#has this joke been done too much
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I've seen people say you can't compare the QSMP to the DSMP because they're both completely different servers with different starts.
The thing is you can compare them. Not the stories told themselves because of course they're going to be different as they're 2 servers with different starts with 2 nearly completely different sets of people.
You can compare the treatment of the creators by the fandom, players (other cc on the server) and admins though.
Foolish for example. He made SO many amazing high quality builds to use and be shown to people. Ranboo and Tubbo had him build a giant mansion for them to live in! Yet it was entered maybe once after being finished. Foolish was able to use his builds for his own lore maybe once. Only a few people like Bad really acknowledged them by messing around in the area of them or adding something easy to get rid of to them as jokes.
Bad's treatment on the DSMP was frustrating to watch. He was the butt of the joke every time he was around. People would constantly swear on his streams because it was so funny for them! They constantly destroyed his and Skeppy's house and griefed the front of it. No one other than his friends really listened to him about things. And the egg arc was supposed to be something that was a massive danger to the server! But how does the server and fandom not directly involved treat it? Like a joke. Bad and his friends clearly worked really hard on this arc to include more than just the 'main characters' and their small circle, yet it was brushed off as if nothing by the players and fandom, treated like it was stupid.
Quackity's lore just kinda- happened. There isn't much I can say as I don't remember a lot of it tbh which isn't a great sign.
Philza and Wilbur probably got the better end of the stick for lore due to being connected to the main lorr, but it still wasn't great for them either.
A lot of CCs not on the QSMP have mentioned how the communication for the server was terrible too. At the start of lore on the DSMP, it made sense as they were purely doing improve so there wasn't really anyone to run things through. But the fact the issue was bad the entire time made the CCs on the server feel ignored and not want to play on it.
It was rare for people to interact with others outside their already established circles unless they're friends outside the server.
Now with the QSMP
Foolish has built multiple things on the server and has been acknowledged by everyone at this point. Bad might mess with them a lot still and encourage others to join him but you can tell the respect people still have for each one. Vagetta wants a version of the statue Foolish built him on other servers. People and fandom admire his builds and always make sure that if there's any damage to it, it's easily undone. Cellbit has made the castle Foolish built him his home the moment it was finished, he's been using it since. He paid him fully and made sure he was fully supplied and had company while building, staying on for hours to talk to him as he built.
Bad is respected by everyone on the server. He's taken seriously by everyone. Everyone trusts him with their kid's lives. Phil asks Bad to babysit Tallulah and Chayanne if he can't. The french trust Bad more than anyone outside their language group. Forever trusts Bad the most on the server other than Baghera. If someone needs something they'll go to him. All the eggs love him and so does the fandom. He's part of the joke instead of the butt of it. He can laugh along with the jokes made, even ones directed at him. When people swear on his streams and he languages them, they immediately apologize and switch to one of Bad's replacements (fudge being the main one) and no one makes fun of it either! They don't start swearing relentlessly at him to annoy him.
Even though Quackity doesn't show up often, when he does people are happy to interact with him and update him on what's happened if he wants it.
People can be off the server for weeks without being isolated because they're not keeping up with major lore, especially as people are happy to update anyone on anything they want to know. Hell people can be on a lot without being involved in lore but still be included as much as anyone else! As soon as there's a threat to the eggs or a new way to protect them, it spreads to everyone like wildfire and everyone's taken it on within a week.
The new arrivals are always welcomed by the islanders already there. They support them and treat with the same respect they do with everyone else. They merge with everyone else nearly immediately and become part of the community without hesitation.
The communication with the admins is clearly amazing too. Philza has pointed out how appreciated he feels compared to other servers. When an egg dies unfairly they're quick to get back to them within hours. If there's a general issues they're quick to get back to them and fix things. People are allowed to have their own stories alongside the main one. Events are planned and discussed so everyones aware before it happens. Anyone who wants to take part is welcome to if it's a big thing due to how open they usually are (rescuing Cellbit and Felps, travelling to Bobby's death site, etc). Thinfs are adapted and changed when needed and all CCs are in the loop.
Being able to watch the QSMP and not feel like any POV I watch is being mistreated or ignored is great. I couldn't watch anything but lore streams with the DSMP because Bad was my main POV and it made me so uncomfortable to watch him being made fun of constantly and be treated as a joke.
The QSMP feels like a community of people, instead of factions trying to go against each other. DSMP was my first and only smp experience and while it was great at first, it quickly soured. The QSMP treats it's CCs and fandom as if they genuinely matter, making sure everyone is welcomed and no one is isolated.
#qsmp#it feels so nice to watch#Bad has always been my main POV for years now as I enjoy watching him most#so watching him constantly made fun of and treated as a joke on the DSMP was horrible to watch#Seeing the contrast of that compared to how respected he is on the QSMP is so nice#While his chat is starting to not be too great#The fandom and the people treat him so well#They all interact with people they haven't with before and they make such amazing dynamics to watch#Small rant thing because I appreciate Quackity making the QSMP so much#the love and care is clear in the way everything's been done on the server#the admins and people have been carefully chosen and it shows so well
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No no ikr. The ENT fandom is so quiet around here. And honestly I'm just excited to see art of my favourite dudes, because we rarely get fanart around here, and when we do it's usually Trip or T'Pol solely. Malcolm gets left in the dust quite a lot so I'm happy you drew him as well - and so well done too!
Anyway, ramble over, lol.
OMG... Well I think I can see why a lot of fanart is of Trip and/or T'pol (those two seem like they're doing some heavy lifting for the show/are just a lot of people's faves. I've got a few half baked ideas in mind for them myself.) but the rest of the crew as a whole do deserve more love I think! :]
#(I'm hijacking this ask to talk about some ENT thoughts in the tags LMAO sorry 😭🙏)#I've been watching it for the first time with some friends who are also watching it for the first time with me like 90% of the time.#When Reed was introduced we did our silly little “omg. why is he british 😰” jokes but personally-#he has grown on me a lot. Very much my type of character so far I think... :]#ive got a few sketches involving him that wont see the light of day because they require five levels of inside jokes from my watch party 😭#but god. for the most part I like all the main crew characters#the only one I'm not 100% on is archer and i dont even know how to articulate why.#like I don't HATE him. but he is also very fun to dunk on.#and i enjoy scott bakula very much. its crazy how like. not intriguing or charming I find his depiction of archer mmmmmost of the time#which sucks bc i KNOW it could be awesome. but its not really there for me yet.... oh well.#but god. i wish i could go back in time and force some improvements into the way the show was handled.....#my list of demands. quit the excessive sexualisation of t'pol and hoshi. can we PLEASE stop underutilising mayweather. and honestly-#i think a bit more dramatic visual variety between the main human cast would help a bit#now its time to end MY ramble yet again 😭 i feel like if i talk about ent for too long i'll inevitably start complaining-#despite me still having a mostly enjoyable time... all that stuff just really feels kicked up to 11 compared to previous treks tho 😔#but its only bc i care 💔 i see so much potential where the writers really borked their shit#telegraff#themurdochmemesteries#i might get around to a few more doodles or meme redraws but i can never guarantee anything when I have a whole queue of stuff-#that needs to be done before I can draw whatever I want. but by god. the ideas and concept drafts are there. 💪💪💪😤#:] <3
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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you seriously cannot make this up: you have people reblogging fic featuring a racist character as half of the main ship in the morning then trying to give morality lessons in the evening by calling others homophobic over a joke.
THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE, BABES.
#the finger keeps being pointed at buddie shippers like the other side is not doing anything wrong at all when there is SO MUCH that#could be said about them. and it's all because people want to seem like their choice of preferred ship at the moment is rational and correc#and the thing is it would be so much more honest to say that at the moment you are more compelled by the other ship. some of us may not#understand it and may judge it because HOW. but in the end it's your right!! it's ok!!! you ship what you ship. but to make it seem like#this is the correct choice by saying that it's just the buddie fans turning you off the ship or being crazy... that's stupid. then you also#wouldn't be invested in the other ship because it also has crazy fans and people being terrible.#and like for years and years the buddie side of fandom has had to self-reflect A LOT. and sure not everyone has done it but so many of us#have refused to let others get away with things simply because their otp was ours too. we shamed racists during the chimney punch debacle.#we have called people out on gross top/bottom discourse. we have acknowledged that there are sides to the fandom that have been wrong.#but i have yet to see one single b*ckt*mmy fan engage in public self-reflection about their side of the fandom.#and if the problem was simply with the fans around others well okay whatever you'd be doing a bad job. but to actively also engage in the#bad behavior and then call out others. PLEASE KSKSKSKSKSKSKSK like c'mon!!!!!!!#and at this point words like homophobia keep being thrown around and it's actually vile when they refer to things that are VERY MUCH not#rooted in homophobia at all. twice now a joke that was NOT homophobic has been called homophobic and i think people should reflect#on why they need things to be homophobia so bad when they don't agree with them.#so yeah anyways THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE#discourse#.text
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I actually like the last chapter. I think the ideas are very good. I have my qualms on how some things were managed, as I always do, but I think shonen authors get tangled in the expectations of a shonen to the point it jeopardises their writing, often even when they're not lacking in skills
#I think the nothingness‚ the absence‚ the moving on despite everything‚... is a good if heartbreaking idea#and we do see snippets of it throughout the entire manga‚ yet I think it is mostly lacking in execution#I like the quiet ways in which we see the characters mourn. How Megumi laughs at the letter‚#how Shoko muses about how Satoru should have let her take care of Geto's body‚ the faint smile when Megumi agrees‚#how Shoko quits smoking again‚ Yuuji giving this person hope and a second chance‚ making a reference to him not being executed‚#and giving Sukuna too a chance for him to take one day a different path#All those are very good ideas and all those are very moving quiet ways of grieving. But. It feels in general so lacking#There's so much of everything else in contrast‚ even things that have way less importance narratively than this most of the time‚#that it feels lacking. Especially with how one has to dig to find these things. There's so much that could have been done with the same idea#And done so much better. But the idea is good. The absences are good. The quiet presences are good.The nothingness is good if bitter and sad#But it could have been written better#I also think this ending with Yuuji apparently knowing about Sukuna‚ his lies‚ his little hint of softness‚ the potential second path‚...#makes even more believable why he'd try at all to offer him a second chance. And I love that Yuuji knows him and I love that he still...#leaves the door open for that second chance to occur at some point. Trusting that Sukuna would walk that other path next time#And I love that without openly acknowledging Gojo he demonstrates that he hasn't forgotten him in his acting#How he gives that guy a second chance‚ how he jokes about him not getting executed‚ how he wants to make sure people‚ 'problem children'‚#don't get left behind. He doesn't mimick Gojo in his power but in this flippant but caring aspect and thus he's not forgotten#I do like this. It's heartbreaking. Gojo's desire to be forgotten is bittersweet as it's in a way a desire for... normalcy and humanity#To be surpassed. It goes well with how Gege says Gojo can do anything and thus why he does nothing‚ not even hobbies‚#to leave something for the future generations and not being another wall in their achievements#Gojo's desire to be forgotten is in line with the constancy of his writing when it comes to being drunk on his status#and yet resentful of his loneliness. It's a mix of being left behind and not being left behind#For being left behind and forgotten would mean he is more like the rest. Just another step forwards#And he'd have done what he wanted to achieve. Sorcerers can't stop a long while to grieve but Yuuji takes his words and actions#into consideration and steps forwards. Does the same. Fulfills Gojo's expectations. Walks towards the future. And that's the legacy Gojo#wanted and not going down in history as a legend or the strongest. He was just a teacher. Like Yaga was. He was not even the principal#Just a teacher. His role‚ the role he chose for himself‚ has been fulfilled. Now all this could have done way better#Something of Yuta and Megumi given their dynamics with Gojo would have been good. But I guess Gojo's 'at least one' works well#with Yuuji being the one doing the work. Yuuji was also ontologically alienated since birth and still he too remained cheerful and flippant#despite being so lonely so I guess the final parallel is intentional. But it could have been managed better still. The idea is good though
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there’s so much i wanna do this week/month/etc but i’m just too sick, i have no energy, i can’t sleep, i’m constantly nauseous and headachey and on the verge of a migraine, i’m stressed and irritable and impatient and panicky…….how tf did i survive nearly 5 years of high school untreated if i can’t even manage this when i don’t have any major obligations rn
#at least i finally got my meds so hopefully i feel a little better soon#although i’m now on 20 pills per day which is Just Great#whenever i’m in remission it’s nice to just. forget sometimes that this can happen at any time#kinda wish i had the typical kinda chronic illness that people talk about with ‘flares’#or at least triggers that i can plan around#the other times have all had an easily identifiable stressor tho tbf. idk what caused this one#the first time was whooping cough and the next few were all very major life stressors like my cat dying right after i started uni#and i think also towards the end of my honours thesis?#but this…….there’s no major stress right now. nothing wildly beyond normal#i’m a little concerned about my joints tho. they’ve been so much worse than normal the last few months#so i’m kinda worried i’m developing rheumatoid arthritis (also an autoimmune disease and it runs in the family specifically)#so if that’s happening then it could set my thyroid off? probably should get to the doctor at some point#obv i’m seeing my endo for thyroid stuff. but i should see my gp and get her to run all the autoimmune blood tests again#i’ve done that before but it’s been a few years and my ankles and knees are so painful i can’t even walk properly a lot of the time#BUT I JUST WANNA DO THINGS I ENJOY AND I CANT AND I WILL CONTINUE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT#‘oh you’re so lucky you don’t have as many obligations because you’re chronically ill’ ha ha ha please swap lives with me immediately#personal#but seriously. i wasn’t diagnosed until i was nearly 17 and we can trace it back to whooping cough when i was 12#so it was the last half of year 6 and then all of years 7-10 and the start of year 11 of just being. uh. ‘very lazy and complaining a lot’#and TEACHERS joking about me and my sister (who was dealing with an arguably more severe undiagnosed disease) missing so many classes#wow so funny pdhpe teacher who’s supposed to be teaching is about health#and the thing with being a mentally ill teenager is that hyperthyroidism can just look like a very severe anxiety disorder#so i didn’t go to the dr until i was too sick to go to school at all. and luckily had a good dr who did a blood test#i’m just rambling now because i can’t sleep and i don’t wanna lie here doing nothing#might go play pvz or something. that’s been keeping me entertained
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Shit, I looked it up and it says that caffeine withdraw is common and it can cause depression like symptoms. I guess it’s only making my mental health worse. I just don’t know what to do though. I can hardly slog through school anymore and even with coffee, I don’t read or do hobbies (except writing but when I’m not writing I feel miserable which can cause me to not write). I just…exist.
#willow rants#I regret college#I was so happy in high school#Full of dreams and hope#now I’m a mess and can’t even function#Starbucks used to be a special treat and I liked that#this is too much and it’s unhealthy but it’s hard to not drink it#oh my god I’m basically an alcoholic but with coffee… I’m joking in a dark way#i regret majoring in English because it’s killing my love of reading#I should’ve just done the creative writing subsection instead of the literature one#honestly even my love of music has been destroyed#I listen to TTPD the Anthology#And Mozart#And Salieri#that’s about it#I sit there and cry#and there’s Barbie movie soundtracks#I still listen to music but find myself skipping a lot of my favorite songs#fuck my life
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it makes sense of course that you would not be able to then have a down payment if he doesn't agree to it (since it's a mutual expense too) but don't you have your own money to buy stuff that you want?
Yes and no. All of my money is his money and all of his money is my money. IE we share everything, even if we have it in our 'own' accounts, it's expected that it I need something (like gas in my car) and I don't get paid for 2 days, he pays for it. Or if we need groceries and he doesn't get paid until the end of the week, I buy them. If I want to buy something not in our budget, I generally ask him for permission to do so. He usually doesn't say no unless it would be an exorbitant espense (more than $50 or so). If I want something but can only be purchased online, I ask him to purchase it for me.
This works best for us because I work part time and sometimes don't get hours at all on days I'm scheduled to come in. For example I was scheduled yesterday, but since there was only one appointment, I didn't go in. We would have a slightly different arrangement if I was working full time, but I'd still ask permission to buy things. We also are not well off by any stretch of the imagination, as the only thing that keeps us above the poverty line is his works generous bonus system. So our budgeted monthly 'fun' money that doesn't go to savings is about $30.
#he generally also asks me as well even if its just for my opinion#unless its a surprise gift for me#like he recently bought me a magic the gathering card i really wanted as an update to a deck i have#but he didnt tell me he was buying it#although we had discussed/joked about getting it i didnt think he actually would#because its just an alternate art card for a card i already have/own/use#not queued#he wouldnt do something like that on something worth a lot of money tho#the card was like 7$ and he has a TCG account so i think he got free shipping on it as well.#i also generally dont want for much#like as an example i do my own nails because i dont want them getting messed up at a salon#the only reason i get frivolous things like a massage or my lashes done is because i get it 50% off at my place of work#and its not like thats once a week#ive never been one for buying new clothes or shoes all the time and in fact have too many already so i should get rid of some#we only buy video games during christmas or summer sales#and my main form of entertainment is practically free because only one of us need a subscription for us to play d&d
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wip wednesday
V took a step forward, putting her hand out and into his chest where his heart should have been. She didn’t bother meeting his eyes. They weren’t his eyes anyway. His eyes were her eyes now. The projection of him shimmered as she balled her hand into a fist, and for the first time she noticed the tattoo.
For one vertigo-inducing second he thought she was going to collapse, but she fell into a crouch instead, eyes clouding with tears as the water continued to pour over her shoulders. She traced the outline of the heart lightly with one finger, rubbing at the letters with her thumb as though checking to see if they would wash away. He couldn’t quite tell what she was feeling, unsure if he should be ready for her to fly into a rage or burst into tears.
“Can’t save everyone,” she said finally, exhausted.
<Can save one or two, every once in a while.>
#wip wednesday#thinking about how valentine has been in two secret work relationships with two different people#both whom love their job too much to risk it by acknowledging her openly#and johnny has their names tattooed on her for anyone to see. on what is rapidly becoming _their_ body#and he knows she wants him to take over when she's gone#he wants everyone to know but especially her to know he Does care#like yeah it's a joke but also. it's not.#trying to desperately get it through her thick head that she should live#ok ok i'm normal. i'm done
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If you were truly an abandoned project like you say. You wouldn't care so much. Even in your comic you mention you being worse for "the next person" you already are thinking of another person. That's not a bad thing. You're young. And by God you have some fire in you. I hope you become happier with yourself. I hope good things happen to you and the people around you will cheer for it. -💛🦭
thank u... im actually flopping between it rn... though i know i dont have the actual power to decide to be done with it, bc life is full of unexpected events, and i am young, but my line of thinking was, well because it would be so much more of a hassle for a next person, its best to just remove that hassle from the "market" completely lol...
but its out of my hands in either direction. i already wasnt expecting much as just the one time was such a rarity. now its just made the whole ordeal much much more difficult for all parties...aroo...anyway thanks again
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ykwim...i keep wanting to make ''good luck getting in now !'' jokes but they dont work#because well who's even going to bother. took long enough the first time#and also because what a gross thing to say and assume. that anybody would deal with me. ykwim...#and FINALLY because even despite being so sucks ive come out of this even more unrealistically picky despite already#having severely limited options. like ok man have fun with that.#best to just continue to isolate until i can fix myself which has been set back a LOT after recent events#this isnt fantasy romance nobody is going to be patient with me. i have to do it alone and the work will never be done. so...why bother#hope tht makes sense...!#i keep climbing out of the pit and convincing myself i do deserve it! i am kind i am loving im so good at loving#but i fall back into it bc the issues outweigh all of it. all of it. too much bad in me
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thinking back to my tlc posts in 2015-16 i was soooooo valid for calling kai “emperor foot fetish.” like i genuinely thought i was being dramatic or dragging tf out of the foot jokes but no. even in retrospect kai is still unhinged for hoarding her foot like he is no less insane than i remember him being like 7 (BARF) years ago
#the last time i was this active in the fandom i was literally 14 *sob emoji*#my reread of this entire series was literally triggered by this assignment i had to do for my 1 credit college class#and the assignment was to make a 'past journey map' where we talk about the stuff that shaped us as people#and i put the lunar chronicles on there but i assumed no one would recognize it because this series is pretty niche#and i showed it to my friend as a joke but she recognized the series and we BOTH WERENT EXPECTING THAT#so now we're in the process of rereading#im mostly done and she's about to finish scarlet#and we've managed to convince three of our other mutual friends to start reading the series#like i haven't been this excited about something in sooooooooooo long#and rereading has made me soooooo nostalgic but i promise you this is so much better than the fandom was 7 years ago#like it was actually unhinged. i found a post arguing to tag kiko as kinko because the kiko tag was full of other content#literally was fighting grown adults on this website at 13#adults romanticizing cresswell. ADULTS FULLY GROWN 20+ CAREER ADULTS#like there was <200 lunar chronicles fanfics on ao3#lovelunarchron had the fandom in a CHOKEHOLD#this is pre-eerna too#the lunar chronicles#mine#prince kai
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if i think hard enough then perhaps i can manifest my comfort character and get him to Kill my mother
#cell baby if you are out there.#please BLOW UP my lineage#jokes aside (if you are still reading these tags for some reason and didnt just scroll past this post) my mom stresses me out so much#she gives me a migraine every time i talk to her#not to get into too much detail. but she's essentially my *through gritted teeth* ABUUUUSERRRR#anyway. ive been sobbing nonstop thinking of telling her stuff#i cannot tell her literally anything. if i do then the information i indulge her in gets weaponized against me#or blatantly ignored#she's a trauma victim herself but has done literally nothing to improve her mental state#so she just drinks 90% of her problems away and then wonders why i don't tell her anything (she likes to yell at me and make me cry)#(after berating me for hours)#one time i was holding the door (no lock lol) to my room shut so tight that my hand went cold and numb#while she was banging on it and demanding i come out#she was still yelling at me#i was pleading for her to leave me alone#this was going on for at least an hour or two beforehand lol#(this was because i forgot to set up a spa appointment FOR MYSELF) ((i feel bad going to the spa bc its expensive))#anyway i dont wanna get into too much lol#i hope you like my vague storytime. kiss kiss
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kinda wish this one guy was gay
#he's my least politically correct friend but he has a good heart#like today one of our classmates said he's improved a lot since becoming friends with me and is so much nicer now#bc his old friendgroup was fucking nasty bro they still are idk#it's all 'jokes' until it's not apparently they were pretty racist to him#i mean they were asian too but east asian and he's indian. so like racism or colourism? idk but either way awful#and obv i'm not racist so being around i and a few other different nicer people has done wonders for him#and like he initiated friendship with me straight away like he wanted to do better and can do better and has been doing better#he still has a few off jokes but i just don't humour them#and it's all just from a place of insecurity that so many teenage boys have#and he really does have a good heart i think he can continue to grow and improve#and we are just friends and becoming closer friends but like. dayum sometimes i am struck by his beautiful face#embarrassing but it's fine to have a little crush on all of your friends i think#and we played basketball today (i mostly watched) and he's so good at it like bro idk#i hope he doesn't move schools like he might (he lives really far away) bc i wanna see where this goes#friendship wise. bc i believe in him he can become a very nice person he has great potential#i can fix him guys (he has made choices to better himself and really i have little impact but i think i am helping and i'm glad)#and yeah he's just HOT my gawd#and i like breaking bad and he started watching breaking bad !!
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I’m normal and mentally stable
#Uhm well the things bothering me at the most lately are#I told my dad to schedule me an optometrist appointment. His response was “why? Can’t see 😂 “#I’m gonna break his fucking knees I can’t see well and you’re making jokes?? Die in a fucking hole man#And itchy tag in shirt but comfy in bed so not getting up#A friend is being a bitch#Different friend. The one who ditched us all for her bf? Yea no she’s acting like everything is normal even tho she’s pissed I didn’t drop#80$ that j was correct. Would have been wasted#I just. Haven’t really replied to her too much#and didn’t engage in conversation with her.#Then that server is being special again and I am gonna fight people there#I haven’t had a meeting with my therapist in a month#I wanna fix my class schedule but getting to the point where I am just done bc it was a whole process and it’s not even done#Literally just wanna add a class bc I have two open hours it’s not that damn hard please#Ok oh and also everything hurts#The voices are loud#I can’t find the audiobook I need#Stomach has hurt for days and it’s literally only been owie not even anything else#My ex bestie keeps liking my posts on a different media#And this is just the tip of the iceberg
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Huh.
On impulse, I recently posted a bit of my backlog on twitter, and for some reason, they've gotten a lot more attention than anything else I've ever posted.
I'm not really sure why though. I don't think my art has improved that drastically between posts, and arguably my earlier posts came out during a higher peak in the fandom, so I dunno what that's about.
#i just pop in and go on twitter to post art#i don't even check my feed most of the time#though maybe it's *because* they've been posted during a lull in fandom#here's a theory:#since i posted them in batches#people have to click on the post to see any of the full images#and a click translates into a view#but also since they clicked on the post they're more likely to actually leave a like/retweet#since they didn't fully consume the post just by scrolling#that might be it#the one thing that i posted solo (my zam gif) did much worse than the batch posts (though still better than earlier posts)#i don't even know why i care#i don't really try to farm for engagement#but it's just weird to notice#it's like: where were y'all when i was posting my funnies?#i think the best a post has ever done for me is the 'glasses' comic#and that's mostly because uncle ali retweeted it XP#but i can't feel too good about that one since it wasn't my joke~
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