#happy 7 years to this fic

[lunarharp]

hehe. almost christmas!

[belovedstill]

svsss 10th anniversary snippets [ 1/7 ] ▶ three bows @ ao3 | bingqiu | introspective, getting married

The first time Luo Binghe had ever bowed to Shen Qingqiu, tea was spilled over his head.

That memory is hazy now. He doesn't think back to those early days much now that fate has finally, finally opened its cold eyes to his past suffering. Everything important has changed, yet remained the same.

Cang Qiong Sect used to be a place he called home, with a shizun, a childhood friend, and the remaining people who made it a point to show he wasn't wanted there. Now, it's still a home whenever Shizun stays there, the childhood friend still greets him with kindness, even if a little more distant, and the rest of the sect still want him anywhere but there. Nobody dares raise a hand this time.

The past needs no ruminating on. It existed. It passed. It's dead and not mourned anymore.

He bows among the bamboo stalks, eyes on the blue of the sky, the green of the leaves, the tranquillity of the nature. Red robes similar to his own whisper with movement by his side.

Where he is now—when he is now—makes his heart beat faster. Now is good. Now is better than he's ever imagined it would be.

He bows to the wooden box, painted by Shizun himself, filled with precious cargo: his very first jade pendant; an old note with Su Xiyan's and Tianlang-Jun's scribbled handwriting; a wooden tablet with elegant strokes of two given names to the family name of Shen, both unfamiliar to him, offered in fragile silence. In the corner of his eye, Shizun moves in time with him.

Two cups filled with tea rest on a tray between them. The first time he'd ever bowed to Shen Qingqiu, tea was spilled over his head.

This time, when Luo Binghe bows to Shen Qingqiu, Shen Qingqiu bows along with him.

Red-clothed arms linked together, one teacup held in his trembling hand and another resting in Shen Qingqiu's steady one, they drink at the same time.

[kinghe]

for @akai-anna

1.7k | rated T

i.

Akashi watched the ripples of the pond by his sandals, his arms tucked into the sleeves of his yukata in an attempt to avoid the inevitability of mosquitos. Tokyo's summer heat triumphed even well into the evening, keeping all but the blaring song of cicadas docile and languid.

"What are you doing over there, obocchan? Don't fall in."

"I would appreciate it if you would stop calling me that, Nijimura-san."

"Why not?" Nijimura came to stand by his side with a grin Akashi sensed through his words, spared from straining his neck to look. "It suits you."

Akashi blew out a soft sigh and sent an immediate warning glance before Nijimura's large hand could ruffle the top of his head. "Alright, alright," came Nijimura's amused mutter, stuffing his hand back into his pocket. "Want me to show you how?"

A smile graced Akashi's lips, slow and nearly imperceptible. He said, "if Nijimura-san is willing to indulge me, then of course, I must take him up on his offer."

"I'll teach you the proper way. Not like those idiots," Nijimura said, crouching down and rummaging through stones. The idiots he was referring to, Aomine and Kise (with Kuroko caught at the scene of the crime), were squabbling as much as they were competing earlier that day.

"You'll want to find one with a flat edge, see. Like this one. And you gotta get the right angle, so lean down a little. The technique is in the hand, so if you hold it like this... oi. You listening?"

"Yes."

Nijimura gestured him closer by crooking his finger, and Akashi bent at the knees, bracing his hands atop. Like this, they weren't so different in height. "You got it?"

Akashi's stone counted to a total of nine skips and skidding to a dribble at the end - to Nijimura's measly six.

Nijimura watched the affair with crossed arms, and spoke only a minute after Akashi's stone breached the surface and disappeared.

"Yep," he said, "that checks out."

Akashi allowed the harassment of his hair this time.

ii.

"Hey," Nijimura said when Akashi opened the door. "Thought you might be awake. Uh. My roommate brought a girl over and locked me out."

Akashi stared. "It's a long walk from your dormitory to mine. If you need a place to stay, there are surely better candidates on campus. Reo, for example."

"Actually," Nijimura scratched his cheek, the neutral scowl of his face enhanced with the situation, "I was going to ask you to help mediate stuff with the supervisor after I've put my foot through the door. Since I'll most likely break it."

Akashi blinked slowly.

"...since you're, you know, good with that kind of thing."

"I see." Akashi said. After a beat, he swung the door the rest of the way and stepped back, allowing Nijimura passage.

"Oh, it's fine. I didn't want to inconvenience you more than I already am."

"Come," Akashi said, neither a suggestion nor a demand, and rather a third, more absolute thing. The circumstance had tickled Akashi somehow, he could tell, despite the infallibility of mismatched eyes.

Nijimura paused, hand on the door frame as he frowned down at him.

Akashi smiled. "It would be my folly as captain to merely observe the overexertion of one of our star players." Nijimura had learned fast that if there was amusement, excitement - rather, any stimulation, it would show in the intensifying of Akashi's gaze rather than the cold curl of his lips. "There will be no need for violence tonight."

"Aye aye, captain." Nijimura muttered underneath his top lip, sliding past Akashi into a room that was double the size of his own, and with half a mind to flick his junior-in-middle-school-now-irritatingly-grown-up-and-in-high-school's forehead to prove him wrong. Just as soon as he stopped being ridiculously frightening.

iii.

"You used to be cute." Nijimura told him over lunch at a cafe Mibuchi insisted on to celebrate Sei-chan's graduation but deemed themselves too unwell to attend.

"Used to?" Akashi repeated, interested.

"Yeah, when you followed me around like a little duckling." Nijimura leaned back with an expression of mourning. "Now you're a menace."

Akashi raised an eyebrow.

"-Devil incarnate." Nijimura rectified.

Akashi placed the teacup between his lips and took a sip. Seemingly appeased.

"I can revert to that, if you like."

The smirk was concealed by the rim of Akashi's cup, but Nijimura caught it all the same. "No way."

"Why not? It seems to be what you prefer," Akashi quipped. Nijimura steeled himself in stone-faced despair, caught into a snare of his own making. Akashi's lips were pale pink and soft and tended to part and curl meticulously around words for clear and precise enunciation, "Senpai."

Nijimura angrily sipped his own tea like it would alleviate the heat rising in his ears.

iv.

"Ironically, you seem to become cuter as you age." Akashi said thoughtfully, "it is no easy feat to surpass me. I must commend you, Senpai."

"Oh, shut up."

a. (that one au)

"You're here again," Nijimura blurts out. Behind him somewhere, someone snickers (a mental note to have Tatsuya in a headlock as soon as the cafe closes and no one is there to report him to authorities).

"Your words imply that this is a bad thing." Redhead says lightly (mental note to somehow kick himself in the ass even later after Tatsuya has left). "I apologise if my presence is unsavory to you."

"It's not. Of course not." Nijimura says in a stilted voice. He places the menu on the table before the man, and averts his eyes when he realises he's been staring too long at the protrusion of collarbones and the shadows that dip below the fabric of a neckline. "Here."

A small smile forms on Redhead's lips. "In that case, I am flattered to have made some kind of impression on you."

"I think you'd have that effect on anyone you come across." It comes out before Nijimura's brain could activate and review, and immediately flushes. "You've got," he makes some helpless gesture, "bright red hair and - shit, I'm just gonna stop talking."

A chuckle. "No, I assure you. Please, continue."

"I wont."

"A shame. You are also exceptionally memorable, though I am certain you know this already."

"Right, yeah. The tatts," Nijimura mutters, rubbing the back of his neck. He tries his best to hide them; the manager's complaints are a ceaseless cover up, you idiot, you're scaring all my customers away and do you ever stop glaring and what are you, a delinquent? Simply put, it's not good for business.

"Well, no." Redhead blinks. "It is because you are quite handsome."

Every customer service platitude dies on Nijimura's tongue. Any semblance of coherency escapes his brain. He is an unbreathing, immobile, useless mass and this man calmly scans through the menu and then slides it back into Nijimura's stiff grasp.

"Today's special looks delightfully appetizing. I'll have that." Redhead smiles, "and your number, if you please."

Nijimura's jaw goes slack, and he strangles out some sort of reply and manages some parody of a nod before he beelines to the kitchen.

Later, when he has cooled and checked to confirm that yes, he is no longer red everywhere, he brings the man's order to him. When expectant eyes follow, he exhales, digs into his pocket and offers the sticky note to the man.

The eye contact they share is too long for him to regain his bearings and he feels the blush crawling back with fervour, but forces himself not to look away. He waits in agony for the man to take his offering, but he does not, and is thus subject to further observation. Two striking red irises pierce into his gaze, dangerous and tender.

"I can't win, can I." He groans.

"I wasn't aware we were playing a game." Redhead finally takes the note and pockets it, radiating a satisfaction similar to that of a cat with a fat load of cream.

"...Yes, you were." Nijimura says dryly.

"It is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance, Nijimura-san." He grins instead, a sharp, elegant thing. "My name is Akashi Seijuro. May I ask if you are free this evening?"

b. (senpai sandwich sandwich but nijimura is the filling )

"I cannot concentrate with this abhorrent noise. If you are insistent on such juvenile hobbies, perhaps you may find the bedroom amenable."

"Hey." Mayuzumi clicked his fingers in the direction of Nijimura. "You can tell ojousama over there that the communal area is what...? Oh yeah. A communal area."

Nijimura sighed long and bone-deep, as the quarreling continued over his head, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Chihiro, really. Although your childishness knows no bounds, this is unbecoming of even you."

"Tell ojousama that if he has a problem then maybe for once in his life, he can move to the bedroom."

As soon as the fight escalated to Mayuzumi rising from the couch to hurl insults, his rhythm game seemingly forgotten, and Akashi responding with retorts to further incense than to pacify, glacial grin growing with each word, Nijimura grabbed the back of Mayuzumi's shirt and yanked him down, in the same fashion, whipped his head around to shoot Akashi a dark look.

They both froze.

"Do I need to spank you both?" Nijimura snapped. "Is that it? Because it sounds to me like two annoying little brats are begging for it. Or am I mistaken? Won't someone," The glare he leveled bore the legend of diminishing better men in multitudes, "kindly tell me."

There was silence. Peace, even. For a brief moment.

"Why am I not surprised you're into that?" Mayuzumi rearranged himself on the couch. "It's got your name written all over it."

"Nijimura-san," Akashi tapped the tip of his pen to his lips. "is an organic case. He has been this way since middle school."

"Gross." Mayuzumi remarked. "You were playing into each other's kinks since before puberty."

"That's enough. If Nijimura-san would like to try something, it is only fair that we afford him the same safe space we have generously provided for you and your range of deviancy."

"Well, let's hear it then." Mayuzumi nudged Nijimura with his foot, "don't be shy."

Nijimura found the bedroom was indeed amenable, especially when locked.

[icicleteeth]

Another quirk to Warmhoney Steppe fic that I’ve been writing over the course of a year on and off (that I never talk about lol) that I’m only just noticing is the overabundance of fish metaphors I’m sorry I’m like this 😶

[crossbackpoke-check]

re last answer: please don't stop, being very unhinged about these two pretty white boys is helping distract me from the sharks losing streak rn so bring it on

https://www.tumblr.com/bondedpairs/764566430180147200?source=share

(sideblog woes but there's the link for you) anyway in the vid they talk about going over to each other's houses to have dinner and things and while that is a delicious example of their codependence i love it bc through an rpf lens there is definitely some old man ******* going on. they can have the dilfs and each other.

(someone else mentioned kept boys which i could write an essay on but i fear being Perceived™️)

anyway if you have anything to add to this please do, if not ignore me and i will hide under a rock until the stress-related insanity has worn off and i am a functioning member of society once more 😂

- @bondedpairs

ty for the video!!! and please, WRITE THE KEPT BOYS ESSAYYYY i promise i will read it with my hands over my eyes if you don’t want to be perceived. do it scared!! do it anyway!! we’ll all love you for it!!!

[nylwnder]

ohhhhh its seems your gurl is finally writing again HEHEHE

[quordleona03]

Fic Writer 2023 Review

I got this from @jaelijn, who generously tagged me - 30 questions about my fic writing through this year.

I hope for a better 2024 for all of us.

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

I wrote the first three chapters - well, I can hardly say "wrote" - of a fandom fusion - Blake's 7 scripts with MAS*H characters replacing them. To find them funny - even to know what's going on - you would have to be simultaneously a B7 fan and a MASH fan. Judging by the response on AO3, I would say there are about four such. Maybe less. I probably won't finish it - though anything's possible - and I doubt very much if I'll do anything like that again. The problem was that it was not very creative, but even so, it took up a fair amongt of time.

2. How many fics did you work on this year? (They don’t have to be finished or published!)

I wrote about 211,000 words of All We Know - pretty steadily through the year. I was writing the September 1962 section last January, and I'm writing the April 1963 section now. I'm publishing chronologically, so the section I'm working on now will be posted in April 2024 - after being proofread, edited, beta-read, edited, and so on.

I also completed three MASH stories - Crabapple Cove, Major Heart, Under the Apple Tree, and one Star Trek story, Kirk and Spock's First Kiss. M*A*S*H works in progress include Rosary, Nurse Doctor, MirrorMASH, and another strange crossover, Buffy the Vampire Slayer And Her Gay Foster Dads.

And there's Gray-Eyes, which is something else again.

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer?

All We Know is easily the longest story I've ever written. I found that I can hold a story that length inside of my head and my heart, and keep writing it - and be confident I'll finish it. I found, too, that I do a lot of my writing inside my head before I sit down and stare at the screen. This last I always knew, I suppose, but now I really know it.

4. What piece of media inspired you the most?

Well, M*A*S*H, of course. Some lovely soul managed to upload All The MASH Episodes to the Internet Archive in such a way that they went unnoticed for over a year. (They are now gone- helpful people on the very public Mash subreddit started posting links to them, and whaddya know, once declared publicly, they're gone.)

I also watched some few episodes of E.R., most of the first episode of AfterMASH, a couple of episodes of Trapper John M.D., a specific episode of Sports Night, and I read Herman Wouk's Marjorie Morningstar and Kathy Hulme's The Nun's Story, among other relevant material.

5. What fandom(s) did you write for this year?

M*A*S*H. Star Trek. Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Blake's 7, a little.

6. What ship(s) captured your heart?

Hawkeye/Mulcahy. Over, and over, and over again. Also, because they're so very sweet together, Sam Pak/Sidney Freedman.

7. What character(s) captured your heart?

Well, besides Francis Mulcahy and Hawkeye Pierce, 2023 was the year I got to like Trapper very much indeed, as I wrote him in October and in December. I saw a very old fanvid, Trapper Never Got To Say Goodbye, and watched a bunch of good Trapper episodes, and - I just got to like him. I also invented/discovered in my heart several newly adorable people: Sam Colquhoun and his daughter Barbara, Martine LeClerc, Pauline Morley and her partner Thea Schwartz and their friend Nadine Royer, Loretta Bradford, Doctor Jerome White and Doctor Aaron Elharar, Sarah Pargeter Pierce and her 12-year-old daughter Mary, Sister Maria Angelica and Sister Raymond, and of course Cathryn Jamieson.

8. Did you write for a new fandom or ship this year?

No. Well, yes: I gave Margaret Houlihan the best possible husband I could imagine for her. I like Sam Colquhoun.

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

At the time? Gray-Eyes. Ongoing through the whole year: All We Know.

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

Crabapple Cove. I got the idea and wrote it and giggled most of my way through writing it.

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

Well, besides Gray-Eyes, I only finished four stories this year, plus some bits of tumblrfic: Crabapple Cove, Major Heart, Under the Apple Tree, and Kirk and Spock's First Kiss. They were all very satisfying to finish.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write? Did you finish it?

MirrorMASH. I have got to a point in that story where I know how it ends, and yet I am really struggling to write that ending - because when it's done, I shall never write MirrorHawkeye again.

But there was an idea for a story I thought of - "AfterMASH, only like the Golden Girls, Max and Charles and Francis sharing a house…" - and Honoria of course - and I wrote the opener for it, and then realised that I didn't see a way to write any more of it. I could see it in my mind's eye as an endlessly enjoyable TV series - but to write another word of it felt like climbing up the Cliffs of Insanity with Fezzik on my back and Inigo on his shoulders. It was like contemplating a land war in Asia. I just gave up.

13. What fic was the easiest to write?

Kirk and Spock's First Kiss. I wrote it at a writer's workshop at an online K/S con, and the story just unpacked itself into dialogue.

14. What were your shortest and longest fics this year?

Kirk and Spock's First Kiss is the shortest - a perfect drabble of 100 words. All We Know is the longest - 261,000 words in the current document, 143,314 words published on AO3.

15. Rec a fic you wrote or posted in 2023

I'm very pleased with M*A*S*H goes to Pride - thinking through what each of our surviving friends from MASH 4077th would do at the world's first Pride March in New York City in 1970, and whether I think they are LGBT or ally or neither.

16. What were you go-to writing songs?

I was writing the first draft of Christmas in Maine (just posted on Christmas Day) in the middle of a really, really hot August (for Scotland), and I played a list of Christmas carols over and over. I was then writing a chapter from Sister Maria Angelica's point of view and I made a playlist of Christian religious music. Otherwise, usually Leonard Cohen, Janis Ian, Willie Nelson, Tracy Chapman, Johnny Cash, k. d. lang, and so on.

17. What were your go-to writing snacks?

Cashew nuts.

18. What was the hardest fic to title?

Well - All We Know. I'd been calling it "Virtues and Sins" til May, til I realised that if I was going to post the opening chapter in two months time, I really, really had to think of a proper title.

19. Share your favorite opening line

""What do you pray for?" Hawkeye asks: not every time, but often. And when he doesn't ask, he looks: he stares at Mulcahy's rosary sometimes as if he hated it."

20. Share your favorite ending line

"First and foremost: Francis J. P. Mulcahy, formerly chaplain 4077th MASH: without you, this book would not have been written, and without you, I would not have been here to tell it."

21. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

"Doctor Pierce - debauched him?" "It does seem unlikely, doesn't it?" Charles said. "But then whatever else Pierce lacked, it was not persistence or audacity. Good God, did he know the Irishman could write like this? How?"

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene

After a moment, Mulcahy laughed. He sounded more tired than amused. "All right," he said. "Should I move this chair?" He got up. Hawkeye caught him by the arm as he was about the pick up his own chair. "Let me." he said. "I know just where it has to be." He moved the chair around, where the light from the central lamp would be falling at the right angle on Mulcahy's head, and waved Mulcahy to sit down again. All Hawkeye had time for, that morning, was to check that there was no indication of a concussion, and no broken bones. He meant to give Mulcahy a haircut, but he wanted to check his scalp for cuts or bruises. "And what can I do for you, sir? Pompadour, bouffant, some stylish Victory rolls?" Hawkeye was gently combing Mulcahy's hair out with his fingers. "Perhaps a little scalp massage?"

23. Share the final version of a sentence or paragraph you struggled with. What about it was challenging? Are you happy with how it turned out?

Winchester folded his hands in front of him. He looked calmer. He also looked pompous, and embarrassed. "It appears I owe you an apology." "Thank you," Mulcahy said, after a moment's effort. "I didn't intend to say anything to upset you. I'm sorry. Is Hawkeye all right?"

It may not look very difficult, but the whole passage of Charles Emerson Winchester and Francis Mulcahy talking in Charles's study in December (in All We Know) was hugely difficult and very painful to rewrite and rewrite and rewrite. I was so hugely on Francis's side that I was having difficulty seeing Charles's side. I am very happy with how it eventually turned out. Jakrar is a wonderful person to work through a story with.

24. What’s something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

While writing the final September section of All We Know, back in February, I realised something about Charles Emerson Winchester's son, Charles Emerson Winchester Jr, that I genuinely had not realised previously, and while it didn't change the story much, it did affect it. (Our Charles's father and grandfather are dead at the time All We Know opens, so CEW III has lost his ordinal number and his son CEW is Junior.)

25. What did you use to write? (e.g. writing programs, paper & pen, etc.)

I use LibreOffice on a Windows 10 desktop. I can and do write on my laptop if I have to, but my favourite place to write is at my desk in the little room with the window that looks out only on the sky, facing the wall. I take notes on Notepad.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

"Please don't worry," Mulcahy said. "We can find our own way out."

(You will find out why, next year.)

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

No.

28. How did you recharge between fics?

What is this "between fics" you speak of?

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

I would thank my demonic proofreader Jakrar, who is enabling me to keep writing this story in the best demonic style, Ajay, who has been my closest fannish friend for getting on for forty years, and @rescue-ram whose fabulous pro-Trapper comments (and fic) make me very, very happy. Also, for ideas presented to me in 2022 and 2023 that I stole without conscience and used ruthlessly in my own words in 2023: FaustianSlip for Not A Second Time, @allcanonisrelative for Every time, I think of you, @yeats-infection for What the Thunder Said, and also Crystalrose and @topshelf2112-blog for their very different but quite illuminating takes on Charles Emerson Winchester in particular and his relationship with Hawkeye Pierce, which was not something I'd thought much about before I started planning All We Know.

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024?

I want to finish All We Know and Rosary and Nurse Doctor and MirrorMASH and I would quite like to write a few more episodes of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's gay foster dads. And I look forward to getting more ideas for something new.

Posted at 31:12:23:23:12:31.

[shikai-the-storyteller]

Gosh, I still remember when Terminal Velocity posted their Megaman X video and everyone in the community (all 10 of us) lost our frickin MINDS. It was so good and so funny and so well-animated, and frickin LUCAS GILBERTSON reprised his role as Zero just for this video (and then there was that little ZeroX bit at the end that left us all in shambles for weeks).

I frickin miss the MMX days man. Yeah, we were always starved for content, but we had such a fun little community and it was so much fun writing fanfic and tormenting friends with sad AUs and gushing about robots with Juliana Wint and Saling and everyone. I miss thattttttt.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

bulletproof kisses

prompt: taking the bullet

whumpee: sakari nurmi

fandom: karppi/deadwind

heya! this fic is for the wonderful @thecolourblood - sorry it took a minute but i hope you enjoy! it's set during 3x08 and is canon compliant :) (title from ginasfs by fall out boy)

He knows what’s coming. He’s been braced for it since he got out of the car, his body tense, though he’s trying to look relaxed. Like he doesn’t know what’s going to happen.

He turns to face her as she approaches. He knows how this needs to go, knows the part he needs to play. Most of all, he knows that this is all pretend. But the look on her face when she walks towards him - it scares him, a bit. He has never seen her look quite like this before.

“This is where he used to work,” he says to her, to break through the silence that feels like it is suffocating him. She says nothing in return, just keeps walking towards him.

“Can you hear me?”

She continues approaching, absolutely silent apart from her footsteps. And then she stops walking, maybe two meters away from him, and just like that she draws her gun and shoots him in the chest.

The bang of the shot echoes horribly off of the disused metal. Pain explodes from the point of impact, knocking the breath out of his lungs with the force of a sledgehammer being driven into his chest. He falls to the ground and the movement seems at once to take forever and no time at all. 

“Don’t…”

He looks up at her, panting, not even sure what it is he’s saying. He tries to breathe. Tries to remind himself that everything will be fine. But fuck, it hurts. 

She points the gun at him again, as if she is going to finish him off. She seems impossibly close, standing over him like this. And then she pulls the trigger. 

A second round of pain explodes in his chest, worse than the first, so intense that for a second he cannot see or hear a thing.

He blacks out. 

--

He wakes up with rocks digging into his back, which is far less painful than the feeling in his chest. It hurts just to breathe. For a long moment he lies there on the cold, uncomfortable ground, trying and failing to push the pain to the back of his mind. 

He needs to move, though. They don’t have a lot of time. And so he steels himself as best as he can and forces himself to his feet. 

This hurts horribly. For a second he feels like he might just collapse right back down to the ground, but he knows that he can’t.

He has to get to Sofia. 

And so he breathes through the pain (though, of course, breathing itself hurts) and wills his eyes to focus. When he feels sufficiently in control of everything, he makes his way to the car and starts driving. 

--

Everything that happens at the ruins is a bit of a blur, overridden with worry and with the searing pain in his chest that refuses to let up. 

He shoots Paarma. Sofia asks him what the fuck took him so long. He jokes, asks whether she wants to try how it feels to get a bullet in her chest. Tries not to let on that it still hurts - they both know she’d done what she had to. He does not want her to feel guilty.

The van and the smoke. The trees blurring past him. Emil. 

This is what matters, really. He’d let himself get shot again, as many times as necessary, to save the kid. The pain is worth it a thousand times. 

--

After, they go to the hospital. Normally Sofia would fight tooth and nail for her right not to go to the hospital, but this time it’s different. This time there’s Emil. 

All three of them get checked out, though Sofia and Sakari try to wave off the doctors’ attention. It’s no use, though, and Sakari supposes they should probably set a good example for Emil in any case. They both give in. One doctor takes Emil and Sofia off down a hallway, and another leads Sakari in the opposite direction. 

In the exam room, he sees the effects of his being shot for the first time. After a rather arduous and painful battle with his jacket, shirt, and vest, Sakari finds himself looking down at a livid bruise, more red than purple. It extends across his entire chest, with two darker circles indicating where the bullets had struck. 

It makes him feel faintly sick to look at, and seeing the source of his pain only makes him more aware of how much everything still hurts. He looks away. 

The doctor gently prods at his ribs. He knows she’s trying to be gentle, can sense that her touch is light, but he sucks in a gasp of pain anyway. This hurts, too, and he’s left clenching his hands into fists and closing his eyes to stop them from tearing up. 

“Sorry,” she says, continuing to feel his chest. “I’d like to send you for x-rays. At least three of your ribs are fractured, if not broken, and my guess is that several are bruised as well.”

“What can you do about it?” 

“Not much, unfortunately. The injuries will heal on their own in about six weeks, as long as you’re careful and monitor your breathing.”

Sakari nods, though he doubts that his definition of ‘careful’ will align with the doctor’s. 

“We can give you medication for the pain, of course,” she continues, as they make their way to an x-ray room. 

“No, thank you.” He won’t mess with that. Especially not now. He can’t.

“Okay,” the doctor agrees, as they arrive at the room. “Now, if you’ll wait here while I get a nurse…”

--

After the hospital, the three of them go to Sakari’s room at the Hotel St. George. While Sofia gets Emil to sleep in the bed, Sakari stands alone in the dark living room and stares out at the lights of the Helsinki night. 

He tries not to think about anything. About the things he has lost. About everything that has happened in the past few hours. About the burning pain in his chest - two of his ribs are broken, two are fractured, three are bruised. He can’t decide if knowing this fact makes the pain better or worse.

“He fell asleep,” Sofia reports, joining him by the window. Sakari looks up from his phone, where he’s just received a message, and makes a report of his own. 

“JP sent a message that Emil’s grandpa will recover. They performed an angioplasty.”

“Heart attack?”

“Yeah. He’d gone after Paarma.”

There’s a beat of silence. Sofia looks out of the window. Sakari feels compelled to say something else.

“Did you know Paarma worked at the lime mill for 20 years?”

“That place where I shot you?”

He huffs a laugh and refuses to wince at the pain it causes. He wants her to know that he understands. That he’d do it again, for Emil, for her, in a heartbeat. “Precisely.”

“I didn’t know that.”

A soft, comfortable silence falls between them. Sofia steps closer to him, very slowly. He watches her, doesn’t move at all. This feels so different to her earlier approach, before she’d shot him. He lets his eyes close. And she kisses him. 

It’s wonderful. Unhurried and gentle. He reaches up and lightly touches her face, barely even registering the way that his chest burns at the change in his breathing.

And then Emil calls for his mom, and they break apart. Sakari opens his eyes again. They look at each other for a second that feels impossibly long. 

“I’m coming,” Sofia calls. She looks at Sakari again, looks away, and goes to check on her son. 

Sakari watches her leave. A ball of warmth is making itself felt in his chest, and it scarcely even hurts.

thanks for reading! i hope you liked it :)

[drbtinglecannon]

Just finished a long multi-chapter fic from almost a decade ago of an old ship I used to love and now I'm lying here like "now what"

[spaceandfiction]

Borrowed Grace Mood Board (3/?)

Castiel has never been happier. Jack has not only saved the universe, but permanently altered the course of life for all beings within it. God is no more, he and his child are living comfortably in the bunker, and his relationship with Dean has never been better. But as good as things are, nothing is ever perfect. The universe may be new, but the Winchester family is still the same, and the door has reopened on some old problems. Part 2 of the Something Borrowed Series

[moinsbienquekaworu]

I thought I'd keep my Emotional Support Fic Yearly Reread for september/october when I'll be stressed out of my mind living alone with paperwork and schoolwork to do but actually I think right now is a good time

[earl-grey-love]

I've been feeling very much obsessed with my ship with Roy lately.

[alarrytale]

Chapters: 12/12 Fandom: One Direction (Band) Rating: Explicit Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik, Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Nick Grimshaw, Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Friends, Angst, Lots of Angst, Flashbacks, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Pining, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Smut, Hate to Love, Sexual Content, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Friends to Enemies, Miscommunication, Harry’s an asshole tbh, Angst with a Happy Ending, Happy Ending, Addiction, Hurt/Comfort Summary:

Louis bursts with excitement, squealing slightly in his arms, while Harry watches him with an amused and soft expression.

  “Why are you so happy?”

 “You never stay. Sometimes I feel like you are changing right in front of my eyes and that one day you’ll forget about me.” Louis whispers. “I just want us to always stay friends.”   “I’ll always be your friend, Lou. That will never change.”

~   Or the one where Louis' been in love with the same boy his whole life. Unfortunately, said boy hates Louis' guts and wants nothing to do with him anymore.

[just-a-regular-fan]

Or

Those who understand understand.

[harrysfolklore]

i'm begging for that ex!charles fic. ex!trope is always a must

comeback - cl16

summary: charles and yn break up after seven years together and they also break everyone’s hearts. did they find their way back to each other?

folkie radio: silly little smau for the end of the summer break! i hope you like this, i love the ex trope

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

2023

liked by charles_leclerc, arthur_leclerc and 302,268 others

yourinstagram 7 years with my love 🥹 to celebrate, here’s a picture of us circa our last year of high school when we were just little babies. i love you @/charles_leclerc 🤍

view all 3,963 comments

view all 5,037 comments

username1 AWEEEE

username2 THE CUTEST EVERRR

pascale_leclerc Mes bébés ❤️ ♥︎ by author

username3 THE STANDARD

username4 BABY CHARLIEEE MY HEART

landonorris I want what you have ♥︎ by author, charles_leclerc

lorenzotl Did I take that picture?

↳ charles_leclerc Most likely

↳ yourinstagram our personal photographer since forever

username5 the real high school sweethearts i can’t wait for their wedding ♥︎ by author

charles_leclerc Best seven years ever. Je t’aime ❤️ ♥︎ by author

↳ yourinstagram i love you forever 🤍🤍

liked by yourinstagram, maxverstappen1 and 1,028,634 others

charles_leclerc Happy birthday to mon amour @/yourinstagram ❤️ Seven years celebrating with you and I wouldn’t have it any other way, I hope I made you happy today, I love you

view all 39,836 comments

username1 HAPPY BDAYYYY YN

username2 istg this couple is everything to me

carlossainz55 Happy birthday @/yourinstagram 🎉 ♥︎ by author, yourinstagram

username3 BDAY PROPOSAL??

↳ username1 lmfao we wish

pierregasly Best party ever ! ♥︎ by author, francisca.cgomes, lancestroll, yourinstagram

scuderiaferrari Happy birthday to the Ferrari girl ❤️ ♥︎ by author, yourinstagram

username4 if they ever break up i’ll stop believing in love

arthur_leclerc Love you both ! ♥︎ by author, yourinstagram

landonorris I’m still drunk

↳ charles_leclerc This is no surprise to anyone

↳ username1 HEEELP

yourinstagram you always make me happy, i love you 🤍 ♥︎ by author

liked by carlossainz55, scuderiaferrari and 2,278,354 others

charles_leclerc and yourinstagtam After seven wonderful years together, we have made the difficult decision to end our romantic relationship. This was a mutual agreement and one made thinking about what was best for each other. While we may be going our separate ways romantically, we want to emphasize that our bond remains strong. We still share a deep friendship and hold a tremendous amount of love and respect for each other.

We kindly request that neither of us be subjected to any hateful comments or speculation from the media or fans. We appreciate your respect for our privacy as we navigate this new chapter in our lives.

-Charles & YN

view all 28,527 comments

username1 GOD PLEASE NOOOOOOO

username2 just fell to my knees

landonorris You will always remain as my favorite couple 🥲

↳ username1 LANDO NOW ITS NOT THE TIME

francisca.cgomes Love you both so much 💗

↳ username3 kika has been promoted to #1 wag now that yn is no longer in the picture

username3 well now my heart is broken

username4 i started reading this and i thought zayn was leaving one direction again

username5 THERES NO WAY THIS IS REAL. they’re high school lovers charles always talked about yn being his first love SEVEN years together how did this happen

pierregasly ❤️

username6 yn can’t leave her wag status, i suggest she dates russell now

arthur_leclerc You will always be family @yourinstagtam 🫶

↳ username2 why did this make me cry

username8 seven years and no ring wow

username9 i hope we still see yn in the paddock from time to time :(((

username10 having major isa and carlos flashbacks

username11 this is so sad. how can you fall out of love with someone you’ve shared nearly a decade with

username12 i will be crying forever over this

yourinstagram has added to their stories

replies:

username1 the fact that this is charles’ car 🥲🥲

username2 just in my char-yn heart

francisca.cgomes i miss you so much around here, any chance you could come soon? 🥹

↳ yourinstagram is still too soon for that kiks :(

landonorris If you ever want to come to a race just let me know and I’ll send you some passes okay

↳ yourinstagram you’re a cutie lan ty

leclerc_pascale Ma belle, We miss you so much ❤️

↳ yourinstagram ❤️❤️

2024

liked by yourinstagram, pierregasly and 1,204,062 others

charles_leclerc Testing doneeee.

Cannot wait for the first race of the season next week !

view all 39,044 comments

username1 IM SO READYYYYYY

username2 FORZA CHARLES

scuderiaferrari We go again 🙌

username3 let this season be good i’m begging

carlossainz55 🔥🔥

username4 first season without yn (yes i’m still mourning)

username5 season of single charles

yourinstagram best of lucks 🤍 you can do this ♥︎ by author

↳ username1 HUH???

↳ username2 AM I READING THIS RIGHT?

↳ username3 i had to triple check this wasn’t a fake account

↳ username4 YN BROKE PUBLIC NO CONTACT OMFG

↳ username5 GET BACK TOGETHER WE’RE BEGGING

yourinstagram has added to their stories

replies:

username1 UM HELLO THE AUS GP IS TOMORROW?

username2 my delusional ass wants me to believe you’re going to the GP

francisca.cgomes IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS ???

↳ yourinstagram 👀👀

↳ yourinstagram it’s very lowkey tho, i don’t want to be spotted so i’ll be hiding in the corners

↳ francisca.cgomes Don’t care, we’re grabbing lunch together

landonorris You freaking muppet, you didn’t fall me you were back in Perceval’s arms

↳ yourinstagram because i’m not, lan

↳ landonorris sure sure

charles_leclerc ❤️

liked by username1, username2 and 25,837 others

f1gossip Charles Leclerc and ex girlfriend YN spotted together at the Australian GP

view all 2,087 comments

username1 OMFGGGGGG

username2 AH I KNEW IT I KNEW IT

username3 THEY’RE BACK????

username4 please this was bound to happen there was no way they were breaking up for real after seven years

username5 it only took a year but WE’RE SO BACK

username6 y’all jumping into conclusions that they’re back together but yn could just be hanging out there bc she loves f1

username7 sadly i don’t think they’re back together

liked by charles_leclerc, lilyhme and 536,397 others

yourinstagram recents 💌

view all 7,836 comments

username1 my favorite dumps istg

username2 UMMM ARE WE ALL THINKING THE SAME THING

username3 ferrer jacket ? a man? miami? kika? YUP CHAR-YN IS BACK

francisca.cgomes Reunited and it feels so good 🤍 ♥︎ by author

↳ yourinstagram love you forever

landonorris Absolutely heartbroken bc I didn’t make it ♥︎ by author

↳ username1 hear me out, lando and yn 👀

↳ username2 wouldn’t sound too crazy tbh

↳ yourinstagram next time maybe!

username4 THATS CHARLES IN THE SECOND PIC JAHSIS I KNOW MY MAN

↳ username3 that’s also his jacket in the first pic

username5 GIRL ADDRESS THE RUMORS

arthur_leclerc Please bring cookies for dinner tonight ♥︎ by author

↳ username3 LIKE DINNER WITH THE LECLERCS ??

↳ yourinstagram on it 🫡

username6 CHARLES IN THE LIKES ASWELL

username7 everyone assuming that she’s back with charles have you ever heard about being friendly with your ex ♥︎ by author

↳ username2 liking this comment won’t fool us yn

liked by username1, username2 and 18,486 others

charlesandyn YN IS AT THE MONACO GRAND PRIX RIGHT NOW THIS IS NOT A DRILL !!!!!

view all 2,988 comments

username1 AHHHHHH OMFG

username2 WITH MAMA PASCALE TOO

username3 THEY'RE SO BACK TOGETHER

username4 guys don't get your hopes up of course she was going to be there this is such a huge day

username5 she's still part of charles' life even tho they're not together anymore

username6 CHARYN IS SOOOO BACK

username7 LETS FCKING GO

liked by charles_leclerc, lilymhe and 675,095 others

yourinstagram MONACO LOVES HIM BACK ❤️🤍 we waited so long for this day, but it was all worth it. it has been a journey to watch you fight for this dream for so many years, and i feel honored to be part of it today. everyone is beyond proud of you, charlie. congratulations

view all 9,550 comments

username1 OMFGGGGG

username2 MY HEART CANT TAKE THIS

username3 WE'RE SO BACKKKKK

lorenzotl 🙌🙌🙌🙌

username4 this is how a supportive ex looks like

username5 yn needed to be there for his monaco win i’m happy she still attended even tho they’re not together

username6 THEY’RE SO BACK TOGETHER THERE’S NO WAY

landonorris Not me crying right now ♥︎ by author

↳ username1 me actually

↳ username2 LANDO 😭😭😭

username7 AH I JUST NEED THEM TO CONFIRM THEY’RE BACK TOGETHER

pascale_leclerc ❤️❤️

fracisca.cgomes BRAVO CHARLES 🎉

username8 as much as i want the rumors to be true this is just a healthy friendship after sharing so many years together

username9 don’t give me “exes can be friends” bullshit THEY’RE TOGETHER

charles_leclerc ❤️ ♥︎ by author

↳ username1 DONT DO THIS TO US

↳ username2 JUST CONFIRM IT

liked by pierregasly, yourinstagram and 1,170,665

charles_leclerc Half of the season done. Some ups like realizing a childhood dream in Monaco and some downs, but it’s time to rest and come back stronger for the second half. I can’t wait to spend the holidays with some special people 🤍

view all 32,700 comments

username1 this picture is so iconic

username2 hi charles are you spending the holidays with your ex girlfriend hopefully your girlfriend again?? we would like to know

instagram have a great holiday king 😌

scuderiaferrari Here’s to a great second half of the season ❤️

username3 ARE YOU AND YN BACK TOGETHER ???

username4 and when he spends the holidays with yn

username5 summer break means char-yn comeback i don’t make the rules

pierregasly 🙌🙌🙌

username6 ignore this comment if you and yn are back together

username7 comment section full of char-yn comments GET A GRIP

yourinstagram 💘 ♥︎ by author

↳ username1 THERE SHE IS

↳ username2 THEYRE SO BACK TOGETHER

↳ username3 HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH

yourinstagram has added to their stories

replies:

username1 BESTIE ARE YOU BACK WITH CHARLES??

username2 charles’ yatch ?? 👀👀

arthur_leclerc I hate you guys for not taking me with you

↳ yourinstagram romantic getaway sorry bro

iamrebeccad 😍

charles_leclerc Come back here ❤️

↳ yourinstagram you’re so needy

liked by username1, username2 and 38,735 others

f1gossip 🚨 CHARLES LECLERC AND YN SPOTTED ON A YATCH IN MALLORCA TODAY

view all 3,987 comments

username1 OMFG

username2 I KNEW IT I KNEW ITTTT

username3 PRETENDS TO BE SHOCKED

username4 ABOUT DAMN TIME

username5 AHH im happy they got back together they’re made for each other

username6 THE BEST COUPLE IS BACKKKKK

username7 THIS CURED MY DEPRESSION

liked by charles_leclerc, francisca.cgomes and 802,367 others

yourinstagram this love came back to me 🤍

tagged: charles_leclerc

view all 8,322 comments

username1 AHHHHHH

username2 IM LOSING IT

francisca.cgomes 🥹🥹🥹🥹 ♥︎ by author

username3 THE TAYLOR LYRIC JUST KILL ME ALREADY

arthur_leclerc Not me tearing up ♥︎ by author

↳ username1 😭😭😭😭

username4 they found their way back to each other i could cry ♥︎ by author

leclerc_pascale ❤️

username5 THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT WE NEEDED

landonorris MY PARENTS MY PARENTS ♥︎ by author, charles_leclerc

↳ username2 he just gets it

↳ username3 lando was begging for this to happen

username6 THAT TWITTER ACCOUNT WAS RIGHT ALL THIS TIME

lilymhe the lyrics 🥺 im happy for you ♥︎ by author

charles_leclerc L'amour de ma vie. Forever ❤️ ♥︎ by author

↳ username1 AND IM CRYING AGAIN

↳ username2 DONT BREAK UP EVER AGAIN

↳ username3 they’re the reason i believe in love

liked by yourinstagram, arthur_leclerc and 2,736,399 others

charles_leclerc Heart full ❤️

view all 17,037 comments

username1 I’VE DIED AGAIN

username2 YES YES YES

username3 they even got a dog char-yn is stronger than ever

pierregasly 👏👏👏

landonorris If you need another one I can bark

↳ username1 LANDO JUST STOP

scuderiaferarri ❤️

username4 NOW GET MARRIED

username5 came back stronger than ever fr

username6 HANG THIS IN THE LOUVRE

oscarpiastri 🙌🙌

username7 can’t believe they were really broken up for over a year WHAT WERE THEY THINKING

lorenzotl We love you both

yourinstagram Mon cœur 💓 ♥︎ by author