#and FINALLY because even despite being so sucks ive come out of this even more unrealistically picky despite already | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

weirdmageddon · 5 months ago

Text

why i think aradia and john work so well

(with some stuff i’ve been wanting to yap about for ages)

have you guys ever given arajohn / johnradia (idk if its popular enough to even have a standardized ship name) any thought …? i know it seems kind of out of left field. i’ve considered it and i think its. really really good. i have a bunch of thoughts to unpack. come join me. and maybe grab a snack or something because i didn’t realize how much i'd actually have to say about this

(fantastic art by skeletood)

the other day i made a tweet that did rather well where i said, “john and aradia shouldve talked more. its so simple but i like how she actually earnestly answers his questions. so many characters in this comic are so mean to john for just wanting to know more give him a break”

putting it out there now im not big about shipping for the sake of shipping. there needs to be real chemistry. i need to sense that as a reason why two characters would potentially be a good influence on each other. i never knew why i was always so obstinate about this because it’s fictional and not materially hurting anyone, but i think it might be because i’m not sure how to justify it or explain it if not.

i strongly believe john and aradia would have had it made out for them if circumstances allowed it. (what i mean by “ship” or “johnradia” extends to any kind of interpersonal dynamic, even if just a good friendship. it doesnt even have to be romantic, just some sort of dynamic with them.)

unfortunately aradia originally committed herself to staying out of trolling the kids over their timelines, so john and aradia never talked until year 3 on the ship in the dream bubbles but they never had a truly proper one-on-one without outside meddling. i think if john knew aradia better and her story beforehand, she had more time to explain herself and her history, he wouldnt have been unsettled. and also of course if his experience with the trolls didn’t suck so bad because he already had expectations for how antagonizing most of them were.

i found people’s sentiments about johnradia elsewhere too. i remembered that they were both on the song art for ascend, and searched ao3 to see how many fics have been written to gauge how substaintial it’s been in the homestuck fandom. only 17 of them turned up. but the people who do talk about it are either curious about it or really do like it, and that interested me.

clearly it’s pretty niche character relationship to be depicted in any fanwork and i can understand why. despite being so small, from what ive seen it seems universally agreed upon to be nice. i haven’t seen a single person object to it. what ive seen falls into two categories: “wow i didnt think about this before but i actually dig it” or “(starving) finally some good fucking food”

the pattern im seeing is that people think it’s “random”, but i disagree. there is something there substantiating it even if they’re unable to articulate it.

the fanfic these comments are from is chronology of wind. that fic is really, really good, and sadly unfinished. i have more abstract reasons to believe why aradia and john would be good in theory, so actually seeing someone else actually make something with them helped me read it in action, to get a more tangible feel of the dynamic beyond what we have in canon.

i wouldn’t normally make claims about a relationship with regard to homestuck canon by looking at their relationship in a fanfic, because i think you all know by now i am very nitpicky about accurate characterization, and it does not go unnoticed by me when people get it right because for some reason it feels like a one in a million thing (even though it really shouldn’t be?). so this was a special case. the tone was completely consistent with canon. this fic is so in-character i’d basically consider it an extension of canon. to me it’s like they took the same characters and plopped them into this scenario to see how they’d interact. guys… i love that stuff so much. i love fanfiction or fanworks that depict realistic extensions of canon and stays true to the energy and tone of the source, but deepens it. there isn’t enough of it imo. i want to see more of it.

anyway, what i read of their conversations in that fic basically aligned with what i was thinking in my head about what i’d expect it to be like. i was able to compare how aradia and john talked to how aradia and the other characters interacted, their comparative attitudes towards each other—how they’re treated by others compared to how they treat each other.

have you noticed john and aradia’s communication values are both based on sincerity, being in the proper know, treating people fairly, and thanklessly taking on the necessary work that “must be done” in order to have what they really want — a good time that feels meaningful? and they accomplish this without any adjustment in how they talk to each other.

john is always subtly (or not-so-subtly) asking the people around him to answer him soberly and to the point so he knows whats going on and what that means for what his options are. he needs to know to what end he will be applying his absurd energetic drive into making shit happen. aradia honors his time before john can even become uncomfortable with the amount of time being eaten up by conversation. contrast this with rose, who seems to go on for a while with prose-like conversational adornments. in dire situations that need rapid explanation and definitive answers so he knows what to do, this is really the last thing he needs. aradia doesnt waste john’s time. she answers all his questions, and does it politely to boot. his time talking to her doesn't feel wasted.

john's impatience with this sort of nonsense is also why i can’t see something like dirkjohn working out, for example. to me it feels like @entropicbias also deeply understands this on some level because i literally couldn’t have demonstrated what i mean by it any better myself than that. i'm gonna have to to hit him up about how much i genuinely respect that like tbh hes one of the few i absolutely trust to handle writing and depicting these characters in situations and their interpersonal dynamics. and also care about doing their characterization justice as much as me.

of course people are still entitled to like whatever they like, ship whatever they want to. i dont care. but i just don’t think it would work from the perspective of the minds of the canon characters, how they generally think and approach situations. and i can already tell people might ask me how do i know this? what makes me an expert? i’m not more than anyone else is (although i have been called a "characterization expert" from my friends), but i do know that i can pick up on the energetic chemistry between people, including characters, honestly precognitively, without even thinking? like if it’s stiff or tense or awkward, if people aren’t free to express themselves uninhibitedly, if they feel unsafe or uncomfortable. i can sense this almost instantly. it’s something that’s a visceral feeling in my body i cant express and i have to rationalize it after the fact. like i’m doing now in fact writing this big analysis.

> listen to me talk about my special interest boy

for the next section to make sense, you probably want to read this post. i initially started writing it within this post to explain but there was so much brewing i had to explain the context that it turned into something i wanted to post on its own terms.

> okaaaaaayyyyy i read all that

thank you, really. my main point is using the conceptual tools provided by this system to expIain why aradia and john feel nice together and why i’ve seen people positively perceive the idea of a relationship between them even if it seems “random”.

framing them in this system, it wouldn’t be random! there’s a good reason they seem to fit nicely. this is because john and aradia have complementary forms of information metabolism. information metabolism is talked about in this section.

Jung’s psychic types are the types of cognition, or intelligence. But it would probably be easiest to call them types of IM [information metabolism], since the main difference between the types of people lies in their exchange of information with the external world.

Aushra Augusta, Commentary on Jung’s Typology and Introduction to Information Metabolism

aradia megido’s type of information metabolism (otherwise known as a TIM) is LII. john egbert’s TIM is ESE.

aradia and john’s types are duals. you can read more about what that entails here. in theory, their interactions would reflect the duality dynamic. reading chronology of wind, that one really in-character fic that explored their dynamic made me excited because they do!

michael pierce gave an overview of his impression of the characteristics of this intertype dynamic. despite only rough knowledge in socionics while he wrote this, his understanding of duality was spot on to me from my experience and others and i wanted to share it here. (fittingly, i believe he is also LII.)

Now we have the famous duality relationship: in a nutshell, this role is characterized by two traits: 1) a very close psychological distance or intimacy, and 2) a great ease of interacting with each other. It is sometimes described how meeting one's dual can be the event of a lifetime, because it inspires aspects in each party's character that they had never expressed before: the pair may even drop out of society for a time in order to focus on just each other, and to explore themselves through interaction with each other. The curious thing in this relationship is that these parties are rather different in outlook, and when they are not actually interacting as potential friends it's probably more likely for them to dislike or mistrust each other because of how different they are. […] However, when they are able to interact normally, it is a strange and wonderful discovery to realize that the interaction is unexpectedly smooth and invigorating. It's hard for people to describe, but as I understand it: while both parties recognize their differences on the surface, these differences are created by a root structure that coincides perfectly with each other, so that the differences on the surface are entirely complementary and cause no friction at all.

it’s also meaningful to consider that the structure of my own psyche is LII as well. so i’ve got a bit of a bias towards aradia and john.. not in the sense that what i actually say about them is personally biased, but that the bias is moreso my personal attention to people and characters of these two types in particular to see how my own experiences are reflected in them. i really do feel of a reflection of my own thought and work process in aradia and in the more abstract sense she is like an extension of myself. when people say they like aradia as a character i get secondhand joy from that because shares certain specific traits with me. of course i am still my own person though.

these are some of the most apt profiles i've found for these types at a glance. again, think about these characters as you read these descriptions. [from here (ESE / LII)]

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert) - john

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on socializing and guiding social situations and interactions so that the people involved can have fun and enjoy themselves. ESEs are typically in the middle of what is happening socially and know about the latest events and what people think and feel about them. They are skilled at bringing people together in fun and interesting ways and making everyone feel actively involved. Their friends know them as people who love life and feel most at home in social situations surrounded by other fun people. In their pursuit of fun-oriented and stimulating social interactions, ESEs typically neglect to structure their own thought processes and views in a way that would help them know exactly what they think and why. They are receptive to others’ attempts to help them introduce more structure and logical consistency in their life and thinking processes. They gravitate most to people who open up to fun and emotional interaction easily, yet are also skilled at systematizing thoughts and views and explaining ideological matters.

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert) - aradia

The trademark quality of this type is a focus on logical, structured thought and generating true assertions and views. LIIs are typically strict thinkers who are concerned that everything fits together in a logical way. They are skilled at understanding, generating, and criticizing logical arguments and instilling their views in the people around them. Their friends know them as people with well-organized thoughts and opinions who know what they think and can elucidate their ideas to others. In their pursuit of logical understanding, LIIs typically neglect their external social interactions and activities that would help them lighten up and experience a connection with other people. They are receptive to others’ attempts to create these fun and lighthearted situations for them. They gravitate most to people who are interested in their opinions and understanding of things, but are also skilled at organizing social interactions and creating a sense of emotional unity.

ive recently consciously experienced the feeling of duality for the first time since i've been communicating with my mom's high school classmate, and it is definitely a real thing. i even remember mom pointing out she noticed when we were all talking on the phone over a year ago that i perked up whenever he said stuff. here is how i explained it:

its bonkers how only once i experience something for myself i’m able to explain in detail what makes it so great based on what my impressions about it were because i tend to have a peculiar way of describing the qualities of an experience. my specialty is deep precision in my analogies for what it’s like. so now i can tell you how conversations with your dual feel… heres the status report. it’s weightless. its so strange. like the topic conversation stretches into infinity that you can pick right back up at any time. it’s hazy and unfocused but still pleasant (unless you’re particularly self-conscious and need to unlearn hiding your true self). but the best parts of it come when you have a specific issue or insecurity that comes with being your most natural self that the world seems to misunderstand about you, or just not give you what you don't even know you’ve been looking for. i think you might mutually intimidate each other at first because you're lowkey both expecting to be made fun of for your inadequacy with certain types of information that the other is nuanced with (and you’re not), but it never comes. you don't feel like what your dual wants in life is wrong. your dual seems so talented in all the ways you hope to shine but you’re always unsure of. for the introvert (me) wishing they felt their own active presence as an object (Se, Ne, Te, Fe) like the extravert does. for the extravert, wishing they felt their own relationships with other objects (Si, Ni, Ti, Fi) like the introvert does. any other intertype relationship (ITR) vs. duality is like the difference between 99% and 100% totality of a solar eclipse, except it’s the level of understanding with another person, like the eclipsing of your own information metabolism with theirs. of course there are other things that influence how well your relationship with this person goes, but i am talking strictly about when it comes to basic communication, the level of understanding you share. sometimes it might feel like you dont have much to talk about or the topic is unfocused, because you two ARE opposites in many ways after all, especially at a glance (domain of interests usually come with specific macroelements. theories about thought structures—like socionics, for instance—are in the domain of intuition, while physical interests and experiences are in the domain of sensorics.) i’m LII in the NT club (researchers) and my dual ESE in the SF club (social-communicative). so they’re constantly providing you with information from their own niche in life that you may be entirely unfamiliar with, but for some reason still interests and relaxes you to hear. you might not feel like you have a lot to say about the topic since but you are fully amazed by this person’s activity. it also makes you feel more sure of yourself and more confident that people truly appreciate and need your natural abilities.

> let’s break it down

here’s some lightly modified descriptions of the information blocks in LII and ESE's information metabolism models from pyatnitsky so you can get an overarching impression of how their type contributes to the informational sphere. i added some of my own adjustments and borrowed some sentences from stratiyevskaya's descriptions. additionally, you can click on the name of the block for an explanation of the role it plays.

i put about a week’s work into these collages but my goal with them was to actually show where i think these information blocks are most pertinent in these characters specifically and where they apply so it’s not just some abstract thing, just as supplementary examples as needed. (for the meaning of these information elements individually you can refer to cysia’s document.)

LII (Logical-intuitive introvert)

EGO (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Analytical thinking. They are well aware of the interrelationships of some objects or phenomena with others, and what laws are in effect or not in effect. On the basis of a comprehensive analysis, they put forward insights about the global essence of specific objects and phenomena, their possibilities. They acutely charge the situation with potential energy. For every situation, there is an archetype.

Super-EGO (-Fi? -> -Se!). Normative ideas about relationships between people and ways to get out of unpleasant ethical situations. Understands ethics as founded on the principles of fairness; to do to one side of the equation that you do to the other. Volitional manifestations in order to protect their living space are carried out only on the basis of personal experience. Because of the limited opportunities to fight back, they react painfully to attempts of any interference in his life. Does not respond to any arbitrary crudeness or volitional pressuring. Does not compromise goals, stubbornly clings to them. Avoids direct confrontation if possible, would rather talk civilly and earnestly. Uses their naturally strong sense of the conditioning of objects over time to avoid collisions with their material interests. Due to this, they may appear as someone with very little weaknesses.

Super-ID (+Fe -> +Si?) Attracts information about a good mood, a specific positive state, or a feeling. They would like to think that they can eliminate serious inconveniences, make the environment around them more comfortable. This skill needs to be evaluated. They are unconsciously activated when there is a need to make the environment more comfortable, which should lead to a better state, raise the mood at least in the immediate environment. In friendly, comfortable, and informal company, their cool exterior thaws and they start lighting up with joviality.

ID (+Te! → +Ni?). Has developed guidelines and methods that relate to specific practical activities, technological effectiveness, and resource use. Spontaneously feels the correct allocation of resources over time, which allows them to effectively solve tasks at an unhurried pace. This pace is deeply rational in nature.

ESE (Ethical-sensory extrovert)

EGO (+Fe! -> +Si?). Perception of the world is fundamentally emotional. Feels the emotional atmosphere well in any situation, knows the relevance of the way of expression, the place and weight (importance) of the internal state in each situation. Flexible approach to solving problems of managing and expressing emotions. They show bright emotionality both negative and positive. Creatively produces around themself comfort, coziness, conveniently arranges space, surrounds others with beautiful things, changing thereby the general condition and mood. Usually opinionated about their tastes.

(wow i really went all out on that this one that tumblr wont even display it in full resolution, so here. john just has so many more lines to choose from, sorry!)

Super-EGO (+Te! -> +Ni?). Practical and technological thinking is tightly based on acquired knowledge and patterns of solving similar problems. Methods of business activity in both general and specific areas are selected based on the opinion of reputable sources, or adjusted to one of the mastered templates. Predicting specific changes in the sphere of their interests is carried out only on the basis of personal experience. He is not able to compare his own method of forecasting with others, so he is sensitive to criticism of poor timing or deadlines, does not like situations that feel like a waste of his time; he is lost in connection with negative events. Guided by purely personal experience, he chooses specific times and deadlines for various tasks with a normative understanding of business activity in general.

Super-ID (-Ti? -> -Ne!). Attracts information about the order, specific logical relationships in the field of activity or interests. Needs someone to suggest specific ways to make connections between phenomena, patterns, and rules. Tries to be reasonable himself, even though he knows that this is not characteristic of him. Sometimes he openly talks of his actions that were poorly reasoned through, as if inviting other people to laugh at his thoughtlessness. The ordering and systematization of thought opens up a new way of understanding of events that are happening around him, as well as new prospects, potential, and capabilities. He likes to think that he understands the essence of a situation and lights up with new ideas. This skill needs to be evaluated. It is unconsciously activated when it is necessary to create order, clear consistency and clarity on a particular issue, especially if their abilities are recognized.

ID (-Fi? -> -Se!). Involuntarily keeps track of communications in their social circle. Without hesitation, they use a variety of ways to establish and maintain relationships that have been developed in his personal practice. Good relationships are important for personal inner confidence in a situation. To prevent unfavorable relationships, they are inclined, often without even realizing it, to act with pressure, forcing a showdown, forcing the partner to change the relationship for the better. Frequently demonstrates his resoluteness, persistence, and purposefulness, as if proposing his behavior as a model for imitation. Usually tells in much detail what obstacles were created before him, and how he overcame them, what he was told in response, and what he replied with, and so on and in the like.

(full res)

you might be able to see already how they would complement each other's thought process nicely. here are some descriptions of what the communication between these types is like:

+Fe! : program function of ESE and dual-seeking function of LII

The ESE periodically tells emotionally charged "program" function stories, telling of how somebody has acted and what they have done. The main orientation of ESE's leading ethical program is: "No one should be offended." The LII carefully listens to these statements, and, demonstrating a full understanding of these issues, develops logical basis for them, e.g. in calm persuasive voice he explains how the ESE has acted justly and fairly. The effusion of turbulent emotions coming from the ESE is counterbalanced by their absorption by the LII, who breaks them down into fragments by asking clarifying questions of the ESE.

-Ti? : dual-seeking function of ESE and program function of LII

The ESE is tuned to accepting information when it's relayed in clear logical form. He issues requests for logical explanations delivered from a point of view of generalized rules underpinning specific life events, which he receives from the LII, who delivers clear unambiguous interpretations, places the dots over all "i's", and demonstrates good understanding of problems that are of concern to the ESE. Not receiving information of this kind, the ESE begins making demands of those around him to be "intelligent" and understand the reasons of his actions.

-Ne! : activating function of ESE and creative function of LII

The ESE feels uncomfortable if he doesn't extend his help to people who are in need of it. His subconscious orientation is: "care and guard the talented", be kind and attentive towards other people. The LII usually meets such criteria by proving in action his aptitude at uncovering hidden capabilities, winning trust, passing on the knowledge. The ESE creates supportive conditions for people who are capable but lacking in assertive "push-through" qualities, among whom the LII finds himself, and a special work regime that protects such individuals from overloads on sensing functions. Newly discovered possibilities inspire and promote the pragmatic and business-oriented activities of the ESE. He can support a new undertaking or initiative with an enormous amount of energy and enthusiasm, light up by new ideas. Only the LII is able to, even having a vague general notion about the subject, construct a developed theory or idea of any issue. This theory shows to be promising in the process of its concrete application within its field.

+Si? : creative function of ESE and activating function of LII

LII tries to take care of their well-being, but may gravitate towards demonstrative asceticism, exhaust himself with work, studies, or exercise. The ESE periodically takes care of creating an environment that "charges" the LII with pleasant sensations: a reception of guests, a good meal, a visit to a theater or a concert, an interesting trip, and so on. At the same time the ESE takes pleasure in this himself.

+Te! : role function of ESE and observing function of LII

The role function of the ESE manifests as business-oriented activity and initiative, supplying interesting information, provision with material assistance to those who are in need, general restlessness and fussy busyness. This function is normative, i.e. the ESE seeks to comply with the norms and accepted ways of doing things. The nuancing of the understanding of these norms, i.e. introduction of activities that go beyond them, is possible only by considering LII's advice and recommendations. The LII serves as a director of this function, adjusting its workings by advocating the necessity of practical application of some beneficial ideas, rejection of useless though spectacular ideas, and the need to ensure standards of life not below average by rejection of equalization.

+Ni? : vulnerable function of ESE and demonstrative function of LII

The ESE poorly feels the flow of time, both physical, which manifests as running late and poor distribution of his strengths over time, and historical, which manifests as poor ability to anticipate consequences of actions and tendency for traditional ways of solving problems. The ESE finds it difficult to make radical choices. The LII fully takes this aspect onto his shoulders. He has an unconscious ability to distribute activities in time, thereby avoiding work stress and overloads, and is capable of making a radical choice. The LII is able to calmly wait and in the necessary moment get to work when the wasteful fussiness of the ESE reaches its critical point.

-Fi? : ignoring function of ESE and role function of LII

On this function the ESE gives advice and makes demands concerning the creation of appropriate psychological distances in form of proper behavior, courtesy and politeness, denouncing rudeness and boorishness. In this manner, the ESE adjusts LII's role function, which in itself contains a set of large psychological distances: a sullen stubborn look, unsociability, etc. With such fine-tuning it becomes easier for the LII to come into contact with people, whereby he becomes more animated, resolves many of his ethical problems that previously frightened him, gains greater insight into human relationships and a more accurate understanding as to whose side to take in situations of conflict.

-Se! : demonstrative function of ESE and vulnerable function of LII

The LII finds it very difficult to exert pressure on other people from his own will and initiative, especially in cases when he needs to attain something for himself. He finds this difficult to do - to press ahead in certain situations, to gather all the required paperwork, to stand in lines and queues, to petition for his own interests, even the ones that are of vital importance to him. He finds it difficult to push a person away, to sharply refuse someone, to quarrel loudly and defend his rights, to put an end to relations that have exhausted themselves. The ESE doesn't directly affect this function, i.e. he doesn't verbally criticize and teach the LII on this aspect, but takes over its functioning completely. The ESE exerts a constant, sometimes intrusive and imposing pressure on other people if there is a need to achieve something, to defend justice and demand fair treatment, to protect interests of those who are close and dear to him. The ESE goes to the right jurisdictions, inspires people around him and directs them towards work and purposeful activity, keeps up a high pace of life himself, and breaks off relations with those who don't deserve trust.

and some miscellaneous excerpts from literature i liked a lot. (i can't remember the sources i used since i've been working on this on and off, for the past week and i was just spilling things onto the post. i think stratiyevskaya?):

Mood - that’s what matters in this dyad - emotions and feelings. Anything that suppresses and overshadows good mood is considered unethical in this dyad and is strongly condemned.

The ESE does not allow the LII to limit him in the possibilities of consuming the amount of pleasures and joys, which he considers to be necessary and sufficient. Fortunately, both partners in the dyad - LII and ESE - are obstinate and unyielding. Both are demanding, unwilling (and not allowing anyone else) to lower the bar of their requirements, unable to give in and make concessions (especially in anything that is of principle for themselves). Both know how to make their partner reckon with their interests and insist on the fulfillment of their demands.

LII is impressed by the emotional generosity of ESE and his spiritual responsiveness. All this finds the deepest understanding in LII, since he is tuned to the same priorities and values. For his part, ESE admires the ability of LII to speak clearly and definitely on every issue. ESE is struck by the harmony of the reasoning of LII, the amazing clarity, accuracy and laconicism of his statements. To ESE it seems that for LII, there is nothing incomprehensible in this world; he can give a comprehensive explanation on every issue. And everything that ESE thought about before is gradually being built into a definite and clear system of views, which he can now very freely and naturally present. Confusion and chaos in his worldview gradually gives way to a stable logical order, as if someone patient and careful was sorting all his thoughts into shelves. Such clarity inspires and activates ESE; he begins to see some prospects for himself, new opportunities. His energy and activity, in addition to emotional and ethical expression, also receives sensory realization: ESE begins to take care of LII and carefully looks after him. If LII is a colleague with whom ESE is especially pleasant to communicate with, he begins to treat him with something tasty, homemade; will make some small, but beautiful and necessary gift (for example: new cologne or a warm scarf).

> okay that's great and all but when are we talking about john and aradia specifically?

yes, that was the point of this post. i just had to build all that up first so i could walk you through my thoughts in a fully substantiated way.

considering chronology of wind again, john doesnt realize it but he needs aradias frankness and insight. even if she’s unable to explicate on vague things, she states the reason why instead of making him feel stupid (it would create a doomed timeline) but thats all john needs to hear. she is self-effacing and only tells him the truth, and we know other people can take advantage of john’s suggestibility in this way. aradia tells john who is or isnt trustworthy, what actions would be useful/necessary and which ones wont, without any selfish personal motive a la vriska or terezi.

^ (juuuust the record my nitpicky ass doesn’t agree with the truth of the classpect interpretation on behalf of the author in the last bit BUT that is beside the point here. the point is that she is answering john’s question in a way that is meaningful for him)

aradia doesnt realize it but she needs john’s friendy goofiness to brighten her up because she is surrounded by people who antagonize her when she’s literally not even trying to get under anyones skin. everybody gets frustrated at her “spooky nonsense” because theyre afraid of their own mortality, basically telling her to put a lid on it because thinking about hard truths makes THEM personally uncomfortable. but to her it’s always just been a fact of life. plugging your ears to reality is ignorance, but at the same time that doesn’t mean there’s no meaning in anything. she wants to help people see this and she dedicates herself to becoming a psychopomp for the deceased and earnestly trying to make people feel emotionally and physically comfortable in their situation through exploring their memories.

john isn’t hostile towards her. by being herself she is immediately able to earn john’s trust when they initially talk. this is also true in canon; the one time they talked when john initially comes up to her, saying “can i ask you something? seem reasonable, and pretty nice.” unfortunately he asked her the one question she didn’t have much to say about, and i can’t blame him for expecting all the troll girls to be basically insane at that point. but i don’t think aradia is insane. yes she is odd, but i think it’s evident that she has a good head on her shoulders with knowledge of the way the universe around her works, and in the end wants to simply bask in watching it play out. i think she deserves to get childishly excited about it, especially considering she was dead for most of her developmental years.

aside from getting his answers answered, john shows curiosity about her and her species and even care about her well-being and state. this naturally comes from their conversation’s ebb and flow. aradia tells this straightforwardly, without bells and whistles and without trying to trick him, unlike the other trolls who seem keen on well..trolling him.. and providing him with unclear answers to those sorts things. maybe aside from vriska, but she did have a little bit of an attitude about it wherein her and john’s dynamic felt uneven or off-rhythm, with a large psychological distance. it’s a different feeling with aradia, however. they exchange information on the same rhythm and so are able to achieve a closer psychological distance in communication.

there are no judgments coming from aradia about john being “stupid”. she doesn’t underestimate him. it’s not just that john wants to understand (although he does), but he needs to understand what he is doing. aradia compliments john about the traits he possesses that allow him to be effective. i guess in a way i’m doing the same thing with john right now.

john is so mobile and strung along by being the action hero going from place to place as a can-do deliveryboy that he never has time to reflect on his losses, think through them, and accept them.

literally who else is more qualified in all of homestuck than aradia for talking to john about these things?

on top of all of this, they have objectively significant connections beyond just mutual self-realization in a way i think could've been fleshed out. there is potential here.

for a story, i can think of a way that a conversation between them could plausibly happen using the systems established in homestuck's mythology. in canon, we see that john never met aradia until year 3 on the golden battleship in the dream bubbles when he goes to sleep.

but john still dreamt out in the furthest ring. that means during those 3 years it was possible for john to have had a dream with her in it, or at least aradiabot. i know john didn't know aradia's name beforehand but let's just explore the possibility that they could have had met before that. remember that all these aradiabots were once this person.

aradia had obtained john's crosbytop, his dads hat, and his wallet quite a while before their sgrub session. theres your entry

imagine john seeing that

memories of dear old dad get stirred up through the link of seeing those items

the dream bubble transforms

john is forced to stand in his memories and explore grief and the meaning of life with aradia

physically being in the space around him would definitely help john reflect easier i think because it will force him to actually exist within the space and talk to someone, taking some time out for this. he wanted to know if anything could've been done or if he was just too late to save them. i know aradia would be able help him slow down and introspect. don't forget the opportunities created by the properties of these spaces that are glubbed out in the furthest ring by the horrorterrors that meld the labyrinthine time and space of their surroundings to the memories of the people and finding others through common points in memory. i would imagine that objects known by multiple people would provide a common point in memory to bring them together.

The bubbles allow the players of Sburb/Sgrub who have lost a life to continue dreaming. The reality constructed in the bubbles is a combination of the memories of everyone inside the bubble accessible to any who has learned the bubble's nature. According to Aradia, it would be quite difficult to exit a bubble to get into a new one, however someone inside a bubble can travel to another one through common points in memory, taking their own memories with them to be integrated into the new bubble. These memories mix and combine, but in general, no new memories are created. Additionally, the bubbles store the consciousness of a player who has lost their dream selves and their original selves, making them double as a form of afterlife; the player is then capable of accessing the memory of anyone else who has gained access to the bubbles. Living players, who have lost or become their dream selves, appear in the dream bubbles when they are asleep. It is in this fashion that the bubbles can be used as meeting places between the dead and the living; even those from alternate universes and doomed timelines can be found in a bubble. Furthermore, in addition to memories, the bubbles can to some extent reflect the thoughts of a player. Beyond that, the bubbles can also behave similarly to Skaia's clouds, showing things that are in some way relevant to the player - such as when coin-flip Dave saw alpha Dave grieving over Bro's corpse - something he was not aware of before being shown it by a bubble.

physically reflect the thoughts of the player…… rubs hands

john and aradia share points in memory related to those objects, and to top it all of they are directly related to john's dad on the same day he died, while aradia grew up with them as bizarre alien artifacts from an archeological dig. the memories are more emotionally charged for john, and i think that distinction would probably be relevant to them both.

to be honest i think after speaking with him for a bit she would readily tell john that she regrets not talking to the kids from the universe her team created sooner before she died, but is glad that she can in the afterlife. in canon, alpha aradia told a doomed dave, "i think its absurd i never introduced myself to you in all that time i spent moping around the lab. guess i wasnt in a very good mood".

now not all the aradiabots would know who john is, because the trolls only found out about the humans once they created the genesis frog and hid out in the lab in the veil from jack who infiltrated their session. the aradiabot in the lab was the last one that survived. so if any one of them would know who john is, it would be the aradiabot that exploded. aradia's dream self ascended to god tier in jack noir's rampage on trolls' derse and took those memories with her which we can assume is what made the last aradiabot explode. its known that any original copy that dies when another rises up becomes a ghost and lives on in the dream bubbles, which would include her. a doomed aradiabot we see in the comic, which was the one that originally landed to alternia in the past, becomes more lighthearted after she dies, a bit more like her alive counterpart.

oh yeah, and the more obvious surface-level connections to top it off? ghostbusters? john ain't afraid of no ghost girl. john would be genuinely interested in what aradia living as a ghost irl on her planet and not as a gaming abstraction in the furthest ring would be like. i imagine she would be able to explain the subjective experience and that she had to prototype herself into the kernelsprite order for her server player to see her. there's also no way john hasn't seen a movie as classic as indiana jones and judging from her poster i can imagine he probably thinks it's sweet that aradia's strife specibus whipkind is a reflection of her own personal tastes, interests and hobbies.

so yeah i've just been chewing on all of this and thinking about it but i know i needed to just get this out there somehow. obviously since i spent two weeks putting this post together i'd be happy to hear your thoughts

#homestuck #aradia megido #john egbert #johnradia #arajohn #homestuck analysis #socionics #mine

172 notes · View notes

sunnycanvas · 1 year ago

Note

Baldwin seducing his shy fem physician

Warning: mentions of lactation kink, overstimulation and oral (giving and receiving)

"Come forward" king Baldwin IV who called you gently was sitting on his desk writing."I am glad to meet (F/N) 's daughter. He was there when other physicians were trying to find out about my disease.It was he not the other physicians who was able to tell that, I am a leper".

You watched as the king got up from his desk and stood motionless staring at you.You stood motionless looking at his mask as well and Baldwin IV got quite too.

The awkward silence was finally broken by Baldwin IV. "Come sit, I heard that you are the best physician in whole Christendom". Baldwin IV soon say in his bed and began to take off his mask. He soon motioned you to come sit next to him. You carefully put your box you were carrying next to bed. You took out glass and poured poppy milk and put it near bed. You took out one more drink and motioned the king to drink. The king quietly drank it. You went back to box and realised that you accidentally gave the king, aphrodisiacs. The one for your other female client who requested it from you. As her husband was cheating on her. Before you could stop the king it was too late he already started drinking it.Y ou got extremely scared and not wanting to face warth you pretended to be normal.

The king stopped for a while and lifted the glass of milk again to drink but accidentally poured on your chest. You were wearing a white gown. Now because of milk your chest was visible. Your gown desperately stuck to clung to your chest like second skin. Your cheeks flushed in display in exposure of your modesty. "I am sorry. My hand accidentally slipped". You knew that was a lie. "Let me chean it off you". He soon began licking off milk from your cleavage. You moaned. Despite being chaste he was quite good. He soon moved down to your chest and began licking there. He licked the valley of your chest and soon moved to your breast. He kept nibbling and sucking and if searching for your nipple. He soon found it and began harshly sucking it. You moaned at this sensation. It felt like you wer breast feeding the king. He sucked so harsh that your nipple began to hurt. He soon moved to another nipple and began same procedure. You couldn't stop yourself anymore and moaned. You soon covered your mouth in embarrassment but Baldwin IV was having none of that "Let it out. Let me hear you moan". You ended up moaning your King Baldwin IV's name begging to show you mercy. Baldwin IV gave one last tiny lick to your nipple before leaving it

"My apologies, now I think you should continue". Baldwin IV didn't even wait for your response and began stripping. You felt sexual arousal after seeing the king's chest. He was muscular. There were scars but they were all beautiful. Just to show how brave he was fighting his diesease. You start working on his bare upper torso washing and dipping it with medicine. "Apply it with your hand" he commanded and you got the opportunity to touch his body. You happily ran down your hands from chest to his stomach. You loved how he twitched under your touch. You could feel his breath getting rapid and his body flushing red under your touch. You ran your finger tips lower near his cock. He arched at sensation and you chuckled. Baldwin IV glared at you and said "Don't tease". However his gaze was much more passionate than he wanted it to be. You playfully squished his chest and also played with his nipples. Baldwin IV moaned at sensation. "Get on top of bed, it will help you" you did as you were told. It felt like you were straddling the king. You look at king for permission which he gave. You stripped him off his pants and began applying medicine. You soon bend down and started applying it on his calves. Baldwin IV chuckled at how naive you were being. You didn't realise how close you were to his cock. Baldwin IV thought of being mischievous and gently rubbed his cock on top of your lips. You gasped and Baldwin IV accidentally put his cock inside your mouth. You moaned feeling his cock inside your mouth and you started sucking and went deeper. Baldwin IV moaned feeling your tongue."Ah! (Y/N)! So good" You took him more deeper and hallowed your cheeks. Your nose which was buried in his blonde pubic hair made it difficult for you to breath. You moved away to finally get air, when you suddenly noticed his sensitive vein in his cock. You smiled mischievously and started kissing his vein from top to bottom and playfully nibbled it. You could hear Baldwin IV groan and you smile in response.You went back to his cock and started sucking head of his cock harshly as revenge. Baldwin IV moaned repeating your name like it's some sort of prayer and finally released inside you. He soon threw you on top of bed and began stripping you.

"You are so beautiful" he moaned looking at your naked body. He spread your legs and put his finger inside your pussy. You moaned at the sensation of his cold finger. His thumb especially played with the nub inside your pussy and slightly pinched it. You whimpered in slight pain and he bent down and kissed it in slight apology. "It seems like some of the milk reached down as well. Hence, I need to clean it as an apology" .He soon began licking your pussy. You moaned and the sensation of his fast and aggressive tongue licking you all over you pussy. He soon found your hole and put his tongue inside it and licking it aggressively. You couldn't hold yourself anymore. Without giving him warning you cummed on his face. Baldwin IV soon stood up a little and looked at you with seductive eyes. Not without breaking eye contact he took some of your cum left from your pussy and licked it from his fingers He soon angled his cock near your hole. Without waiting he pushed inside you. You gasped at sensation and bit of blood came out. "Virgin, don't worry I am too which is why I can't control myself. He kept thrusting inside you. You could feels his balls slapping your pussy. You could feel yourself getting closer. "I am going to cu-" before you could finish your statement you came. The king didn't, so he kept thrusting inside you. You cried in overstimulation and in whimpered voice said "No, more!"until the king cum as well. You soon fell asleep

Baldwin IV cradled you in his arms, he didn't know what happened to him but he certainly wasn't regretting. Judging by your action you enjoyed as well, "Gaurds" Baldwin IV commanded and gaurds came rushing inside. They were shocked to see a nude woman covered with blacket cradled on king's arm asleep. "Make sure to call priest tomorrow, and tell him to prepare for my wedding" The gaurds left in hurry still in shock.

Baldwin IV kissed your temple and whispered. "Since I have taken your virginity, it's only fair that I marry you and make you my queen as consolation"

#baldwin iv #baldwin iv imagine #baldwin iv x reader #kingdom of heaven #kingdom of heaven 2005 #kingdom of heaven fanfic #kingdom of heaven fanfiction #kingdom of heaven fandom #kingdom of heaven headcanons #king baldwin iv

593 notes · View notes

atopvisenyashill · 4 months ago

Note

genuinely, what do you think happened to daena the defiant after the birth of her son? as much as it sucks that grrm likes writing women off of the page once they gave birth to historically significant people, I think that if he was planning to include her in the build-up to the blackfyre rebellions as a sort of alicent hightower figure, her involvement would've been mentioned in twoiaf.

and even though i'm pretty sure a rebellious girl like her would've been pissed off that she got passed over in favor of her uncle, the fact that she didn't announce daemon's parentage after viserys ii died and aegon iv ascended makes me think she wasn't actually trying to crown her son to vicariously live through him.

so my current theory is that daena died before aegon claimed daemon and that aegon specifically ordered a secret hit on daena (probably a "hunting accident") so that he could claim her son as a potential heir (whether or not daemon is actually his, it doesn't matter as long as he has an alternative to daeron).

Interesting theory!

I more or less agree - I think Daena died before Aegon claimed Daemon Blackfyre and I think Aegon only claimed Daemon after she died because she didn't want him to be claimed by Aegon. I tend to lean towards Daena feeling so scorned after not getting to be Baelor's queen, being locked up for a decade, and finally being passed over that she didn't want Daemon to have anything to do with the crown. Not dissimilar to Rhaenys Velaryon, in that she's just resigned herself to the fact that she's never going to get it. BUT. Unlike Rhaenys, I think Daena was likely happy to be a menace, a sort of living ghost in King's Landing reminding everyone that her claim was set aside despite it being better under normal circumstances than Viserys' (and Aegon's). It's not that she wants the crown, nor does she want to put Daemon in danger, it's that she's just like, deeply pissed off and bitter. If her pissy attitude makes Daeron nervous about her intentions, well, that's his fucking problem as far as she's concerned.

I also think - this is part of my Daemon Ballfyre theory but it works even if Daemon is Aegon's - that Aegon at least marginally respected Daena's choice to keep Daemon out of everything. I'm not trying to blorboify him here, but my read on them has always been that like...Daena is the only relative he's ever respected. She's wild and untamed and rebellious and bitter as fuck, and he's always been enchanted by that part of her, especially surrounded by the very religious and dour Aemon, Baelor, and Naerys. So while he's scheming to overthrow his own son, instead of claiming Daemon, he tries to make his own bastard heir and switches from random women as his mistresses to noble born virgins; I think this is partially a power and control thing, he likes the fact that he's the king and he can bed a noble virgin and no one can stop him. BUT. I think it's because he knows he needs a noble born mother for his bastard heir. Except things with the Brackens blow up quickly, so Aegor is out. Melly gives him an albino ~freak of nature and two girls, so she's out. I think he might have wanted to try with the Butterwells, but they're not quite noble enough, they have all girls, so he gives Lord Butterwell a dragon egg for his troubles and he's out. He's getting old, he's getting unhealthy, Daeron is out here having sons and making friends, so when Daena dies, he seizes the opportunity and just...claims Daemon. Similar to him not implying Daeron was illegitimate until after Naerys and Aemon are both dead, I think Daena would never have allowed this - but now she's dead.

Is he capable of killing her? I mean, it's not unlikely, he's actively trying to get his own son killed, he rapes his sister to death, he potentially poisoned his own father, so sure why not. I will definitely be interested to see what their relationship looks like when F&B part 2 comes out.

#daena the defiant #aegon the unworthy #asks #anons

16 notes · View notes

canonmisogynyvictimstournament · 1 year ago

Text

PROPAGANDA

AMY ROSE (SONIC THE HEDGEHOG)

1.) Amy's characterisation has experienced several generations of misogyny, right from her genesis: She was designed as a girlfriend, but it eas then decided they didn't want Sonic to have a girlfriend. First instance she's a damsel in distress that he resents for being there and crushing on him, and this is echoed in the comics. She is then presented as pathetic, chasing and stalkerish, as well as sidelined in the games in favour of other characters despite being very strong. Her stories are often those with the most emotional weight, but the reading is coloured by other characters underestimating her importance there. She then enters a pushy and blind era where she becomes a mockery of her past self. A universe reset rebranded her as a feminist, but that often comes off as a bit pickme, and they frequently failed to hold her femininity and also combat capabilities in hand at once. She is finally getting a bit more stable characterisation and treated a bit better, but I still don't trust the writers with her. Ultimately, it often felt like the creators didn't like her, and only had her there because they were made to; and that sucked as a little girl sonic fan.

2.) She started out as the token Girl One in a 90's property, and her first appearance was as a damsel in distress, which isn't great to begin with, and she wasn't playable for a long-ass time outside of spinoffs. The Sonic Adventure games redesigned her, made her playable, let her fight back against her would-be kidnappers, and gave her a major role in saving the world by letting Shadow talk to someone not game with destroying it. Then from Sonic Heroes to Sonic and the Black Knight, and the anime Sonic X, her character was reduced to 'hehe funny obsessed fangirl is obsessed' a lot of the time, losing her compassion and a good deal of her social awareness. In Sonic 06, she literally said that she'd sacrifice the rest of the world for Sonic, which, my girl would NEVER in SA2. The Archie comics weren't kind to her either, as their explanation for the redesign was that Amy wished to become older, so they aged up her body, BUT NOT HER MIND EW EW EW. I'm sure there are other crimes the Archie comics did to her, but that's not my knowledge base. THEN the writers tried to backpedal in the early 2010's, but by attempting to undo all the 'crazy', they took out Amy's drive and convictions (Sonic Lost World just letting Amy sit and watch Sonic do all the work my beloathed). The Sonic Boom spinoff series tried to pivot and make their version of her a girlboss, but Rise of Lyric was SO BAD. Sonic Boom: Fire and Ice made an alternate version of her a damsel in distress, again, which while technically true to Amy's roots, does not fit her Boom characterization AT ALL. The Sonic Boom cartoon was a screwball comedy, and they at least lampshaded a lot of Amy's previous writing problems, but they didn't give her much to do either, mainly making her 'the sensible one' whenever Sonic wasn't available for deadpan responses. They've been doing a bit better lately, with Amy usually involved in world-saving matters, and she was prominently featured in Sonic Frontiers, even if she was trapped in Cyberspace. The IDW comics are also treating her wonderfully, from what I've seen.

3.) when she was created as a character, she was made solely to be sonic’s love interest. in sonic adventure, they tried to rewrite her and flesh out her character more by making her realize she’s more than her crush on sonic and she finally realizes she’s strong enough to do things without him. sonic team IMMEDIATELY undid that in sonic heroes which came out soon after. they made her entire character in that game obsessed with sonic and based her entire story around him. she was obsessed with him unhealthily in that game because god forbid team sonic let’s a strong female character exist. many of the sonic games took away her quality of being strong without sonic by writing her to only be obsessed with him and not do anything without him. in many modern games, she’s improved more, but misogyny has really screwed her over as a character.

ALYS BRANGWIN (PHANTASY STAR IV)

1.) For the short time she's in the game she's the butt of creepy jokes. At one point in order to progress you have to say yes to an old man asking if you want her "measurements" after which she's expected to forgive him because he apparently doesn't have "bad intentions". In the end she's a textbook example of getting fridged, she's the older sister figure to the teenage boy protagonist but shortly before the game even gets to its main gimmick (traveling to other planets) she sacrifices herself to save the cardboard cutout of a protagonist (at the hands of a throwaway villain no less) and her death is purely for shock value (this was a pre-ffvii JRPG killing party members was rare) and to give the protagonist something to be sad about as he goes into space before promptly forgetting about her for 95 percent of the story

#polls #round 1 #week 2 #new

25 notes · View notes

moonsidesong · 1 year ago

Text

ok ive finished puyo chronicle. dont play puyo chronicle. if you want to see puyo chronicle just watch the precise museum video uploads of it and ignore the fact they dont have eyebrows because its in citra. im gonna talk about puyo chronicle now.

absolutely miserable slog of a video game. every single open area is nearly completely empty and full of dead ends. every chest is full of lame rewards that i almost never got use out of and i eventually just stopped opening them so i wouldnt have to fight mimics anymore. you dont want to explore anything because there's hardly any reward for it and your movement speed is so slow there's even less of an incentive to go out of your way to trek to a random corner of the map for 200 coins that you wont use.

the final gauntlet, which is a 15-story tower, comprises of like, three stories where something happens and the rest are completely empty and only occupied by common enemies, which by then you will be tired of fighting and actively be avoiding encountering. the devs made a bunch of maps and said thats enough game design for today<3

and then, at the end of it, you fight a final boss that had literally nothing to do with anything else up until that point. rafisol really had the potential to be an extremely cool antagonist if she had been involved in the plot from the getgo but instead she shows up having not at all been foreshadowed prior, you do the same lame fighting style youve been doing for almost every encounter up until that point, and the only saving grace of it is a really cool battle theme. its pretty bad presentation to just watch this supposedly UBER powerful absorption themed final boss just float there menacingly and occasionally throw a line of nuisance puyo at you. rafisol has a lot of cool animations, i dont know why you'd rob her of the chance to show them off in a dramatic way!!!! aaah!!!! its all really disappointing because she's the only female final boss character besides doppelganger arle and shes stuck attached to this soggy sad nothing burger of a video game. i want my evil women INVOLVED sega

puyo characters have never been the most complicated to figure out but they are NOTICEABLY flatter and more annoying. you can see it the most on sig and ragnus who refuse to talk about literally anything other than "bug!" or "im the hero from videogame world!" respectively. the plot spends all its time being completely aimless other than the vague idea of "if we find these stone pedestals, something will happen questionmark???" up until ally randomly starts getting sick when rafisol starts ready to hatch from her evil egg or whatever. the plot's idea is that satan modified this story because he wanted to go on an adventure with arle. and well chroni writers i have to say you guys arent really doing a good job of conveying that when the only places you see satan are at the very beginning and very end of the game.

hey speaking of characters hanging out with arle. theres. too many. of them. i think they were just trying to make the whole skill battle team thing make sense in universe but i think itd be a lot easier to just focus on like. the A trio and Ally and you only hang out with the other characters in the areas they're actually relevant. and they just go "well arle ill be there to help you if you need me!" but they dont physically come with you and then we just pretend that makes sense.

anyway despite it all i still like ally and i still like rafisol despite both of them having terrible haircuts god bless but i wish they were in a video game that didnt suck absolute egg!!!!!!! like i said earlier rafisol couldve been extremely cool if she was involved early on and wasnt just some unrelated problem girl. ive been playing around with a few re-write(ish??) ideas that ive been sharing with my friends to keep my sanity while trudging through this videogame and i might share some of those some other time.

until then please look at this picture again. my favorite part about this game is when accord holds popoi like this. every time popoi was on screen i briefly forgot how much not fun i was having

#bri talks #i just needed to rant i gotta. go to bed in like. thirty minutes. sorry if this is organized and worded confusingly LOLOL #play literally any other puyo game #like a lot of them also have pacing issues but at least theyre also fun #... lol except yon. dont play yon either #just... idk... just go play puyo tetris 2 or something...

13 notes · View notes

craske · 7 months ago

Note

I don't want to sound pretentious when i say all this (and this ended up being really long??), but i really do think you don't need to uphold your online presence so consciously, or even at all. There's nothing wrong with being "inactive" because trying to show up for everything is some sick standard social media made up. Maybe it might be difficult to uphold an idgaf personality, but i can say from my experience it could be better to try a little bit at a time. I can say that they really do mean it when you can have quiet admirers, from my experience all the more. Maybe they're too shy to put silly tags when they reblog or just put a like on your post. And I don't think you have to worry too much about sticking to one piece of media and be afraid the people following you won't like you anymore for posting different content. At most, I just believe they won't really care enough to unfollow you or stop engaging entirely. The most important thing to me is that you stick around doing the things you actually want to do, even if you're just showing up every month or so, or black out for a year or more. Because the people who do care will be overjoyed to see you whatever you post or share, especially when you come back after a long time. It really is discouraging when you don't see that actively, maybe because we're so used to seeing numbers that relate to our worth. But i like to imagine we're waving at each other from a distance or smiling through a window, as horrid as online landscapes can be nowadays. I know i'm running my mouth here but i just wanted to share my experience because i um. 🙋 also think youre really cool and awesome and i love whatever work you do and the fact you share it is an amazing thing enough i feel privelaged and youre humor is funny and whatever new stuff you post is just introducing me to things i'll also think is cool down the line and i really do wish i can share my appericiation more and evolve from being a quiet admirer /inhales/ 👍 i would say this is a sort of love letter from the gas station but i also mean it as kai 👋 i hope you're doing well in uni or that it gets better soon or in whatever it is youre doing now. and whether or not youre online, i hope youre doing the things you enjoy 🫶

okay i needed some time to figure out how to respond to this ask because theres a lot (in a /pos way dont worry) so ill start off with saying that i really really and i do mean it Really appreciate what you said here. Especially lately, ive been struggling with being active online outside of small spaces where there are just me and a few other people. might be me feeling overwhelmed when i say something into the void with a high chance of no response, though i wont fault anyone for that. i myself know interaction is scary so i do get it. ever since i started using the internet ive stuck to my small online bubbles so yeah interaction kind of intimidating online

and though i agree it does feel discouraging to sometimes see no feedback or much of a reaction, i try not to be bummed out about it myself because im also a silent admirer of many artists online. so like ive said before i do understand that sometimes people are shy and dont interact directly and theres no pressure really to change that. just the idea that there are people that like what i make is really nice, even though i suffer from the same issue that maaany other artists have and i need to actively remind myself of that.

about sticking to one fandom its a very recent but big issue to me because ive been DEEP in the persona pit for like 4 years, and i certainly built an audience around that. i know there will always be people that stick around no matter what but despite that theres always that nagging feeling that maaybe things will crumble. obviously thats not true but human mind fucking SUCKS

as the final note ill say it again that your message means a lot to me and i thank you a lot for it <333 im soo flattered by your words and they made my past two days, thank you soo much

#as for uni im almost done with it!!#wowzers masters degree i will kill myself tho bc idk what to do after it #but thats an issue for the future me i guess!!!#anyway again thank you so much your message was really sweet and meant a lot to me #im sorry i dont reach out much like i said interaction online is soo scary and also insanely difficult lately?? it sucks #as the twitter users say thank you oomfie <3 #ask #k4ik4yk04 #long post

2 notes · View notes

styrmwb · 1 year ago

Text

Favorite Final Fantasy Music (FFV)

5 :)))))))

V is my second favorite FF, I care so much about this game. It brings me a lot of emotion despite being one of the goofier, less serious entries (I will stand by the fact that FFV and One Piece have similar vibes in setting and story), and the music absolutely helps. I appreciate a lot more of the non battle themes in this game than I usually do (of course since this is a top 5 list (top V list?) that doesn't really show but just take my word for it) and I will admit to tearing up at things cause it just does that to me. Love this game. Let's do it. 5. Legend of the Deep Forest Apparently this is also known as "As I Feel, You Feel"? I love how somber this is. Again, as we all know, I'm bad at words, I do not know what the main instrument is called, but I absolutely love it. I also feel like it has like, a dual meaning based on where you are in the dungeon. When you enter, it feels like a great forest where the main villain has come from, a place of evil. When it burns down, it gives you that sense of loss from an event of senseless evil.

4. To The North Mountain Why does this bang? It has no right. I just think this is a fun, adventurous song. I love all the instruments in it, the guitar, the horn, the... banjo? the organ, it's all very fun, very unique, and very stand-out for what it is and where it plays. It sticks out to me.

3. The Decisive Battle One word. The Drums. That's two words. Whatever. This is SUCH a good Exdeath theme. Taking his main motif, and turning it into a battle with THE DRUMS (THE DRUMSSSSS), not to mention the part where it starts glitching out and getting chaotic, then going hard into the main melody again, holy shit this song is hype. It sounds super cool, it has amazing drums (I'm sorry I'll stop), and it plays multiple times so you get to hear it over and over. Not to mention, one of those times is during one of the absolute best moments in the entire game. o7

2. Battle on the Big Bridge The song. The man. The big man on the big bridge, the big song for the big man. Uematsu was absolutely cooking when he made this song, and I am so glad it continues to appear over and over again in future entries, it literally does not miss once at all. Special shoutouts to the PR, XII, XIII-2, XIV, and XV versions, and anti-shoutouts to the Theatrhythm All Star Carnival version cause it's mean and hurts my fingies. I don't even really know what to say cause like, everyone knows this song is fucking outstanding??? If you are reading this you know this song, it's hype, it's exciting, it's catchy, it's just, Amazing. 1. PIANO LESSON 1 BABYYY THIS IS THE GREATEST SONG IN ANY GAME EVER PIANO LESSON 1 ALL THE WAY

I'm sorry this joke sucks

ok the actual real #1 is...

1. Main Theme of Final Fantasy V I was struggling between picking this or Battle on the Big Bridge as the #1. But I think in this specific list when I'm trying to focus on V songs, this song just hits my emotions a little harder, and it is like, a summary of why I love FFV in general. It's lighthearted, it's fun, it feels like an adventure, however, right at the end of the song before it loops, this is the part that really makes me tear up, because it slows down, it feels emotional but in different ways depending on the context, like you're looking back happily at your journey or feeling sadness over the loss and tragedy that does happen in this game. One of my absolute favorite versions of this song is the one from DIstant Worlds IV. It works so well in an orchestrated form, feeling triumphant and happy, but again! That one part before the loop! It slows down and brings a completely different level to the emotions. Especially at the end of the song when you just have a slow trumpet solo.... then the whole orchestra comes in, and a big triumphant finale. It's a happy song that is deeper than it seems out the outside. Just like the game it's meant for.

#final fantasy #final fantasy v #textpost #jared's final fantasy music opinions #I hope it's apparent how much I love this game

2 notes · View notes

sojrner-fishsticcc · 2 years ago

Text

loona pm - finished! (kinda!)

yes! finally! the model is complete and finished! woohoo!!! as of right now its in what im calling version 1.0, so it still has bugs. im not fully committed to releasing it yet until i fix up some minor bugs in ver. 1.1 and until i figure out how to properly export her and get a system to transfer payment so i can begin selling her online. right now im seeing the price around $20 USD, although thats entirely just me guessing, ill ask around to see what’s roughly a reasonable price considering how much time this project has taken me. i still plan to continue working on it, but ill most likely mainly shift my focus to a new project (god its gonna be weird to go back to modeling! its been like a week idk if i even remember how to lol) and i dont really know what im planning to do after this. this project has been almost my entire life the past week and its going to be weird to finally have it done. like i said i still plan to continue updating her, fixing bugs with animations as cpm updates and adding gestures and emotes when i feel like, but as of now she is DONE. all of the core features are here. so hey! heres a handful of fun things i finished recently:

first of all: she blinks!!! she has a slow blink cycle thats minor but god it adds so much. its such a fun little detail. and with closing eyes comes-

sleeping! she has a full sleeping animation and i couldnt be more proud of it. hooooonk mimimimimi hoooooonk mimimimi. look at her go :3

there’s also some other animations which i finished which im just- really proud of. little things that look neat!

swimming! this is just a nice little forward stroke. it was fun to make. some of the arm movements and rotations are a bit strange and im hoping to patch.

treading water! this plays whenever in water and not swimming. this is pretty novel because this is a pose that just released in cpm’s settings today! so im happy i managed to implement it. it is a bit buggy because the arms dont always go exactly to the surface of the water, they do this even when the torso is well above or well below the surface. oh well, it looks cool :3

climbing! ahhh this looks way better than i thought it would. i might add some bobbing to the body and head but god im so tired right now. expect that in ver 1.1! (i hope). there’s also a seperate anim for standing still on a ladder but its a bit buggy in the model viewer so uh. imagine her standing on a ladder here.

sitting! awww look at her. so polite :) this plays whenever riding something, like a horse or minecart, and actually looks surprisingly good! might tweak the legs at some point. i should also mention there’s some new animations for taking damage and dying which were a lot of fun. there’s the ability to add specific animations depending on the damage type which would be fun!

so: now i have to get to the bad bits. it sucks, but there’s some things i cannot implement because cpm is just like that. some little things im just not doing but maybe might do in the future, like the anim for using a goat horn, and there’s some items that are just bugged and unfixable. the spyglass is one of them, despite me making an animation for it, it doesn’t play properly so uh. that sucks :( also the major one, elytra does not work!!! yeah ik thats so homophobic. you CAN use it but because of a bug in cpm the elytra can’t be synced to body movements so itll look really buggy. i also didn’t configure any flying animation for that reason so... sorry about that. there’s some minor bugs like the transition from jumping to falling not being smooth which ive mentioned before, the arms not syncing up super great to some movement, and pretty much using any item with a specific animation while running is broken. running while holding a crossbow or charging a bow makes the head float in the air in front of the model, which just kinda sucks.

plans for the future? definetly fixing up some bugs, adding some more movement to the hair and tail depending on animations. i skipped out on that a bit just to get the first version of these done so i could use them. elytra, definetly when that becomes possible. also specialized poses depending on damage type and making toggleable swing animations depending on what tool you’re using. i also need to work more on the bettercombat-parcool model since thats completely different and will need a lot of parts transfered over to it.

overall, the model is not for sale yet!!! but please, if you’re interested in purchasing her, message me! contact me on discord @ sojourner#2353 because im much more likely to see it there. i will keep updates on how its going but hopefully the next one should be ver. 1.1 which will be actually up for sale!!! see you guys then!!!

#loona #loona hellvua boss #furry #furry art #furry character #minecraft #minecraft mods #modded minecraft #3d model #pixel art #helluva boss #development #player mod #its almost here!#wooooo!#for sale!

5 notes · View notes

bluebeetle · 2 years ago

Text

been trying to think about how to adjust my Internal Lore for my da:o warden now that alistair is in love with her since i was playing her as a lesbian originally and ended up not rejecting him (i was gonna go back and reload the save but then i got the rose scene and it was too cute)

ive been kinda approaching yorii’s story with the theme of duty vs personal wants, with how my warden is a dalish elf and she had to leave behind all shes ever known to join the wardens and stay alive (in part because she doesnt want to put her clan through watching her slowly die) and the balance of her feelings about humans and the injustices she sees along with getting the help needed to stop the blight (sometimes leads to a lil stabbing, sometimes leads to realising she has to use her skill of talking through things to avoid problems--and she can be very convincing. or very intimidating)

but also with her pushing alistair to accept his duty as heir to the throne and all in a time where not only is a stable ruler needed, but one who is just and kind and not-fantasy racist is really needed.

so the whole breaking up so he can become king thing, in part because of yorii’s own actions works well with these themes (And then her more selfish personal wants leading to her convincing alistair to do morrigans weird sex ritual, to keep him alive and happy despite basically forcing him into a position he didnt want and all the misplaced guilt and issues there)

anyways i also see it as like. she knows she prefers women 100%, loves leliana and thinks shes beautiful and all that, but with alistair its a weird mess of like... definitely shes come to care about him a lot and hes funny, and he is the first human she’s ever gotten along with, and then not long before they’re all going to the final battle, suddenly hes confessing his love for her (before leliana ever went farther than just flirting and stories)

so shes just not sure if its really love or just a deep friendship but he’s clearly in love with her and its a mess because they could die very soon and tensions have been all over the place and really it just becomes easier not to think too hard about if its “really” a romance or if she even likes men or not and just enjoy his company regardless, because its comforting to have someone care so deeply about you, especially with all the guilt brought up over tamlen (Who can also confess being in love with the female dalish elf warden so.........)

and then it’s completely over because of him becoming king anyways, so in the end yorii decides just not to think too hard about it, since thinking too hard about it sucks ass to do and wont change anything anyways, or how other people saw it. she ends up with leliana afterwards as they get closer, but stays close with alistair and continues on. is she bi is she gay? who knows shes not touching that topic with a ten foot pole bc thats a whole mess of emotions and introspection that doesnt need to be unraveled anymore.

yorii dries out the rose he gave her and keeps it though. it makes her think of both him and leliana (with her dried andraste’s grace and her story about her mother)

#im sorry this is cringe #but i have been thinkin bout it #also tempted to create child oc from them sleeping together esp since its implied #anora is infertile so.... here raise this elf baby and pretend its anoras #yay you have an heir that doesnt have the soul of an old god!#txt #dragon age

5 notes · View notes

cr-yellow · 1 year ago

Note

1, 4, 17, 27, 33, 49, 58, 61, and 70

THANK U SM ILY HFIREJIJFOIJFR

Despite the fact I've started an extremely long and detailed multi-chapter fic, which I love dearly, it is no secret that I prefer one-shots. I have a hard time finishing fic and one-shots leave no room for incomplete fics when I get too busy! They also tend to do better for me somehow.

4. My new ideas... I get a lot of inspo from other people, from other fics, and from fanart! I thrive off of other people a LOT. Sometimes I do just love rewatching something and letting my mind wander tho

17. When writing becomes difficult for me (which it often does) I usually just try to center myself with things that make me feel better about it. Rereading the fic itself to remember why I loved it, talking to other people about the fic, trying to be patient with myself to actually have fun with it, re-reading the heart-wrenching comments left for me (SERIOUSLY I LOVE THIS SM), and most of all remembering that creativity is an ebb and flow and I won't always be creative!

27. My favorite part of writing has to be when I actually complete something and put it out into the word. Whether that is a chapter or a one-shot, when I finally get to share this thing that I've been doing with others... it's so good. I also love being able to see the surprise when I give them a twist. My least favorite part has to be.. well sometimes I get to a scene, right? I've done some research, have to do more (ugh!) which feels like a lot. Then when I finally get to writing it, I don't know where I want the scene to go what's going to happen next. Even the tiny details like how they're going to stand. Getting over those little hurdles takes me a while sometimes. All I want to do is get into the meat of the dialogue! Ugh!

33. I do actually want to be published some day! I have something I've been working on for a long, long time but I've never had the confidence to really get into or finish. Lately I hit a slump with it and it kind of bummed me out for a while. I'm glad I can write other things like LWH.

49. Rude reviews... unfortunately for me I don't have a big enough pull in order to get comments like that. Usually I have an overwhelmingly positive response to my writing. There was once when I was just starting to write... *shudder* they dragged me all over Twitter. It was a whole thing. I kind of deserved it.

58. What part of writing do I like the most. Hm. This one is tough. Going to be totally honest here, I only outline fics like LWH that have a lot of details I don't want to mess up and I barely use or stick to the outline. I guess if I had to pick it would be between brainstorming and reading the final product. I get caught up in brainstorming a lot because I have so many ideas so quickly and its usually main plots and relationships. I have so many ideas that die in this phase and it kind of sucks, but I love the rush that comes with new exciting ideas. Reading the final product would probably be my fave part though- not the editing. Just. I like to come back to my fic after a while, like a few days or a week or so, and then reread it. And its like I get to read that fanfic I was looking for that tickles all the right spots. Because I did that. (Sometimes, if Ive waited long enough, I forget what happens and its all new to me!!)

61. I guess I continue writing fics for two reasons. (Im so sorry I'm indecisive). 1- I love being able to share them with people and see their reactions. it gets me every time. 2- recently I've been really into writing for me. It isn't just about other people. Especially with LWH where I've done so much research, it feels like. Heres this thing. I want to do it to finish it, yeah, to share it, maybe. But I really wanna do it because I like seeing where it goes and I like being able to apply my research in interesting ways.

70. I am So embarrassed to tell people I write. Like if I know you IRL there is NO way I'm telling you anything about my writing. Maybe because of being on Tumblr? IDK. But online I'm way more willing and happy to share cause. you're never going to look me in the eyes and know I wrote smut fanfiction about Sans/Komaeda. You're never going to know about the terrible things I've written about. If I just had LWH on my page, maybe, since I'm mostly proud of that even if it is a little weird, but... I have so many others.

Thank you so much for the Ask! I realize I don't talk much on here about my writing and my process. It's so fun!

Feel free to ask me more questions from here!

#ask #my writing #this was oddly therapuetic #thank u friend!!!

1 note · View note

anxiousanteaterr · 2 years ago

Text

therapy sucked the other day and the gross feeling carried over into today. its rough when i dig stuff up bc now i gotta go do my job and exist n shit till my next appointment, and bettering myself is going to be hard when my depression is on high alert bc im in the process of taking the reins from it.

the good thing tho is that im learning more about myself. and a lot of what ive learned is actively playing a role in making me feel bad lmao.

i never really stopped to look at how bad my self confidence was because 1. It hurts. and 2. its... all ive ever known. Its been dog shit for as long as i can remember. From being bullied since middle school and from everything my parents told me growing up. All I know is to be too hard on myself. To ignore taking care of myself emotionally, brush off compliments and not take them, automatically accept insults as the truth, and to just sweep all the feelings under the rug because thats just... what ive always had to do. I even trained myself to punish myself when I try to address it. When I try to take care of myself mentally and to be kind to myself and have hope and pride. Even the most basic shit like "this is a real skill set that i have" is met with a mental block and a deep seated anger that gives me urges to physically hurt myself because im... idk, seeing myself in a positive light?? I can't really let myself feel anything in any decent intensity without immediately punishing myself for it.

And it hurts. And it makes me mad because I know better than that, and I have this intense ache that is begging me to allow myself to feel and just be. To let me feel angry. To let me hold grudges. To let me have regret. To let me forgive. And most importantly, to let me love myself in all aspects. Realizing I was trans and transitioning gave me such an intense high because for ONCE in my life I was truly loving myself in literally any fucking capaicty, and seeing myself in a positive light. So now that part of me (really just my true self) is just so desperate to keep going. To keep opening doors and let myself be human. I keep holding myself back because I was punished so many times as a child to NOT feel. To not defend myself. To not be angry with people. To not laugh too loud or act silly. To not make mistakes. But its just been too much of that. 26 years and im at my fucking limit. My canines are sinking into the metal bars of the cage I locked myself into, and despite the pain I am busting out of this cage. I'm just glad im fortunate enough to actively be in therapy for all of this, so I can safely come out of the cage.

It's also funny bc i realized one of the reasons i act so kind and be nice and friendly is because of how much i deny myself that own kindness. And how much I was denied it by my peers and my biggest support group (my parents) as a child. I hate it when i get angry and snap and lash out because it reminds me of how often I was on the recieving end of that. Hell, I tear up when I see parents yell at their kids at the store. I just don't want anyone to ever experience what I did, so I give and give, and smile and joke around as often as I can because I so desperately wish that I could have gotten the same.

But I am human after all, so I will get angry, and I will lash out. And I will get disappointed. And feel regret. And make mistakes. And I just gotta remind myself that thats ok! I can do these things and feel the full extent of them! Its not the end of the world when it happens. I just gotta learn how to keep it in check so when I do act human, its not blown out of proportion.

Finally, I have to really work on the self-confidence thing of "im not a failure". I'm in a specific situation where literally everyone I know irl who is "successful", has done the basic societal shit: got great grades, went thru college, and is working "a real, professional job". I did -and am doing- none of those things! lmao. And despite me not genuinely regretting it bc its saved me money and stress, its v hard to not let those societal norms make you feel worthless bc youre not fitting into the mold. I also have real bad exectutive function that will most likely go untreated forever, so I have to remind myself to not beat myself up over THAT bc its something i cannot control. I AM doing my best, and it WILL be enough. And life progresses pretty slowly, I have until the day I drop dead to do whatever the fuck I want. I should stick to my guns and take my sweet time.

#long post #typing this out made me feel better #:)#mental health stuff

0 notes

adhd-sakura · 11 months ago

Text

ive got good news and bad news: only if you want it. only if you work for it.

It's not fair work. It's insanely unfair, that you have to work for functionality that comes to everyone else so easily.

it's rarely easy, either, BUT sometimes the hardest part is figuring out where to begin, so I know it's kind of a cop out, but. Anywhere. Start anywhere, and start small, with something easy (by YOUR assessment, not anyone elses- if I had it my mom's way I would've STARTED with taking consistant showers, and would've ended there, too).

Personally, I started with Talking about things I trained myself my whole life NOT to talk about. I started this blog to project my ND experiences onto characters, to try out talking about them without talking about myself. I started recording audio diaries where I talked to myself. And when I finally escalated to talking to other people, it was awful a lot of the time. Hard and painful and awkward and exhausting and, like everything else that seems to come so easy to others, a skill I had to learn. A skill I fucked up while learning, undersharing or oversharing to awkward ends (and, a few times, almost dangerous ones). It sucked.

But it was worth it, because I felt like I could breathe, for the first time in years. I felt less alone. Voicing my experiences, talking through them even with people that had no damn clue what to say and/or what I was saying, gave me more understanding and confidence in dealing with them, myself. It made me less confused and frustrated with being me. Less hopeless about my symptoms. scared of myself, ob being myself, or being alone with her. Less willing to be quiet now that I had a voice, and I used that feeling and victory to move on to the next thing. It made me more me.

It's gruelling work at times, but it's worth it, because you're worth it. You deserve to live, instead of just surviving. You deserve to understand yourself well enough to work with your brain and body, instead of fighting them every step of the way. You deserve to be content and comfortable in your own body.

I've really only just started getting better, a year or two ago now. Right now, I'm trying to remember to brush my teeth every time I take a shower, since I can't remember to do it any other time. I'm finally planning to rearrange my room, something I haven't done since middleschool cause I've never let myself want or care about the space I live in. I got my drivers license, even though it took me four tries, and when I was 16 I thought I'd never drive because I couldn't trust myself not to space out and/or have a panic attack and die. I bout Tangle fidget toys a few months ago, and I bubble with pride at the fact that I can use them at work without stressing too much about it.

I wish there was an easy answer, but if there is, I don't know it. I just know that life is worth loving, and worth living, and worth working hard enough to let yourself do both, despite the unfairness of the situation.

All love, and I wish you luck figuring it out. I believe in you, I really do- but that'll only matter as long as you believe in yourself.

as a neurodivergent teen, adults does it ever get better?

#actuallyadhd #actually autistic #depression #and honestly. probably some other stuff too. the neurospice is SPICY sometimes #but not as spicy as the spice of LIFE haha finger guns pew pew am i right fellow kids xD #but really. really it's worth it. I promise. I promise.

511 notes · View notes

frogtanii · 4 years ago

Text

a roar of competitive cheers burst from your hospital room, the boys all piled up on your bed playing in a smash tournament on bokuto’s switch. it was rather endearing to watch the good and grown men argue about which princess was a better competitor (rosalina, obviously, despite not being an actual princess) and, in sakusa’s case, pouting like a sore loser when his favorite — daisy — wasn’t even regarded as a real threat.

he absolutely dominated the next round in retaliation, to the group’s chagrin.

you eventually decided to take a break, the stuffiness and loudness of the room getting to you. the boys, while giving you a variety of concerned looks, respected your decision, leaving you to wander out of your space, clad in the semi revealing hospital gown and fuzzy yellow socks.

it was less than convenient to trudge around with your iv attached to your arm but you didn’t mind. the struggle kept your mind off of what you dubbed as The Incident™, weird as it sounded.

for some reason, the smallest things helped keep you occupied, thanks to your vigilance. your call with doctor yamada definitely helped, his sarcastic, biting nature criticizing some random kdrama had you cackling in your seat until your throat was (even more) sore.

at first, you felt a bit awkward calling him when you physically couldn’t speak but he took it in stride, filling up the silence with his commentary that was much, much appreciated.

actually, all the boys had been surprisingly good about your predicament. it took a moment for bokuto and suga to get used to your lack of responses but they eventually grew accustomed to it and even relished your minuscule reactions to one of their jokes or funny quips.

you were actually, finally, enjoying your time with your housemates and it felt good.

well, not all of your housemates. daichi was a given. you’d seen very little of him after the dinner, only laying eyes on him when he visited your hospital bed when he thought you were sleeping. the look of remorse and shame written all over his face was burned into your memory and you made a mental note to find a way to have a conversation with him in an attempt to clear the air.

while daichi’s situation at least made sense, kenma’s did not. you missed him deeply, and you had no idea what to do or say to fix what had been broken. apparently, both kuroo and sakusa had attempted to reach out, but they were quickly shut down. you could tell kuroo was more hurt than he let on, occasionally catching the tail-end of intense conversation between him and omi, but they were both quick to slap on a smile and change the subject as not to worry you when you made your presence known.

you appreciated their concern, you did, but kenma was your friend too and you desperately wanted to know what you could do to help.

a deep sigh left your lips, the action only causing a slight twinge in your throat as you meandered through the cold halls. your brain started to hurt as you thought more and more about it, stress climbing up your spine and burrowing at the base of your skull.

annoying, you thought, your eye twitching in irritation. headaches sucked mad ass and you were not looking forward to the hell of the one that was building up as you walked.

turning down another hallway, you abruptly stopped, your iv screeching to halt interrupting the hushed conversation that a certain someone was having at the far end of the corridor.

kenma!

kenma twisted towards you, his feline eyes widening in surprise as he whispered a hushed goodbye to whoever he was speaking to before shoving his phone into his pocket and staring at you in shock, pain, and most prominently,

guilt.

pure, unadulterated guilt permeated from all over him, the stench coming off of him in waves. you nearly flinched at the sight of him, the deep circles under his eyes practically broadcasting his struggle to the whole world.

your name dropped from his lips in a low whisper, his immediate reaction afterwards leading you to believe he hadn’t meant to say it aloud at all.

you chanced a step forward at his utterance, and then another and another until you were face to face with each other. you felt his eyes searching yours but you made sure to keep your face neutral if not for the blatant worry written all over it.

his plush bottom lip was pulled in between his teeth as his hands twitched by his sides as if he wasn’t exactly sure where to put them. you let out a soft breath at the sight, kind of hoping he would just give you a hug like it looked like he wanted to.

but, kenma held back, waiting for you to do something, to say something (not that you could) to absolve this horribly tense silence that the pair of you were now enshrouded in.

gently peeling your fingers from your iv stand, you lifted them to sign in the small space between your chests, in clear view of his observant gaze.

you recalled with fondness when a handful of the house members had decided to learn a bit of sign language, just in case someone was in a panic attack and became nonverbal. the impromptu learning session had been so much fun that the group had began regularly meeting to expand their sign language vocabulary and fluency until you all were at least semi fluent (in all the ways that mattered at least).

kenma was a member of that group and you’d throughly enjoyed his witty remarks throughout the lesson and his occasional cute little giggles that were liberally interspersed into conversation. that kenma was in such stark contrast to this kenma that it was almost jarring as he watched your hands with rapt attention, awaiting anything you had to say.

i missed you, you began slowly, not missing the way his eyes immediately became glassy and his hands tightened to fists by his sides.

“you shouldn’t,” he replied, his voice deep and gritty. “not after what i did.”

you cocked your head in confusion at his words. what he did? you had no idea what he was talking about but you were determined to get to the bottom of it if that was what was making him avoid you like this.

what did you do?

kenma’s jaw clenched, the guilt that had faded away for a moment, coming back full force. “i... i did this to you...” he motioned to the healing bruises on your neck and the iv stand still by your side.

now you were even more perplexed. he wasn’t the one who cornered you in the bathroom so what could he possibly be going on about? unprompted, your mind flashed back to that night, the moment where you were heading off to the bathroom, meeting kenma’s eyes for a second when you did.

oh.

was that what he was feeling so horribly about? that he saw you go into the bathroom? that was hardly news and nothing to be up in arms about unless he also saw meiko go in after you and...

double oh.

suddenly, all his behavior started making sense. kenma felt guilty because he believed he was somehow responsible for allowing this horrible thing to happen to you.

oh, honey, you signed quickly, driven to get your point across without him interrupting. you didn’t do this to me. meiko did.

kenma opened his mouth to protest but you didn’t let him, one of your hands coming up to cover his lips. he let out a muffled protest, his breath hot against your palm, eyes wide in bewilderment.

“listen to me kenma. you are not at fault here,” your voice screamed at you to stop speaking but not yet, not until you were done. “i know for a fact that if you knew what meiko was going to do, you wouldn’t have let me go.... you are good kenma, so good.”

his whole body shuddered at your words, all but collapsing into you, his arms wrapping around your waist and holding you tightly.

if you faintly felt the shoulder of your hospital getting damp, you didn’t say anything, content to let him hold onto you and cry it out.

after a minute or two, he sniffled and pulled away from you, his face red and puffy but content. “you shouldn’t have talked idiot,” kenma chided gently, a soft smile on his face.

you just gave him an apologetic shrug and a hastily signed “sorry” before waving him off to your hospital room, sending him a smile as he meandered off in that direction. you didn’t follow, figuring he and the boys needed some time alone to reconnect without your presence there.

taking a hold of your iv pole again, you continued on your way while staring out the window, watching the tiny birds fly by. unfortunately, your little birdwatching stint sent you careening into a hard body, your feet losing their grip on the slippery ground as you stumbled to the floor.

a quick glance up at the perpetrator had your apology dying in your throat. it was osamu, looking every bit as bewildered as you expected him to, a small jello cup in one hand and a spork in the other.

you couldn’t keep your scowl from off your face as you waved away his helpful arm, completely missing the flash of hurt that appeared across his smooth skin. “please, let me help ya,” he tried again, this time earning a physical slap on the arm, visibly recoiling at the contact.

“leave me the fuck alone osamu,” you growled before picking yourself back up and starting to stroll away but you quickly stopped in your tracks, turning your head to give him a menacing grin. “if you fuck with atsumu again, i swear on bokuto jr, i will castrate you and feed you your sorry, wrinkly ballsack on a silver platter.”

with that you were gone, head held high and a wide grin on your face as osamu watched, his heart flipping annoyingly in endearment. he breathed a deep sigh and slid to the floor of the hall before popping open his jello and taking a bite.

your reaction was well deserved but he couldn’t help praying and hoping that things would change between the two of you.

change for the better. change for good.

℗ poker face

change for the better

series masterlist

(●’◡’●)ﾉ

an - GOLLY GEE THIS WAS A LONG ONE BHT KENMA!!!!!! and samu >:( anYWAYS SLEEP IS CALLING MY NAME, LEMME KNOW WHAT U THINK <3333 don’t forget to feed me :3 also pls kenma’s secret not so secret praise thing :00

taglist - if your name is in bold, i cannot tag you

@boosyboo9206 • @geektastic84 • @elianetsantana • @trashy-simp • @infinitebells • @6mattsun9 • @suhkusa • @katsulovee • @kotarosbabygirl • @fucktheworlddude • @insomniacwreck • @calumsfringe • @saltylettuce • @chai-blu • @al3x1ss • @hawksyoongi • @jooleuuh • @loubells • @kissungjae • @liberhoe • @tetsurocore • @animeoverdosee • @duhsies • @saiKishaircLip • @afire24 • @premiyagi • @kit-kat428 • @doctorspencereid • @daphnxy • @kyomihann • @maer-333 • @sinoflust19 • @peteunderoos • @peachiikichu • @iidanotlida • @yongboxerrr • @kac-chowsballs • @tanakaslastbraincell • @memorableminds • @risjime • @starry-magicshop • @sugavwara • @smuttyanimeslut • @kiwibirbs-library • @haijkk • @airybnb • @crybabygumi • @iwaisa • @decaffinatedtealover • @notameera • @kawaii-angelanne • @rintarovibes • @urlocalsimp • @keiarma • @shrimpypenis

the rest of the tags will be in the replies!!

2K notes · View notes

glilboy · 3 years ago

Text

Ateez reactions to finding you reading smut about them: Hyung line

ive had this idea for awhile and even requested it a few times from other writers but..i felt it was time to write it lol

tws under the cut

warning, this piece of fiction contains mentions of somnophilia, slight dom and sub dynamics, and general explicit topics.

Hongjoong:

You had attempted to stay up waiting for Hongjoong, deciding to reread one of your favorite stories in the mean time. Unfortunately that wasnt enough to keep you awake, you ultimately passing out and your phone tumbling onto the floor.

Hongjoong had a feeling you'd passed out since you didnt message him any "i miss you :(" texts after 11pm so seeing you knocked out on the couch was no surprise. He slowly padded over to you smiling softly, then noticing your phone on the floor and went to pick it up for you. He was never the kind to go through your phone but your smart self had no shut down timer which left the fan fiction on display for him.

He couldnt help but be curious seeing paragraphs of text and decided a little reading would do no harm. As he began to read though he felt his gut sweep, in a good way. He was honestly a little upset until he saw his name but when he read his name it was like all of exhaustion disappeared. Luckily he didn't have work the next day he thought to himself.

Sitting down on the couch with a plan he slowly nudged you awake. "Hi dear," he spoked softly with a smirk.

You rubbed at your bleary eyes and looked up at him, "Oh hi Joongie. Sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep." He smiled even bigger at you.

"Thats fine, it helped me find out something fun," he tucked your hair behind your ear. Still waking up you made a small "huh?" before seeing the phone in his hand.

"Oh..." you mumbled, starting to be awake enough to get it. You finally looked at him straight on and saw his signature devilish grin.

He moved his hand to slowly move up your thigh, giving it a small squeeze which elicted a sigh out of you. "Didn't think you'd read stuff like that Y/N, but I guess you're just full of surprises huh doll," the pet name made you shiver, Hongjoong never having used that one before.

"I'm sorry Joongie," you mumbled into your arm, face now red. His hand moving up to cup your core and grind his hand into it making you whimper softly.

"Oh dont be sorry dolly, just shows me that you really miss me."

Seonghwa:

Saying Seonghwa was caring was an understatement in a way. Despite his busy schedule he made it a point to showed he cared in different ways. One thing he always did was if you left your phone out at all he would put it on the charger for you. Small things!

Today though he had come home earlier than usual while you were taking a quick shower. Seeing your phone on the counter he waltzed over setting his stuff down to throw it on the charger even if it wasn't that low. He noticed you left it on, open to a book he assumed enough.Him being the lovely man he is he wanted to read a bit to see what you liked and possibly buy you a physical copy. Written porn with his name in it though was not what he was expecting.

Seonghwa gulped, setting down your phone with his hands shaking and his face now flushed pink. He took a deep breath and set down his bag, running his fingers through his hair now being surprisingly worked up. A part of him felt embarrassed for being turned on by the writing but at the same time he knew you didn't read it for no reason.

"Hwa! You're home early hello!" You ran up to him giggling, now clean and dressed in some sweats.

"Hey babe, yeah we got let out early cause we learned the new choreography fast enough. They asked us if we wanted to do more vocal practice but none of us did," He laughed, trying to shift his legs to hide his slight erection.

"None of you stay late ever," you giggled sarcastically up at him. "Well, I was gonna take a nap. Do you want to? I'm sure you're tired."

He nodded softly and took your hand walking to your guys bedroom talking about your day. He changed himself into more comfortable clothing then joined you in bed, you curling into him quickly. Once you settled Seonghwa felt he could actually breathe, feeling like a middle schooler just for getting more worked up from having you close. He heard your breath settle which is when he shifted away a bit from you.

"Fuck..." He mumbled, having the space now laying on his back to palm himself over his erection. Looking over at your sleeping face made it worse, the piece you had opened having involved somnophilia. One thing he never had the guts to suggest to you despite having such an open relationship.

He didn't notice your eyes flutter open at the movement. You only just fell asleep so you were in no means in too deep. You decided to play it though, closing your eyes and throwing a leg over his waist as if you were just adjusting in your sleep.

He inhaled a sharp breath and bit his lip now mildly frustrated at the whole situation. Mumbling a fake sleepy "Hwa" you moved to straddle the man hearing a childish sigh escape his lips.

"If you keep moving, I swear to god," He mumbled out loud thinking youre still asleep since you had always been a chaotic sleeper.

"And what will you do about it horny kid," you giggled against his neck. You could feel his body tense.

"Go back to sleep and I'll fuck you like your sick little fantasy, how about that hm?"

yunho:

Rain was beating against the window as you cuddled up on the couch with your phone in hand. Yunho was on the other side of his personal office playing video games. It was a chill day but something in the air was setting you slightly off the edge.

Besides the sweet glances and cheesy smiles thrown at each other, your screen was very much the opposite of innocent pure love. Getting indulged in the story you started to zone in, missing some of his looks making Yunho curious as to what your interest was delved into currently.

"Be right back guys," he said into the mic mischievously. Quickly making his way over he slipped the phone out of your hand, this behavior wouldve typically been fine but because of the contents on your screen you gasped and reached out for your phone. "You doing something naughty or do you just like acting suspicious?" he grinned before looking at your phone.

His face feel reading the paragraph of a particularly nsfw scene. You were now sitting up staring at him wide eyed, "yuyu please oh god its not what you think, i think." Silence filled the room, the only noises being the sound of his running pc and the dull chatter of the other boys.

"Do you read this often?" he said out of hesitation and pure curiosity, almost feeling that he violated your private space. He kind of got the gist of it all right away, thankfully for your sake.

"Not all the time but i mean, you are busy yunho," you tried to softly explain knowing this was odd territory.

"Do you...ever want to try it," he says, getting to the end of the page and looking at you.

"I can't say that..none of them aren't, nice," the air was filled with an awkward energy that could suffocate another person if they came in at such a weird time.

The two of you stood there for a second, until he moved towards you and took your hand. He placed it on his bulge and you sucked a breathe in.

"Take off my pants," he ordered, a strange harsh tone to his voice. For you guys there was never set roles, not any dom or sub dynamic but it wasnt vanilla per say so him speaking like this was new. Besides that, you did as he said and pushed your thumbs under the waistband of his sweats, pulling them down his legs.

Silently he took your hand then sat down on his gaming chair, pulling out his large cock. He slipped on his headphones before looking up at you with a shit eating grin.

"Sit down, i can tell youve been dying too babe."

yeosang:

You were waiting for yeosang to come home after a shorter than usual practice, deciding to pass the time by indulging in your secret world. In the midst of browsing your favorite blogs you didn't hear the door open, this event made you learn not to have headphones in when participating in such activities.

Walking in, Yeosang looked around for you and spotted your figure on the couch. He slowly moved near with a secret motive of scaring you when he glanced at your phone seeing a photo of him paired with a lot of writing. Tilting his head curiously he squinted to read the text, reading along with you until his face flushed.

Sucking in a breath slightly he moved back to the door, playing off him just entering. You noticed his figure walking towards you and sneakily turned off your phone and got up to greet him.

"Hey babe, it's nice to see you in the sunlight," you giggled and wrapped your hands around his waist. You noticed him hesitantly wrapping his arms around you, causing you to pull away.

"Hey, whats up? you seem a bit off?" you pouted and brushed the hair out of his eyes, not catching the little blush.

"Yeah yeah babe, I'm fine. promise," he cleared his throat and pulled away, making your heart sink a bit. He practically completely ignored what you actually said.

"No Yeo, I- did I do something wrong? Or just a long day?" you pried knowing something was up.

Shifting awkwardly on his feet he looked up at you, his hair back in his face. "I um, saw what you were reading."

The color drained from your face, mouth slightly hanging not knowing what to say. You thought he was pissed, was going to leave and break up with you but right when you were about to talk he spoke again.

"C-can we do that?"

A moment of silence passed and you looked up at him, your boyfriend who was typically very soft and gentle in bed. Knowing what you were reading was likely pretty heavy in his book, you became worried. "Yeo, I just read it. It means nothing I don't want to make you uncomforta-"

His lips cut yours off and one hand entangled in your hair, his other guiding you to the wall by your hip. Back flush against the way you pulled away after a moment to see his eyes wide and sweat already beading down his temple.

"I've wanted to do that, just didn't want to scare you dear."

#ateez smut #ateez reactions #ateez scenarios #kim honjoong smut #park seonghwa smut #jeong yunho smut #kang yeosang smut #hongjoong smut #seonghwa smut #yunho smut #yeosang smut #kpop smut

851 notes · View notes