#have very conflicting feelings on this game but this was too good of an idea not to draw x

[burr-ell]

If it's alright, can I ask why you like the Golden Deer house more than the Blue Lions or Black Eagle houses? Like, what caught your eye about them over everyone else?

So I actually got into FE3H through a friend of mine, @dar-draws, who I already knew through mutual good taste (Dickkory), and fanarts like this one, this one, and this one plus the way she talked about Claude and Claudeleth caught my attention. I watched a couple playthroughs of the Golden Deer route on YouTube and absolutely fell in love (before finally getting a switch just to play it myself, for which I was violently bullied here). So like, I was already going into the game biased, which is part of why when I got it I went ahead and played through Golden Deer before doing all the other routes in turn; it was genuinely important to me to personally see all sides of the story. But even as I've played the other routes and replayed SS and AM and gained even more of an appreciation for them, I'm still always sort of drawn back to VW and the Deer.

I think it's ultimately vibes-based, but I'll try to articulate it. I'm not really a big fan of "cozy" sorts of games—I've played and enjoyed ACNH, but the things I most enjoyed about that game were finding things to do and goals to complete, like completing the main quest line or filling up the museum. So it's not so much that I find the Golden Deer to be cozy so much as adventurous. They're not inherently personally invested in the conflicts of White Clouds (they don't know Lord Lonato or Miklan, and their house leader isn't [gestures generally]), but they're also not just ping-ponging through the story. They go through the same events as the other two houses, but they're coming at it from more of an outsider's perspective, and their choice to get involved and react and respond feels more active.

The Deer also don't have any real reason to follow Claude, either, and in the early game they make sure he knows it; none of them are really all that concerned that they're speaking to the future Grand Duke of their country. Lysithea snaps at him, Leonie shoots the breeze with him, Raphael is jovial with him, Lorenz undercuts him, Hilda is blase with him, Marianne tries not to talk to him, and Ignatz gets into theological debates with him. Over the course of the game, they develop the same loyalty to Claude that the other house members already have for their leaders almost by default, and it feels a lot more earned because we see it happen. And that in turn makes scenes like the one at Myrddin, where Claude reveals his true goal of opening the border with Almyra and embracing foreign cultures and the other Deer are surprised but trust Claude and follow his lead, that much more satisfying.

I was a little surprised, when I played through the other three routes, that aside from the designated talking-with-the-cast scenes every route gets, the characters who aren't house leaders or retainers don't really have all that much to do in the story. On Verdant Wind, you pretty consistently have members of the Golden Deer appearing in other cutscenes and giving their two cents; there's even a unique scene where Lysithea realizes there's something up with the Empire's mages because of her backstory and approaches Claude and Byleth about it. It's nothing too obtrusive—they do still have to accommodate the potential for character death—but it's those small details that make a difference to me. Every house has a particular dynamic with odd silly quirks, but the Deer being just that little bit more integrated into the story really helps sell the idea that they belong here and they're making this story their own.

There's also the matter of where specifically their adventure takes them. I respect the choice to focus on Dimitri in Azure Moon, because it does handle his character and arc very well and I think also does the other Lions justice (with the exception of Dedue), but it's also focused largely on Dimitri's personal arc and the Tragedy of Duscur and doesn't really follow through on a lot of the events of White Clouds. (Which some Blue Lions stans have been okay with because they think the Agarthans are bad villains, which...that's valid, but stories still have to like, address plot elements they set up.) Verdant Wind, by contrast, does actually pull back and try to figure out the real impetus behind the whole conflict, and it ends with them beginning to properly lay Fodlan's true problems to rest.

So while the route isn't flawless and I do think there are issues with how characters are written that are part of larger trends within the game and the series as a whole, there's a very specific kind of fantasy adventure energy with the Golden Deer that I enjoy. I think the stories I'm most drawn to are the ones that keep their eyes on a specific goal but still make you feel like the characters would bring that same energy to goofing around with each other, and I think that's something Verdant Wind does very well.

[goodlouse]

what if mouthwashing was a board game..?

[aperrywilliams]

If Anything, I Find it Educative (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)

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Author Masterlist

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Part 1: If Anything I Find It Educative

Part 2: It Was Horrible Until It Wasn’t

Part 3: Douchebag Falls Short in This Case

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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.

Summary: Spencer is not happy attending the annual FBI Gala this year. Having to socialize with a woman who only wants to seduce him makes it worse. But one not-so-fortunate incident could improve his night somehow.

Word Count: 6.8k

Warnings: Awkward Spencer. Morgan is stubborn about Spencer getting 'game.' Spencer spills facts about seafood (oysters), human biting, and cheating. Mention to Spencer's dick (only a phrase). Someone choking on food is described. A toxic relationship and job insecurities are described too. If I forgot something, let me know.

A/N: Okay, people. This is kind of an experiment: I want to know how you think the relationship between Spencer and Reader might evolve (if it evolves at all). Good friends? Romantic relationship rom-com style? An angsty romantic relationship? Friends to lovers? Just lovers? What important things do you imagine could happen to them? (canon or not). What could be the Reader's whole back story?

This is just a one-shot, but I am considering continuing it based on your thoughts and suggestions.

Part 2

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Spencer's POV

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There are few things I hate more than being surrounded by many people at an event. Standing in the middle of a crowded party dressed in formal attire is one of them. 

It is an uncomfortable occasion highlighted by uncomfortable clothes.

And this time, it's Hotch's fault.

Tonight, I should have been at home, wrapped in a cozy blanket and enjoying my new edition of War and Peace. But the annual FBI gala and Hotch's adamant request blew my plans.

"Strauss wants to see the whole team at the venue this year. And we are in a very thin line with her to ignore her wishes."

No one seemed conflicted with the idea of attending this fancy party. Even some of my teammates looked excited about it. While JJ and Garcia chatted animatedly for days about what dress they would choose, Morgan saw it as a chance to get to know the new female agents working at Counterterrorism. Rossi only wanted to know how good the scotch would be this year, and Prentiss took it as an excuse to have free drinks. For his part, Hotch seemed as calm as any day at work.

But me? I wasn't excited at all.

Reluctantly, I purchased a tuxedo for the gala. At first, I thought about renting one since I would hardly use it again. But my germophobic self made me think again, and I decided the expense would at least make me feel less uncomfortable.

Keyword: a little less uncomfortable.

Now, I'm standing at the entrance, scanning the venue, searching for a familiar face. The place is packed with agents from all divisions and their plus ones, so it's hard to find anything at all.

But a familiar voice pulls me from my struggle.

"Boy genius! Over here!"

Penelope is calling my name from a table in the corner. As my gaze lands on her, I can see Morgan, Emily, JJ, and Hotch there too.

A sigh of relief escapes my lips, and quickly, I stroll where my teammates are.

"Spence! You made it!" JJ greets me as I pull a chair next to Morgan to sit.

"We thought you weren't coming," Emily added before sipping her drink.

"I understood it was a requirement," I quipped, looking at Hotch. The aforementioned man nodded in agreement.

"It was, indeed. Have I to remind you Strauss is still mad about the whole ordeal with you stepping into a building with no vest and no gun?"

Hotch is right. Strauss made his life hell for a whole week until he notified my suspension.

I wince, remembering the incident in question.

Self-note: don't leave behind the vest and the gun again.

"You look very handsome, boy wonder," Garcia chimes, waving her hand and pointing at me.

I can't help but blush at the compliment. It's not she hasn't done it before, and I know she means well, but-

"Maybe pretty boy gets some game tonight," Morgan claps his hand on my shoulder, grinning.

That's why I don't like that kind of attention. At every chance, someone pips up and tries to play wingman or wingwoman for me. And although I appreciate their efforts, I like to move at my own pace. Even if some say my pace, it's more like a turtle's speed.

Giving him a tight-lip smile, I reach for a glass of water. I don't know how I'll survive this night.

Surprisingly, it is okay for now. I fall into conversation with Garcia and JJ, although it is more like me listening and them talking. Occasionally, I add some to the topic, and they seem receptive.

But Derek looks impatient to stand and march to a group of women talking on the opposite side of the venue, next to the bar. I don't look much into it until I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"You're oddly quiet tonight, pretty boy. What's up?" My sight darts from JJ and Penelope to Derek.

"Nothing?" I offer. My eyebrows creace. Derek snickers.

"I know what you need! Come on, let's enjoy the party and come with me to chat with those beautiful agents at the bar over there," he proposes. I shake my head.

"No. I'm good. You can go if you want. I don't think you need my help."

Derek rolls his eyes.

"Don't get dismissive with me. It'll help you to lose a little. I promise," he insists. And I know I'm losing my battle with him tonight.

"As if I had something interesting to say to them," I mumble, loud enough for Derek to hear.

"Don't say that. Surely, some would like to hear about, I don't know, oysters? And how they became a symbol of glamor or whatever. Because I'm sure you know that, right?" Derek points, grabbing an oyster from the tray a waiter offers him.

"Actually, oysters were not considered a status symbol until the 11th century, when the Crusades trunked access to seafood in Europe. Some researchers believe that-"

I'm about to explain the whole thing when Morgan cuts me off.

"See? Now, don't waste that knowledge with me, and let's share it with those gorgeous, shall we?"

I'm screwed.

I reluctantly stand to follow Derek. I know he's the best intention even if I won't tell him that. Maybe he's right, and I need to step out of my comfort zone occasionally.

As smoothly as only Morgan can be, he interrupts the conversation between three women by the bar. You would think they would return annoyed looks from the sudden interruption, but they did not. It is everything but that.

"Excuse me, beautiful ladies. Hope you don't mind some company. My friend and I thought it would be an honor to share part of your precious time tonight."

How the fuck can he do that?!

The result shocked me almost more than it impressed me. The three turn to us with flirting smiles flashing to Derek. And me?

That's new. And, of course, I have to blush furiously at that.

"Hey, handsome. Sweet talk, uh?" One of the girls teases Derek while the others giggle.

"I know I can do better, but you make me nervous, sweetheart," Morgan banters as smoothly as the beginning.

And that's it. We have their full attention now. Scratch that; Derek has their full attention now.

He asks for their names, and that's how I know the woman who spoke first is Vivian, and her friends are Julie and Ashley. The three of them work in the Counterterrorism Division.

"And who is your good-looking friend?" Ashley asks, skimming at me.

Why is she looking at me from head to toe?

Derek glances at me, and I understand it's time for me to say something.

"I'm Spencer," I wave.

Short and precise.

"Hi, Spencer. You are cute," Ashley points, and suddenly, my mouth goes dry.

As Emily once said, my IQ slashes to 60 when I'm in front of a beautiful woman. And Ashley is a beautiful woman. Her long, stylish blond hair, blue eyes, tan skin with perfect makeup, gorgeous smile, and a dress that accentuates her body in the right places. It would be stupid to say she is not attractive.

"Why don't we go to the dance floor while Ashley and Spencer get to know each other better, uh?" Derek offers to Julie and Vivian, winking at me.

Oh, Lord. Help me.

I don't think Derek or Ashley would appreciate it if I refused to stay here and run to the nearest exit. So I give Ashley a tight smile and prepare myself for whatever comes now.

"Well...?" she prompts, and I don't know what the fuck she expects me to say.

"Yeah. Nice party," I offer, hoping my attempt to small talk works.

Ashley's smile suggests it does.

"It is. Are you having fun?"

No.

"Yes! A lot! Are you?"

"Yeah. But I think it turns out better now," she says, subtly closing some distance between us with a playful look directed at me.

Is she flirting with me?

I clear my throat to appease some of my nerves. I need to cool off. If Derek can do this, I should try.

A waitress approaches us and offers some drinks. Ashley picks a glass of wine, and I prefer a flute of champagne. I don't usually drink alcohol, but I need it now.

"Slow down, boy. People would think I make you nervous," Ashley points seductively when she notices how I quickly down the liquid.

My eyes widen when she rests a hand on my chest and leans to whisper in my ear.

"I don't bite. Unless you want me to."

Okay. That sounds very straightforward.

I should feel flattered. An attractive woman is more than insinuating me right now; I barely said anything. But it doesn't feel like that.

Derek surely would tell me, 'Take it and play it, pretty boy,' but I don't feel like it. If we could engage in a kind of conversation, I would feel more comfortable. Don't get me wrong. I know what a potential one-night stand means, but I'm not good at it. That's how I am. Sue me.

I want to turn her down gently, so I do what I know to do, and people usually hate me for it: spit information.

"Compared with other mammals, like dogs and bears, humans don't have the strongest bite. Scientists measure the pressure exerted by an animal's bite in pounds per square inch or psi. The human bite force is 162 psi. The bite force of some dogs can reach 250 psi, while some bears have a bite force of over 1,000 psi. It's interesting, actually-"

Ashley is now looking at me, confused. She retreats his hand from my chest and hums, faking interest in what I'm saying.

As I go on with my info dump, I notice how Ashley changes her empty glass of wine to a filled one when a server offers it.

Aside from 'interesting,' 'oh,' and 'uhm,' she doesn't add more to the conversation - or more likely, my rambling - and by now, you would think she's tired of me. But no. For God knows what reason, she is persistent. I give her that.

Typically, I can ramble on and on, which is not the exception. The waiters and waitresses keep coming with drinks and food, and even I pick some for myself.

When they offer us a tray with oysters, I can't help but recall what Morgan told me before.

As I see Ashley ushering one to her mouth, I deliver an exciting fact about it.

"Did you know that raw oysters are still alive? Indeed, some people argue oysters might feel pain, and others say that because they don't have a central nervous system, they don't feel pain like other seafood species might."

Not looking at her, I focus on my oyster, inspecting it before continuing.

"If it's that so, the question is when they die actually. This is likely to happen when they are shucked rather than when they are chewed or swallowed. Scientists think this because an oyster's heart is right next to the bottom adductor muscle, so separating it from the shell kills it."

I should have known the lack of response wasn't due to the interest in the topic, although speaking was impossible for her. Her face's blueness and her hand on her neck now tell me something is wrong.

Fuck. She is choking.

I don't know what to do. She is choking on an oyster, and I'm paralyzed. The people around us start to scream as they see her turning blue. That picks everyone's attention, and I want to dig a hole to get into right now. But first, I should do something to help her. Before I can reach for her, a pair of arms hugs Ashley from behind and applies the Heimlich Maneuver. After a few thrusts into the abdominal area, we see the oyster fly from her mouth to somewhere on the floor.

At the same time, Vivian, Julie, and Derek rush to us to find out what is going on.

Ashley starts coughing, and some of her natural color returns to her face. The arms around her torso loosen, and that's when I notice the woman who just saved her life from choking.

Everything happens so fast that I barely register the slap across my face—Ashley's courtesy.

A collective 'Uhhh' is heard around us.

Before I can say anything, Ashley starts a rant full of anger and frustration toward me.

"Are you fucking crazy? Why would you say something like that? It's disgusting!"

Ironically, I'm speechless now.

What is wrong with talking about oysters?

"You fucking weird!" Ashley continues with her rant. It's like she has been holding it since we were left alone.

The woman who helped Ashley now looks between me and her with her eyebrow creased.

"Hey. You should take it easy. You're just recovering from-" 

She can't finish the sentence since Ashley turned to lash out at her.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do! I almost died because of this pathetic nerd here who can't stop rambling about alive oysters! Just thinking about it makes me sick again!"

"Could it be a hint for not eating them anymore?" I muse, gaining a chuckle from the woman - let's call her the savior - and a deadly glare from Ashley. I recoil from saying anything else, and it is the wiser.

"I should have known better than to engage my time with you. Even if you actually pack a big dick, it doesn't worth it!" she whisper-yell at me, but loud enough for Derek, Vivian, Julie, and the mystery-savior woman to hear.

I'm utterly confused and embarrassed. What have to do my dick with all of this? 

Derek is now dispersing the crowd around us as Vivian and Julie try to soothe her friend's anger, rubbing her back and arm.

I bet they see Ashley's wrath boiling and the high probability of her launching towards me to punch me. Their efforts to subdue her seem to work because, after a loud huff, Ashley only grabs her coat from Vivian's hand and spits at me: "Thanks for ruining my night!"

The three pass by my side to one of the exits venue.

I don't even know how I should feel.

I feel upset because my escape plan didn't go as planned. I feel relieved because Ashley didn't die. Hurt? Yeah, that, too. I didn't deserve a slap on my face. She calling me a pathetic nerd? Sadly, I'm not surprised. And it only confirms my theory I'm not good at this kind of setting.

With the show over and people not focused on me anymore, Derek approaches. I know what he wants to say, but I don't want to hear it. I'm done for tonight.

"Don't say it," I cut him off.

"I wasn't gonna say anything," he tells me with a sympathetic look, holding his hands up in surrender.

"Sure you not," I grumble. "And what was about that comment about my… dick?" I whisper to him.

Derek's face tries to remain neutral, but I know him better.

"What did you do?" I demand to Morgan, and he sighs.

"I may or may not have suggested a rumor about your attributes."

I look at him in disbelief.

"Shut the fuck up! You did not!"

"Come on, pretty boy. It worked! You caught their attention, didn't you?"

I shake my head, trying not to snap at him in public. Morgan can see the distress I'm carrying right now and relents.

"I'm sorry, Reid. I thought it would be a good chance for you to show yourself around. You're a good kid; you deserve to have a good time."

It's useless to engage in this argument again. I understand his good intentions, but like this? No, thanks.

"I better get going," I mumble, walking backward. I'm done for the night.

"Reid..." Morgan starts, but the shake of my head cuts him off. He sighs as I turn to head to one of the exits.

Walking through one of the venue's doors, I find myself on a lateral terrace. I stop for a moment to look around. 

If there were different circumstances, I would be enjoying this view. To the front, you can see a beautiful and thick green shrubbery. Several fountains with little waterfalls and statues recreate a neoclassical garden. It is no coincidence since the property where the venue is located is a typical Jefferson's Neo-Palladian construction with high ceilings and large columns.

My architectural appreciation stops when my eyes land on a woman with her back leaning against one of the columns, her left hand resting on the concrete railing, and her right hand with a glass of wine. Her face is turned to the side, and she is observing the beautiful garden in front of her.

I know her. I've seen her before.

Although it is dark outside, the light from the venue's long windows illuminates the terrace enough.

My brain comes up with the answer in a fraction of a second.

Is the woman who saved Ashley from choking. 

After what she did, nobody even thanked her. The worst part is knowing Ashley behaved that poorly with her. It's not fair. And it's my fault.

With that in mind, I approach her.

She seems too concentrated to register I'm just a foot of distance from her. I clear my throat to call her attention.

She turns her head with a confused look at first. But she offered me a kind smile when she realized who I was.

It's my first chance to look at her; with everything happening so fast, I barely noticed her trying to talk back to Ashley moments ago. 

And now that I'm in front of her, I feel weirdly struck.

Besides her beautiful smile, her eyes hold a piercing gaze, but not the kind that frightens you. It's more like she actually sees you and gives you her undivided attention. With light makeup, her face lets you see some of her freckles. With her hair tied to one side, you can see her neck adorned with a simple gold chain with a compass-shaped pendant.

My not-so-subtle scrutiny is interrupted by her voice.

"Can I help you?" She asks, and my cheeks turn pink. But I'm here for a reason, so I clear my throat before speaking.

"Sorry. I - uh. I'm sorry for bothering you, but I wanted to thank you. For what you did back there," I say, pointing to the inside. "And, well, I want to apologize too. Ashley wasn't very kind to you, considering you mostly saved her life."

She tilts her head slightly, a frown forming, while contemplating what to say.

"Well," she starts. "I'll take the thanks. But I can't take the apologies."

Now, it's my turn to frown.

"Oh, okay. Uh - Why not?"

Not that she should do it. It's her right to do it or not, but I'm curious.

"Because you didn't do anything wrong to me, so you don't have to," she shrugs, like it's obvious.

"I kind of did. I mean, Ashley behaved awful, and I didn't -"

Before I can continue, she shakes her head to stop me.

"No. Don't do that. Why on earth do you want to apologize for someone else's bad manners, considering she treated you like garbage?"

She doesn't say it as if she is upset at me, more likely as if she doesn't understand why I would do that. And yes, she has a good point. But someone has to do the right thing, and that's what I say next.

"It's just the right thing to do."

She takes her time, mulling over my words and whether she believes me or not.

"Okay. You're correct. It's the right to do. And it's a shame most people don't do it. But I still believe it is not your responsibility here."

Something is telling me her statement concerns more than Ashley being impolite. But it is not my place to point that.

"But some people do. And that must count as something, I guess. "

It's curious how her look changes from pensive to more light-hearted.

"Okay. You win this time..." she trails off, not knowing how to refer to me.

"Spencer," I supply. She hums.

"You win this time, Spencer. And being that said, I accept your apology too," she added, sipping the remaining wine from her glass.

I smile, nodding appreciatively. It's a little gesture, but I feel better after what happened.

Silence settles between us, and I take that as my cue to leave. I had already taken enough of her time.

"Uh, well. Thank you again..."

I trail off, realizing I don't know her name.

"(Y/N)," she says.

"Thank you again, (Y/N). Hope you enjoy the rest of your night."

With that said, I should get on foot to leave the venue, as I had planned to do ten minutes ago, but for some reason, my feet didn't want to move, and I kept standing there. (Y/N) look at me as if I'm going to say something else due to the lack of movement on my part.

"Are you okay?" she asks, and now I have the same question for myself.

"Yeah. Yeah. Totally okay. Sorry, I'm leaving now."

Turning in my heels, I'm about to walk away when I hear (Y/N) 's voice.

"I didn't know that, you know? And, for the record, I didn't think it was disgusting."

I stop in my tracks to look at her with a raised eyebrow. When I catch what she is referring to, my eyes cast to the floor, and my cheeks turn pink again.

"If anything, I found it educative," she adds. I try to decipher if there is some teasing in her words, but I find none. She's being oddly genuine. Oddly, because I'm not used to people saying that when referring to the things I tend to ramble about.

"Thank you," I sheepishly say, my hands finding home in my pant pockets. "People don't tell me that very often."

A puff leaves (Y/N) 's lips before she says, "Ungrateful fuckers." 

I chuckle at her choice of words.

Weird. It's the first time all night that I don't want to run away from here.

"Yeah. Something like that," I agree, and she smiles. Now I'm comfortable enough to make some conversation.

"Uh, are you from Quantico?"

"Yeah. A very adrenalinal position," she prompts, and I raise an eyebrow. "Finance Division."

I can't help but snort, and she laughs. "I told you. What about you?"

"Behavioral Unit Analysis," I reply. (Y/N)' s eyes wide in recognition.

"Wow. The one and only BAU."

"You know us?"

"Sure. I wouldn't forget a unit that has its own jet. I'm the one who enters the travel expenses from all Quantico," she explains. I hum, trying to figure out the amplitude of that sole task. "Like I told you, very exciting."

She is mocking herself regarding her job. But I find it impressive for a desk job. Not all people have the skills to run financials.

"Well, I agree it is not very adrenaline but very important. I mean, we have to travel around the country all the time. Our job depends on traveling."

(Y/N) has now an amused expression on her face.

"It's nice to know someone truly values what you do. Not even our boss does it," she points before letting a deep sigh escape from her lips. "Gosh, I'm being very judgmental right now. You're going to think I spend my life complaining about everything. I do sometimes, but I'm not always like this," she explains. I shake my head.

"I'm not judging you. Everyone has the right to say what things don't like or would change about their jobs."

"Well, thanks. Although I'm sure you guys have more reasons to be concerned. You risk your life on the field every time. That's huge."

She rests the empty glass on the concrete rail, adjusting her coat around her body. The air is chiller at this time of the night.

"You know? People say that a lot. And I agree. It's a dangerous job, but it's not better than anyone's for that reason, or whatever another reason for that matter.

Her eyes are analyzing me with curiosity. I'm not sure, but it's like she's having difficulty believing what I'm saying.

"Can I ask you something, Spencer?"

"Sure."

"Why are you here tonight?"

My eyes narrow at her question. Isn't the reason obvious?

"What do you mean? It's the FBI annual gala," I point out, knowing she already knows that too. She nods.

"Precisely," she starts. "And at the risk of being impertinent, I can say this environment makes you uncomfortable. When you were with that girl talking - scratch that, when you were talking, and she looked at you, trying to devour you with her eyes - you seemed like you didn't want to be there. Above all, knowing this kind of event is basically to show off to other bureau agents, I don't think is your notion of an ideal night."

If I wasn't impressed when we started talking - which I was - I am now. 

She assumes my awe as discomfort.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to overstep."

"No, no. You are okay. And let me tell you, your observation is completely accurate," I hasten to clarify.

"Yeah?" (Y/N) asks, and I nod earnestly.

"Yeah. Have you not considered applying for a position as a field agent?"

An amused laugh leaves her lips.

"No way! I would be a total disaster! And carrying a gun is not my idea of a dream job anymore," she points out, still laughing. 

I chuckle, but her answer makes me think. Before I can ask for clarification, she calls me out.

"Hey, you didn't answer my question."

I didn't, although the answer is simple.

"My boss made me."

(Y/N) scoff in disbelief.

"What? Did he put a gun against your chest?"

Well, thinking better about it, maybe the answer is not that simple.

"Not quite, but you can say I felt it that way."

I tell (Y/N) how my team always worries about my lack of social interaction, which isn't that accurate if you ask me. However, some of the pressure of doing things that people my age would generally do is finally getting me and pushing me out of my comfort zone.

She listens to me with undivided attention and seems to understand what I'm talking about.

"Peer pressure, uh? I can relate to that to some extent," she agrees.

"That's why are you here tonight, too?"

My question makes her let out a deep sigh as her eyes focus on the garden beside us for a second.

"Not really. Who knows, maybe I do enjoy being here?"

(Y/N) phrases it more like a question than a statement. And I can tell she doesn't believe it either.

"Enjoying being apart from the crowd, in a lateral terrace barely illuminated and exposed to the chilly night air? I can think of several other places to do the same thing without the trouble of a gala environment."

Her cheeks turn a shade of pink, which tells me I'm right.

"Not fair, you are a certified profiler," (Y/N) complains, faking annoyance.

"And you haven't answered my question either," I remind her. She rolls her eyes playfully.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. Well, let's say I came here to prove myself something. Spoiler alert: I failed. That's why I have been mostly spending the night here."

I hum, knowing she is vague in explaining, but I'm not in a place to pry.

"Look, I would tell you more about it, but I'm sure you have to return inside. Your teammates are surely wondering where you are."

I can't help but snort, and she raises an eyebrow at my reaction.

"I'm sorry, but your assumption is far from reality. Considering what happened inside, they think I ran home. What I was actually doing before spotting you here," I admit.

"Ha! So it's true I'm holding you back but for a different motive," she triumphantly concludes.

"I didn't say that!" I complain with a hint of exasperation, to which she breathly laughs.

"I know. I know. I'm messing with you. Honestly? There are two reasons why I'm avoiding this topic right now. First, I don't think you want to hear the mess my life is these days, and second, I would kill for a coffee and a sandwich-" she pauses, stifling a chuckle before continuing. "Considering oysters are out of the table."

"Oh, come on!" I groan, seeing how she falls into a fit of laughter, so contagious that I can't help but join her.

"Sorry, sorry. Not very kind of me, I know. But I couldn't help it," she apologizes, still giggling. I bit my lower lip in amusement.

"Alright. It's okay. It's frankly funny," I admit, my words leaving my mouth before I can think of them. "Well, I could tell you more of those moments in my life - many of them - if you let me join you with the coffee and sandwich. I know a good place that is open at this hour. And you can tell me what kind of thing you wanted to prove yourself tonight."

Spencer Reid. Is that you? 

I'm surprised by my sudden confidence, and it seems (Y/N) is, too. She hums, scrubbing her fingers under her chin while contemplating my offer.

"Okay, I'll take it. But don't tell me later that I didn't warn you about the mess of my life," she points her index finger at me.

"I won't. I promise."

-

Grabbing a cab is relatively easy since the FBI considered transportation outside the venue for people who won't be driving.

The fifteen-minute ride allows us to have a light conversation. That's how I know (Y/N) has been in the bureau for almost four years. Being an Accountant by profession and with a Master of Science in Finance from Georgetown, she was recruited for the FBI precisely considering her outstanding skills in the financial department.

She asks me about my trajectory in the FBI as well. I tell her about Gideon and the start of my life at the BAU.

Arriving at our destination, I insist on paying for the ride despite her resistance. I assured her that she could invite me to the coffee.

It must be a curious image for the patrons to see two fully gala-dressed people stepping inside a diner at eleven pm.

We sit on a bench facing each other.

A girl who can't hide her curious expression comes to take our order. As promised, (Y/N) asks for two coffees and two sandwiches.

"So, Agent Gideon recruited you for the FBI. Why did you accept? I would have thought you would be more comfortable in academics," (Y/N) asks, stirring a spoon of sugar in her coffee.

"I thought the same at the time. But Gideon saw something I didn't. He knew I wouldn't settle with learning and teaching for the rest of my life, and I needed it to be useful beyond that environment."

I explain how profiling has helped us to catch unsubs around the country and how worthy it is for me. I can't think of myself doing anything else. (Y/N) listen to me with raptor interest; it is nice to be heard that way.

"You know? I haven't heard someone speak passionately about their work in a long time. It's good you feel that way," she says with a hint of longing that doesn't go unnoticed by me.

"It is bold of me to assume you don't like what you do?"

Maybe I'm overstepping, but I'm curious. And (Y/N) doesn't seem bothered by my question. Shifting in her seat, she leans, resting her elbows on the table.

"Not bold at all, mister profiler," she teases. "But not always has been that way. I would say I started to feel uncomfortable not long ago. A couple of months, perhaps?"

I hum, thinking about what could have made her feel that way.

"It has to do with why you were at the gala tonight?"

She chuckles, nodding.

"Kind of. Remember I told you I wanted to prove myself something? Well, it has to do with what has been bothering me," she prefaces.

(Y/N) relates how things have gone well since she got into the FBI. She felt respected, wanting to do many things and learn everything she could. 

That's how she met her boyfriend.

"I wasn't looking for a romantic relationship, much less at work. I wanted to be professional, separating my private life from my job. But he was so attentive and supportive. He always told me he was happy I felt fulfilled with what I was doing. He was so perfect I thought I had found my soulmate."

I don't know exactly where she is going, but sure as hell, that prick wasn't her soulmate.

"What happened?"

"One day, I wasn't good enough for him anymore. After two years of relationship, he started with harsh comments and criticism about everything I did and didn't do."

A humorless chuckle escapes her lips.

"I should have noticed. By then, he was promoted from desk duty and junior trainee to field agent. He had always wanted it, and I felt so happy for him. But that changed everything."

(Y/N) tells me about how her boyfriend stopped listening to her, and instead, every topic of conversation turned to his job, implying - sometimes saying it explicitly - that it was more important than hers.

"It's not only the fact we stopped communicating; it was realizing how low he thought about me and my accomplishments. At first, I tried to understand. Of course, he was dazed by this new life, full of danger and adrenaline. I could understand it. But when he started comparing me to his female colleagues and the things they were doing, way more important than the ones I was doing, it made me insecure."

(Y/N) takes time to collect her thoughts, sipping the remaining coffee from the cup.

"The insecurities got the best of me. At some point, I just wanted to run away and leave it all behind. I knew it was irrational, but I believed him. I even thought about changing my career and training to be a field agent. Good thing we broke up before I could do that," she admits.

"What stopped you? I mean, like you're telling this, you were going to change for him," I ask. She cast her gaze, averting mine. Her cheeks turn pink.

"I don't like to admit it, but the reason we broke up wasn't because I realized how stupid the situation was. We broke up because he cheated on me. I discovered it two months ago, breaking the camel's back."

Fuck. That prick was not meant to be her soulmate. And I feel the urge to have one or two words with him right now.

"I'm sorry." It's the only thing I manage to say. (Y/N) shakes her head.

"Nah. If anything, I'm glad it happened. Even if it broke my heart."

"He was at the gala, right?" (Y/N) nods.

"With the coworker that he chose to cheat on me. His current girlfriend."

Everything makes perfect sense now. (Y/N) was trying to prove to herself that the wound had healed. And from what she said earlier, it didn't turn that way.

She bitterly chuckles.

"Yeah. It's pathetic, I know."

Spencer, do something.

"No! It's not. Unfortunately, cheating is not uncommon, particularly in men. In 2020, IFS released a report stating that 20% of men have admitted to cheating, and only 10% have. In 2021, the Health Testing Centers asked 441 people who admitted infidelity to their partners and asked how long it took for them to tell their partners about it. 47.7% of the respondents told their partner within a week that they'd cheated. 26.6% of those have waited for a month, and 25.7% took six months or longer to tell their partner about the infidelity. And 60% of them said the affair started in a work environment."

And then again, the rambling. But instead of giving me a blank look, (Y/N) seems to consider what I just said.

"Maybe I shouldn't feel so bad about it then. Anyway, it hasn't been easy to get out of this. I thought going to the gala and forcing myself to see them together would be enough to get a closure," she reflects.

"But it still hurts," I supply, making (Y/N) hum.

"Yeah. I'm not ready, and it sucks. Not for him, but for me. I hate feeling so out of place, so dissatisfied with everything," (Y/N) retorts, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest.

Her eyes look sad, and I want to do something to fix it, although I know that nothing I can say would be enough. Maybe joking will at least get her off the topic.

"And there I was talking about oysters all night," I sigh, feigning disapproval. Genuine laughter escapes her lips.

I didn't know that making her laugh could fill my heart so much with satisfaction.

"That's life," she adds, now checking the time on her cell phone. "I think I'll get going," she announces, collecting her things and preparing to stand.

"Can I walk you home? It's very late already," I ask.

"Oh no, don't worry about me. My building is not far from here."

I know she doesn't want to cause trouble, but it makes me uneasy about what could happen to her walking alone at this hour.

Thank you, BAU.

"Please?" I insist. (Y/N) raises an eyebrow.

"Aren't you already fed up with me?" she asks curiously.

"Non yet," I grin.

Not having the energy to put up a fight, she accepts my offer, and after paying the bill, we leave the restaurant.

The night is colder now, and both of us walk in silence with our hands in our pockets.

I can't know what exactly she's thinking, but at least I can't stop thinking about tonight. For someone like me, it's hard to fall into spontaneity, but with (Y/N), it wasn't a problem. That amazes me, and I like it at the same time.

When she stops walking, I get out of my thoughts.

"Here," she says, looking at the building we are standing by. "Thank you for walking with me," (Y/N) states, smiling. It's the same warm smile she offered when I found her on the venue's terrace a couple of hours ago.

"Of course. It's the less I could do."

And I mean it. She saved my night in so many ways she doesn't even know.

"Well, I need to say it was a pleasure to share this shit of a night with you and turned it less shitty," she says, grinning and satisfied with her remark.

I laugh at her statement. I couldn't have said it better.

"Thank you. It's the best compliment I have had in a long time," I joke, making (Y/N) giggle.

"You are welcome."

I have the question on the tip of my tongue. I would love to see her again, but what if she doesn't think it's worth it? I opt for the vaguest thing that comes to mind.

"See you around?"

(Y/N) thinks about it for a moment. Am I being too obvious? Before falling into a spiral, she smiles at me again.

"Yeah, sure. Why not."

I can't help but feel the excitement pouring from me.

"Great! Well, I - I'll go now. Good night (Y/N)," I say goodbye, slowly walking backward.

"Good night, Spencer," she retorts before entering the building.

I watch her disappear behind the door, and I think that while neither of us got what we wanted, maybe we got what we needed.

-------------

Next -> Part 2: It Was Horrible Until It Wasn’t

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A/N 2: I'm excited to know your thoughts about this!

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Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger @khxna @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @dysphoricsanity

[dilfartist]

Yandere JJK Headcannons

Kidnapping, dark themes, abuse, talk of killing, stalking, obsession, the usual yandere warnings, yandere tendencies.

Notes; {Sorry if any of the characters seem out of character, just started season 2. Please enjoy. I know this isn’t the best work but I want to get back into the writing game.}

Reader description; Female/GN

Not proofread

Reblogs and Comments are greatly appreciated!

Gojo Satoru

When it comes to Satoru Gojo’s love life, it’s quite lonely. Although Gojo is a very attractive man, he lacks a relationship for two main reasons: Gojo’s lack of commitment and his status as the strongest (implied in the mangas.)

So when you catch Gojo’s eye he is taken aback by his feelings. Why have you altered his brain? Usually, he meets a girl/guy and they’ll be the ones to swoon over him, or he’ll be interested in them for a while until his responsibilities have overtaken his mind and the person fades away into a forgotten memory that lingers in the back of his mind. However, with you it's different. He is the one swooning over you, kicking his feet and giggling like a schoolgirl with a massive crush. The thought of you never leaves his mind. He’s conflicted.

He doesn't mind hurting or threatening others for you.

Not a day goes by without at least a mention of you in his mind. When he’s cooking, he’ll think, I wonder what ramen they like. When he’s in the shower, (Name) smells like [favorite scent], I wonder what shampoo they use. When at work, I should check by their house today, just to make sure no cursed spirits are rooming around.

Whether you are a civilian or another teacher, you are most definitely weaker than him. This fact makes Gojo so possessive over you. Gojo knows what happens to weak people; they die by his hand or others. He worries for you, a lot. He is a very busy man even if he does send his students to complete his tasks. Not to say time for himself is nonexistent, no, it's just he can’t check on you the amount of times he’d like to. He is The Gojo Satoru; most curses and people have it out for him. If anyone were to notice his obvious attachment to you, you’d be killed, most likely, immediately. So as a result of his uncommon paranoia, he snatches you up.

Once you’re in Gojo’s care, Gojo will try his best to make you feel at home. He knows that taking you away from family, friends, and overall having your own freedom isn’t fair, and if he honestly had no one after him, he’d allow you to live your life as you please. Of course, as long as he is a part of it as well. At first, he buys all the snacks and foods he knows you like and once they’ve been eaten or wasted, he’ll take you grocery shopping with him for anything you’d like.

Megumi has 80% of an idea of what is going on between you and Gojo. He most definitely has an idea of what is happening. You never seem too pleased to be in Gojo’s house and the way Gojo talks about you makes him do a double take. It doesn't seem normal; but then again he’s Gojo, he isn’t normal. And although Megumi wants what’s best for innocent people, he’s known Gojo for too long and he doesn't believe Gojo would kidnap someone for selfishness or any reason he deems corrupt. So Megumi puts his judgments aside thinking Gojo and you are just weirdos.

Gojo is very touchy with you,(but then again he’s touchy with anyone he deems a friend or is on good terms with.) At first, when you first are kidnapped, he is less handsy, only touching you occasionally. But as time goes on he grows more comfortable with touching you since you’re beginning to deem his touches as a regular part of your day. However, that doesn't mean Gojo will put his hands on you against your comfort just because he wants to. If you state you’re uncomfortable with his touch, he’ll immediately retract, sometimes with a small pout. The only time he will not listen to you is when he is putting you in your place. For example: you attempting to run away.

Now, for your punishments. He doesn't really do those. Usually, he acts like a preschool teacher dealing with a naughty child, clicking his tongue in disapproval, folding his arms when you give him attitude, and trying to reason with you in a gentle way. Gojo doesn’t baby you. He doesn't see you as some adult acting like a child, unlike some yanderes would. Then again occasionally you will have a tantrum. Gojo understands your frustrations and so he handles them with a calming approach. Still, he will match your energy if he decides need be. If you attempt punishable offenses like running away, attempting to murder him, or trying to get Megumi to help you, Gojo will not be so kind the majority of the time.

Honestly, Gojo is 5/10 yandere. He’s understanding and not delusional. Besides him kidnapping you and being the master of annoying yapping, you’re better off with him as your yandere.

Nanami Kento

Nanami wants a normal happy life but his job interferes with his dream. So when he meets you, he’s a bit more pleased with his life. He loves everything about you. You understand him and that's all he wants.

Nanami most likely met you after work, looking for a bite to eat. You worked there as the cashier just as tired as he was. As part of your job, you make light conversation, however, you and Nanami talked longer, maybe about five minutes before he finally left.

After that interaction, Nanami visits your job more In light hopes of seeing you again. Nanami convinces himself that he just wants a bite to eat again, he isn’t coming here for you...but seeing you again would be nice. The more often he comes by your job the more his obsession with you grows. Similar to Gojo, he will think about you constantly throughout the week.

Nanami Is such a laidback Yandere that you won’t detect, and most likely never will. Nanami isn't the type to kill someone because they flirted with you or breathed in your direction. And he isn’t possessive of you. The only yandere tendencies he has is obsessing over you in his thoughts and being only a bit possessive. He watches you through the day, he has a little camera in the house to watch you. You don’t know that though since it’s up so high on the top of the cabinets. He has your phone tracked with life360, you don’t know that because he has it hidden on your phone. You don't know after he finally realized he liked you, he followed you around in his free time to stalk you a bit and find out more about you.

Other than that, Nanami Is pretty laid back. Well, unless you decide to run away or leave him, then his true nature will show.

If you run away for whatever reason then you won’t see him coming after you. You may have an Idea because of the few alarmed texts he sends you before you block him. You won't see Nanami for a while until you just minding your own business, maybe grabing a bite to eat, and suddenly standing behind you In line with you is an unenthusiastic Nanami. You won’t even try to run at first because seeing him look at you with a warning in his eyes makes every escape plan fade away. You’re terrified. You’re as terrified as a child who has yelled at their mother.

You find yourself back In Nanami’s home, now having alarms, locks, and a couple of cameras around. You aren’t allowed out the house until Nanami considers you worthy.

As a yandere, Nanami is rated a 4/10.

Geto Suguru

Geto’s behavior really depends on whether you are a normal civilian or a curse user. If you’re a curse user you’re treated far better than a normal person. Geto would treat his civilian darling like a pet. Like a dog of sorts.

For now, let's focus on a civilian darling.

To understand Geto’s point of view, I will give you an example: Geto is kinda like a hunter. Geto is like a hunter who hunts animals because he thinks all their good for is being food and they are inferior to him. Now imagine a hunter coming across a cute bunny rabbit. The hunter learns about the bunny a bit, finding its little quirks endearing. The Hunter decides to take home the rabbit and keep it for himself as a pet, but he still thinks all animals are inferior to him. This bunny is just a bit more likable than others.

Now I don’t think Geto will act like other Yanderes and actually treat you as a pet but he will act like you are in ways. Sometimes he’ll relax and have you lay your head on his lap as he pets you. He’ll beckon for you as If you’re a dog. He expects you to be loving to him as soon as he enters the room. Wants you to follow him and not wander off anywhere else. He even calls you a pet sometimes. However, you don’t have a collar nor do you have a dog crate.

Geto most likely, just like the others, found you by mistake. What really starts the obsession is If you make a comment on his beliefs. Disagreeing or agreeing with his beliefs, he starts to look at you differently from the other humans. There are two ways you came across the belief Geto holds since you’re a normal civilian. One, you found a source online speaking of this belief: A YouTube essay, a sketchy online website, a theorist. Two, you overheard Geto speaking to no one, since civilians can’t see curses, and decided to put your two cents in for whatever reason.

Like a hunter, Geto will set out a trap. He’ll offer to take you out on dates, ask for your phone number, seem like a normal man that has taken an interest in you. And if you accept any of these, you’re nothing more than a little mouse approaching the cheese bait in the open mouse trap.

Once he kidnaps you, and he will, you mainly stay in the room you share with Geto unless Geto is home and requests your presence. You help around with his daughters and make dinner for him, just as he requests of you.

Now if you are a fellow curse user, you aren’t treated as badly as a civilian darling.

You aren’t expected to follow him around everywhere, you aren’t called a pet (only at times.) No matter how strong you are, Geto has the upper hand. You will be pressured into a relationship with him, by him, and by a few other curse users. Escaping isn’t a possibility for curse user Darling or civilian Darling. He will be on your tail in no time. You could make a couple of blocks away from the house if he’s being lazy. If Geto is out then he’ll send someone out for you. You have more of a chance with others coming after you than with Geto coming after you.

Geto has no problem disciplining you, especially if you’re a civilian darling. Pets must be disciplined when attempting to run out of the house. His punishments include starvation (depending on how many days he deems the punishment worthy), flogging, and breaking a bone. Nothing too terrible. Well, not as bad as you could have it.

Overall, Geto as a yandere is an 8/10.

Ryomen Sukuna

When it comes to Sukana, he is a manipulative and masochist yandere. He enjoys watching you suffer. He loves hearing the cries of pain slip from your sweet lips. Not only because he enjoys human suffering in general but also the fact you make him feel crazy. He isn’t used to romantic obsession. He hates- no despises feeling weak because of you. He takes out his frustrations on you, breaking fingers, hurting you, verbally abusing you, and playing with your feelings. Anything to feel the pleasure he gets from the frown that settles on your lips and the tears pricking your eyes.

While inside Yuji, his thoughts are full of you. Despite the way he treats you, he does adore you. Although, he’ll never let the words be said. He finds himself missing you, wanting to be near you. And he isn’t always hurting you, sometimes you sit together in a peaceful silence. Sometimes you have nice conversations.

Sukana is possessive. He hates when someone is stealing his time away from you. And if you were to be flirted with, he’d curse at the person from Yuji’s cheeks. If he’s railed up enough, he might even attempt to come out of Yuji.

The only way he is able to communicate with you and spend any time with you is because there are sorcerors watching over you guys in his domain. If he ends up hurting you in front of them, then you immediately come out and won’t visit him until you completely heal. Which is why is such a rare occurrence for him to hurt you physically. And if you think you’d be able to avoid him, you’re wrong. He will have tantrums. It gets to the point that you are obligated to stay with Sukana for at least an hour in his domain for the sake of everyone having a headache.

In general, he is a 6/10 yandere. He really can’t do anything. Not much to speak about.

Toji Fushiguro

Toji hasn't had an interest in relationships since the death of his late wife, so imagine his frustration when you come into his life. Sweet, loveable, you.

Laid back Yandere

When you two first meet he could care less about you. To him, you’re just another annoying person. However, when he gets to know you better, he warms up to you. Then as weeks pass, he feels familiar feelings he used to experience with his wife, it irks him, even frightens him slightly. When Megumi’s mother had died, Toji believed he’d never love again. He wasn’t interested in relationships. Now imagine the frustration he feels when he catches feelings for you. Toji attempts to ignore your existence because he isn’t looking for love and has more important events to worry about, but you won’t go away. Toji takes these feelings out on you, making it seem you caused him to feel this way on purpose to piss him off. You don’t hang around him like an annoying fly, you both just come across each other a lot. Toji likes to act like that isn’t the case. Toji will suck his teeth, grumbling about how you must like him since you’re near him all the time.

It takes about a good two months until Toji starts to really accept the fact he is obsessed with you. And you can start the see the signs when he calms down with the asshole act and begins to put on a soft act around you. He’ll act like you guys are already dating just without affection.

Toji will kidnap you, no doubt about it. Toji has already lost his first wife, he won’t lose you. The loss of his first wife is ultimately the reason he is a Yandere. You’re better off meeting him before he meets his first wife, he won’t be as protective and possessive.

Punishments really depend on his mood at the moment. When it comes to punishments his go-to is silent treatment, starvation (you’d probably starve anyway since he’s a broke ass bitch), and being forced to stay locked in a room for hours. Now hurting you for punishment is a different story. Toji will do anything in his power not to cause you harm. Hurting you might cause something major to happen and Toji hates knowing the fact that he was the one to hurt you. If it has to come to that point, Toji acts as if he could care less about hurting you. He acts like he doesn’t mind doing so. But if you observe closely you can tell that he is beating himself up for harming you.

Murdering, hurting, and threatening other people is easy for Toji. In fact, it’s his immediate reaction to someone he feels is a threat to your relationship. So if you’re not careful and piss Toji off enough, he might just kill your family. Best if you listen.

Home life with him isn’t bad. For the most part, Toji is a laid-back Yandere. It feels like you too are roommates, but your roomate likes kiss up on you and forbids you to leave the house without him by your side.

Overall, Toji is a 5/10 Yandere.

Mahito

Mahito is a fun yandere to think about.

As a yandere, he is a sadistic-possessive yandere. His obsession begins when he finds something interesting about you. Maybe you're a tourist who can’t speak Japanese very well and Mahito finds it adorable. Or maybe you bumped into him and saw him, making others look at you crazy since most humans can’t see him. You intrigue him more than other humans and he won’t let you out of his sight.

Mahito enjoys messing with you, all your reactions are endearing. He just adores the flush of embarrassment on your cheeks when others stop and stare at you after he a mountain of cans beside you. Giggles when you embarrass yourself yet again because you sometimes get so fed up with him that you go off on him in public areas. You humans can be so fun to play with!

He is now your roommate, like it or not. Follows you around everywhere, even the bathroom. He never leaves no matter how much you beg him. Loves to misplace your favorite foods because he knows it pisses you off and gives him a good laugh.

Literally gives no fucks killing off anyone posing a threat to your relationship. Hell, he’ll kill anyone for the sake of love. Mahito uses the threat of killing to keep you in check most of the time.

Punishments include anything sadistic that comes to his mind. You either get no punishment or the worst punishment you can imagine. After the punishment is over, Mahito always coos at you, kissing your booboos better. He claims he hates doing such vile acts to you when he teases you.

Overall, he's a damn parasite sucking out all the joy in your life. 1/10.

[angrykittybarbarian]

A list of things that bother me about Dragon Age: The Veilguard:

!Beware of spoilers if you want to go into this game blind!

Word of advice: I truly think that it is better however to play this game fully informed or else you are in for a big shock.

The dialogue feels artificial.

What do I mean by that? From what I have observed the dialogue between Rook and the companions is unnatural. This expresses itself in lack of emotional expression or too much of the same in an unfitting situation. But for the most part it's the first resulting in the companions never being truly mad at Rook nor expressing such feelings towards them whatsoever. Instrad the dialogue seems to function like a simplified explanation of things and events around you to make sure you understand properly and don't get fancy ideas like interpreting a situation through your own personal lense and take away an understanding the devs did not explicitely want you to have.

The game has strange priorities in terms of exposition.

The game has companions and NPCs either state the obvious in a slow and clear pronounciation or doesn't give necessary background info at all.

For instance it has the Veiljumpers state that Arlathan Forest is dangerous as multiple members of their organization are being carried away and injured, as if the player wouldn't conclude this fact by, I don't know, engaging with the game? At the same time it doesn't provide who these Veiljumpers are exactly and how they know of Solas and the true character of the Evanuris as these facts are not common knowledge among the people of Thedas.

Rook and Varric seem to have an established history but we never get to see how they met and what they did together. We don't get to build our relationship with Varric as Rook like we did as Hawke or the Inquisitor. We have to pretend it's magically there.

Which brings me to my next point: the game doesn't care for established lore and replaces it with a nonsensical version

Said Veiljumpers, including Bellara, consist almost entirely of dalish elves who have an extensive lore surrounding their pantheon, religious ohilosophies and principles. Their gods are the Evanuris, also called the creators. Elgar'nan is the Allfather in this pantheon while Ghilan'nain is the Mother of Halla in dalish tradition. This should have lead to conflict with Rook who is fighting these very gods. Instead the elves seem the accept the fact without second thought.

The same goes for Davrin who somehow identifies Ghilan'nain as the Mother of all Monsters while it remains unclear from where he takes his information.

On the flip side human Andrastianism doesn't seem to play a role at all. The game does not explore what rise of the elven gods means for the belief in The Maker. The human companions don't comment on it either and the templars have seemingly vanished.

The Antaam are waging an expansionist war without command from the Arishok now. Despite the Qun being a highly disciplined doctrine that values firmly set roles and chain of command above all else, the entire qunari military arm is somehow able to act without order and war amongst themselves.

But wait, there is a word for Qunari who behave like this already established. Tal Vashoth! So the game is basically claiming the entire qunari military went rogue.

The Antivan Crows, hitmen for hire, who buy kids from the slave market to raise them to be obedient killers and use trorture to reach this goal and are willing to kill said members if they go rogue or mess up a job, are the good guys now who protect Antiva's streets from harm.

Ferelden and Orlais got swallowed by the blight and whoever rules Orlais got assassinated by the Venatori anyway which renders the entire questline of Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts pointless.

And appearantly Morrigan slept around a lot now and Shaper Valta from the Decent dlc has become a statue in Kal Sharok?

The devs lied about previous choices not mattering

It becomes clear that the devs may have had a certain world state in mind when writing the story. This becomes clear when Harding talks about the Inquisition's spymaster being Charter but also mentioning Leliana. But we all know Leliana was the spymaster. So if the position fell to Charter there must have happened something that forced Leliana out of the position, like being named Divine for instance?

This impression is further cemented by the attitude of the First Warden towards the Inquisitor. It was stated that the First Warden had no high opinion of the Inquisitor. But why? They never met before. Could it be that the First Warden could be holding a grudge because of a specific decision made at Adamant, possibly the banishment of the wardens by the Inquisitor?

This is not even complete as I have not finished the game yet. But lord, this is a lot already in the beginning. At this point a miracle needs to happen to to render the points above meaningless but it isn't going to happen.

Part 2

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Something Something Yeah It's Still Solavellan Hours (Mythal is kind of here, too)

I've seen a few very beautifully articulated posts talking about the conflicted responses players are finding themselves having in regards to the decision by writers* to have Solas' atonement route possible because of his conversation with one of the remaining fragments of Mythal.

(*honestly I hesitate to put the weight of bigger game events on their shoulders because of how much I know bigger players in the company were involved, so when you read 'writers' know I just mean whoever had final say on plot)

I love reading where people are at on this, and having now breathed, re-played the scene, cried, read some more theories, and then played the scene again enough times I think I'm now able to figure out where I'm at.

TLDR: in my humble opinion, the conversation Solas has with Mythal doesn't bring him any actual closure at all. It is only the version of the atonement ending that has Lavellan in which he is actually set upon a road to redemption.

This, like everything else where I lose my mind, will be long. I tried to restrain myself and here we are, unhinged as ever.

I was unhappy at first that Mythal's incredibly brief conversation with Solas where she releases him from her service seemed to be what finally allowed him to make a decision based on his wants and not hers. My concern stemmed mostly from the fact that a lot of us are trying to be active participants in a society that recognizes patterns of abuse and seeks to establish channels through which individuals can pursue healing without the approval, consent, or demise of their abuser.

But the more I look at the scene, the more I wonder what would have happened in a world where Veilguard got just a little more time in development. Could we have gotten a scene that more elegantly conveys the theme that we cannot heal every part of our loved ones, much as we might like to?

In an imperfect world it isn't always up to us how someone finds closure, which really sucks when you'd like to ensure a loved one finds it in a way that preserves their dignity and limits exposure to the individuals who have harmed them.

And while it could be left there, I'd like to actually push back on the idea that Mythal is in any way responsible for "healing" Solas in this moment.

I went on a different tirade a few days ago about how at the end of Inquisition, Mythal says words to Solas that on their surface seem well-intentioned or placating, but they actually just serve to further bind him in guilt and a position of servitude. In Veilguard's finale, she still does not take accountability for exactly how much of a role she played in the pain that Solas, a man others have revered and feared as a god, has gone through as he cowers, actually cowers before her.

Mythal's interaction with Solas conveys exactly two things to him as far as I am concerned (I'm going to botch these quotes but my laptop is dying so please accept some paraphrase as I rush to finish this before I go cry about this analysis to my uncaring dog):

"The terrible things we did, we did together." You are forever tied to me.

"I release you from my service." But what am I releasing you to?

Because up until Lavellan joins the fray here, all I take away from the physical and unwilling emotional cues Solas gives in this scene (he is a master in trickery, for goodness' sake, the thought of so many witnesses seeing him unable to hide behind a mask has to leave him feeling anguished on top of everything else) is that Mythal has once again reminded him of everything he did in her name and telling him that all that's left for him is to go back to the fade prison and, as he as always done, endure the crushing weight of his failures alone.

To me, in my interpretation, the Solas that hears this from Mythal with no Lavellan intervention may choose to willingly step down from his original plan (and yeah, that's gonna do some damage) but he is certainly not free of his past. He's going to be reminded of it every time he turns a corner and finds more blight to try and soothe, and even the moments that he rests will be filled with more manifestations of his regret. He says it himself: where he's going? It's terrible.

Enter Lavellan. Yeah, he couldn't bring himself to listen to her at her first plea (but like damn how many times are we going to have to watch her give a heartfelt speech only for him to be like 'something something beautiful elven rejection'). But I know that you know that our clever icon knows better than to take what Solas says at face value. She tells Rook plainly that he's absolute dogshit at lies of the heart, and she says it with her whole chest.

Lavellan sees the way his shoulders slump (in resignation yes, but you can't convince me there's not a little bit of relief there, too), she hears the agony in the "vhenan" that escapes his lips (which, don't even get me started on the fact that it's been like nine years and he has no hesitation at all calling her his heart, it just spills out of him). It is not the sound of a man delighting in the steps he's about to take. They're certainly not steps he does not dislike that lead to a destination he enjoys.

And then she watches Mythal (who I can't imagine she feels any sort of fondness or respect for) pull some weird nonsense on her love one final time, and she knows it's her moment to shine.

Mythal, I would argue, pushes Solas down one more time, shames him into seeking atonement, into once again being alone.

It is the romanced Lavellan that kneels so that he cannot fail to meet her eyes. It is she who invokes their connection, not to remind him of his failures but to reaffirm his greatest strength: their love and their love alone is inevitable. Not the consequences of his past, not the regret he thinks will consume him as he seeks to mend what has been broken. It has only ever been them.

"There is no fate but the love we share". We are forever tied together.

"There is no fate but the love we share." *I* am releasing you from everything else save for this love.

Put colloquially: get absolutely fucking wrecked, Mythal.

Body language comparison to chase up the dialogue one, anyone? The way Solas shrinks before Mythal as opposed to him walking off into the fade with Lavellan at his side and standing tall, and he does not flinch when she lifts a hand to his shoulder?

Ultimately, Mythal is a part of the atonement endings no matter what. But it is only Lavellan that refuses to let him walk alone. It is only Lavellan that guarantees that his dinan'shiral ends not in a prison of regret, but a place of promise.

Mythal bends Solas until he breaks one last time. Lavellan takes each piece, claims it as hers, and uses them to build the beginnings of a future.

[utilitycaster]

I like that the Raven Queen, who made the decision to take on an immense and (at least to her understanding at the time) unending responsibility is the one who calls Bells Hells out on their endless indecision.

It's been...interesting, shall we say, tracking this "party of NPCs," and tracking the fandom response throughout. The initial reception to "party of NPCs" was actually a rather cold one. This took place early in the campaign, prior to the Gnarlrock fight, and at the time a lot of people who shipped Imogen and Laudna were actually extremely resistant to the idea that Imogen was the "main character" of the campaign (as seen in the fallout from the gnarlrock fight, in which the bulk of attacks from the fandom were on Imogen). I've had complicated feelings on Taliesin's reads of this campaign specifically - he tends to have a very good understanding of his own characters that doesn't necessarily expand beyond them - but that phrase was indeed pretty valid. I think about the WBN interludes, in fact, in which the cast plays using NPC statblocks, and what a true party of NPCs for Bells Hells would look like, since it would be quite simple to draw up.

Allied NPCs in TTRPGs rarely act without guidance from the PCs. I've cast a critical eye in the past towards certain meta (particularly romantic in nature, regarding Yeza or Essek or Gilmore not making moves) for this reason, because while villains and antagonists move throughout the world generating obstacles, allies exist to be directed. They have their limits, of course; they have their own priorities and motivations and cannot be persuaded against their nature, but they can be guided at oblique angles from the GMs initial intent given enough work from the PCs. They're still people with thoughts and feelings and dreams, to an extent, but rarely do they make decisions that would conflict with those of the PCs.

That's the problem with a party of NPCs. NPCs take direction. They serve as support, but they're not in the driver's seat. And the Raven Queen has noticed.

The attitude within the fandom towards "Party of NPCs" became far more positive over time, and I wonder if it should have. People began to lean perhaps too heavily on how Bells Hells were people from nothing and nowhere, discarded. This is of course objectively false when comparing across parties (can we really say Imogen had a worse childhood than Vex? Chetney to Caleb? Even Ashton to Fjord?) but were it true, that in and of itself wouldn't be a problem. D&D backstories are often tear-stained and blood-soaked, full of unjust accusations, dead or neglectful parents, failure and regret. D&D is a game about coming from very little but a disproportionately good stat block for a commoner. It is unavoidably about amassing power. Starting off as a party of NPCs is fine. You should not still be a party of NPCs at the endgame.

I mentioned the gnarlrock, and I've mentioned an emphasis (or overemphasis) on this party's lack of agency and I think that remains the problem. Ludinus's villainy is rich, complex, and multifaceted, but a consistent element of it is his eternal false insistence that he - Martinet, founder and head of the Cerberus Assembly, Archmage - is just a little guy, chaff in the wind of the will of the gods, without free will of his own (he says, as he places his thread outside the reach of the Matron). That too is a theme in fandom discourse: free will and intent. Is Imogen justified in being angry at Laudna for breaking the rock if that wasn't Laudna's intent? (yes.) Is Orym on a quest of vengeance, with a death wish? (no, but if he were it wouldn't matter.) Was it wrong to pressure Fearne to take the shard instead of letting her make her own choices? (yes.)

Did any of you, perhaps in preschool or kindergarten, since that's about the age when this happens, have someone pull your hair and for adults to say "it's because they like you?" I find this is a good way to convey the importance, or unimportance, or intent. Because when your hair is being pulled, at least if that is the extent of the problem, it doesn't matter if it comes from the misguided affections of a four-year-old admirer who doesn't know how to use their words, or a six-year-old who just grabbed the most obvious material with which to test the limits of the safety scissors, or an eleven-year-old bully. Your hair is being pulled and you want it to stop. It doesn't matter if the person secretly likes you or if they want to hurt you; it matters that no matter the intent behind it, they are doing so. And if you reject the affections of your fellow preschool classmate because you think they might pull your hair, that's a fair consequence.

Bells Hells' indecision is some sort of cosmic hair pulling. They have reasons for faltering, and some of those reasons are understandable balking at an immense weight placed upon them and some of those reasons come from a deeply self-centered place in which their individual pain is used to blot out the suffering of countless others. But in the end, even that doesn't matter. Their histories don't matter. We don't need another series of introductions of where they come from and what they've done. We need people who can make decisions and who will act.

The Raven Queen seems to have been convinced they will. I'm not sure. But I think we are in agreement that inaction is, regardless of the intent behind it, no different than active harm. It would be irresponsible to continue to be a party of NPCs; if they truly are lost and forgotten fuck-ups, they have a responsibility (as the god of death once did) to abdicate and find a replacement.

[just-a-ghost00]

Pick a main character & I'll give you 13 facts about your secret admirer [part 1]

Images found on Pinterest. Deck used : golden thread tarot.

Group 1

7 of swords, 5 of pentacles, King of cups, Empress

You have no idea who this person is because they've lied to you about their real intentions. You'd never suspect this person to admire you in secret.

This is someone that tends to get lonely and remains guarded around people. You never know what they think, who they truly are, what they want from you. They may be refered to as a "cold", "heartless" person.

You are not in contact with this person at the moment.

Despite how people may perceive them and their harsh exterior, this person is incredibly loving and caring. They are the safest person to be with and they wouldn't hurt a single soul.

They are either a heavily Scorpio or Taurus influenced person.

This person misses you dearly and wishes they could be closer to you.

Most people get scared of them because of their depth and intensity. They get wrongly accused of being a bad person or someone dangerous. Most people never see beyond the surface and keep them at arms length.

Despite their very bold demeanor and independent attitude, this person is very feminine in nature. They could give everything they have to the people they trust.

Once you gain this person respect, it is very hard to lose it. You must be the biggest piece of sh*t if you ever cross this person. Because the last thing they want to do is to hate on people and be in conflict with them.

This is someone that feels extremely lonely because most people don't understand them.

They are incredibly smart and witty but most people don't get to see that from them. People tend to underestimate them.

They are very protective of their loved ones and their private space. If you touch anyone they love, you're a d**d man.

They give the best hugs and can be very reassuring, comforting, nurturing. They also cook the best meals and enjoy baking. They are also very good in bed so whoever manages to win their heart will be very lucky.

Group 2

ace of wands, 5 of cups, king of wands, 10 of swords

They cannot stay in place. They always feel the need to wreack havoc, stir some trouble, put some spice in the pot. That includes bed time activities.

They got their heart broken more times than they can count. They tend to be deceived in love because they grant their trust too easily.

They have a bad temper and they can be pretty stubborn. But they're also extremely brave and communicative, they are not afraid to state their mind and say what needs to be said.

They have a very combattive, competitive spirit. They can't stand losing to someone else, whether it's in games or in life, especially when it comes to relationships.

They are jealous af. But also kinky af. It is hard to get them to stop once you've set them ablaze.

This person has gone through hell. It's a miracle they're still breathing. They're a force to be reckoned with and whoever messes with them is going to face retribution one way or another.

They are sooooo petty. They could wait for years to see a project come to fruition, even if it is painful and difficult, only to be able to prove everybody wrong.

They've struggled with depression and may still be going through it at the moment.

They are amazingly creative. This person is a wonder and they make people question their sanity sometimes. They can create anything out of nothing and often times get incredible ideas that make people go "where the heck do you get all these thoughts?!".

Speaking of thoughts, they got many of them. Too many for their own good. And most of them are R-rated. But they would never admit it.

This person enjoys sports of all kinds. But I'm specifically picking up on running and working out at the gym.

They're a huge flirt. They're "too sexy for their shirt". And one of the reasons why they often get in trouble is because they can't keep their eyes and their tongue in check. Basically, they have an "act first think later" type of mentality that isn't always beneficial to them.

They may have a lot of mood swings and have a hard time dealing with their emotions. One day they're super cheerful and friendly, the other they're gloomy and sarcastic. Or maybe they're just a Gemini. You never know which side of the coin you'll get.

Group 3

4 of cups, High Priestess, ace of pentacles, 10 of pentacles

This person is incredibly shy and reserved, so much so that not even their own family knows them. They are so secretive. Even psychics wouldn't be able to see their core.

Speaking of psychics, this person could be one. If not, they have the ability to but may not be aware of it.

They enjoy their own company and are not afraid to be alone. They are not used to mingling with people. The reason why they admire you remains a mystery to them.

They are very generous with their time, money, advice, care. They never look down on people and never take for granted what they have.

They are highly educated and/or come from a wealthy family. If not, they are well established and have built a life they can be proud of through constant effort, hard work and patience.

They are incredibly resilient and loyal to a fault. They're also very stubborn, opinionated and unwavering. Once they have an idea in mind it is hard to stop them.

This person has a very magnetic presence and they can be quite intimidating. But the curiousity always gets the best out of people. No matter who you are, you just simply can't ignore this person's aura.

Ironically, people would never expect this person to be as wealthy and well established as they are, as strong and determined as they are. This person is often times underestimated or overlooked. It's like they just can't accept that someone like them can be succesful. That may be because of their roots.

This person puts tradition and family above anything else. They give a lot of importance to rules and moral codes. They value dedication, authenticity and honesty.

They could be religious. Or at least they are spiritual. They make offerings and kindly give out anything they may own if that can be of help to others.

This person enjoys community work, sharing of knowledge and experience. They like to garden, cook and enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

They fear rejection but they'd rather d** than admit it.

They have strong boundaries and won't settle for less than what they deem worthy of their attention. They're not afraid to step up and stand their ground, even if it may draw attention or make them look arrogant.

[imustbenuts]

nuts reading trigun in japanese 3 - "weirdo" and vash's pronoun switching

disclaimer: my jp reading posts are all for triangulation purposes and nothing else. scanlating mangas is tough work. @-@ i know this.

"Weirdo"

the word 'weirdo' in 2024 english carries connotations of neutral-bad or positive depending on the context of the speaker. depending on how one curates their internet space, weirdo often leans more positively with the same meaning as eccentric, but not always.

however, but in JP, "weird" is more specific and often negative. there's the well known, hentai 変態 (ie. deviant, pervert, freak, extremely negative in tone), and in this case, kimochi warui 気持ち悪い (gross, off-putting, bad vibes). eccentrics are more as 変人 henjin and carries a more neutral tone.

in this panel here papa nebreska uses 気持ち悪い in katakana キモチワルイ in reaction to vash busting his ass saving people and putting out of harms' way. vash's vibes are so off putting to this wanted man he's actually creeped out.

this is particularly interesting to me bc the english translation didn't end up portraying how utterly weird vash's mindset is fully. it wasnt until wolfwood points out how flawed vash's pacifist mindset do i get a proper frame of reference of norms in this world, but i might be having skill issues in english comprehension. ;w;

Pronoun switching

quick. 俺 Ore! 僕 Boku! 私 Watashi! they all mean "I", and there's 2 spectrum of expressions going on here thats commonly believed. 1st being Masculinity to Femininity. what's the 2nd?

the answer is... Rudeness/Assertiveness to Politeness. and gosh does vash switch a lot between Boku and Ore in the first 4 chapters of this manga lmao.

(to be clear, while i am aware of trans hc thats very popular in the fandom, im not at all diminishing or talking about gender expression specifically. im talking about what vash is presenting himself as in context.)

so to perhaps oversimplify this, in JP the idea of politeness and hierarchy is so super duper important, its very built into the language itself. and Japanese is a very high context language. if someone of a higher or equal standing uses "Ore", its totally fine. but if someone of a lower standing uses "Ore", they've committed a social faux pas.

as an obvious example, if a fresh new employee approaches his Boss with "Ore", he's potentially getting dressing down in the company. maybe in front of his coworkers. if this employee forgoes polite speech (keigo) and uses a too Assertive and Casual speech, they've Really Fucked Up and are one foot out the door.

this is also tied up in gender to some extent, hence why girls using Ore is incredibly uncommon, but guys would use Watashi in certain contexts such as talking to their Boss. (woo woo the forces of hierarchy/patriarchy... or something.)

so. vash switches his pronouns for the same effect. when he uses Ore, he's making himself sound more assertive and confident. when he uses Boku, he's often making himself sound less threatening, smaller, open, and trying to avoid conflict.

sound familiar?

bc if you translated all of that into a character design instead of relying on just jp pronouns, we'd get TriStamp Vash.

slight spoilers, but this is even true in one of the tensest moments between vash and wolfwood, where the latter provokes vash and tears into his pacifism ideology. vash sticks with boku in this scene as he says his piece.

if he ever uses watashi, it's bc he wants to be polite straight out of the gate with an air of formality. (this is japanese manners and the proper approach to talking to strangers. mainly to get a feel for each others standing without offense until context changes.)

i also wanna point out maybe something obvious here but.

real life pronoun switching in japanese is a COMMON thing. no one ever really sticks to 1 pronoun bc of Good Manners and the aforementioned hierarchical systems in place. it is only mostly in anime/manga and video games where characters overly prefer 1 due to this being a good shorthand for characterization. this being how rude or polite they are, and in some cases, Gender.

[nocreativityfornames]

THE BROTHERS AND THE CELESTIAL REALM (SPOILERS: ALL SEASONS)

Alright, let's talk about it. It's been a long time since the game started flirting with the idea of the brothers forgiving Father/God and changing their views of the Celestial Realm as a whole and it's very odd, to say the least.

The first big red flag was this moment with Lucifer back in Season 3 of NB, that was the most concerning one considering that this was recently fallen Lucifer, when the war had ended only a year ago and they had just lost Lilith, and when he and the brothers had just escaped eternal punishment being trapped at Cocytus forever for betraying Father.

The contrast of recently fallen Lucifer speaking this positively of God when even the present one (who's had who knows how many centuries to process everything that happened) has shown to despise the idea of coming back to the Celestial Realm, mostly remember his time there in a bad light, and outright fear Father is JARRING.

And these moments keep coming, and the brothers keep showing more and more positive feelings towards the Celestial Realm. Forget everything we learned about the CR and what they went through, or the feelings the characters expressed towards the Celestial Realm before Nightbringer.

You're telling me that God wanted to wipe their sister from all existence and half of the realm, angels who they thought they could trust, opposed to them when they dared to protect her, went to war with them, and had her killed (probably along other angels who sided with the brothers to save her because the whole realm was divided) and now the brothers are just going to forget all of that and be all "the Celestial Realm wasn't that bad, actually. We always loved it there and wouldn't mind going back"? Really...?

I mean, even beyond all the Lilith stuff the Celestial Realm had always been a bad place for the brothers. Remember what Lucifer said: most of his memories from that time aren't good. The brothers already didn't like the Celestial Realm before Lilith; they already felt out of place there, and they already had their doubts. Hell, the reason they grew to have such a strong bond as angels to begin with was because they were outcasts, the ones who didn't fit in and were looked down on.

Mammon was close to being cast out and no one knew how to deal with him, Lilith was too chaotic and far away from being the ideal angel, Beel couldn't control his strength and destroyed everything around him, Belphie had no interest in following tasks, had a unique fascination for humans and preferred spending time in the Human World than the Celestial Realm, etc. And Lucifer was the one who took them in and accepted them as they were because even though he was far from an outcast and looked like the perfect angel on the outside, he still had his internal conflicts and struggled under pressure just as much in secret.

All of them suffered living there. Even Simeon opened up to MC about how he thought that angels weren't allowed to have dreams and that he probably wouldn't have found out otherwise had he stayed in the Celestial Realm. And that was on Nightbringer, not an old card from the OG but a recent one, so what's going on here?

It could be Solmare's way of setting things up for Raphael & Michael to become recurring characters since they don't want them to be seen as the bad guys (shout out to @cnl0400 for being the first to talk about this), but they don't need to flip the script and change the brothers' established feelings towards the Celestial Realm and God for this to happen. Raphael and Michael are also victims of the way angels are conditioned to live and are likely just as traumatized and have as many issues as the brothers, which developed from the strict rules they have to follow to be considered "good angels", the War, etc.

And we already had moments in SWD that showed that the brothers still care for Raphael & Michael and vice versa, despite everything that happened between them (though the same can't be said about the CR and God). So why not explore that, instead of having their view of the realm as a whole change so drastically with no explanation?

The brothers not only look at the Celestial Realm fondly now but would happily visit. The place where their worst memories took place and where so many of their loved ones died, the main source of their traumas and the traumas of everyone who survived the war. I mean, just before NB Simeon was harshly punished for saving MC's life and cursed with mortality, just another reason for them resent the CR and their strict rules. And don't even get me started on Father.

Assuming that their goal is to write a redemption arc for the angels who didn't take the brothers' side during the war and paint the CR in a better light so players won't hold a grudge against Michael & Raphael, this isn't a good way to go about it. Burying everything under the rug and acting as if the brothers just came to change their minds over time is insane because we didn't see anything that could've led to that development. Yes, we were gone for months but it lasted so long in the timeline we were taken from that no one even noticed our absence. So what major event could've happened while we were gone that led to this?

Unless this is all part of an overarching plot where we find out that these aren't the brothers we know or our original timeline, the "we're cool with God and the Celestial Realm" ordeal is just frustrating and makes no sense for the characters as we know them.

[earthnashes]

Hello there! If I may ask about your oc Sakura, how did you go about conceptualizing her? Was there any characters or media that inspired her design? How did her character change to what it is now? Apologies for this many questions, feel free to choose just one when you have time; love your work!

Hello! You may indeed ask about my baby! 🥹

So for context, Feathers and Flowers' birthing concept was about a girl summoning a demon because she was lonely but too shy to make her own friends, so she concludes summoning a demon would somehow be easier. In that iteration of the story, Sakura was meant to be a side character; a friend to the main characters that acted as the ultimate foil to basically everyone around her. She combated Kaela's crippling anxiety by being confident and overwhelmingly outgoing, contrasted Evangeline's bossy, bitchy attitude with being kind and friendly, and be the opposite of Mal's stoic, silent character with being expressive and chatty. I also needed a character that could conveniently know enough about niche media to reasonably be able to help Kaela summon her demon in the first place, so I ended up making her a huge geek: she loved anime, video games, and had knowledge on obscure things... including occult summonings xD

So I worked off that idea to form her appearance. Again her core direction was to be a foil to all of the main cast: Kaela was short and soft. Evangeline was tall and thin. Mal was tal and hard. I wanted Sakura to be the biggest character, so she originally started started out compact and wide. Her face was what I started with: I wanted her to look somewhat like an anime character, and her inspiration was based off of the older episodes of Dragonball, Pokemon, Tenchi Muyo, Ranma, Inuyasha. I basically wanted her to have Goku vibes (his wide dark eyes, his big smile, his open and easy personality) but with Inuyasha's hairstyle (she originally had long hair).

But then the story changed; it wasn't about a demon being summoned in a silly slice-of-life story but a Spirit getting lost in a magical modern era, still very much slice of life.

That ultimately shifted Sakura's design into something more athletic; football specifically. I wanted her to keep her dorky traits but pair it with the popular star athlete trope, so she became leaner, taller, and more "top heavy". She also became more oblivious; she remained sweet and friendly and outgoing, but in turn she didn't understand when someone liked her. In fact she was later canonized to be asexual originally didn't have romance planned for her character.

Fastforward to now: the story of F&F has changed again. While the core remains mostly the same (found family), it ironically shifted into something much closer to one of the earlier concepts of the story; something more serious and not slice of life, something that focuses more on the good and bad of a world instead of being predominantly lighthearted. So with that change the characters had to get a tune-up to their characterizations. Sakura received the biggest change, I think.

Her core remains true: she's relentlessly kind, expressive, a dork. But I decided to make that her biggest strength and her biggest flaw, as well as making her loving personality be conflicted by how the world views her by changing her appearance. That's how we get current Sakura: she's kind, she's loving, she wants to help others. But people think she's a threat, a ticking timebomb, because of what she is. So her once open smile is now more manufactured, a wall to protect herself, a farce to try and make herself look less like a threat. She's now a pushover; she can't establish her boundaries without it being misinterpreted as being aggressive, so her coping mechanism is to grin and bear it. She can't get visiblt upset or angry, so she has to fight for calm to have even the smallest chance of being listened to. She's "nice" because it's all she's allowed to be.

Hence her appearance change! She is now the largest character in the main roster, the physically strongest. Her smile is now "tainted" by sabre teeth she can't hide, her size contradicts her gentle nature.

It's late for me so I'm sure I forgot a few things but that's what I got for now! If you're interested I could show older concept work of Sakura to illustrate how she looked then vs how she looks now too. But ye! Thank you so much for asking about my character! 🥹🙏

[gothicada]

ᴀᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ

ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ/ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ꜰᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ꜰɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ꜱᴇx

⟶ ᴀᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ ᴜᴘᴛᴜʀɴᴇᴅ

ʚїɞ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ⟶ the ace of swords is about new ideas, communication, writing, curiosity and being assertive. the card is about being able to start a new project and being able to make the correct decision, the ace of swords is a card that is about seeing the truth and being stimulating to others, a very intelligent card, witty and sarcastic too.

ʚїɞ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ could indicate speaking to someone new, the two of you speaking to each other more, someone being interested in you. this card can also be about the two of you going out on a date, or speaking to each other more online. indicator of online dating and finding a lover through a friend. could also advise you to be cautious about how you speak to your lovers or even friends.

ʚїɞ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ/ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ⟶ doing well in school, being able to understand the objective, making friends with people in the environment. online school, being accepted with an offer. can speak about getting top and very good grades, things would be mentally challenging for you, but it'll be fun.

ʚїɞ ꜰᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ⟶ could be learning about new information, making a new plan and having a "eureka" moment. it could be about learning about secrets, or having a conversation with someone new or someone unexpected, someone could be offering a new relationship, romantic or platonic it shows about having a new person in your life.

ʚїɞ ꜰɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ avoid emotional decisions, lesson to what your mind tells you. be aware of how much you're being paid and does it match everything you do, can also be about considering your financial circumstance more, this could also mean you can come up with a new idea with planning the way you handle money, could receive money from someone like online business.

ʚїɞ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ getting the ace of swords isnt the romantic card, but it doesnt mean there isnt romance happening between the two of you. this could mean someone could feel curious about you and they could think about you a lot, they could feel like you're someone who gives them a lot of ideas, there is a potential of you being their muse or inspiration.

ʚїɞ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ the ace of swords here shows that the person would be assertive, and would use their logic over their heart when it comes to you, but considering what else is around the card, it could mean there would be an attempt of wanting to use their mind over their heart. it could mean them holding you close to them and wanting to understand you even more.

ʚїɞ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ this card coming out means they could think of you as someone who has randomly entered their life, someone who gives them new ideas, break-thoughs and someone who is justifying in their behaviour. you would be considered as someone who is very funny and witty, you would likely be in their good books, perceiving you to be someone who is stimulating and well eloquent, someone who wins all the time and even good luck.

ʚїɞ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ⟶ as a person, the ace of swords is someone who is considered as very intelligent, someone who is adaptable to the surroundings they're put in. they are someone who likes to achieve success and is someone who is popular within their community, a very clever person and is a risk-taker, but they like to be calculative about it before going forwards.

ʚїɞ ꜱᴇx ⟶ interesting card to get, it speaks of much foreplay, someone being very hard, and sexting. the two of you could like to tease each other while having sex and a lot of touching and mind games happening within the circumstance, the sex would be exciting as the two of you would always be up to something new, a lot of nipple play as well.

⟶ ᴀᴄᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴇᴅ

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ᴍᴇᴀɴɪɴɢ ⟶ in reverse, the ace of swords is about misunderstandings, conflict, the card is about lack of ideas and being annoyed about something. feeling confused or someone lying about something simple that turns into something bigger. it advises you to take baby steps with information or circumstances you take on.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʀᴏᴍᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ feeling hatred for something or someone, hate triumphing over love. lack of communicating happening within the connection, an indicator of being rejected by someone, the two of you would likely argue over petty things, unstable connection.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ᴄᴀʀᴇᴇʀ/ꜱᴄʜᴏᴏʟ ⟶ in reverse, the ace of swords in this setting is about being bored in class, failure to communicate or not taking part in the lessons. the project could either be too challenging or not, indicators of arguments happening in class as well.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ꜰᴜᴛᴜʀᴇ ⟶ in a future reading, the ace of swords in reverse is about lack of progress, missing opportunities or not getting something you might've ordered. this could also be about feeling lost, needing a moment to yourself as well, making a decision that might've not been the best. missing cars, the bus, or not going to work/school.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ꜰɪɴᴀɴᴄᴇ ⟶ in reverse, the ace of swords is about spending money too quickly, advises you to always check what you're about to spend your money on, and if you're buying something from someone make sure you ask, better safe than sorry.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ꜰᴇᴇʟꜱ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ not a good card to get when you're asking about someone's feelings about someone. this card in reverse shows that this person could feel confused about you or even hostile, majority of the times this card shows that said person or people you're talking about do not like you, and they could feel like hey have to be on guard whenever they're around you.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴛʀᴇᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ big communication issues here. the person would barely speak to you and would be flaky, they could be speaking to other people as well, and might've even gotten bored. this person could even insult you all the time and would want to confuse you every time.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ʜᴏᴡ ꜱᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇɪᴠᴇꜱ ʏᴏᴜ ⟶ they would think of you as someone who is stupid, someone who could misunderstand things very quickly, and as a person who isnt progressive or could intentionally misunderstand things said clearly to them. they could also think of you to be someone who could be influenced by the people around you, someone who could lack a back bone too.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀʀᴅ ᴀꜱ ᴀ ᴘᴇʀꜱᴏɴ ⟶ as a person, the ace of swords in reverse is someone who is easily biased, them being someone who could be very shy, or just someone who doesnt like to talk to other people as well, but they can also be someone who can be destructive, they don't think about the people around them, they could be considered as someone who is insufferable as well.

ʚїɞ ʀᴇᴠᴇʀꜱᴀʟ ꜱᴇx ⟶ not the best sex, dry sex, could hurt. hard to get horny or if a man, could be hard to get up if there's someone with male genitals. awkward sexting, could get interrupted by the other people as well.

ʚїɞ ɴᴇxᴛ ⟶ ᴛᴡᴏ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ

ʚїɞ ʙᴇꜰᴏʀᴇ ⟶ ᴋɪɴɢ ᴏꜰ ᴘᴇɴᴛᴀᴄʟᴇꜱ

ꜱᴜɪᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜱᴡᴏʀᴅꜱ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

ɢᴏᴛʜɪᴄᴀᴅᴀ'ꜱ ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ

my services

[hwnglx]

so for the first time, this wasn't a request. but somehow, i felt drawn to read on it today. hope you guys enjoy the read 💕

enhypen's turn on's and turn off's

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

heeseung

turn on's > only has eyes for him (doesn't have 200 friends, but more of an intimate circle) > reserved > self-aware > open to working on themselves, can handle criticism > generosity (in anything. love, material, acts of service) > deep thinkers, wisdom (emotional intelligence is a big one!) > mature mindset

turn off's > too full of themselves > self-obsessed, arrogant > always finds themselves in conflict or drama (starts fight out of everything) > too competitive and greedy for the spotlight > tactless (doesn't know to behave or has no manners) > too judgemental of others, lacks understanding for people different to them

jay

turn on's > obsessed with him (he likes it extreme lol. “i can't ever live without you” vibes) > supportive and caring (he'd feel very attracted to someone selfless who just spreads affection everywhere they go) > gentle and empathetic nature > sweetness, sincerely kind heart > family-oriented (ideally wants a big family) > thinks longterm, has clear goals and ambitions for their future

turn off's > too immature and insecure (no idea what they want in life) > very greedy and doesn't like to share > gives mixed signals, plays too many mind games with him > too secretive, lack of trust in him > too obsessed with freedom (doesn't know how to or doesn't want to settle down) > rebels against everything, takes too many risks

jake

turn on's > secretive and private with others, but open with him > intuitive and good at reading people (he'd be intrigued if you could pick up on traits of his he never even told you about) > sensual and feminine (someone who moves elegantly) > hard work and patience > emotional intelligence and maturity > passionate and enthusiastic (also good in bed lmao) > stands by him no matter what (willing to defend and stick up for him, even when everyone is against him)

turn off's > is too flirty and lovey-dovey with others (especially men, he wants to be the only one to see that side of them) > too serious, uptight and stuck up (he wants someone not embarrassed about displaying his love for him) > too shallow and simple-minded > moody, lazy and undisciplined (keeps complaining but does nothing about it) > too distant and detached from him (he'd probably struggle with long distance relationships)

sunghoon

turn on's > open for challenges (isn't afraid of conflicts or problems) > playful and fun (cute laughs) > charismatic and flirtatious > cooperative and able to compromise with others > deeply emotional (he likes attachment, wants to feel like he means something to them. i keep hearing “cry for me”) > but! ability to take care of themselves (doesn't wanna have to worry about them) > elegance and grace

turn off's > doesn't have their priorities straight > has too big of a friend circle (like they're out with someone new he doesn't know every day) > likes partying and drinking too much > too unpredictable and irresponsible (keeps doing wild things without him knowing) > talks too much and overshares -> goes through life like an open book > too energetic and in your face all the time (has no 눈치 -> doesn't know how to read the room)

sunoo

turn on's > responsible and reliable -> keeps their promise > makes you feel safe and taken care of > hard working and skillful at what they do (when someone is very good and talented at something) > dominant and powerful energy (someone in place of authority, e.g. leaders) > but still generous and willing to help others > patient and understanding

turn off's > holds too many secrets and acts mysterious > takes life too seriously (doesn't know how to take a joke) > sneaky and manipulative (someone he can't figure out) > keeps giving him mixed signals > pretentious and fake > too harsh and inconsiderate with their words > too big of an ego -> easily feels attacked or offended

jungwon

turn on's > humble, self-aware and realistic attitude > able to handle criticism and eager to improve > optimistic and positive outlook on life > takes responsibility and accountability for their actions (doesn't feel the need to constantly find excuses for what they did -> owns up to it) > has a strong stance in life and isn't a pushover > capable of giving people freedom -> respective of their boundaries and need for space

turn off's > feels offended by constructive criticism -> takes everything to heart > way too sensitive, whiny and easy to hurt > has a too big but fragile ego > lazy and doesn't want to put in any work (gets tired and demotivated easily) > has their guard up all the time, is unnecessarily closed off > makes problems out of nothing and self-sabotages

niki

turn on's > very charming and graceful > wears their heart on their sleeve -> is openly emotional > compassionate and understanding of other people's needs (doesn't put themselves above others and is willing to sacrifice or compromise if needed) > work-oriented and responsible > likes to spend time on their own to reflect (isn't extremely needy and doesn't cling to others) > has a good understanding of life and seeks inner wisdom (i can tell he likes people who seem younger on the outside but have an old and mature soul)

turn off's > too stubborn, traditional and stuck in their belief > tries to mother him too much and doesn't give him any space (he doesn't like when people think he can't take care of himself) > mr and mrs know it all's -> pretends they know everything better than you > lazy and doesn't put in any effort into anything -> no goals or ambitions in life > has problems controlling their anger and lashes out

[twig-tea]

GL odds and ends 6 October 2024

I haven't been as good at posting about shows as I wanted to be, so I'm trying a round-up format instead because it feels like a lot of GLs skirt under the radar. It's exciting that we're in a time when there's enough GL airing that it's worth doing a round-up! This was a great week for the lesbians to figure themselves out, so it feels like a good week to start. No idea how regularly I'll do this, need to figure out a cadence that makes sense.

Currently airing (with thoughts up to Oct 6):

Reverse 4 U 5/8 (Thai, Tuesdays 1:00 PM EDT, Netflix / YouTube) This week the girls finally sorted themselves and we got set up for the main plot to start next week. I was initially really stoked about this one and then a little bummed that it's not taking it's very cool premise and the stakes it establishes as seriously as it could be, but I'm still hoping it will start to have real stakes in the main plot stretch.

The Two of Us s2 ep 6/6 END (Thai, 29 Aug-3 Oct 2024, YouTube) It was so great seeing women in their 40s being romantic together but I did not love the plot of this one; I find their romantic conflicts too juvenile (lots of easily-triggered jealousy). The moments they're being sweet are great though.

Unlock Your Love ep 4/8 (Thai, Wednesdays, GagaOOLala / YouTube [cut version]) This is the first episode that this series felt a little more assured; I liked the series this production company produced with a short run time, it feels like this series has been worse off for its longer episodes. That being said, when these couples get to do their thing like in this episode, they have good chemistry.

Chaser Game W s2 ep 3/8 (Japanese, Thursdays 12:30 PM EDT, GagaOOLala) @lurkingshan is already doing a great summary of this week to week in her JQL weekly round-up!

Affair the series ep 6/8 (Thai, Fridays 11:15 AM EDT, iQIYI/ YouTube) Finally! I liked that it was Ek pointing out that Wan was unhappy the entire time she was gone that finally got Pleng to give in to her desire to be with Wan. This show is so melodramatic but the emotional threads follow and the character motivations are clear and consistent; I'm enjoying it in spite of not loving melodramatic storylines in general. It helps that the acting in this one is excellent.

The Loyal Pin ep 10/16 (Thai, Sundays 12:15 PM EDT, YouTube) Glad we finally got confirmation of Patt's history! And I'm relieved Anin knows she has an ally, though I feel like it's given her false confidence that worries me. These two are stressing me out by how bad they are at being careful but I do love how desperate they are for each other, as well as how beautiful this show is.

Red Whisper ep 2/8 (Korea, Wednesdays and Sundays, YouTube) Starting with cheating is not my fave but is par for the course with these SukFilm short series; my fave so far has been their first GL so if you haven't seen that yet I'd honestly recommend that instead.

Recent One-offs

Out of Breath (re-release in a bingeable version; Korean, YouTube) Highly recommended! Also the creator, Soo not Sue, announced she's working on another series to hopefully air before the end of the year, which I am super stoked about.

The Suffering of Xiqing Mountain (Chinese (censored), YouTube)

Sastra film app YouTube channel has several short Cambodian GL series that come out weekly Honestly they are not to my taste but I don't like gatekeeping GL especially from smaller markets. I check in on these time to time and if there are any that I think are great I'll give them a shout-out

Ditto above with JPC media YouTube channel for Thai GL shorts if there are any that stand out to me I'll say so

Recently ended that I haven't had the wherewithal to write about:

Hoshikuzu Telepath (fansub) Thank you to @yuiyuihan for your hard work making it possible to watch this series! I I haven't read the original manga but I do know they changed the kiss communication to a forehead rest; Unsurprised that this adaptation, starring idols in the same group, would be left ambiguous in terms of whether their feelings are friendly or romantic. I liked what this series was trying to say, but in all honestly didn't love the execution. It's too bad because I absolutely love the concept of an alien being helped by girls obsessed with building rockets.

The Secret of Us 8 eps [complete] (24 Jun-15 Aug 2024, YouTube) I first included this in my recommendations from the summer and then retracted, but I ended up liking this series and then never updated again. So to set the record straight: Though it lost me in the middle, the ending on this series won be back over. I really appreciated the way this series handled filial piety and balancing that against personal happiness. I appreciated SO MUCH that the main characters decided together how to handle Lada's situation with her mother. I finally understood too late that Earn believed the lies Lada's mother told her in ep1, and that affected some of their decisions in the middle of the series. I still think the execution was wobbly, but the acting and chemistry between the two leads carries this series through. This has some of the best domestic fluff in any GL, as well as my favourite GL counter lift to date. And it's gorgeous. Tentatively recommended with the caveat that you do have to either enjoy or power through the melodrama in the middle.

Starting soon:

Apple My Love, Thai, 12 October, GagaOOLala

Pluto, Thai, 19 October, VIU

The Nipple Talk, Taiwanese, 1 November GagaOOLala

My Ex's Wedding [in theatres in Thailand 14 November]

Petrichor, Thai, 23 November, TBD

[rxzennia]

leviathan of the cosmos

– tales of the voracity pathstrider

✎𓂃 something unto death as the respawning boss enemy, i haven’t finished 2.1 yet

when aventurine brings up traveling to the reverie hotel in the dreamscape alone, your eyes narrow ever so slightly and you take a step towards him. though you do truly worry for him, you can’t deny that you also want to take a peek at the off-limits-to-visitors area for yourself, too.

he’s been keeping you away from conflict, away from the dangerous games he plays on the daily, but you want to know. you want to see all that he is, his feats and evils, not just what he decides to show you. and if it means following him into the dreamscape, you won’t shy away from your quest of knowledge.

he doesn’t want you to enter the dreamscape reverie with him, but you’re very, very stubborn

“it’s dangerous for you,” he says, giving you the most serious look you’ve ever seen on him, like he’s genuinely concerned (he is)

you tilt your head. even without saying anything, he knows what you’re trying to say – you don’t understand where he’s coming from

he tries to explain, boy, he’s trying so hard to explain to you why exactly it’s a bad idea, but he feels like he’s talking to a wall

are you even listening? hello? 

he can’t see your expression because your scarf is in the way, and your eyes betray nothing

for as much as he loves talking at you, this is the one time he wants you to give him a response

“you’re strong enough.” a statement, not a question, because this man is one of the ten stonehearts, and you know he has more power than he appears to have

well, yes. but, to be honest, he isn’t confident in his ability to protect you

death is a dangerous entity, and even if he’s certain he can hold his own against it…

what if it decides that you are its next target? you, who is so precious and lovely?

he doesn’t want to run the risk. he likes having you around, both as a friend and as a secretary, and the last thing he wants is to lose you

but you’re adamant. “there’s nothing to worry about,” you say, oblivious to all the worries running miles per second in his head

he feels like if he didn’t let you tag along, you’d just follow him anyway and that would be even worse

aventurine thinks he knows you well, perhaps even better than yourself, but turns out he’s just delusional. you’re so timid, so awkward, and when you’ve warmed up to him you’re still silent and brooding most of the time, how could he have known that you have so many cards hidden up your sleeve?

he’s just dealt with a few scattered crew from the dreamjolt troupe, but he might’ve made a little too much noise when he whacked the televisions

it feels like the entire floor’s enemies are attracted by the noise, even memory zone memes are showing up

he glances towards you, who’s doing a really good job at staying out of his way and avoiding attacks

way better than he expected

you don’t seem afraid, either. he can tell that you’re relaxed from your body language

one thing he’s worried about, though, is eventually attracting death 

because that’s the one thing he’ll try his best to protect you from, but he isn’t certain if he can

he doesn’t think you can fight, and your lack of inclination towards conflict only reinforced that belief

sure, you’re built like a fortress and you’re intimidating, but he soon found out that you’re a big softie inside

which, even more unlikely that you can fight. you just feel so… vanilla

you feel like the type who’d try to de-escalate a situation that could otherwise be easily solved with fists

even if you look like your punches would send people into orbit, it's just so out of your character 

he likes that about you, really, but sometimes he wished you have some combat skills

when death inevitably appears, aventurine’s heart drops. it completely ignores him and heads straight for you – perhaps it knows who’s stronger or weaker – its wing rearing back as it coils around you, picking you up by your scarf, and –

he goes pale. he immediately acts, invoking qlipoth’s protection

but he knows how swift death is, and how easily it will lay its claws upon you and take you from him

the shield he casts on you is easily broken in one, two, three slashes

does death penetrate armor? it doesn’t quite make sense – the kind of shield he confers should not have been so easily broken!

before he could even do anything, before he could even tell you how much he treasured you…

you’ll be gone, and he’ll be all alone again

he hates that. and you know he hates that, but what could either of you do?

for as far as he’s come, he’s still powerless to protect the ones he hold dear

he tries, he really does, but his attacks won’t reach death in time, nor will his shield reach you in time

it’s dead set on taking your life, and it’s going to succeed

damn it, he should’ve just forced you to stay in the reverie in reality, or the golden hour, or something

he’d take your annoyance over watching your symbolic “death” any day

he reaches for you – in a fit of desperation, he tries to grab onto you, your scarf, anything

you blink, watching as death’s claws withdraw, and as it swings its blade-laden scythe wing towards you. you seem shocked, but you close your eyes as you welcome the darkness.

the darkness known as your leviathan. 

your white scarf sits perfectly around your neck, and your nose is still comfortably buried in the fabric

but there’s no mistaking it; it’s yours

the serpent emerging from the ends of your scarf, who wrapped around the monster known as something unto death, whose translucent body wound around it until it is no longer visible, who made it disappear…

it obeys you, holy shit, that creature obeys you

but you’ve always seemed so harmless, so sweet, so, so… so innocent

how could someone like you harbor something so terrifying?

yet here you are, swallowing the memetic entity with a gulp, like you’re simply swallowing down your food

you’re eating – no, you’ve eaten death

your leviathan settles into your scarf again, its form dissipating as if it had never existed at all

so simply, so effortlessly, disposing of it as if it’s naught but a mere worm

aventurine stares, at where death once loomed, and then at you, who looks completely fine. he stammers your name, and for the first time, he feels a primal fear in him. it’s different to the fear of uncertainty, of whether or not he’ll still be alive tomorrow, or of being left behind again. it’s a fear more powerful, a fear stemming from coming face to face with someone perhaps even more dangerous than everyone he’s encountered on penacony. the fear of prey before the apex predator on the food chain.

his gentle giant of a secretary all of a sudden doesn’t seem so gentle anymore

he can’t really tell what exactly it is hiding in your scarf, but he has an inkling

before he can make a guess, you interrupt his line of thinking

“bleh…” you cringe in disgust, your face scrunching up as you stumble to find refuge on a nearby couch

never mind, he'll take that back

honestly, you don’t look like someone to be afraid of right now

you look like you’re about to collapse, with how pale you’re getting and how you’re almost retching up your lunch behind your scarf

which you are. the only thing stopping you is the physical aspect of being unable to

he pushes his fear aside, and finds it surprising easy to do so

in fact, it’s so easy that he could almost find your reaction hilarious

if you didn't look like you're three seconds away from keeling over

“you, you didn’t just–” he approaches you slowly, kneeling down by your side, “aeons, you look sick.”

you want to give him a reply, but the sheer flavor of the meme you just swallowed makes you so queasy that you think you might puke the moment you try to speak

his hands slowly reach up to hold your face, “will you be okay?” he asks, quiet and careful

you nod, relaxing into his touch, and he can feel you turn to lean against his palm even through the fabric that obfuscates your face

how are you still so adorable when you’ve just consumed the entirety of death?

you’ve never revealed much about yourself, and you’ve been the biggest mystery aventurine has been itching to solve. but at this stage, he isn’t too sure if he wants to find out anymore. you, your path, your abilities… you’ve been hiding them all, under that guise of innocence.

then again, he’s the one who made assumptions and decided to keep you away from conflict

he still feels cheated, just with no one but himself to blame 

he wants to believe that you’ve been genuine with him! that your personality, at least, isn’t fake

you’re doing a really good job at reassuring him

well, maybe because you’re experiencing indigestion on a couch in the dreamscape after eating something that looks decidedly inedible

it doesn’t feel like you’re lying to him at all, with the way you’re behaving 

when the nausea goes away just enough for you to speak, the first thing you say is a string of curses

and “i really hope i don’t get food poisoning”

it gets silent very quickly, and you two stare at each other

“i… i don’t think food poisoning is what you should be worried about right now,” he manages to say, suppressing the urge to just chuckle, because this is his confirmation that you’re still his favorite secretary

it takes you a while before you let out a very, very quiet mumble of “please don’t fire me.”

aventurine has never expected that to come out of your mouth. “what? why would i fire you over something like this?” he raises a brow, and he’s just as relieved as you are when your shoulders sagged. “i’m just glad you’re okay…”

he tries to lift you up, and you give him an a+ for effort, even if he ends up failing. you lean onto him, letting him carry half of your weight while you try to stand.

“c’mon, let’s get you out of here. you need to rest,” aventurine says, in the most happy, truly grateful way you’ve ever heard him speak. “but, after that? you have a lot of explaining to do.”

[justaz]

arthur has always been suspicious of the tavern excuse for merlin’s absences, but he has no proof on the contrary and when confronted merlin either tells him outlandish tales of near death experiences that have no chance of being remotely truthful or he admits to and apologizes for slacking on his duties to get drunk. one day, he decides enough is enough and he and all the knights go to the tavern with merlin and arthur casually brings up merlin’s history in the tavern and says he could probably beat gwaine in a drinking contest. merlin tries to divert the discussion away from the idea but arthur is determined. they receive a round of drinks and arthur pushes a pint of ale into merlin’s hands with a look of challenge. merlin’s options are to either commit to the lie to hide his secret or admit to the lie and risk exposing his magic. he takes the former. merlin gives lancelot a Look and then slams back the pint of ale with a minor bit of gagging and pauses to breath. gwaine already finished his pint thirty seconds ago but its entertaining to watch merlin so he doesn’t say anything.

merlin (built like a twig, rarely drinks, lightweight) is proper sloshed. arthur is almost vindicated but he needs merlin to admit it. he orders two more pints and gives one to gwaine and the second to merlin, instigating the competition further despite the fact that gwaine won already. merlin grimaces and tries to do the same thing again but only gets a few gulps in before he folds. he slams the mug down and gives arthur a kicked puppy look before admitting and apologizing for lying. arthur is Vindicated. merlin is still wasted.

the nights wears on and merlin feels the effect of the ale more and more every minute that passes. he sits between arthur and lancelot and feels almost unbearably warm but that could be bc of the alcohol in his system, or the crowded tavern. merlin looks around and watches the people that pass their table by while the knights talk and joke and laugh amongst themselves. merlin feels relaxed and excitable now, his worries seem to have melted away and he cant seem to remember why he was always so stressed and worn down before. he sees a game of [insert game here] (i was gonna say darts but google says that game hasn’t been invented in canon time so ill leave it up to interpretation) going on and climbs over lancelot to join in.

the knights watch with amusement and anticipate merlin’s clumsy attempts at [whatever]. oddly enough tho, merlin is a fucking god at [game]. a small crowd gathers and betting pools form and then challengers approach and put money on the line to go against merlin and merlin absolutely demolishes them all. honestly if arthur didn’t know any better, he’d think merlin was using magic to win bc there was no way his bumbling fool of a servant was that good at…anything.

the challengers take their defeat with honor and grace. the audience is a huge fan of merlin and they keep buying him drinks but he just sends them to the table for the other’s to drink. many people come up to him and flirt, maybe motivated by all the money he won that night or maybe just bc he’s merlin, and when merlin responds to them he’s………..he’s a real good fucking flirt? like could put gwaine to shame and he’s rejecting them???? how can someone come across so flirtatiously while turning down offers to take various beautiful people to bed??

arthur was already itching to intervene when people were flirting with merlin but he seemed to have a handle on it so he let it slide, but then people started touching merlin and arthur’s hand had drifted to his hip where his sword was usually sheathed. however, again, merlin was very skilled at escaping the situations with little to no conflict and he came back to the table with his winnings. the knights cheer for him and order more drinks with his money which merlin is too inebriated to notice and truthfully doesn’t really care about. his eyes are on arthur and if arthur thought watching merlin flirt from afar was bad then having him up close in his personal space, hands brushing against his arms and dark eyelashes fluttering softly against his pale skin, breathing his name into the space between them and licking his full pink lips was absolute torture and the worst and best agony he couldn’t even dream up.