#gotta have some fun concepts gotta THINK
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suntails Ā· 1 year ago
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āš”ļøšŸŒ¹
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sunnysideasleep Ā· 3 months ago
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peppermint doodle
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quinn-pop Ā· 1 year ago
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letā€™s do some autistic meta knight headcanons!! over explaining my interpretation of meta knight yet again wooooo
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this orb has NO idea how to talk to people!!! outside of work anyway. a lot of this is partially due to upbringing (suppressing his emotions all the time) but he does not know how to express emotions, likeā€¦at all.
this goes into a few things
1. yeah talking is hard. even after figuring out what he wants to communicate he will struggle. conversation can be so overwhelming, especially under pressure. he will need time lol
2. because of that, forming connections is hard. i really donā€™t think meta is much for shallow relationships, and certainly not early in the timeline. which also means he has very little experience with friendship. so a lot of the relationships he did have went kinda neglected, and issues that probably couldā€™ve been worked on by talking becameā€¦*cough romk* escalated.
3. honestly i wouldnā€™t be surprised if meta convinced himself he couldnā€™t feel emotion (anymore) until like. katam-ish. he tried very hard lol
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vulnerability is terrifying. (though this gesture here is also just comforting, like his little cape cocoon thing he does.)
unmaskingā€”yeah im taking the mask thing very literally hereā€”is a big deal and a very slow process for mk. iā€™m sure he has a lot of feelings on that lol. it served as a way to ensure no one could ever, yā€™know, see him.
i canā€™t say i think heā€™d ever fully ditch itā€”thereā€™s always gonna be some days that are more stressful than others and if having it could help him get through it, it just makes sense. mainly when working.
it really is about vulnerability. granted, i donā€™t think he has the most expressive face (in my head every astral just tends to stare at things) but i doubt he has much control over it. canā€™t fake a smile but also canā€™t hide it. probably blushes easy because yeah, astrals; just look at kirbyā€™s face.
just the idea that someone might be able to read his expression and know what heā€™s feeling before heā€™s ready for them to (or even understands it himselfā€¦) yeah he doesnā€™t want that
but emotional turmoil aside, i think his mask also hides a lot of his stims
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remember that whole ā€œsuppressing your feelingsā€ thing? yeah turns out that ignoring half your instincts isnā€™t a good idea. so in true meta knight style, he tries to stim as subtly as possible
1. he has the least control over his wings, so they will flick and twitch on their own. theyā€™re usually a good indicator of how heā€™s feeling, not unlike the body language usually seen in cat ears and tails lol. flapping is also an extension of this of course, though he probably suppresses it more.
2. this also effects when he takes his wings out. pretty much every time heā€™s excited or nervous it just happens. kinda makes me wonder if his wing cape ordeal might also go into the suppression thingā€¦ (iā€™d say yes, but using a cape is also very comforting so itā€™s not necessarily a bad thing)
3. going back to the mask thing; he stims a lot underneath it. think like biting or pursing your lips. he bites his tongue and clicks his mouth. that sort of thing. his mask also makes it harder to notice that he is constantly sighing, humming, grumblingā€¦all that
one nice thing about the mask though is that it helps a little bit with lights!!! woo
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(look at him and his magically floating glasses)
sensory stuffā€”i think heā€™s mostly bothered by light and sound. maybe a bit of texture. heā€™s pretty sensory avoidant and perfectly happy standing off to the side not touching anything.
the one exception to this is physical affection, which is, despite all of this, most of how he shows affection. itā€™s a lot easier to hug someone than to try to explain your feelings for them, after all.
i think he would like pressure though. so thatā€™s probably part of it. and iā€™m pretty sure thereā€™s some connection in here to fighting (dang, is that the only way he knows how to get his energy out?)
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anyway, pretty much all of this is in contrast to kirby, who i would gladly nominate as the champion of Doing Whatever He Wants. he might pick up a few bad habits, but he will never mask the way meta knight does. he might not understand how he feels, but heā€™s in tune enough to express itā€¦usually.
this is a very good thing for meta because it helps him to do the same thing. kirbyā€™s so energetic, itā€™s hard to not want to stim with him. it reminds meta to be kinder to himself and explore his own emotions. he can also help kirby understand themselves, so this connection is very important.
yeah, at the end of the day, everything kinda just boils down to kirby and mk as parallels
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this is the conclusion i promise
to me, metaā€™s arc is about growing stronger by growing kinder, and this is mostly by learning to be kind to himself. letting himself be a person again, loving and understanding other people, and eventually, letting go of all the expectations placed on him and doing the things heā€™s always wanted to doā€¦
autism headcanons are fun for me because itā€™s cathartic to write, but at the same time, it just makes sense in this sort of narrative. meta is, to me, inseparable from these things. and so is kirby! thatā€™s a dynamic thatā€™s a lot of fun to play with, and itā€™s at the heart of my kirby interpretation.
if you actually read all this WOW thank you
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sysig Ā· 9 months ago
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A hero is only as good as his weapons, so make ā€˜em count (Patreon)
#Doodles#Original#Another idea smol and I are working on together :D Been a bit!#She came up with the concept on this one and I fell in love with it <3 She's very cool hehe#If you're familiar with the game Minit it has Something of a similar premise - not the same strict time pressure but yes on the time loop#Y'ever notice how in some games it seems like the wandering trader or traveling shop seems to come upon you rather than the other way around#:3c Hm ā™Ŗ Wonder how they'd know where you were gonna be :3c#The crux is that you play as the weapons shop owner and you're responsible for supplying the hero and his team with weapons!#Except the BBEG has gotten wise to how the hero keeps defeating him and it sick of it - so the shop owner is cursed to be in a time loop!#I love the concept <3 It sounds so fun to play in and there's still plenty of room to think about the mechanics and how it would be played#As well as the art design! :D#We threw around some character concepts - she's really into Baldur's Gate 3 at the moment so of course they had some influence in hers hehe#Only got the starting party for the moment but there are plans for a full team of 4 plus the shopkeep >:3c And various other NPCs lol#A lot of the gameplay would basically boil down to being a bartering simulator hehe ā™Ŗ#Very RPG trade-this-for-that style quests - under a time limit! Hehe#Since it's the type of game that pretty much requires replaying sections time-loop-style it's all about how quickly you can trial and error#And then hightail it to where you need to be lol#I think we were also tossing around a nap mechanic to skip right to the time loop reset in case you mess up a run haha#I gotta get back to Majora's Mask at some point I swear#We still have a good bit of concept work to do on the art side of things - she's also been really into pixel art lately and I love pixel art#I also managed to pick up a full release of one of the RPGMakers :D So that's an exciting possibility!#I haven't learned most of its ins and outs yet but I do know About importing custom assets at the very least >:3c#Same with Novelty and I haven't done that yet either lol - all in due time! I hope!!
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kuromi-hoemie Ā· 5 days ago
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hhhh talking about my writing was fun but 30 tags is not enough.. yes i have 3 major influences but i have minor ones too.. it is a lovechild of my favorite things.. writing is so fun and i have no self control or a concept of pacing myself i will sit there for 16 hours and get hit with every status effect but by god does it all just flow out of me. I've always been a music person yes but i also used to write a lot into early adulthood until The Incidentā„¢
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but i am ready 2 jump back into it. i think comics are a great middle ground between the two mediums so i don't get As into writing bc i kind of started going crazy last time šŸ«” i can take a more structured approach to it that forces me to pace myself and think about it differently. i love art.... i love making things i love knowing how to do things i love knowing how to play things i love having so many creative outlets, even if i don't do a lot of them regularly lol. it is enriching šŸ˜³ and nice to know that it's always there to come back to when u want.
#if u want the tea my imagination at the time was like i could space out and straight up just be another person POV doing every little#thing as if i were them for hours and the experience would come together without having to even think about it.#different times/places/contexts/conversations etc. forced 2 to to my mom's lil cult meetings for 2 hours twice a week#i would opt to do these imagination exercises instead to rly put myself in a character's perspective. every stepā€š stumbleā€š#riding in a carriage together for the entirety from point A to B etc. WELL i was working on a horror anthology somewhere 18/19#(that had a small local following šŸ«¶šŸ¾) and it its concept was like the Twilight zone but a lot darker. it was called interdimensional#and the main recurring character never actually shows up in the story. they r an omnipresent god of death who exists everywhere but#exists outside of our realmā€š and it picks random people to reveal itself to as a symbol. it can be apparent or just in passing that#the entry's MC sees it inā€š it will appear on something somewhere and once it's brought up it's a cue to the reader that this person#has just been sent to an alternate reality that leads towards their inevitable death. for the character nothing ever changes immediately#but the different starts to creep its way inā€š as does death's approach at its crescendo but the path's i took to get there were šŸ˜Ø#and after enough entries i started to see the symbol irl and hallucinate some other stuff from my stories and it really scared me#and made me stop šŸ«” but i think in retrospect i just went too hard on the imagination exercises and wished i tried cultivating it instead#give myself time to settle and get in control.. but alasā€š she has not written seriously since. to this day it still flows out of me if#i just sit down to do itā€š but i don't think I'm at risk of something like that happening again anymore :3 so yeah ā™”ā  i am learning how to#draw and trying not 2 force it bc i want it to b fun as a little journey for me and i look forward to the day i can come back to actively#writing again too šŸ«¶šŸ¾ i miss it but i also want to b able to draw ą«®ā‚ Ėƒ ā¤™ Ė‚ ā‚Žįƒ#learn the hard thing first then do the stuff that comes naturally.... i also want to get back into music sometime but clearly i got a lot of#other stuff to work on šŸ’€ i burnt myself out on it learning too many things and not having enough fun with it anymoreā€š#but i have a better healthier with art these days and i know it'll be great to come back to when I'm ready šŸ˜ŒšŸ’•#i have been considering getting an acoustic or bass guitar tho šŸ§ the beauty of physical instruments.. they're just there ready 2 go..#I've been doing mostly digital the past few yearsā€š when i was making music. it was also rly hard to when i was w my ex ą«® ā€“ ļ»Œā€“įƒ#that's a whole other rant lol. but ugh digital is like u gotta set it up u gotta make space and then u gotta be in one spot the whole time#i just wanna lay in bed and vibe or something yfm.. walk around maybe idk. do something less structured.#maybe.. hm. hmmm šŸ§#I'm going to guitar center lol c ya āœŒšŸ¾ getting a bass and amp and maybe a guitar too depending on the price
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nemesis-is-my-middle-name Ā· 26 days ago
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yknow what minor transient detail abt s4 is fun to me? prior to john's reveal, noel apparently assumes the KIY to be a totally unfamiliar character to them both. he pauses his story to give background info on him ("he rules the dreamlands, he's a master manipulator, etc") in a way he doesn't with other stuff. he points out yellow like "that's the bitch btw. if you were curious." which is. like he knows they were in the dreamlands. i think he knows or at least assumes they were in the pits for a while given they ran into lorick. what does he think they were doing there. just. passing through??
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#malevolent spoilers#like it's not SUCH an unreasonable assumption especially with arthur doing his level best to Not React in a way that will draw suspicion#+ lorick says the KIY doesn't even know he's down there so you can get to the pits by other means#but like. not just to have not directly interacted with the king but to be completely unfamiliar with him as a concept?? ?#that i feel would strike him as kind of odd. what does he imagine is up with them.#i would pay money for a genuine cards on the table conversation btwn them all that doesn't happen at gunpoint#relatedly a lot of The Order is fun from noel's pov#the point where arthur has to hard stop to remind john where they are and what's happening for one.#and he's just gotta be like hm. okay. that's. deeply concerning but i don't think we have time to get into it right now#also the part where art starts addressing yellow as. well. ''yellow.'' like making it obvious they know each other already#i just think it's funny that noel still doesn't know shit fuck about what's happened in the rest of the podcast#but now he's finding out apparently arthur's had two totally separate fragments of the king in his head at different points? and he's fine?#and one of them has beef with him?? and he's talking DOWN to it?? he's... apologizing for... fucking up... raising..... it....?? ? ?#round of applause for noel's ability to Just Roll With It everyone#like god. he thought he was facing down with the all-powerful source of ten years of hardcore trauma#and then arthur's just like. every fragment of the king in this room answers to me. i'm gonna antagonize one of em into manifesting#just for the hell of it. just so i can have a lil chat. because i can do that easily and with zero fear of repercussions.#hi fragment of the Fucking KIY that i gave a stupid nickname and apparently feel some kind of responsibility for.#what do u think noel thought abt that. i feel like he probably thought it was kinda hot#hm. these tags are getting away from me a bit. this is kind of me liveblogging a transcript reread. i'm gonna stop now
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tenderjock Ā· 1 month ago
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i do think the most interesting interpretation of btvs lore is that non-vampire demons and mystical entities ALL have souls, unless they sold, destroyed or otherwise got rid of them (like the mayor)
#because first of all: it gives a potential explanation for why there is a VAMPIRE slayer who specializes in vamps and not just a ''slayer''#like why vampires are singled out in particular. if its because they are in some inherent way crueler more evil less human less worthy#than at least the average demon altho not the most terrible demons. and that kind of checks!! plenty of demons seem to be fairly chill#amoral maybe and have weird diets but not necessarily Big Bads. whereas all vampires by definition drain humans of blood for fun and profit#second: it explains a lot about anya in particular - i'm thinking of two things in s7 when she's a-venging again#1. when she sees spike's soul in his eyes and is Shocked. not the face of a woman who has never seen a soul in the eyes of a demon before#2. no one is like ''oh anya has a soul!!! you cant slay her'' or ''how can you be a demon again when you have a soul wahhh''#i bet everyone just knows she has a soul. she's had a soul the whole time. everyone knows that. everyone's been knowing that.#third: it explains Why Angel And Spike Are Such Frickin Big Deals lmaoooo#the whole ''vampire with a soul'' thing isnt understood by buffy in s1 - angel tells her about it and she's like okay sure. try harder#the concept of ''souls'' being ''something'' that one ''has'' is like so ... it ONLY MAKES SENSE if vampires are KNOWN to NOT HAVE SOULS!!!#like imagine youre a demon or w/e and some master vamp comes along and youre like ''oh shit'' and he's like nah man ... ive got my Soul#and youre like ''oh SHIT. i didnt know you could do that''#vaguely related point: i think something people in fandom have always struggled with (''struggled with'' is the nice way of phrasing)#is the idea that in buffy's mind vampire with soul = good / vampire without soul = bad ALWAYS NO EXCEPTIONS#and like. theres so much nuance there. nuance number one being that buffy anne summers is the Queen Of Black And White Thinking#and we gotta take what she says with a grain of salt. nuance number two being obviously bad people can do good things and vice versa#nuance number three is that she's kinda right? if you have no true moral compass AND no true empathy AND delight in causing pain You're Bad#anyway i think this take ^^^^ about demons having souls and the people of btvs being aware of this lends EVEN MORE NUANCE!!!#because people in fandom love being like ..... buffy would kill anything without a soul. and protect anything with a soul. which tbh#i think is a deliberate misunderstanding of the source material. buffy would kill anything that harms humans and will protect#anyone that is human. thats her fucking job lmaoooooooooooooo its her calling in life. get bent#i'm ending the tag spiral here <3#it's terribly simple
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michameinmicha Ā· 4 months ago
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Spent some time at work trying to come up with a fun character concept for a possible rogue pc for the next campain. This is what i got so far:
A) little fancy lad who is a fallen noble (maybe gothic lolita inspired outfit?) Who is a little snob who basically still acts like a prince despite his family having lost their status
B) stereotypical edgy looking rogue dude (all black leather outfit, face hidden, looks badass and secretive) but has the personality of a puppydog and is just the sweetest ray of sunshine ever (no idea what background to chose for him tho)
C) very chill goth dude who ended up becoming a rogue mostly for the aesthetics (80s goth inspired look) backstory is a hermit because he spent some time alone to find himself, write poetry and make melancholic goth art after his first gf broke up with him
Guess ill wait and see how the other characters are and which concept might work best in the group? I think they would all be fun to play tho
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desperatecheesecubes Ā· 5 months ago
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Every time I see a post making fun of people being afraid to get into comics I think about how when I was first getting into comics I thought it would be fun to read Infinite Crisis because it was a HUGE event and it would give me an idea of what a whole slew of runs and characters were like. I made a post about some panel pretty early into the event (I think it was a build up comic that wasn't even officially part of the Road To Infinite Crisis so EARLY early) and some blog I didn't know made fun of me for not knowing the greater context of the panel I was commenting on. And while I was naively typing up a quick little 'ah sorry I'm new to comics and didn't know that. Thanks for the context!' they had gone through my blog and started doing the same for a bunch of other comics I'd read, and then mocked me for reading IC when I clearly new so little about comics.
Now, obviously, that behavior is ridiculous, and I just blocked them, but it did stick with me. It was one of my earliest interactions with comic fandom and I never forgot it. Most of the people I've intereacted with have been lovely. Even when I have gotten comic cannon wrong corrections are normally very kind. But not all of them are, and the ones who aren't are so vocal about it.
So i actually don't think it's the comics themselves that make getting into comics an unappealing prospect.
#Think about how people have to defend their newness to comics when asking for clarification.#'Help I'm new to coimcs' you shouldn't have to defend that to get an answer actually#I think the people who act like you NEED to be an expert on a character before saying you're a fan are just wrong to be clear#I can be a fan of a character without having read every issue their in ever#You can write a fanfic for a character without knowing their entire history if you want. It's fanfic. The actual authors dont bother#And sometimes you just gotta remind yourself of that#Reading a fan comic with a scenerio that would never happen in canon isn't a sin if it's fun for the people involved.#I've said before that I really like post resurrection fics that focus on Jason and Bruce's relationship because it lets me live vicariously#through jason in having parents who accept me for who i am despite our differences and still loving me#That's pretty explicitly not the relationship they have in cannon and thats fine#I can still look at their relationship and go 'oh damn this has some ingredients to make this scenrio really emotionally satisfying'#Like yeah yeah the concept that comics themselves are gate kept is a little ridiculous when reading comics online is so easy#but how many times have you had a negative experience in a real comic shop#because I know that i have!#How many times have you seen a blog get aggresive about someone being perceived as a non comic reader like thats a slur#I love comics. Obviously because I run ablog where i talk about them all the time.#but I'm not gonna dox someone who only watches the movies or the shows#there are forms of media where I've only consumed the adaptations#So when people say 'you're gate keeping comcis' REALLY think about how you talk about people who haven't read many comics#Becauase as far as I'm concerned if you constantly treat people like shit unless their in your little pre approved circle of#'Actual Comic Readers' then yeah you are gate keeping comics and its fucking weird#mine#No way in hell I'm tagging this as anything lmfaooo#sorry for the rant in the tags I have many feelings about this#not me going off in the tags
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suntails Ā· 1 month ago
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mwah šŸ’‹
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icarrymany Ā· 7 months ago
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i figured id just make this its own post to avoid yappin so much in ppls tags
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kellystar321 Ā· 1 year ago
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#periodical life updates#(<- NUMBER 3!!!) I FINISHED THE ANIMATION AND EVERYTHING FOR THAT PROJECT AND SENT IT OFF! super excited!!#it looks really cute! i tried my best and im mostly satisfied of where i landed <33#it's my little sibling's birthday today!! it's also the first official meeting of lgbt club!! (the other event was a fun lgbt mixer)#my backpack smells bad. like mildew or mold maybe? urgh its awful and gives me a headache. i might need a new one. i dont know. urghhh.#my programming homework is due today!! yike!! but other than that my personal projects with deadlines are all done!#INIQUITY NOW THAT YOU HAVE TIME ARE YOU FINALLY GONNA WORK ON YOUR SELF SHIP BLOG?? YES!! HOPEFULLY!!#truthfully i /have/ been working on it on the side. it looks decent but the colors;;; i have always been pretty sht at color picking?#i can adjust with filters but without that im like. a little not good yet lmao. gotta do some studies sometime perhaps#BUT YAY EXCITED!! ive got some rambles and doodles and a tag system and f/o info which is extremely cumbersome (affectionate)!!#also i have new fandom ocs for the latest dimension 20 campaign and im so delighted heho <33 this campaign is literally so fun.#im watching it with my sibling when its done!! OOH ALSO I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PNGTUBE AND i will likely never use it BUT COOL!!#i dont like. talk. lmao. my art streams are 1) silent 2) rare 3) only shared with my siblings. pngtuber is a little useless. but CUTE!!#i got boba tea yesterday!! sandy bought it :3 <3 and we're having pho and cheesecake later and i might plan out a little excursion today?#like i might get a treatsie. OR i'll just sit on campus as usual and get a mango smoothie and draw for a while (or work on homework.)#(lets be honest its likely the former. i might get a little back into traditional? ooh or maybe i'll practice my asl?) HEY THOUGH.#ive been thinking about making a henrey stickmn (ask)blog to practice asl? like. no plot. just henry teaching ellie and charles asl#really funny considering my Real concept of an askblog for THSC. not ace or eca; but a secret third thing (ā›Ž) ;)#then again since when have i EVER followed through on an askblog lmao?? damb im all over the place today. we're already hitting tag limit#okay!! 3 AM!! if im going early tomorrow i gotta eep! goodnight everyone i love you!! see you tomorrow if i have the energy and time!!
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arolesbianism Ā· 11 months ago
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I <3 transmasc Wendy because it adds another thing to the kid who does not know how to handle anything being thrown into everything pile but instead of a thing like dead sister it's the prospect that he kind of likes having short hair and the idea of being a guy and it still makes him feel like the world is ending until suddenly the ppl around him are just like fine with it and everything is like cool actually and he melts over that too until finally he's just a normal baby trans person and can get back to being bad at coping with his other hashtag issues again
#rat rambles#starve posting#like I do have dead serious wendy trans thoughts tm even some that actually relate to his quotes high bar I know gkfndkd#its just so fun reading him as a trans egg thats one breakdown away from being smashed#and also gives me some yummy tasty thoughts abt both wendy and abby and the inivertable fact that as time goes on the only remnant of#abby's face is going to shift and change more until it can no longer even be a reminder of what was lost#which must be a Horrifying idea to wendy even if chances are he hasn't rly internalized this concept yet#and for abby especially if you're like me and go for a more silhouette style ghost design for her youve gotta imagine how fucky it is to#watch your twin grow up and change in ways you never will#Im also a agender abby who will likely never realize believer because shes just like younger me fr#like shes low key just me as a little kid but without the anxiety disorder#anyways back to the topic of wendy genderism Im honestly surprised Ive never seen a he/him wendy hc before#Im not surprised at not finding any trans guy wendys but there rly isnt much variety in nonbinary wendys despite it being fairly common#I just like trans guy wendy cause he gives me those vibes#its the weird little girl to cringe fail trans man pipeline or smth idk#give him a couple years eventually he'll be a grimy lil freak of a teenage boy#if abby didnt die and knew abt gender stuff itd still take her 30 years minimum to even consider she might be not a girl maybe#not because she's hard in denial abt gender stuff shes just is in the classic headspace of 'well I dont Think I care so I must be cis ig'#same with my aro abby hcs but walter is super not helping#as Ive said before they are aro echo chamber besties dont try to tell them romance is real they will not believe you#hey better then whateve the fuck wendy would have to go through if one of the trans men around him offered solidarity#I would rather die than get advice from wilson are you kidding me#the only somewhat normal trans guy there is warly but hes french so it cancels out
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supercantaloupe Ā· 2 years ago
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i kinda think that any portrayal of don giovanni and leporelloā€™s relationship is incomplete if it doesnā€™t acknowledge that there is both genuine friendship/affection between them AS WELL AS abuse and hatred. they contain fucked up multitudes
#especially if you're taking it out of the fundamental/essential context of like.#16-18th century servitude and class dynamics#like esp if you're 'modernizing' it (which i do think is fine if you Do Something with that concept)#there's like. gotta be a reason they do all this shit together#ESPECIALLY if you're moving away from the literal patron/servant roles of the time period in which it was written#if leporello isn't like. legally and financially Required to do everything the don says then i think it's kind of lazy if you don't#acknowledge another facet of the relationship that makes it plausible#that could be gay love. if that's you bag. whatever#but personally i think there's both an element of leporello looking up to the don as an impossibly charismatic figure#and actual genuine friendship. like if they spend that much time together they have to enjoy each other's presence A Little right.#why wouldn't the don just fire him and get a new servant then if not right#(i also think leporello gay but i don't think that plays as much of a role as some fics out there seem to)#and i think the don has some real affection for leporello. that's his little buddy that's his partner in crime that's his roomie#but they are not equals. there is not mutual respect there#and yeah i'm always a fan of making relationships more fucked up and complicated and even codependent/abusive for fun#(see again whatever the hell is going on between curly and jud in dan fish oklahoma. my beloved)#but in the case of don giovanni i think it's not just making shit up for fanfic fun but like. there's textual basis here#and i think productions and fics and analyses and whatever else tend to swing in one direction or the other#but i think both elements are present in their relationship and both are important#sasha speaks
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leezuhh Ā· 2 years ago
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it feels like the population of people online who understand that sometimes people watch stuff that is not technically "good" simply because they enjoy it is getting smaller all the time
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mariska Ā· 2 years ago
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i am awake (due to. Unfortunate Health Related Circumstances Yesterday Evening. i am fine now i think but was having some very sudden weird flareup of pain symptoms and had to try to get myself to bed so i did not licherally pass out on the floor. mission success at least lol) at 6:30 am and i am currently alone in the living room and letting my morning meditations kick in so i can go brush my teeth and i've got the tv on for background noise/light as per usual when im just kinda sittin down here and like.
maybe its the Crisp Cold New England Winds Of Winter or maybe its the Not Usually Awake This Early Under Circumstances Where I Am Not Rushing To Get Ready For Something And Can Actually Just Contemplate My Thoughts. but something about sitting down here as the sun slowly peeks out from the curtains feeling exhausted and fatigued with cartoons and toy ads playing on tv is really envoking the feeling of being a kid before my public school system forcibly ejected me from completing my standard education because i am disabled (šŸ˜•) when i still had some kind of slight excitement or anticipation of going somewhere that had other kids my age that i could occasionally hang out with during recess or looking forward to learning from one of the teachers who were kind and compassionate and patient with me instead of cold and dismissive....
like... its not necessarily Nostalgia because school in general was genuinely such a traumatizing experience for me as a disabled kid from a "non-traditional" lesbian family in the early 00's-early 2010's, and the fact that i can even contemplate on any of this stuff this early in the morning is very much because i actually have medication treatment for the adhd i've struggled with my whole life that i did not have until abt 3 yrs ago into my 20's. but. idk. its a bittersweet sort of feeling im not entirely sure how to describe but i havent felt it this strong in so many years?? like its kind of making me tear up right now and i dont fully understand why lol. something about my inner child im sure etc etc. its cuz ur always trying 2 heal that damn inner child (my brain says 2 myself)
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