#he even had me confused the other day
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Yesterday night at 12ㅎㅎ
Specially since he’s my roommate
I prepared a cake for him - 🐶
#my daengnyangs 🥹#theyre little best (room)mates#thats so cute#felix internally like babes we're only 24 but thank youuuu#seungmin is stickin with the korean age system no matter what#he even had me confused the other day#kim seungmin#lee felix#stray kids
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I'm gonna froth at the mouth over this in the tags so bear with me but reason #1278038 why the way rick went about breaking up jiper was bad: rereading her povs in hoo where she gushes over jason feels like even more of an unreliable narrator queer girl comphet psychological horror story
#it's not that that isn't interesting (it's fascinating actually. especially for a daughter of aphrodite!!!)#it's that it Obviously wasn't his og intention. the ending of hoo is clearly intended to give a positive impression of jiper#this is worsened because shelper is wildly underdeveloped so it's like Dude what did you even do this for#literally just an afterthought. a footnote really. he said “ok here's your canon sapphic rep pls stop shipping theyna now” /j#she was a main character in one of the main couples in hoo it's so crazy? how can that happen. he would never do this to percabeth#can you imagine if percabeth broke up offscreen and 2 months later annabeth was with some complete rando and then percy died. girl what#it's the kind of setup/payoff issue that is difficult to put into words because he set up something (jiper and all its complex morality)#to ultimately be good because they're making the choice to love each other in the end (poorly executed but whatever I don't hate it)#and then in toa????? he just obliterates them for no payoff and creates a new impression of the most literal case of comphet imaginable? wh#toa is my absolute least favorite sorry#marginally related but if we can Be. Chill. and acknowledge that he originally wrote nico as crushing on annabeth#(we can argue all day about how Definite the crush was but come on. he did not put percy's speculation of it in there for no reason)#(and he obviously did not plan for nico to be gay back then you will literally never convince me of this)#(representation was NOT on his mind in the first 5 books that's why the cast is almost completely white except charles and ethan)#(the disposable poc who die tragically btw)#then I see a similarly confusing debacle but like. in the opposite way#something something sexuality is fluid you can be gay and feel confused about how u used to have a het crush but are still gay#nico says so himself to piper which is hilarious#it's just the lack of consistency and poor planning that I hate........... it is a ginormous pet peeve of mine and it's All Over His Books#piper already reads as having so much growing to do regarding her gender and sexuality because Somebody#(the man writing her) littered her pov with internalized misogyny/anti hyperfemininity and went nowhere with it#rr crit#percy jackson and the olympians#piper mclean#jason grace#pjo hoo toa#anti jiper#<- I PROMISE I am not actually anti-jiper I am very neutral about it as I am with all jason ships. they had cute moments#tagging that just in case#this comes from a place of deep love for the franchise and it's characters btw I have been a fan since I was 8
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s3 episode 11 thoughts
dare i say it… new favorite episode?
whatever expectations i had, they were blown away. usually the episode after a two episode arc feels weird and stiff, but this? this hit every box on a checklist i didn’t even know i had.
i’m bouncing off the walls right now. i'm pacing my room and mumbling to myself while gesticulating wildly. i am filled with an energy that caffeine has not ONCE given me. and it's called "your character, that is so near and dear to you, got an episode dedicated just to exploring their inner life and workings and belief system and faith in God and the world". try it if you get a chance.
so let us begin. let me give you my verbatim notes, so you can watch the excitement grow.
oh boy! oh boy oh boy! i am excited! and i know by now to not expect any real continuation from the last episode, but i’m still excited because the last two were so good! and this one is like… good omens? with a kid that can start the end of the world?
wow. never have i thought to myself, how would mulder and scully handle biblical revelations? but here i am. wondering it.
hope the kid is chill. hope he has good vibes. mulder will like him anyway because he’s actually a huge softie but still better if he’s got good vibes.
we open on a sermon. the priest or pastor- depending on the denomination- whatever his title is, he is talking about faith. saying that miracles are real. and now he’s shaking and moaning. is this one of those churches?
OH HE’S BLEEDING from between his knuckles like some sort of blood wolverine. people are looking at him, thinking, what is going on? and this is something i am also wondering. maybe it was fake though…. little capsules in his hands, maybe???
he’s dabbing off his makeup now. as a man enters his dressing room. saying that some people really do believe. but he’s being weird.
and then this guy escalates to murder. and when he touches this pastor he’s burning up??? huh??? a firebender?? in pennsylvania??
THE INTRO WAS DIFFERENT AGAIN THIS TIME. WHY DOES IT CHANGE. i have come to know these beats VERY well!! they are like a heartbeat to me. you cannot simply alter them as you see fit!
scully looking at the body of the dead pastor/priest, talking about how it looks like rope burns around his neck. mulder crouching VERY close by.
HEHEHEHEHE mulder is like “he was bleeding from his hands like the crucifixion” and scully goes “stigmata?” heheheheheeeee i’m blushing
(talking about belief systems is apparently a way to my heart? like c'mon, tell me how you understand the universe and which elements you surrender to knowing that you will never comprehend. you look cute while doing it)
no wounds on the hands, though… so mulder licks the blood. and i froze JUST as scully makes this horrified face... i’m CRYING. yes, it is fake blood, and yes, he has some on his lips and teeth, and yes, its adorable. but what a risky move!
ohhh he was wearing a sugar pump sort of thing! yum yum. couldn't be me, i'd be slurping that.
so mulder has been tracking religious murders related to stigmatics (excellent word!)
scully’s talking about how certain people believe at any given time there are 12 stigmatics in the world. and they represent the 12 apostles. and i’m blushing terribly.
nods solemnly. i am learning a lot about myself through this show.
scully you are so preeeeetty.
okay, cut to elementary school in ohio. kevin is blowing spitballs. his teacher is bullying him into doing math on the board. when all of a sudden, his hands start bleeding!! and we see that he has the holes!!!
he’s in the nurse’s office still when mulder and scully show up. damn how did they get to ohio that fast… OHHH they had put out an FBI alert and maybe this happened more than once. yes, this is exactly what is explained mere moments after i made the initial comment.
so it happened BEFORE, and they assumed it was an incident of abuse, but it wasn’t proven. still, his dad was institutionalized after saying Kevin was chosen by God. okay! things escalated.
scully is talking to the boy. she feels his forehead and says he feels feverish. okay doctor!! and she says he is very brave. queen. smart and kind.
mulder is meeting kevin’s mom. explaining that he might be in danger from a religious fanatic.
oh! the thermometer in his mouth broke. straight up exploded. hope that was fake mercury in there.
they’re going to put kevin back “into the shelter” which i feel like would make him an easier target for a serial killer?? but on the off chance it WAS his mom, it would make him safer. so mixed feelings here.
mom yells at the teacher, teacher says she loves her job, and mulder has this excellent smile. then waves scully out to leave. it was kinda funny to me for some reason, the waving her out. quite domestic.
mulder thinks the kid did the cuts to himself to get his father back. hmm. not buying it. so they go to talk to kevin's dad.
dad claims the forces of darkness have been watching kevin. in the great war between good and evil. he’s really talking to scully and he says they just “come full circle to find the truth”. she says dude idk what that means?? and he says “you will” okay... i’m creeped out a bit!!!
kevin is back at the children’s home. telling a bunch of other kids scary stories. and he seems to be explaining a scary guy who is walking into the building as the storytelling goes on. just as the scary guy enters, all the kids leave. scary guy is looking at the wounds on kevin’s hands!
soon after, mulder is with the group of children who saw the guy. we learn here that mulder is 6 foot 1. which is very funny.
kevin was abducted by the fellow it seems he was describing before his arrival!!! and his mom seems to blame scully. she looks really upset.
they see the drawing that they think does not look like a real person, and kevin’s mom is like it’s owen, who did the yard work.
so it’s owen time. he’s carved noah’s ark and he has kevin. but he says he can’t let him go home. because it isn’t safe. he refers to himself as kevin’s guardian angel. hmm. that makes me suspicious.
owen grabs a shotgun when a car pulls up. but the agents get him to put it down and scully is on a quest to find the little dude. and he was there… but now he isn’t?
so owen says God asked him to protect kevin.
OH ANGRY MULDER IS GONNA QUOTE SCRIPTURE AT YOU!!!!! now give him some DAMN ANSWERS!
owen is like, well YOU believe, don’t you scully, because you have that necklace on. he’s calling her a BAD CHRISTIAN??? the audacity….
then owen gets up and JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW??? and runs away??? somehow??
(mulder jumped down from the porch to chase owen, and his big coat floated around him like a cape... i giggled)
now where did this dude go...?
kevin made it home!!! he’s yelling for his mom. she doesn’t seem to be there, but someone rang the doorbell. and we only see a quick glance but it LOOKS like the killer!!!
who burns off the doorknob with his firebending!!! so yes, it is the og killer from the start of the episode! he comes in and asks for kevin. saying he knows he’s here.
mom, now would be a good time to roll up with a gun.
he picks up a family photo and sees kevin in a picture then checks the closet to see if he’s in there but kevin is in the hamper. and the hamper is bleeding!!! dead giveaway.
but owen rolls up just as the firebender guy opens the hamper, and starts fighting for him!! so kevin is making a break for it!!!
he runs and runs and RUNS INTO MULDER!!!! scully is telling him that he will be okay.
they only find dead owen. no firebender.
and kevin asks scully if she was sent to protect him… she does not seem to know what to say because. do you mean like by the government... or jesus?
autopsy time!!!! she’s talking into the voice recorder like always. it always gives vlog energy. anyway, his body looks very much alive. despite the very much dead thing.
mulder interrupts this. and scully asks him to SMELL the dude. he obliges. with only a smirk!
scully says he smells a bit… floral.
OMG!! OMG I RECOGNIZE WHAT IS GOING ON HERE. they talk about it in the brothers karamazov, how a holy body is said to stay intact and even smell good when it ought to be decomposing. so the real question is: is she imagining it?
i mean, she is the body expert. so i’d want to say no. but also, this dude was playing with her head. so it’s hard to say. i'd think she would identify the body correctly no matter what, but a little smell hallucination thanks to the power of suggestion cannot be ruled out in any situation.
AND SHE TALKS ABOUT IT!! apparently it is something you learn in catechism. okay, well i just picked it up from that summer i got through that book, but we all learn somewhere. mulder is like “you’re serious?” and i feel he should be encouraging this open discussion rather than ridiculing it. AND SHE STARTS NAMING SAINTS IT HAPPENED TO!
mulder is saying that those things didn’t really happen, and i’m not taking this from alien man.
mulder has transitioned into listening mode now. OH! SCULLY! she says:
“isn’t a saint or a holy person just another term for someone who’s abnormal?”
“do you really believe that?”
“i… believe in the idea that God’s hand can be witnessed. i believe he can create miracles, yes”
“even if science can’t explain them?”
“maybe that’s just what faith is”
YES! YES I AM CHEERING AND JUMPING UP AND DOWN. we were owed a scully-centric episode, and never did i even THINK we would get something so aligned with my interests that we’d start exploring her religious beliefs and how that intertwines with her faith in science and her work. that sounds like something i’d write a fic for because it’s hyper specific to my interests. but no. this is CANON!
mulder is saying that she shouldn’t get swept up in these things (and how ironic that the roles are reversed! it’s exquisite. we’ve found his weak point, he’ll believe in anything but a Christian God)
scully is lost in thought. taking a deep breath. steeling herself.
pause. it’s a scene change. but mulder has a pencil in his teeth. it’s adorable, really. he takes it out to write something.
they pulled prints from owen’s neck!! burned right onto the skin. and they found who did it!! the man i was previously calling the firebender, his real name is simon gates, one of the south’s wealthiest men, arrested 3 years ago on a DUI.
so then he went to israel, and this is how i learned of something called “jerusalem syndrome���, where people come back from the holy land with religious delusions. i have not heard of this before. but it could be a motive. except for the whole burning fingerprints into necks thing. i'm unfamiliar with any sort of place turning you into prince zuko.
okay, so someone saw kevin with his mom the same time he was seen with a social worker??? doubles?? twins??? ghosts??
kevin and his mom are on the side of the road with a broken down car, when who pulls up but SIMON!!
she asks what he wants and he says “i think you know”, then kevin makes a break for it.
now. can an old man outrun a child? children have small legs, but boundless energy.
BUT HE’S RUNNING?? AND ANOTHER KEVIN GETS OUT OF THE CAR??? to talk to his injured mom. then running kevin DISAPPEARED!!! AND MOM HITS THE DUDE WITH A CAR!!!
sadly, it wasn’t out of excellent aim that she hit him, but rather because she had her face smacked into the ground by simon and was concussed or something similar. she drove into a ditch.
NO!!! KEVIN IS SAYING SHE DIED BECAUSE OF HIM. DEATH??? I JUST THOUGHT WE WERE DEALING WITH CONCUSSION HERE?
i guess it can be a quick trip from one to the next. but i'm sad for poor kevin.
scully is near him, telling him she promises she won’t let simon hurt kevin. OH LORD, YOU GOT HER PROMISING THINGS, SMALL CHILD.
he doesn’t want to go back to the shelter. and she says he doesn’t have to. are they going to take this small child for a bit….?
she avoids mulder’s gaze when telling him she wants kevin to come with them, saying she is not getting personally involved, but like mulder is gonna complain having a kid around.
(he actually didn't seem to have his typical instincts kick in today. how curious...)
and turns out simon rented the car under the name of one of the devil’s disciples. yikes!
so creepy simon is watching this go down despite being hit by a car.
back to the motel. scully is running kevin a bath and sees he has a big scratch on his side. from the crash… or?
mulder is fake pouting. “you never draw my bath” JCHDJSBJSND
she’s freaked out because she knows that cut was NOT there before. OH? is it the jesus spear thing??
she is busting out her theological training- he could be in two places at once, like st. ignatius! and mulder is talking about how it was all a metaphor, that bible. mulder, if you are dismissive ONE more time...
OH, I GASPED AT THIS NEXT PART. HOLD ON I NEED TO WRITE THIS DOWN:
“how is it that you’re able to go out on a limb whenever you see a light in the sky, but you’re unwilling to accept the possibility of a miracle, even when it’s right in front of you?”
“i wait for a miracle every day, but what i’ve seen here has only tested my patience, not my faith”
“well, what about what i’ve seen?”
UGH. how PERFECT is that dialogue!!! how brilliant is that exchange!!! why is what she has seen less believable than his x files and aliens and beasts? he spends so long looking to his own stars that he’s forgotten others can form constellations as well. and how often does the narrative favor him, his thoughts running like a prey animal, chasing and chasing any sort of lead. why can’t she have something that cuts her to the quick just as deeply?
sure, science is great, science is the building block of her reality. but you can’t change the way you grew up, either, the pattern recognition, the fear of the divine. and she’s never had trouble balancing the two, we just haven’t had a reason to see them interact before, because she generally compartmentalizes the day to day world and the spiritual- and how many of us can say we do the same? probably most, if we believe in anything at all. but then it comes straight to a head- and after she has been through so much as well, losing her dad, her kidnapping, her coma, losing mulder and her job (which luckily came back), losing her sister forever- is it selfish to want there to be a caring force out in the universe?
but on the flip side, that means that there is real and genuine evil, forces of the devil and hell- unless you think it’s poetry, like mulder does. but wouldn’t that explain all the suffering she’s been through? the horrific things this job has showed her? and wouldn’t it be worth it in the end to go through that all if you know it was to be defeated?
okay i just spend so long typing that up the screen went dark. SORRY SORRY I’M COMING BACK I PROMISE!!! I JUST GET EMOTIONAL.
NOOO! a weird noise was heard, so mulder kicks down the now locked door where kevin was supposed to be taking a bath. AND THE WINDOW WAS MELTED OPEN!! so scully basically comes face to face with the evil that must be real if miracles are as well. oh! i’m eating this up.
but she promised him he would be safe! so this is not looking good!
she wants to go talk to his father again. and mulder doesn’t want to, but she is NOT taking no for an answer.
kevin’s father is not coming up with an answer. the doctors have increased his meds and he’s very foggy.
she asks again about the full circle to find the truth thing. and she runs out, in a daze.
mulder gets a call that there has been a simon spotting, but she doesn’t hear; she’s pointing at a recycling bin, saying that it’s arrows that form a circle. she thinks he’s at a recycling plant; he thinks he’s at the airport.
mulder asks if she thinks she’s the one that was chosen to protect him. and she says she doesn’t know; her voice cracks as she says that if she’s wrong, she’ll meet him at the airport. OH! religious burdens, the divine pressure of fate. he watches her leave, looking troubled.
at the recycling plant- and simon IS there, saying kevin has to die, for everyone, so the new age will come. and his hands are bleeding again. all the others were false.
SCULLY AMBUSH!!! but simon is taking him into a recycling chopper. AND HE DROPS HIM IN!!! we see chopping occur!!! but it was SIMON AND NOT KEVIN THAT WAS CHOPPED!!! kevin caught himself on the ledge!!!! she pulls him up.
he says he knew she’d come, and they hug so so so tight, and she places a kiss on his head when she’s holding him, and i’m gonna cry like a baby
when they’re getting him around to leave, she says that maybe she’ll see him again sometime, and he says that she will.
and scully looks like she’s crying- i don’t think she is, but she puts her head in her hand- mulder comes in and asks if she’s okay. she says she thinks so, and he holds out her jacket to put on. it might have been the most tender thing i have ever seen. he says they need to go make a statement; she asks him to do it alone, she has to go run an errand.
again, she mostly avoids his eyes. but he agrees, and goes to make the statement alone. he doesn't press.
AND SHE GOES TO CONFESSION???? FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 6 YEARS??? she starts talking about not being able to discuss something with mulder. she asks about miracles; if she was seeing things when it comes to saving kevin, or if she was imagining them.
she doubts herself because mulder didn’t believe them!!!!!!!!!!! and usually he believes without question!!!
maybe they weren’t meant for him, maybe they were meant for YOU, he says. and she asks if this was to bring her back; he says “sometimes we must come full circle to find the truth”
and it makes her afraid!!!! that god is speaking but no one is listening!!!!
WHO THE HELL WROTE THIS EPISODE. NO. NO, HOLD ON I’M GONNA LOOK THIS UP.
KIM NEWTON. KIM. YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON WHO GETS ME ON THIS PLANET. NO ONE ELSE DOES.
wow okay. i’m going to be pacing my room about this for 100 years. there are going to be think pieces about this, from me, for the foreseeable future. i’m losing my MIND.
i don’t think i could have cooked up a more perfect episode if i had tried. something centered on scully entirely (mulder has had his fair share of attention), something about faith, something where she questions what she holds close and why she holds it close and what it means that she does so at all. what it means for there to be human good and human evil and divine good and divine evil. how god speaks to people and how we listen. or hear things that he didn’t say, like simon did.
holy FUCK i literally could not think of anything better. and i have SO much to say. i already SAID SO MUCH, too. like i’m seriously bouncing off the walls right now. whatever love i had for scully before just quadrupled- and who knew this was even possible??
for things to be reversed, for mulder to try and talk her out of a belief, how bizarre that must have felt to him, and how cold it felt. how he just couldn’t see it, how his not being able to see it drove her to doubt herself, how she must doubt herself already, but that sprung everything to the surface. how she doubts that god would use her. and use her for good.
but still, despite his lack of understanding, despite his trying to get her to think rationally- he is there for her, even if he doesn't get it, even if he could have done better. the way he held her jacket while she processed everything, the way he didn't question her needing time for herself. somethings are best left unspoken.
lord, i’m gonna have to stop there because if i don’t. i just might never shut up ever ever ever. and i still need to proofread all my raw notes, and i’m sure i’ll think of something else to say.
i started this episode AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO LMAOOOO i just had SO much to pause and observe and say which is NOT a complaint in the slightest.
wow. new fave episode i think. i’ll have to add it to the list.
please let me know what you thought- are there any other scully truthers out there who lost their minds over this? did you like the episode? is it disliked and i'm strange for going on such a ramble? did you have trouble reconciling faith scully and science scully? personally i don't, but i could see how some people might. did you find mulder too dismissive? or did you think he was trying his best? some combination of both? did scully protecting that kid make you emotional? please, spill EVERYTHING. i always want you to spill everything, but now so even more than usual.
#so here we are a full two hours since i started the episode and i still have a million things to say#but my laptop is gonna die soon so maybe that's a sign#ugh mulder was so puzzling to me in this episode. he pushed back on her but i think he realized he had overstepped when she said#“what about the things i've seen” i think that put things into perspective for him#i think he realized that this is a two way street when it comes to convictions#and honestly he probably hadn't given any thought into her beliefs before beyond the necklace and the science and the#sort of “it's best not to ask” mentality. he doesn't seem like he chats about personal philosophy. philosophy yes but not personal#i do think he learned a lesson here. not to invalidate her emotions and experiences and upbringing#at least i hope so. it seems like he was trying at the end even if he was confused#and you don't HAVE to get it. you never have to get it. you just have to see that something is important to someone you love#and that is enough to know something is worth respecting#man. i tired myself out with this one but i'm sure i'll think of a million other things to add when i fall asleep#ah well. i can make many posts on one subject!#my day was otherwise pretty unremarkable so good to have something to stand out about it#juni's x files liveblog#the x files#txf
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Actually I have just now decided I really like Luke (I just gave him mommy issues ☠️ and it worked)
#erm to explain he rly loves his mom and they always laugh around n hes a golden child n share (almkst) everything w each other#except shes always asking if hes gonna get a girlfriend ahy time soon and luke already knows shes pretty conservative so hes afraid of how#shell react to him dating zander so he doesnt say at first.#and hes afraid of burdening her w worries cuz she already has a lot on her back like her job all day n night and has been stressing recentl#so luke worries him being pan might “overburden” her even more#and so he takes the chore of.cooking n cleaning around the house n such and shes always super thankful#overall very loving but conservative and anxious n tired which makes him afraid of what shell see on hom. what hell lose#then one day he actually does mention how hes dating Xander. n his suspicions were correct cuz dhe gets pretty confused and mad#so he runs away to zanders home and asks if he can stay over w a smile trying yo hide his pain#and the wickhams n austins are pretty confused but they let him in#UHM do u get me#luke peterson#and from that day on he either A) grows distant from his mom and griefs losing everything they had but has to accepy that loss and learn to#be himself rather than pretend to be someoke for someone else (tying into the whole theme of the show being accepting yourself)#or B) his mom starts putting genuine effort into changing n understanding him after she sees how much hes hurt#tying into the shows message of people changing and growning and owning up to their mistakes#tmf luke#luke tmf#im cringe af#toki rambles#in the tags#tmf#the Music freaks#freakblr
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Tifa talking to Aerith: why do you think women live longer than men?
Barret to Cloud: i have an idea for a synergy move called bullet batter, hear me out-
#ff7#ff7 rebirth#my post#i was playing why do they do that LMAOOO#im fuckikg flabbergasted i was confused at first then i realized HES SHOOTING CLOUD WITH BULLETS AND CLOUD IS TREATING HIS SWORD#LIKE A BASEBALLL !!!! ARE YOU BOTH FUCKING INSANE!!!!!#i love their friendship its so fucking dear to me i love how barret warms up to cloud and cloud does the same#they both care for each other but wont admit it#but barret is totally better at expressing it even if by accident#I JUST REALIZED CLOUD HAD TO AGREE TO BULLET BATTER HES SUCH AN IDIOTTTTT LMAOO#do you think they pulled that move off one day without warning and tifa freaked the fuck out#she probably had a talk with them after like “PLEASE WARN ME IN ADVANCE” LMAOOO
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managing your parents emotions is so exhausting
#eldest daughter#lol#my stepdad made me yell and cry and now i'm 16 years old again and scared and confused#he insulted me unprovoked publicly/on my front lawn and in onslaught and my mother did nothing to defend me#probably been happening my whole life and I haven't been able to figure it out until it was on my turf#yelled at me that i had no common sense and was stupid because i didn't put down grass seed#i have a degree in soil science and a fucking plan but he didn't want to hear any of that#just wanted to insult me loudly on my front lawn unprovoked after raking up all my leaves without being asked to#(i intended to mulch and leave them as ground cover... to protect the soil.........which he was yelling at me because the soil is uncovered#then he mowed the weeds down to the soil#and yelled at me that my bare soil was all going to blow away#BRO YOU MADE IT BARE#yelled 'it screams lack of common sense'#becuase I didn't plant grass FIRST THING when we moved in#our house wasn't livable INSIDE when we bought it and now it's great and we worked hard so we had other fucking priorities#also I seeded cover crop and it didn't germinate bc it needed more water than I could give it in CO#like grass lawn is the past and unsustainable and I'm not interested and I'm planning on seeding clover but not 2 days before the frost????#so annoying#and like he's still a parental figure right so that's like just an awful layer to have in this bc he's such an immature bully#and I forgot to have my trauma senses turned on to know his emotions before he does in my own home so he got me#didn't even get into the whole my moms lack of defense of me part#fuck this shit#t#at least ranting in my tags usually helps me stop crying
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one important thing about work emails is that whoever you send them to can forward them to anyone else, or reply to you and copy other people. so if you're going to talk about a third party in your email, only say things you would be okay with the third party reading. because people can and will just suddenly CC brand new people on a long email chain, who will then be able to backread anything you've ever said in any of your previous responses that you were sending to only one person. word to the wise.
#i mention this because this just happened to me today BUT it was fine because i already do this#i was writing to client A and mentioned client B who has been making both of our lives harder#but because it's my policy never to trash talk one client to another client (they all know each other btw)#(and some of them are contractors for others of them)#the thing that i said about client B was not something i had to then regret a few days later#when client A for some fucking reason CC'd client B in her response to me#i worded it like 'i'm sorry this has been so hectic and last-minute. it took me a while to understand what client B wanted.'#which has the virtue of being true and also not denigrating client B in any way even though what i meant was#'client B has been so confusing in everything he has said to me that i couldn't give you any advance warning'#but i didn't SAY that. so we're golden#the thing is you will be SO tempted SO often to tell someone that something is a third party's fault#because it will often be a third party's fault!!!!! but you must resist every time. especially in writing#<-this is not universal advice bc sometimes you need to stand up for yourself or whatever. i just mean in venting situations#no venting to clients about other clients. sometimes you need to vent with them in order to build rapport and get them to see you as#an ally rather than an obstacle but you cannot vent ABOUT other people. they can do it but you can't. you have to find other things#to vent about#my posts
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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!
#diary#miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands#john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened#in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head#on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now#and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the#person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems#serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will#take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and#you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg#not literally of course here but also literally. lol#but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands#who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes#i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so#sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)
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sorry if this is out of the blue guys but i think my brain just decided to convert me to being an adachi stan
#snap chats#again technically speaking#ANYWAY NO LISTEN THIS THE FUNNIEST THING EVER AND IM SO VERY CONFUSED#i havent had a dream that wasnt a nightmare about my mom in like Ever and the one time i do has got to be. The Coziest Shit#ive only ever had like one or three rgg dreams and half of them Vaguely had aoki in it so this is the funniest curve ever#you will read my dream summary we are at a sleepover motherfucker#do i even remember exactly what happened NO i just remember being in a lobby with some other bitches#and one of them Other Bitches included adachi. im pretty nanba was also there? iunno cant remember piss#point is i just hung out with adachi for like 80% of the shit. oh my god no i remember ichiban was there#and this is a significant detail for a thing adachi said to me BECAUSE ichiban was there and vaervLKjve#FUNNIEST DREAM OF MY LIFE but also the coziest one but also mr adachi... can we hang out again:(#blaming the fact i had my kirby plush for this one since it's round and soft like he was </3#ok bye thats all i should be legally allowed to divulge bout my sicko dreams#it was just very funny waking up at the asscrack of dawn and being like Hang On....... What Was That.....#be yeah im an adachi stan now sorry team </3 maybe one day ill dream about one of my guys#tho i cant forget that period where i did just have ttm dreams for like. a week straight.... ok byebye fr now
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me and the work girlies having socialist convos at the end of the day
#funny as hell like. we finished our workload about half an hour early#because they've hired so many of us temps. who are improving at the job each day#that there's just been less to spread around#yet bc work culture is dumb our manager suddenly told everyone to push the carts we'd already sorted#into a square in the middle of the floor? which we've never done before#and the permanent staff had no idea why either. they were also confused but resigned#I passed one and said ''hey so is this just because we have 20 minutes of the shift left''#and she just laughed and shrugged and was like idk ask him lmaooo#definition of busywork#so we're all just standing around for 10 minutes until the manager starts calling people over to move... other stuff idk.#and I'm walking to join them when this small group of coworkers behind me goes HEY#you don't need to go. look he's got enough people and he's not looking stay heeere#so we just end up swapping stories about the managers giving us tips to process the conveyer faster#even tho we uhhh work SO hard already. :)#and one woman went ''I was thinking. ummm. I could go faster. but you gonna pay me more??? so I worked slower ❤️''#nothing but respect for us grunts here tho vs the management. I've never known a single person in the 3 weeks I've been here#to not come and help someone who looks busy on the opposite conveyer when theirs is slow#turns out people are naturally nice and helpful when you don't take advantage and try and make them work harder#bosses will never learn this <3
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Lmao I need therapy
#the other day I went to visit Plumas's grave and found a wing of hers on the ground#which means she's been unburied snd possibly eaten by an animal#.#she can't rven rest in peace can she#I walked for 4 fucking hours with the wing cause if I left it on the groubd somebody would eat it#my dad had ro come with me to come bsck home#it was slready dark and we were at the mountain do it was hsrd to go back home until we areived to the city#I also had an hallucination on the way? it's weird I dwe a rock thay had been chiselled to look like a face snd walked to the front of it#bc I wanted to see it better#but turned around and saw that the rock didn't exist it wasn't there snymore ut was so fucking confusing#I don't know if I'm processing stuff late or what but it's hard to even think#things are weird#I want a hug lmao Cisne is with me he's sleeping but him being here is kinda like a hug#fuck this auttumn 👍🍁#vent
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Texas 💖
#i had the longest weekend on the planet#shitshow of a funeral with the most dysfunctional side of my family#and then my uncle never made it home and he's diabetic so we can't just wait for him to turn up again#i made a chain of logical leaps that felt right in the moment but are confusing even to me in hindsight#but with one phone call i found him in jail in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere and then drove two hours to bail him out#all this while I was badly sunburned on my period and covered in poison ivy blisters#did a kafkaesque little routine where every lobby we went into at the jail was empty and there was just a phone on the wall#and someone on the other end would say oh go into the next door down#and that would also be an empty dark room with a phone on the wall where they said to go one more door down#several times in a row#finally found an inhabited part of the building and talked to a sherriff while trying to hold all my arms and legs behind my back#to hide the horrible yellow crusty blisters all over my skin. look like an actual plague victim. feel worse.#keeping it together because i am Handling The Situation#my uncle was so happy to see us he cried#he'd been trying to call for help all day but the jail phone was showing up as Scam Call on everyone's cell#I was hailed by the family as Brilliant Detective: Finder and Rescuer#I went home and laid very still for many hours#anyway in between crises I got to spend a few hours at the beach and that was nice.
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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I'm ngl the longer it's been since I've played TOTK the less I like it I think
#do not get me wrong i think the game is fun to play and that was like 80% of where my concern lied#but godddd the story sucks so bad. i love the draconification bit with zelda but the rest. augh#why do we need Another ancient civilization literally appearing out of nowhere and infesting hyrule with its ruins#they got rid of all the sheikah stuff with literally no explanation to shove the zonai into the region#but why are we even focusing on the ancient civilizations again????#it would have made so much more sense to focus on hyrule in the present day. work with the npcs to make hyrule greater than it was#move on from the calamity and turn hyrule into a strong bustling country#the zonai were hinted at in botw but they feel so shoehorned in because they have nothing to do with anything in botw#i dont care about the secret stones we had champion abilities#i dont care about the sages the champion descendants had the champions to look up to#i dont care about rauru and sonia because sonia got fridged hard and rauru's character is flat. pleasant but flat#and i dont care at all about ganondorf because the most interesting thing he ever does is do the gmod face#its so frustrating watching the same 'woah secret stones! sages??' cutscene 4 times with Da New Sages and its so frustrating#watching the other characters speculate what happened to zelda and chase down her ghostly paper trail#when like. i can see her in the sky. she's over there guys#the memories were one of my favorite things in botw bc they all subtly stitched together the story of what happened#in totk they are incredibly plot dense and very linear and very confusing to watch out of order. which is easy to do#the one where sonia gets murked is like. the third memory i found#id at least be more interested in all the zonai stuff if link was the one to get teleported to the past while zelda has to try and save him#giving zelda agency. craziest thing they could have done#ok sorry this is a Lot of salt but just. raaaaagh#maybe my expectations were astronomical but outside of gameplay totk brings nothing good to the table imo#i'd significantly rather they made botw2 more gameplay focused where you can do something like make meaningful changes to the map#tarrey town style#than try to shove a whole different zelda game's plot into a carefully constructed preexisting world#i think the zonai story would be cool in its own game but not botw
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Kreerence <3 (gnaws on ceiling fan)
#The way Kreese is so possessive and obsesssive about Johnny is so good#The way Kreese would not hesitate to kill someone for him. He’s so fuckin obssessed he nearly killed JOHNNY#We never see him show a soft spot unless it’s with Johnny or women….and don’t even get me started on what that implies#He would literally throw Daniel off a cliff ZERO hesitation if Johnny wanted it. He would be elated actually#Daniel is nothing more than a pest to him. it’d be like squishing a bug in his eyes#but alas Johnny isn’t into killing people. He’s still so soft at heart even after all his training#and still seems to LIKE Daniel (a nice guy with a good soul and gentle hands) in some ways. which is so damn annoying to Kreese#And gosh Johnny’s love for him. So wild and confused. wanting his love back and to make him happy. Make him TELL him he’s happy#Kreese was at his absolute lowest after he lost Johnny for his own actions#for hurting whats precious to him. For losing everything important#That’s why he didn’t leave Johnny alone throughout the entirety of CK#Johnny really said ‘fuck off and learn to treat me right’#Kreese: WaH Baby no I care about you more than anyone come back—#can’t wait to see how this pathetic❤️ behaviour continues in the new season#But what would have happened if Johnny had stayed after the choking? came back the next day to Kreese who was like a bitey dog with its tai#between it’s legs. staring at the marks on Johnny’s neck with disgust. he likes leaving his marks on Johnny#Likes hurting people with no mercy—But god. not Johnny. At least Not this much. How can he possibly make it up?#He does end up making it up. Gets Johnny back by slowly allowing himself to love better#at least with Johnny. Now they cuddle on the couch together and buy each other holiday gifts#Gosh I could talk about them so much#john kreese#kreerence#tw possessive behavior#tw unhealthy relationship#Turned healthy
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actually i have discovered the only true and correct reading of md/zs: wgxn are the true Evil Men of mdzs. just look at how they’re dealing with lxc post-guanyin
#'how' = not at all.#it's almost unbelievable how little wwx cares about lxc now that the whole case is over#it's just a fun puzzle for him to solve which isn't necessarily a criticism of him as a character because boy howdy do i Know that he's not#some kinda bleeding heart. but he just... basically explains everything at the end like a triumphant detective in a classic mystery novel#and you have lxc. having JUST found out that jgy was Obviously provoked into violence and that the only reason he went to the temple#instead of making a beeline to the nearest port was to pick up his mother's remains. he's heartbroken and confused#and even the narration is almost cruel in its 'well if jgy's best friend doesn't know then how could the others know?' and then wwx goes#'welp! gotta call people and take care of this coffin mess i think!'#AND THEN wgxn just casually decide not to reveal the VITAL (for lxc) information about jgy to him. because it would make him look#sympathetic. just tell him if he asks lz! i'm soooo tired of this bullshit u_u#what is he supposed to ask about you soggy banana. 'hey didi is there something you didn't tell me about jgy?' like this? like this?#bastards BASTARDS i say. and then they go on to fuck in the bushes without hearing the boring and annoying gossip from the jianghu!#brother? ah forget him. wwx's butt won't fuck itself we've got a busy day ahead#hashtag wgxn hateposting i do what i want it's my blog#like. i understand Dignity and stuff and lwj probably couldn't and wasn't even the type to hug his brother in public and go 'there there'#but he doesn't. he doesn't do a thing. at all#the only thing he says to lxc is 'jgy's killing intent.' that's it. at least in cql he leads him out of the temple and#physically supports him. here? nothing. lxc is repeatedly described as 'not realizing what had happened' 'lost in thought' 'startled'#and even 'in normal circumstances zewu-jun would have immediately understood it'. he is Mentally Unwell. but that's his problem because#he liked the guy we decided was a villain. 😬#shut up shrimp#(i know the bushes of love didn't happen /immediately/ post-guanyin (imagine that though.) but they're fucking haunting me)
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