#hard doesnt mean fucking impossible
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yharnamsnewslug · 2 years ago
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How long did it take you to beat Malena??? Bc I'm so over this I can't do it lol
I've never defeated Malenia and I never will.
I saw her boss room, said "cool" and turned around and didn't fucking do it, because while I love her and her lore, I think you can't have a boss that breaks the main fucking rule of a Soulsborne: "it's hard but it's doable if you learn".
Malenia mechanically is broken. And she breaks the game completely. Here's a tip, anon: don't defeat her if you can't. Don't try if you can't. Don't wonder how you managed to actually beat bosses that almost input-read and can't defeat Malenia.
You're not the problem: FromSoftware is.
Get more into the lore, that's how these games sometimes go.
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s0fter-sin · 7 months ago
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punk!soap metalhead!ghost brain blast!!!
ghost trying so hard to get soap out of the bad parts of the scene bc he's starting to get pulled in by the shadows, a group of wannabe anarchists that stand for nothing except themselves, but soap loses his shit; laying into ghost for daring to try and "save" him
no one's ever been there for him when he needed them; no one ever offered him support or a soft place to land, why the hell would he want ghost's help when he's perfectly fine on his own? (when he’s always had to be?)
"you think i can't make my own decisions? well fuck you, ghost, who needs a washed up piece o’ shite like you!"
he doesn’t talk to ghost for days, doesn’t let himself acknowledge the hole he’s left behind until he's getting pissed with the shadows one night in an abandoned house and graves starts waving around the gun he snuck through customs and it accidentally goes off, grazing soap's temple
he's never heard anything so loud, even at all the shows he’s attended and there’s so much blood; it's getting in his eyes, running down his neck and soaking into his clothes and he’s frozen. graves and all his shadows bolt after hearing the gunshot, worried about cops finding them and they leave him there; staring at the growing puddle at his feet
soap's panicking; half-blind, blistering pain lighting up his head and he can't think about anything beyond how much he wants ghost
ghost's been sulking at his flat since soap blew him off; pissed at soap for going off on him when he just wants to help but still worried about the punk. he doesn’t want him going down the same road as him; doesn’t want him to repeat his mistakes when he could save himself so much suffering and he almost doesn't answer his phone when it buzzes on the couch
he lets out a ragged sigh as he picks it up; raking a hand over his shaved head when he sees the bubble emoji and contemplates letting it ring out. contemplates answering with a growl; something a younger, crueler version of him would spit. in the end, he decides on silence and puts the phone to his ear just before it can stop ringing
he almost breaks it when he hears soap choke out, "i've been shot."
he's out the door in a heartbeat, running down the stairs because the lift is too slow; trying to get more information out of him but he can't get anything out beyond a repeated, "i've been shot."
he breaks every law there is as he speeds to soap's location; visions of his cold, bloodless corpse staining his mind's eye. the only thing keeping him calm are the strangled breaths from the other end of the line; he's not dead, he can work with not dead, this isn't tommy, soap won't end up like tommy-
ghost screeches to a halt outside a random alley and throws himself from the car when he sees soap collapsed against a garbage bin. he's covered in blood, soaked, just like that night, it's everywhere and he's not moving, he's not moving-
“johnny!”
he skids to his knees and fits his hand under his chin to check his pulse
 but his heart beats strong under his fingertips and soap's eyes flutter open; flooded with blood but conscious and alive
the second he registers ghost in front of him, he’s reaching out for him; babbling apologies over and over, "you were right, i'm sorry ghost, i should've listened; i'm sorry, i'm so sorry."
ghost just gently hushes him, cupping his face heedless of the blood. "that doesn't matter now, johnny. we're gonna get you all fixed up, yeah?"
soap’s hands fist in his shirt, clinging to him. "i got shot, ghost," he says again; lost and smaller than he's ever heard from his punk and it's been years since he's felt this kind of rage but he doesn't let a drop of it touch his voice
“i know, lad. i know. gonna let me take a look at it? make it right?"
soap finally nods, his stuttering apologies coming to a halt and ghost runs back to his car to get a towel. he presses it to soap's skin, trying to soak up as much as he can so he can get a proper look; cooing assurances as soap absently hisses in pain the closer he gets to it
it's only a graze and something in his chest unravels; old fears and grief settling as the shallow wound continues to gush into the towel
ghost slumps, pressing his forehead into the top of soap's head and takes a second to just breathe. “‘s’alright, johnny; it’s not even that bad, not even that bad,” he promises, low; spoken more to himself than soap
his hand starts to grow damp and he forces himself to his feet, gathering up soap and getting him into his car. he puts the towel in his hand and presses it against the wound, trying to coax him through his shock to put pressure on it so he can drive
soap curls up in the passenger seat; eyes distant, seeing nothing and ghost has to tighten his grip on the steering wheel so he doesn't turn around
soap is the priority
he has to get him home; has to get him cleaned up and safe
then he can go hunting for the gutless shadow that hurt his punk
#this was just me wanting to give soap his post mw3 head scar ngl#tw implied past suicide#god if soap gets real mean with it. 'you dont give a shite about me! this is just you trying to save your stupid brother!#well guess what ghost?! hes fucking dead and smothering me aint gonna bring him back!’#and its the only thing he couldve said that would make ghost let him walk out the door#ghosts been here before. he knows how impossible it is to help someone that doesnt want to be helped but he cant let soap go#he cant go down that road again. cant let it be just to walk into soaps flat one day and find him in a bloodsoaked bathtub#when soap comes out of his shock he finds ghost slowly and methodically cleaning his leather jacket#hes trying hard to remain calm and clearheaded#trying not to fall back into old habits#but theres a reason hes called ghost#bc the second he stops looking after soap is the second he storms out to find graves and wring his neck#soap pushes back so hard against ghost trying to help him bc in his head being ‘saved’ or ‘better’ means being changed#bc the only help hes ever experienced has been conditional. ‘we will help you if you go to college. if you stop art.#if you change your entire being’#he cant process that ghost wants him the exact way that he is bc no one ever has#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#save post
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lathrine · 1 month ago
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Farthest Frontier is one of my favorite city builders on the market rn, but the way it chooses to display information sometimes is hilarious
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hate it when i go to work and catch Fractured Bone from my coworker just because tim in marketing decided to show up sick. smh.
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malleleothreesome · 1 year ago
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i wish i could have a silly little day on tumblr but I have to read my 80 page HOA document to see if the boomer condominium overlords will ALLOW me to get my new dishwasher (that i bought on black friday like a true, miserable adult marching towards death) DELIVERED AND INSTALLED on the 23rd as expected or if I have to cancel the delivery because there are too many rules for me to abide by and my soul is simply too tired to jump through the necessary hoops to comply.
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toytulini · 5 months ago
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reeeeeeally wish. it didnt feel. like the needs of my body vs the needs of my brain were actively in fucking conflict with each other in a way that makes it impossible to function or exist
#toy txt post#chronic pain#just. really frustrated. cant see a way out or through or over or whatever here yall#augh#and dad wants me to. do what i was doing before that made everything worse somehow as a method to get my foot in the door and fucking#network???? to do?????? unclear. until i get what. middle management?#how the fuck would that help anything#meanwhile i am trying to muster the executive function to complete. the catpans#ouaghghahghhgghg#it is so hard to be gentle with myself about this bc it doesnt feel like i deserve gentleness for it! like i have worked so hard to try to#unlearn the ableism and shit but that doesnt really fucking help much if both my parents just keep that shit so deeply baked into their#worldview that they interpret me trying to treat myself a little gentler as being a lazy freeloader or whatever#like im really trying not to be too harsh on myself about this but for what? at least if im mean to me about it i have ground to stand on#in calling their meanness unjust and unnecessary cos dont worry!!!!!!!!! i can reproduce the entire fucking ableism cycle inside my own#head and self flagellate for not being able ti push through it like you guys did so you dont have to! in fact i am so good at it that it#makes it an impossible topic to address! bc i just speedrun everything into thinking of myself as worthless so you dont have to! see im not#a total laze/s#god. i hate this so much so fucking much. aaaaagh. there are a number of things i CAN do and unfortunately none of them seem to be#the necessary administrative faff of it all#oausbdjsfusbfhshhrrrgrhrhgggg#trying to organize notes of talking points to unpack this a little in therapy this week but its only the second appt. so like. she wanted#to go through a bit of a questionnaire? idkkkk
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sensitivegoblin · 4 months ago
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Vent
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linogram · 5 months ago
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i will never understand teachers who never give 100%s out bc "no ones perfect" or whatever bs, like if ur not gonna give anyone that grade, then why is it even an option?
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zenlesszonezero · 15 days ago
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kurv4 · 1 year ago
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#vent in the tags#WARNING: VENT IN THE TAGS!!#tbh its really hard to find disability community irl#at least in my country the amount of other disabled people i met is minimal and finding other disabled peopld my age?? impossible#ive been trying really hard to actually start accepting and defend my disability and try not to hide so much#but it feels really lonely not knowing anyone who is in a similsr situation as me#even tho im part of the lgbt community in my country and in my uni it doesnt erase me being disabeled and that 98% cant really understand#like yea i have few friends at uni who are neurodivergent but i still feel lonely in this regard#with that im not trying to say that they are any less disabled or have it easier or anything like thst#but its still pretty lonely being one of the few physically disabled people in my uni#and being almost all the time the only disabled person my friends even know#im kinda scared of also applying for jobs cause i dont even know if any minimum wage jobs would accept me#i wish i knew someone who is also phys disabled so i can ask them these things and get advice cause rn im so scared#how am i supposed to be even an adult person in society if i cant even get a minimum wage job? where am i supposed to live? what can i eat?#im really lucky my parents are supporting me rn at uni but what do i do after uni#also weird thibg is. why the fuck does it feel like i have to come out 3 separate times??#like why me having to tell someone im disabled feels like im coming out?? girl just look at me for 5 minutes#like. my previous clasmate of 3 years didnt know. WHAT DO U MEAN??#like we were friends. we saw each other 5 times a week for hours. u flirted with me when we were 16. are u dumb??#this is not even the tip of the ice berg. about like 70% of my friends dont know or didnt know until i told them.#like its pretty noticable and visible😭😭 it sounds almost fake that they would be that oblivious but sadly its true lol#anyways lol
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petewentzssilkpress · 2 years ago
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#
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whokilledsamara · 1 month ago
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I love your Homicipher hc, they are so good! Would you be willing to do some N/ SFW for Mr. Chopped too? Like you did for some of the others? I understand if you don't want to or if it makes you uncomfortable, thank you anyway!
MR. CHOPPED N/SFW HCS
a hc list of Mr. Chopped x reader {an: SORRY GUYS IM POSTING MAINLY HCS RN,,, fics for me take a lot longer than usual so im just posting hcs to atleast get some reach.}
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warnings! : smut, cunnilingus/blowjob, idk,,, cuckhold
{an: freaky shit,,,, like hes just a head so its kinda hard to fuck. did give him a section for IF he had a body.. MAINLY HIM GIVING HEAD,, i didnt rly know how to write this im sorry!! def will write more tho,,, im into him ngl}
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SFW
what it would be like to be in a relationship with Mr. Chopped.
it would be relatively hard to be in a relationship with him for obvious reasons, though not impossible!
the thought of you makes him happy, and especially when you hold him.
he would have Mr. Silvair help most of the time. usually for the romantic aspects of things though.
while Mr. Silvair doesnt quite understand the relationship, he is glad to help.
being a talking head will obviously raise a few insecurities, so just reassure him that you indeed do love him! he gets his feelings hurt easily.
he absolutely loves when you play with his hair. if you put bows in it or decorate it, that will make it all the more special for him.
the first time he bit you when he was sleeping, had him crying for hours. he felt so bad that he harmed you in any way, and it took a while for him to "recover"
he loves kisses! he always shouts things like "Up, Up" or "Desire, Carry!" just so he can kiss you.
if you manage to get a hold of make up or something, he would absolutely love for you to do his makeup. {he likes to feel pretty}
he is a very sensitive boy, also a crybaby. how cuuuttteee...
if Mr. Silvair gives him a body, {ignore that one ending... we dont talk about it} then he wpuld be even more excited to see you.
the moment he gets a body would mean so many hugs and affection as a thank you for saving him.
he gets picked on a lot by the others so he usually tries his best to come to you.
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NSFW
sex...?
sex is definitely a hard concept with him.
while yes, it is possible, just not in the way intended.
you could see him more as a pure object for your pleasure honestly, and he wants that.
whether you are amab or afab, he is perfect for the situation.
ive seen this referenced by another writer, but he would be like a "rose toy" or a "fleshlight" as people call it.
its a secret pleasure to watch you go at it with someone else. {ex: Mr. Silvair or someone.}
if he is gifted a body though, he definitely will pay you back for saving him in the first place.
personally he would be a soft and sensual lover with his new body, rarely going rough unless specifically asked to.
he is more of a giving top. definitely not dominant but is a top. he cares more about your pleasure than his. though, he does get all giddy when you wish to go down on his or something.
he is open to literally anything you want, he would have very few limitations on what he would do, but everything is open for discussion.
again, definitely either wants to watch you have sex with someone else, OR wants someone else to watch you and him go at it. {he would prefer Silvair.}
he definitely likes when you pull his hair or use him. will be submissive sometimes.
he is the type to cry during sex...
omfmg i love him sm
{ made by @whokilledsamara }
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boom-bada-boom · 2 months ago
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shawn spencer, through a series of comedic should-be-impossible hijinks, gets turned into a cat without anyone knowing its him. he elects to hang around the station and help out however much his four paws can.
hilariously, it doesn’t change that much.
some notes:
hes brownish-orange (kinda like henry’s hair in flashbacks??) which means he is close enough that he has the orange cat curseℱ
trying to decide on what breed he is. obviously mixed but what is in the mix?? main thoughts are havana, bengal, and siamese
okay final thoughts: bengal-siamese mix with a havana-like coloring for both eyes and coat.
hes a chatty cattyyyyyyyyyy,,,,,,,, yapper frfr
dog-person lassie and cat-person jules (she canonically has two cats)
he is so indecisive on if he should try and communicate that he is shawn to the station. on one hand theyd know hes safe and maybe be able to help him fix this. on the other jules has literally played fetch with him. a few officers have hand fed him. several cat things occurred. he would never live this all down (human shawn after hes asked where he was for like two months: (heavy sweating) i dont remember)
shawn sleeping in lassie’s chair and on his lap. he started doing it for the laughs but now he has realized that oh no this is actually comfy. tragedy.
half the station supports shawn’s cat shenanigans. a third just take videos. the remaining sixth try to call animal control on shawn but he always gets away and hes back in the station like two hours later so eventually they give up lmao
while all this is happening the station is also stressing because of shawn’s disappearance. they cant find any evidence for what happened. shawn went out to pursue a lead and just vanished. consequently, shawn is trying to make them all feel better with cat shenanigans
he refuses to use a litter box. it does not matter that he is so so small now he is using the fucking toilet. (the officers start leaving the bathroom door open a crack so he can slip in lmao)
shawn reading over case files while sitting on them. hes participating (and solving them)
shawn as a human accidentally left a pineapple stress toy in the station (maybe on some forgotten corner of lassie’s desk or smth lmao) and as a cat he rediscovers it and decides to play ball using it. all this to say that people start calling him pineapple because of it. honestly hes quite happy with that name over some other possibilities
jules is the only one allowed to touch the pineapple toy. he doesnt trust lassie not to try and dump it or something like the spiteful person he is and he certainly doesnt want anyone else touching it. (he would allow lassie to touch the pineapple toy if it werent for that fact though)
(shawn very carefully putting the pineapple toy down in front of lassie for the first timeand staring up with his big ole eyes and lassie stares back and externally his expression is hella flat but internally hes like oh no. oh no its growing on me)
BIG NEWS: cats can in fact eat pineapple, just not a lot since as a fruit it has a lot of sugar (not good for cats), HOWEVER
 “It’s hard to see why because cats don’t have the taste buds that let them enjoy sweet flavors. The strong sweet and tangy taste of pineapple is mostly lost on them.”
shawn finally managing to get someone (probably buzz) to give him some pineapple only to be utterly HEARTBROKEN bc it DOESNT TASTE LIKE PINEAPPLE ANYMORE !!!!!!!!!
juliet holding him like a little baby as he is purring like a freight train
LASSITER HOLDING HIM LIKE LONGCAT AS HE IS WAILING LIKE THE DAMNED
literallyyyyyy thisss,,,,
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he breaks into the chief’s office to lounge on her desk and she gives him hardcore side eye before, after a while, just sighing and starting to pet him. “this station doesn’t exactly need a mascot, you know,” she tells him, to a reply of mrrp, “but i suppose a little bit of cheering up wouldn’t be too bad.” very carefully, she taps him on the nose. “but not too much. this is a serious line of work—no making a mockery of my station.” the dull thunking of a tail smacking repeatedly into solid wood made no promises.
inconceivable amounts of cat fur everywhere and on everyone. no one can brush him because he wriggles away like an eel and dramatically grooms his fur out of their reach. so he just sheds everywhere. hes got a thick coat there is so. much. fur.
he keeps sneaking into crime scenes. no one is sure how but they suspect he is hitchhiking in lassiter’s car. no one can prove it tho bc they cant fucking find him. the crazy thing is that he leads them to evidence sometimes like a narcotics detection dog but with completely random items that usually seem nonsensical at first. until they prove otherwise. consistently.
lassie to himself: man this feels just like dealing with spencer’s psychic shit. weird.
GUS FIGURES IT OUT FIRST. not because he saw anything but he just saw a newspaper about this cat solving crime with the cops and he was like “oh my fucking god. it can’t be.” and then he pulled up to the station yoinked said cat and went to an isolated corner to freak the fuck out with it. “shawn what the hell happened” he goes, and shawn meows with feeling
juliet watching gus talk to pineapple the station cat in the corner of the bullpen: ???????
several cops having the all-important conversation of what to label him as. theres no snappy cat version of K9 they can use. K9 is supposed to sound like “canine” but there’s no letter to cover the fel in“feline”
some say F9 and some say L9 and a few say FL9 or just straight up FEL9
BY THE WAY!!!!! “Police cats are becoming an increasingly popular addition to law enforcement teams around the world. These feline officers are being trained to assist their human counterparts in various aspects of police work, from sniffing out drugs and explosives to providing comfort and emotional support to officers on duty” SND ALSO “Because they are uncommon, police cats receive a lot of press. Many show up regularly in media posts. If your local department has a police cat, don’t be surprised if you see stories about them on the news”
police cats are a real thing!! shawn is not an official police cat but he is at this point an unofficial one. on rare occasions he might even listen to an order or two (the station thinks he may have been specially trained by some probably-illegal group or smth, escaped, and decided to imprint on the station) (btw this is an actual issue with some police cats. as independent creatures theyre not as predictable as dogs and might not follow orders, which is an issue in high stakes situations n shit)
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kawakalalala · 1 year ago
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abby is a fucking fiend for pussy. she’ll let herself eat u out until she’s squirming and writhing and near cumming in her pants, just cause she cant get her face outta ur cunt!!! eeek! :3
loves when u play w ur hair, fucking loves when u scratch her scalp, especially w acrylics, her eyes rolling back into her skull and shit. (LMAO)
she doesnt care if you practically fuckin skin her, she looooves being marked up, and she loves knowing everyone knows u did it >:)) little monster!!!
she is LOUD, and i mean FUCKING LOUD LMAO, she’s vocal about eating u out, moaning into your cunt tellin u how good u are for her đŸ˜”â€đŸ’« BUT! touching her is a whoooole other story.
she def like
 squimpers, like half squeal half whimpers, ohh and she tries sooo hard to stay quiet for u but ur fingers hit her just right and your tongue circling her clit just makes it impossible!!
her fucking catchphrase might as well be “think you can give me another one, baby?”
RAAHHHHH
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etoiile · 1 month ago
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katsuki loves messing with you.
not in a mean way, obviously. he would never ruin your things or hurt you in any way, but in harmless, innocent ways. he likes to pick you up and throw you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, and he delights in the squeal you let out when he "drops" you, just to catch you before you hit the floor. he likes to ruffle your perfect hair, or squeeze your sensitive waist from behind. he likes to give you a quick smack to your ass as he passes by, or briefly blow at your neck and ears, only to look away and feign innocence when you squeak and turn around. he just finds so much joy in the little pout or giggle you give him when he subtly fucks with you.
"ah!" you squeal upon feeling fingers squeeze your midriff from behind.
you hear soft snickers from behind, and it doesnt take a genius to know that your explosive boyfriend was the culprit.
"kats!" you whine, giving him a slap to his muscular bicep. "cut it out!"
he just snorts and gives you a few more pokes, delighting in the little giggles you let out at the ticklish feeling.
"stoooop! kats, nooo!" you laugh, batting his playful hands away. he just smiles and pulls you close. a shiver runs down your spine at the sudden warmth and contact.
"sorry, angel. jus' can't help it." he chuckles. "you're too cute to not."
your cheeks flare and you give him a petulant "hmph!" as you turn away in his grasp.
"aweee don't be mad, baby. i was jus' playing with ya." he grins, gripping your waist. god, that grin. you hate that stupidly handsome grin. you want to slap it off of his stupidly handsome face.
"you're so mean," you mumble, crossing your arms in an exaggerated pout, trying to hide the smile tugging at the corners of your lips. he chuckles, his hand gently tugging at your chin to make you face him again.
"c'mon, don’t be like that. ya know i can't resist messin' with ya." his thumb brushes over your lower lip, and his gaze softens as he watches your flustered reaction. you try to stay mad, but it’s hard when his touch is so warm and his eyes are so damn charming.
you roll your eyes, but the smile finally breaks through. "you're impossible," you sigh, shaking your head. he grins and pulls you into a tight hug, nuzzling into your hair.
"nah, i'm just in love with ya or somethin.'" you can't help but laugh softly, melting into his embrace.
"yeah, yeah," you tease, pressing your cheek against his chest. "just don’t go overboard next time." he snickers, kissing the top of your head.
"no promises, princess." he smirks. you roll your eyes, but as much as you pretend to be annoyed, deep down, you love every second of it.
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© 𝐄𝐓𝐎𝐈𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟒 please do not copy or repost my work on any other site. interactions appreciated! đŸ€
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mymoshangthoughts · 3 days ago
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okay, okay, okay, bear with me
mobei jun already knows about shang qinghua as airplane
oki ive decided to take advantage of the fact that WE NEVER GET A MOBEI JUN POV AND I'LL BE FORVER SALTY ABOUT THAT SHIT
but like, shen yuan figured airplane out REAL fast, right? they barely spent time together before the immortal alliance and then it takes one surprise before airplane is saying stupid shit, right?
and i cant help but think, mobei jun aint dumb and he's been spending How Many Years crashing at shang qinghua's leisure house whenever the fuck he feels like it?
he also finds shang qinghua to be Hella Sus because come on, ofc he does. a human just declares their undying loyalty to you after one fucking meeting??? even if he believes shang qinghua is being sincere in the moment, the fact that he was so quick to betray his sect doesnt speak of a loyal servant
so why wouldnt he snoop? why wouldnt he pay extra close attention when shang qinghua says shit that doesnt make sense? why wouldnt he notice when shang qinghua speaks or writes in a language that he doesnt recognize? airplane canonically isnt fluent in english so if he used a bit of it, especially chinglish, wouldnt mobei jun be able to learn some of the meanings of the words just by context clues? especially when he has YEARS to decode it? like if airplane was fluent, maybe he could hide the meaning, but a limited vocabulary adapted to another language isnt actually super hard to decode. it's the same reason that you can generally understand what slang means before you look up the definition. you might not know what 'rizz' means, but you can pick up the meaning from context clues.
anyway im over explaining the linguistic aspects ALL IM SAYING IS what if airplane kinda depends heavily on chinglish to be his Secret Language that Theres No Way That Anyone Here Can Get. and sure, for most people, it does seem like gibberish. but again, mobei jun has YEARS at his side and reasons to nitpick at it and decode it.
like what if airplane had a habit of writing out pidw plot points in chinglish bc look he is Going to forget shit no matter what, he wrote that novel a lifetime ago, but theres some info thats pretty important for him to Not Forget. so mobei jun is just left with a huge stash of Impossible Information that shang qinghua writes about
everything ranging from future events to obscure demon world facts that theres just no justifiable reason for shang qinghua to know about and just everything in between.
but also what if shang qinghua wrote his feelings? his thoughts? his issues? like cmon, he literally has NO ONE to consult with about the insanity of his life before cucumber-bro, and his life is really crazy, and he used to be the person who wrote out his feelings via novel but look dude he's not about to tempt fate by writing out another novel rn so a diary makes sense. or at least like, random venting
and again, this isnt even mentioning airplane having some potential verbal fuckups that mobei jun can add to his ever growing file of "shang qinghua has something fucking going on"
and like, maybe mobei jun hasnt actually figured out the exact truth but he has some eerily close guesses. or maybe airplane wrote a lengthy journal explaining literally his entire fucked up life and mobei jun knows Everything.
look im just a little bit obsessed with mobei jun casually being aware for YEARS that shang qinghua is from another world and might have once had god-like powers over this world. i think this is very funny and i think it could work in a canon compliant way. cuz i also like to think that some of mobei jun's aggro at shang qinghua was a mixture of
you literally wont tell me who you really are. you claim to be my loyal subject but you wont even tell me your real name and Yes I'm Upset About That
you fucking fucker, you literally PLANNED that horrible event to happen???? you suck so bad omfg. THAT WAS TRAUMATIZING FOR ME YOU JERK NO I DONT CARE IF YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT IT NOW
your handwriting sucks and im mad that i didnt just have to decode your weird other language, i also had to decode your fucking horrendous handwriting and i dont know if i can ever forgive you for that
you barely ever show your real personality in front of me and i have to learn how you really feel by reading this fucking notes and YES IM UPSET ABOUT THAT
i also just love the idea of Something Happening to do with the multiverse and basically mobei jun is the only one who isnt remotely surprised lmfao. binghe is in crisis mode, cucumber thinks he's gonna die, airplane is freaked out, and mobei jun is just like "yeah, figured some dumb shit like this might happen. you didnt know binghe? dont you pay any attention to your husband :/ dude, they're not even good at hiding it, i thought you were supposed to be smart"
also the simultaneous heartattacks that cucumber and airplane would have that mobei jun just KNOWS like thats hilarious. imagine they need to talk about something secretly in public and its super urgent and mobei jun just starts using chinglish or webspeak or something perfectly and cumplane are FREAKING THE FUCK OUT
mobei jun: that mofo is hella sus, but keep it on the dl. ttyl i need to do a vibe check
cumplane: ?!?!?!?!?!?
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pedge-page · 1 year ago
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#3 of Joel dealing with his Preggo reader : hungry
Warnings: oral m receiving, lactation kink, breast feeding, pregnancy, Joel fluff doing the absolute most for his wifey
18+ ONLY
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Joel is leaning back in his armchair on this lazy Thursday evening after having worked 12 hours today on a rigorous construction project. He sighs heavily, glaring down at his absolute favorite sight in the world right now: his heavily pregnant wife between his legs leisurely sucking his cock like a popsicle.
With a pillow below your knees, you looked like a dream. Your eyes closed as you gently hum around his mushroomed tip, suckling his precum. There was no rush to your movements, no desperate urge to make him cum: you were simply just enjoying the heavenly weight of your husband's blessed member sliding in and out of your waiting mouth.
He doesn't immediately register when you pull off his cock with a pop.
"I want taiyaki."
Joel shakes himself from his dazed relaxation. "Taco what?"
"My cousin who took me to the international fair 3 years ago? She got that and let me try it and it was really good. I want that." You sit back on your knees, waiting for Joel to get moving. He doesnt. "Right now," you add.
He's learned very quickly that once you have a craving for something, everything else must pause until you get it. Joel begrudgingly tucks his hard and unsatisfied cock back in his sweat pants, grabs his keys and reverses out the driveway, repeating it in his head: tai-yak-i, taiy-aki tayo aki, taco yaki, taco yucky—tacos aren't yucky they're delicious why couldnt she ask foR YUMMY TACOS I COULD HAVE MADE THAT AT HOME.
It takes him an hour of frantic searching of Japanese shops, and finally finding one, having begged the poor lady at the counter to make them—whatever they are, —hot and fresh for his pregnant wife at this late hour despite the shop closing in a few minutes. Luckily she seemed to vaguely understand his garbled mish mosh of the word and went to work.
He tips her generously and is out the door, plastic "have a nice day" bag secured in the passenger seat of the truck as he speeds home.
He triumphantly drops the bag next to your sleeping body on the couch. Your nose wrinkles, eyes shooting open at the sudden new smell. No hello, no thank you, just grubby hands diving in to the bag and opening the styrophome container.
You pause, staring at the contents. "What is this?"
"Its the thing: taco-yauki."
You look at him in incredulously, and he shoots the same look back, mixed with confusion.
"These are fried octopus balls, Joel?"
"Why the fuck would you want that?"
"I didn't! I wanted cream filled waffles! Taiyaki! Not Takoyaki!
"I DONT KNOW JAPANESE, WOMAN."
"STOP YELLING AT ME!"
"I'M NOT YE—" he inhales deeply before exhaling, letting his shoulders sag. "I'm not yelling, baby. I'm sorry. I promise I didn't know."
You shake your head, eyes swelling with tears of hangriness. "Honestly, Joel, if I knew you were going to be this useless when I married you," your voice cracks. You push the now cold balls away and cross your arms, pouting.
Joel covers his eyes with his hands. What a fucking night.
He knows that you dont mean it. That you're tired, crankly, in pain, and hungry. And that your dumbass husband was in such a rush that he didn't take a second to write it down, let alone ask you exactly what he was looking for. He remembered the fish pastry now, something he could have bought at the grocery store 10 minutes down the road. His back hurts, dick hurts, eyes hurt. He doesn't want you to be hurt too.
"Joel," you peep meakly.
"Yes baby?"
"I'm um. I'm sorry for what I said. You're not completely useless." You twist your fingers apologetically, which he finds absolutely adorable. It's impossible to even remember what he was so annoyed by. You clear your throat and speak sweetly: "I don't want taiyaki anymore. Can we have tacos instead?"
He smiles. "White-people tacos or street tacos?"
"The ones you make, please."
Joel's warm hand craddles your cheek softly. "Coming right up, angel." His hand filters down your throat before settling over your chest, fingers ever so gently tracing the lace line of your nightgown, pulling it down slightly to expose more of your supple cleavage. "But first, I get my cream filled pastry."
"Wha—?"
He gets on his knees, yanking your shirt down as your swollen tits—courtesy of your soon-to-be child— bounce out. You hiss at the sensitivity of being so heavy and full of milk.
Joel wastes no time wrapping his lips around your pebbled nipple and sucking gently, the creamy liquid so built up in your system that it just flows naturally into his eager mouth.
"You were hungry too, huh?" You teased.
He hums around your engorged breast, eyes closed in bliss. He softly kneads your unoccupied tit with one hand, the other joining your palm in passionately caressing your large tummy. You both feel your baby kicking happily now that mommy and daddy have made up.
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Literally I am so sick of whore dick grayson, himbo dick grayson, fandom bicycle dick grayson, like yall really saw that dick is the canonical pretty boy with the nice ass and then proceeded to give him 'bottom' as a personality and just ran away with that. Dick is not a pretty idiot that loves having sex and only cares about his appearance, for fucks sake. He doesnt need to be rescued by jason todd of all people, who literally willingly burned all his bridges and can't even save himself, or wally west, frankly, who is one of his best friends but not the one he gets emotionally vulnerable with.
He doesn't do casual sex, at all. He needs an emotional connection first, is it so hard to believe that an attractive person actually wants to connect to someone instead of fucking them? Or fucking their problems away? Is it really so hard to believe that an attractive person can also be intelligent? Can also be kind? Can also be selfless? Can also take care of themself? Can also be a functioning adult? Can also be mature? Can also be damn fucking good at their job? Have yall ever met a real person before?
Dick is Romani and one of the most well known stereotypes about the Romani people are that they are like magically alluring people that can't keep their hands to themselves or that they're like thieving, dumb, dirty animals and what did yall reduce Dick down to? An overly emotional, stupid, pretty slut that acts without thinking.
You know just because something is racist in canon doesn't mean you have to take that and amplify it by 100 in fanon, right? Like the shit I have seen on this website alone, the takes that just won't stop, are literally so much more racist than anything you would ever find in canon. And good God, it's not like you have to make his race the forefront of his character! It's not! No one's is, that would be bad characterization. But should his being Romani affect the way you portray him? Should there be certain things you can be considerate about? Should being Romani be part of his identity? Uh, yeah.
And also. Should you maybe consider what he's actually like in canon to characterize him within fandom spaces? Uh, YEAH.
Dick Grayson is a romantic at heart, is extremely private, and cherishes the emotional connections he has with people. He is a good person because he chooses to do good things. He wants to help people! He's literally a genius, I mean this in every possible sense, academically, physically, emotionally, strategically, picking up and mastering skills with ease, being a detective... that doesn't mean he doesn't have problems. He's an extreme workaholic. He will never talk about his own problems to his friends or family, just the occasional therapist. He's so good with people, he knows exactly how to manipulate situations into his favor, to his own detriment. He will never give up on you, to his own detriment. He bottles up his emotions deeply, and yes, occasionally he does explode. He has a guilt complex the size of the sun. Everything is his fault in his head, Everything. He will accept the blame for anything, for his own rape even, because he's Dick Grayson and hey, he should've known, he should've been able to tell. (This is specifically talking about Miriam).
Everyone puts him on a pedastal because he's the guy that can actually pull off the impossible and no one but him realizes just how high that pedastal is. Bruce wants to be him, thinks there is literally no one better than him, no one who could soar higher than him, the ideal hero. His hero.
Goddamn Superman thinks he's the one person in the universe that will almost always do the right thing at the right time across every universe. And I don't mean that he will BE the right person at the right time, I mean he will DO the right thing at the right time, because Dick believes in the power of choices! Of free will! He could do bad things just as easily as the people around him, he could choose to be cruel because that is literally so. much. easier.
But he doesn't.
Almost ever.
In nearly every universe.
Do you know how much pressure that is? He drowns under the weight of his own perfection, truly. He can't fail.
He can't fail.
Isn't that so unbearably sad? You spend your whole life reassuring other people that everyone gets second chances, and that you are not your worst moment, and that you deserve compassion even at your most despicable, and that everyone makes mistakes, and sometimes things are inevitable, and sometimes all you can give is your best.
You are the only person. Who does not receive that same mercy.
He can't fail.
His family treats him as an emotional punching bag, sometimes a physical punching bag. Occasionally, so will his friends. It's hard to see the person behind the legend. And Dick's legend is truly titanic in proportions... the first child hero. No one could've done it, if he hadnt done it first. If he hadnt done it so exceedingly well. And then he had his own hero team. And then he became his own hero, again. And then he had his own city. He did it all first. The literal trailblazer, lighting the way for everyone else, not letting anyone stop him. Not waiting for anything. A force of nature.
Everyone wants to be him, be liked by him, be acknowledged by him. They all rely on him, the linchpin of a universe. Dick really is like the sun. Warm, encouraging, revitalizing. He is the light in the dark, illuminating and intense. Focused. Powerful. And they are all caught in his gravitational field.
Dick is so much more interesting than anything fandom will spare him. God, what I would give for fandom to give even a 10th of actual attention and critical thought to him or any other poc character in this franchise, that fandom gives to the white characters. I mean, we've all seen it. The narrative fabricated through lies that 95% of fandom takes as gospel because they refuse to engage with canon or simply don't care because it favors their favorite characters. In case you don't know, I am in fact talking about fanon jason todd- aka meaner Dick Grayson with Helena Bertinelli's lifestyle and fanon tim drake- aka less athletic, more victimized Dick Grayson. The white fandom darlings, extremely woobified, you know how it is. Sigh.
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