#haha fuck you brain i hate you
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Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!
#personal#my art#Fuck your fake ass 'i am very smart!' intellectualizing “observations” and open your god damn ears.#do something for fucks sake. it's sickening seeing videos of ai crap and seeing rows and rows of repliers using their one brain synapse#to type “wow! very exciting!” “haha this is kind of scary! but in a really interesting way!”#and then they go about their day without a second thought while creative industries burn around them#i go to one of america's top tech schools too and it's enough to make you wanna tear our your hair#every day it's seminars and talks about “the potential consequences of ai!” when the consequences are happening NOW#NO MORE DISCUSSING NO MORE INTELLECTUALIZING NO MORE SOCRATIC SEMINARS NO MORE DEBATING. ACT YOU COWARDS#people are getting hurt RIGHT NOW. stop pretending to care when you clearly don't! just be honest and say you wanna make money#my time here has really made me hate academic spaces. you people are so god damn useless and cowardly.
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Something that has been on my mind is what Kaz says to Nina at the end of Crooked Kingdom about Matthias's share of their money. He offers Nina that share, and then says, "I know it doesn't matter".
Kaz, who has spent this entire series insisting to the others that kruge means retribution, safety, success, comfort, and thus is the driving factor in his life, is sort of accidentally revealing how little he believes it. He knows Nina disapproves of his purported obsession with profit and is not motivated by money, and he also knows from personal experience that no matter how much he insists otherwise, having money will not fix what has happened to you. Maybe it will kind of buy you retribution or a degree of safety, but it will never bring back who you lost - it's too late for that. Kruge is a shitty consolation prize, and Kaz knows it. This is the only time he explicitly lets it on to the others - as emotionally constipated as he might act, he knows Nina's pain and knows that even suggesting that money would in any way fix it would be an insult.
#six of cringe posting? six of cringe KAZposting?#stranger things have happened#trust me those other fucks are in the brain microwave hardcore rn. kaz can get a turn in the meantime#guysss what if i am writing a six of crows outer wilds au. and what if i actually finish it someday. and you read it?? haha jk#unless.#anyway the brainrot is super strong rn and if i do actually follow thru this is gonna be like a 40k word single ch#back on topic. sometimes kaz tries to convince the reader that he believes this as well. and i hate to say it but some of yall get fooled#bro really does not give as much of a shit about kruge as ppl think. as much as he seems to gun for it to achieve these ends#he does not actually believe that it will bring him everything he wants. and it doesn't because it can't.#i like this quote bc he is kind of shocked into revealing his understanding toward nina. he knows how she feels and takes it into account#for once#kaz brekker#nina zenik#matthias helvar#six of crows#soc#tgt#soc meta
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taz balance is so fucking hard to recommend to people I'll be like "fuck the bible, THIS is the greatest story ever told" and then the first episode is one long masturbation joke with super detailed explanations of the rules of dnd 5e
#taz balance#i hate this podcast#do you known how fucking embarrassing it is when you've been telling people it's the pinnacle of collaborative storytelling (it is)#you'll be like 'these characters are incredibly important to me' and then the podcast is like 'uh i named my wizard after mexican food'#me: there are scenes in this that have permanently altered my brain chemistry. this is the thing i put on when life feels hopeless.#the podcast: haha we're going into the jerkoff tunnel :D#genuinely so humbling
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not for anything but friendly reminder that ~fandom discourse~ about where women belong (or people you perceive as women) is misogynistic as fuck. or what they're allowed to say, or what they're allowed to write about, or what they're allowed to enjoy.
next time you see someone having a tantrum and vaguing, especially if their posts from week to week completely contradict each other, perhaps analyze if the common denominator is "a gross woman said something and now i'm mad" without otherwise adhering to any actual principles.
#like i wonder if someone consistently preaches that we need to respect each other's headcanons#but they are specifically bothered by women & people they assume are women#and they keep specifically complaining about how ANNOYING GIRLS are the ones with such STUPID ideas#if maybe that person is just a fucking misogynist LMAO#and maybe we shouldn't give them the time of day :)#but what do i know lol im just a dumb girl with my dumb girl brain#anyway sorry guys i hate posting vagues i think it's really immature but like how much of this do we fucking tolerate#and can you please stop reblogging him bc tumblr's block & mute functions are terrible#if i'm not vague about it does it still count as a vague?#i hate public drama but like he didn't want to resolve it in private either and won't shut the fuck up haha sorry#but i also fucking hate bullies so#:)#also in b4 fandom clique conspiracies start floating around#if you act like a misogynist dickhead and get blocked by a bunch of people#it's not a cabal of mean girls ganging up on you#maybe you're the problem lol#knock it the fuck off aren't you tired of this it's been a year man#get a life.
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wow I’m having such a great day *incredible wave of sadness* *incredible wave of sadness* *incredible wave of
#every time I feel good it’s just. oops sorry haha now your so guilty you want to vomit! my bad#just realized this is because I haven’t taken my meds all week.#they’re extended release meds I’m so fucked#ITS GONNA TAKE A MONTH TO GET JY BRAIN BACJ TO NORMAL I#I HATE YOU PHARACUTICAK XONPMANIES!!! MAKE ME BETTER SRUGS!! GOD DAMNIT!!!!!!!?
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Hades II ..... really fun...
#i miss many things from Hades 1 but it was to be expected#I'm just trying to recalibrate my brain & habits to the second one (it gets better slowly o9)#there's still some weapons I Do Not Get haha but it'll come !#or maybe some will be like the Bow in Hades 1 that I could NEVER fucking play got I hated that weapon#lots of characters I wasnt expecting so that's fun#also gotta learn all these new boons and how they work together....#sometimes I go *so far* and sometimes I die in like the 4th room omfg#i did see chronos once so there's that :)#there's so much to do though !!! thank you supergiant games#hades 2#hades II
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Hey this just in? Ptsd sucks balls
#Oversharing on the internet times#Ptsd#-10/10 don't recommend#Ugh#Need my brain scrubbed and shaken out#I would like a new one please and thank you#I promise I won't let this new one be tortured I'll be extra careful#Love how my subconscious has decided that I'm just the worst person on earth all my dreams lately are like#Hey what if you were monstrous? What I'd you personally committed horrific acts against other human beings?#Let's explore that reality in hd#These aren't even the fun nightmares where I can convince myself I'm not seconds from throwing up they were so bad and can decode them#And do dream work with them#Those nightmares always end up having really cool symbolism and are helpful in deeply deeply meaningful ways#I am willing to suffer those nightmares I have made my peace with them it's like a game almost#These ones just shake me up for fucking days and become a never ending spiraling cycle ugh ugh ugh#It's like my intrusive thoughts were made I to a TV show fuck#Me: slightly rude to my gf#My brain: what if you were the same level as evil as rapist#Me: great I'm going to throw up and claw my skin off and have a panic attack thank you brain that was super fucking helpful#The way that my brain is convinced that I'm evil actually is sure is....#Well. It. It seems like my brain learned to abuse myself that it's doing the work of my torturer for her ten years down the line#Mm. Hate that thought a lot actually going#....I was actually going to keep these tags fairly short I wanted this post to be a vague haha ptsd sure is something post and not#Spill my guts in the tags again but what else is new have done this for years so whatever
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I'm sorry but I just do not have patience for the kind of people who very vocally hate things simply bc they're popular and they think being contrarian makes them sooooo cool and better than the people who like said popular thing. Like genuinely get a hobby and personality, please.
#like to be clear i'm not talking about being critical of media or doing analysis or anything#i mean people who are like 'haha i'm so cool and big-brained for hating this popular character'#'this show is popular so therefore it must suck and everyone needs to know how enlightened i am for disliking it'#you can dislike shit just don't be fucking annoying with it christ#personal grumblings
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i think there’s some thing wrong with meeee
#ha. haha. I HATE MY FUCKING LIFE#WHY CAN’T I JUST DO MY GODDAMN WORK#FUCK#IT’S BEEN LITERALLY UPWARDS OF AN HOUR#I’VE DONE FUCKING NOTHING#IM ON THE BRINK OF FAILING THIS CLASS AND MY BRAIN JUST GOES YEAH SORRY IM NOT FEELING IT TODAY#WELL YOU KNOW WHAT BITCH I AM NEVER FUCKING FEELING IT#SUCK IT UP!! OKAY SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO DO THINGS THAT ARENT FUN. LET ME DO MY LATE WORK YOU PATHETIC PINK BLOB.#god. i need to start taking adderall or something.#rambling
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3 nights in a row where i get myself needlessly worked up with hatred for jimmy mouthwashing lets see if we can go for a 4th tomorrow i guess
#rewatched a playthrough of the how is fish made dlc#“... you know. he joined because of me.”#GENUINELY DIEEEEEEE!!!!#curly trusted him they were FRIENDS and this is how he decides to act#genuinely reprehensible person#i hate how hes human#not some vague evil force. a human. a fucking person whos just awful in every way#even the fact that he suffers just makes me mad#because my brain doesnt see it as “haha he gets what he deserves”#my brain takes it as “oh. hes human”#“he has real emotions and goes through real pain and yet he decides to inflict this pain onto others”#fuck him#making him suffer isnt enough i want him to not exist he makes me so mad#💚 i can fix this#💚 i hope this hurts
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NEED THIS MSC PROGRAM TO BE OVER
#i bitch about the relationships happening 3 weeks in ok what about baring your soul#(opening up to someone about your post-ssri brain chemical imbalances) what then. pie on my face#it was not an out of the blue topic bc we both have post-pharmaceutical fucked neurochemistry but i dont feel like i can just#drop that bombshell on someone i see almost every day#like haha its so persistent i didnt feel joy at my graduation and grad school acceptance and being/appearing happy takes conscious effort!#anyway can you continue treating me completely normally so nobody else finds out im a person shaped hole on some days#i hate feeling like i owe people anything so its like what the fuck do i even do now. not my secret anymore#s#i just hate it bc if someone else dropped that on me i would be analyzing all their actions in retrospect#i just hope they dont think that hard or forget about it pleaseeeeee i wont tell another soul#ugh so embarrassing time to go cry about it in bed now. at least im feeling somehting which is infinitely better than last week#isnt that crazy. im so happy i can cry
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reading is… frustrating. I first read this thing when I was in an all too foggy state, I’ll think, so I didn’t really absorb it all too well — I’d best read it again and really make sure to take it all in. And so I do, and I really do take it all in! Except then I’ll be all too foggy to read for a few days, and when I get back to it and continue on to the next chapter I’ll just have. Completely forgotten what happened in the last. Makes you feel rather defenceless to the fog
#sigh#it’s like. What do i even Do. Make personal little summaries of everything I read?#like yeah i Guess#but that would require rereading again…#which isnt bad in and of itself… i do enjoy the stuff i read. but it’s a really frustrating feeling to go over the same things seemingly -#- over and over again and none of it sticks#ultimately proof that even on good and less foggy days i still have so so so much brain fog#i was gonna do a little fic rereading to pass the time until i get off work#but i forgot which chapter i was even on and just That frustrated me to the point it really put me#off the whole thing. mostly wanna cry now#i hate this shit i really do#z talks#im gonna go cry in the work bathroom now. but you didnt hear me say that ahah#also i think part of what makes the summary idea feel so frustrating is just. still the internalised ableism…#it’s. i hate that this is what i’m like now (had to fight to not phrase that in a meaner way lol)#and every accommodation i make for myself is a reminder of just that#especially something like this — my brain fog is the thing i hate the absolute most about my current state#it makes everything. absolutely Everything. frustrating#as funny as it is to be haha a little stupid in the friend group i hate it so much it makes me want to fucking Scream. anyway
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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comic assigment for school. The dialouge is really corny (because I spent almost no time thinking it through) so you're not getting any translation from me. Only fellow polish people can laugh at my writing skills (please don't, I'm already in tears).
#sheerak#school stuff#like I already showed it to some people and everytime I said pls don't read the text pls but they said it sounds weird anyway#anyway the context is that the little creature is this field doctor's hallucination caused by strong medicine he takes.#and the patient is like haha wouldn't it be nice if you gave me the same pills because you don't seem to be in pain at all doctor#and the doctor is like no fuck off (nicely)#and then he talks with the creature and she says something that pisses him off and he's like#“Maybe I should stop taking this medicine I've had enough talking to you”#i said no translation then did half of the translation#because backgrounds killed my grandma#i hate the colors but my brain is a liquid now I can't do better#anyway I'm tired send help#this was a draft made this morning Jesus take the wheel I won't survive till wednesday#also when I was creating Johan's design back in previous semester I had no idea we would have to make a comic with the same character later#and in my concept art he has all these robotic arms right and I was like yeah I'm not drawing this shit again#let's say he has a big port on his back and the arms can be just plugged off#and it's designed only for his port#the creature's name is Shally she is from my animation assigment#we have to print it on A3 format#DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BAD IT'S GONNA LOOK THAT BIG????#I'm not made to create things for printing please cmyk what#they are like yeah print this print that but never actually explain shit about cmyk or other things.#I have to live in denial that I know what I'm doing#a friend offered me to share a table with them at one convention to sell my stuff (which I don't have) and I think I'm not strong enough#to bear the calculations of preparing all this#would you buy my the owl house fanarts if they were stickers would you#congratulations if you made it that far in my tag essay here kudos for you#jak wytkniecie mi literówkę to wybuchnę czytałam ten tekst tylko raz bo byłam zbyt ashamed of myslef
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an interesting thing abt jgy antis is like. where is the source of their, shall we say, negative opinion of jgy? like, 1. jgy is a villain, he does horrible things with no remorse, he’s willing to do everything to achieve his selfish, egotistical goals. --> 2. the source of this claim: this, this and this scene. --> 3. alright, but to me -- says someone who’s not an anti -- this reads differently. that he did all those things, and did them on purpose and without remorse, is not that obvious to me. why do you think that? --> 4. well, obviously because he’s a villain and does horrible things with no remorse.
like... he’s evil because he does bad things, and he does bad things because he’s evil. i’m interested in how antis came by those opinions, but a, unfortunately i have them all blocked, and b, even if i or someone else made a poll, it wouldn’t be authentic because no sane anti is going to say “well, people hated him and wrote all those things about him on twt, so i started hating him as well”, or “i only care about wgxn, you could sell me anything about other characters if your arguments were convincing enough because i zoned out during the parts when wgxn weren’t on screen/pages of the book”. it’s all “written in the book/shown in the show” and “logical arguments you’d agree with if only you could read”.
#thinking back to my early c/q/l days where i reblogged this dumb ass meta abt how jgy FOR SURE pushed lxc away because he WANTED HIM#to be tormented by uncertainty forever. like 'the worst person you know just saved your life; what now' kinda thing#i was like oh... THIS IS SO RIGHT... because it felt bittersweet and painful and i am Still guilty of accepting/agreeing with headcanons#or interpretations that aren't 100% what i think because i have this ingrained idea that other people are always more mature and#sophisticated and smarter than me and so they Know Better#the person (i think?) later went on to write a meta abt how jgy is a badwrong narcissist. so#(this is also the reason why i spent months praising and getting excited abt a fic where jgy was dating nmj for like a decade despite#not loving him; and why he cheated on him many times with lxc Just Because. i didn't think jgy would do something like that but everyone#else was like omg this is SOOOOO good so i was like shit i guess it is! IT'S SOOOO GOOD OMG;;;;; have i mentioned i have no brain on#my own? yea)#anyway i'm not gonna paint myself as this genius from the first watch because I Too had wgxn goggles fucking ON and didn't even notice#the box hand touch during my first watch. (have i mentioned i am not very smart or observant) and when wwx was whistling ghosts at jgy#and jgy was clearly Going Thru It in the guanyin temple i was like 'haha good for him'#but iirc i Was nonetheless drawn to him (although xy was first <3) and it was like. well he's evilbad but maybe he felt bad when he murdered#his child? --> well maybe he's not 100% evilbad... maybe... --------------> a-yao did nothing wrong and i will kill you if you even suggest#otherwise. (<-- a joke.)#anyway a whole bunch of antis seem like kindasorta stuck in that initial wgxn-centered; everyone else either has 2 personality traits Max#or is either wgxn allies (good) or wgxn Haters (we hates them forever!) just like. unwilling to accept any new viewpoints At All#and then there are Types of those jgy antis because you have people who hate him for Other Reasons and people who hate them because they.#honestly seem like they've only read moralistic books for young children where the brave kind hero is the one you're supposed to cheer for#and want to be like; and the villain has all the traits you're supposed to know are Bad (mean greedy selfish lazy etc) AND NOTHING ELSE.#its like that *man who only saw boss baby watching another movie* damn this is giving me some serious boss baby vibes ! meme#anyway. love it when the tags are 3x longer than the post. cheers#shrimp thoughts
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#very disorganised in here ok#it shouldn't be this fucking hard#like YOU fucked up YOU did this YOU fucking deal with it#don't make excuses just because you can't make words work good EVERY TIME YOURE IN THE WRONG#every time i just break down i hate it#im not paying attention and that's on ME#this isn't funny haha endless content scrolling like tiktok was#this isn't haha poke the terfs on twitter#both of those were BAD FOR YOU#DO NOT LET TUMBLR BECOME THE SAME#fucking. use brain. think. ignore internet for a day. go outside#you know you don't do well like this don't let it get bad#last time it got this bad i ended up in a very bad place#and lost friends because of my own inability to shut up and think for a second#trying to get cohesive thoughts out of my brain sucks#slow down. think.#just slow down and think
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