," he says breathlessly.

He pulls you up off the bed and into a kiss, his hands playing along the edges of your panties as his tongue tastes yours. His cock, still wet from your mouth, nudges against your soft belly. "You deserve to feel good," he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear, his tongue tracing the outline. At last he pulls your panties down, a rumble in his throat when he sees the sweet glaze between your thighs, glistening in your triangle of hair.

"Sit on my lap, baby. With your back to me," he orders in a soft growl.

His flesh is warm beneath yours, and god it feels good just to be touched again, to feel desired by someone. You haven't known it in so long. He sits back against the headboard, moving the pillows on either side. His arm instinctively wraps around your waist as he leaves soft, feathery kisses across your shoulder.

"So soft," he murmurs. "C'mon, baby, look at yourself," he nods to the mirror in front of you.

When you catch your reflection you're exhilarated at the sight: you, naked, with Joel behind you, kissing your neck, fondling your tits, thumb brushing over them and lightly pinching them to hardened peaks. "Spread your legs for me, baby," he whispers, getting started by brushing his hand from your knee to your petal-soft inner thigh.

It's lascivious, watching all this unfurl before you in the mirror. You're spread open, on full display. Your pussy is gushing over with need, and you trace your folds with your fingers.

Behind you, Joel's cock twitches, and he rubs himself lightly against your back. "Lemme do that.." he whispers, gently pulling your hand away, bringing your fingers to his mouth and sucking your juice off them. "So sweet," he murmurs, and your belly is hot with lust.

His touch is soft and careful at first, exploring you and figuring out what you like, what you need. It feels like he's memorizing every inch of you. His thick fingers glide over your lips, circling, teasing you so you'll beg him for more.

"Joel," you whine, lifting yourself to him, trying to get his hand to position itself where you need it most. But he evades you, a dark chuckle emanating from deep in his throat. "You're payin' me to do a job and I wanna do it right. Not fair to rush me."

Your eyes close in frustration. "Joel, please.."

"Nuh-uh. Daddy."

"Fuck," you whimper. "Please, daddy."

"That's more like it." His touch finds your clit, throbbing and needy, and you nearly see stars at the feeling. He presses once again before sliding two fingers into your warm, welcoming cunt. "Christ, she's really suckin' me in there," he grunts, shifting behind you as his dick becomes nearly impossible to ignore.

"Yes," you moan at the sweet intrusion, the easy glide of his fingers in your drenched pussy. "Just like that."

"So fuckin' tight," he says through gritted teeth. And Jesus, his fingers are thick, the calloused thumb swiping over your clit, making you twitch and your hips arch up for more. "She's pulsin' around me," he mutters, his rich voice in your ear, lips brushing against your lobe. His fingers glide in, stretching you as you coat him.

"Ah, she's gettin' all creamy for me," he coos as he pulls them out a moment, licking off one finger and giving the other to you. You taste yourself, salty and sweet, humming in appreciation as you release his digit from your mouth with a pop.

He returns to his work, his hand pistoning against your folds, the squishy sounds of your soaked cunt beautifully obscene to your ears. Your voice trembles as you cry out, a sweet vibrato that resounds throughout the room as Joel's fingers curl in on your g-spot. He adds a bit more pressure to your clit as he tries to get you there. Moaning, he nuzzles his face into your neck.

It feels like you break open under his touch, hips arching up, swallowing his delving fingers deeper inside you as you spasm uncontrollably around him, a string of curses falling from your lips.

You barely have time to recover before he's on you again, moving in front of you as you lay against the pillows, like Venus in a Titian painting. His hands lift your thighs, softly kneading their thickness as he plants kisses on either side, trailing up to your cunt, your scent all around him.

"My husband never goes down on me," you whisper, heart racing as quick as a hummingbird's wings.

"Ain't he a waste of fuckin' space," Joel grunts, a wicked gleam in his eye as he dives in, flattening his tongue to lick a stripe upwards to your needy, throbbing clit. Your hands grab at his hair, pushing him forward as his groan is muffled by your sweet, saturated pussy.

"God.. damn!" you gasp at the delicious feeling of his tongue on you, lapping up every drop, tracing your lips and tickling your clit. He's relentless in his pursuit of making you come, switching up the tempo, adding a finger and then another, praising you when you cry out again. "Squeezin' so hard on me.. she's just about ready, ain't she?" Before he finally suctions his lips around your puffy clit and sucks, humming around it.

It's as if your soul leaves your body for a precious few moments, muttering monosyllables in sweet relief. You've never come so hard before, ever. And when you look up at Joel you wish you could worship him.

"Like the sweetest tea I ever drank," he says, licking his lips.

"Fuck me, Joel," you whine, still not fully come down from your climax.

"C'mere," he growls, putting you on all fours so you're facing the mirror again. You look at your reflection: hair mussed, eyes shining bright, skin glowing from your orgasm. Joel lines himself up behind you, smiling as you watch yourself. "Got every right to look at yourself, darlin'.. someone as fuckin' hot as you, with these hips, this ass?" He grabs one cheek and gives it a slap. You gasp, jolting forward, then wiggle your ass at him, wanting more.

"You a naughty lil' thing," Joel smirks, teasing your folds with his tip. "Wanna get this pretty lil' pussy ruined?"

"Yes, daddy," you moan, pushing back on him.

"Fuck me, I like the way you say that." He bites his lip as he continues teasing you. "Once I fuck you, you'll never let that limp dick husband of yours touch you ever again, I promise you that."

Your reply is cut off when you feel him nudge inside, your walls breached by his thick cock. "Oh god... yes!" you exclaim, clutching the bedsheets. "Fuck.. your cock is so huge.." You can feel the tip just kissing your cervix.

"Yeah, you like it? Like gettin' fucked by this big cock? Gettin' stretched out? Gonna leave a big ol' gapin' hole for your husband to come home to."

He bottoms out, grabbing your ass cheeks with both big hands, watching the smoothness of your skin as your cunt clenches onto him. "God damn what a pretty sight.. you oughta see this. Pussy's barely fittin' me as it is. Only tighter thing would be your little ass.." and he pulls out all the way to slam back in, glorying in the way you scream his name.

"There she goes, gotta get 'er used to me," he grunts, eyes on your swollen pussy lips wrapping his cock in a vise with each steady thrust. "Jesus, sweetheart. So tight I gotta try not to blow my load."

The sound of his name on your lips, the way your body reacts to him, is like gasoline on an already raging fire. "That's it, sweetheart," he murmurs, his voice thick with lust. "Say my name, baby. I wanna hear it." He quickens the pace, pressing deeper inside you.

"Daddy! Daddy!" you shout in time with each delicious snap of his hips. "My god, you're so fucking deep.." you moan.

"That's it, take all of me. You like the way I fill you?"

"Yes daddy!" Your fingers clutch the sheets as the bed rocks with your movements. "So full of you.."

He presses a hand to your abdomen. "Feel me there, baby? All up in your guts. No one else is ever gonna fill you the way I do. No one's ever gonna come close. This needy lil' cunt's gonna be cryin' for me every day until I come back and give her what she needs."

His dirty talk is getting you wetter, your juices running down between your thighs, making his cock all sloppy, the sound of it making you feral for more. "Fuck me, Joel.. fuck me fuck me fuckmefuckmefuckmefuckmefuckme.." you mumble, face down, ass up, slack jawed as you drool on the sheets.

He speeds up, hips slamming against yours, balls thwacking under you. "Yeah? Want me to fill ya up, blow all this fuckin' load inside ya? Got snipped years ago, baby, 's up to you."

"Fill me up, make me dirty and messy," you groan.

"You want daddy to give you everything he's got, baby?" he repeats. "You want me to fill you til you're all messy and drippin' with me?"

"Yes.. yes please," you're barely able to get out.

"Fuck," he growls, grabbing hold of your hips as he pounds into you ferociously. Once he has control he places one hand on your back, keeping you pressed down as he angles himself to hit that delicious little spot inside and he knows he's hit it when you cry out, cursing and shivering, clamping down on him like a damn vise right before he lets go, streaming jet after jet of his hot come inside you. There's so much it's already leaking out while he's still inside you.

The rest of the week you make a list of things for Joel to do next time: perhaps check out what's going on with the washing machine, or maybe he could regrout your bathroom, or help you rearrange your living room furniture right before he rearranges your guts again.

Even Wesley notices the bright and cheery mood you're in, and how attractive you've become since taking on some of the home improvements. That weekend he does you a huge favor, and sits back in his armchair as he waits for you to discover it.

"Wesley? What were you doing in the garage for so long? I heard a lot of noise," you tell him, arms crossed, a look of suspicion on your face.

He looks pleased with himself. "Well honey, you've been so agreeable these past few days that I thought I'd cross off some little projects on your to-do list."

"Like what?" you ask slowly.

He lists off everything you've had planned for Joel to do in the coming weeks. Small things, of course, but Wesley has done all of them, leaving you with nothing for daddy to fix.

"I thought you'd be happy," he says, his face cloudy now that you're unhappy again.

"Happy? Not quite." You leave a moment and return with a hammer, heading towards your husband.

He cowers, ducking as you completely pass him by and swing the hammer into the drywall of the living room wall, over and over again. When you've let your anger out and Wesley is rightfully afraid of your next move, you simply smile sweetly, holding the hammer pressed to your apron with your well-manicured hands. "Looks like I'll have to call the handyman after all!"

dividers by @thecutestgrotto 👑

tagging those who showed interest when this baby was still just a wip: @itwasntimethatdidit40 @milla-frenchy @604to647 @inept-the-magnificent @clawdeewritesfanfic @manuymesut @bitccchmood @everybodylovedcontractors

[absurdthirst]

YESSSSSSS

Headcanons for when the Pedro boys come home after a long trip and find out that reader has put on some weight? (Whiskey and Frankie are usually my favorites in these things 💖🥺🌸)

Coming Home To Find Out That You've Put On Weight:

**Female Reader

Javier Peña: He's not going to mention it. He's not stupid. He can tell you are a bit nervous, you tug your shirt down over the extra curves that you aren't happy with and you hesitate to get naked when he is trying to strip you down. He showers your neck and lips with extra kisses, pressing his aching cock against your soft stomach and growls that he has missed you and needs to be inside you. Gonna go a little harder with you though, more cushion for the pushing is the saying, right?

Ezra: Delighted. You haven't been living off bits bars and meager rations. Maybe a little greedy for the fact that he might get better meals than what he had been having since being away from you. Plus he is of the opinion that every form is beautiful; fat, thin, tall, short, it doesn't matter. Your cunt is still hot and clutches around him like a glove and in your arms, he finds the solace he craves.

Mando: Mando yearns for softness. Everything in his life is hard, unyielding. His armor, his creed, even his cot is hard as a rock. So when he comes back to the covert to find that you are softer, he loves it. You can't see his express, because the room is pitch black, but you can feel the eagerness of his touch. The moans even louder when he squeezes parts of you that are a little fleshier than before. It might be the quickest he's ever finished.

Frankie Morales: See, Frankie loves a thicker girl. Those thighs you hate? He loves them. They are soft and cushiony, a perfect place for him to lay his head down on while pretending to watch tv with you. He always falls asleep. That pooch over your pussy? Fucking loves it, constantly touching it. So when he was deployed for eight months and he came home to find that you had put on a little weight, it didn't bother him at all. He was still going to strip you down as soon as the kids were taking and nap and explore ever soft curve you have with glee and exhaust himself and you.

Pero Tovar: Another man who does not mind if your waist grows thicker or your body is softer. Pero loves it. It shows that you did not starve while he was away, a constant source of guilt and worry for him. He had left you enough coins to last and you had obviously been successful in your gardens and trapping animals like he had hoped. The weight you have added might have made you have to let our your dresses, but your tits are also bigger, so it's extra fun for Pero.

Max Phillips: Whistles when he sees you. For a moment, he thinks about making a sarcastic comment about the weight gain, but he can see that you are actually self conscious. Max might be an egotistical, vain prick, but he's not cruel to you. You are still sexy to him. "There's my little blood bag." He hums, sweeping you into his arms and kissing you before smelling your pulse. "You look good enough to eat." He growls playfully, even though you both know that he will feed off of you when he is done making you scream his name.

Agent Whiskey: Listen, this man can throw a grown ass man around with a whip, you think you gaining some weight is going to take the fun out of the rodeo? He doesn't give a shit what the number on the scale says, as long as you still ride his mustache and his cock, Jack Daniels will be a happy man. Plus, he likes the extra jiggle.

Marcus Pike: Understands completely. He's been talking to you on the phone, knows that you have been doing the quick and easy dinners and snacking more - he has too. He doesn't mind the extra weight, as long as you don't. If you complain about it, he will offer to go for walks at night when he gets home or go with you to the gym in the mornings before work. If you don't say a word, this man will just happily love you as you are.

Oberyn Martell: Immediately asks if you are carrying a child. He has been gone for two months and when he finds that there is weight on your stomach, he is smiling as he caresses your skin, hoping for another child. The only way this man is disappointed is when you tell him that you have had your bleeding consistently while he was away. Then he will pout. But only because there is not another Sand Snake on the way. Then he will just get busy making that happen.

Dave York: He's getting older and the fucking weight just doesn't come off like it used too. He hates running, unless he absolutely must, so it doesn't bother him. Not really. Does he have the stray thought that you weigh a little more when you're riding him? Yeah, but he knows better than to say that shit out loud.

Zach Wellison: Doesn't say a word. He notices, but it's not his place to say anything. He's been gone, and you've been doing everything yourself. He just kisses you and asks how you have been while he's been gone.

Dieter Bravo: Doesn't really recognize you put on weight. He's just happy you are still here when he gets home, and you want to fuck him. He's greedy and needy in bed all at the same time, but after the deed is over, he's soooooo comfortable cuddling into you that he calls you his new pillow and drifts off to sleep with a smile on his face.

Javi Gutierrez: He notices. He notices everything about you. It doesn't matter to him. You are still perfect. You are still the woman he adores. Coming back from filming his latest screenplay is a relief and he is over the moon to be reunited with you. His love for you is pure and real, it's not even going to matter if you gained weight to him. He just has more of you to love.

Max Lord: Max is one who loves appearances, so this is something that you worry yourself sick over. The 80s is a time where everyone wants to be supermodel thin and gaining weight is heavily frowned upon. So you are a wreck when Max comes home from the super secret trip that he had taken. Only to find that he is completely unaware that anything has changed. He's too focused on being successful.

Marcus Moreno: Doesn't care. Are you healthy? Are you happy? If not, then he will help you however you need. If you are, then he is happy. He loves you and completely understands that bodies change over time. He's not wearing the same size Heroic's tac vest he was a few years ago, and it's not because he's gotten smaller. He's still gonna find you irresistible and slap your ass when he walks by you in the kitchen every morning. Maybe even more so now.

Tim Rockford: All the evidence points to the new flavor of cookie you've discovered. It's a good cookie. Tim is just happy to be home, that case took way too long to solve and he just wants to curl around your thicker frame after he's made you cum and sleep for a week. He doesn't care about weight, he's home and the case is solved.

Joel Miller: Doesn't bother him a damn bit. You still fit into your clothes, although they are tighter. Joel cares about you, not what size you are. There are more important things to worry about as long as you are healthy.

Marcus Acacius: It's been two years since he has seen your face. The memory of your last kiss, the last time he made love to you, has carried him through the campaign that had taken so many Roman soldiers. You look gorgeous to his weary eyes, a safe harbor to take shelter in. The plumpness of your new body does not take away from the way he needs you. This is a man who is just happy to have come back home to you.

[ryuzakemo128]

Dieter Bravo x Italian! Gothic! UFC Fighter! Female Reader! Headcanons

Content Warnings: Drug addiction, alchol mentioned, chronic levels of fluff, female reader is an absolute angel, cute couple tooth rottingly cute levels. Family tradtions around christmas mentioned to a small degree. Estabished relationship.

Note: If you want more of this pairing let me know and I'll write up some more headcanons. NSFW included maybe??

Note 2: I got a nice clickity cl;ackity keyboard so I am having way more fun writing with it than I imagined I would have.

Divider template provided by the wonderful @cafekitsune

Word count for those who would like to know: 2235

Link to other things you might like that are also written by me are: HERE

Despite your Italian heritage, Dieter finds your gothic aesthetic rather alluring and intimidating at the same time. The layers of black on black makes you rather intimidating and harder to approach. You would show off your walk-in closet of ink, abyssal darkness and watch how he reacts to the sea of black clothes. Organised by brand, style, material type, length.

One half, the left-hand side, is things you have bought brand new from luxury brands, styles and materials. The right-hand side are things that are thrifted and altered. Things that are custom made to fit you and your body type. Along with things you made for yourself which are scandalous, shocking, wicked, sexy, erotic, erogenous. While still sticking within the theme of black.

2.      Your taste in cocktails are both eccentric, odd, and sometimes just too strong for him to handle. Much like the taste of alcohol in general. The only things you don’t like are beer, wine and stouts. Your signature cocktail called ‘Death’s Memory’, a concoction of two shots of black vodka, two shots of clear rum, a shot of absinthe, lime & lemon extract, blackberries, black edible glitter and blackberry juice. The cocktail glasses being in the silhouette of appealing shapes of a woman’s figure. The cocktail glasses themselves, adding an extra portion to the cocktail experience.

3.      You are infatuated with slow cookers and continuously have at least four working continuously at once with either a flavoursome dish or a really sweet dessert for that evening. You love to pamper him with feasts & spreads end up tasting wonderfully.

4.      Your taste in expensive cheeses like Parmesan Reggiano cheese wheels, brie cheese and other cheeses like it. He gets treated with inside your cooking and inside the light snacks you make him in the afternoon. Sometimes even cheese fondue.

5.      You create a Calander to mark of the amount of days he spent sober. On tally mark represents a month. With the month Calander below, it is to show each day. You don’t just verbally support his drug addiction recovery, but you help in keeping track. When he slips up and relapses sometimes. You don’t demean or insult him. You just sit down beside him silently. If he’s crying because of it. You just embrace him and remain silent, knowing sometimes words aren’t always enough to soothe the ‘savage beast within’.

6.      You hold his hair when he asks you to without a word. It didn’t matter that he didn’t have long hair to hold. But you understood why he wanted it. Thus. You did it regardless of how odd it sounded to someone else. “It’s not weird to want someone to care about you. And a hangover is normal. I’ve had plenty, too.”.

7.      On Valentine's Day, you get him gourmet chocolate with a hundred crimson blood-red roses. You would playfully tease, “Who says men cannot receive roses as well, hmm? I thought Mr. Bravo is an eccentric actor, flamboyant to the core.”

8.      You have four black cats named: Mayhem, Shadow, Bullet and Morbid. Each with their own colour coded collar, food bowl and litter box. Red for Mayhem, Blue for Shadow, Purple for Morbid and Green for Bullet. Their cat tree in the living room looks like a fuzzy replica of a cherry blossom tree from Japan.

9.      You have a large, extensive range of dark, moody gothic makeup from brands you love and loved since your teens. The extravagant vanity your uncle made for your 21st. The black vanity with the warm yellow lights around the mirror. You like explaining what each use product had and what style you liked the most.

Some make up products look like a quill pen, others come in oddly shaped packaging which you show off the same day you receive it in the mail.

10.    When Dieter is sick, you make sure there is at least two large bottles of water in the bedroom, bathroom, living room and kitchen. Hydration, hydration, hydration. You make him soup with toast. Along with light snacks like water crackers and fruit toast. Leaving the remote for the TV and the air conditioner on his bedside table in case he got too warm or too cold. Along with some kind of entertainment like romantic shows, which you noticed that he watched sometimes. “Do you prefer orange or apple juice?” is the question you’d ask whenever you made him breakfast.

You own a juicer in your kitchen after the third time he gets sick just make sure there is always steady supply of fresh juice in the fridge. You excuse it by saying ‘fresh is better than store bought’. Not telling him he is the main reason you bought it in the first place.

11.    You love giving him bear hugs when he’s upset and whenever he gets home. It doesn’t matter what happened. Bear hugs were a big thing for you. Despite your intimidating presence. You could be smelling like sweat and BO from a training or sparring session. But you would still give him a bear hug anyway.

12.    You would ask whether he would prefer to adopt or have his first child biologically. Mainly out of pure curiosity to begin with. Before it grows into a much deeper discussion. You would also pepper in the assurance that there wasn’t any kind of rush to decide whether he wanted children or not regardless.

13.    Italian hot chocolate, you made it once for Christmas when he said he didn’t want to celebrate loudly. This thicker version of hot chocolate was the one your father made you growing up. “My father would wait till my mother would go on ‘girl’s night’s out’. We would stay up until one in the morning watching a movie and drinking several cups of hot chocolate.” Though, the experimental eggnog with brandy or rum gives you both a hangover the next day.

14.    Willing to paint his toenails whatever colour he wanted and however he wanted. Regardless of whether it’s a pedicure by a professional or you. You also make sure to use the foot bath and the lavender incense to provide a relaxing scent. You pay for spa days on his birthday, easter and valentine’s day.

15.    When you get sick, you often show it by sleeping in another hour or having a sore back, sore enough to not be able to move out of bed. Mainly because the muscles in your back would lock up and require a deep massage or warm heating to ease up. You don’t reject his help because, one its nice to receive it and two, his massages help quite a bit. The herbal teas like honey, lemon & lime juice in hot water, hibiscus tea, green tea with ginger. Any and all attempts to cook is met with fond responses. Always encouraging him, he’s doing what he can and if he wanted, they can always have something delivered if he burns something. “Cara mia, you did not fail, failure means you didn’t bother trying. You made an honest to god attempt.” You wouldn’t coddle with that kind of remark. But you wouldn’t say that you didn’t appreciate the effort he made, either.

You often find recipes that are easy for him to make to start with and if he ever decides to surprise you with something Italian related you get really excited no matter the outcome of it. “Cara, it’s wonderful.”

16.    You call him Mio Tesoro (My Treasure), Cara Mia (My Beloved), Cuore mio (My heart), Mio tutto (My Everything), Mio Stella (My Star), Mio Carissina (My Dearest), Caro (Dear).  Amongst many other Italian terms of endearment you love to throw his way to show him how much you care about him.

17.    The plates, bowls, mugs, etc. They are all made in the pottery classes you went to in your spare time and no two are the same as each other, making each piece as unique as the one sitting above it. Some are pink, blue and other bright colours after you started dating Dieter because his vibrant personality inspired those pieces at the time. The special one you made for him is a pink one with a 3D white cloud on the front with ‘Dieter’s Mug’ written in cursive underneath like they were rain drops from the cloud. You have a shed in the backyard dedicated to it being her pottery area, which you go to make more plates or to fix any broken ones using the kintsugi method with either gold or silver lacquer.

“If you want to try it out, go for it, I’ll even take you to some of the pottery classes with me too. It’ll be a fun date thing.” You’d tell him if he showed interest in it too.

You also make good luck charms for keyrings that are far cuter than your over-all aesthetic displayed. Things like clouds, frogs, penguins, polar bears, sharks, penguins, kittens, puppies made into key rings, mini figurines, pen holders, etc.

18. Sometimes you ask him whether a vintage piece is worth adding to your wardrobe because you believe in quality over quantity with everything you own clothing, make-up and décor wise. Thrifting them isn’t off the table either.

Upcycling some clothes that don’t fit your aesthetic to resell later in your studio in the city for between $5-$10. Mostly because its more of a hobby rather than a full-time job.

19. The human sized dog bed is pulled out for movie nights in the living room. You own two in case he wanted to sleep on his own one for the extra space. One of them is charcoal grey and the other is a deep brown. Getting special goose and duck feather pillows for them specifically. Even though each one can fit two people you thought if he wanted to have one to himself, he’d have the extra space to get extra comfortable.

20. You have a home gym designed specifically for MMA, Gymnastics, Deadlifting, and Callisthenics. Which was a routine for you even before you started dating Dieter. It was part of your pottery shed. The second room of the same shed dedicated to just that and that alone.

You have posters of strongwomen, female powerlifters and other female athletes around the gym signed by each one too. Along with framed tickets of any possible match or event you went to see it in person. Just as a reminder that this is what she loves and UFC is the career she chose out of a passion rather than any possible hope of leaving any form of ‘legacy’ behind.

“I started gymnastics when I was three, I started MMA and Callisthenics when I was 8 and I started deadlifting at 14.” You explain to him. “Though if you want to get healthy, I suggest Callisthenics, yoga, and only lifting once you start learning how to do it with a personal trainer.”

You end up getting a treadmill in there in case he wanted to ever just do a light jog while still spending time with you. Even if he’s not deadlifting heavy weights like you are or practicing your punches on a punching bag. It was nice to be in the same area and being able to see you in your natural ‘element’.

21. You make crocheted shark themed things whenever you watch sad things because otherwise you’re crying along with Dieter and you have no idea what do with your hands whenever it happens either if you’re not snacking either. So you crochet shark themed things to help whenever Dieter gets upset or overstimulated by something/ Movie related or not. Sometimes even booking chairs away from Cinema aisles because you know for a fact he doesn’t like people getting into his person space even if its for a few seconds.

You don’t care if he thinks its ‘extra hassle’ for you its peace of mind and you prefer to keep him happy. If that means sitting in the two reclining chairs next to the wall? Then so be it. Peace of mind is peace of mind. No matter how strange it looked.

22. You memorize his favourite treats, desserts and what he reaches for when his mood is sour to make a homemade version. Sometimes even just making it while he’s taking a nap so he can open the fridge later to find it there. Another small thing you like doing for him.

23. You look through fashion catwalk videos with him to see what outfit he likes the most. “What about that one?” you’d ask as a daring outfit is shown. Even the more odd ones were looked at, along with the more artistic leaning fashion shows were looked at too.

“What about that one?” You’d ask showing a clip of outfits worn by actors that played villain roles. Which were also your personal favourite. “What about that one too? Can’t go wrong with a suit or a three piece one for that matter. Perhaps even a crimson turtleneck and blazer combo?”

“How do you feel about the capelet over the long sleeved turtleneck dress?” is one example of questions you’d ask him. Though the large fur coats you love always seem to get him to react differently depending what fashion line you both watch or rewatch together.

[joelmillermylove]

hehe Guilty 😏😏

[littlcdarlin]

dbf!Joel headcanons

warnings: big, though unspecified age gap, 18+ (as always)

note: Uni has been kicking my ass, so I’ve only had time for some headcanons lately. This Joel is very sweet, but I’m open to writing sleazy or dark Joel, too! If you have requests for any headcanons, I will be able to write them even during this stressful time. Full fics will take me a while longer. Enjoy reading, my loves <3 and feel free to add stuff!

He doesn’t really know how to cook well and mostly eats his faves every day but when you stay over more and more he makes an effort to learn and actually finds out he really likes it

Whatever pressure your parents put on you, he relieves it by accepting it rather than trying to fix it for you — you can just exist around him without expectation

He worries the age difference means you don’t have much to talk about, so he watches your favourite show that you mentioned and although it certainly wouldn’t have been his first pick, it lets him unwind. He likes watching something he knows you’ve watched and loved when you’re not around, it makes him feel closer to you

When he first starts looking at you differently he blue balls himself so as not to disrespect you — when he has sex with someone to relieve himself, he accidentally says your name to them

He keeps a polaroid of you in his wallet and cashiers wonder why he smiles at his debit card so much

He finds it hard to stay friends with your dad, because it makes him feel weird about this dynamic with you. He distances himself from your parents after they react badly to the news of your relationship, not because of guilt or cowardice, but because he doesn’t tolerate how they treat you

He thought he would hate the gossip after the two of you go public, but when you do, he finds himself imagining knocking you up just so everyone knows what he does to you. He opts for lots of hickeys until kids might be a possibility, but that doesn’t stop him from pretending you don’t have an IUD when he finishes inside of you

He loves when you wear his clothes, but when you forget your scarf at his place he wears it and enjoys that just as much — it smells like you and he likes the idea of people being able to tell it’s somebody else’s

When he figures out how much you like him talking to you during sex, he starts using the same voice/phrases in public to get you flustered & wet for him

He keeps everything that reminds him of you, like parking tickets etc. He doesn’t do anything with those things, doesn’t put them in a box, so they linger around his house, reminding him of you the way photographs would, except more privately

He starts “putting in an effort” for you when you start dating: styling his hair & wearing clothes he thinks you would prefer, until you tell him you like nothing more than his flannels and band tees and jeans, and although he doesn’t tell you, he’s beyond relieved. He realises you like him for him

When you tell your parents, Joel asks your father to hit him because “he knows he deserves it”. With time he learns he also deserves your kisses and smiles. Those things coexist within him, he thinks both are true

Despite completely supporting you in your pursuit of a degree & career, he likes when you’re on holiday, waiting around for him in his house wearing nothing but a pair of panties he bought for you & one of his hoodies. During those lazy weeks, he fucks you morning, afternoon, and night: before he leaves, when he gets home, and right before you go to sleep

He buys you a ring during the first week of dating because you mentioned how much you like it. He doesn’t give it to you until he knows you feel certain about him — he doesn’t want to freak you out. Still, even before that, he sometimes looks at it in its little black box and envisions it on your finger

During your first couple of “public dates” (neighbourhood barbecue where your parents are present etc.) he refrains from touching you much, although everyone knows about your relationship. You have to take his hand and initiate small touches for him to feel more comfortable

It takes him a short while, but then he loves being able to touch you in front of people: a hand on your lower back, an arm across your shoulder, his fingers lacing through yours, him pulling your back against his front and wrapping his arms around you. People stare sometimes (your Dad breaks one or two wine glasses in his hand), but Joel stops caring when he sees how happy it makes you

He tells you that you can change things about his home, that it should feel like your place, too and asks if you want to go shopping for “candles and stuff”, but you love being in a space that feels completely like him. It’s not how your apartment looks, but it makes you feel at ease, like you’re somehow living inside of him

Before he tells you he loves you, he whispers it in your ear when you’re sleeping, hoping your subconscious will somehow pick up on it. When he does tell you while you’re awake for the first time, it’s during breakfast. You stub your toe, and let out a string of curses you must have picked up on from him, and while he presses ice against your foot, kneeling in front of you, he smiles up and tells you: I love you.

The first time you sleep over at his house after he spent the night in your apartment, two brand new bottles of the shampoo and conditioner you use are in his shower. You thank him and jokingly ask why he didn’t buy your shower gel, too. He kisses you and tells you he likes when you smell like him.

He likes making you come more times than you thought you could — something about moving in and out of you while you tell him you can’t do it again, that you’re done, and then watching you fall apart on his cock anyway, thrills him to the bone. It makes him feel powerful, but part of it is knowing you let him fuck you without expecting an orgasm, that him being inside of you is enough for you to feel good

He doesn’t tell you, but he adds your name to his car insurance, so that you can drive it whenever you want

When you figure it out you give him road head every time the two of you drive somewhere — until he almost crashes the car and he forbids you to tempt him while he’s behind the wheel

He’s so nervous he asks Tommy for help when picking out a birthday gift for you — Tommy goes overboard and the gift turns out to be something completely ridiculous like a pair of huge earrings you would never wear. You tell Joel you don’t need a big fuss to feel loved by him. At night, he gives you a present he’s been wanting to give you for a while: he plays you a song he wrote for you on his guitar. It’s quiet and simple and so perfect you cry for half an hour

He doesn’t sleep well when you’re not around, and loves being close to you at night. If he could, he’d sleep nestled inside of you after a round of lazy midnight sex every night

As much as Tommy annoys him, it makes him happy to see how well you two get along. When you become actual friends with Tommy and hang out with him on your own, he’s more than pleased: the two people he loves the most in the world have become close

He would never ask it of you, but when you tell him you have stopped masturbating because he fucks you so often, it pleases him deeply. He likes being the only source of your pleasure. When you are apart for a while because of work/collage etc., he buys you a toy he can control from his phone

He tells Tommy he thinks he’s going to marry you during the first month of dating, which you find out about only on your wedding day during Tommy’s speech

[javierpena-inatacvest]

It's Never Too Late Masterlist

Summary: You are an elementary school teacher who just moved to Texas for a fresh start when you meet a very handsome man from the Laredo Sheriff's Department coming to give your class a presentation.

After your co-workers pull some strings for you to meet again, you and Javier Peña find yourselves falling head over heels for each other.

Story takes place post Narcos Season 3 in Laredo, Texas, starting May 1997.

Paring: Javier Peña x OFC (Reader is an elementary school teacher whose nickname is Osita, no use of y/n)

Warnings: SMUT (18+ chapters containing marked with * and each chapter will also have its own warnings), language, fluff, romantic comedy, reader has physical descriptions, Javi being so soft and getting all the love and affection he deserves, you two being the biggest weirdos so in love

Status: Ongoing

Let me know if you want to be added to a tag list for new chapters as they come out! :)

Main Story:

Chapter 1: I D.A.R.E. You

Chapter 2: What's Cookin', Good Lookin'?

Chapter 3: I Wanna Be With You Everywhere*

Chapter 4: Add You To My List*

Chapter 5: You're The One That I Want*

Chapter 6: Dinosaurs, Dates and Diners, Oh My!*

Chapter 7: School's Out for Summer*

Chapter 8: My Favorite Cowboy*

Chapter 8.5: 007- Peña, Agent Peña*

Chapter 9: I Promise*

Chapter 10: Happy Birthday, Javi*

Pt. 1*

Pt. 2*

Chapter 11: Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago *

Chapter 12: I Love You. I Know. *

Chapter 13: There's No Place Like Home*

Chapter 14: Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas*

Chapter 15: She Shoots, She Scores*

Chapter 16: The Lone Star State*

Chapter 17: No Ifs, Ands, Or Butts*

Chapter 18: Hole in None*

Chapter 19: Good Luck, and Goodnight*

Chapter 20: I Do

Pt. 1*

Pt. 2*

Chapter 21: Paradise* (New 11/7!)

Spin-Off Series:

Forever and Always*: Slices of life following the Peña family after their first child

One Shots (In chronological order of the main storyline):

Movie Night*

Ride*

Dirty Laundry*

Again*

You're My Home*

Not Yet*

Happy Valentine's Day, Javier Peña*

The Mouse and the Motorcycle

You Make Life Worth It

Take Me Home

Jealousy, Jealousy*

Plaid Pajama Morning

Agent Peña*

Every Inch*

Soup for Breakfast

Whatever My Wife Wants*

Fever*

His*

Oh, Baby

Insatiable*

Peanut Butter and Pickles

Sail Away

You Make Lovin' Fun*

Everybody Knows That I'm a Good Girl, Officer*

Asks/Headcannons:

Javi and Osita before work

Javi's DEA Jacket

Javi's Tac Vest

Javi and Osita when they argue

Javi being distractingly cute

Javi when he's sick

Javi helping with Osita's pregnancy cravings

Osita when she's pregnant

Osita after a bad day at work

Javi coming home after work to his kids

Javi and Osita deciding how many kids they want

Javi and his daughters at the Eras Tour

Extras:

NSFW Alphabet- Javi and Osita*

1K Followers Celebration Asks and Answers

Never Too Late Playlist

Mood board

Timeline of NTL

[perotovar]

pedro pascal character's heights

so, i was recently asked by @bonezone44 who was taller, pero or ezra, and i said pero (at around 6'2"/187cm). this led to @rebel-held asking who i thought p's shortest characters were and i said dieter (at around 5'8"/172cm) and it got me thinking...

pedro's acting lends itself to his characters not only being different personality-wise, but at least to me, look-wise as well. they feel/look different to me. so, below the cut i'm going to ramble about my thoughts on how tall i think the ppcu is.

because why not 🤷🏻‍♀️

i'll go from tallest to shortest:

Pero -> 6'2" / 187cm

Jack -> 6'1" / 185cm

Joel, Tim, Din -> 6'0" / 182cm

Frankie, Javier P, Max, Dave, Lucien -> 5'11" / 180cm

Marcus P, Marcus M, Oberyn, Silva, Ezra -> 5'10" / 177cm

Javi G -> 5'9" / 175cm

Dieter, Acacius, Maxwell, Dio -> 5'8" / 172cm

now, i've got reasons for all of these if you're curious but this is all just for fun!

[bluemusickid]

Whispers in the Dark:2

Hiding a relationship was tough but both Joel and you had been in tough relationships before and dating in secret just helped take the pressure off both of you.

What started off as charged nights filled with indescribable pleasure and writhing bodies twisting around in the sheets, turned into something softer; nights filled with random conversations and soaked in loving embraces and kisses. it was truly a blessing to have one another, especially after a bad relationship.

So when your friends start planning a weekend cabin getaway, you feel a frisson of excitement flow through you. Albeit having to hide your relationship from the others, but this would be a very romantic weekend for you and Joel, and you wanted to make the most of it.

So you pack your best clothes and the sexiest lingerie you owned (just in case O.O)

The drive there was beautiful, and even better because you were sitting next to Joel, who was the designated driver. He kept sneaking glances at you, trying (and failing) to hold your hand throughout the drive. The only moment the both of you got to yourselves was when the others stopped for a quick bathroom + snack restocking break.

Before you could even comprehend what was happening, Joel had grasped your head in both his hands and crashed his lips to yours, his tongue insistent as he licked inside your mouth. You barely had time to reciprocate as you clung onto his t-shirt for dear life, his lips wiping away any thoughts you had in your brain. Alas, the kiss ended as quickly as it had started, with him breaking the kiss and pulling away quickly as he spied Tommy making his way back to the truck.

The both of you somehow managed to catch your breath, glancing at each other as you counted your blessings. The rest of the trip went smoothly (partly because you switched seats with your bestie to ensure nothing else happened).

The cabin was beautiful, and had an amazing view of the mountains. The room allotment, however, was even better. Your room was across from Joel's; who was sleeping alone because there were more girls than guys (thank godddd) and didn't have anyone to share his room with (not true, technically). You were bunking with your bestie, Carla, who was thankfully a heavy sleeper. You smile to yourself as you saw him arrange his luggage, his teeshirt riding up as he stretched. You groan internally; your patience was going to be sorely tested this weekend.

The day passed by beautifully: the group went for a hike through the forest, where Joel pinned you to a tree and kissed you soundly till the rest of the group caught up with you. After returning to the cabin, the guys got to work to make a bonfire. Everyone sat around and had their dinners, drinking beers and smoking joints; as the sky turned from blue to pink and finally dark.

Throughout the night, you tried concentrating on the happenings around you: Carla, Ruby (your other best friend) and the others having rather boisterous and spirited conversation on varying topics, people playing the guitar by the bonfire, Joel handing you a joint and leaning realllllyyy close to you when he went to light it; your train of thought literally derailing. Oh god, his mouth was so close and it would feel so good and who even cares if the others knew; you needed him now, now, NOW. You were about to throw caution to the wind and press your lips to his when you hear him clear his throat, plucking the joint from your lips and taking 2 puffs, then passing it to the person next to him. You watch him exhale a puff of smoke, winking when he catches you staring.

The rest of the night goes pretty well, the both of you throwing heated looks at each other when there was a lull in your respective conversations. Joel was turned on out of his mind: all he could think of was bending you over in front of the fire, taking you roughly and hard till you screamed his name. He had to count to ten multiple times, trying to bring his body to heel.

Soon enough, everyone starts to retire for the night and leave for their rooms. Shooting Joel a look from over your shoulder, you ascend the steps slowly, feeling his eyes follow your every move. It was a just a matter of waiting a bit, he thought to himself.

He bounded upstairs in a minute, willing himself to calm down as he sat down on his bed, waiting for you. Meanwhile, you were waiting for Carla's breathing to slow down so that you could rush to Joel to soothe the ache between your legs. You needed him so bad, it nearly hurt. You imagine him pounding you into his mattress, wrecking you for the days to come.

You slip out of bed once you hear Carla's soft snores, nearly bumping into the chair by the door out of sheer excitement. Shutting the door behind you, you turn to see Joel's eyes darken as he takes you in: hair a lil' messy, your felt slides and a silk robe that hugged your curves magnificently. He could feel his throat dry up as he roved his eyes over your form.

You slowly make your way over to him, undoing the knot at your waist as you do. The robe falls open, as you lower it over your shoulders, falling off and billowing to the floor.

Joel's mouth falls open as he sees what you're wearing underneath: a sheer black lace teddy with garter straps. He can feel his thoughts shut off as he wraps his arms around you, crushing you to him. Throwing you on the bed, he kisses you with such ferocity, it takes your breath away. His kisses were far more potent than the joint he'd rolled, and every bit as intoxicating. You squeak, as you feel his lips skim over your jaw, making his way to your neck, leaving tiny bites along the way.

You don't even remember how it escalated but one moment he's kissing your body and the next he's hastily pulling off the lingerie off you, like his life depended on it. You muffle your squeal behind your hand as you feel his lips encircle your puckered tips, his teeth lightly grazing the soft flesh. You groan, running your hands through his soft curls and over his back.

Lust courses through every pore of your being, the teasing from the whole day getting to you. This man makes you come alive, with every touch, every look he throws at you. The way he was so attuned to every movement of yours, how he silently took care of you without anyone even knowing, it made you want him even more.

You bite your lip, feeling his breath caress your swollen clit as he circles it with his tongue and slips a finger inside, making a come-hither motion. You don't even know how long he teases you this way, as your hurtle towards your orgasm. You grasp onto his hair as you reach your peak, your wetness splashing on his tongue; as you undulate against him, riding his face as your thighs shake.

As you come to your senses, your eyes readjusting to the dark, you see his beautiful eyes come into view, eyes brimming with love and lust, darkening as he took in how wrecked you look.

You both sigh as he pushes in slowly, the sexual tension from the whole day finally getting to the two of you, as he buries himself to the hilt, a moan falling from his lips. You let out a sob as he starts moving, his thrusts slow and deep. You grasp his arms as you feel him leave hot kisses along your jaw, his teeth sinking into the skin of your throat as he speeds up.

Joel has to fight not to come on the spot as he feels your lips leave soft kisses along his jaw; groaning at the way you bite his earlobe as he thrusts deeper inside you. The way your walls were gripping him, the way you were panting in his ears as he thrust into you nearly made him lose control and pound you into the mattress. He needed to hear your beautiful moans and wails, needed to feel your nails graze his back till they left marks.

He would have that soon; but for now he was content in the way you were scrunching your eyebrows, biting your lips hard to make sure you didn't make any noises. It turned him on to no end as he pulled your lip from between your teeth and bit it himself, soothing the bite with his intrepid tongue. You moan, hitching your legs higher on his hips as you felt the angle of his thrusts shift; hitting the front wall of your pussy dead on.

Gasping, you stare into his eyes slack-jawed as you try to hang on, watching his eyes glaze over, your breaths intermingling as you both hurtle towards your peaks. Your fingernails clench his biceps as you reach your peak, eyes squeezing together as you turn your head to the side, unable to stop yourself from screaming out loud at the intense pleasure that was surging through your body.

Joel drinks you in as he takes in the look of sheer pleasure on your face, mashing his lips to yours as he reaches his peak as well, moaning into your mouth as his hips hunched a couple more times, filling you up with every drop he had to give.

As you both come down from your highs, you feel Joel's lips leave soft butterfly kisses along your neck, your jaw, your breasts and your face. Tangled in the sheets and around one another, you savour these moments of solitude, trying to communicate your feelings the best way you know. Reluctantly, you untangle yourself from his embrace, stealing a kiss from his lips as you leave.

You make your way to your room, pleasantly satiated, with his spend leaking into your underwear. Tomorrow was the riverside picnic, and you were sure that Joel would find a way to make it interesting. With that exciting thought, you fall asleep, sore but happy.

HNNNNNG I NEED A JOEL MILLER IN MY LIFE PLSSSSS. Please join me in my inbox to thirst about our fav old men (any of em).

Xoxoxoxo Lexi!

[loquaciousferret]

Home for the Weekend

Starring dbf!Joel / neighbour!Joel

Warnings: Strictly 18+ smut, rough sex, degradation/ dirty talk/ teasing, spanking, sir!kink, unspecified age gap, unprotected sex

Word Count: 550 (just a drabble)

A/N: Let me know if anyone wants more of this universe 🥹

“Had to come back didn’t you? Those college boys not good enough?” He taunts.

He was especially vocal today, especially relentless in his teasing. It was your own fault for asking him to pick you up from the bar in your hometown because your dad was gone on a work trip and you couldn’t bear to justify the price of an uber.

That’s where Joel was useful.

If the only price to pay was mindblowing sex… well, you weren’t going to complain.

“Huh? Come back just to see me?” He says.

He was pounding into you on the sofa after he insisted on walking you all the way in to make sure you were “safe”.

Luckily the house was empty and you were able to be unrestricted in your volume. Not that you would have much power to help yourself anyway, the cruel pace and force of his hips slamming into you causing you to cry out repeatedly.

“Joelll-“ You moan loudly. He slaps your ass and you yelp.

“Don’t say my name. Answer me.” He demands.

“Y-Yes, I-“ You interrupt yourself with a cry you can’t hold back. “I came back j- just for this, just for you.”

“I know you did.” He grunts. “Need it so bad don’t you? Hm?”

You focus on the feeling of the pleasure, ignoring him again. This earns you a harsher slap this time.

“Speak when spoken to.” He orders, his tone irritated at what he perceived as disrespect from you for not responding.

“Yes, Sir.” You cry out.

His pace falters for the first time.

“Say that again.” He grunts.

It had slipped out, due to his harsh tone. You had never called him that before. But he seemed to like it.

“Please, Sir. I need it- I nee-“ You cry out, an animalistic sound that comes from deep within you as he pierces you with his cock, splitting you open as he fucks you from behind roughly.

“That’s it baby, talk to me.” He praises, his tone softer now. “Tell me what you need.”

“Need y- you. Need you to fuck me, Sir, please, don’t stop. Feels so good.”

“Yeah? You need it? You need me to fill you up? Huh?”

“Yes- Oh!” He slams into you with somehow even more force. Lewd sounds fill the air of skin slapping and both of your moans. “Please, Sir, need your cum. Please-“

Suddenly he is gripping your hair and pulling you backwards so he can sit on the sofa and have you ride him. Your legs are weak and shaking so he lifts you up himself, bouncing you on his cock and slamming you back down at exactly the pace he desired.

He kisses at your shoulders and the back of your neck, nipping occasionally with his teeth.

A few more piercing thrusts upwards and he is shooting his release deep inside of you. He sinks you back down onto his cock, leaving you stuffed full of his seed as well as his hard length.

You stay there, weak in his lap, and he grows slightly caring, stroking the hair out of your face and rubbing your shoulders as his cock starts to soften inside you.

“How long you home for?” He asks quietly.

“Till Monday.” You say back.

“Your Dad’s gone till Tuesday.” He remarks.

You nod. You know Joel won’t leave you alone until you go back to college. He has started the weekend as he meant to go on.

[galaxyedging]

My head canon: These men are all from the same blood line.

Point 1: They are all caring.

Marcus cares about saving men from war and feeding the people of Rome. Silva cares so much about both his son and Jake that found a way to save them both. Joel possibly condemned the whole world to save Ellie.

Point 2: They will fuck you up.

None of them would hesitate to kill to protect who or what they care about. Not even for a second.

Point 3: Fashion sense.

Look at them! Even in an apocalypse, Joel slays in his denim on denim look. Silva's designer cowboy look. Marcus's white god-like outfit.

In conclusion, same bloodline, and they can all fuck me into oblivion.

[millersgirl80]

Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby (Part 2) 18+

Pairing: Dbf!joelxf!reader

Word count: 1.6k or so

Warnings: unprotected p in v (Joel pull out game strong af, keep it wrapped)

Summary: Joel goes on a date…

Notes: Sorry this took so long. I promise it'll get better! 😫🫣

Previous Part Here, part three here

I leaned against the kitchen counter, the scent of fresh coffee filling the air, when my dad comes downstairs on the phone.

“Just a girl from work. Trust me, you’ll like her. She’s cute and fun. Just hired at the office. Don’t be late!” Dad laughs before hanging up the phone. “Playing matchmaker?” I smile grabbing the coffee pot pouring my cup full. “Something like that, just sat Lisa and Joel up on a date.” I spilt the hot coffee on my hand as those words left my dads mouth. “Thought Joel didn’t date?” I say cleaning the mess up. “Yea, so he says. Maybe this will help him out” dad shrugs.

After sitting in my room after what felt like hours, I got a shower and got dressed heading downtown for some much needed shopping therapy. I went to a couple stores getting some new outfits for the coming fall. After shopping I headed to the diner to meet my friend hanna for some lunch. “So after you fucked, he just left?” He summarizes my experience with Joel. “Pretty much, he’s usually at the house everyday. It’s been a week and dad’s been going over there.” “He sounds like a dick.”

“I just don’t get it, Hannah. One minute he’s all over me, and the next it’s like I don’t even exist.” I say poking at my salad. “Maybe he freaked out?” She sighed. “Maybe” I look down at my untouched salad “It just feels so awkward now. I keep wondering what I did wrong.” I slide my plate off to the side. “Hey, you didn’t do anything wrong, well, I’m not saying sleeping with your dad’s best friend is right, but if this is what you want. Then go for it!” She smiles. “Go talk to him!”

“I would but he getting ready for a date tonight” I roll my eyes. “I’m just gonna go home and rot in bed with ice cream and watch friends” I huff paying for my food getting up. “Count me in!” Hanna quickly follows.

Joels pov

Joel!” Mike shouted across the diner, waving like a maniac. I sighed, dragging my feet toward him. The place was crowded, the sound of forks clinking and laughter filling the air. I spotted her before I reached the table—a girl with dark curls and bright blue eyes. She was smiling, I straighten up a bit.

“Hey, this is my buddy Joel,” Mike said, gesturing to me like I was an award-winning trophy.

“Hi, I’m Lisa!” she exclaimed, standing and extending her hand. I took it, feeling the warmth of her palm. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“Yeah? All good things, I hope.” Mike winks to me and walks off. I chuckled awkwardly and slid into the booth across from her.

“Mostly,” she teased, raising an eyebrow. “But I’m sure you have a lot of secrets.”

I shrugged, trying to keep my expression light. “Nothing too scandalous.”

“Hmm, we’ll see about that.” She leaned in, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “So, what do you do for fun?”

“I mostly just hang out,” I replied, “You know, work and the occasional barbecue.” I shrug “Just hang out”

“Barbecue, huh? I bet you make a mean brisket.” She smiled, and I felt a flicker of something in my chest. It was nice to be here, but the thought of Darlin’ crept back in, making my stomach twist, like it has been for a week.

“What about you?” I asked, desperate to change the subject. “What do you do for fun?”

“I love hiking and photography. I actually went to Big Bend last month. The stars out there are incredible.” She sighed dreamily. “I took a bunch of pictures. You should see them.”

“Maybe I will,” I said, forcing a smile. The longer we talked, the more I felt the weight of my situation. Darlin’ was always there, a shadow in my thoughts.

“So, Joel, what’s your deal?” Lisa asked, her gaze catching me off guard.

I cleared my throat, trying to focus. “I work in construction. It’s not glamorous, but it pays the bills.”

“Construction? That’s cool! Do you enjoy it?” she asked, leaning forward, her interest piqued.

“Yeah, I like working with my hands. It’s satisfying seeing something come together.” “built the gazebo down at the park. The one with the flowers?”

“You built that?” Lisa exclaimed. “That’s amazing!”

“Thanks,” I said, trying not to let the compliment go to my head.

As the night wore on, I tried to focus on Lisa, but every time I would focus on her. I'd find myself thinking about darlin bent over the counter in her kitchen. I was reminded of the invisible thread connecting us. After we finished our dinner we exchanged numbers and headed to our vehicles. “Do you wanna come back to my house with me?” I turned and asked Lisa “sure. Lead the way.” Lisa smiled out of her window. The drive to my house was quick, considering I was arguing with myself about whether I should do this or not.

When we arrived at my house, we raced to the door, I tumbled through the door, Lisa’s lips locked in on mine. Her hands expertly unbuttoned my shirt, as her fingers tracing the contours of my chest. My breath quickened as I undressed her, my hands shaking slightly as I revealed her soft curves.

I guided Lisa towards the bedroom, our lips never parting. I kicked my door shut, as I backed her up and laid her down on the bed, my eyes taking in her naked body, but I couldn’t stop the images of darling playing in my mind.

I positioned myself between her legs, taking a moment to try to get darlin out of my mind. "Fuck me, Joel," she whispered, wiggling her hips, her voice thick with desire.

I thrust into her, as Lisa moaned loudly, her nails digging into my back as she urged me on. The sound of our flesh slapping together filled the room, mingling with our loud groans. My guilt momentarily faded as i moved in and out of her body, my mind starts to betrayed me, flashing images again of darlings innocent face and soft moans. I thrust harder thinking of Lisa to push the thoughts away, but the forbidden fruit of my best friend's daughter was too tempting to ignore.

"Harder, Joel..I’m gonna cum!" Lisa cried out, her body bucking against mine.

I complied, pounding into her with renewed vigor, my own desire reaching a fever pitch. I felt her clench around me as she came. The sensation pushed me over the edge, and i pulled out finishing on her stomach, my body shaking with the force from my orgasm.

As my breathing slowed and returned to normal, I rolled onto my back, feeling a mix of satisfaction and guilt. Lisa snuggled up against me, her hand resting on my chest.

"That was incredible, Joel," she purred, her breath warm on my neck. "I can't wait to do that again."

I nodded, my mind already elsewhere. "Yeah, it was..."

She placed one last kiss to my cheek, before standing up and getting dressed. “I had a lot of fun tonight Joel. Call me anytime.” With a sweet smile, she walked out the door.

Darlins pov

After hearing about Joel's blind date with Lisa, I couldn't shake the feeling of unease. A couple weeks has passed since I seen or heard from Joel. I made my way to Joel's house . My heart raced as I climbed the stairs, my mind filled with questions and a growing sense of anticipation.

I knocked on the door, my knuckles rapping against the wood with a rapid rhythm that mirrored my racing pulse.

Joel, unaware of the visitor behind the door, open the door with an urgency. His handsome face, slightly weathered by the years, fell at the sight of me. "What are you doing here darlin?" He stepped aside, inviting me into his house, looking out behind to make sure no one saw me go in.

I entered, my eyes scanning the familiar surroundings, I turned around to face Joel, almost bumping into his chest. "Joel, I need to talk to you," I said, my voice laced with a mix of anxiety and determination.

Joel walked past me and led me in to the living room. "What happened between us was a mistake it shouldn't have happened and it’s not going to happen again.” Joel says sitting on the couch.

Taking a deep breath, I gathered her courage. "I heard about your date with Lisa."

Joel's eyes fall from my face as shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Yea, Mike set us up." He tried to keep his voice steady, but the guilt was evident in his expression.

"W-was it…Did it go well?" My voice softening. "

Joel's heart sank as he heard the pain in my voice."Yes, I had an excellent time.” Joel huffed

My eyes welled up with tears, I held my emotions in check. "Oh," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Did you fuck her?" I asked bluntly, blinking the tears away. The words felt like knives, slicing through my heart, but I needed to know. “Thats none of your business darlin.”

“It is when you were inside me a few days ago,Joel.” I spt back at him. “How was it, was she better than me?” I asked. “Or was she just another body to you?”

Joel's face flushed, and he looked away, unable to meet my gaze.

"That’s great." My voice cracked, feeling my composure starting to crumble. "I uh… I should go, glad we could talk.” I quickly say, making my way back through the front door across the street to my car. Joel called after me a couple of times but I ignored him driving off.

I drove to Hanna's house, getting out of the car, and knocking on her door frantically. “He slept with her.” I walk past Hanna. “He, who?” Hanna ask rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Joel slept with Lisa!” I said plopping on her couch letting the tears fall.

“Oh you poor thing!” Hanna sits beside me rubbing my back. “What happened to me?” I asked wiping my tears away. “I use to be able to do this, sleep with someone and just act like nothing happened, but then I fuck Joel ONCE and I feel like I'm the clingy girlfriend!”

“Look at me, this situation is different, you've had your heart set on Joel as long as I could remember, maybe he does feel the same way and he just can't come to terms with it.” Hanna comforts me for a little bit longer until then tears fade away.

“I know what we need to do.” hanna smiles. “The day of the barbecue, come over and get ready here. We will go together!” she smiles.

I stay the night with Hanna not ready to go home or have the chance of seeing Joel again today. I often ask Hanna what she has in mind for the barbecue and she just responds with, “You'll see” and a smirk.

[baronessvonglitter]

Bad Santa

sleazy mall Santa!Joel Miller x fem!Reader

Word count: 2.3K

Summary: Frantically seeking relief during the Christmas rush, the Santa at your local mall is the last person you'd expect to help.. and the only one who can.

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Explicit. Reader is a hot and horny mess and wears a short skirt. Mall Santa is a perv, but he's your perv. Semi-public masturbation (f). Squirting. Cockwarming. Semi-public sex. Infidelity. Unprotected piv. Oral (m & f receiving). Analingus (f receiving). Possibly illegal use of a candy cane. Creampie. Come swallowing. Santa Joel is a menace and a sleaze but that's what we all need, right?

Author's Note: one of the first things I learned about @strang3lov3 is that we share a deep love for Bad Santa (and Billy Bob in general) so this is written in her honor. Bug, I hope you enjoy Santa Joel, and don't forget to leave out some cigs and whiskey for him on Xmas Eve. (And the latest edition of Hustler. He's an old-school magazine man.)

JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST | FULL MASTERLIST

You're home on Christmas break from college and all you want to do is fuck the boyfriend you left behind and have been faithful to for four long, painful months. But the only thing on Derek's mind is doing last minute Christmas shopping.

The mall on Christmas Eve is the last circle of hell.

Derek guides you through the crowd. "Sleigh Ride" plays over the speakers, tinny, bright and cheery. You hate it. You're impatient. You're horny. You need to find a way to get him alone, even just a fingerbang would suffice. For now.

You pass by the huge Christmas tree in the center where the mall Santa waits with bored-looking elves. There's no line, which is surprising given it's the last day for photo ops.

Santa watches as you pass, cheap plastic beard hanging off, revealing gray scruff, his red suit wrinkled and stained. You track his gaze roving over your figure, fully concentrating on the jiggle of your ass under the short skirt you'd picked out in the hopes of getting a quickie.

"God damn," you hear him mutter. "Merry Christmas, babygirl." he calls out.

You glance back and see him pull the beard down, wiggling his tongue at you in a lewd manner.

Fucking sleaze. But your pussy is wet and throbbing, and this is the first bit of attention you've had all day. You respond by stuffing your tongue in your cheek and making a blow job motion. Santa licks his lips and subtly palms his cock over his fluffy red pants.

Derek, oblivious, is walking you towards a department store.

"Mommy said she'd like a new bathrobe for Christmas," he says, bringing you past the awful perfume and makeup counters. You heard right.. Mommy. What the fuck?

"Didn't you already buy her a foot massager?" you ask, barely hiding your disinterest, looking around for a corner where you can blow him.

"She said she wants the robe instead," he says, diligently checking each one on the rack. Pink, green, blue, they're all in ugly prints and you wonder how little he must think of his mom to actually buy her a bathrobe instead of something nice.

But the bigger problem is your aching cunt.

"Derek, come on, just pick one out," you beg him, whispering in his ear, giving his lobe a little bite.

"Calm down, we're in public," he chides you over nervous laughter.

"So? That makes it more exciting." Closer to him as the clothing rack hides you, you cup his crotch, disappointed to find he isn't even remotely hard. Not a problem. You know exactly how to get him started.

"Let's go to the dressing room," you tell him before he can remove your hand. "I'll let you do whatever you want, please, I just need you now.."

"Get a hold of yourself," he whispers harshly, finally pulling your hand from him.

"Derek, what the fuck?" you whisper back. "Your horny girlfriend wants you to fuck her in a semi-public place and you're limp as a fucking noodle. Don't you want to at least watch me get off?"

You're not even allowing him time to think about it, leading him to the men's dressing room, where you're less likely to set off an alarm than the women's. You step into the first stall and push him against the wall, caging him in with your arms.

"Sweetheart, what the hell?"

"Fuck me," you tell him. "Jesus, Derek, I'm pussy on a plate right now." You lift your leg, rubbing against him, but only the fly of his jeans provides any feeling. "And you can't even get hard??"

"You're coming on a little strong," he says faintly, as if he's being cornered by a feral animal. And in a way he is.

You lean back on the little dressing room seat, hiking up your skirt. "At least eat me out, for Christ's sake," you whine, fingers dipping into your dripping-over cunt.

"Darling! You're acting like a crazy person," he says, shielding his eyes as you desperately finger yourself.

"You're such a pussy," you grunt out, breath hitching as you fuck yourself on two, then three fingers.

"You're not wearing any panties??" he says too loud, but you're past caring who hears, or if anyone even walks in. You'll gratefully fuck the store manager and the security guard who'll probably come to haul you away.

Derek keeps his gaze averted as you continue shamelessly fucking your hand, reaching inside your dress to twist your nipple. "Derek.. fuck.. you just gonna stand there and be useless?" You shove a fourth finger in your snatch, eyes rolling to the back of your head.

Your boyfriend is deeply afraid as he risks a peek from between his hands covering his face. "You look possessed! You have to stop or someone's going to hear you!"

"Baby, please, put your cock in my mouth," you beg, still working yourself into a frenzy. "Jizz on my face, anything, please!" You're on the floor now, riding your own fingers, your other hand madly strumming at your clit like a perverted version of air guitar.

There's a knock at the dressing room door, to which you answer "Go away, we're fucking" Then you come, squirting all over the bathrobe Derek was going to gift his dear mommy.

"You're lucky that guy didn't turn us into the police," Derek says, tight-lipped as he leads you back towards the center of the mall. "Got it all out of your system?" He's leaving the store embarrassed and minus any gifts.

"Yes," you sigh in exasperation, though it's a bald-faced lie. The need is growing again and you're just a slave to it. Your hands itch to go up your skirt again, to relieve the tension before it becomes unbearable.

And there he is, right where you left him before. Fucking Santa Claus. Like he's been waiting for you this whole time.

"Let's take a picture," you pull on Derek's hand. "Please? End the day on a good note?" You do your best to look contrite but all you're thinking about is sitting on that sleazy man's lap, maybe getting felt up. It'd be fucking amazing to have someone touch you besides your own fingers.

Before he can even protest you're practically skipping past the velvet rope and traipsing up the candy-cane lined walk to the big green chair where Santa sits. His eyes already on you, he pats his lap, tongue peeking out between his lips.

Derek follows after, but is stopped by one of the elves, who tells him he has to pay in advance for a photo.

"And what's your name?" Santa murmurs, discreetly adjusting himself as you seat yourself on his lap. "Does it matter?" you ask, subtly lifting the back of your skirt as he pulls his thick hard cock. "Guess not," he chuckles low and deep, then hisses as your slick tight cunt envelops him.

"My fucking god," he says lowly, doing all he can to keep from thrusting up into you as your boyfriend comes up, all smiles as he watches you get cozy with Santa. He makes as if to sit on Santa's other thigh. "Not you," Santa grunts, his hands on your waist as you clench and throb around him. Derek holds a smile and stands to the side opposite you.

This, this is what you needed. His cock isn't even all the way in, the way you pulse around him pushes him out a little until his hands grab your waist, as if to pose you for the camera, and pushes you down, bottoming out within your sopping wet cunt.

"Gonna leave a mess on me," he murmurs. "Already got my lap soaked. And the suit's a fuckin' rental."

His breath smells like cigarettes and cheap booze and it's only making you want him more. "Fuck, I needed this.."

"You been a good girl this year?"

"Not at all."

He leans in and whispers: "Good girls get presents. Bad girls like you get to sit on Santa's fat cock." He shifts his lap up a little, jutting up into you and you bite your lip to barely suppress a moan.

Your picture is being taken with Santa but you could give a shit. Cockwarming him while he's whispering filth in your ear is the most fun you've ever had.

"Does baby girl want a candy cane?" he asks when it's time for you to go. Derek goes to pay, leaving you alone with Santa again. "We have some more in the elf cottage, You gonna come get one? Gotta earn it first.." His gloved finger traces your arm. "C'mon, ditch the wanker."

The elf cottage is a sparse room for the Santa's Wonderland employees to take their breaks, and right now it's filled with the sounds of flesh slapping on flesh, your moans muffled by the fluffy red hat he put there to quiet you as he bends you over the folding table and rams his holly jolly dick into your stretched needy cunt.

"That's it, baby, fuckin' take it. Let Santa stuff your tight lil' stocking," he grunts.

You moan around the red fluff of his hastily discarded hat, throat burning with all your pent-up screams. Christ, you've never had anyone so disgusting, so eager, so perfect to satisfy this itch that you've been unable to scratch yourself.

And lord, his cock is the most filling thing you'll ever have. You already know he's going to leave you gaping for the next few days.

He watches the ripples of your ass as you throw it back on him, taking his entire fucking shaft so that with each thrust his balls thwack against your inner thighs. "Tight and wet.. lil' bitch in heat, ain't ya?" he teases, circling his hips so you feel him against every square inch of your aching snatch. Your eyes roll to the back of your head, finally spitting out the stupid hat.

"Fuck me Santa, fuck me Santa, fuck me Santa," you chant in broken moans, pushing your hips back, demanding it hard and fast, which he gives even as you come, clamping down all around him in a vise grip.

"Jesus," he growls, pulling out and kneeling behind you. He purses his lips to your dripping cunt, wiggling his tongue against your folds before licking a wide stripe upwards, teasing your asshole with his tongue. You practically shove your ass against his face, his gloved hands spreading your cheeks to get better access.

Grabbing a candy cane from a basket on the table you unwrap it with your teeth and hand it to him. It's thick and hard, and Santa knows just what to do with it. Feasting on both your holes, he takes the candy cane and watches it disappear into your glistening pussy. Hearing your gasp encourages him to keep going, fucking you as his tongue keeps rimming your ass, delving into tease you.

There's a knocking at the makeshift cottage door, then a moment of silence and a "God damn it, Joel, not again!" from the other side. "Fucker's always doing something," the person, most likely one of the elves at the cash register, mumbles and walks off.

He's back inside you, sliding the candy cane between your lips, moving it in and out just as he moves in and out, keeping you spread open so he fill you with every inch. "Babygirl likes havin' somethin' to suck on, don't she?" he mutters, pumping steadily into you. "Gotta be a good girl and tell me where ya want it."

"Inside me," you beg, and he moves double time, hands on your shoulders as he ruts up against you, slamming every inch until you cry out again, knees buckling as you come hard and Santa Joel follows soon after, his jizz painting your insides in warm sticky ropes.

"Lick me clean, baby," he murmurs, and you immediately go to your knees, taking him deep into your mouth, your jaw aching as the tip of him hits the back of your throat. When you gag he keeps you there, your mouth filling with saliva until it spills out from your lips, mixed with his cum. You bob your head on his length, eyes watering as you look up at him, your cunt still throbbing as you start to leak him on the floor.

"Fuuuuck yes," he growls, hand on your head, teeth sinking into his lower lip as you suck him off, and it's a Christmas miracle he's hard again, and he's about to come. He holds your head still and facefucks you, your hands cupping his ass to stop him from going too shallow-- you need to be deepthroated for once in your life.

Santa Joel lets out another curse as he uses you to come, spurting his Christmas magic down your throat. "There's a good girl. Babygirl's thirsty for what Santa's got, huh?" he teases as you greedily swallow every bitter, salty drop.

Clothes are straightened before you leave the little elf cottage, but the look of satisfaction is plain on your face as you suck on the candy cane that you'd been fucked with only moments before. Santa Joel puts his hat back on his head and shuffles over to the helper elves. "I'm goin' out for another smoke break," he tells them.

The head elf puts her hands on her hips. "Joel, you're not allowed to take ten smoke breaks an hour!" But by then he's already on the way out, both middle fingers in the air to salute her.

Derek joins you, looking puzzled as he studies the holiday photo -- there's something off about the face you're making in it. "Did Santa give you that candy cane?"

Grinning, you slurp up the sweet peppermint that still has traces of your own flavor on it. "And then some."

dividers by @saradika 👑

Tagging those who showed interest: @clawdee @itwasntimethatdidit40 @milla-frenchy @myownwholewildworld

@penascigarette @hoelaris

[absurdthirst]

Do you think you could do one with the Pedro boys who are a/b/o and who have a omega reader in heat but she doesn't want to spend it with them but just be alone? If not that's totally cool and I love your writing:)

When You're In Heat & Want Nothing To Do With Him:

*** When reblogging or talking about Omegaverse, please remember that ‘a/b/o’ without the slash punctuation marks (/) is considered a slur for the Aboriginal people in Australia.

**Female Reader

Javier Peña: Pouty for sure. He had even told Steve he was taking off work, dreaming of having you on his cock the entire time. Now his ass is traveling back to Medellín with Murphy in the passenger seat. Deciding that getting out of town was the best option.

Ezra: Now that's just not going to work for him, little bird. The aphrodisiac that your body produces calls to him like a siren. Beckoning him to take what your very nature wishes to give him. In that tent, there's no privacy. While Ezra might not lay a hand on you, he will not shut up about what he would do if you would give him permission.

The Mandalorian: Takes the kid, engages the ground security protocols on the Razor Crest and leaves. He will be back in 3-5 business days, with multiple bounties to throw into carbonite and then takes off for the next world on his parsec tour. He doesn't even seem mad about it, it just is what it is.

Pero Tovar: He still expects you to ride your horse. If you aren't needing to be holed up in a nest with his body wedged between your thighs, then you must be moving. He cannot lose more time on this journey to the East and you are attracting more alphas that he will just have to kill.

Frankie Morales: Confused. Wondering if everything that has happened has made you think that he's no longer your alpha or maybe not the alpha you want. He wants to talk to you about it, but he knows that you are vulnerable right now, so he packs up the kids and they all go stay at Uncle Benny's for a few days so you can be alone like you want.

Marcus Pike: He's disappointed. He had everything planned. He was going to make sure that your every need was met and you were in as little pain as possible as you worked through you heat. Instead of being able to do it in person, he decides that it might be best to sleep at the office until it passes so he doesn't overstep. However, he has meals delivered to you and your favorite ones at that.

Max Phillips: Tilts his head at you and gives you that fake pouty look. The one that says he doesn't believe you for a second. You don't want orgasm after orgasm? That's strange, and people said he's the one without a beating heart.

Dave York: Angry. He is not happy that you want nothing to do with him. He needs to take care of you and you are denying him that. In a huff, he takes on a target and takes his aggression out on them. It's a little more messy than his normal jobs.

Oberyn Martell: Finds it fascinating. You are a mystery. An omega who doesn't wish to be cared for by an alpha. He sighs, thinking that it's a pity, it would have been fun, but he leaves you in peace. He will spent the time in the whorehouse, drinking and fucking while you have your wish.

Zach Wellison: It hurts. It makes him think that he's not good enough and it will definitely tap into that inferiority complex that he had. But he will give you what you want, you won't see him for days while you are going through your heat.

Marcus Moreno: Doesn't understand it, but that's not for him to decide. If you don't want him around, he needs to figure out a game plan. Do you want to stay somewhere else? Do you want him and Missy to go to his moms? Once you tell him exactly what you want, he's doing that and nothing more.

Max Lord: You were in heat? He didn't even notice. He was too busy trying to save his company.

Javi Gutierrez: Heartbroken that he cannot take care of you himself. He wants to pamper you and comfort you. Instead, he sends you to one of the best resorts for Omegas who wish to ride out a heat without an Alpha. Leaving them to pamper you.

Dieter Bravo: Whiny. He can smell how horny you are. How can you not want him to fuck you? Keep you full of his cock and cum? Aren't you about to tear your skin off???? You actually have to throw him out of the damn house in order to have a moment's peace.

Tim Rockford: Honestly? That's a relief. He's got this case that is eating up the hours and he doesn't have time to focus on you. He ends up sleeping at the office for two weeks straight and you have to call him to come home.

Joel Miller: He thinks you're stupid. He knows you will suffer more, but if that's what you want, be stubborn. He will give you the space you need, but he will also be standing guard around the decrepit house you are holed up in, making sure that no other alpha gets a whiff of you.

Marcus Acacius: Doesn't understand why you would not want him to be around you. But he's not going to fight you on this. He has his most trusted guards posted around his villa, they are betas so you will not be harassed by them. They will protect you because he has already been called before the emperors to discuss yet another bloody campaign on behalf of Rome's glory.

[lionlena]

Headcanon: If Teresa tried to get Marcus back after years... (MarcusPikexf!reader)

Teresa couldn't believe it. She just got off the train and saw him.

Marcus Pike, her ex-fiancé, stood at the same train station.

She hadn't seen him in almost eight years, but he didn't seem to have aged at all and somehow he looked even better. Teresa smiled broadly.

"Marcus! Oh my god! What a meeting!"

Marcus grimaced slightly, but she didn't seem to notice because she hugged him tenderly.

This made him feel awkward and he took a step back.

"Umm… Hi, Teresa."

"That's really amazing, how are you?" Before Marcus could open his mouth, she already started talking: "I divorced Jane three years ago, it turned out he was cheating on me. Now I'm alone."

Marcus took this information very indifferently and looked at his watch, then at Teresa, who was looking at him as if she was waiting for something. But since he didn't say anything, she took the initiative again.

"Maybe we should go for coffee?"

Marcus wanted to laugh. What was she counting on? That during those eight years, he did nothing but wait for her.

"Listen, Teresa, we probably won't go for coffee."

She looked at him surprised but didn't give up.

"Maybe we can just exchange phone numbers. We don't have to go for coffee." She winked at him. "We can go for a drink."

Marcus tried to be polite and forced a smile, but even Teresa could tell that it was a fake smile. She also noticed that he was constantly looking at his watch.

"Are you in a hurry to go somewhere?" She asked sweetly and blinked her eyes.

She was starting to feel a little frustrated that her charms weren't working on him like they used to.

Before he could answer, he finally saw you and a real big smile appeared on his face.

"Actually, I was waiting for someone." He glanced casually at Teresa, his eyes focused on you, on your beautiful, round pregnant belly, and on the little six-year-old boy running towards him and screaming, "Daddy!"

Marcus said a quick and curt "Sorry" to Teresa. But it was obvious that he wasn't the least bit sorry. He fell to one knee and spread his arms wide.

"Hey, buddy!"

The laughing toddler fell into his arms and wrapped his arms around his neck. Marcus felt a wave of happiness. He stood up holding his son in his arms.

"How was it with your grandparents?"

"I was riding on a pony"

"Wow! You have to tell me everything on the way home."

Teresa was still standing nearby, watching the scene with open eyes. Marcus simply radiated the energy of a perfect dad.

By this time, you had managed to join them. You walked much slower because of your big belly. Marcus immediately kissed you on the lips and used his free hand to tenderly caress your pregnant belly.

"How are my princesses?" He asked with concern.

He hadn't seen you for only three days, and even though he knew your parents would take good care of you, he was furious that he couldn't go with his family due to work.

"All right." You replied with a smile. "We're just hungry."

Marcus chuckled.

"So it's good to have a delicious dinner waiting at home."

"Did you make dinner?"

"Yes, dinner, laundry, and grocery shopping."

Your heart instantly melted and you caressed his cheek tenderly. He was truly the perfect husband.

Teresa grimaced and felt the bitter taste of jealousy in her mouth. This is what she lost. A perfect, caring husband. She finally cleared her throat and that was when you noticed her. You looked at Marcus questioningly. He gave Teresa a blank look and muttered:

"It was nice meeting you, now excuse me… Family duties call."

Before Teresa could get over her shock, he simply wrapped his arms around your waist and started leading you towards the parking lot where he left the car.

You turned back and noticed that the woman looked as if someone had poured stinking water on her.

"Who she was?" You asked out of curiosity.

Marcus shrugged.

"Nobody important."

You weren't going to ask more. You knew your husband and you didn't feel jealous. You knew his eyes were focused only on you.

Yes, I hate Teresa... And writing this made me wildly happy :D

Pernament tag list: @harriedandharassed

Next part: Marcus tells you about his meeting with Teresa...

[joelmillermylove]

Okay But waking up with Joel??! Two strong arms wrapped around you so tight and feeling so warm and fuzzy and loved and protected??!Joel Waking you up by softly kissing all over your face making you giggle as he pulls you closer to him. 😩

[heavenlytouches]

Marcus Acacius- solace

𓇼˚₊‧꒰ა

GN reader

<3 (SFW)

TW- none

Calming down general Acacius after he comes home too tired to do anything

General Marcus Acacius

As the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky with strokes of gold and crimson, you found yourself waiting on the cool stone steps of your Roman home.

The familiar sounds of the bustling market were replaced by the soft, rustling leaves of the olive trees surrounding the villa- a gentle lulling of the world around you. The warm night air wrapped around you like a comforting shawl, but your heart lay heavy with anticipation.

General Marcus Acacius was returning from yet another raid, and you knew that the weariness etched on his face would accompany him like a shadow.

His salt-and-pepper hair had begun to glimmer under the fading light; it made him look dignified yet exhausted. You could almost picture the proud lift of his chin during battles, followed by the heavy stoop that would settle in upon his return- the price paid for valor.

As the sun finally surrendered to night, a rumble of footsteps echoed through the streets. A moment later, a familiar figure turned the corner, framed by the last hint of daylight.

Marcus. You held your breath as he stepped closer, a soft smile breaking through his fatigue. When his amber eyes met yours, they lit up, chasing away the weight of the world like the dawn banishing the stars.

"Ah, my heart.."

He murmured softly, the deep timbre of his voice wrapping around you like the warm embrace you longed for.

You rushed down the steps, your arms outstretched, and he enveloped you in his embrace.

The rich scent of earth and leather lingered on him, a fragrance that still made your heart race despite the countless times you had felt it against your skin. He pulled you closer, resting his chin atop your head as if that were the only place in the world he desired to be.

"How I have missed you.."

He whispered, a touch of sharpness in his voice. The warmth of his body contrasted sharply with the coolness of the evening.

"You are my anchor, my light that guides me back home."

You stepped back just enough to gaze into his eyes.

“You look tired, my dear.”

You replied, tracing the lines of his face with your fingertips. He chuckled softly, the sound a gentle rumble beneath your hands.

"Each raid takes a piece of me."

He said, sighing a little more heavily.

“But returning to you gifts me a thousand more.”

His fingers found their way into your hair, brushing it back from your face with tender care.

Marcus led you inside, his grip firm yet gentle, as he guided you through the cool, dimly lit villa. He paused only to light the oil lamps, casting a warm glow that flickered like fireflies dancing through the darkness.

The dining table was set for two- a simple yet intimate affair featuring bread, olives, and wine.

You watched as he sank into a chair, the weight of his armor still present even with it cast aside. There was a softness to him in these moments; the bearing of a general mingled with that of a weary traveler seeking solace.

You decided to serve him first, pouring a generous glass of wine and watching as his eyes closed in appreciation with each sip.

"You spoil me, beloved-"

He said, his voice still thick with exhaustion.

You laughed softly,

“Only because you deserve it. Now, tell me of your adventures. Give me stories that I can carry with me until your next return.”

He leaned in closer, his elbows resting on the table while one hand cupped your cheek.

“There was little of glory, love. Just endless days of marching under a sun that felt like fire and nights spent around a cruel campfire. All I could think of was you, waiting for me here.”

His lips brushed yours, tender and warm, filling you with a sweet warmth that spread through your chest. Your heart fluttered with every soft kiss, each one a promise of his return, a soothing balm to the worry that gnawed at you when he left.

“Marcus,”

You breathed, your fingers intertwining with his.

“You don’t need to fight so hard. You keep coming back with tales of valor, but I want to keep you safe.”

His gaze turned serious, and for a moment, you could see the soldier behind his sweet demeanor.

“I fight for our future,”

He replied, wiping a thumb across your cheek.

“I cannot lay down my sword completely while there are threats to our peace. But each victory is more than a conquest; it is a step closer to the life I want with you- a life unburdened by wars and strife.”

You moved to sit beside him, the subtle scent of olives and wine enveloping you both. The night wore on, filled with laughter and sweet whispers, promises of tomorrow, and the warmth that only a love like yours could nurture.

As Marcus rested his head against your shoulder, the weary general finally found peace, wrapped in the gentle embrace of the world he fought for.

It was here, under the glow of the flickering lamps, between tender kisses and whispered dreams, that he became not just a hero of Rome, but the man who was utterly yours.

Hello loves!! Hope y'all enjoyed this one. Also, sorry for a long hiatus, I'm back now sweeties <33 hope y'all are fine and well

Don’t forget, requests are always open and I can write for any character you’d like!

I love you guys so much <33

El <3

(all images were made by: El via canva & paint)