#i havent had a dream that wasnt a nightmare about my mom in like Ever and the one time i do has got to be. The Coziest Shit

[todayisafridaynight]

sorry if this is out of the blue guys but i think my brain just decided to convert me to being an adachi stan

[ohdeerlings]

mushi hime rant hahahhaahfdsjh

just posting my long-winded summary i typed immediately after finished reading to talk about how bad it was; it ended up a lot longer than i intended and now i feel like i should at least keep what i put effort into typing =___=

so it starts with this guy who's been getting recurring nightmares of a girl who shapeshifts into a monster with a huge mouth and teeth eating him

one day a transfer student comes in and looks exactly like her(already outplayed trope of having dreams for no reason of reality that doesnt ever get explained, and it happens lots of times throughout

)around the same time strange events start happening around town: ex, truck driver found by police with markings of a mass insect attack, dogs and pets all getting attacked by swarms of ants and filling up the vet hospitals

the narrative goes back and forth btwn:

- the guy's (Ryoichi's) POV in class where he's just not approaching her and wary of her bc of his dream; he's Not Like Other Boys who get all horny over her bc she's perfect (beautiful, smart, mysteriously quiet, physically adept)

- and btwn this stereotypically wacky/eccentric scientist who was consulted by the police with the first caseturns out the scientist has been tracking down a series of seemingly unrelated murders that follow a clear path ending at Ryoichi's town

throughout the story there's some not so subtle dialogues about the earth going through global warming and species dying

the scientist spiels to some insignificant characters about how humans arent long for this earth, etc etc and how insects are amazing because of their adaptational abilities

he seems to know the transfer student girl, Kikuchi and is trying to track her down

meanwhile kikuchi is character-developed as some clearly dangerous but morally compromised monster-human hybrid who Only Preys on Bad Guys or people around at the wrong time

she gets hit on by some lecherous perv who asks her to karaoke and she actually agrees

there she straddles him and starts kissing him and then these tentacle things come ouit of her throat and go into his mouth

he slumps over and she leaves

the scientist-investigator duo are closing in on her and find the security camera tapes, from that they get a picture and show it around town to try to locate her

meanwhile Ryoichi is still like wow she's Scary and I'm Not Like Other Boys

then he happens to see her just as the old man from the karaoke bar (who seems to have not been killed and is just stumbling around acting drugged) finds her and attacks her

a fucking needle spike comes out of her arm and she defends herself by stabbing him and puncturing his skull and killing him

he sees all that and shes like well guess you're my hostage now and takes him to his house

she's also attracted to him inexplicably, partially because He's Not Like Other Boys and shes like WHY ISNT HE SECRETING PHEROMONES FOR ME(she can smell that

)then there's a weird "erotic" scene where she forces him onto the bed and deep throats him with her mouth tentacles

then there's just a LOT of dialogue thrown at us at once with the scientist just explaining a shit ton to his investigation partner whose character clearly only exists for hte sake of exposition

turns out he had a colleague when he worked on a super secret gov funded experiment called biosphere 2 where they sealed off a forest and bombed it with radiation and pollution n shit

they found that it endured a lot at first and it was because of the bugs (?) that it did until the bugs disappeared and were nowhere to be found, then the forest just died

they looked around and found mutated bugs sleeping inside the earth

his colleague had a daughter back then with a terminal illness so out of desperation he injected the dna of the mutated insects into her, hoping their resilience would change her body to survive the illness

so she lived but she was clearly not human, farming off of her dad - she wasnt able to produce endorphins anymore so her tentacle things would secrete an enzyme to get hte host to produce lots of endorphins and she would take it, creating a dependency

bc she was the only of her species to exist she felt a need to procreate so she also kept trying to mate with her dad 

then we find out that her dad had an identical twin who was raised by foster parents - and thats Ryoichi's dad, making Ryoichi and Kikuchi technically cousins, and genetically half-siblings

so thats why she was Inexplicably drawn to that town, and to him

she was wandering through japan because at some point her dad tried to kill her for humanity's sake, but bc of a random flood their town was wiped out and he wasnt able to kill her and she disappeared/survived the flood thanks to her ability to mutate in environmental changes

meanwhile she's been keeping him hostage to feed off of his endorphins and creating a dependency in him for the enzymes she would give him

until his mom accidentally comes into his room and sees, then she runs away and dies falling down the stairs lol

then he's all like ytou're a monster!!!!! and she threatens to kill the girl-next-door character in his friend group who seemed to have a thing for him/vice versa

so he's like: ill do anything just spare her!!!! 

so she forces him to answer the door when his friends are like why havent u been going to class and tell them to fuck off/be a dick to them

while theyre walking outside after to go somewhere else the scientist sees the girl (Chiken) and is like hEY you look sad and depressed there's nothing possibly else that could make u feel like that except having your childhood crush abducted by a halfhuman-half locust succubus

he shows her the picture and she recognizes her and leads him back to the house

then he gets a rifle to try to shoot her and theres a whole fight scene where she uses her pheromones to call upon the insects to swarm

ryoichi is useless because he found his moms corpse lying in the bathtub getting consumed by maggots she asked to fully decompose the body

then the scientist gets a couple shots in and fends her off, meanwhile random police get in the way to stop what looks just like a home invasion and she disappears

they take ryoichi into the hospital bc all the endorphin harvesting and brain fuckery has him weak

then ryoichi's dad comes in and is like how do you recognize who i am!! to the scientist who explains

oh yeah that's the point at which we find out ryoichi and kikuchi are related

and then he's still having dreams where she vores him and he's both horrified and wants it

meanwhile entire city is getting swarmed by insects in a disaster scene with society breaking down etc etc

kikuchi tracks them down by following ryoichi's scent (?)

then they have one last battle where they try to use the dad as a distraction bc he looks identical to her dead father

and somehow the scientist just FINDS specific chemicals/enzymes to throw on her and weaken the part of her thats an insect

also earlier before she got there he  whips out the mutant insect dna out of nowhere? like the extremely valuable dna that he should have no business just finding/still carrying around

and is like

hey lets inject ourselves with this because humanity is getting wiped out and attacked by insects rn anyway, the only way to live i sto adapt

but no one does it (lmao pointless inclusion) 

then they defeat her in a big struggle with ryoichi getting farmed on by her again and instead of just taking it has a Miraculous realization past the drugs that oh no this person is killing everyone i love

and CHOMPS on her tentacle thigns while their mouths are connected

scientist injuects her with more random dna he has to compromise her mutant dna and the insect swarming stops bc of the internal biological shit happening and she's writhing oon the ground

then looks like she dies

they try to escape the basement theyve been in because its suddenly flooding (no reason lmfao)

on the way out they get stopped by a teacher that she pricked with her spike earlier on who's been missing from school and his "insect bite" changed his behavior/ultimately made him into a different part human part bug who tries to kill them

then kikuchi who -surprise- hadnt died!@!! shows up again but now she's blond and looks almost exactly like Ryoichi (who is blond) because the thing the scientist injected in her enabled her to adapt to the water and she's still a  mutatn but Less Evil Somehow and he's like i thOUGHT U DIED.... I ACTUALLY LOVE YOU.. 

then epilogue is the scientist goign through his life normally and the city is recovered from the insect swarm and he sees another random global warming thing in the news and is like

“its only a matter of time before humanity perishes, but now is not that time....we're good.............,,,,,,,for now...and i know somewhere underwater something of humanity's legacy will live on”

and it cuts to ryoichi and kikuchi hugging in a very Shape of Water way underwater with tentacle thigns cause they went to live in the ocean

then there s a bad window for a sequel showing the teacher guy - SURPRISE - not actuially dead and crunching on humans in a sewer somewhere

STILL A FUN READ

[matazz]

entries

diary entries of roy endoza

here’s some journal entries of roy endoza that i wrote for the duration of the campaign. for the most part, i kinda wrote these in my twitter drafts just to write down roy’s thoughts. sometimes to remember events that happened, and sometimes just to vent out roy’s feelings to myself. i ended up saving these on a document for safe keeping and i’m glad i wrote these.

‪entry 47‬

‪i miss milo so much. his laugh, his eyes, his smile. i would do anything to have that back.‬ ‪i know its my fault he’s gone. its only been a few months, but i’ll fix that; all of it. no matter how long it takes, no matter what happens. i’ll find some way to do it.‬ ‪entry 53‬ ‪i’ve retrieved a letter from a dream telling me to visit latham and retrieve a key. i’m curious, so i’ll check it eventually. it was definitely odd.‬ ‪entry 55‬ ‪i met a young boy. his name is fox. he’s some sort of shapeshifter. he’s quiet, but his presence is nice company. he also received a similar letter to mine. i have a feeling we’ll be travelling for a while.‬ ‪entry 62‬ ‪we retrieved the key & met some other ppl with letters too. we’re heading to a trinket store back in origin now. i dont wish for them to know of my life so i’ve found a way to steer them as far from possible to finding out about myself. i’ll probably visit ma too.‬ ‪entry 63‬ ‪an elf woman named leera attacked us after i told her i wasnt going to give her this key. i dont like her. she seemed very cocky.‬ ‪entry 65‬ ‪delilah is kind.. i feel like i’m able to trust her. i asked her a question about my goals, vaguely, and it turns out that ayce asked a similar question. based on the message in his later i get the feeling he’s undead.‬ ‪entry 66‬ ‪i told ayce the biggest con in all of history.. but i confirmed he’s undead. i have more hope in my goals now that i know its possible. he hugged me bc he thinks we’re similar. i dont usually allow people to do that but i’m sad for him. i wish i could ask more about him. ‬‪entry 69‬ ‪i’m getting closer to ayce, unexpectedly, but good for me. i need his information.‬ ‪he talks to me a lot about his life; i think he’s become dependent on me which is easy for me. its hard for him to see i’m using him when i lie to his face.‬ ‪entry 72‬ ‪we’re travelling to copper coast now for another key. if it werent for ayce, i wouldnt see any other reason for me to come. fox is still around, but i feel like he's doing his own thing. the other two arent big presences for me to care about.‬ ‪entry 73‬ ‪atlas is a werewolf? i didnt think those were real. this group keeps getting stranger. first a shapeshifter, second an actual living zombie, third a werewolf.‬ ‪ive continued my lie to the rest of them. they all seem to have believed me, strangely enough‬ ‪entry 74‬ ‪copper coast was very pleasant. i wish to come back someday.‬ ‪entry 88‬ ‪this trip to clandesteine has been a disaster.. what the honest fuck‬ just happened ‪entry 90‬ ‪fox told everybody about himself, finally. i feel this huge sense of pride?? i’m very proud of him. i dont understand why i feel so attached to him but i adore him so much‬ ‪entry 92‬ ‪((incoherent scribbles, kinda like “vsdjfsasifwnqkosdkv”)) i think i accidentally implied to ayce that i love him romantically and i think he loves me too... i’m freaking out and i dont know how to react... i think he thinks i’m cool and romantic but i didnt mean to be. ‪entry 93‬ in all honesty, i just wanted to tell him he needs to be more cautious of me. a part of me wishes he could figure it out himself so i dont have to tell him. ‪seriously! i dont know how i did that! i do love and adore him too but i feel like shit.. i dont deserve him, especially considering who i am. on the other hand, i hope he never finds out the truth about me.‬ ‪entry 94‬ ‪oh my god. atlas killed a man and ayce and fox proceeded to tell the guards. i feel sick. i’m currently at home but if they say my name at witness testimony i’m royally fucked. i dont know. i might just run for it and live in myr’s peak. maybe no one will find me.‬ ‪entry 95‬ ‪the group managed to get bailed out using ty’s name. benefits of being friends with rich people?‬ ‪fox found my poster though, so he saved my name during eyewitness testimony. i told him the truth. its been the first time i told someone how i really felt. he wants me to tell ayce but hes the last person i can tell. ‪entry 97‬ ‪we’re in lunarden! it feels nostalgic to be back.

i want to go back to every place i miss. i took ayce to that me and nori used to go to back in high school. i think shes currently performing in solardome? i miss her‬ entry 97.2 ‪i came up with a few different ways to complete my goal. i have a few more probing questions, but i will have to ask later. i think i’m getting closer to the answers‬ entry ‪97.3‬ ((scribbled out)) ‪i havent had sex in a while. i’ve wondered this before but realized it was an inappropriate question to ask. i wonder if ayce’s dick works? it probably doesnt. this is so sad. i dont know how i’m going to fuck him if thats true.. yikes‬ ‪entry 98‬ ‪i’m planning to get completely smashed once we get to solardome. i feel like i deserve it.. ive been pretty stressed and havent got laid. i’m crying remembering that ayce might not even be an option.‬ ‪entry 98.2 ((lost)) ‪i love ayce so much, and its confusing. am i just sexually frustrated? am i just lonely? am i just sad? i feel guilty because it tears me apart. im confused because i love milo still, too. i know i should tell him the truth, its whats right but i know he’ll hate me. i dont know what to do. (extra note inbetween the pages, torn out: to mom. i love you venhfrhdy mcuh. thank you fir everhything. yes. roy.) entry 98.3 what happens if i succeed? i hope ayce doesnt kill me. entry 100 ‪good morning. ayce & i are officially dating. were in solardome atm; i dont remember much of last night but i remember thinking he‘s beautiful. is it wrong to fall for him?‬ ‪entry 101‬ ‪good evening. i saw ms winters. she was undead, just like ayce. she died a year ago. her soul was lost though. i killed what remained of her undead corpse. i assume she was trying to remain in this world.. i’m scared that this will happen to him too. maybe ill have to do the same to him. entry 101.2 i hope ayce's soul is able to sustain in his body for longer. i cant afford to lose him. entry 101.3 ‪the blackness on my fingers has risen up more than it has before. its almost hard to write with my hands anymore. i assume its bc the gods know what i'm doing & are against it, so they're trying to give me more recoil than usual. but the last time i killed an undead corpse was in my house 6 months ago, and i promise that the last time i will use it is when i bring milo back. (torn note inbetween the pages: hi ayce. its unrealistic you'll ever find this but there's some things i want to say. back when we first met, i lied to you as a reflex when you asked me why i'm dealing with necromancy. to be honest, i could kind of gather you were undead, but i still lied anyway. my story is personal, its hard for me to be honest. i know i'm an idiot, and i'm sorry i used you. to be truthful, i still am a horrible person and for the entirety of our relationship i've already known that i was using you and i've felt so guilty about that. my feelings are complicated, but i've never lied when i said i loved you, and i still do; but i still want to bring milo back. i made a mistake and i want to fix that. the truth is that i still love him too. i know you deserve better. i'm sorry about lying to you. roy) entry 102 a dragon made us experience our dreams and nightmares. jade's scared of blindness and bugs. a valid fear, in a way. and she was dreaming of doing shows. i think it was supposed to display a feeling of happiness and joy, but it was just spooky since we all experienced her dreams with no sound. i never realized how scary it was to be deaf until i experienced it. atlas' was morbid. people were dying and there was so much gore. then there were people saying they owned him. i knew he was a bad person but it was scary to see all of that again. he dreamt of a workshop with a girl and a young boy. it seemed sweet, with a tinge of nostalgia. i would have never expected him to have dreams. he just seems like a horrible person with no sympathy to me, but i guess he has feelings. i still think he should go to jail, but i feel like he'll just try to kill me if i say anything instead. fox's was sad. we got thrown into a void

of empty space where we were surrounded only by dopplegangers and a vaguely humanoid figure. he seemed so lonely and upset. he's scared of being forgotten by us and that made me so sad. i adore him, and he's grown a lot since we first met. i gave him a hug when we went into his dream sequence. i hope he knows i will never forget him. his dream was sweet. he just wants to save people and hang out with us still. i think he'll go far, and i would love to be there for him still when all of this is over.c (the rest of the pages with entry 102 are torn out) when i saw milo in the old house again just being his happy lovely self i felt miserable and happy at the same time. i love him so much, and i knew i missed him already but seeing him again just made me feel so much love for him all over again. it just makes me miss him more. it's hard not to cry thinking about what i've done to him. i wish he could come back. ayce's was hard to watch. i witnessed myrkul force ayce to choose between killing me and quri. ayce cried as he couldn't make up his mind, and then i watched as i fell into a void. i felt sick and i wanted to puke. i thought ayce found out about me. i thought he knew that i was using him for necromancy, but when i asked him about it, he told me that he thought i killed him with quri. i... personally don't have any reason to ever kill him so that was a bit sickening to think of. i dont ever want to kill anyone. i dont even have anyone i hate enough to want to murder. the only person i hate enough to want to kill is me. i know based on what i said before i guess it might have seemed that bad; but haha... i would never ever want to do that. putting people down at hospital was rough. god, putting ms winters down was rough and she was already dead. i love him, but it's probably better if we end the relationship and just stay as friends? he's already witnessed me still loving milo, and he thinks i murdered him... i'll try to clear up his misunderstanding, but it'll be hard to without giving more of myself away. this relationship has so many problems. entry 103 a new discovery. the world isn't flat? the god's are using their powers to “lock off” the rest of the world. apparently sanctuary is only a small part of the world. that was a really weird discovery to find out? it's kind of hard to believe, but at the same time, not. apparently they keys we've been collecting hold the respective power of the gods, and they're used to “open” the gateway. i have no idea what that means. apparently beshaba wants to use our keys to do exactly that. and also they can kill the god's? entry 112 when we came back to lunarden we discovered that delilah and allen were kidnapped by atlas’ syndicate. i knew atlas was trouble. i hate having to associate with him. we’re going to save them yet it makes me nervous. entry 114 i feel like i almost died in there. we saved the others and no one was hurt though. we’re going to trip back to lunarden and then travel through the travel gates back to origin to try avoid people. allen mentioned something about strange readings. i have a feeling i know what it is. i’m going to ask lathandar questions. entry 115 nvm we encountered leera. this group genuinely scares me. I’m travelling with people who are down with murder. i should seperate. she uncovered my posters to them and i want to die. she also mentioned the last key at a ball. i need to bounce. lathandar also confirmed my suspicions last night. entry 116 fox left before i could. i feel bad. like maybe it was my fault. i miss him. we have to continue though. entry 117 its so hard to find a bag of holding. i just want to have this spirit stone around without having it in the open. entry 118 we’re in origin now and delilah let me rent out her bag of holding. an absolute kind soul. we bought tickets to the ball. so expensive. i wish i didnt do that. entry 123 i’ve done so much in preperation of whats to come. Soon. i hope it works. i’m going to travel to solardome and investigate those readings. entry 124 suspicions

confirmed. miss winters is alive. she captured my biological father. a strange way to meet him. i cant see him as my father. i told her about the key, and we’re going to rearrange our circle. we’ll still use the spirit stones, just as a backup. i’m scared. i’m terrified. i dont know if it will work and i dont know what will happen if it does. i know the gods will be mad but i’ll deal with the consequences when it happens. i’m sure i won’t be a champion anymore. we’re doing this on friday evening, which means i’m no longer attending the gala. they don’t need my assistance anyway.

[aviinue]

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

I was tagged by @meizhun thank you sm!!

LAST: 1. Drink: lemon water 2. Phone call: hmm a waitr delivery man.. 3. Text message: on of my friends, B ! 4. Song you listen to: duck or ape by roar 5. Time you cried: tuesday i think ?

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: no  7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yes 8. Been cheated on: yes 9. Lost someone special: yes.. 10. Been depressed: all the time my guy 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. wine red 13. magenta 14. pale green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: yes !! so many im so happy 16. Fallen out of love: hmm i dont think so 17. Laughed until you cried: mayb! i dont remember 18. Found out someone was talking about you: hmm yes positively 20. Found out who your friends are: absolutely

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: dont? have this..

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: dont use fb aha 23. Do you have any pets: no but i volunteer at a cat shelter on my weekends sometimes 24. Do you want to change your name: i’m not really sure, my birth name doesnt feel like me though, id probably just go by my last name or my nickname, avii 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: hoo, this one was rough, i wasnt feeling great so i kind of just went to a friends house and watched her play zelda. she got me a cake and her sister baked for us it was all super sweet 26. What time do you wake up: between 8am - 10:30am because i have work at noon 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: fast a fucking sleep vbhfbv 28. Name something you can’t wait for: the day when i can move out ? college i spose? 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: today 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: hmm i wish i could ? be happy and not be such a burden to others 31. What are you listening to right now: nothing actually ghgh 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: probably but it wasnt memorable enough to remember 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: stress and work drama? also my family  34. Most visited website: youtube and tumblr probably 35. Mole/s: i have one on my tum ! 36. Mark/s: hmm i have a couple of scars from misc stuff, and stretch marks 37. Childhood dream: find reciprocated love and create worlds  38. Hair color: currently, its red fading to white blonde 39. Long or short hair: short definitely, long hair is nightmare 40. Do you have a crush on someone: hmm if i do its not a very big one, which im very glad for 41. What do you like about yourself: I like my ability to art? as much as i critique it i can still do some amazing things with it, and im baffled how i got this far tbh.. 42. Piercings: i have my ears double pierced !

43. Blood type: hmm red.. i rlly dont know 44. Nicknames? avii! aviinue, nastasi, nasty, nasti 45. Relationship status: single pringle ! 46. Zodiac: pisces 47. Pronouns: any but mainly they/them ! 48. Favorite TV Show: hmm i dont watch a lot of shows rlly, im watching bnha right now though its so sweet 50. Right or left hand: right, my left hand is useless 51. Surgery: kind of ! yes 52. Hair dyed in different color: yes 53. Sport: noo im a weak and wheezy man 55. Vacation: hmm i went to the beach with some friends, road trip 56. Pair of trainers: ??

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: my coworker gave me a marble cake swirl !! it was very good.. 58. Drinking: lemon water (i have a small obsession with it..) 59. I’m about to: try to get some stuff ready to be shipped back, specifically clothes.. and finish my college registration 62. Want: I want to find love and the motivation to do the things i love 63. Get married: i would love to, or mayb just settle down with a rlly good friend i have a strong bond with? we could live together 64. Career: I really want to be an animator and storyteller 65. Hugs or kisses: cheek kisses are so good, i havent had one but bvhfbv i can imagine 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: hmm i like taller people 68. Older or younger: hm someone in my age group or one year below or above 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice squishy tums ! 71. Sensitive or loud: sensitive.. 72. Hook up or relationship: bvfhbv relationship, im took damn emotionally dependent for that shit 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: hmm no 75. Drank hard liquor: yes 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: no 77. Turned someone down: yes 78. Sex on the first date: absolutely not 79. Broken someone’s heart: no 80. Had your heart broken: yes, recently 81. Been arrested: no 82. Cried when someone died: no 83. Fallen for a friend: kind of? i still dont really know what happened there, it was gross and confusing

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84: Yourself: sometimes 85. Miracles: id like to believe in that 86. Love at first sight: no 87. Santa Claus: nope 88. Kiss on the first date: hmm no

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: i dont really know if i have one right now? but i have a best bud i feel really comfortable around and enjoy talking to a lot, their name is michi ! 91. Eye color: hazel 92. Favorite movie: I really really like chicago and also anastasia

hmm i’m cant tag twenty people probably but ill tag as much as i can!! remember you dont have to do it, and if you want to do it and i didnt tag you go ahead!

@zuzchi @garbage-png @etleki @mxlu @mintyweathers @aspacebean @ghostpal @rosebxsh @mayolo @mistenus @yueu @squigglegigs @tsuchakkos @themyscrian

[matthew-eleventhirty]

so i havent written in a while, maybe thats because what i found out was my worst nightmare. two years, almost two years. i was happy, you were happy i think. but when things started to go crazy you werent happy anymore. i wanna vomit thinking about what our lives used to be, what they used to feel like they were heading towards. but a month out of that, youre with a new girl. im so conflicted- to feel sad or to tell you to fuck off. this is one of the hardest things i had to do and everyone is treating me like im some fragile doll. i hate it, but i also just want someone to wake me up and tell me this was all a dream. yea you were really shitty during some times and i let a loooot slide, but it was all because i loved you. im sorry my friends wrang you out to dry, i didnt tell them to but i was really really appreciative that they did. the second they saw shit was going everywhere. it only makes sense for you to have been cheating on me. i mean, less than three weeks to find a girl, ask her to date you, go to the tree, then post it? you dont post pics with tinder dates...? so who is she? why didnt you tell me? why couldnt you just have been honest. that you wanted something different, that another girl caught your eye. its better to rip the bandaid off with me. but no i sat around freaking out trying my absolute hardest to give you what you wanted. i was nothing but amazing to you, patient with you, caring for you, trying to help you, trying to help you to help us. maybe youll never realize that and think im too pushy. but the words you used, the way you kissed me after. i it doesnt make sense. it doesnt add up. how could you do that to someone you loved, let alone a person. but you know what, everyones right you are a loser and a coward. but lets touch on another point. the means for breaking us up were: 1. no one knows me at school, i want to be more known 2. i just have so much to figure out, i need to be alone to do this 3. if you really love something let it go, if it loves you back itll come back. now mr. i think im going to law school please lets go over this. you 1. have a new girl who lives two towns over and from the looks of it doesnt go to st johns so thats gonna be even more difficult to get your name out there huh 2. YOU HAVE A NEW GIRL SO I GUESS THERE WASNT THAT MUCH TO FIGURE OUT and lastly my favorite 3. that is the cruelest thing you can do to someone- to give them hope when you know there is no reason to. your moms was right, youre not worth crying over. but hey guess all of them are going to be compared to me haha i love it. you played me bill there i said it you fucking played me but dont think for one moment that girl will stop you from freaking out or getting too aggressive dont think that she will have the patience for you when you cant come over or that plans are canceled or that your schedule is so busy dont think that she will care for you the same way i did by trying to help you unload some of that baggage. dont think youll ever have the same relationship with anyone after me. im special, im the whole fucking package and i come with a fucking bow. you missed out, but maybe giving you a chance to miss out was the worst thing i couldve done. you made me feel bad when you had to work extra shift to pay for some wimpy ass birthday gift. they were never wrapped and never as special as i wanted to feel. the only good gift was the ring. but i guess even thats a joke now. you really did a 180. i dont know who this guy is, hes not the person i dated. you were sweeter when you were broke. you were nicer without that fucking car. you were a better boyfriend when you didnt try looking like any other washed up teen spending their parents money to buy the next nicest thing so they post a pic to twitter just to get like 10 likes. you were a much better person and i dont think it was the depression, i think its because youre not able to be your own person. you need to follow trends (and yes by being the first in line to get some weird blue floral print shorts is you following a trend) you needed to have the nicest car but that car isnt even paid for by you. that insurance on those things are so high. your poor parents. i cant believe you really need the nastiest human being on the world just to look like a dumb ass faker. you ugly fuck. i hope she realizes what a fucking prick you are. i cant believe you changed. you were a sweet boy but i was right on the 4th and i was still right in newport and i was right when i told you after we broke up. everything needs to be your way or no way. you needed to play a stupid game with too many rules to show my family you drink we dont care i wanted to spend time with my friend. you really couldnt have let me walk through the stores because you wanted to buy an ugly ass sweatshirt. youre mom called you out on it. you couldnt talk to me when i desperately needed to when i felt like nothing but a shell and would cry myself to sleep and throw up because i cant keep anything down not even coffee. but dont worry because i came out stronger and i will continue to be better because one thing i hope you picked up about me is that i need to be the best, the very top, the prime example for fun and brains. i need to be that. so i will be that, and you will be so far behind it would take you decades to get to where i wouldve been in two years. i hope you realize you are a fucking idiot. and i hope one day i can learn a thing or two from you imbeciles. because im gonna have the best time ever and enjoy being single and enjoy my achievements while you bury yourself in debt. hope you marry rich because at the pace youre going, you wont have a great paying job until your 50s. and the debt youll have no thankyou. i understand college is a rollercoaster and its frustrating to try to find your path but dude, a lawyer... during the third year of your four year scholarship? idiot, might as well just buy a bunch of shit on your credit card and hope it goes away. my next thing to look for is stability, if the people who i am talking to mention a job and aspirations and a plan as to how to work things out and talks about how he knows what he enjoys and has a good relationship with his parents and knows what he needs to do and when to do it. i need a man. i need someone who can and will pick me up just to swing me around his shoulder. i need a man. i need someone who will make me stronger and wiser. i need someone who will want to see me grow and not expect for me to help them get through non- challenging things like organization. you having depression is different. thats when you could expect me to help you. but dear lord, give me the strength to get through this and lord please give me the knowledge to recognize these things fast and to confront them and to know to stand down. lord give me the patience to succeed and to help me heal properly, lord give me the guidance to come out better than ever. life is tricky and its only just begun. i might hold on to this. 

[jimdsmith34]

What Your Wedding Dress Style Says About How Much Of A Bridezilla You Are

Mazel Tov! Youre getting married. Or you’re balls deep in a breakup and fantasizing hard about a day when a man comes into your life who doesn’t turn out to be a total fuckboy as soon as you hook up. Either way, you’re obsessed with weddings right now. Despite being a completely outdated societal norm that reinforces the idea that women are nada unless they have a man who loves them, its something we all dream about our entire lives. Hey, no one ever accused me of being a romantic, but even Im all fired up about putting on a big cotton ball of a dress just to have some poor dude proclaim that hes officially whipped in the name of the Lord and the government. I blame tbh. Like, fuck you Randy for making me all basic and shit. How dare you? I’m supposed to be a card carrying feminist out here in my pussy hat and yet the minute somebody mentions floral arrangements, I’m suddenly full of opinions. It’s the eternal paradox. Anyway, to help you judge the shit out of almost-married besties this wedding season or make sure you dont commit bridal fashion suicide if youre youre the one saying I do, heres what your wedding dress style says about you.

Ball Gown

If you dream of having a dress so big you can hardly walk down the aisle, you def want a ball gown, meaning youre a basic AF bride. You probably say shit about wanting to feel like a princess on your big day and all your bridesmaids def commence talking shit about you as soon as you leave the room. Just trust me. They are. Youre the type thats dreamed/talked/pinned about this day for-fucking-ever and youre super optimistic about getting married, even though deep down you know a lack of interesting sex with a man who is developing a beer belly is in your future. Youll start a mommy blog once you have kids and make everything look like its perfect, but youll have a secret stash of vodka and maybe a little weed in your nightstand for the one day a year when you’re actually allowed to enjoy life. 

Mermaid/Trumpet/Fit And Flare

First things first, whats the fucking difference? And even if there is a slight difference, is three different names for something thats virtually the same really necessary? Im gonna say no. But I digress. If this is the kind of dress you go for, youre confident and hot but you understand that your 90-year-old Meemaw doesnt want to see you looking like a hoe on your wedding day. Ever since you got engaged, you havent eaten carbs (except for that one drunken pizza binge at your bachelorette) and youve been hitting up SoulCycle every morning. Youre super successful at work thanks in large part to your type A personality. Because of this, youre obsessing over every detail of your wedding and have had at least four nervous breakdowns planning this shit. Youre excited for it to be over with so you can finally relax, but lets be honest, youll find something else to obsess over in a matter of days. Probably like, a baby or some shit. 

Something See-Through

If this style is for you, youre the trashy bride. I mean, at least youre bold, right? Youre marrying someone whos rich AF because theres no way youd settle for one dick the rest of your life if there wasnt some benefit in it for you. You were the lush of your sorority in college and while you were excited to get married at first, the whole till death do us part thing has you wigging the fuck out the closer you get to your wedding. In a few years, youll get a role on because you need to do something for you and after two seasons you and your husband will call it quits. Youll say its because the pressure of living your life on reality TV magnified your problems, but its really because you were bored out of your fucking mind. In a year or so, you’ll try releasing a pop single and it’ll be embarrassing for literally everyone.

Tea Length

Hold on. I need to wait for this massive eye roll to end before I can put together my thoughts. Okay cool. Im finished. A tea-length wedding dress is reserved specifically for hipster brides and people who are roughly a thousand times less cute than they think they are. At your wedding, everything will be DIY because you couldnt find anything that truly embodied your essence and you will literally tell everyone in earshot about it. For favors, you and your fianc brewed your own beer thats fucking disgusting if I had to guess and made custom labels that say Let Love Brew. Vomit. IRL, you pride yourself on not having the type of job the status quoor as you like to call it, “The Man”expects you to have. So like, you harvest bees and sell honey on the side of the road or some shit. Idk. Long story short: Youre the worst. Welcome to your tape.

Multiple Dresses

Isnt one $10,000 dress for one evening of your life enough? If your answer to this question is no, youre extra af. You care way too much about what everyone thinks and youre going to be so tied up in everyones opinion of you and your wedding, youre going to be fucking miserable the day of. In general, you try way harder than you need to at pretty much everything you do. Out of your 12 bridesmaids, only 4 or 5 would consider you a close enough friend to have them in their wedding, and all of them are pissed about how much money they had to spend making your destination bachelorette happen. Ouch. In a few years, youll pop out a kid or two and quit your job to be a full-time mom so you can take up tennis at your local country club and become the president of PTA.

Your Moms Dress

If you insist on wearing your moms old haggard wedding dress from the 80s, youre a typical nicegirl. Everything you do in life revolves around whats best for others rather than looking out for #1 and because of this youve been walked on by everyone you know. Tragic. You think wearing your moms dress will be a sweet gesture and will make her v happy, but did you even think about yourself? I mean, its your fucking day and youre gonna wear some tacky shit from the 80s? Id feel bad for you except youre also the type that would only have beer and wine at your reception, fuck maybe even no alcohol at all, and I dont feel bad for people who pull that kind of shit on their friends.

A-Line

Brides who choose A-line dresses are sophisticated, classic betches, not just on their wedding day but in general. Unlike most brides, youve been chill throughout the entire wedding process and not a total nightmare so youll still have friends other than your spouse once this whole thing is over. Youre like really really pretty and dont need a super tight dress to be the hottest girl in the room. Youre the type that wont change after you get married. Youll still hang out with all your friends and not be lame AF and for sure wont keep your wedding portraits as your prof pic for too long. When you have a kid, you’ll name it something normal and have the appropriate amount of involvement in its day to day life. Congratulations. You win. 

source http://allofbeer.com/what-your-wedding-dress-style-says-about-how-much-of-a-bridezilla-you-are/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/01/what-your-wedding-dress-style-says.html