#hal writes

[bygoneboy]

okay fine. it was nivanfield day yesterday and they still have me by the throat (nsfw wip under the cut)

“Never do that again,” says Chris, the minute the office door closes behind them. He can hardly look at him, fists clenching and unclenching. He paces past the internal office windows, snaps the blinds down preemptively; he has a gut-sinking feeling that they’re going to fight, that he’s going to start it. Piers can get under his skin in a way that no one else seems to be able to. Everyone knows it. More than anything, Chris hates knowing that everyone knows.

Like the low roll of thunder before a storm— Piers seems to sense the incoming argument. He starts to shuck off the tactical vest, rolling up his sleeves, moving stiff. “I’m doing my job, Chris.”

“Your job,” says Chris, so unbelievably furious that his voice shakes, “is negotiation. Your job is defusing aggression, retaining control. Not charging in like you’re still one of mine.”

Piers scoffs, straight out, and chucks the vest over the back of one of the office chairs. “Like you’d ever let me forget that I’m not.”

“I’m serious, Piers.”

“Yeah? So am I—”

“You could’ve been killed!”

“As if you’d care?!”

Piers gets close, fast. Chin up, defiant, like he’s going to throw a punch or shove him, but Chris moves first. Moves without thinking— gripping him by the shoulders, pushing him back until he hits the desk. Pinning him there. Breathing hard, through his nose, holding his gaze.

“Never fucking do that again,” repeats Chris, roughly this time, his voice dark, meaning of course I’d care, I care so much it fucking scares me, and how do you not know that by now? “Promise me.”

“You don’t get to tell me what to do anymore,” says Piers. “I’m not one of yours, remember?”

They stand there, both of them seething, for a long moment. Breathing each other’s air. He’s close enough that Chris can smell him, sweat and faint cologne. He’s close enough that when Piers’ eyes drop to Chris’s mouth, Chris tracks it.

He doesn’t want to fight. It’s been years since they were in the same room like this, since there was this much between them. And Chris is still angry but it’s all mixed up, tangled with the receding terror of watching Piers step out in front of him and the abrupt and dizzying surge of affection that always accompanies everything that Piers does, or says— so much had changed, after China. So much had been different, transformed to an irreversible degree, but not Piers. Never Piers. Not in the ways that mattered.

“Chris,” Piers says, swallowing hard, sounding like the wind has been knocked out of him. “Please, God, will you just—”

Chris fists one hand in Piers’ hair, pulls him in, and kisses him.

Piers goes stiff, for a moment. Then he makes a faint sound against him— relieved, a little annoyed— and he’s tipping his head up, parting his lips to let Chris kiss him: open-mouthed, hungrily, then sweetly. There’s something almost sad about the way he feels under Chris’s hands. The way he clutches at Chris’s fatigues like he’s trying to hold onto something beyond him. There’s something strangely tender about it, too. Especially when Chris gets his hand down Piers’ pants and Piers starts whimpering softly into his neck, his breath hot and damp, rolling his hips up into Chris’s grip.

“Oh, God,” he says, sounding anything but angry now. “Oh, fuck, Chris, I didn’t know if you’d want— if you still wanted—”

“You can’t go running in like that,” says Chris, his face hot, watching Piers’ eyes flutter closed, watching the way he bites his lip and shudders when Chris thumbs along the tip of his dick. “You know I’m right.”

“Shut the fuck up! Don’t— fucking try to argue with me when we’re, when you’re— fuck, yes, like that—”

“You shouldn’t have come back. You weren’t ready.”

“Fuck you,” says Piers, panting. “I’m not— ah— like you, I don’t take on anything I can’t handle.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Nothing, nevermind, God— touch me, just keep touching me, please—”

He gets Piers on his back on the desk, shoves his own pants down around his knees. There’s still a bottle of lube in the drawer, half-empty and embarrassingly untouched since Piers was here last; they’d used to fuck in his office a lot, when they were together. Not that they’ve ever been together for very long. He tries not to think about it, pumping two fingers in and out of him as Piers bites down on his left wrist to muffle the sounds he makes, the prosthetic on his right hooked under Chris’s arm. By the time he’s pushing inside of him— slowly, slowly, petting at Piers’ hair and mumbling stupid endearments, his legs shaking with the restraint— Chris is lost again. Still as desperate for him as he’s always been. Still desperate to try and keep it for once, though it can’t possibly last. 

“Enough of the suicidal shit,” says Chris when he’s all the way in, sunk deep, their foreheads pressed together, his mouth brushing over Piers’ lips when he speaks. “I can’t— fucking lose you. You know that.”

“Your timing sucks,” says Piers, his voice high and breathy, his eyes closed again, screwed up like he’s in pain.

“Promise me.”

“You won’t lose me,” says Piers. He sounds close to begging. His hips are twitching in Chris’s grip, trying to find friction, relief. “You want a promise? Fine. I’ll promise not to die if you promise to quit smoking.”

“I’m not fucking negotiating with you.”

Piers laughs. Then groans, startled and loud, when Chris pulls out nearly all the way and drives back into him again, hard and deliberate. Fucking him into the desk thinking I love you, I love you, that sharp laugh and the tight perfect heat of his body, the mean slant of his eyes when he’s pissed off. How he drives Chris right up to the breaking point but never just leaves him there— always walking him back from the edge again, as long as Chris will let him.

[beepboopappreciation]

Is this anything

[foreversagacious]

i like to suffer creatively twice

[clockwayswrites]

5 Times the JL Learned Batman was Married and the 1 Time They Met the Spouse.

One. Two. Three.

“I am sure that it is clear to everyone that the mission was almost a complete disaster.”

“Almost?” Superman asked with a smidgen of a smile.

Hal thought it was brave and very, very stupid of Superman to ask that while Batman was glaring at all of them like he’d squish them if they were just small enough for him to step. And if it wouldn't get his boots too dirty.

Batman’s glare narrowed to focus on Superman alone. “We’re alive. Barely.”

“Batman—”

“No,” Batman shut down Supes’ argument with a barked word. “No. While you might be unconcerned, not all of us are indestructible, Superman.”

That finally made Superman lose any amusement that he had and he look away from Batman, properly cowled. Hal felt a little sorry for the guy, but also Supes deserved that. Not all of them were naturally bullet proof and Batman didn’t even have any powers (it seemed).

“Everyone write up a report: what went wrong, what little went right, and what we should do differently. We will discuss it next week. Expect there to be more training sessions scheduled soon,” Batman ordered.

And then he turned and left with an overly dramatic flare of his cape.

“What?” Hal asked.

“He’s just… leaving?” Superman asked. He sounded a little lost.

Batman didn’t just leave when there was work to be done.

Diana rested a hand on big blue’s shoulder. “I believe you rather overstepped, my friend.”

Oh he was more hurt than any of them knew.

Hal jogged after the retreating form. “Hey, hey Spooky, wait a sec!”

Batman’s shadowed form almost hunched forward on itself as he stopped but didn’t turn around.

“What?”

“Just…” Some of Hal’s bravado left him now that he was actually having to ask; luckily Hal had bravado in spades. “I wanted to make sure you were too badly hurt. You took some hard hits out there and like you said, not all of us are bullet proof.”

Hal wasn’t sure if Batman would answer. More, Hal wasn’t sure if Batman would answer him of all people. They had found more of an understanding with each other lately: Hal let Batman do the planning and Batman trusted Hal (a little) to break the plan in the field, but they still clashed a lot.

Then Batman let out a weary sounding huff of air. “There is nothing major. Everything will heal, though I could use plenty of ice and a good whiskey.”

Hal let himself chuckle at that. “Man, I feel that. A good whiskey, or lots of bad beer, sounds good. I just wanted to make sure. You’re rushing out of here like there’s a fire on your ass. Would hate for you to be bleeding out or something.”

Another long pause that Hal tried not to fidget through.

“It’s late. I would like to get home to enjoy my anniversary while there is still any of it left.”

“Your— oh, shit, yeah man, get out of here!” Hal said, waving Batman away.

What the hell, Hal wondered as he watched Batman sweep away for a second time, Spooky was married?

[chaoticallyfluffy]

I want more of the JL acting like normal celebrities.

Batman and Chappel Roan working together on a competitive cooking show against teams of Kylie Jenner and Danny Devito, Kanye West and Kesha, Taylor Swift and Superman, etc. They are a surprisingly good team who work together great. They end up winning the whole thing and a bunch of wholesome memes start trending about the two of them adopting you after your awful parents kicked you out. Superman and Taylor Swift are surprisingly a TERRIBLE team. They’re disqualified because they never finished cooking their meals as they were too busy arguing. They are memed to be the parents who kicked you out and desperately need a divorce.

Wonder Woman going on a survivor-like reality show about a bunch of celebrities stuck on an island together and all the contestants are whining about things like “My hair is so frizzy and Chad is SO hot, I don’t want him to see me like this omg” While Diana has already chopped down multiple trees, used the wood to make a cabin for everyone, hunted a wild boar which is currently roasting over a campfire she also made with the leftover sticks and leaves, and cracked the coconuts from the tree. The rest of the show is mostly a normal reality show. The other contestants never have to lift a finger and can peacefully gossip and have drama while being well fed, housed, and hydrated. The only real difference is that every few minute the camera switches to Diana wresting a grizzly bear or catching fish with her bare hands.

The masked singer where there’s a person in a colourful parrot costume singing on stage and everyone has to guess who it is. People have guessed many celebrities like Oliver Queen, Bruce Wayne, or even Lex Luther, but they mostly guessed famous singers because the guy is GOOD and there’s no way he doesn’t sing professionally. He sang songs like “Party in the USA”, “Call Me Maybe” and “Never Gonna Give You Up”. People were going crazy trying to figure out who he is. The time finally comes for the reveal. The man slowly takes off his parrot head and... it’s Batman. The crowd goes wild.

The Flash (Barry) and Green Lantern (Hal) make a podcast and spend the entire time going on long rants about their respective interests. Flash talks about forensic science and chemistry for an hour while GL hums in interest or asks questions every once in a while. After that GL rambles about airplanes and engineering for another hour while Flash enthusiastically nods and adds in related stories every so often. Twitter diagnoses them with autism.

Captain Marvel has a TikTok account where he posts himself trying suggestions from his fans. Some of his most popular videos include him juggling a bunch of chainsaws (perfectly, btw), pranking JL members, bedazzling Mr Minds prison jar with fake crystals and speech bubble stickers that make it look like Mr Mind is saying things like “I’m DUMB”, and his most popular by far, citing The Santa Clause rules to Black Adam and convincing him that since he killed his father technically that makes him his new dad (the horror stopped Black Adam in place mid battle, giving Marvel the perfect opportunity to punch him in the face. The punch has been slo-mo’d and memed to oblivion). His Batman mandated PR team has been begging him to stop for months but in response he posts himself TikTok dancing (terribly) in front of a green screen in the background showing an image of the emails while asking for more suggestions.

If anyone has any ideas like this or fics to recommend plz tell me In the comments, I love the Justice League just casually being celebrities.

[schrijverr]

We’re Adopted?!?

When Bruce’s kids end up on the Watchtower due to a set of unforeseen circumstances, Jason first tries to get the League to believe that they’re all biologically related to Bruce. He tries to avoid having Jason give everyone a sex talk by reminding him that he’s adopted. This leads to all his kids pretending that this is the first time they’ve heard of it, much to the horror of the League and the exasperation of Bruce.

Based on this post.

On AO3.

Ships: none

Warnings: none

~~~~

It finally happened. After years of successfully keeping the League from finding out about all the kids he has, they’ve finally met. And in the most dramatic way too. In a way it’s very suited for their family, but that is a detail Bruce had hoped to keep from the League.

However, it happens anyway and now his two teams have met.

They’re sitting in the common area of the Watchtower when the Zeta-Tube suddenly whirs to life and the Batmobile comes crashing into the area. It spins to a stop as if it had been in the middle of a chase, before the teleporter snatched them off the streets.

Bruce gets out of his chair and makes his way over. He isn’t too worried about them, since they’re here and while that might have meant danger before, they are safe with him now. If one of them had been terribly injured or left behind, they would be screaming and yelling already and that isn’t happening yet.

His eyes meet Tim’s, who is standing next to the car, his costume a little singed, hair askew and looking a little worse for wear. Apologetically he greets: “Hi, Justice League, promise we have a good reason to be here.”

For Bruce, this is quite normal chaos and these are his kids, but he notices that the Justice League has formed a defensive barrier around the Batmobile. They perceive his kids as a threat. It’s so absurd that he is quiet for a moment.

In that moment, Superman steps forward and demands to know: “Who are you and how did you get up here?”

“With a car no less,” Hal adds, sounding a little impressed, which doesn’t make Bruce smug in the slightest, no sir.

He is about to tell everyone to stand down when the doors of the car open and his kids come spilling out. It’s a bit of a car clown moment with how many vigilantes fit inside.

Dick nearly falls out of the side, with Damian following after him. Both of them have soot in their hair and scratches on their faces.

A singed Jason stumbling out on the other side as he loudly complains: “This is the last time we’re letting Spoiler drive.”

Steph’s costume is a little flame tattered too as she swings open the driving side and says: “I’d like to see you do better, asshole. At least it wasn’t like Signal’s first driving attempt.”

“Hey,” Duke exclaims, coming out of the car after Jason, looking a little banged up. “Just because I didn’t know where the missiles were, doesn’t mean it was terrible.”

“I didn’t eject anyone,” Steph pouts.

“Yes, you did!” Duke exclaims. “You very much did.”

“Well, not by accident,” Steph argues. “It was part of the plan.”

The other front door is now open and Cass is next to him. He puts an arm around her and pulls her into his cape. Then he decides to step in, because it seems the League doesn’t know what to do when they’re not viewed as an authority.

“What happened?” he asks.

Six heads snap his way, as if his kids had forgotten where they were. It wouldn’t be the first time, so he doesn’t even bother rolling his eyes.

Tim reports: “The Riddler broke out of Arkham, along with like a bunch of b-rate villains. They caused havoc, but we rounded them all up. Riddler took the time it took us to round them up to set up his trap. He went with a fire theme.”

“Is he contained now?” Bruce asks, a little concerned.

“Yeah, no problem, B, we got ‘em,” Steph assures him casually with a thumbs up.

“Sorry, uhm, excuse me, Batman, do you know these people?” Clark asks in that awkward, polite way of his.

Bruce contemplates for a second what he should answer. Then decides that he wants to know what happened and doesn’t want to deal with questions. So he just says: “My associates. Now report, how did you end up here?”

“Associates,” Jason snorts.

However, he is ignored by his siblings as Damian reports: “We have caught the Riddler, however we did so without solving the last of his riddles. So, he sprang his trap after we took him down and we became the target of some missiles.”

“Oh my god, are you okay?” one of the League members exclaims under their breath.

“Tt, of course we’re okay,” Damian spits back. “Unlike you, we have been trained.”

“And we learned our lesson; always solve all of Riddler’s riddles,” Steph grins, giving them all a thumbs up.

“I already said that, but who listens to Red Robin? Nobody,” Tim complains.

Before it can turn into a squabble fest again, Bruce clears his throat and Dick jumps in to get them back on track, explaining: “We tried to get away in the Batmobile, but we couldn’t outrun it forever. So we decided the best way to escape was to use the Zeta-Tube connection.”

“It was great, Spoiler sent replacement flying so he could put in the code,” Jason laughs.

“I wanted to beam us to the Cave, but with the amount of time we had, just taking us to the most recently used coordinates was smarter,” Tim explains. He checks his arm computer then says: “The chatter on the police coms is that the missile made impact where we disappeared. No one was in the area when it went off, but there is property damage. And a few of the new recruits are convinced we’re supernatural, since none of our remains are being found.”

That last bit gets a few laughs from the assembled vigilantes. Most of Gotham PD have resigned themselves to the fact that the protectors of Gotham are humans, who seemingly pull of the impossible from time to time.

However, there are always newer members, who come up with great conspiracies about how they aren’t human and that’s why they pull it off. Bruce knows that it’s a bit of a game between his kids to see who can get them to believe the weirdest shit about them.

So, he just lets them have the moment of amusement after what must have been a highly tense moment.

Then he asks: “Where is Bluebird?” since he hasn’t seen Harper among the crowd, which is weird, because she’s on the night shift, while Duke is on the day shift.

“She the one, who figured out where Riddler was and caught him,” Dick says proudly. “She was escorting him to Arkham when she noticed he was being off. Without her we would’ve never made it to the Batmobile on time.”

Bruce makes a mental note to thank her for saving his other kids when he sees her.

“We also let Oracle know we’re okay, so she can inform her and Batwoman when she gets back from her mission, just in case she saw the news,” Dick goes on.

“Wait,” they get interrupted by Hal. “How many more heroes are you going to pull out of your sleeve? What happened to Mr. I Work alone? Am I being crazy here? Why are you all just standing there?”

Clark says: “Well, it’s obvious Batman knows these people and they do not seem like a threat to us, so I was going to wait until they’d given a report before demanding answers.”

“And we will demand answers, Batman,” Diana adds, making Bruce swallow a little. “We are your friends, we hoped there would be some trust there. You seem to have a whole different team of warriors. That is something you share.”

“Don’t mind, B, he just comes with permanently built in paranoia, it’s nothing against you,” Dick tells them.

In the background, Jason snorts: “Did you hear that guys? We’re his team of warriors. His associates.”

Damian huffs at that: “These imbeciles obviously do not know what they are on about and I refuse to be referred to as such, when I am the blood son.”

“I don’t know, Robin,” Steph laughs. “It almost starts to feel like he cares. I mean, he obviously has been bragging about us.”

“He has not spoken a word about us,” Damian exclaims.

In the background, Bruce can feel a headache coming. He has tried to keep his kids away from the League for their own safety. They can’t use his kids against him, should they become compromised, if they don’t know they exist.

However, they do know now and not only that, it seems like his kids are here to cause trouble on purpose now that they finally get to meet, who they refer to as, ‘his work friends AKA the only friends he has’. Delightful.

Indeed, the League has picked up on the words Jason set Damian up for, because Hal repeats: “Blood son?”

And Clark frowns: “They do seem quite young.”

“Batman, are you employing babes to protect Gotham with you?” Diana exclaims in horror.

“I am highly trained, who dares to call me a baby,” Damian protests immediately and while his siblings would usually laugh at him, they now also feel offended.

All of them have had to defend their age to people, including Bruce. They don’t like being questioned. So all of them are falling over themselves to defend their position as protectors of Gotham.

Bruce decides to help them, explaining: “There are more teen heroes, most of you have or had a sidekick. These vigilantes keep each other safe, they have the safety of back up and I also provide good gear. They’re not running around without a clue of what to do.”

“Ahww, I knew you cared, old man,” Steph coos, while Cass taps a genuine thank you in Morse code on his arm.

“Batman, I appreciate that you look out of them, but most sidekicks have had superpowers that are related to one of the heroes and sought out a mentor to help,” Clark says gently. “You have no powers, where did you get these kids?”

And in hindsight, he should have known better than to hesitate. However, at the times, he does, because the circus, the streets, the neighbor’s and some villains, are not really good answers to that question, no matter how true. And he doesn’t know if he wants to explain.

Still, he has to admit that he melts slightly when Cass speaks up to say: “His kids.”

Plus, it’s kind of funny how most League member jump out of their skin at the sudden voice, since none of them had spotted Cass before. Not even those with superhuman senses. His daughter is so talented.

Arguably the funniest reaction is Hal, who shrieks: “Where the fuck did you get these kids, Spooky!” as he violently startles backwards.

However, Jason jumps on the opportunity, sending Bruce a shit eating grin before he does (he might still be wearing the helmet, but Bruce knows him). He says: “Well, when two people love each other very much, they-”

No, just no. Absolutely not.

The League already thinks him to be a bit of a weirdo, who is steeped in paranoia. They respect him, but they’re always a little wary of him too (which is good in a way, he doesn’t want them close to his secret identity with the threat they could pose). Still, he doesn’t want them to think he practically bred an army of shadow-y vigilantes to protect Gotham. He’d never live it down.

“Hood,” he quickly cuts Jason off, before he can continue with his nonsense. Then he tiredly reminds him: “You’re adopted.”

“WHAT!” Jason shrieks, ripping his helmet off to reveal a shocked and betrayed face even with his domino mask. “How could you keep that from me?”

It seems like everyone needs a second to recover and process after the outburst. However, Jason is gaining steam and dramatically barrels on: “For years. Years! I lived with you, you fed me, you cared for me. You are my dad. At least you were. Was that all a lie? Some ruse? How- Why- I deserved to know.”

Bruce is shocked, unable to form words. His relationship with Jason has been rough, though getting better. It’s still tentative, though, so to hear Jason refer to him as dad throws him off in one of the best ways. Until he realizes Jason is fucking with him.

Even then, it is kind of nice that Jason is messing with him. When he looks, he sees that Jason is having fun under the mask of betrayal. It doesn’t have a bitter undertone, like it would have a few months ago. Instead, it feels a little like all the times Jason messed with him in front of Commissioner Gordon, back when he was Robin.

So, later Bruce will cut himself some slack for basking in that feeling for long enough that the others catch on and join in.

It starts with Steph, who has never claimed him as her father a day in his life, but will always be committed to a bit. She sniffles: “I can’t believe you’d lie to our brother like that. Soon you’ll tell us we’re all adopted.”

“Spoiler,” Bruce warns, hoping to deter anyone else from joining in.

That doesn’t happen, instead, Dick pulls Duke into a hug and exclaims: “Yeah, next you’ll tell us Signal here isn’t our half brother, like you didn’t leave his mother at the altar.” He narrows his eyes and adds: “I was the flower boy too, I can’t believe you did that to her.”

He sees Duke’s calculating gaze, flitting between Dick and himself and knows it’s only a matter of time before he picks a side, so he grunts: “Signal, don’t-”

“She talked about it until her death. Don’t tell me she made it up,” Duke suddenly says, picking the side of his siblings. Bruce would be more glad about him getting along with them, if it weren’t for the fact that in joining him, he left Bruce.

“You monster,” Jason butts back in again, not having had the spotlight in too long. “Look what you’ve done. You can’t just drop something like that on us. You can’t just pull the rug out from under us. Adopted. Or am I the only one? Huh? Is that it? Are all of them your real kids except for me?”

It’s a little too close to home, so Bruce stumbles: “No, of course, you’re always my kid. But this isn’t news to you. To any of you.”

“So we are all adopted?” Tim shrieks, stumbling forwards to clutch Bruce’s arm. “Those people you took me away from, were they my real parents? Did you lie to me?”

And this is just unfair. They’re not allowed to gang up on him like this and be dramatic. They know he doesn’t know what to do when they get like this. He gave them a home, he kept them as safe as he could, he loves them. What has he done to deserve this?

Dick and Duke are still embracing each other and Bruce is pretty sure Dick is weeping. Steph is definitely fake crying, while Jason is consoling her. Tim is still clutching his one arm, babbling about being taken from his parents.

Cass is his favorite right now, because she isn’t playing along with her sibling, just quietly huddling into his side. Damian would share the spot, but Bruce knows that the only reason he isn’t playing along, is because he doesn’t know what their game is and how he can use it to his advantage.

Indeed, he joins in – though not entirely purposefully – because he asks: “Father, I am your true son right? I am the blood son, not these imbeciles.”

Jason is definitely hiding a snort as a sob and in that moment, Bruce is tempted to disown Damian, just so he doesn’t have to deal with all this.

He can see how shocked the Justice League is, their eyes wide with horror, none of them having truly recovered at the sudden appearance at a gaggle of kids, who are now seemingly breaking down over the surprise news of being adopted.

He should’ve just let Jason give the League a sex talk.

So, he is tempted to not recognize Damian as his own, however, he knows how much Damian values his heritage and how insecure he is about his spot in the family. And he does look genuinely worried about what’s happening. So, Bruce has to sigh and reward the vulnerability that he shows with compassion, saying: “Yes, Robin.”

Jason lets out a pained groan and says: “So it is true? We really are adopted?” then breaks down crying. It’s almost impressive how well he can sob on demand. How well all of them can, Bruce wonders when they learned that and who taught them that.

The League, meanwhile has also apparently reached their limits and Hal suddenly explodes: “Fucking hell, Bats. Is that how you’re telling them that? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Around him all the others start to nod in agreement and Bruce knows that some of those shaking shoulders of his kids aren’t sobs but laughter at this point. He wonders if it’s wrong to return any of them, despite knowing that he would never give any of them up, even with all the gray hairs they’re giving him.

He does think about it though, especially when Clark cautiously says: “It seems unnecessarily cruel, Batman. They’ve just been chased through the streets by missiles. You could have waited.”

“Yes, it is very cruel,” Diana agrees. “And I do not know you to be cruel.”

Usually, Bruce has an image to maintain, but that image includes him working alone and having no sense of humor or humanity, so obviously it’s incorrect. Besides, any reputation he might have had has just been ruined by his kids. He doesn’t have to take this judgment from his friends.

So, he throws his hands up and, bordering on a whine, says: “I’m not cruel. They all know they’re adopted. All of them were over nine when it happened. Hell, not even all of them are adopted. Not all of them wanted to be. They know! They’re just messing with me.”

It’s quiet after his outburst.

Both the League and his kids blink for a few times. It’s clear that the League doesn’t know what to believe, but his kids are luckily done with the chaos. Though, Bruce doesn’t know if he’s happy with that when he sees some of their faces morph into grins.

Dick decides to put him out of his misery first, letting go of Duke to skip forwards and sling an arm around Bruce, which he grudgingly allows. He never says no to hugs from his kids, no matter what stunt they’ve just pulled.

“He’s right,” Dick smiles at everyone. Then he jokingly tugs on one of the ears on his cowl – something he has done since his early days as Robin – as he teases: “He didn’t mind. Right, B? You are a softie under there.”

“Who cares if he minds,” Jason says loudly. “That was hilarious, did you see everyone’s faces when replacement told them he’d stolen him out of his home. Golden. I’m gonna ask O for that footage the second we get back.”

Now the League is looking at them with even more confusion. Unsure of what to do now.

Bruce wants to let them suffer, but he also doesn’t want to give his kids room to do something else to embarrass him. So, he takes the reigns saying: “Just to clear it all up; this is Nightwing, my oldest.”

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you,” Dick gives the League a bright smile.

“My second or third oldest – we’re not sure – Red Hood,” Bruce continues on, gesturing to Jason, who just gives them a salute. “And, again, the second or third oldest, Black Bat.” She waves at them, startling some again, since they’d forgotten she was there. Hm, they might have to do another stealth and awareness training day.

“This is Spoiler, she is not one of mine technically,” he continues on introducing everyone there.

Steph grins at all of them and says: “I eat his food and steal his money, but I’m not having him sign shit. All of the perks, none of the accountability.”

“And how you remind me of that,” Bruce sighs, before gesturing to Tim and saying: “This is Red Robin, my fourth kid. He is adopted, but also emancipated. And I did not steal him away from his parents.”

“Technically, he did, because they were kinda shitty, but only legally when they died,” Tim corrects, which is not necessary and Bruce will be answering questions about that for months. Judging by the smug look on his face, Tim knows.

Deciding not to engage for now, he moves on to Duke. “This is Signal, he is my ward. He normally works the day shift.”

“Hello,” Duke squeaks awkwardly.

“And this is Robin, he is the youngest,” Bruce finishes his introductions.

“I am the blood son of the Bat and the one true heir,” Damian exclaims proudly.

“Yeah, yeah, we know, brat,” Jason rolls his eyes. “You were once B’s sperm. Whoop-die-doo.”

Multiple faces contort at that, with Tim and Steph both exclaiming how gross that is and how he didn’t have to phrase it like that and how they never want to hear about Bruce’s sex life ever again in any way, shape, or form.

Hal comments: “Wait, you actually have a kid?”

Bruce fights the urge to facepalm as he deadpans: “Just a second ago, you were willing to believe I had seven or more, why do you seem surprised?”

That renders Hal speechless, which is good, because Bruce doesn’t want to be here anymore. He wants to check up properly on his kids, check up on Gotham, and be as far away from the League and their questions as he can.

So, he uses the silence to says: “Now, as interesting as this has all been, we are going home. I have a city to check on and kids to ground.”

All around him protests start up about how he either has no power over them and can’t ground them or that they’re too mature and well trained fro childish things such as grounding. But Bruce is great at tuning them out when needs must, so he types in the last of the Batcave coordinates and lets the Zeta-Tube take them home.

~~

A/N:

I love coming up with convoluted reasons of why the batfam would be in the Watchtower lmao

Also Alfred totally taught them to cry on command, knowing they would use it for evil <3

[timbit-robin-art]

Uh-oh.

[bilhanabipolar]

Batlantern where they are openly dating but no one believes them.

===============================

Hal, during some small talks at Watchtower : "You know, Bat, you can offer me some privileges."

Bruce : "That's called nepotism, Lantern. No."

Dick, the guest of honor today : "What's that about?"

Hal : "You know, lover privilege, husband favoritism, something, anything."

Dick, thinking about Bruce's past romance heartbreaks : "That's not nice to tease him with something insensitive like that."

Everyone else in the room : *nodding and humming in agreement*

Hal : "Huh?"

Bruce, as equally confuse : "Hn."

===============================

Tim : "You know him. He is kinda extra when it comes to his cover. You're attractive, you can score someone pretty easily even after this whole thing is over."

Hal, who just want to grab a glass of water from bats's kitchen : "... okay?"

===============================

Olliver : "He can't really tell when to stop joking sometimes, so don't be too hard on him. I'm sure you can hook up with someone soon to shut him up."

Bruce, doesn't even know where to start : *grunt*

===============================

Bruce, during an outing with Clark and Diana : "I wonder if my choice would annoy him or not."

Clark, sighing : "Bruce, I know you two don't have the best relationship, but you can't just keep pastering him with your whims."

Diana, nodding : "I don't know what kind of psychological warfare you're planning on him, but you need to not take it too far."

Bruce, who just wants to ask opinion on his choice of movie for their next date : "You two are unbelievable."

===============================

Hal : "I am not joking. I went to bed with him."

Barry : "Dude, stop annoying him. He will kill you one day."

Hal, frustrated : "I am telling you—!"

===============================

Billy, in his Champion form : "I truly believe we only kiss the people we love."

Hal, freaking out because Billy—out of all people—accidentally seeing them making out : "Look, I know this is not a professional way to use any room in Watchtower but—"

Billy : "You know, you two took the whole battering fiasco way too far this time."

Bruce, still internally shaking for not noticing Billy entering the room : "... you can't seriously believe that's what's going on."

Billy : "Hey. Wisdom of Solomon."

===============================

Damian : "That being said, we should treat Jordan with respect since he is willing to put up with Father's schemes."

Other bats : *agreed*

Bruce, just give up at this point : "This house is supposed to be the nest of a bunch of detectives."

[twinklerei]

Im convinced a lot of you "comic fans" arent really comic fans at all and just like participating in fanon

[lovelylonelymoonlight]

Listen I’m not like a shipper but

THE FACT THAT BRUCE WAS A FAN OF GREEN LANTERN WHEN HE WAS A KID MEANS SOMETHING TO ME WHEN WE’RE TALKING ABOUT BRUCE/HAL

[slide-of-peace]

Jason Todd, Hal Jordan, and Flash

Reaction to their crush saying, "Your talking mad shit for a guy within kissing distance." Cause they said sum stupid

Aww, love it.

Red Hood

He's not talking nonsense- wait say that last part again?

Smiles under his helmet and says too bad he can't take it off now.

Will tease them until they have to take it off themselves.

Hal Jordan

Man puts hands on his hips "And I can come even closer."

Basically teases each other until they both end up making out.

He loves acting like dumbass because of it in future

Flash

Turns red.

Says it's not the time right now but if they are free later.

At least gets kiss on the cheek.

[incorrect-green-lantern-quotes]

Currently drunk and imagining Green Lanterns being the resident alien experts in the Justice League/Titans/whatever superhero team they’re in

Like, when the JL first got together and Hal learned that two of his teammates were the last survivors of their worlds, he decided then and there that he would always support them in whatever way he could.

(Because as the first- and for a while, only- human in the Green Lantern Corps, Hal knew better than most what it was like to be the only one of his species in a room. It’s astonishingly lonely even when you know your planet and people are still alive and well.)

So Hal asks his ring for information about Krypton and Mars, which holidays their people had celebrated and held sacred, what foods they had enjoyed that he could recreate with ingredients available on Earth.

Hal ends up becoming the third JL member after Bruce and Diana to learn about Superman’s secret identity after Clark has to explain that he came to Earth as an infant and most of his own knowledge of Krypton is as secondhand as Hal’s is. J’onn however, is very touched by Hal’s attempts at baking N’bisko cookies, as it reminds him of when he would make them with his wife and daughter.

Guy inadvertently makes Hal's practices into a tradition when he gets roped into some Fourth World drinking games with Mr. Miracle and Big Barda. Apokolips might be a flaming hellhole, but it was still once home to them both and they do miss it at times. Even in his Warrior years, Guy keeps his pub stocked with food and drinks that are popular in space, in case he gets a hungry visitor from the stars.

From then on, it becomes a duty of their shared legacy. John in his rookie days didn’t listen much to Hal but this was one of piece of advice he did heed: You might end up with an alien refugee as a teammate at some point, and it is your job as a Green Lantern to be there for them when they’re homesick. John was never a member of the Titans, and he's certainly no mentor to the team's alien princess, but he does visit Starfire on days when her banishment from Tamaran weighs most heavily, like the Blorthog Festival.

Kyle had no idea about any of this when he inherited the last ring in the wake of the Corp’s twilight. Expecting him to pick up where his predecessors had left off would have been just another weight to carry on his shoulders. So instead the heroes who'd once been touched by a Green Lantern's kindness now return the favor for their only successor. They tell Kyle about the Corps that were the keepers of peace and justice across the universe for thousands of years. They tell him of how the emerald knights of Oa were brave and kind and loved by so many people.

They tell him these things because they see that the Green Lanterns were more than just an organization of lawmen. They were a legacy, a family, a culture. Unorthodox insofar as that every member was an adopted one, but that only meant Kyle is just as much a son of the Corps as Hal or Guy or John had ever been. He may be Oa’s last son, may not have known that he belonged to the Green Lanterns until their light was all but gone, but he would never have to be lonely.

[electricphantasy]

Hey everybody, back again with my art! I thought I'd come out with my designs for if some A.I.s had a robotic, more mobile form. I kinda wanna go through my thoughts about their designs, so here we go!

HAL 9000: I wanted him to be very human-like with a lot of his details resembling human muscles. No colors, and all monochrome except for his bright red accents. I imagine he was built to be more so function over form, so he's kind of simple compared to the other A.I.s. His outfit is very professional - suit, tie, and all. His cape being a reference to his memory banks, since I love that scene despite how sad it is.

AM: Now I also wanted him to be human but in a more spooky, skeletal way. Very hunched over, broken down, and needing repairs. He has a little monitor where his heart would be that says HATE. Also, I took away AM's leg privileges, so underneath his HATE cloak is just more confusing wiring. I also want to reference the HATE monolith, so his entire cloak is covered in the word, hate. If that doesn't scream AM, I'm not sure what does.

Edgar: Edgar basically has 2 different designs - The design of the movie, and the design of the poster. To combine them I made most of his body based on the one in the movie, like taking his monitor from the movie and putting some limbs on it. He also gets a devil headband and clip-on belt to reference his more common, movie poster design. Edgar also gets the comfiest wardrobe with a heart tee-shirt and jeans.

TAU: Now TAU gets a very odd body shape, mostly because I wanted him to match Aries, (The robot in the movie) but in a less threatening way? Also floating limbs, because I said so. TAU actually has quite a few colors, despite advertising just using red, so he gets a gradient of red to green in his accents. I tried for the life of me to give him a wardrobe, and the closest I could get was a little, see through cloak. :(

[cringefail-clown]

the " ive grown accustomed to the idea of not being human anymore, yet ive got this body back. this was the last thing i wanted, and i struggle with the dissonance of my existance" vs the "ive lived as an artificial being for longer than i ever was human, yet theres still so much humanity left in me. ive made peace with the way i am" that is hal and robro in turnabout

[kirby-the-gorb]

[biohaz6rd]

hal jordan eating pussy. that’s it, that’s the post.

nsfw (duh) under the cut. mdni :P

i don’t care what anyone else says; i know in my heart that hal jordan is a munch and a half.

like, i just know he fucking loves eating pussy. give that man the chance to spend an entire eternity between your thighs and he will do it, no questions asked. he doesn’t want anything in return, either. when he gets in the pussy eating headspace (trademark that), he will outright refuse the offer of your sweet mouth wrapped around him, of your lips eagerly sucking him off as if you born to do just that. he doesn’t want you to suck him off in return, he doesn’t want anything in return for this. to him, eating your pussy is heaven.

hal jordan has an innate need to please, and pleasing you is what he does best. you best believe he’ll be buried between the soft caress of your thighs for hours upon hours. getting you off gets him off, and if worked up enough he’ll cum in his boxers just from tonguing at your sloppy and used hole, from sucking relentlessly at your puffy and abused clit.

in his mind, his mouth is free use. you’re welcome to climb atop his face and grind your wet and needy cunt across it anytime you want. he genuinely doesn’t care. he’s so utterly whipped for you that he’ll immediately drop anything he’s doing to get his mouth around the sweetness that lay between your soft thighs.

sit atop his face and tell him how good he is, how good he eats you out, how utterly lucky you are to have a gorgeous man like him drinking your juices as if he’d not been allowed water for more than twenty-four hours. he will cum from that alone, honest to god. your praise mixed with the taste and scent of you… it’s a dangerous combination, to say the least.

hal jordan loves eating pussy and i will not be convinced otherwise. top three dc pussy eater, for sure.

i had to stop scrolling through twitter cus this was plaguing my mind. so yeah, definitely not proofread but tbh gaf 🫣