#having anxiety and adhd and autism is like:
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Leonardo and Autism
I am fascinated by the amount of autistic that 2012 Leo is, because unlike Donnie’s convenient tech savant situation, Leo’s autistic traits are solidly plot neutral to negative? He’s obsessed with rewatching one specific TV show (a cartoon with a repetitive and predictable plot), uses his favorite character to script his Leader Speeches to try to get his team to listen. He generally tries to plan every mission in detail and gets very frustrated when his brothers don’t go along with it/when plans have to be changed (at first- he gets more flexible over time). Leo also has an incredibly black and white understanding of morality and tends to take Splinter's teaching's as fact rather than advice, which can make him fairly gullible and easy to manipulate (the Karai situation), and he probably has the least social intelligence of his brothers.
It's interesting that the traits that make Leonardo such a paragon across most iterations have such autistic vibes. 2003 Leo is obsessed with honor but has a ridiculously hard time recognizing his own emotions (you kumquat!), and MM Leo's heroic personality can't be blamed on Splinter without that good Hamato ninja juice, so like, he's just like that. It sorta reminds me of anecdotes about undiagnosed autistic/adhd people thriving in the military-- "Ninja training" and all the rules that come with it probably works like crack on that neurodivergent turtle brain. Kinda makes me wonder about Rise Leonardo and his comparatively very lax upbringing-- obvi the guy would still be a lot more social and silly compared to most Leos, I think he's more ADHD than autistic, but how different would he be if he were trained in the structure of 2003 or 2012 Splinter?
Anyway, give me a Leo who trains everyday not just to get stronger, but because of how badly he needs that routine. How does he react when it's broken? How does he cope with being away from home during the farmhouse arc? Maybe a Leo with sensitive hearing that makes him great at noticing when they're being followed, but overwhelms him when he's too close to street level traffic? A Leo that tries to suppress his stims because that's not very cool stoic ninja of him? How would his brothers react to a Leo who's calm and focused in the midst of battle finally shutting or melting down over something seemingly small?
Also, 2012 Leo is very cute when he gets excited about his space show and it makes me want to squish his dumb turtle face. Give Leos More Hobbies (looking at you Mutant Mayhem, I'm glad he draws his silly lil comics in Tales but I'm concerned all his interests are gonna revolve around April or Ninja Responsibilities. My boy already has anxiety this shit is too much pressure for him.)
#tmnt#tmnt fandom#teenage mutant ninja turtles#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2003#tales of the tmnt#tmnt mutant mayhem#tmnt leonardo#autism#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt
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have to check out of this appartement at 10:00 am. it is now 9:25 and im trying to decide whether I should go for a run around the (completely unfamiliar) block bc i brought my running shoes but havent used them yet and it’s the only item left unchecked on my ‘list’ for this trip and that doesnt Work for me
#what will she do?#come back for the devestating results#having anxiety and adhd and autism is like:#i still need to check this off my list that was the plan it cannot NOT happen#(but i cant go outside)#(but there are still six other things you left for the last minute that you need to do before 10)
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sighh late night extra bc i got pissed off and what i feel she feels
#futaba sakura#persona 5#futabadoodles#i hateee neurotypical people#ive calmed down since then but i got screened for adhd and she dismissed me a lot for not being stereotypical enough#and the POSSIBILITY that it was anxiety even tho i said like ten times it wasnt. pissed me tf off i swear#and i wouldnt have been given any information on how to get a proper diagnosis if i hadnt been like uhh ????#and i thought this was like a starting point to being refferred to someone else to go thru the process but i guess not??#like i have been screened before girl ik 😭 like i definitely have adhd and genuinely i think the only way im getting like#denied. would be w this stupid ass bs about not being stereotypical or struggling enough. anyways uh#i will be getting a proper diagnosis chat🫡#hopefully this time theyll actually look for both autism and adhd bc all the good ones do that 🙂↕️🙂↕️#and i suspect i could be autistic but im FAR less sure on that one than i am adhd thats up to them to say ya know#rant over bye bye
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I never knew this blog existed until now
So hello everyone! :D 👋
- ALT - FRESH: Wassup!
- IDK - I'd like to mention when there's no background/blank background they're not in an AU, but whenever there is a background they're in an AU
MAIN: @inkyu
Back | Start | Next
#Non Ask#Should I tag random background sanses?#IDK I feel like I should cause I found this cool looking sans called Cupid!Sans#Cupid's not an MC of ATDV btw I should mention that#In fact there are gonna be a lot of AU cameos in BG's#Well besides the Neurodivergent Time Trio (yes I call them that)#they have like 1 scene that affects Dream in the story and I have that planned out in my HEAD!!! (also the NTT is Anxiety#ADHD#& Autism)#anywhos TIME FOR TAGS!!!#cupid#cupid sans#fresh#fresh sans#swap#swap sans#ink#ink sans#error#error sans#dream#dream sans#oh man I hope I didn't miss any details#utau#undertale#undertale au#fanart#ask the druggieverse#atdv#druggieverse
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They are here
#tbh#btw#idk#autism creature#adhd creature#anxiety creature#trans artist#(also I gave BTW a sweater cuz I wanted to)#(and i headcanon them to have like... creeper body. 4 tiny legs with long torso)#meme
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#sensory overload#polls#adhd#sensory processing disorder#ptsd#autism#anxiety#schizophrenia#just listing disorders I know have a sensory component don’t mind me#I‘ve technically experienced a bit of all of these sensations; but I’d say I get that weird base of the skull pressure more than anything#One of the reasons I stopped ADHD meds is because it gave me that feeling almost constantly#and if I drink coffee too quickly it does it to me#So basically I need to stay away from stimulants unless it’s like once or twice a month#which sucks because I really do like coffee
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writing a fic abt rick having an ed bcs why would i recover when i can just project all my issues onto fictional old men in cartoons and pretend everythings better now ‼️
tw eating disorder, minor self harm and vomit near the end
Morty stopped in the open doorway of the garage, watching Rick who was sat scribbling down some kind of invention idea, or equation, or whatever it was he did when Morty wasn't around, for all Morty knew he might well be writing fanfiction.
An involuntary smile pulled at his lips at the idea of his almost 70 year old genius grandfather spending his free time writing silly little stories at his work bench. What would he even write? Ball Fondlers fanfic? Maybe he wrote about his stoic bird friend, Rick had always been touchy with him and Rick wasn't touchy with anyone.
When Morty focused back on Rick he wasn't writing anymore, the slightly crumpled piece of paper shoved to the side as he fiddled with what looked like a small metal box with a bunch of brightly coloured wires poking out of the sides. A small spark shot out of one of the wires Rick was holding and he cursed loudly, shaking his hand.
"Fuck, Morty, are you just gonna– gonna stand there, or are you gonna pass me the fucking, uh– the thing."
Rick waved his hand in the general direction of the shelf nearest to Morty, but there were so many assorted trinkets on the shelves, Morty had no idea if Rick wanted a wrench, or a hammer, or one of his laser guns, maybe the box was like a new battery for them?
"W-what thing, Rick?"
"The thing, Morty! The fucking– the uh, destornillador."
"What? Rick, I don't know what that means. W-w-what is that?"
"Jeez, Morty, what are they teaching you at that crap school you love so much?" Rick scowled, tossing the box to the side and getting up to grab the screwdriver himself.
"I havent been to school in like a month, Rick!" Morty exclaimed. "And even then I only got to stay for like an hour before you were dragging me out again!"
"Whatever." Rick said with a burp, "School's dumb, Morty. I'll teach you Spanish myself. B-but, uh, not now."
He turned back to his box, done with the conversation, but Morty stayed hovering in the room, remembering what he had come for in the first place.
"Okay, um, w-w-well lunch is ready."
"I'm busy."
Morty sighed, having expected that answer already. "When's the last time you ate, Rick? Or slept? Or... showered?" Morty said, wrinkling his nose a little.
Rick ignored him, pulling at a blue wire.
"Rick!" Morty frowned.
"What, Morty? J-jesus christ, what the fuck do you want?"
"I want you to have lunch with the family."
"And I said no, so screw off."
"Rick, come on, it would make mom so happy."
Rick glared at him, not bothering with an answer.
"...Wouldn't y-you do it for your original Beth if you could?" Morty tried.
Rick slammed the box on the table, causing the thin metallic shell to crack, sparks flying from it, the sudden noise making Morty jump.
"The fuck did you just say?" Rick snarled.
"S-s-sorry!" Morty squeaked. "I didn't m-mean– mean it in a bad way!"
"Get the fuck out." Rick said icily, eyes blazing.
Morty stumbled out of the room, shutting the door behind him to the sound of something crashing. Probably Rick throwing the damaged box across the room.
Morty winced. In his defense he was worried about Rick, and sometimes, depending on his mood, something like that would've gotten Rick to cave, clearly he wasn't feeling so sentimental today, more annoyed and angry.
"What was that about?"
Morty startled a little and turned to see Summer looking at her phone behind him.
"Just, y'know, Rick being... Rick."
"Mhm, pro tip, don't bring up his dead daughter to try and blackmail him into something he hates." Summer drawled. "You can only do that if he's already half convinced, or if he's feeling especially depressed sometimes.
"Summer! That's– that's messed up!"
She quirked an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah, so only you can manipulate grandpa Rick?" Summer scoffed. "God forbid women do anything." She said sarcastically and turned to walk away.
"Wait!" Morty fidgeted with his hands. "Can you... help me? To get him to have lunch w-with us? Please?"
"Yes, but not now. He's already upset so if we double down on trying to get him to eat he's only gonna clam up."
Morty nodded. "I know that– but how do you? You don't spend as much time with Rick as I do."
"Because he's like mom. Who do you think got her to stop drinking before parent-teacher conferences at school?"
"Wow. That's pretty fucked up that you had to do that, though, y'know, Summer."
"Yeah, well, we're the Smiths, Morty. Is anyone in this house not disordered?"
Morty winced at the blunt statement, Rick really was rubbing off on her. But it was kind of true.
"Guess it runs in the family." He muttered
"Guess it does."
---
Morty hadn't been planning on seeing Rick again until the next day. He knew that when Rick got upset he needed his space. Morty didn't quite get it because when he was upset all he wanted was for someone to hug him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but Rick wasn't like him he supposed.
If he was being honest it made him nervous to leave Rick alone in those bad headspaces he got into. Rick was volatile and unpredictable and a borderline danger to himself and often others. He'd walked in on a couple... compromising situations where Rick had had to explain away why he was passed out in his chair or why there was blood on his hands and his lab coat despite being the only person in the room.
Morty pretended to believe him when he said he had been doing a messy dissection experiment or that "This isn't blood, this is Balorkian dust I mixed with red Squanchenite fluid from Planet Squanch, Morty." But truthfully those moments haunted him.
However, he didn't want to invade Rick's space, so he let him be and tried to eat and sleep until Rick emerged like nothing had happened, even though Morty knew what habits of his went on behind those closed doors.
Of course Morty's patience had it's limits, like when two hours after he had left Rick in the garage, angry, there was the sound of something smashing, closely followed by an unmistakable sound that Morty had grown too familiar with since Rick had moved in. The sound of a body thudding to the ground.
He was up from the sofa in a flash, at the garage door before Summer could even put down her phone, flinging it open.
He felt like he couldn't breathe, but the only sight that greeted him was a smashed bottle and rick lying on the floor next to it, not looking any more dead than usual, looking up at Morty blearily, cracking a smile.
"Oh, hi Morty. H-hey buddy." He slurred, clearly drunk out of his mind.
"Jesus fucking christ, Rick." Morty said weakly.
"What happened?" Summer breathed, now standing at his side.
"He's just drunk." Morty muttered, wrinkling his nose at the overpowering smell that he hadn't registered before between his state of panic and shallow breathing.
Summer ventured into the garage, picking up an empty bottle and sniffing it. "God, grandpa Rick, what the hell are you drinking in here, fucking rubbing alcohol?"
"Sum-Sum! 'M just having some– some fun drinks. Fun drinks just a lil' bit. Besides I only ever drank rub-rubbin' alcohol once, n' it was– tasted like shit."
"What? I was being sarcastic, why would you drink that?"
"Because I was sad... was sad 'nd lonely after B-b-blood Ridge, couldn't find anythin' else. But 'm not s-sad now."
"What's Blood Ridge?" Summer frowned, "Actually it doesn't matter right now, you need to sober up."
"Get him some water," Morty interjected. "I'll clean up the glass. I also know where he keeps all his hangover serums and stuff, but he told me not to let you into any of his drug stashes."
"Fair enough." Summer shrugged, leaving to get Rick some much needed water.
While she was gone, Morty felt along the wall until he found the small hidden panel under Rick's desk. He fished out the light blue vial of fluid for hangovers, the red one he'd forced Rick to make that would sober him up and a green one that basically equivalated to getting your stomach pumped if you took it, just in case he'd taken more than just alcohol.
He shut the panel securely and placed the three coloured vials on Rick's work bench, grabbing a purple tube-like gadget from a shelf. He pressed a button on the back of it and typed in "Broken Glass" on a small hologram keyboard that emerged, then pressed that first button again. A blue ray shot out, scanning the garage, and the pieces of smashed bottle disappeared in a matter of seconds.
Morty looked over at Rick, who was still lying on the floor, but now he was tracing his fingers along a crack in the cold ground, his expression so solemn he almost looked sober.
"Rick?" Morty asked hesitantly.
"I miss her." He said flatly. "I miss her s-so much."
His words were still a little slurred but his tone had lost all the previous levity.
"I tried to save her, Morty, I t-t-tried, but I couldn't bring her back. And no one could ever replace her." A rough sob escaped his throat. Morty felt frozen. "I'm a crappy fuckin'– piece of shit father but I didn't want to be. I was gonna fuckin' give– give up everything for them, and I would've been happy. I would've been so happy as long as I had them, but he fuckin' took that from me! I nnever even got a chance."
Rick was crying, he was crying so hard that his tears stained the concrete dark grey and snot ran down his face sideways. He was shaking like a leaf and gasping for air.
Morty crouched down next to him, fists clenching and unclenching, unsure if he should hug Rick, or if that would make it worse. What else could he do?
"Oh– oh shit, Rick, I–"
"My little girl, my baby." Rick continued between sobs. "She meant everything to me. S-so yeah, I would be better f-for her if I could, but she's gone. There's no point."
Rick's sudden fit of violent sobs was calming down, replaced by a look that Morty could only describe as pure hoplessness and defeat washing over his features.
"'S no point in anything."
Shit, this was bad. Rick didn't admit defeat, and he certainly didn't talk so openly about his feelings like this.
"Aw jeez, Rick, come on don't– don't– don't say that. we killed Rick Prime, remember?" Morty said, wringing his hands anxiously.
"Yeah, I remember." Rick said, tone now devoid of emotion. "I remember killin' him with my bare hands, watchin' the life drain out of his eyes as his blood dripped down my fists. And I remember nothing changing. W-w-what d'ya do when you achieve your life long goal and nothin's better? It didn't bring them back, it didn't– didn't give me closure or give me a reason to live. I still can't sleep, petrified he's in the fucking house, comin' for my new family, that he'll kill all of you to teach me that t-that's what happens when I-I care about people."
Rick wiped his face with his lab coat sleeve, rubbing away the snot, drool and dried tears while Morty just kneeled next to him, frozen and unsure what to say.
"Rick..." he started but then Summer stepped through the doorway and Rick's demeanour instantly changed.
"Summerfest!" he called out and Morty watched, a little shocked, as Rick's whole face changed in the blink of an eye, going back to the cheerful, goofy expression he'd been wearing when he and Summer first came in. It didn't look artificial to Morty at all, even now that he knew it was. How could Rick just switch it on and off just like that?
"I brought water and coffee." Was all Summer said, placing two mugs on the workbench. "And a cereal bar."
The second statement sounded a little more unsure and Morty could've sworn he saw Rick's jaw clench for a second.
"Gimmie coffee." Rick said, making grabby hands, still lying on the floor.
"Water first." Summer replied, handing him the larger of the two mugs.
Rick pouted a little but as soon as the mug was in his hands he drank thirstily, finishing the whole thing in one go.
"You want more?" Summer asked, taking the mug, but he just shook his head quietly.
"Okay," Morty cleared his throat when his voice came out a little shaky. "drink this."
He handed Rick the red 'get sober' vial and Rick chugged it obediently, making a face. "Tastes like– like shit." He offered.
While he seemed a little calmer after the water and serum, his eyes were still unfocused and his voice sounded thick, like his tongue didn't fit in his mouth properly, hints of his accent were slipping through too.
"Did you- are you on drugs r-right now?" Morty asked, reaching for the green vial of serum.
"Maybe." Rick mumbled. His eyelids were starting to droop a little and he curled up more comfortably on the floor.
"Hey, Rick, don't go to sleep okay? What did you take?" Summer asked, crouching down next to him, shaking him a little. He groaned. "Come on, we just have to make sure you're not overdosing and then you can sleep. Maybe not on the floor."
"'M not overdosing." Rick grumbled.
"What did you take?"
"I dunno. Just some random alien drugs I found i-in my pocket." He said dismissively with a burp. "Actually one of 'em was probably adderall. Look at me bein' all responsible an-and takin' my meds n' shit."
He of course immediately showed his 'responsibilty' by gagging and then throwing up on the floor.
Morty winced, reaching for the purple device again while Summer tried to coax him into drinking the green liquid, frowning deeply.
Finally Rick gave in, sipping from the small vial, and almost instantly his eyes began to clear up a little bit.
"Why'd I make these work so well?" He groaned. Then, "My head is killing me, I want coffee."
Summer passed him the second mug and he gestured toward the hangover serum, which Morty promptly passed to him and Rick poured it in his coffee.
He gulped down half the coffee and sighed, wiping his mouth with his already rather dirty sleeve. "Fuck, that's better."
He downed the rest of it and placed the mug on the ground, getting to his feet shakily. He swayed and nearly fell, leaning onto the wall to steady himself as the dizzy spell passed, and then stretched, his back cracking loudly.
He took a few wobbly steps towards the door but Summer blocked the way.
"Fuck– fuck off Summer I gotta– I'm gonna go take a nap."
"Could you maybe eat something first?" She asked firmly, holding up the cereal bar.
"No."
Rick tried to sidestep her but she blocked the way again.
"Summer, don't fucking piss me off right now, I'm serious."
She stood her ground. "Just eat the cereal bar, grandpa Rick. Please."
"Summer, for fuck's sake, I said no!"
"Grandpa," She sighed, the arm holding the bar dropping defeatedly back down to her side. "Do you have an eating disorder?"
The garage was deathly quiet for a second.
"Wha-What?! I'm not a teenage girl in a f-f-f– goddamn netflix drama, Summer." Rick snarled. "What the fuck kinda question is that?"
He gestured wildly, taking another step forwards, which quickly seemed to be the wrong option as a sudden wave of dizziness hit him hard, making him almost loose his balance. He blindly tried to grab onto the back of his chair somewhere behind him, but missed and fell on his ass.
"Rick!" Morty and Summer both rushed to his side, Morty's eyes beginning to well up a little from all the stress of the day.
"I'm fine, don't– don't fucking touch me." He said, shaking Summer's hand off his shoulder, which caused another wave of nausea to hit.
"Please eat this." Summer said nervously, voice shaking as she pushed the cereal bar into his left hand, his right one gripping at his hair.
"Summer, I promise you if I eat that shit right now I'm gonna throw the fuck up."
"Please?" Morty pouted, eyes big and teary.
All it took was one look at him, and with only a brief moment of hesitation Rick snatched the cereal bar from Summer, muttering angrily under his breath.
Morty only caught "Me cago en la puta." and "Maldito cabrón." which he more or less understood, more familiar with swear words than any other words in the Spanish language.
Rick peeled away the wrapper slowly with unsteady hands and took a small bite.
Morty and Summer watched in silence, not wanting to discourage him by saying the wrong thing—which with Rick could be anything—as Rick uncomfortably ate the cereal bar.
"There you fucking go." He said weakly, Throwing the now empty wrapper at Summer, but missing as it was too light to travel more than a couple centimetres, landing somewhere by his feet.
"Thank you." Summer almost whispered.
They sat in silence for a while, Morty sniffling and rubbing at his eyes and Summer shuffling a bit closer to him for both of their comfort.
Rick was sitting with his knees losely bent and his head braced in his hands, trying to overcome another hit of nausea.
He wouldn't exactly say he tried super hard to keep the cereal bar down, but it wasn't deliberate when he vomited it down the front of his shirt.
"Oh! Aw jeez..." Morty winced.
"I did warn you."
"In our defense, you had every reason to be lying to us."
"Fuck you, Summer." It sounded weak even to his own ears.
She sighed softly.
"Morty, get his shirt off. Do you have pijamas or do you sleep in jeans and a lab coat?"
"Jeans an-and a lab coat."
"...I was joking, but okay." Summer said, flipping the switch that opened Rick's garage closet and grabbing one of his sets of identical outfits.
Rick squirmed, making noises of complaint as Morty tried to take off his current shirt.
"Rick– stay still, you have vomit on your clothes."
"I'm not fucking two years old, Morty." He scowled. "I can change by myself."
Rick tried to sit up but wobbled and then slumped back against the wall, needing more time to recover. Morty reached for his shirt again and this time Rick let him pull it carefully up over his head without resisting. Morty took the new set of clothes from where Summer had left them on the floor next to him.
Summer wasn't looking but Morty still shielded Rick's body from sight with his own, pointedly not mentioning the raised scars and jagged, angry, red cuts littering his arms which he had already suspected would be there.
Rick shifted uncomfortably, seeming relieved when Morty didn't want to talk about it.
"Okay." Morty said, helping Rick pull on his clean lab coat too.
"I'm going to bed." Rick grumbled, not waiting for him to continue, just getting up slowly.
He felt weak and shaky and his brittle old bones weren't exactly helping out. Despite his thousands of cybernetic implants he was still human, much to his dismay, and he couldn't treat his body as badly as he did when he was 30. Not that that ever seemed to stop him, managing to still maintain the same shitty habits he'd had for years at the ripe age of 67.
He stumbled through the dining room, Morty and Summer trailing after him, not discouraged by the glare he sent their way.
As soon as he reached his room, he slumped onto his bed with a groan.
"R-rick?"
"Fuck off, Morty." He snapped into his pillow, a little muffled by it.
Morty hesitated, exchanging a glance with Summer, who shrugged.
"...Ookay, Rick. Uh, see– see you at dinner, today? maybe?'
"Don't count on it."
Summer frowned, Starting to say something, but Rick interrupted, "I'm gonna apply my room's Lock Protocols in ten seconds, so i-if you're still in here, I'm not letting you out until I'm done sleeping. A-a-and if you're standing in the doorway, you're gonna get fucking squashed in the doors."
"Whatever, Rick, fuck you too." Summer huffed, pulling Morty out of the doorway with her.
"Room, activate Sensory Protocol 2. And t-tell Summer to go fuck herself."
"Sensory Protocol 2 activated." Came the mechanical voice and a heavy metal door snapped shut. "Go fuck yourself, Summer."
Summer scoffed. "Dick." Followed by a sigh. "What are we gonna do?"
"I-I don't know." Morty admitted. "There's not much we can do if Rick won't accept help. And he won't."
"So what? We just give up on him?" Summer asked accusingly, putting her hands on her hips.
"No, Summer, J-jeez. I just– We're gonna have to get creative."
"Fuck."
---
thats it thats the end i didnt know how tf to end this but my goal wasnt to rewrite like the bible idfk it was just to put rick through shit and put completely unfair expectations on summer and mortys shoulders so that they could ALL suffer in this fic !! :3 also this is so mf long i sincerely apologise if u read all that
#i feel like all the few rnm fics ive written are set in the garage im sorry 😭#thats where rick mostly is when hes not out in other dimensions tho ig#also even tho my fics r all rick centric i cant not have my boy morty in them#i just love him too much#also obligatory birdrick mention in the start bcs theyve been on my mind#also in regards to is anyone in this house not disordered let my drop my smith sanchez family disorder hcs >:)#okayyy#so starting off strong with beth: an alcoholic like her father probably anxiety stemming from her abandonment issues and possibly depressio#next up my boy morty: anxiety also and most likely ptsd from all the shit hes experienced ik a lot of ppl hc him as autistic but i dont#possibly adhd dyslexia or dyscalculia tho or all of the above idk#oookay next up jerry: i really spend incredibly little time thinking about jerry so idk im open to hearing hcs abt him tho#wait back to beth: maybe also ocd or smth like that#okay now summer: my girl has a lot of substance abuse issues as we see and fomo but idk if anything else maybe social anxiety or smth#aaand its rick time: alcohol and drug abuse definitely ptsd for sure depression and autism possibly adhd or bpd or both#in this fic he has an ed also so that#paranoia too#and thats it i think#also going back to the topic ofautism tho#i just cannot see it with morty at all like he shows no symptoms?? i dont see them at least idk i could be wrong#i honestly see it more with beth or summer maybe#but idk#also i almost never put the accents when i write in spanish lol but i did so#vey professional of me ik#gotta let rick say cabron properly#alex says shit#rick and morty#rick sanchez#morty smith#summer smith#rick and morty fanfiction
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Me when looking for neurodivergent representation in fiction:
Also me when I come across "all neurodivergent people do X" posts/videos/etc.:
When I tell you, this shit is infuriating...
#neurodivergent#neurodiversity#my life#don't get me wrong I'm GLAD that there are better representations of autism and adhd than there used to be#but I HATE when I'm looking for representations of NOT JUST THOSE TWO TYPES#and that's ALL I GET IN RETURN#I want some fucking HSP rep!#I want some allistic hyperlexia rep! (though I doubt that's happening any time soon)#I want more dysgeographic rep! (it barely exists! I can think of one canon!character off the top of my head!)#I want well done CPTSD rep!#I want decent rep of neurotypes I don't even have and I want it all to be acknowledged as neurodivergent!#Hell- Green Lantern Jessica Cruz should be recommended as neurodivergent rep because of her anxiety!#but because of the obnoxious bs of people acting like 'neurodivergent = ONLY autism/adhd' she'll never come up!#it's infuriating!!!#uuuuugggggghhhhhhhh
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Say what it is in the tags if you're comfortable :)
#Neurodivergent#(Your own definition#you can choose whether you want to include anxiety/depression/PTSD etc.)#autism#adhd#bpd#audhd#Reposting this to have a 1 week time limit instead of 1 day for a bigger sample size#Last time we had like 2% neurotypical loll#polls#writers on tumblr#neurodiversity#neurodivergence#ptsd#depression#anxiety
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me as a kid: i have all these problems
every adult around me: you're not old enough to know what's wrong with you, you're fine
me as an adult: i still have all these problems
my doctors after i finally got the opportunity to choose them myself: oh my fucking god why have you never gotten help for all these problems. you should have seen me 10 years ago
#problems i have finally gotten help for that i was told i was not old enough to know about:#AMPS (was told it was anxiety and then when i kept coming back they said it was fibro Quite Literally just to get me to shut up)#(like the doc i just saw literally said 'they diagnose fibromyalgia here when they dont know what the problem is but dont feel like testing)#multiple food allergies (was also told the stomach pain and vomiting was anxiety)#seborrheic dermatitis (i was told 'youre just stressed thats why you have a rash')#(which- if im so stressed my skin is literally dying MAYBE I STILL NEED HELP?????????)#autism and adhd (my father knew! but refused to get me assessed bc if i dont have a diagnosis theres no problem right :)#anxiety disorder (oh so when I'm in pain i DO have anxiety but when i say i have anxiety I'm overreacting okay)#dyscalculia and possibly dyslexia ('you just need to try harder' I've asked for a tutor five times)#some of my doctors don't actually believe me about some of these problems BECAUSE i have no records from when i was a kid#they're like 'it just popped up at 18? seems suspicious......' like I WASN'T ALLOWED TO GO TO THE DOCTOR'S UNTIL THEN#there's definitely more but I'm still mad abt it#i might not be in a wheelchair Almost All The Time if i had gotten help BEFORE i lost half the feeling in my legs#i KNEW the fibro was a BS diagnosis#i tried to get assessed for autism at 16 and was told i have schizotypal personality disorder instead with literally zero testing#like my psych just refused to allow me to get tested for autism she was like 'no you have spd i Just Know'#same psych that said there was zero way i had anything like DID because my symptoms didn't present Exactly like the Only other#patient at the clinic with DID. i want to note that that was a 14 year old boy still being actively abused#and i was a 20 year old who was in a safe environment and had distanced myself from my abusers and stressors
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Is there a 300 page essay about Murderbot's armor (specifically the opaque helmet) as a not-so-subtle metaphor for masking in a clearly neurodivergent character already? Because I need it.
The way Murderbot is unvoluntarily without its opaque armor in All System Red in front of the crew (i.e. unmasking) and appears surprised at its own strong facial expressions and other people's reaction to it? The vulnerability that comes with that and how Murderbot spends pretty much the rest of the book wearing or actively missing its armor which keeps it safe from the mortifying ordeal of being known (yet sometimes other characters suggest it might help for it to not opacify the helmet in order for others to see it as a person and to trust it (and in the end idk if it would have achieved the rewards of being loved by its humans and have had its needs met if it hadn't unmasked in this relatively safe environment sometimes)).
Also there's the whole avoiding-looking-directly-at-people-and-using-drones-instead thing which Murderbot usually hides using the opaque helmet, but whenever it doesn't have that people notice it and many react negatively/confused. I think that's a whole neurodivergent-applicable situation in and of itself? Like damn
And then Mensah encourages Murderbot not to wear armor on Preservation station since it would not need it there, Murderbot is hesitant but ends up not wearing any (like 4 books later when we finally get to that bridge) (going for the comfortable clothes it chose for itself instead, with very strong feelings about the whole being able to make choices thing that I cannot go into further at this point because I would absolutely end up BITING SOMETHING OR SOMEONE).
And I'm not going to advocate for unmasking all the time in any setting because hell no, sometimes it absolutely sucks and people are irritated by Murderbot's now visible quirks and are afraid of what they don't know, but many GET TO KNOW Murderbot better and because there are other people that make sure Murderbot is safe and respected and are willing to get people fired for it if they disrespect it (Pin-Lee my beloved) Murderbot can experiment with this situation without being exiled to some abonded part of a planet and other people are forced to spend enough time around ot to learn to respect it and even like it. I just....... It must be so scary and Murderbot is handling so much at once and in this essay I will
PS sorry this is a disorganized mess but so am I and I have so many Thoughts and even more Emotions and so little patience.
#murderbot#the murderbot diaries#all systems red#murderbot diaries#𓄿#i sincerely hope this post isn't insensitive because i feel like the autism vibes are strong with murderbot and i am not diagnosed with tha#but i have adhd and a fun mix of anxiety and depression#and i've been deepdiving into autism research to help get one of my closest friends diagnosed (not possible at the moment)#and i relate so strongly in many ways and i dont know if its just that adhd and autism can overlap heavily#or my personal cocktail of adhd anxiety depression etc#or if i am on the spectrum somewhere myself#in any case i feel very strong solidarity and i hope i am not overstepping#but the main point here is the masking and that is DEFINITELY something ive been struggling with a lot recently#hence the strong emotions lol#i dont like to unmask. it sucks. but it can be so worth it.#and i am practicing and learning and trying my best#i feel like this fun sideblog for my scifi hyperfixations is quickly turning into a mess of therapy ramblings for myself#maybe thats because i love these books particularly BECAUSE i relate so strongly to these characters#in ways that are not NormalTM. and surprising for me#and ways that really help me figure out who i am and why dealing sith other people is so difficult for me#welp nevermind#all hail murderbot i guess
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They weren't lying, this psychological recovery journey got hands
#3rd month of taking antidepressants and knowing that There Is something majorly fucked up within me#i feel like im becoming normal bit by bit but also now my other problems become my aparent to me#i started to notice i have this childlike simplistic attitude towards wonder and relationships but also at the same time i understand the#severity of troubles around me on the level of burned out adult#but also it takes me from a week to several years to realize what people meant#and yet sometimes i get everything clearly#there are still ways to go#i still have to find a therapist#cuz psych diagnosed me with BPD; geberal anxiety disorder and ADHD and said i have autism signs that could explain the development of BPD#but all he can do is medical treatment which is not the kind you need for BPD and autism#im not saying you can treat autism but yeah he meant i need a psychotherapist for these instead of psychiatrist#i hope i can complete this mental health journey bcuz i feel like i finally got hit with all the weight of burnout i had all these years#i did some creative work in the august/early september but rn its all touching grass in real world and playing games#like i cook i help my family with chores i play fortnite i clean up my room i go out at 1am to look at the stars#all of my own volition without feeling like i need to push myself to do this#I'm scared that making art is not one of those things#i often have a thought that maybe art isnt really for me and in a perfect world i wouldnt do it#but then why am i so good at it#like...#petrotalk
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I saw this on instagram and literally thought
“tech v. me”
#like I’m smart I guess but not a savant#like can’t the payoff of the tism be a little better#instead i have a delicious little ADHD autism anxiety depression cocktail#mmm yummy#star wars#the bad batch#tbb#tech tbb#autism#actually autistic#actually adhd
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My gift for the @technoblade-gift-exchange !! i was assigned to @simplepotatofarmer who asked for dsmp rivals duo. i hope you like it Loyal!
rambling about headcanons, designs, and my process and stuff under the readmore, because i wanna talk about it but dont want the post to be super long !!
i had originally planned to not have a background and then at the last second i decided to speedrun drawing one in a few hours so um. quality difference but its fine. also unrelated but im pretty sure everything about how i draw animals and anthros makes it very obvious i used to be in the warrior cats fandom lol. anyway onto the designs!!
the gold on techno is scars from the totem at the execution, which i think is a pretty common thing for techno designs. he isnt supposed to be a piglin, but rather similar species of anthropomorphic pig. also his mane and tail fluff are naturally brown but he dyes them pink ^_^ so cool !! um. i maaayyy have forgotten the crown until i was way too far into the piece to add it. haha. oops. pretend its missing because. uuh. hes in a casual outfit. "but he still has the cape" yeah its comfy. "but dream has a mask thats not casual" dream is dream he does Not relax fully ever. see entirely intentional i would never make a mistake.
dream is an original shapeshifter species i came up with because i couldnt decide what i wanted him to be. i havent decided on a name for the species yet but i plan to make almost every solid-color or nearly solid color mcyt into this species. theyre mostly involuntary/unconscious shapeshifters. so like they change slowly over weeks or months to adapt to their surroundings, with little conscious control. basically i wanted him to be like five different things so i shoved them together lol, rabbit ears but in a pattern that looks like an axolotl, a cool tail, TOE BEANS tho you cant see them. this was actually the first time ive ever had a dream design im happy with so thats really nice.
i um. i made full use of my time lol, i spent a bit over a week on the lineart, another week on the coloring, and maybe a week and a half on rendering. unless i suddenly became shit at math(which is possible) that adds up to roughly the amount of time i had to work on it. im really proud of myself actually since i usually take a while to do art, and i wasnt sure i would be able to make something id be happy with in this amount of time. but i did! woah!! this was my first time participating in a fandom gift exchange and it was so fun, and also helped motivate me to draw more instead of getting distracted like i usually do (classic adhd moment) lol. anyway super cool!!
Loyal if u decided to read all this for some reason then again i really hope u like it!! u are so cool and i really love ur rivals duo opinions and creations so i hope u like this! i know theres been shit happening lately, i hope ur doing ok!!
#technoblade#dreamwastaken#rivals duo#dream smp#dreblr#technogiftexchange#<- thats the tag right?#also wow i think i said too many words. i dont think anyone else rambled that much about their gift. um. in my defense the only thing more#powerful than my written language learning disorder is my adhd and autism. so. yeah. lots of words.#aaaaaa i feel like how i wrote everything is so awkward. i am just a creature imitating others i have no idea how to interact with people..#hmmm. posting now before anxiety gets the better of me!#edit: wait fuck i forgot my art tag. how do i ALWAYS forget my art tag.#chara makes things
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There are four main types of Batfam fans in regard to how people interpret Bruce Wayne as a dad (/Joking. This is mostly satire and should not be taken seriously):
Fans that think Bruce is emotionally constipated and isn't the best at being a parent but still tries (Differs per person). Don't necessarily think he's absuive but thinks he can be toxic or have unhealthy expectations for the Robins. Can smell the Oldest Daughter Syndrome coming from Dick and have Family Line (By Conan Gray) as their top song on their Dick inspired playlist and Daddy Issues (By The Neighbourhood) for Jason.
Fans that choose to believe Bruce goes to therapy in their own canon. Love B:WFA. Thinks the comic can be cheesy at times and so find a balance between B:WFA Bruce and Please Go To Therapy BruceTM as their middle ground. He struggles. They advocate that Bruce is not a bad parent, he just has bad writers that seem to forget Bruce wouldn't hurt kids, especially not his own. Love the humane moments and scenes he has in BTAS and the early JL cartoons. He may not be perfect but he's not literally abusive. Whores for Bruce being able to admit when he is wrong and for Jason and Bruce reconciling. I recommend Grow As We Go by Ben Platt for this one.
A mix between the first two. Was fine-ish when Dick was younger. Didn't help him in the healthiest way but eh. Still emotionally constipated but that happened more so after Dick left and Jason died. Started getting better when Tim came back but was still closed off. Should probably go to therapy with the kids so they can drag his ass about all the things he's done that have actually affected them negatively. Understands his mistakes and is also able to admit when he's wrong, eventually. It's not easy but he starts to do better and learns to be more emotionally available. Still has to get chewed out by Alfred sometimes but definitely better than he used to be and it shows. Reconciliation is slow and gradual but progress is made for everyone involved.
The one's I personally avoid for my own sanity and wellbeing:
Think Bruce is a complete bastard and abuser. Want him to choke. Hate any and all interpretations of him. Some of which will refuse to understand how anyone could have a different interpretation. Will point out comics where, in all fairness, he is a dick but forget that characterisation can significantly differ from one series to the next, as comic characters are constantly passed around to different writers and have been for decades. Not to mention movies, shows, etc.
#Bruce Wayne#Batman#Batfam#Batdad#I'm not tagging everyone in the Batfam I can't be assed#Sorry there's like 500#Bruce has a child for every mental disorder he has#Dick is his ADHD. Jason is his C-PTSD. Tim is his Anxiety. Cass is his OCD. Damian is his Autism.#Like bro the therapist is RIGHT there#You have the money just GO#I am a mix of 2 and 3 tbh but more so 2 because he is my comfort fictional father figure. I already have a shit dad irl#I'm not dealing with it in my favourite media too#Type 4 fans scare me I lowkey see so many people like that and I'm like. If the block button wasn't free. I'd be in debt by now#I get that you saw Tom Kings work. So did I. I hate that fuck. But I personally prefer the scene of him in JL with Ace on the swings#Or the one with him playing with shape block toys with a baby whilst Supes and WW handle the questioning#Or when he hugs literally any of his kids#Or the one of him and Jason watching a movie and eating popcorn when Jason's ill. And they have the picture of them posing#Or when he cried in Flashpoint over the letter his dad left him because the little boy in him needed that#Plus any time Bruce and Clark interact as Best Friends. The Golden Age comics where they were basically Dick's gay dads 💀#But yeah. I could make a poll from this tbh.#This is a generalisation on purpose genuinely do not take it seriously#If I see ANY disclosure. It's delete and block on sight#Bruh I'm still recovering from the notes of my Fallout 4 John Hancock in a Drag Race outfit crossover post#I know it sounds like I'm being paranoid but that's because I am. You have not seen the things I have seen in my notes#You do not know of the wars I have fought of over ghoul dicks and high heels#I have seen things I can never burn from my vision. Read things I will never have the mercy of forgetting#Over silly little shitposts. Lmao. Anyway. Here. Have some food.
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i'm so mad i don't have private insurance through an employer so i could get any kind of therapy or medication or anything. tags are a rambling rant
#i'm on medicaid bc i 1. got laid off 2. haven't found work 3. am disabled and verrrry few therapists accept insurance around me at all#let alone medicaid. i've only found one therapy group that takes it but the therapists there aren't very well equipped#for anything that doesn't respond well to the very basic frankly entry-level cbt coping mechanisms#and i have it IN my report from the psychologist who diagnosed me with autism and adhd that i should avoid typical anxiety therapies#because they're likely to only increase my anxiety. so now what do i do when that's the only therapy available to me and i know i need help#what really gets me is that i know in oregon a ton of great therapists who won't push cbt on me take medicaid#and i also have my family there. and my dad owns his own business and employs family. and i need a job so bad#because i need to feel like i'm contributing to the world and that i have value and that the world wants me#it's sooooooo demotivating getting a ton of job interviews but never getting hired for anything on a base level for like confidence#but it also really sucks because i Know i ramble during interviews because i don't trust i can answer the question right#but i know i could do the job so well if someone would just let me. like i feel like i need to beg people to give me a chance#because i'm literally like. that top performing promotable improves everything employee. every time. no matter where i am#and i feel like no one believes me. that no one is ever going to want me to work for them. because i'm the type of person who should be#kept away from the world. idk it feels like humanity's rejected me. and i just feel so sorry.#i just want a psychiatrist who takes my insurance. and a therapist who takes my insurance. and work to do to feel valuable#but there are so many barriers. and i'm so tired. i seriously need so much more support than i'm going to get#and approaching all of this with the realization that i'm autistic now just makes it like. oh. i NEED support. and i'm not going to get it#moving back to oregon's off the table and i don't think my family would be as willing to help as i hope they'd be#so i'm stuck here. what do i even do. i feel like i have nowhere to turn#it's like life's decided it's done with me. i feel so worthless i'm so scared
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