#has it ever stopped being terrifying
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“Now it’s coming.”
“Remember now, Henry. You’ve got to remember what happened here when you were a little boy.”
—— SHERLOCK, The Hounds of Baskerville
“Your funny little memories, Sherlock.”
—— EURUS, The Final Problem
The dog, the lies, the denial;
The childhood trauma, the reoccurring flashbacks, the ‘Better Story’.
It's one thing to compare the parallels between thob and tfp, and another thing to actually align them and play them at the same time.
They overlap each other so well that even the timing is almost in sync. Looking at Henry as a strong Sherlock mirror, with the tfp clip playing in the background this is literally Sherlock forcing himself to remember what happened here at Musgrave when he was a little boy.
The demons beneath the ever ongoing road of We’ve-Been-Warning-You-Of-The-Truth-Ever-Since-The-Very-Start-But-Were-You-Listening. It’s getting real terrifying now.
#has it ever stopped being terrifying#(NO)#the goosebumps are popping off and dropping all over the place#LITERALLY RIGHT UNDER OUR NOSES THE ENTIRE TIME#“I did tell you but did you listen”#mofftiss you sneaky lil bastards#you can hate tfp all you want doesn’t matter to me BECAUSE TFP IS LITERAL GENIUS#it’s actually my most watched episode of them all#the final problem#the hounds of baskerville#tjlc#emp theory#bbc sherlock#sherlock#sherlock holmes#john watson#johnlock#eurus holmes#sherlock season 4#sherlock s2#victor trevor#henry knight#sherlock headcanon#buckingham-ashtray
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just thinking about how binghe had no idea that without-a-cure even had a cure and he spent all his years as a disciple thinking his shizun would at best be disabled for the rest of his life and at worst die a slow and painful death, and it was to save him.
#svsss from binghe's pov would be heartbreaking#stagnating qi is described as ''a profoundly terrifying problem'' to cultivators#and yue qingyuan and mu qingfang were devastated and started blaming themselves for it#shen yuan's goofy personality makes it easy to forget that everyone else has no idea about these magical cures and future events#and that theyre seriously worried about him and feel guilt for not being able to stop it#binghe must have felt so much guilt too#especially with the way he was raised#the way its set up is so tragic too#binghe says that that moment was the first time someone has ever believed in him like that#and then immediately sqq gets badly wounded with an incurable poison#it must have fed into dark-binghe'a beliefs that he destroys everything he touches too#argh sad hours#i just love bingqiu angst<3#bingqiu#svsss#shen qingqiu#luo binghe#svsss angst#scum villian’s self saving system#scum villain
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fictional character of all time
#they give cryptic and ominous prophecies#they're the most down bad anyone has been ever#and it's for someone who by no measure deserves it#they're trans in every direction all at once#they get put through the shredder like no other character before them and still come out standing#they firmly believe the ends justify the means and are willing to do anything to achieve their goals BUT#this doesn't stop them being a massive sweetie who is in reality far too nice to be cut out for the role they play in the story#they'd push the trolley onto a different track in the trolley problem in an instant but they'd be a sobbing mess the whole time#they are devastatingly funny and also have the humour of a thirteen year old boy#both kinds of humour are used to hide the fact that they are incredibly terrified of the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known#beloved my beloved#realm of the elderlings#rote
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I'll be like “I don't really project in any bsd character” [ten seconds later] so Akutagawa is autistic and hates cooking and has never sent a text to a groupchat ever and
#and struggles with eating...#I also feel like sometimes the way I like sskk is very self indulgent ahah.#Like Akutagawa being stupid and evil it's just... So so very comforting for me–#in the way it frames a world where you can be flawed and dumb and imperfect and there'll still be someone to love you for how you are.#That despite everything you are still worth of love.#It's just so unspeakably relieving akdvdjskdbos I dream about a life where I'm not terrified of people stopping loving me if I wasn't kind#Which is weird because I *am* kind and being kind makes me me. it's just. idk brains has thoughts sometimes#On second thought. not main tagging this#random rambles#24/02/23#Realistically I think it makes sense that Akutagawa *can* cook very basic stuff. to provide for Gin.#In practice I hate cooking so much that I don't want my favorite to undergo that ever
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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I got an email from my grandpa today and all the draft responses I’ve been working on in my head sound like an 18th century letter that’s going to have to travel for months to reach him.
pandemic year 5 really has me feeling like me and a very small handful of people I know are living on an entirely different plane of existence than everyone else
#like I haven’t seen him in over a year. I’ve seen him 3 times since 2020#so I guess on the isolation and slow communication front it’s pretty similar#he used my chosen name. I haven’t changed my email yet but he used my chosen name#I don’t even care at this point if he never gets my pronouns right#I thought I’d never be able to tell him. I didn’t want to find out his politics were more important#he’s quiet and kind and he gives people expensive gifts any time he can afford it but he constantly forgets people’s allergies#so he might get you something you can’t have but whoever you pass it along to will love it#he cries at weddings and during church services and sometimes random holidays#he passes out in his rocking chair at every family function#he’s the unofficial photographer of every gathering ever since my great grandfather stopped being able to walk as much as the job requires#and he voted for trump in 2016 and has afaik an active nra membership#he once complimented my outfit by telling me he’d call me a stud if I was a guy#which like. ok. I have some notes#but uh. thanks?#idk I’m just. it sucks being so far away from everyone and everything because the rest of the world is ignoring an ongoing pandemic#I’m missing so much of my life and others lives and even parts of my own transition#I can make steps to reach out but it only goes so far if poeple#are unwilling to mask or vaccinate or even just ask what needs to happen to make it safe#so I don’t. idk. kill my partner#or become even more disabled than I currently am#my family’s been making steps and they’re taking me seriously but it’s all so slow and I’m still sore from bracing for rejection#I’ve been bracing for rejection for so so long it’s terrifying to reach out. about anything#this is not condusive to a healthy relationship lol#not sure what to do other than bonk myself on the head and say ‘get better’ tho#*bonk* ‘try again’#one step at a time ig#ahshitherewegoagain.jpg#.txt
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I have a feeling my mom is slowly falling down an alt right/radfem pipeline on tik tok and it's scaring me
#being ao casual about covid#acting like people arent fucking immunocompromised#acting like those people should just ''stay inside''#saying a bunch of fucking gender essentialist bull shit#the other day she described something as being ''so boy'' (the thing was ten minute power hour)#and she has told me several times ''i feel better about you having a woman doctor than a man doctor''#and i mean any kind of doctor. like a fucking orthodontist.#she acts like men are innately horrible people that are going to hurt every woman ever#and i count as a woman who is going to be hurt. because I'm a perisex AFAB person.#and when i bring up terf and rad fem shit she's always like ''yknow they have a point'' LIKE GIRL. THEY USE THAT SHIT TO ARGUE THAT I#SHOULDN'T EXIST AND AM A TERRIBLE GENDER TRAITOR.#OKAY. DO YOU GET IT.#every month she becomes more and more dead set on this ideology. it scares me that one day she'll stop supporting me being trans#and i know so many people have it worse with parents who were never supportive in the first place#but it's fucking terrifying to slowly watch your own parent parrot the same misinformation that used to subjugate and harm you#it's scary being uncertain of when your parent is just gonna turn against you#it's like watching someone rot in real time#someone who has control over your entire life#tw vent
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Heyyy! Love this au and I've gotta know something.
As far as we've seen Bishop's personal guards are all aliens and mutants and an oddly expressive Kraang. Personally I find it hard to believe that even as the beloved and totally-not-evil president, Bishop would ever trust aliens with his personal safety. Especially since in "The Day of Awakening" we see Bishop's personalised task force and it's 99% humans and one Triceraton (and the turtles ig). And I believe that one triceraton is just there for the sake of "Hey, why is there only one alien?"
In short, why do you think Bishop would trust aliens/mutants enough to make them his bodyguards? Or is there more to it?
Hello!! Fellow Bishop stannie 🫵 Very glad to hear you're enjoying the AU!
I'll say that I do believe the majority of Bishop's force is human, moreso because he operates out of earth and humans are still the overwhelming majority there. Any unnamed guards (or maybe they'll get names too eventually?) can be assumed to be human. The four named guards are, in a meta sense, pre-existing OCs repurposed to fill out the background and make the world feel a bit more lived-in.
It's worth mentioning that Bishop does not feel the same about aliens that he did in his EPF days. That's the major reason EPF is gone, after all! He still won't trust any of them, but that's about on par with how he treats anyone: distant and distrustful, hidden under a veneer of politeness. The way I've always parsed it, Agent Bishop didn't see aliens as people, more demons, and then being rescued threw that entire belief out of wack. So now humans/Terrans and aliens are a bit closer to the same level, for him. He'll prioritize Earth's citizens, but that seems to include some extraterrestrial immigrants, too, nowadays.
So! Having said that, there's a few other elements that go into it. For one, frankly, it just looks good for Bishop to employ aliens from among PGA's allies. It's a show of trust-- not that he entirely does; vets them very thoroughly. For another, non-humans just have really handy abilities. This gives him more versatility in how he can choose to approach a problem, if one ever arises (he is, after all, a military commander at heart.) For example (since I doubt it'll ever come up,) Hambone has an elasticity that means she can absorb blunt force and fit through small spaces. Lyssis (who has not made an appearance yet I'm p sure, woops,) can absorb fire and elecricity. Stuff like that, yknow?
Anyway that's about the jist of it, I hope that's a satisfactory conclusion! Some of these characters also have more involved reasons for getting recruited, but since that gets into OC lore I'll leave it below the cut 👍
--Adelram
I think it should be fine to divulge a little lore since, again, background characters, probably won't come up too centrally. Hambone and Lyssis were mutated incidentally in an attack on PGA HQ back in 2080. Bishop publicly took it upon himself to rehabilitate the mutants involved, (who had been driven mad and violent by the strange mutagen,) handing them off to his personal scientists. He kept closely involved, hoping to find a lead to the source of the attack, and for this reason both mutants partly credit him for their recoveries and even being able to meet each other. They're loyal for this reason, and he knows it. They are also undoubtedly citizens of Earth.
Ritter is a bit more of a wacky story, one that won't really effect the plot. But their being an Utrom is not publicly known, as it happens. It's not a secret, per se, but they pass so well that most people assume they're human. They've been around since EPF, having served under Agent Bishop among its ranks. Bishop is aware they're an Utrom, and unfortunately they've proved very loyal and very useful, so he supposes he has to keep them around. It is pretty nice having a guard who doesn't need to sleep and only eats like once a month. This is also kinda the only life Ritter has ever really known, being under Bishop's command. They'd follow him anywhere, would do anything he asked of them.
#ahc asks#thank you for the questions! always great to see you in the inbox heheh#AGENT Bishop certainly wouldn't have allowed anything like this. He'd be pissed and terrified which then just makes him more pissed#President Bishop though has since learned the art of 'being nice makes people trip over themselves to do you favors'#he is more familiar with alien cultures as people instead of viewing them through the lens of war#he doesn't share his Agent counterpart's loathing hatred for them anymore#(at least. not the ones in PGA. the ones actively gunning for earth? yeah he's gonna kill em when the chance arises 👍)#so in general he's pretty assured in his guards' loyalties. if he ever had reason to doubt they'd be fired immediately at best#extra OC lore fun fact! Ritter has been here so long they were also most of the others' trainer!#They trained in Hambone for sure. And ever since they haven't stopped putting on the teacher voice around her#like 'wow Hambone that was a great shot! you're doing a great job!'#and she's like I've been working here for over a DECADE. STOP
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Honestly though I think it’s really a bad sign when I look at Shin Tsukimi and literally feel like he’s a self insert 😩
#the klock keeps ticking#yttd#i wanna replay yttd so bad but i also like Gotta play other stuff with the time i have akskks#but yeah the brainrot this specific character has given me idk if I ever really talked about it but it was BAD#i like obsessively played the game in like 3 days and it was not a good idea lol but just like shin#i had to take like a week to recover from this guy cuz i couldnt stop thinking about him and how hes just like me fr#first off just the very inconsistent personality hes got going on that is very me he has these different personalities he wears to cope with#all the traumatic shit happening hes both so helpless its comical and so manipulative its terrifying#and idk its really interesting how like good and bad he is at being manipulative like hes very smart and can analyze weaknesses and lie so#good not even he knows the truth but hes also grasping at straws he doesnt think things through at all#like the second main game he just didnt prepare at all hes fumbling his way through everything its going so bad#he just wants to go home he wants to outdo the game makers but hes being used by them so bad he wants it to STOP#and its just the way that like. it hits so hard cuz you know hes really not a bad person not at all he doesnt want any of this hes just#being horribly manipulated and doing whatever he can to survive but its also really scary how#well hes able to lie and manipulate and claw his way through but hes also weaker than a grade schooler#and you never forget that either and as much as he cheated his way through he still failed it was all just a cheap trick in the end#and all of this hits very hard like his personality is eerily similar to mine and just the way he thinks and acts#cuz im the same like im weak and a dweeb who likes funny cats but im also emotionally detached and observant and selfish#but where it hits the hardest is his relationship with midori like oooof that one was too real just like#the first person who was ever his friend was horribly abusive and treated him like a child and didnt respect any boundaries#and he just got sick pleasure out of seeing shin be upset and he was like. a groomer#and shin was fucking relieved when he died but also kept his scarf and adopted his personality to survive#and still goes by sou after ch2 and the scene that gets me the most is when shin ai is asked about his relationship with midori#and you can just SEE how horrified shin is because his deepest shame his abuse is being shared to everyone without his consent#and hes reliving it all in that moment and literally seeing who he used to be experiencing the abuse#he just curls into himself and like covers his ears and pulls his hair thats literally what i do AAAAAA#im just so grateful for the direction they took this character kokichi ouma wishes he was shin tsukimi so bad#and yeah just like damn. its scary how similar i am to shin like damn i really am going through it huh oof#I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I WILL DEFEND HIM WITH MY LIFE HE DID ALL OF THAT STUFF YOUR HONOR BUT LISTENNNN#have you considered that hes cute and smart and weird and maybe just needs friends who arent assholes
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Me when we don't speak anymore by bears in trees
#lizzierants#had a sudden unplanned job interview today. i wanted to cry the whole time but managed to keep it together and now the anxiety has suddenly#caught up to me and it feels BAD the sudden thought of that what if my friends just dont actually like me and they like me purely because#theyre worried for what would become of me if they stopped being friends with me when purely of course id be fine eventually but i worry#that cause im on antidepressants people just think im automatically suicidal when something bad goes wrong which is not the case im doing#good i dont want to die but what if all my friends hate me what if this whole time i have loved them so so much and they just tolerate me#someday my friends will die and i had that i hate that someday we wont be friends even if its decades in the future i love all of them with#my heart that sometimes i feel it is overfilling i love them i love them and what am i without them i am everything i have ever loved i am#overthinking however i cannot stop this what if my own best friend is avoiding me? why am i thinking this? what evidence do i have to back#this up? nothing only for the fact my own brain feels as though i love people too much and they are uncomfortable with it i feel awful wtf#i have learned to keep my emotions from people because i dont want them to worry. i dont want people to do something or not do something bec#ause they think it will upset me i want people do do as they please i want to be open for my friends to share their issues i want to help#and im sitting here wirrying if they hate me so i turn here to shout in the void because the only person i know irl who follows me on here#most likely doesnt read these tags and if you are please ingore this i misjudged your terrible attention span also i love you very much#anyway a few weeks ago i realised my worst fear is no longer death. but the death of my friendship with my beloved friend. and thats fucking#terrifying prospect however if they were to be like yo i dont like you anymore id respect that decision and id be okay because their happine#is the most important thing to me and thats okay but i couldnt bare with the fact that they feel like they had to be ffiends with me because#they have to. i hate the prospect of them feeling trapped in a friendship theh dont want to be in. all the while i feel i cannot communicate#this to anyone because how would i go about it im very anxious i am shaking i am having a bad time very bad time actually im going to start#crying but its okay <3 crying is good for stress and health and its been a while since ive cried so maybe this will help me feel better <3#i will heal and ill be okay <3
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its also really funny that im so obsessed with people thinking im funny and chill and not a depressing loser that i cant even post about how miserable i am on my OWN TUMBLR BLOG w/o hiding it under a read more bc :( what if i make one of my mutuals sad :((( then theyll unfollow me !!!!!! that would be horrible!!!!!!
#im aware of how pathetic it is but i cant stop#bc im genuinely terrified i will lose the already miniscule amount of social connection i have if im honest abt how i feel#i mean being honest has only ever made my family ignore me so! why would strangers care! why would my friends care!#bectxt#op#txt
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Want aventurine/Argenti but it has to be the extremely specific flavour from my head. No I can't put that flavour into words and explain it to you yet. Sorry.
#aventurine pining for ratio but terrified of doing anything now he knows ratio cares about him#aventurine: what if I hook up with the most unratio guy in the universe to get my mind off of him#argenti: just happy to have a beautiful man in his lap#actual love and emotion feels like being stabbed to aventurine he would much rather the ambivalence / shame of a hook up#argenti is so nice and soft and has none of ratios bite and he's mentally fucked up just like aventurine. perfect guy to try and use#to prove to yourself you're bad and awful and disgusting#only to then end up crying because he won't stop praising you and being gentle with you and its a disaster 0/10 worst sex ever
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thinking about bill potts again I'm gonna scream and cry and frow up and kill steven moffat
#second ep she's in it's all omg stop being so angryyy and emotionalll all the time who cares if i've killed ppl#oh but it's fine when EYE slap someone (to defend u against racism aren't i great) bc MY anger is justified and good#and then she had to go through the entire monk plot for MONTHSSSSSS#and THEN she gets trapped in a timefucked spaceship where her only friend turns out to be simmsmaster having her on#and then she gets fucking cybermanned and the whole village is scared of her and she has to sleep in the barn#AND IF SHE GETS EVEN A LITTLE ANGRY AT IT HER BODY SHOOTS LASER BEAMS AND EVERYONE'S TERRIFIED OF HER AGAIN#and then what's her reward she and heather barely knowwww each other#she's only ever angry in a Just way and she's not even that angry why did they make it such a thing and punish her for it (you know why)#ik shit happens to companions all the time but goddd#personal
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I kinda feel like I've just hard erased any happiness or elation I had from being done with school all just so I wouldnt get asked a stupid question anymore I hate this I hate this
#gamer txt.#not once have i actually fucking wanted to go to college this was just the only way to make ppl stop asking me about jobs#but im realising now that was a stupid decision and i hate that i made it i hate tgat i had the chance to back out and didnt#the only thing that made school worth it before was my friends that was the only time id get to see them#now im going back to school completely without them like a fucking idiot#i know college is different from highschool i get that and i do want to learn fab weld but fuck me this was dumb#i know damn well im not going to make any new friends during this course im more terrified of people than ive ever been#and i stick out from my class like a sore thumb#whats worse is my nervousness from this has started fucking with my appetite and hunger and that is the worst possible thing it could do#that is like the number one way to break me#im already in such a vulnerable state i do not need constant fucking reminders of trauma i cant fucking escape#and im meant to just be normal and be a person and go to class on monday?#im this close 👌 to just dogging it. im pretty sure ill be getting the train in like i could full well just fuck off and leave#its not like they have my mums number she wouldnt know any different from what i told her#can i not just stay in the purgatory of being a teen old enough to be done with school but young enough to not have a job forever ?#please? im not ready for this im not i couldnt be less ready for this why did i let myself succumb to this pressure? i hate it#g-d i havent cried in. months now. this feels so. this is too much this is way too much fot me i cant do this#i dont know how i thought i could when the hell have i ever been able to do something like this on my own#theres nothing to me on my own i dont have any confidence i dont have any strength i need my friends for that and i dont have them
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if u told me theyd keep mentioning the zombie outbreak in events....
#stardust speaking !#jjk collab...................this event now........#gbf spoilers//#IN THE TAgs but 1) oh my god stop letting lyria see terrifying stuff#2) im busy imaging gran being in the worst mood ever after these strangers accuse lyria&sarya of murder. captain who usually has a rather#neutral aura suddenly has black clouds and thunder around them#im gonna get this out of the way but the non and oui joke they made barawa said was So uneccessary....just let him say 'a clone?!?'#or whatever???????????????????????#back tot he post but that said them going ah yes red flags like catura was going on about -> immediadetly colors text#is like. comedic.#only finished ch2 thumbs up emoji if anything wild happens ill make another post if not i wont#thoughts n prayers the holiday units are cute but also not any id want to spark#ALSO i think they should put barawa and juri together in an event cuz they both have very strong morals so i think itd be neat to see them#both get mad af at injustice
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what gets me abt Fel really is how much of an undertone through all of durge it is that you are never not being watched. He knows exactly when you give in, he knows everything you do, he knows the people you love and care for and sleep with and he knows exactly what to say and where to prod to get durge to do what he wants. you are not even safe from him in your own dreams because he's able to visit you there too. he holds your entire life history and important memories in his hands but it's him who gets to decide what you get to know and when, and he'll give you them if you just listen.
#spoilers#major spoilers#I really do mean it when I call him the gaslight king bc it's so insidious and terrifying how he speaks to a durge.#he's one of the first 'kind' voices you'll meet. he - who speaks for the temple of bhaal - heaps profuse praise upon you in droves.#he gives you great and powerful gifts to keep you wanting more. durge is never not rewarded for their atrocities...so why stop?#you might end up the weapon and puppet of a god...but isn't that kind of favour a good thing? you *like* the power and the prestige.#he only has your best interests at heart. truly! don't you feel so safe and taken care of - knowing your ever-faithful butler is there#even in your dreams to watch over you and make sure you're behaving correctly? wouldn't want to disappoint your father!#Ithren is neutral evil and someone who does enjoy being a bhaalspawn even if she ends up making a genuine effort to change by act 3#but it's this kind of shit that makes it so gd hard for her. along with a few other things but#everything about her is rooted deep within the temple of bhaal and fel talks to her every night.#saint.txt
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