#but I definitely need to watch my ESRB rating around kids. and usually old grouches too. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stardust-and-fries · 1 month ago

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Oh boy!! A chance for me to yap about gender at length?!?!!?!? DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [See tags for details. But be warned... I Popped the Fuck OFF writing this one, it's a doozy!]

Sorry if this is rude, but how do you identify? I looked around a bit and couldn't find anything, my apologies

Not rude! Honestly, I don't know these days! Lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. Maybe this is too much, but also maybe saying something instead of keeping it inside will be helpful... I'll put my gender thoughts under the cut... maybe someone can relate and offer some thoughts lol:

Recently, I came to the conclusion that I'm really not attracted to men at all, and maybe, I never have been. Looking back, I can kind of clearly see that any crush on a guy I thought I had was more like "wow, this person is COOL as HELL. I hope we can be really good friends." And then I noticed, that any crush I had on a girl felt... different. The feeling was totally different, and it still is. Have you noticed how most of the men I draw are quite feminine? I also have no idea what's going on with my gender. I know I'm me, a Yugo, I also can't comfortably say what exactly I am. Though by technicality, I am nonbinary, the word doesn't feel QUITE right to use for me. Maybe genderqueer is better. I've never identified as a man, but I have identified as transmasc and taken T. I really do like the results I've gotten from that. But at the same time, I don't really feel close to "manhood" at all, but something about having a mustache sometimes, like I tend to do, feels right to me still. I also like to wear lipstick and stuff. I don't know. I'm also not a "woman" I don't think, but I identify with more... I don't know, masculine expressions of womanhood if that makes sense? I am very androgynous in expression, in short. So basically I don't know what the hell is going on. All I know is I love women LOL. Can anyone relate to any of this? Any ideas?? I will not be offended by any assumptions you might have lol. Maybe I should just make a comic about this.

#gotta say that I MASSIVELY resonate with this post #I've been finding value in taking steps back and looking at gender from the bottom-up (rather than top-down)#seeing what bits and bobs of presentation I like and what I dont. vs picking a sort of ''gender north'' and trying to guide myself to that #(like. yknow. magnetic north. I mightve phrased that oddly)#admittedly it's a bit of a slog! turns out you can't just think your gender into existence!! who knew!!!#so far the gender I'm running with is ''Roger Rabbit rules'': whatever's funniest! (with a hefty sprinkling of dykey-futch. for flavor.)#the way I see it; gender is a dialectic construct--it only exists in-between people. only in the third person!#after all! if it's just yourself in a void there's no need for pronouns or even names!#and even with a second person in the equation the most you'd need is ''me/my'' ''you/your'' or ''us/ours''#so when ya think about gender as a *tool* rather than a *role* things start to go topsy-turvy (in the useful way) and limits become options #all that's left is to ask what kinda tool fits which kinds of job!#for me that's led to my gender-tool becoming some manner of a joke; I want my tool to help me do sillyness and bring people joy!!#(and maybe sometimes it's a dirty joke. or a gallows joke. or a teasing joke. or an outright mean joke. or plain ol' slapstick!)#so when I find someone who seems like they have a good joke (or at least a good sense of humor) I take some notes to help improve my routine #and maybe it's not always time for wacky. sometimes ya just need to play the straight man (sometimes too literally...)#but I definitely need to watch my ESRB rating around kids. and usually old grouches too.#and for some reason people get mad when I bring up The Twin Towers or The Alamo!! *pats chest-bits and hip-bit in rhythm while saying that*#eyyy hahahaaa badabing!!! >;3 #and finally; it's important to keep in mind how closely linked comedy and romance/sexuality/etc are. very close but still distinct concepts.#the most frequent question I ask myself when interacting with a cutie is; ''do I like their comedy or the comedian?''#either/both of which is a good answer! and often it's hard to separate the two!#I hope this helps whoever reads it. or was amusing at least.#I had fun writing all this! It's something I frequently think about and always delight in talking about #if it means anything to anyone then that's an absolute bonus! but otherwise I'm happy to get it out in writing.#anyways. I'm going back to doing studies of Inspekta! one of VERY few men to strike me genderously. he's so shapes :3 #(though fuck knows that the whole damn GROVE is full of some absolutely *choice* GenderFood)

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