#gotta watch more second doctors episodes i know

[truebluewhocanoe]

Any particular Dr Nyarlathotep headcanons/musings pertaining to the second and fifth doctors? What you've written so far is fantastic and It's interesting to see what people think would fit the traditionally more unassuming doctors

Oooh, that is an excellent question! Actually, I've got a Dr Nyarlathotep-y Fifth Doctor one-shot in the works right now. I won't give too much detail but my headcanons for him boil down to two ideas: 1. A lot of Nyarlathotep Five art has angelic or 'biblically accurate angel' vibes. I like this a lot and would also add onto the white/gold color scheme and general aesthetic of the Sin Eaters and Lightwardens from Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers

Here's two examples to get the vibe:

The other Nyarlathotep vibe idea I have for Five is that he's still got bits leftover from the Watcher in him. My specific headcanon for the Watcher is that he's a future version of the Doctor from a timeline where the entropy destroyed the universe, just clinging onto existence becaues Nyarlathotep (and also maybe Timeless Child). The universe already having been destroyed means he had nothing to lose by going back in time and rewriting events, but, paid the price in that he- the focal point of the two timelines- would merge back into his original self, which would be lethal and cause a regeneration. So, 4 didn't die of fall damage at all, he died to the entropy effects in the Watcher. Here's some more on that idea in this fic, and how it might manifest in 5, in this post. And stay tuned for that one-shot I'm writing- it'll hopefully go up today or tomorrow!

I don't really have any specific fleshed-out ideas for 2. I really like his "oooh I'm just a little guy (who's going to out-maneuver you at the last second when you least expect it)" dynamic but I'm not 100% sure where to go for a full Dr Nyarlathotep headcanon for him. I'll have to think on it! I do know I'd like the monochrome visuals of the 1st and 2nd Doctors' eras to be incorporated into their form somehow. Maybe when 2 unfurls his Nyarly form he just kinda, folds out like an origami. Get back to me later on that one

Thank you thank you thank you for coming into my ask box, I love talking about Dr Nyarlathotep stuff (or anything with the show really, it doesn't have to be Nyarly related) and this helps me get my creative juices flowing!

[foone]

The worst part of working at the Dimensional Nexus is that we don't get the regular internet there so you can't just watch your shows on Netflix or whatever. We gotta stick to analog media, since the digital stuff doesn't deal well with the temporal flux (the analog stuff doesn't either, but it's usually just a fuzzy image for a second, while your computer just crashes).

Everyone brings in their favorite media from home on old analog tapes (or laserdiscs. They're analog too! And we've got a couple hardened players on the lounge, so we can watch them).

Anyway while you're on-base (which could be for months or years), all your (video) media consumption ends up being on CRTs and piles of tapes you brought or traded with coworkers. Most people bring in a second suitcase of tapes so they'll have something to watch.

I brought in some letsplayers I stuck on a few VHS tapes (yt2vhs is a great program), and box sets of Star Trek: TNG and DS9.

About a month in, the trades really open up, as everyone has watched their own tapes and wants more. I got a good deal on a laserdisc of the Soviet version of... Well, nevermind. But let me just say, in my defense, the author of the books never went off the deep in in that universe, and the Soviet version wasn't made with her cooperation, anyway. I know that's sometimes a little difficult for people from the 91-verse to believe, but that's not the author's reputation in the rest of the Nexus.

Anyway I traded my TNG episodes for VOY. I've seen TNG a dozen times, so I figured it was time to go back over VOY.

It seemed to be pretty similar to what I remembered (other than them killing off Seska of all people at the beginning of S3? Who kills off your series's main villain?!) but at the end of S3 I hit the big divergence between our universes:

Seven. They introduced him early on in Scorpion, part 1, earlier than I remember.

The storyline goes mostly the same, with just a little less 7/Janeway romantic tension (do they even get together in this version? I'm gonna have to wait until season 5 to find out!)

Harry Kim lives in this version of Scorpion, too. I'm not sure why that is, they were clearly setting him up to die? Probably some executive meddling or something. I don't have access to Trekpedia (especially in that universe!) to check.

But yeah. This is one of the universes that got the twinky Seven instead of the catsuit-girl version (Not that this version wears any fewer catsuits). They got 9 seasons instead of the usual 5, so I'm excited to see if those extra ones are any good. When I was picking up the tapes I was surprised how many there were, and Josh told me in his universe they get home in season 6 and the remaining 3 seasons are a sort of spin-off/reboot done when Orbita took over from UPN.

Can't wait to see how that goes. More Star Treks need a post-script season (or three) made in the USSR!

Anyway I'm already looking forward to finishing this because I've already gotten a lead on a copy of TNG where Yaphet Kotto said Yes to the Picard role (sadly that version doesn't have the quintessential Jeffrey Combs as Riker, but I hear some people swear by the Gregg Marx Riker).

Still looking for any copies of the Kim Miyori-as-Data version of TNG. That one wasn't as popular (not it's vault! They had the US Doctor Who and both the Star Wars shows to go up against) so it's less likely to be brought in, but I'm always checking video libraries whenever I'm in that universe. Someday I'll find it. I found that fucking CED of the Walken A New Hope, I'll get the girl!Data TNG one of these days!

[t0ast-ghost]

S2 Episode 17 (A Piece Of The Action) haven’t we had enough action? The last episode was so much. I’m tired let me rest.

I’m watching it anyway:

- What the actual fuck is happening? An intersection?

-

“Let’s not argue about it, let’s go study it.” Yeah Kirk knows they’d be on each other in a second (edit: not like that)

- Spock pushing McCoy and Kirk out of the way of a car. I can and will watch this clip all day

- “You trying to make trouble?” “Who, me?” “Don’t give me those baby blue eyes.” “What?” Hehe

- “Which one are you guys the captain?” “Depends.” Depends on what Kirk???

- He grabs Kirk and both McCoy and Spock look so protective

- Kirk just wanting to go on a fun planet study with his boyfriends and now they’ve ended up in a life or death situation

- They’re sitting on the boxes in such drawable ways. I lobe them

- Spock mumbles his objections because he thinks Kirk is just inaccurate when he’s really just bullshitting

- Kirk’s bullshitting and Spock listening so intently to the random rules he’s making the fuck up

- “Spock what’re the odds of getting a royal fizzbin?” “I’ve never computed them, captain.” “Well they’re astronomical, believe me.” Spock then just mouths ‘well okay’ while looking so defeated

- They were so ready to beat the shit out of the mobsters

- McCoy complimenting Spock

- McCoy and Spock arguing about how to save Kirk, they will go off about anything holy crap

- Kirk is more resourceful than they think, though one of these days I think Spock would like to actually rescue him

- “Incredible as it seems, Dr. McCoy and I are once again prisoners of the chief criminal boss of a society patterned after old earth gangsters.” As incredible as it seems?!? McCoy warned you about this shit, but you insisted on going in headfirst to save your boyfriend

- “Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here.” “You admit that?” “To deny the facts would be illogical, doctor.” McCoy is somehow softer in this episode? Like more soft spoken

- *Kirk leaning into the bullshit* *Spock and McCoy sharing a side eye* they’re so done with his shenanigans

- They’re so confused by cars, it’s adorable :))

- “Captain, you are an excellent starship commander, but as a taxi driver, you leave much to be desired.” “It was that bad.” I love them I love them so much

- I would not trust Kirk to be a babysitter

- For a split second, a very split second, I could imagine an au where Kirk and Spock adopt a kid and are running to find their child or smt and it made my heart melt goddamnit

- “That’s peanuts to someone like the federation. Right?” “Unquestionably.” “Riiighht?” “Right.”

- I love Kirk’s mumbled normal voice “Kirk to enterprise.”

- “Right?” “Check.” They’re adorable

- How is Bones doing?

- “Must we?” “It’s faster than walking.” “But not as safe.” “Are you afraid of cars?” “Not at all, it’s your driving that alarms me.”

- Oh there’s Bones “Knock it off, sawbones.” Sawbones and Spocko, this man is a menace

- How would you feel if Kirk called you baby then sweetheart? Poor Scotty, gotta put up with this bullshit, he’s an engineer for crying out loud

-They gave Bones a gun. Holy crap.

- Kirk is just standing on a table cause he wants to. We were also ROBBED of McCoy in a mobster suit

- Kirk looks so tired, like me when I’m in my binder all day (edit: I think I was tired from being in my binder all day when I wrote this)

- McCoy looks so pleased. He wants to go home.

- Kirk: *bullshitting again* Isn’t that logical?

- That was such a silly ending I can’t even begin to describe

What is happening. My brain is melting at this point. The sillies are getting out.

Masterpost

Episode story by David P. Harmon

Teleplay by David P. Harmon and Gene L. Coon

[fandomconsumesme]

Rambling as to make sense of DTAMHD, tw ed and klinsky reference, this is horrifically long but i promise i'm going somewhere with it

I gotta say, watching it the first time I was fairly disappointed (The acting and episode were great, just wasn't sure how I felt about it as a finale) But having spent time to process, i would say this does its job as a Dennis catharsis episode, particularly symbolically

Starting off, Dennis has been almost scarily normal this season, or about as normal as Dennis can be (catfishing your roommate into using xl anal beads), not creeping on women, not getting fed up with the gang all the time, working with them in a familial manner again. Shockingly, it seems he's doing pretty good, and growing into himself

Like at the beginning of the episode, he's actually going to a doctor and apparently everything looks normal. Either this doctor immediately needs to be disbarred, or Dennis has been doing better taking care of himself, an unheard of concept

4. Dennis has a desperate fear of getting old, willing to do anything to prove himself still valuable, something to be desired, both connected to his childhood abuse by Mrs. klinsky, a way of rationalizing that it was okay because Dennis is special, just more developed, and his tenuous relationship with his mother where he was the golden boy, but emotionally separated from her due to drug abuse.

5. Dennis' mind scenario thing starts right after the title sequence i think, and we pretty much immediately get his interpretation of the gang and how he sees them.

6. Charlie is childlike, confused over the concept of sea level, and Dennis has an almost patronizing view of him, not understanding how he's this way if they are so similar

7. Frank brings up the family style cooking, the point of the pressure cooker, but dennis and the gang are in two different places, and the only reason they called was the sea level thing. Dennis sees the gang as a family, but feels like an outsider

8. Dee is reasonable and kind, backing Dennis up, supporting his decision for a mental health day, but seems to lack understanding as to why Dennis is doing this, a fundamental disconnect

9. Mac is always in view, all of him, the focus of the call. Dennis stays watching him, even though he says nothing particularly relevant in the scene. The whole of him appearing also has interesting implications of Dennis knowing who mac is, but he can only get a picture of the other members of the gang for a few seconds at a time. Mac is his constant.

10. To continue that thread, the other members are always yanking the phone towards them, stopping Dennis from being able to interact with him, but Dennis always knows where he is.

11. Frank is an asshole, diminishing Dennis' problems, acting like they don't exist, and as a much smarter person noted here, dennis' watch starts beeping the moment he starts talking.

12. Mac is also patient, cautious of Dennis' boundaries and doing exactly what he has to to make dennis feel safe.

13. Dennis is insistent on it being his mental health day and none of them participating, but as becomes evident later, the day is miserable BECAUSE they aren't there to back him up and support him. Dennis tries to stay away because they make things complicated, but they make things complicated by causing him to have big feelings.

15. He also gets repeatedly annoyed by very little things, like downloading an app or not getting the precise tea he wanted, but then calms by blaming it on the system (system seems like such a familiar word in the context of dennis and his thoughts... I wonder what it could be referencing lol) So all of those little inconveniences that stop Dennis from doing what he wants, can in fact be attributed to the system. Not only does he acknowledge it's the system, but also that he isn't the only victim, that others suffer because of it.

16. The tsuma blares the song when he opens the door in the parking lot, and he's so focused on stifling it that he doesn't notice he's just made a mistake that will hurt him in the long run.

17. On the French dip, dee once again works in conjunction to Dennis, encouraging them not to eat it. Charlie is afraid of Dennis' wrath, but Mac wants for Dennis to come home and be happy. Mac tries to reassure dennis.

18. Overall an aggravating phone call, but the moment he turns it off there are almost reactionary consequences, a police car pulling him over.

19. Dennis comes up with his own metaphors for what he's going through in his mind, likening himself to a pressure cooker.

20. He also has Dee and Mac decide not to call because they want him to have a successful mental health day and respect his boundaries, but frank continues to belittle

21. Along the lines of 16, "Dennis' true self is the tsuma" theory, he goes into a fit of rage when he can't communicate with his car. Dennis is comfortable in the car, but when he exits he puts on a mask, and now can't get back in.

22. The true DENNIS System,

D-Deliver me from this as in get me out of having to demonstrate value

E-Engage with human as in wanting a real connection rather than a physical one

N-Nancy(boy)/Neighbor/Nightmare/Never ending as in repeatedly nurturing dependence in a way that hurts him with the wrong people

N-NIGHTMARE/Never gonna help me as in even worse than the first n, and him knowing that it only hurts to neglect emotionally

I-Is this real as in the potential of something real with inspire hope

S- Somebody help me as in him wanting to escape the system

23. By my reckoning there are 3 people the ceo could symbolize, those being Frank, mac, or Dennis as a mask.

a. Frank because he is so oblivious, able to live a live of lounging at the beach, but it was his actions and neglect which have led to Dennis being trapped in his own prison. The frank is an older figure, and it makes sense for the diamond to be derived from his heart as he is his offspring in a sense. Dennis is reclaiming his sense of free will, taking back control so he can live a life that isn't predestined by his upbringing. The hand on the chest is trying to make frank understand, dennis still gets the pleasure of violent retribution though.

b. Mac is the one orchestrating the pressure cooking of the diamonds, explains the extreme homoeroticism of the scene. The systems have been created to protect himself from mac, mac is allowed to lounge because he has found peace with himself (MFHP) Dennis wants that for himself, and receives it from mac. Mac reaches out first, at the encouragement of dennis, but is pushed away so dennis can show his appreciation, upon which mac looks shocked. They clearly understand and have sympathy for one another. A love song is playing, and dennis takes mac's purest essence for himself, showing how intertwined they are. Mac is left unhurt because it was about the gesture, not the carnage.

C. Dennis as a mask, or what Dennis has made himself into to survive, lounges because he has been given control over the inner dennis. He has created all of the systems, and tsuma is his, made into a form that he can control for his own benefit. Dennis is his own worst enemy, and seeks to deconstruct this unfeeling being in order to find himself. He has a touching moment with himself, where mask dennis realizes that it is necessary that true dennis come to power. explains the homoeroticism because of narcissism, and ultimately true dennis decides the most humane thing he can do is leave behind mask dennis, killing him gently and taking his heart, condensing it into a diamond that symbolizes his innate goodness and incorporating it into true dennis.

I personally think it's a mixture of all three, but regardless this IS Dennis' catharsis. The motifs are there (crying, a powerful body of water) and dennis takes back control, actively choosing to be better. it's different, but it's still there.

24. In the end, when it's all revealed to be a glimpse into Dennis' mind and he's lowered his blood pressure, it's not because he's won per say. before the title, Dennis was keying up for some kind of angry meltdown, but he takes a moment and thinks better. i wouldn't say Dennis has had just one catharsis, but a million little ones in his mind since the season started, a million little choices to be kinder, more patient, better. He calms down and has found at least a temporary solution to his problem (The kratom doesn't hurt either) dennis has gotten so much better with interacting with others this season tbh, and to continue that to an extent would stop him from being the dennis we all know and love, sleazy and manipulative. And what he loves, what he knows will help him, is to be with the gang, his family. And he makes the choice to go to them too.

Remember, there is a structure. It will be fulfilled. (And if it isn't, at least we have FVR and Tends Bar)

[theteasnake]

Michael Myers: Yay Halloween

His favorite word is no. It was also his first word.

Was given a whiteboard to write on and was taught sign language. Refuses to do both. Just to be difficult.

Had his first kiss with Danny. Hated it. Then proceeded to stab him for it. He tried kissing with Amanda afterwards and found he still hated it. He gave her a hug as an apology.

Aroace king. Is probably fine with being in a romantic relationship, but just... doesn't care? His head is empty except for evil thoughts.

He loves juice boxes, especially apple juice. Fruit punch is a second favorite. But if it's in a box or pouch with a straw, he will chug that shit then proceed to blow up the container before sucking in the air for a good minute.

He's very protective over the people that are close to him, and that protectiveness trickles down to people that are close to his people.

He's very aggressive towards Danny, yes. But that's only because he's over heard Danny talk about how he'd thank certain killers for choking him (including Michael). If he knows Danny wouldn't be okay with it, he wouldn't be so physical (borderline abusive).

Give him a coloring book and he's tamed for a good few hours.

I find it funny that The Entity didn't mean for him to show up, she just took Laurie and he wen't "it's a two for one package deal" and just showed up. I'm also pretty sure the Entity doesn't have any control over him, he just does whatever the fuck. However, he's a polite man and follows her rules. He may be evil but he's not ill mannered.

Give this man some Mac and cheese, and not the mushy shit.

Ate a dog once. Didn't like it. 0/10, would not recommend.

He really likes Halloween, like a lot. Aside from the fact it was the day he first committed murder, he also just really likes the spooky season. The Entity gifts him pumpkins before October so he can carve them and place them around.

Has trauma with doctors. He's attempted to kill the Doctor various times because of it.

Chucky has attempted to sneak up on him to attack him. It just led to him being kicked across the room.

Michael keeps his hair short. It's a hassle to take off and put on his mask with longer hair. He once had it longer, but immediately requested it to be chopped off as soon as it got past his ears.

One of his favorite things to do is to just say no when someone asks him to do something then just do it. Danny taught him that and Amanda is not impressed, but Michael thinks it's funny.

Lets Amanda paint his nails black to match her and Danny's.

You gotta let this man watch his cartoons. Even the Entity is too scared to see what would happen if he couldn't watch his cartoons. He likes Scooby-Doo. Especially the episode with the Spooky Space Kook.

Knows how to walk in high heels. Don't ask him how he knows. He won't tell anyone. But he can.

Frequently mumbles words or phrases to purposefully trigger Danny's echolalia.

Michael: bing

Danny: bing bong

Michael: bing

Danny: bing bong

Michael: bing

Danny: bing bo-

Amanda: can you two shut the fuck up?!

Is also probably on the spectrum? I've been seeing that head canon pop up a lot as well.

He doesn't laugh or smile. Never has. Never will. At least not outwardly. Inwardly? He does it all the time.

Dino nuggets are superior than any other shape of nuggie, and he will die on that hill.

Has once spoken to the Entity. It scared the shit out of her to suddenly hear him talking to her. She swears she almost had her version of a heart attack. And he knows this. And he is amused.

Michael: boink

Danny: bonk

Michael: boink

Danny: bonk

Michael: boi-

Amanda: oh my fucking god!

He is very chaotic evil. Much more than he lets on.

Will sometimes tell jokes. With a straight face. People thinks he's not joking, but he is. Not to make them laugh, oh no, it's so he can watch their confused expressions.

"God damnit, Michael!" "Michael, no!" "Michael, stop!" Are all common phrases said by both killers and survivors.

He's not fully mute. He can talk, it's just a lot of energy and he views it as a waste of time sometimes. It could also be because of the isolation he experienced in the hospital, that he's just used to not having someone to talk to.

Any sorta of doctor? Dead on sight. Doesn't matter if you're just called a doctor cause of your degree. Slap Dr in front of your name and he's hunting you down.

Occasionally will join PH in elementary school to just sit next to each other, in silence, to space out. Both of them view it as 'hanging out' but neither have spoken a word to each other. Michael just sat next to him one day and they both just accepted it as a normal thing. Sometimes they'll turn to each other and share a grunt.

He has to be forced to bathe, otherwise he'll stay a stinky boy. He also has to be forced to change clothes and clean his janitor outfit.

When he eats, he has to sit in front of the tv. Like, crisscross apple sauce on the ground, right in front of it.

Sometimes when he has a survivor cornered, and it's just them with no one else in sight, he'll just flip them off. Cause he knows if they say something about it to everyone else, no one will believe them.

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S04E12 - No Man Is An Island - Part A

This episode... This episode. It's too much and not enough at the same time.

Black letters in quotes: Actual show quotes.

Green letters in quotes: What I come up with my twisted brain.

me before the episode: Ah, boring filler cute sheep episode.

me after the episode:

No, I didn't google where that is. Also, I haven't forgotten where that is since then.

There's like ten people on the island and there's still crime.

"It's been two episodes since you gave me treats."

What are you doing here? Come back when you grow a stubble.

Translation: I don't want you here.

*subtly not looking*

And the camera very subtly pans to show us that he's trying to be affectionate and Sarah doesn't want that. Now, given the fact that next season Sarah is the one who doesn't want people to find out about her relationship with Charlie and even after that there's no PDA, we can assume that it's just that. Or that she's conflicted. In any case, Michael seems to want to move faster than what Sarah is comfortable with, because she's reluctant to even go on this getaway with him.

But he also should have been more considerate, and I'm not saying this because I don't like him (like, it's a mild annoyance at this point that he existed at all, and he's not bad to look at). Like, you see her coworkers, you see that they're all men, and yes they're these men, but it doesn't matter, you don't know them. Why would you want to cause trouble in her work?

And I'm also coming back to something that was said in S6 by Charlie, that sometimes female officers think that their male partners won't take care of them if they feel rejected or something along these lines. Given that Sarah was in the field a lot in S4, I wonder if she ever thought of it? Also, I don't know where Charlie came up with that because men don't really think like that on their own. There is no prompting for them to do so.

I wonder if this is like an inside joke.

I actually love the music on this one.

Speak for yourself, Charlie. Rex needs his favorite tv shows.

I would have gone BROKE if I had this dog. How do you say no to him?

Damn cell service.

Poor Charlie is trying to be cool about Sarah's new boyfriend but he's also going to try to kiss her in a few seconds. Also, dear subtitles, that was a question. Like, I can't hear it any other way when he says it like that.

There's also no manual for police work the way y'all are doing it.

"You gotta live on the edge, Doctor." Are you trying to kill her?

I'm used to the unnecessary touching by now. Okay, slightly unnecessary. She was still trying to steady herself.

As Leslie Knope very eloquently once said in a similar situation: "Uh-oh."

"My ship! My ship is reaching Canon Bay!"

I only took a few screenshots. You can see that Charlie is scared in the first one, then he's getting a bit bolder since Sarah is not pulling away, then the camera pans to Sarah who's totally enjoying his touch at first, then she's probably thinking like a million thoughts, like, I have a boyfriend, he's my friend and coworker, etc.

me: No fuck no, not like this! me after the interruption: Oh, thank fuck.

They should hang this at the Louvre.

"Next time fucking go for it! Why were you just standing there?"

me when I watched it the first time: There's no way we'll ever talk about this again.

Rex is considering a career change.

Charlie, you're staring again, buddy.

He's hopeless.

How does Nigel's accent sound like the most fake English accent I've ever heard and yet the guy is from Leicestershire?

I mean, this is ridiculous. First of all, you don't know Joe. Second, St. John's Major Crimes division hardly constitutes as an ivory tower.

To be continued in Part B.

[she-karev]

Babysitting Luna (Andrew DeLuca x Alex Karev’s Sister)

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Five

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy/Station 19

Ship: Andrew DeLuca x Amber Karev (Alex Karev’s Sister)

Canon Episode: Season 18 Episode 10/Season 5 Episode 10

AN: I know you guys love the pregnancy storyline so I decided to explore it more. I want to show when Amber and Andrew decided to get pregnant and why.

Summary: Amber and Andrew deal with the aftermath of almost losing Luna. Amber notices Luna isn’t crying so she takes her to the station so Carina can check her.

Words: 2487

January 12th, 2022

“You can say it.” Andrew tells Bailey while they are doing a kidney transplant. During that time, he explained what happened yesterday to Bailey looking for advice or more likely a reprimand, “I’m a horrible uncle.”

Bailey looks at DeLuca in sympathy, “You’re really not. I’ve treated bad parents, bad guardians and bad uncles and you are not a bad uncle. And you said you locked the door on your way back.”

“Yeah, but what if I didn’t?” Andrew asks still beating himself up, “She’s walking and using doorknobs if she got out, she could have wandered into the streets and a car would have hit her.”

“But it didn’t.” Bailey states, “She’s safe and happy and that’s what matters. You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, even guardians like you.”

“God I am terrified I am gonna fail her or traumatize her. Now I know why Amber was so scared before she came into our house.”

“I was the same way when I had Tuck. My nerves were shot the first year I brought him home. When he was 5, I accidentally slammed Tuck’s fingers in the car door. I could still hear his scream and feel like the most awful parent in the world but my rational side catches up and I know it was an accident.” Andrew feels a little better after that confession, “You don’t have to be perfect to be a parent. You just have to love your kids enough to get through the scary moments and do better next time. If you feel this scared and unsure of your abilities to have her for the rest of the week, me and Ben can take her home with us.”

Bailey clears her throat obviously sad, “The Miller’s supposedly forgot that it was mine and Ben’s week with baby Pru and changed the date to next week. So, we have a house full of toys and diapers that are most likely gonna go to waste. If you want, we can watch her for the rest of the week. No judgement whatsoever.”

Andrew sighs and takes a moment before shaking his head, “No she’s already settled in we can do this.”

Bailey nods proud of him, “Yes you can.”

Later at Station 19

Amber rolls the stroller inside the barn with Jack Gibson guiding her. She knows Carina is doing inventory for the clinic today which makes her the perfect person to go to about Luna who is sleeping peacefully inside the stroller. She sees Carina helping Warren by a table full of pullout chairs.

“Carina.” The Italian OB is surprised to see Amber here and Jack explains.

“Your sister-in-law asked or well demanded really that she sees you. I don’t know why though.”

Carina approaches Amber and Luna, “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“Luna wandered off in our house yesterday I couldn’t find her for a minute, and she hasn’t cried ever since.”

“And that’s a bad thing?” Warren asks.

“She didn’t cry when I ended bathtime last night, she always cries and pulls my hair but not this time. I think something’s wrong; I don’t know if she hit her head or ate something that’s making her like this.”

Carina nods, “Okay well you can take her to a pediatrician in Grey Sloan.”

Amber shakes her head, “No, no, no if I take her to peds or OB they’ll call Alex and Jo and I have to tell them what happened, and they will never trust me again. Please you are my only hope right now.”

Warren shakes his head dismissively, “Look we gotta do inventory just suck it up and-”

Amber’s tone shifts from worried to scary, “One of you doctors drop what you’re doing in the next five seconds, or I will end you.” The three of them look shocked, “One, two…”

Carina steps forward and takes the stroller from Amber who follows her toward the beanery leaving the boys behind. When they reach the empty beanery Carina pulls out the medical bag from under the sink and approaches Amber who takes Luna out of her stroller so she can sit in her lap while Carina examines her.

“Tell me more about what the problem is.”

Amber bounces Luna in her lap lightly, “She’s usually a lot more alert than this. I sat up with her all night, making sure she was still breathing. I felt around her skull but there were no bumps but you’re the baby expert so…”

Carina does a neuro exam on Luna who passes it, “Good job Luna you are so smart.” Carina feels around her head, “There are no bumps, has she been feeling fatigue or vomiting in the last 12 hours?”

“No.”

“Okay we’ve ruled out a brain injury and stomach troubles she could just be relaxing. Unlike her Auntie Amber.”

Amber sighs and looks down at her niece in worry, “It’s just…I couldn’t find her. I went to get her a water and I turned my back for like ten seconds and she was gone when I turned around. Alex and Jo left her with me because I thought I could do this; God why did I think I could do this?”

“Hey, hey do not do this to yourself, don’t make things harder than they seem for you.” Amber sniffles holding Luna close, “It’s not uncommon. In the eyes they seem slow, but babies are like ninjas when they start to walk. They can slip away without making a sound and they are fast on their feet. And the good news is that Luna is very smart, she knows not to wander off outside a place where’s she’s most safe. She knows you and Andrea are watching her and making sure she’s safe.”

Amber sighs at that and Carina makes a suspicion, “Is this about more than Luna wandering off?”

Amber inhales and confesses to her sister-in-law, “Andrew want’s kids, I know he wants kids and a part of me does too, but I can barely keep my niece in place how do I know I won’t do that to our baby too?”

“I know the fear you’re experiencing.” Carina says with compassion, “My mind goes into a dark path, and I sometimes think I’m gonna do to my baby what my papa did to me. I worry that I’ll make them feel like they have to grow up too fast so they can survive me as a parent. I worry that I am going to repeat the cycle of chaos my father started. The same way I know you feel about your parents and whether or not you will repeat their mistakes.” Amber nods confirming Carina is right in this regard, “But if you and I are determined to give our kids the love and stability we never had then there is no doubt we’ll end our family cycle of violence and be the best parents we can be.”

Amber looks at Carina grateful, “Your good at this.”

“I know.” Carina says smugly causing Amber to laugh with Luna still in her lap, “Are you headed back home?”

“Um actually can me and Luna hang out with you and the boys for the rest of the day? Andrew is working and this place is a lot more interesting than my house. Plus, this is the last place that would catch on fire.”

Carina chuckles, “Okay you can come, as long as you help us with inventory.” She leans down to Luna’s face with a smile, “And that goes for you too Dr. Karev.” Amber chuckles and stands up. She puts Luna back in the stroller and follows Carina back into the barn where Ben and Jack are still by the table doing inventory.

“Is it safe?” Ben asks.

Amber grins as she parks Luna next to her by the table, “Yeah she’s fine, I’m gonna help though if that’s okay.”

Jack shrugs, “Yeah sure no problem the more help the better.” Amber helps with the chairs when Jack decides to ask her a question pertaining to the topic of employing doctors at the clinic, “Hey Amber you’re a doctor right?”

Amber raises an eyebrow at that, “Yes? Otherwise, I went to three years of college and four years of medical school for nothing.”

“And you…well you were…” Jack struggles to find the right words to describe Amber who motions him to continue, “You have a different background compared to most doctors right?”

“You mean I was dirt poor and had a family of nightmares?” Amber asks bluntly, causing Carina to grin at Jack’s wince as he tries to mend his words.

“Okay I didn’t mean it like that it’s just that I think the clinic shouldn’t have so many doctors because people from low-income neighborhoods and bad situations they’re afraid of doctors. I mean you and I grew up in the system so we saw firsthand how it can screw over people like us and that includes rich people in white coats.”

Carina rolls her eyes, “Porca miseria do not drag the poor girl into this, she’s just gonna say you’re stupid.”

“No actually he’s right.” Amber says surprising Warren and Carina who look at her more confused than offended, “Carina you know I love you, but you come from a family of doctors you didn’t have to worry about paying a thousand-dollar medical bill because your parents could afford insurance. I grew up relying on my mom’s disability after she got fired until my brothers and I each got jobs when we reached high school. You and Warren don’t understand the viewpoint me and Gibson developed after years of hardship and bouncing around foster homes.”

Ben shrugs, “Okay so tell us.”

Amber starts, “Okay, my oldest brother had to hotwire a car to get me to a hospital when I was two because the ambulance ride would have bankrupted us. Alex and Aaron bandaged my scrapes and bruises until I was 8 and I had a skateboarding accident that gave me 12 stiches on my head. The doc who did it just gave us the bill and walked away. My brother couldn’t pay it until he started his intern year. I’m sorry guys but the white coats are a symbol for death or debt in the communities Gibson and I grew up in.”

Jack grins at his point being proven, “I like her.”

Carina groans at that, “I understand what you’re saying but how do we run a medical clinic without medical experts?”

“Oh, you can’t.” Amber states as she resupplies the medical bag, “I mean the system is broken but a clinic needs doctors and nurses who know sutures and how to run labs. Sorry Jack but your naive to think we can find people who know half the stuff me and Carina know without acquiring an MD.”

“Yeah, she’s got a point.” Ben says.

Gibson thinks for a minute before having an idea that he springs to the doctors, “I could learn to do this, suture. I mean-I mean, if it came to it, right?”

“Well, it won't unless you're planning to become a doctor.” Carina points out.

“Okay, but fine. But, like, think about it. I mean, I-The first time I did CPR, I was 10 years old. Yeah, my foster sister almost drowned in the community pool, and I saw somebody do it on TV and I-I figured it out. So I could probably learn some of what you do.”

Amber grins at Gibson’s attempt, “It’s not like sewing your niece’s teddy bear after the head tears off.” She grins down at Luna who is still in the stroller playing with her teething toy, “It requires focus and steady hands, which are two things you’re gonna learn once you get into Harvard med. Or state if you don’t want to become a stuffy know it all.”

“Andrea went to Harvard.” Carina reminds Amber.

“You just rested my own case.” Amber jokes with a grin.

“I get it but what you probably can't teach is waking up every morning with the goal being to survive. And I think that's…yeah, that's me. That's who I am. That's what this is, right? This clinic is a place for people to go to survive. And they shouldn't have to sign 10 forms with fine print and stare down a bunch of white coats. And it should be simple and, like, clear-cut and not intimidating. And that…that's what the people need to see, right?”

Amber nods seeing Jack’s point as Carina responds, “Okay. But we still need nurses and doctors at our clinic, so who's gonna staff it?”

Jack proposes another idea, “50/50. Compromise. Yeah. Half firefighters, half doctors. And no white coats and no hiding behind the computers and less forms, please. Just less forms.”

The three doctors stand together in front of Jack with Carina speaking for them, “And who's gonna teach you how to do wound care and read urine dipsticks?”

Jack looks stumped by that, “Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Um…”

Carina smiles at Jack’s lack of words, “Half and half.”

“I don't know what either of those are. I don't know which one of you specializes in that.” Amber chuckles before strolling Luna away to get the supplies for the clinic together.

That Night

Amber knocks on the door of the station desperate for either Carina or Warren to answer. She left the station an hour ago after helping with the inventory. But then Luna hit the 24-hour mark since she last cried making Amber worried Carina missed something. She knocks on the glass door frantically until Warren answers it with an obvious annoyed face.

Ben opens the door and Amber rushes inside the Luna in the stroller sleeping, “DeLuca who used to be Karev, it’s late shouldn’t you be home reading the little girl a bedtime story so she can go to sleep like you and me are supposed to?”

“Look Carina missed something or something has developed because it’s been 24 hours and Luna still hasn’t cried yet.” Amber says in a panic, “Something is wrong.”

Ben groans in frustration due to his own problems with the custody battle, “Do you want to know why your niece isn’t crying so badly?”

“Yes!”

“It’s because she loves you.” Ben states the obvious stopping Amber short, “You’re a good aunt and great caretaker. She knows she can wander off because you’re there to watch her. She’s so happy she doesn’t feel like crying. Do you want to see her cry?” Ben leans down and lightly pinches Luna’s hand causing her to get fussy and start to cry to Amber’s shock, “There, now she’s crying so please go home.”

Ben walks away from Amber who is now pissed at having a crying baby to deal with because of Warren, “Okay this is gonna get you the creepy uncle status Ben Warren!”

Next Part Here

[thegeminisage]

ok we watched the tng pilot. let's get into it

data is my best friend on this show and i love him

i liked riker but jonathan frakes looks like a baby without facial hair. he's gotta grow that in. also, at one point he asked someone a question and i got really excited. he should ask more people more questions i think thats what jonathan frakes was born to do. that and sit in chairs with style

also liked geordi even though we only saw him for 3 seconds and worf even though same.

the sections with q draaaaaaagged. ik people like q and whatever he has going on with picard but i'm just not there yet. this "humans are NOT savages anymore" plotline has been played out in tos many times to better effect

actually shocked picard was such a dick. idk why i was expecting him to be more kind maybe i was projecting professor x onto him?? but he kinda sucked lol like what was EVEN going on w his little pissing contest with riker

love and light, there should not be children on a starship. space is fucking dangerous. they're literally boldly going where no one has gone before. these kids could get hurt

the ship??? splits?????????? IS THAT LEGAL????

ok, furthermore, sorry, speaking of kids, not to be a misogynist but out of the 3 ladies (troi, crusher, and yar) i dislike 2 of them. love and light to deanna troi but i really hope she gets something to do besides emote and go OH THE PAIN...her look was slay. i understand completely how she turned women gay. give her something to do. give her a chance. i know she could be good.

i didn't mind dr crusher until she let her kid on the bridge even though you're not supposed to do that and they told him to touch nothing and he proceeded to touch everything and then she got mad when picard got mad. picard spent 70% of this episode being a dick and the one time he was justified she was like :/ wow you're such a dick. lmao. girl come on he literally said don't touch anything he was already being nicer than he had to be. the child was in the wrong children shouldn't even be on this ship

also they talk about wesley like he's their affair baby. idw if its true but nobody tell me. let me believe it. wesley crusher destined to suffer through male pattern baldness

also, i can see now why you're not supposed to date your ship mates. dating them is fine but being exes with them is excruciating and we had TWO PAIRS this pilot

anyway. tasha yar was rad i DID love her.

it's weird though how many of them use first names...in tos sometimes they didn't even use last names, only titles. spock called bones "doctor" almost exclusively. so riker calling geordi geordi after like 5 minutes of knowing him was a little weird

i cried when bones showed up. sue me. his prosthetics were terrible and i already miss him so much.

SPACE JELLYFISH. that part was good

overall both the adventure and the interpersonal stuff was a little ????? which is like. you can flop on one or the other. i DO have faith it will get better but i feel kind of lukewarm on it so far

there's a lot of direct counterpoints to tos, but it's shuffled JUUUST enough so it feels like it isn't copying tos's homework word for word but rewording it to trick the teacher. for example, data is like spock in that he doesn't understand emotions or whatever, but it's actually the inverse because spock understands and pretends not to, while data truly doesn't understand but wants to. then you have deanna troi who's sort of filling in for the other thing spock used to do, which is give us general impressions about unknown alien life, but she SPECIFICALLY does it through emotions so she doesn't resemble spock too much. the captain and first officer have a lot of scenes together but they're tense so it doesn't look too tempting to the slash fans. the doctor is still a bit grumpy but she's a woman this time. they don't use tricorders but geordi's special prosthetic helps them see all that shit anyway. it's tos but shuffled. lmao that it took 2 people to replace spock <3

anyway my favorite part, aside from the part bones was in, was when riker and data talked in the holodeck. and riker was like actually yeah the fact that you're a machine DOES make me uncomfortable. and data is like well i am superior but i'd like to be human actually! and you could see the little gears in riker's head turning and later he called data friend. i liked that and i love data. i love data he's very important even though the pilot wasn't good i think i would keep watching no matter what for data. and i knew it would be like that.

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

Rogue thoughts and reactions--->

not taking many notes this time cause i wanted to Savour this one tbh and what a blast so far

rogue and doctor so far is like. rtd striking gold potentially here (i kno he didnt write this one i mean more like. in the long run. i could see fans going crazy over this Type of ship and spending sweet $$$$ on it lol).

ruby looking at this "scene" like it's a tv show………. live…….. honey u best believe in ghost stories hyper post-modern genre tv show seasons cause u are in one

cushy… wordsmiths-ing count…

"ruby: you know how i forget about a man?" with a woman? (shot)

the parallel of these guys "dishonoring" these ppl while the doc and ruby do kind of the same all the time sdkflj

mmm second time i see a triangle logo (it was there last ep on the door to the MEP area that lindsey and rickey ran into. camera held on suspiciously long on it…) (triangles…. three…. susan TRIAD???)

doctor this says you're single and available. oh another word. "very" available.

COME ON ACE WE HAVE WORK TO DO

"wow" boner dialogue

mention of gallifrey.... "i might take you one day" oh man. oh man………..

"random barren dimension" yes this is not an equivalent to a silent confinement analogue at all don't think about it too hard guys

"i lost everyone"

they're leaning on……………. oh yaz just broke a coffee mug somewhere

maybe the real enemy was fandom all along

THOSE TV SIGNALS BEAM OUT ACROSS THE STARS. TV SIGNALS. TV SIGNALS. TV ISNGALS TV

SIGNASLKDJASLKDJASKLJ1!!SKLFDJDSLKJFSDLK JF SHUT UPTJSDLFKSDJ (i die)

ok im enjoying The Concept a lot, as expected…….. but gotta say rogue does feel a bit two dimensional so far :/ (maybe even a bit cliche?) i feel jack in his first ep had more depth at first for example (bounty hunter but also lost his memory. doing amoral things but being swayed by the doctor at the end. etc). but there's time THERE'S TIME. DONT LE TME DOWN EPISODE PLEA SE. there's always a twist-

you people and your bridgetons. in my time this would all be a big ass downtown abbey reference

sad thing is this is def one episode i wont be able to watch with my homophobic parents at all oof lmao

this dialogue.... kinda thoschei acadamy years coded ngl

"tell me what your heart wants or i shall turn my back on your forever" defining 15 character dialogue……….

(commitment phobe doctor moment. my girl hastn changed at ALL) (btw intrigued by rogue's "i lost them" bc it could mean a lot right. it's the most delibarely ambiguous of pronouns dklfjsd like it could be a nonbinary character but could also be a couple characters? or maybe im reading it wrong sdlkjf)

play our games on a magnificent scale…………… games motif……….

"i thought i was interesting- but you??" exactly!!! doctor who>>>>>>>> bridgerton/all other tv shows. case made.

god i feel so stupid. i dint catch that twist at all TOT

wedding season finale. chuldur's know where it's at.

oh finally there's the scene from the trailers!!!!!!!!!

"how long do they live for?" oh he's gonna says A Thing "thats a long time to suffer" I WASN'T WRONG /GOES FERAL ( i knew the family of blood coding was leading somewhere…)

the doctor beatiing these cosplayers with his "i object" tv tropyness……….. the meta of it……… theory gang we're gonna make it yet i swear

ok yes this is sad poor ruby but like. but literally last month 14 killed/sacrificed donna w/o sm hesitation so sdklfjdsklfjsdklfj (yes im still like. HEY THAT WAS A SIGNIFICANT THING THAT HAPPENED. WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT IT.)

oh is rogue a chuldur as well? he feels too invested in the trolley problem of it all sdlkfj

im gonna say it.... i thought that resolution was kinda........ as the kids say..... weak sauce sfkdj

like oh nooo he got teleported oh noooo. like he's gonna be fine slkdfjsd didn't really hit that hard :/ should have had a proper death sacrifice thing.

"im sorry....." "....AAAANYWAY , it is what it is!!!! " my man is so broken holy shit. holy shit.

it's ok to be sad. !!!!! TOT

CONCLUSIONS!!

sdlkjf ya'll i really wanted this to harder but idk i didnt feel the depth or sensibility this called for was there tbh. but it was a blast!!! but … it missed a bit of that x factor thing. like some kind of universality to the romance w/ the rogue. i feel he was too sketched-in.... i was also a bit disappointed that ruby's friend was not her friend bc it meant her whole thing this ep of connecting to that woman was for nothing (and up until that point it was feeling very Important specially after the marti thing) (and speaking of, the chuldur's were kinda very sketched-in / surface-level as villains as well) … yeah. idk. kinda disappointing ngl (diodati > this i think). pretty fucking gay tho so that was nice.

[jeremiah-fisher]

you and me,

—a the summer i turned pretty fic starring my first and favourite book boyfriend, jeremiah fisher ♡

「moments: college, reader insert」

JEREMIAH

— on a monday

. . .

“Jere, I know you’re busy, son, but please call me back when you get a chance. I need to discuss something with you.”

“Second time calling today, bud. Hope you’re doing okay. Call me back.” 

“Number three. I’m still at work but my secretary will patch you through.”

“Jeremiah. This is getting ridiculous. I know you have your phone on you. Call me as soon as you hear this.”

“For God’s sake, Jere. I have enough on my plate with Con and now I have to deal with you, too? Call me back. That’s an order.”

“Don’t bother calling me back. I’ve dealt with it.”

When I was five, my dad taught me how to leave voicemails. 

He had just returned from work and Mom was at the community centre volunteering with one of her nonprofits. Me and Conrad’s babysitter was just walking out the door, and Con wouldn’t let her go. She was the only high school kid who watched two whole episodes of Dragon Ball-Z with him and listened to all his ramblings about it. He was practically in love with her. 

Dad paid her an extra ten for dealing with my brother then sat us down on the sofa. He asked us if we wanted to watch some football with him, but I had another idea. I saw his phone in his pocket and I wanted to call Mom because I missed her. Dad was hesitant when I suggested it, but then he was pulling the phone out anyway. It never took much convincing to get Dad on your side. 

He called her number but she didn’t pick up. So he tried again. And then one more time. When it became obvious that she wasn’t going to pick up, Dad decided that I should leave a voicemail. 

With round eyes, I asked, “What’s that?”

“Well, it’s a message you can leave for someone on the phone. Here.” He dialled Mom’s number again then waited for it to go to voicemail. “Okay, it’s on. Tell Mom what you want, Jere.” 

In true excitement, I grabbed the phone from my father and stuck it against my ear like I had seen him do a thousand times. Usually as he was leaving in the middle of dinner. 

“Mom! Mom! It’s me! Jeremiah! Can you hear me?!” 

Dad chuckled and shook his head. “She can’t hear you, Jere. You just gotta leave a message. Tell her what you want.” 

I nodded. “Okay… Mom? I want to say… I love you. Bring me a cookie, please?”

When Mom came home later, she didn’t just bring me a cookie – she brought me a whole box. From the bakery near the community centre which I loved. We had been going there forever. Ever since it opened up years before. Mom loved their muffins and scones, Dad loved their mini cakes, and Con and I loved their cookies: chocolate chip for me and raisin for him. 

Mom died on an early morning last June. It hasn’t even been a year. When it happened, it happened so fast. One minute, Mom was asking if Con would read to her and the next, Nona was calling 911 and we were stumbling into the family car, following the ambulance as it took our mother to the hospital. Everything after that is kind of a blur. I remember it in parts – the nurses, the doctor, Steven, Belly, Laurel, Wendy… and YN. YN who wouldn’t leave my side for even a second. 

When they took Mom away, I thought for sure she would come back. How could it be that my mother existed for my whole life and then suddenly, she didn’t? That didn’t make any sense. 

But then Dad cried and it felt more real. He cried so much that he didn’t look like Dad at all. He wasn’t a crier, and he never encouraged us to cry either. But he cried that day in the hospital and then at the funeral home, and he couldn’t drive at all from all the crying in between so Conrad did. It was just me and him in the front seats while our Dad laid down in the back, clutching Mom’s favourite shawl. Conrad kept mumbling something about that under his breath, but I couldn’t make it out. 

When Dad was composed enough to go back to the funeral home, me and Conrad were alone for the first time. It was night time and the house felt so empty. Empty and sad and a little bit haunted. 

We sat at the kitchen table. There was so much food on it. Trays and bowls and plates from relatives and neighbours and Mom and Dad’s friends. There was so much food that some of it had to be stacked on top of each other. I wondered how we would eat it all, now that our family was down to three people. 

Conrad poured out a glass of milk which he drank in silence. It had to be rotten. No one had been to the grocery store in a while. That whole week when Mom got so sick that even Dad stopped going to work, the last thing any of us thought about was making sure the fridge was full of fresh groceries. 

He didn’t want to talk about it, about how Mom was gone, how she wasn’t coming back, and how it was just us now. Conrad did what he always did, including that night – he went to his room alone. Later, after I finished cleaning the kitchen, I went upstairs to mine. I thought about going to his room, because maybe if we were together instead of apart, we could still hold onto Mom somehow. But when I went to his door, I heard him crying. Big, fat, choked sobs. So I left him alone. 

In my room, YN was tucked under my covers. She stayed with me the whole day, and must have gotten in while we finished up at the funeral. I was grateful her parents didn’t force her to go home. I always need her, but that day, I needed her more than air.

I didn’t say anything to her as I crawled into bed, and she didn’t say anything to me. But when I started crying, too, she wrapped her arms around me and whispered one of my mom’s favourite poems in my ear until I fell asleep.

I stare down at my phone and press ‘delete’ on the piled up voicemails from my father. As soon as they’re gone, I dial an old number and wait until it reaches the voicemail box. I bite down on my lip to keep myself from crying when her voice swims in. Forever familiar and forever gone.

“This is Susannah Fisher! Or Beck, if you know me well enough. I’m sorry I couldn’t make it to the phone, but leave me a message and I’ll call you back in a jiffy!” 

I tighten my grasp on my phone and breathe in slowly. “Mom… I… I miss you. Every day. I miss you like crazy. I wish it wasn’t like this.” 

I try not to cry as I turn my phone screen off. In a frat house, the last thing you want is to be caught crying. Even about dead parents. 

Lifting myself off my desk chair, I head to the door and then downstairs to the kitchen because that’s where all the cereal is. It’s half past five and most people are either studying, prepping for a party, or participating in a campus club activity. I’m supposed to head to hockey practice in an hour. We have an away game next Sunday, which Coach says we need to be more prepared for. These days, all the ‘preparation’ has made my body ache. I feel like a sack being pushed around on the ice. The pain gets so bad some days that I miss being tackled on the field when I used to play football. 

“Yo, Fisher! What’s up, bro?” 

I turn around with a spoonful of cereal in my mouth to see Redbird – who’s real name is Tom but only his mother calls him that – stalking into the kitchen with a backpack hitched over one shoulder. He pulls it off and throws it in a random corner, knowing one of us freshmen will pick it up and bring it to his room later. He was always doing that. Even just as a sophomore, he thought he ruled the house. In a way, I guess he did.

“Nothing, man. Just having some cereal.” 

He smirks. “Late breakfast?” 

I had already had breakfast with YN downtown today in some little hole in the wall diner. I had two plates of pancakes and an Oreo smoothie. I was so exhausted after eating that we had to call a cab to bring us back to campus. 

“Yeah. Something like that.” I put my bowl down to set my eyes on him fully. “How’s Jen?” Jen, or Jennifer Munro, is the co-president of our sister sorority, Zeta Phi, down the street. Redbird started dating her a few months ago, and he talks our ears off about it any chance he gets. Half of us think he’s obsessed with her while the other half thinks he just likes the popularity being with her gets him. I’m part of the first half. 

Redbird grins. “She’s good. Studying for some test. We’re gonna head to a party later if you wanna join.” 

I shake my head. “Nah, I’m good. Have fun.” 

“Alright. If you change your mind, it’s down on Bayton.” 

Once Redbird is gone, I finish up my cereal then head upstairs to grab my hockey gear and my phone. I see a few texts in the frat group chat, a text from Conrad telling me Dad wants to see us next weekend (which I ignore for the time being), and a text from YN telling me she’s with her roommate at the library. 

Daisy: i’m at lindsay

Daisy: nat’s with me btw 

Jeremy: i’ll swing by after practice 

With my eyes glued to my phone, I’m heading out the front door when it opens to reveal someone standing on the other side. Lacie Barone, the social chair of Zeta Phi, smiles at me with all her perfectly aligned teeth on display. I had heard through parties that both her parents are dentists. It’s only now that I see how true it is. 

At 5’4, Lacie is much shorter than me, and she is undeniably one of the prettiest girls in the sorority, maybe even the whole university. The thing is, she knows this, too. And she uses it to her advantage. Before Redbird started dating Jen, he thought he might go for Lacie instead because she flirted with him at mixers. All the guys in the frat thought they could have a chance with her since she never dated anyone seriously, but always teased that she would if she found the right person. 

“Hey, Lacie,” I greet, returning her smile. “What’s up?” 

“Oh, nothing,” she replies, and her voice comes out a bit huskier than I remember it. Not that I talk to her all that much. “Actually, I was hoping to run into you.” 

“Me?” 

“Yes, you,” she giggles, tilting her head a little to examine me. Then she takes a step closer. Close enough so that I smell her perfume. It’s pleasant, but then again, most of her is. Lacie is one of those girls I would have totally gone for years ago when I was still figuring stuff out. Now, not so much. “As social chair, I’m in charge of planning the upcoming holiday mixer. Do you wanna help me?” 

I’m not an idiot. I know when a girl is flirting with me. I’ve had girls flirt with me since before I understood what it meant. Back in the day, I would return it. I’d entertain it, too, and let it be a means to a kiss or two. But not anymore. Every girl pales in comparison to YN. And suddenly, I miss her. 

I hike my hockey bag up my shoulder which still stings from yesterday’s practice. “Sorry, Lacie. I’m really busy with hockey and stuff. But you could ask Kev or Wren. They’re usually up for this kinda thing.” 

I try to bypass her, but Lacie holds a hand out and places it right on my chest. Then her smile starts to transform into a small pout, as if this is the worst news she has ever received.

“Do you, like, not like me or something?” Her voice comes out a little quieter this time, as if the thought of me not liking her is tragic. “Why do you keep pushing me away when I try to get close to you?”

Tiredly, I let out a sigh. “Look, Lacie, you're a really nice girl. And I won’t deny you’re hot.” This tidbit seems to peak her interest and I regret saying it as soon as it’s out. “But I’m not interested.”

“Why?” 

“I have a girlfriend. Pretty sure you’ve met her, too.”

Lacie’s face twists into agitation and disgust. And suddenly, I’m pissed at her. Pretty or not, if she has something bad to say about YN, she’s nothing to me. 

“Daisy? You mean, she’s not just a friend?” 

I want to correct her and say, well that’s just my nickname for her, but I don't. It’s nice that I say it so much that others have taken to believing it’s her actual name.

“Definitely not.” I try to walk past her again, but Lacie seems to adamant about keeping me here today. Her hand finds my forearm this time. I try to shake her off, but her grip is iron tight. “Lacie, I really gotta go.”

Lacie looks at me with anger lining her irises. It’s the first time I’ve seen her look that way at anyone. “You know, a lot of guys are into me. But I like you. Doesn’t that count for something?” 

I shrug because I don’t know how she wants me to respond to that. Sure, being liked is always nice. Especially by popular girls. My ego definitely doesn’t hate it. But I’m also not sure what she wants me to do about her supposed feelings for me. 

“Thanks for liking me, I guess.” 

Her face drops. “That’s all you have to say?”

“What else do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know. How about something better than ‘thanks?’”

“Thanks so much?”

Lacie rolls her eyes and walks back down the steps right past me. Then, at the bottom of the steps, she turns to face me again and stares at me with hard eyes. Under the sun, I have to squint to look at her. 

“I’m basically dangling myself in front of you like bait, Jeremiah, and you just don’t get it. What does Daisy have that I don’t?”

I purse my lips. I want to say, ‘a lot.�� But I don’t. “It’s not about that.”

“Then what’s it about?”

“I love her.”

Lacie clicks her tongue. “You’re a schmuck. When I walk away, I’m never coming back. Believe it.”

I nod, believing her because I know girls like her really do mean it. With another roll of her eyes, she strolls away, swaying her hips a bit, and I just shake my head as I walk towards campus in the opposite direction.

. . . 

YN

— on a wednesday

Fraiser Mont’s campus is giving me a migraine. A proper, nausea inducing, head-spinning migraine. 

I have been standing in the middle of campus trying to figure out where Albert Hall is and no matter which way I walk, I can’t seem to figure it out. It’s not like I’m bad with directions, but I’m definitely ready to claim that the map they gave us during freshman orientation is a total waste of paper. Nothing makes sense and there are so many people and so many buildings and I’ve gotten lost enough times to never want to step foot on campus ever again. 

In utter frustration, I release a sigh and stand back to stare at the digital map standing between trees on the heart of campus. Because my paper one is such a waste, I figure, how bad can the digital one be? But over the last few minutes, it has proven to be much the same as its sibling. 

“God,” I mumble to myself, licking my lips as cold, autumnal air whips my cheeks. It’s only the start of October and I’m not the least bit happy about it. “I’m never getting to class at this rate.”

I’m about to reach inside my pocket for my phone when, all of a sudden, a ginormous weight rushes in, dropping itself on me. Long, familiar arms go around my body, encasing me in a cocoon of warmth I very badly needed. 

I don’t say anything to him as he rocks us side to side. Then his mouth is in my ear. 

“Hey, so,” he starts. “I haven’t seen you, like, all day.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

I hum, feeling my love for him blind my need to get to class on time. I’m not really looking at the campus map anymore more so than enjoying the warmth of his body holding mine. “So that wasn’t you making faces at me from the door of my chem lab earlier when you were supposed to be in stats?”

“Definitely not. I was in class.” He spins me around and grins while my eyes roll back a bit at his very obvious lie. He had run away the moment my TA saw him. “Okay, so I got to class a few minutes later. Big whoop.”

“If you flunk out, you won’t get a good job. And if you don’t get a good job, I can’t marry you.” I’m teasing and the look on his face is worth all the gold in the world. 

Jeremiah gasps. His mouth actually drops open in genuine shock. It shouldn’t be as funny as it is when I start laughing to myself. “What?!”

I shrug, totally nonchalant. “Well, my parents wouldn’t let me marry a bum.”

“I wouldn’t be a bum!”

“Try telling my parents that.”

He pouts, extra adorable in moments between autumn and winter when his cheeks are a little rosier and his eyes a little bluer. “Your parents love me!”

“Sure. For now.” 

His pout turns into a frown I want to kiss away but I hold myself back. I can’t let him win so easily. Not like he always does because I’m so damn weak for him and his cuteness. “Shit, I’m gonna be stressed out for the next four years.”

“Calm down, Jere-Bear,” I chuckle, leaning up to peck the tip of his Rudolph-esque nose. He always smiles really big when I peck him there and today’s just the same. “We’re going to be fine. It’s you and me, remember?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, and then he sneezes, and I’m pulling out my pack of Kleenex I keep handy just for him. 

Jeremiah has the absolute worst seasonal allergies known to man. He sneezes so much and so often that you would think he wasn’t born to do anything else. He’s fine in the summers, but when spring comes around, he’s a mess. And during the colder months, he sneezes because of how easily his body falls ill. I started pushing him to take vitamin C tablets to help supplement his awful immune system, but he says he hates the way they taste. It wasn’t until I got him orange flavoured ones that he finally changed his mind. 

“Let me take you to class,” he offers, sliding my backpack off my shoulders and onto his own. When I give him an unimpressed look, he goes, “My next period’s free, I swear on my inheritance.” 

I laugh and intertwine our shaky fingers. We’re both cold and it would be lovely to get out of it and into a lecture hall soon. “I’d marry you for your inheritance.”

“Not my dashing good looks?”

“Nah. What’s beauty to money?” 

He leans down to kiss my cheek. We both smile at each other like fools. “What about the fact that I’ve been stupidly in love with you for my whole life?” 

“I’d tell you you’re bad at math because we met when we were ten so that’s not your whole life.” 

“It’s the most important part.”

At this point, we have walked so far down the road that somehow, we have ended up at Albert Hall. I don’t know how Jeremiah got us here, but I’m thankful.

I stop to look up at him. Just as I suspected, his face is constructed to be full of doubt and pain masked by a simple smile. All our years of friendship have taught me exactly how to read him between the lines. And I’m grateful to be good at that despite all the things I’m bad at. 

I squeeze his hand in mine. “I don’t like being away from you either,” I tell him truthfully, each word honest and a little bit sad as it falls from my lips. I finally understand what this is all about and I hate that he feels this way at all. “But this campus is so big and we have so many classes. We can’t be together all the time.”

His smile finally withers away and he presents a frown which breaks me. “I thought it’d be easier now, you know? We could be together whenever we wanted, like how we were in the summers.”

“I know,” I nod, knowing exactly what he means and how he’s feeling. The summers in Cousins, the ones we used to have with all of us there, are a thing of the past now. In less than a year, life isn’t what we used to know. “But I like missing you sometimes because it feels so good when I see you again.”

He scoffs, but I see his cheeks burn with colour again. “Yeah, well, I don’t like missing you.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“No.”

I chuckle, wanting to kiss him in front of everybody, but I hold myself back. I shouldn’t fuss about what others think, but a part of me does. “Obsessed boyfriend alert.”

Jeremiah takes me into his arms again. “That’s right. I’m fucking obsessed with you, YN.” He grabs my face in his big hands and kisses me full on the mouth, right there for everyone to see. Funnily enough, no one seems to care as they head to their respective classes or focus on their phones. It helps me melt into our kiss a little more. When we part, he keeps his face close to mine and rubs his thumb across my bottom lip. “Wanna know what I’d marry you for?”

“Everything?”

He grins and leans in again to cover my face with tiny kisses. I giggle, feeling so stupidly in love that it outweighs me. “Every–” kiss “little–” kiss “thing.” 

For the next two hours, Jeremiah sits beside me in Albert Hall, playing games on his phone whilst my professor talks about molecular biology and every time I need a destresser from all the concepts being thrown at me, I reach down for my thigh only to find my boyfriend’s hand ready to squeeze mine, and I’m okay again. 

. . . 

JEREMIAH

— on a thursday

Every title on the Netflix homepage starts to blur about five or six minutes into searching for something worthwhile to watch. Usually, I’m not picky. I’ll watch anything so long as it’s not a period drama. But tonight, everything appears lacklustre and I’m struggling to stay awake even though I downed two energy drinks whilst studying earlier. I have a massive exam tomorrow and I’m internally freaking out about how that’s going to go. On the outside, I keep telling everyone I’m majoring in beerology. 

YN is next to me, her fingers tapping away on her MacBook. It’s brand new and pink. As in, someone specifically bought it in that colour for her. I smile to myself thinking about how I saved up every dollar last summer to get it for her birthday and how she got me a pair of Nike AirForces in a matching shade for mine. I never take them off.

Almost absentmindedly, I swing my head her way to watch her study whatever it is on her laptop screen which has captured all her attention. YN is wicked good at keeping her attention on one thing at a time, and never diverting from it. Me, on the other hand, I get distracted by everything. 

“Hey,” I call out, hoping to catch her eyes. But she doesn’t look up. “Are you gonna ignore me all night?”

YN chuckles, but still keeps her eyes glued on her screen. “If I really was ignoring you, I wouldn’t have replied.”

I shuffle my body closer to hers, and settle my head in the crook of her shoulder. I take a look at the screen to see what has her so occupied. It’s an article from an academic journal on neuroscience. The entire page is covered in big words I don’t understand, and it hurts my eyes a little bit.

Confused, I crane my head up a bit to question her. “You’re reading about neuroscience?”

“Yup,” she nods. Her finger pushes down on the arrow key, and the page moves.

“Why?”

“Because it’s interesting.”

“What’s so interesting about it?”

“I don’t know. It just is. What’s with all the questions?”

I tickle her side and she giggles. “I’m bored and you’re sitting here reading about neuroscience.” I don’t say it out loud, but I think it’s really fucking hot that she does that. During the summers, YN would never think about school or studying or books, apart from her cheesy romance novels. But seeing her now, I get to comprehend who she is a whole lot better. And it’s sexy. 

“It’d interest you, too, if you gave it a chance.” 

“Nah.” I lean back against my pillow and bring her into me. Her laptop falls against the bed sheets but now that I’m all over her, she doesn’t seem to mind so much. “The only brain I care about is yours.”

YN reaches up to dig her fingers into my hair. I melt into it a little bit. Into her. “Is that the best you’ve got, Fisher? I’ve seen you flirt with girls. I know you can do better.”

I stare at her. Every so often, YN will make a jab about all the girls I’ve messed around with. Before we got together, I took it as a friend teasing another friend sort of thing. But now, it’s different. It hurts. I don’t want her to think of me as some kind of guy who throws himself at any girl he wants. And what I hate more is that I can’t go back and change her mind about any of it. This is who I was to her and sometimes, it’s who I still am. 

As my mood changes, YN picks up on it quickly, and then she is scrambling to make things right. Her arms fling themselves around my neck, tight and desperate. I watch the remorse take shape on her face, the way it creeps onto her mouth and spills into her eyes. She looks like she wants to cry. 

“I’m sorry,” she murmurs, her breath warm on my face. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Then how did you mean it?”

YN swallows, and I watch the motion in her throat. I need to keep my eyes on her face or else I might just get up and walk out. I’m itching to do it, to put distance between us, even though I know it’s not right. Any distance between us now feels like the end of the world.

Gently, YN touches my hair and pushes it back so she can see my eyes better. “It’s stupid. I’m stupid. I’m really sorry.”

I shake my head. Then I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. YN grasps me harder, harder than ever before, like she’s afraid I might disappear from right in front of her. 

“You still see me as that guy,” I say quietly, accusation simmering upon every word which exits my mouth. “I’m not like that anymore. Not since you.”

“I know, I know. I’m so sorry, Jere. Honest. I don’t know why that slipped out.” Her nose meets mine as she nuzzles into me, her go-to apologetic action. I melt into it, too, just like always. “I love you so much. Please forgive me.”

Even though the hurt lingers, I find myself wrapping my arms around her body, and when I do, she deflates against my chest, tucking her head into the crook of my neck. I feel her breathe me in–deep, long breaths. When I hear her breath hitch, the way it does when she is about to cry, I hold her tighter. 

Later, the credits of White Chicks are rolling on the flat-screen TV and YN is hiccuping from laughter as she reaches out for her water bottle. It’s black and has a logo of the student union on it. We got a whole bunch during Frosh Week, and YN took to putting them on everything she owns. I have a feeling she might want to be a part of the union someday.

“That movie never gets old,” YN chuckles, setting her bottle aside. I pull her into me so she lands on my chest. For a long moment, neither one of us says anything and I think I’m falling asleep, but then YN starts drawing circles on me and I know she has something on her mind. 

I bring my fingers to the side of her head and brush some strands away. “What’s up?”

“Word on the street is… Lacie Barone has a thing for you.”

I don’t know why, but hearing her say that makes me clamp up. I have nothing to be afraid of or to feel guilty about, but suddenly, I do. I feel bad all over. 

I’m tentative as I ask, “Where’d you hear that?”

“Through the grapevine.” 

I look down at her with an unamused look. 

YN chuckles and sets her chin on my chest. Her slightly awkward smile makes me want to kiss it away. Is this what her earlier comment was about? “Fine. Redbird told me.” A pause hangs between us, and then, almost brokenly, she questions, “She asked you out?”

“Not… not really.” 

“Come on, Jere. You can tell me. It’s not like I’ll be mad.”

“That’s not it. She didn’t ask me out. We just… talked.” 

“Oh, yeah? When?”

“I don’t know. A few weeks ago, maybe? It was before I went to practice. She came over here and we just talked by the door.” I stop explaining to gauge her expression. “Are you pissed?”

“No. Should I be?”

“No! Nothing happened between us. We just talked.”

“Okay, so then, it’s fine.”

“You’re not mad that she likes me?”

YN chuckles. “No. I can’t control who has feelings for you.”

I narrow my eyes on her. “You’re oddly calm about this. What are you thinking?”

“I’m thinking…” she says, her finger travelling down my chest. “That Lacie Barone is probably so jealous of me. I get to have you and she doesn’t.”

“YN…”

“Aren’t I right?” YN lifts herself up and slides her hand under the hem of my Fraiser Mont sweatshirt. Her warm, nimble fingers caress my skin in waves of curiosity and desire. I love when she touches me like this–possessive and a little bit crazy. “Because while she sits all alone on her pretty little pink princess bed in her stupid little sorority, I get to be here with you.” Her fingers pass over my stomach, making it do somersaults. I swallow, trying not to get worked up but knowing I’ll fail by the end. “And I get to touch you… and kiss you…” Her fingers work their way up my body, making me breathe heavy until her thumb finds my right nipple. Then I just about lose myself to her, to everything she never fails to make me feel. “...and fuck you, and she can’t do anything about it.”

My eyes flash with desire, unkempt and ferocious. Even when she thought Belly and I had something, YN had never been this vocal about her jealousy. The fact that she feels even the least bit threatened by Lacie should be hilarious, and the two of us should be sitting in bed laughing about it, but this… this is somehow not what I expected and equal parts something I don’t hate as much as I should. 

If the fact that Jeremiah Jr. is chubbing up is anything to go by.

I bite down on my lip in an effort to keep my moans from running loose but it’s utterly useless when YN pulls her hands out from under my shirt and reaches in for a kiss. I grab her by the waist as she lunges herself at me, settling her perfect ass on my nether region. 

Each kiss she gives me is lengthy, wet, and hot. Our mouths feel like they’re on fire; crackles of flame dripping from our lips and onto the other’s. 

“Lift your arms,” she instructs, her voice husky, like she just ran a marathon. 

I bite down on her lip and drag it out with my teeth. I smirk to let her know I will be doing no such thing. “Why don’t you make me?”

YN licks her lips and scrambles for my shirt, dragging it off my body, up and over my head, until I’m naked from the waist up. I meet her gaze for a moment, hoping I can read her eyes, but she won’t let me. The brown of her irises fly over every part of me as she takes me in, as if this is both her first time seeing me this way and her last. Her gaze burns, and rattles me to the core. Each time we do this, I feel like I’m falling in love with her all over again.

“Lacie doesn’t get to touch you,” she murmurs, hesitant eyes finding mine. They’re begging for confirmation and I can’t wait to give it. “It doesn’t matter how she feels.”

“Okay,” I nod, setting my hand in her hair so I can push some back. I’ve always loved touching her hair. I love how soft it is, and how good it smells. Back when her hair was the only part of her I could touch intimately, I took full advantage. And now, it’s muscle memory.

“I mean it,” she presses, and her eyes get that teary look to them again, like she’s really scared. I bring her in for a small kiss, which she returns in desperation. 

I rub my thumb over her cheek, trying to get her to calm down. I don’t know why Redbird told her about Lacie in the first place. I don’t know why I told him. The guys and I were just talking the other night and when they talked about Lacie having a thing for me, I blurted out what happened. I hadn’t expected it to get back to YN, especially not like this. And it wasn’t like I was trying to hide it from her. A part of me knew she’d be hurt if she knew so I kept it to myself. 

“There’s no one for me but you, YN. You know that.”

YN frowns. I try to kiss it away, but she frowns even harder. “I know that, but does she?” Her chest rises as she breathes in and out fast. “I hate that bitch.”

“Woah,” I laugh, tickling her side. “Hold on a sec, babe. What’s with the language?”

“Well, what else do I call the girl trying to steal my boyfriend?”

I’m filled with so much love for her that I grab her in a hug, taking us tumbling down into the sheets. I throw my legs over hers, wrapping us in like a cocoon. Then I start leaving kisses all over her face and jaw and neck, until she’s giggling and trying to push me away. 

“Alright, okay! God! Will you stop?!” 

“No way,” I throw back, squeezing her in close; close enough that I can smell my body wash on her from when she showered here this morning. I don’t know why, but that turns me on even more. “There’s no boyfriend to be stolen, just so you know.” 

“Still…” A lightning strike of something bold and yearning passes over her face, and suddenly, she’s pushing me onto my back and straddling me. When her eyes fall into view again, I warn my dick not to start acting up before I can figure out where this is going. I don’t want to spend extra time in the bathroom again like last weekend when YN was bent over doing pilates on my floor minutes before Natalie, her roommate, called her out for drinks, leaving me all alone to deal with my mess. “Her goddamn audacity is pissing me the fuck off.”

I rub the sides of her waist, hoping to calm her down. “Mm… so, what are you gonna do about it?” Okay, so maybe I’m trying to do the opposite. 

“For starters, I wanna beat her up.”

I can’t help it when I laugh. Just the thought of YN brawling with Lacie is funnier than it should be. And hilariously enough, I know YN would win. All those years of basketball, swimming, and surfing have made her stronger than she looks. And funnier than that is the fact that her fighting for my honour gets me all hot on the inside.

“Baby, Daisy, love of my life,” I tease, adding an extra bit of cheesiness to my nicknames to placate her. “You don’t have to do that. I’m only yours, and you’re the only girl for me.”

The corners of her lips start to lift up in a tiny smile. I press a hand to the back of her neck and pull her down for a soft kiss. It’s sweet at first, our lips together and moving perfectly in sync, but then my dick stirs again and I know I need her real bad. 

YN laughs into my mouth when her ass grinds on me just right. “Excited?”

“You have no idea how much,” I groan, breathing the words hastily. I need her so badly. Now, now, now. I feel like I’ll explode if she doesn’t touch me more. I lift my hips a little to give her a taste of the reckless desire I’m experiencing. “Feel that?”

YN licks her lips, and I know just by looking at her face that she’s just as far gone as me. All she’s wearing is a pair of my old shorts and a green t-shirt. When the tip of my cock meets her mound, I find out she’s forgone underwear and it makes me want to fuck her into oblivion. 

“Y-yeah.”

I don’t know why I say it, but when the words slip out, I don’t regret them half as much as I should because the fire in YN’s eyes is enough to make me want to do it again. Again and again just to see that look on her face. “You think any other girl makes me feel this way?” I say the words slowly, letting each one roll off my tongue carefully so she understands just how much I mean them. How true they are. “I can’t even get hard to the thought of anything but you.”

Her eyes fall shut, and she seems to mull the statement over whilst my dick begs to be paid attention to. “Jere…” she whispers, sounding just a little bit lost. “Promise… promise me something.”

“Whatever you want.”

“Promise me you’ll only think of me. When I’m here and when I’m not.”

“I promise.” 

YN opens her eyes, and for a moment, I think she is surprised by my answer but then the expression flies away and all that’s left on her face is pure adoration and… lust. 

She bends her body, and when she gets close to my lips, I think she’ll kiss me but she doesn’t because her mouth is suddenly on my chest and she’s kissing down the length of my torso with pecks wetter than the damn ocean. 

When she reaches my navel, her mouth presses around the point and she kisses me there, her lips moist and perfect. I didn’t know that was a place I could feel so thrilled by but now that I am, I never want her to leave it alone again. 

Her hands find the sides of my sweatpants, and she starts pulling them downwards. Down and down until my cock springs free, slapping up against my skin after being trapped for so long. I let out a breath of relief, feeling as though I ran a marathon even though I’ve been locked away in this room, and on this bed, for ages.

YN keeps her brown eyes on me, and they darken every inch that her mouth moves closer to my tip. I try to hold her line of sight but it’s hard with the way she hovers over my dick like it’s no big deal. She knows how sensitive I am there, and yet she always does this… this teasing game. 

It’s another thing I should despise but I don’t. 

With a hand on my inner thigh, YN leans in and breathes out over my dick. I whine, grabbing her shoulder to pull her closer to where I need her most but she is everything pure evil as she ducks down to kiss my other thigh. 

“Come on,” I beg, hoping she will get on with it. I have never been good at the waiting game, especially not with her. Other guys might love being pulled to the edge and thrown back, but I certainly don’t. I have zero patience for it. “Please… need you so bad.”

YN smirks. “I bet Lacie wouldn’t make you wait, huh?” 

“Babe.”

“I’m just being honest. With all the guys she’s been with… she must have lost some of her patience, too.”

I fold my smile in. I hate that I love this; the way she is isn’t right, but I love it. I’m practically salivating for it. “Are you calling her a slut?”

The tops of my girlfriend’s shoulders rise up, just a little to prove her nonchalance. “Maybe.” Her hand suddenly finds its way to the further up my thigh and closer to where I need her most. She keeps her eyes steady on mine as she whispers, “I can be a slut, too… for you.”

“Oh, fuck.” 

Without a single warning, YN lowers her head. Her hot breath sails over the tip of my dick again but this time, she takes the voyage home. 

The heat of her mouth engulfs me like a burning fire, hold and wild and uncontrollable. I fist her hair, grabbing as much as I can in my hand and away from her face so I can see it better. Every line and scar and all the small pimples she says she hates. To me, she’s the most beautiful person in the entire universe. No matter what she looks like. 

“Shit, shit,” I mumble as she licks a stripe down one side of me. I watch with bated breath as she fumbles around on the bed, searching for something. “W-What are you–”

Her eyes brighten as she seems to find whatever she was looking for, and I feel her smile take form right on my dick. I crunch back numbers in my head to keep myself from shooting down her throat right then. 

YN leans back and licks me softly while her hand drops something into mine. I lower my gaze and catch the sight of my phone on video mode. I stare at her, halfway between terrified and awestruck, and whisperingly ask, “Are you sure?”

YN leans up to touch her lips to mine in a breathless, barely there kiss. When she smiles, it’s wickedly sweet. “Trust me, you’re gonna wanna watch this later.”

I curse out as she slides back down my body.

I press start on the video, aiming to hold it in just the right position to capture the perfection of this moment but I’m shaking so much that the end result may appear more like something off Paranormal Activity than Pornhub. 

A rush of passion flows through my veins each time her tongue presses onto my hard dick, making it chub up and leak just for her mouth to lick up. YN makes a whole show of it, like those girls in the adult movies with their big eyes and sultry expressions. I muck up every second of it like I’m some kind of high I’ll never feel again.

When it gets to be too much and I know I’m close, I grip her head with my open hand and forcibly tilt it down so my cock pushes deep into her mouth. YN groans, whines a little too, and I don’t hold back. I thrust in, my camera hand trembling, and I hit the back of her throat repeatedly. 

“Oh, fuck. Fuck. Your fucking mouth, YN… shit! Can’t get enough of you.” 

Even though I’m practically using her like a cock sleeve, my dream-like girlfriend smiles around the base of my dick and tightens her throat, letting me take everything I could ever want from her. Everything she wants to give me.

YN weens off me for a second to take my dick into her palm, but not before slathering it with her tongue. I feel my heart skip a beat. Then two more when she reaches into her panties to produce more wetness. 

Her fingers softly wrap around me as she talks, tugging on me, rubbing me up and down in the best way any guy could imagine being touched. “She won’t ever get to see you like this…” YN dips her mouth down to lick my tip. “...she’ll never get to watch your face change when you…” this time, she wraps her mouth over my tip and suckles, her eyes round and unforgiving on mine even though I’m so far gone, I wonder if it’s the blues she sees or the whites. “...come.”

Her voice is like a command because as soon as the word leaves her, I’m falling over the edge and spilling down her mouth in rivulets of paper white she swallows, happier than she ever was in both my dreams and fantasies combined I grab her by the face and tug her into me, throwing her under my body and leaning in as I kiss her hot on the mouth, not caring for my own taste because all I want, and all I need, is her. 

. . . 

YN

— on a friday

One of the best moments of my life happens minutes before I walk into my last midterm exam of the year in Wentworth Hall. 

There are rows upon rows of desks and chairs and the soggy smell of an old swimming pool next door and I should be scared absolutely shitless about how this exam is going to go but I’m hardly thinking about it when my phone tells me I have been tagged in a TikTok video. The username is from the school’s hockey team, so I open it more urgently. 

The official account of the Fraiser Mont varsity hockey team has posted a new video with all the team members stretched out across various areas of the rink and the locker room. The video starts out with Josh, the team’s defenceman, and one of Jeremiah’s close friends at the frat house. The cameraperson asks Josh who his type is. He immediately shouts, “Kiki Layne!” without missing a single beat. 

The camera then swerves to a bunch of other guys who name their favourite women, most of whom are celebrities. At the very end, the cameraperson finds Jeremiah sitting on a bench, sipping from his water bottle. He looks a little surprised to see the camera in his face at first, and it’s completely adorable. His eyes get so round and attentive. I’m practically melting on the sidewalk. I wonder if there will ever be a time when I’m not enamoured by him. 

“Hey, Fisher,” the cameraperson says. I finally recognize the voice as belonging to the editor of the school newspaper, Archie Rodriguez. “Who’s your type?”

Jeremiah looks right at the camera and grins, big and wide and endlessly gorgeous. ���My girlfriend.” In nanoseconds, his teammates jump on his back and pummel him, giving him noogies and slaps on the arms. And even still, through all the ruckus, he manages to find the camera again and winks, saying, “Love you, Daisy.”

I download the video with a giggle and save it to my JEREMIAH <3 folder.

A week later, one of the worst moments of my life arrives and it’s in the form of midterm grades having been uploaded to the university assessment website. I had been dreading the posting all week, after I left the exam room feeling as though I could have done better, and now, my greatest fears are confirmed. 

I’m failing chemistry.

Chemistry–a course I was brilliant at in high school. A course I never worried about ever in my life because everything about it used to come seamlessly to me, binding with my memory like glue so I was never afraid to step into chem class nor take a test. But now? Now, I’m doomed. A single dip in my GPA is threatening to my future. I know that better than I know anything else.

Misery slithers into my veins as I shut the lid of my laptop and stand up. My legs are wobbly and it’s hard to walk at first but eventually, I make it to my closet. I start rummaging through my drawer, under my folded shirts, until my hand lands on a bottle of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey I stole from my house the last weekend I spent over there. Dad must have forgotten about it under the kitchen sink and I thought Jeremiah and I could share it sometime. Now, I’m about to drown myself in it alone. 

Alarms blare inside my head as I walk back to my bed. Words like, don’t do this, YN. Don’t. pestering me incessantly with each step I take. The rational part of my brain seems to be working on overdrive. I ignore it, though, and pop open the top, readying myself to take a swig when my doorknob shakes and in strolls Natalie with Jeremiah right behind her. They’re laughing about something and it stops me dead in my tracks. 

I pull the bottle down, away from my lips, but I know I have nowhere to put it. Besides, Jeremiah has already caught sight of me and he looks concerned, which is saying something because Jeremiah rarely ever gets that way, and I usually don’t give him reason to be. 

His expression is deadly calm as he reaches my side, settling down on my bed as he gives me a once over. I begin to roll my eyes at him, knowing he won’t understand what I’m going through, when he asks, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” 

Natalie pretends to busy herself with her end of the room, fluffing her pillows as if they aren’t already perfectly fluffed and perfectly aligned. My roommate is OCD, I’m almost one hundred percent sure.

Jeremiah picks up my whiskey bottle and examines it. His left brow goes up, and then he finds my eyes again. “Were you gonna drink without me?”

Of course he thinks that is what I was about to do. 

“No, Jere, of course not,” I mumble, grabbing the bottle from him and finally taking a swig. He watches me do it and I go slow just for the dramatic effect. I hate that this is who I become when I’m stressed out, but at the same time, stopping myself from becoming this way is next to impossible. “Let’s just have a party, right here, at 10 AM.”

Jeremiah licks his lips and glances back at Natalie who is now fully indulged in the conversation being had without her. They share a look and the next thing I know, she is excusing herself to go do laundry. I scoff when she leaves the room empty handed.

As soon as the door shuts behind her, Jeremiah swings his gaze back on me and I read every bit of genuine fear and worry painted across his face. It sparks a semblance of guilt in the pit of my stomach, aiding my distress. I may not give him reasons to worry about me often but this time, I have.

“Why are you drinking? What happened?”

His questions set my heart on fire. The last thing I want to do is talk about what happened. If I do, it will make my losses and my failures and the fact that I suck more real. 

“Nothing happened,” I argue, taking another swig. Jeremiah catches the base of the bottle on its descent down then pulls it away from me completely. “Hey, give me that!”

“No way. Not until you tell me what the hell is going on.” He sets the bottle down on the floor and I hmph out angrily. “You never drink outside of parties. What’s going on with you? Did you have a fight with your mom? Or Esme?”

There are a lot of things which can bother a person once they start dating their best friend, and worse, when they start dating their childhood best friend. Someone who has grown up with them and seen all their sides – the good and the bad. 

Before we started college, all the bad seemed to stem from my strenuous relationship with my mother and older sister. They were, in some very vital way, one of the reasons why I looked forward to summers in Cousins the most. Because I could get away from them and have a life outside of the one I lived in Portland, in a house that often felt like it was suffocating me. 

All that bad and more, Jeremiah knows about. Heck, some of it he lived with me. He knows me better than I know myself, every bare inch of my soul. And I know I should be grateful for that. I should be celebrating the fact that I got so lucky to fall in love with someone who knows me so well that he can read even the slightest change in my behaviour. But I don’t want to. Not right now. Not at this moment.

Right now, all I want to do is wallow in my own pity and self-loathing. 

“I didn’t have a fucking fight with anyone, Jeremiah. Chill out.” 

I go to grab the whiskey again but he stops me. I was expecting him to because that’s who he is, but when he throws his arms around me in a hug, I’m left feeling more confused than ever.

He holds me tight, even scooting closer so we’re pressed up chest-to-chest, and he squishes his face in my hair. I smell him everywhere – his shampoo which smells like Asian pears, the subtle hint of cologne on his skin, and his uniquely Jeremiah Fisher scent I love most. And I just… melt. 

The tears come on and I sniffle into his shirt. I don’t say anything and we just sit there and hold each other for a minute. When Jeremiah does speak, he surprises me. 

“We can drink if you want to,” he says, his hand finding its way into my hair. “As much as you want. But you have to tell me what’s going on.” He leans back to look at me. He searches my face for a second then adds, “Is this about the midterm grades?”

“How did you–”

“Mine were posted two hours ago, so I just figured yours were, too.”

I lick my lips to give them some moisture. Even though I’ve had two swigs of whiskey, I feel parched. “And how’d you do?”

Jeremiah rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “I’m failing intro to business and barely passing math.” He grins as I just stare at him. “But C’s get degrees, right?”

I huff as I stand to my feet. This is precisely why I can’t talk to him about what I’m going through. He will never understand what it’s like to actually give a shit about school and grades and the future. Jeremiah only thinks in now’s and the present. When we were in middle school, he used to say that he would never work a day in his life because his father had so much money. He never once gave thought to making his own. His attitude even now seems to allude to old statements.

“Babe, I’m kidding–”

“Not all of us are rich, Jeremiah,” I fume, turning on him with flaming red ears and heat coursing through my veins. “We don’t all have daddy’s money to turn to whenever we want. I actually want to go to grad school, and failing chemistry isn’t going to help that!”

“I didn’t mean–”

Everything about this moment is slipping away from me and I’m transforming into a monster as each second passes, and yet, I cannot seem to bring myself to stop. If anything, I get worse. 

“Yeah, I know. You didn’t mean it like that.” I shake my head at him. “Are you ever going to take anything seriously? Or will you spend your entire life just having fun?”

Jeremiah jumps to his feet. His once calm demeanour changes, and he looks just as livid as I do. “What are you so pissed at me for? I didn’t fail your exam for you!”

I stare at him, not believing he just said that. Especially after being so sweet a minute ago. “Fuck you.”

His neck turns a dark shade of red, and his lips tighten to portray bouts of frustration I have undoubtedly flung on him. “What the hell is wrong with you? Just because I’m always nice and understanding doesn’t mean you can treat me like a damn punching bag, YN.”

“Nice and understanding?” I scoff. “Where was the ‘nice and understanding’ when I told you to stop playing video games so loud when I was studying for my test? Or when I told you I had to sleep but you dragged me to one of your stupid frat parties anyway?”

“You could have left any time you wanted!”

“So you and Miss Perfect Teeth could make out behind my back?” It’s a low blow and I know it but I don’t stop to think about the consequences when my mouth starts moving. Not even when Jeremiah looks at me like I’ve struck him with a sword. “I know what your frat brothers think of me. I know they think you should dump me for her. And honestly, why don’t you? She’s gorgeous and fits your type better than I do. She’s rich, too, so she’ll never fight with you about the future.”

In a low voice, Jeremiah whispers, “Where is all of this coming from? I thought we talked about Lacie. I don’t like her–”

“Yeah. For now. When I’m right here. When all of this is still so new. We’ve been together for two years. Two more and you’ll be sick of me.”

“That’s not true. Why are you picking a fight, YN? I love you–”

“And she could love you. Probably better than me, too. She’s definitely smarter. Did you hear she’s basically a shoo-in for Harvard? She’s going to become a freaking aerospace engineer and I’m failing first year chem!”

When the last of my words slip out of my mouth, Jeremiah walks past me and out my door. He doesn’t even glance back. Not once. And with him gone, everything I said comes flooding back and I fall to the ground crying. 

. . . 

Jeremiah hasn’t texted me. All day. It’s like he forgot he has a phone. A phone to call me with or text me with or do anything with. 

After our fight this morning, I was so certain we would go back to our old selves by the afternoon. But when his text never comes, even by sunset, I’m petrified that I ruined everything for us. Again. 

Most of all, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that the apologies outweigh me. I carry them around everywhere I go. It’s a Friday night and everyone on campus is readying themselves for a night in or a night out. There is a distinct buzz in the air, especially for that time between spring and summer. My first year at Fraiser Mont is about to come to an end and I should be celebrating with the person I love most. Instead, I’m walking around campus feeling utterly dejected and sorry for myself and trying to figure out if he and I can ever come back from this. 

Jeremiah and I have never really fought. Not about anything. Sure, we had our differences, like which Star Wars movie is the best or if Chinese or Indian food is better. But none of those differences have been so monumental to have completely upended our relationship – whether platonic or romantic. Now, I don’t know if I can say the same. 

It was so stupid of me to bring up Lacie. Especially since we already talked about it. Jeremiah had reassured me that nothing ever happened between them and nothing ever would. But the ridiculously insecure part of me kept thinking that if our circumstances were any different, there is zero doubt that Jeremiah would go for her. Even Taylor agreed. Belly thought Jeremiah loved me too much, but Taylor said that Lacie did seem like the type to beat a guy down until he submitted. So how long would that be? Lacie may be a year older than us, but Jeremiah’s never been opposed to older girls. He would kiss college tourists all the time back in Cousins.

Worst of all is what happened during my first week at Fraiser Mont and how, every so often, I replay it in my head.

Jeremiah had invited me and Natalie to the rager at the frat house at the end of the first official week of classes. I had meant to go and see his place earlier, but Frosh Week and basketball tryouts had taken up all my time. 

Natalie and I wanted to get dolled up with the girls in the hall, who were all going to different parties around campus, and between pre-gaming and photoshoots, we ended up being late to the party. 

Jeremiah was nowhere to be found when I first arrived, but Redbird was there and so were Wren and Clint. Wren asked us who invited us and Natalie said Jeremiah. Redbird got this look on his face, this look of understanding, and he immediately stuck his hand out for her. 

“Nice to meet ya, Mrs. Fisher. I’m Tom, but everyone calls me Redbird.”

Natalie giggled and shook her head, pushing me to the forefront. “Oh, that’s not me. YN is Jere’s girlfriend.” 

Redbird turned his eyes to me, stared for a second, then blinked twice. The haze of whatever he was drinking seemed to wear off and he finally understood what was going on. 

“Aw, crap. I fucked up. I’m sorry. YN, right?” He didn’t stick his hand out for me and everyone became visibly uncomfortable. Wren and Clint escorted Natalie in, while Redbird said he’d show me to Jeremiah. We walked inside and he kept talking. Over the last year, I’ve learned that Redbird talks a lot. “Sorry about that back there. I just figured when Fisher said he had a girl that she’d be…” Redbird seems to catch himself this time and flushes. “Sorry. I think I’m fucking wasted. I’m talkin’ outta my ass.”

When Jeremiah fell into view, Lacie was with him and they were smiling. Her body was way too close to his and he didn’t even seem to notice. He was talking to her and she kept nodding, taking dainty sips from her solo cup. I didn’t know her name or what she studied or anything else about her. All I knew was that I hated that girl. 

“Fisher! Your girl’s here, man!”

Jeremiah fell away from Lacie at once, grinning as he walked up to us. He threw an arm over my shoulder and tugged me into him, bumping fists with Redbird as he brought me over to Lacie. 

“Hey, Lacie, this is my girlfriend, YN.” 

Lacie nodded and smiled at me. At the time, I wanted to believe it was a pleasant enough smile. That it didn’t mean something awful. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I said back, smiling too. “Do you go to school here?”

“Yeah. I’m in my second year.” Lacie turned to smile at Jeremiah. “Jere, it was nice catching up with you again.” Her hand landed on his bicep and swept down. I froze, but said nothing. What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey! Get your hand off my boyfriend, bitch!’ “I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah,” Jeremiah nodded in return, and I hated that his smile said he meant it. Either he was purposely being obtuse or he truly had no idea that that girl was flat out flirting with him. That she liked him. When he turned to me, I must have appeared peeved because he said, “Hey, you alright?”

I pasted on a smile so he wouldn’t know how I was feeling. I didn’t want our first college party to become an emotional warzone. Besides, that thing with Redbird was natural. It happened all the time when people saw me and Jeremiah together. Back in Cousins, Mr. Roscha once joked that Susannah was like Angelina Jolie with the circle of friends she kept. Even though she never invited the Roschas over for dinner again after that, Mr. Roscha’s comment stuck with me. Is that the way people saw us? Like some big poster board for multiculturalism?

It was the thing with Lacie that annoyed me the most. Lacie Barone pissed me off precisely because she was exactly Jeremiah’s type. Or at least, the type everyone expected him to have. Even when he said I was the only girl he loved, what did it matter if I didn’t live up to the women he actually found attractive?

After walking around for almost an hour, I set myself down on a bench outside of The Lindsay O’Brien Arts and Sciences Library. It is the most high-tech library on campus, with the newest computers and tablets for students. Natalie and I often find ourselves on the second floor, typing away essays or prepping for labs. It’s essentially our second home. There is a Starbucks on the first floor. Without really thinking about it, I gravitate towards it. 

Ten minutes later, I have two frappuccinos in my left hand and my phone in my right. I check Jeremiah’s location and breathe a sigh of relief when I discover he’s at the park down the street. I get on the first bus which passes by, hoping my drinks don’t melt too much. The bus drops me off at the edge of the park and the moment I step onto the sidewalk, I see my boyfriend in a white t-shirt shooting hoops with his frat brothers. 

None of them notice me walking up. They’re all equally as enthralled in the game as the others. The game looks intense and I wonder if I’ll be able to catch Jeremiah’s attention at all. I take a seat on the bleachers and wait, taking sips from my drink every so often. 

I keep my eyes on Jeremiah. He moves so coolly over the court, as if it was made for him to run around on. In high school, watching him play football was incredible. He was so good at it, so alert at all times. His coach thought he might play professionally someday. Even when his dad ignored his games, Jeremiah tried his hardest to be the best. And he was. This past winter, when he played hockey for the varsity team, he was phenomenal on the ice. Each game felt like I was watching a beautiful story unfold. And he seemed happier, too. Happier on the ice than he ever was on the field. 

He’s a jock. He always has been. Sports are what he does best. And I love that about him. The fact that anything he puts his mind to, he does so well in. No matter how much effort it takes.

I’m finishing up my frappuccino when Jeremiah finally walks up to me. He pushes his curls back as he gets closer, moving them away from his eyes. He grabs his drink out the tray and takes a sip. 

“It’s melted–” He ignores me and keeps drinking until half the coffee is gone. I swallow the pain lodged in my throat and timidly meet his eyes. “Can we talk?”

He keeps the tip of the straw in his mouth and asks, “What about?”

“Just… everything.” I know him. I know he won’t make this easy. He wants me to apologize and put on a performance and I will. I’ll do anything for him. Always. “Wanna go get cheeseburgers?”

He shrugs then takes another sip. “I don’t know. My car’s back at the house.”

“Let’s walk there.”

“It’s far.”

“That’s okay. We can talk on the way.” When he doesn’t respond after a few seconds, I turn desperate. “Please, Jere. This whole day has been so crappy. I just wanna eat burgers with you.”

And though he has every right to make me suffer a little more, just a little while longer for all the horrible things I said earlier, he doesn’t. Because that’s not who he is. He waves at his friends and promises to meet up later, and then off we go in the direction of the McDonald’s twenty minutes away.

Jeremiah doesn’t say anything at first. He just keeps sipping on his frappuccino. It isn’t like him to stay so quiet. He must be really upset. And I made him that way. 

We’re about to cross the street when I turn and face him, making myself look at him directly. I need to see him. To see him clearly and remember the promises I made to his mother and myself when she passed away. 

‘I’ll take care of your angel, Susannah.’ 

I reach for his hand and he surprises me by holding mine back. I smile a little, our intertwined fingers giving me a new sense of hope. He’s already looking at me when I lift my head up. “I love you,” I tell him, honest and truthful and real. “I love you more than ice cream and all the sand on Cousins Beach and more than Hayden Christensen in any movie he’s done.” Jeremiah rolls his eyes at the last remark, but the ends of his lips lift up, too. I’m making progress, thank God. “And I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean it. It doesn’t matter if she could love you or even if she already does. I love you more. I always have and I always will. I’m sorry I was mad. None of it was your fault and I did use you as a punching bag. I’m really sorry, Jere. You’re my favourite person and I love you so much and I just…” The end of my sentence gets muffled by his chest as he brings me into him for a hug. I breathe him in, in all his sweaty, Jeremiah Fisher goodness. “I don’t want to lose you.”

He kisses my hair. “You won’t. Not ever. Not to anyone.” He pulls away so we’re looking right at each other. “You’re the only girl who never gets mad when I eat the last of her food, so how could I lose you?”

His little joke gets a thunderous laugh out of me and when he lifts my hand up to kiss the back of it, I know we’re okay. Really, really okay. Maybe we will have more of these useless and ludicrous fights in the future but so long as we find one another again, we’ll be alright. 

At McDonald’s, I save one last French fry and as the two of us are leaving the restaurant, I catch Jeremiah by the sleeve of his shirt and force him to look at me. Then I stick one side of the fry in my mouth and he does nothing but chuckle, bring me in by the waist, and chew on his end until his lips meet mine.

. . . 

JEREMIAH

— second year, on a sunday

I’m swamped after hockey practice tonight and truthfully, I should do as Coach recommended and catch up on my sleep in time for the big game tomorrow night, but as it goes, I’m bad at taking advice and I would much rather be in my girlfriend’s bedroom with her feet in my lap as she reads her textbook and I decide between the five different shades of blue nail polish she has. 

“Just pick anything,” she instructs, wiggling her toes at me.

I mull over the choices again. Cobalt blue. Sky blue. Peacock blue. Ocean Blue. Sapphire Blue. So, so, so many blues. Half the time I think these are all the same colour and the nail polish industry is just lying to these girls who buy them. There can’t possibly be that much of a difference between all of these blues. Right?

“Jere, come on,” YN whines, looking up from her history textbook with a flicker of irritation. “The faster you do this, the faster I can get ready and we can go.” 

I pick up the one labelled ocean blue and spin it open. “Alright, princess. Chill for a sec.” I hold her big toe and slowly paint down her nail. “There. One toe done.”

YN looks over her book again and grins. “Why do you always pick ocean blue?”

I gawk at her. “How can you tell the difference between all these blues?!”

“I just can.” She puts her book down and smirks. “Wanna know why I always pick blue nail polish?”

I get started on her other toes. “Because it’s your favourite colour.”

“Yeah, duh. But why is it my favourite colour?”

“Because…” I finish off with the second last toe and look up with a cocky grin. “Because of my beautiful blue eyes.” For emphasis, I make my eyes bigger and blink in rapid succession. “These babies are what made you fall for me, huh?”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t your charming personality.”

I laugh and easily pull her other foot closer. Over the years of continuously doing this, I think I could get a degree in it. I might be as good at painting nails as I am at hockey or football. “Or was it the fact that I gave you a nickname and bought you ice cream?”

“Probably the ice-cream.” I tickle the bottom of her feet and she giggles. “I like blue because it reminds me of the ocean, too, and of being back in Cousins.”

I cap off the nail polish and smile at her. “We’ll go down as soon as school lets out. Deal?”

“Yeah.” 

The both of us have been going back down to Cousins Beach since last year. After Dad tried to sell the house – Mom’s house – it felt all the more important to keep going back, to keep making memories even if the person who held everything together was gone. In a way, being there meant being closer to Mom, too. Her grave was closeby and we could visit whenever we wanted. 

These days, I was thinking about asking Con if he would be okay with me and YN living there permanently after we graduate. I haven’t talked to her about it, but I know she would want to. I can build that surf shop with my inheritance and YN could find some work in town. Most of all, I think we could both be happy there. In the place that started it all for us. And I could marry her there. Kiss her on the beach in front of our families and friends. Promise my life to her like I already have so many times in my heart. 

YN uses her big toe to poke my stomach. “Hey, what are you thinking so hard about?” I grin and lift up that same toe to kiss it. She recoils and makes a face. “Ew! Gross! Do you have a thing for feet all of a sudden?”

“No, but maybe I just have a thing for your feet.”

“You disgust me.”

I lean over her body until I’m right on top of her. Her textbook falls out of her hands, landing somewhere on the floor, and I just take my time to stare at the girl I’ve been in love with my whole life. “I’m disgusting?”

“Oh, yeah,” she replies, her breath on my lips as she cards her fingers through my hair. I’ve always loved that, that feeling of her familiar fingers floating through my hair. There was no better feeling in the world. Sometimes, it reminded me of my Mom, too, when we would be on the couch and she would read me her poems and run her fingers through my hair for hours. YN leans in until our lips are milimetres away. “I think you’re filthy.”

The next thing I know, I’m sucking a hickey on her chest, she’s moaning my name, and we both forget to tell Natalie that neither of us can make it out to dinner with her and her boyfriend tonight. 

. . . 

YN

— third year, on a saturday

A few girls around school, the ones interested in hockey anyway, have taken to calling Jeremiah ‘sex on legs’ recently. His first two years as a defenceman put him on the map as a member of the Fraiser Mont Boys Varsity Hockey Team, but after this summer, when his Coach asked him to fill in the role as forward centre, the girls have been nothing short of loco. Everywhere you go on campus where hockey is even slightly mentioned, Jeremiah is talked about. And not only that, he is discussed. There is a message board outside the team’s locker room and I have seen more than a handful of love notes for my boyfriend stuck on it over the last few weeks. 

Funnily enough, I’m not jealous. I thought I would be since the Lacie Barone thing triggered me like crazy in first year, but surprisingly, I’m okay. Better than okay. And if there ever is a time I do find myself growing irksome, Jeremiah finds a way to dispel my bad thoughts (usually through physically draining means, which I’ll never complain about).

Tonight, the team is playing their last game of the season. Everyone is on high alert, especially since it’s a home game. The members’ families and friends are all here to witness the brilliant sporting event, and I’m happy that Mr. Fisher actually made it out. I was surprised when he called me to ask for the details last week. He said he would make time in his schedule to come. And then he did. And now, he’s sitting right next to me as I cheer so loud, my ears sting. 

I’m wearing Jeremiah’s jersey. His number is 27, and he always gloats to anyone who will listen that it’s my birthday. I’m sure people are sick of hearing it, but he never stops. He shows me off like I’m better than a trophy. And I guess, to him, I am. 

“YN,” Mr. Fisher says, grabbing my attention as I much on hot popcorn. I bought two bags for us but he has hardly touched his. I guess he’s colder than I am since he hasn’t even taken off his gloves. “Explain something to me.”

“Sure.”

He looks out at the rink, to where his son is nodding at his team member. “Is Jere always like this?”

“Like what?”

“This… cheerful playing hockey?”

I know what he’s trying to ask me, the question within the question he is afraid to voice. That parental regret I have learned is more normal than one would think. Mr. Fisher wonders if he steered his youngest child in the wrong direction when he pushed him to play football, like he did with his oldest. And now, he is thinking in what if’s. 

“Yes,” I nod, full honesty on my tongue. There is no point in lying to him. He doesn’t deserve that and neither does his son. “He is. He loves hockey more than anything.”

“More than football.”

“Yes. He… he loved football, but not like he loves hockey. He’s incredible on the ice, Mr. Fisher. Just look at him.” I smile out at the rink, watching Jeremiah glides across the ice like he was made to do it. “He belongs out there. Even though he grew up not playing it regularly, he’s now playing forward for one of the most exciting college teams in the country. That’s how extraordinary your son is.”

Mr. Fisher doesn’t say much of anything after that. He stays relatively quiet for the rest of the game, except for the parts when everyone cheers. When he cheers, it’s loud and proud and I’m sure Jeremiah whips his head around to hear it. I hold back my tears so I don’t ruin the moment. 

When the game is down to the last minute, everyone is at the edge of their seat. There is one goal standing between loss and victory. The entire arena is deadly silent, quiet in a way that is almost serene. But then Jeremiah focuses and his back bends and when he splits the ice with his shot, it flies right past the goalie and into the net. 

I let out the biggest scream of my life and Mr. Fisher laughs, and when I hug him, he hugs me back. We start jumping up and down together, the arena cheering and hooting and hollering. Jeremiah’s teammates all hit his back and helmet and he spins and laughs and then he’s skating over to the edge and I’m running down with Mr. Fisher right behind me. 

As soon as I’m in his line of vision, Jeremiah pulls the cage up and pulls his helmet off. I throw my arms around him and kiss the side of his head four times, just the way he likes. Then I kiss his lips because I can and because I just heard yet another girl walk by calling him hot. 

“You did so well,” I whisper, feeling so proud of him as he looks at me. I touch his hair and move strands away from his forehead. “We’re partying till dawn tonight.”

A sexy wickness flashes through his eyes. He knows exactly what I’m talking about and he’s just as excited as me. “I thought of you when I took that last shot.” He brings me in by fisting my jersey and kissing me. On my mouth, he smilingly whispers, “And I can’t wait to take so many more after this.”

I giggle as I pull myself away from him, giving his father space to talk to his son. I don’t know what they say to each other but I do know that the genuine smile on my boyfriend’s face is something I’m etching to memory. I snap a picture of them together on my phone and promise to get it printed for both of them later.

Once Mr. Fisher is gone, Jeremiah and I are walking out to the parking lot. We barely get inside his car before most of my clothes are off and I’m moaning his name under the stars.

[davidthephoneguy]

Ok Doctor Who ramble time after watching the two newest episodes which for reference I did still love and enjoy overall Also spoilers for parts of the episodes

Lets go, ok so I think the one thing i've been finding odd is the reuse of older quotes and shot compositions from older Russel T Davies episodes. Like in this one Ruby talks about how the world didn't end in 1963 which is worded almost exactly to what Martha says in The Shakespears code ('...am I missing something here? The world didn’t end in 1599. It just didn’t. Look at me, I’m living proof.') And the scene in Space Babies in which they stand infront of the large window feels eerily similar in shot composition and location to one of the first shots in Rose's second episode The End of the World, which also has the same scene of having her phone boosted and calling her mum.

Just things I've noticed that are either meant to be intentional call backs or just lazy reusing things that worked last time.

Also smaller gripe as The Beatles are one of my hyper fixation I am still so disappointment how little they are in the episode :( I don't think Ringo even gets a line in and George is just as easily dismissed, both writing some pretty good songs for the band (George writing the one song most people know of the group 'Here comes the sun') also John didn't wear those glasses at the time, like he was deeply insecure about needing glasses which could have also been a thing in the episode if they wanted to use the beatles in the story. It could be an endearing moment of showing their weakness and being able to start to bond to be friends to team up against the monster. They way they should have actually advertised the episode is 'The beatles appear twice and just exist I guess' Maybe the dance number at the end could have worked if the song was like tied to the musicians rather then repeating there's a twist at the end cause it would be cooler if it was a more hidden phrase. THEY COULD HAVE DONE THE SONG TWIST AND SHOUT MY GOD I JUST REALISED- THAT COULD GET ACROSS WHAT THEY WANTED THE SAME WAY AND FEEL MORE SUBTLE CAUSE ITS A SONG THAT ALREADY EXISTS AND JUSTIFIES ITSELF CAUSE THE BEATLES ARE THERE.) Ok i gotta stop typing now.

My apologies for length, doctor who and the beatles are both hyper fixations for me if it wasnt obvious already.

[kellanved-ammanas]

TF2 Drabbles Demo & Scout - Medic's Making a Frankenstein

Summary: Scout wakes Demo to share news on Medic's latest medical atrocity.

[A/N] Special Halloween drabble, yay!

~

A frantic knocking jerked Demo out of sleep. It sounded urgent, clearly it was important. He stumbled out of the bed to answer it.

It was Scout. “Medic’s making a Frankenstein.” Never one to mumble, his words were perfectly audible if spoken a bit fast and yet… Demo had no idea what he meant. It was too early in the morning and he was too hungover for whatever this was.

“What?”

“Medic’s making a Frankenstein,” Scout repeated, speaking slower this time.

“He’s making a…” Demo cut himself off as it finally clicked. Of course Scout would make that mistake. “You mean he’s making a guy outta corpses?”

“Yeah, a Frankenstein! And it’s important because what if it does what Frankensteins do and goes on a rampage? Not that I’m like scared of it or nothing but it’s Medic so he’s probably gonna buff it. What if he gives it like permanent uber or something so we can’t kill it? So I was gonna destroy it before it’s even finished but Medic caught me and kicked me out. But with two people one us could distract him while the other destroys the Frankenstein. And you’re the best guy here at destroying shit. So that’s the plan; I give the doc the run around while you blow up the Frankenstein before it becomes a real threat.”

Demo barely held back a groan as he lifted a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. He hadn’t had as much to drink last night as he could’ve had, resulting in his hangover being relatively light as far as hangovers went. But that didn’t mean he wanted to be woken up at the asscrack of dawn for this bullshit.

“First off laddie, why the bloody hell you gotta wake me up for this? Medic’s always doing weird shit with corpses, this ain’t nothing new. It easily could’ve waited. Second, Frankenstein is the doctor’s name so if anything Medic’s doing a Frankenstein, not making one.”

“Nah, his name’s Ludwig, isn’t it?”

“I meant Frankenstein’s the doctor that made the corpse monster. It doesn’t have a name… I think.” Demo had read the book but that had been a while ago and he’d since had more black out drunk episodes than he cared to count so his recall of its specifics was spotty at best.

“Whatever. All that doesn’t matter. What matters is I don’t wanna face the possibility of an ubered Frankenstein. You know what I mean? So you down to cooperate or not? I’ll go ask Pyro if you aren’t ‘cause he’ll probably be happy to burn the thing to the ground.”

Demo could try to correct him again about the monster’s name and/or about how said monster actually wasn’t prone towards violence – though admittedly in a real life scenario and with Medic at the helm, such wasn’t out of the question – but he was just too dang tired. Correcting Scout on anything almost always took more effort than it was worth. And destroying it before it as finished just in case might be wise but… if anyone could pull off such a feat, it was Medic and Demo wouldn’t mind seeing it.

“How ‘bout instead we just make Medic promise not to uber it or whatever? ‘Cause if we destroy it he’s gonna be right bloody pissed at us and that’s scarier than any ubered monster.”

Scout grimaced. “I guess that’s true. But still, I don’t like it. I watched that movie when I was kid and… and nothing ‘cause I ain’t scared of nothing. Not even Medic when he’s mad. I just think blowing it up would be funny.”

If the pounding in Demo’s skull wasn’t starting to grow more insistent with every moment the bright hall light pierced his eye, he would’ve poked at Scout for more. Scared of Frankenstein’s monster was not what he would’ve expected from him. It was kind of cute; loud brash hired killer was frightened of misunderstood fictional monster. He must’ve been real young when he’d watched that movie, perhaps something do to with being the youngest of however many brothers he had.

“Look, here’s the deal lad, I’m gonna head back to bed. We’ll chat with Medic ‘bout making sure he contains his monster properly later, ‘kay? And if he refuses, we’ll blow it up.”

Scout glared at him at him for a couple seconds before rolling his eyes. “Fine. Long as we do it before he ubers it.”

“Yeah, yeah. Soon as I wake up properly, promise.” More like after he’d had at least a coffee if not breakfast but close enough.

“Got it. I’ll keep an eye on it in the meantime.”

Demo shut the door with a relieved sigh, shutting out the wretched light. In payback for being woken so early he was going to tell everyone Scout was scared of Frankenstein’s monster. … Or maybe he’d be merciful and keep it a secret. He’d decide when he woke up. For now, he just crawled back into his bed.

[otakween]

Digimon Tamers: Battle of Adventurers

Eh...gotta be honest, I found this pretty underwhelming. It had its moments, don't get me wrong, but the plot felt pretty generic and the ending was rushed. Still had fun, but the emotional investment was lacking.

Notes:

Reddit told me to watch this after episode 18, so I got the timing a little off, but I felt like it'd be good to watch prior to the digiworld episodes. The only timeline wonkiness is that this takes place before Culumon's kidnapping, which I've already seen, but that's fine.

In another moment of ~fate~ the movie begins with Guilmon dying of heat (not literally lol) and it was "feels like 101" where I am today so...can relate.

I was a pretty sheltered kid, so IDK how I would react to my parents making me travel by myself at 10...not that I'm against that, I just know 10 year old me woulda been a big crybaby about it.

Kinda weird that they gave us 2 title screens for this, one of which was just ripped from the TV show. The whole vibe was kind of a mixed bag in this, sometimes the animation felt pretty much the same quality as the show and sometimes it felt like they were stepping it up, not super consistent.

"Battle of Adventurers" is a pretty uninspired title. I feel like they could have either put something about Okinawa or the v-pet virus in the title instead so it would stand out a bit more...

Speaking of the V-Pet, I thought it was super charming with its crappy CGI lol. I totally would have fell for it in 2001. Kinda hard to believe that literally everyone downloaded it though (doctors, pilots, etc.) Or was it more like that one U2 album that was automatically distributed to everyone?

Guilmon begging to get out of the suitcase was stressful! How did he not suffocate? D: (do digimon even need to breathe?)

They really did the movie-only character (Minami) dirty this time. She had to be re-traumatized about her dead dog so many times! Just felt cruel...

All of the Okinawa cultural stuff was fun, especially the Okinawa-inspired digimon. If Digimon Go was a thing, you know they'd be region specific.

When Ruki's mom was like "oh, it's so comfortable flying on the plane!" I was like "okay, rich." That's the only explanation because flying economy is always a bad time.

Although a lot of the character animation was kinda meh, the battle animation is where this movie really shined. It was like little pockets of hype and there was a really good variety of enemy digimon. I was especially excited to see Anomalocarimon cuz it's been a minute and there was a lot of attention to detail with his bit.

Siesamon's design was really pretty, but I don't like his resting angry face. I wish they would have made his face more emotive because it kind of diminished some emotional moments...

There was one scene where it showed some buildings blowing up (because of the virus) and one of them suspiciously looked like a power plant...hopefully I'm wrong cuz oof...

Loved Mephismon's design, but with Gulfmon they did that thing that they did with VenomVamdemon where he has a second face by his crotch area...don't like that (although he is a centaur, so not technically his crotch)

There were some legit scary moments in this! The car crash scene was pretty violent and Minami screaming as she ran from the lasers also felt pretty intense for a kid's movie. (I haven't peeked at the dub yet, wondering if anything was cut)

I thought the final battle was weak as heck. Phase 1 took like 2 seconds and then phase 2 just felt kinda arbitrary like we were going through the motions. We did get a new attack though (trinity something or other). It felt kind of weird for them to just show that without any acknowledgement, but oh well. I'm sure it'll come back at some point. I was a little disappointed tbh because I thought they were doing some sort of 3-way jogress fusion

The shot with 3D MegaloGrowmon and 2D Rapidmon and Taomon was a glorious 2000s moment

IDK why but it gave me Power Rangers vibes

Yeah so this felt pretty disposable, they tried to kind of tie things to Digimon Adventure with Omegamon and Apocalymon, but the connection was pretty vague and forced. I rather Tamers just be separate without the callbacks

While I'm a big fan of short runtimes, I do wonder if this one could have benefitted from being a little longer, just to let things breath more

[variousqueerthings]

okay I didn't go into Victory of the Daleks whilst watching cos I think it's trash, but let's do the Measurement on it!

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 9/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored): 3/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 6/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 5/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 5/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 6/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 7/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 8/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 3/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 1/10

FULL RATING: 53/100 (if I can count….)

Christopher Eccleston I hope you never watched the last two episodes, in which the Doctor was personal friends with various members of the royal family and supports its structures, and the Doctor is personal friends with Winston Churchill....

also I've gotta be honest, Matt Smith's acting isn't giving it in this in terms of the Dalek Trauma, but then none of the episode is

I liked the Doctor going "Amy- Amelia!" when worried for her safety

OBJECTIFICATION: At least there's none of that really. Second miniskirt, but youknow. that's Amy's wardrobe most of the time.

PLOT-POINT: nothing is really explored about Amy in this episode, but I guess not every episode needs to be doing that. I think her relationship with the Doctor continues to be written a bit to the left of what makes sense for them, considering the past, but I'm willing to consider that she just wants the adventure and not to think too much about things

COMPLEXITY: I mean, it's not complicated at all. if anything it's a bit simple. bringing the Daleks back like this, in a way that previously was reserved for Very Special Episodes. marks the beginning of the end of the Daleks as serious villains....

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: because the Daleks make very little sense in this, it's kind of dumb lore, but way more interesting is the tidbit that Amy doesn't remember the events of previous seasons

now I've previously disliked this plotpoint, because I feel like it never properly gets resolved despite the cracks in time later on being... uncracked. however it is cool when it's first mentioned!

COMPANIONS MATTER: Amy does mostly one thing, which is remind the guy who's actually a robot what it is to be human, so he doesn't blow up, and she does it by reminding him... that he was in love once.....

“hey Paisley… ever fancied someone you know you shouldn’t… hurts doesn’t it… but kind of a good hurt…” <- look I’m biased but I’d just explode if I were a secret Dalek bomb RIP to all of us aros, but we're not really human

this wouldn't needle so much, if I didn't know that this is so much of M*ffat's thesis. romantic love is better than any other forms of connection

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the Doctor is kind of the point of this episode in that they needed his voice to make the plot work, and then he's badass, and then it ends. it's not "godlike," but it's just. not a good episode. the end.

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: So this also ties into the lore -- I kind of like right now how it definitely does acknowledge the previous narratives and it's weird that Amy doesn't know that it happened... highly suspect

“SEXINESS”: we're fine on the sexiness overall. minimum trying to be sexy outside of the general weirdness of the miniskirts as a Choice

INTERNAL WORLD: it's not good folks. it's trying to be so big and impressive and so we've got random planes in space and Churchill is Personal Friends With The Doctor and it's got this whole wink wink we know we're going to beat the Germans, because we know the Future

vs, say, M*ffat's last foray into WWII (which, granted he didn't write this episode, but this is his show now) in which you really got a sense of the fear and the unknown and the Deeply Human, because we're not just hanging out with the Most important people

it's just not recognisable as a Place and Time, beyond the need for some kind of coolness factor

and speaking of The Most Important People--

POLITICS: uuuuuuurghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh okay

I have seen someone say that this episode is actually a critique of Churchill, and honestly I was this close to skipping it, and then that dragged me in to actually give it a go and

no it is not. I mean, yes, Churchill is characterised as someone who will try to win however he can, but he's actually trying his best in a difficult situation and as the Doctor says: “the world doesn’t need me. The world’s got Winston Spencer Churchill.”

UUUUUUURGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OKAY

the doctor personal friends with winston churchill

the fucking. Hey-Ho Britain Propaganda! We'll Beat The Bally Germans Ey Lads!

FULL RATING: 53/100 (if I can count….)

It loses on the politics of course, and on the internal world-building (again related to the politics), and Amy isn't really much of anything in this episode beyond... there

it does well on... not doing the sexy sexism I guess. and it's not terrible towards other Doctor Who stories, although maybe it deserves less on that because fuuuck the shit it does with the Daleks is an insult in and of itself

it's just not a good episode

[okay-j-hannah]

Hii hannah! I'm bout three months late because i had exams going on, well, I still have exams going on but I decided to not procrastinate and just write this.

Thank you so so much for writing my tenth doctor and rory requests. you don't know how much it means that you took time out of your life to write my requests. when I first started watching Doctor who, barely a season in, i stumbled upon your blog and read your dying girl story, i didn't even know anything properly bout doctor's character or other companions but your fic though! it captured doctor's character so well! It was in May I read it and started watching the show and I now always connect that time with doctor who and you and your fics haha. 

 I got so obsessed that I made this dying girl reader universe in my head with headcanons and stuff and started associating songs to the reader and fic ; i know they are like kinda popular cliche songs but snowman by sia and never be the same by camila cabelo really reminds me of the amy and rorys wedding scene with reader and doctor dancing (was it real or I made that up in my head?) and memory of reader practising mind reading thing and seeing memories of Doctor and she's like who's this beautiful person in his memories and doctor is like that's you love <3 moonlight serenade, spring waltz, we'll meet again, moon river, across the universe are some other songs I associate with them,, you didn't even ask for playlist but here I'm sharing it just because lmao 

and then you wrote my ten request and added it dying girl universe, when I tell you actually started screaming from excitement when I saw it! I really wasn't expecting it, i was so so happy! And Idk why but I just feel so honoured that my request was added into the "official" dying girl universe masterlist! and the rory fic too, it was so sweet! you wrote it exactly as what I had in my mind when I sent you request, tysm for that! 

Ngl I always checked your page once in a while when you were on break because I just looked forward to your writing so much and in January, around my birthday, found out you were active again and posted my requests and gotta say, best birthday gift even if it technically wasn't lol. I wonder if you've finished twelve's episodes, you mentioned how it is hard to "let go" of a doctor and I completely agree,  I finishesed twelfth doctors episodes in December and God was it hard to say goodbye to him, I know I can rewatch but it won't be like first time :'( you know, the "i love my current doctor so much" feeling?

I've started thirteen but it doesn't feel the same, especially without murray gold's music and well, moffat and rtd. so glad that rtd is coming back for new seasons though!

Oh and have you read love is a choice fic on tumblr? it's a mostly eleven but also kinda thirteen x reader multiple parts series and tbh, one of the only fic that made me laugh and cry like dying girl series did. if you haven't i hope you check it out, it's a great read!

Kinda unrelated but can I just say ty to that person who sent you ask related to will turner, i recently watched one of the potc movie for the first time because i thought the will turner guy looked cute from the ask and now ive fallen down a rabbit hole lol I finished your will turner fics and now im searching up tumblr for more will turner x reader, it seems he's my new hyperfixation 😭 anyways ty again to that person and you ofc for the fics, and this is not a official request(it could be ig) but I hope you write second part to the merchant/pirate will fic!

And I've sent you two requests this time too, hope you'll like them enough to write it! I know I've said it lot in this single ask but Again thank you so much for everything and it's great to have you back on here and I hope you enjoyed your break, remember to take them again if you need to <333

My darling, my dearest, my love, you're making my heart so so happy!

I love that you took off with the Dying Girl universe because honestly that's what it became for me while I was writing it. It became so big I knew I could write so much about what happens in between the parts, and your request fit perfectly there.

Thank you for the playlist 😂 it does kind of bring the characters more to life when you associate them with things like songs. And you definitely didn't make up the wedding dancing scene, that happened in Part 6: The Lost Shoes!

I totally understand finding yourself fully immersed in a story, even if it is fanfiction. When that happens to me I just write and post it on here 😅 That's happened with the Dying Girl and the episodic series I started for the Eleventh Doctor and the Samwise Gamgee series and this Mandalorian one I'm starting.

My brain is hardwired to come up with these random tangents to canon stories, and they end up becoming these elaborate fanfictions.

I'm so glad you liked your requested fics! I had a lot of fun writing them. The Domestic fic was so fun to get back into the Dying Girl universe. I wouldn't mind writing more about their in between adventures. Happy belated birthday!

I have not finished twelves episodes - I'm still on his last season. Just like I wrote on our last conversation, I'm terrified of how sad I'll feel when he leaves because ten and eleven were real heartbreakers. I agree, I love him, and I'm so excited you requested something for him.

And I'm also so stoked for the new seasons with RTD and the 60th specials with ✨David Tennant✨ I'll have to finish twelve and thirteen before that comes out at the end of this year.

I haven't read "Love is a Choice" but I immediately looked it up and added it to my likes, so perhaps it'll be the fanfics I read when I try to sleep tonight lol

And I'm sorry... you hadn't seen any of the Pirates of the Caribbean!? I've been watching those movies since I was like seven! It's such a great fandom and Jack Sparrow is such a mood and Will Turner is such a dreamboat.

I'm almost honored that my blog prompted you to watch such an excellent franchise. I also hyperfixate on new characters and fandoms I love. I do have one request in my inbox for Will Turner and I've gotten multiple messages to write a part 2 for A Merchant Sailor, so perhaps when I finish this batch of requests I'll add it to the list.

So do expect more Will Turner fics to come 😘

I love that we have this little pen pal relationship where we just write each other letters 😂 It's honestly really good to hear from you, mysterious anon. I'm happy to have you as a reader and fandom friend.

Thank you for reaching out! I definitely love your requests! It'll just take me a while to get to all of them with my busy schedule, but I will write them in due course.

Have a lovely night and a good morning!

Prologue: The Dying Girl

Part 1: The Sun God

Part 2: The Tonic 

Part 3: The Ending Song

Domestic: The Doctor returns to spend a few ‘human’ days with you {Set during Part 3}

Part 4: The Dream 

Part 5: The Regeneration

Part 6: The Lost Shoes

Epilogue: The Vanishing Act

Finale: All Of Time And Space

A Merchant Sailor: Pretending to be a merchant, you befriend Will Turner as you keep your pirating a secret, until your brother forces you to reveal the truth

Blacksmith’s Hands: While visiting Tortuga, you find yourself injured and in the capable hands of a shy Will Turner

Lovey Dovey: Jack has never been overjoyed at the thought of you and your boyfriend - especially when you’re kissing on his ship

Sea Salt: On a mission to get you back, more might happen between you two than expected

[luckystriker30-blog]

I watched wild blue yonder

Gotta say, was not expecting the episode to start out the way it did. Including Sir Isaac Newton was kind of pointless, but it was cool. Are they gonna continue with this mavity stuff?

The 13th Doctor would solve this shit in like 5 seconds. That's not a diss against the show or the Chibnall era, just that she would be all in on the mystery, plus her crowded TARDIS would make the creature's jobs significantly harder. We only saw them deal with two people at most; how would they handle three people?

The marketing lead-up said it was very "experimental and weird", so comparisons to "Midnight" are inevitable. While it was interesting not knowing whether or not Donna and the Doctor are the persons they say they are, "Midnight" was more subversive because the Doctor actually lost control of the situation.

The characterization of Donna and 14 is interesting because these are not the same people that they were in 2008. I remember 10 and Donna fighting a ton; even though they were the best of friends, they definitely had clashing personality traits that caused conflict in their relationship.

The creatures in this episode were pretty freaky, although the effects are pretty obvious. It's also a cool concept, beings with no sense of...anything trying to take form for nefarious purposes. Kinda reminds me of "Flatline", although these dimension crossing beings should stop being evil for one second.

Next week, Neil Patrick Harris continues in his quest to star as a villain in an installment of every 2nd level science fiction franchise. The Matrix, Doctor Who, what's next?