#but its just so hard to not want to fucking give up and kill all of them when damn near ever cishet man i interact with is either directly
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I've seen people comment on how Spite is more like a loud dog than a demon, that he's underused, and just generally pretty harmless.
But honestly it makes sense he's like that. What's more spiteful than defying everyone's expectations
Contains spoilers
A demon is described as a spirit whose purpose has been perverted, turning them evil
But it's also been stated that there's less of a difference between the two than most realize, both by Solas and Bellara.
Just as a few more examples
In one of Emmerich's banters with Harding, he mentions that more sophisticated spirits vary in kindness, or âThere's the curiosity that leads one over a hill, and the curiosity that kindles a house fireâ
Spirits also donât really have to turn into demons to do harm. Take for example Cole/Compassion in Asunder. He kills a ton of people but he never really stops being a spirit of compassion, it's just that he views killing people as compassion.
In âRegrets of the Dreadwolfâ, its implied that Solas was a wisdom spirit who became a pride demon, and while your opinion about him can vary, heâs not particularly demonic"
A spiritâs purpose can shift without them turning into a evil or into a demon, as shown when a spirit of Compassion turns into Eulogy after Docktownâs âIn Memoriamâ quest
Itâs mentioned that before becoming Spite, it was a spirit of determination. Lucanis also states that âAny spirit can become a demon, Zara didn't give them a choiceâ. so I think we can safely assume Zara was the one who turned determination into spite
It's also kinda implied that spirits don't always lose their original purpose when they turn into demons, it just usually shifts to a different aspect of it. Wisdom to Pride, Justice to Vengeance, Determination to Spite.
And spite as a concept really is close to determination, I mean how many times do you hear about people who are determined to succeed solely out of spite.Â
Who is it that Spite hates most of all? Who is the person Spite wants to Spite the most? Zara
And the thing that Zara wanted most out of Spite is for him to be evil, for him take over Lucanis, to hurt people, ect.
And so when a spirit, created out of the determination to spite a lady who wants it to become evil, is forced into Lucanisâs body, is it really a surprise that it doesnât go as planned.
I mean Spite can be a jerk, but he mostly just throws temper tantrums when he doesn't get his way, and the worst thing he does is attacking Illario after he kills Zara, which to be honest is kinda deserved.Â
In fact, he usually seeks to help Lucanis, I mean he fucking drags Rook into Lucanis mind palace to act as a therapist. And afterwards there's a conversation between Emmrich and Lucanis where it's brought up that Spite literally thought they were still in the Ossuary, which is why he kept trying to escape through the Eluvian.
Overall I feel that heâs closer to a spirit of living in spite of trauma. Of succeeding despite others saying that you canât, and being kind even though the world is cruel.
#Over time I feel that he'd also become more humanlike similar to cole#Spite: Everyone expects me to be evil so i wont be just to fuck with them#da:tv#da: the veilguard#dragon age lucanis#lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age spite#character analysis#dragon age meta#dragon age the veilguard#spite dragon age#veilguard#lucanis dragon age#veilguard meta#dav#veilguard spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age spoilers
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Say You Wonât Let Go
Shower Shenanigans
Pairing| John Price x F!Single Mom!Reader Rating| E Word Count| 2.7k Kinks/Content/Warnings| Zombie!AU, sexual tension, masturbation
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Itâs still dark out. You feel heavy, limbs weighted down in a way that has nothing to do with your pregnancy and everything to do with the furnace beside you in bed and the heady sensation of comfort rolling over you in waves.
The cold nipping at you has been such a constant you barely notice it until now with its distinct absence.
Youâve never been one to fret over waking in the middle of the night. You know at some point youâll fall back asleep so blessedly avoid the oh god why canât I sleep why am I awake cycle that inevitably keeps people up at night.
Despite being separate when you drifted off to sleep, at some point in the night the chill of incoming winter chased the pair of you together under the covers.
Youâre on your left side, John behind you with his arm draped across your belly and something at your lower back.
Hello.
Turns out his overall stature and general demeanor isnât the only thing about him thatâs imposing.
Thereâs a flicker of interest, a small flame that you try to tamper down immediately out of shame and embarrassment.
Youâre pregnant, for Godâs sake and heâs asleep. Nothing about this is intentional on his end.
Youâre just a hormonal cocktail going through dick withdrawals. Heâs not interested. This is the kind of bullshit that got you pregnant in the first place.
David- the man who got you into this mess because you most assuredly did not impregnate yourself- had rapidly lost interest once you started to show, and youâve been focusing on the whole not dying thing so your libido has taken a backseat for the last while.
Hard to worry about rubbing one out with death looming overhead at every turn.
But now?
Youâre safe and fed and warm and tucked up against a man who absolutely would turn your head in another life.
Youâre being fucking delusional. Heâs doing the right thing- the kind thing by trying to take you back with him. Nothing more. Soldiers are supposed to protect civilians, thatâs their whole job (you also may or may not be delusional about the moral soundness of someone paid to follow orders and kill on command, but hey, youâre not exactly spoiled for choice here).
Heâs just doing his job.
If you were alone in your own bed, perhaps youâd give into the urge to run your fingers across your thigh and reach between your legs- with some effort and wriggling.
Then again, if you were in your own bed you wouldnât have Johnâs morning wood pressing against your lower back, so itâs entirely plausible your libido wouldnât have been reignited.
You try to shift a bit towards the edge of the bed- give yourself some breathing room so you can clear your head and stop being silly.
It doesnât go well at all.
John seems to be a clingy sleeper. The moment you gain any real space between you his reaction is immediate. The arm draped across your belly locks against you immediately, his other arm looping under and around your neck loosely to pull you back against him.
Surely he must be awake- thereâs no way he can react this strongly in his sleep.
He gives absolutely no indication. Thereâs a short, irate huff as his nose presses against the nape of your neck and reaffirms his hold on you, and then heâs back to snoring lightly in your ear. And little John is right back to pressing against the small of your back.
Well shit. So much for that plan.
You have little option other than to deal with it (or wake him up- you donât exactly want to go down that particular rabbit hole, however), squirming with the realization that you are wet and trapped and unable to do anything about either.
Despite being clung to and held hostage, you manage to do the only thing that you can in this situation and fall back asleep.
When you wake up John is gone.
It is still warm under the blankets but you have very limited patience to see if he just slipped away for a moment and is coming back soon- Especially with your kid sitting on your bladder.
You can hear him moving around downstairs, so it appears that this part of your routine will not be changing. He leaves you to sort yourself out in the morning in your own time, and waits to bring you down the stairs after you've finished in the bathroom.
Before things went to shit, you were a big fan of hot showers. Nowadays youâre just grateful to have access to running water and you donât mind the cold near as much as you thought you would. But gone are the days of lingering under the spray and enjoying the heat while you dissociate about work. Now showers are what they always were supposed to be- a measure to get yourself clean. Get in, get done, get out.
You really must be a hormonal cocktail going through withdrawals, however, based on the mess between your legs as you clean yourself up.
Maybe if you just handle it yourself youâll calm down and stop feeling like a cat in heat.
As your hand moves between your legs, you try to keep an ear out for John.
That somehow heâll just know that youâre doing something you shouldnât be, and come to investigate it.
Youâre grateful for the water muffling you- the way your breath hitches before a shaky exhale as soon as you touch yourself. Provides some sort of insulation incase John comes to check on you, although you donât plan on being particularly loud.
Itâs been so long since anyone has touched you, including yourself.
Thereâs a fair bit of maneuvering on your end, trying to find the pose that will best let you get between your legs while standing under the cold spray.
You get it figured out, need and practice having you working yourself up in no time at all.
Back before things went tits up, you had the comfort of your bedroom, a variety of toys, and whatever erotica or porn suited your fancy at the time.
Now, you donât have more than your imagination but find it to be perfectly up for the task.
At first youâre not thinking much about anything- just enjoying the sensations as you circle your clit. Your other hand reaches to grasp and tease one of your nipples.
Despite the cold water your body is flush and warm between your legs. All the bloodflow heading south.
You can feel the coil tightening in your belly as you work yourself up.
Itâs like you hit a plateau though, or a proverbial wall. The pleasure doesnât fizzle out or taper off but it just wonât quite go where you want it to. Just the physical stimulation isnât enough to get you off.
Youâre numb to the cold, mind wandering as you mentally tab through recollections of your prior go-to fodder, or previous encounters with partners whoâd known what they were doing and had done their jobs properly.
That helps, but still isnât quite enough.
Christ, this is taking too long now. John knows how long you shower for. Heâs going to notice if you donât hurry up.
The thought of John catching you sends a jolt of electricity straight to your pussy.
You absolutely do not want him walking in on you. But the thought of his voice purring low in your ear as he praises you, big hands roaming the expanse of your body as he guides you exactly how he wants you- gruff and taciturn with his orders-
That does the trick, grabbing you by the back of the neck and hurdling you across the finish line.
And God help you, youâre not sure if itâs simply because of how long it had been since you last had any sexual gratification, or if the captain really just has that much of your attention- but the orgasm that rips through you is enough to make your knees buckle.
Youâre no stranger to handling your own pleasure but itâs not often you literally make your own legs shake.
You are struck rather quickly with the realization that if you do not sit down, you are going to fall down.
Itâs far from graceful, but you manage to land as gently as you can, given the situation.
Youâre dazed, completely unrelated to the fall. Good God youâve been in dire need of relief to have this strong of a reaction to getting yourself off.
Reality comes knocking at the door amid your post masturbatory bliss. The cotton pulls away from between your ears, and the cold settles on you about the same time.
If you donât hurry up and get yourself dried and dressed, thereâs no way John isnât going to come looking for you.
You reach forward and fiddle with the taps to turn off the water. What you canât quite do is bring yourself to stand just yet.
Youâll sit for a second and then try to get up. The cold biting at you proves to be an excellent motivator to try soon, as well as the porcelain of the tub. Itâs not exactly comfortable so you have no intention of staying here all day.
Just as you take a breath to psych yourself to get your legs back underneath you, the sound of Johnâs knuckles rapping against the door breaks the silence.
âYou plan on coming out sometime today, Love?â
âIâll be out in a minute!â You hope your voice doesnât sound too pitched like a child who definitely just got caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
âIn your own time, then,â he huffs from the other side of the door and you can just see the pinched expression on his face through the wood. Thankfully though you hear the floorboards creaking as he steps away from the bathroom.
Pleased with yourself that youâve successfully managed to deter him, you decide now youâre ready to tackle the hurdle of getting back up.
A very pregnant woman on her ass and a wet bathroom does not make for a very good situation, unfortunately.
Youâre not very far out of a sitting position when one of your feet slips. Itâs a stretch to call it a fall, really. Youâre fine.
But when your foot slips, on reflex you move your arm to catch yourself and bang your elbow. The immediate tingling and accompanying unpleasantness is just the old itâs not very funny when you hit your funny bone, but you canât stifle the reflexive âGod fucking damnitâ from escaping you unprompted.
Thereâs no telling which of those was the first to catch his attention, but you hear the floorboards protest his return to the door. âWhat was that?â
Ah, shit.
âNothing!â You know your tone isnât very convincing now, stress pitching it up an octave.
Thereâs a silence that stretches just long enough that you think maybe- just maybe- that John is going to leave you be.
That thought is dashed immediately when he simply states, âI donât believe you. Iâm coming in.â
âJohn, no!â You immediately protest. âIâm-â the door opens, his focus on the air space your head would be occupying if you werenât currently on your ass. â-fine,â you finish lamely as his gaze drops to yours.
The look of are you fucking kidding me is scrawling across his face so plainly it might as well be written in sharpie.
âWhat the hell happened?â He demands, taking the two strides required to get to you.
âIâm fine!â You protest again (from the ground). âI got dizzy and sat down so I wouldnât fall.â Not entirely untrue, and mollifies John enough that now his expression is just one of being disgruntled.
While heâs probably just deciding what to do with you, youâre keenly aware of the fact that you are wet and naked and on the floor with him towering over you. It doesnât do you any good in the slightest but try to draw your limbs up in an attempt for some form of modesty.
âRight,â he seems to have come to a conclusion for how he wants to proceed, âletâs get you back on your feet and dried off before you catch your death.â
Only way out is through, you suppose.
You really, really, really wish he would just turn around and leave so you can salvage your dignity in solitude, but you can also just tell that that isnât going to be an option. Heâs not going to leave you until heâs satisfied you havenât busted your ass too severely (you didnât, but you also know itâs a lost cause to try to convince him).
He really does have quite the imposing figure, even as he kneels down to your level to better get a hold of you.
You almost ask for a towel- something for some sort of modesty, some sort of barrier between your wet, naked, vulnerable body and the very man you were thinking about that got you in this scenario to begin with.
Pragmatically you realize itâs not a great idea. It wonât wrap fully around you to cover everything anyway, and your attention should be on getting back on your feet and not worrying about what the towel is doing. It will probably just fall in the impending shuffle anyway.
His hands are gentle with you, despite the various scars suggesting that he is often not a gentle man. Firm enough to get hold of you and make sure you donât slip away from him without being overbearing.
Much like last night, you canât bring yourself to look him in the eyes right now. Which is fine, because you can bury your face in the crook of his neck and look past his shoulder like this, avoiding his gaze entirely.
Your arms are around his neck as he positions you how he likes, readjusting his hold on you.
âFeel like youâve got your legs under you?â He asks, and you huff. âI told you, Iâm fine.â
âSo she claims despite being on her arse in the bath,â John huffs right back at you before starting to count.
Context clues tell you that âOne, two, three,â is your cue to make a go of it.
Johnâs grip lingers for a moment- âYou donât feel dizzy do you?â- assessing how you feel now that youâre standing. You canât, in all fairness, begrudge him that as thatâs your story for how you ended up on the ground anyway.
âNo,â you feel like a broken record insisting youâre fine and decide against continuing to protest against his involvement. âCan I have my towel, please?â
As he releases you to do as you ask, the instability you feel isnât so much a physical one as one thatâs much less tangible.
Youâre quick to take the towel from him when he hands it over, eager to have something between you. You feel somewhat less exposed this way, even though itâs not really doing you any good.
Itâs like something out of your silly little paperback bodice rippers when he tilts your chin up to look at him. Youâre still avoiding eye contact which is likely what prompts him to do this.
The movement gets him the desired result as you instinctively follow his cue to look at him, clinging to the towel like a lifeline.
Heâs assessing you, you realize. Sorting out for himself if he believes that youâre actually fine despite your numerous protests.
At a certain point heâs clearly decided that heâll accept that youâre unharmed.
He clears his throat, satisfied momentarily but still seemingly content with being overbearing.
âI promise Iâm fine. I need to get dressed,â its an assurance and a request wrapped together- please leave. You just want to dry off and get your clothes on, and forget that this happened.
The end of the world hasnât totally knocked away your sense of modesty, and given your recent revelations of how your emotions are just one hormone cocktail regarding John, you canât quite decide how you feel at the moment.
The caveman grunts, giving you a final once over before turning and leaving, the door clicking shut behind him.
Youâre alone now, which is what you want, and naked and cold.
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Gonna have to reject your offer of He/ It cheif. Managment (Logan) would kill you for even inferring the idea.
Other people would come along and be like "What is that thing!??"
And you would just see Logan shift instantly from "Yeah ill give you a can of beans and a place to rest" to "Get the fuck off my property before you become his dinner" all while Wade is just... sitting there... behaving??
"He's not a THING! Thats my husband you asshole! And if you don't like it then fuck off!" Followed by Gabby going "Thats my papa you jerk!"
"It's just a zombie? You're married to a sombie!?"
"Again- HES my husband. I said till death do us part except death really isnt his thing so im stuck with him. You got a problem with that!?"
It makes Wade always very happy to be defended even though he surely could do it himself. For the most part things are pretty tame.
But he DOES clap a bit when logan mentions feeding him. 'Ooh yay, I get fed multiple times today' kind of way since Logan is very strict about resources, Wades is not allowed to just eat whatever because he'd probably just eat everything.
Sometimes if Logan forgets to feed him, He'll come to Logan and give him this specific whine, like a dog begging for bacon scraps only for Logan to feel terrible. "Oh my god Im sorry we were so busy today and- ... You're starving and you're not trying to bite me... you're trying so hard.. aw fuck wade.. im so sorry.. what am I going to do with you?"
"Mmm.... rawhrah?"
"Right. Feed you before you go insane. Got it."
Some days are like this. When he's clearly much more human. Being permitted cuddles and nuzzles, to play with gabby and to sleep in the bed. It's very rare that Logan lets him sleep in the bed. But it's the happiest day for wade when he is. And its not like they can even do anything (bro lost his dick miles ago and has no clue where the fuck it went but it just fell off somewhere and now hes a ken doll. This is great for those of you who like transfem wade COUGH COUGH)
But even if it didn't fall off its not like they could do anything anyway, They can't even kiss on the lips anymore. Logan has a theory that it's similar to rabies, where the infection has to be spread through saliva into an open cut or your mouth, etc.
So the nights he's allowed, they honestly just cuddle and stare at each other for a bit before sleeping. Usually, Wade is the little spoon because having Wade behind him is dangerous.
Wade heavily sees affection as a reward now, so getting to hug the girls is a massive thing for him, getting to sit there and watch gabby draw him is a big thing, hell Logan will sometimes even let Gabby play with wade out front because Wade has whole ass attacked other zombies whos tried to hurt gabby before.
One time Laura shot him in the head because gabby thought it would be a good idea to play "pretend zombie" and Wade didnt put two and two togerher that acting 'feral' as Logan calls it, outside with gabby would be a bad idea.
"What the fuck did you do that for!?"
"He was feral and going after gabs!!"
"Nu uh!! We were playing and you killed him for no reason! Youre so mean!"
Logan just sighs as gabby runs to her bed because it upsets her greatly when they have to 'keep wade in check' she fully understands that hes dangerous but deep down thats still her papa and watching your big sissy kill your papa is not something most 13 year olds would enjoy.
".. L.. you gotta stop wasting ammo. You know if it was really a code red that wouldn't do anything anyway. You have to decapitate him if you even want a flying chance. See?? Hes already up again... hi sweetie..."
Wade, whos sat up and now giving them a confused look of 'what did I do? đ„ș'
"...arr Arawh"
"Im sorry, wade.." Laura squeaks out, still holding the shot gun. Shes just terrified of loosing gabby is all. To her, gabs is her responsibility.
"Rah awr rahrrr..."
"I know. She's sorry. She's just.. scared. No more playing that okay?"
"Mmh..đ"
There is infact some drift between laura and wade but neither of them mean it. Really they dont. If gabs is put of the picture Laura still smiles and talks to him but its like the moment gabby is near him Laura goes full protection mode and over reacts.
And FOR THE RECORD i have never seen the walking dead but its terrifying how accurate that picture is.
The longest Wade has been unconscious is probably 18 hours but this was before getting to the girls.
They have witnessed the exact thing you're saying, though. With Wade tied down in the shed, on his leash, and handcuffed, trying to talk to him, yelling at him to snap out of it because he's scaring the girls. Something different about feral wade from the other zombies though is it seems he's smarter, knawing on his handcuffs while most will just flail their arms helplessly. While his teeth dont do shit to the cuffs, its scary for Logan because it makes him think that one day he might actually have to find a way to kill him permanently.
He can undo locks, open cans, do many things that the others cant and he wants to believe its just Wades human part being stronger because in some weird way hes half mutant human and half zombie. A weird combo that makes him much different.
Laura, unlike gabby, too is terrified of one day wade going feral while their father is out collecting more supplies or hunting and she wont know what to do.
Wade isnt fast though. Thats the ONLY good thing. Hes smart, cant die, and is starving to death all the time. But hes slow. Infact he dosn't heal properly. His leg is half broken still from the last time it fell off and seems to barely be receptive to his brains nerves telling it to move so he lowkey drags it, only being able to use it to stand up right and take very small steps.
When he DOES finally come back hours later, He cries. Apologizes, begs for forgiveness, and most times is actually SCARED of Logan. While he hates it emotionally, he knows that logically it was a good thing for Wade to flinch away from him after being locked up.
A scared and fed zombie is a well-behaved zombie...
And before anyone comes here to say this is dehumanization of what ever else- HES LITERALLY NOT HUMAN ANYMORE.
Case closed. Besides I think wade would worry more about the fact of him trying to kill his kids then the fact hes leashed to a wall.
I dont CARE that it's November 9th and "Halloweens over" ITS MY BIRTHDAY MONTH ILL POST IF I WANT TOO
Anyway.
Thinking about apocolpse au.
Wade getting bitten by a zombie, Logan freaking out, Wade dying, and him coming back (Again)
"Didn't you just die?? I literally fucking burried you!!"
And wades like:
"Of course. Man, God REALLY hates you dosn't he?"
And he's bassically the same person except just saying, "Rahhah har ran re" (translation: I think the devil doesn't want me either)
"What?? Oh for fucks sake... tell me you're kidding.."
"Rah?" đ€
"Great so now you stink more and you can't talk. Fucking lovely."
"Mmmmh..." đ„ș (would you still love me if I was a zombie?)
"*sighs, blushes and grumbles how insane this is and how much of a bad idea this is* Fine! Come on...."
"Raah!!" đ
And sometimes his limbs fall off because I think it would be funny if you just saw him stop, turn around, pick up his arm and shove it back into place like a dislocated shoulder. (Marvel Magic)
But its very obvious that Wade is still consious and so logan leads him around, puts a leash on him, ties him up when he goes to sleep the first few nights so wade dosn't eat him, sometimes luring him with a piece of his thigh or telling him he'll feed him soon to make him behave.
The only thing about this resource wise is that it seems Wade is a bottomless pit, not ever able to get enough. It's like all the nutrients just pass right through him, so he can't get fed meals daily, but Logan will share at least one bite of his food. It makes Wade so happy and way more "wade like" than zombie.
Logan has learned that the hungrier Wade gets the worse it would be, snapping at logan a few times.
"Grr-"
"Aye! That's enough outta ya"
"GggRah!"
"Hey!! I said no! Bad! Bad wade!"
"Mmmh??"
"Bad!!"
"Mmh....rahah.."
"I forgive you. But stop trying to bite me. I feed you, don't I? I hold your hand and tell you that I love you?"
Wade is actually extremely friendly for a zombie (duh) and still yaps at logan except its nonsense. Logan tries hard to understand him and talk back.
He holds his hand sometimes, even lays next to him only to scold him if he gets too bitey. This is hard because wade already had a biting issue and seeing as he practically ate anything or anybody now it was more difficult.
"...aahh-"
"Wade- No."
"Ggr.. raahh"
"Wade! No! Bad."
"Mmmh..."
"Ill feed you tomarrow. Don't bite me mkay? You wanna hurt me?"
He shakes his head like a dog shaking off from a bath, or that ate a bee.
"Then don't bite me."
"Mmh? Mrah?"
"No. No kisses right now. Im still not even sure if thats safe.."
"Mmmh...đ„ș ahrrah?"
"No, not even a tiny one."
"Mm...đ"
Until Logan grunts and pecks his hand. "There. Happy?"
"đââïžmh"
"Good."
Honestly Logan felt bad, pitited him. No matter what food he ate it wasnt enough substance to sustain him and sometimes Logan would wake up to find him eating a different zombie that made the mistake of trying to eat Logan.
You ever wake up in the morning, lose your zombie boyfriend, call for him only to walk outside and see him knawing on some poor chaps arm like a happy puppy who found a chicken leg? Logan has. Many times. And he wishes his phone would charge so he could take a picture of it but unfortunately theres no electricity in the post apocalypse world.
This being said Logan is like- THE perfect guy for apocalypse au because he can smell everything and hear anyone before they even get to you, he has better wilderness survival skills then anyone I know and he'll never NOT have a weapon on him because of his claws. The only downside is that he's tired easily, needs a lot of food, and would lowkey be withdrawing from his tabccao and alchool, therefore very moody.
"Stupid fucking apocalypse having to happen when im fucking alive!! Why can't I just NOT live through ONE major historical event! Is that too fucking much to ask? One damn decade where everything is fine and dandy and- WADE! Get your ass away from that!! It's radioactive!! For fucks sake!"
"Rahahrah?"
"NO!! You can not become Spiderman! That's not how that works!"
"Aawr..đ"
The whole thing is they're on a quest to find Laura and Gabby, because when everything went to shit, they were on a cabin trip and now Logans brain is itching because he dosn't know where his babies are and its driving him insane. Once he finds them, they're gonna shack up somewhere with food and animals to hunt, and hes gonna make a little shed outside for Wade to sleep because he'll kill him if he bites one of the girls.
He dosnt care that much about himself really and he hates himself deep down for not being able to trust wade anymore but even wade dosnt trust wade, sometimes wandering off on purpose, staying about 30 feet away from him at all times, growling and giving Logan that glazed over look of unconsiousness. The only good thing about this, though, is after he removes himself from the idea of hurting Logan (because if logaj were to become infected - HA! Your all fucked. Utterly fucked. The whole humanoid species would go extinct because he'd kill anything that moved) he feels more trusting of him and it's not uncommon for them to hug after either. Afterall Wade- Some how???- is still wade and is very affectionate and sensitive when its not returned.
This whole thing also makes him think worse about himself, kicking reflective objects or staring at himself in a shop window in utter shock and disgust with a face of 'thats me..?' While logans raiding the place for supplies.
Did you know zombies can cry? Well, Wade could. Not a lot, only able to get a bit of liquid from dehydration, but sometimes Logan will catch him just... sitting there.. crying. Upset with himself for being bit. Upset with himself for trying to bite logan all the time. Upset at how ugly he is. Upset that he's starving all the time. Upset that he can't even talk to anyone, and Logan just has to guess what he's saying 90% of the time. Bro is literally
When they DO find Laura and Gabby, the girls are doing great. Laura was going to blow wades head off until Gabby ran in the shot, hugging him instantly, only to be ripped away.
"Of course my dad is the weirdo married to a zombie." Laura grunts, but is secrelty happy that wade is still 'alive'
Gabby, being as young as she is, thinks it's so SICK that her dad is a zombie now, giggling when he talks to her and holding his hand. She's not allowed near him for long, and not at all by herself, but Gabby bassically becomes Wades number one supporter, defending him when he messes up and snaps at laura.
"He's just hungry!! He's not bad! It's not bad to be hungry!" She'll say. "You wouldn't kill me if I was hungry.." she tells her bigger, more survival oriented sister whos suggested putting wade out of his misery, for his own sake. "I tried that... he found me again 3 days later." Logan tells her with a pang in his chest. It had taken everything in him to kill him the first time, and sobbed himself to sleep the next 2 days. By the third when he noticed Wade following him from a distance he couldn't believe it.
Not even the apocalypse could keep them away from each other..
#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#wade wilson#deadpool#deadpool 3#deadclaws#wolverine#laura kinney#gabby kinney#zombie au
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Sweet Dreams <3
#my art#pokemon#galarian ponyta#digital art#hiiii everyone hello please look at my darling angel Amalthea. shes my partner pokemon in pokednd <3#most of our pokemon went missing so Mia (my character) took our remaining pokemon to get their pictures taken in case they go missing#i did in fact draw all three of them. am going to work on doing digital versions of the other two#its all of our partner pokemons :3 ponyta. impidimp. and mankey <3#the sketches i did for the other two are so fun i cant wait to draw them#impidimp's made my cousins all laugh so hard they almost cried#this session was so fun and we also talked afterwards about pokemon we may want on our teams in the future#and honestly my potential line up for Mia feels so good#her next pokemon she gets is very possibly going to be a bewear. absolutely out of left field choice but it works so beautifully#im also thinking good options for her would be breloom. grumpig. wyrdeer. maybe mimikyu.#grumpig and breloom are honestly the top of the list. they suit her so beautifully#wyrdeer is also really good. mimikyu would be up to roleplay#mimikyu and bewear would both play into her animal handling skill#mimikyu would also end up disguised as a sylveon#probably play that as mimikyu wanting to fit in with Mia's team since she's really nice to it and it wants her to be its trainer#bewear on the other hand would 1. work well aesthetically for her and 2. would be fantastic roleplay material what with it being a giant#aggro bear and mia is just this gentle giant who is so fucking good with pokemon so its like well.#the nice girl wants me to be nice so i wont kill you because i like her. she gives me snacks and pets me and treats me well
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Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18
#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time#i hate depression đ and all the other things wrong with me yknow#i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too#brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man#and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once#like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once#my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? đ€ but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all#which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb#stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon#i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days#i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do#genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout#ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it#id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO#and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food#nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like#no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking#anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.
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sadness n agonies r getting me tonight lads it feels like theres a big knot inside me getting bigger n tighter at the same time n it hurts so much i have no idea what to do but Stand here. i can even sit im too restless im just standing and trying not to cry
#my throat is cramped up from trying so hard#my . existence as a whole is so deeply fucked#everything that made me is just. always here#i can never get away from it#ill never be okay#every time i try to move on i try to give myself an actual life and its There and its stomping it all out#i cant do any of the things i want to#i dont know how to get better when its always there and everyone acts like it isnt#everyone just tells me i need to do it all anyway but i Cant#i want to bust i cant and i know im such a failure for that#my therapist tells me to do all these things but i cant#i dont know how to get there#and whenever i tell her that she just . gets so annoyed#and basically just acts like im lying im making up excuses but i really. i really really dont know what to do#and i dont know what to do about that either#when the one person/place thats supposed to help me with this stuff just. doesnt listen#every time i try to explain she just shuts me down or pushes it aside#and tells me im the only one who can help myself but i . cant#i just cant. ive tried i really fucking have ive put everything i have into it#i cant#so is that it#should i just give up and kill myself#was there never any hope
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idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?
#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive.#like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love#and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me#she is. the most important person in my life#and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her#like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this#if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh#what more could i ever ask for#but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right#even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be#in just over a year#when she's making enough money for it#she plans on moving into a place of her own#which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point.#but i just. don't know what i'm going to do.#and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing#i thought we were going to move into a house together#i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke#but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year.#i would still want to be here. with her.#or somewhere else. with her.#like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me.#and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t#give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted.#and she's leaving.#she doesn't want to be with me.#sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do.#for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs#its what sufjan would have wanted#fucked up terrible no good week
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any hopes for kiwami 3? like things u wanna see added or changed stuff like that
if they dont keep kiryu's goofy walk stance and the hoof-like walk sounds i dont wanna play it
#snap chats#no one understands how much i love that from y3 and y4 its genuinely one of my favorite things about the game#oh but i guess i have to give an actual answer now. HMPH.#id scream if they revived kanda calling mine limp wristed. homophobia in 4k#OK BUT TO BE SERIOUS uhhhh i dont know. im a real simple guy i think#my only like. If This Isnt There Im Leaving deal is mine's palette and im so serious#rgg's scaring me with all the black-hair/purple-suit mine stuff as of late and i cant stress how hard ill vomit if thats in the final#HYPOTHETICAL final anyways. yk3 isnt coming out for. IDK A WHILE#i wanna say i hope they highlight daigo and mine's relationship more but i dont know how theyd do that#i really like how mine's handled in y3 as is so i dont think i want scenes injected like what they did with yk1 and nishiki#someone said a Mine Saga after the game and... hm ... sounds too unrealistic for me to hope for it#like im REALLY trying to think how they could possibly reference the rggo stories in y3 since those are EXCELLENT but#i think . MAYBE. you could reference the story where richardson calls mine as he's driving to the hospital#the only thing you'd have to exclude though is mine stopping by the bar- like JUST keep the phone conversation maybe#cause in that scene that subordinate does question mine if he can really kill daigo and i think thatd be neat. in my opinion.#yeah i dont know. in regards to rggo its hard to think of what i want without intervening things i already like about y3#its a real head scratcher ...#a really good epilogue addition would be adapting that RGGO bit where daigo ruminates on mine. that's a fair ending for him i think#it also fulfills the need to see how daigo saw mine even if its just a little#and to non-rggo readers it could start to answer 'how does daigo feel about everything that happened'#im still so curious as to if daigo was briefed on EVERYTHING that happened but .... anyways....#sorry all my hopes for y3 are just mine/minedai centric fLVKELKA BUT LIKE. i really am content with everything else with y3 surprisingly#idk. i want kiryu fucking up that curry in high definition tho. thats important to me#THEY HAVE TO KEEP THE QTES DURING THE RICHARDSON FIGHT ILL BE PISSED#i need the fight to be AS CAMPY and unnecessary as it was in the og. INCLUDING richardson's voice acting i need it wack as hell#is it weird i actually appreciate the Diet Building Loredumping being like. in replayable-cutscene form#i thought id prefer just One Long cutscene but im glad theres the option to skip those segments#BUT being able to get a refresher in case you missed something somehow#im running out of tags jesus christ i shouldve put this in the main text but vjALjlagj those are all my thoughts for now bYE
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i don't think i can be normal about Sunday guys
#hsr#hsr spoilers#i haven't even FINISHED it yet but his ideology is so warped. i cheered when i thought Gallagher had killed him for real#im not upset he's alive though i do think it's a bit of a cop-out . but. ouhghhhh something is so wrong with his mind (/positive.)#it's successfully looped back around to loving his character though. when there's a fucked up guy in a story i either#1) get very hostile towards them because i feel like they aren't being portrayed enough like the villain i see them as#or 2) become Obsessed with them forever because they are just so fucking . Wrong. like .#ayato genshin impact falls into both of these categories simultaneously like a fucking electron.#but sunday. he has wholeheartedly landed himself in the second category. i need to dissect him and maybe like. idk. give him a cake (?)??#Come Experience The Joys. Idiot. and also maybe listen to your sister.#honestly i REALLY like robin i think she's super super great and has good ideas#i really really love the like. the.#the contrast between his like. his horrible pessimistic nihilistic ideology. and robins optimistic harmonious one.#like robin seems to kind of... not be able to understand that sometimes nihilism is the only way to survive and that it's a balance#survival is good but hard to break out of... you need to survive enough to be ABLE to live. she seems to idealize living in opposition to it#whereas sunday is like. there are people who can ONLY survive. sometimes living isn't an option because the world is cruel and we don't all#get that choice. sometimes surviving is all you can do. why not embrace that? why not build a place where people can postpone death?#if fulfillment isn't possible... then why not accept placation even if it is a poison to the soul? surely joyful prison is better than death#if all that awaits in the world is suffering then why not let the bird live the rest of its days in its cage... even if it is unfulfilling?#HE'S SO . RHGHHGHGHFHGHHVGJF#he feels like he's on the brink of a misanthropic suicidal breakdown to me. someone fucking help him (but not really)#(i don't think anyone should be subjected to his brain. but i would like to see him get better. actually i think robin is trying for sure)#anyway. very curious how this quest is going to end. i want to rip him limb from limb and then stitch him back together again after#my posts
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Your tags about charlie poisoning dee and frank compel me to mention that everytime someone mentions âdennis is a serial killerâ near me I want to respond with âItâs more likely quick to anger and prone to rash decision making and holding grudges Charlie with his in depth knowledge of the sewer sytems and off the grid living would be a more prolific serial killer.â
NO STOP I . LITERALLY NO JOKE THAT IS MY EXACT SAME THOUGHT PROCESS LMAOOOOO-
CHARLIE BEING A SERIAL KILLER IS SO MUCH MORE FUN TO PLAY WITH. Like its ALL these little things in canon- HIS KNOWLEDGE OF THE SEWER SYSTEMS/LIVING OFF THE GRID YESSS, his comment about Jamie Nelson drowning being said with what seems like... fondness???, the "Bad Room", his writing The Nightman Cometh all as a scheme to try n pressure the Waitress into accepting his proposal by making a play that's like "see i had a bad childhood so u should just forgive me for everything! im not so bad after all!!", the fact that his job requires him to slip into a dissociative state in order to constantly mercilessly maim living creatures that he canonically resonates/identifies with, his ability to manipulate people with ease in general with his initial charm, the various parallels made between Charlie and characters like Patrick Bateman and Norman Bates and Buffalo Bill....,
like idc i think charlie as a serial killer would be Way more interesting... just think abt Charlie Catches a Leprechaun! he's a natural! and it's so hypnotizing watching the man work that u kinda GO ALONG WITH IT until the rest of the gang snaps us out of it,
also i do think Charlie Day is very smart writing-wise and he'd totally think up a character like this that is a subversion of that "harmless manchild" trope and turn it on its head by giving it a pretty grim ending... like . he's 100% smart enough and talented to pull smth like that off LOL
and i dont want ppl to take this as me trying to trash Charlie, cuz as I just said-- that is an extremely difficult kind of character to pull off!!!! Talk about a slow burn.... I am fuckin praising the man for his writing/performance of Charlie Kelly cuz he is so fucking convoluted and complex n im obsessed and a twist like this would just b the cherry on top
#this is actually how they can bring s1-3 sunny back. a totally fucked up plot twist#doesnt even need to be serial killer shit cuz i hav other interpretations that are more mild but still painful#like charlie befriending frank turning out to be nothing more than a scheme for charlie to take all of franks money once he dies#much like how frank screwed over HIS old business partner to make his fortune. itd be everything 2 me#n i believe theres enough seeds planted thru the show to make this twist work#cat the butcher#id actually love to see a charden fic platonic or romantic where charlies a serial killer n dennis tries to act tough but it rlly freaks#him out n scares him more than he wants ppl to know n how he presents himself n covers for charlie.#he tries to act like hes just as capable of killing as charlie but hes so fucking useless w that shit in practice#(i guess u could argue the fire poker scene in suburbs or the axe in s15#but s15 p much debunked that shit. he was 'too weak to even lift the axe' and he was delirious w his intent so its hard to pick apart)#anytime he tries to 'help' charlie it just gives charlie a headache#but dennis is so desperate to prove himself to charlie... n how that could end up. interestingggg
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cannot believe the thing that finally gets me to romantically ship furymax is, of all things, my issues with furyjack sjdhskdjd so on brand for me tho
#dont get me wrong furiosa and jack loved each other. in whichever few or many different ways#but like. its like comparing a leaf to a tree. or a seed to a tree.#it was trying SO HARD to be half of what furymax was it would be funny if it wasnt so blown out of proportion#just the seamless teamwork and silent understanding and (manufactured by circumstances) slow trust build up#the two ppl whove been thru so much and have a extraordinarily hard time letting anyone in#learning to trust each other. going from trying to kill each other to giving so much of thenselves to keep the other alive!#like it was so obvious hats what miller intended with furyjack he tried SO HARD#but it was Too Much. back to back 5 sec long shots of them furiosa abd jack looking at each other#like see? SEE? theyre seizing each other up! theyre communicating! theyre gonna eventually work together! SEEEEE??? lmao#and then jacks entire backstory and motivation is one (1) line#and their time together all that trust build up? a single fucking cut#with furymax it was the whole fucking film (it was relatively quick but so well done. just the necessary lingering shots but the rest was#body language and visual storytelling and so well done#maybe bc it wasnt intended to be anything romantic which was absolutely the best fucking choice#probs to tom burke for getting it mostly right. them being romantic only when theyre actually safe is also my preferred version#if it had to happen at all#bc boy dont get the started on the power dynamics and the way his inclusion was a nice lil way to Not have to deal with ppl and joe just#accepting a woman in any position of power at all. and how it kinda takes away from her having probably clawed her way there#also. you cant compete with tom hardys* lips sorry burke#furiosa#furymax#maxiosa#max rockatansky#anti furyjack#more like#furyjack critical#why am i like this tho đ«#i want to like them so bad#furiosa a mad max saga#mad max fury road
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Local girl has to. Go to school. And can only be comfy again at 4pm. Millions injured thousands dead
#day thoughts#ok but for realsies school is actually so bad for me#like when i say its going to kill me im not joking#one way or another school is going to kill me#and i know that#ever since i went back ive just been waiting for the tipping point#because ive been arriving home everyday exhausted out ofmmy mind#and so far ive barely been able to do anything outside of school bc its so fucking#all encompassing#from 7am to 4pm my time is not my own and then from 4pm to 9pm i am recovering#5 of the 7 days are not mine and on those last 2 days like 6 of those hours still arent mine bc of hw#and its killing me dude its gonna fucking kill me#last year was bad but this year im trying and idk whats worse#giving up because the weight of it all is just too much#or fucking shutting up and holding it anyways bc the shame of giving up is too much#and im trying so hard this year but i dont think anythings gonna work#and i wanna just scream i want to fucking scream but i cant i literally fucking cant#bc ive spent the last fucking 3-4 years screaming my goddam lungs out#and it doesnt do shit man#there is absolutely nothing i can do but wait til im an adult bc there is no way to survive this#and i hate that#and i hate that i dotn even have a fucking adult on my side anymore
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the pain and suffering of being extremely interested in a game's story while the game's gameplay is tedious and not fun.... wanna finish it so bad but also really don't want to at all thank you very much
#bobtalk#topic reveal:#p2posting#'just look up the rest of the cutscenes idiot' NO ive come so far playing the actual game.sunk cost. not giving in <-stubborn#'but isn't that better than never finishing it period' shut up i'll finish it.someday.#man having to use walkthroughs really kills my momentum with games.that and being depressed but also the walkthroughs....#its not like. f*nal fantasy bad <- grew up with 4&5&6 with so many fucking secrets and missables (6 especially i think)#but man!!! theres so much content!!! and also the encounter rate is too high for me to stumble around blind in dungeons lmfao#but yeah.the problem isnt that the game is hard its literally not. 3 is so much worse (its harder than IS but thats not saying much atall)#its just tedious as all hell. god i miss my bestfriend tatsuya so much though.is he doing well <-knows he isn't doing well at all#...hm. do i really want to play 1 eventually. i mean. i've decided to play every game or else i'm a fake fan(???) but it looks real rough#lol....................well.is it time to start Another New Video Game????
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in my room, straight up sobbing, and by sobbibgâŠwell..lets just sayâŠ. my art
#jâs misc shit#unironically hate all of it so bad.#2022: âyea lets shittily draw X character. i know its bad but i enjoy it!â#2024: âim going to commit several arsons. several felonies. disappear into the woods for 5 months and then maybe by a slight chance ill-#be able to combat art blockâ#its becoming a real issue.#i want to take a break bc i know im gonna burn out if im not already#but what if i never come back to drawing and accidently give up. what do i do then?#kill myself???#maybe one day ill be able to go 24 hours without thinking abt drawing without worrying#def not any time soon tho!#ive been reminded that this acc exists. and i just generally dont want this in my main#istg idk what to do anymore. can someone like. idk. give me hard drugs.#only so i can hallucinate and have some creativity and draw what i seen#thats a joke by the way. i cant draw sounds.#do i hate my art if myself more. who fucking knows! who fucking cares!#((oh god im gonna die alone and in vain i was so right))#cough. anyways.#lopt im making you kill yourself because its you or me atp.
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Vent
Tw SH, sucide
#:(#i give up on life tbh......#everyone would be better off without me#i keep fucking up and hurting people when i try to do the exact oppisite#im crawling from distraction to distraction like its a drug.......#im trying to be a good person and not let my emotions thru...#but its really hard not to be sad about this#i hate that i need to be with someone in order to feel real...#theres a mole hill that im trying to not turn into a mountain but.....its really bothering me :(#but i know its also my fault so ill leave it alone#i wish i had the courage to kill myself#i know you all are nice n want me here#but im truly such a worthless person even when i try my hardest#i wish i could go to the hospital#i wish i could swallow pills but i know ill just get sick n throw up and cause hospital bills#already tried cutting but i couldnt get enough pressure#i loved someone so deeply that i imagined them to get thru the day......i screwed it up and now ive hurt another person#wish i could go mute n never talk again#:'(#i gotta remind myself that i should be happy cus theyre healthier without me#.....but fuck i loved them so much#no matter how badly i crave romance im just gonna shut myself off from now on. like a monsrer in a cave.#i cant love like that again#i cant go thru another death of my dreams......#im a loser who lives with a dad he cant take care of anyway#at my funeral they wouldnt be able to say anything about my actions. im a worthless idiot who is so so so so SO stupid#i cared so much that it ended up looking like i didnt#.....why do i have to love so hard? i wish i was emotionless or at least numb to romance.#the fact that im never going to get it breaks my heart so hard my chest hurts and i have to manually breathe#my tombstone wouldnt say anything but my name......
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.
#genuinely though i think i need to try and get (back) on medication for my chronic pain#the only reaso. i didnt when it was offered is bc the trwatment they wnated to use involved and ssri and i cant be#on an ssri without being on a mood stabilizer unless we want me to go into a mania#and the last time i was on a mood stabilizer i lost 15% of my body weight bc of how sick it made me and my gastrointestinal tract still#hasnt recovered from that even though its been 7 years atleast at this point#and 15% of your body mass is alot to fucking lose when you only weigh 112 pounds in the first place#ive also STILL not gained that weight back btw#i only weigh like 105#i feel like i look like a fucking victorian waif who needs to be sent to the seaside for their health#but atleast i dont weight 98 pounds anymore bc that was really scary actually#also and the main point of this all is that if i dont do something im going A flunk out of grad school and B possibly killmyself#bc my mental health is actially so bad right now. my suicidal ideation is the worst its been since my early 20s#lile there is a part of my brain that actively wants to die bc then everything would stop hurting and bc im so tired and i just want to rest#but also i dont want to die actually im just tired and afraid#but my brain is trying to kill me#and ive had the strong urge to start self harming again after being clean of it again since my early 20s#like ive caught myself ruminating on it on how much i want it#both selfharm and death and thats so fucking scary bc ive fought so hard to not do either of those things#ive been clean of self harm since i was 21 thats 7 years and the last time i caught myself actively thinking about sucide or selfharm#was in 2020 during covid lockdown bc i was fucking trapped in a house with my ex who didnt give a shit about my psychosis or its triggers#or even my life apparently bc i begged him to lock up his guns during one of the worst episodes i had during lockdown bc my brain was#telling me to kill myself and he didnt just moved them to a shelf kinda out of the way but still easily accessible
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